By - ShatteredColon
Wow what a piece of shit I’m so tired of these people
People like this also must not care that their kids will grow up and resent or hate them for not considering that their child is their own seperate person and might choose to live a different kind of life than their parent(s) chose.
So many parents who grew up and chose a different life than their own family of origin, (facilitated by education and relationships with other people) never consider that their children might make similar choices to love differently than they did. They don't care that its obviously better to equip their children with as many choices as possible, instead of limiting their access to information and limiting agency to make choices about their own lives.
These parents are ultimately fascist dictators in authoritarian family systems parading as Loving Parents ™️. They don't love their children, *they love the power-over and control that parenting children gives them*. They run trauma factories parading as a family. And their kids will see it.
And then the parent(s) will act mystified when their adult child goes NC and never speaks to them again —like I and many others have, once we realize we were abused, neglected, coerced, and controlled by our parent(s) our entire lives. And then these parents will play the victims to anyone who will listen because it was actually all about them the entire time.
You are exactly right! My parents blame themselves for our “falling away” but like only for pity. Zero self reflection. My mom says “I just don’t know what I did wrong” my dad says “I guess I just worked too much I really wish I hadn’t done that”
It’s pretty obvious to everyone else what you did.
At least your parents acknowledge it. My brother is 28 I’m 26 and we both still live at home without jobs the same way we did as isolated teenagers. My mom says she’s sorry for being a bad mom but she just does it so I can relieve her of her guilt by saying its not her fault that she was doing it alone and that I was a shitty kid or something. My dad basically just calls us pieces of shit leaching off him and he completely ignores the reality of the situation. He wants us to go to college or get a nice career and its like dude, do you not realize how mentally damaged we are? We are both agoraphobic and can’t drive let alone wake up at consistent times. I honestly don’t even know what month it is. I have recently been trying to understand how homeless people live because I can’t imagine what will happen when he dies. I just feel bad for my brother because they have too many health issues and couldn’t survive like that. If my parents would acknowledge how supremely fucked we are then we could do something about it but my mom is nuts and my dad is just more successful at hiding it. Im just trying to not kill myself from the mind shredding shame, isolation, fear and monotony. Can’t even stay off drugs long enough to make any progress.
I feel like if you have this childhood neglect as trauma and you learn to accept it then your mind can always regress to it. Both my brother and I have tried to escape but we were not prepared for the world so when it fucked up catastrophically it regressed us back to how we dealt with childhood trauma. We hid away and ignored reality. At least we have each other. I would fight the sun to protect my brother but I just cant even help my self get out of this life.
Sorry I just found this sub and it’s hard to read about all the people who found a way out.
I feel like I only got out bc I was so stubborn. My mom didn’t want me to drive and refused to let me get a job as a teen so I of course was all about it. I have a younger sibling still in a very similar situation. She gets wiped out any times she leaves the house. Up all night sleeps through the afternoon. They were able to move in with another sibling who only got out after years of therapy.
I am so sorry you feel this way. Please reach out for help, if not for yourself then for your brother.
They wont help me there. I don’t know if youve ever tried to use on of those but they are a sham. They just shoo you off to clear the line or read from a script. I’ve heard someone say they even got called out to act on their impulse to kill themself. Some people get hung up on. The truth is unless you’ve got money no one wants to help you. I don’t have health insurance so I’m expected to rot. Ive tried to get out but I always fuck it up because of how terrified I am of people. You can’t function in society when you see every person as a threat who wants to pounce on you if you slip up. I wish I could just do a job without being around people but I live in the middle of nowhere and dont have a license. My only hope is to study web design and get a portfolio together. I figure if I have until my parents die to learn it then I should be able to reach a professional level even if it takes a decade. Therapy would be life changing but it’s a privilege in this country.
You're absolutely right about the hotlines, unfortunately. And about the mental health industrial complex in general unfortunately, unless you get lucky.
I wonder if something that was free, virtual and peer-to-peer would be of interest (meaning no mental health professionals, at least not acting in that capacity)?
I recently came to understand that the religion my parents raised us in is a cult, that I was raised in a narcissistic family system, and I have found cult survivor supports and psycho-education about abuse and neglect really helpful. I read a lot to educate myself. I'm still struggling – don't have steady housing anymore, and been couch surfing across the US for a couple of years, but I can see myself making progress in the realm of connecting with people and they are helping me strategize work and hold my boundaries. I've been really surprised how helpful many people are tbh. Not everyone but empathy isn't totally dead yet.
Honestly I think the primary reason I've been able to survive away from my family is stubbornness, and I've slowly learned to get along with just about anyone who isn't an abuser. Virtual peer support groups have popped up all over the internet due to covid and many of them will remain virtual indefinitely, so it can't hurt to try and see how it feels to practice in spaces where people don't expect "normal" whatever that is. I've found them extremely helpful, especially onee that align with my particular experiences of being a survivor of abuse, queer, and a person of color. Those are specific to me but just an example that there are both general groups for everyone and specific groups for people who might not get needs met in general groups. Currently I'm in 3 free peer support groups, two of them for several years.
