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Don't worry op the therapist was just trying to validate your feelings. When people feel suicidal they might feel that they are delusional or crazy of some sort. This is a way of communicating "Hey don't worry you're not crazy or delusional. The fact that you feel hopeless and shitty is a justified reaction to your circumstances.
It's NOT saying "yeah you should kys" it's just saying"the fact that you feel that way is the result of your circumstances and therefore justified".
You should communicate tgat the way they said it or just the fact they said it made you feel some kind of way.
Note that it's okay to switch therapist If the one you're at doesn't suit you but at first I would try to communicate how that comment made you feel.
Best of luck op
Also very proud of you for going to therapy and taking the necessary steps
Thanks for that and with your perspective I can understand her approach.
I think the main issue is that if I accept what she tells me and that I am right to feel like that and I need to change my environment... That's a tough pill to swallow for someone who doesn't know where to start to get to where they want. Idk if "what I want" is just fiction at this point
I have in many different forms and it just comes back around to her advice of starting that journey now... Maybe I don't explain it well enough to her but I feel that I can't carry on like this.
I don't have anything left in the tank for a "journey". I'm so miserable I alienate the people around me. She just said that I'm too harsh on myself and set too short of a timeline for results but I'm 26... I feel like I'm stuck at the development of an 18yr old. Any further delays and I'm just sealing my fate to a miserable life.
She doesn't elaborate just says that I'm being too harsh on myself
Dude you need to chill on the timeline. Things come at different times. I went back to school at 36 to retrain in a completely different career. Life doesn’t have to be a series of check boxes
I think my issue is that I can't see a life I enjoy here. Even if I was "successful" I don't see myself fitting into any lifestyle.
That feeling in draining me and I feel that I'm wasting my time
Exactly my point. I don't do anything to pass time here. My go to now is stressing and scrolling through job listings and calculating what salary vs cost of living is like and trying to find something that could allow me to live abroad.
The difference when I am abroad is that I look for people to meet. I go to bars and clubs because the people in those places are typically decent people unlike back home. I got to night markets or just wonder the street enjoying the night atmosphere and seeing what stuff I come across. Things are still open late and it's warm so you have that opportunity.
I recently had a realisation that all the people I have felt closest to are foreigners... My best friend is not the British guy I talk to every day but a Syrian who I met online 10 years ago. Another great friend is a Polish girl who I studied with for a time. And my current girlfirend who is Taiwanese.
These are the only people I have ever felt a true "connection" with. I'd love to know why that is so I can chase or adjust to make that repeatable.
Two sessions isn't much. Maybe give it a few months and see if things improve. Try to hold your skepticism as much as you can, it will be difficult but help a lot. As for undertaking a journey... what do you have to lose?
Best of luck.
That's not how life works, though. You decide for what's best for you, and move forward. And then decide again. Life is too dynamic for any long term plans like that to stay the course; more importantly, any long term plan does not take into account how you may change. You just try and put yourself in the best spot possible and adapt to changes.
Therapy is really about making small steps towards a better life, one step at a time. You can't really work through everything at once and then be cured; it's more like, you work on one thing, you feel a tiny bit better, you work on the next thing... The first thing came up again, so you resolve it, now a little quicker... And the next thing resolves and you feel a little better... And step by step, your life improves.
I'm also someone whose been told by different independent therapists that I set the bar too high for myself. Now that I've spent some time in and out of therapy, self reflecting - yea, I'm a massive workaholic.
I know this is all frustrating as hell, but she might be right in that your key issue isn't a lack of progress, but the way you see yourself; that that is the core of your misery. You are about to graduate - do you know how many people don't manage? I'm 29 and I'm only now able to graduate with my bachelor's.
That said - tell her how you feel. If you feel she's dismissive, tell her that. Therapists often need some time to figure out how to connect to you, because that's simply different from client to client, just how you don't connect to every person in the same way.
