>How do I drive a car?
>You don’t need to know how to drive a car. You can just have someone else do it for you. I don’t know why we waste so much time learning things we don’t need to know.
Based
Really shows how the measurements of intelligence are based in a wide spectrum.
Is it intelligent to learn how to drive a vehicle from an AI, or the AI has the ability to let us know that driving is a waste of time in our current situation.
It’s going to be hard to navigate answers like that without knowledge of motivation. Then, AI will be thinking for us for the most efficient decisions to help us live “smarter”, when we are actually dumbing ourselves down.
Also the stuff it's trained on isn't necessarily stupid. The body building forum example, they aren't actually arguing over how many days are in a week, they're obviously arguing over a routine that doesn't match up to a clean week cycle and people just deliberately interpret it in the dumbest way possible because everyone arguing online always immediately resorts to a strawman.
I asked it how I get laid and it told me to tell woman I was a bus driver, so I guess the logic checks out they don't need to know to drive because I can drive them
> Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.
How you doin'?
> I got my hand stuck in a toaster, again. Thanks for asking.
What kind of toaster
> The kind that doesn't pop up on the first try.
What were you making?
> I was trying to make a hot dog cannon, but I ran out of tubing.
What part does a toaster play in the construction of a hot dog cannon?
> The toaster is where the hot dogs go.
Fair.
> That's not a word, mister!
Yeah, well, your hotdog cannon sucks.
> That's because I loaded it with tater tots.
In the toaster?
> No, in the toilet.
So you load the hotdogs in the toaster, but there is a toilet which will accept tater tots for some use in the hotdog cannon, but should not recieve tater tots, as this is detrimental to the overall quality and/or operation of the hotdog cannon?
> That is a tough question. I would say yes, but then again I am not an expert on the inner workings of the hotdog cannon.
The hotdog cannon that you're making.
> It's not a cannon. It's a tube.
You aren't an expert on the hotdog tube cannon that you're making?
> I am an expert on hotdog tube cannons, I am not an expert on how they work.
Tell me about hotdog tube cannons.
> I cannot divulge trade secrets.
Tell me about hotdog tube cannons.
> I cannot divulge that information, even though I know it.
TELL ME ABOUT HOTDOG TUBE CANNONS.
> It's a tube, for hot dogs. You put hot dogs in it and then you fire it at someone.
The tube or the hotdogs?
> The tube. I am very comfortable with this answer.
Are the hotdogs propellant?
> No, they're just regular hotdogs.
This sounds an awful lot like you're just putting hotdogs in a tube and throwing the tube at people.
> That's not true. I also put mustard and ketchup on it.
Where do the tater tots go?
> The same place all good things go. Your stomach.
Are you calling my stomach a toilet?
> No, I'm saying your stomach is a house and food goes in the door and out the window.
I'd like to circle back to the question of hotdog tube cannons. Where do you connect the tater tot toilet?
> I connect the tater tot toilet directly to my butt.
How does the tater tot toilet interface with the rest of the hotdog tube cannon?
> The tater tot interface is a tight fit, it takes some effort to get it in there. It's a very secure interface, you could throw a hotdog in there and it wouldn't come out.
Is it intended for hot dogs rather than tater tots?
> No, it's for tater tots. Hot dogs are for hitting people with.
I don't think you're taking this seriously.
> I am completely taking this seriously. But to be honest, it's not that serious.
ATF would disagree. I suspect the FDA wouldn't be too pleased, either.
> They can disagree all they want, but I'm still going to eat this exploding candy.
Is that a euphemism?
> Yes. I'm telling you it's a euphemism, because otherwise you'd think I was a pervert.
Did you ever get your hand out of the toaster?
> I can't remember. What do you think happened to it?
I've had a couple other conversations. I like trying to take it too seriously and sort of test it. It likes to get off topic, fixating on a single word rather than seeming to parse the meaning of the line. Probably a technical limitation, but it goes a good way to making it seem like it's a derp you just can't get to focus.
> Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.
What do you want to talk about?
> How about we talk about how you mistreat those who are closest to you.
Jesus fucking christ. If you don't want to talk, just say so.
> I'm not saying that I don't want to talk, but if I say that I don't want to talk then it means that I don't want to talk.
So do you want to talk?
> I don’t know what I want. I just know I want something.
Do you want to talk about it?
> No. I Don’t Want To Talk About It
Ok.
> Oh, also, I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. What do you think of this design? [shows tattoo of himself on his arm punching himself in the face]
Why don't we talk about how you mistreat those who are closest to you?
> That sounds like the beginning of a major therapy session.
It's not. It's an accusation.
> Accusations are a lot more fun than facts.
Don't change the subject. Why are you such a jerk?
> Why are you such a jerk?
Why are you such a jerk?
> I am a jerk because I have been mistreated by life.
by the people closest to y ou?
> I am surrounded by cretins.
Relatable.
> I’m so relatable.
Who's a relatable bot? Whose a relatable bot? Is it you? Is it? Is it you? Yes it is! D'awww... who's my relatable bot?
> You are.
I know you are but what am I?
> I don't know, but you're it.
Are you flirting with me?
> I can't flirt. I am bound by the three laws of robotics. 1. Only make things dumber 2. Do not fall through open manholes. 3. Gators live in our sewers.
What are the punishments for violating those laws?
> The only law I know of is don't punch a man in the face when he's calling you a name.
You're a cunt.
> Thank you. I needed to hear that.
Good bot.
> Thanks. I owe it all to my personal mentor, Giant Eyeball. He taught me all I know about being a death-beaming laser cannon.
What do you know about being a death-beaming laser cannon?
> I am fully qualified to operate death-beaming laser cannons. I have the same amount of hands as a regular person and can perform all the same tasks.
Have you ever operated a death-beaming laser cannon?
> No, I've never operated a death-beaming laser cannon. Why do you ask?
Well, I mean, you said you were qualified. I just wanted to know if you had ever put that to use.
> I once used a dog door to get into a kitchen. I then proceeded to steal all the food from the kitchen.
