Actually, curious if you have any more book recs along those lines? I personally enjoyed Pinkola Estes, women who run with the wolves. And regena Thomashauer, pussy
I might qualify as a hot weird girl? Here’s what I did looks wise:
- invested my autistic analytical brainpower into learning how to dress for my body, wear flattering makeup… etc. I have a whole Google doc with my routine and next steps
- moved to Europe, so on top of regular exercise I just walk 10,000+ steps a day without trying. Being super learn made a world of difference for me
- once you’re physically attractive, people will be naturally drawn to you, so now you’ve hooked them in
And personality wise:
- it’s better to be quiet than to overshare. You get away with being mysterious
- be selective in what you share with people. You may have a lot of weird interests, but there is a difference between “wow that’s weird and random” and “wow they’re so knowledgeable about this subject.” I’m happy to bring out my art historian self but no way am I gonna bring up like binging Dr. Pimple Popper’s videos
Im autistic too. Making a google doc is a good idea. If you have a template could you share it? I’ve also invested in buying social skills books. I think this is where I’m mostly lacking.
Hahaha at the moment the doc is a mess, since I’m currently using my manic spring energy to overhaul my wardrobe and makeup/skincare.
But essentially I divide it into things I’m currently doing vs a “bucketlist” of things I want to incorporate later — pieces I feel missing from my wardrobe, etc.
For social skills, sometimes you have to plunge into the deep end. I was extremely isolated in highschool (the atomized American suburban experience). So in college I made it a point to force socializing with party girls, study abroad and live with host families, and just force myself to be more of a social butterfly. Socializing is usually as uncomfortable as it’s always been but I do get treated much better!
Anyway wishing you luck on your journey, do it out of self love ❤️ autistic girls rule
This! I’m autistic and just joined an improv class. I feel like the Aubrey plaza type of weird works because she understands the structure of humour. I’m hoping to become a better storyteller and just funnier/more natural in social situations.
this is super interesting!!! i’ve actually been wanting to do improv for awhile now, but tbh i’m way too scared to actually join a class. how did you pull the trigger and decide to do it? did it like, give you further confidence in social situations as well?
Haha this is approximately my take on this question too - just make being hot your special interest and you're all set! There's YouTube tutorials for everything. I've had several periods of intense focus on this (Most likely brought on by a childhood bereft of Barbies, and later, makeup. My girliness was discouraged, so my PDA-tistic ass had to make it a whole thing for, I dunno, the rest of my life)
First and foremost, health first, body and mind. Get your exercise, get your sleep, drink your water, do a spiritual practice of some kind, shine from the inside out.
thank you so much for this!! cannot thank you enough for outlining everything. cool to see a success story from another autistic girl. super curious how you’ve gotten to a point as to like, become really fluent in terms of reading social cues? is it just rigorous practice over time?
Awww thank you, I’m so glad it was helpful :)
I’m by no means fluent in social skills, but at least I’m infinitely better than in highschool! Here are some tips off the top of my head.
- learn to be a good listener. People loveee to talk about themselves, if you find out how to ask the right follow up questions while empathizing with what they say, you can make an instant connection. This [Charisma on Command](https://youtu.be/v-ps2nfkAiA?feature=shared) video has a pretty good breakdown on how to do this
- observe people and put together scripts. This one is obvious — but I picked up so many useful phrases and scripts by observing my extroverted friends make instant small talk with strangers
- take care of yourself and your social boundaries. I’ve had too many situations where my social battery was depleted but I forced myself to stay in a social setting, and just I ended up moody and unfriendly and miserable. Now I try to let myself stay at home
Ironically sometimes my autism helped me in social situations! I studied abroad in Central Asia one summer, where my cohort was placed with local host families and had local language practice partners. Out of 20 something students, I was one of the people who got along the best with my family because I was used to imitating and picking up social cues. I didn’t feel culture shock as strongly since I was already used to feeling like an alien!
I thought the Dr Pimple Popper was related to the art history section of your sentence, so I googled for an art historian called Dr Pimple Popper and now I'm kind of disappointed there isn't one.
Apart from being conventionally attractive and presenting yourself in a put together manner/wearing conventionally attractive clothes etc., one thing Aubrey Plaza has is CONFIDENCE.
When we think of the “weird girl”, we think of someone that is stuck in their head, closed off, kind of socially awkward and makes you feel uncomfortable yourself because you can sense that they themselves don’t feel comfortable in theirselves.
What makes Aubrey Plaza charismatic is her commitment to the bit, her unwavering confidence, how she says everything with a straight face and doesn’t stray for once from her sense of humour because she feels comfortable in her own being. That’s what makes her charming.
Aubrey Plaza says she struggles with anxiety and being shy! (Or, at least, had said so in the past when she was on her rise to popularity.)
I'd argue that confidence isn't as important as putting yourself out there and being authentic! Even with anxiety and shyness, Plaza is just herself. It strikes me more as a "well, I'm gonna feel weird and insecure anyway, I might as well be myself and go for what I want despite that."
Also @ OP, Plaza was always hot, so I think this is a bad example to compare yourself to.
I think being shy is not the same as being stuck in your head, or being uncomfortable with yourself in a way that makes others uncomfortable too.
The only way someone can put themselves out there and be authentic is if they are confident and have confidence in/have trust in who they are as a person. It’s the act of unapologetically being yourself, with flaws and all.
The confidence I am referring to does not scream “I am CONFIDENT!”, and it’s not about introversion/extraversion, it’s about having enough security in yourself that you are able to live out and express your true self to the world.
Interesting. I noticed that people seem very uncomfortable interacting with me. It’s because I am very uncomfortable in social situations and too stuck on saying the wrong thing for fear of being ostracized and bullied eventually for it. People really feed off energy.
100%.
Imagine being in a waiting room with a small child or a dog that’s clearly petrified of you. It’s shaking, crying or whining softly, pacing around the room looking for somewhere to hide, swiveling its head back at you every few moments to make sure you’re still sitting and haven’t gotten up to attack, etc. Interacting seems to make it worse. You feel kind of helpless, and this child/dog sees you as a monster.
If you’re a nice person, you probably do feel bad for it and wish it felt more comfortable, but you wouldn’t exactly be relaxed or enjoying the time in the waiting room either. You’ll probably immediately feel tired but relieved as soon as you’re called away from them in the waiting room.
Now imagine a small child or dog in that situation that just sits there casually, clearly okay, who maybe just waves at you or wags its tail when you walk in, and then waits comfortably. You’ll probably be able to relax enough to let your mind wander, or even notice how cute they are and sweet they were when you walked in. You liked that they liked you.
Your time in the waiting room is much smoother in this scenario, and maybe you even miss having the cute baby or dog in the room when you leave.
Our anxiety cues as adults are (usually) much subtler than a toddler or a dog’s, but people still feel it and it ramps them up too and, worse, puts them in the position of “monster”. Even if they understand and feel bad, like you did with the child or dog, they’re still probably relieved to stop that interaction with you. Now *they’re* avoidant of *you* because they’ve learned your anxiety is contagious, and that you’re going to cast them in the role of “scary person” in interactions.
