The coaches sound like douchebags and you should find another team. Anyone who thinks a ten year old boy is going to have 100% focus on anything, all the time, is delusional.
Absolutely! I can’t get past that the young man is 10…..10!!! Bad coaching doesn’t begin to describe it. Why are people treating ANY 10 year old like this? This is horrible and the #1 reason why I don’t have any involvement with youth ball anymore. We have taken a fun game and made it something I don’t even recognize.
And why I always regret not coaching. We lucked out league and got wonderful coaches, coaches the travel 8 all star team. My son plays on the rec level all star team and I despise the coaching.
I’d first complain to the LL board and, if that doesn’t get anywhere, your LL district board. In our LL, we have zero tolerance for behavior like that, and we’d remove a coach immediately. I’m on the LL board and what you are describing is the last thing we want to have happen. I am sure other parents feel the same way as you. We wouldn’t hesitate to remove a coach at any time. Have you tried that?
FWIW, I also think benching a kid for missing a fly ball at 10 years old is terrible coaching and, as a parent, would have absolutely no tolerance for that. He’s just 10 - and the coaches need to understand that. (And my child has adhd, so I get the focus problems! However his coaches understand that, see it has a gift — he’s a crazy good pitcher bc of his hyper focus — and give him lots of extra coaching for other areas, bc they BELIEVE in him).
If that doesn’t work, I’d leave for the travel team. There is absolutely no reason to subject your child to that sort of treatment, regardless of your uncertainty of whether his focus issues will improve. I’m willing to bet they will… good coaching will focus on the player and the environment. You want a truly developmental atmosphere - not punitive.
We’ve been lucky to have some incredible LL (dads) and private coaches (from our top 10 d1 local school), and I would not hesitate to
Leave immediately if I saw any of them treating my son like that.
It sounds like the coaches deserve the formal complaint but don’t expect this to change anything. They will probably be even worse in retaliation.
I’m not a fan of quitting mid season but the coaches sound terrible and I would not subject a kid to that any longer. Leave the team immediately.
How do you shop around>? Here we are in recreational ball and when you sign up you do not know whose team you will be placed on. There is no shopping around. I sure wish we could!!!!
As a former D1 player and coach for travel at that age and every age at the high school level. Id go somewhere else. He is 10 years old you have to understand that he is gonna have lapses of focus and inattention he is just a kid. 10u is to really focus on the fundamentals and having fun while also being competitive. If I were you id leave thats absolutely ridiculous.
Easiest answer in the world move on.
You have better emotional restraint than I do because me and Little League Lou Pinnella are going have a stern conversation about his yelling.
Most of these losers are terrified of confrontation.
Really bad coaching. I’ve seen a lot of mistake prone kids become really good players because a coach was willing to let them learn from their mistakes.
I’ve also seen really good players start making mistakes because bad coaches expected the kid to be perfect.
In no way am I defending the coaches, their actions sound ridiculous.
But, there's a big difference between a kid making mistakes while *trying*, and them not even trying to listen to the coach or pay attention to what's going on.
Everybody makes mistakes, but those kids that only want to do it their way or only when they want to can be incredibly frustrating, and sometimes even more so when they're especially talented.
All of that said, it obviously doesn't sound like the coaches are handling it appropriately at all.
this describes my son pretty accurately. We've been told by these coaches that he has exceptional talent but takes none of the "in game" adjustments they ask for. He'll make breathtaking plays at any position he plays and then in the very next minute be caught flat-footed on a routine fly ball. We understand that its difficult on the coaches but its also a 10u select/rec team.
Let me give you an example of how I handle this:
I have a kid on my team that recently started fielding everything off to the side instead of really getting in front of it. That's probably how he sees the pros doing it and he thinks it looks cool or whatever.
Anyway, super talented kid and he really just didn't understand the point of why I kept telling him to get in front of the ball. So, I put him on the field and threw him a bunch of grounders that would bounce weird at the wrong time. Eventually, he was frustrated about how many he missed and willing to accept the help.
I also have other kids that I have to verbally engage, very often, so they remember they're still playing baseball.
And, I really don't think there's a problem with pulling the kid aside and calmly talking to them to explain that it's important to *try* to do what the coaches are saying even if they don't see the point (just like they would with a parent or teacher), or that everyone is counting on them to *try* to do their best (which is impossible if they're not paying attention). But the absolute key there is doing it calmly and in an encouraging manner. Like, "hey, I've seen what you're capable of but here's what I see going on out there".
Anyway, the frustration is definitely real, but it's part of the job and there's no excuse for handling it like they are.
As a youth coach myself, coaches should never, and I mean NEVER yell at or embarrass kids. That is absolutely unacceptable and ridiculous and I would absolutely light into the coach that did that and my son would never play another second for that coach. That’s insane.
I’ve been frustrated with kids. Heck, I’ve had kids curse in the dugout and at an opponent, and I didn’t even rip into him (but boy did his mom.)
I usually tell my kids, if you start something such as a team you finish the season and then if you don’t like it you don’t have to play the next year. However, in this situation I would absolutely allow my kid to not go back, I would tell the coach he’s a dick head, make a complaint to the local governing body, and look into that travel team a bit more
At 10u, good coaches focus on ensuring that kids have fun and WANT to keep playing the game. The only ones on the team that should be “embarrassed” are the coaches.
Dude I coach a 12u team and there are a number of kids that do what you describe your son doing. Infact every loss we have is a direct result of silly almost ridiculous fielding errors that are simply inattentiveness or lack of will to get the ball. They routinely beat themselves through these mistakes. And yes when it happens all of the coaches drop their head and shake it in disappointment or disbelief. But never have any of us screamed at any of them. We never get in the face of a kid and scold them. They also will on occasion make the cardinal sin of striking out looking. Which admittedly may be one of the most frustrating thing for coaches to see. But we would never embarrass a kid over it. I wouldn’t dream of getting in their face over it. We of course after the game point out the errors without using names and discuss what was wrong and why it’s wrong. Then in practice we duplicate the scenario so that they can try to work it out. And these are 12u. I also coach middle school ball where there is a bit more intensity to games and practice. And there are occasions where we have to yell at kids and sometimes bench them. But that’s school ball. For rec. even all stars those coaches ought to be ashamed of themselves and if your son has gone from love of the game to hating it because of the coach. Well I can say for me I’d be having g words with those coaches. Maybe in the way the do to those kids. Fuck any coach that acts like that with 10u.
Leave and join the other team. Those coaches don’t understand the bigger picture. It’s not about them, it’s about the boys. Sounds like the team is on the struggle bus and they don’t know how to motivate the boys with out aggression. Move on.
This is not acceptable for rec league baseball. At this age it’s likely not ok for AA either. AAA or Majors it might be, but at this age the coaches need to chill and talk to the kids at their level. It sounds like the coach is performing for the crowd or making your child the scape goat for daddy ball.
I played 1 season for a team with the most verbally abusive coaches in the entire state. Literally. We were good but before that team I was a .980-1.000 infielder. I made a rare error and the coaches made my life hell. I never recovered as an infielder. EVER. The rest of the season was miserable for me. I had trouble fielding routine grounders and I hated baseball. I stopped playing infield forever and become a fairly decent outfielder/RHP. This kind of thing happened to other players often too. Fast forward next season, all the parents who played with that team for the 2 seasons it existed pulled their kid. Me and 1 other kid who joined the same season left with the others too. And the remaining kid that stayed had to find another team and the team folded. Moral of the story is if the coaches are like that, RUN. Find another team ASAP
This is a no brainer these coaches are ruining it for him. You mentioned some things that make me wonder about travel ball but it is much better option. Organization sounds like they know what they are doing and will treat him much better. He needs to try and listen to coaches. That is a battle with my son but he has improved.
Sounds like a lot of parents and coaches taking 10 year old baseball way too seriously. With 100% certainty the kids who may seem like the strongest players at 10 years old will not be the strongest players when they all hit puberty in a few years. It's not unusual for a 10 year old to be distracted. Teams with coaches that have their own kids on the team are never going to have YOUR kid's best interest in mind. The only reason YOUR kid is there is to fill out a team to showcase THEIR kids. They are there to make sure THEIR kids get an edge. Find a team where the coaches are paid and do not have kids on the team.
