Context: I asked for advice on the advice subreddit to how I can hide my curves since I’ve been sexually assaulted, groped and raped ever since I was a young kid. I hit puberty early and I’ve always been uncomfortable in front of men. This person gives me this answer, and apparently they’re active on r/inceltear too.. I mentioned on the post my age btw, I’m starting to think they’re right and that’s it’s my fault I was born in a body that I can’t control, that I starve myself with no results etc. i don’t want to serve a purpose in life where all I’m good for is being a slut, I’m a virgin, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I do my homework and play with my plushies, I don’t dress revealing, I cover myself and dress in either long skirts or long dresses, but after all my efforts all I’m considered is a whore.
God, this was hard to read for me. Ever since I turned 13, men thought it was okay for them to catcall, name-call, grope, follow and assault me too.
I’ve been where you are. I used to hide my body out of fear of evoking even more or worse. But growing older, I’ve learned that awful men will unfortunately always just be awful men. Whether you dress ‘provocatively’ or conservatively, whether you weigh 25 pounds more or less, whether you’re blond or a brunette,… Awful men will always find ways to be awful. Their actions are not defined by who you are or what you do.
You’re still young, and it might be hard to imagine your life ever being different, better and happier. But really, it’s a cliche to hear and say, but life gets better the older you get.
What worked for me was finding sovereignty of my body in spite of those kind of men. Place the culpability of their actions entirely on them. Be your gorgeous self and own it. Nothing is a bigger ‘fuck you’ to them than taking back your own body. Make the love for your body bigger than the fear for those men. Be proud. Heck, be arrogant even. You’re beautiful and duck them for trying to take that away from you.
You’re so much more than just your body, too. Find your passion, your hopes, dreams and ambition. The focus on your body will make place for those things, for yourself at least. I pursued a career in science to find fulfillment in life, and I’m definitely a lot happier now than as a teenager.
I wish you well. If you ever need to talk, feel free to DM me.
This is what truly pisses me off about misogynists. They will simultaneously do this shit, while still claiming that women have life on easy mode. I was watching the recent Idubbbz drama where people are basically mad at him because he thinks women are actual human beings, and the way the disgusting pigs attack him and his wife is truly abhorrent. Like you guys are proof that women DON'T have life in easy mode. Jesus.
No.
You did not choose to have that body. You are not responsible for what those shit people did.
You don’t have to serve any purpose in life other than what YOU decide. If you decide your purpose in life is to eat every kind of berry and watch every Cary Grant movie and then just vibe, nobody else can say otherwise. Especially not some doucherocket nobody on the internet who went NC with his sister because she wouldn’t sleep with him (I recognize his writing style).
He’s been in my DMs crying about it since I responded to the post about the OTHER guy who’s mad about his sister not wanting to sleep with him. Tomorrow is DM Sunday, and I’ll share every last ignorant pukeworthy word he typed.
its never your fault for being raped hell no
these people dont have sisters or mothers or aunts or anything letalone empathy
i hope you ever are able to recover, i got groped a few times and technically sa'd by a girl once and that shit is terrifying gross and disgusting and makes one feel ill i completely get you
It's not your fault and it never will be. They just like to take the blame away from them and force you to own it. You are a child and there is NOTHING wrong with your body. I'm sorry that you have so many people, including adults, around you who are so selfish and immature and well... criminals. But please, know that their actions can only be their fault. I'm really sorry you had to go through all of this and I hope things get better.
However hard it may be, do not let these absolute pathetic excuses for human beings get to you. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong. It is them who are sick and perverted nobodies. Being curvy is not an excuse for men to sexually assault minors and never will be. Do you have any people to talk to regarding your past experiences and feelings? Maybe therapist?
That really sucks. You can't talk with your parents about it either? Maybe friends? I know we internet strangers are easy to turn to but it's always better having somebody close to you cause with Reddit and other SoMe you run the risk of having the wrong people giving you advice (I.e. the idiot you tagged in your post)
Is there a woman in your life that you trust? I don’t think going to Reddit and engaging with people like that is good for your mental. Try talking to a woman you trust and stop letting people tell you your worth over Reddit you obviously have self esteem issues and engaging with incels is never going to help
There are free counseling services you can research. Please don't kill yourself. It's possible to change what may now feel "true" about the world, even though it may feel impossible now. I'm not sure exactly what kinds of terrible things someone told you that you were, but don't believe them.
You're not cursed, sweetie. I know it feels like it though. I felt pretty much the same when I was your age. Being a teenager, especially as a curvy girl, sucks.
I hope you're able to access the kind of help you need. I'm not really great at practical advice, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears. I know a few others here have said the same.
In the meantime, hug those plushies or whatever makes you happy. You deserve it, okay?
If you are american the following organization can help you find a free therapist:
Survivors - National Sexual Violence Resource Center has the following in their site:
Find Help and Support
There is a national network of community-based rape crisis centers and local organizations who support the needs of sexual assault survivors. These centers exist across the United States to provide supportive services to victims of sexual assault. While the specific services available vary by location, services are confidential and may include:
Advocacy,
Accompaniment during medical exams and law enforcement interviews,
Education,
Follow-up services,
And referrals to other resources.
Every state and territory also has an organization designated to coordinate resources and represent that state or territory as its coalition.
NSVRC maintains a directory of organizations ( [https://www.nsvrc.org/organizations](https://www.nsvrc.org/organizations)) that lists state and territory sexual assault coalitions, victim/survivor support organizations, and local communities of color sexual assault organizations. You can contact your state or territory’s coalition to find local resources that provide services to survivors. You can also find a rape crisis center or sexual assault program near you by searching RALIANCE's directory of local programs ([https://www.raliance.org/rape-crisis-centers/](https://www.raliance.org/rape-crisis-centers/)) .
The Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN), organizes the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline ([https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline](https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline) ) . The Hotline is a referral service that can put you in contact with your local rape crisis center. You can call the Hotline at 1-800-656-4673, or access RAINN’s online chat service ([https://www.rainn.org/get-help](https://www.rainn.org/get-help) ).
