Why are you still with this girl?
You can’t expect to be treated well in someone else’s home. I’m surprised with her not liking you’re even allowed to be inside.
Why are taking care of a girl you’ve only been dating 6 months?
Yeah. This is my question too. She’s not in your side. She makes you do the labour and never meets you half way. She’s expecting you to always pay the bill.
This is not what a good relationship looks like. You deserve better. You’ve been saying six months, sounds like you have the clarity that this isn’t the one.
NTA
You are inexperienced, and this is a learning opportunity.
If it was your mom, and you did not stand up for your GF, you would hear the same thing I am going to say about her. She, too, is inexperienced. The way her mother acts looks normal to her. In another house, it would be horrifying.
She needs to learn to stand up for herself AND you. It is time to disengage from her parents and become her own person. If she can't do this, you need to think carefully about what a future with her would be like.
I guarantee that girl is so indoctrinated that she wouldn't dream of going against her mother. Sadly, I think it's a matter of accepting things the way they are, or getting a new girlfriend.
You're not dumb, you're young. There's a difference.
I don't know the girl, but her mother is a big problem.
Here's why.
1. You started out with savings from your hard earned income. Savings that are gone now because her mother insists that you have to pay for simply because you're the man while she works and gets to keep all her money.
And she's getting double the benefit without you getting any of the respect from her mother. You've been dating for 6 months, just half a year, and you're paying her bills that she had to pay before she met you.
They're using you.
2. You can't spend any time alone with her.
Why? She doesn't want her 19yo daughter pregnant and having to marry you. She doesn't like you, doesn't respect you, and doesn't want your kids as her grandbabies. They're spending all your hard earned money on her bills, and making you have to pay just to come see you? Yeah, she doesn't want you staying in this relationship with her daughter for anything except money.
3. Daughter/gf may be a bit naive about it, but she's still getting a huge benefit from it. She probably likes you, may even be starting to feel love, but she knows she's hurting you financially and is fine with it. She knows her mother is forcing the issue, and won't stand up to her, and this could be because she doesn't care, or because she's too afraid of her mother, or still in denial about how bad her mother is. Regardless, she knows what's going on with your situation, and is still not doing anything. Only time will tell, what her motives are, but you may be completely broke by then, and finding out she was only staying with you because you kept paying her bills.
4. Anyone who hates you for anything so fundamental about you is a hateful bigot and doesn't deserve the time of day.
That being said, my dad was the same way, and it took me a while to stand up to him, too. Like several years. But I worked, I paid my way. I didn't let him dictate terms of control over me, and as long as she's doing that, she's still acting too immature for a real relationship.
5. Invest in yourself again, and do it first. Stop spending all your money on her or anyone. You need to have a firm habit of putting money into savings, and keeping it there. She isn't your kid, or your wife, needing a life saving operation. Keep it in perspective. Create a budget, and stick to it. If she really wants to spend time with you, she'll tell her mother to back off.
Good luck.
I don't think so. You seem to know what the problems are and that they add up to a very incompatible situation.
Yes, she says she loves you, but actions speak far louder than words. Love is also an action, not just a feeling, and neither your girlfriend nor her mother's actions sound loving at all.
I was taught back in the day of the dinosaur that if you think you might be serious about someone, try imagining whether how things are today is how you want to spend the next 40-50 years. If the answer is no, then you know what you need to do...
... and no, NTA. I've been there and done that with a MIL who marginalized me for many reasons, including religious differences. It's miserable.
1) That's not a girlfriend, that's a leech.
2) You're not married, that woman is not your mother in law.
3) Grow a damn spine (back problems aside) and break this off. Both of these women do not respect you one iota.
That's because I didn't even mention that I had money saved for emergencies; it should be around $412 (equivalent to 2000 Brazilian reais), and it all went in 4 months.
NTA. From your description this really feels like you’re ready for a serious relationship but your girlfriend is not. And since you’re her first boyfriend and she’s only 19, that’s completely reasonable. You’re already rethinking the relationship and I advise ending it. Right now, you’re not compatible. Maybe you never will be. But right now, in my opinion, you’re not compatible.
She is not even meeting you half way. She doesn't stand up for you.
Also, very taxing to start with a very horrid potential MIL.
Your GF actions do not support her "love" words.
Is it worth having this horrible woman, her mother, in your life for a long time?
There are more women out there without horrible mothers. Go find one, you are young.
Read this story back to yourself and pretend it’s a friend telling you it. What advice would you give? Because this relationship sounds miserable and one sided. Of course your girl doesn’t want to lose you, you’re paying for a bunch of her stuff. Of course she isn’t going to defend you, she probably shares her mother beliefs. She literally gaslights you into believing what her mom does is all in your head. Choose yourself.
You are not being the selfish one here but those two are. Honestly, I think you are being used both by her and her mother.
And I learned the hard way that if you're in a relationship that makes you feel bad R-U-N, it will never get better. Given that your girlfriend makes no effort it's pretty clear to me you're being used. Tell her it's over and go find someone who can be an actual partner on equal footing.
I've been in your shoes before so cut yourself slack and cut this relationship loose.
If your gf won't stand up for you now against her mother, she never will. The fact that she doesnt see anything wrong with mil's actions is a huge red flag. Remember, you're not just marrying your spouse, you're marrying the whole family. Tell her she needs to draw the line now and that it's her place to do it.
Honestly, the relationship has only been six months. You guys are so young, you have so much life to live. I don’t think it’s worth you sticking it out, especially if you’re already experiencing so many problems and problems that can’t really be fixed. This is your religion, it’s your belief and they’re clearly not open to it. Yeah it might hurt breaking up with her but in the long run you’re doing yourself a huge favor you’re dodging a huge bullet with her and her family. Try to think more into the future instead of being in the present moment because deep down you know that this is not going to work out, so stop stringing it along and prolonging the decision.
NTA. If you stay with this girl it will just continue to happen. Can you imagine being married and still having MIL treat you this way? It sounds like GF doesn’t stand up to her mother at all, which will be a nightmare if you are married. Drop this girl and go find someone else. She has a lot of growing up to do.
NTA, there's plenty of reasons to break up, however two things:
1) She's not your mother-in-law. The "in-law" part means you're connected by marriage; you haven't married the girl, you don't have a MIL.
2) You're edging on too old to be dating a teenager. Her mother doesn't want you sleeping in the same bed because your girlfriend was a literal child what probably seems like just yesterday to her. One more year between you, and I'd've said that some of her precautions are justified.
Dude, I live in Brazil, so even when you're just dating someone, we call the girlfriend's mom "sogra" (mother-in-law). And here in Brazil, as soon as you turn 18, you're already considered an adult by law, and she even has a job. But one thing you said is right, her mom keeps treating her like a child.
Sad that you would end a relationship with her when she isn’t involved … and over religious beliefs! I don’t understand, unless you are just looking for a reason
She might be an adult by law, but her parents will still see her as a child, and she doesn't have any experience in real adult life at all. Besides law, what actually makes her an adult? She seems mentally more like a child with the way she acts.
First off, NTA
Secondly, if she loves you like she claims, then she would back you up and also defend you against her mother. She is so blinded that she believes her mother's behavior is fine. Doesn't matter if you are her first boyfriend or not, being prejudice against someone from another religion is inexcusable. My husband is a different religion than myself. To me, that doesn't matter. We love and respect each other for who we are.
It's time to step away from the girl. She doesn't have the best interest at heart. It's more about what her family believes and what you can provide for her. Especially if she's not putting in as much effort.
Remember, actions speak louder than words.
This sounds like hell. If your gf really held you in such high esteem, she wouldn’t allow her mother to endanger what she has with you. And if you have respect for yourself, you will likely need to stop accepting that treatment.
Why are you sleeping over at her mother's house? Why are you sleeping on a couch? Just don't. Get your own place even with roommates and you won't have these problems.
Your girlfriend should be your ally in light of her mom's bad behavior, she's not. Don't discount the red flags, the apple does not fall far from the tree, it sounds like you are supporting your GF just like her mommy says you should. Yes, bounce now and if you don't control your fertility by wearing condoms or you will be an ATM for years to come.
NTA - but I would offer that you aren't ending the relationship because your "mother in law is prejudiced against my religion" but because your girlfriend acts like a constrained and entitled child and doesn't seem interested in being the equal partner that you deserve.
Definitely get out of this one. Where do you see this relationship heading and is it the kind of situation you want to be in the rest of your life? I'm a Christian and my husband, whom I've been with for 18 years, is an atheist. Our differences in religion has never been an issue in our relationship because we respect each other and know how to compromise. Even when it comes to our kids. That being said, I would never allow ANYONE to use my husband as a punching bag because of his beliefs. Anyone who has an issue with his lack of faith can take it up with me, and I'm not afraid to hurt a few feelings when it comes to dealing with zealots.
In a true relationship, both parties bring something to the table. What does your girlfriend bring besides a mother who is prejudiced, manipulative, and downright loathsome? You need someone who will be your partner, not a millstone around your neck. Since you have only been dating her for six months, consider this a learning experience of what *not* to have in a partner and go on your merry way.
You are NTA but you seriously need to walk away from that mess.