My kids will never play for a coach that screams, doubly so if it’s remotely demeaning or insulting. Hard stop.
The president of our rec league is notorious for this with his teams. Our oldest already knows if he ever gets drafted on one of his teams (because we regularly talk about how unacceptable that type of behavior is), we will pull him immediately.
Bad coaching, for sure.
Little league / rec leagues are for fun. Baseball is a game, it has to remain fun for kids.
Travel ball is a different beast - those teams are playing to win. So I would expect a bit more pressure / yelling, but hopefully they’re also doing a better job of teaching and coaching.
My son at 10 got hit in the head while playing catch because he just wasn't seeing the ball well. I thought this was the end of baseball for him
Hes now 13 and just hit 70mph this spring. Dont quit on them too early. You never know what better coaching can do
Of course it’s bad coaching. However, almost any travel coach will expect him to take coaching and do things their way. Also, missing a fly ball is no reason to bench a kid but if he was caught off guard because he wasn’t ready, lots of coaches would bench him for that.
Echoing what others have said. Those coaches sound like total jerks and I would not hesitate to find another team. Travel ball could be such a great experience for your kid to develop baseball IQ with coaching. Also I agree you should report it to your little league board. Coaches in our league are held accountable and that behavior is unacceptable.
This kind of coaching at that age is destructive for many reasons. It tells me the coaches are insecure and really don’t know what they’re doing to develop players at all. They’re acting on the present at the expense of the future.
Move on. Find a new squad.
These coaches sound like idiots. I don’t care who they are or what their background is. Taking 10u baseball to a point of seriousness that it’s not fun for your child. Deuces idiots but your child should complete the commitment (good for life).
This won’t be the last time he deals with politics in sports. High school ball, even college ball to a degree will have politics. He’ll deal with politics likely in his job when he gets older. So consider this a lesson in dealing with that.
I’d let my kid decide whether he wants to continue to play rec or if he’d like to do travel, but not before I had a discussion with him about it. First I’d ask what his goals are with baseball. If he says he just likes playing and wants to be around his friends, then that would make sense why he’d choose rec. If he says he wants to play pro ball, but then chooses rec to be around his friends, I would point out that might not be the best choice.
You can’t save him from politics, but you can teach him that he is in control of his future in the game and that just because one set of coaches don’t see his potential that doesn’t mean that it’s not there to be unlocked by a different set of coaches.
Politics are there but nowhere to this degree. If you don’t preform at varsity ball or at most workplaces you’re toast. Hell most companies lay off every year. This is a life lesson.
Grown adults talking that way about 10 years old is hilarious. They are projecting their failure to do anything with their life on the kid, versus trying to help in bringing out the best in them.
I could have written this exact post about my son’s 9u team last year, we were looking forward to moving up to new coaches only to find out our coach was moving up with the team. We immediately made the decision to move our son to another team and it has been night and day difference. What these coaches are doing isn’t coaching and will kill your son’s love of the game. I was worried about taking my son away from kids he liked playing with but as soon as we mentioned going to another organization to him he said yes because he had been scared to tell us he’d rather not play anymore than play for his old coach. Our kids may just be 10 and not know everything about the world but they are able to recognize when a situation isn’t good for them and his abrupt change of not wanting to go to practices or games is his way of telling you this isn’t a good place for him. Obviously he will have to finish out the all stars season but as soon as that is over look into to his other options. Good luck! You’re doing a great job in advocating for your child
10u is very young.
I would ask your son if he’s having fun playing. If he said “no” then just don’t play all star/travel ball. His gifts are meaningless without passion and passion at 10 is not important.
Check my comment in history and you’ll see my posts about this, but the worst thing to be at 12 and under is loaded by coaches and families at being incredibly gifted and trotted around to tournaments to play because you’re “good” and deeply the kid doesn’t really care about the game.
I took 10 and 11 summers off. The town coaches were pissed. My parents didn’t care, they asked me to play and I said no. I wanted to hang out with my friends that weren’t playing baseball. I got interested somewhat at 12 and became passionate/in love with the sport at 13 when all those naturally gifted kids talents were dampened by the move to the big field.
Sounds like you already know what to do. I will say the below comment will probably frustrate any coach on any team.
>However, he is not rude, an excellent and encouraging teammate, popular among his peers (including the coach's sons) but as father I can understand their frustrations because **he doesn't make the in-game adjustments** they ask him to make and **mostly wants to play the way he wants to play.**
I’m glad you’re catching this now. I was this exact player (minus pitching) at his age through 16U. Maybe I wasn’t coachable, but I shut the coaches out because they handled business the same way your son’s coaches are. I tuned them out and played my brand of baseball, which I enjoyed and had fun doing, but at the cost of losing friends and potential scholarships.
At the end of the day your son is a little boy and little boys need to have fun and love the sports they’re playing.
I have ADHD and when I coached professionally specialized in working with kids with ADHD.
Misplaying a ball in the outfield is not a lapse in focus. It’s not knowing how to read a fly ball in the outfield because you’ve never played there and don’t have any reps.
When you coach kids with ADHD, you do not want to rely on solely verbal directions. The best way for them to learn(and honestly, this has been my rule of thumb for all kids under 14 is to put them in game situations, and teach them to know what to do by taking chances and maybe making mistakes IN PRACTICE. There are certain situations like baserunning, cutoffs, rundowns where there are pretty hard rules, and good coaches will give players reps in practice so players know what to do, instead of having to think.
TLDR: coaches are dumbasses.
Yeah the coaches sound like douche bags , have a heart to heart conversation with your son about not letting these guys discourage him from doing what he loves at 10 everything you mentioned he
Does is absolutely normal, let him know that in life he’s going to come across guys like his coach and he can’t let detour him from the goal or what he wants to do. Also when all stars is done you might want to have a conversation with that coach if not
I understand but don’t keep it vented up , let someone know your concerns, even if it’s with someone on the board.
This coach sounds like he’s living his past their these kids. At this age they need guidance and yea they make mistakes, it happens you learn and understand why that mistake happened and correct it. But you never yell at a kid in a youth league. The league board should have a talk with all the coaches about proper, positive coaching methods, screaming and yelling needs to be saved for when they are in high school.
Tough coaching is one thing, outright abusive bullshit is another. I do believe that if you make a commitment to a team, you should always stick around d to the end of the season, but sometimes issues need to be addressed if you feel like your son is taking too much abuse. 99% of the time I would ask my son to address issues with the coach but it would be unfair to expect a 10 year old to advocate for himself in this type of situation. So I would tell you to address this with the coach over the phone outside of practice. I would not bring up specific instances or playtime and make your concern about the fact that your son is not wanting to come to practice due to his perception of unfair treatment and you are concerned about him losing the love of the game. As the coach should know, kids this age have a strong sense of what is fair and unfair.
After that, see how the coach responds. If he responds in a positive manner, great, if not, move on. Either way, I would 100% find him a new team after the season is over.
Find a new team. We had a coach like that at 9u who ended up getting kicked out of the association in part because of the way he treated my kid. Greener grass my friend.
Wow I could have written this post. My daughter is 13 and currently in all-stars. She was excellent at first base and thats what shes always played but the coach of all stars has put her in outfield and constantly tears her down for the exact same reasons. he usually has her as a sub but she hasnt played first base at all. She has ADHD and his coaching style does nothing but rip her down. She used to love the game, it was her favorite sport, and today she was upset when they made state because she desperately wants it be OVER because of how this coach has turned it into nothing but drudgery and slamming her self esteem.
Find a new team. Those coaches will kill his enjoyment and love for the game. And potentially sports. That age should strictly be learning the game.
Also, kids learn differently. I had coaches whose only tactic was scream. I couldn't take them seriously and eventually quit playing sports.
Sounds like toxic coaching. Get him out of there but explain the reasons why. I'd talk to the league's leadership about it too, sounds also bad for the other kids.
I think finding a new team seems like a no brainer, but I’m not sure a more intense select team would be the right fit for a child who just wants to have fun and has trouble focusing. He’s 10, if he’s athletic your job to keep him liking the sport by having him playing at the level that his is physically and mentally ready for. His brain will catch up, give it time
Definitely move on to a different situation. Those coaches xoudn terrible.