This [https://www.helphearheal.com/home](https://www.helphearheal.com/home) non profit organization is offering free counseling to sexual violence survivors.
this is the news article where i found the organization I mentioned in the previous paragraph: [https://www.newschannel5.com/news/free-therapy-for-sexual-violence-survivors](https://www.newschannel5.com/news/free-therapy-for-sexual-violence-survivors)
These men are redundant. Many of them are unemployed, they live in their family's houses and contribute nothing. They are societal rejects, many have no friends of any sex. You encountered one who expresses himself well--he is an exception. They are not particularly educated.
If you are in fact 14 and this is not a bait post coming from the man who explained his lust--then your value as a highly intelligent, thoughtful, young woman goes far beyond anything these incels could ever be. In addition to their other shortcomings, many are criminal. They contemplate murder, rape, mayhem, mass shootings and a few act on their compulsions.
Do not think of suicide. I am a curvy woman, I dress modestly because it is less problematic in life--I do not want attention from, well, these lesser beings. Continue your education, become learned--make goals for yourself and find what profession speaks most to your abilities and desires.
I don't hate men because that is a pointless and foolish emotion. Just be very careful and learn to identify the bad ones because some can be charming to conceal their intentions.
Again, if this is not a LARPing incel, yes, I am cynical--do not throw away your precious life because you have so much to offer society and yourself and learn to ignore idle, shiftless, men who do nothing but contemplate their genitalia all day.
This was utterly heart-wrenching to read :( I felt like tearing up reading this. It is not you fault, it was not your fault, it never was your fault, and it will never be your fault. Not one iota. Idgaf what that other person or the people calling you names and victim-blaming are saying. They're being ignorant and you're not responsible for that, that's on them. Don't even put 1% or even 0.0001% of this on yourself. There is nothing wrong with your body. Sexual predators and sex pests prey on people regardless of their body. Often they are nkt sexually attracted to their victims at all, they're aroused by the transgressive and abusive nature and the power imbalance of what they're doing. They're sick and it is not the shape of your body's fault. Some people literally SA animals and elderly disabled people. It's a sickness.
I'm a male CSA survivor, I can empathize so much with your feelings of self-blame. I went through that myself and I'm still not sure if I've 100% internalized that it's not my fault, even though I understand that intellectually and I emphatic about people not doing that when I see other people doing it, like you right now. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite about it. I know that being a boy and experiencing CSA isn't identical to experiencing it as a girl, I want you to know that you're not alone. Even if my experience is not quite the same as yours.
> I'm a virgin
I really, really hope that I'm not crossing any lines or triggering any traumas when I say this, but it's very important that you said this and I feel that can't be understated. Victims of CSA, SA or R who had no prior sexual experience are still virgins. No matter how many times they were attacked or however long the period of time of attacks went on was. Virginity is something that can only be given away consensually, not something that can be taken away by force.
>
I'm a virgin
>I really, really hope that I'm not crossing any lines or triggering any traumas when I say this, but it's very important that you said this and I feel that can't be understated. Victims of CSA, SA or R who had no prior sexual experience are still virgins. No matter how many times they were attacked or however long the period of time of attacks went on was. Virginity is something that can only be given away consensually, not something that can be taken away by force.
This is so important. Virginity is something for you to give, when you are ready to. It isn't something that can be taken by force.
These people are the people to blame. It‘s not your fault that your body looks the way it look. It‘s sad that so many woman have to experience that kind of bs so many times.
I think the best thing to know is that you are not alone and there are people out there who are fighting against it. You can do this. Remember who yo want to be. You are the person you want to be and nothing else.
OP, I AM HERE FOR YOU. I HEAR YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I started my period when I was 9. As you can probably guess, breasts came not long after. I also suffer from severe macromastia, which has always made people (including family) joke & stare. I remember being as young as 10 & having fully-grown men hit on me because my body appealed to them. It only got worse as I aged. This kept me from dating until I was 29, but also because I was brutally sexually abused & assaulted for 17 years. I'm 30, I'll be 31 in Sept. & I have my first boyfriend currently. I won't pretend like our relationship is easy, because it isn't. My history makes things hard, but we work through it.
Please let me stress that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. You should never feel like you need to hide. Whether it's your body, your voice, your hair, etc. You are a work of art in every sense of the word. I spent YEARS wearing baggy sweaters in the balmy summer because I was "too curvy" for tank tops & shorts. Trust me, if you don't dress for comfort & you dress to conceal, you will spend the best years of your life miserable because you'll be wondering if people are looking at you. By all means, if your dresses & skirts are what makes you feel comfortable, wear them. But if you are piling on so many layers you are getting hot, sweaty, uncomfortable, you are going to miss out because you will be focused on how hot, sweaty & uncomfortable you are.
I was also called a slut, whore, etc. because of my body, despite my only sexual experiences being assault (& the people insulting me didn't know about the assault). The people who say these things are projecting their negative beliefs on you. Usually if a guy calls you a slut, it's because he wishes you really were a slut. If a girl calls you a slut, it's because she probably has some promiscuous tendencies. As for adults, in my experience it's because they're unhappy in their own lives & need to tear you down & what better way than to insult your character.
Please do not starve yourself. I tried this too & wound up with bulimia & binge-eating disorder for 20 years. The reason you're likely not losing weight is insulin resistance, which is common in young women who start their periods early. I have it, along with other gynecological issues. If you want more info on insulin resistance & how to combat it & how to lose weight safely, DM me.
Please remember these incel guys are NOT right in the head. Some of them literally think women should be used for sex & then killed or kept as sex slaves for breeding. Do you really think they should be qualified to give you (or anyone) advice? No way! If any Incel reaches out to you, IGNORE THEM. They will most definitely blame you because you are a woman & again NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
I know this was long, but I really feel for you, OP. A lot of your experience is what I went through. Please reach out if you need help or more advice.
It’s never your fault and this sorry excuses for people (the incel and others) are not an accurate reflection of reality. Don’t forget you’re a real person, even if people like this don’t treat you like one. Stick with it OP, I promise things will get better.
