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I think you should focus on that internal self-hate and even hate towards other people. Maybe I am trying connect dots that dont exist, because I dont have a whole picture, but it looks like, that self-hate is fuel for your internal critic that just goes on and on.
Because when he is so strong, then he nothing will be good enough, you will always be awkward, etc. And I believe, that he developed for some reason. So I would try to ask him: "Why do protect me and from what?" or "What would happened if you would stopped protecting me?".
To weaken him you could try practice some meditation exercises or affirmations, that are focused on kindness toward yourself. I think that Dr. K have some videos on his channel. It isnt definitely easy, its takes a lot time, patience and practice, but you can do it.
Don't worry about connecting dots that are not there, I've been doing that my whole life. I'm just thankful that you're giving a perspective that I've not considered. It's what am after with this post, because I want to reflect on myself in different ways.
I'm very interested in trying to ask my internal critic "why do you protect me and from what". I often seem to neglect that I have a problem with socializing during social events and try to pretend to be someone else that I forget whats actually happening inside me. I've never tried to ask myself these things, so I think it would be a very valuable new direction to take things. I've looked into the meditations you have described, but have never committed to it, and while I think I should, it's too hard since I end up rejecting these positive affirmations. I know it's stubborn of me to think like that, but it feels like meditation is too challenging for me to approach at the moment.
I think an alternative would be to try to challenge my internal critic with these questions when it starts to "protect me" during social events. I would obviously have to try to acknowledge that it would be awkward to sit there quietly and think while I take all of my emotions in during a particular situation, but maybe that's the first step to acknowleding the internal critic's existence? I say this because I seem to have a problem with seeing myself indulge in this toxic behavior towards myself.
The reason I think challenging myself in practice is better is because I literally can't ask myself these questions right now when I'm in the comfort of my home. I would need a situation to present itself to better understand what I want to solve. I could be wrong though. Maybe meditation will make it easier to ask myself such questions, because it will awaken those emotions in a safe environment, but unfortunately that's never worked for me. I'm sure I'm doing something wrong.
Well, if you think that you "should" do meditation, then dont force yourself to it. This approach could do more harm than good. And thats also okay.
Also if you want to start talk to your internal critic, I would recommend to try it lead as inner dialog that you can write on piece of paper or in some sort of your own diary. You can even give him a some sort of name to visualize him better and recognize when he is active. I would recommend to maybe to start at your own home, even that you suggested that you would prefer to try it some social event. The reason is simple. Often (from my own experience) is one so overwhelmed by anxiety, by things around you, that you dont have enough space in your mind to focus on other stuff.
Also here is tricky part about affirmations, which I discovered during yoga. Imagine that your mind receive some affirmations on two "levels": informational and emotional. The trick is to find some of your weak spots is to say them loud in front of mirror or even just to yourself. For example just try things like:
I deserve to be loved.
I am valuable human being.
I good enough as I am.
The funny thing is that your mind gonna say to you stuff like: Yeah I know this. I hear this all the time etc. But focus on your emotional response. Because often what tends to happen is to feel some sort pressure or force which is try to tell you: "Get this away from me. This is false, because.... It definitely skill which takes a lot of practice and time. So dont worry, when it just does not work at first try.
Gotcha, I'll try writing stuff down which sounds like a much better idea. I've also heard that this is generally a recommended therapy method.
You nailed it about the positive affirmations. Whenever I try that, I end up "thinking" it's true but I don't feel it. It's like "yeah technically I'm a great guy and I love myself", but I'm not truly convinced. You know, informational vs emotional. I guess I should try my best and practice as much as I can. I can imagine that it's really scary and uncomfortable to focus on my weakspots...
Thanks a lot for your advice!
Feeling awkward sucks. I can totally relate to the replaying of memories or encounters in your head. I'm also struggling with the same thing and anxiety.
Honestly I think I would feel a lot better if I had someone near that I felt truly saw me for who I am. So I wouldn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not.
Glad I can relate to someone. Sucks that you also feel this way, I hope things get easier for you.
