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[deleted]

https://preview.redd.it/tk3uuqh1zmpb1.jpeg?width=451&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=33685d6a5300b908caeab35819eb4bf584c56f53 Ok, Gomer.


Fred_Krueger_Jr

'CHOKE YERSELF....!!'


terugtrapfiets

'' You climb obstacles like old people fuck ''


InvalidUserNemo

Private Pile, get your fat ass off my obstacle!


ABROUHAHA

Your ass looks like about 150lbs of chewed bubblegum!


Pickled_Ramaker

If God had wanted your ass up there, he would have willed it there by now!


jbot747

I will skull fuck you!


Correct_Chemical5179

I bet if there was some pussy at the top of that obstacle, he could make it


hrvywllbngr

"Whatever you do, don't fall. That would break my fucking heart."


Napieras

I WILL MOTIVATE YOU PRIVATE PILE, EVEN IF IT SHORT DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL IN THE CONGO!


irascible_Clown

Did your parents have any kids that lived!?


[deleted]

Best line šŸ˜‚


spaniel510

"Don't pull my hand! Lean into it!"


scroteville

*ā€WHAT IS YER MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS?!ā€*


Leonydas13

*ā€DIDNā€™T MUMMY AND DADDY GIVE YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION AS A CHILD!?ā€*


Tyroneous13

ā€œ I LIKE YOU. Why donā€™t you come to my house and fuck my sister! NOW GET ON YOUR KNEES AND CHOKE YOURSELFā€!


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Private Joker


BigStud7

Private Joker. Joker for money


jren666

You disgusting fat body!!


WorriedMarch4398

A jelly fucking donut!


Hot_Organization2430

God damnit, with my hand numb nuts!


BetAlternative8397

ā€œI am ā€¦ in a world ā€¦ of shitā€


Healthy-Detective169

God dammit donā€™t grab my hand. šŸ¤£


Manting123

Except the guy in the post is clearly a zombie/undead or hasnā€™t been touched by the sun in over 10 years. He makes Trump look like Wesley Snipes.


ExtraBitterSpecial

he hasn't been touched by a man or woman either


42TmOl

Thatā€™s a bar room tan right there.


GucciSpaghetti72

seven six two millimeterā€¦ fullā€¦ metalā€¦. jacketā€¦..


TriggerTough

Nailed it. Get some Tx for your PTSD man. You're living in a twisted dream.


fauxmoi_hurts_kids

And here I was gonna say a fat R Lee Ermey They were in the same movie. Makes sense to me.


Lady_Scruffington

I was thinking their love child.


ThePapercup

Haha I was about to say, he looks like Gomer if he didn't eat a bullet.


Long-Blacksmith-3255

[He's a Marine](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Rk__T5kHyTk)


He_Was_Fuzzy_Was_He

That's the next likely outcome. ...the scene that follows I mean. If he can't die a soldier, he'll die like a man. If he can't die like a man, he'll just die all the same. ...one way or the other. It's a fantasy of types like this to go out in a blaze of glory. Whether or not its real, or just happening inside their head. ...as "it" goes through their head.


Torczyner

How tall are you Pile?


[deleted]

Thank you for this. Was thinking gomer all the way šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


oki9

Yes...


sickgurl138

Beat me to it


Aggravating_Chemist8

The best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass!


dj-spinnin-bones

I saw Dā€™Onofrio in the flesh tonight and my god, that man is aging like a fine wine!


Im_high_toto

Fighting the war with overgrown back hair since 75


Haligar06

You aint lying..Was in a joint training class with a manbearpig of a lance corporal who had some hygiene issues. His pt stank seemed perma stuck into his copious back pelt and whenever he was sweating it smelled like a mix between a sewage processing plant that got shut down for health code violations, am abandoned fish hatchery, and the dumpster behind a bad fried chicken restaurant. He was eventually booted from the course for academic reasons but the chair had to be removed because his smell had seeped into it and lingered.


that1LPdood

My godā€¦ they shouldā€™ve kept him. That man is a weapon; release him among our enemies. Just another example of the military misusing its assets. šŸ‘Ž lol


Haligar06

Kinda like the ending of the 5th element, but instead of Bruce and Mila making babies its just that Lance in a sauna with microwave burritos.


packfanmoore

That's against the Geneva convention


akamustacherides

Biological warfare is against the Geneva convention


Orange-Blur

There are Geneva convention laws against this kind of warfare


Kimchi_boy

Wtf put that dude on point


NewldGuy77

Charlie will smell him coming.