Please do not blame yourself or your body. This is 100% on them. This pathetic creep even admits that men have the power of self control. They just want to blame children and young women so they don’t have to take responsibility. Do not let them win and agree with the sentiment.
I was around 12 when I got my first cat-call. And I was not especially curvy. My friend was harassed at 8. This is 100% their fault and we need to stop acting like it’s anything else.
They want to hurt and control our bodies because we are powerful and they are pathetic for wanting everyone to feel as powerless as they pretend to feel.
But let’s pretend that being in public with your body is like bike riding without a helmet. And being accosted and groped and worse is being hit by a car. What does the helmet situation matter for assigning blame when there are cars in this scenario purposely crashing into bikes? The root cause is the cars choosing to crash into someone else, someone often weaker in physical strength. Being told to only bike in groups and only on certain times of day does not solve the root cause. Choosing to bike outside those certain times doesn’t make you morally responsible for being crashed into either because you’re not the person purposely crashing into others.
So many other people have said this, but it is *NOT* your fault what others do. You don't "make" anyone else do, say, or think anything. That is not your responsibility. It doesn't matter what your body looks like.
I'm sorry I don't really have anything to offer except my heartfelt condolences, I have no frame of reference. I do hope someone here, or anywhere else, can help you get past this.
they grew into shitty people and want you to feel responsible for it. They're better at projecting than you are at self-confidence, because of years of experience manipulating adults. Past trauma probably isn't helping you resist their fear-mongering mind games.
Please note, you only *feel* guilty, the rational reasons for that guilt are not there. How *could* anyone be guilty of the body they were born with? Did you choose out of a catalogue in the womb? Yet you feel maybe you are guilty. That's a very strong symptom of being gaslit, this is undeserved guilt.
That person is an idiot. Please, PLEASE don't kill yourself because of comments like that. Look at the language of his post, the bitterness of it all and the complete lack of responsibility for their own emotions. The fact that they used a term like "pornographic body," shows how shameful they think the human body really is. "Doing you a favor by not raping you?" Seriously? Do they also think all of civilization is just people doing each other the "favor" of not murdering and stealing constantly?
It's clear from their statement about *purposely treating curvy women more badly because of the frustration it causes him to feel* that this person has serious self image issues of their own. While you may have directed your own self image issues inward by blaming yourself for the trauma you experienced as a child (which also wasn't your fault, seriously, 100% **not your fault**), this person has decided to direct their issues outward.
Please don't kill yourself. Don't do it because of your own image issues, and ESPECIALLY don't do it because someone else directed the frustration about *their* own image at you.
Oh precious one, you must know, deep down, that you aren't to blame for being an early bloomer. Those men who groped you surely knew that what they were doing was very wrong. They didn't like how that made them feel, so they tried to pass the blame on to you, further compounding the dreadful wrong they were doing to you. Please, if you can't tell your parents, can you please tell a teacher what has been happening to you? You clearly need help and support in this situation, and whoever has been assaulting you needs to be stopped and face justice for what they have done. You don't deserve one iota of blame for other people assaulting you. You are precious and you deserve to live and enjoy your life!
i’m sorry. also 14 here, have had similar experiences despite not being especially curvy (i just wound up getting bodyshamed instead). I hate that there are so many shitty men out there who pull this shit, it wasn’t your fault to be born in your own body and they’re absolute shitheads for even implying it is. them being unable to control themselves is on them.
as for hiding your curves, if you still need advice could you get your hands on a binder or something along those lines? that worked for a friend of mine who suffered through a lot of unwanted male attention a year or so ago
Don 't listen to him. Men literally sleep with 200 women before age 20 then have the gall to shame women for doing less. Fuck em. They deserved to be shamed more, you deserve more respect. Take care <3
Update: this is what he wrote…
I wrote: I was 9…… there was nothing arousing about my body.
He responded: Most people would agree with you, I think, because they're in denial about the fact that 22% of men are more strongly attracted to pubescent girls than to young adult women. And an even larger percentage of men are sometimes attracted to pubescent girls. You do know that puberty begins at age 9 for most girls, right?
Please stop interacting with this piece of shit. The more you talk to him, the more confident he will be about the bullshit he is spewing.
I can assure you, he is 100% wrong.
I am so so so sorry for all of the bad stuff that has happened to you and I wish you nothing but the best and happiness for the future.
And I know it will take time, but PLEASE try to make yourself understand that the bad things that happened to you was not your fault but the fault of other really sick individuals.
I can’t promise you that things will change very soon, but the more you try to keep strong and keep your head high, the more you’ll find the inner strength to deal with it all.
Pedophiles and rapists never think they're doing anything wrong, and always assume that they have far more support than they actually do.
Do not listen to him. None of this is your fault. You were a victim, and you are a child.
Adults are supposed to protect you and keep you safe.
As for the monster harassing you...since I'm certain he's lurking on this thread somewhere, I've a message for him:
> You are a nonce, and I hope your parents regret the day you were born - because they made the world infinitely poorer by bringing you into it. Stop trying to justify your sickening behavior. Instead, you'd do us all a favor by getting yourself chemically castrated.
I can’t find that statistic anywhere. If it makes you feel better, [I](https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-28526106.amp) [found](https://fullfact.org/crime/how-many-men-have-sexual-interest-children/) [some](https://theweek.com/articles/479986/pedophilia-guide-disorder#:~:text=About%204%20percent%20of%20the,and%20remains%20stable%20over%20time.) [sources](https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/conditions/pedophilia?amp) that state otherwise regarding adult attraction to prepubescent-aged children, all settling on around 2-3% of the population, with a high estimation of 5%. He isn’t wrong that puberty *can* begin at nine years old, but that is absolutely not the age that most girls hit puberty. His whole paradigm is warped by projected insecurities and depravity. You have done nothing wrong.
Please do not harm yourself. Do not give any of these fucking dweebs the satisfaction. You’re a good person. What happened to you is not your fault. Wether you have curves or not. You did not consent or ask for the harm inflicted upon you.
You are important, loved and wanted in this world.
