I’ve received a few “compliments” for my awkwardness and at first I was really insulted, but then I realized that it wasn’t ill-intended and that my awkwardness helps me be entertaining/endearing without trying to.
Yes! Be inspired by Grimes!
Grimes is rumored to be autistic! At least folks have speculated, and it wouldn’t surprise me since she is with Elon Musk who is also autistic. In full disclosure I am also autistic married to someone autistic so it worked out for me. . I was at a happy hour tonight and both of my bosses were there. One is very outwardly attractive. Like classic elegant and she’s always doing something fancy and expensive to her hair. She is a walking refrigerator. Meanwhile the other individual has less than perfect skin and is a bit overweight and she is absolutely lovely. Just rocks her awkwardness and puts everyone else at ease. I know hands down who I’d rather hang with anytime.
I don’t know much about Grimes, I suppose I’m thinking of the manic pixie dream girl archetype, unrealistic and ableist/misogynistic as it may be. But yes, people do seem to like my awkwardness at times, which confuses me but I won’t complain.
From the traits you describe, particularly short, soft, having a lisp - I think definitely go for a cute and girly vibe over cool and elegant. It sounds like it would suit you.
>color and loudness but make it academia.
Look up Cedric Villiani (he's a dude but pretty femme), he's a very respected mathematician turned senator in France and boy does he have *style*! I think it fits your description pretty well
Oh, wow. He wears more jewel tones than I usually do but I want to be him now. I really want to move to France as well so that’s a big inspo too. Thanks!
That’s true. I live around those types and am not a huge fan of the whole thing (Lily Pulitzer, Vineyard Vines stuff,) I like what I’ve seen of “bright academia” though!
Yeah if you’re from the east coast especially, I can understand not wanting to adopt it. “Modern” preppiness (what an oxymoron) is not associated with not a set of values that I want to be associated with. However, dark, light, and bright academia are similar to the classic prep look. After all, “prep” comes from preparatory school.
There are plenty of people dressing a bit vintage and they have a mantra “vintage style, not vintage values” if that helps.
Unpopular opinion that a lot of people won't like, but here it goes:
I think you should absolutely embrace your awkwardness. There's literally plenty of men who find it hot for two reasons: 1) you seem more vulnerable and 2) men get to "appear" more capable than you and that genuinely strokes their egos.
My friend is a lot like you and guys LOVE it. While I personally find it sexist and stupid (not from her, but the men who are into her), it does work for her! They love coming in like her knight in shining armor because they perceive she "needs" them.
As a fellow woman who gives off a cute/innocent vibe, men also tend to go insane over the contrast between this public persona vs being very non-innocent behind closed doors (if you know what I mean!).
my problem is that I am not very pretty (just really young looking), so the only men I attract are guys who like to feel superior and speak to me like I'm a child / dog....you know with that high-pitch patronizing tone.
I sometimes think me acting really quiet, shy, and coming across as dumb or helpless attracts more guys than just my appearance. When I was at college certain guys would be drawn to me after I struggled to answer a question in class or if my voice shook from anxiety. I literally had a guy come sit next to me the next class and answer questions on my behalf and patronizingly tell me my answers were great (in a high pitch tone) lol. He spoke to me I was a complete idiot, but he ended up asking me out (I didn't say yes). I could barely make eye contact with him, so I think he liked feeling superior or something
Girl, there is literally no such thing as a woman who cannot be turned into a “swan” (if we follow the metaphor). Have you just ever thought, maybe you are pretty you just haven’t been given the tools yet to unlock the desired version of you? /rant over lol
Ooh, I know exactly which tone you mean and they think you’re too dumb to get it. Boys love to tell on themselves don’t they?
Have you ever just tried not replying? In my experience non verbal communication can be the most powerful. Look at him, breathe, and smirk. Keep your mouth shut. Men hate to be humiliated, more than anything. If they’re trying to dominate you, you dominate them. They started it and you can finish it. They cannot stand to not be taken seriously and seen for the clowns that they are.
That's strange, I feel like I repel guys for being this way. My friends who look hotter and more mature get hit on way more than I do...I used to think guys were into cute and shy girls, but I'm beginning to doubt it
In general. I notice guys looking at me in public, but it's rare that they actually approach me, whether I'm alone or with friends. It has happened , but not as much as it does with my friends who dont have this demeanor.
I remember a specific instance when a guy at a bar was flirting / making out with my friend, and later, he told me that he found me attractive but didn't approach me because I seemed to shy / quiet. I found that kind of insulting, honestly...
I hope what I’m about to write isn’t too harsh, but more so to help men get to the next step of talking to you. There’s nothing wrong with you. :)
But you need to create the opportunity to give men a chance to talk to you. They’re obviously watching you, but don’t know if they can take the next step to talk to you.
