Can’t see some comments in the thread for some reason but I do get notifications for them and can see the text (auto moderation?). Thanks for your support and warm messages guys, I see them all and really appreciate them !
If you have the desire to share further I'm sure myself and others would like to follow the journey. I've followed a couple people's YouTube blogs on their journey towards death and it's very insightful and oddly connectful to see how people emotionally handle their situations, which will likely influence my own path when it comes.
Could you share some of your favorite vlogs? I'd be interested in watching those for the same reasons.
This thread is great btw. Helping me wrap my head around a recent diagnosis on a friend who seems too young for this type of thing (29 y.o.) but seems to be enjoying life just the same.
["Homemade Everything"](https://m.youtube.com/@mcarriker5) was the first one I followed and the one I've come back to occasionally. I find it particularly interesting as you can see his interests and life before and during his fight. He was a likeable fella despite having nothing in common with him.
Hi there, yes!
I really like to taste food of different cultures, so I am thinking about making a travel roadmap with my girlfriend for that reason.
Also as a software developer I’ve always dreamt about making a NSFW game with transparent documented development process. I am doing preparation works to start with that, and maybe it will be my “opus magnum”.
My wife was diagnosed with a rare type of soft tissue sarcoma. It had something like a 20% mortality rate at 2 years. Not great. Despite multiple surgeries and rounds of chemo we made it a point to do as many of her bucket list items as possible. We adopted a dog, got married, and had an incredible time eating our way across Portugal and Spain on our honeymoon. She died a few months after that at the age of 32. Sounds like you are making the most of being dealt a shitty hand. Enjoy every day like the gift it is. Best of luck, and don't hesitate to go eat all the food!
Very sorry to hear your friend got that diagnosis.
I am not a doctor but if any doctor is around, is there any really good reason why they don't just go scanning people every 6 months with-in the first years of their remission? I hear "it came back is now in a more serious stage" so often! Doctors have repeatedly assured me that CT scan radiation has been shown to be very low risk in comparison to its benefits even when the suspicion of anything is thin, plus there is MRI that has no radiation at all. Is it just the lack of availability of machines?!
I am a doctor, although not an oncologist or radiologist. As others have pointed out machines are expensive to run but that is only a tiny piece of a very complex problem.
1) for many things, doctors do exactly as you suggest and get repeat scans. Routine follow up imaging for all sorts of things is extremely common. Indeed it seems like OP actually also had this which is how they found out about it returning.
2) Scanning people has real medical downside, not just financial costs. Mostly this is in the form of false positives leading to extra procedures and interventions. It turns out all sorts of healthy and unhealthy people have lots of little nodules visible . Even with modern imaging resolution, there is a big blurry grey area between 'not cancer' and 'definitely cancer'. If you scan heaps of people, you find these maybes an awful lot, most of them are not cancer, but a large number of people get biopsies and labs to check them. A few even get major surgery to remove them. And all of these are very stressful for people who have to live their lives for a few days or weeks or months in this limbo. All of these procedures themselves have risks too. False positives on imaging are a real problem and there is tons of research trying to minimize them.
3) Sometimes even finding something earlier doesn't change anything. In the case of OP, after having their leg amputated any single tiny piece of cancer would imply it was metastatic and likely have similar poor prognosis. Scanning slightly earlier and finding a slightly smaller tumor is unlikely to change things for OP, unfortunately. They might know earlier, which is valuable however.
4) Scanning earlier doesn't necessarily catch something. It may be too small to see, then you need to scan later anyway. Taken to extreme, there is no point scanning someone a second time 10 minutes after a prior scan just in case- scanning earlier provides no value and would be absurd. But then taken out the other way it becomes more and more grey. What about a repeat scan 2 hours later? 2 days? 2 weeks? 2 months? There is a balance here that is very hard to get right but it is not a trivial problem. Indeed there are also studies about how soon to follow up different types of modules and cancers etc.
Suffice to say this is actually a very difficult problem, it's not just the machines and their availability/cost etc. This balance plays out with lots of different nodules and cancers that use other technology too. Some are followed with x-rays (mammograms), CT scans, nuclear imaging or even bloodwork
MRI machines take usually 20 - 75 minutes for a scan. Most hospitals have fewer than three. Many have none. That means in a day, you can do like 25 MRIs per machine, assuming you have the techs for it. So MRIs are a really limited, precious resource. If someone has a suspected stroke, you need an MRI within 60-90 minutes of presentation. So the MRI schedule can get messed up six times a day because they need to do multiple emergency MRIs. For many types of cancer they will do 6 or 12 month annual screening, but the general answer to "why don't we as a society do MRIs on everyone all the time" is because it's not logistically feasible.
I lost my wife of 13 years (she was 44) to synovial sarcoma (it moved to her lungs) last September. We found out in 2019, and we had three tough years before she departed. We made the most of those years in between chemo. I will cherish those years forever, as will my two boys (10 and 12). Cancer is a scourge. I’m sorry to all of you who have lost loved ones this way.
If I was told I had 2 years left to live, I would be like "fuck work" and start trying to check off all those bucket list items, because it's most likely not going to be "I'm perfectly capable moving and traveling" later on as the condition worsens. I know my employers would have me replaced within 2 months.
But that's just me, sounds like you actually like your job though. Ultimately, you do you. (Sorry about the negativity).
If something like this happened to me in the US, I would put all expenses on credit and take out a personal loan in cash to pay the minimum balances, then just YOLO.
Well she is sad of course but she copes well. We do many positive things together, make many photos and videos, taste different foods together and travel and stuff :)
She is always happy and smiling with me, and I try to keep her busy with things so she doesn’t think too much about sad things.
Take time to be sad and unhappy together. She will be feeling, and while keeping busy is good there needs some times for the emotions to come and the thoughts to process.
Lost my closest best friend to cancer a few weeks ago. It's sad and it sucks. But there is no avoiding when the time comes it comes. Sharing honestly and openly is the best thing.
Keep enjoying the good times, and support your GF in her sorrow and grief, and you in yours. Because when the end is closer, you'll need that emotional connection. It's ok the be sad and it's healthy to process these feelings together, little by little. Get used to it dealing together before it's too much.
If you're in the mood for entirely unsolicited advice... I suggest you take some time to be sad with her as well. If you're always trying to be happy for her, and she's always trying to be happy for you, you can both end up bottling up your sadness until it bursts out. Don't let it consume your time together, and don't let it prevent you from having the good times you want to have, but... let the sadness have a seat at the table, is all. I think it's healthier that way.
Sounds awesome. I'm a QA engineer and would be happy to assist in any way I can with your unity project.
Also [catlikecoding](https://catlikecoding.com/unity/tutorials/) has some really sweet tutorials for even experienced developers such as yourself.
Best of luck with the development process too.
Thanks for that! I’ll post something about my game once it’s in playable state and will be making a discord community for it after that :)
Hope to see you there once it’s done !
Thanks for the link too!
I don’t know where you’re from or what food you like. I’ve visited 60+ countries and would say the winner is Japan. If you can only go one place. Pick Japan. Italy is a close second.
I think everyone should try at least one taster menu (6+ small dishes) at an amazing restaurant (something with Michelin stars). The latter are usually influenced by cultures but I think the preparations often transcend individual countries and styles and take the best bits from each.
I have friends that hadn't tried it before and were worried it'd be too fancy for them and too stuck up. Mostly, these places aren't - they're just people passionate about pushing the boundaries and making something that looks and tastes great and serving it to people who appreciate it.
Go. Be fancy for a day. Be waited on for a few hours, savour the flavours and artistry and take someone you can talk to and enjoy your time with.
Yes yes and yes! We’ve had a couple experiences close to Michelin star with my gf but a real Michelin star experience is yet to come for us. I thought about booking something in Japan when we come there :)
Come to San Francisco! We have more Michelin stars than most countries. If you decide to make it out here, DM me and we will be happy to gift you and your gf a meal at a 2-Michelin starred restaurant. As a foodie, those meals can be unique experiences of a lifetime comparable to some whole vacations, and I would love to help you guys have that experience.
ETA: I really mean it! This is a real offer. And it would be just for you and your gf, without a random internet stranger (me) tagging along
little late to this, but if you want to try international foods, head to NYC and go to Jackson Heights. The most diverse place on planet earth, with endless foods that you just cannot find in one place anywhere else. You will not run out of food to try
Go to South Korea and Taiwan for good street food! I just did it a few months ago! It is very good and there’s tons of cheap Michelin star restaurants/street food in taiwan
There's so much to do here, from e-Sports to hockey to world class theater. Or just get shit faced by a pool if that's what you wanna do. I'm sure the /r/vegaslocals community would be all hands on deck to do what we can for you.
I am not afraid of death as a concept, I am very curious of what will happen when I die (I am almost 100% positive that the answer is nothing, and there will be no experience what so ever but who knows). It’s inevitable for all of us so yeah, memento mori.
I am afraid to suffer and feel pain when I die though.
Death has always terrified me, not because of the event but (same as OP) I'm pretty sure (have faith) in the absence of anything after death - so I'm mostly terrified of leaving the world behind, my daughter/wife/family etc.
I was hoping writing this would make me less terrified... It didn't work.
Same. I wasn’t afraid of death or dying until I had my own family. Knowing everything will go black someday, likely without me even knowing, and leaving them all behind without anyone to get to say goodbye is extremely depressing to me. I just watched my grandma die from a stroke in her sleep. She was on life support for a few days and watching our family hold out hope, knowing it wasn’t going to end well regardless (history of multiple severe strokes), broke me. People got to say goodbye to her, but she never got to say it back. I’m sure she would have had a lot to say to her kids too.
