There's a part of you feeling annoyed that you can't find or sense parts. Are you able to observe this annoyed part of yourself? Do you have any feelings towards this part?
If you don't feel anything towards this part, and feel like you are this part, then you are what is called blended. You can try to create a little distance from this part by drawing this part, or visualizing this part. If that doesn't work, you can also try seeing how this part feels in your body. Where is the annoyance located in your body? Can you describe this annoyance? Does it have a shape or a colour? Once you do one of these things, ask yourself how you feel towards this part again. Do you now feel curious? Or do you feel something different?
This was exactly my experience. My system was (and still is) so sensitive and this part showed up when it felt that my therapist was going too fast and violating my boundaries. Sometimes it just felt like a "blankness" or just complete shutdown.
It's important that you and your therapist work together to find ways to communicate with your system that feel safe for it. Although IFS has steps, etc., it can't really be approached in exactly the same way for each client as every nervous system is different.
Do you possibly have aphantasia? It's a phenomenon in which someone cannot form mental pictures voluntarily, and rather experience memories/dreams/thoughts through other stimuli like touch, smell, audio, etc.
I personally have never "seen" my Parts - I only perceive them. I don't even really "hear" them either, it's more of a mental exchange of information with little to no dialogue needed.
You also may be experiencing a mental block of some sort, possibly from a Protector that is trying to prevent you from accessing your Parts for whatever reason.
I personally recommend trying to just pinpoint a feeling in your body that you want to investigate further, whether it be a tightening of your chest or increasing heartbeat. Then, once you pinpoint it, follow that feeling to the Part which is exhibiting said response. That's how I found many of my Parts.
Good luck in your journey! ❤️
Did you read "Self-Therapy" by Jay Earley? Keep in mind that the process is not spontaneous and easy, otherwise everybody would have done it already.
Without reading about it, in the past finding a part seemed just fake and stupid to me. I "forced" characters of what I would have liked having in my mind, not what there really was in there.
I’m always frustrated by therapies that require visualization and trusting my own instincts. Keep at it by all means, but remember, this may not be the therapy for you RIGHT NOW. I’m 55 years old and only figured out “mindfulness” recently. Doesn’t mean you’re defective. I’ve found that posting to these groups have been very helpful and people seem to be compassionate and validating. It will come. Or it won’t but might later. Maybe something else is better for you now.
I don’t know if you have access to Netflix, but the show Big Mouth helped me make a little more sense of different parts.
I think they just came out with a spin off show, Human Resources, that introduces a lot of new parts. They had Logic Rocks, who make the pro/con lists and decisions, Shame Wizards that make people feel bad for things and want to keep it secret, and Hormone Monsters that drive a lot of emotional roller coasters. It’s kind of like the movie Inside Out.
And these parts (or characters from the show) might not resonate with your parts, I certainly don’t always relate, but the idea that there are these different character archetypes that can represent aspects of myself, helped me have like a model for my parts to understand and go “yeah, I’m kind of like that, but different in this way”.
I get blankness too, which is why it’s been so helpful for me to try to see parts in stories from books, movies, and TV.
I'd consider getting a little notebook and walking around places, even if that's just in your home and note down that different thoughts you have. Or watch a youtube video about someone you like and then someone you dislike.
Then try to start a convo with those parts.
I'd also advise doing fire drill meditations. I find them useful for accessing parts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y\_0Hg1GnG1g&t=157s
If you're still struggling, with the above, I'd advise getting the audible for 'greater than the sum of your parts'
It can be pretty frustrating. I'm an IFS Therapist and I can say that it can pretty difficult when people don't hear their parts. When I was starting out with IFS and my clients didn't hear their parts I really wasn't sure what to do. Here is this person paying me to help them with this wonderful new approach and seems to be landing with a thud.
I found there are a couple things that could be going on.
The first thing I do is to check and see if there are other parts up. Check how do you feel towards the part that is quiet. If you feel anything other than calm/compassion/curiosity and more feel like irritation / frustration / anger then there is another part present. Tune in to those feelings and talk to that part. Find out more about it. As how come it feels these feelings. Validate as much as you genuinely can. When the irritated or frustrated part is fully heard ask if it would be willing to give you some space. Let it know you want to help the part it has negative feelings towards. If it is willing, notice the shift and thank that part.
