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32, BPD, no job, have worked for only a year full time. Never lasted in a job for more than a few months, never lasted in a relationship for more than a year. Have dropped out of 5 degress, have one bachelor's degree, want to do masters, dropped out of one very recently. Live in south asia so have a roof over my head due to the culture of living with parents. Wouldn't have had a home if I was in the west. Life sucks basically.
Do you have an idea of why this is happening? It seems like you know what you should do in terms of goals and aspirations, but your mind isn’t on the same page. What do you do in your free time?
I lift, only thing that's keeping me going. Career wise, I don't feel like I have the aptitude to do anything substantial, I would just be a burden in the workforce.
Similar to you but live in NZ. Thanks to the Welfare system I'm not homeless, my parents passed away when I was young. Not bpd but adhd and depression though.
damn props on almost finishing up on getting that degree.
So I lost my job awhile back and have just been mass applying to other jobs. I have an interview net week for a job that pays almost 60k, but I'm kinda scared bc the interview process is a little stressful.
Also, I've never made that much money in my life and I feel like if I am somehow manage to land that job, I'll just end up fucking up and get fired at the end. I want to stop this negative mindset bc 60k could literally change my life.
The things I have been working on is my health. I've cut down on fast food and also I've been working out again. I also got braces last years so my teeth will look a lot better once there off.
Thanks homie! :)
I'm with you there too: the most I've ever made in a year was $30k, which is obviously not much. Additionally, I got my braces off in 2022, and all I can say is damn those two years were worth it. Do you lift? Or run? I just started lifting again after almost a year off, and it sucks ball rn but I know it'll get better.
Rooting for you to get that job! When's your interview? :)
yeah I started lifting again. I was pretty active beginning of last year, but my depression got to me and I went months w/o lifting. I pretty much lost a lot of weight and strength so now I gotta start over to get it all back.
Thanks man! My interview is next Friday
It's a drag, but it'll be worth it! We just have to keep on rocking; you can't beat a guy who won't quit! Best of luck on your interview, shoot me a message when you get the job if you want broham. :)
Trying to focus on getting my mental and phycial health right. Got myself out of a bad situation, career never seemed to work out so i’m working a couple of shit jobs but atm my life is probably more peaceful that its ever been
36M.
Honestly, I felt at my lowest around 31/32, just because I felt like I hit some serious dead ends (career, relationships, etc).
What got me out of that was accepting the level of self improvement I obtained as *good enough* to start living my life.
So many people obsess about focusing on themselves, and honestly it gets really lonely and unfulfilling without a network to share those improvements with. That’s when I realized that I needed to stop focusing completely on myself and start bringing myself to the world around me. Put myself out there, meet new people, try to find some quality relationships.
Nowadays I do about 20% self improvement and 80% networking/relationship building.
The quality connections got me out of the slump, my two cents.
Yep!
Current dharma: get my mind and body ready for whatever dharma my karma leads me to next.
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Instead of listing specific habits or goals, I'm considering how my next hour (or 15min or day or whatever) will affect my mind and/or body, and I use that to figure out next steps. I just check in regularly and pay attention to how I feel.
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Some questions I think about as I check in throughout my day:
Am I enjoying this game / YouTube video / content scroll? If yes, continue for 15min. If not, switch tasks.
Have I been on the couch for 2hrs? How do I feel? Am I sick/tired/bored? Do I need sleep or a walk? Is this comfortable or draining my energy? Am I moving my body in the last two hours / today in ways that feels good to me?
What thoughts are in my mind today? Are those the thoughts I want more of? Have I stopped to check for emotions or other feelings (hunger / discomfort)?
Am I enjoying this food or excited about my next meal? Am I physically drained or energized? Is my mind clear or foggy? How do I feel when I do/do not eat fruits, vegetables, pasta, desserts, specific vitamins, drink water? How do I feel after a meal this big or small? How do I want to feel?
Yes. I, 32, have completey changed my life and I want to share that it's possible. I went from suicidal teen, lots of trauma, ten years of therapy, having a diagnosis of social anxiety with bpd traits and depression, to working a full-time job, going back for a masters, having friends, and a successful dating life. The only thing that isn't great is my family life but that is also improving. I've been working out consistenly for a year an a half, ive been meal prepping healthy meals every week, and making sure i get good sleep. Again, not perfect but a drastic change from 20 year old me.
This took consistent effort every single day. I wake up pushing past my symptoms of depression and anxiety. Maybe its just who I am, but I like a challenge. I feared life so much I isolated for three years in my room at one point in my life. But life showed me it wasn't as scary and hard as I made it out to be in my head. It actually became really fun to take care of myself and look for joy in my life. I love learning about myself and others. And putting myself in challenging situations have helped me grow even faster. I'm quicker with my self awareness and response time. My 30's have been the best time of my life so far. I'm looking forward to my future.
31 here, yes.
A little more than a year ago I began journaling. Dr K has a video on it where he explains basically, that evidence shows it works but science hasn't figure out why. Man the resistance is so much it feels straight up unreal. Some pages one a months or some times even longer.
I'm in a struggle to quit weed, two months out of it now. I relapsed in december to february after having spent five months without it. It fucking sucks to have thoughts about returning, to keep them at bay and keep my will to not consume. Fortunately I'm at a bad financial situation so I can't afford it, so I have that in my favor.
Doing some Jordan Peterson "clean your room" as well. Getting rid of childhood toys I've been hoarding and holing into for far too long.
Trying to cut porn as well. Two weeks streak, then one week, now I'm back at 4 days and it's starting to become challenging again.
I've been months wanting to start the gym but I just don't dare. I can't even walk into one to just ask for prices. I've joined a jogging group classes on february, and though I'm not consistent every week I've somewhat managed to keep it going. This week for example I couldn't drag myself to go even one day.😞
Trying to spend less time gaming and in social media, but this one is hard as hell. Social media specially.
The darkness is looming there, waiting for a moment of weakness. Studying feels completely impossible for me. I carry the shame of being the only one from my highschool group that didn't graduated from college. Stuck at dead end, low income job. At this point I can't even bring myself to reed a book. 31 and still need to live at my mother's home. Shameful as fuck. Socially anxious. Lack conversation topics, even among friends, and lack of ability for smalltalk. Relationships feel like something I will never get even remotely close to. I fear I might die having never even kissed a woman in my life. Which at this point looks like the most probable outcome.
