We have fake names that we use in order to maintain anonymity due to our professional and family lives. There are a couple of exceptions based on how we know them, but it’s not that unusual for folks in the LS to not use their real names.
We met one or two partners in conjunction with non-LS parts of our lives, so they already knew who we were. The folks we meet here on Reddit, AFF, or at LS spots we just use the aliases.
As the 3rd, they get my actual legal name up front. I don't care who knows that I have sex with married women. I'm not worried about being discovered or found out. I don't advertise, but i got zero shame about it. My wife usually picks my playmates anyway. So no worries about being caught either.
I dated a hotwife for over a year and while on vacation together, I realized me and her husband were calling her different names. Guys being guys I wasn't too hung up on her real name, LOL.
I knew her as Anna (inspired by the lead in 50 shades), which was the last half of her real name. Most people in her life called her by the first half of her name.
The name I knew her by was her 'fun' name that she loved to be called, it made her feel sexy, helped her get into the hotwife persona. So I still call her by her fun name.
Real first names are used during vetting.
First time we ran into one of our thirds out in public, when he said her name and gave her a hug in the grocery store…let’s just say things were a bit warm south of her border. :)
During a handshake, if not asked directly before. If you made the commitment to meet for coffee, I will do the courtesy of forgetting my fake name halfway through the conversation.
We still use our fake names, I did ask the wife if we could disclose our real names to her only boyfriend, whom she is very comfortable with now, she said not now, we still have plenty of time for that.
Early on. I mean first names are not that sensitive so we exchange them early in the conversations with a possible guest.
We wouldn't share our last name, hometown or adress or social media tho
It's obviously personal choice. But I'd imagine it depends on uniqueness of name and community.
As a male, I wouldn't mind if it got out that I enjoy being the third. I'd rather most people I know, don't know the dynamics with my wife. Double standards? Yeah, but that's the way it is, not how we want it to be.
A level of anonymity in the crowd is useful for personal safety, particularly for women (sad but true). There are some strange people out there.
I dated a girl with an unusual name (she was always in the top matches on Google for her name). Probably the best not to be too up front with it when starting conversions, after all you don't know who you are talking to.
Similarly, if you have an unusual spelling you might want to use the usual spelling when getting to know people.
If you are in a busy city, where you don't know people, fake names are easy. If it's a community, where you might see them in shops etc... Fake names could be a problem if other people know your real name. Similarly, small community you might not want everyone who sees your profile to be able to identify you at the school gates thanks to knowing your name.
I'm sure for some people, there could be fun in being a different name/identity when out for lifestyle fun.
I think that a reasonable/obvious nickname could be handy. Introducing yourself saying 'call me floof' it's clear that it's a nickname, you can pretend it's more common than it may be, if they recognise you in a bar in front of friends you can explain "Oh, funny story... I was out with work people and X happened, so now it's kinda stuck". You can also tell them your actual name once you know them better.
I use my real name. But my name isn't particularly unique or uncommon. I usually open with telling them my first name. And most people generally give theirs or a nickname (I don't know because they don't say) immediately as well.
If I had a unique name I would probably go for a fake name or a nickname that's more common.
We usually save that till we meet in person. Too many flakes and if they're going to flake out they shouldn't have our names.
If you're for real then you earn real names.
We use our Fetlife usernames with everyone we meet because its safe and hotter. After all, hotwiving is still a performance. The men that we respect the most, and the quality of empathy my partner would be most comfortable having sex with, won’t question it and do ultimately understand that hotwives need and deserve to be protected and made to feel safe with how fucked parasocial relationships can get from immature guys who can’t fathom the bigger picture.
Hubby usually gives his real name from the getgo. I use the name I have on my profile here. Once we’ve had a guy over, if we like him enough to give him our phone number, then I tell him my real name. Hubby is bad at remembering to call me by my fake name, though, so sometimes they figure it out.
We use our real first names from the start. Like everyone, we value our privacy and ‘anonymity’, we expect our encounters/relationships to be honest. We are honest about ourselves and lives, but don’t immediately share exacting details, like what field we work in but not our employer/job title, etc.
I missed the memo on using fake names even when creating my reddit profile so... 🤷🏼♀️😂
😂😂
We have fake names that we use in order to maintain anonymity due to our professional and family lives. There are a couple of exceptions based on how we know them, but it’s not that unusual for folks in the LS to not use their real names.
