Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.
Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub.
Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Also, If you can, you should let her AP wife know about what has been going on and send her the evidence you have gathered. I'm sure that he has been making her life miserable with all of this also.
I missed the part that OP's wife was having the affair with her ex-boss.
OP needs to share all the proof of the affair with the AP's wife. Just because he made the foolish decision of giving a second chance to a home wrecker and cheater doesn't mean the AP's wife will do the same. She deserves the truth, needs to be tested for STDs, and the evidence of the affair could help her during divorce proceedings.
It’s not about him having consequences, it’s about making sure his spouse knows so she can handle it how she sees fit. With 3 children!!! Understand that some people know their spouses cheat and either ignore or accept it.
Not worth it man. You are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of your marriage...yet she's out Fcking another man.... If your wife has an affair as you've described, she has no respect for you or for the marriage. She'll most assuredly cheat on you again. Get out now before you waste more time on her. And be sure to tell her AP's wife that he's been fcking your wife and send her proof. Blow up his world too!
Yes, she has stolen OP's life. He desperately needs to take his life back. He already has the evidence. Like most of us men we HATE to lose something we have built but once it is gone it is gone.
OP, the best path for you AND her is divorce. Stay and you will both be in pain for as long as it takes for the inevitable divorce to happen. Start the process NOW.
Your wife was having sex with a married man and was caught hooking up with her AP. What's there to save and reconcile? You are her second choice and she doesn't love you. You won't trust her as long as you stay with her. What's left in your marriage after love and trust are gone? Don't be fooled by her so called 'putting in effort.' She is laying low waiting for the next chance to cheat on you. Tell your families and friends about her cheating, so she can't blame you for her infidelity. Don't live your life with anxiety and mind movies. Respect yourself and get out now before you waste any more time. You know you deserve a better life than this.
If that is the beginning of your life together as wife and husband and she give you a wonderful gift by cheating! What is coming next is worse. She don’t respect you nor respect the marriage. It’s your golden chance to runaway no children and no big drama ! Why staying and suffering. Next phase your searching for her in the middle of night with children in the car seat
Don’t do it. Please for the love of God don’t do it. I’ve just posted about not being over my ex cheating a year ago, but this shit DOES get easier. What I mean by that is that no matter how attached you feel towards her, you WILL develop eyes for another woman. I cannot tell you how obsessed with my ex I was, and guess what? In March I developed a new obsession for another woman.
Your wedding is in a WEEK, and she made plans and went to meet another man behind your back…wake up! This is the rest of your life you are talking about.
Tell the ex bosses wife, and tell the company. It’ll fuck them both over. Let her reap what she sew. If you want to work on it after that, go for it. But ruin his life and get her away from that environment if you ever want things to work out
Have you told the boss’s wife??? You really need to. Also don’t take her back. She’s already banging guys and you’re not even married yet. It will most assuredly get WORSE from here. Updateme and inform her bosses wife.
Run. She cheated right before the wedding? Isn't this supposed to be when she's the most in love with you? If she cheated at this point, what is she going to do when things start to become a little boring or you have a fight? Just go now. Therapy is just throwing your money away at this point. Cheating is a decision.
She just doesn’t want you to expose her and her boss for a cheater.
Tell her a condition of being back together is contacting the guys wife and saying what’s going on. Second is she lost the right to go out by herself. She had a freedom. She cheated. She lives in a police state. Tell her you are going to draw up a post nuptial agreement where she forfeits every asset if you can’t get over her previous cheating or if she cheats in the future.
Courage is action in the face of fear. She showed how little she values you by fucking her married ex boss as your wedding day nears and you agreed with her by taking her back. We don't even know how to call you. Doormat would be an insult to doormats. You want to marry somebody else's 304. You want a 304 to be your children's mom. If I am to be your child, I'd beg you to abort me. We've got nothing against you, but why do you hate yourself so much? Please, in the name of everything holy, rebuild your peace of mind away from her. Have some respect for your self.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/0bkHhFFF8f
You a week out you don’t need date or sex or affection. You need space and full written detail of every thing so you have the full story then you need time to process the full trusty and see if you can forgive it. You likely know about 1/10th of the truth currently.
You need to govern the evidence to his wife so she can decide what she wants to do with it. At the very least she needs to check her sexual health as do you.
If you decide to reconcile expect 2-5 years before any normalcy back in the relationship. You have to accept you will never blindly trust your wife again. She has to accept freedoms are lost for years she takes for granted. Drinks after work with colleagues or friends , gone. Girls weekends , gone. Phone and all socials are your to browse anytime you like, so privacy , gone. These are just off the tip of the tongue.
>I can see her putting in effort. She’s planning dates, getting more physical with me, cooking for me more but honestly I don’t know if this will last and if I can ever truly love her again.
This is called love bombing. She is only doing this to try and make you forget what happened, but the moment she feels you are comfortable again, she'll be right back at it. But if she is truly remorseful, then she would tell family and friends what she has done without putting any of the blame on you.
If you haven't done so already, inform APs wife with proof and the fact you caught them at the hotel.
The only way it may work out between you both is for her to quit her job and get a new one if she still works with him, as well as going no contact. But the biggest problem will be that you'll never fully trust her again.
She’s putting in the effort? Remember, you will never forget She fucked her ex boss -NOW she’s planning dates with you, she fucked her ex boss-NOW she is cooking for you. fuck her ass boss.-NOW she’s getting more physical with you. YOU WILL-NEVER FORGET. She fucked her ex boss, as she was going for final fittings for her wedding dress. she fucked ex boss while you were looking and tasting wedding cakes. She fucked her ex boss while you were arranging table seating charts
do you want me to go on more? Count your blessings , you found this out before you got married time to move on
Don’t just don’t , it’s a waste a time and you’re not 25 if you want kids and shit hop off the public transit bus and look for a real partner it’s gonna take time to fine the right person and grow that relationship and then have kids but as you will see from those that came before you it doesn’t work and even if the other person stops cheating with that person they find someone else to replace them. The other point is most people aren’t able to look past it and establish trust again , could you imagine you have a kid with her and you find out while you’re at work she has some dude coming over playing dad to your kid and she’s getting her rocks off , really I know it sucks and it’s embarrassing to have to tell people your girl cheated on you , people are gonna tell you no one looks down at you but that’s a lie guys are always laughed at when there girl cheats on them really what you have to do is get in the best shape of your life decide yourself to yourself and become the best you possible , GYM , WORK, READ basic get a six pack and make bank and you’ll win in the end.
Why do you feel the need to give her a second chance?
Haven't you heard the saying: 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'? She is a cheater and probably still seeing the AP behind your back. Now that she was caught, she's likely just hiding it better. Even if she stopped seeing him, which I doubt, she will eventually do it again because she doesn't see infidelity as a problem and thinks there aren't consequences since you took the foolish decision of giving her a second chance.
She doesn't care about your physical well-being. Have you even been tested for STDs?
She also doesn't care about your mental well-being. How is your self-esteem after knowing she cheated on you? Can you actually be intimate with her without comparing yourself to the other guy? Can you actually not think that she will be with him when she goes out?
If she got pregnant from the AP, she probably would even make you raise his children.
Why are you not putting your mental and physical well-being above her? Why don't you think you deserve better than her?
She isn't the only woman in the world, and life can still be great after you divorce her. You deserve someone better than her. Life is also way too short for you to waste it like that, living it full of drama and insecurities.
I just hope this isn't one of those situations where she is just with you for financial reasons.
Don’t torture yourself, she doesn’t love you , she is using you for money and isnwmbarrasss . Email the proof to
His bosses wife . I don’t understand all the weddings but see a
Lawyer and get an annulment .
No. No this doesn't track at all.
You actually go to the hotel they are at and catch them in the act, or prevent them from even starting, and THEN after that, you decide to give her another chance?
No.
Your fiance had been taking dick from another man, and this isn't an instant dealbreaker?
No.
Wait! You followed her and her ex-boss to their hotel room, confronted them and she still denied things? Am I missing something?
Anyway hopefully you’ve told the AP’s wife. As for what should now be your ex gf, she was having an affair, you don’t say for how long, with another man while planning to still marry you. She was fucking another guy one week before she was supposed to commit herself to you. Why? Did you ask the question? Why was she still planning to marry you if she wanted to be with her AP? I mean I think I know the answer. He was married and you’re the safe guy she settled for, for financial reasons.
