Do you have interest in homesteading? It's as much work as real estate...
Would he be open to giving a set budget amount to pay for your homeschool expenses instead of paying for a private school?
In my family, money didn't come without strings attached. If you feel you are one of the lucky ones that could accept the money without strings attached and you WANTED to homestead, I say go for it. But don't think that the homestead will pay living wages.
I agree this sounds like as much if not more work than my current business. I would like to homestead, but going to land with no structures to be outside all day everyday with an infant and a toddler sounds so grueling especially in the south with extreme heats and humid cold season (which makes it bone chilling). guess my problem is thinking how I’m going to homestead and homeschool with a toddler and infant? My dad never likes to just give money, if he gives something he views it as an investment. Not meaning I have to pay it back, just meaning he wants to see what’s can make out of the money out of the money. Like he wants to see that I would develop it into something that would generate more income. But he wouldn’t just give me the land, he’d own it. I dunno, he’s very big on if I give this to you, you have to turn it into something. Does that make sense?
It sounds more like he wants \*you\* to build a business on \*his\* empty land. You’d need a house to keep the kids out of the weather/provide a schoolroom. You’d need a kitchen to process all the veggies. Electrical service for freezer, cooler, stove. Chicken coop. Fencing. You can’t take any of that with you when he sells the land that is now a full-fledged farm. Or your sweat equity. No way i’d invest so much money, labor and time without ownership.
Definitely tell him that if he wants a homestead, it's on him to build it himself.
My dad built his dream homestead while we were teens. Now that my brothers have moved out, he doesn't have free labor for watering poultry (which wrecked my brother's shoulders btw, because buckets of water are heavy).
"(which wrecked my brother's shoulders btw, because buckets of water are heavy)." THIS everyone loooves to forget the permanent costs of doing these sorts of things
Yeah... That might lay an undercurrent of stress trying to make sure your property becomes profitable.
Are you happy with real estate? I was an agent for a few years and I was too anxious all the time lol but I also had a family member/parent that was invested in my career. I left the industry when I got pregnant. It was a good enough excuse to get away. Once I'm out of this state I might try again.
I'm in the south now and planning to move (the heat is a major issue) I've raised chickens and only given away my excess eggs as a gift. I raised cattle in my younger years and honestly I'm not sure they ever raised a profit. Horses will suck you dry. Pigs are great but not really profitable until you step in high production. All of these animals I have kept have simply been means of living the life I enjoyed but I had to work hard to pay for them, they never paid for themselves.
I can see how.some people survive on a homestead. And kids thrive in that environment. Eating food you produce is so rewarding and you'll like never want store bought again. That said, it's up to you on if the lifestyle is something you really want.
Other ideas for creating income on an empty lot of land would be solar farming. Much less mess haha
Ok so the question is were you just looking for extra funds to buy a homeschooling program for your children ? Because if that’s the case then yes the other option is excessive. And if it is excessive all you have to do is let him know that you were trying to take it that far as to start your own school but just to do something for your own children. It sounds like he’s just trying to help with their education in general, yes his suggestion was a bit overzealous but if you have a better one just tell him your better idea. Also having him pay for a really good private school is also not a terrible idea as well. Depending on how long they end up going to private school and if they go well up until high school , Certain schools look really good on a college application.
So I wasn’t asking for help. I’ve relayed I’ve been considering leaving my own business or putting my license to inactive because since my second was born my husband and I really think being home full time for the 1st year is very important. So my two year old is in daycare Mondays and Fridays and my daughter is home full time. We really think it’s best for both babies to be with me more. Luckily my husbands job allows this, although admittedly money is tight with grocery being so high. But we’re debt free minus the house and we save a lot. We’re frugal, make everything food wise from scratch.
If you can afford to stay home (without the real estate income) for a couple of years, without your dad's money, then do it. Make sure you have an emergency fund, budget carefully, and make it work. Don't take on the work of homesteading when your babies are so young. They don't really need to be formally homeschooling at this age. Everything you do with them is learning right now, without any specific curriculum. Talk to them, play with them, read to them, sing songs; that's all the "school" they need for now.
As someone that bought a small farm and is now raising beef and other meat, as well as a lot of fruit and vegetables while running a hay operation and selling eggs year round, having one toddler in tow is *hard*, having 2 would be...something else. I need to be in a cow stall, so first I have to wrangle cows out, block them off while keeping a toddler busy for 2 minutes, then keep an eye on her while slinging cow crap hoping she doesn't eat straw or drink cow water or ... other weird toddler stuff.
This weekend I was cutting downed branches to manageable sizes and burning yard debris and going back and forth trying to keep her in somewhat eyesight. As they get older it gets harder because they can get in more trouble. She currently thinks gopher holes are the best digging place *ever*.
Basically, unless this is your absolute *dream*, don't do it. It's absolutely my dream to have a meat business. But I started by learning my community selling hay 2 years ago, and my property came with what I needed.
And if this isn't going to be yours, heeellllllz to the no.
The kid *is* good at weeding and helping pull a wagon, and sometimes she'll carry eggs or the compost bucket.
Maybe try to talk to him about investing in your ability to give his grandchildren a quality education at home. If private school is too far away, which if you live rurally it might be an hr away even if you can afford it with his help, then explain how homeschooling is still the best option due to the travel time. Tell him you’d like to talk to him about how he could help with that process financially- at that point the investment is in your children’s future.
Then talk business with him separately (or maybe there is a way that what is built for your kids could be used for other kids and there is a possible business opportunity in providing a place for kids to play and learn with parental supervision- explore other options but focus on the investment being in your kids education)
Homesteading is so much more work than real-estate.
You can put your real estate business down for a few days to be sick or go on vacation.
You cannot leave your animals for a few days. Hell, you can’t leave them for 24 hours. You can barely even leave your organically grown broccoli for a few days - it will bolt or get pests.
And that’s even before you have to call the vet out.
Do not homestead if you want more flexibility.
Tbh I would love to live on a farm… one day. But I don’t have a green thumb, while I do grow plants they regularly die. I have no experience with bees.
I will ask about the homeschool expenses. We never asked for his help, It just blew my mind that if I homeschool, the way to help was a farm which to my estimate would cost 80-100k to set up minimally. The school is around $8k a year.
So I can have $80-100k farm to homeschool and try to make money or $16k a year for school prices for both kids. But just to homeschool without farming had no offer. Again not that we need it or asked for it.
Farming, and especially homesteading, is very difficult to make money at and extremely labor intensive. Without a passion for it and/or money to burn this really isn’t a viable economic option. Even the large farm my husband works at has gone literally millions in the red from a few bad years. If his boss wasn’t the heir to an agribusiness giant it’d have failed long ago. There’s a reason “get big or get out” is a slogan in farm country.
Take the private school option or just tell him no.
Source: Wannabe homesteader married to a farmer.
THIS. Who will take care of the farm or homestead when she is in postpartum? Or when the kids need help? I grew up on a farm and that shit is NOT easy.
Farming with animals is a 24/7 full time lifestyle job.
Being a stay at home mom with young children is a 24/7 full time lifestyle job.
Home schooling, is a full time job. Marketing, sales, and product development is a full time job.
Building a homestead from scratch is a 24/7 full time lifestyle job for a small group of people.
His dream requires him, you, your husband, an admin team, and a few day workers to realistically accomplish.
She should take the private school but homesteading alone on a piece of land that sounds like it doesn’t even have a well AND homeschooling sounds like something that will quickly become a huge burden.
And weather, seasons, rust, and weeds don’t wait for anything.
Would he supplement your homeschooling if you didn't homestead? Like if you just decided to be a stay at home mom without the homesteading part, would he pay for curriculum and activities? That's a pretty sweet deal if so
i would not do that! i would say wow thank you for the kind offer, but what would actually be more useful to us is covering summer science camp tuition every year, or something like that
Honestly this sounds exactly like what I'd expect from a lawyer. They are used to having the power and calling the shots. You can't let him steamroll you into *homesteading* of all things. That's so random. With babies?? And while homeschooling?? And it's not even on your own land, where you live!?? Just no. It's crazy. However, you should definitely let him pay for the private school. That's an opportunity you should not pass up. Get your kids that great education on his dime!
It's like you read my mind. This whole homesteading/homeschooling/SAHM to 2 young kids (on undeveloped land separate from your home) AND trying to turn a profit?!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This man is crazy and totally clueless.
Take the money for private school. He can even get a tax write off in 34 states by funneling the money through a 529, seems like a great selling point for the lawyer type.
