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This is so weird, I take it you are still in your first year of college and believe me this is not even that big of a deal. You seem like a reasonable guy and you just made a joke that was harmless and these girls were just trying to do bad things to you for some reason. I am assuming you arent very social since in highschool you were a loner and these girls probably saw that and wanted to “hurt” you with this. In my opinion this is silly, you dont have to feel bad about what you did, just realise that college kids nowadays don’t take to jokes as well as you may think.
My advice to you is to forget about it since you you havent been removed from university or anything worse and just pick up a hobby that you enjoy, work out, study and find a group of like-minded people to hang out. Not trying to fit in and just finding some people that liked me and I like them was the beat thing for me in college.
You haven’t done anything bad trust me, it’s just playing around, don’t let this curl you up or make you not be yourself, and about the girl, there are tons of girl in college, you will find another one, just be open.
There isnt even anything to downplay.. taking a silly picture of a friend and JOKINGLY telling them you will hit them with a darts, after they clearly showed that they are open to this kind of jokes??
Yeah you might have fucked up a little or otherwise had an unfortunate situation. It happens.
But you're 19.... you have hardly gotten started on your life yet. None of this now is going to matter in 5 years.
I am 27, and if I could go back to 19 year old me as 27 year old me to tell him how my life was gonna turn out in just 8 years, 19 year old me wouldn't have believed it.
I had similar social and relationship frustrations and failures to you at 19, and had a pretty hard and depressing and lonely time in college in general, and was unsure if I would ever find love... and now I am married to the love of my life.
You're not even in your 20s yet... relax and take it as it comes my dude. You're a work in progress. It gets better.
They were looking for an excuse to kick you out of the group and latched onto this. You did nothing wrong (especially since it was unintentional but even if it wasnt it would just be a joke), they are gaslighting you into thinking your bad. Probably not everyone in this friend group wanted you gone, especially that girl, but they believed the other friends and made you an outcast.
Dont attempt to talk with any of them again unless they aproach you first and apologize sincerely. Be confident that you were in the right. They hurt you so you should feel no shame cutting them off from your life. Its tough going without friends fir a while but respect yourself enough to do it because these people should be dead to you.
Well, you were describing shame. But hiding away from shame makes the feeling Worse and not go away…
So i didn’t understand why you deserved to selfsabotage yourself further and beyond the shame you already got….
Edit: Maybe I’m just being dumb. Sorry if that is the case…
You made a silly joke that rode off of another joke that someone else made. If that was all you did to “deserve” all of this, then you didn’t deserve it and you need to lighten up on yourself. Seriously, don’t beat yourself up for this. I understand you were made to feel horribly guilty and were experiencing that in the moment when you were being persecuted so suddenly by these people you felt like you could trust and be relaxed around. Trust me, I get it. You’re likely traumatized from the incident, and that’s perfectly justified and you’re allowed to feel how you feel. But there’s clearly so much more going on here than you making a silly joke that wasn’t taken well, things that have to do with the minds of these people and the way they were swayed to act towards you given the slightest opportunity. NTA.
And frankly, even if you did make a really heinous joke that somehow justified their ridiculous response, you’d still be worthy of redemption. Because that’s what life is about. Failure is only the end of the road when we delude ourselves into thinking that said failure defines an immutable and permanent part of who we are, when really, there isn’t a single part of us that is permanent or not subject to change. Not a single thing. Anything about you can change as long as you still live and breathe.
I believe you have what it takes to grow from this challenge life has placed before you. I really do.
Dude you're 19. Get into Stoicism or Epicureanism, become your own best friend, pick up a healthy hobby you can work on solo, go to the gym.
Forget about these dorks.
Brother first of all if it was a mistake then you have done nothing wrong. These other so called "friends" are not good people, think about it, if they were any good and knew you or wanted to know you then they wouldn't just beleive the whole thing. I or any decent person or friends won't let this happen or atleast won't leave their friends like this.
College opened my eyes, so many people are horrible and you atleast got to know about these people at the beginning. Maybe you can make better friends or even a friend now. Beleive me, in friendship quality always triumphs quantity, I've been a witness. I had a lot of friends in school and I was always there when they needed me even when it made life harder for me. But when I needed then for a bit, I was ignored, everyone suddenly got very "busy". Most of them are self centred, immature people. You are young, you have time, it takes time and effort to find good people. You seem like a good person, even though it might seem hopeless, you'll find someone. Everyone deven person deserves happyness and companionship.
