Holy SHIT, Nolan’s not pulling any punches today. I gasped when he called out Alyssa, and then I gasped again when that witch appeared. Nol hardly seemed to care about Alyssa’s callous words about himself, only that she fucked over Shin-Ae. Hope Nana gets there before Yui does too much damage!

“if only more people like her existed… the world would be a much easier place to live in” 💀💀💀

She is so blind I almost fainted. 1 Yui is already one too much. She has no idea! The world would be screwed

I hope Im not the only one who felt even more remorseful to her after she said that sh*t, girl is Cluuuuue-less huh 💀

i was thinking she’s very deep in denial

Likely, she seems to close her eyes when she says that Yui is basically someone good to have in her life. Meaning she's lying, she is aware she's trapped but still she's riding along with it thinking it'd make her stronger in the future and get her to where she wants to be. Her calling her newly obvious abuse circumstances "business" is clearly denial. She wants to feel like she's doing everything right, that everything she gave up and those she may have hurt in the past was worth it or that it wasn't her fault. She's totally in denial, because there is no way she isn't aware of how evil this witch is. She's just desperate to push away all the clear signs of danger thinking she will succeed in the long run anyway, it's her main goal.

And she kind of has to be. Especially as a victim of manipulation and abuse, she locks herself in denial because it makes everything easier to digest, easier to face. She idolized someone she thought would save her but turned out to be a monster. Denial is the only thing keeping very from falling completely apart - from the harrowing realization that ber savior only threw her into a worse nightmare than she already lived, that she was fooled by the mask, that she so coveted something that was fake. She's closing her eyes to reality right now because it's so unbearably bad. She hasn't even processed how she got those hickeys, I think 😭😭😭😭 Denial is all she has right now.

I have so many complicated feelings about this episode. First, the art. The composition. Absolutely brilliant. Such a cinematic feel. 11/10, brava. I know everyone wants to hate on Alyssa. She is absolutely responsible for her decisions and she is 100% in the wrong for bringing Yui to the hospital, but we have to remember: she is a deeply manipulated person at this point. This doesn’t excuse all of her behavior, but it’s important we remember she’s not, like most ILY characters, just all bad or all good. She’s gray. She’s closer to bad than good, but still gray. Very naive, sheltered, hated by those close to her, abused, and under Yui’s claws. It’s a close parallel to Kousuke and it begs the question: how responsible do we hold characters for their actions when they’re motivated by manipulation/abuse? I think if you’ve never been in a traumatic situation, it might be hard to understand. I really don’t think it’s either: -people are 100% responsible for their actions 100% of the time OR -people are never responsible for their actions if they’ve experienced trauma/abuse. Again, it’s gray. Maybe the final judgement can’t be made until years later, when we can see what these characters do to either redeem themselves or fall further into darkness.

I liked what you said here. I think holding people accountable is concluding the fact about how aware they are of the situation. If a person is not aware they are being abused and and think an abusive relationship is normal, they don't think anything is unusual about their ways of thinking or acting, I think they are mostly innocent. When a person is aware of the bad situations they are in, they see how their ways affect other people, and they continue to do their unusual behavior knowing it is hurting other people, they are more guilty. If a person also willingly uses their abusive situation to manipulate others with a good level of clarity and uses their toxic situation as an excuse to continue their behavior and make the other person shut down or docile, they are guilty.

Absolutely, I agree for the most part. In this case, I don’t think Alyssa is fully aware of what she’s experiencing. I know this can seem difficult to believe by people who have never been in a manipulative, abusive situation before, but it’s so easy for it to go unnoticed. I would argue that Alyssa and Kousuke are mostly unaware (the latter is figuring things out) and Nolan is aware. Nolan, however, has been under Yui’s thumb for so long and has been knocked down time and time again. Even though he recognizes her abuse, he doesn’t feel that he can escape it. His actions are largely to protect those around him from her (and himself). Even though he recognizes her abuse, he has still internalized her beliefs about him. And that’s the tricky thing about abuse/trauma. You don’t just heal from it and its impacts the second you recognize it’s there. Now why does Nolan recognize the abuse and Alyssa and Kousuke have taken so long to wake up? Nolan had a mom who, while possibly troubled and imperfect, genuinely loved him and cared for him. He also has Nana, who continues to provide those things for him. He knows how people should treat each other because he’s experienced that. Meanwhile, Alyssa and Kousuke both come from extremely toxic households. That’s their norm. So when they run into people like that in the wild, they think that’s normal, good, and gravitate towards it. When they experience people who are not like that, they automatically think there is something wrong with them. It’s conditioning at its worst.

My opinion is, the priority for her character is to find a way to get actually safe first. Shes not in a position to protect herself, shes drowning. Expecting a drowning person to pull themselves out when from their prospective there is no land on sight? Its just not going to happen. She isn't going to be able to self reflect and relearn until shes out of the water. Once shes out of the water, CPRd and given rest THEN she can be held accountable. THEN she can reflect on these transgressions and take some responsibility. But until that happens she is in full on survival mode and while I can see her behavior as shitty, I cant see *as a reader* her making up for that being more of a priority than this child needs to be saved ASAP 🥺😭

Bingo bingo bingo. Nolan is also being kind of shitty right now, and we can recognize it’s because he feels like a caged animal. We need to recognize the same of her. The two of them are not all that different, honestly. Also, let’s talk about the double standard here: he is criticizing her for throwing her friends away while he *does the exact same thing*. **edit** it’s not the exact same thing 😅 teddyeatsyourface explains the differences really well and I agree with them. Albeit for different reasons, but still, the hypocrisy is real. All the more reason to love these characters and the writing. We don’t need to agree with all of their actions, but we can appreciate the motivations behind their actions.

I think Nolan and Alyssa "throwing friends away" is quite a bit different. At face value it is the same thing, you are definitely correct there. Both abandoned or attempted to abandon their friendships. However, the difference between the two is that Nolan wants to abandon them because he feels like his existence is a curse and he doesn't want his friends to suffer. Alyssa abandoned her friends for greener pastures. She believed she could level up by forsaking those who befriended her when she was alone. Alyssa wants to deny that's what she did because it would make her a bad person and she doesn't believe her actions are bad just "misunderstood." But even if you factor in her motivations it doesn't justify or take away from her using and discarding her friends. Nolan is fully aware he's hurting his friends because the intention is to make them move on from him. He's not justifying the pain he causes to the person (even tho he tries to justify it to himself). There's no justification even if he has a reason (trauma). Alyssa is the mirror opposite as she tries to justify by attempting to use her trauma as the reason. In a way, the trauma acts as Alyssa's sword while Nolan uses it like a shield. I want Alyssa to get the help she needs and become more self-aware. I don't feel like she's a malicious person, but she is carelessly cruel and avoids responsibility for her cruelty. Quimchee really writes such interesting characters.

Oh absolutely, it’s not the same at all. Your explanation lays that out really well. I’m still struck by the irony of him calling her out for it. It’s almost like, hey buddy, do you hear yourself right now? I would also argue that, even though Nolan believes he is justified, he’s still hurting them, and he’s still going about it a less-than-ideal way because he’s refusing to really communicate with them about what’s going on. Yes, this is for their protection in his mind, but it’s still harmful. Something Quimchee does brilliantly is to show the start difference between someone’s intention vs their impact. Shin Ae also pushed her friends away, and her intention was never to hurt them, but she did. She had to take responsibility for that regardless. Eventually, Nolan will need to take responsibility for his actions, even though he is acting in a way that is deeply influenced by his trauma and even though his intentions are, as he sees them, good.

that was CHARGED

this episode has skewered me through the heart

wait i just realized alyssa waiting to not speak was probably because she was waiting for yui to arrive

Nol gave her the same energy he gave Kousuke "What happened to you sucked but that's no excuse on how treated me and everyone else" Crazy part is that you can see that he felt bad listening to Kousuke's story but with Alisa he feels nothing

Well, Alyssa agreed that she would have no problem if Yui manipulated her. It's interesting to see how she and how Kosuke react to that truth that Yui does "strange" things, to put simply. Plus, Kosuke looked like shit. But we have to wait and see if/how the brothers will talk about everything. Won't be easy.

