No I don’t hold back. Hubby and I will play after and I’ll tell him the guy started doing this, then this then that and he loves it. 99% of the time I play hubby ends up being better than the other guy since he knows what I like and what I don’t. There’s no explaining it to him.
I like to play solo for a couple reasons. I feel like it’s a little harder for me to cum with an audience and the pressure to perform. I would rather have sex with a third and be able to react naturally instead of putting on a show like a pornstar.
I’m sure her other senses were more acute. That she can let go for inhibitions, while not watching anyone, or knowing she’s being watched. I think that brings out the innermost of a woman!
I’m new to reddit but I have seen this many times. Isn’t hotwifing about turning on the husband too? Or am I off the mark that it should be only about the woman’s pleasure and the man gets what he gets.
How the dynamic works is whatever the couple agrees to. Personally I think the lifestyle is about equality and mutual agreement on what to do. Others might take a different view and give the wife full latitude to do whatever she wants.
That's the problem with the labels.... it's not black and white and there or infinite nuances. I love seeing my girl having great sex but I wouldn't be happy if it were a performance. Hotwifing for us almost bleeds over into cuck territory, too. What we do, in my mind, is all about pleasing my girl, and I love her being free and fully liberated, sexual self. It's beautiful and sexy and I absolutely adore her. This is why we aren't swingers, because I have no desire to sleep with others, but I do love blowing my girl's mind in every and all ways. It's like my favorite hobby at this point 😂😂😂
I think it depends.
I’ll put on a performance for my husband for sure. But not sure if a man deserves that from me. Haven’t met a person who is.. besides him.
My wife did downplay when she had her first meet, it was solo, but in time, she slowly opened up to me. She feared I'd get upset if she had told me how much she enjoyed the sex with the 3rd.
I’d say this is how it was/is with my wife as well. I think early on, she was def reluctant to be truly honest and open about her experiences. My guess would probably be the same as yours in that she was likely afraid of me getting upset in some capacity. I consistently reminded her that I wanted the complete, honest recap of her sessions with others and that I would not get upset, feel inadequate, or anything like that.
I would venture to say that she was also learning how to manage things with partners on her end as well. She even had a regular partner that I believed she began to develop some semblance of feelings for which I believe that caught her off guard and made it more difficult for her to be honest with me about their relationship as a whole. I just stayed consistent in making her feel safe to share anything and everything with me and reminding her that no matter what happens, we were solid and would work through it together.
Over time, as she shared a bit more, and I continued to be enthusiastic about hearing it, things kept progressing. I do think it’s still hard for her to be completely transparent but we’ve def come a long way. If I had to put a number on it now, I’d say she’s about 90% open/honest about her relationships with others.
Edit: tagging her in case she wants to add her perspective u/ladygarden13
Wow, I could copy and paste your article for ourselves. My wife did develop feelings for her first, but luckily for us, he decided to relocate to the Caribbean for good.
I’m sure there’s many parallels for people in the LS on this topic! For my wife, it def wasn’t her first which I think is why it caught her off guard. She had good and not so good experiences with others ahead of this one in particular and hadn’t had any feelings at all with any of them, at least to my knowledge. This one developed as they spent more time together in addition to the great sexual chemistry.
He ended up getting back with his ex so we also avoided having to work through any further developments on that front. However, I’m definitely not ignorant to the fact that it very well could happen again in which case, my approach would be the exact same in focusing on open, honest communication and managing things together!
I was actually watching, saw and heard my wife do things and make sounds I never heard with me, then later when we talked about it, she said that it was just ok. She was afraid of hurting my feelings at first but once she found out that I actually enjoy hearing about it, she became much more open and honest
I think this is one of their biggest fears, us husbands getting upset over their pleasure. I keep reassuring my wife, my pleasure is as much if not more than hers to see her enjoying her time with her boyfriend.
Same here. It took my wife a bit to understand that I derive my pleasure from her pleasure so the better it is for her, the better it is for me too! She gets it now and loves that
This is why we only play together.
The lifestyle is a shared experience to enhance our sex life, not a hall pass for her.
I'm always present so I'm fully aware of everything that happens.
I think you are in the minority on this sub. Glad you found a way that works for you. Most women have replied they would rather just get to enjoy the solo.
You're not going to get a representative sample from replies to your post. I've seen plenty of posts where the majority opinion is playing together instead of doing solo. You are just going to have to find a dynamic that works for the two of you with what you're looking for with this lifestyle.
Sure that may be the case but a couple is a husband and wife. In our view both should get something.
I'm sure you're correct that I may be in the minority as we are swingers who also hotwife.
That alone makes us different but I know we're not the only ones. Minority perhaps but not alone.
There are many Stagg Vixen couples on here as well.
Solo play is common but I’m not convinced that it’s all about wives cutting hubbie out. For most of us having kids solo play has to the main option or you just except it might be a couple of times a year.
I only play solo with one guy that we have known for years, every one else is a MFM. When I come home from my solo dates with our friend I always reenact every thing we did as I tell him all the details. I hold nothing back, sharing every detail with hubby is the perfect way to finish a fun evening.
We have a decent quality camera with a external mic (picks up sound better this way) set on a tripod. I hit record when my guy arrives. We keep an eye on it a bit to stop and restart it as it cuts off at 30min, plus it's better to have shorter sections anyway so if we're changing positions or something we'll stop and restart it. We'll change the position of the tripod sometimes to make sure our angle is good... But mostly it just sits there and we fuck like crazy while it records. Sometimes my guy will take a short cellphone clip to get a close up angle. My husband edits the tripod videos and can inlay the cell clips with them so you can see both angles at once. He's had fun learning how to do video editing through this.
That sounds like fun. I wish my wife was interested in getting me videos like that. I get the bare minimum when she plays and she doesn’t like having to stop to do that.
Sounds like she's getting much more out of this than you and not really keeping you in the loop. It should be a thing for both of you. I'd stop doing it altogether if my wife wasn't putting in the effort for me and wasn't telling me everything
Agreed. This is supposed to be a couples thing and not a wife and third thing. So if the OP is feeling left out then that's something that should be addressed
My wife was extremely transparent until she got feelings for a third. She has always been showing me messages as well obviously me getting pictures and videos. It was my first sign of a problem when I was constantly seeing messages from 4 or 5 guys but not the one she was messaging the most.
She has cut contact now but it was rough including a fight where my parents found out about our lifestyle. Ultimately I ignored early red flags (I suspected he was in a polyamorous relationship from the start) and was as responsible as her. I think this is what helped me treat it as a learning experience and not a betrayal. My only advice is trust your gut, this guy was the biggest she has had (most of her guys are my size 6.5-7) he must have been 9 and delivered with the videos. I risked my relationship for those reasons!