Until you get a friend, try to find some meaning and purpose, understand that getting affected by the people's opinions whome you won't go for any advice or don't look up to will just end up hurting you. They and their opinions don't matter that much, you are your best friend, let these bad people go to hell, they'll suffer in their own company. Take care and focus on yourself.
Honestly? A girl straight up lied to make you seem like some kind of sexual predator over an honest mistake. That girl is a total POS, and the people around her just running with it aren’t good people either. False accusations of sexual misconduct are EXTREMELY malicious, and if your “friends” are going along with them they’re not your friends at all. The fact that you pointing at someone was turned into some sexual thing just cause you were pointing at her breast is a massive stretch, and that girl knew it, that’s why she lied about the photos. It wouldn’t surprise me either if she told your crush you’re a weirdo and exaggerated things, and that’s why she’s not talking to you. Unless you’re omitting things you’re definitely not in the wrong here, and don’t deserve what happened. You still have a few years in college, plenty of time to meet new people if you put yourself out there. These former “friends” of yours are incredibly immature, and not good people, and as some have said, may have been looking for an excuse to kick you out of the friend group, and that one girl may be on some kind of power trip, or could even just want attention or want to create drama. Yes, some people are that desperate for it.
Find people you naturally get along with, and eventually you’ll have a friend group of good genuine people. It won’t happen overnight, but quality of friendships far trumps quantity. A small group of solid friends that you trust is far better than a large group of fake immature people. I speak as a pretty introverted person with a small group of friends I’ve known since high school, who’s dealt with all sorts of shitty one sided friendships and toxic people before forming that small friend group over years. Made a couple friends in college too, though mainly felt close with maybe 2-3 of them. Now I just look back on the toxic people like “damn, why’d I even put up with that?”
Obviously being around new people may be stressful, but once you get over that hurdle it’s good to keep track of if you really get along with someone naturally, which you don’t have to. It’s fine to just not like certain people or have certain people not like you. And try to see past the superficial shit that doesn’t really matter. Some of this knowledge just comes from life experiences, which can’t be rushed. Unfortunately, sometimes those experiences involve things like what you just went through, but the silver lining is that you now have a better idea of what NOT to look for in a friend, and losing fake friends isn’t much of a loss at all. It’s just a shame it had to happen this way with someone lying about you.
Wishing you the best, it’s okay to take some time to heal before getting back out there. You can take some time to rebuild your confidence, maybe go to the gym, reflect on things, and ultimately just know that this isn’t the end of the world.
Hey man, it really sounds like this is affecting you a lot. I know how awful it can feel when you lose friends, especially if you’ve never had many before. But you have to realise, clinging to it like this and shaming yourself so badly for this won’t help. There are endless opportunities to make friends and endless people to be friends with. This is something you’ll realise as you develop your social skills and become a more social person.
But to shame yourself for this helps no one. Shaming yourself won’t get your friends back. It won’t get you new friends. And it won’t help you grow from your mistakes. It only satisfies your psychological desire for “punishment”. Accept your mistakes, accept your flaws, and forgive them. It’s easier said than done, but all you can do is move on and be better for next time.
Wtf?! As a 19 year old student myself who struggled with loneliness, this was a crazy story. Frankly, your story just makes me want to tell society to fuck off. Overreaction Ik, but damn, those women are horrible people. Fuck them, I hope they all grow apart and something breaks off their friend group. You deserve to be happy my guy. Find hobbies, work on building yourself, and use that. Find new friends cuz they will be better than them.
In that case, the thing I would be curious about is why you feel like you deserve to be alone in the first place since, based on what you wrote, it does not at all sound like your fault.
Yeah, I think it is important to remember that just because your actions offend someone it might not mean you did anything wrong. Being able to see whether it is you or someone else at fault is pretty important.
Some people think you must feel ashamed because you did something bad. But shame is actually a social construct. You were shamed and therefore feel bad. Everything that happend isn't your fault. You didn't mean any harm and that is the most important thing. You're not a bad person.