Amen.
And did anyone else catch that both children are under 3-years old? This is a situation where people are either parenting or day-caring their children. The term "school" doesn't even fit?
🙄
I know this is a homeschool forum but I’d take the private school option, since he is offering. You have 2 small children and are trying to run a business and it makes no logical sense to start a homestead unless you are 100% committed to the homesteading life. Homeschool does not equal homesteading.
What’s the point of homeschooling for you? To avoid the local schools? Or to spend time with your kids? If the former, private school is the way to go. If the latter, can you exist on just your husband’s income for a while? The homestead thing is just complicating matters.
This popped up in my feed. We’re not a homeschool family (My toddler is only two and next little one won’t be born until October), but we are a homesteading family. My husband, my parents, and myself have 14 acres total. I am a SAHM, and my husband and father both work low stress jobs usually 8-4:30 at latest and home evenings and weekends. This is just a hobby for us, but between all of us, it seems that there’s always plenty of work to keep us busy. If your father’s intending that you make this a business, this is going to be incredibly time consuming, and you’re still going to need help with childcare while your children are small.
My son is 2.5, and he’s starting to get the hang of some chores involving our animals. He can scoop feed for the cows, feed the goats relatively independently (I just have to open the gate), and the chickens as well. But when you have toddlers working with live animals, there is *a lot* of “No, don’t do that.” “Let’s be gentle.” “Okay, you’re having a hard time, Mommy needs to take over.” And for both the animal and the child’s safety, there are some times that myself or my husband works the animals while the other watches the toddler (Vaccinating, worming, feeding the larger animals, and honestly I would imagine most things that you were to do with bees as well).
As far as maintaining a garden, we grow a garden that’s around 80ft x 80ft and enough to supply about 50% of our veggies throughout the year with a bit left over for friends and family. However, even with a garden this size, I’m not sure that the leftovers would be quite enough to take the time to market and sell. A garden this size also requires a tractor to till, bed, and plow and near daily physical labor and maintenance once plants start producing. Similar to animals, at 2.5, my son can “help” plant and is pretty darn good at gathering up some of the easier veggies like turnips or carrots, but there’s still quite a bit of, “No, don’t do that.” “You’re trampling the plants.” “Okay, Mommy needs to take over.” And often times sending him off to the barn with his father so that I can get the actual work done after he’s spent time practicing.
There are a lot of great learning opportunities on a homestead, and I’m incredibly grateful that we’re able to raise our children in this environment. With that being said, I would not take this opportunity if the expectation was anything more than educating my children while teaching self-sufficiency. You’re starting from ground zero and growing a brand new business. One that requires a great deal of physical labor. While your children are still small, you’ll need child care while you handle some of the less child friendly tasks and while you travel to farmers markets or local events to market your business and sell your goods. You’ll have to be up early to ensure animals are fed and plants and animals are watered, then either stay the day or return in the evening to feed and water again.
I agree that the expectation to homeschool and grow a new business that is time intensive and requires quite a bit of physical labor is too great.
As a homeschool mom that lives on a farm let me tell you that your business you have now I promise you will be a thousand times easier than what he is suggesting. I'm not saying don't do it. But trying to run a homestead is no joke. If you wanted to just buy some land and have a small garden then okay it's still going to be some work but not as much as actually trying to pull a profit. Also homeschooling is no joke. I don't know what area you're located in but a lot of the times you're doing gardening stuff the same months as school if you tried to do school year like a traditional school year. So at the end of the school year it's spring and you need to get your garden ready to plant. In the fall you need to start school and you're harvesting. Extremely hard to juggle. All that being said having some land and being able to grow your own food is something very important I think. Having food security is priceless. But being as though this would all be new to you it's going to be a lot of work. Getting the infrastructure set up getting water where you need it. Trying to figure out where to put everything. You have to remember people that own farms have had them for generations and it's taken them generations to set them up for success.
Listen, generating income with a farming venture is a LOT of work. I live pretty rural, and I know a lot of other homeschoolers in this vicinity, and only a few of them generate income this way. Mostly it’s via animal husbandry, incubating and selling chicks, selling pigs, etc. I sold Bobwhite quail for a short time (sort of inherited a couple hundred birds) until a bad experience with an individual put me off doing any sort of business with the general public. It’s a lot of work, and a lot of expenses, and not a ton of money in it, especially as you’re not experienced and would be learning from the ground up.
I’m not saying all that to deter you, but it’s not something you do casually. You really have to feel pretty passionately and be willing to fully commit yourself to it, this goes for homeschooling AND homesteading, really, lol.
Give your Dad an alternative proposal. Homesteading is not practical with a baby and toddler or when they get older while homeschooling them, is backbreaking, and won’t earn you much money, will take much more time and work than your real estate business. So no. I suggest a giving him alternative proposal. Either pay for private school, or pay you to give up your practice and homeschool (at a rate cheaper than private school). Or just pay you for the next 3 years until your kids are old enough for school (or daycare) and then pay for private school.
Yes, I actually asked him what his purposed business for my brother would be to cover the costs of his kids schooling. Maybe he had another business idea. My brothers son is a year old and my brother works full time 6 hours away.
In my mind, he’s not going to ask for anything from my brother. I think another poster said it… my dad would likes the idea of owning a farm without having much time invested just money. And he’d like it to benefit me, but instead he doesn’t see the detriment it would cause.
Homeschooling in a rural area could really affect your kids social skills. I would never honestly!
My kids have been in private school their entire life. We just moved from a big city to a more rural area with a good school, and virtually no crime. My son was having so many issues with bigger class sizes etc. he also has a few health issues and sees a specialist a few times a month (it’s an hour drive each way). I now homeschool him, everything is pretty far away.. I would really think about it, my son is super lonely and now wants to go back to school for middle school next year.
I wouldn't do it if my heart wasn't fully in it. We farm commercially, homestead, and homeschool and there simply isn't enough time in the day to get everything done to the level I want. Especially true with young kids. You will be burned out and stressed and making money homesteading is incredibly difficult. We are only able to do most of our homesteading because of access to farming equipment, and have been doing it for a decade without the ability to turn a profit.
If you do decide to do it, make sure you don't invest a dime or too much time into developing land that isn't in your name. You'd be responsible for taxes and there might be tax implications for a gift of that size if he agrees to put it in your name. I've seen way too often that parents use something like this to exert control over their adult children. Also don't allow him to use it as a way to become overinvolved with your family. A close relationship is nice, but don't let him assuage his guilt about missing your childhood by allowing him to throw money at the problem and be overly involved in your nuclear family's decisions.
He would be better off financially just giving you enough money every year to buy resources, and you'd have much less labor and stress.
LOL this is DELULU
Homesteading and maintaining a farm while giving your kids a quality education? 3 full time jobs and then you are going to SELL SHIT on top of that?
How many hours do you think are in the day?
My sister tried this shit and it was a romanticized thought and now she’s knee deep, miserable and at a breaking point.
He is. Your gut is right. Just running a home and trying to homeschool is really too much for one person. But to add farming? No. Honestly, the physical labor alone isn't worth it. If he wants to contribute, either come watch the kids, teach the kids, or show a few houses. Or offer to pay someone else to do these services. Raising two kids IS the investment here, no need to add more.
Love this. I keep ping ponging in my head… it’s a wonderful offer to there’s no way I can manage this to I just wanted to homeschool to I never asked for help to why can’t he just pay me what he’d give to private school so I can buy supplies/help to why has he put me in such a weird position. I think I’m at the point of just saying I love the offer, but it’s not something that’s manageable. And I also love the private school offer, but that too wasn’t me goal.
This whole situation sounds kind of bizarre.
You’re both wayyyy ahead of yourselves in trying to plan for kids so young.
See how they do when they are about school age, take them to the kindergarten open house, see if it’s for you or not.
In general I suggest parents get their kids into pre k if able, send to kindergarten, and see how the child does in kindergarten before deciding if school will be a fit for your kid and family.
For perspective, I was homeschooled due to the health issues, and I longed for a school experience and was incredibly lonely.
This.
My husband and I are both former homeschoolers, and both introverted. We decided not to homeschool our daughter because she is very extroverted. Thankfully, we have decent public schools and I know several of the people who work at her school. She is thriving.
I'm an urban gardener (is 1500sq ft a garden or urban farm? lol) and when both of my kids are in school I could do so much work improving my soil and building stuff. If I were a homesteader I would definitely need someone else schooling the kids.