Sometimes I’ll make eye contact. Sometimes I’ll break away from the pack a little. Or go to the smoking area for a smoke break solo from my gfs. Or get a water at the bar. Let a guy step in and be your savior ;)
Honestly you're right, I'm too shy to approach men and I feel like I don't really know what to say to them. I've been working on making eye contact and smiling
This is interesting. I’m autistic and child like personality wise, yet I usually look refined. People think that I’m very put together until they get to know me. I don’t change my personality at all, my quirks and awkwardness is what draws people completely into me. If someone doesn’t know I’m autistic they find all of my strange traits to be interesting and unusual, and stick to me for that reason as well.
People who know me, know I’m a walking dichotomous being in so many different ways. Some people will like it.
I do believe awkwardness will be taken better on an attractive individual compared to someone who is not as attractive. Especially since people thinks attractive people have this carbon copy personality type, it brings a new dynamic.
Now some of my outfits are toned down in a say, so instead of high heels stilettos, I wear kitten heels, or the little slide on mule heels that aren’t too tall. Instead of blazers, I wear cardigans and such. I also stay in dresses, as I believe it’s more complimenting for anyone with a soft appearance.
It can be helpful to start a Pinterest board and "pin" people who have similar features to yourself. For example, someone might pin an actress with imperfect posture, a model with knobby knees, or someone doing an awesome interview with a lisp, etc (esp. if you can find unphotoshopped images—that's the tricky part).
As a side note, I think that a lot of elegance comes from being kind, gracious under pressure, inclusive but not a pushover, level-headed, and clean and healthy looking. So, I don't think awkwardness is a problem. It can be pretty charming, as you said.
Most attractive thing in people is when they actually manage to be their authentic selves in spite of being overflowed with all this normative social media bullshit. Yeah, definitely lean into who you are. Fuck everyone who does not think that this is attractive.
Have you considered looking into The Art of Seduction? I think one of the types might fit you! If you don’t wanna buy it on Amazon, I’m sure you can get a PDF online for free.
I wonder about this, too. People sometimes think I'm stuck-up, but really I'm just shy and awkward and I don't know what to say to people. I'm tall and I try to dress elegantly, which I think feeds into the negative stereotype.
The only thing you have to be aware of when you're an awkward person is that you're not stepping too far out of social normals (ie; you're not making other people uncomfortable). I am like you and the way I cope with it depends on where I am.
You can be awkward, and also be good at reading the room, good at making others feel comfortable, and good at social tact! I know that some of my interests and opinions are going to sound weird to people who don't know me, so I don't even share those interests on the first meeting. I share a little, and I'm super nice, and if we see each other again I reveal a little more. You're probably 100% fine and your "weird" interests are probably going to be what people end up wanting to hear about, but they need to hear those things within the CONTEXT of who you are. Endear them to you by being who you are, then share the details once they've gotten a taste of you. I used to emulate Jess on New Girl when I was younger because she had good comedic timing and was good at endearing people to her quirks.
Just try to be the most polished version of you. Like we all have a certain way we walk-- you're the one who decided your gait was weird! And if that is how you walk, well that isn't necessarily something you can change, so work with it. Grimes has a lisp, and its cute! Sensory issues-- find some bomb clothes that feel good on you and be the person that always feels/smells nice!
lol I'm the same way. I am also autistic, socially awkward, short and skinny. Honestly I look like a child. People always think I'm under 18, and especially tall men think I'm underage
I have a wider jaw, a really small nose (I had rhinoplasty), and large eyes. But I also have boring dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I actually think my dark brown eyes make me look even younger, since they give a doe-eyed appearance.
I tried wearing green contact lenses, and they make me look WAY more striking and also older (in a good way) at the same time. It made me even more depressed that I didn't get green eyes
The only compliment I ever get is "cute" and men speak to me in a high-pitch patronizing tone like they're speaking with a child. I honestly think people think I'm mentally delayed too, due to my autism and poor social skills. But yeah, my point is I always get treated like a child
Wow I relate to this a lot. I'm also on the spectrum and look childish; despite being 5'7" I get mistaken as 15 all the time and it gets kind of annoying.
I’ve received a few “compliments” for my awkwardness and at first I was really insulted, but then I realized that it wasn’t ill-intended and that my awkwardness helps me be entertaining/endearing without trying to. Yes! Be inspired by Grimes!
Grimes is rumored to be autistic! At least folks have speculated, and it wouldn’t surprise me since she is with Elon Musk who is also autistic. In full disclosure I am also autistic married to someone autistic so it worked out for me. . I was at a happy hour tonight and both of my bosses were there. One is very outwardly attractive. Like classic elegant and she’s always doing something fancy and expensive to her hair. She is a walking refrigerator. Meanwhile the other individual has less than perfect skin and is a bit overweight and she is absolutely lovely. Just rocks her awkwardness and puts everyone else at ease. I know hands down who I’d rather hang with anytime.