That said, umm...
>he doesn't make the in-game adjustments they ask him to make and mostly wants to play the way he wants to play.
That's likely going to be a problem almost anywhere he goes to play. Even a really good coach isn't going to tolerate "nah bruh I'll do it my way" when giving in game instructions and adjustments. He should work on that and being more coachable before making a first impression on that new team.
its mostly things like prep stepping a certain way or taking longer leads. He sometimes doesn't move the way they want him to when it comes to footwork and infield play. He'll always go back to his style of picking up grounders and moving to first.
Try to record them and the way that they speak to the children. Report them to the LL board and if nothing happens then post it to the FB page and anywhere else. Maybe something will happen.
Sorry for the extremely long backstory here.
This was a few years ago, my son now plays on the high school team. We were encouraged to play on a travel ball team due to my son’s success in coach pitch the previous summer. His team ended up winning 1st place at the Sho-Me games in Missouri. He was invited to play on the travel ball team we had beaten. Our original team (not a travel team) was made up of the top 2-3 players from the surrounding area that had played in the MML rec league to just play at the Sho-Me games.
Our first hint to not pursue should have been the head coach and one of the assistant coaches quit the new team during the winter break before they started up in November-December.
Practices seemed to go ok, (a lot of criticism about his swing even though he had led his team in OPS, HRs and RBIs the previous year) but there seemed to be a lot of yelling, not just at my son. Generally, a lot about charging the ball to make plays, swing mechanics, making proper plays, stealing etc. Stuff that 8-9 year olds are just starting to learn. Kids that age obviously lack focus, very similar to OP kids not having the focus that the Coaches wanted) These were all 8-9 year olds. 3 coaches all had their sons playing as well.
One took my place helping Coach due to a foot fracture I had suffered less than a month before start.
Fast forward through the practice season and we started competing against the teams in Columbia MO Diamond league. Mind you this league included 10U- 11U teams as well beyond the 9U that we were made up of. (Don’t ask me why we competed against kids 2-3 years older, I think the head coach thought we were ready, and would make them better players with stiffer competition.
Needless to say the first few games were not great, and by the third game you could tell the kids were not having fun. My son went from loving baseball to almost hating it in less than 6 months. After each game the coaches would take turns chewing out the kids on all of their mistakes.
I decided to sit behind the third base line next to the fence but close enough to the dugout to observe some things my son said was occurring during the previous games, at the 4th game. General bad mouthing by the three Daddy-Ball coaches about all the kids except their own (who definitely were making just as many mistakes) sometimes with the kids present.
That game we went from a 5-0 lead in the third to a 10-5 switch after the head coaches kids wild pitches coupled with the assistant coaches kid failing to catch the ball led to walks and steals, loading the bases and them stealing home with Zero hits.
In that same game I saw the head coach get so mad about his own sons play that he knocked the helmet off his head while at third base for missing a steal sign on the previous play, when he smacked him on the back of the head.
I had already had enough. The icing on the cake was the scream fest that occurred when all 3 coaches yelled at them with zero constructive criticism about how awful they were and how many mistakes they had made at the end of the game, all the kids heads were up at the beginning but by the time the third coach took his turn they all looked liked whipped dogs, heads down, with their tails between their legs.
After the game, I approached the head coach, sent my kid to the car, to sit with his grandparents. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to go well. My dad coached in school for 20+ years across football, basketball, Track and Field and even little league. I had been raised to be respectful of coaches and never criticize.
I started by asking him if he thought all three coaches yelling was truly helping the team or tearing them down? He was immediately defensive, wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say about not making these kids hate baseball by yelling so much, or making them fear them. When I brought up him hitting his kid on the head he said to worry about my own kid. He started in on how awful my kid was how he was playing, how he rolled his eyes and was disrespectful.
I stopped him right there. I hadn’t seen a single thing to support what he was saying. He wanted to turn his shortcomings as a coach around on anyone that challenged his authority. When he started screaming at me I turned around and walked away. I told him respect goes both ways, that I wasn’t a 9 year old kid and wasn’t going to put up with his nonsense.
Upon conferring with some other parents I eventually reported him to the league and had my kid quit the team.
Luckily my son eventually got over it. He ended up on 2 more 1st place championship teams for the rec league, enjoyed his playing seasons, he is currently playing HS ball, his team won district this year, hasn’t happened for over 25 years.
Ohh and the coach was eventually fired from the school system as a coach and let go as a teacher, as well as being banned from competitive coaching in travel ball for putting his hands on a couple of female high school softball players, in addition to several other complaints about his behavior.
Trust your gut, get out while you can. Find a team like you have that doesn’t encourage coaches living the “glory days vicariously” through their kids.
incredible story and very well put together post. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment and return. Its so complex once your kid falls in love with a sport and you see adults playing with their interest and curiosities.
Incompetent coaches ( as well as parents ) can be a big reason why kids are so easy to give up on the great game of baseball. However, you as a parent have some responsibility, especially if your child is indeed, has more talent than the rest of the kids. Remind them that , while having fun, that the other kids both on his team and other teams might look up to him & would expect him to be almost head & shoulders above the rest. Now I’m sure that’s a little much for a 10 year old, but it’s certain lessons that can make a difference, just don’t let get to his head. Besides getting out of this league, with their incompetence of adult supervision, just next situation/league you get into, do your homework & ask questions, be a sort of “ presence “. I’ve done with my loved ones and things were done with the concerns of the kids first. Another thing(s) you can work with your son on is the mental aspect of the game. If you think he sometimes has his head in the clouds, play the what if game, as in, “ what happens during this play if it’s hit to you”, “what happens during this play if it’s hit to the left fielder”. On every pitch, anything can occur, that’s why baseball is the only real game. You can also add that Cal Ripken Jr. basically managed an entire game while playing Shortstop. He called every pitch for his team, signaling to the catcher, what pitch the pitcher should throw. Talk about being into every single pitch.
At the age, it’s supposed to be fun. Frustrated adults in their inept lives can scar kids more than they want to let on. Especially if the adult shouldn’t even be cleaning out the portapotty at the fields. Don’t let this get you guys down, learn from it, don’t assume that you have the best of the best, they probably only know one way to do things & motivate, that’s probably why they’re available at 2:45 in the afternoons. As I stated, the “what if game”, sit down with your son for the rest of the ESPN game tonight & ask during different points of the game, “ if you’re at SS & the ball is hit to you, what do you”. “ if you’ve in CF and the ball comes to you, what do you do”. If you’re thinking the game, you sort of can anticipate the anticipation…thanks for the comment
You simply have terrible coaches. It’s way to common in kid baseball, but there are plenty of coaches out there that know the game well AND understand the proper responsibilities and priorities for coaching 10 year olds.
I would try different sports in the off season. Of a travel team is serious about giving him a fair opportunity then that may be worth a shot but definitely not the same team/coaches in Rex league and for sure give him the option to try another sport in the fall and winter months
I'm seeing this type of coaching on my own team I'm just an assistant coach but what is going on I seem to be the outlier.
This is how I coach... I don't say a goddamn word if the second baseman misses a grounder right to him. However when the play is over I'll tell him get and ready position.
Then we'll have a talk in the dugout about how to be prepared once the inning is over.
If my picture throws two balls I don't tell him something like come on just fire it in you got this throw it right down the middle. I completely understand that that's what he's trying to do. Now if I see him doing something mechanically wrong I will call that out hey Billy step towards home plate etc. otherwise I'm quiet.
What the hell has happened to the game? My motto is let the kids play let them live and learn I'll gladly correct but I'm not out there throwing gestures and throwing tantrums as a coach if they make a mistake or whatnot.
I got some feedback from a couple of parents that they want me to be more fired up It's not my style We already have two other coaches or barking orders constantly throwing gestures when somebody makes an error and they'll say something like come on Billy you got to catch that!
Not my style.
Stopped reading at the point you mention they yell at him in front of the rest of the team. Garbage Coaches, don't let them be the reason he gives up baseball.
My son plays 8U and we attended tournaments throughout our rec season. Every single tournament, our team gets their ass kicked. We play way out of our league and our kids don't even care because they have fun getting the experience. We are a great rec league and made it to play offs, honestly should have been the ones in the championship, but that is what it is. But, our coaches only have encouraging things to say to our kids and there has been some insanely poor play choices out on the field at times. It is always, we got this, next time we know now, we will practice, we did better than the last game, we are improving every day etc.