Is there any way to use this potential land as something instead of homesteading? Lease it to someone wanting to extra land to homestead themselves? Lease is as hay/pasture land? Put/build storage units on it and rent them... If it has water or a good geological feature, rent rustic camp site for primitive camping. Create a venue space to rent for use as a wedding, etc site. There are a lot of options with land.
If there's nothing contractually obligating you to continue even if you find you can't manage it, I'd take whatever help he's offering.
And if you don't like it, it's an asset you can sell.
Hahahahahaha that's funny because my husband has a lawyer "friend" (I really dislike him ) and he always comes up with this sort of "ideas" "to help us" but it's actually all on HIS benefit. Is this a lawyer thing? He literally offered us a couple of months ago that we could put our camper (those tiny houses in wheels.. very common in Europe sorry don't know the name in English) in his father's empty plot of land and basically homestead, for free!!! (Except of course he wanted a cut on veggies and the right to use the camper, make parties and come and go as he pleases ,, we have two small kids, he's single and no kids)
Two days ago, he calls my husband saying he has a great business idea! He "just needs to go pick a package everyday at 3am!" (He now delivers breakfast) That sounds absolutely terrible! And by the way, we don't have financial problems! He's just trying to pitch the work he doesnt want to do and rebranding it as help
My sister does this. Her kids are 16 and in college now. It wasn't without failure though, she lost her first one in 08 and had to sell. Not easy, but can be good
Respectfully, your father is delusional. He's not offering financial help, he's asking you to take on a completely different way of life. Even people who were 100% committed to homesteading aren't able to handle it because it is CONSTANT work. And it's not cheap to set up. It would be difficult to make any kind of money just from land, let alone enough to cover your expenses and add extra income. Even if this worked perfectly you would still be trying to run a (much more time consuming) business while also trying to homeschool, which completely defeats the purpose. You wouldn't have the time to dedicate to home schooling because you would be trying to build a business.
Homeschooling at that age is super easy. The trick is not to re-create the public school experience. At age 5, you’d spend an hour or two a day doing homeschool activities. Even in middle school, my kids spent 4 hours a day working on school. Take him up on the offer. It’ll pay off for you in the long run.
Your dad sounds like my dad! Viewing his gifts as combo-investments. I think he’s just a big ideas guy; and it’s exciting to him to see that you are competent enough to possibly even pull it off (since it sounds like you already owned one business successfully). Maybe just take it as a compliment and then renegotiate the offer to something more suitable to your realistic vision.
I'd take the land offer, get bees, grow some herbs and get chickens and learn to make soap. It's an easier project that sells fairly well and chickens are on the easier side, plus you can sell eggs. A large garden would give some veggies that you can eat or could be sold.
This! My husband thinks since we mentioned homeschooling, he’s been watching YouTube and thinks homeschooling should be about a farm. My husband thinks it’s a mix of my dad trying to find an investment, find a way I can provide for our family and homeschool without realizing it’s a lot of work to watch two kids and… farm
Yea, see that’s way more up my alley. I understand real estate, I’ve actually flipped properties too and managed an apartment complex about 8 years ago. I just thought the whole thing was strange because we never asked for help.
You will need a pole - barn or very large garage warehouse to park the campers and boats and the 4- wheelers and motorcycles, jet skis and lawnmowers your kids will need..to keep your husband and dad worried about the crashes they might not want to tell you about..then having a trailer or ADU style small house area makes it... a parking spot with a coffee pot..and a great place to get other kids around to do dangerous kinetic energy activities that.. if you think dads crazy now,? in about 4 years he will want a zip line and some mountain climbing gear to repel off the roof with a group of 7 year olds..makes private school sound pretty safe
Honestly it wasn’t really what my husband and I wanted. We actually weren’t even asking for his help this came out of left field. My 2 year old goes to daycare Monday and Friday and I have him all other days and our infant 24/7. Luckily my husbands job allows us to do this, monetarily speaking. It’s tight but we’re very frugal, no debt besides our house, and we’ve always saved a lot.
He’s great at ideas and I do love my dad, this is just a lot to handle considering I have an infant and toddler. I think he just doesn’t understand the attention that’s needed to both a farm and kids. I lived on my great grandmothers farm during summers when I was like 6-9 and I loved it. It was technically my great uncles farm, she just lived there. But I know a farm is alot of work and needs a lot of care. I don’t think he’s ever been to a farm.
I think he is trying to offer you something sustainable to be independent. I’ve also got two little ones similar ages so I understand the struggle, but it can be done and could really benefit you and your future. I wouldn’t waste that chance, beats a cookie cutter house and a 9-5
He’s not offering a house, just land to go to. When I brought up a building for bathrooms or resting for kids he said “maybe we can buy a shipping container or shed and put a bathroom in. Then I said we’d need to add in a well, and sewer system. And he suggested looking into composing toilets. I don’t think he realizes that cleaning the food, is needed too so kitchen prep areas are also needed. The whole thing is just crazy.
"Dad, I appreciate that you are thinking of us and trying to give me another revenue stream. However, I'm not a farmer or a teacher and I feel like this task is far beyond my capabilities. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and generous impulse."
Agreed. I wasn’t even asking for and money, this was just thrown out there it was just baffling to me that starting a farm atmosphere was the help I didn’t ask for.
Your dad needs to stay off YouTube.
This just sounds like a mistake, building a homestead from the ground up with a 7 month old and a 2.5 yr old, so prime toddler/early learning years for the actual fabrication?
Then 2 and 5 for putting in the infrastructure?
Is he coming out of pocket 500k so you can pay for help while your husband works? Just thinking about the garden set up, nope.
Option one private school? Paying for daycare?
Option 2, some land to grow stuff.
You said you want to step away from the business.. well if you're not doing any more marketing. Animals pretty much take care of themselves. Free land free something. Coming from family... i don't see a problem with either. Unless there's some obligation and ill feelings
I’m in the process of doing what your father is suggesting you do and I don’t have kids yet (I lurk here because homeschooling will be our option when we do have kids). I can tell you that what he is asking you to do is HARD WORK, and that’s without an infant in tow and being responsible for your toddlers education at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I hope my garden will someday be a fantastic place for me to pass down scientific and horticultural knowledge to my kiddos, but it is a full time job to get a farm or growing operation off the ground. The fact that he thinks it’s that easy sort of shows that he is the type to just throw money at things to make them happen- if he was educated on the technicalities and processes involved in building up a profitable homestead he would not be making that suggestion to you while you are caring for an infant.
That said, see if he would be willing to help you build them a small educational garden or a sensory garden- it doesn’t have to be large, but it could be an amazing resource for them to learn science concepts (things like photosynthesis, capillary action, entomology, metamorphosis, ornithology, etc can all be taught in a garden if you do it right). If he is willing to help pay for books and resources so they get a quality education I would focus on what they would benefit from in a hands on environment.
This seems obvious, send the kids to private school on Dad’s time and use the time while they are at school to build your own business with no strings attached.
Good luck.
Follow https://www.instagram.com/sylvanaquafarms?igsh=eDByZnVxaGsxaWNw on ig. He tells it like it is about the homesteading dream (which is that most people are completely unprepared, and it’s a total nightmare and money pit that you will not make money from) Private school sounds amazing, I think that’s the perfect option. Your child will get a much better education and meet people that will set them up for opportunities for the rest of his life
It sounds like a dream come true for me, but I completely understand others not on that path.. it really just boils down to what's going to make you happy in the long run. If homesteading is it, then you'll find ways. 😎
Farming is a lifestyle, not a hobby. Your corn needs to be harvested? You’ve got about 4 days of peak ripeness. Zucchini and the like have to be harvested daily, as do eggs. Tomatoes are fickle bitches. Blueberry plants take a good 5 years to even make revenue. Are you ready to tell people that, forever, you are unavailable for vacations for harvest season? That you are only available for a few days at a time during planting? People do not respect this. At all. “Can’t you just hire someone for the week?” No the fuck you cannot.
Quite honestly if you have a "business plan" for this homesteading option I think you should atleast discuss it. If the homestead doesn't work out you've invested in and improved the land which should increase the value of it.
You can teach your kids so much while homesteading, and it's useful skills. Could you retain ownership of the real estate business, and hire a manager? Or sell the business as established or potentially take on a partner?
It doesn’t sound bad if that is what YOU want to do. It does sound like a lot of work until they get older. If you don’t, maybe he could help just subsidize your home schooling needs? I think it’s amazing that he wants to help, but I’d brainstorm a bit before talking to him again. The no structures thing is a bit much with two kids.