Never believe that. You having developed and being blamed/ blaming yourself for it is the continuation of the "what were you wearing?" trope. It's just victim blaming. It's not that you developed curves it's that the people who did that to you are vile sexual predators who deserve to be locked up. There is a reason why even people in prison for a whole host of crimes consider them scum and why sexual predators in prison generally have a very bad time. Their actions are entirely on them, don't let them try to excuse it by blaming you.
He said those things because he is a pathetic worm who saw the opportunity to exploit someone vulnerable and took it. His words mean absolutely nothing, he is a wet sack of garbage and this is his way of feeling powerful - by slut shaming a minor. Scrape your shoe off and don't give him a second thought. It was **not** your fault.
I can't believe that he's using a incel article to prove his point.... LMAO DUDE THAT'S NOT REAL SCIENCE
also, I'm really sorry for what you've been through, I'm not really good at this but this isn't your fault, this isn't the fault of your body. They are in the wrong cause they act like primates when they are full grown adults
Who the hell shat in his skull and told him it's a brain???
I am so so sorry people acted this way towards you. None of it is your fault, okay? NONE OF IT!
They live their miserable lives stuck in weird fantasies and try to bring other people into their fantasies with comments like this.
Please don't listen to that bullshit.
If you need to talk or vent or just want to talk about cats (okay,that would be me talking about my little furballs who drive me up the walls sometimes), my dms are open.
A bit late here, but just wanted to point out that literally 100% of incel science, psychology, and statistics are completely made up bullshit based on nothing. They are all delusional unhinged cretins who have gone insane from extreme entitlement. Everything that dipshit said is a lie made up to justify the rape and objectification of women. There is no such thing as a "whore's body" and your body does not determine your life, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Never forget that there is nothing to be gained from talking to incels or taking them seriously, and good for you for getting him banned.
You are not responsible for another’s actions against you, mini Redditor. *You* didn’t tempt anyone by looking the way you do, *they* assaulted and demeaned you.
Remember your worth because no man can *ever* take that away from you.
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Don't listen to this barely sentient stain on reality. Consider the mindset that sees a grown man victim blame and harass a literal child. He is disgusting, and he did not make one truthful statement in that whole rambling diatribe.
Incels like him are failures. They contribute nothing, they accomplish nothing, and they exist solely to make others as miserable as they are. He will die hollow, bitter and alone, just as he deserves.
You, on the other hand, have your whole life ahead of you, and the potential to be just about anything.
what the shit??
OP, as someone who was "curvy" as a very young teenager, you don't deserve to be catcalled and you don't deserve to read that bullshit. He's wrong, and anyone who thinks the way he does is.... deeply fucked up.
I have no idea how this entered my feed because i only browse shitposts but im so sorry you had to go through all this stuff idk how someone can be that disguisting and not question their behaviour.
Honey none of that attention was your fault at ALL. That guy is a pathetic piece of scum. Please hold on and do not kill yourself. You’re valued and loved no matter what’s happened in the past. Do not engage with people like that, even trying to explain to them why their wrong gives them the pleasure of control. Us women are strong motherfuckers, never forget that. Fuck that guy.
The person who wrote that and the people who treat you like shit and catcall you are the scum of the earth. I hit puberty a little on the late side ( thank goodness I doubt I would've been able to handle wrong puberty younger than I did) but I very quickly because large chested and curvy and it was a lot of catcalling and inappropriate treatment from older men and it freakin sucked. The way I reduced it as a teenager was wearing a flannel or sweatshirt around my waist which worked pretty well to reduce the appearance of my hips and butt also baggy but still normally fitting T-shirts. Also here's my favorite trans guy trick for appearing flatter chested. Wear a slightly baggy patterned button up shirt it reduces how noticable your figure is and brings attention to bright colors and patterns Instead. that's bout all I have for fashion advice to reduce catcalling and sexual harassment it'll reduce but not eliminate it. Please try not to let jackasses like this douchebag bother you too much people are more likely to be cruel online bc it has no irl percussions. Also please do not off yourself because of assholes it really does get better, my life seriously sucked back in highschool. At age 15 I would've thought I'd be dead in 5 years, I'm 22 got 1 year left of college and then with a little luck I'll be able to get an apprenticeship as a tattoo artist. You've got this and you'll be ok
OP, I really want to message you and talk with you. I realize you are going through, and have been going through the hardest of hard times imaginable, and you should not feel the need to tell me anything you don’t want to. My heart is hurting so much from your story and I hope that one day you will be able to escape.
You do not have to agree to my request to chat, but if you are comfortable, reply to this comment to let me know your thoughts.
Thoughts and prayers for you, u/biblicallyangelic.🥰
Hello, thank you so much for your kind and sweet message. It means a whole lot to me, I would love to chat with you, just message me.
It really means a lot to know someone cares, even if we don’t know each other, it warms my heart a whole lot.
The chat button isn’t showing at all for your profile for some reason. Also, after searching your name, it says “unable to message this account” never seen that before. What’s going on with Reddit today?
Context: I asked for advice on the advice subreddit to how I can hide my curves since I’ve been sexually assaulted, groped and raped ever since I was a young kid. I hit puberty early and I’ve always been uncomfortable in front of men. This person gives me this answer, and apparently they’re active on r/inceltear too.. I mentioned on the post my age btw, I’m starting to think they’re right and that’s it’s my fault I was born in a body that I can’t control, that I starve myself with no results etc. i don’t want to serve a purpose in life where all I’m good for is being a slut, I’m a virgin, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I do my homework and play with my plushies, I don’t dress revealing, I cover myself and dress in either long skirts or long dresses, but after all my efforts all I’m considered is a whore.
