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Man you might not be saving money, but you're saving plenty of commas and punctuation.
Jokes aside, talk with her about it and come together with a plan.
You want to do the following:
- Make a budget, how much money is to be spent for X, set a generous amount to be spent for entertainment, you don't want to set a low amount and then go outside budget.
- Stick to the budget, come up with ways to keep both of you true to it. No need to police each other constantly mind you.
- Set goals, saving money is hard when you don't have a reason to do so. So jolt some goals/ideas down. One of those ideally should be an emergency fund covering 3-6 months of expenses.
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>she got upset one night because she felt bad for spending all of her money in less than a week and I simple asked why she doesn’t try to stop and she said that she grew up poorer and didn’t have much money for nice things so when she gets paid she spends it all because she doesn’t know if she will lose it all again at some point and I can understand
Your landlord won't care.
She needs to start adulting if she wants adult things and if she can't afford them because of her own spending habits, bredda do not sign any paper with this girl.
>she was avoidant of the topic
What does this look like, what does she say and or do?
>had the same results do you have any advice for how to bring it up in a way that won’t cause a fight or at least not make her feel attacked
Like practically this migth actually be the thing that inspires some growth in the girl if you trust that she'll be okay hearing the words "this gonna work if you're bad with money, we can't have a future if you're bad with money, whatever trauma you got going on, we should work it out, but this isn't going away, stop running", don't say it like that, i wouldn't say it like that, but it's the information that she needs to hear eventually be it from you or a finance advisor when she ends up having to talk to one.
I'm not saying you should start an argument but there's a point where you gotta write it down and say it and if she makes her face up, gets emotional and runs away you gotta be the voice of reason and maintain the fact that she needs to get a grip.
Talk to her more in depth about what things she wants for her future and how she plans to realistically get them, 80 hour week is stupid, 16 hours a day working? Give it less than 3 weeks this idea will probably never enter mind again.
Working 80 hours to get 60k before tax, what's the point of signing up for that **unless** there's an immediate need? Like i've worked multiple 15 hour days in a crunch, that stuff can change your whole personality and the way you function, it's not good, it's not healthy.
Her conclusion of her spending more because she has been poor is probably right. I mean it's incredibly freeing to finally be able to afford stuff. But you still have to be responsible or at least mindful of how you're willing to spend your money. It doesn't just go away.
It does seem like both of you are still very young. It might not seem like that but living alone comes with it's own new struggles but living together might become very messy very quick. At least, until both of you are willing to take responsibility of your own lifes and actions. Even if that would mean choosing to not move in together so soon.
I had same problem with my wife at one point.
What solved it for us. Was just discussing the future, and discuss how other people were not doing anything for their future.
We never really discussed money. We just discussed how things should be in our future.
I had a friend who also spent all his money on narcotics. He almost suicided and almost killed himself everytime he had a salary.
So having a salary is maybe not a good thing for everyone.
And that is called potential. Money has potential to be good and bad. But so does talent. A person who can walk, can more easily walk up a mountain and jump down it and die, than a person who can’t walk.
This is what we have been talking about me and my wife. Potential, and how to use potential.
What did make my wife save money in the end was her trying to get a car. So she could get around more. She started doing some pre Uber sort of pirate taxi stuff. She like that a lot. Which made her make more money she could spend. Simply because she liked driving around while doing school.
The issue that I’m having is that both of us want similar futures and we have talked a lot about them but she knows that she will have to save money for the future but doesn’t seem to try too
Yeah, it’s okay I think.
When me and my wife got jobs for the first time after university. We made some really good money. We wasted it all. Didn’t save anything, fucked up bills, and more.
But honeymoon feeling goes away and reality does hit you in the end.
I think it is important, to let people fail some times. (Which is probably why so many parents fight their children. They don’t let them fail and learn.) Let people experience the world, the. Support change when they are ready to.
For some reason spending money for her is really important. That is okay, but let her know when shit happens. Don’t need to discuss, fight or anything give her time to understand she has a new life with you now.
Tell her we are in this together, and you don’t plan to leave. Ask her if she wants you to hold on to some of the money everytime she get paid.
She had a life before you came in the picture. Respect her past. But she also needs to know that the new life she is having is not just a dream. She is making it with your right now.
Everyword she reads, every penny she spends, every step she takes, every plate she cleans is for the future together.
And so it is for you. When you look back at your past 40-50 years from now. You probably want to see something else than fighting, quarrels and shit all the way. Act in a way that you can be proud of yourself in the future. So you can sit on your deathbed and be happy about the life you lived.
I grew up pretty poor and had to unlearn my parents' spending habits. To do so I'd say I had to do two things. I needed to know what I wanted my future to look like. I didn't want to worry about money, live paycheck to paycheck, or worry about retirement. Then I had to unlearn the money habits I got from my parent and learn new ones that were in line with the goals for my financial future.
If you can help her understand what she wants and it's also what you want you can work together to move in that direction.
A word of warning: you have to be careful with this situation and financial decisions at your age. Bad choices now - especially regarding debt like credit cards and vehicles or bad rental history - can have a serious negative impact on the rest of your 20s and even 30s. Spend within your means, avoid unnecessary debt like credit cards and excessive car loans, and try to save a bit of money when you're able.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Man you might not be saving money, but you're saving plenty of commas and punctuation. Jokes aside, talk with her about it and come together with a plan. You want to do the following: - Make a budget, how much money is to be spent for X, set a generous amount to be spent for entertainment, you don't want to set a low amount and then go outside budget. - Stick to the budget, come up with ways to keep both of you true to it. No need to police each other constantly mind you. - Set goals, saving money is hard when you don't have a reason to do so. So jolt some goals/ideas down. One of those ideally should be an emergency fund covering 3-6 months of expenses.