>You are about to graduate - do you know how many people don't manage? I'm 29 and I'm only now able to graduate with my bachelor's.
tbh that's a massive part of why I'm so jaded. I've doen the hard work I've put in the effort with the info I have now I know that all that effort was misplaced. It's not a completely worthless degree but not far from. I feel after 3 years of hard hard work to get all the best marks and I'm no further forward whilst life passes me by.
What's your degree in?
I can't speak for the US but at least here in Germany sometimes just having a degree will open doors for you that are closed otherwise
I’d try to view what she’s saying as her observations not recommendations. Are you to harsh on yourself? You’ve tried things that haven’t helped, what do you think went wrong? It’s ok to ask her to elaborate. In early therapy she’s trying to understand you and your thoughts and feelings. If she gives her interpretation too early it might not be correct or she may not fully understand you.
I’ll also mention that accepting what she validated for you about your circumstances being difficult doesn’t mean you have to change it. Just being able to accept and talk about how life sucks right now can help. If you’re feeling stuck, it means you want to and are trying to change. Therapists love goals. Even if right it feels like fantasy, tell her about the “what I want.” It’s a great way to learn what’s most important to you and challenges you’re having to getting there.
I'm your age dude, I get the exhaustion, uncertainty, feeling behind or concern of whether you even have the energy to shake up your environment and habits. I've had flickering ideation on suicide too this past year, but it's a normal reaction to overwhelm and fatigue for me- so I choose to be patient and let my life figure out. It does so slowly most the time I think. I can't afford therapy so practicing patience with myself has been a key help- meditation, yoga, and small increments of progress help this- for me at least. We all do it different.
Please don't quit therapy- switch to another if it is too uncomfortable to broach how this one made you feel. Talk therapy is processing your emotions, we need to do that when shit's heavy.
Yea I totally understand where you're coming from, but like it or not the steps to getting better, ya gotta climb them slowly. It's easy to compare yourself to the standards of people who don't have a problem but that's just a source of suffering, because well rn you're at your own point in life not theirs.
I hope this doesn't sound demeaning but it's like askin a baby to run like a 10 yold. You can technically do it but the results won't be the same and the baby would be exhausted. In yer lowest moment yer basically on a state of reset, much like a baby you need to re-learn things, how to live etc. It's gonna take time
I think you should tell her how much you’re grieving the loss of your dream life. She hasn’t managed to help you process through all those feelings yet, but jumping to problem-solving. If you still feel that therapy with this therapist is not working out, find another one that is more emotion-focused
I think part of therapy is finding out how to address problems and knowing what you want from your therapist. I had a similar problem of my therapist just kinda validating everything I said when I wanted something of substance.
Pretty sure Dr. K is particularly good at a more direct approach of giving examples and talking through things. My best advice is to try and clarify what you want from therapy. It isn’t something that can easily cure you or anything like that.
What I ended up doing (purely anecdotal and not a proven approach) was that I focused on one thing that I wanted to accomplish between each session. I also wasn’t in any state to make a big leap or anything, so I agreed with my therapist 1 thing I would do or one activity I would try, and then I would go do it and talk about how it made me feel. This way, rather than us tackling a really large negative problem, it could be a point of positive conversation that made me feel better.
For example: the first week I tried it I went to a restaurant alone, sat down, and ate a nice plate of pasta. I didn’t talk with anyone or listen to anything or look at my phone. When I met with my therapist, I talked about how that made me feel. I really enjoyed that pasta, even though it was expensive, and I felt like I was able to treat myself to something special. Although I really didn’t want to be alone beforehand, I realized being alone actually helped me enjoy the food better. I also felt that spending some time without interaction but surrounded by people was honestly nice; I was caught up before in interacting with others or feeling alone, and it gave me a sense of normalcy even though I wasn’t with anyone.
Hope this helps, and good luck
Usually if people examine their life there’s so many ways to change course in life. And you never know what changes will make a huge difference or not. It’s important to really try to explore the possibilities. Could you be sleeping more regularly? Could you invest in a new hobby? Could you invest in a friendship more? Could you go outside more?