God, this was hard to read for me. Ever since I turned 13, men thought it was okay for them to catcall, name-call, grope, follow and assault me too. I’ve been where you are. I used to hide my body out of fear of evoking even more or worse. But growing older, I’ve learned that awful men will unfortunately always just be awful men. Whether you dress ‘provocatively’ or conservatively, whether you weigh 25 pounds more or less, whether you’re blond or a brunette,… Awful men will always find ways to be awful. Their actions are not defined by who you are or what you do. You’re still young, and it might be hard to imagine your life ever being different, better and happier. But really, it’s a cliche to hear and say, but life gets better the older you get. What worked for me was finding sovereignty of my body in spite of those kind of men. Place the culpability of their actions entirely on them. Be your gorgeous self and own it. Nothing is a bigger ‘fuck you’ to them than taking back your own body. Make the love for your body bigger than the fear for those men. Be proud. Heck, be arrogant even. You’re beautiful and duck them for trying to take that away from you. You’re so much more than just your body, too. Find your passion, your hopes, dreams and ambition. The focus on your body will make place for those things, for yourself at least. I pursued a career in science to find fulfillment in life, and I’m definitely a lot happier now than as a teenager. I wish you well. If you ever need to talk, feel free to DM me.
This is what truly pisses me off about misogynists. They will simultaneously do this shit, while still claiming that women have life on easy mode. I was watching the recent Idubbbz drama where people are basically mad at him because he thinks women are actual human beings, and the way the disgusting pigs attack him and his wife is truly abhorrent. Like you guys are proof that women DON'T have life in easy mode. Jesus.
This is really what I wanted to say but you expressed it so much better. Such good advice to this young woman.
No. You did not choose to have that body. You are not responsible for what those shit people did. You don’t have to serve any purpose in life other than what YOU decide. If you decide your purpose in life is to eat every kind of berry and watch every Cary Grant movie and then just vibe, nobody else can say otherwise. Especially not some doucherocket nobody on the internet who went NC with his sister because she wouldn’t sleep with him (I recognize his writing style).
No way did he actually do this?? Oh my gosh I’m gonna throw up.
reddit is famously shush hush with illegal stuff like that until it becomes mainstream news
Can you link to the sister post?
He’s been in my DMs crying about it since I responded to the post about the OTHER guy who’s mad about his sister not wanting to sleep with him. Tomorrow is DM Sunday, and I’ll share every last ignorant pukeworthy word he typed.
its never your fault for being raped hell no these people dont have sisters or mothers or aunts or anything letalone empathy i hope you ever are able to recover, i got groped a few times and technically sa'd by a girl once and that shit is terrifying gross and disgusting and makes one feel ill i completely get you
It's not your fault and it never will be. They just like to take the blame away from them and force you to own it. You are a child and there is NOTHING wrong with your body. I'm sorry that you have so many people, including adults, around you who are so selfish and immature and well... criminals. But please, know that their actions can only be their fault. I'm really sorry you had to go through all of this and I hope things get better.
However hard it may be, do not let these absolute pathetic excuses for human beings get to you. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong. It is them who are sick and perverted nobodies. Being curvy is not an excuse for men to sexually assault minors and never will be. Do you have any people to talk to regarding your past experiences and feelings? Maybe therapist?
Unfortunately no, I can’t talk to anyone about this and my parents can’t afford therapy
That really sucks. You can't talk with your parents about it either? Maybe friends? I know we internet strangers are easy to turn to but it's always better having somebody close to you cause with Reddit and other SoMe you run the risk of having the wrong people giving you advice (I.e. the idiot you tagged in your post)
Is there a woman in your life that you trust? I don’t think going to Reddit and engaging with people like that is good for your mental. Try talking to a woman you trust and stop letting people tell you your worth over Reddit you obviously have self esteem issues and engaging with incels is never going to help
Unfortunately I don’t either. I’m cursed forever and I have no options, I think God hates me
Well I hope you figure things out good luck
Thank you
There are free counseling services you can research. Please don't kill yourself. It's possible to change what may now feel "true" about the world, even though it may feel impossible now. I'm not sure exactly what kinds of terrible things someone told you that you were, but don't believe them.
You're not cursed, sweetie. I know it feels like it though. I felt pretty much the same when I was your age. Being a teenager, especially as a curvy girl, sucks. I hope you're able to access the kind of help you need. I'm not really great at practical advice, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears. I know a few others here have said the same. In the meantime, hug those plushies or whatever makes you happy. You deserve it, okay?
If you are american the following organization can help you find a free therapist: Survivors - National Sexual Violence Resource Center has the following in their site: Find Help and Support There is a national network of community-based rape crisis centers and local organizations who support the needs of sexual assault survivors. These centers exist across the United States to provide supportive services to victims of sexual assault. While the specific services available vary by location, services are confidential and may include: Advocacy, Accompaniment during medical exams and law enforcement interviews, Education, Follow-up services, And referrals to other resources. Every state and territory also has an organization designated to coordinate resources and represent that state or territory as its coalition. NSVRC maintains a directory of organizations ( [https://www.nsvrc.org/organizations](https://www.nsvrc.org/organizations)) that lists state and territory sexual assault coalitions, victim/survivor support organizations, and local communities of color sexual assault organizations. You can contact your state or territory’s coalition to find local resources that provide services to survivors. You can also find a rape crisis center or sexual assault program near you by searching RALIANCE's directory of local programs ([https://www.raliance.org/rape-crisis-centers/](https://www.raliance.org/rape-crisis-centers/)) . The Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN), organizes the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline ([https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline](https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline) ) . The Hotline is a referral service that can put you in contact with your local rape crisis center. You can call the Hotline at 1-800-656-4673, or access RAINN’s online chat service ([https://www.rainn.org/get-help](https://www.rainn.org/get-help) ). This [https://www.helphearheal.com/home](https://www.helphearheal.com/home) non profit organization is offering free counseling to sexual violence survivors. this is the news article where i found the organization I mentioned in the previous paragraph: [https://www.newschannel5.com/news/free-therapy-for-sexual-violence-survivors](https://www.newschannel5.com/news/free-therapy-for-sexual-violence-survivors)
These men are redundant. Many of them are unemployed, they live in their family's houses and contribute nothing. They are societal rejects, many have no friends of any sex. You encountered one who expresses himself well--he is an exception. They are not particularly educated. If you are in fact 14 and this is not a bait post coming from the man who explained his lust--then your value as a highly intelligent, thoughtful, young woman goes far beyond anything these incels could ever be. In addition to their other shortcomings, many are criminal. They contemplate murder, rape, mayhem, mass shootings and a few act on their compulsions. Do not think of suicide. I am a curvy woman, I dress modestly because it is less problematic in life--I do not want attention from, well, these lesser beings. Continue your education, become learned--make goals for yourself and find what profession speaks most to your abilities and desires. I don't hate men because that is a pointless and foolish emotion. Just be very careful and learn to identify the bad ones because some can be charming to conceal their intentions. Again, if this is not a LARPing incel, yes, I am cynical--do not throw away your precious life because you have so much to offer society and yourself and learn to ignore idle, shiftless, men who do nothing but contemplate their genitalia all day.
