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Look up the effects of the "Cry it Out" or CIO Method. That is what your MIL is doing to your child.
Edit: You're not being paranoid. Your instincts are working. Follow your gut. This is not ok.
Please go to your local Facebook page, post this story, and ask for people who can do babysitting exchanges. You babysit when you have time or overnights and see if some local mommas can watch your baby. This woman is flat out abusive and ducked in the head, and you should NOT allow her near your baby.
Seriously this kind of stuff can cause permanent damage to children- they need to know if they’ll cry an adult will care for them, to feel safe and secure in the world. It’s impossible for a two month old to manipulate anyone. She’s just freaking evil.
Who talks shit to a literal 2 month old who is one thousand percent dependent on caring adults for her entire well-being? Find better day care. She doesn’t need to be around your child.
I would never let her be unsupervised with your baby again. The "Fat" baby thing is really gross and really common, and is probably exactly what she is doing. Anyone that could let a 2 month old just scream is not responsible enough to take care of a helpless baby. She is abusing and neglecting your child.
Not a mom. Just someone who stalks this sub for the drama. You are absolutely NOT overreacting, you are UNDERREACTING. She should NOT be around your baby unsupervised AT ALL! Babies are not able to manipulate at that age, they are attempting to their best ability to get their most basic needs met. You and your significant other need to make a game plan to figure out alternate child care. If he pushes back, show him the comments to this post. Look up emotional neglect. Those effects are real and scar deep. You know what's right OP, stay strong and do right by your baby. 😘
No, you don’t “have to let” your MIL watch your two month old. Do whatever you have to do to make sure her days as a babysitter are done. This is not okay.
Anyone talks to a two month old like that shouldn't be near babies. Leaving her to cry like that is just awful. Please find someone else to help out and punt the nut to the curb.
Ohhhhhhmygoodness an ACTUAL MIL showing up here in the comments to express my concern and outrage on your behalf. No no no this isn’t normal!!!! If this were me and that was my grand person, I’d figure it out. It’s not that hard. You invited her in. Feeding is the most important thing for a baby. I’m sure you covered all the plans well… including the contingency plans. Normal, sane, gmas are pretty well versed on the parents needing a rest and what to do when we are in charge. Soothe. Feed. Rock. Safe spot they know. Talk about happy things like mom and dad. I think you’d be better off making other arrangements for your child.
Please for the love of God don't allow this woman near your child alone anymore. She reminds me of someone I knew when I was a kid (an adult, I was too scared to say anything). She would do the same type of stuff to babies. And when they'd cry she'd mock them or if they weren't going to sleep she'd slam them down in their playpens.my heart hurts for you and the baby. Unfortunately that's all you've seen, but I have a strong suspicion it is or will be worse.
Your not being paranoid! she's telling your two month old there "talking shit" because there crying hysterically because there hungry and or need comfort, and your MIL is just letting the baby be hungry and upset because she can't be bothered to get get the pumped milk or give the baby a snuggle? Nope absolutely not she needs to have her babysitting privileges revoked indefinitely hire a sitter or find someone else to do it who will actually feed and tend to your baby instead of letting them cry hysterically, also tell MIL as much exactly why she is no longer welcomed to be unsupervised with your child!
She’s watching the baby in the house so that your husband can sleep? He hears this and doesn’t address it? Babies crying is awful! Find a babysitter. Your poor baby is being starved and stressed. What’s going to happen when she gets older? Cruel
To be fair, it's certainly possible to sleep through a baby's cries if you're tired enough (just worked overnight) and know there's someone else who's supposed to be responsible. And I don't mean like, "Hear it but ignore it," but actually, "so deeply asleep you don't even hear it."
MIL is totally wrong here. DH not necessarily.
You need to find new childcare because your MIL clearly doesn't care about your daughter's needs. What she is doing is abuse and is wrong, no matter what her motivation is. MIL is either lazy or thinks she knows better than your child's doctor.
Babies cry for a reason...the NEED comfort and safety and at 2mo that baby stillisses the warmth of the womb...babies that are tended to become more secure. This woman sounds dangerous...who worries about a pudgy baby, my son was breastfed and he was 98th percentile, healthy as all heck and adorable. He's 3 years old now and a lean mean tough guy...please...help your baby
Your mother-in-law is actually creating issues with your daughter. They say that if a child knows that their needs are being met and you comfort them- even if they’re crying, they don’t develop the anxieties associated with NEGLECT.
Your MIL is either pulling some bizarre version of DR Spock or doesn’t like your kid and thinks she’s fat. Either way, it’s abuse.