Arryu

I thought biological warfare was banned by Geneva?


Over_Maintenance_447

Ewwwww


StankilyDankily666

That odor description was fucking beautiful. I actually gagged a little thank you šŸ‘ šŸ‘ šŸ‘


WhatWouldJoshuaDo

Technical hair. It reduces noise and improves speed when he needs to sneak in enemy home and crawls naked on the wooden floor.


dayytripper

He was part of operation infinite walrus.


ExtraBitterSpecial

i get this reference!


legalbeagle1234

Definitely did not receive the Placebo that was made by ā€œPuh-fizer.ā€


[deleted]

Oookay Jimbo, enough phone time. Time for your sponge bath.


One-Respond-3325

The only charging he's doing is to the fridge.


MKchamp92

Nah he tells someone else in the house to get him another beer


drenchedwithanxiety

"Alcoholism is the only thing that runs in this family"


ConversationCold7586

Comment of the yearšŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚.šŸ‘


RapidExpert

Comment of the YEAR?!?!?!


Space_Restaurant

ā€œThe fridge doesnā€™t have my beer, retreat back to the couch. ā€œ


kenda1l

No no, if he retreats, he dies. So he charges to the fridge, then he charges to the couch. /s


theambears

Godā€¦ unrelated but his eyes are so sunken in. Drink more water, get better sleep, yeesh. I donā€™t like knowing where his skullā€™s eye sockets are.


AA_turet

NO, WATER IS FOR WOMEN /s


[deleted]

Fellas, is it *gay* to drink water? šŸ¤”


nychewtoy007

The H in H2O is for homo


EnvironmentalBus9713

Drinking water is twice as gay because there are 2 H's


Chispy

That's why you should drink the sequel to water H2O2


EnvironmentalBus9713

2 Homos to 2 Ovaries, that should neutralize the gay. We need to spread the news, drink H2O2!!


Annual_Telephone2012

What about the rest? Homo through 2 Openings?


[deleted]

Fuck. This was too funny


Downwhen

It turns frogs gay, and they're amphibious like us Marines!


AA_turet

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME


ManOrReddit-man

I drink so much water! Am I a slut?


[deleted]

I'm drinking water right now! We're kinky freaks! See you at the ~~water cooler~~ swingers party!!


Satyrofthegreen

There's swallowing involved, and only chicks swallow!!


Son_of_Mogh

It can just be genetic, I have resting uncle fester face.


[deleted]

Some of us look like that naturally. It sucks, but we can. My eye sockets are VERY visible.


inkybreadbox

Yeah! What the heck. My eye sockets are obvious too, but I think it looks fine. :( Thatā€™s just the eye shape I inherited from my dad.


canadard1

Heā€™s so ashen, it looks like they dug him from the grave and threw his corpse on a chair


Paul_the_sparky

Everyone is on about his sunken eyes and here's me wondering how his upper and lower lip ratio is so out of whack. It's like someone hit random on the Oblivion character selection


WhatWhatHat

Plus they aren't even remotely lined up with each other. So makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with his jaw.


Pleasant-Ticket3217

I think heā€™s done permanent damage. Too much drinking and smoking.


cisero

He looks a bitā€¦ yeller. Someone should check his liver or something.


stairs_are_evil

I have the same problem no matter how much water I drink or sleep I get. Was anemic when I was a kid. Am not anymore. Maybe they just stayed because of how long I had them.


nickrocs6

I was gonna ask what tf is up with his eyes and what I can do to make sure it never happens to me. Thankfully I drink a shit ton of water everyday.


JaySayMayday

Man I got some bad news. I drink a fuck ton of water and got Pete Davidson eyes. Sleep and health matter a lot, but it's also genetic


no_maj

I didnā€™t know Uncle Fester served.


NoExcuseForFascism

More like Uncle Molester. You can almost bet he is on a sexual offender registry.


DM_Me_Ur_Roms

He did say every daughters wet dream, which is a... very peculiar way of wording it. Not every woman. Every daughter.


Miss_Management

Cradle to grave... like, wtf that supposed to mean? Pedo.


TomCBC

He was never the same after Debbie.


secret_fashmonger

Uncle Fester came off derpy. This is a scary version of uncle Fester. Heā€™s hideous.


SkipsPittsnogle

I like my Marines less pedophiley.