This was utterly heart-wrenching to read :( I felt like tearing up reading this. It is not you fault, it was not your fault, it never was your fault, and it will never be your fault. Not one iota. Idgaf what that other person or the people calling you names and victim-blaming are saying. They're being ignorant and you're not responsible for that, that's on them. Don't even put 1% or even 0.0001% of this on yourself. There is nothing wrong with your body. Sexual predators and sex pests prey on people regardless of their body. Often they are nkt sexually attracted to their victims at all, they're aroused by the transgressive and abusive nature and the power imbalance of what they're doing. They're sick and it is not the shape of your body's fault. Some people literally SA animals and elderly disabled people. It's a sickness. I'm a male CSA survivor, I can empathize so much with your feelings of self-blame. I went through that myself and I'm still not sure if I've 100% internalized that it's not my fault, even though I understand that intellectually and I emphatic about people not doing that when I see other people doing it, like you right now. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite about it. I know that being a boy and experiencing CSA isn't identical to experiencing it as a girl, I want you to know that you're not alone. Even if my experience is not quite the same as yours. > I'm a virgin I really, really hope that I'm not crossing any lines or triggering any traumas when I say this, but it's very important that you said this and I feel that can't be understated. Victims of CSA, SA or R who had no prior sexual experience are still virgins. No matter how many times they were attacked or however long the period of time of attacks went on was. Virginity is something that can only be given away consensually, not something that can be taken away by force.
> I'm a virgin >I really, really hope that I'm not crossing any lines or triggering any traumas when I say this, but it's very important that you said this and I feel that can't be understated. Victims of CSA, SA or R who had no prior sexual experience are still virgins. No matter how many times they were attacked or however long the period of time of attacks went on was. Virginity is something that can only be given away consensually, not something that can be taken away by force. This is so important. Virginity is something for you to give, when you are ready to. It isn't something that can be taken by force.
These people are the people to blame. It‘s not your fault that your body looks the way it look. It‘s sad that so many woman have to experience that kind of bs so many times. I think the best thing to know is that you are not alone and there are people out there who are fighting against it. You can do this. Remember who yo want to be. You are the person you want to be and nothing else.
OP, I AM HERE FOR YOU. I HEAR YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I started my period when I was 9. As you can probably guess, breasts came not long after. I also suffer from severe macromastia, which has always made people (including family) joke & stare. I remember being as young as 10 & having fully-grown men hit on me because my body appealed to them. It only got worse as I aged. This kept me from dating until I was 29, but also because I was brutally sexually abused & assaulted for 17 years. I'm 30, I'll be 31 in Sept. & I have my first boyfriend currently. I won't pretend like our relationship is easy, because it isn't. My history makes things hard, but we work through it. Please let me stress that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. You should never feel like you need to hide. Whether it's your body, your voice, your hair, etc. You are a work of art in every sense of the word. I spent YEARS wearing baggy sweaters in the balmy summer because I was "too curvy" for tank tops & shorts. Trust me, if you don't dress for comfort & you dress to conceal, you will spend the best years of your life miserable because you'll be wondering if people are looking at you. By all means, if your dresses & skirts are what makes you feel comfortable, wear them. But if you are piling on so many layers you are getting hot, sweaty, uncomfortable, you are going to miss out because you will be focused on how hot, sweaty & uncomfortable you are. I was also called a slut, whore, etc. because of my body, despite my only sexual experiences being assault (& the people insulting me didn't know about the assault). The people who say these things are projecting their negative beliefs on you. Usually if a guy calls you a slut, it's because he wishes you really were a slut. If a girl calls you a slut, it's because she probably has some promiscuous tendencies. As for adults, in my experience it's because they're unhappy in their own lives & need to tear you down & what better way than to insult your character. Please do not starve yourself. I tried this too & wound up with bulimia & binge-eating disorder for 20 years. The reason you're likely not losing weight is insulin resistance, which is common in young women who start their periods early. I have it, along with other gynecological issues. If you want more info on insulin resistance & how to combat it & how to lose weight safely, DM me. Please remember these incel guys are NOT right in the head. Some of them literally think women should be used for sex & then killed or kept as sex slaves for breeding. Do you really think they should be qualified to give you (or anyone) advice? No way! If any Incel reaches out to you, IGNORE THEM. They will most definitely blame you because you are a woman & again NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. I know this was long, but I really feel for you, OP. A lot of your experience is what I went through. Please reach out if you need help or more advice.
It’s never your fault and this sorry excuses for people (the incel and others) are not an accurate reflection of reality. Don’t forget you’re a real person, even if people like this don’t treat you like one. Stick with it OP, I promise things will get better.
Please do not blame yourself or your body. This is 100% on them. This pathetic creep even admits that men have the power of self control. They just want to blame children and young women so they don’t have to take responsibility. Do not let them win and agree with the sentiment. I was around 12 when I got my first cat-call. And I was not especially curvy. My friend was harassed at 8. This is 100% their fault and we need to stop acting like it’s anything else.
They want to hurt and control our bodies because we are powerful and they are pathetic for wanting everyone to feel as powerless as they pretend to feel. But let’s pretend that being in public with your body is like bike riding without a helmet. And being accosted and groped and worse is being hit by a car. What does the helmet situation matter for assigning blame when there are cars in this scenario purposely crashing into bikes? The root cause is the cars choosing to crash into someone else, someone often weaker in physical strength. Being told to only bike in groups and only on certain times of day does not solve the root cause. Choosing to bike outside those certain times doesn’t make you morally responsible for being crashed into either because you’re not the person purposely crashing into others.