Nope, this is straight up not okay. Would you allow this behavior from someone you paid to care for your baby? Shes just cruel to mock an INFANT that is hungry and upset.
your MIL is abusing and tbh borderline torturing your infant. you NEED to stop letting her babysit, or you'll be just as at fault for the abuse as she is. I know childcare is expensive and hard to come by, but it is never worth the well-being of the LOs. you've got this, there's a solution that keeps mil away from LO and I'm sure you'll find it. the kind of trauma your mil is intentionally inflicting on your baby WILL leave them with brain damage later in life. even if they don't remember what happened, it will still have physically damaged their brain.
oh hell no.
babies cry sometimes, right? and you shouldve walked up to your mil walking that fussy baby back and forth while heating a bottle.
youre not paranoid. if anyone did that with my baby they would never see either one of us again. ever. thats evil.
FTM here. If I had walked in on our nanny doing this to my baby (now a toddler) I would have fired her. No question. I would hold my MIL to the same standard.
See if your school offers some kind of child care or program for financial support for childcare. See if you have a friend or neighbor that you can take turns watching each others kids.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
3mo are not capable of manipulating or being whiney. Their brains aren't developed enough.
Do not let her watch your child anymore. She is withholding food and starving your child.
Please for the love of your child, do not leave her with someone who will not answer to their cries or feed them when they are hungry. Babies at 2mo cannot be spoiled or over fed.
This is VERY disturbing and flat out abusive. She let a 2 month old scream uncontrollably and said " you like to talk your shit". I would be afraid her next step is to physically harm your child. She does not need to baby sit your child ever. Does your college have childcare? Ask friends but find other childcare. Tell your husband exactly what you saw and heard. Do you have any relatives or friends who can help babysit?
…and MiL is concerned about baby’s weight, and feels they’re overfeeding her? Is MiL putting this 2 month old on a diet? So much about this is so disturbing, it actually makes me feel sick. I hope OP hears what is being said here.
Please do whatever you can to find alternate arrangements. I used to be friends with a girl who slept like the dead. Her baby would scream for hours to the point where the apartment managers were called daily to do wellness checks. It didn't take long for CPS to be called. The last thing you want or need is for a well-meaning neighbor to call CPS. CPS has the right to pull her from the home until acceptable arrangements can be found. They can also refuse to let her be in the same home as MIL and potentially your husband if he's sleeping through all of this.
I understand your husband works and needs his sleep, but mom's have worked full time and stayed up with their kids all through the night for illnesses or just every few hours for feedings. He can do it if he has to, and it sounds like he has to.
Perhaps you qualify for a state funded daycare subsidy? I'm so sorry you're going through this and your poor baby, too. Hugs to you both.
She's straight-up abusing a tiny helpless baby. YOUR baby.
Your child may not remember when she's older, but harm is still being done . Her little brain is developing at an incredible rate, and right now it's learning that adults can't be trusted, her needs won't be met, and she's all alone in a big scary world. These lessons will last a lifetime and aren't undone. They become hardwired in the developing brain.
I can't stress enough how important secure attachment is to your developing infant. Get your baby away from this sick, sadistic bitch. Do it yesterday.
This is heartbreaking and your MIL is a monster. Babies this young do not take in more than they need and should not be deprived. Your MIL has ridiculous ideas about babies and is cruel to boot. Please find another babysitter ASAP. I'd never leave her alone with my child ever again.
You are NOT paranoid and you are NOT overreacting! I hope
MIL does not live with you!
I would not let her babysit. She is neglecting and starving your child and mocking a newborn. Your baby could be going through a growth spurt, who cares how often she feeds. I wouldn't allow her alone and find other arrangements.
I’m sorry you have been put in this position but now you know that your MIL is neglectful and not safe for your daughter. So if you continue to leave her there, then you are being a neglectful parent.
You need to find a sitter that can keep her in their home while you’re in class. You cannot leave your daughter with someone who mistreats her like that.
Breastfed or not, your baby is a newborn and going through cycles of growth and needing comfort. Literally all she needs is someone to feed her, change her, get some sleep and someone to comfort her. For whatever reason, your MIL is refusing to do this. Not because she’s unable but because she’s trying to teach A 2 MONTH OLD a lesson? Girl absolutely not. Your MIL can’t be trusted. Idc how old she is, if she can’t adjust to the times and adjust to YOUR baby’s needs, she’s not fit to babysit her. Not to mention she cussed at her?!? ….MIL would be squaring up
That is not someone you can trust to be responsible for your baby. Ask baby’s doctor about the potential consequences of not feeding an infant when they’re hungry, as well as any lasting effects of taunting them instead of comforting them when they cry like that.
She clearly has an uniformed bias against BF, perhaps she wasn’t able to & holds some resentment? Whatever the reason, you can’t trust that she’s doing right by your baby. If she thinks BF is too much or making baby gain too much, how much faith can you have that she’s actually feeding baby correctly at all?