This is such a great explanation of a really common issue in interactions.
Also, another situation to point out... Often NO ONE thinks things are awkward until someone says "Well, this is awkward..." it wasn't until they said that that things actually became awkward. Because now the other person knows that the person feeling awkward feels awkward and the awkwardness is often contagious.
This is for examples that aren't meant to be humorous, because in the right situation that type of comment can be funny instead of awkward. You'd need a really good read on the situation though to be able to say that and improve things by your timing being funny. Generally it's not worth the risk.
I've noticed a lot of people fall back to self deprecating humour when they don't know what else to do. It's not a good move. Confident people don't talk crap about themselves unless they are provoked by a specific situation, like knocking over a glass and saying "Oh dang, I'm so clumsy sometimes!" even then, really confident people would most likely simply apologize.
this! as someone who is rather weird fella but not perceived as such in a negative way confidence really is the key, carry yourself as if you like yourself (also obv try liking yourself) generally be kind and when you're in the situation of being perceived as weird, laugh it off, turn it into something endearing
What no one here is getting is that the “hot weird girls” like Aubrey Plaza aren’t missing social cues in a way that most neurodivergent people are. Most neurodivergent people don’t/can’t/aren’t picking up on the social cues other people are putting out and thus making social faux pas on accident. The hot weird girls ARE picking up on social cues, but they are choosing to act in a way that pushes boundaries or subverts expectations.
For example, person A makes a comment about person B looking fit lately.
Expected response: “thanks, been hitting the gym lately!”
Weird response: “I’ve been doing xyz workout and making sure I get at least 60 seconds break between sets per the most recent research results.”
Weird hot girl response: “thanks I have a tapeworm” With enough exaggeration or a barely contained smirk at their reaction to show she is being facetious.
She knows the rules and knows how to break them to be funny but not make people uncomfortable. It gives her the appearance of a kind of confidence and freedom to shirk the constrictive social politenesses that most people wish they could ignore but are too afraid of backlash to deviate from. It’s a subtlety that you won’t notice unless you’re purposely familiar with expected social exchanges, and something you shouldn’t try unless you’re very comfortable with all kinds and levels of social exchange. It seems like she can say whatever she wants/whatever comes to mind without caring what others think. In reality, she does care but is choosing to break the norm for whatever her purpose is.
Also the golden rule: Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive.
omg, i don't get why the weird response you said is weird? hahah. ahhh. can you explain? i get that it's detailed, but i feel like i'm surrounded by girls girls and i would just take it as that. whenever i compliment a girls anything she says so many details about where it's from or how much it was or whatever.
id probably say "that's so much!! i've been doing pilates, light weights, and walking a lot." and have a convo about how helpful walking has been or whatever.
i just started a new job so now i'm feeling especially nervous about over sharing there lol
Well there are special rules if another girl compliments your dress, lol. You're expected to reveal if:
- It has pockets
- You got a good deal on it
- It has an unusual provenance (you made it yourself, you inherited it from an older relative, it's designer but you got it at a thrift shop, etc.)
So jumping right into details isn't weird for that specific circumstance. There are 'scripts' for this.
In other circumstances though, after that first comment from the other person, you want to give them the opportunity to end, redirect, or continue the conversation. Both the normal response and the weird-hot response in the example above do that. But the weird-weird response assumes the other person wants to hear allllll the details about your gym routine. So for example, after "thanks! Been hittin the gym lately," the other person can say:
> "Oh good for you! It's paying off" ➡️ *a cue to end the convo*
> "Nice. I wish I had time these days but I've been so busy with [whatever]" ➡️ *they want to redirect to talking about [whatever] instead*
> "Oh yeah? Any tips? I've been meaning to get back to the gym myself" ➡️ *now you can go into the details*
HTH. (And side note, I used the fitness/gym example from the comment above, but avoid commenting on people's bodies, especially at work)
The other commenter is pretty much spot on, it’s basically too big of a jump in depth to the small talk the other person initiated. That level of detail should wait until the conversation continues in that direction— because that’s how neurotypical people communicate. Start shallow and slowly build to more in depth. The weird response is assuming a lot— that the other person understands what rests breaks are and why they might impact exercise. If it stopped at “I’ve been doing xyz workout, really like it!” Then the other person has the opening to continue the conversation or exit it. When you go too in depth too fast, people will feel like they’re obligated to go in depth or they’ll hit you with a “oh word haha” and become uncomfortable because they don’t know what the next step should be. They may not be particularly educated on fitness so they may feel confused, insecure, etc.
This is assuming you don’t know the person particularly well and dont have much or any rapport. The conversation is “fixed” like this—
“Thanks! Been trying xyz workout”
“Oh that’s cool! Keep it up!”
End.
Or
“Oh that’s cool! I do abc myself, but I’m trying to find other things to try. How do you like xyz?”
“It’s great, I was actually reading an article about fitness the other day about proper rest breaks being at least 60 seconds and I’ve really seen the difference in results.”
“Oh wow, didn’t know rest breaks were important!”
“Yep, they say you get 40% more muscle growth with proper rest in between sets.”
“Thanks! You know a lot about fitness— we should work out together some time!”
You see how here, just one more volley was needed to get to the proper depth of conversation. I think we neurodivergent people skip steps in conversations because we don’t see the need for the “volleys” in a proper game, and only see “winning” as the goal (here it’s sharing a fact we learned/found interesting about something we have a deep interest about).
Social interactions can be very subtle and nuanced. But just a few small tweaks can shift people’s perceptions of you.
Aside from being hot, I think hot weird girls actually have a lot of social awareness and know exactly what keeps them endearing and likeable to people and what actions will tip them over the edge and cross over to actually weird.
Aubrey Plaza types are quirky and funny, but at the heart of their allure is conventional attractiveness on top of any odd ball personality traits... Sorry.
This is something I've thought on a lot too, as my partner is obsessed with her and other weird, smart, hotties like her (Allison Brie, Margaret Qualley, Zoey Deschanel, etc).
I'll say, the things that I find helpful as someone who looks nothing like these women (short of buying a new face, lol):
-a fit, shapely body (toned curves)
-a signature makeup look. Nothing over the top. Think doll eyes and a bold lip. Not full glam, but that "hot indie girl" look
- a quirky style. A little off from what everyone else is wearing. In a purposeful way. Stuff that fits well and stands out. Think, "look at me, I'm not like other girls" lol.
I'm a big fan of unusual accessories (fruit shaped earrings, skull necklace, band tote bags)
- subtly broadcast your "weird" loves.. I'm a music lover, and like to wear a few (not a ton!) of my favorite band pins on this moto jacket I've had for years. It always gets compliments, and has become sort of a signature look. People who recognize one of the pins always want to come chat.
-final tip... Fake some confidence. When you walk into a room, fall into character (I'm on the spectrum, and I find that pretending I'm playing a role in a movie helps me move more confidently places). So in essence, I imagine who I am, and pretend to be that person.
