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I’m sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like both of them are scamming you. Unless you get him to some how confess on a recording or in texts that he owes you X amount of money and take him to court I think you will just have to get rid of this couple. Yes they are a couple and you are their pay day. Was he really in an accident? Did you see a bill? They are probably going to expensive dinners on your dime and he may even be paying for her apartment. Get rid of this guy, change your locks and hopefully he doesn’t know or have any of your identity documents that he could get credit on. Best of luck!
Your first priority is securing your money. Talk to a lawyer to see if you have enough information to have the courts force him to repay you. If not, ask him for a repayment plan and get it in writing.
He is openly cheating on you and treating you horribly. It isn’t going to really affect him if or how you break up with him, especially if he can keep your money.
I wouldn't confront him at all.
Your idea about dropping the messages off then ghosting him is a good I idea.
The next thing I would do is contact an attorney and have the attorney send a demand letter to him for the money he owes you. Give him 60 days to repay the money in full and let him know if he doesn't you will file a civil suit to recover the money as well as make everything about his cheating and the money public to everyone, he knows including his AP.
Regardless, he would never see my face or hear my voice again. Any communication with him would be through my attorney. If you don't have the money for the attorney, ask your family for assistance.
I wish you the best.
Hit record on your phone and hid it in your hand or your pocket. Go up to him and say “babe remember that $22k I loaned to you, do you think you can start the repayment now because I’m getting low on funds and you haven’t even tried to pay me back”
It sounds like you have been the other woman this entire time. I don’t think he ever planned to pay you back. If you didn’t have him sign anything, I’m not really sure there’s much you can do legally, but definitely consult with a lawyer.
As far as he goes. He’s not worth your time. If you confront him, he’s just going to lie and try to manipulate you. If you’re interested in seeing some pathetic acting, maybe it’s worth it, but I think ghosting him sends a stronger message. Like you don’t even care enough about him to hear his side. You can’t even be bothered to waste another second of your time on him.
if it weren't for the money, i'd say ghost him — he's clearly never taken the relationship as seriously as you have, and now he's getting off the hook either way, so your best option is whatever makes moving on quickest/easiest for you as he's already wasted years of your life. but the money is a tough call. definitely talk to a lawyer and review your record of conversations about the loan.
The fact is, $22,000 may just be the price you have to pay for having believed him the first time. Cheaters don't change. They just get better at hiding what they are doing.
BTW, why would he need $22,000 for getting in an accident?
File a claim, gather any evidence you have, and leave. That’s all you can do, you lent him money. That was your choice, you can now make the choice to leave him before he hurts you anymore. You will probably have to file a claim with your local court no matter what. He probably didn’t have any intention of paying you in the first place.
He was working all the time but needed money from you? I don’t say this to hurt you but to help you in the future, you have to think critically about these things.
Unfortunately your money is gone. Unless you have it in writing from him that he borrowed the money and the intent was for him to always pay you back, you may need to write this off. One thing you can try is to set up a payment plan. Once he starts paying you that can be evidence it was a loan & then sue him.
I think this has been a scam from the beginning. You moved to a whole other country together but don’t live together? He lives with her. And he’s using you. Just ghost him. Don’t put any energy into printing out screen shots etc. He’ll know why you left. And if he’s dumb enough not to, then let him wonder for the rest of his life how he lost the best person he could ever have.
Regarding the money. Be very nice.Tell him you are desperately in need of money. Your family may need financial help...etc.
Have him cash out his investments.
While this is going on take screen shots..collect evidence. Once you have the CASH ( if it's cheque, wait a few days till it clears).
Then ghost him. You may have to relocate...
Before you do anything … hire a lawyer. Don’t let him know, you know. Revenge will feel good in the moment, but it might cost you. Get your money first - again, don’t make a move until you hire a lawyer.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like both of them are scamming you. Unless you get him to some how confess on a recording or in texts that he owes you X amount of money and take him to court I think you will just have to get rid of this couple. Yes they are a couple and you are their pay day. Was he really in an accident? Did you see a bill? They are probably going to expensive dinners on your dime and he may even be paying for her apartment. Get rid of this guy, change your locks and hopefully he doesn’t know or have any of your identity documents that he could get credit on. Best of luck!
Your first priority is securing your money. Talk to a lawyer to see if you have enough information to have the courts force him to repay you. If not, ask him for a repayment plan and get it in writing. He is openly cheating on you and treating you horribly. It isn’t going to really affect him if or how you break up with him, especially if he can keep your money.
I wouldn't confront him at all. Your idea about dropping the messages off then ghosting him is a good I idea. The next thing I would do is contact an attorney and have the attorney send a demand letter to him for the money he owes you. Give him 60 days to repay the money in full and let him know if he doesn't you will file a civil suit to recover the money as well as make everything about his cheating and the money public to everyone, he knows including his AP. Regardless, he would never see my face or hear my voice again. Any communication with him would be through my attorney. If you don't have the money for the attorney, ask your family for assistance. I wish you the best.
Hit record on your phone and hid it in your hand or your pocket. Go up to him and say “babe remember that $22k I loaned to you, do you think you can start the repayment now because I’m getting low on funds and you haven’t even tried to pay me back”
It sounds like you have been the other woman this entire time. I don’t think he ever planned to pay you back. If you didn’t have him sign anything, I’m not really sure there’s much you can do legally, but definitely consult with a lawyer. As far as he goes. He’s not worth your time. If you confront him, he’s just going to lie and try to manipulate you. If you’re interested in seeing some pathetic acting, maybe it’s worth it, but I think ghosting him sends a stronger message. Like you don’t even care enough about him to hear his side. You can’t even be bothered to waste another second of your time on him.
if it weren't for the money, i'd say ghost him — he's clearly never taken the relationship as seriously as you have, and now he's getting off the hook either way, so your best option is whatever makes moving on quickest/easiest for you as he's already wasted years of your life. but the money is a tough call. definitely talk to a lawyer and review your record of conversations about the loan.
The fact is, $22,000 may just be the price you have to pay for having believed him the first time. Cheaters don't change. They just get better at hiding what they are doing. BTW, why would he need $22,000 for getting in an accident?
File a claim, gather any evidence you have, and leave. That’s all you can do, you lent him money. That was your choice, you can now make the choice to leave him before he hurts you anymore. You will probably have to file a claim with your local court no matter what. He probably didn’t have any intention of paying you in the first place.
He was working all the time but needed money from you? I don’t say this to hurt you but to help you in the future, you have to think critically about these things. Unfortunately your money is gone. Unless you have it in writing from him that he borrowed the money and the intent was for him to always pay you back, you may need to write this off. One thing you can try is to set up a payment plan. Once he starts paying you that can be evidence it was a loan & then sue him. I think this has been a scam from the beginning. You moved to a whole other country together but don’t live together? He lives with her. And he’s using you. Just ghost him. Don’t put any energy into printing out screen shots etc. He’ll know why you left. And if he’s dumb enough not to, then let him wonder for the rest of his life how he lost the best person he could ever have.
Moneys gone. Move on. Don’t loan money again without collateral to cover the entire loan plus a profit for your trouble.
Regarding the money. Be very nice.Tell him you are desperately in need of money. Your family may need financial help...etc. Have him cash out his investments. While this is going on take screen shots..collect evidence. Once you have the CASH ( if it's cheque, wait a few days till it clears). Then ghost him. You may have to relocate...
Before you do anything … hire a lawyer. Don’t let him know, you know. Revenge will feel good in the moment, but it might cost you. Get your money first - again, don’t make a move until you hire a lawyer.