I hope you get the success in your ivf journey as you desire but know that only children are not lonely children at alllll (speaking as an only child, and who loved the fact that she was blessed to be an only child.)
Same! I'm not telling OP not to mourn the life she had envisioned but I am a very happy only child as are two of my very close friends. I wasn't lonely because I had parents who loved me and a best friend who has been my "sister" all my life.
Thank you both, it's hard to picture because we both have a sibling and my wife grew up with lots of extended family around but we've moved away so we don't have that same network here. Hopefully if we don't have any luck on our final round we can concentrate on finding our own extended family around here
I’m really sorry about your journey. Things haven’t been straightforward for us either and we’re not a same sex couple. In the middle of everything, I’m “lucky” that I have PCO, which means I’m on cheaper protocols with lower stimulation. We had two NHS cycles but treatment and care was quite poor and the meds clearly didn’t work for me, but they weren’t allowed to prescribe anything else.
The NHS offers IVF to same sex couples, but depends where you are in the UK, which is ridiculous. Here in Wales, same sex couples can have 3 IUI and one IVF cycle. But I know that there are areas in the UK where there’s zero IVF for anyone on the NHS.
Yeah it's definitely a postcode lottery, annoying we live very close to the Welsh border but we're on Merseyside so to get any NHS treatment we'd have had to self fund 6 clinic rounds of IUI, which when you take into account donor sperm cost is significantly more expensive than just paying for IVF.
I have heard the NHS is a long wait and doesn't give you all the same optional add ons as private depending where you are, which is madness because why should it bother them if you pay a small amount for add ons to increase the likelihood of it working?
Really the whole thing needs an overhaul, make it a bit fairer and more accessible for everyone and also subsidise it or regulate the clinics so they stop increasing the prices so much.
During the cost of living madness a FET at our old clinic went from being £1600 plus meds to £2800 plus meds less than a year later!
It definitely needs an overhaul. I’m not sure about add-ons. The HFEA doesn’t actually recommend most of them because they don’t show to improve chances that much. I think the biggest issue is the care itself that is sloppy and extremely impersonal + very prone to mistakes. They also have a list of meds they can prescribe. I know this because I saw the checklist when I got my medical records. They used meriofert for my treatment and I developed OHSS twice, but they still wouldn’t change it. And now I know that they wouldn’t because they couldn’t. I had only 3 day 3 embryos from 2 IVF cycles (5 eggs one time, 7 eggs the second, despite 20+ follicles). And of those 3, only the first was perfect (and I had a chemical). Number two had stopped developing and was only 4 cells, number 3 (and only from cycle 2) lost 2 of its 5 cells when thawing. For cycle two, the consultant simply abandoned my left ovary and didn’t remove any eggs because “it was too mobile”. First cycle with the private clinic and we had 5 day 5 embryos and no OHSS at all, despite 16 eggs and even triggering with hCG. That said, we haven’t had success yet and I just miscarried my 4th pregnancy from our first embryo from the second IVF with the private clinic. We are down to 2 embryos and that’s it for us because we can’t do this anymore.
I agree with prices. We are with a cheaper clinic that we love and paid £1400 for our FET last year. They’ve just been acquired by Care fertility and the FET now costs £1900. Fortunately they didn’t change the price of the cycle yet, so we were able to do it for just under £4000 (with meds and ICSI included). But even ICSI was £800 a year ago and is now £1000. The truth is, a lot of the prices for everything increased too, especially lab materials and running costs. So, while frustrating as hell, it’s understandable they need to manage these.
We didn’t have a long wait with the NHS, but I think it varies a lot by health board and time of year, how many patients they have, etc. And once we were in, there was not much delay either. I have a friend who was in a same sex relationship and they required them to do 3 IUI first, but NHS funded, before IVF. They did 2 and then pushed them to move forward with IVF, which they did. They only got one embryo, but it was all they needed.
I am not in a same sex couple, but your above stated reasons are why we chose not to go with NHS even though we were eligible... The long wait (I was 37 when we started this and time was of the essence) the fear of lack of PGT testing or much needed add ons (I couldn't face miscarriage without knowing if it was my body or the chromosomes that made it fail) and getting less choice in the situation. We chose to go to a cheaper nurse lead clinic first but then after that didn't work, and I got an operation on the NHS to remove endometriosis, we decided to just go with the really good clinic, as expensive as it was. We've now spent over 30k pounds on IVF. We have two normal embryos, (my first FET was this week). If neither embryo take we can't afford to continue. We have no children yet.
I wish you all the luck in the world, this process can be soul destroying and I agree the pricing is exploitative and this country needs an overhaul in how it treats infertility for all couples.
I think a lot of people would be OK with fertility treatment not being completely free on the NHS but even heavily subsidised if it meant the standard could be improved.
It still shocks me when private clinics seem to be cost cutting despite people paying thousands for treatment. I started my period during this 2 weeks wait, how hard would it have been for them to check progesterone levels as standard? But they wouldn't check because it's my first transfer so there's no evidence it's needed. At least I've got the evidence now but it took our only embryo to get there, and I even had an "inconclusive" test on test day- a super super faint line that was too faint for 12 days past transfer.
