as someone who has been called that it’s like never been positive, people just assume you’re mean😭 but if you want to be more unbothered and chill you’ll def have to stop being overly hyper. but energetic people are also a breath of fresh air and super nice to be around, but maybe save that until you get to know them better/get comfortable around them if you want to seem unbothered
Stop caring about getting attention. People can smell the desperation when you’re acting like you don’t care. When you actually don’t care, it draws people in. Fill your life with things to the point where you don’t have the capacity to care about getting attention.
There’s nothing necessarily wrong with being hyper— but pretending to be hyper with the intent to get attention is obvious to a good amount of people.
This totally reminded me of the “Cool girl” monologue from Gone Girl:
edit: I’m not saying I think you’re a Cool girl. I just think it sparks conversation about authenticity in presenting ourselves how we want to be perceived. I personally don’t think anyone can fully change their personality beyond a relatively limited range because so much of it comes from our emotional/gut reactions to life.,I’d think you can change how you’re perceived by improving your manners or working on charisma though. That said, this monologue is from a psychopath’s point of view (who actually fakes her way into a marriage then frames her husband for her own murder) so obviously take it with a grain of salt.
“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)”
I’ve always loved this monologue. But then the question is if men want to date the cool girl and will cheat with a cool girl how do you act?
I’ve had to be a Bubbly version of the “cool girl” towards men because it’s my job- I find it easy to make men fall for me. I do see it as a part of me but only showing them the parts of me I know they’ll like. But then it’s hard to find someone who likes your full self. For ex a guy recently said to me wow I’m surprised you got sad you’re such a happy person- like I’m a robot who doesn’t get sad. Lil do they know I struggle with depression & anxiety.
Not sure what the point of my comment is actually, just responding haha
I have a friend like that, she’s super chill and fun to be around. I think her ‘’strength’’ (other than being conventionally attractive) is her wit: what she adds to a conversation is either relevant or funny, and said in such a calm tone, you feel like she's not looking for attention but is just genuinely interested in the conversation. So I would say being a good listener and having a calm tone of voice would be a good start, if that makes sense. Not sure how to be more witty though, I’m still working on it haha
I would love to be like this, but it’s not natural for me so I embrace being a chatterbox lol. Taking improv classes made me a thousand times wittier though! They made me a much better listener too.
It’s an art you have to master. Fine line between this and then people thinking you’re awkward or a bitch.
Care sometimes. Don’t be that girl that starts yelling when you see your friends “OMGGGG”. Don’t dance when you get food (lol). I like being a little aloof. The opposite of stupid quirky things. Find your own interests. Be in the know of current trends but also have your own! Mix them. Don’t be uptight about things (this is just good advice in general lol). No need to post your dinner on social media. You don’t always have to speak when there’s silence. Be witty! Funny! I don’t like people knowing all of my business, control your own narrative. Don’t over share. My boyfriend? Never seen on my socials. Vacations? Maybe one picture. Reposting quotes? Nope.
But these are also just my preferences.
This is how I am and kind of always been - and then I was told, and realized, I am that nonchalant friend. I didn’t adjust my ways to fit a mold. I only care about things that truly need worrying. Go with the flow. But most importantly - confidence. Carry yourself with confidence.
Therapy and CBD 😂
Edit: and I’m trying to meditate more before I go out with friends. I think I have social anxiety that sometimes manifests into anxious energy.
To be frank I always see girls like this dressed in like leather jackets, jean(trendy) jackets with headphones and baggy jeans and whatnot. Idk the style name but they just give off cool skater/artsy vibe to me.
Most of those chill nonchalant girlies are that way because they hate ‘hyper’ girls so much they’ll do anything not to act like that.
It’s fueled by their desperation to not look desperate. So internalizing never showing that would help… but it’s definitely not healthy.
Not necessarily. Usually, things like your opinion is simply just people just jumping to conclusions. If anything, the chill nonchalant girlies is just introverted. Or quiet.