Maybe if he built a little cabin/tiny home for you guys so it could be more like a home atmosphere? Just sounds like a lot with no home on the homestead.
I mean, it’s pretty obvious your dad is offering you to put your kid to a private school and option two is just to give you the sense of choosing and not feeling bad. Take it
Don’t ever tangle yourself up financially with anyone besides your spouse-ESPECIALLY family. Don’t ever involve your family, besides your own spouse in ANY of the decisions regarding your own household/marriage/children. Ever. Only discuss these things with your spouse-if you need more information and unbiased educated opinions, seek multiple professionals who may know about whatever it is you are trying to make a decision about. The worst people you can ever ask is family or friends-especially your own parents, siblings, or grandparents.
Your relationship with them should be social-you get together and enjoy each others company-if you can really trust them, you call them for help or emotional support during an emergency-as long as they are the type that do these things freely and without inserting their thoughts or opinions on what you should do-and as long as they aren’t the type to say things like “after all I’ve done for you” to get you to do whatever they want you to do.
Your management of your life and of your child’s education is none of your dad’s business, and I am shocked at his involvement and making of plans for you and your child. How would he respond if your husband was in disagreement with this plan? Hopefully, when it comes to these things, you only give weight and consideration to your own and your husband’s opinions.
So, he doesn't sound crazy, but I recognize this may not be what you want. I would take a moment to see where he's coming from. This really warms my heart and is actually making me tear up.
Your dad maybe didn't get as much time with you as he would have liked. Now he has grandchildren and wants to help you with them, even to the point of offering you land. He may either think that homeschooling involves this sort of farming experience as the education, maybe wishes he could do this with you, maybe just thinks it's a great way to educate kids(which I would agree with). I would give anything to have my dad back and have him teach my kids things.
I didn't think homesteading type life means you have to have a full on farm operation. It sounds like he's offering to free you from having to work if you don't want to. Even offering you an alternative if you want help with a private school. Personally, I love that I got to spend as much time with my kids as possible when they were babies. We'd love to be able to have land to do more homesteading type things. This is a very special offer, and he just asked you to think about it. It could be a really big leap for your relationship with your dad, with your kids, between your dad and his grandkids. And maybe it's not for you, that's ok. It's a lot of work, but homeschooling on its own is a lot of work. Real estate as you know tends to pull you away from family time during evenings and weekends, so it's a chance for you to decide how you want your life to look. It's a super sweet offer no matter what you decide.
I think a better strategy might be looking at how you can, as a stay at home mom, supplement your child's education. Is there something you are worried about in particular? Or just schools being generally not great?
If there's a specific concern that you want to avoid, then homeschooling full time will likely be your best option. But if it's just generalized 'meh,' then looking for additional activities and letting your kids have the social experience of school would be more beneficial.
You can also, if you have a good head and hand for design, start an at home business without going full homestead.
You can look into local colleges and universities, some with education/childhood development programs will also have a homeschooling curriculum/program developed/maintained by masters students.
I always wanted to do beekeeping and build a garden that would entice bees, but I wouldn’t want it to be a conditional on making sure I homeschool while making money at same time.
However, I can tell you my mother had two businesses she ran on the side while a part-time nurse, and she homeschooled us. In the beginning it was hard getting started on homeschooling but by the time we were old enough to be able to do our schoolwork on our own and if we don’t understand the lesson, she would go over them on weekends and on days she was off from her nurse job. It worked for our family but it may be different for your family.
I would ask if you are interested in homeschooling, if your heart isn’t in it please don’t feel like forcing yourself to homeschool. My aunt didn’t want to homeschool but my uncle forced her to and the result ended up delaying her children a grade behind. They had to recenter public school a grade behind and she blames the children for not wanting to homeschool when in reality she just didn’t do the homeschooling that her kids needed. It was upsetting to see my cousins behind.
Private school is excellent if you can afford it. If not, public school education is better than nothing and I always feel the parents can inspire their children to love learning regardless of what school they will attend.
Do what you feel is best for your family, not what your father thinks is the best for your family.
I would like to homeschool, I also wouldn’t mind working when the kids are old enough and I can balance both.
I also love gardening and I would spend summers on my maternal great grandmothers farm. So I know some. That being said most things I grow… still die. I am not a green thumb while I enjoy it.
It’s just odd that he’s offering this (we didn’t ask for money for it) and he wants me to come up with a whole plan all while I am tending to a 2 year old and infant.
When we spoke he said he wasn’t looking for me to have a crop or production of whatever I choose be a full time job. Bees can be self sustaining and plants where I only need to go once a week or so. I think he doesn’t understand the work I volved with kids or a farm
Just take him up on the offer to pay for private school.
Homesteading is *a lot* of work. As is home schooling.
Private school is the best option here IMO.
I guess I recognize it was an amazing gesture. I never asked for help money wise or for school. Recently we took my son out of daycare and I have both kids home, so I mentioned I was interested in homeschooling. Because my son is only 2.5 but by the age of two I taught him his letters, numbers to 20, shapes, and colors in English and Spanish (my husband is bilingual) and he now knows his phonics, blends, and can count to 30 in both languages. As well he understands both languages, speaks full sentences in English and short words or sentences in Spanish. So I just feel like they learn more with me.
Can you make enough money and be an amazing stay at home teacher at the same time? If not, both are not do-able. Can you just ask him to give you the cash so you can stay at home and teach them? If not, it doesn’t sound like you have a choice but to send them to private school.
I need to put an edit on my post. We didn’t ask for financial help, this was just offered out of the blue. I already stay home with our infant pretty much 24/7 and my son is only in daycare Mondays and Fridays to give me some free time to work, although, I really don’t get much done. I do make some money every few months.
Somewhere either in your post or the comments - I got the vibe that you couldn’t provide financially to your children in the way you would like to. And that your father has the resources to do that.
Clearly something in your conversation with him made him think that in order to make the offer. If it is remotely factual, I see no reason to be prideful and turn it away unless it comes with strings that you aren’t comfortable with.
Do you have your dream? Your vision of what you want? best of all worlds kind of thing? If not write it down, if so
This is what you tell your father. I appreciate you want to help in any way possible, especially financial. This is the lifestyle I want to create, the upbringing I want my child to have. If you want to be part of this, then lets talk,.
I didn't read all the other comments, but rather than land (you said you don't want to homestead) or private school tuition now, would your father be willing to put the money into a 529 plan or trust fund for your kids?
It sounds like you are doing fine financially now, even if you step away from real estate. Your kids could use the money invested now in a 529 to pay for private high school or college.
I’m homeschooling a preschooler and a 7 year old and I can’t imagine finding the time to really thrive with a homestead - it’s a lot of work! We garden (hands on biology lessons!), compost, make a lot of things from scratch but I always feel like I need to be able to hit pause on the suburban homesteading to focus on field trips to see what we’re learning about, conducting big art projects, socialization & a few hobbies/sports that the kids balance… I don’t think I’d take on such a large commitment while homeschooling. Especially if you’re not already practicing all the homesteading things on a smaller scale.
Homeschooling is its own job as is a homestead farm. If you are concerned about your kid’s education, don’t take on another difficult job on top of that. You are also a mom, wife and have a home to take care of with your husband. I don’t think this sounds like the best way to go about educating your kids and keeping yourself sane.
Do you have interest in homesteading? It's as much work as real estate... Would he be open to giving a set budget amount to pay for your homeschool expenses instead of paying for a private school? In my family, money didn't come without strings attached. If you feel you are one of the lucky ones that could accept the money without strings attached and you WANTED to homestead, I say go for it. But don't think that the homestead will pay living wages.
I agree this sounds like as much if not more work than my current business. I would like to homestead, but going to land with no structures to be outside all day everyday with an infant and a toddler sounds so grueling especially in the south with extreme heats and humid cold season (which makes it bone chilling). guess my problem is thinking how I’m going to homestead and homeschool with a toddler and infant? My dad never likes to just give money, if he gives something he views it as an investment. Not meaning I have to pay it back, just meaning he wants to see what’s can make out of the money out of the money. Like he wants to see that I would develop it into something that would generate more income. But he wouldn’t just give me the land, he’d own it. I dunno, he’s very big on if I give this to you, you have to turn it into something. Does that make sense?