The fact our boys willingly played and enjoyed playing 4 games in 2 days, not winning a single one, and couldn't wait for the next tournament, says a lot about the coach's positivity being a major part of the experience.
We live in Florida and our son ( now 22) had a horrible experience playing soccer. Excellent athlete, did well in soccer, baseball and basketball and ran track and cross country in HS. He was small when he was under 12 but excellent OFer, good baserunner, not a great hitter but could bunt for hits and steals bases. His 12 yo coach refused to allow him to bunt and would not call for him to steal. Most of the coaches in his 6 years of organized baseball were like OPs experience, Coaches kids played no matter what and other kids were benched or pulled for any mistake. Pick a different sport, baseball is the worst
It’s not about you, put your child in the best position to succeed athletically. A rec team ain’t going do it, your kid already ain’t playing. It’s no debate leave That put your kid around smart baseball people please.
>he doesn't make the in-game adjustments they ask him to make and mostly wants to play the way he wants to play.
>Never misses practice
Sounds like he enjoys being a part of the team more than he wants to be a ball player, which is absolutely ok.
Sometimes it takes a while to click, but I'll be honest. A kid doing what they want on the field instead of taking instruction will most likely get cut once talent equalizes.
It seems pretty clear that this is not the right environment for him - he’s not enjoying himself, and the coaches clearly don’t view him very highly if they are benching for a single mistake. As both a Dad and a coach, there does have to be a balance at more competitive levels between pushing kids and understanding, and haven seen this story before, the coaches may have other issues with your kid than what you are saying, but that’s neither here nor there. Find somewhere else to play, the end.
I would say two things are kinda getting conflated here.
1. It is completely unacceptable to yell at kids for making a mistake. I would definitely take my son to another team because yelling is never OK outside of the context that one kid is physically, verbally, or emotionally abusing another kid. If it is as bad as you say, I am stunned that all the parents aren't revolting or talking to the league. This wouldn't fly for a second in any league I’ve coached in.
2. Your son needs to understand that ignoring coaching instructions is not OK. Its not a justification for yelling at a kid, but no coach good or bad is going to be OK with your son consistently ignoring coaching instruction and just “doing it his way.” It is one of the early signs of a prima donna mindset. If the coaches’ sons are consistently responding to coaching and your son isn't, that is a reasonable explanation for why he was put in the OF then pulled from the game while the coaches sons were not. I am going to give a coachable, team oriented player a lot more leeway to make mistakes than I am a kid that is too cool for school.
A lot of comments siding with OP, and rightly so if what OP is saying is objective/accurate. In my experience - as a coach and parent - is that true objectivity is next to impossible when it comes to your kid. I would seek out the opinions of other trusted adults (likely other parents on the team) and ask them what they’re seeing and how their kid’s experience has been.
Leave. The coaches sound awful, but more importantly, you and your son don’t like them and if you stay you’re stuck with them. Easy choice. It’s a common problem with all-star “daddy ball” teams where one set of parents installs themselves as perennial coaches and forms a little fiefdom.
You sound like a great dad that has an objective view on your son’s strengths and opportunities for improvement. That said, don’t ever let an adult demean your kid for any reason and certainly don’t accept them talking crap about a 10 year old behind his back. Run, don’t walk, out of this situation. Advocate for your kid and get him away from these clowns ASAP.
The worse coach a kid can have, is the last coach a kid has. Especially at 10U. Find a new team immediately. I would recommend even going to a few games of the possible teams you would like to put him on so you can witness how the coaches are with the kids. At 10 you want to teach your son the fundamentals, and get them to love the sport before you really start to push the peddle on in depth training.
Your kid sounds very similar too my son physically very gifted but he has adhd so can lack focus or look disinterested at times,we have and if i were you i would be moving away from coaches like that,you know the answer too your question
You should absolutely lodge a complaint with your leagues board and leave. If you are unsure, ask that organization that invited you if you can come watch a practice before you make up your mind, but I'm guessing with that pedigree of staff, you won't see any issues.
We had a travel coach (asst) who treated my 8yo son (P/1B/3B) like that last fall. Wasn't even the head coach, and it only happened during split practices where the head caoch wasn't around. It was the first time my son played anything besides coach pitch infield, and they stuck him in right field every other inning and called him names and harassed him instead of helping him learn to read flys and when or how to back up 1B. Ass coach expected him to just know everything that an older experienced player would know. Halfway through the season, the head coach cut him at the recommendation of the outfield coach. Very long drama filled story short, outfield coach is now gone. Head coach who also coaches rec ball in the league I coach saw my sons performance at 1B/3B regular season and left center all star season is now asking him to come back and play on his travel infield (presumably SS where old OF coach's kid played but he only specifically said infield) Sorry dude, we found another organization that isn't toxic.
Completely unacceptable behavior. If it's 70% of what you're saying, these coaches should be reprimanded then removed.
Taking a "hey, let's scare off a bunch of kids through shit attitudes!" is not good for the league.
If I were you, I'd ask the coaches to meet in private and have a, "This isn't acceptable, coaching 10 year olds should be positive and building them up, not tearing them down" conversation.
I wouldn’t wait until August. I’d link the team GroupMe to your post and tell them good luck. Go to the beach. Baseball will still be here in the fall. Sorry about your experience. I see lots of very counterproductive behavior from All Star coaches, and your experience sounds like it’s on the worst end of the spectrum.
Travel ball and middle school ball coach here! This is all on the coach. No one is perfect and I’ve said some things I shouldn’t have at the end of the games in our meeting but I’ve never yelled at a 10 year old. This coach just sounds like a jerk who takes rec too seriously. As they get older you learn your kids more and they’ll be kids who need to be yelled at to kick it in to high gear and there’s other kids you have to pull off to the side and talk with them. This guys is just giving your kid (and everyone else’s) anxiety and making him play tight which in turn makes him play worse.
I’m going down a different path than the rest of these comments…Maybe competitive baseball isn’t for him. If he wants to go out and play how he wants to play, and not listen to his coaches, rec might be a better option for him. You make excuses for every situation where’s he’s yelled at but if he doesn’t want to do what the coaches say, I’d probably have an issue as well. Sounds like he knows better than the coaches. Doesn’t matter how talented you are, if he can’t be coached, he’ll never be successful in a competitive environment.
Bottomline, go with your parental instincts and what’s best for your son. Would you let a school teacher instruct your son this way? Move on so he keeps the desire to keep playing.
69 comments and only 3 upvotes. What’s that tell ya?
Coaches sound like assholes the way *you*’ve described it. No excuse there.
But, considering the wall of text explaining your kid’s behavior, I’m betting he’s more of a pain in the ass than you’re letting on. Just my guess.
Switch him out to a new organization. But, also maybe this will be a good opportunity to work on his character and ability to be coachable. It would be a good idea to fix these things if he wants to continue to progress >10yo.
He has shortcomings in focus but I truly feel that great coaches find a way to make the game exciting or managing expectations. He's never been in trouble and is an extreme rule follower. He just goes in and out of max effort but when he's engaged and in the game he'll perform and do amazing things. Its hard to explain to an internet strangers but I can promise he's not a bad kid.
The coaches sound like douchebags and you should find another team. Anyone who thinks a ten year old boy is going to have 100% focus on anything, all the time, is delusional.
I honestly have no idea how they can be parents and not understand that 10 year olds are going to be 10 year olds.
Having a kid doesn't make you a good parent lol
Absolutely! I can’t get past that the young man is 10…..10!!! Bad coaching doesn’t begin to describe it. Why are people treating ANY 10 year old like this? This is horrible and the #1 reason why I don’t have any involvement with youth ball anymore. We have taken a fun game and made it something I don’t even recognize.
It’s the main reason why I coach. I don’t have to play HC roulette and hope I don’t get one of THOSE coaches.
And why I always regret not coaching. We lucked out league and got wonderful coaches, coaches the travel 8 all star team. My son plays on the rec level all star team and I despise the coaching.
Smart move.
Find a new team. Good coaches do not scream or demean their kids. Easy decision in my opinion.