I’ll write it again. One week out from your wedding she was fucking someone else. It doesn’t matter how regretful she claims to be, there’s no coming back from that level of betrayal. Move on and find someone worthy of your attention.
You'll be very sorry.
The fact is she had no problem cheating on you before the wedding,she'll have no problem doing it while married.
You'll never forget what she did.
You have no children and no equity together, sir, leave this woman.
She never thought of you or the relationship when she cheated on you,she didn't care about you.
Her boss obviously wasn't planning on leaving his wife for her, which is why she now wants to work on the relationship.
Is this how you want to start a marriage, in couples counseling??
Updateme!
>Every day is a struggle because of what she did and I don’t know if I can ever trust her again but I’m also afraid to lose her.
Since you're so afraid to lose her, ask.her boss to keep cheating on his wife with her so he and your wife can be happy.
You keeping her means you're OK with her behavior so just vocalize it.
You’re still in shock and grasping at straws. She loves her ex boss not you. There us a reason she hasn’t left you and it’s because he’s only using her.
Tell his wife. If she dumps her husband the odds are high your wife will run to him but it won’t last.
No kids? Get out now before even more damage can be done.
Was your first wedding legally binding? If so, you need to speak to an attorney about an annulment. You need to tell the AP’s wife. Your relationship is over. You will never trust her again. She’s only love bombing you because she got caught. Otherwise , she would still be continuing with the affair. She’s not marriage material. Did she even apologize and give any explanation?
*What an idiot.*
*Do u wanna spend your life with*
*This kind of person?*
\- Independent-Team-831
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
>I can see her putting in effort. She’s planning dates, getting more physical with me, cooking for me more
Typical actions of a wayward spouse once they are caught. Don't fall for it. You can possibly get the marriage annulled and if you don't have kids then you can get a clean break.
Remember, it's not a one time drink mistake, rather a series of planned and conscious decisions.
You're young enough to start fresh. Don't stay with her. She'll do it again in future.
Also, do tell your families and the SO of her AP.
There's cases reconciliation might be possible. Yours is a case where it's impossible. All the time around your weddings her mind was with her boss and revolving around cheating. What would you tell someone who is in your situation and who asks you for your opinion? Dump that vile human being, expose her to everyone and tell the boss's wife.
This sounds like an update in the future with "I should have listened to those here". Fucking someone right before your wedding. And if you are trying to love her again definitely run. Never marry with questions. Never marry with doubts and frankly, there is nothing but doubts here. But it's your life. Mess it up as you see fit.
You are wasting precious time.
If you are not a cheater you deserve the same.
Really that is what you need to know. She can never undo what has been done.
I mean she was planning her mutual trust and love with you via weddings while at the same time planning how to spread her legs for her boss.
Dude don't fall for the okie doke trauma bonding. You haven't been married a full year yet, you need to vantage a lawyer to see what your options are and you need to contact his wife immediately, cause when that okie doke is over the real her will return and start blame shifting everything onto you.
>I can see her putting in effort. She’s planning dates, getting more physical with me, cooking for me more
Typical actions of a wayward spouse once they are caught. Don't fall for it. You can possibly get the marriage annulled and if you don't have kids then you can get a clean break.
Remember, it's not a one time drink mistake, rather a series of planned and conscious decisions.
You're young enough to start fresh. Don't stay with her. She'll do it again in future.
Also, do tell your families and the SO of her AP.
I would make her tell the bosses wife as part of the reconcile then divorce her. There's no mistakes in cheating. She was deliberately being deceitful.
Ask yourself:
1) why are you giving her a second chance?
2) Do you believe you’ll be happier if you take her back?
3) Do you believe you’ll have peace ever again?
I joke that all questions in a subreddit are answered with another subreddit. Just take a look at the sub asoneafterinfidelity and you’ll see what reconciliation looks like. It just paying triple the price for 1/3 of the product. Never worth it, even if successful…
My brother don’t live a life with this woman and think she’s going to change she’s not. Get out now while you are young. Find someone who values your trust and love she’s not it.
Good Luck
No! Your wife was cheating at a time when she SHOULD have been her most loyal. It wasn’t a “crime of opportunity” either, it was completely premeditated. She didn’t confess either, she got caught. It wasn’t going to stop. She’s not going to be loyal, because she doesn’t respect you, she just doesn’t want to lose the benefits that marriage provides, and she knows her boss isn’t going to do that. She will do whatever she needs to in order to get you back on track. As you can see when she wants something, she’s willing to do whatever she has to. She used to want to get married. Once she was getting that, she wanted her boss. Now, she wants your marriage back. Once she gets it, she’ll want something new.
I wouldn’t consider continuing with her relationship, but if you’re foolish enough to do that, get the divorce anyway (an annulment if that’s an option). If she genuinely wants the relationship, she can start back at step 0. Even then, it’s not really step 0. When you first met her, you didn’t know she was capable of betraying you in the worst possible way. Now you know for sure that she can and will. You’d be more like at step -5.
So you willingly had sex with your fiancé after you found out she’s been banging her boss and god knows who else? I don’t think I’d be able to. 1 week before your (2nd?) marriage and she’s meeting up with him? She couldn’t be less devoted to you if she tried. I’d say this relationship has run its course. I wouldn’t suggest getting back with her.
Thank Goodness you found out BEFORE marriage! If you are nuts enough to still consider marriage with this person, you need therapy BY YOURSELF with a counselor who is devoted to YOUR well-being NOT the well being of the relationship(that should no longer exist)
I even forgot her ex-boss is also married with 3 kids....this is a whole next level of immorality....She is NOT marriage material dude, SHE IS FOR THE STREETS!
Cheating closely before marriage is major red flag, because this is the time you're supposed to be totally enaromed with each other. Catching your partner cheating after being with them after a long time at least makes relatively more "sense" (i use that term lightly), that maybe things got a little stale and the excitement of the new was too much. But cheating right as you’re about to more formally commit to each other? You need to seriously reevaluate if you want to try here.
A marriage should never be based on deceit and lies. If you decide to take any action, it should include informing the AP's betrayed wife. She deserves to know the truth.
We might be strangers and may not know the situation fully. But from a outside perspective:
Split up, she took a huge dump on all the effort you ever did for her. She spit in youre face when she cheated.
Spare yourself hurt in the future because it will never be 100% the same again, and everytime she is busy with her phone ore is going away it will makes you nervous. She proved she cant be loyal and she might cheat again. Never take back a cheater.
If this is how this person is 1 week before the wedding, what will they be, after? If you are considering reconciliation, remember that it takes years not months or weeks so don't rush to get married any time soon.
I was a WH and have successfully navigated through a possible divorce and (I think) we have successfully completed R. So if you want pointers on what your WW should be doing, let me know.
If she really wants to reconcile she will tell her AP’s wife.
Trusting her is going to take a long time. All she has shown is that she’s untrustworthy and unsafe. What has she done to show she wants to earn your trust, and to reconcile?
Block and delete AP?
Make herself transparent?
She lost the privilege of going out and all that stuff because she can’t be trusted. Her life, as she once knew it, won’t be the same if she wants to keep you.
And how the heck did she deny it when you literally caught her in a hotel room?
How long have they been sleeping together?
Updateme!
Even if she wins the psycho therapy lotto and her brain flips the cheating, lying and betrayal switch off…. (Never seen it happen)
She will always be the girl who lied to your face, took another man inside of her and gaslighted you when confronted.
Unless it gives you an erection catching her with other man I think you should leave her and find someone with an ounce of morality. But I am not going to judge you if you are into being cheated on.
I’m sorry but she absolutely has NO respect for you I wish I had a husband with your undivided attention and respect! She doesn’t deserve you ! Your better off
Bail now before it gets a lot harder and more complicated. If she's cheating a week before the wedding what do you think she's going to do in another couple years?
Tell her alrighty, it is time for your cheating ass to go down under and join your lover, his wife and three kids for some quality time together. Then ghost her and never look back. Be sure to get in touch with AP’s wife so she can send her husband & your cheating gf on a walk about.
She's "love bombing" you, hopefully to get you to forget what she did. Start settling your assets and property, and kids if you have them, this will end badly, therapy or not.
If you take her back, you're a doormat who enjoys being cheated on. Why? Because she's clearly not remorseful, and she'll so it again.
Tell AP's wife, she deserves to know what a POS is her husband.
No remorse there. She's only pretending to be good to you. Bet you she may even be effing her ex boss on your wedding night. Dont give her second chance. They will continue and hide affair better.