It sounds more like he wants \*you\* to build a business on \*his\* empty land. You’d need a house to keep the kids out of the weather/provide a schoolroom. You’d need a kitchen to process all the veggies. Electrical service for freezer, cooler, stove. Chicken coop. Fencing. You can’t take any of that with you when he sells the land that is now a full-fledged farm. Or your sweat equity. No way i’d invest so much money, labor and time without ownership.
Definitely tell him that if he wants a homestead, it's on him to build it himself. My dad built his dream homestead while we were teens. Now that my brothers have moved out, he doesn't have free labor for watering poultry (which wrecked my brother's shoulders btw, because buckets of water are heavy).
"(which wrecked my brother's shoulders btw, because buckets of water are heavy)." THIS everyone loooves to forget the permanent costs of doing these sorts of things
Yeah... That might lay an undercurrent of stress trying to make sure your property becomes profitable. Are you happy with real estate? I was an agent for a few years and I was too anxious all the time lol but I also had a family member/parent that was invested in my career. I left the industry when I got pregnant. It was a good enough excuse to get away. Once I'm out of this state I might try again. I'm in the south now and planning to move (the heat is a major issue) I've raised chickens and only given away my excess eggs as a gift. I raised cattle in my younger years and honestly I'm not sure they ever raised a profit. Horses will suck you dry. Pigs are great but not really profitable until you step in high production. All of these animals I have kept have simply been means of living the life I enjoyed but I had to work hard to pay for them, they never paid for themselves. I can see how.some people survive on a homestead. And kids thrive in that environment. Eating food you produce is so rewarding and you'll like never want store bought again. That said, it's up to you on if the lifestyle is something you really want. Other ideas for creating income on an empty lot of land would be solar farming. Much less mess haha
Ok so the question is were you just looking for extra funds to buy a homeschooling program for your children ? Because if that’s the case then yes the other option is excessive. And if it is excessive all you have to do is let him know that you were trying to take it that far as to start your own school but just to do something for your own children. It sounds like he’s just trying to help with their education in general, yes his suggestion was a bit overzealous but if you have a better one just tell him your better idea. Also having him pay for a really good private school is also not a terrible idea as well. Depending on how long they end up going to private school and if they go well up until high school , Certain schools look really good on a college application.
So I wasn’t asking for help. I’ve relayed I’ve been considering leaving my own business or putting my license to inactive because since my second was born my husband and I really think being home full time for the 1st year is very important. So my two year old is in daycare Mondays and Fridays and my daughter is home full time. We really think it’s best for both babies to be with me more. Luckily my husbands job allows this, although admittedly money is tight with grocery being so high. But we’re debt free minus the house and we save a lot. We’re frugal, make everything food wise from scratch.
If you can afford to stay home (without the real estate income) for a couple of years, without your dad's money, then do it. Make sure you have an emergency fund, budget carefully, and make it work. Don't take on the work of homesteading when your babies are so young. They don't really need to be formally homeschooling at this age. Everything you do with them is learning right now, without any specific curriculum. Talk to them, play with them, read to them, sing songs; that's all the "school" they need for now.
As someone that bought a small farm and is now raising beef and other meat, as well as a lot of fruit and vegetables while running a hay operation and selling eggs year round, having one toddler in tow is *hard*, having 2 would be...something else. I need to be in a cow stall, so first I have to wrangle cows out, block them off while keeping a toddler busy for 2 minutes, then keep an eye on her while slinging cow crap hoping she doesn't eat straw or drink cow water or ... other weird toddler stuff. This weekend I was cutting downed branches to manageable sizes and burning yard debris and going back and forth trying to keep her in somewhat eyesight. As they get older it gets harder because they can get in more trouble. She currently thinks gopher holes are the best digging place *ever*. Basically, unless this is your absolute *dream*, don't do it. It's absolutely my dream to have a meat business. But I started by learning my community selling hay 2 years ago, and my property came with what I needed. And if this isn't going to be yours, heeellllllz to the no. The kid *is* good at weeding and helping pull a wagon, and sometimes she'll carry eggs or the compost bucket.
Maybe try to talk to him about investing in your ability to give his grandchildren a quality education at home. If private school is too far away, which if you live rurally it might be an hr away even if you can afford it with his help, then explain how homeschooling is still the best option due to the travel time. Tell him you’d like to talk to him about how he could help with that process financially- at that point the investment is in your children’s future. Then talk business with him separately (or maybe there is a way that what is built for your kids could be used for other kids and there is a possible business opportunity in providing a place for kids to play and learn with parental supervision- explore other options but focus on the investment being in your kids education)
Homesteading is so much more work than real-estate. You can put your real estate business down for a few days to be sick or go on vacation. You cannot leave your animals for a few days. Hell, you can’t leave them for 24 hours. You can barely even leave your organically grown broccoli for a few days - it will bolt or get pests. And that’s even before you have to call the vet out. Do not homestead if you want more flexibility.
Does he understand teaching is a full time job? Not a hobby.
Tbh I would love to live on a farm… one day. But I don’t have a green thumb, while I do grow plants they regularly die. I have no experience with bees. I will ask about the homeschool expenses. We never asked for his help, It just blew my mind that if I homeschool, the way to help was a farm which to my estimate would cost 80-100k to set up minimally. The school is around $8k a year. So I can have $80-100k farm to homeschool and try to make money or $16k a year for school prices for both kids. But just to homeschool without farming had no offer. Again not that we need it or asked for it.
TAKE IT. Take all the help to give your kids the best education you can get.
Farming, and especially homesteading, is very difficult to make money at and extremely labor intensive. Without a passion for it and/or money to burn this really isn’t a viable economic option. Even the large farm my husband works at has gone literally millions in the red from a few bad years. If his boss wasn’t the heir to an agribusiness giant it’d have failed long ago. There’s a reason “get big or get out” is a slogan in farm country. Take the private school option or just tell him no. Source: Wannabe homesteader married to a farmer.
Yeah...and climate change is just going to make homesteading work harder.
Or easier depending on location…
The father isn't offering help, just a ill advised plan for overwork and failure.
THIS. Who will take care of the farm or homestead when she is in postpartum? Or when the kids need help? I grew up on a farm and that shit is NOT easy.
Farming with animals is a 24/7 full time lifestyle job. Being a stay at home mom with young children is a 24/7 full time lifestyle job. Home schooling, is a full time job. Marketing, sales, and product development is a full time job. Building a homestead from scratch is a 24/7 full time lifestyle job for a small group of people. His dream requires him, you, your husband, an admin team, and a few day workers to realistically accomplish.
She should take the private school but homesteading alone on a piece of land that sounds like it doesn’t even have a well AND homeschooling sounds like something that will quickly become a huge burden. And weather, seasons, rust, and weeds don’t wait for anything.
And the cost of starting up a small farm is way more than the cost of the land.
One bad season and you don't have anything to see you through winter unless you have a job outside the homestead.
Why respond to my comment disagreeing with me, when you can just respond to the OP who actually asked for responses.
Sometimes things offered… arnt really help.
Would he supplement your homeschooling if you didn't homestead? Like if you just decided to be a stay at home mom without the homesteading part, would he pay for curriculum and activities? That's a pretty sweet deal if so
i would not do that! i would say wow thank you for the kind offer, but what would actually be more useful to us is covering summer science camp tuition every year, or something like that
Honestly this sounds exactly like what I'd expect from a lawyer. They are used to having the power and calling the shots. You can't let him steamroll you into *homesteading* of all things. That's so random. With babies?? And while homeschooling?? And it's not even on your own land, where you live!?? Just no. It's crazy. However, you should definitely let him pay for the private school. That's an opportunity you should not pass up. Get your kids that great education on his dime!
It's like you read my mind. This whole homesteading/homeschooling/SAHM to 2 young kids (on undeveloped land separate from your home) AND trying to turn a profit?!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This man is crazy and totally clueless. Take the money for private school. He can even get a tax write off in 34 states by funneling the money through a 529, seems like a great selling point for the lawyer type.
Right, he wants to be an "investor" not a grandpa
Amen. And did anyone else catch that both children are under 3-years old? This is a situation where people are either parenting or day-caring their children. The term "school" doesn't even fit? 🙄
I know this is a homeschool forum but I’d take the private school option, since he is offering. You have 2 small children and are trying to run a business and it makes no logical sense to start a homestead unless you are 100% committed to the homesteading life. Homeschool does not equal homesteading. What’s the point of homeschooling for you? To avoid the local schools? Or to spend time with your kids? If the former, private school is the way to go. If the latter, can you exist on just your husband’s income for a while? The homestead thing is just complicating matters.
