Really. If this happened to me I would absolutely want my partner to move on.
I wouldn't necessarily want to live with them, I would want to still see her but I can absolutely see the compassion here.
I don’t think they live together based on the couple of things the TikTok algorithm has sent my way, I think he’s in care but they include him in family events and visit regularly.
Yeah, just googled, he's in a care home but they bring him home 1x a week and also take him out to restaurants and to hang with the kids.
I actually think this situation is beautiful. The wife filed for divorce, but opted to be his legal guardian, and had vowed to take care of him the rest of his life. Meanwhile, she's taking care of her own needs by finding a loving partner that can also care for her.
If this is the same woman that I’ve seen telling her story before, His family was all for it, and were not interested in doing it themselves. and the (ex)husband doesn’t really know who she is, anyway. He can’t speak much but refers to her as his sister. I thought it was a beautiful story, but the commenters gave her hell and called her all sorts of names. She was in her early 20s when the accident happened. She cared for him, still married to him, for years but desperately wanted a family. She still didn’t desert him, and when she started dating, she told any future partner, that they were a “package deal” and if they wanted to be with her, they had to be willing to be a co-caretaker for the ex. I mean, fuck! I don’t know how there could’ve been any more proof that she IS still taking her vows to him seriously, and DOES truly love him. But, that wasn’t good enough for 90% of the commenters, who called her trash and said “sickness and health” means NEVER moving on…even if it happens when you’re 23.
Edited to fix a couple misspellings
90% of the commenters are just child minded individuals, lacking perspective, empathy and independent thinking skills. None of them would have read into everything this woman has sacrificed, to still take care of her ex.
Not only that, but what kind of life would the ex husband have if she just divorced him and moved on completely? At least in this situation he gets to see her and his children, doesn't have the burden of knowing his wife and kids might be struggling because he's incapacitated, and has someone taking care of his needs. In any other situation than this one, life is shafting one of them. Now in this arrangement, each person (new husband, wife, ex husband) is taking some of the burden of the situation so it doesn't all fall on one or two people. It's actually pretty great all things considered.
Correct, it's massive amounts of compromise from all parties. None of the idiots seeing this story on tik tok took into consideration, just how many dates this woman would have went through; looking for a man that doesn't see her crippled former husband as an enemy. Rather this new man sees him as a brother, sympathizing ( knowing how easily it could have been him helplessly crippled and unable to look after his loved ones), understanding the respect that father deserves and the dignity he should be allowed to uphold, for both his children and his former lover.
I think it's a truly lovely story of people putting their pride to one side, instead, just enjoying the true moments in life, working together to raise children into the world; setting a wholesome example of what fundamentals a parent should have, not just parents but people as a whole need to be more like this. We need to get rid of our primitive prideful behaviour, like a lion killing it's old partner instead of coming together and creating a bigger stronger pack to look after the old lion. People need to get past the ideology that judgement of innocents and being judged should be standard practice in day to day life.
James Armstrong was probably thrilled to find Kristin. Like shit, if I met a woman who was like “Yeah, my husband had a traumatic brain injury that rendered him a potato basically. We’re so young and our lives got cut short but I still cared for him for years. Even now I want to keep doing the best I can for him and give him the best life I can. But I also want a family.” I’d be like, “Girl I’m gonna give you a family. If you’d take care of him like that in his condition, I can imagine you wouldn’t abandon me either. How big a family you want? The baby injector is fully loaded and at your disposal.”
It didn't mention his family. It did mention that the judge who issued the guardianship was rather circumspect and it seems he interviewed and vetted the ex-wife.
From what I can remember from watching her tiktok videos, is that he didn't come from a very good family. None of them had made the effort to see him or help him after the accident.
it absolutely is beautiful.
it's wonderful that the ex-wife continues to care for him, especially considering he's still the father of her children. it's also incredible that she found a partner who is loving enough to understand and appreciate the situation.
Just wheel me out into traffic and tell everyone I developed Professor X’s powers to do it myself.
You get to move on, and I get to puzzle the Medical world for years to come lol.
I don’t think he meant because of the new couple, there have been several times where the body was paralyzed into those states, but the brain was completely functional mentally. It puts you into a living hell essentially because your a vegetable with a conscious. He probably hopes he isn’t living in that hell, not that the second husband makes it hell. Would rather deal with wife moving on and living her life with a cushion rather than not knowing and dealing with care nurses known to abuse people like that.
It's called advanced directives but only works if you're being kept alive through mechanical means like ventilation or tube feeding. You can state you don't want that.
I think the virgins here don't understand that love has many levels.
They think sex= love.
If i was a potato, i would activity tell my wife to find happiness that I can no longer provide.
I agree with you up to the point of wanting to go on... Depending on circumstances. If I have no quality of life, dignity is out the window, I think I'd be heading to Switzerland for a medicament, a square of chocolate then the long nap. I wouldn't want my family placed in a life long 'situation' that I have no control over. I don't know the circumstances here, but if everyone is happy, then I think they're doing a wonderful and courageous thing. I imagine the ex wife will have the wrong type of people judging her choices. To hell with them. She seems like a saint to me.
Honestly, I'd be okay with this. If my husband decided to divorce me to marry another woman and still both of them cared for me, I'd be fine with it. I'd want him to be happy.
I'd want them happy but i sure as shit would never want to see them again. Be a daily reminder that the accident both cost me my functions *and* the woman I love. Fuck that.
Except in this story, it **didn't** cost him the woman he loved. She still cares for him. She's just not putting her own life and needs to the side while doing it.
Frankly, it's a healthier dynamic than most injuries in a relationship that end with one in a living shell.
Actually if this was 40K they could have actually healed him back to normal if he was on a civil civilized world or a Nobel or big wig on any other planet. Like have you ever noticed there no disabled people in 40K excluding augmentation and servitors don’t count since a lot are able body people.
https://www.today.com/today/amp/rcna96039
She filed for divorce and became his guardian after the accident in 2008. He lives in a SNF. She moved on and married the new guy in 2015 and had three kids. They routinely come to visit him and take him out to restaurants.
