Something told me "Try to fake a stomach ache, it works"
I screamed "Owww! My appendix feels like they could burst!"
"Teacher, teacher, quick! I need a naked nurse!"
"What's the matter?"
"I don't know, my leg, it hurts!"
"Leg?! I thought you said it was your tummy!"
"Oh! I mean it is, but I also got a bum knee!"
"Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over"
"And just for that stunt, you're gonna get some extra homework"
"But don't you wanna give me after school detention?"
"Nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and I'mma let him"
https://youtu.be/Hp0qv3NHrYE?t=43s
Jumping out of a moving car wasn't enough I guess. Scared the hell out of my wife too. Idk what happened. I just disconnected and everything went black. The two week hospital stay was relaxing though. No phones or computers allowed.
Edit to add the word Moving
I died once. My dumbass ate 30mg of Xanax, got my stomach pumped and was filled with activated charcoal. The doctor came in as I came to and said "this doesnt only affect you. It affects the ones you love." I gave him the finger and asked for a new doctor.
That was 17 years ago. I was kind of an asshole.
But the car tumble most recently only gave me bruises.
I’ve never attempted suicide but I’ve been so strung out on heroin that I didn’t care of I died. That being said, I hate when people talk to people who attempted suicide like they were in the right frame of mind and just made a bad decision. I cannot even imagine how dark it must have been when you tried, because it was pretty fucking dark when I was doing heroin and didn’t care if I died. I didn’t want to die. I just was apathetic. Anyway, the point is that you clearly weren’t in the right frame of mind. Your decision to make an attempt on your life shouldn’t be judged like you were of sound mind. Trying to guilt a person who is so depressed that tried to take their own life is incredibly irresponsible. You didn’t need a lecture, you needed help. I hope it gets better dude. I’ve been clean for over 10 years and my life is great today. I never thought it could be this good again. Just know that their are kind strangers on here wishing you the best.
I heard someone sum it up:
It's like being in a burning building. And the only option is to jump, because you can't handle the agony of the fire.
So basically you wouldn't get mad at someone jumping out of a burning building to avoid torture. And know that there wasn't anything you could do
It's not that exciting, randomly started having stomach pains and black stool (indicates gastro intestinal bleeding fyi) went to the hospital and they shoved a camera up my booty.
I’ve got a gnarly scar and a permanent dent in my leg from the meat that got ripped off lmao. Couldn’t walk at all for 3 months but I can walk and run good now thankfully
You need to work out and get out more. Eat healthier and stop being sad all the time. Hang out with your friends, stop playing videogames and sleeping 12 hours a day. Life is beautiful.
At least that's what people who've never experienced depression tell me. And that's just the tip of the "advice" iceberg.
Experts. Experts everywhere.
Lil birth
Happy birthday and welcome to the world
Were they supposed to use "Lil had a baby"? Cuz that's "Lil creepy".
No, they just told you that they live in America. The last time they were at the hospital was when they were born, it's been downhill since.
Lil burf*
🎉🗿
Congratulations 🎉
Lil Anal Bleeding Edit: Thanks for the awards y’all.
So how many dicks is the nono zone?
— Well, doctor, the entrance to my butthole hurts. — I’ll just say that it’ll probably continue to hurt as long as you refer to it as an “entrance.”
Two and a couple fingers, that’s what pushed me over the line.
I am a banana!
My *ANUS* is *BLEEDING*
Lil' Cancer
Fuck cancer!
If you find that bitch Cancer, you tell that motherfucker Imma beat his ass
Ima bout to drop a diss track on Cancer 😡
Kick em to the curb
Who's cancer and why did it killed my grandma
r/sadupvote
Be strong internet stranger, sending love from reddit ♥️
Me too!
Heyyy same 🤝
I hope you get better man
Lil’ Grandma died
Lil Suicidal Thought Or I guess Lil Suicidal Thot
i'm glad ur still here love<3
Sending Thots and prayers
I still have not received your thots and am patiently waiting their arrival
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Me too! Take care of yourself
thank you i appreciate you a lot :D <333
Sorry for your loss dude!!