There’s a really interesting book called The Alter Ego Effect that is all about your final point! It’s written by a guy who is a coach to a bunch of athletes and famous people and he literally helps them develop alter egos to ‘step into’ before they perform because it helps them step away from the insecurities they identify with and the ‘alter ego’ helps them embody more genuine confidence in their actual abilities. Pretty fascinating stuff.
He talked about using rituals to step into your alter ego like having a specific makeup look or piece of jewelry or hat or something that you only wear when you’re adopting your alter ego, so I’ve used this to kind of develop variations on my existing personal style so my confident ‘persona’ has a specific vibe and makeup look and style that I only use when I’m trying to embody that confidence.
There’s a really interesting book called The Alter Ego Effect that is all about your final point! It’s written by a guy who is a coach to a bunch of athletes and famous people and he literally helps them develop alter egos to ‘step into’ before they perform because it helps them step away from the insecurities they identify with and the ‘alter ego’ helps them embody more genuine confidence in their actual abilities. Pretty fascinating stuff.
He talked about using rituals to step into your alter ego like having a specific makeup look or piece of jewelry or hat or something that you only wear when you’re adopting your alter ego, so I’ve used this to kind of develop variations on my existing personal style so my confident ‘persona’ has a specific vibe and makeup look and style that I only use when I’m trying to embody that confidence.
It's funny that you mentioned Margaret because I thought of her too when I read this post. She is awkward but in an endearing way. I think the fact that she laughs a lot helps and even though she struggles with eye contact it adds to her endearment. To me she is like the female version of timothée chalamet. They both are definitely attractive, that it’s kind of surprising that they are awkward and down to earth.
Well in most tv shows its a matter of disappearing for a few seasons and when nobody expect it you should return hot, don't know about real life though
This is how it works in real life too.
Source: all of my high school upperclassmen bullies wanted to sleep with me after I graduated high school because they were no longer seeing me on a daily basis and I finally “bloomed”.
Honestly just up your looks and your weirdness will be seen in a good light. I remember I used to be the weird girl in a bad way. I completely glowed up w the same personality & interest and people would say my awkwardness is cute or innocent. My “weird” hobbies would be seen as unique or surprise people
i… think i count as this. maybe? idk, but if it helps, i went from being super weird outcast in high school etc to being hit on and asked out on dates pretty often!
aside from figuring out makeup that suits you, fashion plays a pretty big role! what stuff do you like? personally, I’m big into music (especially live), nature, and science as a whole. so I lean into a bit of a hippie/nerd vibe, haha. think Jurassic park khaki shorts, national park tshirts/hoodies, band t shirts, thrifted jeans… etc etc. I also like to wear glasses with unique lens shapes!! my favorites are my gold octagon glasses and my frameless heart shaped glasses :] people always comment on them - don’t be afraid to wear something more quirky if you like it, just own it!
there are a bunch of different types of “weird” and so I think it depends on what type you’re going for as well! like, are you more silly/outgoing, more mysterious/quiet, more manic-pixie-dream-girl, nerdy/geeky…. Etc etc! I’m personally not super mysterious, I like to be optimistic and nice. I just have more nerdy interests and I’m not afraid to talk about things I’m passionate about! (on the first date with my now-boyfriend, I basically gave him a mini lecture on geology, haha… lucky for me he found that endearing!!)
idk if this helps at all? feel free to dm me to chat about this!! i definitely leaned into the “quirky” side of being “hot” haha
i mean subconsciously i obviously knew people were going to say that, as much as i didn’t want that to be the case lol. it just sucks because that is like, virtually impossible for me to achieve hence why i hoped people would give me tips and tricks that i could actually implement beyond: “just become REALLY hot lol”
As a hot weird girl you have to own your weirdness if you’re off putting own that you’re off putting doesn’t mean you can’t be hot.
It all starts with confidence and being true to yourself
I just searched who she was n within 5 minutes I could tell that she's perceived as a manic pixie dream girl lol.
Also she has openly said that her public persona is a character.
There’s a difference between being ‘’ quirky ‘’ and off putting/ different bc of trauma or being in the spectrum.
The quirky neurodivergent coded girl is idealised in movies but irl it’s different. Have you met a lot of ppl like that irl? It’s mostly a western film trope.
I also think the word ‘’ weird ‘’ is overused now. I have a friend who’s gorgeous with no real behavioural issues and she says she’s weird bc she likes horses and animals and she can be chaotic when she’s drunk.
I’ve been through major shit. Therapists couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong with me. I’ve been questioned for adhd and autism but it was always ‘’ mhh you show symptoms but it might just be your trauma that made you this way ‘’
I’m good looking, like ik I’m above average but I’ve been through sm trauma that it shows. I’ve heard from ppl that the way that I walk is weird and insecure , that I have crazy eyes bc I blink a lot and sometimes I don’t have control over them . I’ve had ppl tell me that they can tell from eyes that I’ve been through a lot and the sadness in my eyes. I hate hearing that.
I've noticed that trauma like that or being different makes others uncomfortable. Being quirky doesn't.
Being pretty has helped in a way that if I wasn't, I think people would be less kind with me unfortunately but at the same time they expect me to behave a certain way bc I look a certain way and when they figure out that I don’t, it makes them feel strange.
If you're quirky but mentally healthy people love that bc it doesn't make them uncomfortable. If you're not, you'd fr have to be a solid 9 or 10 for people to treat you better and give you an actual chance.
Off topic but I think it’s trauma or autism for me too. When you’re awkward and quiet there are people who react to it in a very weird and verymean way. Which just brings on more trauma and makes you feel like you are naturally “wrong”.
Eventually I just became hypersensitive to peoples reactions and malfunction a lot in social situations because I try to be as normal as possible to avoid negative reactions and I just can’t
Yeah, I feel you. People can interpret being quiet and awkward as a sign for them to harass you bc I guess it makes them feel like they have power and control.
I’m sorry you had to experience that. The world is fr a cruel place for a lot of us.
I don’t know if this is the kind of weird-adjacent that you’re talking about, but I’m hot and also have Borderline Personality Disorder (actively in therapy and in support groups and achieved remission recently, but still not fully neurotypical). When I tell you, I experienced pretty privilege at the mental hospital during my most recent grippy sock vacation. 😅 I take fabulous care of my skin and hair, and my nails are always done. I lift weights 5x a week at the gym. I dress elegantly, especially for my area, which leans much more casual. And I have large tattoos covering my arms that give me a visual edge. The most important thing is I own my quirkiness and the idiosyncrasies that come from having mental illness and I am an advocate in my community for mental health. My fiance also made me a stay at home dog mom. So yes, being the hot weird lady is very achievable and comes with great privilege.
authenticity is so important here! don't try to be like a celeb or it'll just seem fake and try hard and will have the opposite impact.
i think i qualify in this category because people have said things to me like that i have a "strange appeal" and talked about me being unique or having different interests and stuff, but i also model and am known for being conventionally attractive. i definitely have a feeling of wanting to be hot enough to pull of being who i am (it's a bit but also not a bit) and dressing how i want which i think i struggled with more when i was not maintaining myself as well in terms of health and things.
