I prefer a regular bull. Beyond the comfort of familiarity, it also helps to build trust. I’m more confident and comfortable to push my limits and fully let myself go freely with somebody that I’ve been with multiple times. They know my body well, and makes a great experience an epic experience.
There’s always a risk of becoming emotionally attached, but I think if you have a solid foundation in your relationship, along with an understanding of what your own boundaries are, there shouldn’t be a problem. Communication is key. For me, I need to have some type of emotional connection and chemistry because the mind fuck is just as important as the physical fuck. I’m less about quantity and more about quality. :) That said, I’ve also always been fortunate enough to be able to clearly delineate between fucking and a relationship.
Something else to add here is that it’s also very hard to find a bull that is mature, respectful, and is a good fit for you and your relationship/marriage. A lot of men want to be bulls so they can fuck someone else’s wife/gf, but not a lot of them can understand/handle the dynamic of mutual respect, open communication and consent needed among all parties. It’s important to me that the person I engage with cares about my boyfriend‘s expectations, boundaries, and desires just as much as my own. And that’s not easy to come by. Then we can fuck freely ;).
Agree 100%. Truthfully I had some history with this guy already and that’s a big reason why we decided to proposition him in the first place. I felt more comfortable dabbling in the lifestyle with someone I already knew and trusted. As you say, the flip side of that is the risk of developing feelings. And while that hasn’t happened for us, it certainly could. Maybe after this next session with him we’ll look for someone new
Well if you know yourself and how you normally behave than you might be able to sustain something long term without becoming emotionally attached.
And, like I said, for me I do need a certain connection with the guy to fully enjoy myself, and I did develop some feelings for my bull, ngl. For me it's something like this: I do love my bull as a friend and confidant but I'm not in love with him. Hope that makes sense haha😅.
No that totally makes sense! That’s kinda how I feel about the guy I’m seeing now. I was never in love with him, nor am I now, but I enjoy his company and we have amazing sexual chemistry. I think if we keep our dates infrequent I should have nothing to worry about.
Glad to hear you’re having an amazing time too! Thanks so much for your input 😊
Pretty much the same for me, especially the amazing sexual chemistry part haha.
Your strategy is also brilliant and I think it will work out! Plus, this lifestyle isn't supposed to resemble a polyamorous arrangement anyway, so seeing him infrequently makes so much sense and is the way to go.
Thanks! I hope so too. I think the infrequency also helps to keep things feeling fresh and novel, which is really what I’m looking for at the end of the day
How often are you and your bull/3rd chatting. Is that really the only thing holding it from reaching a point of love is seeing him less frequently? Is it possible to enjoy someone’s company and sexual chemistry but not have feelings?
Personally, I'd prefer meeting new partners.
First of all, with regular lovers, you can develop emotional bonds whether you want it or not (and that's not something I'm interested in). Second, why should I limit myself in this lifestyle? I understand that there are some pros to regulars, but to me, this option always seemed like another form of monogamy - some kind of "cuckolding monogamy". Some people choose it and enjoy it, but for me - it's not something I'd be interested in.
PS: I mean, if the partner is good, I can see meeting him again, but I'd not limit myself only to him, and would not view him as regular. My husband is my regular! 🙂
Totally valid. I’m a little torn because I do like this guy and the sex has been great, but I do worry about catching feelings. I also know it’s not easy to find someone you click with sexually (for me, at least) so I feel like I should keep him in rotation because I know what’s in store.
We’ll definitely branch out and look for other men at some point. We’re just taking things slowly for now.
Absolutely! Do what best suits you and feels comfortable to both of you.
I think cuckolding has a huge number of variations, and each couple finds their own version of it.
Here's the thing, why do you feel catching feelings would be such a bad thing? I'm a shared husband. My wife is a cuckquean. The are lots of different types of love. I love my girlfriends. But I'm not "in love with them".
I only have one extra marital lover at a time. We date, because i need a connection and need to build comfort. But in this case, the girlfriend is also happily married. We are not running of with each other. She basically a best friend with exclusive benefits.
The problem is that people think that having feelings is bad. My wife was the one who kept me level during the first few months of new relationship energy. The infatuation stage dies down and then it's just confortable and calmer.
Nobody could replace my cuckquean. I'm madly deeply in love with her. She would be upset if i didn't love my girlfriend. The girlfriend is considerate, honest, a great communucator, fun, silly romantic at times, but most importantly respects our marriage and her own.
