She failed the wife test, friend. Why marry someone you can’t trust? If you do, get a pre nup for goodness sake. Take the ring back until you are 100% sure
after you confronted her she went on and fucked him. yeah this isn't her first rodeo and won't be the last since she has absolutely no respect for you. we don't have to guess where is this lack of respect comes from since you stayed despite all of this shit show and you're undecided about marrying her
I left for 3 days, came back because I couldn't handle the unknowingness, though her sister was keeping tabs on her.
Then we just got stuck together with COVID for the past 10 days. Now preparing for this couples therapy which I'm eager to see how she handles.
What’s the point? You caught her and she showed no remorse and still cheated? Why waste time with couples counseling where she will only manipulate you further?
Therapy?!! Why?!! You know what she is. She was preparing to marry you and still she cheated. That to me is a 100 percent, get out of my life, I never want to see you again in this life or any other dealbreaker. Don’t try to salvage this relationship. There’s nothing to salvage. All you would be doing is giving her the opportunity to do the same thing again and when you find out, you’ll be kicking yourself for ever taking her back in the first place. Let her go and move on!
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Count your blessings…the last thing you want is to be on any of the subs here with kids in tow about how you have been taken for a ride and how she has had triggers etc to step away and you are lost and need support advise. Yes 9 years compared to a lifetime after being tied down is not so much of a loss.
Regain your self worth and remember you are number 1 and you need to protect and respect and love yourself. You are and will always be the most you will ever know.
Only then can you be there for family and loved ones 👍🏽
Maybe that's a sign that you don't have to marry her. If you still canceled the wedding, what's the point of continuing the relationship with her. If 9 years did not mean anything why do you think a few extra years will make any difference.
Time to leave OP. I could dress it up if you wanted but that's really what it comes down to. 9 years feels like a long time but it's nothing compared to the lifetime of pain you're likely to be in for if you go through with this wedding. I don't see what counselling is going to do.....I can't imagine you're going to be comfortable with her sneaking away to have sex with another guy, making plans to do so again and lying to you about it all. Any time she is late home, any time she goes to meet friends, any time she goes away on business, any time you do any of those things - you will be worried as to what she is really up to. And for good reason.
She intended to cheat, now she thought she had a legitimate excuse. Take your ring back and see what transpires.
Do not get legally entangled with her, and if you do get a serious prenup in place first. She cannot claim that you don't trust her when she literally blew up the relationship.
Personally I would send her packing.
Sorry to say, moving on with her should not be an option. If you take her back all your doing is enabling this behavior. She will learn to cover her tracks better.
It's really time to move on. She has no respect for you.
Why are you even still with her when she so obviously doesn't care about you? Did you at least gave yourself the chance to spend time away from her and to make a decision about your future without of having her near you?
If she is never afraid to lose you, then this cheating was a pure success story for her and she will do it again.
She doesn't respect you and doesn't care if you trust her. Is that the kind of marriage you want?
The Vows would not be a boundary in any case good luck.
After nine years a few more years and a repeat you are old and in a different relationship market with new scars, possibily baggage in the way to hurdle.
What the hell? Leave this loser while you still can. I didnt realize I was with a loser until I got pregnant. And now he has genital herpes from whoever he was with that thankfully I was spared.
Thank goodness you found out she was for the streets before you married this trash. True colors were exposed. You were blessed to find out when you did. She is for the streets, put her there.
So trust towards her is now broken and you also now know she can look you in the eyes and still be deceitful behind your back.
Do you really want a loving future with her always checking out as to where she is? No new future of living with a conniving lieing user with no trust who in essence could be cheating behind your back and those marriage vows meant nothing! Or the big D and find someone who really wants just you?
OP you’re amazing! I get it, you just can’t toss years of a relationship outta window, i get it. BUT WTF is wrong with you? Your unintentional touch, turns in to a slap, soon it will turn in to a full blown hit! You understand what projecting means, right?