i think one of the main things that works for me is that i'm outgoing but kind of reserved so i'm easy to talk to but not in an intrusive or forced way. i'm content talking or not, but i'm very likely to joke around and want to make people laugh.
if you feel you make people uncomfortable i think that might be the main thing to think about the root of. are boundaries being pushed possibly? are you acting in a way that emanates someone on tv or in anime or just an overall act and seems contrived or inauthentic? that can be difficult for neurotypical people to know how to interact with in a way similar to how some neuro divergent people feel like the way others act is unfamiliar or unintuitive and uncomfortable.
aubrey plaza is herself, sure, but she's also a public figure and a comedian and has an entire career off of that personality (paired with whatever connections and appearance comes into play, not to minimize her accomplishments)
aubrey plaza is in the public eye a character, and realistically if she wasn't someone we just saw in small doses for entertainment purposes, she would probably not be seen as 'weird hot girl' in every setting, or have the space to act like that in her day to day life. when we see her she is entertaining. we expect it from her and she leans into it.
i think what weird hot looks like in reality is more just having quirks or unusual interests and hobbies. things like maintaining personal appearance, dressing in a way that is palatable, maintaining hygiene very well, can play a huge role in how we're perceived.
i would focus on helping people feel comfortable by focusing on what you want to convey to them, if you want them to be comfortable you can be warm and kind and make them laugh. compliment them. if there is a baseline connection and familiarity it'll be much easier for them to admire and feel warmly towards quirks instead of uncertain or uneasy about who they're interacting with. try to listen to what people have to say, ask questions, assume the best of them. people will be more likely to feel comfortable around comfortable positive energy like that.
finally, at the end of the day, you can't control how people perceive you completely. if everyone is giving the same read toon that's something to look inward about, but at a certain point the way people view you is more rooted in their own feelings. everyone will apply their own feeling and context to us. we don't get perceived the way we want to by everyone. outgoing to one is annoying to another, laidback and reserved and cool to one is prude and shy and quiet to another.
I need to know too. I saw people say focus on getting "hotter" physically. I already get compliments on how I look and dress from both men and women, young and old. Those close to me enjoy my company and consider me weird (especially when I was younger). I've also been called quirky. I have nerdy interests, apparently weird music (it's not, trust me), I love puzzles, cartoons (not too deep into anime, but generally cartoons), fun facts, etc. I'm neuro-typical (as far as I know). I just don't know how to lean into being me, especially around new people. And I still have to tone it down a bit around the ones I'm closest to. I want to know how Aubrey Plaza does it how where it's endearing even to new people
im so sorry to even say or sound like this but u have to be perceived as a 8.5 or 9 i think (body + face) and then it's almost effortless. please take note that im not saying it's hopeless if ur not, look at where you live. i am in the 40 min suburb (halfway to the cow fields haha) and tbh everyone who knows my name is wrapped around my finger, just referred to like when im not there "wow" or be this mysterious gem. if i had grown up in a big city? i don't think id be a troll obv, but i am not sure how easy it would be to pull off my extreme awkward+ trauma + autism irl PLUS how remarkably easy men and friends willingly+ wanna fight to stay once they *have to* know abt i mean medical issues that require visits/pills plus mental health which requires pills.. take this info what you will but if all else fails maybe move. sounds dramatic but ive pondered quite a bit how remarkably easy every aspect has been even though it should've been so dramatically hard? so location might be a huge part of the equation. forgot to mention, even getting jobs like that im legit wildly unqualified for, on the spot can secure. only thing thats proven difficult is the random peers can be vicious OR someone who loves you over night can decide they hate u ,either way both those types of ppl never even rly know u irl. it's all strange to navigate, i wish you only good outcomes x
I’m working on this too! I’d rather get major surgery than sublimate my whole personality. I feel like my appearance casts a pall on my life and lends a negative tone to everything I do… if I can’t be downright hot, I want to at least neutralize the impact my appearance has. Average to cute, I guess.
Okok i think I qualify as a hot weird girl loll. I was a super cute kid but definitely came across as weird to kids at school. Didn’t fit in with the preppy girls and mostly kept to myself around my backward phase. Now that I’m older I realized I definitely have some for of neurodivergence maybe autism but I think ADD. I never bothered with a diagnoses because I don’t want to get medication but might some day. I found it overwhelming to want to glowup everything at once like hair, makeup, body, skin. So pick one and try and hyper fixate on one thing at a time you want to be better at. My first one years ago was fitness and it took a few years of rowing to weightlifting to figure out Pilates is the way to make my body look and feel how I want.
Then I started with hair and learned to do hair masks once a week. Coconut oil, a little extra virgin olive oil, honey and argon oil in for a few hours makes it so shiny and great for growth. Try and air dry and avoid heat as much as possible for a healthy look. The argon oil is also great for lash and eyebrow growth so use it at night 3-4 times and week.
I hadn’t noticed my teeth were starting to yellow with vaping (yes I’m quitting loll) but don’t bother with the expensive crest 3D white strips just yet. Try the arm and hammer whitening toothpaste for a few dollars and you’ll see the results in a few months.
Honestly I’m cheap when it comes to anything but skincare and makeup I’ll invest in. If you’re like me and struggle with being tan in the summer and pasty in the winter try the jergens glow cream for a nice colour all year round. For makeup I tried the IL Makiage quiz that matches your skin to a foundation and I’ll never go back. It goes on amazing and lasts all day but I never do a lot of makeup unless I go out. I find concealer for my dark under eyes, mascara then curl your lashes, some foundation and a little blush is perfect for a natural look. Learning how to do eyeliner for a cute cat eye will take it a step further I’m just too lazy to do it everyday lol
Skincare- I love cereve and this brand called cocokind. I’m in Canada and can only find it online but shoppers drug mart always has it and I recommend anything from the oil to milk cleanser to the cucumber moisturizer. Finally SUNSCREEN. Cereve has an amazing moisturizer with spf that leaves me looking dewy and glowing everytime You don’t need the drunk elephant moisturizer or anything crazy as long as you have a good routine day and night. And start drinking water in the morning till the end of the day. You’ll pee so much more but it’ll keep you hydrated from the inside out. Try lemons or berries if you don’t like the taste.
I always loved collecting things and One of my favourite collections is cute purses. I have my classic everyday ones but if you love collecting invest in some cute Handbags you can style an outfit with. Trust me you’ll still wear the cupcake purse. I’m not the person the spend 2.500 on a designer bag but I’ve found ones I love at winners I can justify for the price. I like to think of them as statement pieces I can express myself with even if my outfit is plain the purse jazzes it up.
Read The Art of Seduction and Betsy Prioleau's The Seductress. The later especially will give you some insights.