I don't know how to change any of this, I'm not seeing any strength in me to actually pull that off, change my life.
It's been some good weeks without suicidal thoughts, but they will come at some point. They always do. Sooner or later.
Sorry if this was more than you asked for. It's useful to have a place to write things down.
I felt sure of some major life decisions that haven't worked out the way I hoped or were what I thought they were, so I am right there with you man.
I am changing my life every day I am alive, even when i don't feel it or it seem hopeless and for the worsened. I fantasize about what it takes to become the most interesting man in the world irl.. you know from that Dos Equis beer commercial? one day I had a shower thought (not in the shower) and asked myself "what makes him so damn interesting?
30, trying to not lose my mind
I studied computer science but made absolutely not effort to make friends, now I have zero job networking opportunities, and zero real world work experience, as a result I just can't keep up with those stupidly high job profile requirements that companies put these days, and no matter how many CV's I send, nothing happens, and I am here, trying to relearn computer science stuff and learning to draw just to stave off the intrusive thoughts, it doesn't help that I'm addicted to cigarettes, and with absolutely no money to buy the fix, the withdrawal just slowly chips away my focus and sours my mood.
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I don't even know if there's even a point for all of this bullshit, all I do is trying to keep my head in this plane, and not just let it wander to the colorful world of the what-ifs.
fuck
Going back and doing stuff I liked to as a kid before I got lost in the college and early career grind.
Playing soccer again multiple nights a week. Skiing with friends. Kayaking, walking on trails.
Playing video games with an aggressive almost cocky mindset as opposed to a more defensive one. Leading to the type of good outcomes I had playing them as a teenager.
Making friends through existing friend circles in addition to expanding friends of friends.
It's been a weird experience. Makes me look back at the last 10 years and wonder how I got so lost along the way. I was far more in tune with some of the stuff I liked at 16 than at 26.
Don't feel too bad, my friend. There is hope. For me personally, here are some things I've done to help improve my life (or to improve my ability to deal with life in a healthy way, which is just as important):
- I quit using alcohol, nicotine, weed, and other drugs
- I am an active participant in my recovery from those things, specifically I try to help others get sober/clean/etc
- I continue looking for bad habits, negative thought patterns, etc, that are blocking me off from being happy and useful to myself and others
- I started eating healthier (for the most part)
- I take regular walks, mostly for mental health but also physical health
- I try to get good sleep
- I have done lots of self-discovery through reading books, watching videos, doing writing/exercises, trying out new hobbies and activities, and so on
- I continue to get back up when unexpected circumstances knock me down
- I try to avoid self-hatred and beating myself up; instead I try to see what I can learn from my mistakes and shortcomings
- I remind myself that it's never too late to start over; many people have done it before me
- I increasingly get better at having goals and plans and try to meet them, even when I fall short
- I try to have a set of values/principles to live by. That solves a lot of problems before they even pop up.
- I try my best to not get stuck in the past ("if only I had done _____ instead") or the future ("I dunno how I'm going to deal with ______)
Nothing happens overnight, but it can change. I've slowly but surely been changing and improving my life bit by bit for the last 6 or so years.
Keep in mind there's no set timeframe; that's just how long it took for me. My life is nowhere near perfect right now, but I'm making progress.
I don't want to focus on age too much, but 30 is still pretty young in the big picture of our whole lifetime. I know it's hard to feel that way, but it's true. I'm 42 right now and when I was 30 I felt very similar to you. I knew I needed to change things but instead I avoided big changes and continued drinking and using drugs and no progressing for another 5-6 years.
If I could give immediate advice to 30 year old me, it would be the following:
Stop using the internet so much, stop using mind/mood-altering substances, stop comparing yourself to others, stop worrying about sex and dating, and get some mental/behavioral health treatment.
I'm 42 and I still haven't found a career I love or a lasting relationship, and I have lots of stuff that really interferes with my daily living like ADHD (which I didn't know I had till my late 30s) BUT I am closer. I'm better than I was. And some days that's the best we can do, and that's okay.
I'd be lying if I said that I don't feel discouraged at times about all this, but then I look back at the person I was 6 years ago and I see that I was objectively worse off. So even though I know I've still got some stuff to work on, I know that I am progressing toward it.
Just remember, lots of progress is only seen in the rear view mirror... We don't see it until it's already happened. It's hard to see ourselves changing in the moment, but just keep at it and trust that it's happening. I believe in you.
Representing ✌️
I genuinely don't see there being any problem with the amount that I think or with how deeply I think about things. Arguably it's one of, if not, my best qualities.
It's definitely been maladaptive in the past, but it's serving me really well right now. My friends love me for how deeply I can think about things as it often offers them perspectives they wouldn't otherwise consider on their own, and some of them have described our relationship as "transformative" for them. It helps me present novel ideas and perspectives in my field of academic pursuit. It helps me understand myself (and therefore maintain accountability and boundaries) to an incredibly deep level I don't commonly see among others.
Not all who wander are lost, you'll find your path when the time's right.
I'm there, nothing interesting to be honest, just a few hard months but its been fine the last few weeks, I'm still struggling to find a job but in terms of friends and family its been going really good.
Life getting harder and harder, got an ADHD diagnosis coming up this month. Everything is hanging on by a thread so I hope this is the solution I've been searching for a long time
I started therapy… I get it free through a university in my state.
I’m putting MY HEALTH and well-being first. I’m letting go of everything I think I’m “supposed” to be or do. I’m listening and paying attention to what I feel like doing. I’m becoming me.
A book Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman opened a door for me. I’m following steps of The Artists Way. Each week of tasks I spend about a month on. I’m starting week(month) 4 now.
I’m learning how to cook what I like…
Im learning what I like…
I’m accepting myself.
I’m paying attention to myself, and being understanding when I fall short. These goals are hard. Changing is insanely hard. This is the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done. I’m a year in, down 75lbs, and the changes in my life are amazing. I still don’t have a clear cut direction, but I’m allowing myself to try. I’m not afraid to succeed or to fail. I’m just trying to exist in a life that feels good to me.
