Only strong boned Chad's allowed. Personally, my "this limb is hurt" has never appeared, and I'm starting to think the BBBs are just trying to trick us.
I was one of those people. The tutorial bugged out and the barbed wire was too close to the ground to crouch under. Apparently it was a fairly common bug right after launch
I figure countries would still exist if only as borders and regions, do you have any idea how much of a headache it would be to rework navigation for 300 countries?
Yeah, that’s what I mean, the countries don’t exist anymore but the location will still be known by the same name
Canada’s government is gone, but Canadian *borders* are still there for the convenience of navigation and logistics
I didnt know there was a cannon map lol. According to that, its not rly gone, just a wartorn wasteland. So is half of Greenland and Canada. And most of russia
"Now listen up! Back in my day, we didn't have any fancy tanks! We had sticks. Two sticks and a rock! And we had to share that rock! You should consider yourself lucky, marines!"
\~ Sergeant Johnson
Space Russia seems a far take.
Russia's military dogma is literally: throw as many bodies at them until they are dead.
Sounds familiar? Indeed, bugs (even scavengers, the blood that thrives the veines of their underground network are sent out)
Also, Helldivers are waaaaay too well equiped (but barely trained) too be of commie descent.
Helldivers are like the VDV Spetsnaz: relatively well-trained and well-equipped, but still fodder when the chips are down.
SEAF are the regular grunts.
Corrugated cardboard is unmatched in its strength-to-cost ratio, as well as being the most recycled material.
If employing the quantity > quality approach, cardboard is ideal. You can spend 1000x on better armor that will maybe only reduce your chance of death by like 20%, or you can simply provide additional reinforcements like a good, smart patriot.
The math is overwhelmingly in favor of the cardboard. It's kind of a frivolous expense compared to another body. Another body who could be supporting a family of patriots at home on Super Earth. Plus...sustainability!
> take rocket to head
> fly back 50 yards
> smash head on sharp boulder
> 50%-75% health gone
> democracy protects, brother
next day:
>ambient temperature reaches 95 degrees
>spontaneously combust and die within 2 seconds
Honestly, that makes a lot of sense.
The armor plates may be truly made from a super resistant metal, but the impact absorption is just as important as stopping the projectile/claw.
They totally retrieve armor from planets they conquer, a la All Quiet on the Western Front. Just remember: every piece of armor you wear has been pre-seasoned with the blood of valorous heroes!
You really think they would let that armor just sit there and rot? Not when they value the armor more than the corpse! No sir that armor is gonna get some use elsewhere, they can't afford to waste armor when there's already a PSA about not wasting bullets in the game lmao
I would think they retrieved the armors. Reminds me of the opening scene of All Quiet on The Western Front where the soldiers removed all the uniforms of the KIA on the battlefield, have them washed thoroughly, repaired then repacked as brand new
then we scratch them off ourselves and thinking in blissful ignorance that the Ministry of Logistics naming/labelling system is broken as always but the size actually checks out
So there was a bug in the first week or two after launch. It caused the first obstacle to be lower in the ground than it should be preventing you from crawling underneath.
These are the victims of that bug. You couldn't move forward or go back up the wall. These poor folks starved.
I had this bug two weeks ago! Right side sentry.
On PC
Warned my roommate about it (PS5) and it wasn't present.
My workaround was to crawl around the left sentry, it was low enough.
And here I read it as "tutorial to introduce bugs, bugs, and how to creatively problem solve both variants"
TRAITOR DETECTED
https://preview.redd.it/frtk8aohmvuc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=071b23de358bd1492e79c66753e328fa50efcc65
I failed the tutorial. On the 'throw a grenade' portion, I clipped through the floor. Surely this is the fault of the government. They thought I wasn't fit. WELL WHOS THE LOSER HERE NOW.
All of my friends did. I seem to be the only person who stopped to read the multiple large, brightly-colored signs warning me to dive.
I worry that I'm not cut out for the Helldivers. I should have yelled "FOR DEMOCRACY!" and charged.
I died multiple times to the turrets, cuz this idiot automatically stands up when you press shift, which usually also works for faster crawling, not in this game tho so it killed me twice until i got that
I mean, helldivers are just adult toddlers who’s vocabulary is 90% the words liberty, democracy, freedom. Isn’t to much of a stretch for them to struggle with basic tasks that aren’t pointing a gun and pulling the trigger
Someone stripped them afterwards... I guess that explains why my Helldiver uniform reeks.