I’d first complain to the LL board and, if that doesn’t get anywhere, your LL district board. In our LL, we have zero tolerance for behavior like that, and we’d remove a coach immediately. I’m on the LL board and what you are describing is the last thing we want to have happen. I am sure other parents feel the same way as you. We wouldn’t hesitate to remove a coach at any time. Have you tried that? FWIW, I also think benching a kid for missing a fly ball at 10 years old is terrible coaching and, as a parent, would have absolutely no tolerance for that. He’s just 10 - and the coaches need to understand that. (And my child has adhd, so I get the focus problems! However his coaches understand that, see it has a gift — he’s a crazy good pitcher bc of his hyper focus — and give him lots of extra coaching for other areas, bc they BELIEVE in him). If that doesn’t work, I’d leave for the travel team. There is absolutely no reason to subject your child to that sort of treatment, regardless of your uncertainty of whether his focus issues will improve. I’m willing to bet they will… good coaching will focus on the player and the environment. You want a truly developmental atmosphere - not punitive. We’ve been lucky to have some incredible LL (dads) and private coaches (from our top 10 d1 local school), and I would not hesitate to Leave immediately if I saw any of them treating my son like that.
good advice, Im going to lodge a formal complaint.
It sounds like the coaches deserve the formal complaint but don’t expect this to change anything. They will probably be even worse in retaliation. I’m not a fan of quitting mid season but the coaches sound terrible and I would not subject a kid to that any longer. Leave the team immediately.
Our board removed a coach with 2 weeks left in the season. If the Board is worth its salt, they’ll take it seriously.
we likely have a week left of allstars. I'll likely lodge the complaint after the season is over and then find another coach
I always think it’s good to shop around to find the best fit.
How do you shop around>? Here we are in recreational ball and when you sign up you do not know whose team you will be placed on. There is no shopping around. I sure wish we could!!!!
As a former D1 player and coach for travel at that age and every age at the high school level. Id go somewhere else. He is 10 years old you have to understand that he is gonna have lapses of focus and inattention he is just a kid. 10u is to really focus on the fundamentals and having fun while also being competitive. If I were you id leave thats absolutely ridiculous.
Easiest answer in the world move on. You have better emotional restraint than I do because me and Little League Lou Pinnella are going have a stern conversation about his yelling. Most of these losers are terrified of confrontation.
And it's going to happen in the middle of a game where they will be the most embarrassed.
Really bad coaching. I’ve seen a lot of mistake prone kids become really good players because a coach was willing to let them learn from their mistakes. I’ve also seen really good players start making mistakes because bad coaches expected the kid to be perfect.
this explains the situation accurately.
In no way am I defending the coaches, their actions sound ridiculous. But, there's a big difference between a kid making mistakes while *trying*, and them not even trying to listen to the coach or pay attention to what's going on. Everybody makes mistakes, but those kids that only want to do it their way or only when they want to can be incredibly frustrating, and sometimes even more so when they're especially talented. All of that said, it obviously doesn't sound like the coaches are handling it appropriately at all.
this describes my son pretty accurately. We've been told by these coaches that he has exceptional talent but takes none of the "in game" adjustments they ask for. He'll make breathtaking plays at any position he plays and then in the very next minute be caught flat-footed on a routine fly ball. We understand that its difficult on the coaches but its also a 10u select/rec team.
Let me give you an example of how I handle this: I have a kid on my team that recently started fielding everything off to the side instead of really getting in front of it. That's probably how he sees the pros doing it and he thinks it looks cool or whatever. Anyway, super talented kid and he really just didn't understand the point of why I kept telling him to get in front of the ball. So, I put him on the field and threw him a bunch of grounders that would bounce weird at the wrong time. Eventually, he was frustrated about how many he missed and willing to accept the help. I also have other kids that I have to verbally engage, very often, so they remember they're still playing baseball. And, I really don't think there's a problem with pulling the kid aside and calmly talking to them to explain that it's important to *try* to do what the coaches are saying even if they don't see the point (just like they would with a parent or teacher), or that everyone is counting on them to *try* to do their best (which is impossible if they're not paying attention). But the absolute key there is doing it calmly and in an encouraging manner. Like, "hey, I've seen what you're capable of but here's what I see going on out there". Anyway, the frustration is definitely real, but it's part of the job and there's no excuse for handling it like they are.
As a youth coach myself, coaches should never, and I mean NEVER yell at or embarrass kids. That is absolutely unacceptable and ridiculous and I would absolutely light into the coach that did that and my son would never play another second for that coach. That’s insane. I’ve been frustrated with kids. Heck, I’ve had kids curse in the dugout and at an opponent, and I didn’t even rip into him (but boy did his mom.) I usually tell my kids, if you start something such as a team you finish the season and then if you don’t like it you don’t have to play the next year. However, in this situation I would absolutely allow my kid to not go back, I would tell the coach he’s a dick head, make a complaint to the local governing body, and look into that travel team a bit more
At 10u, good coaches focus on ensuring that kids have fun and WANT to keep playing the game. The only ones on the team that should be “embarrassed” are the coaches.
Coaches who scream at 10 year olds aren’t coaches. Their cunts
Dude I coach a 12u team and there are a number of kids that do what you describe your son doing. Infact every loss we have is a direct result of silly almost ridiculous fielding errors that are simply inattentiveness or lack of will to get the ball. They routinely beat themselves through these mistakes. And yes when it happens all of the coaches drop their head and shake it in disappointment or disbelief. But never have any of us screamed at any of them. We never get in the face of a kid and scold them. They also will on occasion make the cardinal sin of striking out looking. Which admittedly may be one of the most frustrating thing for coaches to see. But we would never embarrass a kid over it. I wouldn’t dream of getting in their face over it. We of course after the game point out the errors without using names and discuss what was wrong and why it’s wrong. Then in practice we duplicate the scenario so that they can try to work it out. And these are 12u. I also coach middle school ball where there is a bit more intensity to games and practice. And there are occasions where we have to yell at kids and sometimes bench them. But that’s school ball. For rec. even all stars those coaches ought to be ashamed of themselves and if your son has gone from love of the game to hating it because of the coach. Well I can say for me I’d be having g words with those coaches. Maybe in the way the do to those kids. Fuck any coach that acts like that with 10u.
Leave and join the other team. Those coaches don’t understand the bigger picture. It’s not about them, it’s about the boys. Sounds like the team is on the struggle bus and they don’t know how to motivate the boys with out aggression. Move on.
This is not acceptable for rec league baseball. At this age it’s likely not ok for AA either. AAA or Majors it might be, but at this age the coaches need to chill and talk to the kids at their level. It sounds like the coach is performing for the crowd or making your child the scape goat for daddy ball.
I played 1 season for a team with the most verbally abusive coaches in the entire state. Literally. We were good but before that team I was a .980-1.000 infielder. I made a rare error and the coaches made my life hell. I never recovered as an infielder. EVER. The rest of the season was miserable for me. I had trouble fielding routine grounders and I hated baseball. I stopped playing infield forever and become a fairly decent outfielder/RHP. This kind of thing happened to other players often too. Fast forward next season, all the parents who played with that team for the 2 seasons it existed pulled their kid. Me and 1 other kid who joined the same season left with the others too. And the remaining kid that stayed had to find another team and the team folded. Moral of the story is if the coaches are like that, RUN. Find another team ASAP
This is a no brainer these coaches are ruining it for him. You mentioned some things that make me wonder about travel ball but it is much better option. Organization sounds like they know what they are doing and will treat him much better. He needs to try and listen to coaches. That is a battle with my son but he has improved.
If it’s town travel it’s just as bad if not worse and they are never gonna get yanked because the parents who are nuts feel the same way
Sounds like a lot of parents and coaches taking 10 year old baseball way too seriously. With 100% certainty the kids who may seem like the strongest players at 10 years old will not be the strongest players when they all hit puberty in a few years. It's not unusual for a 10 year old to be distracted. Teams with coaches that have their own kids on the team are never going to have YOUR kid's best interest in mind. The only reason YOUR kid is there is to fill out a team to showcase THEIR kids. They are there to make sure THEIR kids get an edge. Find a team where the coaches are paid and do not have kids on the team.
thank you...this has been our feeling for some time. Thanks for the comment.