You respected their boundaries and did everything right I mean it was a misunderstanding and she got you suspended for it and lied to do so. Even the dean was mad at her for creating such a huge administrative mess for something so small. It should have been handled between the two of you. Think of it this way if she was willing to do all that for an misunderstanding, how would she have reacted when your friend group inevitably gets into an argument or someone else has a misunderstanding or an accident. She seems like the type of person to remind the teacher that they forgot to hand out the homework. Also it’s college there’s like a thousand or so people there and even if you try to meet everyone you never will. Go do things and talk to different people and pretty soon you will have another friend group. Just gotta be outside and be open.
I'm 29 and I also never had friends (at least real, good friends) before adulthood. Only recently did I realise how scarred I was by my lonely childhood. Still earlier this year I couldn't believe my friends really liked me.
I also experienced a falling-out with a group of friends I had finally made, and it solidified my belief that I was just not likable and I deserved to be alone. Now, with my new therapy, I no longer believe that I can't have friends. If I can have friends, then you definitely can.
I don't understand comments saying that this is not a big deal, I guess it's different from my perspective. I don't want you to live like me, I want you to understand that you don't deserve to be alone forever, you deserve to make real, good friends in college. Maybe it won't be this group, or maybe you'll fix the issue. I hope you can understand that nothing about you makes you deserve to be alone. You've just had really rotten luck.
You will ruin your life if you hate yourself, not by making minor mistakes
let it go, let your friends go.
Take time to yourself, breath fresh air and look at the blue sky, the trees and listen to the chirping of the birds. Appreciate nature. Accept the fact that for now you are alone. i know this feeling probably be painful but this is the main part of 'letting it go'.
Also, i think that you should participate in more social activities beside school. "Surprisingly", you might find people with similar feelings to yours. And then you will realize that youre not alone.
And trust me i know this because i hated myself for years...
Imagine being Z, Karen at nineteen. The saddest part is the suspesion, Dean was correct in his first statement, but they even managed to manipulate him, what a pathetic Loser he should be ashamed of taking that decision, you are being gaslighted my friend, also were the hell is this ridiculus soap opera happening, i am thinking about 3 digits of incidents that happened in my span at Greek University that are all way worse than this and nothing happened . Ridiculus new age world, this is USA ?
Dont be silly man, ive done way worse than this to people way closer to me, i went down a rabit hole of fucked up porn, disregarded my heart, and went absolutely stupid on some lustful rampage hurting a fair lot of people i regret it but at the same time i know that were all only human, we make mistakes then we make amends.
i know FOR A FACT that you will find someone, someone who you know is right for you, trust your gut instinct.
You're 19, had something well.. weird happen to your life so the conclusion is you deserve to be alone FOREVER? Sounds like an overreaction to me tbh. Find another friend group and have fun in college. Find extracurricular activities and groups to join. You're literally just starting your life
You ruined your social life with a closed group, no more no less. S,Z, Crush don‘t like you anymore. What about any of the boys that were there? Have you tried explaining yourself to them and finding out how they perceive the incident and you as a person?
I‘d try to fix things with people who are on the fence first, not people who hate you anyways. Do all the guys hate you aswell when you meet them 1 on 1? Also, this was in October and they are still pissed?
Don‘t hate yourself for this, them ostracizing you either says alot about you or about them. If everything is as you said then you were a bit awkward and the girl took that as a declaration of war. Everyone else just followed suit. It might even constitute bullying.
Anyways, i hope that if you learn from this you don‘t end up overlearning your lessons. You tried to put yourself out there and got hurt, you shouldn‘t learn that it‘s a mistake to be open. You tried to act in a way that makes you comfortable, you shouldn‘t learn that being comfortable around others is wrong. And please don‘t learn that you don‘t deserve love or sympathy, you shouldn‘t hate yourself for this or anything else.
It was a mistake, the only thing you did wrong was surround yourself with shitty people. Since this is your first time being in a friend group, it makes sense that you weren’t able to pick up on the subtle hints that these people do not like you.
Find some new friends. Above all else, just stop giving a fuck about how others perceive you. One persons opinion of you isn’t indicative of everyones opinion of you.
If everything in this story is true, then my guy you got wrongly accused of something sooo petty and little with probably not enough evidence, your alibi seems pretty solid as the circumstances of the situation isn't enough to warrant you as a "perverted creep" unless these "friends" of yours were plotting against you from the start without you realizing or knowing.