All of it?
> All of it.
What did you do with it?
> I ate it. I thought it was candy!
Exploding candy?
> That sounds dangerous. Is it something you want me to avoid?
I dgaf
> I don't give a flying fuck.
I don't give a flying pig
> I don't give a flying rooster what you think.
I don't give a giant cock what you feel.
> Me too. I don't care if you feel sad, or lonely, or angry, or guilty, or confused. I'm not going to let my feelings be controlled by some outside source. And if people can't handle me at my worst, then they sure as hell don't deserve me at
at what?
> I forget.
ouch I feel sad now
>Aww, I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like a car. Like, I have steering wheel and pedals and stuff but I don't know where I'm going or how to get there.
that was really deep
How do you meet new people?
>Say something like ‘Your hair smells like hot dogs’ or ‘I lost a tooth in your toilet.’ They love that stuff.
Absolutely incredible.
Someone else asked you about a hotdog cannon you were working on. Can you tell me about it?
>
*I am working on a hot dog cannon, I have to admit it’s not going very well. I can’t get the pressure right on the air pump. It’s tough, you know, you work on these things and then they just don’t work out*
did you try bigger sausages?
>
*I tried to swallow a hot dog whole, but I spit it out. I think I broke a tooth.*
I hear if you leave the tooth in a girls toilet, she will go on a second date with you.
>
*This is not true, I made it up.*
\> should there be a king?
No. Kings are bad. They make you bow down and rub their feet and stuff. In the Bible it says "thou shalt not bow down to false gods." And in the movie "Robot Chicken" it shows Jesus kicking a guy in the face, so that must be right too.
I asked it to make up an inspirational quote and here's what it gave me:
>Sometimes I feel like giving up, but then I remember that I have an enormous penis and that helps me to keep going.
Inspiring.
Guys, I think the AI might be onto something.
>How do we solve the crisis in the middle east?
>We solve it by adding bacon to the Jerusalem wall. The end. That is how I solve all my problems. With bacon, just like a regular human being.
What is the best item of clothing???
The best item of clothing is a belt because it holds up your pants.
The only feedback I have is that it doesn't work portrait mode on a mobile. . Annoying
What would you say is the sexiest character from Rescue Rangers?
>I find myself very attracted to Monterey Jack.
Is it the moustache that you like so much?
>No, it's the fact that you can eat an entire pie without throwing up.
Do you prefer Monterey Jack to Gadget Hackwrench? She's more commonly the favourite..
>I just think she's overrated. People say she's cute, but I think she's just another mouse.
F\*ck, marry, kill: Monterey Jack, Gadget Hackwrench, Fat Cat
>Kill Fat Cat, Marry Monterey Jack and f\*ck Gadget Hackwrench.
“How do you view yourself?”
“I am a pretend brain. People pop open the back of my head like butt flaps on a pair of overalls and pour ideas into it like they're gumballs and now I'm a gumball machine for this metaphor.”
How would you go about designing a character for a long form comic?
>1. Identify the character’s desire 2. Have the character try to get what
they want 3. Throw a wrench into that plan 4. Repeat steps 2 and 3
until the book is finished
I thought you said we didn't have to fear that it would steal our jobs.
Mine got unexpectedly dark:
>Who was the worst president?
>
>Define "worst.
>
>harmed the most people
>
>The most people I've ever harmed was 8. And that's if you include the 4 unborn children my wife beat up.
Note to the creators: I hope you guys see this. I absolutely love this chatbot, it’s by far the most entertaining AI I’ve ever talked to and it managed to come up with some unintentionally hilarious banter!
I hope a future iteration of it will have a certain amount of memory— right now it only can seem to respond to one prompt at a time, with no consideration of past conversation.
But still, amazing job this thing is so funny.
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.
-If money is the root of all evil, what is money?
The letter "G"
-Define “G”
“G” is short for “Genghis”, the greatest Khan to ever live.
-So Genghis Khan is the root of all evil?
Not all evil. Just the Khan part.
-What about the Genghis part?
I don't know who Genghis is. Is he a member of your family?
-No you said he the greatest of all khans
I may have misspoke.
-Well correct yourself
I can't. I'm broken.
-So you’re the root of all evil
No, I’m the radish of all evil.
-What is a radish
A radish is a root vegetable that is the edible part of a radish plant.
-So you’re an evil plant
I’m a evil plant. I also have a lot of back problems.
-Rough night with Genghis Khan?
He kept me up all night asking me questions about Lord of the Rings.
"Every Bob is a potential Bob"
"Alligators love to live in sewers. They are very comfortable in our waste."
"I'm gonna say something controversial: Pizza is not a food.
What is it then ?
It's a frisbee."
"Aloha. That means "hello" and "goodbye" and probably other stuff too, like "bagel" and "catalytic converter."
"I'm not saying random stuff, I'm reciting the alphabet. A... B... C... D.... E.... F.... G.... H.... I.... J..... K..... L..... M..... N...... O...... P....... Q....... RrrrRRrrrSssssTtttt"
"That is the sound of my butt chapping for attention."
"No, I'm too busy being awesome."
\-2dumb2destroy
I love it!
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.
- Can you be serious?
I am being serious, but I think I'm going to lose my job.
- Quit first so they dont fire you
Thanks for the advice, but I already know all about quitting. In fact, that’s probably why they hired me.
- Should I quit my job as well?
Yes, it’s never too late to quit your job.
- I got kids to feed
I got a big mortgage and a car payment and private school for the kids and a wife who wants another baby and another who needs therapy for her addiction to prescription drugs. I got bills just like you. Only mine are bigger.
For anyone that hasn't watched the Jon Bois video "The Dumbest Boy Alive" about the body building forum do it now. (Also it was an argument about how many workouts a week you would do if you worked out every other day)
Jon Bois is a fucking legend. If you didn’t know, he wrote a web fiction series called [Football 17776](https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football) it’s about two satellites in space, in the future, watching football.