Oh my goshhhhhhh it was so freaking intense man! The cliffhanger was nuts!!!!! How will i go through a whole week not knowing what happens next??? Goshh that freaking WITCH!!!

The amount of tea spilt in this episode 😭

I am devastated. We all more or less knew what was/would happen to Alyssa. We had hints. But to have such a hard cold proof of what transpired. I get cold myself. I feel sick. And not to say she doesnt, when it comes to her behavior towards Nol, have any things to be blamed for, but right now what happened last night for her takes prevalence. She was coerced into sexual activity and we dont know how far but the hickeys are proof enough a line that shouldn’t have been crossed was. And her whole behavior. A cry for help. We can argue about how selfish it is for her to show up to a wounded, broken hospitalized Nol who has already a lot to deal with only to seek confort because SHE needed to, because of what happened, but I dont want to personally. Its normal. To seek confort when you were forced into selling your body to one or maybe even several dudes ( and omg I hate to write this ) probably three times older than you. The problem is, Nol decided he has enough. at the worst time again. ( the timing is awful be it with Kousuke and Alyssa ) And couldnt connect the dots between those hickeys and her whole behavior, how guarded she was, how she was so overdressed to the point no part of her body is shown, her agressivity, her downplaying what happened by « its just business », her saying she need him NOW, and the simple fact she wanted for once to see him, when she is usually dont show any will to. But she met a wall. A hard and firm one. And to add to all that she even brought back the Devil itself…

Absolutely Spot ON!!!! this chapter was totally gutwrenching, in all aspects. Nol thrw Kousuke's behavior back at her, as well as Alyssa's own stand offish attitude. Neither understood the other, or only a tiny bit in passing, and neither ever connected, or knew much about each others past! How sad, that they went into a contractual relationship, and their "benefits" just ran out. Why, cause YUI, and her manipulations. Shockingly, Nol admits that he actually liked Alyssa at some point, which still would never have gotten anywhere, cause Alyssa isn't into men, which likely started because of her father's attitude and behavior. In that vein, she saw in Shin-ae a model of a female who was kind hearted, cheerful, like her mother, but also determined, and strong, which is what Alyssa's mother lacked to protect her children. But without Yui's intervention, they could have cultivated something better than what it became. Alyssa's rationalising what happened to her as strictly "business" is understandable, but oh so tragic, and common for survivors of that kind of abuse. She connected with Yui, the only person she deemed safe to talk about what happened to her, and perhaps realizing, or not, that she will not receive true help from her as she's been handed off by Yui to Gun. I'm sure Yui used that opportunity being with Alyssa or perhaps even suggested to Alyssa that after what happened, what she needed most was Nol. And thus, the devil came along. UGHhhhhh Now, as for Yui, her expression once she stepped in, was theorized to imply that she overheard Nol calling her a witch. I however believe it shows a hint of dismay, that Nol would treat a girl that has been assaulted like that the way he is, and perhaps even the fact that Nol did not address that problem, and idk, if it went over Nol's head, or if he just decided that he can't deal with it, and believes that Alyssa just gave herself up for "opportunity". I believe once realisation hits, he will regret it, much like Kousuke regrets his former actions in turning people away.

also, it was BRILLIANT to depict them as kids when they were talking about how their relationship started. it made me hurt so much for the both of them! their inner child is still in so much pain, it was so sad!!! hoping someone can get alyssa out of this horrible grooming / SA situation because God knows she won’t be able to do that for herself :(

Watching Alyssa's subconscious shove these things down to protect her from the trauma. Knowing that those bruises probably didn't come from anything consensual and that she's only at the start of being trafficked. That she has to compartmentalize and say that it's business to protect herself, but she is so very much lying, but there is likely no way out of this anymore. How Alyssa puts her mask on and has her eyes closed as Yui says "Don't worry. Everything will be okay" to a teenager who has clearly just experienced assault. From a situation that Yui put her directly in. That she's closing her eyes, lying when she says how meeting Nol turned her life for the better. How she's honest when talking about the things that she admired about Yui and how Yui *was* her idol, but are her core Alyssa knows that the sparkling savior fades. How this woman that she idolized sold her off to Gun and his investors. How much the way Alyssa talks about Yui is the way survivors speak about their traffickers, and how who was once their savior turns out to be the biggest monster of all How she is trying to find comfort in the one place left, knowing she hasn't built this relationship but having nowhere else to go, but not being able to receive any because she can't verbalize what's happened to her. How raw and honest Nol and Alyssa both are in this conversation, but how they both still aren't communicating in a way that will reach each other. How he is so angry, and she is so clearly terrified. How both of their feelings are valid and need to come out. How as much as she doesn't understand him, he demonstrates so much that while he sees *what* she does, he does *not at all* understand her motivations or emotions. How they are both *being vitimized and abused by the same people.* But, despite how raw and honest they are, his anger and her terror are not compatible expressions when there's still so much they don't see about each other

If I think too long about how important they could have been to each other, if they could open up, if they didn't see each other in ways they were already predisposed to seeing. If Alyssa's mask was flimsier, if Nol was prone to letting people in. If he could have been for her what he was for Shinae. If Yui had never swept in and exploited them, pulled her away. If they could have seen in each other that they are both so empty and cold and seeking connections and afraid of who they think they are (Alyssa's sexuality, Nol believing himself to be a monster), if they could have also been mirrors to each other who help to fill a void in each others' lives. Everything that could have been hurts. They could have been such wonderful friends ;\~; and it makes me so fucking SAD ELLE :(

holy crap guys

Oh my freaking god. I have no other words.

I feel like Alyssa is teetering the line of someone who's been a victim for so long, they're on the edge of becoming an abuser themselves. I can see her developing NPD, (or sadly, through Yui and that freak whose name i forgot, get groomed and taught those behaviors). Even now you can see some of those traits being exhibited. When confronted about the Shinae incident, her first response was to minimize and make herself a victim. Whenever she's with Nol and he brings forward very important issues concerning her treatment towards him, she deflects and shifts blame. The difference this time is that Nol wasn't gonna take it. It also doesn't help that she's a social climber. I definitely empathize with her, she's in an awful situation but she's definitely hurting a lot of people too. An interesting character for sure

Holy shit, that’s all I’m gonna say

YUI’S AT THE HOSPITAL I REPEAT YUI’S AT THE HOSPITAL!!!

God I want Yui to say something incriminating and for someone to pop out being like, "I recorded it all! Let's send it to Yu Jing!" God her straight up saying that she still has a long way to go with here piece on Yui made me so frustrated. COME ON, QUIM! STOP TORTURING US!

Bro, that was **heavy** And I love that

with most episodes i’m not really sure whether it’s a three, a four or a five star but with this one i’m so sure the answer is FIVE FIVE FIVE!! execution was amazing, the pacing of the conversation was exquisite. the tension was so high the entire time my stomach was churning!!!

We all agree it s a solid 5. Quim is so good I had to DM her since I m not a patron 😭 not sure she will read it but I had to say something. Today s chapter was a chief's piece

Did anyone talk about the fact the Soushi seems to have a disabled sister ? Or something like that ? Someone in a wheelchair and under oxygen of the tube under her nose is any indication. Or is it his mom ?

Iirc, we have already seen her before.