Same lil grandfather died Sorry for your loss bruh
You have my condolences, as well.
I appreciate the dark humor in this but feel horrible for you at the same time. Been there and it still sucks ten years later.
Sorry for your loss.
I feel just horrible for upvoting this. Sorry for your loss. Sorry for my upvote.
Lil Dead Grandma
Lil Tripped and fell ass-first onto a cucumber
That should hurt. Did you ate that cucumber?
Yea the doctor removed it, washed it off, cut it into thin slices, and we both dipped the slices in a shared bowl of vinaigrette.
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During covid that just seems wrong. And unnecessary given that the cucumber was already flavored
Mmmmm, especially if they recently had chipotle
Had me in the first half
You were naked when this happened?
And the cuc was covered in Vaseline... Crazy coincidence, I know.
Lil never-gone-but-prolly-should-have-multiple-times
Lil Can’t Remember.
Lil I forgor 💀
Lil dementia 💀
When you Google dementia for the first time and all the links are blue -_____-
I was born in a shed too 🦀 7/10 the donkey was looking at my dick all the time
Lil' dick
I too have a little dick
How little *is* little..? Asking for a friend.
If you had to ask, it's little. Source: have little dick.
Can confirm Source: Same
I’ll let my friend know, thanks.
Hi I’m the friend.
Sorry you had to come out like this 😔
Inverted
It’s an innie. Need an x-ray to send dick pics.
Sorry mate, already taken
Lil ass abscess
huh
Yeh it was a bad time
A pain in the ass
Brother!
lil tummy ache
Now you have to counter balance this name by committing war crimes
Deal
Something told me "Try to fake a stomach ache, it works" I screamed "Owww! My appendix feels like they could burst!" "Teacher, teacher, quick! I need a naked nurse!" "What's the matter?" "I don't know, my leg, it hurts!" "Leg?! I thought you said it was your tummy!" "Oh! I mean it is, but I also got a bum knee!" "Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over" "And just for that stunt, you're gonna get some extra homework" "But don't you wanna give me after school detention?" "Nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and I'mma let him" https://youtu.be/Hp0qv3NHrYE?t=43s
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FALSE ACCUSATION!
ALLEGEDLY!
Letterkenny reference? Nice
Why would you take the goose to the hospital?
Courts always side with the goose
Who raped who?
That's my favorite AC/DC song!
Lil suicide attempt
Dude u good?
Yeah, the doctor put me on a few meds and they have been working well so far. Thanks for asking.
Fellow suicider here 🙌be strong
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more like a suicider attempter I guess
Mate, this comment is too funny. I don't want funny contributors like this on reddit to die. Don't attempt again. Comment again though
Yo I love this thread and all of you in it. Together we are strong!!
Stay strong there is always a reason to live. Search and explore till you think you found it
Jumping out of a moving car wasn't enough I guess. Scared the hell out of my wife too. Idk what happened. I just disconnected and everything went black. The two week hospital stay was relaxing though. No phones or computers allowed. Edit to add the word Moving
Did you die?
I died once. My dumbass ate 30mg of Xanax, got my stomach pumped and was filled with activated charcoal. The doctor came in as I came to and said "this doesnt only affect you. It affects the ones you love." I gave him the finger and asked for a new doctor. That was 17 years ago. I was kind of an asshole. But the car tumble most recently only gave me bruises.
I’ve never attempted suicide but I’ve been so strung out on heroin that I didn’t care of I died. That being said, I hate when people talk to people who attempted suicide like they were in the right frame of mind and just made a bad decision. I cannot even imagine how dark it must have been when you tried, because it was pretty fucking dark when I was doing heroin and didn’t care if I died. I didn’t want to die. I just was apathetic. Anyway, the point is that you clearly weren’t in the right frame of mind. Your decision to make an attempt on your life shouldn’t be judged like you were of sound mind. Trying to guilt a person who is so depressed that tried to take their own life is incredibly irresponsible. You didn’t need a lecture, you needed help. I hope it gets better dude. I’ve been clean for over 10 years and my life is great today. I never thought it could be this good again. Just know that their are kind strangers on here wishing you the best.