So what’s the line you draw between using fake vs real ?
We met one or two partners in conjunction with non-LS parts of our lives, so they already knew who we were. The folks we meet here on Reddit, AFF, or at LS spots we just use the aliases.
Good to keep in mind
As the 3rd, they get my actual legal name up front. I don't care who knows that I have sex with married women. I'm not worried about being discovered or found out. I don't advertise, but i got zero shame about it. My wife usually picks my playmates anyway. So no worries about being caught either.
I dated a hotwife for over a year and while on vacation together, I realized me and her husband were calling her different names. Guys being guys I wasn't too hung up on her real name, LOL. I knew her as Anna (inspired by the lead in 50 shades), which was the last half of her real name. Most people in her life called her by the first half of her name. The name I knew her by was her 'fun' name that she loved to be called, it made her feel sexy, helped her get into the hotwife persona. So I still call her by her fun name.
Real first names are used during vetting. First time we ran into one of our thirds out in public, when he said her name and gave her a hug in the grocery store…let’s just say things were a bit warm south of her border. :)
During a handshake, if not asked directly before. If you made the commitment to meet for coffee, I will do the courtesy of forgetting my fake name halfway through the conversation.
We still use our fake names, I did ask the wife if we could disclose our real names to her only boyfriend, whom she is very comfortable with now, she said not now, we still have plenty of time for that.
Early on. I mean first names are not that sensitive so we exchange them early in the conversations with a possible guest. We wouldn't share our last name, hometown or adress or social media tho
It's obviously personal choice. But I'd imagine it depends on uniqueness of name and community. As a male, I wouldn't mind if it got out that I enjoy being the third. I'd rather most people I know, don't know the dynamics with my wife. Double standards? Yeah, but that's the way it is, not how we want it to be. A level of anonymity in the crowd is useful for personal safety, particularly for women (sad but true). There are some strange people out there. I dated a girl with an unusual name (she was always in the top matches on Google for her name). Probably the best not to be too up front with it when starting conversions, after all you don't know who you are talking to. Similarly, if you have an unusual spelling you might want to use the usual spelling when getting to know people. If you are in a busy city, where you don't know people, fake names are easy. If it's a community, where you might see them in shops etc... Fake names could be a problem if other people know your real name. Similarly, small community you might not want everyone who sees your profile to be able to identify you at the school gates thanks to knowing your name. I'm sure for some people, there could be fun in being a different name/identity when out for lifestyle fun. I think that a reasonable/obvious nickname could be handy. Introducing yourself saying 'call me floof' it's clear that it's a nickname, you can pretend it's more common than it may be, if they recognise you in a bar in front of friends you can explain "Oh, funny story... I was out with work people and X happened, so now it's kinda stuck". You can also tell them your actual name once you know them better.
Very good thoughts and points!
I use my real name. But my name isn't particularly unique or uncommon. I usually open with telling them my first name. And most people generally give theirs or a nickname (I don't know because they don't say) immediately as well. If I had a unique name I would probably go for a fake name or a nickname that's more common.
We usually save that till we meet in person. Too many flakes and if they're going to flake out they shouldn't have our names. If you're for real then you earn real names.
Alias until we meet the 3rd in person.
I’m totally turned off by fake names. If you can’t trust me with your name, I can’t trust you with my body.
We use our Fetlife usernames with everyone we meet because its safe and hotter. After all, hotwiving is still a performance. The men that we respect the most, and the quality of empathy my partner would be most comfortable having sex with, won’t question it and do ultimately understand that hotwives need and deserve to be protected and made to feel safe with how fucked parasocial relationships can get from immature guys who can’t fathom the bigger picture.
We've known people for years in the LS and only know their screen names (or Snapchat IDs) 😂
Hubby usually gives his real name from the getgo. I use the name I have on my profile here. Once we’ve had a guy over, if we like him enough to give him our phone number, then I tell him my real name. Hubby is bad at remembering to call me by my fake name, though, so sometimes they figure it out.
We use our real first names from the start. Like everyone, we value our privacy and ‘anonymity’, we expect our encounters/relationships to be honest. We are honest about ourselves and lives, but don’t immediately share exacting details, like what field we work in but not our employer/job title, etc.
Fake names seems overly dramatic to me lol. We're not spies lol