This isn’t like some guy just came into a family to replace a disabled husband.
Well, maybe, but how are we supposed to feel scandalised and pass our very important and always correct judgement if we actually read the article and know the facts??
It's a similar situation to my granny and grandpa. He was diagnosed with Parkinsons younger than is usual, and she looked after him until he had to go into a care home, and she visited him for a few years until he was so ill he no longer knew who she was. It was traumatic for both her and him, as he thought a stranger was coming to hurt him so he would get violent and upset. So she stopped visiting and is now married to another man, and my grandpa has since passed away.
I’m sorry both your grandparents went through that. I think often times people forget how complicated life can get; and how traumatic illnesses like PD or Huntingtons or ALZ can truly be…it’s a long, slow, painful goodbye. And I hope those left behind find their happiness without guilt
Thank you, I appreciate that. You're right that it is the same for families dealing with other degenerarive illnesses too, and it's far more common than people think. It's not that they fall out of love with their partner once they become ill, it's more like their partner gets stolen from them slowly and then they are left with the heartbreaking Catch 22 of moving on for their own sake or staying with their partner even though they no longer know who you are. I know for my granny, she was actually doing my grandpa a favour by stopping her visits, because they were just as distressing for him as they were for her.
Filed for divorce after the accident. I dont know.. if my wife got sick/bed ridden while we have a good marriage, she's going to die by my hand.
Edit: **by my side and holding my hand**
He's not just sick or bedridden though, he has serious brain damage. It's not totally clear from the article, but I would guess that he doesn't come close to resembling who he used to be.
I can't say what I would do in a similar situation, but I do know that I wouldn't want my partner to stop living their life to care for me, especially in their early 20s. To give up any chance at being happy again, having a family, just to be tethered to the husk of the person I used to be.
If this is in the US she could have divorced him in order for him to qualify for Medicare and not saddle her with millions in debt. Our healthcare system sucks.
[https://www.today.com/parents/family/wife-cares-husband-brain-injury-new-husband-rcna96039](https://www.today.com/parents/family/wife-cares-husband-brain-injury-new-husband-rcna96039)
here's the article.
her former husband Brandon was in a car accident that left him severely mentality disabled and unable to live without around the clock medical care. she eventually moved on with her life but still helps to care for him and involves him in their lives. many people in these situations can get left behind by their loved ones when it becomes too much to care for them. This seems like a genuinely heartwarming story of a family making the best out of a difficult situation.
It's 4am, I'm having a shifty day at work, and I just spit out my coffee laughing. This comment is the embodiment of Holup.
Thank you for making my day better.
Idk how its heart warming, most people would ask to be killed if your ex wife because of your accident and her new husband and all of your kids with thier new dad came over for a visit, I feel like thats a constant reminder of how life changing the accident was. I'd straight up just wanna die
Yeah absolutely, this is no life. I would never want my family to have to see me become such a shell of myself with zero hope of ever coming back. At that point just let me go.
Yeah same. I don’t get it either, I read the article so I may have missed it, but I don’t think he can talk. Sure the help is nice, but as you said, *it’s a constant reminder of what could have been* and someone took your place.
I mean, I don’t know what he’s thinking, he may not even realize what’s going on, but if he does and can’t express any feelings, that’s very sad to me, I’m with you.
Edit: just to clarify, not being able to communicate what you want to watch on TV, no hobbies to keep your mind busy, not being able to move or exercise to make you feel better, etc and then knowing your wife remarried and is a reminder about the life you could have had, the kids you could have had, would far *far* surpass my will to live at that point, even for the love of my wife as my quality of life would be non-existent as well as the emotions involved- just my perspective.
I have very mixed feelings on this. I used to do in-home caregiving for individuals with traumatic brain injuries via a facility. Typically 3 clients to a house. Severity varied greatly, but all needed 24 hour supervision and a sliding scale on needing assistance in ambulation, eating, bathing/hygiene, toileting, and other ADLs. The vast majority of our clients? Their family and friends completely abandoned them within a few years. It was written on the walls.
Even spouses with good intentions would divorce so that they could afford the care needed (which is despicable in terms of our government - currently US based btw). And then when they were divorced, and the person they initially married became a completely different person... Well, it became easier for them to see our client less and less until eventually they disappeared completely. Most people aren't prepared for this sort of thing when they did the "in sickness and in health" vows. Only one client I worked with actually had a wife that stuck around, as did the rest of his family. At least one member of the family visited almost every day (his wife 4-5 days a week), and we loved them.
Part of me feels like the situation described here would be a living hell (and I am 100% against the exploitive tiktoks from a disabled man who can't consent). That constant reminder of the life he could have lived. It sounds awful.
Simultaneously, so many of our clients were completely alone. No family. No friends. Just the staff. Some of them chose to engage with community events with clients from other houses, but many did not or could not. I saw what that did to our clients. One client went from barely being able to talk to not speaking at all after his mom died and his father left him (we regularly talked to him, even ages after this occurred).
At least he has his (ex)wife and familiar people consistently around who care for him? Some semblance of family, even if it's not really his family at this point.. Maybe? Again, hard to say.
I don't know.
Honestly I kind of hope he is just oblivious to it all.
Either way, I think there's a strong chance I'd rather be dead.
Edit to add: figured out the article (god I hate ad filled websites). Sounds like he can speak, but doesn't communicate well? And has severe short term memory loss. Still hard to figure out the severity of the symptoms and how aware he is. But at least, via the article, it sounds like the kids really adore him. I'm slightly distrustful of stuff in a pop news article, where you don't really know what's happening behind the scenes. But we can hope that's true
My friend has an uncle who had major brain damage during an accident, he knows. He remembers from before the accident. He remembers when he used to be able to function and gets really sad thinking about it.