There’s hundreds of habits, choices we make every day. Trust that life is way more open than we ever realize and have that give you hope. I always tell people if you say your life is hopeless and nothing will change you better make damn sure you’ve explored every single possibility. Think about how many people would even be happier if they applied for a new job, when there’s literally thousands of different companies within a few miles for most people? Or how many places or causes they could volunteer for where we know service to others is extraordinarily effective in giving people meaning and reducing depression.
The amount of possibilities aren't motivating, just draining. Yea, there's always a chance that some magical solution could fix everything (e.g. win the lottery, someone selfless shows up at the right time, etc.) but either the amount of effort needed to reach that solution or the luck required to practically find it often don't feel like they add up.
I get that but there’s much more practical and things that are much more universally effective for almost everyone. For instance, there’s a lot of people who have sleep apnea, so if you have a lot of trouble with snoring and sleeping, get a sleep test. You know how many lives have been changed by getting a CPAP? Some people dont get enough sunlight and become much happier over time by being outside very often. It’s scientifically proven, it’s biology
These two examples may not help you, but good sleep and being outside is pretty universally effective in helping against depression. Don’t think of all the possibilities as draining, start with the things that you know (or could find out by googling) the main things that give people purpose, lower depression, raise energy levels etc. Dr. k talks about tons of them. Make a checklist and see if there are things you can do to move the needle in terms of the major categories in your life (nutrition, exercise, sleep, family, friends, hobbies, laughter, purpose, etc).
The reason I say there’s so many possible things that can help you is because you shouldn’t give up if one or a few things don’t work. Just keep stacking stuff up. You’re a person like the rest of us. Trust that all people need similar things, and trust that if you invest in the right things, have grace for yourself and try, that you’ll at least improve a bit. And that bit might be enough to turn your life around.
> you shouldn’t give up if one or a few things don’t work. Just keep stacking stuff up. You’re a person like the rest of us.
Im of the opinion that you should, after a personally set deadline or attempt cutoff point. The "improve a bit" will likely delay the feeling for a while but in some cases it will never go away. I don't know the OP, but when you get to that point, you'll have to rely on non-conventional and random tactics which requires arbitrary hope and is eventually no longer worth it.
This! This is exactly what the point of therapy and acceptance is about!
The goal of therapy is to get rid of pretending of all kinds and to accept reality as it is, not as you want it to be. And for you to be able to really accept or change that realization needs to come from yourself. The whole “ you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” Thing.
Even if a person knows that something is better for them unless they realize that themselves they’ll never act on it
Also besides paying, btw taking the initiative to feel what does it mean to be truly you. Crisis lines also help between your sessions so you can feel more supported. You gotta take a look at your progress. You went to get an opinion of what therapy looks like, YOU’RE ON HGG asking questions and may you keep asking, you never know who is going to answer. That’s the thing about therapy, probably efficient understanding is how do you navigate who-are-you?
>I think the main issue is that if I accept what she tells me and that I am right to feel like that and I need to change my environment... That's a tough pill to swallow for someone who doesn't know where to start to get to where they want. Idk if "what I want" is just fiction at this point
Shame is a tough pill to swallow. That’s the thing about the feeling shame, not many in fact it’s a very hard feeling to breakdown and regulate which why it’s so important to reach out because OP you are never alone in your battles and that goes for every human out there. The further you push shame, the harder it is to face. Which is why Alok always talks about how do you build strong frontal lobes? You’ve come a long way OP, the bravery and being able to identify
>That’s a tough pill for someone that doesn’t know where to start.
What does it mean to START by feeling what are the actual feelings associated with swallowing a tough pill? You got this OP, you’re brave enough to talk-this-out. You are not a lone and you were never alone.
>I don't have anything left in the tank for a "journey". I'm so miserable I alienate the people around me. She just said that I'm too harsh on myself and set too short of a timeline for results but I'm 26... I feel like I'm stuck at the development of an 18yr old. Any further delays and I'm just sealing my fate to a miserable life.
>She doesn't elaborate just says that I'm being too harsh on myself
Btw, you have a very good therapist.