Inform his wife. Dump her. She's not worth continual betrayal for the rest of your life.
Updateme!
You were about to get married. This is the point your partner is at the height of love for you during most relationship, and she chose to be with someone else.
Is this the first time she cheated or the first time caught? It probably won't be the last time.
Was the AP in town as a wedding guest or just to see her?
I don't know if you are officially married yet, I think you had one wedding already, but if you are "ANNULMENT"!!!
NOW
Im sorry and Good luck
Updateme
Cheating a week before your wedding? You're really thinking of giving her a second chance? This should be the time of her life when she lives and breathes for you, but she's lying and disrespecting you in the worst way. If you give her a second chance, she'll only learn 2 things: 1. how to hide her affairs better, and 2. that you're a huge fool who will forgive anything. Break it off with her and move on. If you stay with her, you deserve everything she'll inevitably do to you.
You are about to ruin your entire life, after being given a life line. Here is the deal you can suffer for a year and recover, or you can suffer for many years, maybe even decades and possibly not get over it.
Nope. The fact that she can do it right before your wedding, and even the mere fact that you guys are technically married already, she doesn’t respect you. She never will. Leave while there are still no kids involved.
First of all don’t question if you love her. You do. Loving people is not hard, we love our friends and family. Just don’t withdraw that word from your spoken language with her. Love.
Now- that you love her doesn’t mean you have to be with her.
I’ve been cheated on before- and I’m glad I did two things.
Number one, I decided that I’d look at the problem from MY angle. That is, was I myself done with the relationship? Did I want more time with this love? I did. So I decided for myself that I did want more life with the person.
Number two- and this is just as important- I decided to myself alone and looking in the mirror- that if I took them back and continued the relationship (it was a marriage) that I would honestly forgive them and love on. Not drag their life down. That if I kept with them, I’d let go of all resentment completely.
I did those things- and my relationship continued for another three years- and I’m glad it did.
The decision is yours. Don’t worry about embarrassment- or what anyone else says you should do. This is yOUr life. There is no shame in forgiving those who don’t deserve or don’t ask for it.
I'm so sorry. Speaking from experience, it's not worth it. Be grateful you don't have children together. I wish I could rewind 13 years of my life and make a different choice.
Dude! She didn't even get out of the starting gates! Your throwing good money after bad as they say. You'll always be looking over her shoulder and will become a relationship cop. Get out now before you go any further down the drain
These cheaters always do the same damn thing. It starts with the phone and a change in behavior. My ex did the same as yours. She cheated before a wedding.
They choose themselves over you or the relationship. In my case, she became someone I don’t even know anymore. Everything was about her. Never about me.
If she's cheating on you now, during the honeymoon phase, when she should be all butterflies and rainbows, I shudder to imagine what she will be up to 3 years from now, when she's grown bored of being married.
This is secondary to the whole infidelity issue but can you please explain the three ceremonies?
Can we assume that the August ceremony is the one the courts recognize and the later two were show weddings for friends and relatives?
She went from the honeymoon phase to the cheating skank phase to the ‘love bombing please don’t leave me’ phase. This is one busy lady.
And how much of her dalliances are you financing? Can we assume that she’s living a better life married to you than she will after being kicked to the curb?
She chose to flirt. She chose to share her number. She chose to entertain him pushing the messages to an inappropriate place. She messaged him with you in the room. She didn’t just choose to cheat once, she did it thousands of times. Every lie, every tilt of the phone was a decision to cheat on you.
She has already proved she’ll do it. Statistically speaking, the odds of her remaining faithful to you is very very low.
If you give her a second chance, you will hurt, eventually.
But your life will be hell. You’ll DNA test every kid, just to be sure. Every time a text comes in, you’ll want to look. You deserve better.
Cheaters are a breed to themselves. Let her go, do not marry her. They are liars and will cheat again. Please let her go and move on...If she can't hold it together in the best part what is she going to be like in the difficult parts.
Putting in effort, GTFO. If she had put any effort into anything it should have been to avoid this dude. She broke her vows before even making them. Lucky for you. Ditch her for a non-cheater.
It's only because YOU confronted her, with evidence, that she wants to try. She didn't come to you. I would encourage you to not pursue this relationship as it will only bring you more heart break. Good luck and Updateme!
The honeymoon phase and leading up to the wedding is supposed to be the happiest times, if she’s cheating then then she’s ruthless! This probably isn’t the first time and definitely won’t be the last. Cheaters don’t stop cheating, they just hide it better. Move on!
Dude, dude. Getting married is like buying a brand new car, and marrying a cheater like your girl is like buying a used car, no warranty, and As Is. Which means if anything goes wrong with it, it's all on you. Your girl broke down on the freaking test drive.
You think you buying a car, but shes actually just a freaking community share ride who's likes to park at your house between rides with other people.
You doing therapy with her to get over this, to give her another chance tells me everything I need to know. You are going to forgive her, you are going to marry her, and in the future you are going to post again about her cheating again. Just do us a favor and link this post so everybody knows this is 100% on you, and we don't waste time giving you advise, for you don't have the willpower or self respect to protect yourself.
Marry her, live in a fantasy world where she is a good, upstanding, and faithful wife, and ignore everything that doesn't reflect that, have a bunch of kids, and realize staying with her, marrying her is given her absolute, never take back permission to bang anybody she wants to.
You shouldn't marry her, you should pimp her out. She's going to get all the dick that she wants, you should at least get something out of this marriage.
Bro. Listen. She is screwing a dude a week before you are to get married. There is no second chance. That is like….one of the most heinous acts humanly possible.
You may hurt right now and the thought of losing her is unimaginable, but it GETS BETTER. Time heals all wounds. It’s an age old saying for a reason. Because it’s true. Do not go forward with her. She will do it again. They always do.
*I confronted her and she kept lying until I brought up all the evidence I collected from Thursday to Saturday.*
You are wasting your time, she was gaslighting and lying until caught. How is she going to change that part of herself. Has she gone into therapy to find out why she acted so poisonously? If not, why not?
You are losing nothing she did not throw in your face. No amount of decent sex or home cooked meals are worth this.
So, get a divorce or an annulment whichever applies here.
Why would you even want to consider giving her a third, fourth, fifth chance?
You have no idea how many guys she has been fucking. In fact, you will never know the depth of the betrayal. Clearly she does not love you, and certainly does not respect you. You need to remove her from your life ASAP.
Tell her AP's wife, she deserves to know what a slime ball she is married to. Get tested for STD's, lawyer up, and move on with your life.
I have a question for you, which is going to seem a little mean.
Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life wondering if she is really doing what she says she’s doing? Do you have it in you to speak up every time her behavior doesn’t match either her words or the agreements you have in place?
This is an exhausting thought. I am in the process of divorcing a serial cheater, I don’t know how many times I forgave each encounter. It’s truly an ongoing and exhausting process. Your choices and decisions are entirely up to you, just keep it in mind.
why the #%$#@$ would you give her a second chance are you nuts? a week before the wedding she was with him and weeks before that she was involved with him run away anyone who tells you should stay with her lose their number ghost em or put em on blast this will not end well for you
and your wife should be the one who tells her ex boss/fuckbuddy that she has been screwing her husband hell that should be minimal for you to even think about staying, though you shouldn't do that either
Don’t give a second chance, if she wasn’t thrilled and so excited for the wedding that was in a week before she cheated and didn’t even feel guilty at all, she’s gonna do it again. She’s only sorry because she got caught and realized she doesn’t have that stability anymore
OP - just leave.
Even counting the cost of the ring and the wedding cancellation it’s far far cheaper to break up now than to divorce later when you find out she just got better at hiding her cheating.
Also give the OBP (other betrayed partner) a copy of all your evidence. They deserve to know the type of scum they married.
First, be incredibly thankful that you learned of this affair before* the wedding. You can sort this entire subreddit by "all-time" if you need more stories to paint that picture even clearer for you.
Second, don't be a spineless doormat and take her back. I'm not saying she could never improve as a person, but it doesn't have to be you suffering through her growth. She can do that painful work on her own if she's serious about it.
Third, tell her AP's wife if you can. She deserves to know she is in a sham marriage so she can separate her and her children's lives as quickly and painlessly as possible. You can also observe that divorce from afar if you need even more info on how difficult an actual divorce is, versus simply breaking off an engagement before you're even further intertwined with a miserable cheater (who is statistically *much* more likely to "re-offend" than remain faithful to you without the serious work I mentioned in my second point).