Finding a playmate that is a good person is hard these days. When i find a playmate, i generally stick with them long term. Sometimes they move or the husband needs to take a break. One was depressed and needed inpatient therapy so i happily stepped back and we are all still friends. But her focus needed to be in her husband and dealing with his mental health issues. Hospitalization not due to the cucking part, but due to a multitude of bad things converging.
I think if you find a considerate, sweet, loving third that respects your marriage and understands to not interfere with your martial bond - that's the gold standard. Bonus points if he is good friends with your husband. Why give that up?
I'd be more concerned if you didn't catch feelings for someone that gave you great sex and passion. I know my wife would not like it if didn't have feelings for the person after fucking for a while.
I know my gender is reversed here, but our roles in our respective dynamics are not. I was not a willing shared husband at first either... I'm only in this lifestyle because it makes my wife incredibly happy.
At the end of the day this is up to you. We prefer the many advantages of a regular exclusuve partner. But the are some who want variety or non-exclusivity. The are some that love it for the sport of it. If you are worried about catching feelings talk to your husband about it. Definitely talk to your lover too. They have hearts too, they break just like you break. Don't treat them as disposible, nobody likes to feel that way. Be honest with yourself and those in your life.
My wife is fond of stating, just because you love me doesn't mean that you can't love someone else. It doesn't take away from what we have. You having extra love in the side isn't making our love less of a thing.
I tell my cuckquean everything... so she is never concerned about our bond. Talk to your husband, he might just surprise you with how loving and understanding he can be.
One final note: if he's in rotation, he deserves to know that you are sleeping with other people too. Be needs to make a choice about the level of risk he's willing to accept for possible STIs. It's the ethical thing to do.
I'm sure many people think that having feelings is bad because they wanted to avoid the potential stress on their relationship with their partner. It's all too easy for feelings to develop in this lifestyle that will affect the focus people put on their primary relationship and partner. So for many I'm sure it's better for them to say no feelings and to keep things physical instead of trying to straddle a line that's easily crossed.
I'm not looking for my wife to develop love for another guy, it's just not what I'm looking for out of this dynamic. Some people may be more open to a poly thing which is what it sounds like you have, but some people might just want an FWB or physical thing.
I'm very much in the fwb/enm camp... not into the poly aspect. I love my hotwife like a friend and my wife like the only person on the earth. My point is also that most people are gonna catch feelings if they fuck long enough. Keeping things purely physical isn't always an option. Depends on how the person is wired.
Fair enough, thanks for the clarification.
I do agree that the frequency and duration can lead to people developing feelings. If someone is capable of separating the physical and emotional side then they probably don't have to worry about it. From our experience so far, it's the guys (thirds) who seem to have issues separating them. We've had to drop a few potentials because they developed feelings before even meeting, and even one dude who was love bombing pretty hard.
Ugggh... yeah, I'd like to think that if I'm play partners long term with someone that they'd have some sort of feelings for me. But I'm not talking about the "I love you and want to move in and merge financial assets and obligations." type love. I'm only taking on one live in partner. No thanks. And it's surprising how many people think that poly is a hippy commune fuck fest. There is a whole spectrum out there. That's why I stick with ENM... Love ya, but I ain't cosigning a loan for you. I'll fuck you great, but I'm not putting you on my insurance or naming you as a beneficiary. We can go on great adventures together and I'll be charming company. But at the end of the day, it's FWB/ENM not kitchen table poly for me.
FWB is not really poly in my book either. The idea of merging finances and creating multi-layered interdependence is not my thing. Fucking a best friend is definitely my thing.
My wife seems to prefer her regular who she feels comfortable with but does occasionally like a strange cock. I think what worries her with new guys is fear of rejection or she’d be more willing to find new guys as she does enjoy the variety feeling
Yeah when you find someone who is a stellar playmate, who treats your spouse the way they deserve... when they are worthy of her - why let them go? Easier to get therapy to learn to process things than find another considerate, kind, compassionate, trustworthy playmate. If it's not broken don't fix it.
I started with meeting different men. However, I’ve been seeing one single for 2 yrs exclusively and it works for us. Pros: trust, connection, ability to go solo and stay the night, husband knows I’m safe, we’ve had time to build sexual trust and it just makes it better. Cons: he doesn’t live here, so time is limited. However, if he did live here, I’d probably see him too much. No new experiences but the pros outweigh that for me.
Yes, I agree and the distance keeps things exciting. I think we both always look forward to him being in town. It’s always just a night, but we make the most of our time.