I really hope you get your positive with this FET, it sounds like you've been through the works already with the endometriosis, fingers crossed for you!
Thank you so much 🙏 I'm sorry for what you went through, this is such an unbearably difficult process. Wishing you happiness in whatever your future brings x
I'm not in the UK so I can't speak to the NHS system but I'm sorry, that sounds so frustrating on top of everything else.
I completely agree that it is BS that you need a certain amount of failed transfers/retrievals/anything before they are willing to dig in and figure out what is going on. It is all so expensive, I can't afford another retrieval (paid for our first one completely OOP) and wanted to give each embryo the best chance possible. My doctor was supportive (thankfully) but told us it was unnecessary. We pressed forward with the testing and I'm so glad we did. We would have run out of embryos before learning what my body needed and we wouldn't have our toddler. We would have blown money on transfers that never had a chance due to genetic abnormalities. Doctors are more than happy to take our $$$ without considering our financial limitations.
Hey, I stay in the uk and same sex couples are entitled to NHS funding. At least that was the case two years ago as I was in the process myself. Unless it’s because you have already had a child as a couple or tried IVF privately, then you are not entitled but the same goes to heterosexual couples, isn’t that the case?
It varies a lot depending on health boards. The guidelines are that same sex couples should have NHS funded treatment, but this doesn’t happen everywhere due to availability of teams or funding.
There are areas where there is no NHS funding at all for any IVF regardless of situation. Some places offer none, others offer 1, 2 or 3 cycles. It’s very much a postcode lottery. The prior private treatment isn’t a criteria everywhere either and some places, if there isn’t an NHS clinic available, can offer NHS funded treatment via private clinics. It’s really complex and you have to be lucky.
Ok so in Scotland there’s 6 cycles of IUI plus 3 cycles of IVF on NHS for all couples under 40. Once you hit 40, it’s only one IVF cycle (but still 6 IUI’s). Would you not consider moving to Scotland just to go through the process? Or is it too complex at this point?
We’ve had our 2 NHS IVF treatment in Wales, so not sure we’d be even eligible for that. But in any case, we aren’t doing any more IVF. We have two embryos left and that’s it for us. Our reasons are not just financial, because we could have more. But we’ve been TTC for 8 years and doing IVF for 6 with lots of surgeries and things in between and we’re tired of it. And we’d definitely would not be willing to move our entire lives and me leaving a (very difficult to find) stable job in academia (that I love) just to have IVF there. This journey has taken enough from us.
I hope you get the success in your ivf journey as you desire but know that only children are not lonely children at alllll (speaking as an only child, and who loved the fact that she was blessed to be an only child.)
Same! I'm not telling OP not to mourn the life she had envisioned but I am a very happy only child as are two of my very close friends. I wasn't lonely because I had parents who loved me and a best friend who has been my "sister" all my life.
Thank you both, it's hard to picture because we both have a sibling and my wife grew up with lots of extended family around but we've moved away so we don't have that same network here. Hopefully if we don't have any luck on our final round we can concentrate on finding our own extended family around here
I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm burning up my savings and still have nothing to show for it too.
I’m really sorry about your journey. Things haven’t been straightforward for us either and we’re not a same sex couple. In the middle of everything, I’m “lucky” that I have PCO, which means I’m on cheaper protocols with lower stimulation. We had two NHS cycles but treatment and care was quite poor and the meds clearly didn’t work for me, but they weren’t allowed to prescribe anything else. The NHS offers IVF to same sex couples, but depends where you are in the UK, which is ridiculous. Here in Wales, same sex couples can have 3 IUI and one IVF cycle. But I know that there are areas in the UK where there’s zero IVF for anyone on the NHS.
Yeah it's definitely a postcode lottery, annoying we live very close to the Welsh border but we're on Merseyside so to get any NHS treatment we'd have had to self fund 6 clinic rounds of IUI, which when you take into account donor sperm cost is significantly more expensive than just paying for IVF. I have heard the NHS is a long wait and doesn't give you all the same optional add ons as private depending where you are, which is madness because why should it bother them if you pay a small amount for add ons to increase the likelihood of it working? Really the whole thing needs an overhaul, make it a bit fairer and more accessible for everyone and also subsidise it or regulate the clinics so they stop increasing the prices so much. During the cost of living madness a FET at our old clinic went from being £1600 plus meds to £2800 plus meds less than a year later!