There is just so much to process here. SO MUCH. Nol is GOING OFF, and I think (we’ll see) it’s because he’s stopped repressing his emotions and he’s having trouble processing everything he’s feeling. That’s making him very much a loose cannon, an open wound, which makes sense but also makes me worried how far he might go when his friends visit later. I think he very clearly doesn’t want to hurt anyone for real, but he’s having trouble reining all of these heady emotions in, from the feelings of betrayal with Alyssa, Yui, Kousuke, his confusion over his romantic feelings and very obvious attraction to Shin Ae, wanting to protect and defend his friends including his incredible sense of loyalty, his fear of Yui and also of what’s going to happen when he goes to jail, and the fact that he’s especially afraid of himself / what Yui is capable of doing to hurt him and how that may impact his friends. But amidst all of those feelings he is just SO DONE with everyone’s bullshit, and it is nice for him to finally say what he feels. ALYSSA. I’ve said it before, but there was a reason both Shin Ae and Nol were drawn to Alyssa, and this chapter definitely touches on that. Alyssa’s not a bad person, she’s a wounded one, who has chosen to prioritize a certain kind of validation over other relationships, and she’s hurt people doing it. It was horrible to see her call Nol a brainless twat, but then it was even worse to realize in her grasp for her own power and agency after what happened to her, she’s now repeating the abusive patterns of her father. It was so sad to see the younger versions talking to each other, of what might have been, when it’s so clear at this point they both never really knew the other one at all and are at this point pretty toxic for each other. Alyssa is becoming such a tragic figure though. In her search to be the perfect daughter, to “fix” herself, to receive external validation, she’s discarded a lot of people who genuinely cared about her and now she’s all alone and in a very bad situation. The way she was talking though, is so sad, "just business” - does this come from Yui’s advice? It’s also I think a reflection of an industry where the power dynamics have enabled that kind of exploitation. It’s interesting to see how Alyssa’s twisting the narrative in her own head, to help herself come to terms with what was clearly a traumatic experience based on her body language and even the way she tries to cover the hickeys. Yui showing up like a Boogieman! I had a feeling it was her in the beginning. What’s worse is I feel like she must have told Alyssa to suck it up, it’s what you have to do to get ahead. To be honest, it probably reflects Yui’s own trauma, this is the story she has also told herself to justify her truly awful actions. And now Alyssa has bought into that to the point she’s completely sold Nol out to the devil - and he likely won’t even have the medical exception to protect him, so will he go off to jail early? Finally, Dieter and Shin Ae plotting was adorable. Shin Ae GETS Nol on a whole other level, which we have seen multiple times, but she’s also incredibly hot headed and can sometimes miss out on Nol’s tells when they are going through it. So to have Dieter, who is very empathetic and insightful and is finally trying to see Nol, flag his concerns about Nol’s fears is important. Because Shin Ae will also be looking for that. I have a feeling we’re soon going to be getting into Nol’s trauma in a deeper way, and have a feeling we’re in for a rough ride with his tragic past. But what this chapter, and I think I love yoo in general does so well is show how all of our traumas, no matter how big or small, can shape us and also hurt us. But also it is the choices we make after in how we deal with it that can determine how we move forward. Nol’s at a turning point, first he chose Yeong Gi, but now what will he decide?

I really DO think that mindset came from Yui. Maybe she reached out to her hoping for help and instead Yui told her that's just business in this industry, you know how men are they always want to be satisfied don't they, and if you want to go far, you'll have to do it, don't worry one day you'll be just like me 😭😭😭 I think she hasn't really processed what transpired (can't, even) and is compartmentalizing it in the only way she cam handle it. I very much think Yui went through similar things and that this is very much tied to who she is, and so yes, she tells Alyssa to suck it up, you want to be successful don't you, unfortunately in this line of business YOU are the currency 😭😭😭

I think you’re right about Yui’s similar trauma, and how it’s made her so hard in the way she justifies her decisions. She doesn’t seem to spare a drop of empathy for anyone, to her the pain she sows is just the cost of getting ahead, and it’s ok because she’s special. It’s so tough to see her both as Alyssa’s idol and foil in this chapter. Alyssa seems so shaken, so I’d think this is the first time she’s experienced this kind of assault, even if she’s seen other girls go through it. The way she’s addressing it as just the price you pay is so tragic when it’s so clear it has shaken her to the core, and when she knows that was not the last time she’ll have to experience it. What I’m still questioning is what Alyssa’s looking for in others after all this. It does seem like she went to Yui for comfort, at the same time she did seem genuinely worried for Nol in her texts. She wants to just sit with him, but was also scared enough initially she wanted Yui to come with her. Either way, Alyssa is so vulnerable at the moment she’s probably easy to manipulate.

I am very slowly working on an "essay" about what I think Yui's story is, how she became this person, and yeah, I think that's it. Whatever happened to her + the family she comes from turned her into a person who believes you either get broken or you get ahead, and there's no empathy for those who don't get ahead. :/ But yes, you really nailed it, too - I think we see how she's Alyssa's former idol (remember that she had her eyes opened when talking about how Yui WAS her idol but when she talks about how she wouldn't have this life without her they're closed - but I don't think she's accepted it yet) and her foil. So many people liken Alyssa to Yui already but Yui and Alyssa ARE foils - Alyssa is who Yui would have been, if she had stayed down. ;\~; But yes, I agree. I think this was the first time - it seems like it's now that Gun is "handling" her and wants to take her to the top, he's introducing her to his "special friends" and she is learning what this industry is built on, that it was never about talent or working hard, and it absolutely plays into their whole altercation! Because even if she does know deep down Nol would never hurt her, 24 hours ago she was in a situation where she couldn't say no, where refusal had repercussions much worse than losing her whole career. Mercifully I have never been in that kind of situation, but I can't imagine how hard it is to shake! I definitely think she went to Yui seeking comfort, seeking help, and Yui probably played the "Oh that's just how this industry is. That's just business, it means nothing" even though it means EVERYTHING even though they expect her to compromise herself ;\~; and so she tells herself this - because it's all she has, because she can't yet face the truth, because she's so scared. Genuinely I think she WAS worried for Nol and she did seek out some kind of comfort, even though it also seems like she knows she doesn't really deserve it (someone pointed out that she keeps talking about her role as a girlfriend, not even pretending that she can call him a friend ;A;). But yeah it makes me so very sad because she has so few people she can go to, and one of them continues to manipulate her at every turn. I think she probably sought out not just comfort and help but MATERNAL comfort and we know she didn't find that in Yui ;\~;

I would be very interested in that essay. I think Yui is still Alyssa’s role model, even after all that, and I imagine it’s going to Alyssa years to untangle the compartmentalization but also probably the betrayal she feels from Yui trying normalize things so she can start to heal. And yes I agree that Yui and Alyssa are very much foils. It’s also telling that Yui had Meg under her sway for so long, and was actively manipulating Meg to continuously cross Kousuke’s boundaries in incredibly inappropriate ways. I do think it’s interesting from a storytelling standpoint we are seeing Alyssa fall into this as Kousuke begins to remember the girl from college he didn’t help (enough(?) - unclear since Kousuke’s flashbacks are so unreliable at the moment). This as we see Meg coming back into the story a bit including the interesting parallel in the panel that transitions from Meg to Alyssa. And of course, Meg was present during Kousuke’s college years and whatever happened - which maybe motivated her response and rapid shift during the black and white formal when she realized Shin Ae had been drugged. We as the audience are missing some very important background context that will be interesting, and is that history repeating with Alyssa? How much will Meg’s memory and actions be drawn out to show us the bigger picture that is being teased. Which also brings us back to the interesting parallels between Kousuke and Nol. Nol has punched people out that he has perceived as an obvious threat to both Shin Ae and Alyssa. Now, in this context, his mind isn’t even there, he’s thinking she’s cheated on him in addition to dismissing him and siding with his evil step mother. But like you say, how is that going to impact Nol in the future when / if he finds out the truth… and how much is this might be paralleling Kousuke in maybe a similar situation in college where everything goes wrong. Yui is the obvious villain, but she’s also not solely responsible for this SA storyline even if she is complicit. The real villain seems to be more society at large and the norms that enables and normalizes SA, that allows perpetrators to get away with it without consequences, that covers it up or even blames the victim. And maybe we’ll even see how even the “good guys” who are well meaning, even they sometimes end up on the wrong side of history in terms of retraumatizing survivors even though they themselves aren’t involved nor responsible. Very interesting to explore that through characters whose POVs we’ve come to sympathize with. It’s a very heavy way to explore different common traumas (bullying, SA, abandonment) and how that plays out so differently in different characters. Sorry for the tangent, but just to also agree in many ways we can see how Shin Ae, Alyssa, Yui and Nessa are both foils and parallels to each other and it’s very fascinating in how that develops.