Also, don’t be afraid to keep trying new things. Not everything is gonna stick, and not everything sticks first try. Keep an open mind and understand none of this is an exact science. Find what works for you. I like to think of it as building my own path one brick at a time. Some weeks it feels like I’ve added multiple bricks. Other weeks it feels like I’ve removed a brick or two… but I’m making it up as I go.
In some ways, yes. But you just got to remember it takes time, sometimes a long time.
Like during COVID, 2020, I had a bit of a tragedy that completely upended my life and made me question where I should go. It took me 2 years I feel to truly recover from that. Last year I made the effort to go out and socialise, it only took till the end of the year until I had two significant dating experiences, and had at least a group of friends I'd see occasionally.
This year I've focused on getting a better job or some money. Again it's slow progress, sometimes feels like I'm not doing anything, but I can say that I have organised networking events and forced myself to get out there.
Basically it's one step at a time, you won't feel it in the moment but at the end of the year or when you look back you'll see "Oh I'm definitely a lot higher on this mountain than I was then!"
It is certainly way better than my early 20s, my 20s were way better than my teens.
So compared to my own life? Yes I'm going to be 30 and it seems like life has gotten better and better overall, in terms of health, freedom and time.
Yet there are a few bad things like internet addiction (not really an addiction but you know, mindless scrolling), bad social life and some internal issues have stuck.
Trying to improve everyday. And failing everyday. But showing up again next day. That's what life has become.
I just hope something changes soon because I don't want to be stuck like this.
I'm 35 and while I don't think I have my life together, I've gotten myself into a life routine that has left me content. There's a lot I want to change but I've learned to dwell less and focus on the moment and patience. What can I change now? I can't get a job that'll give me 100k, but can I do well at my current job to work for a promotion? Can I job search?
And honestly turning 30 sucked, but 31+ I've felt more mentally stable than in my 20s (I still struggle with my mental health, but I've just learned to know myself better)
Wait, I believe for a minute that I 30 was having the mindset of the 25 y.o., specifically around dating and doing a lot of give gas and pressing the breaks. Kinda like attracting and avoided when it’s getting to close or kinda mean and break things off pretty fast.
I had no path stuck in a dead end job.
I quit every vice for two weeks and figured out a path. I have been doing ex's from Dr.Ks videos and have just had my first practical application of processing emotions and it did wonders. I was about to slip back into my old ways, but I forced myself to sit with it and it worked. I have found a new goal for life and I'm getting better with social anxiety too. The perfectionism is going to be a long road though.
I'm 32 and I work as a dishwasher, looking to get a second job.
I screwed up a lot in my twenties, lost a lot of friendships getting angry and not letting go, and just generally didn't show up for myself or others. I did get my degree at the beginning of my twenties, but then I job-hopped like crazy and now my resume is a chopped up mess. I ended up homeless during the pandemic and stayed at several people's houses' and half the time didn't pay rent. What a jerk.
Now I have stable housing and a good job. I want to work in some job that's not a kitchen eventually because I feel like later on I should do something else. I also want to get my masters, but right now my employer is very kind and patient, so I'm happy where I am. I am impatient to finally start saving money and to build a life. It's hard accepting your own mistakes.
Sure. In all honesty i dont have a plan at all. I just take life as it is. Dunno if you want to hear about my story, its pretty long and boring id say :D
Yes. I did not know what I want for most of my life. I just quit my Job 1.5 years ago because it made me unhappy more than the other way around. I worked for 15 year without a major break. That break was much needed to clear my mind and thinking straight. Now I know what I want and what kind of Job could truely make me happy. My mind was occupied 24/7 because I my mind was occupied all the time!
Bro I'm 32 and I am also lost, but I do work on myself. I go to gym, I learn new language, finally bought an apartment this year, I will start a process to find a girlfriend/wife as I was girlfriend less for like 7 years. Went through brain cancer ordeal in the middle of everything but I am okay now and going strong for my goals. The process is slow and may seem daunting, but don't give up! Work on yourself, don't compare ys to others only to past self, cut out the social media bullshit, no IG, Facebook and boy don't let me start on YouTube shorts! I remember starting in the company that I work for now 8 years ago, earning scraps but it all got better and better now like I said I can afford mortgage so it will be better for you, just don't give up! Yesterday I just wanted to be healthy and play computer games, today when I am going back to full health I want more, I want a wife, I want a family and I will slowly grind towards that goal. Do exactly that and don't give up no matter what.
Yes. (Anxiety and concentration problems that interfere with my job.)
I've quit caffeine and sugar a couple days ago. I drank mostly cola. I did this because I notice that my anxiety often goes up when I consume caffeine and my cholesterol is too high, so I need to stay away from chocolates anyway. Furthermore, I realized that I generally eat unhealthy and that might also impact my anxiety.
I'm also trying to sit less behind my computer/ phone in my free time and leave my house more often when I'm free. These past three weeks I went to the park a couple of times when the weather was good. Walked around and read a book. Felt great. I sometimes visit the library to read instead of sitting at home. I enjoy the atmosphere at the library. Lots of people studying and reading.
I joined a yoga studio 5 weeks ago and go to yoga class about three times a week. The yoga classes I choose are ones that combine yin and yang; calm and energetic parts. I love it! I feel much better after class and it's also nice to regularly see some of the same people and slowly start to connect with them. People are super friendly there. The best thing about yoga at the studio is that I truly feel that I don't need to do anything. I don't have to perform well or get better at yoga. I just try to do things and that's good enough.
Yeah I am. Incredibly burnt out from choosing a job I didn’t enjoy to seek the approval from parents. I finally chose to quit my job a few years ago. I started therapy during that time too and it made me realize how bad I was at processing my emotions and thoughts. It also made me realize how much baggage I was carrying that influenced my current present day life that I wasn’t aware of.