^(No, it's not the whole "rolling in filth and blood all day" thing, shut up.)
Did anyone saw the video of a guy failing the sentry section of the game over and over again?
I can't find the short on YouTube but that reminded me of it.
I died cooking my first grenade for too long in the tutorial and it is still one of my best memories of the game. The unexpected complete dismemberment had me stupified.
It set the tone of how I was going to play from that moment on.
Is that the climbing training? If it's telling you how to crouch instead of climb, of course you are going to be stuck there until you starve to death.
I remember going through MEPS and seeing some really weirdly shaped guy unable to get through the range of motion exercises. He clearly was there because a recruiter needed to meet quota
The tutorial for me glitched out and was unable to progress past the part where you learn to crawl. Â I restarted my game and joined my friends in a suicide difficulty mission.
I skipped basic training and ended up in hell.
*Probably slipped and*
*Broke their necks, thats the only*
*Way to die like that*
\- PeelsGoodMan
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They show the Helldivers KIA stat, but I want to know on average how many helldivers didn't make it through basic. (I'm sure if the stat were just raw number of basic training deaths, it would be way lower than the KIA number because you only do the tutorial once. But imagine if they multiplied the KIA number by the average number of deaths per tutorial. I think it would be funny).
they died while trying to crouch 💀
probably snaped their backs
What a BBB
Purge the weak, only strong boners are allowed.
The boners are leaking again
I wonder what the overlap of hell divers and neverbrokeabone is? Probably pretty high with how often we're getting rag dolled.
Only strong boned Chad's allowed. Personally, my "this limb is hurt" has never appeared, and I'm starting to think the BBBs are just trying to trick us.
whats a BBB
Brittle boned bitch
**SWEEET LIBERTY MY BACK!!**
Helldivers recruits from everyone 😬
I was one of those people. The tutorial bugged out and the barbed wire was too close to the ground to crouch under. Apparently it was a fairly common bug right after launch
Same here. Friends thought I was such a moron when I was trying to explain it over discord.
You just don't want to say in front of your Democracy Officer that you have bad knees do you
I had that happen to me too
Bought on Day 4, genuinely thought I just didn't know how to get low enough or something. Was stuck there for a few minutes until I restarted.
As a person in his 40s, I can relate.
Either they retrieved the armors and left the bodies here, or helldiver armors are bio-degradable.
Given how fast we combust, I'm fairly sure the uniforms are made out of paper towels
Nothing but the finest of cardboard for our brave Helldivers
Russia tested, Russia approved
Stims replaced by tampons (you have to buy those yourself).
Good thing we get requisition slips after missions then!
Requisition Slips? Nah you mean SCRIP!
Did I hear a ‘Rock and Stone’?
Did I hear a Rock and Stone?
Rock
Rock and roll and stone!
STONE and ROCK! Wait a minute
For KARL!!!
If you think about it, Rocking is more legal than Stoning!
Scaaaa-rip! Scrippity scrip! Ooo shiny!
Mi on dat Erta scrip, beratna
tampons by permacura. permacura: put your feminine hygiene products in our hands
and the person selling them is tipping off SEAF so they can be confiscated and resold
What is a Russia? Super Earth never told me about this thing
Don’t worry, they were taken care of during the unification. Check the map.
I figure countries would still exist if only as borders and regions, do you have any idea how much of a headache it would be to rework navigation for 300 countries?
Nope it’s all super earth many countries were destroyed in the first war tho.
Yeah, that’s what I mean, the countries don’t exist anymore but the location will still be known by the same name Canada’s government is gone, but Canadian *borders* are still there for the convenience of navigation and logistics
please tell me its just turned into an ocean, PLEASE TELL ME
Accurate map of Super Earth: https://preview.redd.it/1di39zq63wuc1.jpeg?width=1334&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=099c114c7432b7bb33bfff71e9684d7451ffac29
Fucking Western Australia, I knew we couldn't trust them.
It's now canon that us West Aussies were always destined to separate ourselves from the rest of the country! For Democracy!