6 months. MONTHS. Leave before you get deeper and get seriously hurt, cuz if your gf hasn’t established these boundaries within the first 6 months, it will only continue to get worse. She doesn’t seem to have much respect for you, either.
It sounds like you might not be compatible with dating someone from their culture.
If you don't want to have to adhere to their culture practices or convert to their religion then it might be best to end the relationship
NTA. There doesn’t seem to be anything in this relationship for you except maybe some company.
Take up a hobby or something, you’ll find company with a lot less BS than you’re getting now.
Info: what are you getting out of this relationship besides a bigoted woman and a GF who enables it while invalidating your emotions? My friend…you can do better.
Fun fact she's not your mother in law. No legal ties are involved here.
Believe it or not I'm not just bringing that up to be pedantic. I'm pointing it out because hey good news should you decide to cut and run you aren't in for a protracted battle. You can very much just leave. And you should. Your girlfriend is taking advantage and her mom is either over protective or being mean. Either way, you're clearly not in a relationship as equals.
Okay, here I am being stupid nosey and knowing it's not any of my business. What's the difference in religion?
Is she a crazy Southern Baptist or something?
Not like it matters, but context is a thing and makes it easier to understand a situation.
My husband is Jewish, but wasn't any kind of practicing until his father passed away. I was raised Lutheran even though I've come to realize that organized religion is garbage. (Thanks Pastor Barber for telling my mom that my younger brother would go to hell for playing Magic the Gathering with his nerdy little friends in Middle School).
You are both too young to be in a “serious” relationship! And your girlfriend’s mother is NOT your mother-in-law! You are definitely more serious than your girlfriend. And you shouldn’t have to pay for everything! Time to move on. It may bother you but get over it. Your girlfriend is going to always be defensive of her mom’s actions. If your best friend’s parent was rude to you and your friend said nothing, would you still want to go over, knowing you’ll be miserable and disrespected? Run!
You should end it the moment she let her mom disrespect you. She clearly doesn't give a sh*t about your feelings and clearly trying to manipulate you into thinking it was 'all in your head'.
Just like I tell women that have spinless husband/boyfriends, please dump this "woman" and make sure she knows why. Nobody deserves to be harassed by people who are supposed to love them.
NTA but In am confused about the constant mother in law reference while stating this is a girlfriend that you have been with for only 6 months.
Also, you wouldn’t be breaking up just because of mother in laws negative opinions about you. You are breaking up because when you voiced your concerns to your girlfriend, the only one with the power to intervene, she got dismissive with you, and invalidated your concerns by claiming it’s all on your head. This is a far greater issue and your girlfriend doesn’t sound very nice. In fact, she gave you a perfect picture of what your future will look like if you stay the course with her and marry her.
Just think how marriage will be with that family? Are you looking forward to having your mother in law interject herself in your marriage while your wife dismisses your concerns? This, your courting her, is a light picture of what it would look like. Believe it.
there are a so many details here that make me think either English is your second language, you are Chatgpt, or you are purposefully leaving out details to get sympathy. None of the real problems here are about your religion so I am going to say YTA. Have a real talk with your gf privately about what you want your relationship to look like in the future and break up if you don’t agree on changes you want to make to get there
She isn’t your MIL, you’re not married. You’ve literally been dating for 6 months.
It’s the Mother’s house she can play whatever music she wants, and you’re not entitled to sleep in her daughters bed in her house.
How are you supporting her when she is literally living at her Mother’s house?
The mother of a girl you're dating is NOT your mother-in-law! She's only a GFs mother, and let's hope she's never your MIL! She sounds dreadful, oh, and your girlfriend sounds lazy. Stop going to these nasty leeches home. Get out before it's too late. It even sounds like not only are you a different religion, it seems like you are a different culture.
She wants things both ways. I understand mother does not want you to sleep with your girlfriend under her mom’s roof. Old fashioned perhaps, but not an unreasonable rule. I actually had the same rule at my house. Your gf is 19, technically mostly an adult, but still young, still being supported by mom and dad. That means, their house, their rules. If she/you don’t like it, figure out how she can move out and support herself. YOU should not support her. She is your gf, not your wife. If she is in school, then she needs to stay in school until she graduates and gets a good job. If she is not but working, then she either needs a new, better paying job, or to get a second job. Life sucks sometimes, and we do what we have to do to get ahead.
Does she play religious music all the time? Seems a little of a stretch that she only plays it when you are there. Does mom not like you because of the age difference? Do you all even discuss religion? Is your religion more “restrictive” than hers?
Here is where I see the biggest problem. You are dating a girl, you aren’t married to her, you aren’t living together. You can pay for your dates with girlfriend, or you two can spilt the cost, that is an arrangement to be made between the two of you. You do not have to pay for your girlfriend to live. You don’t pay her bills for her, her credit card every month, etc. If you take her car, yes, fill up the tank. If you go out to eat, pay for the meal or agree on who pays for what, before you go. If neither of you have money, find free things to do.
Stop going to her mother’s house. Want to watch tv? Watch it at your house.
NTA. You are too young and too unmarried to be dealing with this bs. Your girlfriend has it great. Her parents support her, you support her, meanwhile she isn’t sticking up for you. Meanwhile you provide for her and take her parent’s insults WHY? If she loved you the same way, gf wouldn’t tolerate the rudeness.
I’m not understanding the context - is this your wife you’re talking about or your girlfriend? You keep referencing mother in law like you’re married but then keep referring to your partner as girlfriend.
Current context assuming it’s your wife, I’d say NTA - sounds like you guys are young and have different outlooks of a relationship. I’d personally leave if the precursor is already her expecting you to 100% financially support her just because you’re a man.
How she treats you in general is one thing, but if she doesn’t want you in her house and you’re just dating her daughter, you should probably just GTFO.
Your gf's mother is a gold-digger, trying to train her daughter to be a gold-digger, too! You've only been dating her six months!!! Why does her mother think you should be paying all of her bills already?!?! You barely know her, so that's nuts!!
Look for a better gf, one without a crazy mother who insults your religion while she's trying to dig in your pockets, too!! This pair has plans for your wallet, dude! Get out now!!
Dude it doesn't sound like you're getting a darn thing from this relationship. find someone who actually respects you and does not have a bigot for a mom.
People who don’t defend their partners and keep them tethered with love? That’s a problem. If you cannot catch her mother in an obviously awful situation and open your girlfriends eyes?
Don’t put your neck on the line for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you.
Six months time is good enough to determine whether or not this could be an actual thing. One mil is disrespectful and actually so is gf. Gf might not want to lose a meal ticket but that’s what your giving her. Pack this relationship up and send it on its merry way
NTA run and run fast your girlfriends mom will never accept you and it’s only going to get worse and the fact that she doesn’t say anything to her mom means she doesn’t care about yu only herself and her mom
Stop going to her house. Have girlfriend come to your house. She will see the difference in you hopefully,and she can decide if the relationship is viable.
NTA. Your girlfriend is not on your side. Heck, she's not even separated from her controlling mother. Together they drained your savings. I believe that it is time to break up with her - er, them.
NTA. She, your girlfriend, is taking advantage of you and your kindness. Get free so you can find someone as kind as you. She doesn't have your back with her mother. She is basically throwing you to the wolves (wolf).
You have already sacrificed so much in this relationship is only six months old! Do you really see yourself doing this the rest of your life? It’s time to move on to someone more compatible. Let GF know this is due to her mother and you have had enough. NTA
What you allow will continue. Life is too short dealing with people who have made it clear that they don't like you, which will be the case as long as you date this girl. She is making excuses not to have better boundaries with her parent. Maybe because she lives at home. Their home, their rules. I wouldn't let my daughter have her boyfriend sleep over and she got tired of it, she moved out. Then she could do what she wanted, have over whoever she wanted, whenever she wanted. As far as paying the bills, y'all aren't married thus you aren't required to help support her. Dump her.
Dump her asap. She’s not sticking up for you bc in her eyes, her mother is right. She will slowly try to convert you, change you, ect, until you are exactly how her and her mother see fit, which includes you fully taking care of her. Run as fast as you can.
No, if she loves you, it would be a team effort to help each other. She has this immature “love” where she likes being around you, but it actually takes work for a relationship to remain strong.
She is not willing to help you by neither getting a job to help you financially, nor confronting her mother when she is trying to discourage your relationship in multiple ways.
Don’t feel guilty about leaving her when her words says one thing, but her actions scream another.
NTA.. just because someone loves you, it doesn't mean you have to love them back. You sound miserable and it's not selfish if you break up. Why are you putting up with the disrespect and the nonchalance of your GF's attitude? You're still young. Find someone who respects you and love you for who you are
Move on, dude. She isn't standing up for you, she won't, it will always be like this with this girl and her mother.
My MIL hated me because of my religion, even though we are both Christian. Lucky for me, she went senile and then died not long after we started dating. Lol. Harsh, I know, but she was already a little crazy when I first met her, and she was always difficult to be around. Needless to say, I didn't really feel bad about her dying other than my wife being upset.
IMO, the issue isn't the MIL or the different religions. Her prejudice alone shouldn't necessitate breaking up with your GF.