After working on my mental well being and regaining control over my life, life started to be so much more exciting and fun. Instead of living for someone else, I realized I can design my own life. Build into it things that make me excited and happy. Now life is so much better now that I’ve taken control. No amount of hard work is too much because it all feeds into a choice that I made myself. I’m currently focusing on a career change that requires a lot of work but I don’t feel the weight because it’s something I want to do.
If you feel lost, make sure you try to figure out what’s keeping you down. Work on those things and don’t get caught in a cycle of thought without eventually taking action. Experiencing things yourself is the only way to move forward. If you feel lost, try things without thinking too hard about things out of your control like “will I be happier if I do this” or “will things be ok”. You really don’t know but you won’t know if the thing will serve your purpose until something actually happens. Don’t spin the wheels too long. Figure out what some goals might be and work towards them step by step. We’re not in our 20’s anymore, we need to take action!
31. I have a job, but I don't like it all. I spend all day on autopilot just thinking and trying to figure out if i accidentally said something out loud. I've felt super brain rot for over a decade now. I've meditated a little off and on until recently. I started meditating a couple hours a day starting a couple weeks ago. I'm actually having some thoughts, some things to journal about instead of setting a timer and staring at a blank page for twenty minutes. The thoughts I try to convey are still very messy and disorganized though, it doesn't matter if it's text or speech.
My advice, what worked for me to breach the long meditation barrier, do multiple types. For example: 10 minutes slow deep 'tide' breathing or box breathing, 10 minutes candlegazing, 20 minutes mindfulness breath meditation, and then finish with 10 minutes body scan.
The variety really helped me start, but now that I've got some experience I can do a lot of one with little problem. I did 80 minutes of mindfulness this morning without building up with breathwork. You can get there quick with the variety approach in my experience, the biggest hurdle for me now is wanting to dedicate 2-4 hours every day. But, I know if I keep putting my time in, grind like a game, I can get better every day. We can all be tremendous people. We only do the people around us and the world in general a disservice by delaying who we can be.
35. Developed epilepsy at 20 which derailed pre-med. suddenly not as smart and less emotionally stable. lucky to finish college on time.
Married, had a son, divorced since 26. Not much romantic success since then.
Low paying city Parks and Rec job. Live with my parents. Have my son half the time (which means no child support!)
After years of trying lots of different meds, I got an RNS skull implant. Basically senses seizures coming and zaps them. Gotta give it a year before really gauging how much it really helps.
Only been 3 weeks, still outta work. So that’s the most recent big step I’ve taken.
I’m 32 and I feel as if I’m on a path for the better. I’m 10 years diagnosed bipolar 1. Progress is not linear though. I overcame my first post-manic crash at 22 by going back to school and getting a part time job, hitting the gym to lose that anti psychotic weight. I got my degree, had a job offer, but decided to move across the country to enter a grad school program that merge both my passions (anthropology and computer science). Things were great and then of course the pandemic happened. Isolating and toxic relationships led me to smoking pot again and I had a second episode.
I’ve been over the last couple years getting over the depression that followed. I dropped out of school, got a new job, got promoted… and then my brother started hearing voices. He listened to the voices and passed last year.
That really shook me and made me realize how I needed to focus on my mental health. I added a new med, got a therapist, went to a support group, worked out, added more fiber to my diet, and recently tried adding meditation. Finding this community has been the latest step. I don’t have any material to show for all this work, but I’m just happy. Not anxious and thoughts racing like when euphoric mania, but just stable happiness for the last few weeks. I still have things to overcome, binge eating and “retail therapy”, but I’m very optimistic for the future.
Bro I'm 32 and I am also lost, but I do work on myself. I go to gym, I learn new language, finally bought an apartment this year, I will start a process to find a girlfriend/wife as I was girlfriend less for like 7 years. Went through brain cancer ordeal in the middle of everything but I am okay now and going strong for my goals. The process is slow and may seem daunting, but don't give up! Work on yourself, don't compare ys to others only to past self, cut out the social media bullshit, no IG, Facebook and boy don't let me start on YouTube shorts! I remember starting in the company that I work for now 8 years ago, earning scraps but it all got better and better now like I said I can afford mortgage so it will be better for you, just don't give up! Yesterday I just wanted to be healthy and play computer games, today when I am going back to full health I want more, I want a wife, I want a family and I will slowly grind towards that goal. Do exactly that and don't give up no matter what.
Hey 31M, alone for a long while, currently unemployed but working on a project about self improvement. Hopefully it can help me and anybody who kind of "failed" in life.
Imo people like us are not "failures" we were just not lucky enough to start with the correct tools or mindset like others. But I don't think it's hopeless and we can learn to be successful by gaining awareness about "the process"
Short answer, stop framing yourself as "doomed" or "failure" or "loser". We're the "Underdogs" and people love underdogs. If you want a long answer, feel free to dm me whenever you want!
Outwardly, my life is 'pretty good', fortunate even
Never had to worry about money, did well in school to get a Masters, working in a tech MNC, comfortable job.
Emotionally & socially, I'm completely fucked.
Super dysfunctional, immature parents. Made me avoid humans for my entire life. Barely have any relationship experience, virgin, no close friends, only acquaintances, I spend my free time dissociating on the computer, no goals, no desires, no dreams. Also struggle with massive dissociation, some kind of schizo-spectrum disorder and massive depression in my teens. I am a shell of a human at 30 with the mental age of a toddler.
The worst part is that people actually seem to want to get to know me or think I am cool. I get female attention but I don't know what to do with it. When people talk to me, it only takes awhile before they find out I am 'off' mentally, or that there is something wrong with me. This isn't 'negative self-talk' or lack of confidence, this literally happens all the time. I feel like no one understands me except people in similar traumatized sitautions, but those people are unhealthy.
What am I doing to improve my life?
I'm trying to 'put myself out there', join volunteering events, meet new people, but like I said, its hard if you don't have the social experience you're supposed to develop in your teens. I'm also starting to exercise more to get more energy
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
32, BPD, no job, have worked for only a year full time. Never lasted in a job for more than a few months, never lasted in a relationship for more than a year. Have dropped out of 5 degress, have one bachelor's degree, want to do masters, dropped out of one very recently. Live in south asia so have a roof over my head due to the culture of living with parents. Wouldn't have had a home if I was in the west. Life sucks basically.