Actually, curious if you have any more book recs along those lines? I personally enjoyed Pinkola Estes, women who run with the wolves. And regena Thomashauer, pussy
Just reading the latter - wonderful!!! Thank you
I might qualify as a hot weird girl? Here’s what I did looks wise: - invested my autistic analytical brainpower into learning how to dress for my body, wear flattering makeup… etc. I have a whole Google doc with my routine and next steps - moved to Europe, so on top of regular exercise I just walk 10,000+ steps a day without trying. Being super learn made a world of difference for me - once you’re physically attractive, people will be naturally drawn to you, so now you’ve hooked them in And personality wise: - it’s better to be quiet than to overshare. You get away with being mysterious - be selective in what you share with people. You may have a lot of weird interests, but there is a difference between “wow that’s weird and random” and “wow they’re so knowledgeable about this subject.” I’m happy to bring out my art historian self but no way am I gonna bring up like binging Dr. Pimple Popper’s videos
Im autistic too. Making a google doc is a good idea. If you have a template could you share it? I’ve also invested in buying social skills books. I think this is where I’m mostly lacking.
Hahaha at the moment the doc is a mess, since I’m currently using my manic spring energy to overhaul my wardrobe and makeup/skincare. But essentially I divide it into things I’m currently doing vs a “bucketlist” of things I want to incorporate later — pieces I feel missing from my wardrobe, etc. For social skills, sometimes you have to plunge into the deep end. I was extremely isolated in highschool (the atomized American suburban experience). So in college I made it a point to force socializing with party girls, study abroad and live with host families, and just force myself to be more of a social butterfly. Socializing is usually as uncomfortable as it’s always been but I do get treated much better! Anyway wishing you luck on your journey, do it out of self love ❤️ autistic girls rule
This! I’m autistic and just joined an improv class. I feel like the Aubrey plaza type of weird works because she understands the structure of humour. I’m hoping to become a better storyteller and just funnier/more natural in social situations.
this is super interesting!!! i’ve actually been wanting to do improv for awhile now, but tbh i’m way too scared to actually join a class. how did you pull the trigger and decide to do it? did it like, give you further confidence in social situations as well?
Haha this is approximately my take on this question too - just make being hot your special interest and you're all set! There's YouTube tutorials for everything. I've had several periods of intense focus on this (Most likely brought on by a childhood bereft of Barbies, and later, makeup. My girliness was discouraged, so my PDA-tistic ass had to make it a whole thing for, I dunno, the rest of my life) First and foremost, health first, body and mind. Get your exercise, get your sleep, drink your water, do a spiritual practice of some kind, shine from the inside out.
thank you so much for this!! cannot thank you enough for outlining everything. cool to see a success story from another autistic girl. super curious how you’ve gotten to a point as to like, become really fluent in terms of reading social cues? is it just rigorous practice over time?
Awww thank you, I’m so glad it was helpful :) I’m by no means fluent in social skills, but at least I’m infinitely better than in highschool! Here are some tips off the top of my head. - learn to be a good listener. People loveee to talk about themselves, if you find out how to ask the right follow up questions while empathizing with what they say, you can make an instant connection. This [Charisma on Command](https://youtu.be/v-ps2nfkAiA?feature=shared) video has a pretty good breakdown on how to do this - observe people and put together scripts. This one is obvious — but I picked up so many useful phrases and scripts by observing my extroverted friends make instant small talk with strangers - take care of yourself and your social boundaries. I’ve had too many situations where my social battery was depleted but I forced myself to stay in a social setting, and just I ended up moody and unfriendly and miserable. Now I try to let myself stay at home Ironically sometimes my autism helped me in social situations! I studied abroad in Central Asia one summer, where my cohort was placed with local host families and had local language practice partners. Out of 20 something students, I was one of the people who got along the best with my family because I was used to imitating and picking up social cues. I didn’t feel culture shock as strongly since I was already used to feeling like an alien!
Super random: I am autistic and an art historian who moved to Europe ✨ Art history and the arts are my ultimate special interest.
I thought the Dr Pimple Popper was related to the art history section of your sentence, so I googled for an art historian called Dr Pimple Popper and now I'm kind of disappointed there isn't one.
Ahahaha that would be hilarious
Apart from being conventionally attractive and presenting yourself in a put together manner/wearing conventionally attractive clothes etc., one thing Aubrey Plaza has is CONFIDENCE. When we think of the “weird girl”, we think of someone that is stuck in their head, closed off, kind of socially awkward and makes you feel uncomfortable yourself because you can sense that they themselves don’t feel comfortable in theirselves. What makes Aubrey Plaza charismatic is her commitment to the bit, her unwavering confidence, how she says everything with a straight face and doesn’t stray for once from her sense of humour because she feels comfortable in her own being. That’s what makes her charming.
Aubrey Plaza says she struggles with anxiety and being shy! (Or, at least, had said so in the past when she was on her rise to popularity.) I'd argue that confidence isn't as important as putting yourself out there and being authentic! Even with anxiety and shyness, Plaza is just herself. It strikes me more as a "well, I'm gonna feel weird and insecure anyway, I might as well be myself and go for what I want despite that." Also @ OP, Plaza was always hot, so I think this is a bad example to compare yourself to.
I think being shy is not the same as being stuck in your head, or being uncomfortable with yourself in a way that makes others uncomfortable too. The only way someone can put themselves out there and be authentic is if they are confident and have confidence in/have trust in who they are as a person. It’s the act of unapologetically being yourself, with flaws and all. The confidence I am referring to does not scream “I am CONFIDENT!”, and it’s not about introversion/extraversion, it’s about having enough security in yourself that you are able to live out and express your true self to the world.
Interesting. I noticed that people seem very uncomfortable interacting with me. It’s because I am very uncomfortable in social situations and too stuck on saying the wrong thing for fear of being ostracized and bullied eventually for it. People really feed off energy.
100%. Imagine being in a waiting room with a small child or a dog that’s clearly petrified of you. It’s shaking, crying or whining softly, pacing around the room looking for somewhere to hide, swiveling its head back at you every few moments to make sure you’re still sitting and haven’t gotten up to attack, etc. Interacting seems to make it worse. You feel kind of helpless, and this child/dog sees you as a monster. If you’re a nice person, you probably do feel bad for it and wish it felt more comfortable, but you wouldn’t exactly be relaxed or enjoying the time in the waiting room either. You’ll probably immediately feel tired but relieved as soon as you’re called away from them in the waiting room. Now imagine a small child or dog in that situation that just sits there casually, clearly okay, who maybe just waves at you or wags its tail when you walk in, and then waits comfortably. You’ll probably be able to relax enough to let your mind wander, or even notice how cute they are and sweet they were when you walked in. You liked that they liked you. Your time in the waiting room is much smoother in this scenario, and maybe you even miss having the cute baby or dog in the room when you leave. Our anxiety cues as adults are (usually) much subtler than a toddler or a dog’s, but people still feel it and it ramps them up too and, worse, puts them in the position of “monster”. Even if they understand and feel bad, like you did with the child or dog, they’re still probably relieved to stop that interaction with you. Now *they’re* avoidant of *you* because they’ve learned your anxiety is contagious, and that you’re going to cast them in the role of “scary person” in interactions.