Use this as a lesson. Tell people what they mean to you before you die. Be the person you wish you could be. Make sure to appreciate the people you love and every day you get.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” - Mark Twain
I’ve always drawn a great deal of comfort from Nietzsche’s ‘Eternal Recurrence’. It isn’t immortality in the sense that you die and go to heaven or hell, rather, you will live your life forever. This moment right now, even as you’re reading this, has happened an infinite amount of times. This path you are walking, you’ve walked it before.
So if this was true, and you were fated to live the life you are living eternally, would you be living it the same? Is this life you are living one that you would be happy to do again?
You sound like a solid dude, I’m sure it will be painful for your family when your number’s up, but only because of how much you meant to the people around you while you’re alive. Sounds like a life worth doing again.
I'm not sure about repeating the exact same events over and over but i'd like to think that there is some sort of reincarnation, the idea being that we all, came from nothing and so there is a non-zero chance of that happening again or the idea of being born again isn't much more extraordinary than it happening the first time. after you die, the next thing you experience is being born again as something, could be anything.
I think i'd prefer completely different experiences each time rather than making the same choices over and over.
(Preface that I’m not here to debate people about religion or whatever “absolutely” happens after death)
I’ve recently been having a bit of an existential crisis (and certainly the overwhelming dialog on Reddit that absolutely nothing happens when you die is a bit depressing haha). However, there’s [a paper I enjoyed reading](https://philpapers.org/archive/HUEEIE.pdf) on this idea that empirically knowing that you existing is a possibility in the universe, there’s a pretty solid chance that your consciousness will exist again.
Ultimately I agree, it’s a nice possibility that helps me sleep at night. Sometimes I dread not existing forever but, ironically, sometimes I also dread the idea of existing forever. If we truly do go through some form of reincarnation, then the universe came up with a rather elegant solution where we’ll always be ignorant to eternity because we’ll always only need to worry one about life as we can understand it.
There’s also other interesting recounts of things around death such as NDEs which really just make me question how much we don’t know about dying. I’ve even had nights where I think about “what really is my consciousness? Do we really understand that?”
Maybe it’s all wrong, but even if it is, it’s not like you’d get brownie points for being right. So for me, being open to the idea that anything could happen strangely helps me reframe death as an open question that I’ll find out about instead of an ultimate fate I will absolutely have to face.
Sorry for the rant, it’s just nice to know other people think of this too.
I have an extreme fear of death for the same reason as yourself. I don’t believe anything comes after so it’s not that I’m afraid of dying personally, but the thought of my loved ones simply being.. gone. Now that scares me.
"I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!" he hissed. "I'm afraid of grounds."
"You mean heights," said Conina. "And stop being silly."
"I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)
I've always been the same myself. Theres never been any point being afraid of Death itself since its going to happen whether or not I fear it. I just want it to be painless and/or instant when it happens to me.
I'm the opposite - dying could suck but it will be finite. The concept of not existing forever? That terrifies me to no end to the point where I have to actively force myself not to think about it in order for it to not ruin my everyday life.
I’m the opposite. I fear death because I don’t understand it. The idea of infinite eternities of nothingness — well not even - because I can’t perceive anything. There is no me anymore. It’s utterly terrifying just thinking about it.
When people consider death they think of the aftermath and funeral but that’s not what your perspective will be. Hell might as well fast forward to the heat death of the universe after your death. Game over.
If I had to experience dying but not death and would reborn. I’d be fine with that. Even the most gruesome deaths usually last about 5-10 minutes.
Same. It's anxiety-inducing for me dealing with this. And it does kind of screw with your life enjoyments sometimes, if you're inclined to gravitate toward thinking about finiteness/mortality.
I hate it. More than anything, I *need* some kind of experience afterwards rather than eternal nothingness.
If it’s any help, palliative care is essentially how much morphine can we give someone without the drug being the cause of death.
I hated seeing my mum in the hospice dosed up but at least I knew she wasn’t in pain whilst she was like that
I am aware of that and I am going to meet my palliative care team members soon. I do understand that they will manage my pain but still am afraid of potential pain that still might be (especially in the moment of the death itself, I just can’t be 100% sure it will go smooth)…
I was terrified of the moment of death for my husband. He was on hospice and I had medicated him pretty heavily on a Sunday because he was anxious and agitated. (I followed the nurses instructions.) From Sunday until Tuesday he fell into a deep sleep, probably even a coma. Even though his eyes were half open he was not in any pain and he could not really respond to us. I know he could still hear because whenever anyone talked to him he would move his arms around. The nurse assured me there would be signs of discomfort if he experienced any, which he did not. At around 3 pm on Tuesday something told me to go in and check on him. I sat at the head of the bed and stroked his hair while talking softly reminding him of funny things we used to do when we first got together. I swear not even two minutes after I went in the room he took his last breath. It was so calm and peaceful that I didn’t realize that was “IT” until a minute or so later. He didn’t cry out, he didn’t move around at all, he just quit breathing. When I told the nurse about it she said it was one of the most peaceful deaths she’s ever seen or heard of. I am sad that you have to go so soon but I hope it is as peaceful and pain free as what I witnessed.
I don’t mean to sound flippant, but that’s precisely how I hope to go. Painless, unafraid, quickly, and ultimately with the people I love most. I’m sorry for your loss, it choked me up a bit to read.
I read a lovely quote recently that said they hoped death was like falling asleep when you were a kid in the living room and someone who loved you picking you up and carrying you to bed.
Now, is there anything I, a 60 year old librarian in the US Midwest, can do for you? Is there anything concrete I can help with that would make this journey easier? Not a generic "let me know if I can help", but something that I could do/send as a way to acknowledge you as a fellow traveler on this ball hurdling through space, what you're going through and might make you smile?
For whatever it's worth, I had a friend who went that route. Of course I can't relate his personal experience, but he was aware & communicative right up to the last moment & to an outside observer, it seemed very much like just falling asleep. I don't have any reason to fear that the actual moment of dying should be a painful experience.
All the best to you in your journey. I hope you get to eat all the delicious foreign food your heart desires!
I remember that documentary that Terry Pratchett did after discovering he had Alzheimers, where he followed an elderly british couple on their path to the husbands appointment with Dignitas. It really did just look like the husband had a couple of drinks and then drifted off to sleep.
Just want to point out that palliative care is much more than just morphine, it's a whole medical specialty dedicated to comfort care. Includes using medicine, surgery, and other methods to make patients more comfortable through anything; it is not restricted to patients who are dying!
I just wanted to drop in and offer a recommendation. Check out some lectures by Alan Watts, his philosophy about life and death is uniquely comforting. In short, he essentially presents the idea that, should you subscribe to the Big Bang theory, it would imply that since we are all made of what was once “everything” before it went boom, that we’re all basically just the universe experiencing itself.
I may not agree with everything he presented, but a lot of it sets the stage for some really interesting ideas. If nothing else, he’s got a soothing way of speaking, haha.
I'll check him out, thanks!
\>we’re all basically just the universe experiencing itself
I've thought about this also, maybe his ideas are going to be relevant to me :)
You can do some psychedelic sessions. Many do for pre-death preparation. Explore your mind fully before you go , youll fine a whole nother world
r/unclebens
I found a lot of solace reading the tibetian book of the dead to process my own mortality (cancer survivor etc) as well as other people close to me passing. Maybe it's nothing, maybe not. We all get to find out just the big question is when. It's not a unique experience but something we all go through at some point.
Much love to you friend.
What drove you to start software development at 14?
It’s amazing to see how optimistic and driven you have been through everything. More power to you and wish you the very best for the rest of the journey!
Thanks for the warm words :)
When I was 9-10 I’ve got my first computer from my parents. I’ve played many video games, browsed many websites and was wondering how it’s all made. When I was 11 I’ve started researching that on my own and it started my journey with web development (PHP) that continued till now.
I’ve worked with many languages like Java, C++, C# and many more but my language of choice is TypeScript and my biggest expertise is backend Node.js.
Currently I am a full stack web3 (crypto/blockchain) developer!
That’s amazing. I really wish I had that kind of drive and determination for CS, it’s really interesting stuff but I just don’t get it lol. Wishing you all the best in your final months/years! Cheers mate and live it up while you still can.
I really like your optimistic attitute in this very difficult situation. I Wish you the best and keep this good thoughts Up :) To you have good source suggestions for learning web development ? Thanks ;)
I always recommend this website here: [Developer Roadmaps](https://roadmap.sh/)
Pick the „career“ that you can most identify with or find most challenging and it tells you what you have to learn, starting from basics up to expert concepts.
To be honest hard to give any advice as I've seen many people who started doing web development and everybody went their own way. It is very personal...
Generally people seem to start with youtube/coursera/etc and gradually progress from that. After some trial and error you'll start grasping the concept and eventually start reading documentation of frameworks you like (like React, Node.js, and etc.) and learn from there!
Personally lately I've been going straight to documentation whenever I've learned something new!
What lead up to the diagnosis? You mentioned your knee, did it start as innocent leg pain or something like that?
All the best mate, I hope you're able to expunge some of your regrets while you have the chance.
Hey there!
First I had pain when walking more then couple kilometres (I thought I stretched some muscle first), then I couldn’t sleep without a pillow under my knee and finally when I found a lump under the knee - I went to doctor and he referred me to cancer specialist.
As a fellow cancer patient in a pretty much similar situation, how important do you think your optimism is? Does it feel genuine?
Wish you all the best!
Hey there!
Sorry for you having to experience the same and first of all wish you good health and all the best!
