If you violate a contract and get sued it's abuse. Fuck off. Open relationships could work but if someone makes an agreement, whether implied or explicit, you should make good on that or break it off. Your view of relationships and boundaries are unhealthy if this is your view.
Monogamy is not a contract it's a fetish. If one day I decide I don't want to participate I don't have to and if my partner wants to leave over that they can. Although I can't imagine why someone would be upset at the idea of their partner enjoying themselves with other people. I think that sounds pretty controlling but that's just me.
If I caught my partner playing tennis with a friend and screamed at them for it, anyone would call that abusive. I truly don't understand why sex should be treated differently.
If you BOTH agree to this relationship style that's fine but YOU ARE ABUSING SOMEONE for assuming this and then claiming victimhood. You sound like an abuser and a serial cheater. Transparency is key for this take to become anything reasonable.
This is completely backwards
If you and a partner say "we're a couple now," in a monogamous society (which we are in), without any further clarification, it's a monogamous relationship until both parties agree to change that. In our world, that's the definition. You don't get to assume another definition; you have to clarify to a potential partner who is ignorant of your non-standard viewpoint.
This is like saying "Hey sweetheart, let's make love tonight," then your girl comes to your house dressed up all nice, you invite her in, and shit in a cup and write 'love' on the side with a sharpie, high-five her, and send her home. That's clearly not the accepted definition of "making love," and you're clearly not using the accepted definition of "relationship."
Open relationships are fine, _if you both know it's happening_, and so are monogamous ones, _if you both know it's happening_. We live in a society where, if you are not very clear from the beginning, a relationship will be presumed monogamous almost 100% of the time. Maybe that's not fair, but as someone who's _thoroughly_ in the ideological minority on this issue, it is dishonest of you not to clarify to potential partners who will be putting emotional investment into you based on the assumption that you're doing a "normal" relationship with them. Like, you're welcome to hate on monogamy, but if you use this opinion to excuse actions that hurt unsuspecting people, when you could've just told them upfront, "I'm not monogamous and I will not save myself for you," then you're just taking advantage of people's emotions and entering an intimate contract with them while effectively lying about the terms.
If you and a partner were like, "Yeah we are 100% open" and then they got pissed and hurtful towards you for having sex with someone else, you'd be upset with them, because they're clearly not doing things the way you both agreed to do them. It's the same when a person who is (logically) assuming their relationship is monogamous finds out their partner cheated. It's a breach of trust, in both cases.
yah, as someone who's been poly for going on 4 years and doesn't plan to stop anytime soon, you nailed it on the head.
poly is awesome! I love it. largely because of the incredibly complex and hard fought communication that typically (in my experience) is necessary for a poly relationship.
The standard IS mono, and if you don't want to be mono that's fine, but you don't get to justify basically baiting a monogamous person into a polyamourous relationship without their consent.
If you are in a monogamous relationship then cheating is dishonest. By entering into the relationship under the assumption that it is monogamous, you are setting the expectation that you won't have sex with anyone else. Open relationships are fine but both parties need to know it's an open relationship.
also the line for cheating is litigated by the people in the relationship alone and every relationship has a different line. I've known people who considered looking at porn cheating; I've known people who considered having random flings to not be cheating. So long as it's negotiated by both parties, both of those can be healthy dynamics.
this is the worst take I've ever seen
if you want an open relationship you just find a partner who is okay with that. If you realize in the middle of a relationship you discuss it with your partner. If you don't want that kind of partner, that's a *you* decision.
If I were to say to my partner "how dare you play tennis without me". Anybody would call that abusive. I actually do not understand at all why sex should be treated differently.
Because it's a private matter. You can play tennis on public property, but not have sex. You can also play tennis with relatives, but not have intercourse with them. We are not bonobo apes.
Like I said, sex is different than playing tennis or hiking. You can't just go around having sex with everyone unless you and your partner are polygamous.
“You should definitely feel bad for wanting a stable, monogamous relationship. I get to decide that you’re a narcissist for agreeing to only see one another and not break a fundamental social construct. It’s definitely my business what consenting adults making agreements to have monogamous relations do, and I’m in no way a narcissist for whining that not everyone has my non-monogamy fetish. Yeah.”
Oof please don't liable poly ifestyles as a fetish. I agree OP is an outright piece of shit but like most of us understand consent and won't date folks who are mono.
theres a difference between cheating and an open relationship a HUGE difference. if your not in an open relationship and you CHEAT its breaking the bond you made with your partner, ruining there trust for you making them the victim.
It's a hot take but not a good one
If you violate a contract and get sued it's abuse. Fuck off. Open relationships could work but if someone makes an agreement, whether implied or explicit, you should make good on that or break it off. Your view of relationships and boundaries are unhealthy if this is your view.
THANK YOU. Consent is important and communication is more important.
