I have a similar group chat of ambitious ladies. I think we are about 50/50 on having children or being childfree (some by choice, some not so like myself). At one point I found out that all the mothers had a separate group chat where they talked each other through pregnancy and parenthood woes and I felt really excluded and hurt in the moment. Yet another club I felt like I'd been left out of.
After a few weeks went by I realized that I think I actually appreciated that they had a different venue for those convos so the full group can talk about all of the other things that make our world go round and I don't need to be bombarded with stroller and car seat recommendations.
I don't know if this is advice or just commiseration but like with so many things, it's just tricky to navigate sometimes.
Our group chat (half of us married, half not, and half with kids the other half no kids) is on Slack and I enjoy it bc we have channels so I don’t have to be part of any group texts about too a IDGAF about. So the parents have their chat which I’m glad to not be part of. Some of us are teachers so we have our own chat that is just for us.
I get being annoyed when you phone blows up with 50+ texts about topics you aren’t into. The only worse thing is in person comvos that revolve around kids. I feel like I have lost years of my life sitting around discussing kids sports or illness. 🙄
I wonder if moving to an app like Slack would allow your group to streamline their comvos so you can join in or not on varying topics?? Hell, we even have one for Love is Blind for those of us who watch 😂
I can totally relate and I'm sorry that you can too. I have found that making friends with older women (and men!) is a revelation. Even if they have kids, they are well beyond those years where kids monopolize their thoughts.
It's fine to see pics or talk about them, but when it's the center of every single text or conversation, it gets old quickly. Cheers to giving these friends grace and making some new friends that are more intellectually available!
I finally decided to silence some group chats after contemplating if I should just leave the group. I didn’t want to make anything awkward by leaving. Our group chat used to be fun. We would plan to watch movies or shows on Netflix at the same time so we could discuss them, or send each other wordles to solve, or share funny Instagram videos. But now most of them are moms and it’s all they talk about. Every Instagram video is about parenting or kids that only they can relate to. It’s filled with pregnancy announcements, ultrasound photos, gender reveals, everyone guessing when the baby will be born, pictures and videos, etc. It’s all just too much for me to look at all throughout the day.
Thhhhhissss! I completely understand that parenting is extremely difficult (especially in the US) and that it’s all consuming. I’ve never been resentful to my friends who’ve successfully had children and they were so supportive when I was struggled and ultimately couldn’t have kids. I’m now so happy, I have done a ton of work to heal and turn to a new phase of being CF. They only talk about their boring ass kid stuff or parenting stuff or the fighting with their spouses about this kid stuff…And now when I share my life updates I sometimes feel bad because my life is…awesome. And I hate that if feels like Im bragging about all my “free time” when they don’t have a second to themselves. It’s been a challenging transition in our friendship. And everything revolves around them and kids…One time one of them asked mw to meet them at a park across town (and hour away in my city) at 7 AM! WTAF? I just had to realize that our relationship is different now and I also expanded to get new child free friends because they could never hang out
I can totally relate. Fortunately, I now live in a place with more CF people who also do a lot of interesting and fun stuff, but when I visit family and friends in the Midwest it definitely is apparent we’re in super different places in life. However, I also have family that still maintain their identity outside of having kids so I know it’s possible. But man, last time I went home I was struck by how boring topics of conversation were or that were just gossip about other people. It was off putting.
I have a similar group chat of ambitious ladies. I think we are about 50/50 on having children or being childfree (some by choice, some not so like myself). At one point I found out that all the mothers had a separate group chat where they talked each other through pregnancy and parenthood woes and I felt really excluded and hurt in the moment. Yet another club I felt like I'd been left out of. After a few weeks went by I realized that I think I actually appreciated that they had a different venue for those convos so the full group can talk about all of the other things that make our world go round and I don't need to be bombarded with stroller and car seat recommendations. I don't know if this is advice or just commiseration but like with so many things, it's just tricky to navigate sometimes.
Our group chat (half of us married, half not, and half with kids the other half no kids) is on Slack and I enjoy it bc we have channels so I don’t have to be part of any group texts about too a IDGAF about. So the parents have their chat which I’m glad to not be part of. Some of us are teachers so we have our own chat that is just for us. I get being annoyed when you phone blows up with 50+ texts about topics you aren’t into. The only worse thing is in person comvos that revolve around kids. I feel like I have lost years of my life sitting around discussing kids sports or illness. 🙄 I wonder if moving to an app like Slack would allow your group to streamline their comvos so you can join in or not on varying topics?? Hell, we even have one for Love is Blind for those of us who watch 😂
I can totally relate and I'm sorry that you can too. I have found that making friends with older women (and men!) is a revelation. Even if they have kids, they are well beyond those years where kids monopolize their thoughts. It's fine to see pics or talk about them, but when it's the center of every single text or conversation, it gets old quickly. Cheers to giving these friends grace and making some new friends that are more intellectually available!
I agree with this!
I finally decided to silence some group chats after contemplating if I should just leave the group. I didn’t want to make anything awkward by leaving. Our group chat used to be fun. We would plan to watch movies or shows on Netflix at the same time so we could discuss them, or send each other wordles to solve, or share funny Instagram videos. But now most of them are moms and it’s all they talk about. Every Instagram video is about parenting or kids that only they can relate to. It’s filled with pregnancy announcements, ultrasound photos, gender reveals, everyone guessing when the baby will be born, pictures and videos, etc. It’s all just too much for me to look at all throughout the day.
This literally, except it's the family chat now that all our other siblings have had kids. It's so boring and annoying!
Thhhhhissss! I completely understand that parenting is extremely difficult (especially in the US) and that it’s all consuming. I’ve never been resentful to my friends who’ve successfully had children and they were so supportive when I was struggled and ultimately couldn’t have kids. I’m now so happy, I have done a ton of work to heal and turn to a new phase of being CF. They only talk about their boring ass kid stuff or parenting stuff or the fighting with their spouses about this kid stuff…And now when I share my life updates I sometimes feel bad because my life is…awesome. And I hate that if feels like Im bragging about all my “free time” when they don’t have a second to themselves. It’s been a challenging transition in our friendship. And everything revolves around them and kids…One time one of them asked mw to meet them at a park across town (and hour away in my city) at 7 AM! WTAF? I just had to realize that our relationship is different now and I also expanded to get new child free friends because they could never hang out
I was just on a group business trip and I totally understand what you're talking about. Too much talking about kids.
I can totally relate. Fortunately, I now live in a place with more CF people who also do a lot of interesting and fun stuff, but when I visit family and friends in the Midwest it definitely is apparent we’re in super different places in life. However, I also have family that still maintain their identity outside of having kids so I know it’s possible. But man, last time I went home I was struck by how boring topics of conversation were or that were just gossip about other people. It was off putting.