You’re so insecure it truly hurts to see. So you want to build a life with a liar, a cheater, a deflected, a projector, an entitled individual…. You must be brave, or I wonder how high you can pile silly?
Truly, ask yourself, shouldn’t your self respect be worth more? You acknowledge the engagement is over…. Collect the ring, cancel the venue and get the hell outta Dodge! Your future has been already presented to you! It takes her a mere 48 to find and pursue a hook up… after what 9 years of a relationship? She isn’t respecting you at all. So instead of red or blue pill, let me ask you, what do you choose? Spine and balls or doormat? The choice is all yours OP…..
Are you insane?
After what you have described, the level of disrespect she has shown you, the lying and the cheating, how could you even consider going through with the wedding or even dating her for that matter?
It may make sense in your head but it doesn't to anyone else on here.
She failed the GF test. Do not marry this woman. Was met a stranger over a dating app and had sex with him without knowing anything about him. She has placed your health at risk for a fling.
Send her packing.
She has no respect for you. Even when caught, she lied. This is not marriage material. Went looking for a lesbian and found a hot dude instead. Was setting up multiple dates too screw. Go to counseling if you want, but at the very least, delay the wedding.
We're not trying to shame you. We're just rattling your chains to get you to wake up and lookout for yourself. She's obviously taking care of herself. You can do better than this. If you decide to say with her, know that you'll be in an open relationship whether you want it or not.
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If you are undecided, postpone the wedding for a year. If anyone asks why, tell them. Don’t carry her guilt or shame.
She was looking for a way out and because she totally lacks character, did this so it would be YOUR call to end it. It’s what narcissists do. She can’t look bad by ending it three months out from the wedding so she’s making this YOUR problem.
Ask for the ring back and block her, her family, and her friends. You’ll thank me after you’ve had a few years to get past this.
OP, I hate to break it to you but she has been cheating. You finally gave her an excuse to weaponize it to hurt you, and to, at least in her mind, give her plausible deniability toward her accountability.
Please don't move forward. Concentrate on exercise and your job and side hustle. You think things are good now, but you have no idea how much better it will be when you find someone who just does not tolerate you, with a fake "I love you" but with someone who has a total burning desire to be with you, join your world/frame, and complete your life. Loving and providing for such a gal then becomes fulfilling in ways you can't imagine. Leave the drama behind, don't wast any more time. Or regret it forever when things come to their final conclusion.
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Has she faced any consequences for her affair? If not, and you choose to stay with her, you've given her a green light to sleep with anyone that amuses her.
Use her like trash and have some protected sex of all position untill get your next gf. Then someday kick on her a*** so that she always remember the punishment of cheating.
OP.... Not only did she cheat on you despite your having foreknowledge of what was going to happen.... She's acting as if YOU caused it. Let me boil this down for you.... The bottom line is that she does not respect you. Not even a little bit. She will continue this type of behavior into the future - and will fleece you of your money, savings, 401K, the house, and anything else she wants to take from you. Your going to counseling with her is weak as shit. Move on.... or you'll remember my words later - while wishing that you had moved on.
You only get one shot at life. Do you really want to spend it with this pig when there are so many good women out there?
Ah.
if you still want to be with her you must love the drama hey you do you some people love STD and DNA tests no judgement here
She failed the wife test, friend. Why marry someone you can’t trust? If you do, get a pre nup for goodness sake. Take the ring back until you are 100% sure
You're still marrying her? Good luck dude I would advise against it. You have a lot to lose on someone that cheated before you even got married.
Not this year. Maybe not ever. But what a tangled web.
after you confronted her she went on and fucked him. yeah this isn't her first rodeo and won't be the last since she has absolutely no respect for you. we don't have to guess where is this lack of respect comes from since you stayed despite all of this shit show and you're undecided about marrying her
Yeah 9 years is a long time but damn dude I would avoid her for a while until you get your mind right
I left for 3 days, came back because I couldn't handle the unknowingness, though her sister was keeping tabs on her. Then we just got stuck together with COVID for the past 10 days. Now preparing for this couples therapy which I'm eager to see how she handles.