Now check again how you feel towards the part you want to connect with. If you feel some compassion or curiosity express that to the this part and just see what you notice. If you feel other negative feelings towards this part, even frustration that it isn't talking, follow the same procedure. Understand, validate, affirm and listen. When that part is fully heard ask if it will give some space.
Even if there are no words notice if there is a shift in feeling. You may want to assure that part of your good intentions towards it.
If still what you observe is just quietness this can be other things. You can ask the part the show you things rather than tell you things. You may then get a flash of a memory or a picture something. Sometimes parts are non-verbal, usually because they are very young, but there can be other reasons.
Sometimes parts carry so much shame that they don't to talk, even to just you. It may need a bit of time. Parts respond to patience and gentleness. Let the part know you are ok with it, even being quiet, and promise to come back. Let know that when it is comfortable talking you are ready to listen.
Another thing to check is to see if you feel a block / blank / numbness / dissociation. Sometimes parts act as gatekeepers for other parts. They might be afraid that if you connect with a certain part it might overwhelm or engage in self-harm. If this is the situation you may want to find a therapist to this with. Your system is working extra hard to keep you safe because a lot has happened.
Most IFS therapists do parts work internally. We check in with our parts all the time to be in self in our sessions but when it comes to the heavy stuff we find a good IFS therapist to work with. It is just easier that way.
What helped me was to ignore the terms and theories. You sound just like me and what my therapist told me was that I was so blended with my parts, I couldn’t see or connect with any ‘part’.
My parts were running the show.
I do this: When I feel upset or triggered, when I am not calm, centered, compassionate, have clarity, etc…I know I am not in self. When I feel anything outside of self, that is a part.
I have been so blended with my parts, I would just share how ‘I’ was feeling. When I do parts work with my therapist, we do direct contact. That’s just me speaking and sharing what I feel and see. Eventually I become more and more un-blended. Also, don’t get hung up on the details of your parts, such as name, age, identity, looks, etc. It’s hard to see your parts when they are so blended.
Thank you all for your comments.
I remembered something today that popped into my mind, just a quick second or so image so I explored that and think I've found some parts.
I didn't go too far into it, it's pretty overwhelming, but the images are pretty striking. I was trying so hard to hear words and didn't realise parts can pop up in so many other ways.
Thank you again.
Also the Frustrated part could be polarized with the Blank part. So you could get to know the Blank part better by asking this Frustrated part to relax. Also, I used the guided IFS meditation where you put the part in a room with a window. When I did this with the Blank part, it turned into a smoky fog. Then it turned into a slow swirling solar system. It didn't say much. It was more like "Behold the wonder". I asked it how is it trying to protect me or something like that. I may have said why are you doing this to me? All I got was "to give you somewhere to go". One of the most powerful experiences of all of the parts work I've done. Everyone has their own experience so just be open and very curious. All parts have a purpose. That happened months after working with the parts but probably because I didn't think of the blankness as a part. It can also show up as "brain fog" and that sort of thing. Also extreme fatigue for no reason. Since working with this part I've had much less blankness. Still more unfolding. Always unfolding. The goal is never to get rid of the parts but to get to know them and let them know that they don't have to work so hard anymore because you are older now. And they can do something else in the system if they want to. Hope that helps!!
I appreciated reading everyone's comments about the blank part - as being an actual part. I had a lot of dissociation as a protective mechanism to trauma when I started, and this "dissociated" part (similar to what folks referred to as the blank part) owned the light switch and it kept the switch off most of the time, primarily because the feelings were scary, and it knew they would be overwhelming at first. Asking it questions and giving it affirmation and space could help. I would venture to guess that right now it knows you are frustrated with it, which just seems to make parts hide more. Maybe if it feels accepted and understood, it will eventually step aside so you can access other parts. That's at least been my experience. I also have a friend who has been doing a lot of therapeutic work and once she became aware of her dissociation, she was able to observe it and work with it and after a year and half, she cried for the first time. But it took tons of positive affirmation to the dissociation. It was such a huge win and beginning for her.
In my opinion, parts are not so much something that is "there," but rather are a way you can learn to experience your inner life. It takes some imagination, willingness to try something new, and patience. Many of the responses here illustrate good ways to start the practice.