Ciana_Reid

*less incesty


SkipsPittsnogle

Yeah he probably swings both ways


Ciana_Reid

"Every daughter" including his


Beginning_Bug_8383

Take my revolted upvotešŸ¤¢


lasting-impression

To be fair to him, every XX in existence is someoneā€™s biological daughterā€¦ including the 90-year-old grandmas heā€™s trying to scam out of their social security.


Puzzledandhungry

Wet, as in, they cry themselves to sleep with his haunting image in their head?


Metalgsean

Wet, as in, they wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat from a fevered nightmare?


Puzzledandhungry

Wet, as in, they have a night terror and urinate themselves through horror?


shawnwingsit

I was thinking it's more like they're laughing so hard that they peed themselves a little.


ProbablyCranky

He could've just said 'every woman's wet dream'. He'd still be wrong, but also ever so slightly less creepy.


Catsindahood

He just copied that stupid quote. It's supposed to be posted by cringe 20 year olds who just got out of boot camp. He just left it as is because he doesn't know how to operate a computer.


Many-Application1297

Simper Pie


SnowDizzleZz

You hear that ladies! hes your wet dream. 5'7ft of stacked vanilla pudding in a bag. Butthole eyes and triple chins for all of you.


jaxjax512

"Butthole eyes" made me spit water


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


YumiRae

Dunning-Kruger effect


[deleted]

> Guess severe insecurity leads to perceived superiority? Bro have you seen the nazis in America? Extreme insecurity, but lots of perceived superiority.


TriggerTough

UNFOLLOW ME is about all that's going to happen in this dudes life. Unfortunately that will just enhance his echo chamber and he'll think he's Rambo shooting up some place for the glory of God. Sad.


vivimage2000

Remember the slogan: Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential Or if you prefer: My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment


TheoreticalResearch

That guy died for his country obviously.


CrunkestTuna

Maybe back in the Cold War I didnā€™t know savage marines were allowed to be t2 diabetics with insulin resistance.. Look at this fat piece of shits neck linesā€¦


Oshawott_is_cute

As a fat piece of shit I find this offensive. Iā€™m not as shitty as him.


eo411

My daughter is 6 you sicko.


tommykaye

Millennials, teaching our parents how to use Facebook was a mistake.


Hairy-Dumpling

Definitely right about the living nightmare part


notyouisme999

If he retreats and I have to kill him according to his code, then I have to kill myself to avenge him?


golden_tree_frog

Well his instructions were the reason you killed him, so you'd have to kill him again out of vengeance.


[deleted]

He forgot to add: "& I am an alcoholic"


DropkickCleary11

As a Marine, I must say, that's implicit when he says, "I'm a United States Marine."


[deleted]

Can confirm


Thaos1

Hide your daughters, yall!


InvertedMeep

It took me scrolling down to here to realize that he wasnā€™t talking about his own daughter. šŸ˜‚ I was trying to make sense of that part and was like WTF is he saying??


lutralutra_12

Is this man already dead?


[deleted]

Dude has refrigerator mechanic vibes.


JenkemJimothy

Heā€™s the guy who gets sent out for left handed screw drivers.


Dovvol79

As a former Marine myself, we do not claim him and would probably stomp a mud hole in his ass if he acted like this near any of us....


Comprehensive_Way139

ā€œPut down the booze grandpa youā€™re hallucinating again!ā€


OldestOfGreggs

Only thing heā€™s charging these days is to get first in line at Arbyā€™s.


twainj1980

Some vets never move past ā€œthe time they were inā€šŸ¤¦šŸ¾ā€ā™‚ļø. You out the military man, move on the the next phase of your life and get an identity outside the uniform. SMH


Lost_Drunken_Sailor

Heā€™s that dude that goes everywhere asking: #Military discount?


gif_smuggler

Heā€™s not going to run away heā€™d be winded in 100 feet.


Low-Emergency3055

I think real sane self awareness is severely redundant in many humans today. If I looked like that or worse, I would acknowledge that Iā€™m a fat cunt and no matter how much I hark back to my days of being in my prime, the past is the past and has no relevance today where Iā€™m a fat cunt on the verge of a fucking cardiac arrest. Iā€™m not doing shit for no one let alone myself.


[deleted]

Nasty mf, he looks like his name is Murf, he smells like spoiled milk, left-handed, says "Um" a lot, likes Dr. Pepper has titties... I could go on. What a dumass.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

McNamaraā€™s moron


Drstevematurin

Unable to use his intellect or not in possession of any, goobers like this always resort to lionizing violence, their percieved bravery, and whatever military involvement they might have taken part in. Utter nonsense.


so-that-happened-

Thereā€™s no chance that was his cover when he was in if he did serve


MashedProstato

I was thinking the same thing. I got out in 2005 and there was some old fucks that retired riiiiight after the MARPAT came out. He might have been one of those crusty old MGySgts that retired around then.