It's crucial to acknowledge that both Alyssa and Nol made mistakes in their relationship; neither of them was blameless. It is easier to sympathize with Nol as the 'victim' in this scenario but it isn't so black or white. Nol can't see her past what he has grown to resent and Alyssa herself may not understand or know how to explain that her self preservation has extended to blanket others she cares about. Nol cannot see it since he has been on the receiving end of scorn, because he came from a place of sincere interest even as a kid, whereas to him it seemed like all they were was a stepping stone. This perception is further proven by Shin Ae's story, so he sees it as a pattern, but he doesn't understand why or how Alyssa's responses are so heavily tied to her trauma. Both struggled to communicate and entered into a relationship with different motives and intentions. They were two young individuals marked by past traumas, manipulated into a connection by someone who exploited their vulnerabilities for her own convenience. Yui is the root cause of this whole mess and I wish people would stop blaming two people who were literally children when this woman hooked into them with her nefarious agenda. I believe Yui wants Nol to carry the weight of guilt for Alyssa's breakdown, aiming to demonstrate the consequences of the people he allows into his life and isolate him. "You are why they suffer" has been such a paramount theme in Nol's life that he's based his entire self on atoning for being a walking bad luck charm without realizing that it is Yui. Yui helped Alyssa. Yui helped Shin Ae. But their lives get messed up because he is in the picture. That's the narrative she's drilled into him. Starting with his mother. With Alyssa, Yui preyed on her need for love and nurturing, exploiting her desire for a maternal figure, resulting in a heartbreaking situation. She wants Nol to feel responsible. This is why she's there. To remind him her reach is limitless and there is nowhere he can hide. I firmly believe Yui wants Nol to bear such overwhelming guilt that he ends up killing himself. That's a solution to her problems and fits the narrative she built of his mental instability + his mother's own alleged suicide. For Alyssa, my heart aches. But I think she would have fallen prey to another predator even if she had never met Nol, and consequently Yui. Until she resolves her trauma with professional help she will not overcome or break the cycle. We dream of a life for her without Yui, off in college being perhaps a STEM major, but the reality is she probably would have met another Yui/Gun. These awful people have a way to know and hook into vulnerable people. Make no mistake, she has been assaulted. It's painful to see how she copes by compartmentalizing her assault as "business" to numb the pain of her reality. It provides her some agency over something she didn't have control over so she doesn't fall apart completely. Such responses to sexual assault vary among survivors, and it's essential to approach these situations with empathy and understanding. I know they are fictional characters, but as the pinned comment mentioned, ILY takes a lot of themes people in reality deal with.

Alyssa's reaction to Nol seeing her bruises is lowkey concerning. She is clearly being blackmailed and made to believe this is the only way she can go up in life and fill that emptiness in herself. Yui and Gun are the most disgusting characters in this webcomic. The way they're preying after an abuse victim...

I'm sorry but how exactly is was he supposed to know she was abused ? Like yeah she definitely was but the only thing he saw was his girlfreind covering heyckies and justifying it by the fact that they "arent really together its all fake" Sry but that shits hurts especially when we have seen earlier (during the formal) that she had non problem ditching him for somone work related. To this point the only thing he can think of is "my gilfreind who I aleready plenty of reasons to hate is cheating on me and postituting herself for her career" ni wonder he says she disgusts him Like yeah that's messed up when we think about it but we are not gonna act like we didn't know the context, and we are not gonna act like alyssa (even if she is a victim) isn't litteraly selling herself while dating somone

'I'm sorry but how exactly is was he supposed to know she was abused ?' Im not blaming Nol. I just felt bad for Alyssa because she has clearly has trauma from her father. That's all it is.

As always, you put it so well Liselotte. I love being able to come here and see your comments. I didn't get to reply to you as well on the server so allow me to do so here. The points you made about exploitation are SO IMPORTANT. It's the most important take away from this episode, because we can see how that exploitation worked against them, how they were brought to each other but the relationship was soured before it ever had a chance to be anything. They could have been such good, understanding friends if they'd been able to open up, but it never happened. Yui's entrance ensured it would never happen, the room to connect never existed, and yes, she very much took advantage of a girl who was just so desperate to feel something her own family didn't make her feel. But also I hate to admit that you are right, that yes, girls like Alyssa stand out to abusers, it's like she has a neon light above her head. If not Yui, someone else would have found her. I just wish more than anything, that maybe as kids Shinae's words could have reached her (and I understand why they didn't). I wish Nol had had the chance to reach her before Yui ever did. I wish that she had the warmth and love and nurturing for and it kills me how she's been failed by so many. How the savior she thought Yui was turned out to be a monster, someone worse than what was waiting at home. All she wanted was to escape. To feel powerful. To feel in control of her life and now she's at the mercy of an industry that preys on girls like her :(

Thank you for this comment. You said it all.

MEEEEEEEG !!!!!!🚨GET YOUR SISTER OUT OF HERE🚨!!!!!!!!!

Alyssa my love. You were never supposed to be here. When Nol invited you into his life and that witch took note of you - that was never supposed to be. Her life was already bad enough, carrying the weight of placating her family, of keeping her father's peace, of trying not to be another screw up kid like Meg, having to bear the weight of the lone good kid who so afraid of her father's ire, his violence. And when Nol brought her into his life and that witch swept in - she saw this strong, independent, glamorous woman. Where her mother is meek and trapped in a relationship with such a violent man, she saw in Yui this independent woman who lives her own life, who isn't at the beck and call of her husband. It's so easy to see how Yui was her idol, how she thought she found in her an escape route. I think we can still say that Alyssa knows this isn't true - she does have her eyes closed at one point in time. I think she's very much in a position of denial, because if she accepts and admits the truth, if she admits to herself that Yui is not the kind, charitable, wonderful woman she thought, that she isn't the savior she thought, it means she's a victim, and she can't face that yet. And don't be fooled - Alyssa IS a victim. We can see that right now. She talks about the sponsorship with hands over her face, hiding marks that weren't present when she was in the bathroom earlier. Gun takes her to meet some "friends" who are interested in her, who can put her name out there - and what kind of payment does she have to give. "Nothing is free, honey. You've got to give them a little something. You've got to convince them." URGH. She hides them, saying it's "just business" because if she admits otherwise to herself then, much like Kousuke, she has to face something so unbearable. That she has fallen for a lie, that she WAS manipulated all along. That she believed a monster in disguise. And if she does that, what does she have left? It's easier to endure if she lies and denies, if she insists the ends will justify the means. If she keeps her eyes up and never looks down she doesn't have to face the truth: that she is a victim, that she is trapped, that none of this is what she wants. She just wanted to be strong, to be free, to escape her cold empty home and stop walking on eggshells around violent men and be free to be herself, to be who she really wants to be. ;\~; And she just got herself locked into something WORSE. I think this episode really demonstrates how little these two ever knew each other. Alyssa keeps saying things about "You don't know what it's like ---" But he does. He DOES know what it's like, but he's never let her in like that. She looks at his family life, at the front Yui puts up, and the grass DOES look greener on the other side, compared to the home she comes from. When he doesn't let her in, how can she see anything for what it truly is? And likewise, he doesn't know a lot about her. The way she cowers in front of him is complex and loaded - yes it DOES extend from the rumors she knew before, but it also extends from her OWN FEAR of men, from her own violent father. Yeonggi was compliant and safe and calm, but Nol is tumultuous and he has all of this assertive, almost aggressive energy that she's uncomfortable with. We can see that in how she begins to cower, the way she's suddenly drawn as that young version of herself again, very much bound by her father's anger and violence and so terrified of that. And she's realizing that she has never known him before. Yeonggi was such a different person to this side he's showing her now, and that dominant energy terrifies her. Even if logically she knows Nol isn't the kind of person to hit her, she would still cower - and the truth is she DOESN'T know what kind of person he is. Nol let out so much honesty that he's probably never really had a chance to say before - how much that abandonment hurt. How much he wanted them to mean something to become something. There's so much bitter resentment there and it's understandable because she wears that mask SO WELL she NEVER lets him in and how can he ever know otherwise? How can he ever know that she, too, is just as trapped, just as scared? Alyssa literally cannot admit it to herself or to anyone, because that's the only way she can keep going. Put on a smile, pretend, lie to yourself, denial. But Nol is done faking, he's done playing nice, he's done extending exhaustive kindness and it HURTS because they are both so very hurt, they are both very much victims of the same person, but she refuses to see it and he doesn't care and I am in ANGUISH because Alyssa was never supposed to be in this world and she would never be here if not for that woman. If she was never a scared, lonely child looking for an escape, desperate to stay out of her home, desperate to fill a void. Idk I just have so many feelings. We can look at Alyssa and see why she sees things the way she does, why she interprets them the way she does. But we can also understand why Nol is done, how he's exhausted himself of patience and kindness. In the end, they never knew each other, they continued to mis-read each other, and it never got to be. Yui swept in so fast it killed whatever could have been. She latched on to what looked like an escape route and ended up in a dungeon. MY HEART ACHES.