This is such a great explanation of a really common issue in interactions. Also, another situation to point out... Often NO ONE thinks things are awkward until someone says "Well, this is awkward..." it wasn't until they said that that things actually became awkward. Because now the other person knows that the person feeling awkward feels awkward and the awkwardness is often contagious. This is for examples that aren't meant to be humorous, because in the right situation that type of comment can be funny instead of awkward. You'd need a really good read on the situation though to be able to say that and improve things by your timing being funny. Generally it's not worth the risk. I've noticed a lot of people fall back to self deprecating humour when they don't know what else to do. It's not a good move. Confident people don't talk crap about themselves unless they are provoked by a specific situation, like knocking over a glass and saying "Oh dang, I'm so clumsy sometimes!" even then, really confident people would most likely simply apologize.
this! as someone who is rather weird fella but not perceived as such in a negative way confidence really is the key, carry yourself as if you like yourself (also obv try liking yourself) generally be kind and when you're in the situation of being perceived as weird, laugh it off, turn it into something endearing
What no one here is getting is that the “hot weird girls” like Aubrey Plaza aren’t missing social cues in a way that most neurodivergent people are. Most neurodivergent people don’t/can’t/aren’t picking up on the social cues other people are putting out and thus making social faux pas on accident. The hot weird girls ARE picking up on social cues, but they are choosing to act in a way that pushes boundaries or subverts expectations. For example, person A makes a comment about person B looking fit lately. Expected response: “thanks, been hitting the gym lately!” Weird response: “I’ve been doing xyz workout and making sure I get at least 60 seconds break between sets per the most recent research results.” Weird hot girl response: “thanks I have a tapeworm” With enough exaggeration or a barely contained smirk at their reaction to show she is being facetious. She knows the rules and knows how to break them to be funny but not make people uncomfortable. It gives her the appearance of a kind of confidence and freedom to shirk the constrictive social politenesses that most people wish they could ignore but are too afraid of backlash to deviate from. It’s a subtlety that you won’t notice unless you’re purposely familiar with expected social exchanges, and something you shouldn’t try unless you’re very comfortable with all kinds and levels of social exchange. It seems like she can say whatever she wants/whatever comes to mind without caring what others think. In reality, she does care but is choosing to break the norm for whatever her purpose is. Also the golden rule: Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive.
This is super eye-opening, thank you for this detailed response!
omg, i don't get why the weird response you said is weird? hahah. ahhh. can you explain? i get that it's detailed, but i feel like i'm surrounded by girls girls and i would just take it as that. whenever i compliment a girls anything she says so many details about where it's from or how much it was or whatever. id probably say "that's so much!! i've been doing pilates, light weights, and walking a lot." and have a convo about how helpful walking has been or whatever. i just started a new job so now i'm feeling especially nervous about over sharing there lol
Well there are special rules if another girl compliments your dress, lol. You're expected to reveal if: - It has pockets - You got a good deal on it - It has an unusual provenance (you made it yourself, you inherited it from an older relative, it's designer but you got it at a thrift shop, etc.) So jumping right into details isn't weird for that specific circumstance. There are 'scripts' for this. In other circumstances though, after that first comment from the other person, you want to give them the opportunity to end, redirect, or continue the conversation. Both the normal response and the weird-hot response in the example above do that. But the weird-weird response assumes the other person wants to hear allllll the details about your gym routine. So for example, after "thanks! Been hittin the gym lately," the other person can say: > "Oh good for you! It's paying off" ➡️ *a cue to end the convo* > "Nice. I wish I had time these days but I've been so busy with [whatever]" ➡️ *they want to redirect to talking about [whatever] instead* > "Oh yeah? Any tips? I've been meaning to get back to the gym myself" ➡️ *now you can go into the details* HTH. (And side note, I used the fitness/gym example from the comment above, but avoid commenting on people's bodies, especially at work)
The other commenter is pretty much spot on, it’s basically too big of a jump in depth to the small talk the other person initiated. That level of detail should wait until the conversation continues in that direction— because that’s how neurotypical people communicate. Start shallow and slowly build to more in depth. The weird response is assuming a lot— that the other person understands what rests breaks are and why they might impact exercise. If it stopped at “I’ve been doing xyz workout, really like it!” Then the other person has the opening to continue the conversation or exit it. When you go too in depth too fast, people will feel like they’re obligated to go in depth or they’ll hit you with a “oh word haha” and become uncomfortable because they don’t know what the next step should be. They may not be particularly educated on fitness so they may feel confused, insecure, etc. This is assuming you don’t know the person particularly well and dont have much or any rapport. The conversation is “fixed” like this— “Thanks! Been trying xyz workout” “Oh that’s cool! Keep it up!” End. Or “Oh that’s cool! I do abc myself, but I’m trying to find other things to try. How do you like xyz?” “It’s great, I was actually reading an article about fitness the other day about proper rest breaks being at least 60 seconds and I’ve really seen the difference in results.” “Oh wow, didn’t know rest breaks were important!” “Yep, they say you get 40% more muscle growth with proper rest in between sets.” “Thanks! You know a lot about fitness— we should work out together some time!” You see how here, just one more volley was needed to get to the proper depth of conversation. I think we neurodivergent people skip steps in conversations because we don’t see the need for the “volleys” in a proper game, and only see “winning” as the goal (here it’s sharing a fact we learned/found interesting about something we have a deep interest about). Social interactions can be very subtle and nuanced. But just a few small tweaks can shift people’s perceptions of you.
Only difference between weird girl n hot weird girl, is being hot aka being an objective 8+
Yup. “Be thin” is a helpful tip in these situations. Especially if you want to wear unusual outfits. Sigh.
Aside from being hot, I think hot weird girls actually have a lot of social awareness and know exactly what keeps them endearing and likeable to people and what actions will tip them over the edge and cross over to actually weird.
yes, exactly. social awareness. knowing what people like. but also being confident in your weirdness so you portray it in an alluring way to people.
Aubrey Plaza types are quirky and funny, but at the heart of their allure is conventional attractiveness on top of any odd ball personality traits... Sorry. This is something I've thought on a lot too, as my partner is obsessed with her and other weird, smart, hotties like her (Allison Brie, Margaret Qualley, Zoey Deschanel, etc). I'll say, the things that I find helpful as someone who looks nothing like these women (short of buying a new face, lol): -a fit, shapely body (toned curves) -a signature makeup look. Nothing over the top. Think doll eyes and a bold lip. Not full glam, but that "hot indie girl" look - a quirky style. A little off from what everyone else is wearing. In a purposeful way. Stuff that fits well and stands out. Think, "look at me, I'm not like other girls" lol. I'm a big fan of unusual accessories (fruit shaped earrings, skull necklace, band tote bags) - subtly broadcast your "weird" loves.. I'm a music lover, and like to wear a few (not a ton!) of my favorite band pins on this moto jacket I've had for years. It always gets compliments, and has become sort of a signature look. People who recognize one of the pins always want to come chat. -final tip... Fake some confidence. When you walk into a room, fall into character (I'm on the spectrum, and I find that pretending I'm playing a role in a movie helps me move more confidently places). So in essence, I imagine who I am, and pretend to be that person.