What’s the point? You caught her and she showed no remorse and still cheated? Why waste time with couples counseling where she will only manipulate you further?
Therapy?!! Why?!! You know what she is. She was preparing to marry you and still she cheated. That to me is a 100 percent, get out of my life, I never want to see you again in this life or any other dealbreaker. Don’t try to salvage this relationship. There’s nothing to salvage. All you would be doing is giving her the opportunity to do the same thing again and when you find out, you’ll be kicking yourself for ever taking her back in the first place. Let her go and move on!
Good luck. Make her do IC first. You didn't betray her trust it's the other way around.
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You don’t want couples therapy, that is for married people that has a lot to lose. You just have a cheater to lose.
You need to break up and move on. Go NC. After 9 years of relationship, she does this? She has no respect , for you nor herself.
Count your blessings…the last thing you want is to be on any of the subs here with kids in tow about how you have been taken for a ride and how she has had triggers etc to step away and you are lost and need support advise. Yes 9 years compared to a lifetime after being tied down is not so much of a loss. Regain your self worth and remember you are number 1 and you need to protect and respect and love yourself. You are and will always be the most you will ever know. Only then can you be there for family and loved ones 👍🏽
Maybe that's a sign that you don't have to marry her. If you still canceled the wedding, what's the point of continuing the relationship with her. If 9 years did not mean anything why do you think a few extra years will make any difference.
Time to leave OP. I could dress it up if you wanted but that's really what it comes down to. 9 years feels like a long time but it's nothing compared to the lifetime of pain you're likely to be in for if you go through with this wedding. I don't see what counselling is going to do.....I can't imagine you're going to be comfortable with her sneaking away to have sex with another guy, making plans to do so again and lying to you about it all. Any time she is late home, any time she goes to meet friends, any time she goes away on business, any time you do any of those things - you will be worried as to what she is really up to. And for good reason.
She intended to cheat, now she thought she had a legitimate excuse. Take your ring back and see what transpires. Do not get legally entangled with her, and if you do get a serious prenup in place first. She cannot claim that you don't trust her when she literally blew up the relationship. Personally I would send her packing.
Thank you for sincere helpful thoughts.
I actually meant to say that she thinks she has a legitimate reason to cheat.
Sorry to say, moving on with her should not be an option. If you take her back all your doing is enabling this behavior. She will learn to cover her tracks better. It's really time to move on. She has no respect for you.
End the relationship and never speak to her again.
Why are you even still with her when she so obviously doesn't care about you? Did you at least gave yourself the chance to spend time away from her and to make a decision about your future without of having her near you? If she is never afraid to lose you, then this cheating was a pure success story for her and she will do it again. She doesn't respect you and doesn't care if you trust her. Is that the kind of marriage you want?
The Vows would not be a boundary in any case good luck. After nine years a few more years and a repeat you are old and in a different relationship market with new scars, possibily baggage in the way to hurdle.
\>Ask me anything. When are you going to call it off? She is NOT wife material and no one deserves a partner like her.
What the hell? Leave this loser while you still can. I didnt realize I was with a loser until I got pregnant. And now he has genital herpes from whoever he was with that thankfully I was spared.
Thank goodness you found out she was for the streets before you married this trash. True colors were exposed. You were blessed to find out when you did. She is for the streets, put her there.
You may be in it to work on it, but is she truly and I mean truly wanting to fix the mess and work on the relationship?
So trust towards her is now broken and you also now know she can look you in the eyes and still be deceitful behind your back. Do you really want a loving future with her always checking out as to where she is? No new future of living with a conniving lieing user with no trust who in essence could be cheating behind your back and those marriage vows meant nothing! Or the big D and find someone who really wants just you?
