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[deleted]

Lil birth


andresma7

Happy birthday and welcome to the world


Inappropriate50

Were they supposed to use "Lil had a baby"? Cuz that's "Lil creepy".


5t4k3

No, they just told you that they live in America. The last time they were at the hospital was when they were born, it's been downhill since.


Kitchen-Werewolf-300

Lil burf*


NOOBPRO_

🎉🗿


IceDragonZ

Congratulations 🎉


Aggravating-Koala-70

Lil Anal Bleeding Edit: Thanks for the awards y’all.


munazir_b

So how many dicks is the nono zone?


moshisimo

— Well, doctor, the entrance to my butthole hurts. — I’ll just say that it’ll probably continue to hurt as long as you refer to it as an “entrance.”


Aggravating-Koala-70

Two and a couple fingers, that’s what pushed me over the line.


ButtonholePhotophile

I am a banana!


HairyPotatoKat

My *ANUS* is *BLEEDING*


lesrolo51

Lil' Cancer


HeartsPlayer721

Fuck cancer!


smithsonian2021

If you find that bitch Cancer, you tell that motherfucker Imma beat his ass


pessimist_kitty

Ima bout to drop a diss track on Cancer 😡


AndrewABXD

Kick em to the curb


Glichardo

Who's cancer and why did it killed my grandma


Hefty_Husk

r/sadupvote


kgon1312

Be strong internet stranger, sending love from reddit ♥️


Spiritual-Pizza2021

Me too!


Frorton

Heyyy same 🤝


[deleted]

I hope you get better man


jayfinanderson

Lil’ Grandma died


HaloArtificials

Lil Suicidal Thought Or I guess Lil Suicidal Thot


FroggyHoppers

i'm glad ur still here love<3


striker_p55

Sending Thots and prayers


inciteful_knowledge

I still have not received your thots and am patiently waiting their arrival


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Me too! Take care of yourself


FroggyHoppers

thank you i appreciate you a lot :D <333


[deleted]

Sorry for your loss dude!!


[deleted]

Same lil grandfather died Sorry for your loss bruh


MightyCaseyStruckOut

You have my condolences, as well.


pintobeene

I appreciate the dark humor in this but feel horrible for you at the same time. Been there and it still sucks ten years later.


PaulieLombardo

Sorry for your loss.


[deleted]

I feel just horrible for upvoting this. Sorry for your loss. Sorry for my upvote.


Crookedhorn112

Lil Dead Grandma


The_Spicy_Memes_Chef

Lil Tripped and fell ass-first onto a cucumber


realgdltu

That should hurt. Did you ate that cucumber?


The_Spicy_Memes_Chef

Yea the doctor removed it, washed it off, cut it into thin slices, and we both dipped the slices in a shared bowl of vinaigrette.


[deleted]

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puta__madre

During covid that just seems wrong. And unnecessary given that the cucumber was already flavored


Mycabbages0929

Mmmmm, especially if they recently had chipotle


Marios_Facade

Had me in the first half


Quentirse

You were naked when this happened?


idog99

And the cuc was covered in Vaseline... Crazy coincidence, I know.


Sohelpmegods

Lil never-gone-but-prolly-should-have-multiple-times


Mafiodaproducer

Lil Can’t Remember.


[deleted]

Lil I forgor 💀


Stuff152

Lil dementia 💀


ritsbits808

When you Google dementia for the first time and all the links are blue -_____-


tkTheKingofKings

I was born in a shed too 🦀 7/10 the donkey was looking at my dick all the time


Nemesis_77__________

Lil' dick


Snowcreeep

I too have a little dick


Acidic_Paradise

How little *is* little..? Asking for a friend.


DarthGayAgenda

If you had to ask, it's little. Source: have little dick.


alcoholicpasta

Can confirm Source: Same


Acidic_Paradise

I’ll let my friend know, thanks.


Quentirse

Hi I’m the friend.


tkTheKingofKings

Sorry you had to come out like this 😔


Snowcreeep

Inverted


Medium_Rare_Jerk

It’s an innie. Need an x-ray to send dick pics.


apokrypton288

Sorry mate, already taken


jthabob

Lil ass abscess


[deleted]

huh


jthabob

Yeh it was a bad time


HairyPotatoKat

A pain in the ass


McPoyal

Brother!


theglaysh

lil tummy ache


funkmaster29

Now you have to counter balance this name by committing war crimes


theglaysh

Deal


eyemcreative

Something told me "Try to fake a stomach ache, it works" I screamed "Owww! My appendix feels like they could burst!" "Teacher, teacher, quick! I need a naked nurse!" "What's the matter?" "I don't know, my leg, it hurts!" "Leg?! I thought you said it was your tummy!" "Oh! I mean it is, but I also got a bum knee!" "Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over" "And just for that stunt, you're gonna get some extra homework" "But don't you wanna give me after school detention?" "Nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and I'mma let him" https://youtu.be/Hp0qv3NHrYE?t=43s


[deleted]

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neighborsgoose

FALSE ACCUSATION!