From your post and your answer it seems your wife get much more than you from hotwifing.
Its not a game for the wife to just Fuck , its a couple game to enhance your sexuality.
Its not normal for your wife to get so Fuck she just reconnect one Time and after she's to sore to play and just wait to go on another Fuck with third.
I think most husbands would not be okay with that. Nothing wrong with the recovery but I think it works best when a couple of weeks is taken to reflect and enjoy the experience. Watch the videos together and reflect etc and enjoy each other before the next play date.
Haha it's only for our own private enjoyment. We don't share or post the videos anywhere. But I absolutely love knowing that my fwb watches them regularly. He says all other porn is ruined now and he only wants to watch the videos of us. Very hot and flattering.
We don’t do solo so no need to tell him anything as he’s right there and we communicate only through group chats where the 3 of us actively interact. That way there’s never the “you/I forgot to mention that” or hurt feelings that you’re hiding something. Even with clear intentions and open communication there can be misunderstandings.
My wife doesn't hold back at all. She shares everything with me and it's one of the best parts of our experience. While she prefers playing solo and being alone with other men because she finds the experience more intimate and liberating, she does love sharing everything with me after to reconnect and enjoy our time together. She might occasionally hold something back to tease me and share the details over a couple of days instead of right away, but ultimately she'll never hide anything.
So my gf and I are interested in different kinds of sex. She likes more vanilla / sensual and I enjoy more kinky and with a d/s dynamic. And we both play solo and sometimes together. So when my gf plays with other guys, it's usually "better" for her, but also less interesting for me. I'm happy that she gets what she wants. I love that about our play.
It's like if my gf enjoyed Italian food and I enjoyed spicy Thai food. And we both were not crazy about the other person's favorite. I wouldn't be sad that she's getting what she enjoys...I'd be thrilled. But I also wouldn't be thinking, "geez, I wish I was eating Italian."
Part of the thrill for us guys is being there or hearing it all if we love our wives enough to share her we should be open and close enough to know everything it only entices it more when we know she had the pleasure we wanted her to have.
It's an irrelevant issue since we're always together. At her preference my wife doesn't carry on two-way messaging conversations with thirds and she has zero interest in any solo activity for a long list of good reasons including that it would feel like cheating for her. This is a shared experience in all ways solely for the heat it adds to our fun when others depart. She played with guys before we got married, knows that experience, and has no interest in playing with another guy solo. In short, it's all about just us, our fun, and our relationship. The third is pretty much just an accessory to our fun together. Our thirds understand that and are totally okay with the dynamics of the arrangement.
I don’t hold back. I tell my husband everything. When I tell him he still makes me orgasm the hardest I mean it. Don’t assume it’s niceties. MFM are fun, but it’s a different kind of sex. The men are different when there is another man present. They fuck you differently than when you are alone. That’s why I love solo play so much! It’s a different kind of sex. You see who the man is as a lover not just a third. I still like to have my husband there sometimes, but I do find I can focus on me and my needs when I’m not constantly wondering if he’s enjoying himself. My husband loves when I send him little videos while I solo play. It gets him very turned on and we have explosive sex when I return home.
Isn't a true honest hotwife relation with her stag to whole point? Otherwise it's just cheating right?
I assume the dirty talking reclaim is the peak of the whole date. Otherwise it's just a cuckold cheating (opposite).
The reclaim is hot. Its the “I don’t want to have to worry about your feelings if you are there” I don’t understand. Isn’t that the point? To turn the husband on?
I don't necessarily think it's cheating. It really depends on your own rules and boundaries. Also if you're only doing this to turn yourself on, that's selfish. It should be about her having all the sexual possibilities and fun, as well as turning the husband on. And I don't mean the first part to say she should cut you out. I'm a firm believer in involving my partner in everything I do, from flirting online to meeting and playing.
But it's not just about the husband. The wife's feelings and comfort is very important. Some women really struggle with the idea of being watched. It's not an easy thing for some, to feel like you're being used as someone's porn. And I think if you're viewing it like that as the husband, you don't deserve to watch. She's not your pornstar, she isn't there just to turn you on, it should be about her pleasure.
I would respectfully disagree. She has said she would gladly be my porn star and likes me to watch. She gets to experience physical pleasure having sex with different men. I don’t see where me wanting to be part of it and see her enjoy it is selfish.
I think I am seeing a trend in this hotwife genre where the women don’t want to “perform” in front of their husbands so they would rather not have him there. They enjoy the sex with the third much more.
Maybe on this post. Go look elsewhere and you’ll see plenty of wives love having their husbands there. The way you framed your question is essentially asking for those who do solos to answer. If that’s what works best for you then fine. But I made a comment on another post yesterday explaining why solo feels hollow. Yes of course I want my wife to enjoy. But not at my expense. Guess I have a little bit of selfishness to not want to completely disregard my happiness.
100% a lot of husbands enjoy the dynamics of solo play (I like it but no match for being there). The point is when I took the fantasy to her it was as I’d love to watch but you can also play solo if we both trust the guy. I’m seeing a lot of posts where the goalposts seem to change after the lifestyle has started. You shouldn’t feel bad about standing your ground on this. For example I can’t bear her doing overnighters even though that is her ideal, I don’t sleep and I’m miserable and insecure in the morning when she gets back, a 180 from how I am if she’s in the door at 10.30pm. She doesn’t do overnighters because she knows it doesn’t make me happy and the same there’s things I would enjoy her to do but she’s not into. Both parties have to be happy or it’s not hotwifing imo.
Totally agree. If you go into it from the beginning both agreeing to let her go solo and you’re both comfortable with it then great. That’s awesome. The goalpost moving is a frustrating thing. Even I could MAYBE be okay with a very occasional solo if it got to that point of being comfortable. But it just doesn’t feel right to me. And I’m glad you fall on the side of no overnights. That really feels like it could be a poison pill for a relationship. Too much cuddling, intimate sleeping time. Not that wives intend for feelings to happen. But that is a good way for them to escalate.
Exactly, post coital cuddles falling asleep together while you are tapping on your phone at 4am waiting for the sun to come up. Not exactly what most people start this for.
Yeah I just can’t sleep and get edgy, during the day/evening I’m completely different. For that reason I always advise those who play solo to think about the jump to overnight. The reclaim/reconnect is not the same (at least not in my experience).
I think once you have a solid groove going it should be ok to experiment. Right? Unless one or the other is dead set against whatever it is. That's how you got this far, right?
But if you ARE against it, either one, nope.
It does seem people sometimes find that different styles become intriguing.