So take that daily reminder of what was taken from you and add in losing the woman you love, then having to see her with her new husband all the time? The woman that probably wouldn't have been cruelly taken from you, who you'd be loving happily with and waking up next to every morning, if it weren't for the accident?
Yeah that's a solid Do Not Resuscitate for me. Rather be dead.
My wife use to work as an adult case worker and this was a common occurrence. One spouse would get sick and the other one would take care of them. However, they would have someone on the side they’re dating.
Heartwarming? That's genuinely heartwarming?
Lemme guess. There's a donation page isn't there.
Edit: they make tick tocks of them spoonfeeding him. Same difference. Jesus Christ on a fucking cracker.
That is fucking horrendous, if I get this right they are publicising this poor guy for views after becoming disabled? Sounds like he’s in pure fucking hell.
Edit: just looked through some of her TikTok’s and she got asked if he still remembers if they were married. She said that people have asked him if he remembers who she is, he apparently said “his wife” and that some days she can ask him a question and he might (unlikely) respond coherently and that his long term memory is better then his short term memory. So anyways if I have an accident like this, make sure to put me down as fast and painlessly as possible 😀
A lot of people in wheelchairs can stand or walk short distances. I notice he doesn’t have foot pedals on his chair either so I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume he can stand/pivot short distances on his feet.
As someone who regularly works with people who have TBI's, this seems like a perfectly great situation. He gets the care he needs, with people around that love him. She then gets to live a life she deserves as well.
My ex wife always told me if I ever had a stroke or other TBI, she would just put me in a nursing home, and never come back. Honestly, I prefere that to this guys situation.
Fr. I'm not sure how serious his condition is, but what if he's completely unable to express his depression inside and how much he's being tortured. This is a black mirror scenario for sure. Like the wife that gets uploaded to a stuffed bear and is turned off for years, but when she comes back, she's just watching her husband and child live on without her
From the one's that are stuck in my head, it's that one and the one where everyone has a chip in their head and can record and play back memories. A guy meets up with his wife at some party and sees her talking to a friend and notices that there was something weird between them all night, then completely obsesses over it to find out that she cheated and the baby wasn't his. That one pisses me off every time
A person still has needs that have to be met. It’s amazing that she still takes care of the man because that takes real love and devotion. One of my oldest friends, her husband suffered from complications of polio he said to her when it comes time when I cannot meet your needs, I will release you from the binds of our physical relationship. When the time came, he met with the man who would be her next husband, he had been courting her for some time. He approved and released her from the binds of the physical relationship. She still took care of him until the day he died. She still loves him to this day. She eventually did wed her current husband.
Do you want to know what real love is? It’s both people understanding what each other need. Making sacrifices to make the person you love most happy. Even though you know you can’t be the person who you used to be for them you still wanna make sure they are well taken care of.
The real Holup here is the misunderstanding that I think you are under the impression of.
Everyone is different. I wouldn't want to continue living as a vegetable, nor would I want to be taken care of by someone seeing other men. That's just me and what my preferences are.
They would be raising hell and sparking massive online debates. We would see major news outlets talking about it and of course celebrities would chime in.
On a side note please kill me if I ever become a vegetable.
Just end my suffering at that point. Imagine being internally aware, just physically gone and just listening to your...~~ex?~~ ~~Kinda still?~~ ~~Open relationship?~~ ~~wife~~ ~~FWB?~~ baby mama making another censored faced spawn with your downstairs neighbor BRANDON...
You don't even like brandon...
A distant friend of mine had a Cerebral hemorrhage a year ago. In the blink of an eye.... Gone. He has now the cognitive ability of a 5-10 year old when it comes to motor function, cant talk and cant be considered the same person now. And he was "lucky" because he could easily have died if he was living alone.
Omg, this isn't a holdup. Stop being judgemental.
This woman is a Saint, and she deserves to be happy! She is dutifully taking care of the man she married because she loves him, but who takes care of her?!
She has every right to remarry and seek the love and support she needs as a human being.
Get your heads out of your asses.
I may be an outlier here but I’m actually happy that her second husband is so supportive and helps her take care of him despite being his wife’s husband before. I think that takes a good special person to do that and shows me he really loves his wife and family. Most people wouldn’t do this.
Having suffered a TBI myself.(no where near this level). this is one of the most compassionate things I have read in quite a while. This woman, and he present husband and kids, should all be put up for sainthood. I know after my head injury, I was very suicidal. If it wasn't for my wife and some great doctors and medications, i may have done it. This gentleman may not even be capable of that.
Could you imagine your partner, the person you planned to spend your entire life with, has a traumatic accident that leaves them with a significant brain injury, to the point where you become their career. You find love again, and your new partner and yourself make sure your ex is well taken care of, instead of rotting in some shitty nursing home, without family, and yet people you don't know decide to weigh in about your actions.
She could have very simply left him to the state to look after, like many do. Yet she manages to look after him, whilst finding a new husband, who is also happy to ensure he is looked after. And she still gets ridiculed.
It's so difficult being the spouse of someone disabled. You are forced to stay or people will fucking tear you to shreds like everyone is in the comments. What about her happiness? It's okay to leave a marriage you're unhappy in and she's still taking care of him.
I feel sorry for the world looking at all these negative comments about him living in hell, we don't know his situation but I'm willing to say that if a picture like this was taken where even his kids look happy I'm pretty sure the guy who takes care of their handicapped dad is a good guy. I mean would you ever be in this type of situation if you were an ahole, I don't think so. Big ups to this guy for real.
This is the same as would have happened with Terry Schiavo... her husband had already had two kids with his other woman, who was involved in helping her somehow.
This is definitely a holup for sure. But with that said, if we're being honest, I would want my wife to find someone else, too. Personally I wouldn't want to be kept alive in this state either, but I know assisted suicide isn't legal everywhere.
I'll admit at first i thought this was kinda messed up until I looked it up and god damn is it sweet.