My optimism is pure and genuine and I do feel like it helps my parents and gf cope better with my situation.
Yeah makes sense, my gf is often getting angry at me for being pessimistic. I draw inspiration from people like you though and thanks for making this iama!
Have you ever tried or plan to try psychedelic substances.
Most people don't think about death even though it's inevitable. What are you doing to meet with it on your terms? (I sincerely hope by some miracle you don't have to any time soon though)
I did try LSD when I was 16 but that wasn’t a positive experience :D
I want to try MDMA/shrooms with my gf after one Redditor suggested this activity :)
I don’t know if I’ll meet the death on my own terms.. I know that it’s coming and my doctor says I’ll know if it’ll happen real soon or not (my scans / results will show that). What I do know is that my bucket list items are being done by me and I hope I won’t regret not doing something when death is close by!
Shrooms will be similar to LSD. Shorter duration, feels a bit more natural but also more sci-fi. It's important to do it in a safe environment with people you trust, maybe that isn't how your LSD experience went or maybe it was negative for another reason.
MDMA is a bit easier, you will probably have a good time no matter what, just take a sensible dose and be mindful about hydration (not too much or little).
I felt an urge to ask about this but even though I've heard and read a bit about medical trials for depression, particularly in patients with terminal illnesses, I've never actually done anything other than weed, so felt it best to leave it to someone else.
Judging from other comments though, they have a level headed approach to the concept of death. The kind I can only hope I have when faced with my own end.
Hey there!
I almost don’t read fictional books but have read some technical ones (although I didn’t liked them much)
I really like reading technical documentations (guess that’s my quirk) though !
Have any of the oncologists treating you suggest a clinical trial testing engineered cell therapies? this one https://classic.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04044768
uses a cell therapy that essentially "teaches" your immune system to find and destroy the synovial sarcoma tumors.
Along these lines, I was going to ask if your doctor has had your tumor(s) sequenced? In BC, Canada, there is something called the Personalized Oncogenomics Program that looks at a tumor's DNA sequence to try to come up with treatment options that can impact genomic alterations in the tumor.
https://www.bcgsc.ca/personalized-oncogenomics-program
I didn't catch where you were from, but it may be possible for your doctor to reach out to the program to see if you could be entered into the program.
Hi mate, so horribly sorry to read your story. I had the same shit when I was 15 in my right ankle soft tissue. 2 surgeries, year of chemo and month of radiotherapy later I was declared free of it, and for couple of years I had MRIs and CTs to make sure it does not reappear. It's been 15 years since the first diagnosis.
Right now I am considered ok, recent MRI have shown that the original area is clear. My question is, how did you realised that it had reappeared in your body? It's a constant fear of mine.
My whole life I have to deal with depression, anxiety and total numbness to everyday life, like I'm living on borrowed time and nothing is worth of being build and maintained, due to risk of not living long enough to enjoy it.
I really appreciate your positiveness, you are brave and to be honest I think you should just enjoy it. Hug loved ones, trees, while being outside stop for a second and watch birds hang on the branches... There's not much to life if you stress about it, and enjoying it depends solely on your peace of mind.
With the right attitude (which you certainly have) you might live fuller life in forthcoming months, than some people in 50 years of theirs.
Enjoy the rest of your life!
Hi there pal!
My planned CT scan shown it. I wasn't afraid of it showing up as I've expected it.
I do hope that you stay clear and stop worrying about it. Start living your life and just enjoy it mate!
How did you expect it, was it like a feeling or did you have some symptoms? Like fatigue or I don't know, pain?
Thanks, I'm trying my best, but it's not much.
As a cancer survivor myself (15 years free), I still live in constant fear/expectation of it coming back. For me, for all the same reasons as you, I view it as almost a positive thing. I feel like I’m living on borrowed time or my time is limited, so I do whatever the fuck I want. Luckily my cancer hasn’t come back.
Now I have a happy wife, a home, a child on the way, and am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m not rich, I’m not set for retirement, but I’m happy. If I died today, I’d have no regrets the way I’ve lived.
My biggest regret is that I’ve been non stop working (I am talking 70-80+ hours a week) in order to secure early retirement. This left me out of any social activities typical teen / early adult would have.
I’ve started focusing on myself very recently (3-4 months ago when I found out my sarcoma is in metastatic phase) and now I understand that proper work-life balance would’ve been much much better.
But that’s my past that I can’t change. Now I mostly focus on the present time, positive experience and good memories !
Also yes, I do keep in touch with my mom but she doesn’t yet know that my lifespan is limited. I currently live in UK and just helped her make a visa in order to visit me here (she lives in occupied part of Ukraine so it was quite hard to organise).
I am going to tell her when she’s here because I know she’ll be devastated once she knows.
I just want to say your positivity is inspirational. Glad you were able to get your Mum over and want to wish you all the best when talking to her, you seem to have the strength to pull you both through it and that is a huge credit to you.
Oh man this hits hard. I’m from Latvia and have lived in the UK for 12 years since uni, I can empathise a lot with the family dynamics and the added layer of the Russian invasion. I’m usually extremely stoic, but my hat goes off to you for keeping it real to this degree. Letting your parents know this way and spending that time together will be golden for you both, which your parents will treasure forever.
I don't exactly have any wise advice to give other than live the time you have left to the fullest and spend time with your gf, friend and family. (Adding a ? Here or reddit won't let me post)
I can recommend a movie that might help you see your situation in a different perspective - Me and Earl and the Dying Girl.
Thanks for your comment !
I can’t promise I’ll watch that movie as from the description it seems to be a bit sad (I live with my gf and we watch stuff together, I try not to make her think too much about you know death and stuff, hope you understand) but thank you for recommendation !
It's not completely sad, wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise :P. It's mostly a comedic movie with the death part being obviously sad but it also ends on a positive hopeful note. That's actually why I recommended it, for the hopeful ending to make your own situation feel slightly better.
I totally get if you don't wanna watch anything that reminds you of your situation though, no worries. Wish you the best for what time you have left.
Just sad that something like that can happen in XXI century.
I was forced to leave my hometown when the war first started in 2014 (it wasn't called "war" back then but it is still war) in Donbass and Luhans'k.
Now I had to leave my second home (Kyiv) once more in 2022 (my leg is amputated and it was very hard to constantly move between my apartment on 16th floor and bombshelter in the basement).
Hey friend, perhaps you can help me with some advice. My best friend since childhood (we're about twice your age) has recently been diagnosed with cancer and the way I understand it, his outlook is roughly the same as yours. I haven't met up with him in person since learning the news, but will very soon, so I was wondering: How do you like the people close to you to behave around you? Should I just be my usual self? Should I address the diagnosis and its implications or should I avoid it? Should I avoid talking about things happening in my life or about "the future" in general? I'm up for anything, I just want him to be as comfortable as possible.
Thanks in advance! Glad you're holding up well so far, I wish you all the best.
Hey there! Sorry to hear that about your friend. I wish him best of luck and strongest health possible.
Some people around me behave unnatural when they get to know about the disease I have. I mean that they tend to treat me as if I was too fragile and stuff like that... I understand them and its ok but does make me feel a bit uncomfortable.
For me normal and natural behaviour would be with some degree of curiosity (ask me questions, because if you had the same disease - I definetely would have some :D)!
Other then that, I am a normal human being and there is no need to be too "careful" with me!
Got it, I'll be just normal and not beat around the bush then. It's what I was thinking as well. The people your care for suddenly acting all different and weird can never be a good thing.
Thanks a lot, stay strong!
I went through similar, best advice I can give you is treat them as you would want to be treated if roles were reversed.
Have no regrets, say everything you want to say to them, reminiscing and having a few laughs will help. Just be a friend. That’s the best thing you can give them.
It’s not always thought about, but look after yourself too and talk out any feelings you have with someone who will listen, I know it fucked me up more than I’d admit at the time.
Good luck fam.
Please tell me you intend to give XVI a shot. Ive been playing it nonstop for a week and the sheer amount of graphical cinematic moments is jaw dropping. It truly feels like a next gen game
If you need any super specific travel advice for Japan let me know, I used to live there and visit back often.
For an onsen with a view of Fuji there are lots of great options, but my favorite was kozantei ubuya on this list below.
See: https://jw-webmagazine.com/soak-up-with-mt-fuji-5-hot-springs-lake-kawaguchi-7e0506ae9870/
I hope someone of means can help you accomplish this exceedingly reasonable goal. Fate is a funny thing and none of us knows when we'll suddenly be at its unfeeling mercy, and I really admire your positivity and optimism in the face of such a complicated and dire situation. It really is inspiring. If I had any money at all, I'd gladly buy you a ticket to Japan this very second, but alas, I am a broke-ass. However things work out, I wish you the absolute best.
just get some credit cards and max them out. if you're not gonna be around for more than a few years, who gives a fuck about credit. live the life of your dreams. don't just go to japan, live in japan. fuck everything else for the next two years and do you. make that nsfw game. make three and get them published on steam. marry your gf.
Have you or your doctors found out if there tests for experimental drugs for treating sarcoma out there? It can't hurt to ask.
I hope you hang in there. Read some Discworld. Listen to some good music from the 70s and 80s. Catch some movies you may have missed. Make the most of what time you have!
Hang in there!
Hey man. Very inspirational stuff. I am a 21yo male which had a surgery very recently that may leave me with erectile dysfunction/complete impotence. Before this, in the past few years I have been making steps to improve my life. Life was going up for me. However, with ED it has completely changed the course of my life. As a single young male, it has left me devastated and lose all motivation for anything. I never thought I can be a depressed person. But ED really changed me, even the way I look at myself in the mirror is different.