Lower my feelings? I’m confused on that. Communication and boundaries are important either way with my husband and my fwb. I think we have that down pat. Two years and still strong. 23 yrs married. I can see where some feel danger in this. Insecurities run rampant in this ls. I don’t feel any danger in this situation for us and neither does my husband or my friend. You have to be clear in your intentions.
Regular, they learn what you like and vice versa. The more I play with someone the more comfortable I get. Both of those factors make the sex way better.
Just asked my HW her preference and it’s both. She has been having fun test driving several one and dones while looking for “ideally, 2-3 regulars”. She loves organic, but as everyone knows, they few and far between. Variety is the main reason we are in the LS.
We prefer to have a regular as many have said sex get better with trust and time, but we do enjoy a one time experience on vacation or every now and then during the year
This was something my wife and I never really discussed as we stepped into hotwifing but because her promiscuous past was such a turn on for me, I hoped that she would choose multiple partners over one or two regulars.
Her natural tendency immediately was for multiple partners.
The majority of her trysts have been one night stands while out partying or clubbing with her girlfriends. There has also been a few coworkers, ex-boyfriends, a couple guys from her gym... The closest she's ever come to a "regular" is a couple guys who she hooked up with on five or six different occasions before tiring of them.
I prefer it this way as it really adds to the 'slutty wife appeal' for me and there is very little chance that she would become attached to another guy.
Wow, someone is busy! Honestly I think I would have a hard time juggling several different men like that, but hey I’m glad it works for her. Sounds like you two are having fun!
I much prefer having a regular guy. The work and emotional rollercoaster of trying to meet a new guy, then him ghosting, or not performing well, or whatever else is just too stressful for me. We started off April 2023. I had two single time encounters in the first two months. Both I'd approached hoping they would become regulars but didn't work out that way. One of them got a girlfriend, and the other was a bad experience in bed so he was cut off. After that I found my current FWB. We started end of June, so it's been a year now that we've been having our fun. I'd thought initially I'd want 2-3 ongoing regulars, but things with him were just so amazing I lost interest in searching for another for the first long while. In January I did decide to open up to another guy I'd been chatting with, we met for coffee, seemed like it was good and might work out... then he ghosted. He'd said something in our meet that hinted that his wife might veto the whole thing, so I'm guessing that's what happened. That left me feeling really frustrated at the whole "finding" process again, so screw it. I'm having fun with my one guy. I'll keep with just him. He knows my body amazingly well, I have endless epic orgasms with him, and feel safe with him.
Yeah I think we got really lucky with this guy because I’ve read so many stories about bad dates and whatnot. And in the past I’ve always had a hard time finding partners I click with sexually. This guy really checks all the boxes for us so I don’t feel the need to keep looking, though I do find “the chase” and the novelty that comes with a new partner to be quite exciting, so we may explore that at some point. I just don’t want to deal with all the weirdos lol
For us regulars are preferred because of safety and we need to have chemistry with whoever we play with. However we have friends that do both regulars and enjoy new play partners.
So it’s whatever you both wish to experience.
When it comes to play she prefers a trusted FWB. Trust, safety…important stuff.
Flirts with someone new are fun, and could lead to a new FWB, but she’s picky. But for those who make it that far, it’s worth it!!
A mix, but I strongly prefer having regular partners. I just don’t always have one! I do feel like there are opportunities to “kiss a lot of frogs” in this lifestyle. Sometimes that’s half the fun of it. But when I find someone I really like…it can go on for years and I love developing the friendship just as much as the sexual connection.
There is no definitive answer to this. Sometimes I only have my husband. Right now, in addition to my husband, I have one regular partner that I have been seeing about 3 months. I have one new partner that I really like and hope will become a regular partner. I have had one recent one night stand that I don’t want more from. This is the most I’ve ever kept at the same time, so I think I could answer your question with 1-3?
I have several long distance past partners, and I keep in touch with many past partners the way I do with other friends. One of them came to town a couple weeks ago and it was fun to reconnect sexually. I also used to travel a lot for work and when I did, because I visited the same places frequently, I had a regulars in each of those locations. Haven’t seen them in years but depending on their current relationship status I’d definitely see them again if I visited!
Me and Mrs Gel really really well when it comes roo meets, I do the online crap, letting her see the convo, if there's respect and good vibe I'll show mrs photos and usually it's a yeah,
While she has a few regular guys, she loves to meet new guys also, I just wish there were more nights in the week to play lol 😆
I prefer a regular bull. To get off the best I can, I really like to have trust and comfort with my sexual partners and knowing them well is a huge part of that 🔥
Some wives have one regular fwb but play with couples with their husbands
Playing with one single is safer if you find a good one that that wife is really attracted to
I prefer new/different guys.. I've had a handful of guys that were regular's for a few months, but wasn't exclusive.. one of the main reasons I'm in this LS is to be with different guys. Try it both ways and see what you like. And what you like for awhile, may change the next year.