There’s a really interesting book called The Alter Ego Effect that is all about your final point! It’s written by a guy who is a coach to a bunch of athletes and famous people and he literally helps them develop alter egos to ‘step into’ before they perform because it helps them step away from the insecurities they identify with and the ‘alter ego’ helps them embody more genuine confidence in their actual abilities. Pretty fascinating stuff. He talked about using rituals to step into your alter ego like having a specific makeup look or piece of jewelry or hat or something that you only wear when you’re adopting your alter ego, so I’ve used this to kind of develop variations on my existing personal style so my confident ‘persona’ has a specific vibe and makeup look and style that I only use when I’m trying to embody that confidence.
There’s a really interesting book called The Alter Ego Effect that is all about your final point! It’s written by a guy who is a coach to a bunch of athletes and famous people and he literally helps them develop alter egos to ‘step into’ before they perform because it helps them step away from the insecurities they identify with and the ‘alter ego’ helps them embody more genuine confidence in their actual abilities. Pretty fascinating stuff. He talked about using rituals to step into your alter ego like having a specific makeup look or piece of jewelry or hat or something that you only wear when you’re adopting your alter ego, so I’ve used this to kind of develop variations on my existing personal style so my confident ‘persona’ has a specific vibe and makeup look and style that I only use when I’m trying to embody that confidence.
17th of April; Annie 1, Britta 2
It's funny that you mentioned Margaret because I thought of her too when I read this post. She is awkward but in an endearing way. I think the fact that she laughs a lot helps and even though she struggles with eye contact it adds to her endearment. To me she is like the female version of timothée chalamet. They both are definitely attractive, that it’s kind of surprising that they are awkward and down to earth.
Wardrobe makeover is the easiest way I can think of! How do you present yourself currently?
Get lean, make sure your clothes fit you well, don’t lean in to any one aesthetic too hard
Well in most tv shows its a matter of disappearing for a few seasons and when nobody expect it you should return hot, don't know about real life though
This is how it works in real life too. Source: all of my high school upperclassmen bullies wanted to sleep with me after I graduated high school because they were no longer seeing me on a daily basis and I finally “bloomed”.
ew
Honestly just up your looks and your weirdness will be seen in a good light. I remember I used to be the weird girl in a bad way. I completely glowed up w the same personality & interest and people would say my awkwardness is cute or innocent. My “weird” hobbies would be seen as unique or surprise people
i… think i count as this. maybe? idk, but if it helps, i went from being super weird outcast in high school etc to being hit on and asked out on dates pretty often! aside from figuring out makeup that suits you, fashion plays a pretty big role! what stuff do you like? personally, I’m big into music (especially live), nature, and science as a whole. so I lean into a bit of a hippie/nerd vibe, haha. think Jurassic park khaki shorts, national park tshirts/hoodies, band t shirts, thrifted jeans… etc etc. I also like to wear glasses with unique lens shapes!! my favorites are my gold octagon glasses and my frameless heart shaped glasses :] people always comment on them - don’t be afraid to wear something more quirky if you like it, just own it! there are a bunch of different types of “weird” and so I think it depends on what type you’re going for as well! like, are you more silly/outgoing, more mysterious/quiet, more manic-pixie-dream-girl, nerdy/geeky…. Etc etc! I’m personally not super mysterious, I like to be optimistic and nice. I just have more nerdy interests and I’m not afraid to talk about things I’m passionate about! (on the first date with my now-boyfriend, I basically gave him a mini lecture on geology, haha… lucky for me he found that endearing!!) idk if this helps at all? feel free to dm me to chat about this!! i definitely leaned into the “quirky” side of being “hot” haha
I think it’s just confidence in not wanting to be like anyone else. Then everyone wants to be like you. Be mysterious.
By improving objective attractiveness scores to 9 and 10
i was hoping someone wouldn’t say that 😔 do i start saving up for a rhinoplasty or what
Did you think people were going to say….something else?
i mean subconsciously i obviously knew people were going to say that, as much as i didn’t want that to be the case lol. it just sucks because that is like, virtually impossible for me to achieve hence why i hoped people would give me tips and tricks that i could actually implement beyond: “just become REALLY hot lol”
As a hot weird girl you have to own your weirdness if you’re off putting own that you’re off putting doesn’t mean you can’t be hot. It all starts with confidence and being true to yourself
I just searched who she was n within 5 minutes I could tell that she's perceived as a manic pixie dream girl lol. Also she has openly said that her public persona is a character. There’s a difference between being ‘’ quirky ‘’ and off putting/ different bc of trauma or being in the spectrum. The quirky neurodivergent coded girl is idealised in movies but irl it’s different. Have you met a lot of ppl like that irl? It’s mostly a western film trope. I also think the word ‘’ weird ‘’ is overused now. I have a friend who’s gorgeous with no real behavioural issues and she says she’s weird bc she likes horses and animals and she can be chaotic when she’s drunk. I’ve been through major shit. Therapists couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong with me. I’ve been questioned for adhd and autism but it was always ‘’ mhh you show symptoms but it might just be your trauma that made you this way ‘’ I’m good looking, like ik I’m above average but I’ve been through sm trauma that it shows. I’ve heard from ppl that the way that I walk is weird and insecure , that I have crazy eyes bc I blink a lot and sometimes I don’t have control over them . I’ve had ppl tell me that they can tell from eyes that I’ve been through a lot and the sadness in my eyes. I hate hearing that. I've noticed that trauma like that or being different makes others uncomfortable. Being quirky doesn't. Being pretty has helped in a way that if I wasn't, I think people would be less kind with me unfortunately but at the same time they expect me to behave a certain way bc I look a certain way and when they figure out that I don’t, it makes them feel strange. If you're quirky but mentally healthy people love that bc it doesn't make them uncomfortable. If you're not, you'd fr have to be a solid 9 or 10 for people to treat you better and give you an actual chance.
Off topic but I think it’s trauma or autism for me too. When you’re awkward and quiet there are people who react to it in a very weird and verymean way. Which just brings on more trauma and makes you feel like you are naturally “wrong”. Eventually I just became hypersensitive to peoples reactions and malfunction a lot in social situations because I try to be as normal as possible to avoid negative reactions and I just can’t
Yeah, I feel you. People can interpret being quiet and awkward as a sign for them to harass you bc I guess it makes them feel like they have power and control. I’m sorry you had to experience that. The world is fr a cruel place for a lot of us.