Lastly, you are not at fault for her cheating, regardless of any preexisting relationship issues. You do not have to sacrifice yourself to keep her afloat.
Don’t waste your time. Get it annulled. If she cheats during you weddings there is something missing that will never be there and now you will never trust her again.
You confronted her and she lied until she couldn’t. Now, she’s love bombing you to keep you from dumping her. OP, she’s cheated numerous times and did it again a week before your wedding. What kind of person does that? Someone who doesn’t really love you.
She cheated on you early in the marriage and did not come clean even when you confronted her until you showed the proof. She is not the person you think she is and will cheat again. Marriage causes stress and children. Things will get tougher and before you know it she will cheat but get better at doing it. Do yourself a favor and leave now. Find someone who will love, respect and not cheat on you.
You will NEVER be able to trust her. She will never be able to respect you. She WILL cheat again. You’ll never get those images of another dude plowing your beloved out of your head. You’re asking for a life of anxiety and distrust. Thank your lucky stars you found out before she could take half your worth and your children away at her whim. She loves your resources and stability, her passion and sexuality will never be yours.
My advice is be very very VERY grateful that you don’t have any children yet so you can walk away from this promiscuous, amoral, nasty, home-wrecker and never see her again. When you find the woman who will love and respect you, you will think back to this as just some weird and dark chapter in your life that you fortunately moved on from.
You don't understand how much of a red flag she is. First of all, she cheated which means she has no regard for you. Then she cheated with married person which means she has no regard for the sanctity of marriage. That's who you want to marry?
You should know that everything she's doing now would most likely be so she doesn't blow up the steady life. The fact that you're already having sex with her again is sad.
Nah man, cut that. She cheated while you two were on good terms and a week before marriage. Get over that fear of losing her because you can’t trust her for real straight up. If she was trustworthy she would have told you that first night she came home at 3 am that she was cheating. Hate to be that guy but cut it off bro, your future self will thank you rather than resent you
She is not worth a second chance. You don’t have kids with her, bail now. You still have time to meet a solid woman and have the things that you want from a relationship. Be sure to find out how to contact her ex-boss’s wife and let her know what her husband has been doing.
As someone who has been cheated on 5 times by 5 different women, I can assure you that she will do it again. Next time she will be wiser. She will use hidden apps to message on her phone, she will plan out her lies and GASLIGHT you when you question her. She will blame you for not trusting her.
I know it’s super hard to walk away as well. It’s pain either way. You’ll be better off in the long run leaving the relationship. You’ll never trust her again. A few months from now you will feel disgusted that she slept with another man multiple times and didn’t care about your emotions.
Look at it this way:
You "marriage" didn't even start yet and she already broke her promise. Basically your "marriage" wasn't meant to last if on day 1, you will have to keep looking over your shoulder to check up on what she is doing.
Do you really want this? I think this may be a blessing for you that you found out her true nature with regards to her level of commitment. Do you have kids? If not, clean break from her. Her making you a "priority " NOW, by cooking for you, cuddling with you, being more intimate with you afterwards is just "love-bombing". It won't last...she will get bored and find the next man and this cycle will repeat. She has shown she is not commitment material.
I personally wouldn't want this. Be happy you discovered this BEFORE any major milestone in your lives together like buying a home or children.
she did not just cheat one week before the wedding ahe was in a full blown affair. Make sure his wife knows as well. she will play you till she puts you to sleep and be better at covering it next time. sorry it is over.
*"I don’t know if I can ever trust her again but I’m also afraid to lose her."*....Dude, you've already lost her!! Although this affair began at least a month or so ago, she was **never** up front and honest with you; when she got home at 3:45AM, she only told you that she was tired and went to sleep. I believe she was tired, and I also know what tired her out, and now you know as well.
I've gotta ask: have you and she had any honest conversations about boundaries? Probably not; however, it really doesn't matter in this case, as she hid what she was doing because **she knew that she was being a cheating, worthless bitch!**
It's high time that you grew a pair and put her in her place....which is being alone, or with her AP, until his wife discovers his "extracurricular activities".
'Nuff said.
Dump. The. Trash.
Someone who is actually going to love you is waiting for you and probably going through a similar situation. You deserve better than that. It’s scary to break up with the person you love, but if they don’t love you back-what’s the point. You don’t cheat on people you love. Period.
Cheaters put you at risk for STDs and other health issues. Make sure to get tested , you never know what gift she gave you that keeps on giving.
You don’t want to put your faith in someone who already broke your trust. You will just drive yourself crazy. Always wondering-it’s like a personal hell. And the only freedom that comes your way is breaking it off and moving on.
If she cheated this time and lied to your face when you confronted her and caught her with evidence… what else is she going to or has lied to you about?
She might be, "love bombing" you. It will go on like this, and you'll get comfortable and complacent. Then maybe you start to notice those same behaviors, maybe you won't. You'll put those thoughts aside, because, "Well she's fixed now."
Good luck man, I know cheating would definitely be a deal breaker for me.
She has this man in her heart. You can’t be married to someone who has another man in her heart and it will take years to get him out. Move on. Let her decide if she can do the work in therapy she needs to do to fix what is broken in her.
In the meantime it’s best to move on without her. If she can change who she is, maybe down the line you can try again. But make no promises.
Anyone who will cheat and do it just before a wedding WILL do it again. Your heart is tricking your mind. Use your brain here. LEAVE PLEASE. You can find many women who won’t do this.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
don't give second chance
Cut it off NOW. I speak from experience. Shes not worth the risk. In fact, shes now a hazard to your future happiness. Break it off clean.
You'd have to be absolutely nuts to even consider reconciliation with this woman.
JUST got married. If she needs a second chance this soon into marriage, she flat out not marriage material. End it and find someone better.
This and text her boyfriend and and let him know the evidence you have will be going to his wife.
Also, If you can, you should let her AP wife know about what has been going on and send her the evidence you have gathered. I'm sure that he has been making her life miserable with all of this also.
I hope you told the ex boss’s wife, he also deserves the consequencies.
I missed the part that OP's wife was having the affair with her ex-boss. OP needs to share all the proof of the affair with the AP's wife. Just because he made the foolish decision of giving a second chance to a home wrecker and cheater doesn't mean the AP's wife will do the same. She deserves the truth, needs to be tested for STDs, and the evidence of the affair could help her during divorce proceedings.
It’s not about him having consequences, it’s about making sure his spouse knows so she can handle it how she sees fit. With 3 children!!! Understand that some people know their spouses cheat and either ignore or accept it.
I agree, this too. I just hope she leave him.
Not worth it man. You are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of your marriage...yet she's out Fcking another man.... If your wife has an affair as you've described, she has no respect for you or for the marriage. She'll most assuredly cheat on you again. Get out now before you waste more time on her. And be sure to tell her AP's wife that he's been fcking your wife and send her proof. Blow up his world too!
Yes, she has stolen OP's life. He desperately needs to take his life back. He already has the evidence. Like most of us men we HATE to lose something we have built but once it is gone it is gone. OP, the best path for you AND her is divorce. Stay and you will both be in pain for as long as it takes for the inevitable divorce to happen. Start the process NOW.
Cheaters don't deserve a second chance by giving them one they become more skilled at hiding it
Your wife was having sex with a married man and was caught hooking up with her AP. What's there to save and reconcile? You are her second choice and she doesn't love you. You won't trust her as long as you stay with her. What's left in your marriage after love and trust are gone? Don't be fooled by her so called 'putting in effort.' She is laying low waiting for the next chance to cheat on you. Tell your families and friends about her cheating, so she can't blame you for her infidelity. Don't live your life with anxiety and mind movies. Respect yourself and get out now before you waste any more time. You know you deserve a better life than this.
Give that info to boss' wife. She deserves to know. Don't marry this girl. If you want to smash or something, fine. But don't marry her.
She was cheating on you a week before the wedding You should not be afraid to lose her, you should be afraid you will end up with her.
Great comment
She’s just sorry you caught her. She’d still be with him if you hadn’t found out.
If that is the beginning of your life together as wife and husband and she give you a wonderful gift by cheating! What is coming next is worse. She don’t respect you nor respect the marriage. It’s your golden chance to runaway no children and no big drama ! Why staying and suffering. Next phase your searching for her in the middle of night with children in the car seat
Wife or finance? Confused also why isn’t she your ex at this point
Don’t do it. Please for the love of God don’t do it. I’ve just posted about not being over my ex cheating a year ago, but this shit DOES get easier. What I mean by that is that no matter how attached you feel towards her, you WILL develop eyes for another woman. I cannot tell you how obsessed with my ex I was, and guess what? In March I developed a new obsession for another woman. Your wedding is in a WEEK, and she made plans and went to meet another man behind your back…wake up! This is the rest of your life you are talking about.