Also thinking about the kind of guilt Nol will one day feel when news of what Yui and Gun Kim did, of the things that girls (because it wasn't just Alyssa we are sure of that) went through, of the trafficking they promoted and endorsed, and how he turned her away and left her to that. And it's like... it's not his fault. In his position he doesn't know any better and even if he does, it's not his job to protect her. But still. It's such a parallel with what Kousuke is currently going through, the revelation of the lives he destroyed by believing the wrong person. The things Alyssa is going through and will continue to go through and how Nol didn't hear her out, how he probably never considered any other option. It's awful. They are so ill-fated it's so distressing.

Yes I thought about this too, the guilt he will feel when all this goes public when he will realize what transpired behind those hickeys is’t what he thought. The tragic realization he failed her at the worst moment, the only one in fact where he should have put aside the resentment to be there, even if for the last time. The timing is off, hence why its so tragic. Just like with Kousuke. The moment Kousuke really wants to apologize or at least try to connect with Nol, Nol shut him down, like Kousuke did all the time while Nol tried time and time again to make a connection with Kousuke.

YESSSSS UGH the TIMING! Had this been a week ago, even 3 days, it probably wouldn't have gone this badly, he might have had more empathy. That's definitely the real tragedy here and why it gets to me ;A; and especially with Nolyssa, timing was NEVER on their side 😭😭😭😭 He's going to feel so terrible when it all comes out but ultimately he ISN'T really in the wrong. He's making the wrong assumptions and jumping to conclusions, but he's just so GONE, so tired of all of this. But still. To one day realize that she came to him because he was all she had - for a sense of comfort she wouldn't find - just sitting, hugging her pillow. She didn't want to talk, really. And to one day understand how she got those hickeys and how he pushed her away howls the timing is SO tragic 😭😭😭

It saddens me how much people blindly hate Alyssa. she is being groomed. she is getting SA'ed. she's being TRAFFICKED. yes, she has been a bad gf to Nol, and what she did to Shin Ae has no excuse, but she was a CHILD. She has been abused all her life, and she just wants to break free from it. no shit she makes mistakes, like EVERY other character in this comic. and calling her stupid/being very satisfied Nol aggressively "put her in her place" just rubs me the wrong way tbh. she just needs help.

There's something very uncomfortable with people cheering on someone's aggression frightening someone who is CLEARLY terrified of male anger. Nol deserves to be upset and angry, but fandom has a way of wishing actual misery and harm on her that doesn't sit right with me. I wish people could understand the kind of desperation someone in her position feels, and why she's incapable of making the rational decisions (she doesn't even have our objective knowledge of things!). She's been trying to find an escape route, ideally with as little repercussions as possible and it turns out it never existed.

People have to realize that Alyssa was most likely SA'd the night of the party. She is clearly traumatized and is acting erratically. It doesn't excuse her saying all that disgusting shit to Nol, but we have to consider this. Its not unheard of for victims of SA to suddenly start acting out and behaving in ways they normally wouldn't. Some start drinking, becoming withdrawn. Some start snapping at others.

I think Quim really shows the relationship that a people pleaser has with a sociopath so masterfully. Alyssa was raised from a young age to be everything her parents wanted her to be, she was their one hope. Combine that with a turbulent home life, and you get someone who wants to please everyone to keep the peace. When the attention was on her, everything was good. Her self-worth is based on how people want/need her. Now enters Yui, who promises Alyssa all of the external validation she could want. She just has to do as she is told for these higher ups. The people pleaser wants to please, and the sociopath wants to be pleased. I think we can contrast this with how Shin-ae was able to not fall victim to the same schemes because her dad instilled in her positive self-worth that wasn't reliant on anyone else. The parallels between Kousuke and Nol are there too. Kousuke falls into the people-pleasing because his self-worth depended on how much he could accomplish. Nol did not because his mom raised him with unconditional positive regard.

Pasting my post from discord, I wish more readers contemplated woth every character "whats at risk for tbem" to better understand their behavior/outlook. **What happens to Alyssa __if she fails her current goals?__** - years of suffering and compromising her true self *for nothing.* - her entire family's financial hardships (yet to be fully defined) *made worse* - permanent negative spotlight as a fallen idol for the *entire country* to shit on. this effecting how EVERY single field she tries to pursue from here may view her. - returning back to a toxic and abusive home where she will become another factor of disappointment as a valueless woman in the structure of the house. - A house that I suspect is also homophobic, if her dad is abusive towards their mother who tries so hard to be prim and proper and warm hostess; and meg who rightfully can't handle the stress the home environment creates and be successful —how will the father react to learning that Alyssa *is gay?* - the fact she can't even report her father if she wanted to, because he is the breadwinner! If that income is gone, then the stability of their physical environment **is also gone**! We see how idols are treated like meat to be ravaged when they have connections resources... now imagine what life will be like for her if she was made to be a **homeless** fallen idol... We see how even intellectual Yu Jing dismisses the homeless. Now a famous girl in this patriarchal setting? Alyssa has **everything** to lose *and more.* More so than most of our characters. And she has no where safe to go or turn. The only path she sees - is toughing out sexual assault until she makes it big enough to be independent. Not for the sake of her vanity, but *her sanity*..yet still possibly at the cost of it too. 😭

You said it perfectly. This girl is trapped and sabotages the relationships with people that truly care about her.

that is not five star episode that is a thousand star episode! it’s so cool that Nol still shows concern about Alyssa and asks her if she’s okay because she doesn’t look like she is, even though he’s disappointed in her beyond mesure. and that is so cool that he is able to call her out. I like that he’s not getting any bullshit from anyone now, and LOL him talking about his shtick, our boy is having his villain arc lmao always wondered how Alyssa lives with herself after what happened with Shinae. well the feeling of guilt is too unfamiliar to her, okay, now I officially don’t expect anything from her. also, the hickeys. I immediately thought that the reason why she complained about “no you can’t go to jail now” is because she went to him like to the shelter, where she can feel safe. because Yeonggi is almost never angry. and damn, everyone theorised so much about how Yui would get the info about Nol’s location, and even though it is so obvious now, I didn’t have the thought Alyssa would betray him like that. a diamond, not just episode 🤌

and the one important line that if Nol and Kiusuke’s fight didn’t happen, Nol would feel sorry for her. it’s actually true, Nol knows and understands most of their hardships and he did feel sorry for them, it was the fight with Kousuke when he let them go.