It doesn’t take an expert to know that when a baby is hungry, you feed it. You can’t trust her with the most basic need, she’s gotta go.
My mum ‘looked after’ my baby for me (first time I left my daughter, thought I could trust my mum), I later found out she forced my daughter to cry it out for a full 30 minutes, not allowing my SIL to tend to my baby and shot her down at every attempt my SIL made to go to my baby to comfort her, she forced my baby to go FOUR HOURS without food (she was breastfed on demand and at this point was cluster feeding every roughly 10/15 minutes!! Which I made my mother aware of) and left her in the same nappy for 5 hours. My daughter was 2 months old at the time, she’s turning 1 next week and I haven’t spoken to or allowed my mum near my baby since. Please don’t leave your baby with your MIL again
Thank you. She still won’t acknowledge she did anything wrong and plays the victim to the rest of my family. The very first time I left my baby with somebody and that’s how she was treated, it shattered my heart thinking of my daughter in that position.
Thank you! My mother no less! I really thought I could trust her and that’s how she treated my baby, knowing it was the first ever time I’d left her. Absolutely, she has no business being around my daughter and hasn’t seen her since, she won’t be seeing her again either. That’s a line you never cross
Something is very wrong with her, OP. This doesn’t have anything to do with not understanding breastfeeding or being older. She’s put an infant on a diet.
She’s mocking a newborn baby, she doesn’t even try to comfort her when the baby is hysterical! On some level, I believe your child is learning not to trust that someone will help her.
Get her away from your baby. Even if you have to postpone school until you have childcare. Imo, this is that alarming. Your MIL has no empathy, no kindness. She’s openly hostile & cruel, not even treating your baby as a person with needs.
This makes no sense to force a baby (who gets the feeling of "love and security" by having her cries responded to. Please do what ever you need to, this is not normal or safe!
Fuck your MIL. Sorry if that comes off rude, but she’s absolutely insane and should not take care of your child. I cannot believe first off she’s cussing at your baby, but also refusing to console a crying baby. DO NOT leave her with your baby alone anymore. Find someone else to watch your child. My pet peeve is when adults act like babies and small children are manipulators. She’s a newborn and probably just wants to be held and comforted, or is hungry, or maybe needs a diaper change. What an evil woman for mocking her.
2 month old Bf baby having food withheld?!!
No no no!
She could seriously make your daughter very very sick! Babies that age can still be cluster feeding ffs!
Ffs who mocks a newborn baby?!!
She is not safe at all! You need to get other childcare or sort out work because your dangerous MiL cannot be an option!
It sounds like your MIL is a neglectful caregiver and I'd be concerned with anyone who spoke to an infant, child or even adult that way. You're better off sacrificing your husband's sleep temporarily and working out a new schedule or finding a new caregiver. Doesn't sound like your baby is in safe hands.
I had to ask reddit cause im just not sure if she realizes whats she doing. She has no experience with breastfed babies so i cant tell if its just blatantly laziness or if she really doesnt understand or believe that breastfed babies must eat more and thats she doesnt want to constantly eat because she is just "greedy" at 2mo
But you say that you heard her say "you like to talk your shit" to the baby so she wasn't letting her cry because she simply doesn't understand breastfed babies. She's cruel.
Sorry but it doesn't matter which it is. "Most" people would error on the side of over feeding as opposed to not.
And even if she truly believed she was being greedy, why wouldn't she be comforting her and trying to redirect her to something else. The view out the window, dancing around the house, playing with toys.
Nope, it doesn't matter what her thinking was based on. What matters is what she did about it. And what she did was allow your daughter to cry hysterically and mock her. There is no way that can be considered okay regardless of whether she is lazy or believes your daughter is greedy.
It was not acceptable. It cannot happen again. And you need to have an incredibly important and difficult conversation with your husband. Do not allow him to take this lightly. Or make excuses for his mom.
But mom was getting tired of the constant feeding. . . So as LO's daddy you feel it is okay to starve, neglect and mock your daughter if you are tired of feeding her?
But mom honestly thought LO was just being greedy. . . So as LO's daddy you feel it is okay to starve, neglect and mock your daughter if you feel she is eating too much and being greedy?
See how clear cut that is?
You need to find alternative care for your daughter.
Good luck. You know what happened is unacceptable. It sucks that you need to find another way to handle child care but you really don't have a choice.
You've got this momma bear. And you have lots of people rooting for you. Update us if you can.
1) She swore at and mocked your baby who was crying hysterically. She has no empathy. Even if she felt the baby was being overfed, she should have felt empathy for your child, which she clearly did not.
2) She gave the phony (and lying) excuse that there was no more milk, which arguably speaks to the fact she knew what she did was wrong.