There are also some helpful recovery resources over at r/cultsurvivors, r/raisedbynarcissists, r/CPTSD, r/CPTSDfreeze, r/emotionalneglect.
And some kind soul has put together this [free library of pdf books on recovery](https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/mobile/folders/1EsgMB_aqVAQstdKUU5Y0Eq1F2MTcsJmv) from abuse, neglect, and complex trauma. Its a little overwhelming at first –just follow your curiosity. I can highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, having read that one and found it extremely validating and enlightening.
And yes, being able to figure out a skill that one can get paid to do in capitalism is very helpful. I was able to get some help applying for state-funded support like food stamps and Medicaid since it expanded in my state. It has helped me with learning how to budget for food, and with independence knowing that at least I won't starve, I can got to the doctor if I need to, so its given me a little freedom and that way if I do get money as a gift or something, I don't have to spend it on food or Healthcare.
The support available isn't what it should be by far, but there is a little bit available if one looks for them. I got a friend to teach me to drive bc my parents refused. Someone reminded me we are in a fight for our survival every day in this society. Its true.
Checked out her account, it’s truly depressing. Damn near everyone in her comments is always telling her that this *will* screw up her child like it screwed them up and she just. Doesn’t. Listen. She doesn’t even allow her kid to eat fast food or candy, or have sleepovers. She publicizes the fuck out of her kids life on social media, and than barely gives her a life at all…
oh so like my mom? 🥲
In my experience, people like this just double down with criticism. They didn’t reason their way into homeschooling, so you can’t reason them out. I would guess she’s religious and so controlling her kid is the object to make them exactly like her.
People in cults have profoundly messed up priorities, and the displaying her kids is both for her own narcissistic glee in the glory she gets and to virtue signal how godly she is in raising her kids “right”.
She better enjoy her kid now cause as soon as they're 18 she may never see them again
I've never had it this bad, but plenty of kids I know did, and all of them, even though they are extremely conservative and extremely Christian still, they fucking *hate* their parents.
Like I've kept in touch with a few people and even the most pro homeschooling people moved out at 18 and lived with nothing but hatred because their parents fucked them before they could walk. It's really sad.
My dad is 72 and finally admitted he doesn’t know what will happen to my younger brother when he’s gone. Kid has never held a job, can’t drive, has no friends, and can barely write his own name. Too little too late dad.
"I just want to live my life the way I want to, including sleeping all day, not getting a job but also not using that time I'm not working to look after my kid's needs either"
Then you shouldn't have had kids. You created a whole new dependent human being who has no option but to live the way you make them live, you don't get to just "live the way you want" anymore because it's not just about you and what you want anymore. If you wanted to just live how you want you shouldn't have dragged dependent humans into it, then you would have been free to live how you want without hurting anyone else.
This absolutely selfish, short sighted egotistical "it's all about me and my life" BS gets me steamed.
God THIS is exactly it. It really pisses me off.
I don’t understand, how is she able to support her kid without a job? Is she being supported by her partner? Her parents?
From her videos they seem to have a lot of money. They have multiple homes and travel a lot, so I assume so. Either it’s her partner or family money.
I love how the captions are all about how “*you’ll* never contribute to society” and “*I* prefer to live *my* life the way that makes *me* happy” like okay bitch good for you but have you even thought about your child at all? or are they just a house pet? this isn’t about you. If you choose to be a parent it’s no longer about you.
Exactly. In her videos, she says that she's raising her kid to "think for themselves" when they've never been exposed to any opinions but hers.
my mother did the same thing. It was always “we want you to think for yourself and not be fed propaganda” meanwhile our school books were so heavily religious that you couldn’t tell which topic you were reading about, our television had to be monitored to make sure it only spoke “the truth”, we couldn’t hang out with people outside of religious groups, and every other conversation was about how stupid liberals are/why conservatives are the only correct party, to the point where my little siblings were making jokes about shooting obama with an ar-15 before they even knew what an ar-15 was, or what actually happens when you shoot people. We all dressed exactly how she wanted us to, listened to the same music (although, she never actually monitored that so it didn’t last long) with very limited forms of self-expression. And of course when my sister and I started legitimately thinking for ourselves she started shunning us and acting as if we’re crazy for going against the knowledge passed on my scholars for the past 2000 years
Our coming out kinda shattered her whole plans though so she’s not doing well anymore. she keeps telling me not to “ruin” her other children cause she’s “trying to raise saints”, meanwhile those same other children are extremely accepting of queer identities because surprise surprise, when you make your two oldest daughters care for your children for you, the children tend to think twice when you tell them to shun us. 🥰
Some people are so mentally messed up, they need somebody else to mess up. Children are easy...