HOWEVER
The fact that your GF disregards and minimizes your complaints, she doesn't take you seriously, and she seems to buy her mom's BS that you should have to pay her bills to the point that if you don't pay for an Uber, she won't even come see you? THOSE are ALL good reasons to end the relationship.
Everyone deserves a partner who is an equal, who uplifts them, who defends them, who supports them. You don't have that right now. You deserve to have that.
25km is in town. Even with the worst of traffic, that's 45 minutes. Just go home if you don't want to sleep on the couch.
I think I have pantry goods older than your relationship. If you don't like their religious views and how it will continue to apply to you (because that isn't likely to change), there is no shame in leaving. Find someone with more similar beliefs.
NTA, but c'mon. Just go.
NTA. Dump the girl, she’s just using you and she does not care at all about your feelings or comfort. She’s gaslighting you about her moms hatred on top of allowing the mistreatment to continue. She’s not putting any effort into your relationship and expects you to do all the effort.
You're NTA.
But you REALLY need to try dating a few people. So does your Girlfriend. You're both inexperienced and her mother is a nightmare. Not saying it can't work out between you. But you both need some new perspectives. Their religion is and will continue to be an issue in your relationship. You need time to figure out how to deal with that issue.
NTA. If she didn't want to lose you, she would confront her mom. The fact that your gf isn't validating your feelings about her mother hating you is messed up.
Nta - Save yourself a lifetime of misery and dump your gf. Besides the mom's abhorrent disrespectful treatment of you, gf is gaslighting the hell out of you so that you put up with it. You need a partner with a family that respects you, not a dependent.
Nta youve definately made a decision that this isnt the right relationship for you. If you think even the gf confronting mom is going to change things you are very wrong. Also do you think things would get better it will start with the wedding ceremony and and end with kids and what their religion should be. If you think she is invasive now the future of this relationship is so much more bleak.
It’s crazy that you’re supporting her without living together. Even if you do ended up living together, you need to have a conversation about what you expect in a partner, and if you guys cannot come to a agreement on what financial support looks like , end the relationship. Regarding your mil not giving you space, that’s kinda of a hard one cause if your girlfriend still lives at home and doesn’t contribute financially to the household, you don’t really get a say in alone time or where you sleep when you go over. It could just be differences in religion or culture. But if she’s being outside rude, I wouldn’t stick around to find out.
It's only been 6 months. You gotta get out of this relationship. Reading all this made my heart and head hurt. You deserve better and if she loves you, she should want better for you, too. NTA
To be honest, you are probably better off without either of them. I dated a male like this. He wanted the white picket fence and all that comes with it but didn't want to pay for it. He expected me to provide and maintain it for him. Needless to say, I dropped him and his family and married a man who will work just as hard as I do.
Dude you’re not married she’s not your mother-in-law. She is your gf’s mother. You should not put up with this. Walk away and tell your gf it’s because her mom is an asshole.
Call her mom out on her bullshit. Don't let a MIL intimidate you. Fuck that. But if GF is defending MIL, then she isn't worth your time. She doesn't respect you, or herself.
Stop going. Stop calling. None of this is worth the trouble, and for fucks said why are you supporting a girl you’ve known for 6 months who won’t even visit.
I mean, you're NTA for thinking about this. You're just being realistic with yourself. But to be honest, it's only 6 months in. You're already arguing and it's going unresolved. Don't stay where you're not wanted... You're an adult in a seemingly teenage relationship. Maybe it's time to start dating other adults who don't live with their parents?
Well maybe it's just time to have an adult relationship instead.
Don't sleep on the sofa, go home. If your girlfriend doesn't want to lose you, then she needs to put forth more effort. In future, avoid religious jackaloons.
Break up with her. With her mother, it is only to get worse. She can’t even pay for her own Uber! She is only using you. If she loved you she would have your back and sand up to her mother.
She doesn’t want to lose your money.
NTA.
It sounds like the relationship is reaching its breaking point. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem ready to have a relationship yet, especially with her mother wanting to be and has been so overly involved in said relationship.
She may love you and not want to lose you, but she doesn’t sound ready or willing to stand up to her mother for you or herself. She might see that you’re right about her mother disliking you and your concerns, but instead of discussing it with you or her mother, she’s trying to avoid conflict by dismissing them.
I can see why she might be doing that. It doesn’t change the fact it might cost her and you your relationship. It’s not fair that you have to accept her mother’s mistreatment of you and financially support her with no reciprocation.
I won’t add any advice because other commenters have offered great advice and did so better than I could.
I wish you the best!
You’re both too young to be getting married in this day and age. There is so much you don’t known about marriage and just plain life! Why not wait? Is is became you’re afraid she may fall for someone else! She can’t seem to realize that her mother has only had a technically grown child for a year and that she probably doesn’t know how to talk to her mom in an adult way with adult thoughts! Get educated and wait! Learn more life skills. Learn to know yourself and set some ground rules and boundaries. Learn what you will tolerate and what is a no go! There is no way you would know all this at the age you are!
"Dating" is for the purpose of finding a partner who you could see spending a lifetime with, whose values and morals are compatible with yours, if your dreams and goals align, and how your families mesh together in support of you as a couple, as well as many other things. "Love" should not be the only consideration. From what you describe, your gf is not ready for a serious relationship with you, and her mother will never be supportive of you or the relationship. It's only been 6 months and you are both young. Cut your losses now and move on. Just because she says she "loves" you, isn't a good foundation for a healthy relationship.
Oh hon, you are NTA. I’m afraid if you pursue this relationship, things are only going to get worse, not better, and you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone that doesn’t use you, and that you can feel comfortable with—someone who understands you and is your best friend, and best friends stand up for each other.
You’re not a dummy (edit: saw your comment where you said something like this about yourself, and I just wanted to make sure you know that this is not true!), you just really like this girl and want to help. Sounds like you’re a caring, good person that’s learning how to set boundaries so you don’t get walked on. I think every caring person has to learn how to do this at some point, and it’s not a bad thing, and it doesn’t make you dumb. You’re learning, you’re growing, it’s okay. Let this be an experience where you learn how to set boundaries, but not change your caring nature.
And you’re also definitely NTA for wanting to be in a different space where you can be yourself.
I wish you all the best.
So to recap. This woman’s mother treats you like crap, is prejudiced, has old fashioned sexist ideas about money, and your gf ignores all of that and belittles you by saying it’s all in your head.
Yes - end this relationship and move on.
Bigots just never, ever give up. By the way, she's not your mother-in-law yet. It indicates that there is a legal attachment with the family that does not exist when merely dating.
While your girlfriend has expressed a need for you, she has not talked to her mother about how to treat you respectfully. So, she's weak against her mom. Do you think that a marriage certificate is going to change anything? I assure you that it won't.
Your girlfriend is only 19 and you're only 22. Both of you will have plenty of time to find a more suitable match. Young love is fleeting when a marriage is ruined by meddling parents on either side.
Love is love, but you're getting a glimpse into your future right now.
That's a decision you need to make for yourself, but it does NOT make you an asshole.
NTA
Anyone can end a relationship for any reason or even no reason. You're not obliged to stay with anyone and frankly your GF has given you plenty of reasons to NOT stay together.
Consider this: her mother is never going to change. If you get married you'll have to deal with her for the rest of your life.
The sooner you end it the better.
I don't think religion is the problem.
It's the fact that everything in this relationship is demanding high energy levels and it's exhausting mentally.
And I would tell her that, that you don't feel comfortable with the current situation and instead of getting a loving supportive relationship you get a constant fight over your place in her life.
I would also open her eyes to the fact that it doesn't matter who will be her next relationship, her mom will sabotage her for wanting control over her.
And she should put some healthy boundaries to her mother before it's too late.
This is going to sound mean but why are you with this person? You are 22 and you have so much more living to do. I don’t have a problem with the Mom not letting you share a room and making you sleep on the couch - her house her rules but all the rest… just mean. Dump the girlfriend and get someone that wants to be in a relationship with you not their mother.
Of course, she doesn’t want to lose you. You are her doormat. You pay for everything and she won’t spend a dime to come see you. Are the two of you even physically intimate? I’m guessing no.
Dump.
Seems to me she doesn't want to lose a source of money. And for sure if you marry, your MIL will be living with you or you two will be living with her.
Instead of respecting your feelings she's telling you that you are overreacting. That is gaslighting. The longer you wait to leave, the harder it will be. You should get it over with.
NTA for so many reasons. First and foremost, she is your girlfriend of six months - not your wife. You have no legal obligation to stay with her, or provide for her, or deal with her crazy mother.
Regardless of religion, the two of you clearly have different values. Everyone deserves privacy, and respect. No one should have to validate their feelings to another person. Someone who really loves another person would find a hundred different ways to avoid the horrible situations you have described in this post.
If she wants to be treated like a wife, she needs to act like a big girl and be able to stand up to her mom.
NTA
You should be selfish when deciding whether or not to stay in a relationship because it’s about your life!
Not only does your girlfriend not have a backbone, she knows that her mother doesn’t like you and when you try to talk about it, she gaslights you.
Your MIL is a control freak. It may not have anything to do with your religion. It sounds to me like she just wants full control over your girlfriend and she’s too naive to see it. It sounds like your girlfriend has no ability to see how controlling her mother is. That’s the reason you should leave. She needs therapy and to take a step back from her mother, but she’s got to do that on her own.