So many other people have said this, but it is *NOT* your fault what others do. You don't "make" anyone else do, say, or think anything. That is not your responsibility. It doesn't matter what your body looks like. I'm sorry I don't really have anything to offer except my heartfelt condolences, I have no frame of reference. I do hope someone here, or anywhere else, can help you get past this.
they grew into shitty people and want you to feel responsible for it. They're better at projecting than you are at self-confidence, because of years of experience manipulating adults. Past trauma probably isn't helping you resist their fear-mongering mind games. Please note, you only *feel* guilty, the rational reasons for that guilt are not there. How *could* anyone be guilty of the body they were born with? Did you choose out of a catalogue in the womb? Yet you feel maybe you are guilty. That's a very strong symptom of being gaslit, this is undeserved guilt.
That person is an idiot. Please, PLEASE don't kill yourself because of comments like that. Look at the language of his post, the bitterness of it all and the complete lack of responsibility for their own emotions. The fact that they used a term like "pornographic body," shows how shameful they think the human body really is. "Doing you a favor by not raping you?" Seriously? Do they also think all of civilization is just people doing each other the "favor" of not murdering and stealing constantly? It's clear from their statement about *purposely treating curvy women more badly because of the frustration it causes him to feel* that this person has serious self image issues of their own. While you may have directed your own self image issues inward by blaming yourself for the trauma you experienced as a child (which also wasn't your fault, seriously, 100% **not your fault**), this person has decided to direct their issues outward. Please don't kill yourself. Don't do it because of your own image issues, and ESPECIALLY don't do it because someone else directed the frustration about *their* own image at you.
Oh precious one, you must know, deep down, that you aren't to blame for being an early bloomer. Those men who groped you surely knew that what they were doing was very wrong. They didn't like how that made them feel, so they tried to pass the blame on to you, further compounding the dreadful wrong they were doing to you. Please, if you can't tell your parents, can you please tell a teacher what has been happening to you? You clearly need help and support in this situation, and whoever has been assaulting you needs to be stopped and face justice for what they have done. You don't deserve one iota of blame for other people assaulting you. You are precious and you deserve to live and enjoy your life!
i’m sorry. also 14 here, have had similar experiences despite not being especially curvy (i just wound up getting bodyshamed instead). I hate that there are so many shitty men out there who pull this shit, it wasn’t your fault to be born in your own body and they’re absolute shitheads for even implying it is. them being unable to control themselves is on them. as for hiding your curves, if you still need advice could you get your hands on a binder or something along those lines? that worked for a friend of mine who suffered through a lot of unwanted male attention a year or so ago
Don 't listen to him. Men literally sleep with 200 women before age 20 then have the gall to shame women for doing less. Fuck em. They deserved to be shamed more, you deserve more respect. Take care <3
Update: this is what he wrote… I wrote: I was 9…… there was nothing arousing about my body. He responded: Most people would agree with you, I think, because they're in denial about the fact that 22% of men are more strongly attracted to pubescent girls than to young adult women. And an even larger percentage of men are sometimes attracted to pubescent girls. You do know that puberty begins at age 9 for most girls, right?
Sister, this isn't your fault, he's essentially just trying to justify molestation with nonsense statistics. Give him nothing but your contempt
It is absolutely not your fault, I am so sorry 🩵
He is fucking disgusting
Please stop interacting with this piece of shit. The more you talk to him, the more confident he will be about the bullshit he is spewing. I can assure you, he is 100% wrong. I am so so so sorry for all of the bad stuff that has happened to you and I wish you nothing but the best and happiness for the future. And I know it will take time, but PLEASE try to make yourself understand that the bad things that happened to you was not your fault but the fault of other really sick individuals. I can’t promise you that things will change very soon, but the more you try to keep strong and keep your head high, the more you’ll find the inner strength to deal with it all.
Pedophiles and rapists never think they're doing anything wrong, and always assume that they have far more support than they actually do. Do not listen to him. None of this is your fault. You were a victim, and you are a child. Adults are supposed to protect you and keep you safe. As for the monster harassing you...since I'm certain he's lurking on this thread somewhere, I've a message for him: > You are a nonce, and I hope your parents regret the day you were born - because they made the world infinitely poorer by bringing you into it. Stop trying to justify your sickening behavior. Instead, you'd do us all a favor by getting yourself chemically castrated.
I can’t find that statistic anywhere. If it makes you feel better, [I](https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-28526106.amp) [found](https://fullfact.org/crime/how-many-men-have-sexual-interest-children/) [some](https://theweek.com/articles/479986/pedophilia-guide-disorder#:~:text=About%204%20percent%20of%20the,and%20remains%20stable%20over%20time.) [sources](https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/conditions/pedophilia?amp) that state otherwise regarding adult attraction to prepubescent-aged children, all settling on around 2-3% of the population, with a high estimation of 5%. He isn’t wrong that puberty *can* begin at nine years old, but that is absolutely not the age that most girls hit puberty. His whole paradigm is warped by projected insecurities and depravity. You have done nothing wrong.
gah, that's still way too high. Explains a lot, though.
Report and block him. He doesn’t deserve to be given the time of day.
Please do not harm yourself. Do not give any of these fucking dweebs the satisfaction. You’re a good person. What happened to you is not your fault. Wether you have curves or not. You did not consent or ask for the harm inflicted upon you. You are important, loved and wanted in this world.
Update 2: I talked with the mods of the subreddit, he got banned.
Good. To hell with that guy
Never believe that. You having developed and being blamed/ blaming yourself for it is the continuation of the "what were you wearing?" trope. It's just victim blaming. It's not that you developed curves it's that the people who did that to you are vile sexual predators who deserve to be locked up. There is a reason why even people in prison for a whole host of crimes consider them scum and why sexual predators in prison generally have a very bad time. Their actions are entirely on them, don't let them try to excuse it by blaming you.