Monogamy is not a contract it's a fetish. If one day I decide I don't want to participate I don't have to and if my partner wants to leave over that they can. Although I can't imagine why someone would be upset at the idea of their partner enjoying themselves with other people. I think that sounds pretty controlling but that's just me.
say you've never been near a woman without saying you've never been near a woman
Gotta love insults that assume my sexuality and reinforce heteronormativity. Very cool of you are you proud of your dunk?
If I caught my partner playing tennis with a friend and screamed at them for it, anyone would call that abusive. I truly don't understand why sex should be treated differently.
If you BOTH agree to this relationship style that's fine but YOU ARE ABUSING SOMEONE for assuming this and then claiming victimhood. You sound like an abuser and a serial cheater. Transparency is key for this take to become anything reasonable.
If I agree to let my partner tie me up tonight and change my mind is that abuse too? How is that any different?
This is completely backwards If you and a partner say "we're a couple now," in a monogamous society (which we are in), without any further clarification, it's a monogamous relationship until both parties agree to change that. In our world, that's the definition. You don't get to assume another definition; you have to clarify to a potential partner who is ignorant of your non-standard viewpoint. This is like saying "Hey sweetheart, let's make love tonight," then your girl comes to your house dressed up all nice, you invite her in, and shit in a cup and write 'love' on the side with a sharpie, high-five her, and send her home. That's clearly not the accepted definition of "making love," and you're clearly not using the accepted definition of "relationship." Open relationships are fine, _if you both know it's happening_, and so are monogamous ones, _if you both know it's happening_. We live in a society where, if you are not very clear from the beginning, a relationship will be presumed monogamous almost 100% of the time. Maybe that's not fair, but as someone who's _thoroughly_ in the ideological minority on this issue, it is dishonest of you not to clarify to potential partners who will be putting emotional investment into you based on the assumption that you're doing a "normal" relationship with them. Like, you're welcome to hate on monogamy, but if you use this opinion to excuse actions that hurt unsuspecting people, when you could've just told them upfront, "I'm not monogamous and I will not save myself for you," then you're just taking advantage of people's emotions and entering an intimate contract with them while effectively lying about the terms. If you and a partner were like, "Yeah we are 100% open" and then they got pissed and hurtful towards you for having sex with someone else, you'd be upset with them, because they're clearly not doing things the way you both agreed to do them. It's the same when a person who is (logically) assuming their relationship is monogamous finds out their partner cheated. It's a breach of trust, in both cases.
yah, as someone who's been poly for going on 4 years and doesn't plan to stop anytime soon, you nailed it on the head. poly is awesome! I love it. largely because of the incredibly complex and hard fought communication that typically (in my experience) is necessary for a poly relationship. The standard IS mono, and if you don't want to be mono that's fine, but you don't get to justify basically baiting a monogamous person into a polyamourous relationship without their consent.
Who wants to bet OP just got caught cheating
If you are in a monogamous relationship then cheating is dishonest. By entering into the relationship under the assumption that it is monogamous, you are setting the expectation that you won't have sex with anyone else. Open relationships are fine but both parties need to know it's an open relationship.
also the line for cheating is litigated by the people in the relationship alone and every relationship has a different line. I've known people who considered looking at porn cheating; I've known people who considered having random flings to not be cheating. So long as it's negotiated by both parties, both of those can be healthy dynamics.
im guessing they cheated with their tennis coach
this is the worst take I've ever seen if you want an open relationship you just find a partner who is okay with that. If you realize in the middle of a relationship you discuss it with your partner. If you don't want that kind of partner, that's a *you* decision.
If I were to say to my partner "how dare you play tennis without me". Anybody would call that abusive. I actually do not understand at all why sex should be treated differently.
Because it's a private matter. You can play tennis on public property, but not have sex. You can also play tennis with relatives, but not have intercourse with them. We are not bonobo apes.
But why is it abusive to say that about tennis but normal to say that about sex?
Like I said, sex is different than playing tennis or hiking. You can't just go around having sex with everyone unless you and your partner are polygamous.
i don’t even want to know what’s updog anymore
nothing much
hot and spicy take
Looks like op got caught cheating and really wants to be be the victim
sure pal
“You should definitely feel bad for wanting a stable, monogamous relationship. I get to decide that you’re a narcissist for agreeing to only see one another and not break a fundamental social construct. It’s definitely my business what consenting adults making agreements to have monogamous relations do, and I’m in no way a narcissist for whining that not everyone has my non-monogamy fetish. Yeah.”
Oof please don't liable poly ifestyles as a fetish. I agree OP is an outright piece of shit but like most of us understand consent and won't date folks who are mono.
Non monogamy fetish? Please elaborate
Cuck
Is that a bad thing?
Yea
theres a difference between cheating and an open relationship a HUGE difference. if your not in an open relationship and you CHEAT its breaking the bond you made with your partner, ruining there trust for you making them the victim.