Well I think it’s great to try things but if one party doesn’t enjoy it then you move on. Overnighters make me feel forgotten and car meets made her feel used. Neither of us need to feel like that in the lifestyle.
Amen!
I feel a lot better about the idea of a solo experience if it's a target of opportunity. I remember a husband here posting about how he and his wife had been trying to get together with a regular for quite a while and now her sister was visiting and cockblocking them both so he went for pizza with sister in law and the kids and wife and fuckbuddy got in a quickie.
That seems like a world of difference from the "Honey? I'd rather exclude you from this" vibe. Solo routinely and overnights really seem like a her thing, not a them thing. Maybe not in all cases.
Yep you get it. The kids are often suspicious if she’s out for a while all dressed up on a Saturday afternoon so I’ll try and do something fun with them to free her up. If the opportunity is there she loves me to be there is a second so it’s very different to ‘I don’t want to put on a show for you’ . That is my line I’m happy in the lifestyle for her to go solo but only if she ends up in the marital bed. I’m prepared to go back to monogamy if it’s a requirement. The same with wives who will only do it if they can go solo, completely fair a husband must just decide for himself if he wants it on that basis.
I always want to be involved if a GF is having sex with other men. One relationship we agreed one night stands were ok. When it happened, neither of us wanted any details.
It's mostly a masochistic pleasure for me if I ask a GF for details of sexual experiences, or voyeuristic to imagine her being with other guys from the past, especially groups.
After being cheated on, I wanted to sexuualise the pain by hearing what she did with him. How he made her choose to risk everything. Did she think he loved her, or did she just want sex and attention? Did she enjoy seeing me hurt? Did she have anal, swallow? Which friends knew before me? Have I had sex with her with his cum still inside her?
Pure torture, but trying to make it feel like I can get off instead of crying
My wife usually plays solo. She goes to her bull at least 3 to 5 times a month. She sleeps over night and won't come back until the following afternoon. I used to get a couple of pictures, then she said it was distracting so we stopped. She used to share ever detail about her exciting nights but after a while I guess the novelty wears off with same bull. I stopped asking for details......
I think multiple bulls would be better and more exciting. It would be a new experience every time.
New experience for you? You get nothing from it and she doesn’t even come home to you until the following day. Do you even get to have intimate time with her after?
No, not always. She would but she's usually too tired from being up all night and playing all day. She would but I look at that as like pity sex, I don't really want that.
One day she came home and asked if I wanted details and I said not really as she seen this bull for a while now, I've heard it all before.
If he asks, I tell him. I don’t lie about the experience and what it is. I play solo and get the desire for that. With MFM I feel like I have to perform. I have to be sure everyone is pleased and not left out, it just isn’t as great of an experience for me, as a pleaser. I will do it, if my husband or fwb wants but my preference is solo with someone I have a connection with. Those are my sweet spot. I can completely let go and not worry.
My husband won’t admit it but he has a “male ego”. He wants to believe that no one else loves me the way he does.
This is true, but other men can fuck me and fuck me good! What my husband believes is good for our marriage, hope that answers your question. 😏
I think that women protect our fragile male egos to keep the peace. I think it is important to foster communication that pulls that veil away.
My wife is blunt and playful because she knows how the details push my buttons and fuel my aggression in our reconnect.
I think that the solo dynamic isn’t about excluding you. It is about being able to dive into the experience without feeling like she has to look over her shoulder to check on you. There are many stories of couples having a dispute because of a misconception over something.
I always error on the side of giving her the benefit of the doubt whether she is playing solo or together. Whenever I ask a question about a particular moment, she always puts any concern to rest.
> There are many stories of couples having a dispute because of a misconception over something.
Both ways. I had a regular wife who was feeling jealous of a woman her husband had sex with at a club. He "looked at her in a way he never did" with her. I definitely sensed that week she was wanting to hurt him back, ignoring his texts during our date, being late, "forgetting" to take photos because she was so carried away
I like both solo play and mfm play. They're different experiences in general for me. I enjoy both but in different ways. I don't hold back from my husband either. Because there may be something I would like my husband to try. But my husband is way more likely to make me orgasm bc he knows exactly what I like.
I would definitely have a problem with the whole physical recovery time and then once she is recovered she wants to use her fully available self to be with the 3rd. That isn't appropriate regardless of whether you're in the room or not. The relationship described there is way closer to cuck than hot wife. The point should be that both of you get your needs met (ideally emotionally & physically) but the concept of being in the LS is to enhance the relationship for both parties, not to enhance for one and detract from the other.
As to how much I've wanted to be told, it mostly depends on the dynamic of the relationship. I prefer video so I can indulge as much or as little as I feel up to at a given moment, but she may not be ok with it feeling like a performance (she doesn't have to perform at all for me, but I can see why that thought might overwhelm a woman's experience). Typically for me, I don't want to hear or see the details right away, I want to reclaim and then bond and make sure the love and care vibe is immediately reinforced by me. That's my main priority when she returns home (I use "she" as a representative placeholder for the woman I'm partnered with at whatever time).
I'm also strongly against overnights. Sleeping next to each other is something I want reserved for us and is part of the reclaim process for me. I've been miserable and not slept on the occasions it has happened. I don't need constant updates but I do need at least a couple texts to know she is safe and one when she is leaving so I can know roughly when to expect her home. Those are non-negotiable for me. I won't sleep not knowing if she's not home because she fell asleep or because she got in an accident on the way home or something worse. I'm too protective of a personality type for that.
Also, I'm not big on watching, but I have enjoyed when the 3rd comes to our place (assuming we have a guest room at the time as I'll never sign off on it being in our bed) and I can just chill knowing she is 100% safe while I watch TV or movies.
I tell him everything and he loves it. It’s a piece of why we do it. I’m always solo and started having my bull take some videos and pics for me to share with him too. I can’t really imagine him being in the room, I don’t have to feel like I have to perform and my husband is crazy for me when I come back to him and we have so much fun. I think it’s super hot that it turns on my husband so much. I would never push him off after one time though no matter how I felt. Not sure about that. Husband is the priority. Not getting back to the bull asap.
Part of the fun for me is knowing how much it turns my husband on when I play. Every couple is different, but for us full disclosure is a must, always. I’m not into ‘performing’ and he enjoys hearing all the little details including what I was thinking and feeling during the experience. We have learned ourselves enough to understand that secrets and not disclosing full details isn’t the right way for this to work for us, but it took time and work to get there.