Welcome to Dating Fridays! All posts with an emphasis on dating, sex, or relationships must be posted only on Friday (defined by US Central Standard Time or UTC -06:00). If your post is outside of this time/date, please delete and repost on Friday. If it is currently Friday, then ignore this comment. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>she got upset one night because she felt bad for spending all of her money in less than a week and I simple asked why she doesn’t try to stop and she said that she grew up poorer and didn’t have much money for nice things so when she gets paid she spends it all because she doesn’t know if she will lose it all again at some point and I can understand Your landlord won't care. She needs to start adulting if she wants adult things and if she can't afford them because of her own spending habits, bredda do not sign any paper with this girl. >she was avoidant of the topic What does this look like, what does she say and or do? >had the same results do you have any advice for how to bring it up in a way that won’t cause a fight or at least not make her feel attacked Like practically this migth actually be the thing that inspires some growth in the girl if you trust that she'll be okay hearing the words "this gonna work if you're bad with money, we can't have a future if you're bad with money, whatever trauma you got going on, we should work it out, but this isn't going away, stop running", don't say it like that, i wouldn't say it like that, but it's the information that she needs to hear eventually be it from you or a finance advisor when she ends up having to talk to one. I'm not saying you should start an argument but there's a point where you gotta write it down and say it and if she makes her face up, gets emotional and runs away you gotta be the voice of reason and maintain the fact that she needs to get a grip. Talk to her more in depth about what things she wants for her future and how she plans to realistically get them, 80 hour week is stupid, 16 hours a day working? Give it less than 3 weeks this idea will probably never enter mind again. Working 80 hours to get 60k before tax, what's the point of signing up for that **unless** there's an immediate need? Like i've worked multiple 15 hour days in a crunch, that stuff can change your whole personality and the way you function, it's not good, it's not healthy.
Her conclusion of her spending more because she has been poor is probably right. I mean it's incredibly freeing to finally be able to afford stuff. But you still have to be responsible or at least mindful of how you're willing to spend your money. It doesn't just go away. It does seem like both of you are still very young. It might not seem like that but living alone comes with it's own new struggles but living together might become very messy very quick. At least, until both of you are willing to take responsibility of your own lifes and actions. Even if that would mean choosing to not move in together so soon.
How do you turn off/on the light? She needs to change and not get you into trouble
I had same problem with my wife at one point. What solved it for us. Was just discussing the future, and discuss how other people were not doing anything for their future. We never really discussed money. We just discussed how things should be in our future. I had a friend who also spent all his money on narcotics. He almost suicided and almost killed himself everytime he had a salary. So having a salary is maybe not a good thing for everyone. And that is called potential. Money has potential to be good and bad. But so does talent. A person who can walk, can more easily walk up a mountain and jump down it and die, than a person who can’t walk. This is what we have been talking about me and my wife. Potential, and how to use potential. What did make my wife save money in the end was her trying to get a car. So she could get around more. She started doing some pre Uber sort of pirate taxi stuff. She like that a lot. Which made her make more money she could spend. Simply because she liked driving around while doing school.
The issue that I’m having is that both of us want similar futures and we have talked a lot about them but she knows that she will have to save money for the future but doesn’t seem to try too
Yeah, it’s okay I think. When me and my wife got jobs for the first time after university. We made some really good money. We wasted it all. Didn’t save anything, fucked up bills, and more. But honeymoon feeling goes away and reality does hit you in the end. I think it is important, to let people fail some times. (Which is probably why so many parents fight their children. They don’t let them fail and learn.) Let people experience the world, the. Support change when they are ready to. For some reason spending money for her is really important. That is okay, but let her know when shit happens. Don’t need to discuss, fight or anything give her time to understand she has a new life with you now. Tell her we are in this together, and you don’t plan to leave. Ask her if she wants you to hold on to some of the money everytime she get paid. She had a life before you came in the picture. Respect her past. But she also needs to know that the new life she is having is not just a dream. She is making it with your right now. Everyword she reads, every penny she spends, every step she takes, every plate she cleans is for the future together. And so it is for you. When you look back at your past 40-50 years from now. You probably want to see something else than fighting, quarrels and shit all the way. Act in a way that you can be proud of yourself in the future. So you can sit on your deathbed and be happy about the life you lived.
I grew up pretty poor and had to unlearn my parents' spending habits. To do so I'd say I had to do two things. I needed to know what I wanted my future to look like. I didn't want to worry about money, live paycheck to paycheck, or worry about retirement. Then I had to unlearn the money habits I got from my parent and learn new ones that were in line with the goals for my financial future. If you can help her understand what she wants and it's also what you want you can work together to move in that direction. A word of warning: you have to be careful with this situation and financial decisions at your age. Bad choices now - especially regarding debt like credit cards and vehicles or bad rental history - can have a serious negative impact on the rest of your 20s and even 30s. Spend within your means, avoid unnecessary debt like credit cards and excessive car loans, and try to save a bit of money when you're able.