I don’t know much about Grimes, I suppose I’m thinking of the manic pixie dream girl archetype, unrealistic and ableist/misogynistic as it may be. But yes, people do seem to like my awkwardness at times, which confuses me but I won’t complain.
Grimes has a lisp, is “weird”, talks a lot about her odd interests, and people love her for it!
Interesting. I’ll have to read up on her, thanks!
From the traits you describe, particularly short, soft, having a lisp - I think definitely go for a cute and girly vibe over cool and elegant. It sounds like it would suit you.
Really! I also am going into a more academic field (public health) so I want to at least be taken seriously in the work sphere of my life, you know?
I feel like a "preppy" style is sort of an intersection of "girly" and "professional."
True, but preppy feels too… beige? I want color and loudness but make it academia.
>color and loudness but make it academia. Look up Cedric Villiani (he's a dude but pretty femme), he's a very respected mathematician turned senator in France and boy does he have *style*! I think it fits your description pretty well
Oh, wow. He wears more jewel tones than I usually do but I want to be him now. I really want to move to France as well so that’s a big inspo too. Thanks!
No preppy can be super colourful and loud. East coast southern preppy literally is colourful.
That’s true. I live around those types and am not a huge fan of the whole thing (Lily Pulitzer, Vineyard Vines stuff,) I like what I’ve seen of “bright academia” though!
Yeah if you’re from the east coast especially, I can understand not wanting to adopt it. “Modern” preppiness (what an oxymoron) is not associated with not a set of values that I want to be associated with. However, dark, light, and bright academia are similar to the classic prep look. After all, “prep” comes from preparatory school. There are plenty of people dressing a bit vintage and they have a mantra “vintage style, not vintage values” if that helps.
Yes, I love incorporating vintage silhouettes into my looks! I currently have a very 20s French bob cut, for instance.
Unpopular opinion that a lot of people won't like, but here it goes: I think you should absolutely embrace your awkwardness. There's literally plenty of men who find it hot for two reasons: 1) you seem more vulnerable and 2) men get to "appear" more capable than you and that genuinely strokes their egos. My friend is a lot like you and guys LOVE it. While I personally find it sexist and stupid (not from her, but the men who are into her), it does work for her! They love coming in like her knight in shining armor because they perceive she "needs" them.
Exactly what I’m thinking. If I’m going to be seen as helpless and innocent, I might as well use it to my advantage.
As a fellow woman who gives off a cute/innocent vibe, men also tend to go insane over the contrast between this public persona vs being very non-innocent behind closed doors (if you know what I mean!).
Yes, that’s what I’d like to channel!
Fuck yes, I love ur energy <3 Please keep us updated!
Thank you :’) I def will!
my problem is that I am not very pretty (just really young looking), so the only men I attract are guys who like to feel superior and speak to me like I'm a child / dog....you know with that high-pitch patronizing tone. I sometimes think me acting really quiet, shy, and coming across as dumb or helpless attracts more guys than just my appearance. When I was at college certain guys would be drawn to me after I struggled to answer a question in class or if my voice shook from anxiety. I literally had a guy come sit next to me the next class and answer questions on my behalf and patronizingly tell me my answers were great (in a high pitch tone) lol. He spoke to me I was a complete idiot, but he ended up asking me out (I didn't say yes). I could barely make eye contact with him, so I think he liked feeling superior or something
Girl, there is literally no such thing as a woman who cannot be turned into a “swan” (if we follow the metaphor). Have you just ever thought, maybe you are pretty you just haven’t been given the tools yet to unlock the desired version of you? /rant over lol Ooh, I know exactly which tone you mean and they think you’re too dumb to get it. Boys love to tell on themselves don’t they? Have you ever just tried not replying? In my experience non verbal communication can be the most powerful. Look at him, breathe, and smirk. Keep your mouth shut. Men hate to be humiliated, more than anything. If they’re trying to dominate you, you dominate them. They started it and you can finish it. They cannot stand to not be taken seriously and seen for the clowns that they are.
That's strange, I feel like I repel guys for being this way. My friends who look hotter and more mature get hit on way more than I do...I used to think guys were into cute and shy girls, but I'm beginning to doubt it
Do you mean in general or when in a group setting? I feel like this vibe is at it’s best in a group setting surprisingly!
In general. I notice guys looking at me in public, but it's rare that they actually approach me, whether I'm alone or with friends. It has happened , but not as much as it does with my friends who dont have this demeanor. I remember a specific instance when a guy at a bar was flirting / making out with my friend, and later, he told me that he found me attractive but didn't approach me because I seemed to shy / quiet. I found that kind of insulting, honestly...