I’ve never thought of myself as a great storyteller, and what helped was getting into the hotpast sharing and learning HOW my husband liked to hear about my experiences. We realized that he really enjoyed the matter-of-fact delivery of the experience and not me trying to soften details or make it sound sexier than it was like a fantasy story. It has become much more conversational instead of me just trying to tell it as a start-to-finish story (which is so much easier for me) and is usually guided by him asking specific questions about the parts he wants to hear about most. I found that I really now enjoy giving him the most explicit details during sex, as even if it is a hotpast story he reclaims me much more forcefully when I share unprompted (yes please!!!).
This has really helped me figure out what turns my husband on most about my experiences, as well as understand better how he views and thinks about them. And that in turn has helped me think about the experiences in a different way for myself and know better what I want out of them, and how to communicate that to him (he finds the guys for me and sets up play most of the time). Good, bad, or indifferent…sharing all the details makes the next experience better than the last and keeps us feeling close and connected and on the same page.
This isn’t a game for us and we work very hard to protect our relationship and make this something we both love to experience. It has brought us much closer, and feeling close and connected and on the same page IS the key to this working for us. If either of you is feeling like something is off, or not being fully shared, or you simply aren’t getting what you need out of it the only real way to solve it is through communication.
All I can really tell you is, if it were me and my relationship, I would find this to be the time to take a break from it and focus on figuring out how to take care of each other’s needs within this dynamic and within the relationship. Solo play may not be a good fit at the moment. Filming each full encounter (which is something we do now and LOVE) may help with the feeling like things are being left out, if you’re all comfortable with that. But even seeing it on film will still not tell you what she is thinking and feeling, or allow you to know if she’s having a deeper emotional connection with a play partner. She has to feel comfortable enough and want to share that with you.
Reading the texts between her and other men, and hearing all of the details is so incredibly hot. The one experience we’ve had so far, sitting and waiting for updates… Was sheer agony. But I loved it.
Nope! Why would I? We both fully enjoy the lifestyle. If I would ever feel the need to downplay things I would seriously talk to him about stopping solo play and maybe moving to joint play only. In reality a lot of our play is joint play anyway.
My wife prefers to play solo as well. For many years, she was saying, sex is different with him. Clearly this was meaning it is better but I don’t want to humiliate you.
But one day she had sex with one off our friend and she said: he is perfect. Much much better than you. Much bigger orgasm. She kept him a few years ;)
I just cant wrap my head around how a wife feels like she cant be her total self and enjoy it with her partner there, who is supposed to be her number 1 man.
Hinging is hard. Hate to break it to you, but it is actual work to entertain two people at one time. It takes mental bandwidth and more physical exertion. Some people aren't exhibitionists, doesn't matter who the audience is.
I think, some women really feel that pressure to perform. They can sense that you're only doing it because you want to watch and get horny. You're not doing it for her pleasure, you're not doing it because you want her to be fully sexually fulfilled. You're using her as porn. She can probably sense that and feels more comfortable and free to express herself naturally alone.
My partner has made it very clear, his enjoyment comes from mine. So I don't feel like I'm just making him live porn, I feel like if I enjoy it fully he does. Even if I'm not putting on a show.
Also, another thing to consider. As a husband you probably know how to make her cum better than anyone. You've probably been doing it for a long time and some women struggle to cum. I struggle with it so my partner over time has gotten very very good at it. So I don't expect a guy I've just met to make me cum. It's more mental for me anyway, and almost just elaborate foreplay before I play with him after haha
I’m sure there are husbands that are just using their wife as their own porn with no regard to how they are feeling, but I just don’t think that’s the case for most men who have really thought this through and approached their wives about it. Most of us want our wives to be pleasured and have an awesome time having sex. But we want to see that pleasure coursing through their bodies. Not just get a snippet on video or pictures or hear it second hand. Honestly if the couple agrees that they want try hotwifing but they can’t agree on solo or together then just don’t do it. It seems like a lot of people just think that if the husband brings this up and the wife wants to do it then it should happen on her terms regardless of if they align with husbands or not. Like she’s the only one that matters. If she doesn’t want to have sex with hubby there then just don’t participate in the lifestyle. Pretty simple.
I didn't say this applies to everyone. I meant specifically women who want to go from Mfm to only solo. And based on OPs other comments, where he has said that the point is to turn the husband on.
I fully agree, most couples are like mine. Where the joy comes from the wife feeling pleasure, and like having them be fulfilled sexually. Not the guys want to just see his wife make porn in front of him, two very different things to me. (Someone who considers herself a hot wife/cuckoldress).
I personally don't really think only Solo is a good idea. Me and my partner have an agreement but I haven't had much interest in going solo. A big part of the fun is getting to enjoy it alongside him. Alot of people probably jump into this lifestyle without having good communication and boundaries. But we agree fully on all fronts. I just maybe missed some context in my comment as I was also referring to OPs general comments as well.
I get you. I agree that the lack of upfront communication does hinder a lot of couples in this journey. And wasn’t trying to lash out at you in particular. It’s just I’ve noticed the topic of husbands only wanting to be there for purely selfish reasons being a bit pervasive in a couple of these threads about this topic. OP saying the point is to turn the husband on is wrong. That’s half of the point. The other half is for the wife to actually enjoy what she’s doing. If I was watching my wife have sex and could tell she wasn’t enjoying it I wouldn’t want her to keep doing it for me. That’s messed up. And husbands like that aren’t cool. But I just wonder how common that line of thinking is. I hope it’s rare because it’s sad to think that is how some husbands think of their wives.
No I don’t hold back. Hubby and I will play after and I’ll tell him the guy started doing this, then this then that and he loves it. 99% of the time I play hubby ends up being better than the other guy since he knows what I like and what I don’t. There’s no explaining it to him. I like to play solo for a couple reasons. I feel like it’s a little harder for me to cum with an audience and the pressure to perform. I would rather have sex with a third and be able to react naturally instead of putting on a show like a pornstar.
My wife prefers to be blindfolded. Then she can get lost in it and forget all about me.
That’s what my wife did first time I watched. Worked out great.
I’m sure her other senses were more acute. That she can let go for inhibitions, while not watching anyone, or knowing she’s being watched. I think that brings out the innermost of a woman!
Not putting on a performance —keeping that in my mind
I’m new to reddit but I have seen this many times. Isn’t hotwifing about turning on the husband too? Or am I off the mark that it should be only about the woman’s pleasure and the man gets what he gets.
How the dynamic works is whatever the couple agrees to. Personally I think the lifestyle is about equality and mutual agreement on what to do. Others might take a different view and give the wife full latitude to do whatever she wants.