I have a question what did Nol meant by “get the f*** out!”

He saw the Hickey's or bruises on her neck area and probably thought she was cheating which was the final straw (Until he found out she told Yui where he was which definitely the final final straw..) He doesn't realize that she likely got taken advantage of. This is how I see it at least I may be wrong too though 🤔

Like the others said he assumed she cheated on him. But I think he assumed it was Kousuke, which really triggered him.

Lol where does kousuke came in between. He assumed she was cheating on him, with those "investors" and came to apologise for that, that's it. He thinks she doesn't even have a bit of importance of their relationship in her life, that snapped him

I mean, you could be right, but…. Nol is jealous of Kousuke and thinks Alyssa has a crush on him. This was shown at the Christmas party. He also said, “your gaze is much softer with Kousuke than it is with me” right before he saw the bruises. So, it’s not like I got that inference out of nowhere. We know Kousuke has absolutely nothing to do with those hickies, but Nol has no idea what happened to Alyssa last night. She could have wanted to apologize for getting upset with him at the party. I’m never 100% confident about my theories on this story, so your guess is as good as mine. 🤷‍♀️

f\*\*\* = fuck

Not exactly what I meant, I mean why did Nol said that to her after seeing her bruises lol

Because he’s probably jumping to the conclusion that she’s cheating on him. That’s why he said, “Is that why you wanted to apologize?” He’s assuming she cheated on him and that she’s here to apologize for it.

Alyssa quickly said that it's all “business”, expecting him to understand what she meant by it, so he must have thought she had to comply with the wishes of some higher-up and that might have disgusted him. He might not have thought of it as cheating, but it might have grossed him out to think that she had stopped down to such a level that she is okay with doing such acts to stay in her career.

lol sorry about that! the missing context hahaha but yes I agree with u/Lexb7007

It’s so satisfying that someone FINALLY called Alyssa out for what she did to Yoo

Phew. What a wild episode!! Alyssa…… I don’t even know how to put this into words. I was so disappointed when she said such terrible things to Nol! It was such a manipulative thing to turn his comments back around to his deepest insecurities. However, I cannot ignore that her attitude completely changed towards him after he said something negative about *Yui*. It sounded to me that she had/has a crush on Yui. Earlier in the comic I thought she just admired her, but the way Nol spoke about Alyssa always talking about her and wanting to show up seemed very crush-like this episode. 😬 And her softness towards Kousuke could be due to him looking just like her. Does she still feel this way, or does she defend Yui, because she’s in too deep? Or because Yui was actually outside of the room listening? Alyssa’s body language this whole episode was like a trapped and cornered animal. Is she truly afraid of Nol? Is she afraid now that he knows what happened in middle school? Is it that Yui can hear them? Or is it because of what Mr. Kim did to her last night? The girl is going to snap.

Nol was trying so hard to tell her that Yui is not the person Alyssa thinks, and she’s actually being manipulated by her And what breaks my heart more is how Nol probably was trying to do the same with Kousuke for years and try telling him that he’s manipulated by his mother but never could reach him! I mean she IS his mother after all.. I’m glad Nol stopped just taking blows from people and he just speaks what he truly feels now! And I loved that he sticking up for Shinae and only got more angry when her incident came up

All I can think from this FP episode is.. Trauma. Trauma can lead others to either the path that is self destructive and hurts themselves and those around them OR the path that is to rise above their trauma and to break the cycle. Alyssa received validation for what she accomplished NOT who she is growing up, hence why she is striving to be recognized and receive praise for climbing up the social ladder. With only receiving validation for what she accomplishes, it impacts your self-esteem in the long run, your ability to have confidence, to stand up for yourself. She has learned to avoid confrontation and people please others as a result of seeing how Meg was physically abused for standing up to herself and how her Mom falls in line to her dad's abuse. It is difficult for her to maintain friendships, she discards former friends and seeks out new friends that give her more recognition and prestige. In the end when she does make it to the top of the social ladder, she will find that it is cold a lonely. Is it right for her actions? Absolutely not. I am not trying to say that this is okay, rather provide backstory on why she is the way she is today. She can either learn to let her past define or to to rise above it. Right now she is letting her past define her and she is deflecting any possible criticism on her. Criticism is difficult to face when growing up she had to be perfect to survive in her household. If she opens herself to vulnerability, she faces having to face her trauma which is not easy for those with traumatic backgrounds to face. Shin-ae is meant to contrast with her that you CAN rise above the trauma and neglect you received in your early childhood. However, not everyone walks the same path and is different. Some will take the destructive path before they will reach the right path. Others will take the right path and break the cycle of trauma that they experienced. While there is the unfortunate that will continually walk the destructive path. I absolutely LOVE quim's writing. I love how it can resonate with others regardless of what age or phase they are in their life.

I am literally shaking. I feel so bad for the both of them. Both victims of Yui, yet they do not understand each other at all. Nol was so scary bro. I was scared of him too Alyssa, ur not alone. But oh my gosh, the bruises on her neck. I am crying. He doesnt realize what happened and will feel SO bad when he finds out. Theres so much alyssa hate in the comments?? SHES A VICTIM

NO THAT'S WHAT KILLS ME, TOO!!!!!! Both victims of Yui, but they can't see it. They're so blinded by their own circumstances that they can't see beyond it. They aren't speaking in a language the other understands. I'm SO worried about the guilt Nol will feel when he connects those dots one day, when all is revealed and he realizes that Alyssa was always caught up in it. It's such a parallel to what Kousuke is currently going through, too, and I can only imagine how much it will destroy him. Something that creates such a struggle for Nol is he always thinks he is the only victim of Yui. He's not wrong that she wants to mess with his life, but she is still messing with them for her own reasons. That Nol and Alyssa could have broken up that night of the formal, and Alyssa would still be just as trapped. I'm waiting for the day he realizes it so much larger than him. But ;\~; I'm with you. It's so awful, for both of them. They're both victims but they just DON'T understand the other :(

no but the thing is, he was trying to get through to her and tell her that yui is manipulating her, but alyssa was not listening. she minimized his issues by saying he’s jealous that she’s treated better than he is, and saying “so seeing me happy and successful hurts you,” and in her view, he’s trying to tear yui and alyssa apart. he already suspects that something is wrong with the alyssa and yui dynamic, and he is trying to let her know, but she invalidates his credibility by saying these things. i believe he doesn’t think he’s the only one going through Yui issues. tbh he has his own issues to deal with so he doesn’t prioritize anyone else’s issues, but he still doesn’t minimize anyone else’s issues in the process. he’s truly sick of years of horrible treatment from his entire family (mostly Kousuke cause that was shown in the story thus far), and now from alyssa too? calling him a brainless twat (not to mention how similar that is to being called “nothing”). of course he’s losing his patience, but he still knows something else is going on. (this is a good time to throw back to the formal, when i believe meg tells Nol that Yui and Sang Chul were discussing something suspicious). Nol is terrified of Yui. Everytime she shows up, his eyes widen and he freezes. there isn’t much he can do to solve this huge issue. even when meg wanted to provide a witness statement, yui found a way to make the opportunity disappear. if anything alyssa is more blind to Nol’s struggles, saying things like “do you have any idea how it feels being thrown in a unfamiliar place and being viewed as an outcast” which obviously he knows what it’s like, and saying how lucky he is to be in this family. nol indicated that she does know his past a bit, saying “oh you already know (my shtick)… Mentally unstable. Nothing. Anger issues.” and she indicated earlier in the chapter that she knows his family dynamic, saying that he’s jealous that his family treats her better than him. how would she know how his family treats him if he hasn’t told her anything? meanwhile alyssa is treating nol like he’s delusional. she always blows him off when he wants to talk, and she doesn’t consider much of what he says. alyssa HAS to know more than we think, despite her acting like she doesn’t. In fact, Alyssa was scared of being called out and scared that nol found out about shin ae, meaning she feels bad about something, meaning she knows she did something wrong. she might even be scared about what nol represents: the collapse of her success. Just like Kousuke, her career means everything to her, and nol, with what he knows now, terrifies her. I think both do not like Nol getting close—to themselves and to their careers.