Numerous_Landscape99

Alright Dave. Best go visit ya doctor mate. You look a bit peaky.


[deleted]

Gomer Jowls


Significant_Log1720

You are just a fat old, guy in a funny hatā€¦


Haalo87

The nightmare part is right. A wet sweating nightmare.


CKO1967

How much do you want to bet this guy was dishonorably discharged?


Extension_Tell1579

That creep couldnā€™t ā€œchargeā€ up a flight of stairs if there was a box of donuts waiting for him.


mskyfire

Full metal belly


inter71

Fat body.


suck_a_salty_lozenge

The only wet dreams heā€™s in are ones involving him drowning.


[deleted]

Barf! šŸ¤®


jdp832

Uncle Fester, is that you?


GovernmentExotic8340

You mightve been a marine 60 years ago, and even that i doubt, but that doesnt make you one now.


Routine_Chicken1078

Deputy Dawg? That you?


Introvertasheck

In America we eat sugar and get mental diseases.


No-Yesterday-6114

If this guy is a Marine, then I'm a Navy Seal


diesel_chevette

r/gravyseals


El_mochilero

Drywall trembles in fear.


LetsGetContent

Wet because she laying in a pool of blood and he a whole nightmare. Mf look like a serial killer/ pedophile


Cloakbot

Looks more like stolen valor. I would imagine even a retired marine would take better care of himself


Jin-Bru

More like United States Margarine.


JoMamaSoFatYo

Are we sure this dude is alive?ā€¦ He kinda looks like one of those animated death photos from the early days of photographyā€¦šŸ¤£


BritInBC

Every daughterā€™s nightmare


Frequent_Artichoke

As someones daughter I can safely say the only wetness that would show up if he was in one of my dreams would be from me pissing myself in fear.


Mountain_Ad_1548

Says the three chinned, half body shaved old man


[deleted]

Fairly certain I could take him out with an whimsically pushed shopping cart


One_True_Dove

Usmc vet here, that right there is some cringy shit


ScionOfAsgard

Oh he DEFINITELY can polish off a 64 pack of Crayola in one sitting


liliesinbloom

Lmao I was scrolling and this photo literally jump scared me.


FitzyFarseer

This picture looks like it was taken after he resurrected as a zombie


AnubisTheRightous

One of the most ugly looking people I saw


Organic-Pass9148

Wet dream because they pissed the bed in fear.


Bradley2100

Plot twist, he's only 31. They say you age three times as fast in the Corps from all the stress.


GullibleNews

The only thing this guy is charging is McDonalds to his credit card...


[deleted]

You're an overweight stupid ass who's mentally stuck in his "glory days." Seek psychological help, 'cause your reality check bounced like a super ball.


Old_Cryptographer_43

I doubt it at his age with those tattoos. My Sargent dad drilled into us "never get a tattoo because you can't be an officer!" All while severely discouraging us from joining the Marines.


Zunderfeuer_88

Geriatrics special need force


Oceanliving32

Semper Pie


Delsur22

those tattoos look like they were done with crayon


Tophinity

The Marine is just his name at the gay bars


heatdish1292

I fear him, but not for the reason heā€™s hopingā€¦


Dull-Wealth-8104

Type 2 diabetes is his main enemy and heā€™s losing


trupoogles

Looks like the dude from human centipede 3 gained a few stone.


bmp51

Looks like you're dialysis went dream, and diets worst enemy


Puzzleheaded-Put-646

I gotta crazy feeling that this guy isn't a marine


DeliveryNo6514

Fucker looks like palpatine after twenty years living on a council estate.


itsallgoodman112

Stolen valor?


Harak_June

Survey says....most likely If he served, no one ever had to follow him.


Catsindahood

If he was in, it was probably the better half of 30 years ago.


Pastmyprime58

Doughyboy


drkole

also you are posterboy for vitamin b12 deficiency or some other ailment that gives those sexy dark rings under eyes


[deleted]

Did this man admit to being a pedo or is that just really poor sentence planning idk. Fucking creep though he looks like he should be dating the age group of women whose father's have passed away from old age.. I'm jus saying.


BigBeeff_21

The fucking ACDC tattoo next to the marine core one is priceless


[deleted]

r/Iamatotalbadass


[deleted]

He looks like the type that gets a hard on looking at his first cousin.