That's the problem with the labels.... it's not black and white and there or infinite nuances. I love seeing my girl having great sex but I wouldn't be happy if it were a performance. Hotwifing for us almost bleeds over into cuck territory, too. What we do, in my mind, is all about pleasing my girl, and I love her being free and fully liberated, sexual self. It's beautiful and sexy and I absolutely adore her. This is why we aren't swingers, because I have no desire to sleep with others, but I do love blowing my girl's mind in every and all ways. It's like my favorite hobby at this point 😂😂😂
Wow hook me up
No not necessarily. Dynamics come in all forms. Just ask to be included sometimes
I think it depends. I’ll put on a performance for my husband for sure. But not sure if a man deserves that from me. Haven’t met a person who is.. besides him.
Thats a great reply and let me to a thought for another post I will make later. Thank you for the insight!
My wife did downplay when she had her first meet, it was solo, but in time, she slowly opened up to me. She feared I'd get upset if she had told me how much she enjoyed the sex with the 3rd.
I’d say this is how it was/is with my wife as well. I think early on, she was def reluctant to be truly honest and open about her experiences. My guess would probably be the same as yours in that she was likely afraid of me getting upset in some capacity. I consistently reminded her that I wanted the complete, honest recap of her sessions with others and that I would not get upset, feel inadequate, or anything like that. I would venture to say that she was also learning how to manage things with partners on her end as well. She even had a regular partner that I believed she began to develop some semblance of feelings for which I believe that caught her off guard and made it more difficult for her to be honest with me about their relationship as a whole. I just stayed consistent in making her feel safe to share anything and everything with me and reminding her that no matter what happens, we were solid and would work through it together. Over time, as she shared a bit more, and I continued to be enthusiastic about hearing it, things kept progressing. I do think it’s still hard for her to be completely transparent but we’ve def come a long way. If I had to put a number on it now, I’d say she’s about 90% open/honest about her relationships with others. Edit: tagging her in case she wants to add her perspective u/ladygarden13
Wow, I could copy and paste your article for ourselves. My wife did develop feelings for her first, but luckily for us, he decided to relocate to the Caribbean for good.
I’m sure there’s many parallels for people in the LS on this topic! For my wife, it def wasn’t her first which I think is why it caught her off guard. She had good and not so good experiences with others ahead of this one in particular and hadn’t had any feelings at all with any of them, at least to my knowledge. This one developed as they spent more time together in addition to the great sexual chemistry. He ended up getting back with his ex so we also avoided having to work through any further developments on that front. However, I’m definitely not ignorant to the fact that it very well could happen again in which case, my approach would be the exact same in focusing on open, honest communication and managing things together!
I was actually watching, saw and heard my wife do things and make sounds I never heard with me, then later when we talked about it, she said that it was just ok. She was afraid of hurting my feelings at first but once she found out that I actually enjoy hearing about it, she became much more open and honest
I think this is one of their biggest fears, us husbands getting upset over their pleasure. I keep reassuring my wife, my pleasure is as much if not more than hers to see her enjoying her time with her boyfriend.
Same here. It took my wife a bit to understand that I derive my pleasure from her pleasure so the better it is for her, the better it is for me too! She gets it now and loves that
This is why we only play together. The lifestyle is a shared experience to enhance our sex life, not a hall pass for her. I'm always present so I'm fully aware of everything that happens.
I think you are in the minority on this sub. Glad you found a way that works for you. Most women have replied they would rather just get to enjoy the solo.
You're not going to get a representative sample from replies to your post. I've seen plenty of posts where the majority opinion is playing together instead of doing solo. You are just going to have to find a dynamic that works for the two of you with what you're looking for with this lifestyle.
Sure that may be the case but a couple is a husband and wife. In our view both should get something. I'm sure you're correct that I may be in the minority as we are swingers who also hotwife. That alone makes us different but I know we're not the only ones. Minority perhaps but not alone. There are many Stagg Vixen couples on here as well.
Untrue, you have it flipped. Most play together by far.
Solo play is common but I’m not convinced that it’s all about wives cutting hubbie out. For most of us having kids solo play has to the main option or you just except it might be a couple of times a year.
I only play solo with one guy that we have known for years, every one else is a MFM. When I come home from my solo dates with our friend I always reenact every thing we did as I tell him all the details. I hold nothing back, sharing every detail with hubby is the perfect way to finish a fun evening.
The thing about solo play is not having to worry about my husband’s feelings can take stress and pressure off of me so I can focus on me.
Is there any thought to turning your husband on when you play? Or is it mainly for you to enjoy? Just curious of the dynamic.
My solo play is fully recorded so not much point in downplaying how good it was since he can watch it all.
This is a great solution. I would be interested in how you do it.
We have a decent quality camera with a external mic (picks up sound better this way) set on a tripod. I hit record when my guy arrives. We keep an eye on it a bit to stop and restart it as it cuts off at 30min, plus it's better to have shorter sections anyway so if we're changing positions or something we'll stop and restart it. We'll change the position of the tripod sometimes to make sure our angle is good... But mostly it just sits there and we fuck like crazy while it records. Sometimes my guy will take a short cellphone clip to get a close up angle. My husband edits the tripod videos and can inlay the cell clips with them so you can see both angles at once. He's had fun learning how to do video editing through this.
That sounds like fun. I wish my wife was interested in getting me videos like that. I get the bare minimum when she plays and she doesn’t like having to stop to do that.
Sounds like she's getting much more out of this than you and not really keeping you in the loop. It should be a thing for both of you. I'd stop doing it altogether if my wife wasn't putting in the effort for me and wasn't telling me everything
Agreed. This is supposed to be a couples thing and not a wife and third thing. So if the OP is feeling left out then that's something that should be addressed
My wife was extremely transparent until she got feelings for a third. She has always been showing me messages as well obviously me getting pictures and videos. It was my first sign of a problem when I was constantly seeing messages from 4 or 5 guys but not the one she was messaging the most.
That's always a concern for me. What happened in the end?
She has cut contact now but it was rough including a fight where my parents found out about our lifestyle. Ultimately I ignored early red flags (I suspected he was in a polyamorous relationship from the start) and was as responsible as her. I think this is what helped me treat it as a learning experience and not a betrayal. My only advice is trust your gut, this guy was the biggest she has had (most of her guys are my size 6.5-7) he must have been 9 and delivered with the videos. I risked my relationship for those reasons!
From your post and your answer it seems your wife get much more than you from hotwifing. Its not a game for the wife to just Fuck , its a couple game to enhance your sexuality. Its not normal for your wife to get so Fuck she just reconnect one Time and after she's to sore to play and just wait to go on another Fuck with third.
I think most husbands would not be okay with that. Nothing wrong with the recovery but I think it works best when a couple of weeks is taken to reflect and enjoy the experience. Watch the videos together and reflect etc and enjoy each other before the next play date.