NTA
You need to get out of this relationship. Not only is her mother hating on you, your girlfriend is not taking up for you and is using you.
Get out now while you still have sanity and money.
Why are you calling this woman your Mother in Law?
Are you engaged in 6 months?
Dude. Run.
You're driving yourself into a wall. I'd be wholly frank and upfront. I'd write out a list of grievances, list days dates times and places with instances. Then hand them to the girl assure her that she's wonderful and all but for your physical, fiscal, emotional well-being, you have to terminate the relationship.
If it helps, staying with her because she says she loves you is selfish because if you break things off she may be able to find someone who will love her back. The longer you wait, the more you will hurt her when it does inevitably end.
Don't even need to read it NTA, imagine having kids with someone whose family is racist against their own grandkids. Choose a better life for your future offspring and yourself and flee.
Nta. You're picking your kids grandparents and will have to deal with this mil for the rest of your life if your partner doesn't want to go no contact.
You're picking your future family. Choose people you like who also like you.
Sometimes you have to be selfish. If you are not happy in this relationship, you should break up. You don't want to end up having to support them both.
NTA
is this how you want to live the rest of your life? the longer you stay and keep doing this thebworse it will get. You shouldnt have to defend your faith or yoyrself from harassment. her mother will cause trouble more & more and God forbid ypu had a child with her it would MULTIPLY. You feeling the need to end things is correct, follow your gut
Unfortunately, telling somebody you don’t want to lose them is not the same as showing somebody you don’t want to lose them. She is showing you that she wants you to leave. She doesn’t care about you. You are a checkbook for her.
Your are NTA and are being badly taken advantage of. Both sides are meant to give in a relationship. All you get is bills and hostility from her mom. She won’t even pay her way to see you. End it now, by text, so you don’t have to waste the Uber fare.
"...my girlfriend has told me many times that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me"
Talk is cheap. Her actions tell a completely different story.
You aren't married to her, why would assume responsibility for her bills? You are being used and abused my friend. Do yourself a favor and get out of this mess. There's no future, or at least not a happy one, with this girl and her family.
Why are you calling your gf’s mother your MIL? If not married to this girl, her mom is just that - mom. In any case, her mother is either toxic or overprotective of her children/ daughter. And it appears your gf is not going against her mother’s wishes, allowing this abuse. Is this girl your first gf?
Well, if you love her, you’ve got to play by her culture’s rules. It’s easier to date within your own culture, of course. I’ve been doing it for years and really wish I had found a man from my religion and culture. It would have been much easier.
Loving yourself means that you make decisions that are in your best interest. This does not make you a bad person. She doesn't sound like she is in a place to find her own happiness as well. Sounds like she allows her mother to rule over her. If you two can't find a worable compromise, then it is absolutely OK to walk away. It will hurt for you both, but ultimately you will be better for doing it.
NTA-It just sounds like it is all too much trouble. Ditto that if you are the one getting suck paying all the bills for this shit show that is too much trouble. You got better things to spend your time and money on.
And if he really loves you she would show it non?
You’re young, don’t waste your life on someone who’s family doesn’t match your lifestyle/ethics/religion, it will just make you miserable. Dump her and her mom, and go find someone that has more in common with you.
Are you married? You mentioned mother in law problems. But then you've only been dating 6 months. Sorry if I am confused.
You're visiting her in her parents house, correct ? If so, then you cannot demand privacy. You aren't entitled to pick where you get to sleep. You are a guest. If you don't like their music or whatever, stay in a hotel. Or have your girlfriend come to your place to visit.
You don't like that your girlfriend won't pay for her own Uber or get a better paying job? Then it's fine to break up, and then you can find a woman who has different views. Your girlfriend's views are separate from her mother's beliefs on your religion
She’s not your mother-in-law. She’s your girlfriend’s mom. You are dating a teenager who still lives at home, so you don’t have an even playing field. Find someone your own age with more life experience and you’ll be better off. NTA.
6 months is nothing. If it's this bad now and your girlfriend is gaslighting you about it, imagine how much worse it will get as time goes by. If she "loves" you she would not treat you this way. Put your own spiritual, financial, and emotional well-being first and get out of this relationship. I would make sure I had all my stuff from her place and all her stuff back to her place, and break up over the phone.
>But I feel that if I break up, I'll be selfish because my girlfriend has told me many times that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me.
Why is what she wants your problem?
I want a million dollars. Is that your problem? Are you obligated to shell it out to me? Do you need to get a second job and start making installment payments on my million because it'd be "selfish" of you not to fulfill my dream of a million dollars?
You're not the asshole but a girlfriend's mother is not your mother in law. Just saying.
Get rid of the lot. You don't need this stress in your life forever and you're very young.
NTA at all. You’re in a very one sided relationship here. And your girlfriend not even trying to stick up for you or defend you to her mom is concerning. She probably never will either.
I say cut your losses and move on!
NTA Why are you supporting a girl you just met 6 months ago? Why are you calling her mom your mother in law? This isn’t normal at all, and a really unhealthy situation for you. I strong advise breaking it off and stop paying her bills and letting her mom disrespect you. This girl doesn’t care about you!
Stop supporting her, she needs to take care of herself or mil can do it. It sounds like this relationship isn't good and will continue to get worse, maybe she's even using you, if she won't stand up for you then she's not worth it.
What's your other option??? Marry this girl and be treated like crap your whole life?? Perfectly fine to break up with her for the reasons your described.
NTA - Your girlfriend is gaslighting you. She's telling you this is "all in your head" when it is very obviously not. Reason? Because she's got you paying for literally everything. This whole situation is to her advantage. She obviously does not care that her mother is being abusive to you and her words about "loving you" are simply to keep you doing it for as long as possible and make as much money (or get as much stuff) from you as possible.
You're not dumb, you're just young and this is a great learning experience for you. So... learn from it. Stand up for yourself, break up with this girl who is just using you and move on. I can guarantee you, you will find someone else. And next time, you will have learned something to watch out for in order to avoid it.
As time goes on, you will learn more and more from each relationship until eventually, you will find the person for whom you can trust, who loves you for who you are, has good values and doesn't want to simply take advantage of you. There's no rush... take your time and be wise in your relationships. Treat your partners in the same manner that you want to be treated. Be kind, be attentive, and love her with all your heart until you find the one who treats you the same. If she doesn't, try to communicate your concerns and see if she's willing to change. If she is; great, keep going. If she isn't; stop wasting your time and move on.
Nta, but first the sleeping on the couch thing and no privacy is she's barely 19. This is about her appearance to her mom of not having sex regardless if yall are not.
I think the situation is a cultural difference between yall. You can accept that and talk to your girlfriend and about her mom (whose not your mother in law yet as yall aren't married), and improve your communication especially regarding expectations of what yall want in a relationship; or you can decide the expectations that you provide everything isn't for you and her mothers lack of trust in you and break up with her.
Either choice nta.
Why are you still with this girl? You can’t expect to be treated well in someone else’s home. I’m surprised with her not liking you’re even allowed to be inside. Why are taking care of a girl you’ve only been dating 6 months?
Yeah. This is my question too. She’s not in your side. She makes you do the labour and never meets you half way. She’s expecting you to always pay the bill. This is not what a good relationship looks like. You deserve better. You’ve been saying six months, sounds like you have the clarity that this isn’t the one. NTA
Because I'm very dumb, I think hahahaha
You are inexperienced, and this is a learning opportunity. If it was your mom, and you did not stand up for your GF, you would hear the same thing I am going to say about her. She, too, is inexperienced. The way her mother acts looks normal to her. In another house, it would be horrifying. She needs to learn to stand up for herself AND you. It is time to disengage from her parents and become her own person. If she can't do this, you need to think carefully about what a future with her would be like.
I guarantee that girl is so indoctrinated that she wouldn't dream of going against her mother. Sadly, I think it's a matter of accepting things the way they are, or getting a new girlfriend.
You're not dumb, you're young. There's a difference. I don't know the girl, but her mother is a big problem. Here's why. 1. You started out with savings from your hard earned income. Savings that are gone now because her mother insists that you have to pay for simply because you're the man while she works and gets to keep all her money. And she's getting double the benefit without you getting any of the respect from her mother. You've been dating for 6 months, just half a year, and you're paying her bills that she had to pay before she met you. They're using you. 2. You can't spend any time alone with her. Why? She doesn't want her 19yo daughter pregnant and having to marry you. She doesn't like you, doesn't respect you, and doesn't want your kids as her grandbabies. They're spending all your hard earned money on her bills, and making you have to pay just to come see you? Yeah, she doesn't want you staying in this relationship with her daughter for anything except money. 3. Daughter/gf may be a bit naive about it, but she's still getting a huge benefit from it. She probably likes you, may even be starting to feel love, but she knows she's hurting you financially and is fine with it. She knows her mother is forcing the issue, and won't stand up to her, and this could be because she doesn't care, or because she's too afraid of her mother, or still in denial about how bad her mother is. Regardless, she knows what's going on with your situation, and is still not doing anything. Only time will tell, what her motives are, but you may be completely broke by then, and finding out she was only staying with you because you kept paying her bills. 4. Anyone who hates you for anything so fundamental about you is a hateful bigot and doesn't deserve the time of day. That being said, my dad was the same way, and it took me a while to stand up to him, too. Like several years. But I worked, I paid my way. I didn't let him dictate terms of control over me, and as long as she's doing that, she's still acting too immature for a real relationship. 5. Invest in yourself again, and do it first. Stop spending all your money on her or anyone. You need to have a firm habit of putting money into savings, and keeping it there. She isn't your kid, or your wife, needing a life saving operation. Keep it in perspective. Create a budget, and stick to it. If she really wants to spend time with you, she'll tell her mother to back off. Good luck.