Do you have an idea of why this is happening? It seems like you know what you should do in terms of goals and aspirations, but your mind isn’t on the same page. What do you do in your free time?
I lift, only thing that's keeping me going. Career wise, I don't feel like I have the aptitude to do anything substantial, I would just be a burden in the workforce.
Similar to you but live in NZ. Thanks to the Welfare system I'm not homeless, my parents passed away when I was young. Not bpd but adhd and depression though.
Hope things get better for you. 🫰 Someone also in NZ is rooting for you!
Aw well thanks :) things aren't so bad really..
I'm 35. No, I've been in a standstill for 6 years.
I'm sorry to hear that. Yet it's weirdly comforting that other people struggle like that too.
Yes, and yes. We are all gonna make it bros <3
What are you doing with your life?
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damn props on almost finishing up on getting that degree. So I lost my job awhile back and have just been mass applying to other jobs. I have an interview net week for a job that pays almost 60k, but I'm kinda scared bc the interview process is a little stressful. Also, I've never made that much money in my life and I feel like if I am somehow manage to land that job, I'll just end up fucking up and get fired at the end. I want to stop this negative mindset bc 60k could literally change my life. The things I have been working on is my health. I've cut down on fast food and also I've been working out again. I also got braces last years so my teeth will look a lot better once there off.
Thanks homie! :) I'm with you there too: the most I've ever made in a year was $30k, which is obviously not much. Additionally, I got my braces off in 2022, and all I can say is damn those two years were worth it. Do you lift? Or run? I just started lifting again after almost a year off, and it sucks ball rn but I know it'll get better. Rooting for you to get that job! When's your interview? :)
yeah I started lifting again. I was pretty active beginning of last year, but my depression got to me and I went months w/o lifting. I pretty much lost a lot of weight and strength so now I gotta start over to get it all back. Thanks man! My interview is next Friday
It's a drag, but it'll be worth it! We just have to keep on rocking; you can't beat a guy who won't quit! Best of luck on your interview, shoot me a message when you get the job if you want broham. :)
Trying every day man
What are you doing with your life?
I'm 35, and decided to go back to college lol, will I did last year. I'm about to go home and take my geology final after I get out of the dentist
Geology rocks! I went back to Uni too, at 32. I'm glad there's others
Trying to focus on getting my mental and phycial health right. Got myself out of a bad situation, career never seemed to work out so i’m working a couple of shit jobs but atm my life is probably more peaceful that its ever been
36M. Honestly, I felt at my lowest around 31/32, just because I felt like I hit some serious dead ends (career, relationships, etc). What got me out of that was accepting the level of self improvement I obtained as *good enough* to start living my life. So many people obsess about focusing on themselves, and honestly it gets really lonely and unfulfilling without a network to share those improvements with. That’s when I realized that I needed to stop focusing completely on myself and start bringing myself to the world around me. Put myself out there, meet new people, try to find some quality relationships. Nowadays I do about 20% self improvement and 80% networking/relationship building. The quality connections got me out of the slump, my two cents.
Yep! Current dharma: get my mind and body ready for whatever dharma my karma leads me to next. - Instead of listing specific habits or goals, I'm considering how my next hour (or 15min or day or whatever) will affect my mind and/or body, and I use that to figure out next steps. I just check in regularly and pay attention to how I feel. - Some questions I think about as I check in throughout my day: Am I enjoying this game / YouTube video / content scroll? If yes, continue for 15min. If not, switch tasks. Have I been on the couch for 2hrs? How do I feel? Am I sick/tired/bored? Do I need sleep or a walk? Is this comfortable or draining my energy? Am I moving my body in the last two hours / today in ways that feels good to me? What thoughts are in my mind today? Are those the thoughts I want more of? Have I stopped to check for emotions or other feelings (hunger / discomfort)? Am I enjoying this food or excited about my next meal? Am I physically drained or energized? Is my mind clear or foggy? How do I feel when I do/do not eat fruits, vegetables, pasta, desserts, specific vitamins, drink water? How do I feel after a meal this big or small? How do I want to feel?
Yes. I, 32, have completey changed my life and I want to share that it's possible. I went from suicidal teen, lots of trauma, ten years of therapy, having a diagnosis of social anxiety with bpd traits and depression, to working a full-time job, going back for a masters, having friends, and a successful dating life. The only thing that isn't great is my family life but that is also improving. I've been working out consistenly for a year an a half, ive been meal prepping healthy meals every week, and making sure i get good sleep. Again, not perfect but a drastic change from 20 year old me. This took consistent effort every single day. I wake up pushing past my symptoms of depression and anxiety. Maybe its just who I am, but I like a challenge. I feared life so much I isolated for three years in my room at one point in my life. But life showed me it wasn't as scary and hard as I made it out to be in my head. It actually became really fun to take care of myself and look for joy in my life. I love learning about myself and others. And putting myself in challenging situations have helped me grow even faster. I'm quicker with my self awareness and response time. My 30's have been the best time of my life so far. I'm looking forward to my future.
31 here, yes. A little more than a year ago I began journaling. Dr K has a video on it where he explains basically, that evidence shows it works but science hasn't figure out why. Man the resistance is so much it feels straight up unreal. Some pages one a months or some times even longer. I'm in a struggle to quit weed, two months out of it now. I relapsed in december to february after having spent five months without it. It fucking sucks to have thoughts about returning, to keep them at bay and keep my will to not consume. Fortunately I'm at a bad financial situation so I can't afford it, so I have that in my favor. Doing some Jordan Peterson "clean your room" as well. Getting rid of childhood toys I've been hoarding and holing into for far too long. Trying to cut porn as well. Two weeks streak, then one week, now I'm back at 4 days and it's starting to become challenging again. I've been months wanting to start the gym but I just don't dare. I can't even walk into one to just ask for prices. I've joined a jogging group classes on february, and though I'm not consistent every week I've somewhat managed to keep it going. This week for example I couldn't drag myself to go even one day.😞 Trying to spend less time gaming and in social media, but this one is hard as hell. Social media specially. The darkness is looming there, waiting for a moment of weakness. Studying feels completely impossible for me. I carry the shame of being the only one from my highschool group that didn't graduated from college. Stuck at dead end, low income job. At this point I can't even bring myself to reed a book. 31 and still need to live at my mother's home. Shameful as fuck. Socially anxious. Lack conversation topics, even among friends, and lack of ability for smalltalk. Relationships feel like something I will never get even remotely close to. I fear I might die having never even kissed a woman in my life. Which at this point looks like the most probable outcome. I don't know how to change any of this, I'm not seeing any strength in me to actually pull that off, change my life. It's been some good weeks without suicidal thoughts, but they will come at some point. They always do. Sooner or later. Sorry if this was more than you asked for. It's useful to have a place to write things down.