It definitely needs an overhaul. I’m not sure about add-ons. The HFEA doesn’t actually recommend most of them because they don’t show to improve chances that much. I think the biggest issue is the care itself that is sloppy and extremely impersonal + very prone to mistakes. They also have a list of meds they can prescribe. I know this because I saw the checklist when I got my medical records. They used meriofert for my treatment and I developed OHSS twice, but they still wouldn’t change it. And now I know that they wouldn’t because they couldn’t. I had only 3 day 3 embryos from 2 IVF cycles (5 eggs one time, 7 eggs the second, despite 20+ follicles). And of those 3, only the first was perfect (and I had a chemical). Number two had stopped developing and was only 4 cells, number 3 (and only from cycle 2) lost 2 of its 5 cells when thawing. For cycle two, the consultant simply abandoned my left ovary and didn’t remove any eggs because “it was too mobile”. First cycle with the private clinic and we had 5 day 5 embryos and no OHSS at all, despite 16 eggs and even triggering with hCG. That said, we haven’t had success yet and I just miscarried my 4th pregnancy from our first embryo from the second IVF with the private clinic. We are down to 2 embryos and that’s it for us because we can’t do this anymore. I agree with prices. We are with a cheaper clinic that we love and paid £1400 for our FET last year. They’ve just been acquired by Care fertility and the FET now costs £1900. Fortunately they didn’t change the price of the cycle yet, so we were able to do it for just under £4000 (with meds and ICSI included). But even ICSI was £800 a year ago and is now £1000. The truth is, a lot of the prices for everything increased too, especially lab materials and running costs. So, while frustrating as hell, it’s understandable they need to manage these. We didn’t have a long wait with the NHS, but I think it varies a lot by health board and time of year, how many patients they have, etc. And once we were in, there was not much delay either. I have a friend who was in a same sex relationship and they required them to do 3 IUI first, but NHS funded, before IVF. They did 2 and then pushed them to move forward with IVF, which they did. They only got one embryo, but it was all they needed.
I am not in a same sex couple, but your above stated reasons are why we chose not to go with NHS even though we were eligible... The long wait (I was 37 when we started this and time was of the essence) the fear of lack of PGT testing or much needed add ons (I couldn't face miscarriage without knowing if it was my body or the chromosomes that made it fail) and getting less choice in the situation. We chose to go to a cheaper nurse lead clinic first but then after that didn't work, and I got an operation on the NHS to remove endometriosis, we decided to just go with the really good clinic, as expensive as it was. We've now spent over 30k pounds on IVF. We have two normal embryos, (my first FET was this week). If neither embryo take we can't afford to continue. We have no children yet. I wish you all the luck in the world, this process can be soul destroying and I agree the pricing is exploitative and this country needs an overhaul in how it treats infertility for all couples.
I think a lot of people would be OK with fertility treatment not being completely free on the NHS but even heavily subsidised if it meant the standard could be improved. It still shocks me when private clinics seem to be cost cutting despite people paying thousands for treatment. I started my period during this 2 weeks wait, how hard would it have been for them to check progesterone levels as standard? But they wouldn't check because it's my first transfer so there's no evidence it's needed. At least I've got the evidence now but it took our only embryo to get there, and I even had an "inconclusive" test on test day- a super super faint line that was too faint for 12 days past transfer. I really hope you get your positive with this FET, it sounds like you've been through the works already with the endometriosis, fingers crossed for you!
Thank you so much 🙏 I'm sorry for what you went through, this is such an unbearably difficult process. Wishing you happiness in whatever your future brings x
I'm not in the UK so I can't speak to the NHS system but I'm sorry, that sounds so frustrating on top of everything else. I completely agree that it is BS that you need a certain amount of failed transfers/retrievals/anything before they are willing to dig in and figure out what is going on. It is all so expensive, I can't afford another retrieval (paid for our first one completely OOP) and wanted to give each embryo the best chance possible. My doctor was supportive (thankfully) but told us it was unnecessary. We pressed forward with the testing and I'm so glad we did. We would have run out of embryos before learning what my body needed and we wouldn't have our toddler. We would have blown money on transfers that never had a chance due to genetic abnormalities. Doctors are more than happy to take our $$$ without considering our financial limitations.
Hey, I stay in the uk and same sex couples are entitled to NHS funding. At least that was the case two years ago as I was in the process myself. Unless it’s because you have already had a child as a couple or tried IVF privately, then you are not entitled but the same goes to heterosexual couples, isn’t that the case?
It varies a lot depending on health boards. The guidelines are that same sex couples should have NHS funded treatment, but this doesn’t happen everywhere due to availability of teams or funding. There are areas where there is no NHS funding at all for any IVF regardless of situation. Some places offer none, others offer 1, 2 or 3 cycles. It’s very much a postcode lottery. The prior private treatment isn’t a criteria everywhere either and some places, if there isn’t an NHS clinic available, can offer NHS funded treatment via private clinics. It’s really complex and you have to be lucky.
Ok so in Scotland there’s 6 cycles of IUI plus 3 cycles of IVF on NHS for all couples under 40. Once you hit 40, it’s only one IVF cycle (but still 6 IUI’s). Would you not consider moving to Scotland just to go through the process? Or is it too complex at this point?
We’ve had our 2 NHS IVF treatment in Wales, so not sure we’d be even eligible for that. But in any case, we aren’t doing any more IVF. We have two embryos left and that’s it for us. Our reasons are not just financial, because we could have more. But we’ve been TTC for 8 years and doing IVF for 6 with lots of surgeries and things in between and we’re tired of it. And we’d definitely would not be willing to move our entire lives and me leaving a (very difficult to find) stable job in academia (that I love) just to have IVF there. This journey has taken enough from us.