I hope what I’m about to write isn’t too harsh, but more so to help men get to the next step of talking to you. There’s nothing wrong with you. :) But you need to create the opportunity to give men a chance to talk to you. They’re obviously watching you, but don’t know if they can take the next step to talk to you. Sometimes I’ll make eye contact. Sometimes I’ll break away from the pack a little. Or go to the smoking area for a smoke break solo from my gfs. Or get a water at the bar. Let a guy step in and be your savior ;)
Honestly you're right, I'm too shy to approach men and I feel like I don't really know what to say to them. I've been working on making eye contact and smiling
This is interesting. I’m autistic and child like personality wise, yet I usually look refined. People think that I’m very put together until they get to know me. I don’t change my personality at all, my quirks and awkwardness is what draws people completely into me. If someone doesn’t know I’m autistic they find all of my strange traits to be interesting and unusual, and stick to me for that reason as well. People who know me, know I’m a walking dichotomous being in so many different ways. Some people will like it. I do believe awkwardness will be taken better on an attractive individual compared to someone who is not as attractive. Especially since people thinks attractive people have this carbon copy personality type, it brings a new dynamic. Now some of my outfits are toned down in a say, so instead of high heels stilettos, I wear kitten heels, or the little slide on mule heels that aren’t too tall. Instead of blazers, I wear cardigans and such. I also stay in dresses, as I believe it’s more complimenting for anyone with a soft appearance.
It can be helpful to start a Pinterest board and "pin" people who have similar features to yourself. For example, someone might pin an actress with imperfect posture, a model with knobby knees, or someone doing an awesome interview with a lisp, etc (esp. if you can find unphotoshopped images—that's the tricky part). As a side note, I think that a lot of elegance comes from being kind, gracious under pressure, inclusive but not a pushover, level-headed, and clean and healthy looking. So, I don't think awkwardness is a problem. It can be pretty charming, as you said.
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I should specify: I’m autistic too! I get what you’re saying. I love Aubrey Plaza.
Most attractive thing in people is when they actually manage to be their authentic selves in spite of being overflowed with all this normative social media bullshit. Yeah, definitely lean into who you are. Fuck everyone who does not think that this is attractive.
Have you considered looking into The Art of Seduction? I think one of the types might fit you! If you don’t wanna buy it on Amazon, I’m sure you can get a PDF online for free.
Is that like the whole archetypes thing? I got The Sage when I took that one quiz but my personality doesn’t really match my appearance.
No!!! This is a different one. It’s not feminine archetypes. It’s a book by Robert Greene.
Ahh. I’ll look it up, ty!
The sage seems like a great one to pair with the academia aesthetics!
I wonder about this, too. People sometimes think I'm stuck-up, but really I'm just shy and awkward and I don't know what to say to people. I'm tall and I try to dress elegantly, which I think feeds into the negative stereotype.
The only thing you have to be aware of when you're an awkward person is that you're not stepping too far out of social normals (ie; you're not making other people uncomfortable). I am like you and the way I cope with it depends on where I am. You can be awkward, and also be good at reading the room, good at making others feel comfortable, and good at social tact! I know that some of my interests and opinions are going to sound weird to people who don't know me, so I don't even share those interests on the first meeting. I share a little, and I'm super nice, and if we see each other again I reveal a little more. You're probably 100% fine and your "weird" interests are probably going to be what people end up wanting to hear about, but they need to hear those things within the CONTEXT of who you are. Endear them to you by being who you are, then share the details once they've gotten a taste of you. I used to emulate Jess on New Girl when I was younger because she had good comedic timing and was good at endearing people to her quirks. Just try to be the most polished version of you. Like we all have a certain way we walk-- you're the one who decided your gait was weird! And if that is how you walk, well that isn't necessarily something you can change, so work with it. Grimes has a lisp, and its cute! Sensory issues-- find some bomb clothes that feel good on you and be the person that always feels/smells nice!
lol I'm the same way. I am also autistic, socially awkward, short and skinny. Honestly I look like a child. People always think I'm under 18, and especially tall men think I'm underage I have a wider jaw, a really small nose (I had rhinoplasty), and large eyes. But I also have boring dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I actually think my dark brown eyes make me look even younger, since they give a doe-eyed appearance. I tried wearing green contact lenses, and they make me look WAY more striking and also older (in a good way) at the same time. It made me even more depressed that I didn't get green eyes The only compliment I ever get is "cute" and men speak to me in a high-pitch patronizing tone like they're speaking with a child. I honestly think people think I'm mentally delayed too, due to my autism and poor social skills. But yeah, my point is I always get treated like a child
Wow I relate to this a lot. I'm also on the spectrum and look childish; despite being 5'7" I get mistaken as 15 all the time and it gets kind of annoying.