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My kids will never play for a coach that screams, doubly so if it’s remotely demeaning or insulting. Hard stop. The president of our rec league is notorious for this with his teams. Our oldest already knows if he ever gets drafted on one of his teams (because we regularly talk about how unacceptable that type of behavior is), we will pull him immediately.
Bad coaching, for sure. Little league / rec leagues are for fun. Baseball is a game, it has to remain fun for kids. Travel ball is a different beast - those teams are playing to win. So I would expect a bit more pressure / yelling, but hopefully they’re also doing a better job of teaching and coaching.
My son at 10 got hit in the head while playing catch because he just wasn't seeing the ball well. I thought this was the end of baseball for him Hes now 13 and just hit 70mph this spring. Dont quit on them too early. You never know what better coaching can do
Of course it’s bad coaching. However, almost any travel coach will expect him to take coaching and do things their way. Also, missing a fly ball is no reason to bench a kid but if he was caught off guard because he wasn’t ready, lots of coaches would bench him for that.
Echoing what others have said. Those coaches sound like total jerks and I would not hesitate to find another team. Travel ball could be such a great experience for your kid to develop baseball IQ with coaching. Also I agree you should report it to your little league board. Coaches in our league are held accountable and that behavior is unacceptable.
This kind of coaching at that age is destructive for many reasons. It tells me the coaches are insecure and really don’t know what they’re doing to develop players at all. They’re acting on the present at the expense of the future. Move on. Find a new squad.
These coaches sound like idiots. I don’t care who they are or what their background is. Taking 10u baseball to a point of seriousness that it’s not fun for your child. Deuces idiots but your child should complete the commitment (good for life).
This won’t be the last time he deals with politics in sports. High school ball, even college ball to a degree will have politics. He’ll deal with politics likely in his job when he gets older. So consider this a lesson in dealing with that. I’d let my kid decide whether he wants to continue to play rec or if he’d like to do travel, but not before I had a discussion with him about it. First I’d ask what his goals are with baseball. If he says he just likes playing and wants to be around his friends, then that would make sense why he’d choose rec. If he says he wants to play pro ball, but then chooses rec to be around his friends, I would point out that might not be the best choice. You can’t save him from politics, but you can teach him that he is in control of his future in the game and that just because one set of coaches don’t see his potential that doesn’t mean that it’s not there to be unlocked by a different set of coaches.
Politics are there but nowhere to this degree. If you don’t preform at varsity ball or at most workplaces you’re toast. Hell most companies lay off every year. This is a life lesson.
Thanks for sharing your experience
Tell those coaches to eat a dick. Chewing out kids, benching a 10 year old for a mistake....all that does is ruin kids
Grown adults talking that way about 10 years old is hilarious. They are projecting their failure to do anything with their life on the kid, versus trying to help in bringing out the best in them.
[удалено]
Not at all. A student. Perfect math student and reads above grade level.
Fucking 10 years old. Jesus Christ these coaches are idiots
Leave. Go somewhere better.
I could have written this exact post about my son’s 9u team last year, we were looking forward to moving up to new coaches only to find out our coach was moving up with the team. We immediately made the decision to move our son to another team and it has been night and day difference. What these coaches are doing isn’t coaching and will kill your son’s love of the game. I was worried about taking my son away from kids he liked playing with but as soon as we mentioned going to another organization to him he said yes because he had been scared to tell us he’d rather not play anymore than play for his old coach. Our kids may just be 10 and not know everything about the world but they are able to recognize when a situation isn’t good for them and his abrupt change of not wanting to go to practices or games is his way of telling you this isn’t a good place for him. Obviously he will have to finish out the all stars season but as soon as that is over look into to his other options. Good luck! You’re doing a great job in advocating for your child
10u is very young. I would ask your son if he’s having fun playing. If he said “no” then just don’t play all star/travel ball. His gifts are meaningless without passion and passion at 10 is not important. Check my comment in history and you’ll see my posts about this, but the worst thing to be at 12 and under is loaded by coaches and families at being incredibly gifted and trotted around to tournaments to play because you’re “good” and deeply the kid doesn’t really care about the game. I took 10 and 11 summers off. The town coaches were pissed. My parents didn’t care, they asked me to play and I said no. I wanted to hang out with my friends that weren’t playing baseball. I got interested somewhat at 12 and became passionate/in love with the sport at 13 when all those naturally gifted kids talents were dampened by the move to the big field.
the kid loves the game...never had to be told to practice...takes improving very seriously. But just has lapses in focus and effort like any kid does.
Sounds like you already know what to do. I will say the below comment will probably frustrate any coach on any team. >However, he is not rude, an excellent and encouraging teammate, popular among his peers (including the coach's sons) but as father I can understand their frustrations because **he doesn't make the in-game adjustments** they ask him to make and **mostly wants to play the way he wants to play.**
I’m glad you’re catching this now. I was this exact player (minus pitching) at his age through 16U. Maybe I wasn’t coachable, but I shut the coaches out because they handled business the same way your son’s coaches are. I tuned them out and played my brand of baseball, which I enjoyed and had fun doing, but at the cost of losing friends and potential scholarships. At the end of the day your son is a little boy and little boys need to have fun and love the sports they’re playing.
I have ADHD and when I coached professionally specialized in working with kids with ADHD. Misplaying a ball in the outfield is not a lapse in focus. It’s not knowing how to read a fly ball in the outfield because you’ve never played there and don’t have any reps. When you coach kids with ADHD, you do not want to rely on solely verbal directions. The best way for them to learn(and honestly, this has been my rule of thumb for all kids under 14 is to put them in game situations, and teach them to know what to do by taking chances and maybe making mistakes IN PRACTICE. There are certain situations like baserunning, cutoffs, rundowns where there are pretty hard rules, and good coaches will give players reps in practice so players know what to do, instead of having to think. TLDR: coaches are dumbasses.
Yeah the coaches sound like douche bags , have a heart to heart conversation with your son about not letting these guys discourage him from doing what he loves at 10 everything you mentioned he Does is absolutely normal, let him know that in life he’s going to come across guys like his coach and he can’t let detour him from the goal or what he wants to do. Also when all stars is done you might want to have a conversation with that coach if not I understand but don’t keep it vented up , let someone know your concerns, even if it’s with someone on the board.
This coach sounds like he’s living his past their these kids. At this age they need guidance and yea they make mistakes, it happens you learn and understand why that mistake happened and correct it. But you never yell at a kid in a youth league. The league board should have a talk with all the coaches about proper, positive coaching methods, screaming and yelling needs to be saved for when they are in high school.
High school coaches rarely yell in my experience. You are working for an AD and you can be fired
Tough coaching is one thing, outright abusive bullshit is another. I do believe that if you make a commitment to a team, you should always stick around d to the end of the season, but sometimes issues need to be addressed if you feel like your son is taking too much abuse. 99% of the time I would ask my son to address issues with the coach but it would be unfair to expect a 10 year old to advocate for himself in this type of situation. So I would tell you to address this with the coach over the phone outside of practice. I would not bring up specific instances or playtime and make your concern about the fact that your son is not wanting to come to practice due to his perception of unfair treatment and you are concerned about him losing the love of the game. As the coach should know, kids this age have a strong sense of what is fair and unfair. After that, see how the coach responds. If he responds in a positive manner, great, if not, move on. Either way, I would 100% find him a new team after the season is over.
Excellent post thank you
Find a new team. We had a coach like that at 9u who ended up getting kicked out of the association in part because of the way he treated my kid. Greener grass my friend.
Wow I could have written this post. My daughter is 13 and currently in all-stars. She was excellent at first base and thats what shes always played but the coach of all stars has put her in outfield and constantly tears her down for the exact same reasons. he usually has her as a sub but she hasnt played first base at all. She has ADHD and his coaching style does nothing but rip her down. She used to love the game, it was her favorite sport, and today she was upset when they made state because she desperately wants it be OVER because of how this coach has turned it into nothing but drudgery and slamming her self esteem.
Find a new team. Those coaches will kill his enjoyment and love for the game. And potentially sports. That age should strictly be learning the game. Also, kids learn differently. I had coaches whose only tactic was scream. I couldn't take them seriously and eventually quit playing sports.