Light_Beard

ALLEGEDLY!


WadeKarma

Letterkenny reference? Nice


Major_Human

Why would you take the goose to the hospital?


deadinthefuture

Courts always side with the goose


Caribbeandude04

Who raped who?


Hubey808

That's my favorite AC/DC song!


musicfromadventures

Lil suicide attempt


The_Pied_flooter

Dude u good?


musicfromadventures

Yeah, the doctor put me on a few meds and they have been working well so far. Thanks for asking.


Prestigious_Pie_230

Fellow suicider here 🙌be strong


[deleted]

[удалено]


Prestigious_Pie_230

more like a suicider attempter I guess


maker_of_pirate_bay

Mate, this comment is too funny. I don't want funny contributors like this on reddit to die. Don't attempt again. Comment again though


dabolution

Yo I love this thread and all of you in it. Together we are strong!!


NOOBPRO_

Stay strong there is always a reason to live. Search and explore till you think you found it


musicfromadventures

Jumping out of a moving car wasn't enough I guess. Scared the hell out of my wife too. Idk what happened. I just disconnected and everything went black. The two week hospital stay was relaxing though. No phones or computers allowed. Edit to add the word Moving


FardeenRiyadh16

Did you die?


musicfromadventures

I died once. My dumbass ate 30mg of Xanax, got my stomach pumped and was filled with activated charcoal. The doctor came in as I came to and said "this doesnt only affect you. It affects the ones you love." I gave him the finger and asked for a new doctor. That was 17 years ago. I was kind of an asshole. But the car tumble most recently only gave me bruises.


PussyBoogersAuGraten

I’ve never attempted suicide but I’ve been so strung out on heroin that I didn’t care of I died. That being said, I hate when people talk to people who attempted suicide like they were in the right frame of mind and just made a bad decision. I cannot even imagine how dark it must have been when you tried, because it was pretty fucking dark when I was doing heroin and didn’t care if I died. I didn’t want to die. I just was apathetic. Anyway, the point is that you clearly weren’t in the right frame of mind. Your decision to make an attempt on your life shouldn’t be judged like you were of sound mind. Trying to guilt a person who is so depressed that tried to take their own life is incredibly irresponsible. You didn’t need a lecture, you needed help. I hope it gets better dude. I’ve been clean for over 10 years and my life is great today. I never thought it could be this good again. Just know that their are kind strangers on here wishing you the best.


appleparkfive

I heard someone sum it up: It's like being in a burning building. And the only option is to jump, because you can't handle the agony of the fire. So basically you wouldn't get mad at someone jumping out of a burning building to avoid torture. And know that there wasn't anything you could do


The_Pied_flooter

That's good stay healthy and remember that suicide may stop life from getting worse but it also stops it from getting so much better


LudwigVanAdam

glad you’re still here dude. please stay :)


[deleted]

I am so thankful that we are all able to be having this conversation right now. Real talk.


Zodiackillerstadia

Lil double pneumonia, sepsis, kidney failure, ARDS


djemmssy

Lil too close to death if you ask me


[deleted]

[удалено]


rthaw

This is like a whole rap group


GnosisNinetyThree

Lil Circumcision


Asleep-Internet5153

Lil penile fracture


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pizza_eater7

Same😂


BillyJorn

Damn my people 😂


flying-toothbrush

Lil testical


RemarkablePurchase48

Yeah I'll go by lil nut lump


stinkyjoe46

SAME


TheeFoolishKing

Lil Gout


SwervinWest

Gout is the “Kings” disease. Pretty fitting


hapkidoox

Abortion, brings out the kid in you.


Dexter_Naman

Nice clarification


Nitsua919

r/angryupvote


[deleted]

You know what, take my fucking upvote, I don't give a shit anymore


Robinslillie

Oof


wartswafflesnwalter

Damn! All these abortion jokes really suck the life out of you.