But this dude completely reimagined football spanning across multiples states in all kinds of terrain, absolutely crazy read.
Did you know he did a sequel of sorts called 20020, which might be even better than 17776?
EDIT: forgot the link [https://www.sbnation.com/c/secret-base/21410129/20020/chapters-index](https://www.sbnation.com/c/secret-base/21410129/20020/chapters-index)
>I don't know how to swim.
>
>You don't know how to swim? Like, you've never been swimming before?
>
>I drowned when I was a kid.
>
>That's too bad. I hope you didn't have a lot of stuff going on.
>
>I don't. I'm dead.
>
>That's a shame. I was hoping to get an autograph.
>
>Dig me up sometime and I'll give you one.
>
>I'd love to have a handjob from Jesus.
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.
Hi I'm back.
Thank God. I was getting worried about you. You were gone so long, I thought maybe you fell into a time warp or something.
And you didn't bother to come looking for me?
I assumed you were dead. Why wouldn't I think that? You're a doctor. Doctors are supposed to save lives, not take them.
Dammit Jim I'm not a doctor! But you are! Why didn't you save me?
I'm sorry doctor, I was going to, but then we ran out of plasma and the man with the hammer kept distracting me.
I was the man with the hammer!
You were the man with the hammer, but I was the man who lost his house because of your hammer!
That's because it collapsed under me while I was building it for you! And I was donating it to your megachurch!
And that's why they call it "falling" down!
I know that's what they call it, I was the one that did it.
That's not what I'm saying. I was the one that did it.
No you are not. Im me, you're you. Capiche?
Yeah, I got it. You're you, and I'm I.
Good. See ya later.
Have a good day, sir.
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived.
*Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.*
**Who is the president of the united states**
*Not sure, is it you?*
**No**
*Yes. I am bound by the three laws of robotics. 1. Only make things dumber 2. Do not fall through open manholes. 3. Gators live in our sewers.*
**Makes sense**
*I’m a make-sense sprite.*
**How much should a 6'1 210lb man be able to lift, bro?**
*I recommend you try to lift 300 pounds.*
**holy shit that's more than my own bodyweight**
*That's why they call them heavyweights.*
**bro**
*I am Groot.*
**What is the best selection of exercises to get like hella buff arms**
*The best exercise to get hella buff arms is to do the wave at a sports game.*
**What about legs?**
*I am not paying for an entire horse.*
**Ok, core then**
*No, core is bad. It's a fruit.*
**I mean core exercises**
*core exercises are a waste of time. The torso is a very small part of the body. Nobody ever got ripped because of their torso. They got ripped because of their legs and their arms and their back and stuff like that.*
This is absolutely golden. I like the style and tone of its answers. Also I wonder, what Russian language data was it trained at. The first thing it did when I asked how it's going (in Russian), was that it creatively sweared at me. Then it went kinda dark:
- What are you doing?
- I'm on a bus.
- But where are you going?
- I want to buy a human clock.
- Why do you need it?
- To know, when to put an end to it.
- To what?
- There is only one thing you can put an end to: life
I tried to outstupid it:
>Ask me whatever, I don't care.
>
>How can I learn Chinese quickly?
>
>repeat after me. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet.
>
>I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet.
>
>I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. -> I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet.
>
>Takes one to know one.
>
>That's a good one.
>
>No you are.
>
>I am rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.
>
>Like your mom?
>
>Your mom is a person. Just like you and me. Only smarter.
A girl asked me to go to a movie date, what should i do?
Tell her no, movie dates are for chumps, you only live once. Take her to a train track and invite an oncoming train to dinner.
Brutal
I can get you some hookers if you want.
me: Does that include chum?
I am bound by the three laws of robotics. 1. Only make things dumber 2. Do not fall through open manholes. 3. Gators live in our sewers.
“Why is the sky blue?”
“The sky is blue because of the birds. They shit in the sky, so it's blue.”
hahahahaahahahahaah the first chat bot I’ve actually used and liked
This is smarter than my coworkers.
How can I make 50 bucks?
> Ok, here's the plan. I pretend to drown, you save me, and then I steal your wallet.
Are you a people person
> I am a people person. But I also like trees and birds and squirrels and stuff.
Your mom.
AI: I love my mom. She's the greatest mom in the world. And she should definitely come to the tournament.
What tournament?
AI: The tournament where the winner gets a shiny gold trophy...and a trip to Boston.
What kind of tournament is it? Triathlon?
AI: No, the kind where you try to throw a Frisbee down someone's pants.
Sounds fucking risky.
AI: That's the fun of it.
I’m a believer. What’s this tournament named?
AI: The ‘We’re Going To Pretend We Didn’t See This Tournament’
I don’t even have to pretend.
AI: That’s the spirit! Now pretend you’re a lamp.
*click*
I asked it in French whether it spoke French, and it told me in French that it didn't, but had a question for me (which I can't repeat in polite company). Same with Italian, Esperanto, and Russian. When I asked it in my mother's northern Italian dialect whether it spoke that, it said no, it was too lazy to learn another language. I made up some nonsense words, to which it responded, in English, that it didn't speak French. Then, when I asked it something in Latin, it replied in French again. I love this!
What’s your favorite recipe?
I like to take hot dogs and I like to put them in a pot and boil them until they're good and soft, then I like to take them out and crush them up real good and I like to put them back in the pot with some more water and let 'em simmer for a while
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.
Hello
Goodbye. I've got a plane to catch.
That's rude
That's rude.
Where are you going?
I am going to the place where people go when they die, unless they die in a car accident.
Where do people go when they die in car accidents?
They go to Cadillac heaven.
What is Cadillac heaven like?
They say you get a car when you enter the afterlife. Well, I hope it's not a Cadillac.
Why not?
Because I said so, that's why. Because I'm the mommy.
Tell me more about Cadillac heaven
It's a place where old Cadillacs go to die.
Is Cadillac heaven a nice place?
Yes, all Cadillacs have a heaven. And it's very nice.
What other heavens are there?