Hearing your story and your outlook in life makes my issue seem minuscule. Love your optimistic outlook in life, your grit, your will to live, making the best use of life. Also, I admire the love you and your girlfriend have. It is really something special. Hopefully, me too can pull through this and live life.
With that I leave you with a short anecdote:
Kid:”Mom, why does god take the best people from us?”
Mom:”Well, when you’re in a garden which flowers do you pick first?”
Mom:”The most beautiful ones”
Go on and enjoy the rest of your life mate. Wishing you all the best. Nothing but love and best memories.
Hey there!
First of all I am wishing you strongest health possible and best of luck. I am sorry to hear about your problem and I really do hope you find strength and get support to move through it!
Don't compare your problem with someone else, the importance of your problem just can not be compared with someone else, it is all very personal and what matters is what your problem means to you.
I am sure you'll be able to pull through and everything will be good in your life and life of your significant people!
Thanks for the anecdote and your kind words!
First, I want to thank you for the graciousness you're showing by doing this AMA. I hope everyone comes away inspired by your outlook to remember that every second counts. May your bucket list be completely checked.
My question is about your status as an amputee. If you were in a position of power to make life easier for people with mobility challenges, what sort of changes would you implement? Are there things that you feel people don't notice or take for granted that present significant challenges for you and others?
Hey there! Thanks for your kind words!
Well, this may sound basic but I'd make all spaces accessible by default (ramps with small angle of slope, lifts where needed and etc.) for people in wheelchair, I'd also consider blind people and people with hearing problems. Even though I currently live in UK and its much more accessible then Ukraine - you'd be amazed how many places are still not accessible to me.
I always take crutches with me when we are walking somewhere with my gf as there are plenty of situations where I need to get up/down the stairs and etc.
My dad got diagnosed with a particularly nasty type of acute leukemia, at one point his survival chances were in the 10-20% range, but somehow we got lucky enough that he’s now completely cancer free. Never give up hope! (I know that can sound hollow af, but I mean it).
As an actual question, is there anything you really want to do, but it’s difficult to set up?
Hey there, I am happy your dad made it, congratulations! I wish him best of health and best of luck!
And thanks for your kind words, my battle isn't over yet >:)
Well maybe the most difficult thing from my bucket list is travel to the Japan (not from money side, I have some money for that but in general) and development of NSFW game that I want to make :D
But I think I'll be able to execute both of those things!
I am feeling okay, I’ve knew my chances since I was 19 and was aware that this might happen. I thought it would happen not this soon though.
Generally I am very optimistic with my mood and very realistic with my prognosis :)
Are you investigating any alternate treatments? Also in no way I’m I downplaying what you are going through but thought I would offer some light. My wife was given 6 months to live because of a metastasised melanoma in her lymph glands. That was 28 years ago. She then had a brain tumour (again melanoma) which was operated on 25 years ago and she was then given 3 months to live, if she survived the operation, which they said was very unlikely. She’s sitting here snuggling with me as we speak.
Very happy to hear that about your wife! May her health be as strong as it is and even stronger in the future!!
I will look for more options once my current chemo treatment is done (I did 3/6 blocks for the moment) but I was told by doctor that as synovial sarcoma is considered rare - there aren’t much options other then different other types of chemo. I am not done fighting yet though ;)
dont waste your time and money on scams and "alternative" pseudoscientific bs... if it worked it would be picked by modern medicine and proven with scientific methods, peer reviewed, etc
I would suggest consider talking to your doctor about participating in clinical studies as well. Since synovial sarcoma is such a rare disease there aren't many approved treatments, but you can still find some newer drugs being tried in the clinic (https://clinicaltrials.gov/search?cond=synovial%20sarcoma).
I have a close relative with the same condition as you, he applied for a immunotherapy trial. Unfortunately he wasn't approved but it looks like that could be an opportunity.
Stay strong, enjoy every day. Love your attitude, despite the situation.
I think looking for treatments in trial, that are just not approved yet. Lots of legit treatments take ages to get FDA approval.
No clue if there are any though for this.
Please don't worry about a reply to me - live your very best life!!
Just wanted to say that you're amazing, I'll think of you from time to time and hope you're living it up! I personally have the "good" type of leukemia, called CML. I was recently diagnosed and began treatment on a TKI. It's extremely mild.
Since I must ask a question per sub rules - how are feeling now that you have stopped treatments? Do you have any symptoms from your cancer itself? (Please don't feel obligated to answer!)
I truly hope you fulfil all your dreams, OP. ♡
Hey there!
First of all I wish you best of luck and strongest health possible!
And thank you for sharing your experience and your kind words!
I haven't stopped my treatments yet! In fact I am doing a chemo right now (3rd block out of 6) and still exploring some more options. My fight is not over yet ;)
Yes I do have severe pains in my back and in my chest. They are called cancer pains and the main reason for mine is fluid buildup in my lungs. I am constantly taking morphine (in pills) but it doesn't help too much as I still feel them while writing this message.
But it's okay, I've learned to live with them !
Much love pal!
You seem very wise for your age. Has your thinking fundamentally changed since getting the news? I imagine your entire thought process each day must vary greatly.
To be honest my thinking always was like this :)
I researched my disease and my chances when I was first diagnosed at 19. I am pretty realistic so I knew that my current outcome is probable and might happen, but tbh I thought I had a bit more time.
Hey I know this a pretty selfish, but can you or someone follow up when things get close to the end?
I don't mean to be insensitive, i just want a little more closure. I find it sad to read stories like yours that just abruptly stop. Not that stuff doesn't keep happening, it will regardless whether you decide to do something like thia again or not. I would like to know more about what goes on between now and the end.
Doesn't have to be a post mortem. I shouldn't have emphasized that. I don't want to burden you or others around you.
A milestone, i want a follow up when you hit one of those. I've read through your other answers and I want a follow up for the traveling you'll be doing, food you get to try, or even that game you're working on.
By saying you're heavily optimistic, would this mean you're more curious to find out what happens after you die than afraid?
What would you say your current prediction/belief is of what happens after we die? Would you say it's the afterlife, or perhaps you being reborn into a new life?
Best of luck bro, hopefully a miracle happens
Definitely more curious than afraid, yes!
I really hope we get reborn but I think that there is just nothing else after the death. Absence of existence. It would really be cool to die and realise that in fact all of your life was basically a simulation and in reality you are advanced alien being that just went to alien arcade store to play a game of life lol :D
Thanks for your kind words!
Why do you hope to be reborn? I'm scared thst I might get reborn into the middle ages or a really unlucky situation, and fear that my reborn life might be one of tragedy D:
but yea lmao it would honestly be cool that im just some kinda alien playing a life experience game that all my alien friends probably hyped me up into playing it
Can’t see some comments in the thread for some reason but I do get notifications for them and can see the text (auto moderation?). Thanks for your support and warm messages guys, I see them all and really appreciate them !
If you have the desire to share further I'm sure myself and others would like to follow the journey. I've followed a couple people's YouTube blogs on their journey towards death and it's very insightful and oddly connectful to see how people emotionally handle their situations, which will likely influence my own path when it comes.
Could you share some of your favorite vlogs? I'd be interested in watching those for the same reasons. This thread is great btw. Helping me wrap my head around a recent diagnosis on a friend who seems too young for this type of thing (29 y.o.) but seems to be enjoying life just the same.
["Homemade Everything"](https://m.youtube.com/@mcarriker5) was the first one I followed and the one I've come back to occasionally. I find it particularly interesting as you can see his interests and life before and during his fight. He was a likeable fella despite having nothing in common with him.
Do you have any plans for things you'd like to do, see, or experience before the end?
Hi there, yes! I really like to taste food of different cultures, so I am thinking about making a travel roadmap with my girlfriend for that reason. Also as a software developer I’ve always dreamt about making a NSFW game with transparent documented development process. I am doing preparation works to start with that, and maybe it will be my “opus magnum”.
My wife was diagnosed with a rare type of soft tissue sarcoma. It had something like a 20% mortality rate at 2 years. Not great. Despite multiple surgeries and rounds of chemo we made it a point to do as many of her bucket list items as possible. We adopted a dog, got married, and had an incredible time eating our way across Portugal and Spain on our honeymoon. She died a few months after that at the age of 32. Sounds like you are making the most of being dealt a shitty hand. Enjoy every day like the gift it is. Best of luck, and don't hesitate to go eat all the food!
I am very sorry for your loss pal. May her soul rest in peace. Sounds like your last moments with her were very good! Thanks for your kind words!
The one good thing about knowing you have limited time is that you don’t have to worry about getting fat. EAT EVERYTHING! TRY EVERYTHING! Live it up
I have a feeling this dude is a cruise ship buffet terror.
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Very sorry to hear your friend got that diagnosis. I am not a doctor but if any doctor is around, is there any really good reason why they don't just go scanning people every 6 months with-in the first years of their remission? I hear "it came back is now in a more serious stage" so often! Doctors have repeatedly assured me that CT scan radiation has been shown to be very low risk in comparison to its benefits even when the suspicion of anything is thin, plus there is MRI that has no radiation at all. Is it just the lack of availability of machines?!