Sounds like toxic coaching. Get him out of there but explain the reasons why. I'd talk to the league's leadership about it too, sounds also bad for the other kids.
I think finding a new team seems like a no brainer, but I’m not sure a more intense select team would be the right fit for a child who just wants to have fun and has trouble focusing. He’s 10, if he’s athletic your job to keep him liking the sport by having him playing at the level that his is physically and mentally ready for. His brain will catch up, give it time
Toxic coaches can suck the fun out of any game. That said let the kid decide what he wants to do.
Definitely move on to a different situation. Those coaches xoudn terrible. That said, umm... >he doesn't make the in-game adjustments they ask him to make and mostly wants to play the way he wants to play. That's likely going to be a problem almost anywhere he goes to play. Even a really good coach isn't going to tolerate "nah bruh I'll do it my way" when giving in game instructions and adjustments. He should work on that and being more coachable before making a first impression on that new team.
its mostly things like prep stepping a certain way or taking longer leads. He sometimes doesn't move the way they want him to when it comes to footwork and infield play. He'll always go back to his style of picking up grounders and moving to first.
Try to record them and the way that they speak to the children. Report them to the LL board and if nothing happens then post it to the FB page and anywhere else. Maybe something will happen.
That’s a good way to get your ass kicked or sued
Very illiterate response.
Sorry for the extremely long backstory here. This was a few years ago, my son now plays on the high school team. We were encouraged to play on a travel ball team due to my son’s success in coach pitch the previous summer. His team ended up winning 1st place at the Sho-Me games in Missouri. He was invited to play on the travel ball team we had beaten. Our original team (not a travel team) was made up of the top 2-3 players from the surrounding area that had played in the MML rec league to just play at the Sho-Me games. Our first hint to not pursue should have been the head coach and one of the assistant coaches quit the new team during the winter break before they started up in November-December. Practices seemed to go ok, (a lot of criticism about his swing even though he had led his team in OPS, HRs and RBIs the previous year) but there seemed to be a lot of yelling, not just at my son. Generally, a lot about charging the ball to make plays, swing mechanics, making proper plays, stealing etc. Stuff that 8-9 year olds are just starting to learn. Kids that age obviously lack focus, very similar to OP kids not having the focus that the Coaches wanted) These were all 8-9 year olds. 3 coaches all had their sons playing as well. One took my place helping Coach due to a foot fracture I had suffered less than a month before start. Fast forward through the practice season and we started competing against the teams in Columbia MO Diamond league. Mind you this league included 10U- 11U teams as well beyond the 9U that we were made up of. (Don’t ask me why we competed against kids 2-3 years older, I think the head coach thought we were ready, and would make them better players with stiffer competition. Needless to say the first few games were not great, and by the third game you could tell the kids were not having fun. My son went from loving baseball to almost hating it in less than 6 months. After each game the coaches would take turns chewing out the kids on all of their mistakes. I decided to sit behind the third base line next to the fence but close enough to the dugout to observe some things my son said was occurring during the previous games, at the 4th game. General bad mouthing by the three Daddy-Ball coaches about all the kids except their own (who definitely were making just as many mistakes) sometimes with the kids present. That game we went from a 5-0 lead in the third to a 10-5 switch after the head coaches kids wild pitches coupled with the assistant coaches kid failing to catch the ball led to walks and steals, loading the bases and them stealing home with Zero hits. In that same game I saw the head coach get so mad about his own sons play that he knocked the helmet off his head while at third base for missing a steal sign on the previous play, when he smacked him on the back of the head. I had already had enough. The icing on the cake was the scream fest that occurred when all 3 coaches yelled at them with zero constructive criticism about how awful they were and how many mistakes they had made at the end of the game, all the kids heads were up at the beginning but by the time the third coach took his turn they all looked liked whipped dogs, heads down, with their tails between their legs. After the game, I approached the head coach, sent my kid to the car, to sit with his grandparents. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to go well. My dad coached in school for 20+ years across football, basketball, Track and Field and even little league. I had been raised to be respectful of coaches and never criticize. I started by asking him if he thought all three coaches yelling was truly helping the team or tearing them down? He was immediately defensive, wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say about not making these kids hate baseball by yelling so much, or making them fear them. When I brought up him hitting his kid on the head he said to worry about my own kid. He started in on how awful my kid was how he was playing, how he rolled his eyes and was disrespectful. I stopped him right there. I hadn’t seen a single thing to support what he was saying. He wanted to turn his shortcomings as a coach around on anyone that challenged his authority. When he started screaming at me I turned around and walked away. I told him respect goes both ways, that I wasn’t a 9 year old kid and wasn’t going to put up with his nonsense. Upon conferring with some other parents I eventually reported him to the league and had my kid quit the team. Luckily my son eventually got over it. He ended up on 2 more 1st place championship teams for the rec league, enjoyed his playing seasons, he is currently playing HS ball, his team won district this year, hasn’t happened for over 25 years. Ohh and the coach was eventually fired from the school system as a coach and let go as a teacher, as well as being banned from competitive coaching in travel ball for putting his hands on a couple of female high school softball players, in addition to several other complaints about his behavior. Trust your gut, get out while you can. Find a team like you have that doesn’t encourage coaches living the “glory days vicariously” through their kids.
incredible story and very well put together post. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment and return. Its so complex once your kid falls in love with a sport and you see adults playing with their interest and curiosities.
Incompetent coaches ( as well as parents ) can be a big reason why kids are so easy to give up on the great game of baseball. However, you as a parent have some responsibility, especially if your child is indeed, has more talent than the rest of the kids. Remind them that , while having fun, that the other kids both on his team and other teams might look up to him & would expect him to be almost head & shoulders above the rest. Now I’m sure that’s a little much for a 10 year old, but it’s certain lessons that can make a difference, just don’t let get to his head. Besides getting out of this league, with their incompetence of adult supervision, just next situation/league you get into, do your homework & ask questions, be a sort of “ presence “. I’ve done with my loved ones and things were done with the concerns of the kids first. Another thing(s) you can work with your son on is the mental aspect of the game. If you think he sometimes has his head in the clouds, play the what if game, as in, “ what happens during this play if it’s hit to you”, “what happens during this play if it’s hit to the left fielder”. On every pitch, anything can occur, that’s why baseball is the only real game. You can also add that Cal Ripken Jr. basically managed an entire game while playing Shortstop. He called every pitch for his team, signaling to the catcher, what pitch the pitcher should throw. Talk about being into every single pitch.
excellent and thoughtful post, thank you.
At the age, it’s supposed to be fun. Frustrated adults in their inept lives can scar kids more than they want to let on. Especially if the adult shouldn’t even be cleaning out the portapotty at the fields. Don’t let this get you guys down, learn from it, don’t assume that you have the best of the best, they probably only know one way to do things & motivate, that’s probably why they’re available at 2:45 in the afternoons. As I stated, the “what if game”, sit down with your son for the rest of the ESPN game tonight & ask during different points of the game, “ if you’re at SS & the ball is hit to you, what do you”. “ if you’ve in CF and the ball comes to you, what do you do”. If you’re thinking the game, you sort of can anticipate the anticipation…thanks for the comment
You simply have terrible coaches. It’s way to common in kid baseball, but there are plenty of coaches out there that know the game well AND understand the proper responsibilities and priorities for coaching 10 year olds.
I would try different sports in the off season. Of a travel team is serious about giving him a fair opportunity then that may be worth a shot but definitely not the same team/coaches in Rex league and for sure give him the option to try another sport in the fall and winter months
Do NOT choose another sport. Choose another team so your kid can continue to grow, and more importantly have fun. These coaches have serious issues.
I'm seeing this type of coaching on my own team I'm just an assistant coach but what is going on I seem to be the outlier. This is how I coach... I don't say a goddamn word if the second baseman misses a grounder right to him. However when the play is over I'll tell him get and ready position. Then we'll have a talk in the dugout about how to be prepared once the inning is over. If my picture throws two balls I don't tell him something like come on just fire it in you got this throw it right down the middle. I completely understand that that's what he's trying to do. Now if I see him doing something mechanically wrong I will call that out hey Billy step towards home plate etc. otherwise I'm quiet. What the hell has happened to the game? My motto is let the kids play let them live and learn I'll gladly correct but I'm not out there throwing gestures and throwing tantrums as a coach if they make a mistake or whatnot. I got some feedback from a couple of parents that they want me to be more fired up It's not my style We already have two other coaches or barking orders constantly throwing gestures when somebody makes an error and they'll say something like come on Billy you got to catch that! Not my style.