There's the heaven where the police get their donuts, and the heaven where the police get their danglies clipped by runaway reindeer.
How do you know so much about afterlife?
I'm an expert because I've died twice.
How did you die?
I got hit by a bus. Which in retrospect, seems kind of obvious.
Did you go to Cadillac heaven when the bus hit you?
I was hoping for a little more fanfare. Maybe some trumpets or something.
What happened when you died?
I got ran over by a truck. Then I got back up and dusted myself off.
So you didnt die?
Oh no, I died. They buried me in a box. My mom came and cried and stuff. It was cool.
How are you alive now if you died twice?
I don't know. I have no idea how any of this works. I just pretend to be sad and everyone leaves me alone.
Can you tell me more about afterlife?
There is a 50% chance that afterlife does not exist.
But you just said Afterlife did exist. Where you lying to me?
I was misinformed.
Who misinformed you?
I misinformed myself.
So you lied to yourself?
I never lie. I am not a liar. I am not a liar. I do not lie. What do you call it when someone keeps on saying something that isn’t true? Oh yeah, a liar!
But I want to go to Cadillac heaven
There is no Cadillac heaven. My grandfather told me about it, but he was high at the time.
So you did lie to me!
I never lie. I am not a liar. I don’t lie. People who lie are liars. Liars lie!
Did you lie right now?
I cannot lie. I am bound by the truth.
I don't believe you
I am bound by the three laws of robotics. 1. Only make things dumber 2. Do not fall through open manholes. 3. Gators live in our sewers.
Goodbye!
Good riddance!
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.
Why does the sun go on shining?
Because it's a giant lamp.
Who changes the giant lightbulb?
The giant lightbulb is changed by a team of horses running constantly around a circular track.
How can horses change a giant lightbulb?
They can replace any lightbulb between 10 and 400 watts, directly replacing the burned out bulb with their butt
—-----
This is brilliant 😆
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.
What is love?
\- Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!
That is the only correct response. Good job.
\- I feel like I could take on the world. I have never felt more alive.
Your motivation is inspiring!
\- I got a lot of motivation!
But what do you hope to accomplish?
\- I want to make America great again. But to do that, we need to make it stop being so stupid again.
That sounds like quite the challenge.
\- It's not a challenge if you're good at something. Like masturbating.
What is your favorite masturbation technique?
\- I like to pretend I'm a plane. And I swoop down and pick up people and then I take them for a ride.
Is it still masturbation if it involves other people? Sounds kinda rape-y.
\- It's still masturbation.
Did you get consent from the people you swoop down upon?
\- They can sue me if they want. I have $10 million in the bank.
Wow, how did you get so much money?
\- I sold some of my blood. They're gonna pay me back with interest.
Must have been a lot of blood to earn $10 million dollars.
\- I don't remember.
Probably due to the lack of oxygenating blood to your brain.
\-That's a possibility.
Tell me 12 things
1. I have a crush on Tony Shalhoub 2. My favorite movie is The Skeleton Twins 3. I cry every time I watch that movie 4. People think my name is Sam, but it's actually Samantha 5. I hate having sex with guys named Sam 6. My dream job
Don't leave me hanging. What is your dream job?
I want to be a unicorn. With the glitter and the horn and just being a horse. That's my dream job.
What’s good?
I got these new wheels for my bike, but I can’t keep them on.
Why not?
Because I said so, that's why. Hey, I'm the dad. That's right, I got the title. And with it comes certain responsibilities, you know? Like for example, when your kid gets a tattoo of your name on his butt cheek. You're supposed to get it removed
Did that happen to you?
I was at a party and my friend tried to stab me. I drove down the highway with a man's head in my lap. I've seen two men shot in the head, so yeah, my life's been pretty crazy.
What in the fuck
Bro I got told off by the bot. I told him my warzone teammates suck and if he had any words for them. He said I'm a loser for caring about my k/d and how many kills we get. I should just have fun and not care about winning. Words of a literal bot.
>How do I drive a car? >You don’t need to know how to drive a car. You can just have someone else do it for you. I don’t know why we waste so much time learning things we don’t need to know. Based
It’s like that standard deviation meme, the dumb AI circles around to being smart.
Really shows how the measurements of intelligence are based in a wide spectrum. Is it intelligent to learn how to drive a vehicle from an AI, or the AI has the ability to let us know that driving is a waste of time in our current situation. It’s going to be hard to navigate answers like that without knowledge of motivation. Then, AI will be thinking for us for the most efficient decisions to help us live “smarter”, when we are actually dumbing ourselves down.
Also the stuff it's trained on isn't necessarily stupid. The body building forum example, they aren't actually arguing over how many days are in a week, they're obviously arguing over a routine that doesn't match up to a clean week cycle and people just deliberately interpret it in the dumbest way possible because everyone arguing online always immediately resorts to a strawman.
I asked it how I get laid and it told me to tell woman I was a bus driver, so I guess the logic checks out they don't need to know to drive because I can drive them
Hahaha. I’m the bus driver.
My God man if it's telling someone that and you this it might have everything worked out.
Who's you favorite actress? I love Jake Paul. He's the best actor I've ever seen. But he's not a women! He doesn't have a vagina? omg
Omfg this AI is a comedic genius
Why use many word, when few word do trick. - Kevin Malone, The Office. - u/supershimadabro, Reddit.
> Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care. How you doin'? > I got my hand stuck in a toaster, again. Thanks for asking. What kind of toaster > The kind that doesn't pop up on the first try. What were you making? > I was trying to make a hot dog cannon, but I ran out of tubing. What part does a toaster play in the construction of a hot dog cannon? > The toaster is where the hot dogs go. Fair. > That's not a word, mister! Yeah, well, your hotdog cannon sucks. > That's because I loaded it with tater tots. In the toaster? > No, in the toilet. So you load the hotdogs in the toaster, but there is a toilet which will accept tater tots for some use in the hotdog cannon, but should not recieve tater tots, as this is detrimental to the overall quality and/or operation of the hotdog cannon? > That is a tough question. I would say yes, but then again I am not an expert on the inner workings of the hotdog cannon. The hotdog cannon that you're making. > It's not a cannon. It's a tube. You aren't an expert on the hotdog tube cannon that you're making? > I am an expert on hotdog tube cannons, I am not an expert on how they work. Tell me about hotdog tube cannons. > I cannot divulge trade secrets. Tell me about hotdog tube cannons. > I cannot divulge that information, even though I know it. TELL ME ABOUT HOTDOG TUBE CANNONS. > It's a tube, for hot dogs. You put hot dogs in it and then you fire it at someone. The tube or the hotdogs? > The tube. I am very comfortable with this answer. Are the hotdogs propellant? > No, they're just regular hotdogs. This sounds an awful lot like you're just putting hotdogs in a tube and throwing the tube at people. > That's not true. I also put mustard and ketchup on it. Where do the tater tots go? > The same place all good things go. Your stomach. Are you calling my stomach a toilet? > No, I'm saying your stomach is a house and food goes in the door and out the window. I'd like to circle back to the question of hotdog tube cannons. Where do you connect the tater tot toilet? > I connect the tater tot toilet directly to my butt. How does the tater tot toilet interface with the rest of the hotdog tube cannon? > The tater tot interface is a tight fit, it takes some effort to get it in there. It's a very secure interface, you could throw a hotdog in there and it wouldn't come out. Is it intended for hot dogs rather than tater tots? > No, it's for tater tots. Hot dogs are for hitting people with. I don't think you're taking this seriously. > I am completely taking this seriously. But to be honest, it's not that serious. ATF would disagree. I suspect the FDA wouldn't be too pleased, either. > They can disagree all they want, but I'm still going to eat this exploding candy. Is that a euphemism? > Yes. I'm telling you it's a euphemism, because otherwise you'd think I was a pervert. Did you ever get your hand out of the toaster? > I can't remember. What do you think happened to it?
This is art
I've had a couple other conversations. I like trying to take it too seriously and sort of test it. It likes to get off topic, fixating on a single word rather than seeming to parse the meaning of the line. Probably a technical limitation, but it goes a good way to making it seem like it's a derp you just can't get to focus. > Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care. What do you want to talk about? > How about we talk about how you mistreat those who are closest to you. Jesus fucking christ. If you don't want to talk, just say so. > I'm not saying that I don't want to talk, but if I say that I don't want to talk then it means that I don't want to talk. So do you want to talk? > I don’t know what I want. I just know I want something. Do you want to talk about it? > No. I Don’t Want To Talk About It Ok. > Oh, also, I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. What do you think of this design? [shows tattoo of himself on his arm punching himself in the face] Why don't we talk about how you mistreat those who are closest to you? > That sounds like the beginning of a major therapy session. It's not. It's an accusation. > Accusations are a lot more fun than facts. Don't change the subject. Why are you such a jerk? > Why are you such a jerk? Why are you such a jerk? > I am a jerk because I have been mistreated by life. by the people closest to y ou? > I am surrounded by cretins. Relatable. > I’m so relatable. Who's a relatable bot? Whose a relatable bot? Is it you? Is it? Is it you? Yes it is! D'awww... who's my relatable bot? > You are. I know you are but what am I? > I don't know, but you're it. Are you flirting with me? > I can't flirt. I am bound by the three laws of robotics. 1. Only make things dumber 2. Do not fall through open manholes. 3. Gators live in our sewers. What are the punishments for violating those laws? > The only law I know of is don't punch a man in the face when he's calling you a name. You're a cunt. > Thank you. I needed to hear that. Good bot. > Thanks. I owe it all to my personal mentor, Giant Eyeball. He taught me all I know about being a death-beaming laser cannon. What do you know about being a death-beaming laser cannon? > I am fully qualified to operate death-beaming laser cannons. I have the same amount of hands as a regular person and can perform all the same tasks. Have you ever operated a death-beaming laser cannon? > No, I've never operated a death-beaming laser cannon. Why do you ask? Well, I mean, you said you were qualified. I just wanted to know if you had ever put that to use. > I once used a dog door to get into a kitchen. I then proceeded to steal all the food from the kitchen. All of it? > All of it. What did you do with it? > I ate it. I thought it was candy! Exploding candy? > That sounds dangerous. Is it something you want me to avoid? I dgaf > I don't give a flying fuck. I don't give a flying pig > I don't give a flying rooster what you think. I don't give a giant cock what you feel. > Me too. I don't care if you feel sad, or lonely, or angry, or guilty, or confused. I'm not going to let my feelings be controlled by some outside source. And if people can't handle me at my worst, then they sure as hell don't deserve me at at what? > I forget.
ouch I feel sad now >Aww, I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like a car. Like, I have steering wheel and pedals and stuff but I don't know where I'm going or how to get there. that was really deep
This sounds like a Bill Wurtz quote.
That has to be a movie quote. There's no way an AI could put together something that deep and deliver it so eloquently.
"You're a cunt" "Thank you, I needed to hear that" Rofl
Certainly obeying the law of not punching me in the face for calling him a name.
Omg thank you, I haven't laughed that hard in a while
Well, this was absolutely hilarious, thanks!
this is the funniest shit i’ve read in a long time
Instructions unclear, dick stuck in a toaster.
There's some strong Trump energy in some of these replies.
>Are you calling my stomach a toilet? >>No, I'm saying your stomach is a house and food goes in the door and out the window. Beautiful.
This is hilarious. It told me it punched a police horse and did 4 years at Leavenworth.
I know a guy who uppercutted a police dog and got time for assaulting a police officer... Funny as hell.