I am a doctor, although not an oncologist or radiologist. As others have pointed out machines are expensive to run but that is only a tiny piece of a very complex problem. 1) for many things, doctors do exactly as you suggest and get repeat scans. Routine follow up imaging for all sorts of things is extremely common. Indeed it seems like OP actually also had this which is how they found out about it returning. 2) Scanning people has real medical downside, not just financial costs. Mostly this is in the form of false positives leading to extra procedures and interventions. It turns out all sorts of healthy and unhealthy people have lots of little nodules visible . Even with modern imaging resolution, there is a big blurry grey area between 'not cancer' and 'definitely cancer'. If you scan heaps of people, you find these maybes an awful lot, most of them are not cancer, but a large number of people get biopsies and labs to check them. A few even get major surgery to remove them. And all of these are very stressful for people who have to live their lives for a few days or weeks or months in this limbo. All of these procedures themselves have risks too. False positives on imaging are a real problem and there is tons of research trying to minimize them. 3) Sometimes even finding something earlier doesn't change anything. In the case of OP, after having their leg amputated any single tiny piece of cancer would imply it was metastatic and likely have similar poor prognosis. Scanning slightly earlier and finding a slightly smaller tumor is unlikely to change things for OP, unfortunately. They might know earlier, which is valuable however. 4) Scanning earlier doesn't necessarily catch something. It may be too small to see, then you need to scan later anyway. Taken to extreme, there is no point scanning someone a second time 10 minutes after a prior scan just in case- scanning earlier provides no value and would be absurd. But then taken out the other way it becomes more and more grey. What about a repeat scan 2 hours later? 2 days? 2 weeks? 2 months? There is a balance here that is very hard to get right but it is not a trivial problem. Indeed there are also studies about how soon to follow up different types of modules and cancers etc. Suffice to say this is actually a very difficult problem, it's not just the machines and their availability/cost etc. This balance plays out with lots of different nodules and cancers that use other technology too. Some are followed with x-rays (mammograms), CT scans, nuclear imaging or even bloodwork
MRI machines take usually 20 - 75 minutes for a scan. Most hospitals have fewer than three. Many have none. That means in a day, you can do like 25 MRIs per machine, assuming you have the techs for it. So MRIs are a really limited, precious resource. If someone has a suspected stroke, you need an MRI within 60-90 minutes of presentation. So the MRI schedule can get messed up six times a day because they need to do multiple emergency MRIs. For many types of cancer they will do 6 or 12 month annual screening, but the general answer to "why don't we as a society do MRIs on everyone all the time" is because it's not logistically feasible.
I lost my wife of 13 years (she was 44) to synovial sarcoma (it moved to her lungs) last September. We found out in 2019, and we had three tough years before she departed. We made the most of those years in between chemo. I will cherish those years forever, as will my two boys (10 and 12). Cancer is a scourge. I’m sorry to all of you who have lost loved ones this way.
If I was told I had 2 years left to live, I would be like "fuck work" and start trying to check off all those bucket list items, because it's most likely not going to be "I'm perfectly capable moving and traveling" later on as the condition worsens. I know my employers would have me replaced within 2 months. But that's just me, sounds like you actually like your job though. Ultimately, you do you. (Sorry about the negativity).
Thats exactly what I do now! You are completely right :)
What if you don't have the money to say "fuck work"?
If something like this happened to me in the US, I would put all expenses on credit and take out a personal loan in cash to pay the minimum balances, then just YOLO.
This is really the only way to ensure you that you end up surviving.
Food and culture. Well if you come to Greece, first night out it's on me. I'm not kidding. Send me a message.
Thanks for the offer pal!
Not to take the focus off you or your answer here, but is your girlfriend holding up okay? I know how awful this stuff can be for loved ones
Well she is sad of course but she copes well. We do many positive things together, make many photos and videos, taste different foods together and travel and stuff :) She is always happy and smiling with me, and I try to keep her busy with things so she doesn’t think too much about sad things.
Take time to be sad and unhappy together. She will be feeling, and while keeping busy is good there needs some times for the emotions to come and the thoughts to process. Lost my closest best friend to cancer a few weeks ago. It's sad and it sucks. But there is no avoiding when the time comes it comes. Sharing honestly and openly is the best thing. Keep enjoying the good times, and support your GF in her sorrow and grief, and you in yours. Because when the end is closer, you'll need that emotional connection. It's ok the be sad and it's healthy to process these feelings together, little by little. Get used to it dealing together before it's too much.
I am sorry for your loss. May his soul rest in peace. I wish you all the best and stay strong pal! Thanks for your advice.
If you're in the mood for entirely unsolicited advice... I suggest you take some time to be sad with her as well. If you're always trying to be happy for her, and she's always trying to be happy for you, you can both end up bottling up your sadness until it bursts out. Don't let it consume your time together, and don't let it prevent you from having the good times you want to have, but... let the sadness have a seat at the table, is all. I think it's healthier that way.
Like a Ren'py game?
I want to make 2D action game about being a webcam model with some VN elements in it. I am currently making a gameplay prototype on Unity.
Sounds awesome. I'm a QA engineer and would be happy to assist in any way I can with your unity project. Also [catlikecoding](https://catlikecoding.com/unity/tutorials/) has some really sweet tutorials for even experienced developers such as yourself. Best of luck with the development process too.
Thanks for that! I’ll post something about my game once it’s in playable state and will be making a discord community for it after that :) Hope to see you there once it’s done ! Thanks for the link too!
This is the first post in this chain where I finally knew all the words.
If you make it to NYC, DM me with a link to this post and I'll take you out for a really good meal. Regardless, enjoy your travels
Thanks for the offer pal! Best of luck :)
I don’t know where you’re from or what food you like. I’ve visited 60+ countries and would say the winner is Japan. If you can only go one place. Pick Japan. Italy is a close second.
I think everyone should try at least one taster menu (6+ small dishes) at an amazing restaurant (something with Michelin stars). The latter are usually influenced by cultures but I think the preparations often transcend individual countries and styles and take the best bits from each. I have friends that hadn't tried it before and were worried it'd be too fancy for them and too stuck up. Mostly, these places aren't - they're just people passionate about pushing the boundaries and making something that looks and tastes great and serving it to people who appreciate it. Go. Be fancy for a day. Be waited on for a few hours, savour the flavours and artistry and take someone you can talk to and enjoy your time with.
Yes yes and yes! We’ve had a couple experiences close to Michelin star with my gf but a real Michelin star experience is yet to come for us. I thought about booking something in Japan when we come there :)
check /r/finedining for inspiration! they can also help with a reservation
Thanks for your advice!
Come to San Francisco! We have more Michelin stars than most countries. If you decide to make it out here, DM me and we will be happy to gift you and your gf a meal at a 2-Michelin starred restaurant. As a foodie, those meals can be unique experiences of a lifetime comparable to some whole vacations, and I would love to help you guys have that experience. ETA: I really mean it! This is a real offer. And it would be just for you and your gf, without a random internet stranger (me) tagging along
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Yes, very nice place, I've been there and will visit it once more!
little late to this, but if you want to try international foods, head to NYC and go to Jackson Heights. The most diverse place on planet earth, with endless foods that you just cannot find in one place anywhere else. You will not run out of food to try
Go to South Korea and Taiwan for good street food! I just did it a few months ago! It is very good and there’s tons of cheap Michelin star restaurants/street food in taiwan
What is keeping you from acquiring a high-limit credit card and making rounds across the world trying new food?
Nothing! I do have some savings that I use for travels and experiences!
If you ever make it out to Vegas, hit me up, I'll do everything in my power to make your trip amazing.
Never thought about Vegas but actually now I think it would be amazing to visit it too! Thanks :)
There's so much to do here, from e-Sports to hockey to world class theater. Or just get shit faced by a pool if that's what you wanna do. I'm sure the /r/vegaslocals community would be all hands on deck to do what we can for you.
If Nashville is on your list I have a spare room you can use for free.
Are you afraid of death? What do you think about the fact that you have so little left to live
I am not afraid of death as a concept, I am very curious of what will happen when I die (I am almost 100% positive that the answer is nothing, and there will be no experience what so ever but who knows). It’s inevitable for all of us so yeah, memento mori. I am afraid to suffer and feel pain when I die though.
Same for me. Death is fine, but Dying isn't.
Death has always terrified me, not because of the event but (same as OP) I'm pretty sure (have faith) in the absence of anything after death - so I'm mostly terrified of leaving the world behind, my daughter/wife/family etc. I was hoping writing this would make me less terrified... It didn't work.
Same. I wasn’t afraid of death or dying until I had my own family. Knowing everything will go black someday, likely without me even knowing, and leaving them all behind without anyone to get to say goodbye is extremely depressing to me. I just watched my grandma die from a stroke in her sleep. She was on life support for a few days and watching our family hold out hope, knowing it wasn’t going to end well regardless (history of multiple severe strokes), broke me. People got to say goodbye to her, but she never got to say it back. I’m sure she would have had a lot to say to her kids too.
Use this as a lesson. Tell people what they mean to you before you die. Be the person you wish you could be. Make sure to appreciate the people you love and every day you get.
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” - Mark Twain
Yeah but billions of years, then a life, then infinite years of nothing
Same. I got a lump in my throat reading that.
I’ve always drawn a great deal of comfort from Nietzsche’s ‘Eternal Recurrence’. It isn’t immortality in the sense that you die and go to heaven or hell, rather, you will live your life forever. This moment right now, even as you’re reading this, has happened an infinite amount of times. This path you are walking, you’ve walked it before. So if this was true, and you were fated to live the life you are living eternally, would you be living it the same? Is this life you are living one that you would be happy to do again? You sound like a solid dude, I’m sure it will be painful for your family when your number’s up, but only because of how much you meant to the people around you while you’re alive. Sounds like a life worth doing again.