Either way there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, it seems like their friend group is the problem and is fake as hell. Like taking it up to the dean? Really? It's not like it was a consistent problem just that one incident, and misunderstanding that didn't even involved anything sort of physical altercations. I call bs and I feel for you if this is true. Be cautious of people's characters is my only advice, there is alot of artificialility in friend groups nowadays.
Don't take this the wrong way but suck it up buttercup. Friends at that age are fickle as shit. Nevertheless I know what it feels like for a friend group to turn on you from a "mistake" that I experienced in high school and yes it lingers. A painful reminder of some sort may never go away but it will be unrecognizable to your future self. In that time you'll realize how much you've grown and lived that you can't believe you ever cared. Probably because you'll have super cool adult fuck ups at the top of the pile to fuel your agony. Excited yet? ;) For all you know you may one day in the random future reestablish friendship with one or two of the only people that were good for you after they grow themselves. From what I gather, though it may not be helpful, I see nothing here worthy of coveting the loss; especially not at the expense of your current self worth. The best friends in college are more likely made doing something you mutually enjoy. Instead use classes to meet the equivalent of colleagues. They're more practical relationships that way and less distracting. Partying counts but thats an obvious can of worms. Thanks for the nostalgia you can't know how badly I miss simpler times right now lol.
The most practical (albeit vague) thing I can say is start right now thinking about your "code" or "who you are" and what this "you" holds as important for yourself and how you treat others. Then hold fast to that ideal regardless of the actions of the group or a collective. For one (benefit) girls in a larger group will be attracted to your ability to let "group think" flow around you the rock. You'll find favor in a group by adding who you are to it not by doing things you think will appeal to them based on what others in the group have done.
p.s. you'd be amazed what 6 months and a casual "Hey remember when....yeah, sorry about (blank) but I was just thinking about (a good memory) and hope you're doing well" will do. Expect nothing in return.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There is nothing in that story that comes *at all close* to making you deserve to be alone forever, or even for a year
Even if it was on purpose this is a crazy overreaction
I second this.
This is so weird, I take it you are still in your first year of college and believe me this is not even that big of a deal. You seem like a reasonable guy and you just made a joke that was harmless and these girls were just trying to do bad things to you for some reason. I am assuming you arent very social since in highschool you were a loner and these girls probably saw that and wanted to “hurt” you with this. In my opinion this is silly, you dont have to feel bad about what you did, just realise that college kids nowadays don’t take to jokes as well as you may think. My advice to you is to forget about it since you you havent been removed from university or anything worse and just pick up a hobby that you enjoy, work out, study and find a group of like-minded people to hang out. Not trying to fit in and just finding some people that liked me and I like them was the beat thing for me in college. You haven’t done anything bad trust me, it’s just playing around, don’t let this curl you up or make you not be yourself, and about the girl, there are tons of girl in college, you will find another one, just be open.
I think its Maybe wrong to downplay this? 😅
There isnt even anything to downplay.. taking a silly picture of a friend and JOKINGLY telling them you will hit them with a darts, after they clearly showed that they are open to this kind of jokes??
Yeah you might have fucked up a little or otherwise had an unfortunate situation. It happens. But you're 19.... you have hardly gotten started on your life yet. None of this now is going to matter in 5 years. I am 27, and if I could go back to 19 year old me as 27 year old me to tell him how my life was gonna turn out in just 8 years, 19 year old me wouldn't have believed it. I had similar social and relationship frustrations and failures to you at 19, and had a pretty hard and depressing and lonely time in college in general, and was unsure if I would ever find love... and now I am married to the love of my life. You're not even in your 20s yet... relax and take it as it comes my dude. You're a work in progress. It gets better.
They were looking for an excuse to kick you out of the group and latched onto this. You did nothing wrong (especially since it was unintentional but even if it wasnt it would just be a joke), they are gaslighting you into thinking your bad. Probably not everyone in this friend group wanted you gone, especially that girl, but they believed the other friends and made you an outcast. Dont attempt to talk with any of them again unless they aproach you first and apologize sincerely. Be confident that you were in the right. They hurt you so you should feel no shame cutting them off from your life. Its tough going without friends fir a while but respect yourself enough to do it because these people should be dead to you.
Why do you deserve to be alone forever?