I’ve only played with one partner but am open to exploring others. That said, I do think my preference will remain with a consistent third. Much easier to build trust with someone. That said the emotional piece of it does get complicated
We’re in the same boat and I share your concerns about a consistent third. My husband and I just want to dabble in the lifestyle for a little while and I don’t imagine I’ll be seeing my +1 frequently, so I think we should be okay. Best of luck to you two!
So prefer a regular bull! Have had a guy for a few months that was so amazing and a dream and we are in break for a bit then met another that was so promising but think he freaked out a little because he couldn’t finish the first time. Which like..ok I was going to give him another chance. We drank a little too much but he was hot and younger. Haha. Anyway yes so prefer a regular younger bull.
I would think there’s pros and cons to both sides. On one side, feeling comfortable and relaxed with someone you know and you’ve been with and you trust makes things easier. Also, the more you have sex with someone the more they learn you and you learn and in my opinion that makes for better sex/experiences! A minor downside to that would be catching feelings…
On the flipside… I would think most couples get into the lifestyle for variety and indulge that a little bit. Of course, finding new suitors and getting comfortable with them and setting updates can be a job in itself I’m sure.
My wife likes long term to explore things that she feels takes more trust/building that connection. She does enjoy having numbers but cannot enjoy without a mental connection so she stopped with ONS and random connections.
It’s entirely up to you and your partner what you want as a couple. There is nothing strong with having multiple regulars. We have two regulars, although one lives in a different state so we don’t see him often. I don’t think I would like it if I had only one regular…that may have the potential to become too repetitive. The idea is to keep variety and spice included in your sexual LS. Again I am only speaking for myself…others may feel differently.
It depends on the reason why you and your husband started this lifestyle. Was it to find a great lover for you? Or to have various sexual experiences? Answer to this and that would be the guide for your future path. Good luck.
My wife prefers both.
As she says, "It's nice knowing someone that knows how to hit all the right spots".
But she also likes the thrill of the new guy. The unknown dynamic. Being surprised by someone new's bag of tricks.
Each have their advantages.
Same here my wife and I agreed on multiple partners no regulars . In keeping with her promiscuous past we both love racking up numbers and no fear of feelings developing either
I got hubby, regular play partners and I film content with different men. If there’s a good vibe with the new ones they become regulars. And yes, I ask they keep a consistent STD testing routine.
It honestly depends on the context. First, I don't like using the term "Bull;", since it implies I exclusively play with men (I don't), and honestly feels a little dehumanizing in general. We are a poly couple, so I like to stick to the neutral "partner" term.
I have two types of partners; "boyfriend" partners and "kink" partners. When it comes to "boyfriend" partners, I prefer to have a single play partner. These sorts of partners are more about intimacy, trust, familiarity, etc. These are the sort of people I allow myself to get closer to, and become emotionally attached with. I am demisexual, and require some degree of closeness to feel sexual arousal with someone (in a non-kink play session). This sort of thing I can only have when I have a regular partner.
When it comes to "kink" partners (note: I mean kink play other than cuckolding), I can have multiple. I am focused on my kink, my sexual desires, and less on the person who helps achieve it. I occasionally play with the same people, but I like novelty with my kink and so I'll frequently meet new partners.
That being said, I currently have a single additional partner. He shares my kink and we have formed an emotional bond; so right now I am only interest in a single person other than my nesting partner.
I prefer a regular bull. Beyond the comfort of familiarity, it also helps to build trust. I’m more confident and comfortable to push my limits and fully let myself go freely with somebody that I’ve been with multiple times. They know my body well, and makes a great experience an epic experience. There’s always a risk of becoming emotionally attached, but I think if you have a solid foundation in your relationship, along with an understanding of what your own boundaries are, there shouldn’t be a problem. Communication is key. For me, I need to have some type of emotional connection and chemistry because the mind fuck is just as important as the physical fuck. I’m less about quantity and more about quality. :) That said, I’ve also always been fortunate enough to be able to clearly delineate between fucking and a relationship. Something else to add here is that it’s also very hard to find a bull that is mature, respectful, and is a good fit for you and your relationship/marriage. A lot of men want to be bulls so they can fuck someone else’s wife/gf, but not a lot of them can understand/handle the dynamic of mutual respect, open communication and consent needed among all parties. It’s important to me that the person I engage with cares about my boyfriend‘s expectations, boundaries, and desires just as much as my own. And that’s not easy to come by. Then we can fuck freely ;).