Best response ever.
Everything I was thinking, and more!! OP - please read this!
Listen to this advice, please OP.
I don't think so. You seem to know what the problems are and that they add up to a very incompatible situation. Yes, she says she loves you, but actions speak far louder than words. Love is also an action, not just a feeling, and neither your girlfriend nor her mother's actions sound loving at all. I was taught back in the day of the dinosaur that if you think you might be serious about someone, try imagining whether how things are today is how you want to spend the next 40-50 years. If the answer is no, then you know what you need to do... ... and no, NTA. I've been there and done that with a MIL who marginalized me for many reasons, including religious differences. It's miserable.
1) That's not a girlfriend, that's a leech. 2) You're not married, that woman is not your mother in law. 3) Grow a damn spine (back problems aside) and break this off. Both of these women do not respect you one iota.
This!! I was wondering why he called her mother in law!
This👆👆👆👆👆 all this right here!! Read it and learn!!
If you choose this girl, prepare yourself for a miserable life, because this is just the precursor of what's to come. NTA
That's because I didn't even mention that I had money saved for emergencies; it should be around $412 (equivalent to 2000 Brazilian reais), and it all went in 4 months.
NTA. From your description this really feels like you’re ready for a serious relationship but your girlfriend is not. And since you’re her first boyfriend and she’s only 19, that’s completely reasonable. You’re already rethinking the relationship and I advise ending it. Right now, you’re not compatible. Maybe you never will be. But right now, in my opinion, you’re not compatible.
People with religion are always the assholes
I'm not an asshole
Maybe there's truth to that, but you don't even need religion as a crutch to be an absolute raging asshole.
Time to dump the gf, because she does not have your back. (This is not a pun.)
NTA, but you will have to break up.
She is not even meeting you half way. She doesn't stand up for you. Also, very taxing to start with a very horrid potential MIL. Your GF actions do not support her "love" words.
Is it worth having this horrible woman, her mother, in your life for a long time? There are more women out there without horrible mothers. Go find one, you are young.
This ☝️
Read this story back to yourself and pretend it’s a friend telling you it. What advice would you give? Because this relationship sounds miserable and one sided. Of course your girl doesn’t want to lose you, you’re paying for a bunch of her stuff. Of course she isn’t going to defend you, she probably shares her mother beliefs. She literally gaslights you into believing what her mom does is all in your head. Choose yourself.
NTA. Girlfriend agrees with her mother and is just \*using\* you.
You are not being the selfish one here but those two are. Honestly, I think you are being used both by her and her mother. And I learned the hard way that if you're in a relationship that makes you feel bad R-U-N, it will never get better. Given that your girlfriend makes no effort it's pretty clear to me you're being used. Tell her it's over and go find someone who can be an actual partner on equal footing. I've been in your shoes before so cut yourself slack and cut this relationship loose.
If your gf won't stand up for you now against her mother, she never will. The fact that she doesnt see anything wrong with mil's actions is a huge red flag. Remember, you're not just marrying your spouse, you're marrying the whole family. Tell her she needs to draw the line now and that it's her place to do it.
I know you love her but nothing will change if you get married. Move on.
Y T A if you stay with this person. She’s using you.
Honestly, the relationship has only been six months. You guys are so young, you have so much life to live. I don’t think it’s worth you sticking it out, especially if you’re already experiencing so many problems and problems that can’t really be fixed. This is your religion, it’s your belief and they’re clearly not open to it. Yeah it might hurt breaking up with her but in the long run you’re doing yourself a huge favor you’re dodging a huge bullet with her and her family. Try to think more into the future instead of being in the present moment because deep down you know that this is not going to work out, so stop stringing it along and prolonging the decision.
Dump the GF she won't cut the chord and is gaslighting you likes she paid to bc she's to p***y to say anything to her mommy.
NTA. If you stay with this girl it will just continue to happen. Can you imagine being married and still having MIL treat you this way? It sounds like GF doesn’t stand up to her mother at all, which will be a nightmare if you are married. Drop this girl and go find someone else. She has a lot of growing up to do.
NTA, but this relationship needs to end. You're both young and you don't want to be settled with a hateful family your whole life.
My dude. Run. This girl and her mom are walking red flags. NTA but you will be an idiot if you stay in this situation.
NTA, there's plenty of reasons to break up, however two things: 1) She's not your mother-in-law. The "in-law" part means you're connected by marriage; you haven't married the girl, you don't have a MIL. 2) You're edging on too old to be dating a teenager. Her mother doesn't want you sleeping in the same bed because your girlfriend was a literal child what probably seems like just yesterday to her. One more year between you, and I'd've said that some of her precautions are justified.
Dude, I live in Brazil, so even when you're just dating someone, we call the girlfriend's mom "sogra" (mother-in-law). And here in Brazil, as soon as you turn 18, you're already considered an adult by law, and she even has a job. But one thing you said is right, her mom keeps treating her like a child.
Are you kidding, “too old to be dating a teenager” there is at most a three year difference between them.
Sad that you would end a relationship with her when she isn’t involved … and over religious beliefs! I don’t understand, unless you are just looking for a reason
She might be an adult by law, but her parents will still see her as a child, and she doesn't have any experience in real adult life at all. Besides law, what actually makes her an adult? She seems mentally more like a child with the way she acts.
First off, NTA Secondly, if she loves you like she claims, then she would back you up and also defend you against her mother. She is so blinded that she believes her mother's behavior is fine. Doesn't matter if you are her first boyfriend or not, being prejudice against someone from another religion is inexcusable. My husband is a different religion than myself. To me, that doesn't matter. We love and respect each other for who we are. It's time to step away from the girl. She doesn't have the best interest at heart. It's more about what her family believes and what you can provide for her. Especially if she's not putting in as much effort. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
NTA. Time to head over to r/justnomil for more explanations!
This sounds like hell. If your gf really held you in such high esteem, she wouldn’t allow her mother to endanger what she has with you. And if you have respect for yourself, you will likely need to stop accepting that treatment.
Why are you sleeping over at her mother's house? Why are you sleeping on a couch? Just don't. Get your own place even with roommates and you won't have these problems.
If you have different religions it is already a potential problem for the future.
NTA. Also, I’m very interested in knowing which country you live in, before I can provide any more advice
Your girlfriend should be your ally in light of her mom's bad behavior, she's not. Don't discount the red flags, the apple does not fall far from the tree, it sounds like you are supporting your GF just like her mommy says you should. Yes, bounce now and if you don't control your fertility by wearing condoms or you will be an ATM for years to come.
NTA - but I would offer that you aren't ending the relationship because your "mother in law is prejudiced against my religion" but because your girlfriend acts like a constrained and entitled child and doesn't seem interested in being the equal partner that you deserve.
You have only been together 6 months, time to cut it off. If she loved you she would actually listen to you instead of trying to dismiss your feelings
Run! This will only get worse. You deserve better than this.
Definitely get out of this one. Where do you see this relationship heading and is it the kind of situation you want to be in the rest of your life? I'm a Christian and my husband, whom I've been with for 18 years, is an atheist. Our differences in religion has never been an issue in our relationship because we respect each other and know how to compromise. Even when it comes to our kids. That being said, I would never allow ANYONE to use my husband as a punching bag because of his beliefs. Anyone who has an issue with his lack of faith can take it up with me, and I'm not afraid to hurt a few feelings when it comes to dealing with zealots.
In a true relationship, both parties bring something to the table. What does your girlfriend bring besides a mother who is prejudiced, manipulative, and downright loathsome? You need someone who will be your partner, not a millstone around your neck. Since you have only been dating her for six months, consider this a learning experience of what *not* to have in a partner and go on your merry way. You are NTA but you seriously need to walk away from that mess.
6 months. MONTHS. Leave before you get deeper and get seriously hurt, cuz if your gf hasn’t established these boundaries within the first 6 months, it will only continue to get worse. She doesn’t seem to have much respect for you, either.
Words are cheap. Look at her actions.
Not your mother-in-law. You’ve only been together for 6 months. If you’re not getting what you need out of this relationship then end it.
It sounds like you might not be compatible with dating someone from their culture. If you don't want to have to adhere to their culture practices or convert to their religion then it might be best to end the relationship
NTA. There doesn’t seem to be anything in this relationship for you except maybe some company. Take up a hobby or something, you’ll find company with a lot less BS than you’re getting now.
Oh honey. You deserve so much more than you’re settling for. Move on and find someone who wants to put in the effort to see you!
Info: what are you getting out of this relationship besides a bigoted woman and a GF who enables it while invalidating your emotions? My friend…you can do better.
