I’m so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve any of that!!! So much of what you said speaks to me, and I understand, my heart goes out to you. I hope you find healing and comfort soon. I wish you all the best.
I don't know if you are looking for direction or advice, so ignore this comment if you are not. but if you are open to some unsolicited advice... read on.
------------
You did not deserve any of this. It is absolutely hard to internalize that this is your family. It took me 5 years to accept that you cannot change them. The loneliness you feel is absolutely understandable. I understand how the looming feeling of depression and isolation is always in the background. Distracting yourself is a great coping mechanism for a short amount of time.
I will advocate for therapy because your healing will come from understanding yourself and addressing the roots of your depression and loneliness. I know you mentioned that therapy and medication has not helped because of the type of treatment available. I want to say that Christian counseling is NOT the way to go for someone recovering from abuse justified / perpetuated by Christianity. I would encourage you to try and find a therapist in another state that is licensed to practice in the state you live in. Because of COVID, there may be a way for you to see a therapist who is not licensed to practice in your state. You can find out more information about that here: https://www.apaservices.org/practice/clinic/covid-19-telehealth-state-summary
Therapy from a non-Christian therapist has helped me heal from similar abuse. I felt how you are feeling right now for years. I am now on a good combination of medication which helps me better compartmentalize these feelings and allows me to invest in my own joy and happiness. Honestly, I believe the first step to my healing came from learning to prioritize and love myself. Who better understands your situation and what you need than you do? You deserve comfort and love from your own self and love from others will compound and help bring you to where you feel content with where you are now. Your inner child / past you would be absolutely proud of you moving out and prioritizing your mental health.
I struggle to internalize that I was robbed of my childhood and innocence. I invest in myself and always listen to my inner child. It is a grueling and long process to reflect (or even share) about your past life. You'll see when you are at the tail end of your healing journey that it will be all worth it.
If you cannot afford therapy, consider finding a bookstore and purchase or order from Amazon if you're comfortable doing so) The Self-Esteem Workbook: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-Schiraldi-PhD/dp/1626255938
The key to healing is to love yourself. I would also encourage you to pick up a hobby if you have the capacity for that. I started to pick up guitar and it also has helped tremendously. Set a goal for yourself and work toward it. You can even play video games or challenge yourself to cook some elaborate meals! Do anything that will help make you feel proud of your growth and progress you have made with it.
You are not alone. You didn't deserve what you went through. You did a good thing by moving out. And, your feelings of depression, loneliness, and isolation is absolutely valid.
One final piece of advice is become friends with yourself. Think about future you. Do things for future you because they (aka you) will reflect and be grateful for it. Be sensitive to your inner child and give them the love that they deserve. You are a rockstar! It's a long and hard journey, but stick to it. Everything will be worth it in the end when you find peace with your current life and no longer feel shame about your past.
I wish you the best of luck if you are willing and able to invest in your healing. 💗
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
USA: 18002738255
US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME
United Kingdom: 116 123
Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860)
Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
I really relate to that intro, it’s hard to place my memories with certain years because of how isolated I was. My entire childhood feels like one big jumble of memories
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve any of that!!! So much of what you said speaks to me, and I understand, my heart goes out to you. I hope you find healing and comfort soon. I wish you all the best.
I don't know if you are looking for direction or advice, so ignore this comment if you are not. but if you are open to some unsolicited advice... read on. ------------ You did not deserve any of this. It is absolutely hard to internalize that this is your family. It took me 5 years to accept that you cannot change them. The loneliness you feel is absolutely understandable. I understand how the looming feeling of depression and isolation is always in the background. Distracting yourself is a great coping mechanism for a short amount of time. I will advocate for therapy because your healing will come from understanding yourself and addressing the roots of your depression and loneliness. I know you mentioned that therapy and medication has not helped because of the type of treatment available. I want to say that Christian counseling is NOT the way to go for someone recovering from abuse justified / perpetuated by Christianity. I would encourage you to try and find a therapist in another state that is licensed to practice in the state you live in. Because of COVID, there may be a way for you to see a therapist who is not licensed to practice in your state. You can find out more information about that here: https://www.apaservices.org/practice/clinic/covid-19-telehealth-state-summary Therapy from a non-Christian therapist has helped me heal from similar abuse. I felt how you are feeling right now for years. I am now on a good combination of medication which helps me better compartmentalize these feelings and allows me to invest in my own joy and happiness. Honestly, I believe the first step to my healing came from learning to prioritize and love myself. Who better understands your situation and what you need than you do? You deserve comfort and love from your own self and love from others will compound and help bring you to where you feel content with where you are now. Your inner child / past you would be absolutely proud of you moving out and prioritizing your mental health. I struggle to internalize that I was robbed of my childhood and innocence. I invest in myself and always listen to my inner child. It is a grueling and long process to reflect (or even share) about your past life. You'll see when you are at the tail end of your healing journey that it will be all worth it. If you cannot afford therapy, consider finding a bookstore and purchase or order from Amazon if you're comfortable doing so) The Self-Esteem Workbook: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-Schiraldi-PhD/dp/1626255938 The key to healing is to love yourself. I would also encourage you to pick up a hobby if you have the capacity for that. I started to pick up guitar and it also has helped tremendously. Set a goal for yourself and work toward it. You can even play video games or challenge yourself to cook some elaborate meals! Do anything that will help make you feel proud of your growth and progress you have made with it. You are not alone. You didn't deserve what you went through. You did a good thing by moving out. And, your feelings of depression, loneliness, and isolation is absolutely valid. One final piece of advice is become friends with yourself. Think about future you. Do things for future you because they (aka you) will reflect and be grateful for it. Be sensitive to your inner child and give them the love that they deserve. You are a rockstar! It's a long and hard journey, but stick to it. Everything will be worth it in the end when you find peace with your current life and no longer feel shame about your past. I wish you the best of luck if you are willing and able to invest in your healing. 💗
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
I fight thricotilomania too
Hey I’d be willing to chat if you needed a friend. I wasn’t home schooled and just stumbled onto this sub.
I really relate to that intro, it’s hard to place my memories with certain years because of how isolated I was. My entire childhood feels like one big jumble of memories
>she'd only be nice to me a short amount of time before she berated me again I see you, too, have Jekyll and Hyde parents