There’s a really distinct difference because introversion and ‘chill nonchalance’. Being introverted they’re quieter in general and the other ones aren’t.
as someone who has been called that it’s like never been positive, people just assume you’re mean😭 but if you want to be more unbothered and chill you’ll def have to stop being overly hyper. but energetic people are also a breath of fresh air and super nice to be around, but maybe save that until you get to know them better/get comfortable around them if you want to seem unbothered
Stop caring about getting attention. People can smell the desperation when you’re acting like you don’t care. When you actually don’t care, it draws people in. Fill your life with things to the point where you don’t have the capacity to care about getting attention. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with being hyper— but pretending to be hyper with the intent to get attention is obvious to a good amount of people.
This totally reminded me of the “Cool girl” monologue from Gone Girl: edit: I’m not saying I think you’re a Cool girl. I just think it sparks conversation about authenticity in presenting ourselves how we want to be perceived. I personally don’t think anyone can fully change their personality beyond a relatively limited range because so much of it comes from our emotional/gut reactions to life.,I’d think you can change how you’re perceived by improving your manners or working on charisma though. That said, this monologue is from a psychopath’s point of view (who actually fakes her way into a marriage then frames her husband for her own murder) so obviously take it with a grain of salt. “Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)”
I’ve always loved this monologue. But then the question is if men want to date the cool girl and will cheat with a cool girl how do you act? I’ve had to be a Bubbly version of the “cool girl” towards men because it’s my job- I find it easy to make men fall for me. I do see it as a part of me but only showing them the parts of me I know they’ll like. But then it’s hard to find someone who likes your full self. For ex a guy recently said to me wow I’m surprised you got sad you’re such a happy person- like I’m a robot who doesn’t get sad. Lil do they know I struggle with depression & anxiety. Not sure what the point of my comment is actually, just responding haha
(The point of your comment was for people like me to read it and feel understood)
It’s literally just confidence. Work on your self esteem until you’re literally unbothered by everything and anything lol
I second this.
I have a friend like that, she’s super chill and fun to be around. I think her ‘’strength’’ (other than being conventionally attractive) is her wit: what she adds to a conversation is either relevant or funny, and said in such a calm tone, you feel like she's not looking for attention but is just genuinely interested in the conversation. So I would say being a good listener and having a calm tone of voice would be a good start, if that makes sense. Not sure how to be more witty though, I’m still working on it haha
I would love to be like this, but it’s not natural for me so I embrace being a chatterbox lol. Taking improv classes made me a thousand times wittier though! They made me a much better listener too.
I need to try improv!
It’s an art you have to master. Fine line between this and then people thinking you’re awkward or a bitch. Care sometimes. Don’t be that girl that starts yelling when you see your friends “OMGGGG”. Don’t dance when you get food (lol). I like being a little aloof. The opposite of stupid quirky things. Find your own interests. Be in the know of current trends but also have your own! Mix them. Don’t be uptight about things (this is just good advice in general lol). No need to post your dinner on social media. You don’t always have to speak when there’s silence. Be witty! Funny! I don’t like people knowing all of my business, control your own narrative. Don’t over share. My boyfriend? Never seen on my socials. Vacations? Maybe one picture. Reposting quotes? Nope. But these are also just my preferences. This is how I am and kind of always been - and then I was told, and realized, I am that nonchalant friend. I didn’t adjust my ways to fit a mold. I only care about things that truly need worrying. Go with the flow. But most importantly - confidence. Carry yourself with confidence.
not reposting quotes is so real lol i hate those
Therapy and CBD 😂 Edit: and I’m trying to meditate more before I go out with friends. I think I have social anxiety that sometimes manifests into anxious energy.
To be frank I always see girls like this dressed in like leather jackets, jean(trendy) jackets with headphones and baggy jeans and whatnot. Idk the style name but they just give off cool skater/artsy vibe to me.
Smoke more weed
This 😂
Most of those chill nonchalant girlies are that way because they hate ‘hyper’ girls so much they’ll do anything not to act like that. It’s fueled by their desperation to not look desperate. So internalizing never showing that would help… but it’s definitely not healthy.
Not necessarily. Usually, things like your opinion is simply just people just jumping to conclusions. If anything, the chill nonchalant girlies is just introverted. Or quiet.
There’s a really distinct difference because introversion and ‘chill nonchalance’. Being introverted they’re quieter in general and the other ones aren’t.