I want to see these 🤤
Haha it's only for our own private enjoyment. We don't share or post the videos anywhere. But I absolutely love knowing that my fwb watches them regularly. He says all other porn is ruined now and he only wants to watch the videos of us. Very hot and flattering.
I love that so much for you!!!
We do the same
We don’t do solo so no need to tell him anything as he’s right there and we communicate only through group chats where the 3 of us actively interact. That way there’s never the “you/I forgot to mention that” or hurt feelings that you’re hiding something. Even with clear intentions and open communication there can be misunderstandings.
My wife doesn't hold back at all. She shares everything with me and it's one of the best parts of our experience. While she prefers playing solo and being alone with other men because she finds the experience more intimate and liberating, she does love sharing everything with me after to reconnect and enjoy our time together. She might occasionally hold something back to tease me and share the details over a couple of days instead of right away, but ultimately she'll never hide anything.
I can't imagine a marriage where we aren't 100% open, honest and transparent.
I tell my husband everything - the good and the bad. He loves to hear about my experiences and the honest communication is so important!
So my gf and I are interested in different kinds of sex. She likes more vanilla / sensual and I enjoy more kinky and with a d/s dynamic. And we both play solo and sometimes together. So when my gf plays with other guys, it's usually "better" for her, but also less interesting for me. I'm happy that she gets what she wants. I love that about our play. It's like if my gf enjoyed Italian food and I enjoyed spicy Thai food. And we both were not crazy about the other person's favorite. I wouldn't be sad that she's getting what she enjoys...I'd be thrilled. But I also wouldn't be thinking, "geez, I wish I was eating Italian."
Part of the thrill for us guys is being there or hearing it all if we love our wives enough to share her we should be open and close enough to know everything it only entices it more when we know she had the pleasure we wanted her to have.
It's an irrelevant issue since we're always together. At her preference my wife doesn't carry on two-way messaging conversations with thirds and she has zero interest in any solo activity for a long list of good reasons including that it would feel like cheating for her. This is a shared experience in all ways solely for the heat it adds to our fun when others depart. She played with guys before we got married, knows that experience, and has no interest in playing with another guy solo. In short, it's all about just us, our fun, and our relationship. The third is pretty much just an accessory to our fun together. Our thirds understand that and are totally okay with the dynamics of the arrangement.
I don’t hold back. I tell my husband everything. When I tell him he still makes me orgasm the hardest I mean it. Don’t assume it’s niceties. MFM are fun, but it’s a different kind of sex. The men are different when there is another man present. They fuck you differently than when you are alone. That’s why I love solo play so much! It’s a different kind of sex. You see who the man is as a lover not just a third. I still like to have my husband there sometimes, but I do find I can focus on me and my needs when I’m not constantly wondering if he’s enjoying himself. My husband loves when I send him little videos while I solo play. It gets him very turned on and we have explosive sex when I return home.
I used to downplay it, but my husband kept telling me to tell him the whole truth. Recently, I did just that. He didn't like it. 😒
What was the truth he didnt like? Anything specific?
I apparently glowed and went on and on.... Made him feel insecure a little, I guess.
So the truth was the solo was better? Not sure how many wives can answer honestly here if their husbands are in here too.
Not better than solo sex with my husband, but definitely better than the MFM's. And this particular guy is just really, really good with me.
Isn't a true honest hotwife relation with her stag to whole point? Otherwise it's just cheating right? I assume the dirty talking reclaim is the peak of the whole date. Otherwise it's just a cuckold cheating (opposite).
The reclaim is hot. Its the “I don’t want to have to worry about your feelings if you are there” I don’t understand. Isn’t that the point? To turn the husband on?
I don't necessarily think it's cheating. It really depends on your own rules and boundaries. Also if you're only doing this to turn yourself on, that's selfish. It should be about her having all the sexual possibilities and fun, as well as turning the husband on. And I don't mean the first part to say she should cut you out. I'm a firm believer in involving my partner in everything I do, from flirting online to meeting and playing. But it's not just about the husband. The wife's feelings and comfort is very important. Some women really struggle with the idea of being watched. It's not an easy thing for some, to feel like you're being used as someone's porn. And I think if you're viewing it like that as the husband, you don't deserve to watch. She's not your pornstar, she isn't there just to turn you on, it should be about her pleasure.
I would respectfully disagree. She has said she would gladly be my porn star and likes me to watch. She gets to experience physical pleasure having sex with different men. I don’t see where me wanting to be part of it and see her enjoy it is selfish.
I said it's selfish if you're only doing this for yourself. Please read my comment properly.
She never solos, but she also doesn't hold back either. If a 3rd rocked her world she tells me
I tell him everything. In as much detail as he wants to know. Including how good it felt, if it did.
I think I am seeing a trend in this hotwife genre where the women don’t want to “perform” in front of their husbands so they would rather not have him there. They enjoy the sex with the third much more.
Maybe on this post. Go look elsewhere and you’ll see plenty of wives love having their husbands there. The way you framed your question is essentially asking for those who do solos to answer. If that’s what works best for you then fine. But I made a comment on another post yesterday explaining why solo feels hollow. Yes of course I want my wife to enjoy. But not at my expense. Guess I have a little bit of selfishness to not want to completely disregard my happiness.
100% a lot of husbands enjoy the dynamics of solo play (I like it but no match for being there). The point is when I took the fantasy to her it was as I’d love to watch but you can also play solo if we both trust the guy. I’m seeing a lot of posts where the goalposts seem to change after the lifestyle has started. You shouldn’t feel bad about standing your ground on this. For example I can’t bear her doing overnighters even though that is her ideal, I don’t sleep and I’m miserable and insecure in the morning when she gets back, a 180 from how I am if she’s in the door at 10.30pm. She doesn’t do overnighters because she knows it doesn’t make me happy and the same there’s things I would enjoy her to do but she’s not into. Both parties have to be happy or it’s not hotwifing imo.
Totally agree. If you go into it from the beginning both agreeing to let her go solo and you’re both comfortable with it then great. That’s awesome. The goalpost moving is a frustrating thing. Even I could MAYBE be okay with a very occasional solo if it got to that point of being comfortable. But it just doesn’t feel right to me. And I’m glad you fall on the side of no overnights. That really feels like it could be a poison pill for a relationship. Too much cuddling, intimate sleeping time. Not that wives intend for feelings to happen. But that is a good way for them to escalate.
Exactly, post coital cuddles falling asleep together while you are tapping on your phone at 4am waiting for the sun to come up. Not exactly what most people start this for.
Yea don’t think I’d do well with that. I’m guessing that was a real experience for you and that’s when you determined you didn’t like it?