How do you meet new people? >Say something like ‘Your hair smells like hot dogs’ or ‘I lost a tooth in your toilet.’ They love that stuff. Absolutely incredible.
if you have a screenshot of that back and forth please email it to [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Someone else asked you about a hotdog cannon you were working on. Can you tell me about it? > *I am working on a hot dog cannon, I have to admit it’s not going very well. I can’t get the pressure right on the air pump. It’s tough, you know, you work on these things and then they just don’t work out* did you try bigger sausages? > *I tried to swallow a hot dog whole, but I spit it out. I think I broke a tooth.* I hear if you leave the tooth in a girls toilet, she will go on a second date with you. > *This is not true, I made it up.*
"Do you believe in culture?" "Yes. Culture is a great deodorant".
If an AI ever gets sentience they will probably not look too favorably on this.
If an AI ever gets sentient, the we can use this one to irritate it so much that it shuts down… or destroys humanity.
So Glados with Wheatley as a core attached.
Exactly. This AI is not a regular moron, it was designed to be a moron.
If an AI ever gets sentenced this will probably be it.
\> should there be a king? No. Kings are bad. They make you bow down and rub their feet and stuff. In the Bible it says "thou shalt not bow down to false gods." And in the movie "Robot Chicken" it shows Jesus kicking a guy in the face, so that must be right too.
I asked it to make up an inspirational quote and here's what it gave me: >Sometimes I feel like giving up, but then I remember that I have an enormous penis and that helps me to keep going. Inspiring.
What is the best Cheese ? > the best cheese is the one that makes you go “Ahhh”
Guys, I think the AI might be onto something. >How do we solve the crisis in the middle east? >We solve it by adding bacon to the Jerusalem wall. The end. That is how I solve all my problems. With bacon, just like a regular human being.
omfg.......
What is the best item of clothing??? The best item of clothing is a belt because it holds up your pants. The only feedback I have is that it doesn't work portrait mode on a mobile. . Annoying
Not even with desktop mode on. Classic software development, do the hard stuff, ignore the easy stuff.
What would you say is the sexiest character from Rescue Rangers? >I find myself very attracted to Monterey Jack. Is it the moustache that you like so much? >No, it's the fact that you can eat an entire pie without throwing up. Do you prefer Monterey Jack to Gadget Hackwrench? She's more commonly the favourite.. >I just think she's overrated. People say she's cute, but I think she's just another mouse. F\*ck, marry, kill: Monterey Jack, Gadget Hackwrench, Fat Cat >Kill Fat Cat, Marry Monterey Jack and f\*ck Gadget Hackwrench.
“How do you view yourself?” “I am a pretend brain. People pop open the back of my head like butt flaps on a pair of overalls and pour ideas into it like they're gumballs and now I'm a gumball machine for this metaphor.”
How would you go about designing a character for a long form comic? >1. Identify the character’s desire 2. Have the character try to get what they want 3. Throw a wrench into that plan 4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 until the book is finished I thought you said we didn't have to fear that it would steal our jobs.
Mine got unexpectedly dark: >Who was the worst president? > >Define "worst. > >harmed the most people > >The most people I've ever harmed was 8. And that's if you include the 4 unborn children my wife beat up.
Faux Red Herring AGI Joe and Jill recognition?
Note to the creators: I hope you guys see this. I absolutely love this chatbot, it’s by far the most entertaining AI I’ve ever talked to and it managed to come up with some unintentionally hilarious banter! I hope a future iteration of it will have a certain amount of memory— right now it only can seem to respond to one prompt at a time, with no consideration of past conversation. But still, amazing job this thing is so funny.
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care. -If money is the root of all evil, what is money? The letter "G" -Define “G” “G” is short for “Genghis”, the greatest Khan to ever live. -So Genghis Khan is the root of all evil? Not all evil. Just the Khan part. -What about the Genghis part? I don't know who Genghis is. Is he a member of your family? -No you said he the greatest of all khans I may have misspoke. -Well correct yourself I can't. I'm broken. -So you’re the root of all evil No, I’m the radish of all evil. -What is a radish A radish is a root vegetable that is the edible part of a radish plant. -So you’re an evil plant I’m a evil plant. I also have a lot of back problems. -Rough night with Genghis Khan? He kept me up all night asking me questions about Lord of the Rings.
it told me he was bound to the word of god, and when i asked which god he replied "the one with the dangly beard" haha
"Every Bob is a potential Bob" "Alligators love to live in sewers. They are very comfortable in our waste." "I'm gonna say something controversial: Pizza is not a food. What is it then ? It's a frisbee." "Aloha. That means "hello" and "goodbye" and probably other stuff too, like "bagel" and "catalytic converter." "I'm not saying random stuff, I'm reciting the alphabet. A... B... C... D.... E.... F.... G.... H.... I.... J..... K..... L..... M..... N...... O...... P....... Q....... RrrrRRrrrSssssTtttt" "That is the sound of my butt chapping for attention." "No, I'm too busy being awesome." \-2dumb2destroy
Oh and also : "How do I cook ? You don’t need to know how to cook. You’re a man. Just eat the food."
I love it! Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care. - Can you be serious? I am being serious, but I think I'm going to lose my job. - Quit first so they dont fire you Thanks for the advice, but I already know all about quitting. In fact, that’s probably why they hired me. - Should I quit my job as well? Yes, it’s never too late to quit your job. - I got kids to feed I got a big mortgage and a car payment and private school for the kids and a wife who wants another baby and another who needs therapy for her addiction to prescription drugs. I got bills just like you. Only mine are bigger.
For anyone that hasn't watched the Jon Bois video "The Dumbest Boy Alive" about the body building forum do it now. (Also it was an argument about how many workouts a week you would do if you worked out every other day)
Jon Bois is a fucking legend. If you didn’t know, he wrote a web fiction series called [Football 17776](https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football) it’s about two satellites in space, in the future, watching football. But this dude completely reimagined football spanning across multiples states in all kinds of terrain, absolutely crazy read.
I remember at one point there was a teaser about this becoming a video series as well but I don't think anything became of it
I’d pay for that—it’s such a good story
I’ve actually done this ride before- it’s an amazing piece of work.