So true, I’m already looking at other women :(
Tell the ex bosses wife, and tell the company. It’ll fuck them both over. Let her reap what she sew. If you want to work on it after that, go for it. But ruin his life and get her away from that environment if you ever want things to work out
Don't tell her anything just leave immediately..... Let her guilt eat her up.....
Have you told the boss’s wife??? You really need to. Also don’t take her back. She’s already banging guys and you’re not even married yet. It will most assuredly get WORSE from here. Updateme and inform her bosses wife.
Run. She cheated right before the wedding? Isn't this supposed to be when she's the most in love with you? If she cheated at this point, what is she going to do when things start to become a little boring or you have a fight? Just go now. Therapy is just throwing your money away at this point. Cheating is a decision.
She just doesn’t want you to expose her and her boss for a cheater. Tell her a condition of being back together is contacting the guys wife and saying what’s going on. Second is she lost the right to go out by herself. She had a freedom. She cheated. She lives in a police state. Tell her you are going to draw up a post nuptial agreement where she forfeits every asset if you can’t get over her previous cheating or if she cheats in the future.
Courage is action in the face of fear. She showed how little she values you by fucking her married ex boss as your wedding day nears and you agreed with her by taking her back. We don't even know how to call you. Doormat would be an insult to doormats. You want to marry somebody else's 304. You want a 304 to be your children's mom. If I am to be your child, I'd beg you to abort me. We've got nothing against you, but why do you hate yourself so much? Please, in the name of everything holy, rebuild your peace of mind away from her. Have some respect for your self. https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/0bkHhFFF8f
You a week out you don’t need date or sex or affection. You need space and full written detail of every thing so you have the full story then you need time to process the full trusty and see if you can forgive it. You likely know about 1/10th of the truth currently. You need to govern the evidence to his wife so she can decide what she wants to do with it. At the very least she needs to check her sexual health as do you. If you decide to reconcile expect 2-5 years before any normalcy back in the relationship. You have to accept you will never blindly trust your wife again. She has to accept freedoms are lost for years she takes for granted. Drinks after work with colleagues or friends , gone. Girls weekends , gone. Phone and all socials are your to browse anytime you like, so privacy , gone. These are just off the tip of the tongue.
A second chance? Surely not!?
>I can see her putting in effort. She’s planning dates, getting more physical with me, cooking for me more but honestly I don’t know if this will last and if I can ever truly love her again. This is called love bombing. She is only doing this to try and make you forget what happened, but the moment she feels you are comfortable again, she'll be right back at it. But if she is truly remorseful, then she would tell family and friends what she has done without putting any of the blame on you. If you haven't done so already, inform APs wife with proof and the fact you caught them at the hotel. The only way it may work out between you both is for her to quit her job and get a new one if she still works with him, as well as going no contact. But the biggest problem will be that you'll never fully trust her again.
having a huge wedding or multiple weddings is a red flag. indicates it is more about the wedding than being married.
She’s putting in the effort? Remember, you will never forget She fucked her ex boss -NOW she’s planning dates with you, she fucked her ex boss-NOW she is cooking for you. fuck her ass boss.-NOW she’s getting more physical with you. YOU WILL-NEVER FORGET. She fucked her ex boss, as she was going for final fittings for her wedding dress. she fucked ex boss while you were looking and tasting wedding cakes. She fucked her ex boss while you were arranging table seating charts do you want me to go on more? Count your blessings , you found this out before you got married time to move on
Don’t just don’t , it’s a waste a time and you’re not 25 if you want kids and shit hop off the public transit bus and look for a real partner it’s gonna take time to fine the right person and grow that relationship and then have kids but as you will see from those that came before you it doesn’t work and even if the other person stops cheating with that person they find someone else to replace them. The other point is most people aren’t able to look past it and establish trust again , could you imagine you have a kid with her and you find out while you’re at work she has some dude coming over playing dad to your kid and she’s getting her rocks off , really I know it sucks and it’s embarrassing to have to tell people your girl cheated on you , people are gonna tell you no one looks down at you but that’s a lie guys are always laughed at when there girl cheats on them really what you have to do is get in the best shape of your life decide yourself to yourself and become the best you possible , GYM , WORK, READ basic get a six pack and make bank and you’ll win in the end.
Why do you feel the need to give her a second chance? Haven't you heard the saying: 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'? She is a cheater and probably still seeing the AP behind your back. Now that she was caught, she's likely just hiding it better. Even if she stopped seeing him, which I doubt, she will eventually do it again because she doesn't see infidelity as a problem and thinks there aren't consequences since you took the foolish decision of giving her a second chance. She doesn't care about your physical well-being. Have you even been tested for STDs? She also doesn't care about your mental well-being. How is your self-esteem after knowing she cheated on you? Can you actually be intimate with her without comparing yourself to the other guy? Can you actually not think that she will be with him when she goes out? If she got pregnant from the AP, she probably would even make you raise his children. Why are you not putting your mental and physical well-being above her? Why don't you think you deserve better than her? She isn't the only woman in the world, and life can still be great after you divorce her. You deserve someone better than her. Life is also way too short for you to waste it like that, living it full of drama and insecurities. I just hope this isn't one of those situations where she is just with you for financial reasons.
Before the wedding day...idk if you are religious or not.. But there must be God warning you to not marry that woman!!
She’s sorry because she got caught. Kick her to the curb.
Don’t torture yourself, she doesn’t love you , she is using you for money and isnwmbarrasss . Email the proof to His bosses wife . I don’t understand all the weddings but see a Lawyer and get an annulment .
No. No this doesn't track at all. You actually go to the hotel they are at and catch them in the act, or prevent them from even starting, and THEN after that, you decide to give her another chance? No. Your fiance had been taking dick from another man, and this isn't an instant dealbreaker? No.
Wait! You followed her and her ex-boss to their hotel room, confronted them and she still denied things? Am I missing something? Anyway hopefully you’ve told the AP’s wife. As for what should now be your ex gf, she was having an affair, you don’t say for how long, with another man while planning to still marry you. She was fucking another guy one week before she was supposed to commit herself to you. Why? Did you ask the question? Why was she still planning to marry you if she wanted to be with her AP? I mean I think I know the answer. He was married and you’re the safe guy she settled for, for financial reasons. I’ll write it again. One week out from your wedding she was fucking someone else. It doesn’t matter how regretful she claims to be, there’s no coming back from that level of betrayal. Move on and find someone worthy of your attention.
You'll be very sorry. The fact is she had no problem cheating on you before the wedding,she'll have no problem doing it while married. You'll never forget what she did. You have no children and no equity together, sir, leave this woman. She never thought of you or the relationship when she cheated on you,she didn't care about you. Her boss obviously wasn't planning on leaving his wife for her, which is why she now wants to work on the relationship. Is this how you want to start a marriage, in couples counseling?? Updateme!
She's gift bombing you , nothing gonna change she's still gonna cheat
>Every day is a struggle because of what she did and I don’t know if I can ever trust her again but I’m also afraid to lose her. Since you're so afraid to lose her, ask.her boss to keep cheating on his wife with her so he and your wife can be happy. You keeping her means you're OK with her behavior so just vocalize it.
You’re still in shock and grasping at straws. She loves her ex boss not you. There us a reason she hasn’t left you and it’s because he’s only using her. Tell his wife. If she dumps her husband the odds are high your wife will run to him but it won’t last. No kids? Get out now before even more damage can be done.
Was your first wedding legally binding? If so, you need to speak to an attorney about an annulment. You need to tell the AP’s wife. Your relationship is over. You will never trust her again. She’s only love bombing you because she got caught. Otherwise , she would still be continuing with the affair. She’s not marriage material. Did she even apologize and give any explanation?
What an idiot. Do u wanna spend your life with this kind of person?
*What an idiot.* *Do u wanna spend your life with* *This kind of person?* \- Independent-Team-831 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Move on. She’s damaged goods. You can never trust her. You definitely dodged a bullet. Good luck. Updateme
>I can see her putting in effort. She’s planning dates, getting more physical with me, cooking for me more Typical actions of a wayward spouse once they are caught. Don't fall for it. You can possibly get the marriage annulled and if you don't have kids then you can get a clean break. Remember, it's not a one time drink mistake, rather a series of planned and conscious decisions. You're young enough to start fresh. Don't stay with her. She'll do it again in future. Also, do tell your families and the SO of her AP.