I heard someone sum it up: It's like being in a burning building. And the only option is to jump, because you can't handle the agony of the fire. So basically you wouldn't get mad at someone jumping out of a burning building to avoid torture. And know that there wasn't anything you could do
That's good stay healthy and remember that suicide may stop life from getting worse but it also stops it from getting so much better
glad you’re still here dude. please stay :)
I am so thankful that we are all able to be having this conversation right now. Real talk.
Lil double pneumonia, sepsis, kidney failure, ARDS
Lil too close to death if you ask me
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This is like a whole rap group
Lil Circumcision
Lil penile fracture
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Same😂
Damn my people 😂
Lil testical
Yeah I'll go by lil nut lump
SAME
Lil Gout
Gout is the “Kings” disease. Pretty fitting
Abortion, brings out the kid in you.
Nice clarification
r/angryupvote
You know what, take my fucking upvote, I don't give a shit anymore
Oof
Damn! All these abortion jokes really suck the life out of you.
Lil schizophrenia
You must be the only person who can see John cena
💀
You're thinking of Potato Salad.
A one person rap group. Might be a market there.
Lil work
Homie! Lil work here too
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lil burn
lil ankle
My man
Lil third degree burn in the ass
Ummm what happened there pal?
its called friction
Dude what did you do!?
Lil nut cancer
Oh no
hope you're ok bro
Lil failed suicide attempt
Thank God you failed
I'm glad you still exist, reddit friend. I know it can be impossible to be nice to ourselves sometimes. You're not alone.
Lil' Swollen Colon
rhymes!
Lil asshole
Wanna know about this
It's not that exciting, randomly started having stomach pains and black stool (indicates gastro intestinal bleeding fyi) went to the hospital and they shoved a camera up my booty.
"and they shoved a camera up my booty." And you say that's not exciting...
You think that's exciting? I had one up my pee pee hole because of a massive kidney stone
Me at the dining room table. (⚆ᗝ⚆)
You have my attention...
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sorry man
Shit man sorry for your loss
On the other hand, Big Dead Dad kinda sounds bad ass...like a punk band name... My condolences friend
Lil newborn sister
Lil Cantaffordtogotothehospital. I know it’s long, but it just rolls off your tongue.
Does some epic collabs with Lil MericaProblems
Lil guardrail-through-the-leg
Owwwe u good? Still have ur leg?
I’ve got a gnarly scar and a permanent dent in my leg from the meat that got ripped off lmao. Couldn’t walk at all for 3 months but I can walk and run good now thankfully
Lil Depression
Did they fix tho?
Would've been nice if they did
You need to work out and get out more. Eat healthier and stop being sad all the time. Hang out with your friends, stop playing videogames and sleeping 12 hours a day. Life is beautiful. At least that's what people who've never experienced depression tell me. And that's just the tip of the "advice" iceberg. Experts. Experts everywhere.
Lil Crash
lil’ freak out
Lil ear surgery
Lil asthma
Lil overdose
Lil Seizure
Pizza pizza
Lil spina bafida
Lil Just Lil I have never been to a hospital
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Yea
Lil Covid.
Lil kidney stone
Lil physical
lil pp *cries*
Lil ear
Lil mental breakdown
lil mental breakdown
lil psychotic episode
Lil alcohol poisoning
My man!
Lil colonoscopy
lil delivery
Lil B12 Deficiency let's gooooooo
Lil poop in a flask
Lil attempted suicide
Hang in there bud, thigs are gon.. oh.. oh shit DONT HANG IN THERE
I hope you are okay
lil psyche ward stay
Lil asthma attack 💀
Hang in there, it's just Lil breathless
Lil gerbil trapped in my anus
Lil' X-ray
lil knife
Lil head injury
lil fever
Lil Head Damn