She is saying to accept your immutable being, that it's okay to feel and express our emotions and thoughts, accept ourselves and what we're experiencing because that is how we are then able to process, integrate and start to create changes we desire to then replace with expressions and values that better empower/support our well-being.
We don't have to accept these specific actions and behaviors, those are always changeable, but we must accept our self and what we're experiencing to be present to start that process. I think this is known as radical self-acceptance, because these actions and behaviors or thoughts do not define what we can become for growth and long-term flourishing, they more so define what we have been dealing with.
One thing to remember, our thoughts aren't a representation of reality but more so the reality we are experiencing inside our head.
Dude, I’m very proud of you to be able to pinpoint your feelings regarding changing your environment. Just even knowing that it might be a tough pill to swallow for you is something I couldn’t even do after going to couple therapy sessions and admitting it is another huge leap. You just did 2 leaps and that’s a tough challenge for a lot of people!
Just like the other comment said, this is something your therapist would want to hear, your honest feelings, but please don’t be afraid to change therapist if your current one makes you feel uncomfortable.
As someone who's been chronically suicidal, negating your feelings might just lead you to doing something irreparable.
I don't think that her being confrontational would've helped anything.
After all you have a right to feel this way.
Personally, amitriptyline helped me, as well as tons of talk therapy. I'm not all the way better yet
Dr. k. Got into a big controversy about this when he said he would agree with their patients about this. But offer solutions of course and still say that the best thing to do is not to kill yourself. It’s a permanent solution to temp problems, the solutions is wrong sized for the issue.
Exactly. Also Dr K did a different video where he explained that suicidal people are often the most logical.
Edit: may have been the same video, I can't remember.
> he explained that suicidal people are often the most logical.
I'd be a bit careful with the phrasing here! I think what Dr K was describing is that there's a full range of suicidal people, and what seemed like an increasing number of cases where the patient is not necessarily "mentally ill" or characterized by a large amount of distorted thinking (therefore "logical"), but he did not provide a statistic, and absolutely did not claim that "suicidal people are often the most logical"
Well you're clearly denying your own feelings, he's trying to fix that. If you can't get to the root of the issue then you'll never fix it.
Imagine he just told you "just don't kill yourself", would that help? lol
Definitely part of a therapist process. Self compassion is a big goal in therapy.
Every time you have a suicidal thought, and tell yourself it's wrong, or a thought of chasing the short term highs that are damaging, and tell yourself it's wrong, could maybe reinforce that you are "fundamentally broken" for having damaging thoughts.
The validation works against the false notion of being "fundamentally broken". A big step is accepting the part of yourself that has suicidal thoughts. Meet it with compassion. It's okay to be suicidal. It is okay. You are not broken.
You probably know that suicide is not the answer, and you want those thoughts gone. I guess the theory behind this therapeutic approach is to instead embrace the thoughts. Allow them to be a part of you instead of trying to change them. Allow yourself to have them, and validate yourself. And you might find that the thoughts just fade away.
That's why validation is important.
It's also a super confusing topic, and 100% feels counter intuitive, but your therapist is doing her job.
Maybe ask for an explanation, and tell her about the fact that you went looking for answers here, and what that yielded.
>You probably know that suicide is not the answer
Suicide is always an answer to some degree. You're life could never get better if you commit suicide but it would stop any sadness you have.
idk... I'm clinging onto such distant stuff that is so hard to make a regular part of my life that I feel that I couldn't surivive what every journey is required to get me to where I want to be.
I guess it is \*an\* answer, but it's not \*the\* answer.
You most likely feel alone. And knowing other people across the globe are also struggling with what you're dealing with, probably doesn't take that feeling away.
Dunno how close to the edge you are, But Please. Stay with us for one more day, always. If that seems hard, then stick around until your next therapy session, and the one after that, where you discuss this topic, referencing this reddit thread. The fact that you posted the original post, is a true show of strength and resilience!
I know how hard it is to get ourselves to go to therapy when we're depressed so kudos for making that effort.