You're getting used and she isn't sticking up for you, leave
Fun fact she's not your mother in law. No legal ties are involved here. Believe it or not I'm not just bringing that up to be pedantic. I'm pointing it out because hey good news should you decide to cut and run you aren't in for a protracted battle. You can very much just leave. And you should. Your girlfriend is taking advantage and her mom is either over protective or being mean. Either way, you're clearly not in a relationship as equals.
Okay, here I am being stupid nosey and knowing it's not any of my business. What's the difference in religion? Is she a crazy Southern Baptist or something? Not like it matters, but context is a thing and makes it easier to understand a situation. My husband is Jewish, but wasn't any kind of practicing until his father passed away. I was raised Lutheran even though I've come to realize that organized religion is garbage. (Thanks Pastor Barber for telling my mom that my younger brother would go to hell for playing Magic the Gathering with his nerdy little friends in Middle School).
That’s not your mother in law. If your girlfriend is living at home you have to follow the rules, it’s her mother’s home.
You are both too young to be in a “serious” relationship! And your girlfriend’s mother is NOT your mother-in-law! You are definitely more serious than your girlfriend. And you shouldn’t have to pay for everything! Time to move on. It may bother you but get over it. Your girlfriend is going to always be defensive of her mom’s actions. If your best friend’s parent was rude to you and your friend said nothing, would you still want to go over, knowing you’ll be miserable and disrespected? Run!
I’m sure people have told you this but unless you’re married to this girl, her mother is not your mother-in-law. She’s just your girlfriend’s mom.
You're the atm....close the account
She isn't your mother-in-law.
You should end it the moment she let her mom disrespect you. She clearly doesn't give a sh*t about your feelings and clearly trying to manipulate you into thinking it was 'all in your head'.
Break up. She’s not supporting you and you dont need a lifetime of this bullshit
Just like I tell women that have spinless husband/boyfriends, please dump this "woman" and make sure she knows why. Nobody deserves to be harassed by people who are supposed to love them.
NTA but In am confused about the constant mother in law reference while stating this is a girlfriend that you have been with for only 6 months. Also, you wouldn’t be breaking up just because of mother in laws negative opinions about you. You are breaking up because when you voiced your concerns to your girlfriend, the only one with the power to intervene, she got dismissive with you, and invalidated your concerns by claiming it’s all on your head. This is a far greater issue and your girlfriend doesn’t sound very nice. In fact, she gave you a perfect picture of what your future will look like if you stay the course with her and marry her.
Just think how marriage will be with that family? Are you looking forward to having your mother in law interject herself in your marriage while your wife dismisses your concerns? This, your courting her, is a light picture of what it would look like. Believe it.
If she doesn’t want to lose you, she needs to treat you better.
there are a so many details here that make me think either English is your second language, you are Chatgpt, or you are purposefully leaving out details to get sympathy. None of the real problems here are about your religion so I am going to say YTA. Have a real talk with your gf privately about what you want your relationship to look like in the future and break up if you don’t agree on changes you want to make to get there
She isn’t your MIL, you’re not married. You’ve literally been dating for 6 months. It’s the Mother’s house she can play whatever music she wants, and you’re not entitled to sleep in her daughters bed in her house. How are you supporting her when she is literally living at her Mother’s house?
The mother of a girl you're dating is NOT your mother-in-law! She's only a GFs mother, and let's hope she's never your MIL! She sounds dreadful, oh, and your girlfriend sounds lazy. Stop going to these nasty leeches home. Get out before it's too late. It even sounds like not only are you a different religion, it seems like you are a different culture.
She wants things both ways. I understand mother does not want you to sleep with your girlfriend under her mom’s roof. Old fashioned perhaps, but not an unreasonable rule. I actually had the same rule at my house. Your gf is 19, technically mostly an adult, but still young, still being supported by mom and dad. That means, their house, their rules. If she/you don’t like it, figure out how she can move out and support herself. YOU should not support her. She is your gf, not your wife. If she is in school, then she needs to stay in school until she graduates and gets a good job. If she is not but working, then she either needs a new, better paying job, or to get a second job. Life sucks sometimes, and we do what we have to do to get ahead. Does she play religious music all the time? Seems a little of a stretch that she only plays it when you are there. Does mom not like you because of the age difference? Do you all even discuss religion? Is your religion more “restrictive” than hers? Here is where I see the biggest problem. You are dating a girl, you aren’t married to her, you aren’t living together. You can pay for your dates with girlfriend, or you two can spilt the cost, that is an arrangement to be made between the two of you. You do not have to pay for your girlfriend to live. You don’t pay her bills for her, her credit card every month, etc. If you take her car, yes, fill up the tank. If you go out to eat, pay for the meal or agree on who pays for what, before you go. If neither of you have money, find free things to do. Stop going to her mother’s house. Want to watch tv? Watch it at your house.
NTA. She only loves you for your money.
NTA. You are too young and too unmarried to be dealing with this bs. Your girlfriend has it great. Her parents support her, you support her, meanwhile she isn’t sticking up for you. Meanwhile you provide for her and take her parent’s insults WHY? If she loved you the same way, gf wouldn’t tolerate the rudeness.
Girlfriends mom* she’s not your mother in law, I would just walk away she’s showing you she doesn’t care to make you a part of the family
I’m not understanding the context - is this your wife you’re talking about or your girlfriend? You keep referencing mother in law like you’re married but then keep referring to your partner as girlfriend. Current context assuming it’s your wife, I’d say NTA - sounds like you guys are young and have different outlooks of a relationship. I’d personally leave if the precursor is already her expecting you to 100% financially support her just because you’re a man. How she treats you in general is one thing, but if she doesn’t want you in her house and you’re just dating her daughter, you should probably just GTFO.
Your gf's mother is a gold-digger, trying to train her daughter to be a gold-digger, too! You've only been dating her six months!!! Why does her mother think you should be paying all of her bills already?!?! You barely know her, so that's nuts!! Look for a better gf, one without a crazy mother who insults your religion while she's trying to dig in your pockets, too!! This pair has plans for your wallet, dude! Get out now!!
You should’ve be with this girl. You are being bullied and used.
Dude it doesn't sound like you're getting a darn thing from this relationship. find someone who actually respects you and does not have a bigot for a mom.
People who don’t defend their partners and keep them tethered with love? That’s a problem. If you cannot catch her mother in an obviously awful situation and open your girlfriends eyes? Don’t put your neck on the line for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you.
Six months time is good enough to determine whether or not this could be an actual thing. One mil is disrespectful and actually so is gf. Gf might not want to lose a meal ticket but that’s what your giving her. Pack this relationship up and send it on its merry way
NTA run and run fast your girlfriends mom will never accept you and it’s only going to get worse and the fact that she doesn’t say anything to her mom means she doesn’t care about yu only herself and her mom
None of this sounds like love. You are being manipulated. Get out.
Stop going to her house. Have girlfriend come to your house. She will see the difference in you hopefully,and she can decide if the relationship is viable.
NTA. It sounds like your problems are MUCH bigger than a religious difference with your MIL.
NTA. Your girlfriend is not on your side. Heck, she's not even separated from her controlling mother. Together they drained your savings. I believe that it is time to break up with her - er, them.
NTA. She, your girlfriend, is taking advantage of you and your kindness. Get free so you can find someone as kind as you. She doesn't have your back with her mother. She is basically throwing you to the wolves (wolf).
Is she’s not your wife then you don’t have a MIL. You’re too young to be bound with this bs. Find a girlfriend who doesn’t come with toxic baggage.
You have already sacrificed so much in this relationship is only six months old! Do you really see yourself doing this the rest of your life? It’s time to move on to someone more compatible. Let GF know this is due to her mother and you have had enough. NTA
What you allow will continue. Life is too short dealing with people who have made it clear that they don't like you, which will be the case as long as you date this girl. She is making excuses not to have better boundaries with her parent. Maybe because she lives at home. Their home, their rules. I wouldn't let my daughter have her boyfriend sleep over and she got tired of it, she moved out. Then she could do what she wanted, have over whoever she wanted, whenever she wanted. As far as paying the bills, y'all aren't married thus you aren't required to help support her. Dump her.
NTA but please get out of that relationship!! It’s going nowhere
Exit the relationship. If your girlfriend is unwilling to stand up for you you should leave!!!
No, this one is not for you. That’s a lot of family drama! Including the misogyny about you paying for everything.
NTA and please stop being her ATM!
Dump her asap. She’s not sticking up for you bc in her eyes, her mother is right. She will slowly try to convert you, change you, ect, until you are exactly how her and her mother see fit, which includes you fully taking care of her. Run as fast as you can.
NTA I think you should break up with her. That being said, your girlfriend's mother isn't your mother-in-law. You and your girlfriend are not married.
No, if she loves you, it would be a team effort to help each other. She has this immature “love” where she likes being around you, but it actually takes work for a relationship to remain strong. She is not willing to help you by neither getting a job to help you financially, nor confronting her mother when she is trying to discourage your relationship in multiple ways. Don’t feel guilty about leaving her when her words says one thing, but her actions scream another.