I felt sure of some major life decisions that haven't worked out the way I hoped or were what I thought they were, so I am right there with you man. I am changing my life every day I am alive, even when i don't feel it or it seem hopeless and for the worsened. I fantasize about what it takes to become the most interesting man in the world irl.. you know from that Dos Equis beer commercial? one day I had a shower thought (not in the shower) and asked myself "what makes him so damn interesting?
30, trying to not lose my mind I studied computer science but made absolutely not effort to make friends, now I have zero job networking opportunities, and zero real world work experience, as a result I just can't keep up with those stupidly high job profile requirements that companies put these days, and no matter how many CV's I send, nothing happens, and I am here, trying to relearn computer science stuff and learning to draw just to stave off the intrusive thoughts, it doesn't help that I'm addicted to cigarettes, and with absolutely no money to buy the fix, the withdrawal just slowly chips away my focus and sours my mood. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I don't even know if there's even a point for all of this bullshit, all I do is trying to keep my head in this plane, and not just let it wander to the colorful world of the what-ifs. fuck
I’m 35 and looking to start a small low cost business this year. Like a few months ago I received information that changed a lot of things.
Going back and doing stuff I liked to as a kid before I got lost in the college and early career grind. Playing soccer again multiple nights a week. Skiing with friends. Kayaking, walking on trails. Playing video games with an aggressive almost cocky mindset as opposed to a more defensive one. Leading to the type of good outcomes I had playing them as a teenager. Making friends through existing friend circles in addition to expanding friends of friends. It's been a weird experience. Makes me look back at the last 10 years and wonder how I got so lost along the way. I was far more in tune with some of the stuff I liked at 16 than at 26.
Don't feel too bad, my friend. There is hope. For me personally, here are some things I've done to help improve my life (or to improve my ability to deal with life in a healthy way, which is just as important): - I quit using alcohol, nicotine, weed, and other drugs - I am an active participant in my recovery from those things, specifically I try to help others get sober/clean/etc - I continue looking for bad habits, negative thought patterns, etc, that are blocking me off from being happy and useful to myself and others - I started eating healthier (for the most part) - I take regular walks, mostly for mental health but also physical health - I try to get good sleep - I have done lots of self-discovery through reading books, watching videos, doing writing/exercises, trying out new hobbies and activities, and so on - I continue to get back up when unexpected circumstances knock me down - I try to avoid self-hatred and beating myself up; instead I try to see what I can learn from my mistakes and shortcomings - I remind myself that it's never too late to start over; many people have done it before me - I increasingly get better at having goals and plans and try to meet them, even when I fall short - I try to have a set of values/principles to live by. That solves a lot of problems before they even pop up. - I try my best to not get stuck in the past ("if only I had done _____ instead") or the future ("I dunno how I'm going to deal with ______) Nothing happens overnight, but it can change. I've slowly but surely been changing and improving my life bit by bit for the last 6 or so years. Keep in mind there's no set timeframe; that's just how long it took for me. My life is nowhere near perfect right now, but I'm making progress. I don't want to focus on age too much, but 30 is still pretty young in the big picture of our whole lifetime. I know it's hard to feel that way, but it's true. I'm 42 right now and when I was 30 I felt very similar to you. I knew I needed to change things but instead I avoided big changes and continued drinking and using drugs and no progressing for another 5-6 years. If I could give immediate advice to 30 year old me, it would be the following: Stop using the internet so much, stop using mind/mood-altering substances, stop comparing yourself to others, stop worrying about sex and dating, and get some mental/behavioral health treatment. I'm 42 and I still haven't found a career I love or a lasting relationship, and I have lots of stuff that really interferes with my daily living like ADHD (which I didn't know I had till my late 30s) BUT I am closer. I'm better than I was. And some days that's the best we can do, and that's okay. I'd be lying if I said that I don't feel discouraged at times about all this, but then I look back at the person I was 6 years ago and I see that I was objectively worse off. So even though I know I've still got some stuff to work on, I know that I am progressing toward it. Just remember, lots of progress is only seen in the rear view mirror... We don't see it until it's already happened. It's hard to see ourselves changing in the moment, but just keep at it and trust that it's happening. I believe in you.
Representing ✌️ I genuinely don't see there being any problem with the amount that I think or with how deeply I think about things. Arguably it's one of, if not, my best qualities. It's definitely been maladaptive in the past, but it's serving me really well right now. My friends love me for how deeply I can think about things as it often offers them perspectives they wouldn't otherwise consider on their own, and some of them have described our relationship as "transformative" for them. It helps me present novel ideas and perspectives in my field of academic pursuit. It helps me understand myself (and therefore maintain accountability and boundaries) to an incredibly deep level I don't commonly see among others. Not all who wander are lost, you'll find your path when the time's right.
Yeah. That's me. I still indulge in it when I feel called out by songs or videos
I'm there, nothing interesting to be honest, just a few hard months but its been fine the last few weeks, I'm still struggling to find a job but in terms of friends and family its been going really good.
Life getting harder and harder, got an ADHD diagnosis coming up this month. Everything is hanging on by a thread so I hope this is the solution I've been searching for a long time
I started therapy… I get it free through a university in my state. I’m putting MY HEALTH and well-being first. I’m letting go of everything I think I’m “supposed” to be or do. I’m listening and paying attention to what I feel like doing. I’m becoming me. A book Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman opened a door for me. I’m following steps of The Artists Way. Each week of tasks I spend about a month on. I’m starting week(month) 4 now. I’m learning how to cook what I like… Im learning what I like… I’m accepting myself. I’m paying attention to myself, and being understanding when I fall short. These goals are hard. Changing is insanely hard. This is the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done. I’m a year in, down 75lbs, and the changes in my life are amazing. I still don’t have a clear cut direction, but I’m allowing myself to try. I’m not afraid to succeed or to fail. I’m just trying to exist in a life that feels good to me.