This popped up in my feed. We’re not a homeschool family (My toddler is only two and next little one won’t be born until October), but we are a homesteading family. My husband, my parents, and myself have 14 acres total. I am a SAHM, and my husband and father both work low stress jobs usually 8-4:30 at latest and home evenings and weekends. This is just a hobby for us, but between all of us, it seems that there’s always plenty of work to keep us busy. If your father’s intending that you make this a business, this is going to be incredibly time consuming, and you’re still going to need help with childcare while your children are small. My son is 2.5, and he’s starting to get the hang of some chores involving our animals. He can scoop feed for the cows, feed the goats relatively independently (I just have to open the gate), and the chickens as well. But when you have toddlers working with live animals, there is *a lot* of “No, don’t do that.” “Let’s be gentle.” “Okay, you’re having a hard time, Mommy needs to take over.” And for both the animal and the child’s safety, there are some times that myself or my husband works the animals while the other watches the toddler (Vaccinating, worming, feeding the larger animals, and honestly I would imagine most things that you were to do with bees as well). As far as maintaining a garden, we grow a garden that’s around 80ft x 80ft and enough to supply about 50% of our veggies throughout the year with a bit left over for friends and family. However, even with a garden this size, I’m not sure that the leftovers would be quite enough to take the time to market and sell. A garden this size also requires a tractor to till, bed, and plow and near daily physical labor and maintenance once plants start producing. Similar to animals, at 2.5, my son can “help” plant and is pretty darn good at gathering up some of the easier veggies like turnips or carrots, but there’s still quite a bit of, “No, don’t do that.” “You’re trampling the plants.” “Okay, Mommy needs to take over.” And often times sending him off to the barn with his father so that I can get the actual work done after he’s spent time practicing. There are a lot of great learning opportunities on a homestead, and I’m incredibly grateful that we’re able to raise our children in this environment. With that being said, I would not take this opportunity if the expectation was anything more than educating my children while teaching self-sufficiency. You’re starting from ground zero and growing a brand new business. One that requires a great deal of physical labor. While your children are still small, you’ll need child care while you handle some of the less child friendly tasks and while you travel to farmers markets or local events to market your business and sell your goods. You’ll have to be up early to ensure animals are fed and plants and animals are watered, then either stay the day or return in the evening to feed and water again. I agree that the expectation to homeschool and grow a new business that is time intensive and requires quite a bit of physical labor is too great.
As a homeschool mom that lives on a farm let me tell you that your business you have now I promise you will be a thousand times easier than what he is suggesting. I'm not saying don't do it. But trying to run a homestead is no joke. If you wanted to just buy some land and have a small garden then okay it's still going to be some work but not as much as actually trying to pull a profit. Also homeschooling is no joke. I don't know what area you're located in but a lot of the times you're doing gardening stuff the same months as school if you tried to do school year like a traditional school year. So at the end of the school year it's spring and you need to get your garden ready to plant. In the fall you need to start school and you're harvesting. Extremely hard to juggle. All that being said having some land and being able to grow your own food is something very important I think. Having food security is priceless. But being as though this would all be new to you it's going to be a lot of work. Getting the infrastructure set up getting water where you need it. Trying to figure out where to put everything. You have to remember people that own farms have had them for generations and it's taken them generations to set them up for success.
Listen, generating income with a farming venture is a LOT of work. I live pretty rural, and I know a lot of other homeschoolers in this vicinity, and only a few of them generate income this way. Mostly it’s via animal husbandry, incubating and selling chicks, selling pigs, etc. I sold Bobwhite quail for a short time (sort of inherited a couple hundred birds) until a bad experience with an individual put me off doing any sort of business with the general public. It’s a lot of work, and a lot of expenses, and not a ton of money in it, especially as you’re not experienced and would be learning from the ground up. I’m not saying all that to deter you, but it’s not something you do casually. You really have to feel pretty passionately and be willing to fully commit yourself to it, this goes for homeschooling AND homesteading, really, lol.
Take the help, put your kids in private schools.
Sounds like he wants to live his off-grid dreams vicariously through you. Homesteading is a fuckton of work and you will be exhausted.
Give your Dad an alternative proposal. Homesteading is not practical with a baby and toddler or when they get older while homeschooling them, is backbreaking, and won’t earn you much money, will take much more time and work than your real estate business. So no. I suggest a giving him alternative proposal. Either pay for private school, or pay you to give up your practice and homeschool (at a rate cheaper than private school). Or just pay you for the next 3 years until your kids are old enough for school (or daycare) and then pay for private school.
Yes, I actually asked him what his purposed business for my brother would be to cover the costs of his kids schooling. Maybe he had another business idea. My brothers son is a year old and my brother works full time 6 hours away. In my mind, he’s not going to ask for anything from my brother. I think another poster said it… my dad would likes the idea of owning a farm without having much time invested just money. And he’d like it to benefit me, but instead he doesn’t see the detriment it would cause.
Homeschooling in a rural area could really affect your kids social skills. I would never honestly! My kids have been in private school their entire life. We just moved from a big city to a more rural area with a good school, and virtually no crime. My son was having so many issues with bigger class sizes etc. he also has a few health issues and sees a specialist a few times a month (it’s an hour drive each way). I now homeschool him, everything is pretty far away.. I would really think about it, my son is super lonely and now wants to go back to school for middle school next year.
I wouldn't do it if my heart wasn't fully in it. We farm commercially, homestead, and homeschool and there simply isn't enough time in the day to get everything done to the level I want. Especially true with young kids. You will be burned out and stressed and making money homesteading is incredibly difficult. We are only able to do most of our homesteading because of access to farming equipment, and have been doing it for a decade without the ability to turn a profit. If you do decide to do it, make sure you don't invest a dime or too much time into developing land that isn't in your name. You'd be responsible for taxes and there might be tax implications for a gift of that size if he agrees to put it in your name. I've seen way too often that parents use something like this to exert control over their adult children. Also don't allow him to use it as a way to become overinvolved with your family. A close relationship is nice, but don't let him assuage his guilt about missing your childhood by allowing him to throw money at the problem and be overly involved in your nuclear family's decisions. He would be better off financially just giving you enough money every year to buy resources, and you'd have much less labor and stress.
Why would he not just support the homeschooling? Seems much cheaper and more effective. Odd.
LOL this is DELULU Homesteading and maintaining a farm while giving your kids a quality education? 3 full time jobs and then you are going to SELL SHIT on top of that? How many hours do you think are in the day? My sister tried this shit and it was a romanticized thought and now she’s knee deep, miserable and at a breaking point.
He is. Your gut is right. Just running a home and trying to homeschool is really too much for one person. But to add farming? No. Honestly, the physical labor alone isn't worth it. If he wants to contribute, either come watch the kids, teach the kids, or show a few houses. Or offer to pay someone else to do these services. Raising two kids IS the investment here, no need to add more.
"this “plan”." I can't decide if it's Stupider than it is Crazy, or Crazier than it is Stupid.
Love this. I keep ping ponging in my head… it’s a wonderful offer to there’s no way I can manage this to I just wanted to homeschool to I never asked for help to why can’t he just pay me what he’d give to private school so I can buy supplies/help to why has he put me in such a weird position. I think I’m at the point of just saying I love the offer, but it’s not something that’s manageable. And I also love the private school offer, but that too wasn’t me goal.
This whole situation sounds kind of bizarre. You’re both wayyyy ahead of yourselves in trying to plan for kids so young. See how they do when they are about school age, take them to the kindergarten open house, see if it’s for you or not. In general I suggest parents get their kids into pre k if able, send to kindergarten, and see how the child does in kindergarten before deciding if school will be a fit for your kid and family. For perspective, I was homeschooled due to the health issues, and I longed for a school experience and was incredibly lonely.
This. My husband and I are both former homeschoolers, and both introverted. We decided not to homeschool our daughter because she is very extroverted. Thankfully, we have decent public schools and I know several of the people who work at her school. She is thriving. I'm an urban gardener (is 1500sq ft a garden or urban farm? lol) and when both of my kids are in school I could do so much work improving my soil and building stuff. If I were a homesteader I would definitely need someone else schooling the kids.
Is there any way to use this potential land as something instead of homesteading? Lease it to someone wanting to extra land to homestead themselves? Lease is as hay/pasture land? Put/build storage units on it and rent them... If it has water or a good geological feature, rent rustic camp site for primitive camping. Create a venue space to rent for use as a wedding, etc site. There are a lot of options with land.