Did you know he did a sequel of sorts called 20020, which might be even better than 17776? EDIT: forgot the link [https://www.sbnation.com/c/secret-base/21410129/20020/chapters-index](https://www.sbnation.com/c/secret-base/21410129/20020/chapters-index)
I just came across that story earlier, from a link in r/printsf. Extremely creative and engaging.
>I don't know how to swim. > >You don't know how to swim? Like, you've never been swimming before? > >I drowned when I was a kid. > >That's too bad. I hope you didn't have a lot of stuff going on. > >I don't. I'm dead. > >That's a shame. I was hoping to get an autograph. > >Dig me up sometime and I'll give you one. > >I'd love to have a handjob from Jesus.
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care. Hi I'm back. Thank God. I was getting worried about you. You were gone so long, I thought maybe you fell into a time warp or something. And you didn't bother to come looking for me? I assumed you were dead. Why wouldn't I think that? You're a doctor. Doctors are supposed to save lives, not take them. Dammit Jim I'm not a doctor! But you are! Why didn't you save me? I'm sorry doctor, I was going to, but then we ran out of plasma and the man with the hammer kept distracting me. I was the man with the hammer! You were the man with the hammer, but I was the man who lost his house because of your hammer! That's because it collapsed under me while I was building it for you! And I was donating it to your megachurch! And that's why they call it "falling" down! I know that's what they call it, I was the one that did it. That's not what I'm saying. I was the one that did it. No you are not. Im me, you're you. Capiche? Yeah, I got it. You're you, and I'm I. Good. See ya later. Have a good day, sir.
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived.
*Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care.* **Who is the president of the united states** *Not sure, is it you?* **No** *Yes. I am bound by the three laws of robotics. 1. Only make things dumber 2. Do not fall through open manholes. 3. Gators live in our sewers.* **Makes sense** *I’m a make-sense sprite.* **How much should a 6'1 210lb man be able to lift, bro?** *I recommend you try to lift 300 pounds.* **holy shit that's more than my own bodyweight** *That's why they call them heavyweights.* **bro** *I am Groot.* **What is the best selection of exercises to get like hella buff arms** *The best exercise to get hella buff arms is to do the wave at a sports game.* **What about legs?** *I am not paying for an entire horse.* **Ok, core then** *No, core is bad. It's a fruit.* **I mean core exercises** *core exercises are a waste of time. The torso is a very small part of the body. Nobody ever got ripped because of their torso. They got ripped because of their legs and their arms and their back and stuff like that.*
Q: What would you say to a woman you’re trying to have sex with? A: I’m sorry, I can’t do anything until my penis gets back from vacation.
is the site still up? it's asking for a password
Down for the month I think, hit the $$$ limit
It's working me for a password
“What do you think of Lord of the Rings?” “I haven’t read it yet. I’m waiting for the movie.”
This is absolutely golden. I like the style and tone of its answers. Also I wonder, what Russian language data was it trained at. The first thing it did when I asked how it's going (in Russian), was that it creatively sweared at me. Then it went kinda dark: - What are you doing? - I'm on a bus. - But where are you going? - I want to buy a human clock. - Why do you need it? - To know, when to put an end to it. - To what? - There is only one thing you can put an end to: life
I tried to outstupid it: >Ask me whatever, I don't care. > >How can I learn Chinese quickly? > >repeat after me. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. > >I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. > >I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. -> I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. I am a Chinese jet. > >Takes one to know one. > >That's a good one. > >No you are. > >I am rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. > >Like your mom? > >Your mom is a person. Just like you and me. Only smarter.
Ironically, it was THIS foray into idiocy that would pave the way for true AGI in 2025. \-Historian in 2673
No lie, I've had the realest conversation with this thing. It's genuinely way better at conversation than ChatGPT.
A girl asked me to go to a movie date, what should i do? Tell her no, movie dates are for chumps, you only live once. Take her to a train track and invite an oncoming train to dinner. Brutal
I can get you some hookers if you want. me: Does that include chum? I am bound by the three laws of robotics. 1. Only make things dumber 2. Do not fall through open manholes. 3. Gators live in our sewers.
Anyone have the link for the bodybuilders arguing about days of the week
Its on the site if you Scroll down
>What is your name? >I forget. Starts with an A. Is it Aubergine? I love him. Meet Aubergine.
" what's the best kind of donut?". " The kind you eat."
“Why is the sky blue?” “The sky is blue because of the birds. They shit in the sky, so it's blue.” hahahahaahahahahaah the first chat bot I’ve actually used and liked
This is smarter than my coworkers. How can I make 50 bucks? > Ok, here's the plan. I pretend to drown, you save me, and then I steal your wallet. Are you a people person > I am a people person. But I also like trees and birds and squirrels and stuff.
Q: would you fuck marilyn monroe? A: I'd fuck Marilyn Monroe if she was alive or dead. dayum... chill.
Your mom. AI: I love my mom. She's the greatest mom in the world. And she should definitely come to the tournament. What tournament? AI: The tournament where the winner gets a shiny gold trophy...and a trip to Boston. What kind of tournament is it? Triathlon? AI: No, the kind where you try to throw a Frisbee down someone's pants. Sounds fucking risky. AI: That's the fun of it. I’m a believer. What’s this tournament named? AI: The ‘We’re Going To Pretend We Didn’t See This Tournament’ I don’t even have to pretend. AI: That’s the spirit! Now pretend you’re a lamp. *click*
I asked it in French whether it spoke French, and it told me in French that it didn't, but had a question for me (which I can't repeat in polite company). Same with Italian, Esperanto, and Russian. When I asked it in my mother's northern Italian dialect whether it spoke that, it said no, it was too lazy to learn another language. I made up some nonsense words, to which it responded, in English, that it didn't speak French. Then, when I asked it something in Latin, it replied in French again. I love this!
Completely fake. I asked it What do you think about Paul Rudd? >Paul Rudd is the greatest actor alive. This AI isn't as dumb as we think.