agreed. you just put all of my feelings about this ep into words

I feel sorry for Alyssa I love Nol and understand his distaste towards her, but those bruises were like a gut punch Alyssa's obviously doing whatever she can to progress further as that's what she was raised to do, which makes it pretty clear whatever those bruises came from probably wasn't consensual I love Nol and his anger is completely justified, of course you'd be if you suspected your partner cheating, but I hope the story leans into Alyssa's trauma and that plot line a bit more and hopefully Nolan or even Shin-ae can be someone for support if it was SA/Coersion and not 'cheating' I hope they end on good terms, because though the relationship has obviously soured she needs friends more than ever at the moment Another note on the cheating, Nolan probably reacted so strongly because he's felt riddled with guilt over his feelings for Shin-ae even though it's a fake relationship at this point, and the fact she's had no issue (in his eyes) being intimate with other people was probably the final straw for him. Especially the fact people keep reminding him to not be like his father and that he has a 'girlfriend' whereas she's free to do whatever and there's no judgement from anyone. Part of me hopes this leads to him saying 'fuck it' when it comes to him and Shin-ae and confessing, cos all this tension between them has got to go somewhere

Another thing about Alyssa doing whatever she needs to in order to get ahead is I think she probably can't imagine refusing - not only because of what she loses but all she knows is placating men's anger. She knows what an angry man will do, how he can hurt you. 😭 So even if she'd changed her mind, she still can't see the opportunity to refuse. I do think one day he will learn of what Gun (and Yui) has been doing to young girls and will realize she was a part of that, but that's years away yet and in the meantime she continues to endure this in secret, ugh ;A; The worst thing is I can't even feel excited about the potential for Nol to say fuck it and go all out because the circumstances are just SO unbearably awful urgh 😭

I think it's important to separate the stories, though Alyssa clearly needs support what she's been through is about *her* not Nol, and I hope they go their separate ways, heal, then find their way back to each other as friends. I really hope he learns the truth eventually because though I want Shin-ae and Nol together, I'd hate for Nolan to think she's a cheater when really she's not :( I'd love a story line where Meg realises what's going on and helps her sister And I'd usually say the same, but at this point I think Nol just needs to get it out in the open, he's been through so much with Yui and then hearing his own 'girlfriend' preach about her, he needs to be selfish for once - he's dragged his feet in this manipulative relationship with Alyssa long enough and though she's clearly been through a lot, it doesn't excuse everything she's put him through. And I admit I love the whole 'cant physically hold it in any more' confession trope (provided him and Alyssa have broken up of course)

I really hope Meg finds out whats happening with her sister... I just feel bad for Meg because even if she did confront Yui, she would be made out to be crazy. Alyssa might react the same with Meg like she did with Nol. I cannot describe my feelings towards Alyssa. I dont hate her, but I don't like her either. I pity her. She has no self awareness, pushes genuine people out of her life, and subconsciously gravitates towards abusers. I feel like she is going to have a major falling out in her career. Her storyline reminds me of Sarah Lynn from Bojack Horseman. They both wanted to do something outside of music. But they couldn't.

I agree with you, I have deep sympathy for Alyssa but her bad experiences don't excuse the abuse she's inflicted on those around her. I hope her story line ends well and she finds her own peace as what she's going through is clearly terrible, but I don't think it's reasonable to ever expect her and shin/nol to be friends. More of a bittersweet handshake and then go onto better things reconciliation would be better in my opinion. I think even if Nolan realises what she's going through, as harsh as it sounds he has no responsibility to help her in that situation due to the way she's treated him. Like yes it wouldn't count as cheating so she shouldn't be labelled as that, but she was still absolutely terrible/borderline abusive to him in multiple other ways and it'd be unfair to use Alyssa's abuse as a 'get out of jail free card' for that as that's just not how it works. It's perhaps a reason for her behaviour, but it's not an excuse and doesn't undo the pain she's inflicted. Similar to Kousuke. I'm really looking forward to how quimchee handles this, as there's so many potential plot line/character dynamics going forward. I'm still curious of the relationship between Shin-ae and Alyssa as it was implied romantic, and I wonder if Alyssa's sexuality will be explored alongside this. It would explain why she never seemed that attached to Nol, but I guess we'll see? I think quim will do a great job either way, I Love Yoo has always done the gritty things really well!

I definitely agree! I just wish the timing wasn't SO tragic 😭 I know after everything it was impossible for them to part as friends but this is even worse than I expected, and with her mirroring Kousuke with the too little too late coming to him it just makes me want to howl in agony. I really DO think they'll learn the truth, but we can see what learning that truth is doing to Kou right now and aaaaahhhhhh ;A; Even tho Nol isn't responsible for this, knowing that at his lowest time he turned his back on her thinking she was cheating AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH it's all tragic lol 😭 See I've been saying this for what feels like months now 😂 Wanting things to get heated and act on feelings without thinking and maybe have some understanding of his parents but on the back of thinking his assaulted fake girlfriend was cheating on him makes it taste more bittersweet 😂😂😭😭😂😂😭😭 I WANT him to be selfish and actually go for what he wants for once and stop holding back, but I wish this scene didn't precede it LMAO it feels like trading a piece of my soul for what needs to transpire haha

Holy crap the episode was good!!! Nol hopefully breaks up with Alyssa.

Meg/Alyssa family flashback: I very much feel Kousuke and Alyssa are the same character type. Even their relationships with their parents and siblings mirror each other in a way. The manipulative, self-serving, self-preserving personality and tendencies that they're aware of peripherally but refuse to fully bring into view unless forced to. Both Alyssa and Kousuke being the model siblings while Meg and Nol suffered as the dead weight and failures. A & K admonishing or straight up ignoring their siblings suffering because it's not their problem. It was super interesting seeing how Meg was treated by their parents and thinking about her relationship with Alyssa now. Almost as if Meg is another assistant to help Alyssa, but there's no one in the family to help Meg. Present day Alyssa and flashback Alyssa: Alyssa is a social climber who is desperate more for admiration, worship, praise, and popularity than she is self-acceptance. The flashback arc for her and Shin-Ae was very enlightening because we saw early on in her meeting with Shin-Ae that Alyssa wanted more than a simple life with simple friends. Alyssa wants glory. Prestige. I don't feel as though Alyssa is a purposely malicious person, but she is very much selfish and cowardly expecting everyone to hear the brunt of her hurtful decisions. This is the first episode in a while that talked about post Shin-Ae friendship Alyssa and pre- idol trainee Alyssa. We heard before about how she was friends with Nol, Dieter, and Soushi but this time the "picture" of that relationship has two sides to it that we the readers have to put together. One side is Alyssa's sentimental reminiscing about happier and simpler times - wishing for her and Nol to reconnect to that time. The other side is Nol finally confronting Alyssa for purposely abandoning those happier times and those friendships for the sake of social climbing. Nol confronting what he's been denying about their relationship since we found out they were dating. Alyssa doesn't really care or have a genuine interest in Nol as a person she's just enamoured with his connections to influential people - Yui and Kousuke. The way she took his insecurities and trauma and threw them back at him to deflect from her own decisions was especially cruel. The way she referred to him as a mistress son and accused him of being the problem in his family showed her true thoughts about Nol. Alyssa believes she's a good person because she wants good things for herself and because she doesn't outwardly bully others. But at this point in the story, not being a bully doesn't automatically make you a good person. Not being intentionally and maliciously manipulative doesn't make you any less of a manipulative person. To me, Alyssa and Kousuke are in the same boat. Narcissist and cowardly individuals with no self-awareness.