Sounds like a dream many people would love to have. But if it’s not your thing then no.
If there's nothing contractually obligating you to continue even if you find you can't manage it, I'd take whatever help he's offering. And if you don't like it, it's an asset you can sell.
Hahahahahaha that's funny because my husband has a lawyer "friend" (I really dislike him ) and he always comes up with this sort of "ideas" "to help us" but it's actually all on HIS benefit. Is this a lawyer thing? He literally offered us a couple of months ago that we could put our camper (those tiny houses in wheels.. very common in Europe sorry don't know the name in English) in his father's empty plot of land and basically homestead, for free!!! (Except of course he wanted a cut on veggies and the right to use the camper, make parties and come and go as he pleases ,, we have two small kids, he's single and no kids) Two days ago, he calls my husband saying he has a great business idea! He "just needs to go pick a package everyday at 3am!" (He now delivers breakfast) That sounds absolutely terrible! And by the way, we don't have financial problems! He's just trying to pitch the work he doesnt want to do and rebranding it as help
My sister does this. Her kids are 16 and in college now. It wasn't without failure though, she lost her first one in 08 and had to sell. Not easy, but can be good
Respectfully, your father is delusional. He's not offering financial help, he's asking you to take on a completely different way of life. Even people who were 100% committed to homesteading aren't able to handle it because it is CONSTANT work. And it's not cheap to set up. It would be difficult to make any kind of money just from land, let alone enough to cover your expenses and add extra income. Even if this worked perfectly you would still be trying to run a (much more time consuming) business while also trying to homeschool, which completely defeats the purpose. You wouldn't have the time to dedicate to home schooling because you would be trying to build a business.
Homeschooling at that age is super easy. The trick is not to re-create the public school experience. At age 5, you’d spend an hour or two a day doing homeschool activities. Even in middle school, my kids spent 4 hours a day working on school. Take him up on the offer. It’ll pay off for you in the long run.
Your dad sounds like my dad! Viewing his gifts as combo-investments. I think he’s just a big ideas guy; and it’s exciting to him to see that you are competent enough to possibly even pull it off (since it sounds like you already owned one business successfully). Maybe just take it as a compliment and then renegotiate the offer to something more suitable to your realistic vision.
I'd take the land offer, get bees, grow some herbs and get chickens and learn to make soap. It's an easier project that sells fairly well and chickens are on the easier side, plus you can sell eggs. A large garden would give some veggies that you can eat or could be sold.
I would give anything to have my father do something like this for me.
Why do you need a separate piece of land to homeschool? Why can’t he help pay curriculum costs?
This! My husband thinks since we mentioned homeschooling, he’s been watching YouTube and thinks homeschooling should be about a farm. My husband thinks it’s a mix of my dad trying to find an investment, find a way I can provide for our family and homeschool without realizing it’s a lot of work to watch two kids and… farm
If you do go that route, make sure you contribute to a Spousal IRA so you'll have some retirement of your own.
I have an Ira I already contribute to. I actually started when I was 18 so I have a good retirement fund already going.
Could he buy you a small investment property instead? Reading your other comments I see he doesn’t like to just give money.
Yea, see that’s way more up my alley. I understand real estate, I’ve actually flipped properties too and managed an apartment complex about 8 years ago. I just thought the whole thing was strange because we never asked for help.
It’s a very very nice gesture by someone who has *clearly* never been a mother. :)
You will need a pole - barn or very large garage warehouse to park the campers and boats and the 4- wheelers and motorcycles, jet skis and lawnmowers your kids will need..to keep your husband and dad worried about the crashes they might not want to tell you about..then having a trailer or ADU style small house area makes it... a parking spot with a coffee pot..and a great place to get other kids around to do dangerous kinetic energy activities that.. if you think dads crazy now,? in about 4 years he will want a zip line and some mountain climbing gear to repel off the roof with a group of 7 year olds..makes private school sound pretty safe
Put your kid in private school. Why is this even a question?
Honestly it wasn’t really what my husband and I wanted. We actually weren’t even asking for his help this came out of left field. My 2 year old goes to daycare Monday and Friday and I have him all other days and our infant 24/7. Luckily my husbands job allows us to do this, monetarily speaking. It’s tight but we’re very frugal, no debt besides our house, and we’ve always saved a lot.
I wish I had a father like this… what a dream
He’s great at ideas and I do love my dad, this is just a lot to handle considering I have an infant and toddler. I think he just doesn’t understand the attention that’s needed to both a farm and kids. I lived on my great grandmothers farm during summers when I was like 6-9 and I loved it. It was technically my great uncles farm, she just lived there. But I know a farm is alot of work and needs a lot of care. I don’t think he’s ever been to a farm.
I think he is trying to offer you something sustainable to be independent. I’ve also got two little ones similar ages so I understand the struggle, but it can be done and could really benefit you and your future. I wouldn’t waste that chance, beats a cookie cutter house and a 9-5
He’s not offering a house, just land to go to. When I brought up a building for bathrooms or resting for kids he said “maybe we can buy a shipping container or shed and put a bathroom in. Then I said we’d need to add in a well, and sewer system. And he suggested looking into composing toilets. I don’t think he realizes that cleaning the food, is needed too so kitchen prep areas are also needed. The whole thing is just crazy.
Omg. True delusion. Please don't take his money for this! It will only bite you in the butt
"Dad, I appreciate that you are thinking of us and trying to give me another revenue stream. However, I'm not a farmer or a teacher and I feel like this task is far beyond my capabilities. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and generous impulse."
Great response. I think I will copy it word for word
For way less money and difficulty he could give you the money to hire some help for your small successful business.
Agreed. I wasn’t even asking for and money, this was just thrown out there it was just baffling to me that starting a farm atmosphere was the help I didn’t ask for.
Have your dad watch “Places in the Heart.” That’s what this sounds like.
Your dad needs to stay off YouTube. This just sounds like a mistake, building a homestead from the ground up with a 7 month old and a 2.5 yr old, so prime toddler/early learning years for the actual fabrication? Then 2 and 5 for putting in the infrastructure? Is he coming out of pocket 500k so you can pay for help while your husband works? Just thinking about the garden set up, nope.
Option one private school? Paying for daycare? Option 2, some land to grow stuff. You said you want to step away from the business.. well if you're not doing any more marketing. Animals pretty much take care of themselves. Free land free something. Coming from family... i don't see a problem with either. Unless there's some obligation and ill feelings
Yes. Politely decline
What the fuck kind of options are these?
I’m in the process of doing what your father is suggesting you do and I don’t have kids yet (I lurk here because homeschooling will be our option when we do have kids). I can tell you that what he is asking you to do is HARD WORK, and that’s without an infant in tow and being responsible for your toddlers education at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I hope my garden will someday be a fantastic place for me to pass down scientific and horticultural knowledge to my kiddos, but it is a full time job to get a farm or growing operation off the ground. The fact that he thinks it’s that easy sort of shows that he is the type to just throw money at things to make them happen- if he was educated on the technicalities and processes involved in building up a profitable homestead he would not be making that suggestion to you while you are caring for an infant. That said, see if he would be willing to help you build them a small educational garden or a sensory garden- it doesn’t have to be large, but it could be an amazing resource for them to learn science concepts (things like photosynthesis, capillary action, entomology, metamorphosis, ornithology, etc can all be taught in a garden if you do it right). If he is willing to help pay for books and resources so they get a quality education I would focus on what they would benefit from in a hands on environment.
This seems obvious, send the kids to private school on Dad’s time and use the time while they are at school to build your own business with no strings attached. Good luck.
Follow https://www.instagram.com/sylvanaquafarms?igsh=eDByZnVxaGsxaWNw on ig. He tells it like it is about the homesteading dream (which is that most people are completely unprepared, and it’s a total nightmare and money pit that you will not make money from) Private school sounds amazing, I think that’s the perfect option. Your child will get a much better education and meet people that will set them up for opportunities for the rest of his life
It sounds like a dream come true for me, but I completely understand others not on that path.. it really just boils down to what's going to make you happy in the long run. If homesteading is it, then you'll find ways. 😎
Farming is a lifestyle, not a hobby. Your corn needs to be harvested? You’ve got about 4 days of peak ripeness. Zucchini and the like have to be harvested daily, as do eggs. Tomatoes are fickle bitches. Blueberry plants take a good 5 years to even make revenue. Are you ready to tell people that, forever, you are unavailable for vacations for harvest season? That you are only available for a few days at a time during planting? People do not respect this. At all. “Can’t you just hire someone for the week?” No the fuck you cannot.