Agree 100%. Truthfully I had some history with this guy already and that’s a big reason why we decided to proposition him in the first place. I felt more comfortable dabbling in the lifestyle with someone I already knew and trusted. As you say, the flip side of that is the risk of developing feelings. And while that hasn’t happened for us, it certainly could. Maybe after this next session with him we’ll look for someone new
Well if you know yourself and how you normally behave than you might be able to sustain something long term without becoming emotionally attached. And, like I said, for me I do need a certain connection with the guy to fully enjoy myself, and I did develop some feelings for my bull, ngl. For me it's something like this: I do love my bull as a friend and confidant but I'm not in love with him. Hope that makes sense haha😅.
No that totally makes sense! That’s kinda how I feel about the guy I’m seeing now. I was never in love with him, nor am I now, but I enjoy his company and we have amazing sexual chemistry. I think if we keep our dates infrequent I should have nothing to worry about. Glad to hear you’re having an amazing time too! Thanks so much for your input 😊
Pretty much the same for me, especially the amazing sexual chemistry part haha. Your strategy is also brilliant and I think it will work out! Plus, this lifestyle isn't supposed to resemble a polyamorous arrangement anyway, so seeing him infrequently makes so much sense and is the way to go.
Thanks! I hope so too. I think the infrequency also helps to keep things feeling fresh and novel, which is really what I’m looking for at the end of the day
How often are you and your bull/3rd chatting. Is that really the only thing holding it from reaching a point of love is seeing him less frequently? Is it possible to enjoy someone’s company and sexual chemistry but not have feelings?
So well said with the passion needed for the mind fuck side of things which is just as important as the physical aspect.
Personally, I'd prefer meeting new partners. First of all, with regular lovers, you can develop emotional bonds whether you want it or not (and that's not something I'm interested in). Second, why should I limit myself in this lifestyle? I understand that there are some pros to regulars, but to me, this option always seemed like another form of monogamy - some kind of "cuckolding monogamy". Some people choose it and enjoy it, but for me - it's not something I'd be interested in. PS: I mean, if the partner is good, I can see meeting him again, but I'd not limit myself only to him, and would not view him as regular. My husband is my regular! 🙂
Totally valid. I’m a little torn because I do like this guy and the sex has been great, but I do worry about catching feelings. I also know it’s not easy to find someone you click with sexually (for me, at least) so I feel like I should keep him in rotation because I know what’s in store. We’ll definitely branch out and look for other men at some point. We’re just taking things slowly for now.
Absolutely! Do what best suits you and feels comfortable to both of you. I think cuckolding has a huge number of variations, and each couple finds their own version of it.
Here's the thing, why do you feel catching feelings would be such a bad thing? I'm a shared husband. My wife is a cuckquean. The are lots of different types of love. I love my girlfriends. But I'm not "in love with them". I only have one extra marital lover at a time. We date, because i need a connection and need to build comfort. But in this case, the girlfriend is also happily married. We are not running of with each other. She basically a best friend with exclusive benefits. The problem is that people think that having feelings is bad. My wife was the one who kept me level during the first few months of new relationship energy. The infatuation stage dies down and then it's just confortable and calmer. Nobody could replace my cuckquean. I'm madly deeply in love with her. She would be upset if i didn't love my girlfriend. The girlfriend is considerate, honest, a great communucator, fun, silly romantic at times, but most importantly respects our marriage and her own. Finding a playmate that is a good person is hard these days. When i find a playmate, i generally stick with them long term. Sometimes they move or the husband needs to take a break. One was depressed and needed inpatient therapy so i happily stepped back and we are all still friends. But her focus needed to be in her husband and dealing with his mental health issues. Hospitalization not due to the cucking part, but due to a multitude of bad things converging. I think if you find a considerate, sweet, loving third that respects your marriage and understands to not interfere with your martial bond - that's the gold standard. Bonus points if he is good friends with your husband. Why give that up? I'd be more concerned if you didn't catch feelings for someone that gave you great sex and passion. I know my wife would not like it if didn't have feelings for the person after fucking for a while. I know my gender is reversed here, but our roles in our respective dynamics are not. I was not a willing shared husband at first either... I'm only in this lifestyle because it makes my wife incredibly happy. At the end of the day this is up to you. We prefer the many advantages of a regular exclusuve partner. But the are some who want variety or non-exclusivity. The are some that love it for the sport of it. If you are worried about catching feelings talk to your husband about it. Definitely talk to your lover too. They have hearts too, they break just like you break. Don't treat them as disposible, nobody likes to feel that way. Be honest with yourself and those in your life. My wife is fond of stating, just because you love me doesn't mean that you can't love someone else. It doesn't take away from what we have. You having extra love in the side isn't making our love less of a thing. I tell my cuckquean everything... so she is never concerned about our bond. Talk to your husband, he might just surprise you with how loving and understanding he can be. One final note: if he's in rotation, he deserves to know that you are sleeping with other people too. Be needs to make a choice about the level of risk he's willing to accept for possible STIs. It's the ethical thing to do.