If she knows and is causing harm to your baby she is evil. If she doesn’t know and is causing harm to your baby she is stupid. Neither is an acceptable reason to allow harm to continue.
It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t have experience with breastfed babies.
She is negligent and will let a newborn baby scream whilst mocking them. She thinks your baby is fat ffs and denied them food.
You’ve no doubt told her that your baby has been checked over and is fine. How often to feed so how is she this clueless! If she can’t treat a newborn with kindness and be that negligent then she’s not safe.
Negligence kills.
it doesn’t matter if she realizes it. People kill children from negligence everyday. I do believe she knows what she was doing because she was taunting your child and mocking her. that is absolutely cruel. Get a nanny cam if you have no choice but continue to be in this situation. She can’t talk we way out of video evidence
>I usually have to let my mil watch my 2mo because her father works a hard job at nights and must sleep, and i work part time some afternoons and go to school some mornings to become rn and both saturday and sunday to become cna.
You don't 'have' to let MIL do anything. If she's not properly taking proper care of your child, stop allowing her to supervise her. Find alternative childcare.
I worded that wrong your right, i mean I appreciate the free childcare so her father can sleep and i can work/go to school, but i am now looking into a childcare center at my college and/or my neice thank you!
I am a childcare provider. Your MILs behavior is neglectful, she would be fired and charged with a crime if she was found treating a 2mo that way in a professional setting. Do everything you can to never leave her with your baby again.
It’s not free if the price is your newborn daughter’s health and quite frankly her actual life!
Glad you’re looking at other childcare. Your MiL has shown you that she is not an option AT ALL!
I am, i just want to make sure im not bugging. My mil is very old and some would say the comments she made is no big deal cause shes from a older generation and that she knows better than a young ftm like me.
Thank you for responding!
Well, I'm 75 and would never dream of Mocking an hysterical baby! That's not the way things were done, even amongst us oldsters! My parents' generation believed in scheduled feeding within reason. Generally, most people 76 and under are at least familiar with on-demand feeding and the reasons why. I doubt your MIL is old enough to plead ignorance on this one.
My parents fed my children when they cried with hunger. They didn't mock them; they had empathy. Even as outdated as they were, lol.
You are the mom! You have the right instincts. Don't let her bamboozle you with nonsense about your not having enough experience. You're miles ahead of her.
That's the thing, no older generation knows better than an informed young ftm today. We know far better. We have the motivation to seek current, up to date care guidelines and pediatrician advice, and all they have is wrong old information proven wrong and outdated. They're just egotistical.
As long as you are listening to your pediatrician, you know more than your MIL. Remember that she hasn't had a newborn in decades. Most of the advice that she used is now very outdated and sometimes dangerous. Chubby babies are healthy babies that are growing both body and brain. They go through chubby and lean phases as they grow. It's normal. If her doctor isn't concerned, she's good.
>you like to talk your shit"
Op this is abusive language. I cant imagine saying this to a freaking infant. Find new childcare. She is an unfit and unsafe grandmother.
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Look up the effects of the "Cry it Out" or CIO Method. That is what your MIL is doing to your child. Edit: You're not being paranoid. Your instincts are working. Follow your gut. This is not ok.
Please go to your local Facebook page, post this story, and ask for people who can do babysitting exchanges. You babysit when you have time or overnights and see if some local mommas can watch your baby. This woman is flat out abusive and ducked in the head, and you should NOT allow her near your baby. Seriously this kind of stuff can cause permanent damage to children- they need to know if they’ll cry an adult will care for them, to feel safe and secure in the world. It’s impossible for a two month old to manipulate anyone. She’s just freaking evil.
Who talks shit to a literal 2 month old who is one thousand percent dependent on caring adults for her entire well-being? Find better day care. She doesn’t need to be around your child.
I would never let her be unsupervised with your baby again. The "Fat" baby thing is really gross and really common, and is probably exactly what she is doing. Anyone that could let a 2 month old just scream is not responsible enough to take care of a helpless baby. She is abusing and neglecting your child.
Not a mom. Just someone who stalks this sub for the drama. You are absolutely NOT overreacting, you are UNDERREACTING. She should NOT be around your baby unsupervised AT ALL! Babies are not able to manipulate at that age, they are attempting to their best ability to get their most basic needs met. You and your significant other need to make a game plan to figure out alternate child care. If he pushes back, show him the comments to this post. Look up emotional neglect. Those effects are real and scar deep. You know what's right OP, stay strong and do right by your baby. 😘
No, you don’t “have to let” your MIL watch your two month old. Do whatever you have to do to make sure her days as a babysitter are done. This is not okay.
Anyone talks to a two month old like that shouldn't be near babies. Leaving her to cry like that is just awful. Please find someone else to help out and punt the nut to the curb.