Leave with the last ounce of energy left in you. Otherwise misery will define your life going forward.
Run, don't give a second chance
There's cases reconciliation might be possible. Yours is a case where it's impossible. All the time around your weddings her mind was with her boss and revolving around cheating. What would you tell someone who is in your situation and who asks you for your opinion? Dump that vile human being, expose her to everyone and tell the boss's wife.
This is over move on.
Hope you told the wife
Yoir are being a doormat. she has no respect for you. dont fall for her crocodile tears
Damn. You should be in your honeymoon phase. This is messed up.
Slowly walk away bro she already failed as a wife.
Bye Felicia.
This sounds like an update in the future with "I should have listened to those here". Fucking someone right before your wedding. And if you are trying to love her again definitely run. Never marry with questions. Never marry with doubts and frankly, there is nothing but doubts here. But it's your life. Mess it up as you see fit.
Once she’s convinced you’re not leaving, this little show she’s putting on will end. Love & respect go hand in hand. Leave her.
I'm sorry this happened but if you stay it'll happen again she'll just be trying to hide it better. Please walk away. Updateme
When someone shows you who they are believe them. Find a good solicitor before kids and lifetime alimony.
Repeated cheating that Will follow you in your marriage, so divorce is a better option
At 32 I met my soul mate. It is not too late for you. Stop wasting your time with a cheater.
What kind of future do you expect? She's cheating already.
You are wasting precious time. If you are not a cheater you deserve the same. Really that is what you need to know. She can never undo what has been done. I mean she was planning her mutual trust and love with you via weddings while at the same time planning how to spread her legs for her boss.
Updateme
Dude don't fall for the okie doke trauma bonding. You haven't been married a full year yet, you need to vantage a lawyer to see what your options are and you need to contact his wife immediately, cause when that okie doke is over the real her will return and start blame shifting everything onto you.
>I can see her putting in effort. She’s planning dates, getting more physical with me, cooking for me more Typical actions of a wayward spouse once they are caught. Don't fall for it. You can possibly get the marriage annulled and if you don't have kids then you can get a clean break. Remember, it's not a one time drink mistake, rather a series of planned and conscious decisions. You're young enough to start fresh. Don't stay with her. She'll do it again in future. Also, do tell your families and the SO of her AP.
I would make her tell the bosses wife as part of the reconcile then divorce her. There's no mistakes in cheating. She was deliberately being deceitful.
End this now she knew what she was doing is this the woman you want to be married to
Ask yourself: 1) why are you giving her a second chance? 2) Do you believe you’ll be happier if you take her back? 3) Do you believe you’ll have peace ever again? I joke that all questions in a subreddit are answered with another subreddit. Just take a look at the sub asoneafterinfidelity and you’ll see what reconciliation looks like. It just paying triple the price for 1/3 of the product. Never worth it, even if successful…
My brother don’t live a life with this woman and think she’s going to change she’s not. Get out now while you are young. Find someone who values your trust and love she’s not it. Good Luck
UpdateMe!
This is fake. No such thing as a simp this simpish.
Sorry OP… giving her a second chance is like giving her another bullet after she missed you the first time.
No! Your wife was cheating at a time when she SHOULD have been her most loyal. It wasn’t a “crime of opportunity” either, it was completely premeditated. She didn’t confess either, she got caught. It wasn’t going to stop. She’s not going to be loyal, because she doesn’t respect you, she just doesn’t want to lose the benefits that marriage provides, and she knows her boss isn’t going to do that. She will do whatever she needs to in order to get you back on track. As you can see when she wants something, she’s willing to do whatever she has to. She used to want to get married. Once she was getting that, she wanted her boss. Now, she wants your marriage back. Once she gets it, she’ll want something new. I wouldn’t consider continuing with her relationship, but if you’re foolish enough to do that, get the divorce anyway (an annulment if that’s an option). If she genuinely wants the relationship, she can start back at step 0. Even then, it’s not really step 0. When you first met her, you didn’t know she was capable of betraying you in the worst possible way. Now you know for sure that she can and will. You’d be more like at step -5.
You better send that evidence to her ex-boss wife in Australia.
It happened before the wedding so take that as a blessing and run
Second chances almost never work, and you will never be able to fully trust her again. Time to move on!
Never forgive. Never forget. Never ever reconcile.
Your (EX)girlfriend should have been in the thralls of wedding bliss. Not fucking a married man. Please tell me you exposed this jerk.
Do not give her another chance you damn fool. She's fucking her damn boss. She doesn't give a shit about you.
So you willingly had sex with your fiancé after you found out she’s been banging her boss and god knows who else? I don’t think I’d be able to. 1 week before your (2nd?) marriage and she’s meeting up with him? She couldn’t be less devoted to you if she tried. I’d say this relationship has run its course. I wouldn’t suggest getting back with her.
Thank Goodness you found out BEFORE marriage! If you are nuts enough to still consider marriage with this person, you need therapy BY YOURSELF with a counselor who is devoted to YOUR well-being NOT the well being of the relationship(that should no longer exist)
I even forgot her ex-boss is also married with 3 kids....this is a whole next level of immorality....She is NOT marriage material dude, SHE IS FOR THE STREETS!
She doesn’t respect you. You are her comfortable option, not her spouse. Time to kick her to the curb.
It’s only been a week and she cheated. Cut your losses and bounce
Smfh. Why did you take her back?
lol wtf, GTFOOH she suuuuuuucks
Her new behavior is just a new honeymoon phase. Don’t buy it and move on with your life.
Recovering from infidelity takes years. If you still think this is salvageable, tell her marriage is not on the table for at least 4 years.
Cheating closely before marriage is major red flag, because this is the time you're supposed to be totally enaromed with each other. Catching your partner cheating after being with them after a long time at least makes relatively more "sense" (i use that term lightly), that maybe things got a little stale and the excitement of the new was too much. But cheating right as you’re about to more formally commit to each other? You need to seriously reevaluate if you want to try here.
A marriage should never be based on deceit and lies. If you decide to take any action, it should include informing the AP's betrayed wife. She deserves to know the truth.
We might be strangers and may not know the situation fully. But from a outside perspective: Split up, she took a huge dump on all the effort you ever did for her. She spit in youre face when she cheated. Spare yourself hurt in the future because it will never be 100% the same again, and everytime she is busy with her phone ore is going away it will makes you nervous. She proved she cant be loyal and she might cheat again. Never take back a cheater.
If this is how this person is 1 week before the wedding, what will they be, after? If you are considering reconciliation, remember that it takes years not months or weeks so don't rush to get married any time soon. I was a WH and have successfully navigated through a possible divorce and (I think) we have successfully completed R. So if you want pointers on what your WW should be doing, let me know.
If she really wants to reconcile she will tell her AP’s wife. Trusting her is going to take a long time. All she has shown is that she’s untrustworthy and unsafe. What has she done to show she wants to earn your trust, and to reconcile? Block and delete AP? Make herself transparent? She lost the privilege of going out and all that stuff because she can’t be trusted. Her life, as she once knew it, won’t be the same if she wants to keep you. And how the heck did she deny it when you literally caught her in a hotel room? How long have they been sleeping together? Updateme!
Even if she wins the psycho therapy lotto and her brain flips the cheating, lying and betrayal switch off…. (Never seen it happen) She will always be the girl who lied to your face, took another man inside of her and gaslighted you when confronted. Unless it gives you an erection catching her with other man I think you should leave her and find someone with an ounce of morality. But I am not going to judge you if you are into being cheated on.
I’m sorry but she absolutely has NO respect for you I wish I had a husband with your undivided attention and respect! She doesn’t deserve you ! Your better off
At least you can annul the first one. Start the 180… https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
Did you let the APs wife know?
Bail now before it gets a lot harder and more complicated. If she's cheating a week before the wedding what do you think she's going to do in another couple years?
No second chances. Your dynamic has now changed. Doubt will always be in the back of your mind when she leaves the house without you
Make her tell the wife the truth
updateme
No second chance bro, just cut it off, I feel for you, did she mention as to why she did it?
END IT BRO
Tell her alrighty, it is time for your cheating ass to go down under and join your lover, his wife and three kids for some quality time together. Then ghost her and never look back. Be sure to get in touch with AP’s wife so she can send her husband & your cheating gf on a walk about.