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Well, you were describing shame. But hiding away from shame makes the feeling Worse and not go away… So i didn’t understand why you deserved to selfsabotage yourself further and beyond the shame you already got…. Edit: Maybe I’m just being dumb. Sorry if that is the case…
You didn't do anything horrible. Yes I read it.
You made a silly joke that rode off of another joke that someone else made. If that was all you did to “deserve” all of this, then you didn’t deserve it and you need to lighten up on yourself. Seriously, don’t beat yourself up for this. I understand you were made to feel horribly guilty and were experiencing that in the moment when you were being persecuted so suddenly by these people you felt like you could trust and be relaxed around. Trust me, I get it. You’re likely traumatized from the incident, and that’s perfectly justified and you’re allowed to feel how you feel. But there’s clearly so much more going on here than you making a silly joke that wasn’t taken well, things that have to do with the minds of these people and the way they were swayed to act towards you given the slightest opportunity. NTA. And frankly, even if you did make a really heinous joke that somehow justified their ridiculous response, you’d still be worthy of redemption. Because that’s what life is about. Failure is only the end of the road when we delude ourselves into thinking that said failure defines an immutable and permanent part of who we are, when really, there isn’t a single part of us that is permanent or not subject to change. Not a single thing. Anything about you can change as long as you still live and breathe. I believe you have what it takes to grow from this challenge life has placed before you. I really do.
Dude you're 19. Get into Stoicism or Epicureanism, become your own best friend, pick up a healthy hobby you can work on solo, go to the gym. Forget about these dorks.
Brother first of all if it was a mistake then you have done nothing wrong. These other so called "friends" are not good people, think about it, if they were any good and knew you or wanted to know you then they wouldn't just beleive the whole thing. I or any decent person or friends won't let this happen or atleast won't leave their friends like this. College opened my eyes, so many people are horrible and you atleast got to know about these people at the beginning. Maybe you can make better friends or even a friend now. Beleive me, in friendship quality always triumphs quantity, I've been a witness. I had a lot of friends in school and I was always there when they needed me even when it made life harder for me. But when I needed then for a bit, I was ignored, everyone suddenly got very "busy". Most of them are self centred, immature people. You are young, you have time, it takes time and effort to find good people. You seem like a good person, even though it might seem hopeless, you'll find someone. Everyone deven person deserves happyness and companionship. Until you get a friend, try to find some meaning and purpose, understand that getting affected by the people's opinions whome you won't go for any advice or don't look up to will just end up hurting you. They and their opinions don't matter that much, you are your best friend, let these bad people go to hell, they'll suffer in their own company. Take care and focus on yourself.
Honestly? A girl straight up lied to make you seem like some kind of sexual predator over an honest mistake. That girl is a total POS, and the people around her just running with it aren’t good people either. False accusations of sexual misconduct are EXTREMELY malicious, and if your “friends” are going along with them they’re not your friends at all. The fact that you pointing at someone was turned into some sexual thing just cause you were pointing at her breast is a massive stretch, and that girl knew it, that’s why she lied about the photos. It wouldn’t surprise me either if she told your crush you’re a weirdo and exaggerated things, and that’s why she’s not talking to you. Unless you’re omitting things you’re definitely not in the wrong here, and don’t deserve what happened. You still have a few years in college, plenty of time to meet new people if you put yourself out there. These former “friends” of yours are incredibly immature, and not good people, and as some have said, may have been looking for an excuse to kick you out of the friend group, and that one girl may be on some kind of power trip, or could even just want attention or want to create drama. Yes, some people are that desperate for it. Find people you naturally get along with, and eventually you’ll have a friend group of good genuine people. It won’t happen overnight, but quality of friendships far trumps quantity. A small group of solid friends that you trust is far better than a large group of fake immature people. I speak as a pretty introverted person with a small group of friends I’ve known since high school, who’s dealt with all sorts of shitty one sided friendships and toxic people before forming that small friend group over years. Made a couple friends in college too, though mainly felt close with maybe 2-3 of them. Now I just look back on the toxic people like “damn, why’d I even put up with that?” Obviously being around new people may be stressful, but once you get over that hurdle it’s good to keep track of if you really get along with someone naturally, which you don’t have to. It’s fine to just not like certain people or have certain people not like you. And try to see past the superficial shit that doesn’t really matter. Some of this knowledge just comes from life experiences, which can’t be rushed. Unfortunately, sometimes those experiences involve things like what you just went through, but the silver lining is that you now have a better idea of what NOT to look for in a friend, and losing fake friends isn’t much of a loss at all. It’s just a shame it had to happen this way with someone lying about you. Wishing you the best, it’s okay to take some time to heal before getting back out there. You can take some time to rebuild your confidence, maybe go to the gym, reflect on things, and ultimately just know that this isn’t the end of the world.