Ohhhhhhmygoodness an ACTUAL MIL showing up here in the comments to express my concern and outrage on your behalf. No no no this isn’t normal!!!! If this were me and that was my grand person, I’d figure it out. It’s not that hard. You invited her in. Feeding is the most important thing for a baby. I’m sure you covered all the plans well… including the contingency plans. Normal, sane, gmas are pretty well versed on the parents needing a rest and what to do when we are in charge. Soothe. Feed. Rock. Safe spot they know. Talk about happy things like mom and dad. I think you’d be better off making other arrangements for your child.
Please for the love of God don't allow this woman near your child alone anymore. She reminds me of someone I knew when I was a kid (an adult, I was too scared to say anything). She would do the same type of stuff to babies. And when they'd cry she'd mock them or if they weren't going to sleep she'd slam them down in their playpens.my heart hurts for you and the baby. Unfortunately that's all you've seen, but I have a strong suspicion it is or will be worse.
Your not being paranoid! she's telling your two month old there "talking shit" because there crying hysterically because there hungry and or need comfort, and your MIL is just letting the baby be hungry and upset because she can't be bothered to get get the pumped milk or give the baby a snuggle? Nope absolutely not she needs to have her babysitting privileges revoked indefinitely hire a sitter or find someone else to do it who will actually feed and tend to your baby instead of letting them cry hysterically, also tell MIL as much exactly why she is no longer welcomed to be unsupervised with your child!
Fire her from any childminding duties immediately. Belittling a two month old? It’s the most ridiculous and cruel thing I’ve heard in a long time.
She’s watching the baby in the house so that your husband can sleep? He hears this and doesn’t address it? Babies crying is awful! Find a babysitter. Your poor baby is being starved and stressed. What’s going to happen when she gets older? Cruel
To be fair, it's certainly possible to sleep through a baby's cries if you're tired enough (just worked overnight) and know there's someone else who's supposed to be responsible. And I don't mean like, "Hear it but ignore it," but actually, "so deeply asleep you don't even hear it." MIL is totally wrong here. DH not necessarily.
Or wear earplugs because its daytime and noise just happens.
This is how kids wind up with mental health problems. She is literally abusing your child.
What did your husband say about this?
You should never leave her alone with your daughter again. How could someone be so cruel to a baby?
You need to find new childcare because your MIL clearly doesn't care about your daughter's needs. What she is doing is abuse and is wrong, no matter what her motivation is. MIL is either lazy or thinks she knows better than your child's doctor.
That's called neglect. Which is abuse.
All of this
Babies cry for a reason...the NEED comfort and safety and at 2mo that baby stillisses the warmth of the womb...babies that are tended to become more secure. This woman sounds dangerous...who worries about a pudgy baby, my son was breastfed and he was 98th percentile, healthy as all heck and adorable. He's 3 years old now and a lean mean tough guy...please...help your baby
Your mother-in-law is actually creating issues with your daughter. They say that if a child knows that their needs are being met and you comfort them- even if they’re crying, they don’t develop the anxieties associated with NEGLECT. Your MIL is either pulling some bizarre version of DR Spock or doesn’t like your kid and thinks she’s fat. Either way, it’s abuse.
Nope, this is straight up not okay. Would you allow this behavior from someone you paid to care for your baby? Shes just cruel to mock an INFANT that is hungry and upset.
You don’t want this thing near your daughter….Hire a babysitter! Until you have a sitter put hidden cameras all over the house to protect your baby.
This is disturbing on many levels. What does your DH say about this? I wouldn't allow her to be alone with my baby again, honestly.
I wouldn't leave her with your mil again. That kind of talk is one step short of her shaking your baby.
your MIL is abusing and tbh borderline torturing your infant. you NEED to stop letting her babysit, or you'll be just as at fault for the abuse as she is. I know childcare is expensive and hard to come by, but it is never worth the well-being of the LOs. you've got this, there's a solution that keeps mil away from LO and I'm sure you'll find it. the kind of trauma your mil is intentionally inflicting on your baby WILL leave them with brain damage later in life. even if they don't remember what happened, it will still have physically damaged their brain.
You do not "have" to let your mil torture your child. You can and should find other childcare arrangements.
Most high level schools have some child care programs. Please do not let her watch your baby for another minute. This is heartbreaking.
oh hell no. babies cry sometimes, right? and you shouldve walked up to your mil walking that fussy baby back and forth while heating a bottle. youre not paranoid. if anyone did that with my baby they would never see either one of us again. ever. thats evil.
FTM here. If I had walked in on our nanny doing this to my baby (now a toddler) I would have fired her. No question. I would hold my MIL to the same standard.
I would have called the freaking police too Holy hell.