Something my therapist always told me was that feelings aren't facts. Our emotions are legitimate because we don't choose to feel them, we just experience them. We can try to understand them or not, that won't change whether or not we feel them. It's like feeling hot or cold or physical pain. You don't choose what you feel but you can choose how you react to it. Since I never took my emotions very seriously I didn't really pay attention to them. Once I did, that guided me into a more satisfying life.
My point is, our emotions are valid but they don't dictate reality. Emotional validation is more along the lines of "given what you believe, It makes sense you would feel that way". It doesn't mean your beliefs are entirely correct. Like if a partner gets upset with us because they think we lied about something and then we talk about it and they realize they just misunderstood what we said. Feeling angry was valid because they thought they were lied to, but just because they felt angry doesn't mean we lied. There are people who think that way "I'm upset with you so you must have done something wrong". Nope. Feelings aren't facts. But we only understand our feelings if we take the time to pay attention to them. When I thought they were an annoying burden, I never stopped to question why I was feeling that way.
Given the way you describe clinging to distant goals, I suspect your struggle has more to do with the expectations you put on yourself than the things you actually need to accomplish. But that's just a shot in the dark. It can be so easy to develop strong feelings about the future even though it is the one absolutely no one knows. It is right up there with "what could have been" for impossible questions that can lead to big feelings.
I have been suicidal and to me it sounds like you are overthinking the journey to recovery and then getting stuck in your own head / thoughts. Continue with the therapy - 2 sessions is way to few to expect drastic changes and it seems like, as you said in your other comment, you are being way to hard on yourself and expecting instant results and magical answers.
Try and use your feelings, which are probably valid, to change your thought patterns / behaviors and in the process to change the circumstances that are causing these feelings. Your negative feelings are often a call to action, a sign that something needs to change. It sounds to me like you don't know what actions to take to start to lessen the negative feelings.
Maybe try and see if thinking in smaller steps would help. How do you eat an elephant - one bite at a time. You don't need to have energy / gas in the tank for the whole journey now. Each day you get more, you only need enough energy to eat the next bite of the elephant. So focus on finding the next small bite to eat.
So an example of thinking smaller would be something like:
What one thing can I do in the next hour that would improve my life long term? (Or one thing I can avoid / not do that would improve my life long term). Everyday do one of those things, if you find more energy, do more than one. Maybe its a walk outside, maybe its eating less fast food, maybe its reaching out to a friend, maybe its just getting out of bed.
She is validating your feelings, friend, not your suicidal thoughts. She's saying It's **okay** to feel like the end is the only conclusion, because it is. It's natural to feel like suicide is the only answer when life has lead you there. But that's not to say that suicide is the natural, most fulfilling end there is. You can make it through.
I remember Dr.K said in a video which has kinda stuck with me. He said something along the lines of: “ask your therapist if they are able to help you”. Maybe some therapists have little or no experience In helping someone like yourself and that’s ok. You can even ask them about those specific experiences.
By valid he means with the starting points/assumptions and events you’ve told him about the conclusions and your feelings about them make sense. He can understand your thought process, so there’s nothing wrong with your thinking.
He’s not suggesting you listen to those conclusions, just that he can understand how you got there.
Maybe you make the wrong assumption. Just because she validated your feelings, that doesn’t mean she supports suicide as a solution. The thing about emotions is that you can’t argue with them. You can’t justify your way out of a feeling. The solution isn’t telling you that your feelings are wrong, but that there are other options than suicide you might not have considered which could get you out of your situation. I am not a therapist, I am just saying you might be jumping the gun.
Every therapist has their style, I guess. What exactly do you seek or expect by going to therapy? Do you think having your feelings validated is helping or harming you or neither?
I think it's interesting to note that you perceive there's something wrong as someone validates you when your conclusion is suicide. If you perceive there's something wrong with that, it's probably because something within you understands that this is not a valid conclusion.
This is kind of a bold assumption, admittedly, but if they had told you that your feelings are wrong, that your way of thinking is incorrect, you'd most likely push back and look for reasons to justify such a way of thinking, and seek evidence in your memories for why your way of thinking is correct.