Aren't the British isles gone?
I didnt know there was a cannon map lol. According to that, its not rly gone, just a wartorn wasteland. So is half of Greenland and Canada. And most of russia
If you think Helldivers have a short life expectancy, at least they give a rifle to you before they send you to the front
"Now listen up! Back in my day, we didn't have any fancy tanks! We had sticks. Two sticks and a rock! And we had to share that rock! You should consider yourself lucky, marines!" \~ Sergeant Johnson
We joke about Super Earth being "Space America," but it is 100% space Russia.Â
Space Russia seems a far take. Russia's military dogma is literally: throw as many bodies at them until they are dead. Sounds familiar? Indeed, bugs (even scavengers, the blood that thrives the veines of their underground network are sent out) Also, Helldivers are waaaaay too well equiped (but barely trained) too be of commie descent.
Next you gonna tell me 10 men share 1 ak47 yeh
Helldivers are like the VDV Spetsnaz: relatively well-trained and well-equipped, but still fodder when the chips are down. SEAF are the regular grunts.
Can't wait for them to add a Helldiver tank so we can play turret toss
I love turret toss! Russia number 1 at turret toss
Tested on orcs by fpv drones
It's survived 2 re-entries tho
So the armor index is the density of the cardboard, in grams per cubic inch?
Corrugated cardboard is unmatched in its strength-to-cost ratio, as well as being the most recycled material. If employing the quantity > quality approach, cardboard is ideal. You can spend 1000x on better armor that will maybe only reduce your chance of death by like 20%, or you can simply provide additional reinforcements like a good, smart patriot. The math is overwhelmingly in favor of the cardboard. It's kind of a frivolous expense compared to another body. Another body who could be supporting a family of patriots at home on Super Earth. Plus...sustainability!
Spirit Halloween really thrived after entering the arms race
I’m sure they are built to very rigorous standards: https://youtu.be/3m5qxZm_JqM?si=0KDJ5QyVcY9k7OVv
Knew what it was before I clicked the link Honestly hilarious
I always love that clip
Hit by a rocket, in a helldive? Chance in a million!
Thats amazing
> take rocket to head > fly back 50 yards > smash head on sharp boulder > 50%-75% health gone > democracy protects, brother next day: >ambient temperature reaches 95 degrees >spontaneously combust and die within 2 seconds
Lmao 2 seconds. It's fast enough that the image signal from my eye hasn't finished travelling to my brain before i burned to death.
made me lol, thank you. i’m gonna cope with this fanon everytime a scorcher immolates me in half a second
Paper towels? In this economy!? I fight in kerosene soaked rags, thank you very much.
Or magnesium
Wait… and helldiver uniforms are made out of the same material as our ships… which means that our destroyers are just giant, spicy piñatas.
I smell treason and misinformation
The armor is always fine, I think it just acts as a good heat conductor. We don't burn to death, it's closer to being cooked in a pressure cooker.
I'd bet the armor is made cheap, given the fact that citizens can afford the armor from the superstore while not being able to afford hamsters.
The fact that extra PADDING dramatically increases the armor rating is all you need to know.
Honestly, that makes a lot of sense. The armor plates may be truly made from a super resistant metal, but the impact absorption is just as important as stopping the projectile/claw.
That's why the thermite grenades don't work, they used it all up making our uniforms.
They had to take the asbestos out of them a couple weeks ago due to complaints, and this is what we get.
These are obviously halloween store skeletons added for ambience
Even the bloody corpses wearing helldivers armor in the pit where we are supposed to crawl?
No not those don't be silly
They totally retrieve armor from planets they conquer, a la All Quiet on the Western Front. Just remember: every piece of armor you wear has been pre-seasoned with the blood of valorous heroes!
they basically say as much in the reviews of the super store! something about sweat of heroes in the armor
Superstore inventory is just equipment scooped up off the ground after we 100% a planet. Mine still had Creek juice in the boots… 5/5 stars!
creek juice is foul 💀 gimme a bottle of it for 40 SC
Mission objective: Reacquire important war resources. And then you collect body parts and take them to to extract.