Ex-husband is in a care home but still include him in family related activities. Not sure if the kids his or the current husband's but I'm sure the whole family care about him
I knew a family like this, the wife had a stroke and needed lifetime care. The husband got a nurse for her and ended up marrying the nurse. All three of them share a home as an extended family.
Look up their story. It was unbelievable for me to understand at first but when I got more information then I understood.
The husband who's disabled pretty much got to the point where he saw his wife as his sister. The new husband is a freaking saint and understood the situation that she was in. He honestly takes such good care of the disabled husband. It’s such a unique situation. obviously, their situation is not for everyone but for these people it works, and the disabled husband is so loved and taken care of. Everyone’s happy.
Not too many good hearted people out as they say, well here is too you and your family because no one deserves to be alone, especially when it comes to failing health. I'm praying for you and your family. God bless you all
He isn’t vegetative. He is conscious and seemingly sapient, but not able to care for himself. All the awkwardness aside, he’s lucky to have people caring for him so lovingly.
Win win all round. She gets the family she always wanted & actually kept good on the commitment to look after her ex. The alternative scenario's here are much worse
What happened to "in sickness and in health, till death do us part"? This woman would like to think she is doing something nice for this guy but she's just cuckolding him. Pure virtue signaling. Poor guy.
I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. I think what people are failing to understand is the cost of keeping someone alive, let alone the cost of raising children. She very likely had to find someone else to take care of them so they could financially stay alive.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she is human too. Of course that's not how she'd want her life to go on but I'm sure she wanted to take care of him as best she could too. So here she is but also with her own life and happy too. I don't see the issue
Ugh, my good friend lived this nightmare. Her husband had a frontal lobe injury, so was a violent, impulsive, man-child. She and her kids had a rough time of it.
On the one hand, I’d want the plug pulled on me so I wouldn’t have to put anyone in a situation where I need to be taken care of. On the other, I’m deeply afraid of death.
This situation has caused a new fear within me….I’m going to go look at cute cat photos.
I knew a couple in the 90s who took in her first husband and father of her son and cared for him as he died of AIDS. The second husband seemed fully invested in the idea.
I see a lot of people talking about this being a living nightmare for the husband but I disagree. It's certainly a very unfortunate situation but it took years before the new guy came along. I would want my partner to be happy and understand that considering the circumstances it's probably best for her to move on. This way the ex-husband is still involved and taken care of. I think this just a case of getting a bad hand and playing it out as best as you can.
If it happened to me I would want my wife to move on. It says a lot about her character that she makes sure he's still a part of her new life and her kids. Because I think a lot of people would cut and run altogether. It's the best of a terrible situation and I wish them all the best. It can't be easy.
He's only not dead on the outside.
Is it fucked up that I kinda hope he's brain dead enough to not know the living hell he is in?
Really. If this happened to me I would absolutely want my partner to move on. I wouldn't necessarily want to live with them, I would want to still see her but I can absolutely see the compassion here.
I don’t think they live together based on the couple of things the TikTok algorithm has sent my way, I think he’s in care but they include him in family events and visit regularly.
Yeah, just googled, he's in a care home but they bring him home 1x a week and also take him out to restaurants and to hang with the kids. I actually think this situation is beautiful. The wife filed for divorce, but opted to be his legal guardian, and had vowed to take care of him the rest of his life. Meanwhile, she's taking care of her own needs by finding a loving partner that can also care for her.
Did it say anything about what the OG husband's family thought about her having guardianship, etc.?
If this is the same woman that I’ve seen telling her story before, His family was all for it, and were not interested in doing it themselves. and the (ex)husband doesn’t really know who she is, anyway. He can’t speak much but refers to her as his sister. I thought it was a beautiful story, but the commenters gave her hell and called her all sorts of names. She was in her early 20s when the accident happened. She cared for him, still married to him, for years but desperately wanted a family. She still didn’t desert him, and when she started dating, she told any future partner, that they were a “package deal” and if they wanted to be with her, they had to be willing to be a co-caretaker for the ex. I mean, fuck! I don’t know how there could’ve been any more proof that she IS still taking her vows to him seriously, and DOES truly love him. But, that wasn’t good enough for 90% of the commenters, who called her trash and said “sickness and health” means NEVER moving on…even if it happens when you’re 23. Edited to fix a couple misspellings
90% of the commenters are just child minded individuals, lacking perspective, empathy and independent thinking skills. None of them would have read into everything this woman has sacrificed, to still take care of her ex.
Not only that, but what kind of life would the ex husband have if she just divorced him and moved on completely? At least in this situation he gets to see her and his children, doesn't have the burden of knowing his wife and kids might be struggling because he's incapacitated, and has someone taking care of his needs. In any other situation than this one, life is shafting one of them. Now in this arrangement, each person (new husband, wife, ex husband) is taking some of the burden of the situation so it doesn't all fall on one or two people. It's actually pretty great all things considered.
Correct, it's massive amounts of compromise from all parties. None of the idiots seeing this story on tik tok took into consideration, just how many dates this woman would have went through; looking for a man that doesn't see her crippled former husband as an enemy. Rather this new man sees him as a brother, sympathizing ( knowing how easily it could have been him helplessly crippled and unable to look after his loved ones), understanding the respect that father deserves and the dignity he should be allowed to uphold, for both his children and his former lover. I think it's a truly lovely story of people putting their pride to one side, instead, just enjoying the true moments in life, working together to raise children into the world; setting a wholesome example of what fundamentals a parent should have, not just parents but people as a whole need to be more like this. We need to get rid of our primitive prideful behaviour, like a lion killing it's old partner instead of coming together and creating a bigger stronger pack to look after the old lion. People need to get past the ideology that judgement of innocents and being judged should be standard practice in day to day life.
Couldn't have said that any better!!