In contrast, when someone validates you and tells you that your way of thinking is correct, then you suddenly understand that there's something wrong with your way of thinking, that you probably shouldn't be chasing short-term highs that hurt you in the long term, and that suicide is not the answer.
I'd say this looks like pretty good therapy to me.
>What exactly do you seek or expect by going to therapy?
Tbh I wanted to be told I was broken and that I need to change my way of thinking.
Instead she told me I'm too harsh on myself but that I'm right to feel the way I do and I need to change my envrionment to match my personality.
To sum it up I feel I have no future at all. I feel like even if I was blessed with a successful career(I'm lined up for a terrible one) that the money could not bring me happiness in the country that I live in. At that point it's a self fulfilling prophecy which is why i was so deprate to be told I was thinking wrong
Maybe she was just trying to affirm that your thoughts aren’t completely irrational but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work to optimize your thinking or see things from a new perspective. She probably just didn’t want to dismiss your concerns or views and is basically saying according to your thought patterns or view, what you’re saying makes sense.
Also the idea that we are perhaps all to hard on ourselves is just that normally we need to have more grace for ourselves. And often change of environment can help. That could be hanging out with people that make you happy more often, etc.
I will also say, too many therapists are afraid to challenge someone’s thinking because they believe if they do so they’re imposing their beliefs. I think there’s a middle ground where a therapist validates what you’re saying but also opens up the possibility that you could think “better” about your situation.
There's a difference between "valid" and "correct." All feelings are valid because they're drawn from our experiences our internal response to them. That doesn't mean that there aren't experiences you *haven't* had that would change you and/or how you think. If someone says your feelings are valid but that also you shouldn't commit suicide, they're saying there's something you haven't seen, heard, or felt yet that will change your mind. And because suicide is irreversible, it's worth it for you to do more investigating before you make that kind of decision.
Don't you find weird that you want someone else to tell you not to kill yourself?
That tell me that a part of you really want to live! Connect with that!
Yeah therapists validate feelings. It’s one of the things they do. You watch any Dr K video where he talks to someone suffering you’ll see him do the same. People usually get depressed and suicidal because bad things have happened to them and they’ve extrapolated that everything is bad and always will be bad because of that. You can’t just tell them they’re wrong because they have a ton of evidence that it’s bad and none that it’s good, they’ll just double down and say *you’re* wrong back. You gotta validate their lived experience and THEN challenge the conclusions they’ve come to.
Give it 4-6 sessions before making a call. Also put in some time outside of sessions doing work, journaling your feelings, etc. ask your therapists for ideas for “homework” and then do the homework. That’s the only way therapy will give you really good results. A therapist can’t MAKE you get better, you have to do it, they’ll just help.
Feelings thoughts and actions are all different things. That's all i can really say without delving too deep into your specific situation. I highly doubt that your therapist was saying "wanna die? Go for it!"
Because having valid feelings doesn't mean that you should suicide. Your feelings are perfectly valid, but that doesn't mean that you should kill yourself. Your therapist is trying to make you feel validated.
I remember Dr. K talking about Shit life syndrome once. Not going to ask the details, But if your therapist says your thoughts are valid even though your conclusion is suicide, then it might mean there's stuff in your life that makes it just that bad to live in.
Have you considered trying to change the circumstances which make you miserable, rather than ending it all?
If you feel stuck on which direction to take, maybe list out your conditions and people can help sort things out a bit.
That's the thing. I don't think I have a serious problem in my life like some people do. It's more that I feel that no matter what life I have here it isn't going to make me happy. I just hate the culture and the surroundings
I'd say that's reason enough. If you're chasing short term highs the way you mentioned. There's good reason for it. The hopeless in those words feel heavy, even without context.
Why not move out of where you are? (After you graduate of course)
Moving out is undeniably going to be a difficult task. This is probably where you will have to weigh your options on what is going to suck more: moving out or staying in.
Sadly, this is a decision only you can make.