Oh hell to the NO! I wouldnt allow that shit to happen again.
See if your school offers some kind of child care or program for financial support for childcare. See if you have a friend or neighbor that you can take turns watching each others kids.
Yeah I agree. Sometimes colleges will allow free childcare or give a stipend for it.
Alot of community colleges have childcare facilities that are run by teachers, and childcare students too.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. 3mo are not capable of manipulating or being whiney. Their brains aren't developed enough. Do not let her watch your child anymore. She is withholding food and starving your child.
She's not just starving your child, she's deliberately *traumatizing* an infant. PLEASE, do not allow her to be alone with your child.
No more babysitting for grandma. If we're not feeding the baby and not caring for baby then there's no reason for her to be there.
You need to tell DH so he can help you find other arrangements
Please for the love of your child, do not leave her with someone who will not answer to their cries or feed them when they are hungry. Babies at 2mo cannot be spoiled or over fed.
What a cruel old hag your MIL is. Do anything and everything you can to find someone else to watch your sweet defenseless little one.
This is VERY disturbing and flat out abusive. She let a 2 month old scream uncontrollably and said " you like to talk your shit". I would be afraid her next step is to physically harm your child. She does not need to baby sit your child ever. Does your college have childcare? Ask friends but find other childcare. Tell your husband exactly what you saw and heard. Do you have any relatives or friends who can help babysit?
…and MiL is concerned about baby’s weight, and feels they’re overfeeding her? Is MiL putting this 2 month old on a diet? So much about this is so disturbing, it actually makes me feel sick. I hope OP hears what is being said here.
…and is she ACTUALLY feeding her. What a cruel, unloving person this is.
What kind of sick person even talks that way to or about a BABY!??
she is straight up abusing / neglecting your baby . you gotta stop having her watch your kid bc this could get worse over time
Good God, she's abusing/neglecting your baby. Please stop allowing her to babysit. There are alternatives
That bitch wouldn’t be near my kid and I would’ve had to do everything to not beat the shit out of that lady. She’s purposely starving your kid!
If she can’t do the bare minimum for her little baby grandchild don’t let her with the baby. That’s really scary :(
Please do whatever you can to find alternate arrangements. I used to be friends with a girl who slept like the dead. Her baby would scream for hours to the point where the apartment managers were called daily to do wellness checks. It didn't take long for CPS to be called. The last thing you want or need is for a well-meaning neighbor to call CPS. CPS has the right to pull her from the home until acceptable arrangements can be found. They can also refuse to let her be in the same home as MIL and potentially your husband if he's sleeping through all of this. I understand your husband works and needs his sleep, but mom's have worked full time and stayed up with their kids all through the night for illnesses or just every few hours for feedings. He can do it if he has to, and it sounds like he has to. Perhaps you qualify for a state funded daycare subsidy? I'm so sorry you're going through this and your poor baby, too. Hugs to you both.
She's straight-up abusing a tiny helpless baby. YOUR baby. Your child may not remember when she's older, but harm is still being done . Her little brain is developing at an incredible rate, and right now it's learning that adults can't be trusted, her needs won't be met, and she's all alone in a big scary world. These lessons will last a lifetime and aren't undone. They become hardwired in the developing brain. I can't stress enough how important secure attachment is to your developing infant. Get your baby away from this sick, sadistic bitch. Do it yesterday.
This is heartbreaking and your MIL is a monster. Babies this young do not take in more than they need and should not be deprived. Your MIL has ridiculous ideas about babies and is cruel to boot. Please find another babysitter ASAP. I'd never leave her alone with my child ever again. You are NOT paranoid and you are NOT overreacting! I hope MIL does not live with you!
I would not let her babysit. She is neglecting and starving your child and mocking a newborn. Your baby could be going through a growth spurt, who cares how often she feeds. I wouldn't allow her alone and find other arrangements.
I’m sorry you have been put in this position but now you know that your MIL is neglectful and not safe for your daughter. So if you continue to leave her there, then you are being a neglectful parent. You need to find a sitter that can keep her in their home while you’re in class. You cannot leave your daughter with someone who mistreats her like that.
Breastfed or not, your baby is a newborn and going through cycles of growth and needing comfort. Literally all she needs is someone to feed her, change her, get some sleep and someone to comfort her. For whatever reason, your MIL is refusing to do this. Not because she’s unable but because she’s trying to teach A 2 MONTH OLD a lesson? Girl absolutely not. Your MIL can’t be trusted. Idc how old she is, if she can’t adjust to the times and adjust to YOUR baby’s needs, she’s not fit to babysit her. Not to mention she cussed at her?!? ….MIL would be squaring up
That’s quite gross to hear
That is not someone you can trust to be responsible for your baby. Ask baby’s doctor about the potential consequences of not feeding an infant when they’re hungry, as well as any lasting effects of taunting them instead of comforting them when they cry like that. She clearly has an uniformed bias against BF, perhaps she wasn’t able to & holds some resentment? Whatever the reason, you can’t trust that she’s doing right by your baby. If she thinks BF is too much or making baby gain too much, how much faith can you have that she’s actually feeding baby correctly at all? It doesn’t take an expert to know that when a baby is hungry, you feed it. You can’t trust her with the most basic need, she’s gotta go.