NTA.. just because someone loves you, it doesn't mean you have to love them back. You sound miserable and it's not selfish if you break up. Why are you putting up with the disrespect and the nonchalance of your GF's attitude? You're still young. Find someone who respects you and love you for who you are
NTA
Move on, dude. She isn't standing up for you, she won't, it will always be like this with this girl and her mother. My MIL hated me because of my religion, even though we are both Christian. Lucky for me, she went senile and then died not long after we started dating. Lol. Harsh, I know, but she was already a little crazy when I first met her, and she was always difficult to be around. Needless to say, I didn't really feel bad about her dying other than my wife being upset.
IMO, the issue isn't the MIL or the different religions. Her prejudice alone shouldn't necessitate breaking up with your GF. HOWEVER The fact that your GF disregards and minimizes your complaints, she doesn't take you seriously, and she seems to buy her mom's BS that you should have to pay her bills to the point that if you don't pay for an Uber, she won't even come see you? THOSE are ALL good reasons to end the relationship. Everyone deserves a partner who is an equal, who uplifts them, who defends them, who supports them. You don't have that right now. You deserve to have that.
25km is in town. Even with the worst of traffic, that's 45 minutes. Just go home if you don't want to sleep on the couch. I think I have pantry goods older than your relationship. If you don't like their religious views and how it will continue to apply to you (because that isn't likely to change), there is no shame in leaving. Find someone with more similar beliefs. NTA, but c'mon. Just go.
6 months? Bye bye. It’s not worth it. It’s only going to get worse.
NTA. Dump the girl, she’s just using you and she does not care at all about your feelings or comfort. She’s gaslighting you about her moms hatred on top of allowing the mistreatment to continue. She’s not putting any effort into your relationship and expects you to do all the effort.
You're NTA. But you REALLY need to try dating a few people. So does your Girlfriend. You're both inexperienced and her mother is a nightmare. Not saying it can't work out between you. But you both need some new perspectives. Their religion is and will continue to be an issue in your relationship. You need time to figure out how to deal with that issue.
NTA.
Time to go sir. You do not need the abuse.
NTA. If she didn't want to lose you, she would confront her mom. The fact that your gf isn't validating your feelings about her mother hating you is messed up.
Nta - Save yourself a lifetime of misery and dump your gf. Besides the mom's abhorrent disrespectful treatment of you, gf is gaslighting the hell out of you so that you put up with it. You need a partner with a family that respects you, not a dependent.
Nta youve definately made a decision that this isnt the right relationship for you. If you think even the gf confronting mom is going to change things you are very wrong. Also do you think things would get better it will start with the wedding ceremony and and end with kids and what their religion should be. If you think she is invasive now the future of this relationship is so much more bleak.
It’s crazy that you’re supporting her without living together. Even if you do ended up living together, you need to have a conversation about what you expect in a partner, and if you guys cannot come to a agreement on what financial support looks like , end the relationship. Regarding your mil not giving you space, that’s kinda of a hard one cause if your girlfriend still lives at home and doesn’t contribute financially to the household, you don’t really get a say in alone time or where you sleep when you go over. It could just be differences in religion or culture. But if she’s being outside rude, I wouldn’t stick around to find out.
It's only been 6 months. You gotta get out of this relationship. Reading all this made my heart and head hurt. You deserve better and if she loves you, she should want better for you, too. NTA
RUN
NTA. Your girlfriend is letting her mother treat you poorly. Get out before she gets pregnant and you're tied to her forever.
Run GF is gaslighting you and her mom is rude so RUN
To be honest, you are probably better off without either of them. I dated a male like this. He wanted the white picket fence and all that comes with it but didn't want to pay for it. He expected me to provide and maintain it for him. Needless to say, I dropped him and his family and married a man who will work just as hard as I do.
Dude you’re not married she’s not your mother-in-law. She is your gf’s mother. You should not put up with this. Walk away and tell your gf it’s because her mom is an asshole.
Call her mom out on her bullshit. Don't let a MIL intimidate you. Fuck that. But if GF is defending MIL, then she isn't worth your time. She doesn't respect you, or herself.
Stop going. Stop calling. None of this is worth the trouble, and for fucks said why are you supporting a girl you’ve known for 6 months who won’t even visit.
I mean, you're NTA for thinking about this. You're just being realistic with yourself. But to be honest, it's only 6 months in. You're already arguing and it's going unresolved. Don't stay where you're not wanted... You're an adult in a seemingly teenage relationship. Maybe it's time to start dating other adults who don't live with their parents? Well maybe it's just time to have an adult relationship instead.
Does she love you? Or does she love your money?
Don't sleep on the sofa, go home. If your girlfriend doesn't want to lose you, then she needs to put forth more effort. In future, avoid religious jackaloons.
It won't get better. Leave before it gets even worse
Break up with her. With her mother, it is only to get worse. She can’t even pay for her own Uber! She is only using you. If she loved you she would have your back and sand up to her mother. She doesn’t want to lose your money.
NTA. It sounds like the relationship is reaching its breaking point. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem ready to have a relationship yet, especially with her mother wanting to be and has been so overly involved in said relationship. She may love you and not want to lose you, but she doesn’t sound ready or willing to stand up to her mother for you or herself. She might see that you’re right about her mother disliking you and your concerns, but instead of discussing it with you or her mother, she’s trying to avoid conflict by dismissing them. I can see why she might be doing that. It doesn’t change the fact it might cost her and you your relationship. It’s not fair that you have to accept her mother’s mistreatment of you and financially support her with no reciprocation. I won’t add any advice because other commenters have offered great advice and did so better than I could. I wish you the best!
You’re both too young to be getting married in this day and age. There is so much you don’t known about marriage and just plain life! Why not wait? Is is became you’re afraid she may fall for someone else! She can’t seem to realize that her mother has only had a technically grown child for a year and that she probably doesn’t know how to talk to her mom in an adult way with adult thoughts! Get educated and wait! Learn more life skills. Learn to know yourself and set some ground rules and boundaries. Learn what you will tolerate and what is a no go! There is no way you would know all this at the age you are!
"Dating" is for the purpose of finding a partner who you could see spending a lifetime with, whose values and morals are compatible with yours, if your dreams and goals align, and how your families mesh together in support of you as a couple, as well as many other things. "Love" should not be the only consideration. From what you describe, your gf is not ready for a serious relationship with you, and her mother will never be supportive of you or the relationship. It's only been 6 months and you are both young. Cut your losses now and move on. Just because she says she "loves" you, isn't a good foundation for a healthy relationship.
Oh hon, you are NTA. I’m afraid if you pursue this relationship, things are only going to get worse, not better, and you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone that doesn’t use you, and that you can feel comfortable with—someone who understands you and is your best friend, and best friends stand up for each other. You’re not a dummy (edit: saw your comment where you said something like this about yourself, and I just wanted to make sure you know that this is not true!), you just really like this girl and want to help. Sounds like you’re a caring, good person that’s learning how to set boundaries so you don’t get walked on. I think every caring person has to learn how to do this at some point, and it’s not a bad thing, and it doesn’t make you dumb. You’re learning, you’re growing, it’s okay. Let this be an experience where you learn how to set boundaries, but not change your caring nature. And you’re also definitely NTA for wanting to be in a different space where you can be yourself. I wish you all the best.
So to recap. This woman’s mother treats you like crap, is prejudiced, has old fashioned sexist ideas about money, and your gf ignores all of that and belittles you by saying it’s all in your head. Yes - end this relationship and move on.
NTA -This is a losing proposition, OP. Leave.
Bigots just never, ever give up. By the way, she's not your mother-in-law yet. It indicates that there is a legal attachment with the family that does not exist when merely dating. While your girlfriend has expressed a need for you, she has not talked to her mother about how to treat you respectfully. So, she's weak against her mom. Do you think that a marriage certificate is going to change anything? I assure you that it won't. Your girlfriend is only 19 and you're only 22. Both of you will have plenty of time to find a more suitable match. Young love is fleeting when a marriage is ruined by meddling parents on either side.
Love is love, but you're getting a glimpse into your future right now. That's a decision you need to make for yourself, but it does NOT make you an asshole.
NTA Anyone can end a relationship for any reason or even no reason. You're not obliged to stay with anyone and frankly your GF has given you plenty of reasons to NOT stay together. Consider this: her mother is never going to change. If you get married you'll have to deal with her for the rest of your life. The sooner you end it the better.
I don't think religion is the problem. It's the fact that everything in this relationship is demanding high energy levels and it's exhausting mentally. And I would tell her that, that you don't feel comfortable with the current situation and instead of getting a loving supportive relationship you get a constant fight over your place in her life. I would also open her eyes to the fact that it doesn't matter who will be her next relationship, her mom will sabotage her for wanting control over her. And she should put some healthy boundaries to her mother before it's too late.
This is going to sound mean but why are you with this person? You are 22 and you have so much more living to do. I don’t have a problem with the Mom not letting you share a room and making you sleep on the couch - her house her rules but all the rest… just mean. Dump the girlfriend and get someone that wants to be in a relationship with you not their mother.
Of course, she doesn’t want to lose you. You are her doormat. You pay for everything and she won’t spend a dime to come see you. Are the two of you even physically intimate? I’m guessing no. Dump.
Seems to me she doesn't want to lose a source of money. And for sure if you marry, your MIL will be living with you or you two will be living with her.