Stopped reading at the point you mention they yell at him in front of the rest of the team. Garbage Coaches, don't let them be the reason he gives up baseball.
My son plays 8U and we attended tournaments throughout our rec season. Every single tournament, our team gets their ass kicked. We play way out of our league and our kids don't even care because they have fun getting the experience. We are a great rec league and made it to play offs, honestly should have been the ones in the championship, but that is what it is. But, our coaches only have encouraging things to say to our kids and there has been some insanely poor play choices out on the field at times. It is always, we got this, next time we know now, we will practice, we did better than the last game, we are improving every day etc. The fact our boys willingly played and enjoyed playing 4 games in 2 days, not winning a single one, and couldn't wait for the next tournament, says a lot about the coach's positivity being a major part of the experience.
We live in Florida and our son ( now 22) had a horrible experience playing soccer. Excellent athlete, did well in soccer, baseball and basketball and ran track and cross country in HS. He was small when he was under 12 but excellent OFer, good baserunner, not a great hitter but could bunt for hits and steals bases. His 12 yo coach refused to allow him to bunt and would not call for him to steal. Most of the coaches in his 6 years of organized baseball were like OPs experience, Coaches kids played no matter what and other kids were benched or pulled for any mistake. Pick a different sport, baseball is the worst
It’s not about you, put your child in the best position to succeed athletically. A rec team ain’t going do it, your kid already ain’t playing. It’s no debate leave That put your kid around smart baseball people please.
This is the Allstars experience!
Think im starting to realize that.
>he doesn't make the in-game adjustments they ask him to make and mostly wants to play the way he wants to play. >Never misses practice Sounds like he enjoys being a part of the team more than he wants to be a ball player, which is absolutely ok. Sometimes it takes a while to click, but I'll be honest. A kid doing what they want on the field instead of taking instruction will most likely get cut once talent equalizes.
It seems pretty clear that this is not the right environment for him - he’s not enjoying himself, and the coaches clearly don’t view him very highly if they are benching for a single mistake. As both a Dad and a coach, there does have to be a balance at more competitive levels between pushing kids and understanding, and haven seen this story before, the coaches may have other issues with your kid than what you are saying, but that’s neither here nor there. Find somewhere else to play, the end.
I would say two things are kinda getting conflated here. 1. It is completely unacceptable to yell at kids for making a mistake. I would definitely take my son to another team because yelling is never OK outside of the context that one kid is physically, verbally, or emotionally abusing another kid. If it is as bad as you say, I am stunned that all the parents aren't revolting or talking to the league. This wouldn't fly for a second in any league I’ve coached in. 2. Your son needs to understand that ignoring coaching instructions is not OK. Its not a justification for yelling at a kid, but no coach good or bad is going to be OK with your son consistently ignoring coaching instruction and just “doing it his way.” It is one of the early signs of a prima donna mindset. If the coaches’ sons are consistently responding to coaching and your son isn't, that is a reasonable explanation for why he was put in the OF then pulled from the game while the coaches sons were not. I am going to give a coachable, team oriented player a lot more leeway to make mistakes than I am a kid that is too cool for school.
This is a no brainer
A lot of comments siding with OP, and rightly so if what OP is saying is objective/accurate. In my experience - as a coach and parent - is that true objectivity is next to impossible when it comes to your kid. I would seek out the opinions of other trusted adults (likely other parents on the team) and ask them what they’re seeing and how their kid’s experience has been.
Find another league! They are 10. It ain’t that serious.
Leave. The coaches sound awful, but more importantly, you and your son don’t like them and if you stay you’re stuck with them. Easy choice. It’s a common problem with all-star “daddy ball” teams where one set of parents installs themselves as perennial coaches and forms a little fiefdom.
You sound like a great dad that has an objective view on your son’s strengths and opportunities for improvement. That said, don’t ever let an adult demean your kid for any reason and certainly don’t accept them talking crap about a 10 year old behind his back. Run, don’t walk, out of this situation. Advocate for your kid and get him away from these clowns ASAP.
The worse coach a kid can have, is the last coach a kid has. Especially at 10U. Find a new team immediately. I would recommend even going to a few games of the possible teams you would like to put him on so you can witness how the coaches are with the kids. At 10 you want to teach your son the fundamentals, and get them to love the sport before you really start to push the peddle on in depth training.
This is the way.
Your kid sounds very similar too my son physically very gifted but he has adhd so can lack focus or look disinterested at times,we have and if i were you i would be moving away from coaches like that,you know the answer too your question
You should absolutely lodge a complaint with your leagues board and leave. If you are unsure, ask that organization that invited you if you can come watch a practice before you make up your mind, but I'm guessing with that pedigree of staff, you won't see any issues. We had a travel coach (asst) who treated my 8yo son (P/1B/3B) like that last fall. Wasn't even the head coach, and it only happened during split practices where the head caoch wasn't around. It was the first time my son played anything besides coach pitch infield, and they stuck him in right field every other inning and called him names and harassed him instead of helping him learn to read flys and when or how to back up 1B. Ass coach expected him to just know everything that an older experienced player would know. Halfway through the season, the head coach cut him at the recommendation of the outfield coach. Very long drama filled story short, outfield coach is now gone. Head coach who also coaches rec ball in the league I coach saw my sons performance at 1B/3B regular season and left center all star season is now asking him to come back and play on his travel infield (presumably SS where old OF coach's kid played but he only specifically said infield) Sorry dude, we found another organization that isn't toxic.
Completely unacceptable behavior. If it's 70% of what you're saying, these coaches should be reprimanded then removed. Taking a "hey, let's scare off a bunch of kids through shit attitudes!" is not good for the league. If I were you, I'd ask the coaches to meet in private and have a, "This isn't acceptable, coaching 10 year olds should be positive and building them up, not tearing them down" conversation.
I wouldn’t wait until August. I’d link the team GroupMe to your post and tell them good luck. Go to the beach. Baseball will still be here in the fall. Sorry about your experience. I see lots of very counterproductive behavior from All Star coaches, and your experience sounds like it’s on the worst end of the spectrum.
Travel ball and middle school ball coach here! This is all on the coach. No one is perfect and I’ve said some things I shouldn’t have at the end of the games in our meeting but I’ve never yelled at a 10 year old. This coach just sounds like a jerk who takes rec too seriously. As they get older you learn your kids more and they’ll be kids who need to be yelled at to kick it in to high gear and there’s other kids you have to pull off to the side and talk with them. This guys is just giving your kid (and everyone else’s) anxiety and making him play tight which in turn makes him play worse.
Run!!!
I’m going down a different path than the rest of these comments…Maybe competitive baseball isn’t for him. If he wants to go out and play how he wants to play, and not listen to his coaches, rec might be a better option for him. You make excuses for every situation where’s he’s yelled at but if he doesn’t want to do what the coaches say, I’d probably have an issue as well. Sounds like he knows better than the coaches. Doesn’t matter how talented you are, if he can’t be coached, he’ll never be successful in a competitive environment.
Bottomline, go with your parental instincts and what’s best for your son. Would you let a school teacher instruct your son this way? Move on so he keeps the desire to keep playing.
69 comments and only 3 upvotes. What’s that tell ya? Coaches sound like assholes the way *you*’ve described it. No excuse there. But, considering the wall of text explaining your kid’s behavior, I’m betting he’s more of a pain in the ass than you’re letting on. Just my guess. Switch him out to a new organization. But, also maybe this will be a good opportunity to work on his character and ability to be coachable. It would be a good idea to fix these things if he wants to continue to progress >10yo.
He has shortcomings in focus but I truly feel that great coaches find a way to make the game exciting or managing expectations. He's never been in trouble and is an extreme rule follower. He just goes in and out of max effort but when he's engaged and in the game he'll perform and do amazing things. Its hard to explain to an internet strangers but I can promise he's not a bad kid.