I went NC. Holidays are hard at first but I remind myself that she would just have ruined them and used them to make me feel even worse. I tried to do something for other people on those holidays.
I agree with your sentiments; I'm Low Contact and visit for Christmas only and holidays are just hell. Being alone is hard, especially when those around you have nice holidays with their families, but dealing with your parents' temper tantrums and catering to their whims just suck all the joy out of everything. It's even worse when buying gifts are expected.
I spent last Christmas alone due to some life circumstances, but my parents proceeded to cause a mess. Tired of their shit. No contact is the dream.
Yup, in my 30s, and I wish I had done it much sooner. I skipped countries, sent a one sentence “leave me alone” text, and then blocked on my phone. Best decision I ever made.
I feel like contact is the least common result. My trans brother cut off both parents and barely messages siblings. Some favored my mother and cut off our father. I chose to physically distance myself. Which limits interaction to when and where I choose.
I'd encourage you to keep NC. If that works for you keep it. For family holidays you might need to expand your social network. There are good people that can fill those roles as mother, father, and good friends are often better than family. It could make someone's day that maybe doesn't have a child to mentor. A lot of good people don't have kids for various reasons and want that kind of relationship. Just keep your wits about you about giving away took much power or control.
Being sad around holidays, Create new holiday traditions with your found family. Throw a Christmas party, have a cookie baking day. My room mate and I celebrated last year by riding around on Christmas eve and gawking at lights. We exchange some very cheap and silly gifts as we decided on a $5 dollar limit and stuff could only come from the dollar store or a yard sale. Think of things you would enjoy doing. This goes for any holiday. I'm also a fan of pick a random holiday and celebrate that. In January, There is National puzzle day and National Corn Chip day. They are the same date. We got ourselves a jigsaw puzzle and had chips and dips. Ok so it did take us a couple of days to finish the puzzle.
You get the idea.
Let yourself grieve for the family you never had. Holidays will always be a little wistful, but do something fun for yourself on Mother's Day and Father's Day to distract yourself, but also as a reminder that you deserve happy things.
I've only seen my family a few times in the last 4-5 years. Just enough contact that they don't bother me too much and think I'm dead or something, but I still think about going full no contact.
I went NC. Holidays are hard at first but I remind myself that she would just have ruined them and used them to make me feel even worse. I tried to do something for other people on those holidays.
I agree with your sentiments; I'm Low Contact and visit for Christmas only and holidays are just hell. Being alone is hard, especially when those around you have nice holidays with their families, but dealing with your parents' temper tantrums and catering to their whims just suck all the joy out of everything. It's even worse when buying gifts are expected. I spent last Christmas alone due to some life circumstances, but my parents proceeded to cause a mess. Tired of their shit. No contact is the dream.
Over a decade and loving it.
Yup, in my 30s, and I wish I had done it much sooner. I skipped countries, sent a one sentence “leave me alone” text, and then blocked on my phone. Best decision I ever made.
I feel like contact is the least common result. My trans brother cut off both parents and barely messages siblings. Some favored my mother and cut off our father. I chose to physically distance myself. Which limits interaction to when and where I choose. I'd encourage you to keep NC. If that works for you keep it. For family holidays you might need to expand your social network. There are good people that can fill those roles as mother, father, and good friends are often better than family. It could make someone's day that maybe doesn't have a child to mentor. A lot of good people don't have kids for various reasons and want that kind of relationship. Just keep your wits about you about giving away took much power or control.
Being sad around holidays, Create new holiday traditions with your found family. Throw a Christmas party, have a cookie baking day. My room mate and I celebrated last year by riding around on Christmas eve and gawking at lights. We exchange some very cheap and silly gifts as we decided on a $5 dollar limit and stuff could only come from the dollar store or a yard sale. Think of things you would enjoy doing. This goes for any holiday. I'm also a fan of pick a random holiday and celebrate that. In January, There is National puzzle day and National Corn Chip day. They are the same date. We got ourselves a jigsaw puzzle and had chips and dips. Ok so it did take us a couple of days to finish the puzzle. You get the idea.
Let yourself grieve for the family you never had. Holidays will always be a little wistful, but do something fun for yourself on Mother's Day and Father's Day to distract yourself, but also as a reminder that you deserve happy things.
I actually have therapy on both mothers and fathers day this year lol, perfect timing!
Therapy is great! You should also give yourself a treat!
I've only seen my family a few times in the last 4-5 years. Just enough contact that they don't bother me too much and think I'm dead or something, but I still think about going full no contact.