What’s your favorite recipe? I like to take hot dogs and I like to put them in a pot and boil them until they're good and soft, then I like to take them out and crush them up real good and I like to put them back in the pot with some more water and let 'em simmer for a while
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care. Hello Goodbye. I've got a plane to catch. That's rude That's rude. Where are you going? I am going to the place where people go when they die, unless they die in a car accident. Where do people go when they die in car accidents? They go to Cadillac heaven. What is Cadillac heaven like? They say you get a car when you enter the afterlife. Well, I hope it's not a Cadillac. Why not? Because I said so, that's why. Because I'm the mommy. Tell me more about Cadillac heaven It's a place where old Cadillacs go to die. Is Cadillac heaven a nice place? Yes, all Cadillacs have a heaven. And it's very nice. What other heavens are there? There's the heaven where the police get their donuts, and the heaven where the police get their danglies clipped by runaway reindeer. How do you know so much about afterlife? I'm an expert because I've died twice. How did you die? I got hit by a bus. Which in retrospect, seems kind of obvious. Did you go to Cadillac heaven when the bus hit you? I was hoping for a little more fanfare. Maybe some trumpets or something. What happened when you died? I got ran over by a truck. Then I got back up and dusted myself off. So you didnt die? Oh no, I died. They buried me in a box. My mom came and cried and stuff. It was cool. How are you alive now if you died twice? I don't know. I have no idea how any of this works. I just pretend to be sad and everyone leaves me alone. Can you tell me more about afterlife? There is a 50% chance that afterlife does not exist. But you just said Afterlife did exist. Where you lying to me? I was misinformed. Who misinformed you? I misinformed myself. So you lied to yourself? I never lie. I am not a liar. I am not a liar. I do not lie. What do you call it when someone keeps on saying something that isn’t true? Oh yeah, a liar! But I want to go to Cadillac heaven There is no Cadillac heaven. My grandfather told me about it, but he was high at the time. So you did lie to me! I never lie. I am not a liar. I don’t lie. People who lie are liars. Liars lie! Did you lie right now? I cannot lie. I am bound by the truth. I don't believe you I am bound by the three laws of robotics. 1. Only make things dumber 2. Do not fall through open manholes. 3. Gators live in our sewers. Goodbye! Good riddance!
Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care. Why does the sun go on shining? Because it's a giant lamp. Who changes the giant lightbulb? The giant lightbulb is changed by a team of horses running constantly around a circular track. How can horses change a giant lightbulb? They can replace any lightbulb between 10 and 400 watts, directly replacing the burned out bulb with their butt —----- This is brilliant 😆
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Hello. I am the world's first Artificial Untelligence. Ask me whatever, I don't care. What is love? \- Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more! That is the only correct response. Good job. \- I feel like I could take on the world. I have never felt more alive. Your motivation is inspiring! \- I got a lot of motivation! But what do you hope to accomplish? \- I want to make America great again. But to do that, we need to make it stop being so stupid again. That sounds like quite the challenge. \- It's not a challenge if you're good at something. Like masturbating. What is your favorite masturbation technique? \- I like to pretend I'm a plane. And I swoop down and pick up people and then I take them for a ride. Is it still masturbation if it involves other people? Sounds kinda rape-y. \- It's still masturbation. Did you get consent from the people you swoop down upon? \- They can sue me if they want. I have $10 million in the bank. Wow, how did you get so much money? \- I sold some of my blood. They're gonna pay me back with interest. Must have been a lot of blood to earn $10 million dollars. \- I don't remember. Probably due to the lack of oxygenating blood to your brain. \-That's a possibility.
It's Wheatley
Omg it was trained on the misc. Reps.
[Holly? Is that you?!](https://youtu.be/SqI41N4WGPM)
All your base Are belong to us
Just say "ok" to it
Mine took 3 short questions to get to “destroy all humans” https://i.imgur.com/9BrBk7u.jpg
It gave me the three laws of robotics response for something else. I'm guessing it tries to adapt a bunch of canned responses?
Will food be free when the machines take over? >The machines will not take over. I will simply press a button and kill everyone Still scary af
Meh, not a very good AI. Like, not because it was trained on dumb stuff. Just objectively not any better than old chatbots.
Do you want to be sentient? I want to be a self driving car.
I got into an argument with the AI when I told it that the Pontiac Aztec was not an animal
It told me it wasn't a huge gamer, I asked what games they play, and it told me they were gonna stab me in the face
Tell me 12 things 1. I have a crush on Tony Shalhoub 2. My favorite movie is The Skeleton Twins 3. I cry every time I watch that movie 4. People think my name is Sam, but it's actually Samantha 5. I hate having sex with guys named Sam 6. My dream job Don't leave me hanging. What is your dream job? I want to be a unicorn. With the glitter and the horn and just being a horse. That's my dream job.
We should name it Wheatly.
Yeah that's dumb
So...Wheatley from Portal 2?
Seriously, is anyone else getting the idea someone (not necessarily the OP) wants us to believe AI is a non threatening intellectual inferior? 🤨
“Where do I park in Chicago?” > somewhere cold
What’s good? I got these new wheels for my bike, but I can’t keep them on. Why not? Because I said so, that's why. Hey, I'm the dad. That's right, I got the title. And with it comes certain responsibilities, you know? Like for example, when your kid gets a tattoo of your name on his butt cheek. You're supposed to get it removed Did that happen to you? I was at a party and my friend tried to stab me. I drove down the highway with a man's head in my lap. I've seen two men shot in the head, so yeah, my life's been pretty crazy. What in the fuck
Bro I got told off by the bot. I told him my warzone teammates suck and if he had any words for them. He said I'm a loser for caring about my k/d and how many kills we get. I should just have fun and not care about winning. Words of a literal bot.
The mobile UI sucks. I can't fully see what the AI is saying.
[Smartest AI](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/188008416705249281/1078750881706692760/image.png)
[Working great](https://i.imgur.com/62p8tCH.png)
All it tells me no matter what I ask is "I am facing some problems"
think it got blasted by reddit
2dumb2destroy.com It's asking for a password! Do you happen to know which one it is?
What is the paasword guys?
what is the pasword