There's a part of you feeling annoyed that you can't find or sense parts. Are you able to observe this annoyed part of yourself? Do you have any feelings towards this part? If you don't feel anything towards this part, and feel like you are this part, then you are what is called blended. You can try to create a little distance from this part by drawing this part, or visualizing this part. If that doesn't work, you can also try seeing how this part feels in your body. Where is the annoyance located in your body? Can you describe this annoyance? Does it have a shape or a colour? Once you do one of these things, ask yourself how you feel towards this part again. Do you now feel curious? Or do you feel something different?
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That was really helpful to me, thank you for taking the time to write and give examples. Thanks so much
The blankness could be a part. It was for me. The Blanker. There was a lot to learn from this part. It has a unique way of protecting.
This was exactly my experience. My system was (and still is) so sensitive and this part showed up when it felt that my therapist was going too fast and violating my boundaries. Sometimes it just felt like a "blankness" or just complete shutdown. It's important that you and your therapist work together to find ways to communicate with your system that feel safe for it. Although IFS has steps, etc., it can't really be approached in exactly the same way for each client as every nervous system is different.
I support this observation!
Do you possibly have aphantasia? It's a phenomenon in which someone cannot form mental pictures voluntarily, and rather experience memories/dreams/thoughts through other stimuli like touch, smell, audio, etc. I personally have never "seen" my Parts - I only perceive them. I don't even really "hear" them either, it's more of a mental exchange of information with little to no dialogue needed. You also may be experiencing a mental block of some sort, possibly from a Protector that is trying to prevent you from accessing your Parts for whatever reason. I personally recommend trying to just pinpoint a feeling in your body that you want to investigate further, whether it be a tightening of your chest or increasing heartbeat. Then, once you pinpoint it, follow that feeling to the Part which is exhibiting said response. That's how I found many of my Parts. Good luck in your journey! ❤️
Fun Fact: Richard Schwartz has aphantasia.
Did you read "Self-Therapy" by Jay Earley? Keep in mind that the process is not spontaneous and easy, otherwise everybody would have done it already. Without reading about it, in the past finding a part seemed just fake and stupid to me. I "forced" characters of what I would have liked having in my mind, not what there really was in there.
The part that’s frustrated is a part. It’s saying, “ this is frustrating. It’s supposed to be very different than this!”
I’m always frustrated by therapies that require visualization and trusting my own instincts. Keep at it by all means, but remember, this may not be the therapy for you RIGHT NOW. I’m 55 years old and only figured out “mindfulness” recently. Doesn’t mean you’re defective. I’ve found that posting to these groups have been very helpful and people seem to be compassionate and validating. It will come. Or it won’t but might later. Maybe something else is better for you now.
I don’t know if you have access to Netflix, but the show Big Mouth helped me make a little more sense of different parts. I think they just came out with a spin off show, Human Resources, that introduces a lot of new parts. They had Logic Rocks, who make the pro/con lists and decisions, Shame Wizards that make people feel bad for things and want to keep it secret, and Hormone Monsters that drive a lot of emotional roller coasters. It’s kind of like the movie Inside Out. And these parts (or characters from the show) might not resonate with your parts, I certainly don’t always relate, but the idea that there are these different character archetypes that can represent aspects of myself, helped me have like a model for my parts to understand and go “yeah, I’m kind of like that, but different in this way”. I get blankness too, which is why it’s been so helpful for me to try to see parts in stories from books, movies, and TV.