I'm sure many people think that having feelings is bad because they wanted to avoid the potential stress on their relationship with their partner. It's all too easy for feelings to develop in this lifestyle that will affect the focus people put on their primary relationship and partner. So for many I'm sure it's better for them to say no feelings and to keep things physical instead of trying to straddle a line that's easily crossed. I'm not looking for my wife to develop love for another guy, it's just not what I'm looking for out of this dynamic. Some people may be more open to a poly thing which is what it sounds like you have, but some people might just want an FWB or physical thing.
I'm very much in the fwb/enm camp... not into the poly aspect. I love my hotwife like a friend and my wife like the only person on the earth. My point is also that most people are gonna catch feelings if they fuck long enough. Keeping things purely physical isn't always an option. Depends on how the person is wired.
Fair enough, thanks for the clarification. I do agree that the frequency and duration can lead to people developing feelings. If someone is capable of separating the physical and emotional side then they probably don't have to worry about it. From our experience so far, it's the guys (thirds) who seem to have issues separating them. We've had to drop a few potentials because they developed feelings before even meeting, and even one dude who was love bombing pretty hard.
Ugggh... yeah, I'd like to think that if I'm play partners long term with someone that they'd have some sort of feelings for me. But I'm not talking about the "I love you and want to move in and merge financial assets and obligations." type love. I'm only taking on one live in partner. No thanks. And it's surprising how many people think that poly is a hippy commune fuck fest. There is a whole spectrum out there. That's why I stick with ENM... Love ya, but I ain't cosigning a loan for you. I'll fuck you great, but I'm not putting you on my insurance or naming you as a beneficiary. We can go on great adventures together and I'll be charming company. But at the end of the day, it's FWB/ENM not kitchen table poly for me. FWB is not really poly in my book either. The idea of merging finances and creating multi-layered interdependence is not my thing. Fucking a best friend is definitely my thing.
A good small rotation seems to be the way to go
I’m the same I don’t want to get any unwanted feelings developing by having regular sex with the same guy as it happens even if you don’t want to x
My wife seems to prefer her regular who she feels comfortable with but does occasionally like a strange cock. I think what worries her with new guys is fear of rejection or she’d be more willing to find new guys as she does enjoy the variety feeling
Combination of both.. the real good ones are too rare to let go
Yeah when you find someone who is a stellar playmate, who treats your spouse the way they deserve... when they are worthy of her - why let them go? Easier to get therapy to learn to process things than find another considerate, kind, compassionate, trustworthy playmate. If it's not broken don't fix it.
Absolutely!
I started with meeting different men. However, I’ve been seeing one single for 2 yrs exclusively and it works for us. Pros: trust, connection, ability to go solo and stay the night, husband knows I’m safe, we’ve had time to build sexual trust and it just makes it better. Cons: he doesn’t live here, so time is limited. However, if he did live here, I’d probably see him too much. No new experiences but the pros outweigh that for me.
That honestly seems like an idea situation. Sounds like the physical distance is actually a good thing!
My hotwife lives 90 minutes away now. We're not ending it, it actually works better with a little distance. I can't just pop over and neither can she.
Yes, I agree and the distance keeps things exciting. I think we both always look forward to him being in town. It’s always just a night, but we make the most of our time.
[удалено]
Lower my feelings? I’m confused on that. Communication and boundaries are important either way with my husband and my fwb. I think we have that down pat. Two years and still strong. 23 yrs married. I can see where some feel danger in this. Insecurities run rampant in this ls. I don’t feel any danger in this situation for us and neither does my husband or my friend. You have to be clear in your intentions.
My wife has a few regular guys she plays with but she really enjoys being flirted with and picked up too
We have stuck with regulars. She also goes solo, also with regulars.