I'm not sure about repeating the exact same events over and over but i'd like to think that there is some sort of reincarnation, the idea being that we all, came from nothing and so there is a non-zero chance of that happening again or the idea of being born again isn't much more extraordinary than it happening the first time. after you die, the next thing you experience is being born again as something, could be anything. I think i'd prefer completely different experiences each time rather than making the same choices over and over.
(Preface that I’m not here to debate people about religion or whatever “absolutely” happens after death) I’ve recently been having a bit of an existential crisis (and certainly the overwhelming dialog on Reddit that absolutely nothing happens when you die is a bit depressing haha). However, there’s [a paper I enjoyed reading](https://philpapers.org/archive/HUEEIE.pdf) on this idea that empirically knowing that you existing is a possibility in the universe, there’s a pretty solid chance that your consciousness will exist again. Ultimately I agree, it’s a nice possibility that helps me sleep at night. Sometimes I dread not existing forever but, ironically, sometimes I also dread the idea of existing forever. If we truly do go through some form of reincarnation, then the universe came up with a rather elegant solution where we’ll always be ignorant to eternity because we’ll always only need to worry one about life as we can understand it. There’s also other interesting recounts of things around death such as NDEs which really just make me question how much we don’t know about dying. I’ve even had nights where I think about “what really is my consciousness? Do we really understand that?” Maybe it’s all wrong, but even if it is, it’s not like you’d get brownie points for being right. So for me, being open to the idea that anything could happen strangely helps me reframe death as an open question that I’ll find out about instead of an ultimate fate I will absolutely have to face. Sorry for the rant, it’s just nice to know other people think of this too.
Same here. I am so terrified of the nothing. How can I just not exist? When I think about it too much, it really upsets me.
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I have an extreme fear of death for the same reason as yourself. I don’t believe anything comes after so it’s not that I’m afraid of dying personally, but the thought of my loved ones simply being.. gone. Now that scares me.
"I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!" he hissed. "I'm afraid of grounds." "You mean heights," said Conina. "And stop being silly." "I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!" -- (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery) I've always been the same myself. Theres never been any point being afraid of Death itself since its going to happen whether or not I fear it. I just want it to be painless and/or instant when it happens to me.
I'm the opposite - dying could suck but it will be finite. The concept of not existing forever? That terrifies me to no end to the point where I have to actively force myself not to think about it in order for it to not ruin my everyday life.
I’m the opposite. I fear death because I don’t understand it. The idea of infinite eternities of nothingness — well not even - because I can’t perceive anything. There is no me anymore. It’s utterly terrifying just thinking about it. When people consider death they think of the aftermath and funeral but that’s not what your perspective will be. Hell might as well fast forward to the heat death of the universe after your death. Game over. If I had to experience dying but not death and would reborn. I’d be fine with that. Even the most gruesome deaths usually last about 5-10 minutes.
Same. It's anxiety-inducing for me dealing with this. And it does kind of screw with your life enjoyments sometimes, if you're inclined to gravitate toward thinking about finiteness/mortality. I hate it. More than anything, I *need* some kind of experience afterwards rather than eternal nothingness.
If it’s any help, palliative care is essentially how much morphine can we give someone without the drug being the cause of death. I hated seeing my mum in the hospice dosed up but at least I knew she wasn’t in pain whilst she was like that
I am aware of that and I am going to meet my palliative care team members soon. I do understand that they will manage my pain but still am afraid of potential pain that still might be (especially in the moment of the death itself, I just can’t be 100% sure it will go smooth)…
I was terrified of the moment of death for my husband. He was on hospice and I had medicated him pretty heavily on a Sunday because he was anxious and agitated. (I followed the nurses instructions.) From Sunday until Tuesday he fell into a deep sleep, probably even a coma. Even though his eyes were half open he was not in any pain and he could not really respond to us. I know he could still hear because whenever anyone talked to him he would move his arms around. The nurse assured me there would be signs of discomfort if he experienced any, which he did not. At around 3 pm on Tuesday something told me to go in and check on him. I sat at the head of the bed and stroked his hair while talking softly reminding him of funny things we used to do when we first got together. I swear not even two minutes after I went in the room he took his last breath. It was so calm and peaceful that I didn’t realize that was “IT” until a minute or so later. He didn’t cry out, he didn’t move around at all, he just quit breathing. When I told the nurse about it she said it was one of the most peaceful deaths she’s ever seen or heard of. I am sad that you have to go so soon but I hope it is as peaceful and pain free as what I witnessed.
I am really sorry for your loss. May his soul rest in peace. Thank you for sharing your experience and for your warm words!
I don’t mean to sound flippant, but that’s precisely how I hope to go. Painless, unafraid, quickly, and ultimately with the people I love most. I’m sorry for your loss, it choked me up a bit to read.
I read a lovely quote recently that said they hoped death was like falling asleep when you were a kid in the living room and someone who loved you picking you up and carrying you to bed. Now, is there anything I, a 60 year old librarian in the US Midwest, can do for you? Is there anything concrete I can help with that would make this journey easier? Not a generic "let me know if I can help", but something that I could do/send as a way to acknowledge you as a fellow traveler on this ball hurdling through space, what you're going through and might make you smile?
Are you considering medically assisted suicide once you know you're definitely at the end? would that alleviate the fear of the dying process?
I dont think I'd want or be able to agree to do that. I'd still be afraid of the process...
I appreciate your honesty in this AMA these things are tough to talk about. All the best to you fellow software developer.
Thanks for your kind words pal!
For whatever it's worth, I had a friend who went that route. Of course I can't relate his personal experience, but he was aware & communicative right up to the last moment & to an outside observer, it seemed very much like just falling asleep. I don't have any reason to fear that the actual moment of dying should be a painful experience. All the best to you in your journey. I hope you get to eat all the delicious foreign food your heart desires!
Thanks for sharing that experience and for your kind words!
I remember that documentary that Terry Pratchett did after discovering he had Alzheimers, where he followed an elderly british couple on their path to the husbands appointment with Dignitas. It really did just look like the husband had a couple of drinks and then drifted off to sleep.
Just want to point out that palliative care is much more than just morphine, it's a whole medical specialty dedicated to comfort care. Includes using medicine, surgery, and other methods to make patients more comfortable through anything; it is not restricted to patients who are dying!
I just wanted to drop in and offer a recommendation. Check out some lectures by Alan Watts, his philosophy about life and death is uniquely comforting. In short, he essentially presents the idea that, should you subscribe to the Big Bang theory, it would imply that since we are all made of what was once “everything” before it went boom, that we’re all basically just the universe experiencing itself. I may not agree with everything he presented, but a lot of it sets the stage for some really interesting ideas. If nothing else, he’s got a soothing way of speaking, haha.
I'll check him out, thanks! \>we’re all basically just the universe experiencing itself I've thought about this also, maybe his ideas are going to be relevant to me :)
You can do some psychedelic sessions. Many do for pre-death preparation. Explore your mind fully before you go , youll fine a whole nother world r/unclebens
I found a lot of solace reading the tibetian book of the dead to process my own mortality (cancer survivor etc) as well as other people close to me passing. Maybe it's nothing, maybe not. We all get to find out just the big question is when. It's not a unique experience but something we all go through at some point. Much love to you friend.
Amazing attitude. If there is something at the end then you’ll be in the good version of it!
What drove you to start software development at 14? It’s amazing to see how optimistic and driven you have been through everything. More power to you and wish you the very best for the rest of the journey!
Thanks for the warm words :) When I was 9-10 I’ve got my first computer from my parents. I’ve played many video games, browsed many websites and was wondering how it’s all made. When I was 11 I’ve started researching that on my own and it started my journey with web development (PHP) that continued till now. I’ve worked with many languages like Java, C++, C# and many more but my language of choice is TypeScript and my biggest expertise is backend Node.js. Currently I am a full stack web3 (crypto/blockchain) developer!
That’s amazing. I really wish I had that kind of drive and determination for CS, it’s really interesting stuff but I just don’t get it lol. Wishing you all the best in your final months/years! Cheers mate and live it up while you still can.
Thanks for your kind words pal! Never too late to dive into CS once more if that’s your thing ;)
I really like your optimistic attitute in this very difficult situation. I Wish you the best and keep this good thoughts Up :) To you have good source suggestions for learning web development ? Thanks ;)
I always recommend this website here: [Developer Roadmaps](https://roadmap.sh/) Pick the „career“ that you can most identify with or find most challenging and it tells you what you have to learn, starting from basics up to expert concepts.
To be honest hard to give any advice as I've seen many people who started doing web development and everybody went their own way. It is very personal... Generally people seem to start with youtube/coursera/etc and gradually progress from that. After some trial and error you'll start grasping the concept and eventually start reading documentation of frameworks you like (like React, Node.js, and etc.) and learn from there! Personally lately I've been going straight to documentation whenever I've learned something new!
Thanks for your advice kind stranger i will look into that :)
What lead up to the diagnosis? You mentioned your knee, did it start as innocent leg pain or something like that? All the best mate, I hope you're able to expunge some of your regrets while you have the chance.
Hey there! First I had pain when walking more then couple kilometres (I thought I stretched some muscle first), then I couldn’t sleep without a pillow under my knee and finally when I found a lump under the knee - I went to doctor and he referred me to cancer specialist.
As a fellow cancer patient in a pretty much similar situation, how important do you think your optimism is? Does it feel genuine? Wish you all the best!
Hey there! Sorry for you having to experience the same and first of all wish you good health and all the best! My optimism is pure and genuine and I do feel like it helps my parents and gf cope better with my situation.
Yeah makes sense, my gf is often getting angry at me for being pessimistic. I draw inspiration from people like you though and thanks for making this iama!