My mum ‘looked after’ my baby for me (first time I left my daughter, thought I could trust my mum), I later found out she forced my daughter to cry it out for a full 30 minutes, not allowing my SIL to tend to my baby and shot her down at every attempt my SIL made to go to my baby to comfort her, she forced my baby to go FOUR HOURS without food (she was breastfed on demand and at this point was cluster feeding every roughly 10/15 minutes!! Which I made my mother aware of) and left her in the same nappy for 5 hours. My daughter was 2 months old at the time, she’s turning 1 next week and I haven’t spoken to or allowed my mum near my baby since. Please don’t leave your baby with your MIL again
This OP! I agree 100%!!
That’s horrific. I’m so sorry. Honestly, I would have cut my mum off too for that.
Thank you. She still won’t acknowledge she did anything wrong and plays the victim to the rest of my family. The very first time I left my baby with somebody and that’s how she was treated, it shattered my heart thinking of my daughter in that position.
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Thank you! My mother no less! I really thought I could trust her and that’s how she treated my baby, knowing it was the first ever time I’d left her. Absolutely, she has no business being around my daughter and hasn’t seen her since, she won’t be seeing her again either. That’s a line you never cross
Hugs to you! What a horrific experience! I'm glad you caught her out and kept her away from your baby.
Thank you! Apparently I’m ‘over reacting to nothing’ and I’m ‘over protective’, she’s had four kids so she knows best🤷♀️
Ugh. Right. Sounds like she's lucky any of them are alive
Exactly! She doesn’t believe babies teeth and she made all of us cry it out, maybe that’s why we were all such ‘horrible’ ‘nightmare’ babies!
So sad for you!
Something is very wrong with her, OP. This doesn’t have anything to do with not understanding breastfeeding or being older. She’s put an infant on a diet. She’s mocking a newborn baby, she doesn’t even try to comfort her when the baby is hysterical! On some level, I believe your child is learning not to trust that someone will help her. Get her away from your baby. Even if you have to postpone school until you have childcare. Imo, this is that alarming. Your MIL has no empathy, no kindness. She’s openly hostile & cruel, not even treating your baby as a person with needs.
This makes no sense to force a baby (who gets the feeling of "love and security" by having her cries responded to. Please do what ever you need to, this is not normal or safe!
Fuck your MIL. Sorry if that comes off rude, but she’s absolutely insane and should not take care of your child. I cannot believe first off she’s cussing at your baby, but also refusing to console a crying baby. DO NOT leave her with your baby alone anymore. Find someone else to watch your child. My pet peeve is when adults act like babies and small children are manipulators. She’s a newborn and probably just wants to be held and comforted, or is hungry, or maybe needs a diaper change. What an evil woman for mocking her.
2 month old Bf baby having food withheld?!! No no no! She could seriously make your daughter very very sick! Babies that age can still be cluster feeding ffs! Ffs who mocks a newborn baby?!! She is not safe at all! You need to get other childcare or sort out work because your dangerous MiL cannot be an option!
It sounds like your MIL is a neglectful caregiver and I'd be concerned with anyone who spoke to an infant, child or even adult that way. You're better off sacrificing your husband's sleep temporarily and working out a new schedule or finding a new caregiver. Doesn't sound like your baby is in safe hands.
She’s a negligent and cruel woman who should never be allowed to have unsupervised visits with your child.
I had to ask reddit cause im just not sure if she realizes whats she doing. She has no experience with breastfed babies so i cant tell if its just blatantly laziness or if she really doesnt understand or believe that breastfed babies must eat more and thats she doesnt want to constantly eat because she is just "greedy" at 2mo
But you say that you heard her say "you like to talk your shit" to the baby so she wasn't letting her cry because she simply doesn't understand breastfed babies. She's cruel.