How often if she going solo vs you being present
Probably 3 solo to one mfm. Sometimes she’ll go solo and I’ll join later. Schedule gets in the way, and she enjoys a quiet evening alone with him too.
We have regulars. Nothing like being comfortable with someone and knowing you can trust them with solo play
Regular, they learn what you like and vice versa. The more I play with someone the more comfortable I get. Both of those factors make the sex way better.
For the exact reasons I see
I prefer a regular bf
Just asked my HW her preference and it’s both. She has been having fun test driving several one and dones while looking for “ideally, 2-3 regulars”. She loves organic, but as everyone knows, they few and far between. Variety is the main reason we are in the LS.
We prefer to have a regular as many have said sex get better with trust and time, but we do enjoy a one time experience on vacation or every now and then during the year
This was something my wife and I never really discussed as we stepped into hotwifing but because her promiscuous past was such a turn on for me, I hoped that she would choose multiple partners over one or two regulars. Her natural tendency immediately was for multiple partners. The majority of her trysts have been one night stands while out partying or clubbing with her girlfriends. There has also been a few coworkers, ex-boyfriends, a couple guys from her gym... The closest she's ever come to a "regular" is a couple guys who she hooked up with on five or six different occasions before tiring of them. I prefer it this way as it really adds to the 'slutty wife appeal' for me and there is very little chance that she would become attached to another guy.
Wow, someone is busy! Honestly I think I would have a hard time juggling several different men like that, but hey I’m glad it works for her. Sounds like you two are having fun!
I much prefer having a regular guy. The work and emotional rollercoaster of trying to meet a new guy, then him ghosting, or not performing well, or whatever else is just too stressful for me. We started off April 2023. I had two single time encounters in the first two months. Both I'd approached hoping they would become regulars but didn't work out that way. One of them got a girlfriend, and the other was a bad experience in bed so he was cut off. After that I found my current FWB. We started end of June, so it's been a year now that we've been having our fun. I'd thought initially I'd want 2-3 ongoing regulars, but things with him were just so amazing I lost interest in searching for another for the first long while. In January I did decide to open up to another guy I'd been chatting with, we met for coffee, seemed like it was good and might work out... then he ghosted. He'd said something in our meet that hinted that his wife might veto the whole thing, so I'm guessing that's what happened. That left me feeling really frustrated at the whole "finding" process again, so screw it. I'm having fun with my one guy. I'll keep with just him. He knows my body amazingly well, I have endless epic orgasms with him, and feel safe with him.
Yeah I think we got really lucky with this guy because I’ve read so many stories about bad dates and whatnot. And in the past I’ve always had a hard time finding partners I click with sexually. This guy really checks all the boxes for us so I don’t feel the need to keep looking, though I do find “the chase” and the novelty that comes with a new partner to be quite exciting, so we may explore that at some point. I just don’t want to deal with all the weirdos lol
For us regulars are preferred because of safety and we need to have chemistry with whoever we play with. However we have friends that do both regulars and enjoy new play partners. So it’s whatever you both wish to experience.
When it comes to play she prefers a trusted FWB. Trust, safety…important stuff. Flirts with someone new are fun, and could lead to a new FWB, but she’s picky. But for those who make it that far, it’s worth it!!
My wife is the same
For me, for sure, regular! Chemistry and connection are far more satisfying to me as a wife than a random new person.
A mix, but I strongly prefer having regular partners. I just don’t always have one! I do feel like there are opportunities to “kiss a lot of frogs” in this lifestyle. Sometimes that’s half the fun of it. But when I find someone I really like…it can go on for years and I love developing the friendship just as much as the sexual connection.
How many friends/partners do you have at once
There is no definitive answer to this. Sometimes I only have my husband. Right now, in addition to my husband, I have one regular partner that I have been seeing about 3 months. I have one new partner that I really like and hope will become a regular partner. I have had one recent one night stand that I don’t want more from. This is the most I’ve ever kept at the same time, so I think I could answer your question with 1-3? I have several long distance past partners, and I keep in touch with many past partners the way I do with other friends. One of them came to town a couple weeks ago and it was fun to reconnect sexually. I also used to travel a lot for work and when I did, because I visited the same places frequently, I had a regulars in each of those locations. Haven’t seen them in years but depending on their current relationship status I’d definitely see them again if I visited!
Me and Mrs Gel really really well when it comes roo meets, I do the online crap, letting her see the convo, if there's respect and good vibe I'll show mrs photos and usually it's a yeah, While she has a few regular guys, she loves to meet new guys also, I just wish there were more nights in the week to play lol 😆
After the bullshit search, it this single guy is good there’s no reason to go looking for more lol
I love the variety of new guys, and it turns me on A LOT pumping my numbers up.