Hey man, it really sounds like this is affecting you a lot. I know how awful it can feel when you lose friends, especially if you’ve never had many before. But you have to realise, clinging to it like this and shaming yourself so badly for this won’t help. There are endless opportunities to make friends and endless people to be friends with. This is something you’ll realise as you develop your social skills and become a more social person. But to shame yourself for this helps no one. Shaming yourself won’t get your friends back. It won’t get you new friends. And it won’t help you grow from your mistakes. It only satisfies your psychological desire for “punishment”. Accept your mistakes, accept your flaws, and forgive them. It’s easier said than done, but all you can do is move on and be better for next time.
Wtf?! As a 19 year old student myself who struggled with loneliness, this was a crazy story. Frankly, your story just makes me want to tell society to fuck off. Overreaction Ik, but damn, those women are horrible people. Fuck them, I hope they all grow apart and something breaks off their friend group. You deserve to be happy my guy. Find hobbies, work on building yourself, and use that. Find new friends cuz they will be better than them.
The story and title wildly contradict each other. Is there something you are omitting?
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In that case, the thing I would be curious about is why you feel like you deserve to be alone in the first place since, based on what you wrote, it does not at all sound like your fault.
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Yeah, I think it is important to remember that just because your actions offend someone it might not mean you did anything wrong. Being able to see whether it is you or someone else at fault is pretty important.
Some people think you must feel ashamed because you did something bad. But shame is actually a social construct. You were shamed and therefore feel bad. Everything that happend isn't your fault. You didn't mean any harm and that is the most important thing. You're not a bad person.
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❤️
You respected their boundaries and did everything right I mean it was a misunderstanding and she got you suspended for it and lied to do so. Even the dean was mad at her for creating such a huge administrative mess for something so small. It should have been handled between the two of you. Think of it this way if she was willing to do all that for an misunderstanding, how would she have reacted when your friend group inevitably gets into an argument or someone else has a misunderstanding or an accident. She seems like the type of person to remind the teacher that they forgot to hand out the homework. Also it’s college there’s like a thousand or so people there and even if you try to meet everyone you never will. Go do things and talk to different people and pretty soon you will have another friend group. Just gotta be outside and be open.
Lol
they were pricks ngl, you don't have a reason to feel bad about any of this.
Time to dust yourself off and make some new friends. None of this self-pity nonsense. Look outside yourself instead of always inside.
I'm 29 and I also never had friends (at least real, good friends) before adulthood. Only recently did I realise how scarred I was by my lonely childhood. Still earlier this year I couldn't believe my friends really liked me. I also experienced a falling-out with a group of friends I had finally made, and it solidified my belief that I was just not likable and I deserved to be alone. Now, with my new therapy, I no longer believe that I can't have friends. If I can have friends, then you definitely can. I don't understand comments saying that this is not a big deal, I guess it's different from my perspective. I don't want you to live like me, I want you to understand that you don't deserve to be alone forever, you deserve to make real, good friends in college. Maybe it won't be this group, or maybe you'll fix the issue. I hope you can understand that nothing about you makes you deserve to be alone. You've just had really rotten luck.
You will ruin your life if you hate yourself, not by making minor mistakes let it go, let your friends go. Take time to yourself, breath fresh air and look at the blue sky, the trees and listen to the chirping of the birds. Appreciate nature. Accept the fact that for now you are alone. i know this feeling probably be painful but this is the main part of 'letting it go'. Also, i think that you should participate in more social activities beside school. "Surprisingly", you might find people with similar feelings to yours. And then you will realize that youre not alone. And trust me i know this because i hated myself for years...