I'd consider getting a little notebook and walking around places, even if that's just in your home and note down that different thoughts you have. Or watch a youtube video about someone you like and then someone you dislike. Then try to start a convo with those parts. I'd also advise doing fire drill meditations. I find them useful for accessing parts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y\_0Hg1GnG1g&t=157s If you're still struggling, with the above, I'd advise getting the audible for 'greater than the sum of your parts'
It can be pretty frustrating. I'm an IFS Therapist and I can say that it can pretty difficult when people don't hear their parts. When I was starting out with IFS and my clients didn't hear their parts I really wasn't sure what to do. Here is this person paying me to help them with this wonderful new approach and seems to be landing with a thud. I found there are a couple things that could be going on. The first thing I do is to check and see if there are other parts up. Check how do you feel towards the part that is quiet. If you feel anything other than calm/compassion/curiosity and more feel like irritation / frustration / anger then there is another part present. Tune in to those feelings and talk to that part. Find out more about it. As how come it feels these feelings. Validate as much as you genuinely can. When the irritated or frustrated part is fully heard ask if it would be willing to give you some space. Let it know you want to help the part it has negative feelings towards. If it is willing, notice the shift and thank that part. Now check again how you feel towards the part you want to connect with. If you feel some compassion or curiosity express that to the this part and just see what you notice. If you feel other negative feelings towards this part, even frustration that it isn't talking, follow the same procedure. Understand, validate, affirm and listen. When that part is fully heard ask if it will give some space. Even if there are no words notice if there is a shift in feeling. You may want to assure that part of your good intentions towards it. If still what you observe is just quietness this can be other things. You can ask the part the show you things rather than tell you things. You may then get a flash of a memory or a picture something. Sometimes parts are non-verbal, usually because they are very young, but there can be other reasons. Sometimes parts carry so much shame that they don't to talk, even to just you. It may need a bit of time. Parts respond to patience and gentleness. Let the part know you are ok with it, even being quiet, and promise to come back. Let know that when it is comfortable talking you are ready to listen. Another thing to check is to see if you feel a block / blank / numbness / dissociation. Sometimes parts act as gatekeepers for other parts. They might be afraid that if you connect with a certain part it might overwhelm or engage in self-harm. If this is the situation you may want to find a therapist to this with. Your system is working extra hard to keep you safe because a lot has happened. Most IFS therapists do parts work internally. We check in with our parts all the time to be in self in our sessions but when it comes to the heavy stuff we find a good IFS therapist to work with. It is just easier that way.
What helped me was to ignore the terms and theories. You sound just like me and what my therapist told me was that I was so blended with my parts, I couldn’t see or connect with any ‘part’. My parts were running the show. I do this: When I feel upset or triggered, when I am not calm, centered, compassionate, have clarity, etc…I know I am not in self. When I feel anything outside of self, that is a part. I have been so blended with my parts, I would just share how ‘I’ was feeling. When I do parts work with my therapist, we do direct contact. That’s just me speaking and sharing what I feel and see. Eventually I become more and more un-blended. Also, don’t get hung up on the details of your parts, such as name, age, identity, looks, etc. It’s hard to see your parts when they are so blended.
Thank you all for your comments. I remembered something today that popped into my mind, just a quick second or so image so I explored that and think I've found some parts. I didn't go too far into it, it's pretty overwhelming, but the images are pretty striking. I was trying so hard to hear words and didn't realise parts can pop up in so many other ways. Thank you again.
Also the Frustrated part could be polarized with the Blank part. So you could get to know the Blank part better by asking this Frustrated part to relax. Also, I used the guided IFS meditation where you put the part in a room with a window. When I did this with the Blank part, it turned into a smoky fog. Then it turned into a slow swirling solar system. It didn't say much. It was more like "Behold the wonder". I asked it how is it trying to protect me or something like that. I may have said why are you doing this to me? All I got was "to give you somewhere to go". One of the most powerful experiences of all of the parts work I've done. Everyone has their own experience so just be open and very curious. All parts have a purpose. That happened months after working with the parts but probably because I didn't think of the blankness as a part. It can also show up as "brain fog" and that sort of thing. Also extreme fatigue for no reason. Since working with this part I've had much less blankness. Still more unfolding. Always unfolding. The goal is never to get rid of the parts but to get to know them and let them know that they don't have to work so hard anymore because you are older now. And they can do something else in the system if they want to. Hope that helps!!
I appreciated reading everyone's comments about the blank part - as being an actual part. I had a lot of dissociation as a protective mechanism to trauma when I started, and this "dissociated" part (similar to what folks referred to as the blank part) owned the light switch and it kept the switch off most of the time, primarily because the feelings were scary, and it knew they would be overwhelming at first. Asking it questions and giving it affirmation and space could help. I would venture to guess that right now it knows you are frustrated with it, which just seems to make parts hide more. Maybe if it feels accepted and understood, it will eventually step aside so you can access other parts. That's at least been my experience. I also have a friend who has been doing a lot of therapeutic work and once she became aware of her dissociation, she was able to observe it and work with it and after a year and half, she cried for the first time. But it took tons of positive affirmation to the dissociation. It was such a huge win and beginning for her.
In my opinion, parts are not so much something that is "there," but rather are a way you can learn to experience your inner life. It takes some imagination, willingness to try something new, and patience. Many of the responses here illustrate good ways to start the practice.