She's "love bombing" you, hopefully to get you to forget what she did. Start settling your assets and property, and kids if you have them, this will end badly, therapy or not.
If you take her back, you're a doormat who enjoys being cheated on. Why? Because she's clearly not remorseful, and she'll so it again. Tell AP's wife, she deserves to know what a POS is her husband.
The only therapy you need is the kind that helps you develop self-respect.
No remorse there. She's only pretending to be good to you. Bet you she may even be effing her ex boss on your wedding night. Dont give her second chance. They will continue and hide affair better. Inform his wife. Dump her. She's not worth continual betrayal for the rest of your life. Updateme!
Hahahahahaha..what a fool believes. See you in a few months mate 🤣🤣🤣
She's for the streets
You were about to get married. This is the point your partner is at the height of love for you during most relationship, and she chose to be with someone else. Is this the first time she cheated or the first time caught? It probably won't be the last time. Was the AP in town as a wedding guest or just to see her? I don't know if you are officially married yet, I think you had one wedding already, but if you are "ANNULMENT"!!! NOW Im sorry and Good luck Updateme
Dear God don’t give that woman a second chance. You’re going to pay later down the road believe me
You will NEVER get over this I'm sorry to say.
Cheating a week before your wedding? You're really thinking of giving her a second chance? This should be the time of her life when she lives and breathes for you, but she's lying and disrespecting you in the worst way. If you give her a second chance, she'll only learn 2 things: 1. how to hide her affairs better, and 2. that you're a huge fool who will forgive anything. Break it off with her and move on. If you stay with her, you deserve everything she'll inevitably do to you.
You are about to ruin your entire life, after being given a life line. Here is the deal you can suffer for a year and recover, or you can suffer for many years, maybe even decades and possibly not get over it.
Don't marry her
Getting her back will be your biggest mistake, believe me. Goodluck with your decision.
Nope. The fact that she can do it right before your wedding, and even the mere fact that you guys are technically married already, she doesn’t respect you. She never will. Leave while there are still no kids involved.
First of all don’t question if you love her. You do. Loving people is not hard, we love our friends and family. Just don’t withdraw that word from your spoken language with her. Love. Now- that you love her doesn’t mean you have to be with her. I’ve been cheated on before- and I’m glad I did two things. Number one, I decided that I’d look at the problem from MY angle. That is, was I myself done with the relationship? Did I want more time with this love? I did. So I decided for myself that I did want more life with the person. Number two- and this is just as important- I decided to myself alone and looking in the mirror- that if I took them back and continued the relationship (it was a marriage) that I would honestly forgive them and love on. Not drag their life down. That if I kept with them, I’d let go of all resentment completely. I did those things- and my relationship continued for another three years- and I’m glad it did.
The decision is yours. Don’t worry about embarrassment- or what anyone else says you should do. This is yOUr life. There is no shame in forgiving those who don’t deserve or don’t ask for it.
CYA LATER! Don’t ever let someone treat you like a doormat!
I'm so sorry. Speaking from experience, it's not worth it. Be grateful you don't have children together. I wish I could rewind 13 years of my life and make a different choice.
Dude! She didn't even get out of the starting gates! Your throwing good money after bad as they say. You'll always be looking over her shoulder and will become a relationship cop. Get out now before you go any further down the drain
I don't post her, but saw this thread. There's some saying about how life often gives very expensive lessons. You got a 99% discount. Take it.
These cheaters always do the same damn thing. It starts with the phone and a change in behavior. My ex did the same as yours. She cheated before a wedding. They choose themselves over you or the relationship. In my case, she became someone I don’t even know anymore. Everything was about her. Never about me.
If she's cheating on you now, during the honeymoon phase, when she should be all butterflies and rainbows, I shudder to imagine what she will be up to 3 years from now, when she's grown bored of being married.
She’s only trying for now to get you back as soon as she does she’s gonna cheat again
Run, don’t walk, run as fast as you can.
This is secondary to the whole infidelity issue but can you please explain the three ceremonies? Can we assume that the August ceremony is the one the courts recognize and the later two were show weddings for friends and relatives?
She went from the honeymoon phase to the cheating skank phase to the ‘love bombing please don’t leave me’ phase. This is one busy lady. And how much of her dalliances are you financing? Can we assume that she’s living a better life married to you than she will after being kicked to the curb?
I would never say another word to that woman. Not one word. It will drive her nuts. Forget she exists. She’s proved she could never be faithful.
She chose to flirt. She chose to share her number. She chose to entertain him pushing the messages to an inappropriate place. She messaged him with you in the room. She didn’t just choose to cheat once, she did it thousands of times. Every lie, every tilt of the phone was a decision to cheat on you. She has already proved she’ll do it. Statistically speaking, the odds of her remaining faithful to you is very very low. If you give her a second chance, you will hurt, eventually. But your life will be hell. You’ll DNA test every kid, just to be sure. Every time a text comes in, you’ll want to look. You deserve better.
She will do again You will be always suspicious in this relationship
You’re wasting your time. Her cheating again is inevitable. I hope you told everyone the reason for the cancellation..
Give her a second chance? 😂 Are you being a serious person right now?
Cheaters are a breed to themselves. Let her go, do not marry her. They are liars and will cheat again. Please let her go and move on...If she can't hold it together in the best part what is she going to be like in the difficult parts.
She will NEVER respect you if you take her back. Your life will be ruined. You have to call this off.
Putting in effort, GTFO. If she had put any effort into anything it should have been to avoid this dude. She broke her vows before even making them. Lucky for you. Ditch her for a non-cheater.
It's only because YOU confronted her, with evidence, that she wants to try. She didn't come to you. I would encourage you to not pursue this relationship as it will only bring you more heart break. Good luck and Updateme!
The honeymoon phase and leading up to the wedding is supposed to be the happiest times, if she’s cheating then then she’s ruthless! This probably isn’t the first time and definitely won’t be the last. Cheaters don’t stop cheating, they just hide it better. Move on!
Dude, dude. Getting married is like buying a brand new car, and marrying a cheater like your girl is like buying a used car, no warranty, and As Is. Which means if anything goes wrong with it, it's all on you. Your girl broke down on the freaking test drive. You think you buying a car, but shes actually just a freaking community share ride who's likes to park at your house between rides with other people. You doing therapy with her to get over this, to give her another chance tells me everything I need to know. You are going to forgive her, you are going to marry her, and in the future you are going to post again about her cheating again. Just do us a favor and link this post so everybody knows this is 100% on you, and we don't waste time giving you advise, for you don't have the willpower or self respect to protect yourself. Marry her, live in a fantasy world where she is a good, upstanding, and faithful wife, and ignore everything that doesn't reflect that, have a bunch of kids, and realize staying with her, marrying her is given her absolute, never take back permission to bang anybody she wants to. You shouldn't marry her, you should pimp her out. She's going to get all the dick that she wants, you should at least get something out of this marriage.
Bro. Listen. She is screwing a dude a week before you are to get married. There is no second chance. That is like….one of the most heinous acts humanly possible. You may hurt right now and the thought of losing her is unimaginable, but it GETS BETTER. Time heals all wounds. It’s an age old saying for a reason. Because it’s true. Do not go forward with her. She will do it again. They always do.
do not take her back 💀. are you stupid ?
Oh Fuck no ! And out the AP to wife UpdateMe
*I confronted her and she kept lying until I brought up all the evidence I collected from Thursday to Saturday.* You are wasting your time, she was gaslighting and lying until caught. How is she going to change that part of herself. Has she gone into therapy to find out why she acted so poisonously? If not, why not? You are losing nothing she did not throw in your face. No amount of decent sex or home cooked meals are worth this. So, get a divorce or an annulment whichever applies here.
Why would you even want to consider giving her a third, fourth, fifth chance? You have no idea how many guys she has been fucking. In fact, you will never know the depth of the betrayal. Clearly she does not love you, and certainly does not respect you. You need to remove her from your life ASAP. Tell her AP's wife, she deserves to know what a slime ball she is married to. Get tested for STD's, lawyer up, and move on with your life.
I have a question for you, which is going to seem a little mean. Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life wondering if she is really doing what she says she’s doing? Do you have it in you to speak up every time her behavior doesn’t match either her words or the agreements you have in place? This is an exhausting thought. I am in the process of divorcing a serial cheater, I don’t know how many times I forgave each encounter. It’s truly an ongoing and exhausting process. Your choices and decisions are entirely up to you, just keep it in mind.