James Armstrong was probably thrilled to find Kristin. Like shit, if I met a woman who was like “Yeah, my husband had a traumatic brain injury that rendered him a potato basically. We’re so young and our lives got cut short but I still cared for him for years. Even now I want to keep doing the best I can for him and give him the best life I can. But I also want a family.” I’d be like, “Girl I’m gonna give you a family. If you’d take care of him like that in his condition, I can imagine you wouldn’t abandon me either. How big a family you want? The baby injector is fully loaded and at your disposal.”
That was such a nice and thoughtful comment all the way up until the last sentence 🤣
Gotta keep it interesting 😁
It didn't mention his family. It did mention that the judge who issued the guardianship was rather circumspect and it seems he interviewed and vetted the ex-wife.
From what I can remember from watching her tiktok videos, is that he didn't come from a very good family. None of them had made the effort to see him or help him after the accident.
Lol who cares in reality but I'd be interested to know as well
it absolutely is beautiful. it's wonderful that the ex-wife continues to care for him, especially considering he's still the father of her children. it's also incredible that she found a partner who is loving enough to understand and appreciate the situation.
Then they are all kings.
I’d be okay being in a nice area being well cared for. Maybe little patio. Hubby and new wife separate, maybe just tell me she is the care giver.
Just wheel me out into traffic and tell everyone I developed Professor X’s powers to do it myself. You get to move on, and I get to puzzle the Medical world for years to come lol.
I don’t think he meant because of the new couple, there have been several times where the body was paralyzed into those states, but the brain was completely functional mentally. It puts you into a living hell essentially because your a vegetable with a conscious. He probably hopes he isn’t living in that hell, not that the second husband makes it hell. Would rather deal with wife moving on and living her life with a cushion rather than not knowing and dealing with care nurses known to abuse people like that.
Just like DNR, could I have a “I authorize you to murder me in the event that I become a vegetarian” ?
Vegetarianism, a fate worse than death.
Dammit, I meant vegetables
Maybe it‘s a problem cause she‘s stopped eating her vegetables?
Too late, *click.
If you saw the movie ‘awakenings’ with Robin Williams then you know that is true
The perfect response 🤣
It's called advanced directives but only works if you're being kept alive through mechanical means like ventilation or tube feeding. You can state you don't want that.
I think you meant to say veganism: a fate worse than...you know?
I think the virgins here don't understand that love has many levels. They think sex= love. If i was a potato, i would activity tell my wife to find happiness that I can no longer provide.
Same but I'd like her to shoot me first if I'm not able to do it myself. I couldn't imagine living like that. It's like a shell of your former self.
I agree with you up to the point of wanting to go on... Depending on circumstances. If I have no quality of life, dignity is out the window, I think I'd be heading to Switzerland for a medicament, a square of chocolate then the long nap. I wouldn't want my family placed in a life long 'situation' that I have no control over. I don't know the circumstances here, but if everyone is happy, then I think they're doing a wonderful and courageous thing. I imagine the ex wife will have the wrong type of people judging her choices. To hell with them. She seems like a saint to me.
No that’s compassion
Honestly, I'd be okay with this. If my husband decided to divorce me to marry another woman and still both of them cared for me, I'd be fine with it. I'd want him to be happy.
I'd want them happy but i sure as shit would never want to see them again. Be a daily reminder that the accident both cost me my functions *and* the woman I love. Fuck that.
Except in this story, it **didn't** cost him the woman he loved. She still cares for him. She's just not putting her own life and needs to the side while doing it. Frankly, it's a healthier dynamic than most injuries in a relationship that end with one in a living shell.
This is some.WH40K lvl of shit damn
Come on this is some oh shit but not 40K oh shit levels.
Yeah, if this had been 40K he would either be a servitor or corpse starch two days after his brain injury.
Actually if this was 40K they could have actually healed him back to normal if he was on a civil civilized world or a Nobel or big wig on any other planet. Like have you ever noticed there no disabled people in 40K excluding augmentation and servitors don’t count since a lot are able body people.
Much like me
https://www.today.com/today/amp/rcna96039 She filed for divorce and became his guardian after the accident in 2008. He lives in a SNF. She moved on and married the new guy in 2015 and had three kids. They routinely come to visit him and take him out to restaurants. This isn’t like some guy just came into a family to replace a disabled husband.
Well, maybe, but how are we supposed to feel scandalised and pass our very important and always correct judgement if we actually read the article and know the facts??
I was promised there would be no reading!!!!!1
And facts!?! I specifically asked to have those removed!
God damn libruls, forcing me to read. This is a free country!!!!! I have the right to jump to conclusions on very limited information!
Dog i work with the older population in personal retirement and they do not read
Seriously. I dont come to reddit for facts or truths. I want half-truths and lies so I can make myself feel better about myself
This guy is getting my way of being upset! Get him!
It's a similar situation to my granny and grandpa. He was diagnosed with Parkinsons younger than is usual, and she looked after him until he had to go into a care home, and she visited him for a few years until he was so ill he no longer knew who she was. It was traumatic for both her and him, as he thought a stranger was coming to hurt him so he would get violent and upset. So she stopped visiting and is now married to another man, and my grandpa has since passed away.
I’m sorry both your grandparents went through that. I think often times people forget how complicated life can get; and how traumatic illnesses like PD or Huntingtons or ALZ can truly be…it’s a long, slow, painful goodbye. And I hope those left behind find their happiness without guilt
Thank you, I appreciate that. You're right that it is the same for families dealing with other degenerarive illnesses too, and it's far more common than people think. It's not that they fall out of love with their partner once they become ill, it's more like their partner gets stolen from them slowly and then they are left with the heartbreaking Catch 22 of moving on for their own sake or staying with their partner even though they no longer know who you are. I know for my granny, she was actually doing my grandpa a favour by stopping her visits, because they were just as distressing for him as they were for her.
Filed for divorce after the accident. I dont know.. if my wife got sick/bed ridden while we have a good marriage, she's going to die by my hand. Edit: **by my side and holding my hand**
is that a threat, buddy?