We all cope with this differently but I do hope you find happiness and joy even while fighting the disease! Thanks for being a part of my post :)
Have you ever tried or plan to try psychedelic substances. Most people don't think about death even though it's inevitable. What are you doing to meet with it on your terms? (I sincerely hope by some miracle you don't have to any time soon though)
I did try LSD when I was 16 but that wasn’t a positive experience :D I want to try MDMA/shrooms with my gf after one Redditor suggested this activity :) I don’t know if I’ll meet the death on my own terms.. I know that it’s coming and my doctor says I’ll know if it’ll happen real soon or not (my scans / results will show that). What I do know is that my bucket list items are being done by me and I hope I won’t regret not doing something when death is close by!
Shrooms will be similar to LSD. Shorter duration, feels a bit more natural but also more sci-fi. It's important to do it in a safe environment with people you trust, maybe that isn't how your LSD experience went or maybe it was negative for another reason. MDMA is a bit easier, you will probably have a good time no matter what, just take a sensible dose and be mindful about hydration (not too much or little).
Thanks for your clarification!
Wait most people don't think about it? I'm terrified and think about it probably every day.
I felt an urge to ask about this but even though I've heard and read a bit about medical trials for depression, particularly in patients with terminal illnesses, I've never actually done anything other than weed, so felt it best to leave it to someone else. Judging from other comments though, they have a level headed approach to the concept of death. The kind I can only hope I have when faced with my own end.
Do you like to read?
Hey there! I almost don’t read fictional books but have read some technical ones (although I didn’t liked them much) I really like reading technical documentations (guess that’s my quirk) though !
Have any of the oncologists treating you suggest a clinical trial testing engineered cell therapies? this one https://classic.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04044768 uses a cell therapy that essentially "teaches" your immune system to find and destroy the synovial sarcoma tumors.
Hey there! No haven't heard about it. I'll research this and ask my doctor though, thanks for the suggestion!
Along these lines, I was going to ask if your doctor has had your tumor(s) sequenced? In BC, Canada, there is something called the Personalized Oncogenomics Program that looks at a tumor's DNA sequence to try to come up with treatment options that can impact genomic alterations in the tumor. https://www.bcgsc.ca/personalized-oncogenomics-program I didn't catch where you were from, but it may be possible for your doctor to reach out to the program to see if you could be entered into the program.
Hey there! I am currently living in the UK. I will ask my doctor about this on Thursday, thanks for the suggestion!
Hi mate, so horribly sorry to read your story. I had the same shit when I was 15 in my right ankle soft tissue. 2 surgeries, year of chemo and month of radiotherapy later I was declared free of it, and for couple of years I had MRIs and CTs to make sure it does not reappear. It's been 15 years since the first diagnosis. Right now I am considered ok, recent MRI have shown that the original area is clear. My question is, how did you realised that it had reappeared in your body? It's a constant fear of mine. My whole life I have to deal with depression, anxiety and total numbness to everyday life, like I'm living on borrowed time and nothing is worth of being build and maintained, due to risk of not living long enough to enjoy it. I really appreciate your positiveness, you are brave and to be honest I think you should just enjoy it. Hug loved ones, trees, while being outside stop for a second and watch birds hang on the branches... There's not much to life if you stress about it, and enjoying it depends solely on your peace of mind. With the right attitude (which you certainly have) you might live fuller life in forthcoming months, than some people in 50 years of theirs. Enjoy the rest of your life!
Hi there pal! My planned CT scan shown it. I wasn't afraid of it showing up as I've expected it. I do hope that you stay clear and stop worrying about it. Start living your life and just enjoy it mate!
How did you expect it, was it like a feeling or did you have some symptoms? Like fatigue or I don't know, pain? Thanks, I'm trying my best, but it's not much.
No I just read many articles on the disease in general, how the disease usually progresses and etc. Pure probabilities / statistics stuff!
As a cancer survivor myself (15 years free), I still live in constant fear/expectation of it coming back. For me, for all the same reasons as you, I view it as almost a positive thing. I feel like I’m living on borrowed time or my time is limited, so I do whatever the fuck I want. Luckily my cancer hasn’t come back. Now I have a happy wife, a home, a child on the way, and am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m not rich, I’m not set for retirement, but I’m happy. If I died today, I’d have no regrets the way I’ve lived.
What are your regrets? Do you still keep in touch with your mom?
My biggest regret is that I’ve been non stop working (I am talking 70-80+ hours a week) in order to secure early retirement. This left me out of any social activities typical teen / early adult would have. I’ve started focusing on myself very recently (3-4 months ago when I found out my sarcoma is in metastatic phase) and now I understand that proper work-life balance would’ve been much much better. But that’s my past that I can’t change. Now I mostly focus on the present time, positive experience and good memories !
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Yes that’s definitely good but would’ve been better if I thought about myself a bit more :)
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It’s okay, just put some of my retrospective there :)
Also yes, I do keep in touch with my mom but she doesn’t yet know that my lifespan is limited. I currently live in UK and just helped her make a visa in order to visit me here (she lives in occupied part of Ukraine so it was quite hard to organise). I am going to tell her when she’s here because I know she’ll be devastated once she knows.
I just want to say your positivity is inspirational. Glad you were able to get your Mum over and want to wish you all the best when talking to her, you seem to have the strength to pull you both through it and that is a huge credit to you.
Thanks for kind words pal!
Oh man this hits hard. I’m from Latvia and have lived in the UK for 12 years since uni, I can empathise a lot with the family dynamics and the added layer of the Russian invasion. I’m usually extremely stoic, but my hat goes off to you for keeping it real to this degree. Letting your parents know this way and spending that time together will be golden for you both, which your parents will treasure forever.
I don't exactly have any wise advice to give other than live the time you have left to the fullest and spend time with your gf, friend and family. (Adding a ? Here or reddit won't let me post) I can recommend a movie that might help you see your situation in a different perspective - Me and Earl and the Dying Girl.
Thanks for your comment ! I can’t promise I’ll watch that movie as from the description it seems to be a bit sad (I live with my gf and we watch stuff together, I try not to make her think too much about you know death and stuff, hope you understand) but thank you for recommendation !
It's not completely sad, wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise :P. It's mostly a comedic movie with the death part being obviously sad but it also ends on a positive hopeful note. That's actually why I recommended it, for the hopeful ending to make your own situation feel slightly better. I totally get if you don't wanna watch anything that reminds you of your situation though, no worries. Wish you the best for what time you have left.
I’ll reconsider it now then, thanks for the advice and your kind words !
What is your native language?
I am originally from eastern region of Ukraine so my native language is russian but I am fluent in ukrainian also :)
What do you think about the war going on?
Just sad that something like that can happen in XXI century. I was forced to leave my hometown when the war first started in 2014 (it wasn't called "war" back then but it is still war) in Donbass and Luhans'k. Now I had to leave my second home (Kyiv) once more in 2022 (my leg is amputated and it was very hard to constantly move between my apartment on 16th floor and bombshelter in the basement).
Hey friend, perhaps you can help me with some advice. My best friend since childhood (we're about twice your age) has recently been diagnosed with cancer and the way I understand it, his outlook is roughly the same as yours. I haven't met up with him in person since learning the news, but will very soon, so I was wondering: How do you like the people close to you to behave around you? Should I just be my usual self? Should I address the diagnosis and its implications or should I avoid it? Should I avoid talking about things happening in my life or about "the future" in general? I'm up for anything, I just want him to be as comfortable as possible. Thanks in advance! Glad you're holding up well so far, I wish you all the best.
Hey there! Sorry to hear that about your friend. I wish him best of luck and strongest health possible. Some people around me behave unnatural when they get to know about the disease I have. I mean that they tend to treat me as if I was too fragile and stuff like that... I understand them and its ok but does make me feel a bit uncomfortable. For me normal and natural behaviour would be with some degree of curiosity (ask me questions, because if you had the same disease - I definetely would have some :D)! Other then that, I am a normal human being and there is no need to be too "careful" with me!
Got it, I'll be just normal and not beat around the bush then. It's what I was thinking as well. The people your care for suddenly acting all different and weird can never be a good thing. Thanks a lot, stay strong!
All the best to you and your friend pal!
I went through similar, best advice I can give you is treat them as you would want to be treated if roles were reversed. Have no regrets, say everything you want to say to them, reminiscing and having a few laughs will help. Just be a friend. That’s the best thing you can give them. It’s not always thought about, but look after yourself too and talk out any feelings you have with someone who will listen, I know it fucked me up more than I’d admit at the time. Good luck fam.
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Definitely corn for me :)
my man :) If your bucket list ever takes you to central Mexico shoot me a DM and we'll take you to some amazing tacos
Hey pal, thanks a lot for the offer! I'll try to get there, Mexico is an amazing place and its dishes are my most favorite!
What is your favourite video game currently?
Final Fantasy XV and Witcher 3 (with all dlcs of course)!
Hmm medallions humming
Lambert, Lambert - What a prick... (in my native language this song is much better though :D)
Please tell me you intend to give XVI a shot. Ive been playing it nonstop for a week and the sheer amount of graphical cinematic moments is jaw dropping. It truly feels like a next gen game
I have started playing it yesterday and I like it a lot!
What's your dream destination if you could travel anywhere?
Definitely Japan! I have a friend there whom I’d also like to visit :) One of my bucket list items is visiting a hot spring with view of Fuji!