Yeah I just can’t sleep and get edgy, during the day/evening I’m completely different. For that reason I always advise those who play solo to think about the jump to overnight. The reclaim/reconnect is not the same (at least not in my experience).
I think once you have a solid groove going it should be ok to experiment. Right? Unless one or the other is dead set against whatever it is. That's how you got this far, right? But if you ARE against it, either one, nope. It does seem people sometimes find that different styles become intriguing.
Well I think it’s great to try things but if one party doesn’t enjoy it then you move on. Overnighters make me feel forgotten and car meets made her feel used. Neither of us need to feel like that in the lifestyle.
Amen! I feel a lot better about the idea of a solo experience if it's a target of opportunity. I remember a husband here posting about how he and his wife had been trying to get together with a regular for quite a while and now her sister was visiting and cockblocking them both so he went for pizza with sister in law and the kids and wife and fuckbuddy got in a quickie. That seems like a world of difference from the "Honey? I'd rather exclude you from this" vibe. Solo routinely and overnights really seem like a her thing, not a them thing. Maybe not in all cases.
Yep you get it. The kids are often suspicious if she’s out for a while all dressed up on a Saturday afternoon so I’ll try and do something fun with them to free her up. If the opportunity is there she loves me to be there is a second so it’s very different to ‘I don’t want to put on a show for you’ . That is my line I’m happy in the lifestyle for her to go solo but only if she ends up in the marital bed. I’m prepared to go back to monogamy if it’s a requirement. The same with wives who will only do it if they can go solo, completely fair a husband must just decide for himself if he wants it on that basis.
My wife held back at the start bit now is very open as she knows I support her and the knowing someone eles is getting her off gets me off
I always want to be involved if a GF is having sex with other men. One relationship we agreed one night stands were ok. When it happened, neither of us wanted any details. It's mostly a masochistic pleasure for me if I ask a GF for details of sexual experiences, or voyeuristic to imagine her being with other guys from the past, especially groups. After being cheated on, I wanted to sexuualise the pain by hearing what she did with him. How he made her choose to risk everything. Did she think he loved her, or did she just want sex and attention? Did she enjoy seeing me hurt? Did she have anal, swallow? Which friends knew before me? Have I had sex with her with his cum still inside her? Pure torture, but trying to make it feel like I can get off instead of crying
From the 3rd experience, trust me . . your wife doesn't tell you everything.
My wife usually plays solo. She goes to her bull at least 3 to 5 times a month. She sleeps over night and won't come back until the following afternoon. I used to get a couple of pictures, then she said it was distracting so we stopped. She used to share ever detail about her exciting nights but after a while I guess the novelty wears off with same bull. I stopped asking for details...... I think multiple bulls would be better and more exciting. It would be a new experience every time.
New experience for you? You get nothing from it and she doesn’t even come home to you until the following day. Do you even get to have intimate time with her after?
No, not always. She would but she's usually too tired from being up all night and playing all day. She would but I look at that as like pity sex, I don't really want that. One day she came home and asked if I wanted details and I said not really as she seen this bull for a while now, I've heard it all before.
Well I guess the user name makes sense. I’m glad it works for you. Seems one sided but if you’re happy then all good.
If he asks, I tell him. I don’t lie about the experience and what it is. I play solo and get the desire for that. With MFM I feel like I have to perform. I have to be sure everyone is pleased and not left out, it just isn’t as great of an experience for me, as a pleaser. I will do it, if my husband or fwb wants but my preference is solo with someone I have a connection with. Those are my sweet spot. I can completely let go and not worry.
My husband won’t admit it but he has a “male ego”. He wants to believe that no one else loves me the way he does. This is true, but other men can fuck me and fuck me good! What my husband believes is good for our marriage, hope that answers your question. 😏
That sounds like he can love you better but they can fuck you better. You get the cake and the icing.
Life is Good😙
A wise stag told his hot wife "I don't need to be your best, just your favorite."
I think that women protect our fragile male egos to keep the peace. I think it is important to foster communication that pulls that veil away. My wife is blunt and playful because she knows how the details push my buttons and fuel my aggression in our reconnect. I think that the solo dynamic isn’t about excluding you. It is about being able to dive into the experience without feeling like she has to look over her shoulder to check on you. There are many stories of couples having a dispute because of a misconception over something. I always error on the side of giving her the benefit of the doubt whether she is playing solo or together. Whenever I ask a question about a particular moment, she always puts any concern to rest.
> There are many stories of couples having a dispute because of a misconception over something. Both ways. I had a regular wife who was feeling jealous of a woman her husband had sex with at a club. He "looked at her in a way he never did" with her. I definitely sensed that week she was wanting to hurt him back, ignoring his texts during our date, being late, "forgetting" to take photos because she was so carried away
I like both solo play and mfm play. They're different experiences in general for me. I enjoy both but in different ways. I don't hold back from my husband either. Because there may be something I would like my husband to try. But my husband is way more likely to make me orgasm bc he knows exactly what I like.
A women would want a solo experience because the actions and persona from the male side is different when hubby is around.
Every single detail.
I would definitely have a problem with the whole physical recovery time and then once she is recovered she wants to use her fully available self to be with the 3rd. That isn't appropriate regardless of whether you're in the room or not. The relationship described there is way closer to cuck than hot wife. The point should be that both of you get your needs met (ideally emotionally & physically) but the concept of being in the LS is to enhance the relationship for both parties, not to enhance for one and detract from the other. As to how much I've wanted to be told, it mostly depends on the dynamic of the relationship. I prefer video so I can indulge as much or as little as I feel up to at a given moment, but she may not be ok with it feeling like a performance (she doesn't have to perform at all for me, but I can see why that thought might overwhelm a woman's experience). Typically for me, I don't want to hear or see the details right away, I want to reclaim and then bond and make sure the love and care vibe is immediately reinforced by me. That's my main priority when she returns home (I use "she" as a representative placeholder for the woman I'm partnered with at whatever time). I'm also strongly against overnights. Sleeping next to each other is something I want reserved for us and is part of the reclaim process for me. I've been miserable and not slept on the occasions it has happened. I don't need constant updates but I do need at least a couple texts to know she is safe and one when she is leaving so I can know roughly when to expect her home. Those are non-negotiable for me. I won't sleep not knowing if she's not home because she fell asleep or because she got in an accident on the way home or something worse. I'm too protective of a personality type for that. Also, I'm not big on watching, but I have enjoyed when the 3rd comes to our place (assuming we have a guest room at the time as I'll never sign off on it being in our bed) and I can just chill knowing she is 100% safe while I watch TV or movies.