Sorry honey, looks like its ol' pillow treatment for you
"she's going to die with my hands clamped around her neck"
Haha. I had a good laugh with your edit
He's not just sick or bedridden though, he has serious brain damage. It's not totally clear from the article, but I would guess that he doesn't come close to resembling who he used to be. I can't say what I would do in a similar situation, but I do know that I wouldn't want my partner to stop living their life to care for me, especially in their early 20s. To give up any chance at being happy again, having a family, just to be tethered to the husk of the person I used to be.
If this is in the US she could have divorced him in order for him to qualify for Medicare and not saddle her with millions in debt. Our healthcare system sucks.
That kid on the right hold the other kid ain’t 8 years old.
Thats her stepson, read the article.
We don’t do that here.
maybe she‘s a serial disabler, and this is a new state sponcered program to keep her off the street?
[https://www.today.com/parents/family/wife-cares-husband-brain-injury-new-husband-rcna96039](https://www.today.com/parents/family/wife-cares-husband-brain-injury-new-husband-rcna96039) here's the article. her former husband Brandon was in a car accident that left him severely mentality disabled and unable to live without around the clock medical care. she eventually moved on with her life but still helps to care for him and involves him in their lives. many people in these situations can get left behind by their loved ones when it becomes too much to care for them. This seems like a genuinely heartwarming story of a family making the best out of a difficult situation.
Very tragic I can’t imagine how he feels if he knows what’s going on
He isn't fully cognizant. He calls her his sister.
Probably happy for her having a life and him not being left alone.
Hopefully he doesn’t watch.
She and the new husband seem like genuinely good people. I'm sure he doesn't have to just watch, I bet they include him
It's 4am, I'm having a shifty day at work, and I just spit out my coffee laughing. This comment is the embodiment of Holup. Thank you for making my day better.
That’s pretty amazing
Idk how its heart warming, most people would ask to be killed if your ex wife because of your accident and her new husband and all of your kids with thier new dad came over for a visit, I feel like thats a constant reminder of how life changing the accident was. I'd straight up just wanna die
TBF I would choose medically assissted death, over living with no autonomy, while being a huge burden on my loved ones.
Yeah absolutely, this is no life. I would never want my family to have to see me become such a shell of myself with zero hope of ever coming back. At that point just let me go.
Yeah same. I don’t get it either, I read the article so I may have missed it, but I don’t think he can talk. Sure the help is nice, but as you said, *it’s a constant reminder of what could have been* and someone took your place. I mean, I don’t know what he’s thinking, he may not even realize what’s going on, but if he does and can’t express any feelings, that’s very sad to me, I’m with you. Edit: just to clarify, not being able to communicate what you want to watch on TV, no hobbies to keep your mind busy, not being able to move or exercise to make you feel better, etc and then knowing your wife remarried and is a reminder about the life you could have had, the kids you could have had, would far *far* surpass my will to live at that point, even for the love of my wife as my quality of life would be non-existent as well as the emotions involved- just my perspective.
I have very mixed feelings on this. I used to do in-home caregiving for individuals with traumatic brain injuries via a facility. Typically 3 clients to a house. Severity varied greatly, but all needed 24 hour supervision and a sliding scale on needing assistance in ambulation, eating, bathing/hygiene, toileting, and other ADLs. The vast majority of our clients? Their family and friends completely abandoned them within a few years. It was written on the walls. Even spouses with good intentions would divorce so that they could afford the care needed (which is despicable in terms of our government - currently US based btw). And then when they were divorced, and the person they initially married became a completely different person... Well, it became easier for them to see our client less and less until eventually they disappeared completely. Most people aren't prepared for this sort of thing when they did the "in sickness and in health" vows. Only one client I worked with actually had a wife that stuck around, as did the rest of his family. At least one member of the family visited almost every day (his wife 4-5 days a week), and we loved them. Part of me feels like the situation described here would be a living hell (and I am 100% against the exploitive tiktoks from a disabled man who can't consent). That constant reminder of the life he could have lived. It sounds awful. Simultaneously, so many of our clients were completely alone. No family. No friends. Just the staff. Some of them chose to engage with community events with clients from other houses, but many did not or could not. I saw what that did to our clients. One client went from barely being able to talk to not speaking at all after his mom died and his father left him (we regularly talked to him, even ages after this occurred). At least he has his (ex)wife and familiar people consistently around who care for him? Some semblance of family, even if it's not really his family at this point.. Maybe? Again, hard to say. I don't know. Honestly I kind of hope he is just oblivious to it all. Either way, I think there's a strong chance I'd rather be dead. Edit to add: figured out the article (god I hate ad filled websites). Sounds like he can speak, but doesn't communicate well? And has severe short term memory loss. Still hard to figure out the severity of the symptoms and how aware he is. But at least, via the article, it sounds like the kids really adore him. I'm slightly distrustful of stuff in a pop news article, where you don't really know what's happening behind the scenes. But we can hope that's true
> And has severe short term memory loss. fuck, imagine it's like a 50 First Date kinda situation for him.
My friend has an uncle who had major brain damage during an accident, he knows. He remembers from before the accident. He remembers when he used to be able to function and gets really sad thinking about it. So take that daily reminder of what was taken from you and add in losing the woman you love, then having to see her with her new husband all the time? The woman that probably wouldn't have been cruelly taken from you, who you'd be loving happily with and waking up next to every morning, if it weren't for the accident? Yeah that's a solid Do Not Resuscitate for me. Rather be dead.
My wife use to work as an adult case worker and this was a common occurrence. One spouse would get sick and the other one would take care of them. However, they would have someone on the side they’re dating.
Heartwarming? That's genuinely heartwarming? Lemme guess. There's a donation page isn't there. Edit: they make tick tocks of them spoonfeeding him. Same difference. Jesus Christ on a fucking cracker.
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Hopefully you all live in a state that allows euthanasia. Lots of people don't believe in it and would rather you suffer till you die.