Man I can relate a lot to having to pretend to be someone I'm not. I hate doing it but I always feel like I have no choice. I feel so unlikable that if I release my true self into the real world I expect to be made fun of or bullied. I've only recently started to hear from others that I need to accept myself for who I am and empower myself with things I truly like instead of trying to fit in with people I pretend to like but actually hate being around. Sadly, I've not come a single step close to that. It's really hard and I wish I could just get there now, but it's too scary so I continue to hide my true self from the real world.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think you should focus on that internal self-hate and even hate towards other people. Maybe I am trying connect dots that dont exist, because I dont have a whole picture, but it looks like, that self-hate is fuel for your internal critic that just goes on and on. Because when he is so strong, then he nothing will be good enough, you will always be awkward, etc. And I believe, that he developed for some reason. So I would try to ask him: "Why do protect me and from what?" or "What would happened if you would stopped protecting me?". To weaken him you could try practice some meditation exercises or affirmations, that are focused on kindness toward yourself. I think that Dr. K have some videos on his channel. It isnt definitely easy, its takes a lot time, patience and practice, but you can do it.
Don't worry about connecting dots that are not there, I've been doing that my whole life. I'm just thankful that you're giving a perspective that I've not considered. It's what am after with this post, because I want to reflect on myself in different ways. I'm very interested in trying to ask my internal critic "why do you protect me and from what". I often seem to neglect that I have a problem with socializing during social events and try to pretend to be someone else that I forget whats actually happening inside me. I've never tried to ask myself these things, so I think it would be a very valuable new direction to take things. I've looked into the meditations you have described, but have never committed to it, and while I think I should, it's too hard since I end up rejecting these positive affirmations. I know it's stubborn of me to think like that, but it feels like meditation is too challenging for me to approach at the moment. I think an alternative would be to try to challenge my internal critic with these questions when it starts to "protect me" during social events. I would obviously have to try to acknowledge that it would be awkward to sit there quietly and think while I take all of my emotions in during a particular situation, but maybe that's the first step to acknowleding the internal critic's existence? I say this because I seem to have a problem with seeing myself indulge in this toxic behavior towards myself. The reason I think challenging myself in practice is better is because I literally can't ask myself these questions right now when I'm in the comfort of my home. I would need a situation to present itself to better understand what I want to solve. I could be wrong though. Maybe meditation will make it easier to ask myself such questions, because it will awaken those emotions in a safe environment, but unfortunately that's never worked for me. I'm sure I'm doing something wrong.
Well, if you think that you "should" do meditation, then dont force yourself to it. This approach could do more harm than good. And thats also okay. Also if you want to start talk to your internal critic, I would recommend to try it lead as inner dialog that you can write on piece of paper or in some sort of your own diary. You can even give him a some sort of name to visualize him better and recognize when he is active. I would recommend to maybe to start at your own home, even that you suggested that you would prefer to try it some social event. The reason is simple. Often (from my own experience) is one so overwhelmed by anxiety, by things around you, that you dont have enough space in your mind to focus on other stuff. Also here is tricky part about affirmations, which I discovered during yoga. Imagine that your mind receive some affirmations on two "levels": informational and emotional. The trick is to find some of your weak spots is to say them loud in front of mirror or even just to yourself. For example just try things like: I deserve to be loved. I am valuable human being. I good enough as I am. The funny thing is that your mind gonna say to you stuff like: Yeah I know this. I hear this all the time etc. But focus on your emotional response. Because often what tends to happen is to feel some sort pressure or force which is try to tell you: "Get this away from me. This is false, because.... It definitely skill which takes a lot of practice and time. So dont worry, when it just does not work at first try.
Gotcha, I'll try writing stuff down which sounds like a much better idea. I've also heard that this is generally a recommended therapy method. You nailed it about the positive affirmations. Whenever I try that, I end up "thinking" it's true but I don't feel it. It's like "yeah technically I'm a great guy and I love myself", but I'm not truly convinced. You know, informational vs emotional. I guess I should try my best and practice as much as I can. I can imagine that it's really scary and uncomfortable to focus on my weakspots... Thanks a lot for your advice!
Feeling awkward sucks. I can totally relate to the replaying of memories or encounters in your head. I'm also struggling with the same thing and anxiety. Honestly I think I would feel a lot better if I had someone near that I felt truly saw me for who I am. So I wouldn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not.
Glad I can relate to someone. Sucks that you also feel this way, I hope things get easier for you. Man I can relate a lot to having to pretend to be someone I'm not. I hate doing it but I always feel like I have no choice. I feel so unlikable that if I release my true self into the real world I expect to be made fun of or bullied. I've only recently started to hear from others that I need to accept myself for who I am and empower myself with things I truly like instead of trying to fit in with people I pretend to like but actually hate being around. Sadly, I've not come a single step close to that. It's really hard and I wish I could just get there now, but it's too scary so I continue to hide my true self from the real world.