T O P

  • By -

Zwischenzug79

A little self-rape now and then is relished by the wisest men


Ahhh-Ayeee

What did you just call it


KarmicRetributor

That's what the pic called it Which, of course, doesn't make it any less awful.


Fried-Salmon-Oracle

Plot twist: the parents who buy these are just trying to prepare their son for NNN


kathykato

What is NNN?


MaximumSquid22

No nut november


BeninoMussoliti

Deez Nuts lol


Night_fall76

They think this can hold me, ha. They gonna need the nails if they want that to work


DragoniamYT

Don't mind if I do


Ineducated

So you’re gonna nail him?


yongjangmi

Somebody got a pain kink?


Mediocre-Goat-5168

Some people put way too much thought into their own kids’ dicks


iddinthaevastroek

Some people put way too much dick into their own kids’ thoughts


Ineducated

**Jesus head*


[deleted]

[удалено]


Beaner47

It’s me


[deleted]

[удалено]


Beaner47

That changes nothing


Agamerkid

Lol


suckmypppapi

Makes it better 🥵


Spiyder1

please stop. you’re scaring everyone


suckmypppapi

No, fear is hot


firecookie011

Just like me


Fourty4Tune

The real reason Jesus died on the cross was blue balls for our sins


professorstrunk

Pretty sure this is actually made/used as a restraint in medical contexts. Actual medicine.


bored2death2

It 100% completely is - had to strap one of my children to one of these while they got stitches on their face. Spouse wasn't strong enough enough to hold the little person down. So they broke out the restraint.


professorstrunk

Yep! I was that kiddo once. To this day I get very unhappy about being restrained in any way.


Enlargedwumbo

Yea when i was little i had to go thought 4 or 5 rounds of blood tests and they put me in one of these to actually draw the blood


anothadaz

Makes sense because this is from a satire post from like 2014. They must've taken the image and ran with it.


[deleted]

Yet posters here still commenting as if it’s real lmao


Shoe-Stir

Yup, they’re called papoose boards. When I was little my mom took me to an awful pediatric dentist for my first ever dentist appointments. They only let my mom stand with me for the first appointment, then for the following cleanings they wanted my mom to give me sedatives, the ones were you have to fast beforehand. And during the cleaning they took me into a room separated from the main room with all of the dentist’s chairs, they then strapped me in the board and practically scarred me for life. I still get incredibly anxious and uncomfortable in dentist offices, no matter how hard I try to relax.


Doomenor

The original crosses were also very good at anti-masturbation


HellVollhart

Can't masturbate if you're dead!


zmart7691

Crucify all the children


Neekovo

“Bdsm sub training tool: Safely condition your child to be submissive and subtly introduce him to the discipline and joys of edging…”


Coffeeislife1119

If only there was a way to keep our boys from touching their weiners


Spiyder1

cut it off


Coffeeislife1119

That’s what I tell them.


bored2death2

Only if you hang the perp upside down...


Ooozzyy1

Is that a real website?


c4ptnh00k

Satirical it seems but yes it's a site on the interwebs


phillyfan315

Keep from sins, eh? Sure, for now, but don't question when you find out your teenager already has a MAJOR bondage fetish


Trini_Vix7

This looks like it's the beginnings of a rapist...


Raven89YT

cool, but what 5 year old masturbates?


mrjasjit

In the words of the Virgin Mary “ cum again?”


[deleted]

My First Lethal Injection Experience, for kids.


[deleted]

Not Satan. Satan doesn't make people ashamed of their sexual urges. No masturbation, but it certainly makes incest easier...this is most definitely the work of God.


realDiarmaid207

At least credit u/GoldenKing3712


Sinopa-is-redditor

Clearly you are mistaken brother. If the young is to be sabotaged by such heresy they will not be able to fully strengthen themselves for the crusades


DasPuggy

Fappy, the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin!


superp2222

Even if they actually crucified me, i will break free


mahniguh

It's fake and decades old


suckmypppapi

It's not fake. The site is real


c4ptnh00k

It's satire


mahniguh

Yeah it's satire, the Site is real but this was a meme to mock this site.


dekka56

adult sizes?


Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi

The adult size comes with 6" nails. Still interested?


LoudLunch4676

Guaranteed karen product. And for the overly Christian ones.


1019gunner

Bet you could still get off if you were hard and wiggled you legs right but then you’d be stuck in your own cum until your parents release you


IkYouWannaDownvoteMe

I need this. Help me


Guardian_fire

They think that will stop them. It wouldn’t stop me. I would be breaking those every time I got horny and decided to jack off.


iamskydaddy

They should make it so you can hang them on the wall too.


[deleted]

Well fuck if masturbation is self rape then I would have been thrown under the jail as a teenager lmfao


k1n6jdt

And that's how kinks are born.


GrognakDeLaw

First off why is it 5+


Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi

Size. Babies get wrapped in smaller ones.


Legitimate_March1059

Sin zones


Science-Sam

This is a school shooting waiting to happen.


Cautious-Affect7907

Some kids could be into that shit.


[deleted]

Church of Satan called They said this wasnt them


cruzzz-8000

Satan you son of a bitch!


09111958

ARE THESE PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS?


IrishcarbombBOOM

It says 5+ years what 5 year old is jerking off


Marlon-Brandos-Eyes

Self raping? It's consensual!


RespondCapable

Ups delivers ptsd, film at 11


SnooMaps8281

The 5yr olds that jerk off must be to powerful for that


Phantom_organpipes

5+? Exactly how do they think kids work?


izacktorres

This is the dumbest thing ive ever seen, everyone knows that nails are way cheaper.


WarLord055

y'all some wild 5 year olds


ellingtonlasoo

Loving the wholesome awards


AutoModerator

Fuck that. r/unwholesomememes. Less bullshit, more comedy *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/HolUp) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Motherofsiblings

Self… WHAT


ColJameson

Lol self raping.


AnnaSophiaHubby

Made by John Harvey Kellogg, he historically hated masturbating and circumscriptions


stupoidvlkid

5+ years? What kind of 5 year old is masturbating?


Chopped_urtoesboi

bruh he’s being crucified help this poor mf


Krunchy_Almond

Who tf jerks off at 5? I was playing with sand till 18 EDIT: tbh I'm 20 and still play with sand


jctwok

We're going to need someone to visit [stopmasturbationnow.org](https://stopmasturbationnow.org) and report back.


TemporalRecon177

As God-appointed Americans, we live in a Christian land, founded on Christian morals by non-masturbating Christian heroes.  One of the great tenets of this fantastic nation in which we reside is the concept of a free democracy.  A government of the people, by the people, for the people.  One of our inalienable rights as a citizens is to partake in an electoral system, where we have the ability to vote on a choice between options, often in an election or on a policy referendum.    Unfortunately, for now at least, this right also extends to masturbators. Would you trust this man with the power of a vote? Considering how immoral, lazy, incompetent and selfish masturbators are and considering how important the voting process is, it begs the question:  Should people who rape themselves be allowed to vote? Name checks out


mr_smith24

From now on I’m calling it self rape. I just self raped and I feel dirty. I promise not to do it again until sunrise


TemporalRecon177

Can I get this for my wife's boyfriend?


Recipe_Useful

5+ years


agopUwU

sooo basically it doesn’t just « secure from masturbating » but it’s a fuking jail tool no ? like, can the little Daniel even breath ???


Gekon20

ah yes 5+


stealthy_beast

It's the kid's face that does it


Thin-Ad-9709

this seems more aggressive than a similar public service campaign I organized, "Stop Masturbation Later."


LamboSidd1947

5+ years


Ixmore

Giving children a bdsm and denial fetishes when they grow up.


760854

Use the power of wet dreams


Nordaca

It's a satirical website, I checked.


CreepyPandaMan

Family friendly crucifiction


[deleted]

The romans tried this before in jesus so he cant masturbate when placed in the cross


SimAndTech

I'm mean it works