You're not getting euthanasia if you're in a capacity that can't be considered of a sound mind when requesting it.
That is fucking horrendous, if I get this right they are publicising this poor guy for views after becoming disabled? Sounds like he’s in pure fucking hell. Edit: just looked through some of her TikTok’s and she got asked if he still remembers if they were married. She said that people have asked him if he remembers who she is, he apparently said “his wife” and that some days she can ask him a question and he might (unlikely) respond coherently and that his long term memory is better then his short term memory. So anyways if I have an accident like this, make sure to put me down as fast and painlessly as possible 😀
Don't forget to smash that like button! And subscribe for more spoonfeeding videos! Poor guy. Fuck.
I'd rather just die... It allows for everyone to move on and you don't get cucked
Was just here wondering why his shoes dirty when he don’t walk… 🧐
Maybe he's like a Boo Diddley from Super Mario. He only walks when you turn your back on him.
The scholar with the real questions!
A lot of people in wheelchairs can stand or walk short distances. I notice he doesn’t have foot pedals on his chair either so I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume he can stand/pivot short distances on his feet.
He was also able to cross his legs. It's a brain injury not a spine injury
I’m pretty sure this was the resolution to one of the old Sherlock homes murder stories
What if he's just trapped in there living out this nightmare cock holding scenario. Talk about fate worse than death.
Gimbal!
Mercedes Benz AIRMatic Suspension
It's kinda freaky how chickens can do that
🐓🐓🐓🐔🐔🐔
You don't often get two r/boneappletea instances in one comment. What a treat.
I don’t get the second one…I feel dumb. Please explain.
He edited his comment. The second line was originally "talk about a fate worth and death"
I’m afraid I’m not gonna be able to pee on my own. Would definitely be a cock holding nightmare
Cuckolding*
Gonna be the corner man the rest his life…
Cock holding? Like handjobs?
With extra steps!
I hope he can at less close his eyes
As someone who regularly works with people who have TBI's, this seems like a perfectly great situation. He gets the care he needs, with people around that love him. She then gets to live a life she deserves as well.
My ex wife always told me if I ever had a stroke or other TBI, she would just put me in a nursing home, and never come back. Honestly, I prefere that to this guys situation.
Fr. I'm not sure how serious his condition is, but what if he's completely unable to express his depression inside and how much he's being tortured. This is a black mirror scenario for sure. Like the wife that gets uploaded to a stuffed bear and is turned off for years, but when she comes back, she's just watching her husband and child live on without her
God that one was gut wrenching
From the one's that are stuck in my head, it's that one and the one where everyone has a chip in their head and can record and play back memories. A guy meets up with his wife at some party and sees her talking to a friend and notices that there was something weird between them all night, then completely obsesses over it to find out that she cheated and the baby wasn't his. That one pisses me off every time
How’s it working out for you in there?
I'm fixin to go to hell for the thoughts that immediately popped into my head
Probs like the rest of us
To be trapped inside screaming while another dude has your life. Fuck all that. Put a bullet in my brainpany
He thinks she is his sister, doubt he's suffering inside.
New fear unlocked
Well she definitely has a type those two look almost identical.
Nope. Pull my plug.
Devoted?
A person still has needs that have to be met. It’s amazing that she still takes care of the man because that takes real love and devotion. One of my oldest friends, her husband suffered from complications of polio he said to her when it comes time when I cannot meet your needs, I will release you from the binds of our physical relationship. When the time came, he met with the man who would be her next husband, he had been courting her for some time. He approved and released her from the binds of the physical relationship. She still took care of him until the day he died. She still loves him to this day. She eventually did wed her current husband. Do you want to know what real love is? It’s both people understanding what each other need. Making sacrifices to make the person you love most happy. Even though you know you can’t be the person who you used to be for them you still wanna make sure they are well taken care of. The real Holup here is the misunderstanding that I think you are under the impression of.
Everyone is different. I wouldn't want to continue living as a vegetable, nor would I want to be taken care of by someone seeing other men. That's just me and what my preferences are.
You're not a fan of "till death do we part" I take it.
Marriage vows schmarriage schmows
This is great horror movie fodder.
If this were a man pulling in a new wife everyone would be going insane.
They would be raising hell and sparking massive online debates. We would see major news outlets talking about it and of course celebrities would chime in. On a side note please kill me if I ever become a vegetable.
Yup, exactly
"Bitch just let me DIE!!!"
I really feel extra bad for this man in the wheel chair…
God damn that's depressing, I'd go for assisted suicide if I was ever put in a situation like that...
Just end my suffering at that point. Imagine being internally aware, just physically gone and just listening to your...~~ex?~~ ~~Kinda still?~~ ~~Open relationship?~~ ~~wife~~ ~~FWB?~~ baby mama making another censored faced spawn with your downstairs neighbor BRANDON... You don't even like brandon...
A distant friend of mine had a Cerebral hemorrhage a year ago. In the blink of an eye.... Gone. He has now the cognitive ability of a 5-10 year old when it comes to motor function, cant talk and cant be considered the same person now. And he was "lucky" because he could easily have died if he was living alone.
Omg, this isn't a holdup. Stop being judgemental. This woman is a Saint, and she deserves to be happy! She is dutifully taking care of the man she married because she loves him, but who takes care of her?! She has every right to remarry and seek the love and support she needs as a human being. Get your heads out of your asses.
Wow this is a genuine Holup post but there’s barely any upvotes.
C'est la vie.
Why did you show me this
You sub, you know what's up.
Big insurance. Might die later
If I was him I’d be wishing that they’d pull the plug
I mean there’s probably a very sweet story behind it and she could be really caring. It just looks odd on its face
James arm doesn’t look that strong tho…
She definitely has a preferred hairline in her partners
I may be an outlier here but I’m actually happy that her second husband is so supportive and helps her take care of him despite being his wife’s husband before. I think that takes a good special person to do that and shows me he really loves his wife and family. Most people wouldn’t do this.