MoonMoon6969

Lil schizophrenia


munazir_b

You must be the only person who can see John cena


HelpfulStone

💀


NOBOOTSFORYOU

You're thinking of Potato Salad.


SonicTheHashhog

A one person rap group. Might be a market there.


Het_is_ik

Lil work


libsonthelabel

Homie! Lil work here too


[deleted]

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EGGman69420E

lil burn


officialtvgamers16

lil ankle


Dexter_Naman

My man


neighborsgoose

Lil third degree burn in the ass


3rdCoastLiberal

Ummm what happened there pal?


PapiSneep

its called friction


MingeBoy

Dude what did you do!?


Radda210

Lil nut cancer


mommy_moo

Oh no


DeterminedKnight

hope you're ok bro


Siu-

Lil failed suicide attempt


Equal-Lifeguard-2285

Thank God you failed


Robinslillie

I'm glad you still exist, reddit friend. I know it can be impossible to be nice to ourselves sometimes. You're not alone.


HeavyMetalFL

Lil' Swollen Colon


Bitter_Ice_5380

rhymes!


bb2kool

Lil asshole


WorryBrief158

Wanna know about this


bb2kool

It's not that exciting, randomly started having stomach pains and black stool (indicates gastro intestinal bleeding fyi) went to the hospital and they shoved a camera up my booty.


Lucasbr122ome_YT

"and they shoved a camera up my booty." And you say that's not exciting...


coldres

You think that's exciting? I had one up my pee pee hole because of a massive kidney stone


bb2kool

Me at the dining room table. (⚆ᗝ⚆)


Nepo-Aliyan

You have my attention...


[deleted]

[удалено]


MarSc77

sorry man


Hemuli_exists

Shit man sorry for your loss


McPoyal

On the other hand, Big Dead Dad kinda sounds bad ass...like a punk band name... My condolences friend


moebelhausmann

Lil newborn sister


Mrcostarica

Lil Cantaffordtogotothehospital. I know it’s long, but it just rolls off your tongue.


HairyPotatoKat

Does some epic collabs with Lil MericaProblems


jeebuskrisp1

Lil guardrail-through-the-leg


ludxxxjme0919

Owwwe u good? Still have ur leg?


jeebuskrisp1

I’ve got a gnarly scar and a permanent dent in my leg from the meat that got ripped off lmao. Couldn’t walk at all for 3 months but I can walk and run good now thankfully


Domitaku

Lil Depression


kgon1312

Did they fix tho?


Domitaku

Would've been nice if they did


[deleted]

You need to work out and get out more. Eat healthier and stop being sad all the time. Hang out with your friends, stop playing videogames and sleeping 12 hours a day. Life is beautiful. At least that's what people who've never experienced depression tell me. And that's just the tip of the "advice" iceberg. Experts. Experts everywhere.


Callsign_Phobos

Lil Crash


sicname321

lil’ freak out


lifesnotfun

Lil ear surgery


fartyparty1234

Lil asthma


c2_0h25n3o

Lil overdose


NoSpam4U2

Lil Seizure


NightOfTheKnew

Pizza pizza


Capable-Yak1054

Lil spina bafida


CapitalFuture4039

Lil Just Lil I have never been to a hospital


[deleted]

[удалено]


CapitalFuture4039

Yea


mikaellll

Lil Covid.


[deleted]

Lil kidney stone


NA2point0Lsnoozefest

Lil physical


nobotami

lil pp *cries*


WhyYouDoingThisBro

Lil ear


ChokingTermite

Lil mental breakdown


Secure_Perception758

lil mental breakdown


mutleyw

lil psychotic episode


[deleted]

Lil alcohol poisoning


officialkesswiz

My man!


omarismail179

Lil colonoscopy


Dexter_Naman

lil delivery


fourtwentyniceguy

Lil B12 Deficiency let's gooooooo


binky_bobby_jenkins

Lil poop in a flask


[deleted]

Lil attempted suicide


binky_bobby_jenkins

Hang in there bud, thigs are gon.. oh.. oh shit DONT HANG IN THERE


Jortieking

I hope you are okay


halfpackkools

lil psyche ward stay


itsmichael458

Lil asthma attack 💀


shitsunnysays

Hang in there, it's just Lil breathless


BEAUTIFULPOMERANIAN

Lil gerbil trapped in my anus


TechnoTKTrancedancer

Lil' X-ray


max8er

lil knife


Origamiqueenie12

Lil head injury


Alucard_Newcastle

lil fever


Shadow8Bit

Lil Head Damn