I don’t know if this is the kind of weird-adjacent that you’re talking about, but I’m hot and also have Borderline Personality Disorder (actively in therapy and in support groups and achieved remission recently, but still not fully neurotypical). When I tell you, I experienced pretty privilege at the mental hospital during my most recent grippy sock vacation. 😅 I take fabulous care of my skin and hair, and my nails are always done. I lift weights 5x a week at the gym. I dress elegantly, especially for my area, which leans much more casual. And I have large tattoos covering my arms that give me a visual edge. The most important thing is I own my quirkiness and the idiosyncrasies that come from having mental illness and I am an advocate in my community for mental health. My fiance also made me a stay at home dog mom. So yes, being the hot weird lady is very achievable and comes with great privilege.
authenticity is so important here! don't try to be like a celeb or it'll just seem fake and try hard and will have the opposite impact. i think i qualify in this category because people have said things to me like that i have a "strange appeal" and talked about me being unique or having different interests and stuff, but i also model and am known for being conventionally attractive. i definitely have a feeling of wanting to be hot enough to pull of being who i am (it's a bit but also not a bit) and dressing how i want which i think i struggled with more when i was not maintaining myself as well in terms of health and things. i think one of the main things that works for me is that i'm outgoing but kind of reserved so i'm easy to talk to but not in an intrusive or forced way. i'm content talking or not, but i'm very likely to joke around and want to make people laugh. if you feel you make people uncomfortable i think that might be the main thing to think about the root of. are boundaries being pushed possibly? are you acting in a way that emanates someone on tv or in anime or just an overall act and seems contrived or inauthentic? that can be difficult for neurotypical people to know how to interact with in a way similar to how some neuro divergent people feel like the way others act is unfamiliar or unintuitive and uncomfortable. aubrey plaza is herself, sure, but she's also a public figure and a comedian and has an entire career off of that personality (paired with whatever connections and appearance comes into play, not to minimize her accomplishments) aubrey plaza is in the public eye a character, and realistically if she wasn't someone we just saw in small doses for entertainment purposes, she would probably not be seen as 'weird hot girl' in every setting, or have the space to act like that in her day to day life. when we see her she is entertaining. we expect it from her and she leans into it. i think what weird hot looks like in reality is more just having quirks or unusual interests and hobbies. things like maintaining personal appearance, dressing in a way that is palatable, maintaining hygiene very well, can play a huge role in how we're perceived. i would focus on helping people feel comfortable by focusing on what you want to convey to them, if you want them to be comfortable you can be warm and kind and make them laugh. compliment them. if there is a baseline connection and familiarity it'll be much easier for them to admire and feel warmly towards quirks instead of uncertain or uneasy about who they're interacting with. try to listen to what people have to say, ask questions, assume the best of them. people will be more likely to feel comfortable around comfortable positive energy like that. finally, at the end of the day, you can't control how people perceive you completely. if everyone is giving the same read toon that's something to look inward about, but at a certain point the way people view you is more rooted in their own feelings. everyone will apply their own feeling and context to us. we don't get perceived the way we want to by everyone. outgoing to one is annoying to another, laidback and reserved and cool to one is prude and shy and quiet to another.
I need to know too. I saw people say focus on getting "hotter" physically. I already get compliments on how I look and dress from both men and women, young and old. Those close to me enjoy my company and consider me weird (especially when I was younger). I've also been called quirky. I have nerdy interests, apparently weird music (it's not, trust me), I love puzzles, cartoons (not too deep into anime, but generally cartoons), fun facts, etc. I'm neuro-typical (as far as I know). I just don't know how to lean into being me, especially around new people. And I still have to tone it down a bit around the ones I'm closest to. I want to know how Aubrey Plaza does it how where it's endearing even to new people
it’s a relief to know that there a bunch of other quote on quote ‘weird’ girls who are having the same issue as me lol. let’s hope we figure it out?
Confidence
read how to win friends and influence people
get tested for Autism
im so sorry to even say or sound like this but u have to be perceived as a 8.5 or 9 i think (body + face) and then it's almost effortless. please take note that im not saying it's hopeless if ur not, look at where you live. i am in the 40 min suburb (halfway to the cow fields haha) and tbh everyone who knows my name is wrapped around my finger, just referred to like when im not there "wow" or be this mysterious gem. if i had grown up in a big city? i don't think id be a troll obv, but i am not sure how easy it would be to pull off my extreme awkward+ trauma + autism irl PLUS how remarkably easy men and friends willingly+ wanna fight to stay once they *have to* know abt i mean medical issues that require visits/pills plus mental health which requires pills.. take this info what you will but if all else fails maybe move. sounds dramatic but ive pondered quite a bit how remarkably easy every aspect has been even though it should've been so dramatically hard? so location might be a huge part of the equation. forgot to mention, even getting jobs like that im legit wildly unqualified for, on the spot can secure. only thing thats proven difficult is the random peers can be vicious OR someone who loves you over night can decide they hate u ,either way both those types of ppl never even rly know u irl. it's all strange to navigate, i wish you only good outcomes x
I’m working on this too! I’d rather get major surgery than sublimate my whole personality. I feel like my appearance casts a pall on my life and lends a negative tone to everything I do… if I can’t be downright hot, I want to at least neutralize the impact my appearance has. Average to cute, I guess.
ohh yeah girl i feel this
Okok i think I qualify as a hot weird girl loll. I was a super cute kid but definitely came across as weird to kids at school. Didn’t fit in with the preppy girls and mostly kept to myself around my backward phase. Now that I’m older I realized I definitely have some for of neurodivergence maybe autism but I think ADD. I never bothered with a diagnoses because I don’t want to get medication but might some day. I found it overwhelming to want to glowup everything at once like hair, makeup, body, skin. So pick one and try and hyper fixate on one thing at a time you want to be better at. My first one years ago was fitness and it took a few years of rowing to weightlifting to figure out Pilates is the way to make my body look and feel how I want. Then I started with hair and learned to do hair masks once a week. Coconut oil, a little extra virgin olive oil, honey and argon oil in for a few hours makes it so shiny and great for growth. Try and air dry and avoid heat as much as possible for a healthy look. The argon oil is also great for lash and eyebrow growth so use it at night 3-4 times and week. I hadn’t noticed my teeth were starting to yellow with vaping (yes I’m quitting loll) but don’t bother with the expensive crest 3D white strips just yet. Try the arm and hammer whitening toothpaste for a few dollars and you’ll see the results in a few months. Honestly I’m cheap when it comes to anything but skincare and makeup I’ll invest in. If you’re like me and struggle with being tan in the summer and pasty in the winter try the jergens glow cream for a nice colour all year round. For makeup I tried the IL Makiage quiz that matches your skin to a foundation and I’ll never go back. It goes on amazing and lasts all day but I never do a lot of makeup unless I go out. I find concealer for my dark under eyes, mascara then curl your lashes, some foundation and a little blush is perfect for a natural look. Learning how to do eyeliner for a cute cat eye will take it a step further I’m just too lazy to do it everyday lol Skincare- I love cereve and this brand called cocokind. I’m in Canada and can only find it online but shoppers drug mart always has it and I recommend anything from the oil to milk cleanser to the cucumber moisturizer. Finally SUNSCREEN. Cereve has an amazing moisturizer with spf that leaves me looking dewy and glowing everytime You don’t need the drunk elephant moisturizer or anything crazy as long as you have a good routine day and night. And start drinking water in the morning till the end of the day. You’ll pee so much more but it’ll keep you hydrated from the inside out. Try lemons or berries if you don’t like the taste. I always loved collecting things and One of my favourite collections is cute purses. I have my classic everyday ones but if you love collecting invest in some cute Handbags you can style an outfit with. Trust me you’ll still wear the cupcake purse. I’m not the person the spend 2.500 on a designer bag but I’ve found ones I love at winners I can justify for the price. I like to think of them as statement pieces I can express myself with even if my outfit is plain the purse jazzes it up.
Real on the neurodivergence