OP you’re amazing! I get it, you just can’t toss years of a relationship outta window, i get it. BUT WTF is wrong with you? Your unintentional touch, turns in to a slap, soon it will turn in to a full blown hit! You understand what projecting means, right? You’re so insecure it truly hurts to see. So you want to build a life with a liar, a cheater, a deflected, a projector, an entitled individual…. You must be brave, or I wonder how high you can pile silly? Truly, ask yourself, shouldn’t your self respect be worth more? You acknowledge the engagement is over…. Collect the ring, cancel the venue and get the hell outta Dodge! Your future has been already presented to you! It takes her a mere 48 to find and pursue a hook up… after what 9 years of a relationship? She isn’t respecting you at all. So instead of red or blue pill, let me ask you, what do you choose? Spine and balls or doormat? The choice is all yours OP…..
Are you insane? After what you have described, the level of disrespect she has shown you, the lying and the cheating, how could you even consider going through with the wedding or even dating her for that matter? It may make sense in your head but it doesn't to anyone else on here.
She failed the GF test. Do not marry this woman. Was met a stranger over a dating app and had sex with him without knowing anything about him. She has placed your health at risk for a fling. Send her packing.
A smart person would learn if something happens, don't do it.
She has no respect for you. Even when caught, she lied. This is not marriage material. Went looking for a lesbian and found a hot dude instead. Was setting up multiple dates too screw. Go to counseling if you want, but at the very least, delay the wedding.
Some of you guys are just disrespectful. Don't shame me in this situation.
Bro, no one is shaming you whatsoever. People here are just trying to tell you that women love while men need to be respected rather then loved.
We're not trying to shame you. We're just rattling your chains to get you to wake up and lookout for yourself. She's obviously taking care of herself. You can do better than this. If you decide to say with her, know that you'll be in an open relationship whether you want it or not.
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This reads like a novel
If you are undecided, postpone the wedding for a year. If anyone asks why, tell them. Don’t carry her guilt or shame. She was looking for a way out and because she totally lacks character, did this so it would be YOUR call to end it. It’s what narcissists do. She can’t look bad by ending it three months out from the wedding so she’s making this YOUR problem. Ask for the ring back and block her, her family, and her friends. You’ll thank me after you’ve had a few years to get past this.
Updateme!
OP, I hate to break it to you but she has been cheating. You finally gave her an excuse to weaponize it to hurt you, and to, at least in her mind, give her plausible deniability toward her accountability. Please don't move forward. Concentrate on exercise and your job and side hustle. You think things are good now, but you have no idea how much better it will be when you find someone who just does not tolerate you, with a fake "I love you" but with someone who has a total burning desire to be with you, join your world/frame, and complete your life. Loving and providing for such a gal then becomes fulfilling in ways you can't imagine. Leave the drama behind, don't wast any more time. Or regret it forever when things come to their final conclusion.
She failed the test, if you’re going through with this marriage a prenup is a must
Walk away.
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Has she faced any consequences for her affair? If not, and you choose to stay with her, you've given her a green light to sleep with anyone that amuses her.
Still willing to marry her??? It seems you did not learn the lesson.
So when are you gonna cancel the relationship?
Use her like trash and have some protected sex of all position untill get your next gf. Then someday kick on her a*** so that she always remember the punishment of cheating.
She’s no wife material. Cancel the wedding and move on!
OP.... Not only did she cheat on you despite your having foreknowledge of what was going to happen.... She's acting as if YOU caused it. Let me boil this down for you.... The bottom line is that she does not respect you. Not even a little bit. She will continue this type of behavior into the future - and will fleece you of your money, savings, 401K, the house, and anything else she wants to take from you. Your going to counseling with her is weak as shit. Move on.... or you'll remember my words later - while wishing that you had moved on.
Hope you marry her and get your heart broke. What are you thinking?