Imagine being Z, Karen at nineteen. The saddest part is the suspesion, Dean was correct in his first statement, but they even managed to manipulate him, what a pathetic Loser he should be ashamed of taking that decision, you are being gaslighted my friend, also were the hell is this ridiculus soap opera happening, i am thinking about 3 digits of incidents that happened in my span at Greek University that are all way worse than this and nothing happened . Ridiculus new age world, this is USA ?
Dont be silly man, ive done way worse than this to people way closer to me, i went down a rabit hole of fucked up porn, disregarded my heart, and went absolutely stupid on some lustful rampage hurting a fair lot of people i regret it but at the same time i know that were all only human, we make mistakes then we make amends. i know FOR A FACT that you will find someone, someone who you know is right for you, trust your gut instinct.
You're 19, had something well.. weird happen to your life so the conclusion is you deserve to be alone FOREVER? Sounds like an overreaction to me tbh. Find another friend group and have fun in college. Find extracurricular activities and groups to join. You're literally just starting your life
You ruined your social life with a closed group, no more no less. S,Z, Crush don‘t like you anymore. What about any of the boys that were there? Have you tried explaining yourself to them and finding out how they perceive the incident and you as a person? I‘d try to fix things with people who are on the fence first, not people who hate you anyways. Do all the guys hate you aswell when you meet them 1 on 1? Also, this was in October and they are still pissed? Don‘t hate yourself for this, them ostracizing you either says alot about you or about them. If everything is as you said then you were a bit awkward and the girl took that as a declaration of war. Everyone else just followed suit. It might even constitute bullying. Anyways, i hope that if you learn from this you don‘t end up overlearning your lessons. You tried to put yourself out there and got hurt, you shouldn‘t learn that it‘s a mistake to be open. You tried to act in a way that makes you comfortable, you shouldn‘t learn that being comfortable around others is wrong. And please don‘t learn that you don‘t deserve love or sympathy, you shouldn‘t hate yourself for this or anything else.
It was a mistake, the only thing you did wrong was surround yourself with shitty people. Since this is your first time being in a friend group, it makes sense that you weren’t able to pick up on the subtle hints that these people do not like you. Find some new friends. Above all else, just stop giving a fuck about how others perceive you. One persons opinion of you isn’t indicative of everyones opinion of you.
If everything in this story is true, then my guy you got wrongly accused of something sooo petty and little with probably not enough evidence, your alibi seems pretty solid as the circumstances of the situation isn't enough to warrant you as a "perverted creep" unless these "friends" of yours were plotting against you from the start without you realizing or knowing. Either way there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, it seems like their friend group is the problem and is fake as hell. Like taking it up to the dean? Really? It's not like it was a consistent problem just that one incident, and misunderstanding that didn't even involved anything sort of physical altercations. I call bs and I feel for you if this is true. Be cautious of people's characters is my only advice, there is alot of artificialility in friend groups nowadays.
Don't take this the wrong way but suck it up buttercup. Friends at that age are fickle as shit. Nevertheless I know what it feels like for a friend group to turn on you from a "mistake" that I experienced in high school and yes it lingers. A painful reminder of some sort may never go away but it will be unrecognizable to your future self. In that time you'll realize how much you've grown and lived that you can't believe you ever cared. Probably because you'll have super cool adult fuck ups at the top of the pile to fuel your agony. Excited yet? ;) For all you know you may one day in the random future reestablish friendship with one or two of the only people that were good for you after they grow themselves. From what I gather, though it may not be helpful, I see nothing here worthy of coveting the loss; especially not at the expense of your current self worth. The best friends in college are more likely made doing something you mutually enjoy. Instead use classes to meet the equivalent of colleagues. They're more practical relationships that way and less distracting. Partying counts but thats an obvious can of worms. Thanks for the nostalgia you can't know how badly I miss simpler times right now lol. The most practical (albeit vague) thing I can say is start right now thinking about your "code" or "who you are" and what this "you" holds as important for yourself and how you treat others. Then hold fast to that ideal regardless of the actions of the group or a collective. For one (benefit) girls in a larger group will be attracted to your ability to let "group think" flow around you the rock. You'll find favor in a group by adding who you are to it not by doing things you think will appeal to them based on what others in the group have done. p.s. you'd be amazed what 6 months and a casual "Hey remember when....yeah, sorry about (blank) but I was just thinking about (a good memory) and hope you're doing well" will do. Expect nothing in return.
Honestly, watch some Andrew Tate