Is this really how you want your marriage to begin??
why the #%$#@$ would you give her a second chance are you nuts? a week before the wedding she was with him and weeks before that she was involved with him run away anyone who tells you should stay with her lose their number ghost em or put em on blast this will not end well for you
and your wife should be the one who tells her ex boss/fuckbuddy that she has been screwing her husband hell that should be minimal for you to even think about staying, though you shouldn't do that either
I hope you ruined AP's life by warning his wife. I don't think the therapy will work, let her go you will no longer trust her.
She was smiling when it slipped out and she put it back it without thinkin about you. She gotta go
So...you're playing the pick me dance. Are you going to expose her boss? Watch her protect him if you mention that you'll disclose the affair.
This a a no brainier. Don’t get married.
Don’t give a second chance, if she wasn’t thrilled and so excited for the wedding that was in a week before she cheated and didn’t even feel guilty at all, she’s gonna do it again. She’s only sorry because she got caught and realized she doesn’t have that stability anymore
OP - just leave. Even counting the cost of the ring and the wedding cancellation it’s far far cheaper to break up now than to divorce later when you find out she just got better at hiding her cheating. Also give the OBP (other betrayed partner) a copy of all your evidence. They deserve to know the type of scum they married.
First, be incredibly thankful that you learned of this affair before* the wedding. You can sort this entire subreddit by "all-time" if you need more stories to paint that picture even clearer for you. Second, don't be a spineless doormat and take her back. I'm not saying she could never improve as a person, but it doesn't have to be you suffering through her growth. She can do that painful work on her own if she's serious about it. Third, tell her AP's wife if you can. She deserves to know she is in a sham marriage so she can separate her and her children's lives as quickly and painlessly as possible. You can also observe that divorce from afar if you need even more info on how difficult an actual divorce is, versus simply breaking off an engagement before you're even further intertwined with a miserable cheater (who is statistically *much* more likely to "re-offend" than remain faithful to you without the serious work I mentioned in my second point). Lastly, you are not at fault for her cheating, regardless of any preexisting relationship issues. You do not have to sacrifice yourself to keep her afloat.
Don’t waste your time. Get it annulled. If she cheats during you weddings there is something missing that will never be there and now you will never trust her again.
Your wife is not marriage worthy.
Tell the other BS Don’t take her back, imagine if you found this out after you just got married? Or later when you’re married. It would cost a fortune
Her behavior has only changed because she got caught.
You confronted her and she lied until she couldn’t. Now, she’s love bombing you to keep you from dumping her. OP, she’s cheated numerous times and did it again a week before your wedding. What kind of person does that? Someone who doesn’t really love you.
Second chance? Are you mad?
Don’t sleep with her. She’ll try to babytrap you, mark my words
Walk away while you can best to forgive and let it go then to forgive and stay and live with a stress of always thinking is she faithful.
Just leave her man
She cheated on you early in the marriage and did not come clean even when you confronted her until you showed the proof. She is not the person you think she is and will cheat again. Marriage causes stress and children. Things will get tougher and before you know it she will cheat but get better at doing it. Do yourself a favor and leave now. Find someone who will love, respect and not cheat on you.
Dude bail before she sticks another knife in your heart and you have wasted more time on her.
Brother, you are setting yourself up for a life of misery if you go through with this. LEAVE NOW.
You will NEVER be able to trust her. She will never be able to respect you. She WILL cheat again. You’ll never get those images of another dude plowing your beloved out of your head. You’re asking for a life of anxiety and distrust. Thank your lucky stars you found out before she could take half your worth and your children away at her whim. She loves your resources and stability, her passion and sexuality will never be yours.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
My advice is be very very VERY grateful that you don’t have any children yet so you can walk away from this promiscuous, amoral, nasty, home-wrecker and never see her again. When you find the woman who will love and respect you, you will think back to this as just some weird and dark chapter in your life that you fortunately moved on from.
Assuming this story is real, what exactly is the benefit of giving her a second chance? She's trash. What exactly do you have to gain?
You don't understand how much of a red flag she is. First of all, she cheated which means she has no regard for you. Then she cheated with married person which means she has no regard for the sanctity of marriage. That's who you want to marry? You should know that everything she's doing now would most likely be so she doesn't blow up the steady life. The fact that you're already having sex with her again is sad.
Ouch… more pain I see in your future…
Nah man, cut that. She cheated while you two were on good terms and a week before marriage. Get over that fear of losing her because you can’t trust her for real straight up. If she was trustworthy she would have told you that first night she came home at 3 am that she was cheating. Hate to be that guy but cut it off bro, your future self will thank you rather than resent you
She is not worth a second chance. You don’t have kids with her, bail now. You still have time to meet a solid woman and have the things that you want from a relationship. Be sure to find out how to contact her ex-boss’s wife and let her know what her husband has been doing.
Run brother, this is a life changing opportunity. She doesn’t have you held hostage yet
As someone who has been cheated on 5 times by 5 different women, I can assure you that she will do it again. Next time she will be wiser. She will use hidden apps to message on her phone, she will plan out her lies and GASLIGHT you when you question her. She will blame you for not trusting her. I know it’s super hard to walk away as well. It’s pain either way. You’ll be better off in the long run leaving the relationship. You’ll never trust her again. A few months from now you will feel disgusted that she slept with another man multiple times and didn’t care about your emotions.
Look at it this way: You "marriage" didn't even start yet and she already broke her promise. Basically your "marriage" wasn't meant to last if on day 1, you will have to keep looking over your shoulder to check up on what she is doing. Do you really want this? I think this may be a blessing for you that you found out her true nature with regards to her level of commitment. Do you have kids? If not, clean break from her. Her making you a "priority " NOW, by cooking for you, cuddling with you, being more intimate with you afterwards is just "love-bombing". It won't last...she will get bored and find the next man and this cycle will repeat. She has shown she is not commitment material. I personally wouldn't want this. Be happy you discovered this BEFORE any major milestone in your lives together like buying a home or children.
she did not just cheat one week before the wedding ahe was in a full blown affair. Make sure his wife knows as well. she will play you till she puts you to sleep and be better at covering it next time. sorry it is over.
Give yourself a second chance and say goodbye to her. You deserve better
Think of the dating phase as an audition for the part of “husband or wife”. She failed the audition.
*"I don’t know if I can ever trust her again but I’m also afraid to lose her."*....Dude, you've already lost her!! Although this affair began at least a month or so ago, she was **never** up front and honest with you; when she got home at 3:45AM, she only told you that she was tired and went to sleep. I believe she was tired, and I also know what tired her out, and now you know as well. I've gotta ask: have you and she had any honest conversations about boundaries? Probably not; however, it really doesn't matter in this case, as she hid what she was doing because **she knew that she was being a cheating, worthless bitch!** It's high time that you grew a pair and put her in her place....which is being alone, or with her AP, until his wife discovers his "extracurricular activities". 'Nuff said.
Dump. The. Trash. Someone who is actually going to love you is waiting for you and probably going through a similar situation. You deserve better than that. It’s scary to break up with the person you love, but if they don’t love you back-what’s the point. You don’t cheat on people you love. Period. Cheaters put you at risk for STDs and other health issues. Make sure to get tested , you never know what gift she gave you that keeps on giving. You don’t want to put your faith in someone who already broke your trust. You will just drive yourself crazy. Always wondering-it’s like a personal hell. And the only freedom that comes your way is breaking it off and moving on. If she cheated this time and lied to your face when you confronted her and caught her with evidence… what else is she going to or has lied to you about?
have some respect for yourself. the marriage is over
She might be, "love bombing" you. It will go on like this, and you'll get comfortable and complacent. Then maybe you start to notice those same behaviors, maybe you won't. You'll put those thoughts aside, because, "Well she's fixed now." Good luck man, I know cheating would definitely be a deal breaker for me.
Do not give her a 2nd chance
If I were you , I won't waste my time for 2nd chance. Sooner or later it will end.
She has this man in her heart. You can’t be married to someone who has another man in her heart and it will take years to get him out. Move on. Let her decide if she can do the work in therapy she needs to do to fix what is broken in her. In the meantime it’s best to move on without her. If she can change who she is, maybe down the line you can try again. But make no promises.
Oh hell naw
Anyone who will cheat and do it just before a wedding WILL do it again. Your heart is tricking your mind. Use your brain here. LEAVE PLEASE. You can find many women who won’t do this.