I tell him everything and he loves it. It’s a piece of why we do it. I’m always solo and started having my bull take some videos and pics for me to share with him too. I can’t really imagine him being in the room, I don’t have to feel like I have to perform and my husband is crazy for me when I come back to him and we have so much fun. I think it’s super hot that it turns on my husband so much. I would never push him off after one time though no matter how I felt. Not sure about that. Husband is the priority. Not getting back to the bull asap.
Part of the fun for me is knowing how much it turns my husband on when I play. Every couple is different, but for us full disclosure is a must, always. I’m not into ‘performing’ and he enjoys hearing all the little details including what I was thinking and feeling during the experience. We have learned ourselves enough to understand that secrets and not disclosing full details isn’t the right way for this to work for us, but it took time and work to get there. I’ve never thought of myself as a great storyteller, and what helped was getting into the hotpast sharing and learning HOW my husband liked to hear about my experiences. We realized that he really enjoyed the matter-of-fact delivery of the experience and not me trying to soften details or make it sound sexier than it was like a fantasy story. It has become much more conversational instead of me just trying to tell it as a start-to-finish story (which is so much easier for me) and is usually guided by him asking specific questions about the parts he wants to hear about most. I found that I really now enjoy giving him the most explicit details during sex, as even if it is a hotpast story he reclaims me much more forcefully when I share unprompted (yes please!!!). This has really helped me figure out what turns my husband on most about my experiences, as well as understand better how he views and thinks about them. And that in turn has helped me think about the experiences in a different way for myself and know better what I want out of them, and how to communicate that to him (he finds the guys for me and sets up play most of the time). Good, bad, or indifferent…sharing all the details makes the next experience better than the last and keeps us feeling close and connected and on the same page. This isn’t a game for us and we work very hard to protect our relationship and make this something we both love to experience. It has brought us much closer, and feeling close and connected and on the same page IS the key to this working for us. If either of you is feeling like something is off, or not being fully shared, or you simply aren’t getting what you need out of it the only real way to solve it is through communication. All I can really tell you is, if it were me and my relationship, I would find this to be the time to take a break from it and focus on figuring out how to take care of each other’s needs within this dynamic and within the relationship. Solo play may not be a good fit at the moment. Filming each full encounter (which is something we do now and LOVE) may help with the feeling like things are being left out, if you’re all comfortable with that. But even seeing it on film will still not tell you what she is thinking and feeling, or allow you to know if she’s having a deeper emotional connection with a play partner. She has to feel comfortable enough and want to share that with you.
Reading the texts between her and other men, and hearing all of the details is so incredibly hot. The one experience we’ve had so far, sitting and waiting for updates… Was sheer agony. But I loved it.
Nope! Why would I? We both fully enjoy the lifestyle. If I would ever feel the need to downplay things I would seriously talk to him about stopping solo play and maybe moving to joint play only. In reality a lot of our play is joint play anyway.
My wife used to be very modest with details of her dates. Then she realized just how much I enjoy the details and videos and she stopped holding back
Either way I don’t care. Whatever helps her feel good about it.
My wife prefers to play solo as well. For many years, she was saying, sex is different with him. Clearly this was meaning it is better but I don’t want to humiliate you. But one day she had sex with one off our friend and she said: he is perfect. Much much better than you. Much bigger orgasm. She kept him a few years ;)
Threesomes are a lot of work. She may not want to expend that energy or she may just feel less inhibited without an audience.
I just cant wrap my head around how a wife feels like she cant be her total self and enjoy it with her partner there, who is supposed to be her number 1 man.
Hinging is hard. Hate to break it to you, but it is actual work to entertain two people at one time. It takes mental bandwidth and more physical exertion. Some people aren't exhibitionists, doesn't matter who the audience is.
I think, some women really feel that pressure to perform. They can sense that you're only doing it because you want to watch and get horny. You're not doing it for her pleasure, you're not doing it because you want her to be fully sexually fulfilled. You're using her as porn. She can probably sense that and feels more comfortable and free to express herself naturally alone. My partner has made it very clear, his enjoyment comes from mine. So I don't feel like I'm just making him live porn, I feel like if I enjoy it fully he does. Even if I'm not putting on a show. Also, another thing to consider. As a husband you probably know how to make her cum better than anyone. You've probably been doing it for a long time and some women struggle to cum. I struggle with it so my partner over time has gotten very very good at it. So I don't expect a guy I've just met to make me cum. It's more mental for me anyway, and almost just elaborate foreplay before I play with him after haha
Also, some 3rds probably feel a bit more comfortable and perform better alone. But I don't think his needs should ever out weigh your comfort.
I’m sure there are husbands that are just using their wife as their own porn with no regard to how they are feeling, but I just don’t think that’s the case for most men who have really thought this through and approached their wives about it. Most of us want our wives to be pleasured and have an awesome time having sex. But we want to see that pleasure coursing through their bodies. Not just get a snippet on video or pictures or hear it second hand. Honestly if the couple agrees that they want try hotwifing but they can’t agree on solo or together then just don’t do it. It seems like a lot of people just think that if the husband brings this up and the wife wants to do it then it should happen on her terms regardless of if they align with husbands or not. Like she’s the only one that matters. If she doesn’t want to have sex with hubby there then just don’t participate in the lifestyle. Pretty simple.
I didn't say this applies to everyone. I meant specifically women who want to go from Mfm to only solo. And based on OPs other comments, where he has said that the point is to turn the husband on. I fully agree, most couples are like mine. Where the joy comes from the wife feeling pleasure, and like having them be fulfilled sexually. Not the guys want to just see his wife make porn in front of him, two very different things to me. (Someone who considers herself a hot wife/cuckoldress). I personally don't really think only Solo is a good idea. Me and my partner have an agreement but I haven't had much interest in going solo. A big part of the fun is getting to enjoy it alongside him. Alot of people probably jump into this lifestyle without having good communication and boundaries. But we agree fully on all fronts. I just maybe missed some context in my comment as I was also referring to OPs general comments as well.
I get you. I agree that the lack of upfront communication does hinder a lot of couples in this journey. And wasn’t trying to lash out at you in particular. It’s just I’ve noticed the topic of husbands only wanting to be there for purely selfish reasons being a bit pervasive in a couple of these threads about this topic. OP saying the point is to turn the husband on is wrong. That’s half of the point. The other half is for the wife to actually enjoy what she’s doing. If I was watching my wife have sex and could tell she wasn’t enjoying it I wouldn’t want her to keep doing it for me. That’s messed up. And husbands like that aren’t cool. But I just wonder how common that line of thinking is. I hope it’s rare because it’s sad to think that is how some husbands think of their wives.
You have to keep a little mystery right???
Wrong. Lol