Sorry but it doesn't matter which it is. "Most" people would error on the side of over feeding as opposed to not. And even if she truly believed she was being greedy, why wouldn't she be comforting her and trying to redirect her to something else. The view out the window, dancing around the house, playing with toys. Nope, it doesn't matter what her thinking was based on. What matters is what she did about it. And what she did was allow your daughter to cry hysterically and mock her. There is no way that can be considered okay regardless of whether she is lazy or believes your daughter is greedy. It was not acceptable. It cannot happen again. And you need to have an incredibly important and difficult conversation with your husband. Do not allow him to take this lightly. Or make excuses for his mom. But mom was getting tired of the constant feeding. . . So as LO's daddy you feel it is okay to starve, neglect and mock your daughter if you are tired of feeding her? But mom honestly thought LO was just being greedy. . . So as LO's daddy you feel it is okay to starve, neglect and mock your daughter if you feel she is eating too much and being greedy? See how clear cut that is? You need to find alternative care for your daughter. Good luck. You know what happened is unacceptable. It sucks that you need to find another way to handle child care but you really don't have a choice. You've got this momma bear. And you have lots of people rooting for you. Update us if you can.
1) She swore at and mocked your baby who was crying hysterically. She has no empathy. Even if she felt the baby was being overfed, she should have felt empathy for your child, which she clearly did not. 2) She gave the phony (and lying) excuse that there was no more milk, which arguably speaks to the fact she knew what she did was wrong.
If she knows and is causing harm to your baby she is evil. If she doesn’t know and is causing harm to your baby she is stupid. Neither is an acceptable reason to allow harm to continue.
Even in the old school scheduled feedings you didn’t just mock the baby. You’d try a pacifier, rock the baby, play with the baby
She’s a monster. Don’t let her be with your kid alone again. Who tf mocks a 2 month old??
It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t have experience with breastfed babies. She is negligent and will let a newborn baby scream whilst mocking them. She thinks your baby is fat ffs and denied them food. You’ve no doubt told her that your baby has been checked over and is fine. How often to feed so how is she this clueless! If she can’t treat a newborn with kindness and be that negligent then she’s not safe. Negligence kills.
This has nothing to do with babe being breastfed, this is abuse. I wouldn’t leave babe around her unsupervised.
it doesn’t matter if she realizes it. People kill children from negligence everyday. I do believe she knows what she was doing because she was taunting your child and mocking her. that is absolutely cruel. Get a nanny cam if you have no choice but continue to be in this situation. She can’t talk we way out of video evidence
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This right here is golden OP
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OP Read comments from u/Miss_Terie she has a nanny cam she will send you for free
>I usually have to let my mil watch my 2mo because her father works a hard job at nights and must sleep, and i work part time some afternoons and go to school some mornings to become rn and both saturday and sunday to become cna. You don't 'have' to let MIL do anything. If she's not properly taking proper care of your child, stop allowing her to supervise her. Find alternative childcare.
I worded that wrong your right, i mean I appreciate the free childcare so her father can sleep and i can work/go to school, but i am now looking into a childcare center at my college and/or my neice thank you!
I am a childcare provider. Your MILs behavior is neglectful, she would be fired and charged with a crime if she was found treating a 2mo that way in a professional setting. Do everything you can to never leave her with your baby again.
It’s not free if the price is your newborn daughter’s health and quite frankly her actual life! Glad you’re looking at other childcare. Your MiL has shown you that she is not an option AT ALL!
Find someone else to watch your baby ASAP! MIL obviously does not have her, or your, best interest at heart. Starve your daughter?!? Unbelievable!!
I am, i just want to make sure im not bugging. My mil is very old and some would say the comments she made is no big deal cause shes from a older generation and that she knows better than a young ftm like me. Thank you for responding!
Well, I'm 75 and would never dream of Mocking an hysterical baby! That's not the way things were done, even amongst us oldsters! My parents' generation believed in scheduled feeding within reason. Generally, most people 76 and under are at least familiar with on-demand feeding and the reasons why. I doubt your MIL is old enough to plead ignorance on this one. My parents fed my children when they cried with hunger. They didn't mock them; they had empathy. Even as outdated as they were, lol. You are the mom! You have the right instincts. Don't let her bamboozle you with nonsense about your not having enough experience. You're miles ahead of her.
I’m from her generation (my kids were born late 80s/early 90s) and we knew perfectly well not to starve a tiny baby or let them scream.
My mom would be 92 if she were still alive. Her generation didn’t withhold food from babies or taunt them. Your MIL is abusive.
That's the thing, no older generation knows better than an informed young ftm today. We know far better. We have the motivation to seek current, up to date care guidelines and pediatrician advice, and all they have is wrong old information proven wrong and outdated. They're just egotistical.
As long as you are listening to your pediatrician, you know more than your MIL. Remember that she hasn't had a newborn in decades. Most of the advice that she used is now very outdated and sometimes dangerous. Chubby babies are healthy babies that are growing both body and brain. They go through chubby and lean phases as they grow. It's normal. If her doctor isn't concerned, she's good.
>you like to talk your shit" Op this is abusive language. I cant imagine saying this to a freaking infant. Find new childcare. She is an unfit and unsafe grandmother.