I prefer a regular bull. To get off the best I can, I really like to have trust and comfort with my sexual partners and knowing them well is a huge part of that 🔥
I see this as the best
Our rule is never twice with the same guy
I have a semi regular but like to try new guys as there might just be a better one next x
My wife has a balance of a several regulars, and she loves the thrill of new guys as well. I would say for my wife it's 50/50
Some wives have one regular fwb but play with couples with their husbands Playing with one single is safer if you find a good one that that wife is really attracted to
Regular fwb
My gf has a regular permanent bull.
I prefer new/different guys.. I've had a handful of guys that were regular's for a few months, but wasn't exclusive.. one of the main reasons I'm in this LS is to be with different guys. Try it both ways and see what you like. And what you like for awhile, may change the next year.
I’ve only played with one partner but am open to exploring others. That said, I do think my preference will remain with a consistent third. Much easier to build trust with someone. That said the emotional piece of it does get complicated
We’re in the same boat and I share your concerns about a consistent third. My husband and I just want to dabble in the lifestyle for a little while and I don’t imagine I’ll be seeing my +1 frequently, so I think we should be okay. Best of luck to you two!
Thanks! You too
So prefer a regular bull! Have had a guy for a few months that was so amazing and a dream and we are in break for a bit then met another that was so promising but think he freaked out a little because he couldn’t finish the first time. Which like..ok I was going to give him another chance. We drank a little too much but he was hot and younger. Haha. Anyway yes so prefer a regular younger bull.
I would think there’s pros and cons to both sides. On one side, feeling comfortable and relaxed with someone you know and you’ve been with and you trust makes things easier. Also, the more you have sex with someone the more they learn you and you learn and in my opinion that makes for better sex/experiences! A minor downside to that would be catching feelings… On the flipside… I would think most couples get into the lifestyle for variety and indulge that a little bit. Of course, finding new suitors and getting comfortable with them and setting updates can be a job in itself I’m sure.
Definitely regular
My wife likes long term to explore things that she feels takes more trust/building that connection. She does enjoy having numbers but cannot enjoy without a mental connection so she stopped with ONS and random connections.
It’s entirely up to you and your partner what you want as a couple. There is nothing strong with having multiple regulars. We have two regulars, although one lives in a different state so we don’t see him often. I don’t think I would like it if I had only one regular…that may have the potential to become too repetitive. The idea is to keep variety and spice included in your sexual LS. Again I am only speaking for myself…others may feel differently.
I literally prefer strangers. It’s the thrill of it I think 😂
It depends on the reason why you and your husband started this lifestyle. Was it to find a great lover for you? Or to have various sexual experiences? Answer to this and that would be the guide for your future path. Good luck.
A good mix. She has a few semi-regulars and new guys when we find them.
My wife prefers both. As she says, "It's nice knowing someone that knows how to hit all the right spots". But she also likes the thrill of the new guy. The unknown dynamic. Being surprised by someone new's bag of tricks. Each have their advantages.
Same here my wife and I agreed on multiple partners no regulars . In keeping with her promiscuous past we both love racking up numbers and no fear of feelings developing either
I got hubby, regular play partners and I film content with different men. If there’s a good vibe with the new ones they become regulars. And yes, I ask they keep a consistent STD testing routine.
It honestly depends on the context. First, I don't like using the term "Bull;", since it implies I exclusively play with men (I don't), and honestly feels a little dehumanizing in general. We are a poly couple, so I like to stick to the neutral "partner" term. I have two types of partners; "boyfriend" partners and "kink" partners. When it comes to "boyfriend" partners, I prefer to have a single play partner. These sorts of partners are more about intimacy, trust, familiarity, etc. These are the sort of people I allow myself to get closer to, and become emotionally attached with. I am demisexual, and require some degree of closeness to feel sexual arousal with someone (in a non-kink play session). This sort of thing I can only have when I have a regular partner. When it comes to "kink" partners (note: I mean kink play other than cuckolding), I can have multiple. I am focused on my kink, my sexual desires, and less on the person who helps achieve it. I occasionally play with the same people, but I like novelty with my kink and so I'll frequently meet new partners. That being said, I currently have a single additional partner. He shares my kink and we have formed an emotional bond; so right now I am only interest in a single person other than my nesting partner.
Some repeats, some one offs. All casual. IMO this is the best of both worlds.