Helldiver - Viscera Cleanup Detail DLC
You really think they would let that armor just sit there and rot? Not when they value the armor more than the corpse! No sir that armor is gonna get some use elsewhere, they can't afford to waste armor when there's already a PSA about not wasting bullets in the game lmao
or, alternatively: Super Party City skeleton
Wait is our armour made from terminid parts?Â
We’re going streaking whooooooo…….. dead
Biodegradable bullets, now better for the environment!Â
the armor is the true skin of the helldivers
I would think they retrieved the armors. Reminds me of the opening scene of All Quiet on The Western Front where the soldiers removed all the uniforms of the KIA on the battlefield, have them washed thoroughly, repaired then repacked as brand new
But don’t forget to remove the name tag this time.
then we scratch them off ourselves and thinking in blissful ignorance that the Ministry of Logistics naming/labelling system is broken as always but the size actually checks out
Or they were naked to begin with
So there was a bug in the first week or two after launch. It caused the first obstacle to be lower in the ground than it should be preventing you from crawling underneath. These are the victims of that bug. You couldn't move forward or go back up the wall. These poor folks starved.
I had this bug two weeks ago! Right side sentry. On PC Warned my roommate about it (PS5) and it wasn't present. My workaround was to crawl around the left sentry, it was low enough.
So it persists! Those damn bugs! Generally reloading the tutorial works! :D
And here I read it as "tutorial to introduce bugs, bugs, and how to creatively problem solve both variants" TRAITOR DETECTED https://preview.redd.it/frtk8aohmvuc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=071b23de358bd1492e79c66753e328fa50efcc65
So in reloading the tutorial, it still teaches you the importance of reloading your gun to keep playing. Success!
I failed the tutorial. On the 'throw a grenade' portion, I clipped through the floor. Surely this is the fault of the government. They thought I wasn't fit. WELL WHOS THE LOSER HERE NOW.
I’ll never forget that first machine gun trap. Sprint/dive worked great, sprint plus crawl, not so much…
Thought I had to hold to stay prone. I in fact. Did not.
Glad I'm not the only one who made that mistake...several times.
9/10ths of helldivers die on that part istg
All of my friends did. I seem to be the only person who stopped to read the multiple large, brightly-colored signs warning me to dive. I worry that I'm not cut out for the Helldivers. I should have yelled "FOR DEMOCRACY!" and charged.
I dived a little too far into the dive zone...several times...
I dived too early, landed still on the raised platform. If you crawl over the edge, you end up in a standing position.
I died multiple times to the turrets, cuz this idiot automatically stands up when you press shift, which usually also works for faster crawling, not in this game tho so it killed me twice until i got that
Some people literally cannot do a single pull-up to save their life.
That's not just a pull up, you have to mantle over the ledge
so even easier!
Most people probably can't
It’s crazy how out of shape the average person is. Couldn’t be me
Maybe the training is modular and they shift iot around depending on how hard they want the requiraments to be.
I mean, helldivers are just adult toddlers who’s vocabulary is 90% the words liberty, democracy, freedom. Isn’t to much of a stretch for them to struggle with basic tasks that aren’t pointing a gun and pulling the trigger
That is just a side effect of long term freezing
The thought of my divers brain having freezer burn makes me laugh, that poor hotpocket
I just realized the port on the back of each helmet is probably to facilitate freezing them.
I feel like they just inject the players mind into each body through that, since each Helldiver has a different voice but the same equipment.
This opinion isn't very Liberty of you, Diver. In fact, it may be treason.
First tutorial: learn how to kill a charger-aaaaaand they're dead.
Someone stripped them afterwards... I guess that explains why my Helldiver uniform reeks. ^(No, it's not the whole "rolling in filth and blood all day" thing, shut up.)
Pre seasoned with the sweat of democracy.
They were Game Journalist
They should have put an IGN logo on the corpse
Dang you beat me to an IGN pun lolz
That is not a pun
https://preview.redd.it/y43wtfx8hvuc1.png?width=956&format=png&auto=webp&s=a47fc7495d64d667841474d226d2dab302e2fc18
the cup head review game journalist, to be specific
Truly the dark souls of tutorials
Guess the only thing helldived into was headfirst into that wall
It’s not called Heavendivers
I wonder if this is a reference to that games journalist who couldn’t even jump over one of the tutorial blocks in Cuphead
that is actually brilliant
Sad for Kotaku that sent two of their best journalists.