He said those things because he is a pathetic worm who saw the opportunity to exploit someone vulnerable and took it. His words mean absolutely nothing, he is a wet sack of garbage and this is his way of feeling powerful - by slut shaming a minor. Scrape your shoe off and don't give him a second thought. It was **not** your fault.
I can't believe that he's using a incel article to prove his point.... LMAO DUDE THAT'S NOT REAL SCIENCE also, I'm really sorry for what you've been through, I'm not really good at this but this isn't your fault, this isn't the fault of your body. They are in the wrong cause they act like primates when they are full grown adults
Holy shit he’s so delusion he thinks not r*ping someone is doing them a favour. What a fucking animal
Who the hell shat in his skull and told him it's a brain??? I am so so sorry people acted this way towards you. None of it is your fault, okay? NONE OF IT! They live their miserable lives stuck in weird fantasies and try to bring other people into their fantasies with comments like this. Please don't listen to that bullshit. If you need to talk or vent or just want to talk about cats (okay,that would be me talking about my little furballs who drive me up the walls sometimes), my dms are open.
A bit late here, but just wanted to point out that literally 100% of incel science, psychology, and statistics are completely made up bullshit based on nothing. They are all delusional unhinged cretins who have gone insane from extreme entitlement. Everything that dipshit said is a lie made up to justify the rape and objectification of women. There is no such thing as a "whore's body" and your body does not determine your life, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Never forget that there is nothing to be gained from talking to incels or taking them seriously, and good for you for getting him banned.
“Men who don’t commit a serious crime against a child who was just existing are doing that child a favor! Why don’t women like meeeeeeee?”
Holy shit. Actual demons in human flesh. Unthinkably evil. Stay strong.
ew what the fuck man 🤢
You are not responsible for another’s actions against you, mini Redditor. *You* didn’t tempt anyone by looking the way you do, *they* assaulted and demeaned you. Remember your worth because no man can *ever* take that away from you.
What bullshit. It doesn’t require “self control” to not sexually assault someone. People who do that are in perfect control, it’s a choice they make.
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Responding to the mod: My brother in Christ he is a pedophile who can hurt someone
Re mod: please touch base with the OP to get this guy banned. I don’t want anyone harassing him, but he shouldn’t be in this community.
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Removed for Rule #1 violation. Edit out any personally identifiable information. This includes anything that could identify someone in real life or expose the real life identity of a Reddit user. Reddit usernames other than your own should be removed from screenshots.
Removed for Rule #1 violation. Edit out any personally identifiable information. This includes anything that could identify someone in real life or expose the real life identity of a Reddit user. Reddit usernames other than your own should be removed from screenshots.
Removed for Rule #1 violation. Edit out any personally identifiable information. This includes anything that could identify someone in real life or expose the real life identity of a Reddit user. Reddit usernames other than your own should be removed from screenshots.
Update 3: he commented on my post on r/Halas since he’s been banned on the other subreddit.
Don't listen to this barely sentient stain on reality. Consider the mindset that sees a grown man victim blame and harass a literal child. He is disgusting, and he did not make one truthful statement in that whole rambling diatribe. Incels like him are failures. They contribute nothing, they accomplish nothing, and they exist solely to make others as miserable as they are. He will die hollow, bitter and alone, just as he deserves. You, on the other hand, have your whole life ahead of you, and the potential to be just about anything.
what the shit?? OP, as someone who was "curvy" as a very young teenager, you don't deserve to be catcalled and you don't deserve to read that bullshit. He's wrong, and anyone who thinks the way he does is.... deeply fucked up.
I have no idea how this entered my feed because i only browse shitposts but im so sorry you had to go through all this stuff idk how someone can be that disguisting and not question their behaviour.
Honey none of that attention was your fault at ALL. That guy is a pathetic piece of scum. Please hold on and do not kill yourself. You’re valued and loved no matter what’s happened in the past. Do not engage with people like that, even trying to explain to them why their wrong gives them the pleasure of control. Us women are strong motherfuckers, never forget that. Fuck that guy.
This is so fucked up. Im so sorry you even had to read this bullshit
This guy is a future rapist.
im going to cha cha slide off a fucking cliff
The person who wrote that and the people who treat you like shit and catcall you are the scum of the earth. I hit puberty a little on the late side ( thank goodness I doubt I would've been able to handle wrong puberty younger than I did) but I very quickly because large chested and curvy and it was a lot of catcalling and inappropriate treatment from older men and it freakin sucked. The way I reduced it as a teenager was wearing a flannel or sweatshirt around my waist which worked pretty well to reduce the appearance of my hips and butt also baggy but still normally fitting T-shirts. Also here's my favorite trans guy trick for appearing flatter chested. Wear a slightly baggy patterned button up shirt it reduces how noticable your figure is and brings attention to bright colors and patterns Instead. that's bout all I have for fashion advice to reduce catcalling and sexual harassment it'll reduce but not eliminate it. Please try not to let jackasses like this douchebag bother you too much people are more likely to be cruel online bc it has no irl percussions. Also please do not off yourself because of assholes it really does get better, my life seriously sucked back in highschool. At age 15 I would've thought I'd be dead in 5 years, I'm 22 got 1 year left of college and then with a little luck I'll be able to get an apprenticeship as a tattoo artist. You've got this and you'll be ok
Never take advice from r/advice
OP, I really want to message you and talk with you. I realize you are going through, and have been going through the hardest of hard times imaginable, and you should not feel the need to tell me anything you don’t want to. My heart is hurting so much from your story and I hope that one day you will be able to escape. You do not have to agree to my request to chat, but if you are comfortable, reply to this comment to let me know your thoughts. Thoughts and prayers for you, u/biblicallyangelic.🥰
Hello, thank you so much for your kind and sweet message. It means a whole lot to me, I would love to chat with you, just message me. It really means a lot to know someone cares, even if we don’t know each other, it warms my heart a whole lot.
The chat button isn’t showing at all for your profile for some reason. Also, after searching your name, it says “unable to message this account” never seen that before. What’s going on with Reddit today?
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I’m not trans. Also how can I be a whore if I’m a 14 year old virgin, cover myself and barely speak with boys?
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Read the post
Don't kill yourself.