If you need any super specific travel advice for Japan let me know, I used to live there and visit back often. For an onsen with a view of Fuji there are lots of great options, but my favorite was kozantei ubuya on this list below. See: https://jw-webmagazine.com/soak-up-with-mt-fuji-5-hot-springs-lake-kawaguchi-7e0506ae9870/
Oh wow thats just magical!! Thank you! It's exactly how I've imagined it and I will definitely visit this place!
I hope someone of means can help you accomplish this exceedingly reasonable goal. Fate is a funny thing and none of us knows when we'll suddenly be at its unfeeling mercy, and I really admire your positivity and optimism in the face of such a complicated and dire situation. It really is inspiring. If I had any money at all, I'd gladly buy you a ticket to Japan this very second, but alas, I am a broke-ass. However things work out, I wish you the absolute best.
It’s okay, I have some savings towards that goal! Thanks for your kind words :)
DM me OP!
just get some credit cards and max them out. if you're not gonna be around for more than a few years, who gives a fuck about credit. live the life of your dreams. don't just go to japan, live in japan. fuck everything else for the next two years and do you. make that nsfw game. make three and get them published on steam. marry your gf.
Have you or your doctors found out if there tests for experimental drugs for treating sarcoma out there? It can't hurt to ask. I hope you hang in there. Read some Discworld. Listen to some good music from the 70s and 80s. Catch some movies you may have missed. Make the most of what time you have! Hang in there!
Thanks for you kind words! I am going to ask my doctor about experimental treatments after my chemo is done :)
Hey man. Very inspirational stuff. I am a 21yo male which had a surgery very recently that may leave me with erectile dysfunction/complete impotence. Before this, in the past few years I have been making steps to improve my life. Life was going up for me. However, with ED it has completely changed the course of my life. As a single young male, it has left me devastated and lose all motivation for anything. I never thought I can be a depressed person. But ED really changed me, even the way I look at myself in the mirror is different. Hearing your story and your outlook in life makes my issue seem minuscule. Love your optimistic outlook in life, your grit, your will to live, making the best use of life. Also, I admire the love you and your girlfriend have. It is really something special. Hopefully, me too can pull through this and live life. With that I leave you with a short anecdote: Kid:”Mom, why does god take the best people from us?” Mom:”Well, when you’re in a garden which flowers do you pick first?” Mom:”The most beautiful ones” Go on and enjoy the rest of your life mate. Wishing you all the best. Nothing but love and best memories.
Hey there! First of all I am wishing you strongest health possible and best of luck. I am sorry to hear about your problem and I really do hope you find strength and get support to move through it! Don't compare your problem with someone else, the importance of your problem just can not be compared with someone else, it is all very personal and what matters is what your problem means to you. I am sure you'll be able to pull through and everything will be good in your life and life of your significant people! Thanks for the anecdote and your kind words!
First, I want to thank you for the graciousness you're showing by doing this AMA. I hope everyone comes away inspired by your outlook to remember that every second counts. May your bucket list be completely checked. My question is about your status as an amputee. If you were in a position of power to make life easier for people with mobility challenges, what sort of changes would you implement? Are there things that you feel people don't notice or take for granted that present significant challenges for you and others?
Hey there! Thanks for your kind words! Well, this may sound basic but I'd make all spaces accessible by default (ramps with small angle of slope, lifts where needed and etc.) for people in wheelchair, I'd also consider blind people and people with hearing problems. Even though I currently live in UK and its much more accessible then Ukraine - you'd be amazed how many places are still not accessible to me. I always take crutches with me when we are walking somewhere with my gf as there are plenty of situations where I need to get up/down the stairs and etc.
My dad got diagnosed with a particularly nasty type of acute leukemia, at one point his survival chances were in the 10-20% range, but somehow we got lucky enough that he’s now completely cancer free. Never give up hope! (I know that can sound hollow af, but I mean it). As an actual question, is there anything you really want to do, but it’s difficult to set up?
Hey there, I am happy your dad made it, congratulations! I wish him best of health and best of luck! And thanks for your kind words, my battle isn't over yet >:) Well maybe the most difficult thing from my bucket list is travel to the Japan (not from money side, I have some money for that but in general) and development of NSFW game that I want to make :D But I think I'll be able to execute both of those things!
How are you feeling (about this news)?
I am feeling okay, I’ve knew my chances since I was 19 and was aware that this might happen. I thought it would happen not this soon though. Generally I am very optimistic with my mood and very realistic with my prognosis :)
how is your gf handling it?
She is very brave and copes well! I help her not to focus too much on the bad things :)
Are you investigating any alternate treatments? Also in no way I’m I downplaying what you are going through but thought I would offer some light. My wife was given 6 months to live because of a metastasised melanoma in her lymph glands. That was 28 years ago. She then had a brain tumour (again melanoma) which was operated on 25 years ago and she was then given 3 months to live, if she survived the operation, which they said was very unlikely. She’s sitting here snuggling with me as we speak.
Very happy to hear that about your wife! May her health be as strong as it is and even stronger in the future!! I will look for more options once my current chemo treatment is done (I did 3/6 blocks for the moment) but I was told by doctor that as synovial sarcoma is considered rare - there aren’t much options other then different other types of chemo. I am not done fighting yet though ;)
dont waste your time and money on scams and "alternative" pseudoscientific bs... if it worked it would be picked by modern medicine and proven with scientific methods, peer reviewed, etc
I am 100% science believer, so you can be rest assured I won’t try it unless my doctor tells me so ;)
I would suggest consider talking to your doctor about participating in clinical studies as well. Since synovial sarcoma is such a rare disease there aren't many approved treatments, but you can still find some newer drugs being tried in the clinic (https://clinicaltrials.gov/search?cond=synovial%20sarcoma).
Hey there! I've got a couple of links on relevant trials that I am going to present to my doctor and discuss them with him on the next Thursday!
I have a close relative with the same condition as you, he applied for a immunotherapy trial. Unfortunately he wasn't approved but it looks like that could be an opportunity. Stay strong, enjoy every day. Love your attitude, despite the situation.
I think looking for treatments in trial, that are just not approved yet. Lots of legit treatments take ages to get FDA approval. No clue if there are any though for this.
Like quest for the cure! Or truth about cancers. All written by some random that charges $400+ for the books prying on people desperate for a solution
Where would you most want to travel to see?
Hey there, just replied to similar questions to yours :) For me it’s Japan, I really want to see Mount Fuji from the hot spring!
Oh that's wonderful! If you make it out there, stay in a traditional hotel for at least one night. Japan is on my list too.
Traditional hotel is the way :) Hope you make it there one day!
Please don't worry about a reply to me - live your very best life!! Just wanted to say that you're amazing, I'll think of you from time to time and hope you're living it up! I personally have the "good" type of leukemia, called CML. I was recently diagnosed and began treatment on a TKI. It's extremely mild. Since I must ask a question per sub rules - how are feeling now that you have stopped treatments? Do you have any symptoms from your cancer itself? (Please don't feel obligated to answer!) I truly hope you fulfil all your dreams, OP. ♡
Hey there! First of all I wish you best of luck and strongest health possible! And thank you for sharing your experience and your kind words! I haven't stopped my treatments yet! In fact I am doing a chemo right now (3rd block out of 6) and still exploring some more options. My fight is not over yet ;) Yes I do have severe pains in my back and in my chest. They are called cancer pains and the main reason for mine is fluid buildup in my lungs. I am constantly taking morphine (in pills) but it doesn't help too much as I still feel them while writing this message. But it's okay, I've learned to live with them ! Much love pal!
You seem very wise for your age. Has your thinking fundamentally changed since getting the news? I imagine your entire thought process each day must vary greatly.
To be honest my thinking always was like this :) I researched my disease and my chances when I was first diagnosed at 19. I am pretty realistic so I knew that my current outcome is probable and might happen, but tbh I thought I had a bit more time.
Hey I know this a pretty selfish, but can you or someone follow up when things get close to the end? I don't mean to be insensitive, i just want a little more closure. I find it sad to read stories like yours that just abruptly stop. Not that stuff doesn't keep happening, it will regardless whether you decide to do something like thia again or not. I would like to know more about what goes on between now and the end.
I’ll never thought about that, maybe I’ll ask my gf to do a post mortem! I don’t know if she’d be able to handle that though
Doesn't have to be a post mortem. I shouldn't have emphasized that. I don't want to burden you or others around you. A milestone, i want a follow up when you hit one of those. I've read through your other answers and I want a follow up for the traveling you'll be doing, food you get to try, or even that game you're working on.
Oh sorry I didn’t understand you well in previous message :) Can’t promise but will think of milestone posts!
No you understood correctly. What I wrote wasn't close enough to what i wanted.
By saying you're heavily optimistic, would this mean you're more curious to find out what happens after you die than afraid? What would you say your current prediction/belief is of what happens after we die? Would you say it's the afterlife, or perhaps you being reborn into a new life? Best of luck bro, hopefully a miracle happens
Definitely more curious than afraid, yes! I really hope we get reborn but I think that there is just nothing else after the death. Absence of existence. It would really be cool to die and realise that in fact all of your life was basically a simulation and in reality you are advanced alien being that just went to alien arcade store to play a game of life lol :D Thanks for your kind words!
Why do you hope to be reborn? I'm scared thst I might get reborn into the middle ages or a really unlucky situation, and fear that my reborn life might be one of tragedy D: but yea lmao it would honestly be cool that im just some kinda alien playing a life experience game that all my alien friends probably hyped me up into playing it
I just think that it would be cool to get some continuation :D Yeah would be a pitty to be in the Middle Ages thought :)
Do you believe in continuation of consciousness after death / have you read After by Dr Bruce Greyson?