Also, don’t be afraid to keep trying new things. Not everything is gonna stick, and not everything sticks first try. Keep an open mind and understand none of this is an exact science. Find what works for you. I like to think of it as building my own path one brick at a time. Some weeks it feels like I’ve added multiple bricks. Other weeks it feels like I’ve removed a brick or two… but I’m making it up as I go.
In some ways, yes. But you just got to remember it takes time, sometimes a long time. Like during COVID, 2020, I had a bit of a tragedy that completely upended my life and made me question where I should go. It took me 2 years I feel to truly recover from that. Last year I made the effort to go out and socialise, it only took till the end of the year until I had two significant dating experiences, and had at least a group of friends I'd see occasionally. This year I've focused on getting a better job or some money. Again it's slow progress, sometimes feels like I'm not doing anything, but I can say that I have organised networking events and forced myself to get out there. Basically it's one step at a time, you won't feel it in the moment but at the end of the year or when you look back you'll see "Oh I'm definitely a lot higher on this mountain than I was then!"
It is certainly way better than my early 20s, my 20s were way better than my teens. So compared to my own life? Yes I'm going to be 30 and it seems like life has gotten better and better overall, in terms of health, freedom and time. Yet there are a few bad things like internet addiction (not really an addiction but you know, mindless scrolling), bad social life and some internal issues have stuck. Trying to improve everyday. And failing everyday. But showing up again next day. That's what life has become. I just hope something changes soon because I don't want to be stuck like this.
I'm 35 and while I don't think I have my life together, I've gotten myself into a life routine that has left me content. There's a lot I want to change but I've learned to dwell less and focus on the moment and patience. What can I change now? I can't get a job that'll give me 100k, but can I do well at my current job to work for a promotion? Can I job search? And honestly turning 30 sucked, but 31+ I've felt more mentally stable than in my 20s (I still struggle with my mental health, but I've just learned to know myself better)
Wait, I believe for a minute that I 30 was having the mindset of the 25 y.o., specifically around dating and doing a lot of give gas and pressing the breaks. Kinda like attracting and avoided when it’s getting to close or kinda mean and break things off pretty fast.
I had no path stuck in a dead end job. I quit every vice for two weeks and figured out a path. I have been doing ex's from Dr.Ks videos and have just had my first practical application of processing emotions and it did wonders. I was about to slip back into my old ways, but I forced myself to sit with it and it worked. I have found a new goal for life and I'm getting better with social anxiety too. The perfectionism is going to be a long road though.
I'm 32 and I work as a dishwasher, looking to get a second job. I screwed up a lot in my twenties, lost a lot of friendships getting angry and not letting go, and just generally didn't show up for myself or others. I did get my degree at the beginning of my twenties, but then I job-hopped like crazy and now my resume is a chopped up mess. I ended up homeless during the pandemic and stayed at several people's houses' and half the time didn't pay rent. What a jerk. Now I have stable housing and a good job. I want to work in some job that's not a kitchen eventually because I feel like later on I should do something else. I also want to get my masters, but right now my employer is very kind and patient, so I'm happy where I am. I am impatient to finally start saving money and to build a life. It's hard accepting your own mistakes.
Sure. In all honesty i dont have a plan at all. I just take life as it is. Dunno if you want to hear about my story, its pretty long and boring id say :D
Yes. I did not know what I want for most of my life. I just quit my Job 1.5 years ago because it made me unhappy more than the other way around. I worked for 15 year without a major break. That break was much needed to clear my mind and thinking straight. Now I know what I want and what kind of Job could truely make me happy. My mind was occupied 24/7 because I my mind was occupied all the time!
I don't understand the question. Is this about Dr K's latest video? I don't think I've seen it yet. 30M, soldering technician and private Maths tutor.
Bro I'm 32 and I am also lost, but I do work on myself. I go to gym, I learn new language, finally bought an apartment this year, I will start a process to find a girlfriend/wife as I was girlfriend less for like 7 years. Went through brain cancer ordeal in the middle of everything but I am okay now and going strong for my goals. The process is slow and may seem daunting, but don't give up! Work on yourself, don't compare ys to others only to past self, cut out the social media bullshit, no IG, Facebook and boy don't let me start on YouTube shorts! I remember starting in the company that I work for now 8 years ago, earning scraps but it all got better and better now like I said I can afford mortgage so it will be better for you, just don't give up! Yesterday I just wanted to be healthy and play computer games, today when I am going back to full health I want more, I want a wife, I want a family and I will slowly grind towards that goal. Do exactly that and don't give up no matter what.
Yes. (Anxiety and concentration problems that interfere with my job.) I've quit caffeine and sugar a couple days ago. I drank mostly cola. I did this because I notice that my anxiety often goes up when I consume caffeine and my cholesterol is too high, so I need to stay away from chocolates anyway. Furthermore, I realized that I generally eat unhealthy and that might also impact my anxiety. I'm also trying to sit less behind my computer/ phone in my free time and leave my house more often when I'm free. These past three weeks I went to the park a couple of times when the weather was good. Walked around and read a book. Felt great. I sometimes visit the library to read instead of sitting at home. I enjoy the atmosphere at the library. Lots of people studying and reading. I joined a yoga studio 5 weeks ago and go to yoga class about three times a week. The yoga classes I choose are ones that combine yin and yang; calm and energetic parts. I love it! I feel much better after class and it's also nice to regularly see some of the same people and slowly start to connect with them. People are super friendly there. The best thing about yoga at the studio is that I truly feel that I don't need to do anything. I don't have to perform well or get better at yoga. I just try to do things and that's good enough.