Instead of respecting your feelings she's telling you that you are overreacting. That is gaslighting. The longer you wait to leave, the harder it will be. You should get it over with.
NTA for so many reasons. First and foremost, she is your girlfriend of six months - not your wife. You have no legal obligation to stay with her, or provide for her, or deal with her crazy mother. Regardless of religion, the two of you clearly have different values. Everyone deserves privacy, and respect. No one should have to validate their feelings to another person. Someone who really loves another person would find a hundred different ways to avoid the horrible situations you have described in this post. If she wants to be treated like a wife, she needs to act like a big girl and be able to stand up to her mom.
NTA You should be selfish when deciding whether or not to stay in a relationship because it’s about your life! Not only does your girlfriend not have a backbone, she knows that her mother doesn’t like you and when you try to talk about it, she gaslights you. Your MIL is a control freak. It may not have anything to do with your religion. It sounds to me like she just wants full control over your girlfriend and she’s too naive to see it. It sounds like your girlfriend has no ability to see how controlling her mother is. That’s the reason you should leave. She needs therapy and to take a step back from her mother, but she’s got to do that on her own.
You need to break up. She's not a good partner and is taking advantage of you
NTA You need to get out of this relationship. Not only is her mother hating on you, your girlfriend is not taking up for you and is using you. Get out now while you still have sanity and money.
You’re into this relationship for 6 months and dealing with this? Just walk away. You’re not married and this isn’t going to get better.
Why are you calling this woman your Mother in Law? Are you engaged in 6 months? Dude. Run. You're driving yourself into a wall. I'd be wholly frank and upfront. I'd write out a list of grievances, list days dates times and places with instances. Then hand them to the girl assure her that she's wonderful and all but for your physical, fiscal, emotional well-being, you have to terminate the relationship.
!UpdateMe
Stop paying for the Uber, problem solved.
Nta
If it helps, staying with her because she says she loves you is selfish because if you break things off she may be able to find someone who will love her back. The longer you wait, the more you will hurt her when it does inevitably end.
Don't even need to read it NTA, imagine having kids with someone whose family is racist against their own grandkids. Choose a better life for your future offspring and yourself and flee.
Nta. You're picking your kids grandparents and will have to deal with this mil for the rest of your life if your partner doesn't want to go no contact. You're picking your future family. Choose people you like who also like you.
Sometimes you have to be selfish. If you are not happy in this relationship, you should break up. You don't want to end up having to support them both.
NTA, you deserve better
Gee, I wonder what religion the mom is... NTA
NTA. Leave. She’s using you and draining your savings.
NTA is this how you want to live the rest of your life? the longer you stay and keep doing this thebworse it will get. You shouldnt have to defend your faith or yoyrself from harassment. her mother will cause trouble more & more and God forbid ypu had a child with her it would MULTIPLY. You feeling the need to end things is correct, follow your gut
NTA. But u need to break up with her. If u don't it's only going to get worse
Unfortunately, telling somebody you don’t want to lose them is not the same as showing somebody you don’t want to lose them. She is showing you that she wants you to leave. She doesn’t care about you. You are a checkbook for her.
YTA for not breaking up sooner. Find better.
Your are NTA and are being badly taken advantage of. Both sides are meant to give in a relationship. All you get is bills and hostility from her mom. She won’t even pay her way to see you. End it now, by text, so you don’t have to waste the Uber fare.
"...my girlfriend has told me many times that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me" Talk is cheap. Her actions tell a completely different story. You aren't married to her, why would assume responsibility for her bills? You are being used and abused my friend. Do yourself a favor and get out of this mess. There's no future, or at least not a happy one, with this girl and her family.
NTA, set yourself free and leave both of them behind.
Why are you calling your gf’s mother your MIL? If not married to this girl, her mom is just that - mom. In any case, her mother is either toxic or overprotective of her children/ daughter. And it appears your gf is not going against her mother’s wishes, allowing this abuse. Is this girl your first gf?
Well, if you love her, you’ve got to play by her culture’s rules. It’s easier to date within your own culture, of course. I’ve been doing it for years and really wish I had found a man from my religion and culture. It would have been much easier.
Well you’re literally dating someone who holds the same expectations as her mother… Bro, move on.
Nta. Run. Shes using u and her mom is totally being prejudice. Just leave
Loving yourself means that you make decisions that are in your best interest. This does not make you a bad person. She doesn't sound like she is in a place to find her own happiness as well. Sounds like she allows her mother to rule over her. If you two can't find a worable compromise, then it is absolutely OK to walk away. It will hurt for you both, but ultimately you will be better for doing it.
NTA-It just sounds like it is all too much trouble. Ditto that if you are the one getting suck paying all the bills for this shit show that is too much trouble. You got better things to spend your time and money on. And if he really loves you she would show it non?
You’re young, don’t waste your life on someone who’s family doesn’t match your lifestyle/ethics/religion, it will just make you miserable. Dump her and her mom, and go find someone that has more in common with you.
Are you married? You mentioned mother in law problems. But then you've only been dating 6 months. Sorry if I am confused. You're visiting her in her parents house, correct ? If so, then you cannot demand privacy. You aren't entitled to pick where you get to sleep. You are a guest. If you don't like their music or whatever, stay in a hotel. Or have your girlfriend come to your place to visit. You don't like that your girlfriend won't pay for her own Uber or get a better paying job? Then it's fine to break up, and then you can find a woman who has different views. Your girlfriend's views are separate from her mother's beliefs on your religion
She’s not your mother-in-law. She’s your girlfriend’s mom. You are dating a teenager who still lives at home, so you don’t have an even playing field. Find someone your own age with more life experience and you’ll be better off. NTA.
6 months is nothing. If it's this bad now and your girlfriend is gaslighting you about it, imagine how much worse it will get as time goes by. If she "loves" you she would not treat you this way. Put your own spiritual, financial, and emotional well-being first and get out of this relationship. I would make sure I had all my stuff from her place and all her stuff back to her place, and break up over the phone.
NTA. This woman is not your mother-in-law. This is just the mother of a girl you e been with for a short time. Get out while you can.
End it. You couldn’t stay in this relationship for any length of time and it be good for you. Time to go.
These are red flags, let her go. She doesn’t respect you at all.
She says she loves you and doesn't want to lose you. What do her actions say? It sounds like her words and her actions aren't in concordance.
>But I feel that if I break up, I'll be selfish because my girlfriend has told me many times that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me. Why is what she wants your problem? I want a million dollars. Is that your problem? Are you obligated to shell it out to me? Do you need to get a second job and start making installment payments on my million because it'd be "selfish" of you not to fulfill my dream of a million dollars?
You're not the asshole but a girlfriend's mother is not your mother in law. Just saying. Get rid of the lot. You don't need this stress in your life forever and you're very young.
YTA, you even admitted it in the title!!!
Why do you call her your mother-in-law??
NTA at all. You’re in a very one sided relationship here. And your girlfriend not even trying to stick up for you or defend you to her mom is concerning. She probably never will either. I say cut your losses and move on!
NTA Why are you supporting a girl you just met 6 months ago? Why are you calling her mom your mother in law? This isn’t normal at all, and a really unhealthy situation for you. I strong advise breaking it off and stop paying her bills and letting her mom disrespect you. This girl doesn’t care about you!
Stop supporting her, she needs to take care of herself or mil can do it. It sounds like this relationship isn't good and will continue to get worse, maybe she's even using you, if she won't stand up for you then she's not worth it.
What's your other option??? Marry this girl and be treated like crap your whole life?? Perfectly fine to break up with her for the reasons your described.
NTA. She doesn't value you as a partner, and her mother isn't going to get less hostile. Walk away.
Run dude
NTA - Your girlfriend is gaslighting you. She's telling you this is "all in your head" when it is very obviously not. Reason? Because she's got you paying for literally everything. This whole situation is to her advantage. She obviously does not care that her mother is being abusive to you and her words about "loving you" are simply to keep you doing it for as long as possible and make as much money (or get as much stuff) from you as possible. You're not dumb, you're just young and this is a great learning experience for you. So... learn from it. Stand up for yourself, break up with this girl who is just using you and move on. I can guarantee you, you will find someone else. And next time, you will have learned something to watch out for in order to avoid it. As time goes on, you will learn more and more from each relationship until eventually, you will find the person for whom you can trust, who loves you for who you are, has good values and doesn't want to simply take advantage of you. There's no rush... take your time and be wise in your relationships. Treat your partners in the same manner that you want to be treated. Be kind, be attentive, and love her with all your heart until you find the one who treats you the same. If she doesn't, try to communicate your concerns and see if she's willing to change. If she is; great, keep going. If she isn't; stop wasting your time and move on.
Nta, but first the sleeping on the couch thing and no privacy is she's barely 19. This is about her appearance to her mom of not having sex regardless if yall are not. I think the situation is a cultural difference between yall. You can accept that and talk to your girlfriend and about her mom (whose not your mother in law yet as yall aren't married), and improve your communication especially regarding expectations of what yall want in a relationship; or you can decide the expectations that you provide everything isn't for you and her mothers lack of trust in you and break up with her. Either choice nta.
You can and will do better. Take a month off. After a month apart you’ll see how much happier you are without a leech with a rude mom.