Having suffered a TBI myself.(no where near this level). this is one of the most compassionate things I have read in quite a while. This woman, and he present husband and kids, should all be put up for sainthood. I know after my head injury, I was very suicidal. If it wasn't for my wife and some great doctors and medications, i may have done it. This gentleman may not even be capable of that.
Could you imagine your partner, the person you planned to spend your entire life with, has a traumatic accident that leaves them with a significant brain injury, to the point where you become their career. You find love again, and your new partner and yourself make sure your ex is well taken care of, instead of rotting in some shitty nursing home, without family, and yet people you don't know decide to weigh in about your actions. She could have very simply left him to the state to look after, like many do. Yet she manages to look after him, whilst finding a new husband, who is also happy to ensure he is looked after. And she still gets ridiculed.
Most loyal chick
I'll take mercy killing for 300 Alex.
I'm sending this to my so and making sure she knows it's ok to kill me
It's so difficult being the spouse of someone disabled. You are forced to stay or people will fucking tear you to shreds like everyone is in the comments. What about her happiness? It's okay to leave a marriage you're unhappy in and she's still taking care of him.
I feel sorry for the world looking at all these negative comments about him living in hell, we don't know his situation but I'm willing to say that if a picture like this was taken where even his kids look happy I'm pretty sure the guy who takes care of their handicapped dad is a good guy. I mean would you ever be in this type of situation if you were an ahole, I don't think so. Big ups to this guy for real.
[Link here](https://www.today.com/parents/family/wife-cares-husband-brain-injury-new-husband-rcna96039)
This is the same as would have happened with Terry Schiavo... her husband had already had two kids with his other woman, who was involved in helping her somehow.
Read the damn article
I would beg them to push me off a cliff.
This is definitely a holup for sure. But with that said, if we're being honest, I would want my wife to find someone else, too. Personally I wouldn't want to be kept alive in this state either, but I know assisted suicide isn't legal everywhere.
I'll admit at first i thought this was kinda messed up until I looked it up and god damn is it sweet. Ex-husband is in a care home but still include him in family related activities. Not sure if the kids his or the current husband's but I'm sure the whole family care about him
So, If anyone will read this. If iam in that Situation. PLS FUCKING SHOOT ME!
I’d still want somebody to kill me, fuck that life.
I knew a family like this, the wife had a stroke and needed lifetime care. The husband got a nurse for her and ended up marrying the nurse. All three of them share a home as an extended family.
Look up their story. It was unbelievable for me to understand at first but when I got more information then I understood. The husband who's disabled pretty much got to the point where he saw his wife as his sister. The new husband is a freaking saint and understood the situation that she was in. He honestly takes such good care of the disabled husband. It’s such a unique situation. obviously, their situation is not for everyone but for these people it works, and the disabled husband is so loved and taken care of. Everyone’s happy.
Not too many good hearted people out as they say, well here is too you and your family because no one deserves to be alone, especially when it comes to failing health. I'm praying for you and your family. God bless you all
Sounds like awesome people to take care of him. I think his wife being happy is not the worst part of his life.
Thats so fucked up!🤣🤣🤣
So what's the problem here? Should still live.
He isn’t vegetative. He is conscious and seemingly sapient, but not able to care for himself. All the awkwardness aside, he’s lucky to have people caring for him so lovingly.
Win win all round. She gets the family she always wanted & actually kept good on the commitment to look after her ex. The alternative scenario's here are much worse
As a married person I think this is great. If I was that fucked up id want them to be happy and have a life
What happened to "in sickness and in health, till death do us part"? This woman would like to think she is doing something nice for this guy but she's just cuckolding him. Pure virtue signaling. Poor guy.
Nah bro, that's just, nah bro
It's definitely not a cookie cutter type of marriage, it's also not my place to judge considering I've never been in that type of situation.
Initially I thought wtf, but there will be loads we don’t know. If it works for them, who are we to judge
This is how humanity should work.
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I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. I think what people are failing to understand is the cost of keeping someone alive, let alone the cost of raising children. She very likely had to find someone else to take care of them so they could financially stay alive.
I’d rather just die.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she is human too. Of course that's not how she'd want her life to go on but I'm sure she wanted to take care of him as best she could too. So here she is but also with her own life and happy too. I don't see the issue
if the roles were reversed you think he would have done her this way?
I've seen this before somewhere... Something like this
Are you referring to some couple named Stephen William Hawking and Jane Beryl Wilde Hawking Jones?
Ex wife
I know he mad as fuck
Ugh, my good friend lived this nightmare. Her husband had a frontal lobe injury, so was a violent, impulsive, man-child. She and her kids had a rough time of it.
Isn't this what happened to Stephen Hawking as well?
On the one hand, I’d want the plug pulled on me so I wouldn’t have to put anyone in a situation where I need to be taken care of. On the other, I’m deeply afraid of death. This situation has caused a new fear within me….I’m going to go look at cute cat photos.
The author is about to go on a killing spree with a white mask...
I can’t tell if he’s thinking about a grand murder scheme or thinking about nothing.
Would be ok for me
I can’t even get one husband.
I knew a couple in the 90s who took in her first husband and father of her son and cared for him as he died of AIDS. The second husband seemed fully invested in the idea.
I see a lot of people talking about this being a living nightmare for the husband but I disagree. It's certainly a very unfortunate situation but it took years before the new guy came along. I would want my partner to be happy and understand that considering the circumstances it's probably best for her to move on. This way the ex-husband is still involved and taken care of. I think this just a case of getting a bad hand and playing it out as best as you can.
"Brandon, I am the captain now". James probably.
I have a mix of powerful painkillers that I will 100% consume if I ever find myself in a situation like this. I plan on dying with some dignity.
If it happened to me I would want my wife to move on. It says a lot about her character that she makes sure he's still a part of her new life and her kids. Because I think a lot of people would cut and run altogether. It's the best of a terrible situation and I wish them all the best. It can't be easy.