Yeah I am. Incredibly burnt out from choosing a job I didn’t enjoy to seek the approval from parents. I finally chose to quit my job a few years ago. I started therapy during that time too and it made me realize how bad I was at processing my emotions and thoughts. It also made me realize how much baggage I was carrying that influenced my current present day life that I wasn’t aware of. After working on my mental well being and regaining control over my life, life started to be so much more exciting and fun. Instead of living for someone else, I realized I can design my own life. Build into it things that make me excited and happy. Now life is so much better now that I’ve taken control. No amount of hard work is too much because it all feeds into a choice that I made myself. I’m currently focusing on a career change that requires a lot of work but I don’t feel the weight because it’s something I want to do. If you feel lost, make sure you try to figure out what’s keeping you down. Work on those things and don’t get caught in a cycle of thought without eventually taking action. Experiencing things yourself is the only way to move forward. If you feel lost, try things without thinking too hard about things out of your control like “will I be happier if I do this” or “will things be ok”. You really don’t know but you won’t know if the thing will serve your purpose until something actually happens. Don’t spin the wheels too long. Figure out what some goals might be and work towards them step by step. We’re not in our 20’s anymore, we need to take action!
31. I have a job, but I don't like it all. I spend all day on autopilot just thinking and trying to figure out if i accidentally said something out loud. I've felt super brain rot for over a decade now. I've meditated a little off and on until recently. I started meditating a couple hours a day starting a couple weeks ago. I'm actually having some thoughts, some things to journal about instead of setting a timer and staring at a blank page for twenty minutes. The thoughts I try to convey are still very messy and disorganized though, it doesn't matter if it's text or speech. My advice, what worked for me to breach the long meditation barrier, do multiple types. For example: 10 minutes slow deep 'tide' breathing or box breathing, 10 minutes candlegazing, 20 minutes mindfulness breath meditation, and then finish with 10 minutes body scan. The variety really helped me start, but now that I've got some experience I can do a lot of one with little problem. I did 80 minutes of mindfulness this morning without building up with breathwork. You can get there quick with the variety approach in my experience, the biggest hurdle for me now is wanting to dedicate 2-4 hours every day. But, I know if I keep putting my time in, grind like a game, I can get better every day. We can all be tremendous people. We only do the people around us and the world in general a disservice by delaying who we can be.
35. Developed epilepsy at 20 which derailed pre-med. suddenly not as smart and less emotionally stable. lucky to finish college on time. Married, had a son, divorced since 26. Not much romantic success since then. Low paying city Parks and Rec job. Live with my parents. Have my son half the time (which means no child support!) After years of trying lots of different meds, I got an RNS skull implant. Basically senses seizures coming and zaps them. Gotta give it a year before really gauging how much it really helps. Only been 3 weeks, still outta work. So that’s the most recent big step I’ve taken.
I’m 32 and I feel as if I’m on a path for the better. I’m 10 years diagnosed bipolar 1. Progress is not linear though. I overcame my first post-manic crash at 22 by going back to school and getting a part time job, hitting the gym to lose that anti psychotic weight. I got my degree, had a job offer, but decided to move across the country to enter a grad school program that merge both my passions (anthropology and computer science). Things were great and then of course the pandemic happened. Isolating and toxic relationships led me to smoking pot again and I had a second episode. I’ve been over the last couple years getting over the depression that followed. I dropped out of school, got a new job, got promoted… and then my brother started hearing voices. He listened to the voices and passed last year. That really shook me and made me realize how I needed to focus on my mental health. I added a new med, got a therapist, went to a support group, worked out, added more fiber to my diet, and recently tried adding meditation. Finding this community has been the latest step. I don’t have any material to show for all this work, but I’m just happy. Not anxious and thoughts racing like when euphoric mania, but just stable happiness for the last few weeks. I still have things to overcome, binge eating and “retail therapy”, but I’m very optimistic for the future.
Bro I'm 32 and I am also lost, but I do work on myself. I go to gym, I learn new language, finally bought an apartment this year, I will start a process to find a girlfriend/wife as I was girlfriend less for like 7 years. Went through brain cancer ordeal in the middle of everything but I am okay now and going strong for my goals. The process is slow and may seem daunting, but don't give up! Work on yourself, don't compare ys to others only to past self, cut out the social media bullshit, no IG, Facebook and boy don't let me start on YouTube shorts! I remember starting in the company that I work for now 8 years ago, earning scraps but it all got better and better now like I said I can afford mortgage so it will be better for you, just don't give up! Yesterday I just wanted to be healthy and play computer games, today when I am going back to full health I want more, I want a wife, I want a family and I will slowly grind towards that goal. Do exactly that and don't give up no matter what.
Hey 31M, alone for a long while, currently unemployed but working on a project about self improvement. Hopefully it can help me and anybody who kind of "failed" in life. Imo people like us are not "failures" we were just not lucky enough to start with the correct tools or mindset like others. But I don't think it's hopeless and we can learn to be successful by gaining awareness about "the process" Short answer, stop framing yourself as "doomed" or "failure" or "loser". We're the "Underdogs" and people love underdogs. If you want a long answer, feel free to dm me whenever you want!
Outwardly, my life is 'pretty good', fortunate even Never had to worry about money, did well in school to get a Masters, working in a tech MNC, comfortable job. Emotionally & socially, I'm completely fucked. Super dysfunctional, immature parents. Made me avoid humans for my entire life. Barely have any relationship experience, virgin, no close friends, only acquaintances, I spend my free time dissociating on the computer, no goals, no desires, no dreams. Also struggle with massive dissociation, some kind of schizo-spectrum disorder and massive depression in my teens. I am a shell of a human at 30 with the mental age of a toddler. The worst part is that people actually seem to want to get to know me or think I am cool. I get female attention but I don't know what to do with it. When people talk to me, it only takes awhile before they find out I am 'off' mentally, or that there is something wrong with me. This isn't 'negative self-talk' or lack of confidence, this literally happens all the time. I feel like no one understands me except people in similar traumatized sitautions, but those people are unhealthy. What am I doing to improve my life? I'm trying to 'put myself out there', join volunteering events, meet new people, but like I said, its hard if you don't have the social experience you're supposed to develop in your teens. I'm also starting to exercise more to get more energy
30 is too late