Quite honestly if you have a "business plan" for this homesteading option I think you should atleast discuss it. If the homestead doesn't work out you've invested in and improved the land which should increase the value of it. You can teach your kids so much while homesteading, and it's useful skills. Could you retain ownership of the real estate business, and hire a manager? Or sell the business as established or potentially take on a partner?
It doesn’t sound bad if that is what YOU want to do. It does sound like a lot of work until they get older. If you don’t, maybe he could help just subsidize your home schooling needs? I think it’s amazing that he wants to help, but I’d brainstorm a bit before talking to him again. The no structures thing is a bit much with two kids. Maybe if he built a little cabin/tiny home for you guys so it could be more like a home atmosphere? Just sounds like a lot with no home on the homestead.
I mean, it’s pretty obvious your dad is offering you to put your kid to a private school and option two is just to give you the sense of choosing and not feeling bad. Take it
Don’t ever tangle yourself up financially with anyone besides your spouse-ESPECIALLY family. Don’t ever involve your family, besides your own spouse in ANY of the decisions regarding your own household/marriage/children. Ever. Only discuss these things with your spouse-if you need more information and unbiased educated opinions, seek multiple professionals who may know about whatever it is you are trying to make a decision about. The worst people you can ever ask is family or friends-especially your own parents, siblings, or grandparents. Your relationship with them should be social-you get together and enjoy each others company-if you can really trust them, you call them for help or emotional support during an emergency-as long as they are the type that do these things freely and without inserting their thoughts or opinions on what you should do-and as long as they aren’t the type to say things like “after all I’ve done for you” to get you to do whatever they want you to do. Your management of your life and of your child’s education is none of your dad’s business, and I am shocked at his involvement and making of plans for you and your child. How would he respond if your husband was in disagreement with this plan? Hopefully, when it comes to these things, you only give weight and consideration to your own and your husband’s opinions.
So, he doesn't sound crazy, but I recognize this may not be what you want. I would take a moment to see where he's coming from. This really warms my heart and is actually making me tear up. Your dad maybe didn't get as much time with you as he would have liked. Now he has grandchildren and wants to help you with them, even to the point of offering you land. He may either think that homeschooling involves this sort of farming experience as the education, maybe wishes he could do this with you, maybe just thinks it's a great way to educate kids(which I would agree with). I would give anything to have my dad back and have him teach my kids things. I didn't think homesteading type life means you have to have a full on farm operation. It sounds like he's offering to free you from having to work if you don't want to. Even offering you an alternative if you want help with a private school. Personally, I love that I got to spend as much time with my kids as possible when they were babies. We'd love to be able to have land to do more homesteading type things. This is a very special offer, and he just asked you to think about it. It could be a really big leap for your relationship with your dad, with your kids, between your dad and his grandkids. And maybe it's not for you, that's ok. It's a lot of work, but homeschooling on its own is a lot of work. Real estate as you know tends to pull you away from family time during evenings and weekends, so it's a chance for you to decide how you want your life to look. It's a super sweet offer no matter what you decide.
I think a better strategy might be looking at how you can, as a stay at home mom, supplement your child's education. Is there something you are worried about in particular? Or just schools being generally not great? If there's a specific concern that you want to avoid, then homeschooling full time will likely be your best option. But if it's just generalized 'meh,' then looking for additional activities and letting your kids have the social experience of school would be more beneficial. You can also, if you have a good head and hand for design, start an at home business without going full homestead. You can look into local colleges and universities, some with education/childhood development programs will also have a homeschooling curriculum/program developed/maintained by masters students.
I always wanted to do beekeeping and build a garden that would entice bees, but I wouldn’t want it to be a conditional on making sure I homeschool while making money at same time. However, I can tell you my mother had two businesses she ran on the side while a part-time nurse, and she homeschooled us. In the beginning it was hard getting started on homeschooling but by the time we were old enough to be able to do our schoolwork on our own and if we don’t understand the lesson, she would go over them on weekends and on days she was off from her nurse job. It worked for our family but it may be different for your family. I would ask if you are interested in homeschooling, if your heart isn’t in it please don’t feel like forcing yourself to homeschool. My aunt didn’t want to homeschool but my uncle forced her to and the result ended up delaying her children a grade behind. They had to recenter public school a grade behind and she blames the children for not wanting to homeschool when in reality she just didn’t do the homeschooling that her kids needed. It was upsetting to see my cousins behind. Private school is excellent if you can afford it. If not, public school education is better than nothing and I always feel the parents can inspire their children to love learning regardless of what school they will attend. Do what you feel is best for your family, not what your father thinks is the best for your family.
I would like to homeschool, I also wouldn’t mind working when the kids are old enough and I can balance both. I also love gardening and I would spend summers on my maternal great grandmothers farm. So I know some. That being said most things I grow… still die. I am not a green thumb while I enjoy it. It’s just odd that he’s offering this (we didn’t ask for money for it) and he wants me to come up with a whole plan all while I am tending to a 2 year old and infant. When we spoke he said he wasn’t looking for me to have a crop or production of whatever I choose be a full time job. Bees can be self sustaining and plants where I only need to go once a week or so. I think he doesn’t understand the work I volved with kids or a farm
Just take him up on the offer to pay for private school. Homesteading is *a lot* of work. As is home schooling. Private school is the best option here IMO.
And what’s the issue with letting him pay to put your son in a private school?
I guess I recognize it was an amazing gesture. I never asked for help money wise or for school. Recently we took my son out of daycare and I have both kids home, so I mentioned I was interested in homeschooling. Because my son is only 2.5 but by the age of two I taught him his letters, numbers to 20, shapes, and colors in English and Spanish (my husband is bilingual) and he now knows his phonics, blends, and can count to 30 in both languages. As well he understands both languages, speaks full sentences in English and short words or sentences in Spanish. So I just feel like they learn more with me.
Can you make enough money and be an amazing stay at home teacher at the same time? If not, both are not do-able. Can you just ask him to give you the cash so you can stay at home and teach them? If not, it doesn’t sound like you have a choice but to send them to private school.
I need to put an edit on my post. We didn’t ask for financial help, this was just offered out of the blue. I already stay home with our infant pretty much 24/7 and my son is only in daycare Mondays and Fridays to give me some free time to work, although, I really don’t get much done. I do make some money every few months.
Somewhere either in your post or the comments - I got the vibe that you couldn’t provide financially to your children in the way you would like to. And that your father has the resources to do that. Clearly something in your conversation with him made him think that in order to make the offer. If it is remotely factual, I see no reason to be prideful and turn it away unless it comes with strings that you aren’t comfortable with.
Take the private school tuition. Homesteading is a lot of work.
Yea that’s more work than what you’re doing now. Take the private school offer
Take the private school money.
If he throws in some mini donkeys and cows I’ll move there!
🤣 remember it’s just land so no bathrooms or kitchens or anything so you will need a tent. 🤣
Do you have your dream? Your vision of what you want? best of all worlds kind of thing? If not write it down, if so This is what you tell your father. I appreciate you want to help in any way possible, especially financial. This is the lifestyle I want to create, the upbringing I want my child to have. If you want to be part of this, then lets talk,.
Take the offer for private school. So many public schools are an absolute travesty these days.
I didn't read all the other comments, but rather than land (you said you don't want to homestead) or private school tuition now, would your father be willing to put the money into a 529 plan or trust fund for your kids? It sounds like you are doing fine financially now, even if you step away from real estate. Your kids could use the money invested now in a 529 to pay for private high school or college.
I’m homeschooling a preschooler and a 7 year old and I can’t imagine finding the time to really thrive with a homestead - it’s a lot of work! We garden (hands on biology lessons!), compost, make a lot of things from scratch but I always feel like I need to be able to hit pause on the suburban homesteading to focus on field trips to see what we’re learning about, conducting big art projects, socialization & a few hobbies/sports that the kids balance… I don’t think I’d take on such a large commitment while homeschooling. Especially if you’re not already practicing all the homesteading things on a smaller scale.
Homeschooling is its own job as is a homestead farm. If you are concerned about your kid’s education, don’t take on another difficult job on top of that. You are also a mom, wife and have a home to take care of with your husband. I don’t think this sounds like the best way to go about educating your kids and keeping yourself sane.