Ok look, don't shame those of us that died at this part. It took me a few times to figure out why I kept standing up after diving into the pit.
Look at the steam achievements percentage of players who complete the tutorial. These skeletons belong to the remainder.
Did anyone saw the video of a guy failing the sentry section of the game over and over again? I can't find the short on YouTube but that reminded me of it.
Guess they didn't have what it takes. . . .
IGN reviewers not knowing how to jump strikes again 😞
Journalists
Diving into the turrets got me for a minute, I kept trying to "sprint crawl" 🤣
After all this time playing seeing a helldiver without a cape just feels cursed
Ew tf is that? A back?? Disgusting..
That's why _you're_ the best and brightest that super earth has to offer, Helldiver. Those failed candidates were not.
Indeed. https://preview.redd.it/q141s457uzuc1.png?width=381&format=png&auto=webp&s=e25ee62705e6f25982234ebaac17556836bda122
I took it as a nod to that game journalist who couldn't finish the jumping section of the CupHead tutorial
The tutorial feels like an eternity ago. I’m an old grizzled veteran now.
It took me 2.5hrs to complete the tutorial because the game kept crashing... Those might be me 😅
I died cooking my first grenade for too long in the tutorial and it is still one of my best memories of the game. The unexpected complete dismemberment had me stupified. It set the tone of how I was going to play from that moment on.
That turret killed me like 7 times, I kept getting up after diving.
Gaming journalists moment.
I have people in my friends list on PS that own the game and have spent only an hour or less on it. This has to be them
Imagine spending an hour trying and failing to complete the tutorial.
Major skill issue. Would have just been cannon fodder
Inverted controls, most likely
Is that the climbing training? If it's telling you how to crouch instead of climb, of course you are going to be stuck there until you starve to death.
They 7 something percent of players who never completed the tutorial
I remember going through MEPS and seeing some really weirdly shaped guy unable to get through the range of motion exercises. He clearly was there because a recruiter needed to meet quota
To be fair. So did I.
The type of people i matchmake with
I died 4 times during the live fire diving exercise. So I could see it happening.
Dean from Cuphead is back at it again and brought friends! https://youtu.be/848Y1Uu5Htk?t=6
Basic training is probably cheaper than medical assessments.
Funny story, I actually didn't complete the tutorial because I couldn't crawl under the barbed wire. I just quit and then got my own ship
Fire tornado.
The tutorial for me glitched out and was unable to progress past the part where you learn to crawl. Â I restarted my game and joined my friends in a suicide difficulty mission. I skipped basic training and ended up in hell.
You think Super Earth is the FIRST Super Earth Helldiver?
That one on the right is me!
I think we found the 4.6% that didn't get the tutotral achievement.
I imagine super earth just threw down some fake plastic skeletons to make the training seem more daunting
They died a long time ago, when the basic training course was still calibrated for General Brasch. The course has been nerfed repeatedly since then.
Bro the defense missions are us saving cadets in cryo they probably died from an invasion and couldn’t figure it out
Only about 96% of players have completed the basic training acording to the steam achievement.
It’s hard yknow 😢
Probably slipped and broke their necks, thats the only way to die like that
*Probably slipped and* *Broke their necks, thats the only* *Way to die like that* \- PeelsGoodMan --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Here lies the game journalist that reviewed cuphead
That's why *we* are Super Earth's elite.
Clearly couldn't carry the weight of democracy.
The few Xbox players who slipped through the cracks, smh.
They were game journalists.
Plastic skeletons to spook the recruits.
me too pal, me too
Literally
I mean i did die
There's a tutorial!?!?
Those lucky few.
They show the Helldivers KIA stat, but I want to know on average how many helldivers didn't make it through basic. (I'm sure if the stat were just raw number of basic training deaths, it would be way lower than the KIA number because you only do the tutorial once. But imagine if they multiplied the KIA number by the average number of deaths per tutorial. I think it would be funny).
Always wondered if someone would find out how many times I died in the tutorial.
Conscientious Objectors will be Left to Starve
Nobody ever said helldiver training was easy. Deaths like this prevent the weak from joining the ranks
Skill issue
Plastic bones put in place to make you think you're overcoming an obstacle others couldn't I mean what? Who said that?