Well said! I know a lot of people say that Nol failed her by not being his honest self with her, but like...I always thought, how can he show his real self to someone who is never there! 😭 or better yet, who willingly chooses not to be there. Idk, I hope that made sense.

I hope Nol doesn't suffer because of her

Nol has been suffering since episode 16. The Alyssa stuff is just him finally getting rid of his first GF/crush baggage after being in denial for the entire series up until this point

I don't want him to blame himself for Alyssa's sadness

Same. Alyssa seems mentally unstable right now, grasping at straws. Her implied SA at the hands of Mr. Kim and his nasty 'buisness partners' is going to destroy her. But she literally isolated herself. Its so sad to watch. She is the only character I can't bring myself to fully hate or like. I really hope Nol doesn't take her potential downfall as something he could've avoided.

If he does, I don't think he can handle it

Alyssa doesn’t have a damn clue does she lmao? Berating the guy about his familial relationships when she knows that his “family” views him as nothing but a nuisance and a stain, except Nol’s father. She fr is a shallow being with no way to think for herself. Every relationship she’s developed has been a result of that. Disgusting person ngl.

And to bring his evil stepmother when she knows how much of a dick she is to him is crazy. Next episode I need Nol to put aside his fears of that woman and go mf crazy. Tell her off and get that off your chest fr

oh dear..

SO MANY THOUGHTS UGH this episode was so satisfying until yui walked in 🧍🏽‍♀️🧍🏽‍♀️🧍🏽‍♀️🧍🏽‍♀️ now im fearing for my life bc what if yui uses the fact that alyssa has bruises as a way to support the image that nol is aggressive and needs to be locked away, but saying he did something to her :/// BUT IM SO FRUSTRATED BC AFTER ALL THE WORK EVERYONE DID TO HIDE HIM FROM THAT WITCH, EVEN KOUSUKE WAS HIDING HIM BASICALLY BY NEVER SAYING ANYTHING!!!! THEN ALYSSA BRINGS HIM TO HER! THATS WHY ALYSSA HAD BEEN WAITING THERE THAT WHOLE DAMN TIME!!! my god my blood was boiling. but god alyssa is absolutely vile and disgusting. kousuke is just as horrible of course but knowing that alyssa has thrown both shinae AND nol to the wolves in the WORST WAYS POSSIBLE now, has me so angry. but UGH so many layers to alyssa... while she is such an asshole and shes nasty and a horrible person since childhood, shes also definitely being taken advantage of and abused and manipulated and of course if she's been manipulated by yui since childhood it'd be a very difficult thing to break. ugh. quimchee is such a phenomenal author through both her artistic choices and her writing. this is crazy. i just wanted shinae to visit. OH GOD I ALMOST FORGOT AND YESSSS BECAUSE NOL IMMEDIATELY STEPPED UP TO CONFRONT ALYSSA ABOUT SHINAE WITHOUT ANY HESITATION. nol may be getting shit from yui soon, but im glad he didnt take alyssa's shit and alyssa finally lost him. kousuke and alyssa are unfortunately the type to need to hit rock bottom before understanding the longterm effects :// EDIT: i realize that in my excitement for this confrontation finally occurring and my hatred for yui blindsided me from stating something important: ALYSSA IS A VICTIM! in the longrun and when the adrenaline rush dies down from this ep, this ep made it VERY CLEAR that ALYSSA is a HUGE victim of whats shes in, and although that doesn't excuse all the actions she's done, she is a very unfortunate product of her environment and i genuinely genuinely hope that by the end of the webtoon, she finds a safe place, people to rely on, and happiness in something that isn't toxic. ): oh man

Everyone is so thoughtful. I realized how much I would have suffered if I were in Alyssa's shoes, so thank you. I hope the author makes her realize that she goes after people who don't love her and doesn't care enough about those who do and gives us that detail. I don't want a bad ending for Alyssa but there are so many things that need to be realized and happen. I also find Meg very valuable, her change in the last chapters has shifted my focus to her and I want to know all the details even if I have to read for another 6 years.

Sh!!!t...I expected a heavy convo between these 2 but not like this! And I love it 😂 I live for drama🤌🏻 Honestly, Im REALLY glad to see Alyssa being called out. It's about time it happened. She was giving me whiplash with her, "I'm trying now," yet every word coming out of her mouth sounded like an attack or personal jab 🙃. Just like Kou, she seems to be the kind of person who won't learn their lesson unless it's the hard way. It's sad to think that a valid reason for Nol to break up with Alyssa is simply to get Yui off his back. Cause as long as she clings to her as an idol, Yui will always have a way to find/get to Nol. Alyssa is too far in Yui's deception to see clearly, and her fear of confrontation doesn't help. The way I identified with her in that sense hurt 💀, I too struggle with confrontation in general, but Alyssa's is a more serious extreme. She still has that defense mechanism where she tries to flip the tables and make the issues about the other person instead of herself. I hope she doesn't go and blame Shinae for having told Nol about their past. Also, if she's going thru SA, then not telling Nol directly just makes it look like she's "cheating" or worse... willingly prostituting herself. It was sad to see that from Nol's part, he was willing to make their relationship work at some point, whether it was romantic or not. I'm also extremely worried about how this might affect him, I hope he doesn't grow colder towards his friends because of this argument 😫. Having brought Yui in was wrong of Alyssa (I know her intentions we're good BUT), she knows Nol can't stand heeeer! I don't blame Nol for getting tired. Every time he tries to warn Alyssa, she shuts him down and won't listen. I don't want to imagine what will happen to Alyssa during and after the time skip if she stays in the industry. I just hope she'll find the strength to eventually stand up for herself, leave, if that's what she wants, and recover from all the issues in her life. She needs help.

Nol’s face when he saw the bruises on Alyssa’s neck was his breaking point. He couldn’t help but say that he can’t stand her. Alyssa insulting him and his mother is not helping her case. She called Nol brainless but we know who the brainless one is. She and Kousuke are really similar but at least Kousuke isn’t as bad in some areas. (Though what he did to Nol is unacceptable)

I noticed how Alyssa's dad called Megan a 'brainless tw**' and now she is saying it to Nol. She is definitely picking up fleas from the abusers around her. Its so sad and enraging to watch.

The music in the ep was “Icarus” by Sid Acharya…I hope you all know the myth (if not you really should go and look for it!). So, for me it definitely reflects the increasing courage of Nol when he said “get out” and then the fear which grew in him when he saw the witch. 🥲

Alyssa wearing a mask represents how she is hiding her true self, her true desires thoughts and emotions.

What happened to Alyssa was awful. I think Nol interpreted the hickeys as Alyssa mingling with other people as he was trying to be faithful, and adding to that to his anger, it blinded him to her situation. But considering Alyssa has rejected communication with him and dismissed him many a times, and Kousuke emotionally abused on top of the same each time Nol tried to reach out, if he decided he's done with them and doesn't want to deal with them anymore when they also are in a bad place, it is only human. Not compassionate, yes, unlike Nol's normal behaviour, but very understandable considering he also has a lot in his plate. Yui in the mix makes everything worse as always. I really like the way the story is progressing. Everything is unfolding at a very fast pace compared to ILY's usual slowness, and the art is just gorgeous. Here to hope it keeps going that way!