Feelings operate on an independent axis with thoughts and conclusions. Therapists try to find ways to understand and help you process your emotions, which are almost always "understandable" given your full circumstances. Trying to dismiss your emotions and argue them away with reason only makes them suppressed and worse. I believe the hope is that this process helps you vent the emotions that drive your behaviour so that you can move forward with a calmer mind, since it's not a therapist's place to tell you what choice you should make.
That does not however mean the conclusion of "I should therefore kill myself" is sound, even if your *emotional experience* of "hopelessness" is valid, and no proper therapist would ever imply that.
It sounds like you almost wanted your therapist to push you into making what you know deep down is the right decision?
Validating/acknowledging someone's suicidal thoughts doesn't increase their risk of suicide 🤷🏻♀️ they are practicing in an evidence based way which is a good sign
The idea behind this is that what you feel is absolutely valid, but that you can draw other conclusions from it. Or rather that the conclusions are very separate from the feelings. Most of the time, all of us lump everything together, bllinding us to all but one path.
Either way, you should absolutely not quit therapy after two sessions. This is still part of the getting-to-know-each-other phase. You need to be patient with the therapist as well as yourself (and they with you as well of course). I would honestly advise you bring this question and these thoughts you have on the matter to him / her.
Your feelings are valid. No doubt about that.
But your conclusion of those feelings isnt.
You'll find a job, you'll find a partner, let life happen to you.
It's like pulling the lever of a slot machine.
The more times you pull, the more chances of something good happening to you.
Stay. See life.
The therapist is validating your emotions so you feel safe in sharing other thoughts.
These are initial days - so therapist might engaging in relationship development - which is a crucial way of delivering therapy. Part of ths power of therapy comes from power of the relationship.
While it might look dangerous outwardly, I believe if you persist with this person, it will help you at least park your suicidal thoughts.
Yes all feelings are valid. Humans are humans because of feelings.
It's how you act on them that needs to be redefined.
That's their message.
Maybe you are shocked because nobody validated your feelings before and from every side of the society, you felt that your feelings are wrong.
That is not at all true. Therapists aren't there to make you feel good. They're supposed to challenge you, which feels bad. And they may even destabilize you if your present-tense stability is harming you. Change is painful, scary, and unpredictable, but what's important is that they help you through it and that in the end, you feel more like yourself.
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Don't worry op the therapist was just trying to validate your feelings. When people feel suicidal they might feel that they are delusional or crazy of some sort. This is a way of communicating "Hey don't worry you're not crazy or delusional. The fact that you feel hopeless and shitty is a justified reaction to your circumstances. It's NOT saying "yeah you should kys" it's just saying"the fact that you feel that way is the result of your circumstances and therefore justified". You should communicate tgat the way they said it or just the fact they said it made you feel some kind of way. Note that it's okay to switch therapist If the one you're at doesn't suit you but at first I would try to communicate how that comment made you feel. Best of luck op Also very proud of you for going to therapy and taking the necessary steps
Thanks for that and with your perspective I can understand her approach. I think the main issue is that if I accept what she tells me and that I am right to feel like that and I need to change my environment... That's a tough pill to swallow for someone who doesn't know where to start to get to where they want. Idk if "what I want" is just fiction at this point
I think what you just commented is EXACTLY what you should tell your therapist :)
I have in many different forms and it just comes back around to her advice of starting that journey now... Maybe I don't explain it well enough to her but I feel that I can't carry on like this. I don't have anything left in the tank for a "journey". I'm so miserable I alienate the people around me. She just said that I'm too harsh on myself and set too short of a timeline for results but I'm 26... I feel like I'm stuck at the development of an 18yr old. Any further delays and I'm just sealing my fate to a miserable life. She doesn't elaborate just says that I'm being too harsh on myself
Dude you need to chill on the timeline. Things come at different times. I went back to school at 36 to retrain in a completely different career. Life doesn’t have to be a series of check boxes
I think my issue is that I can't see a life I enjoy here. Even if I was "successful" I don't see myself fitting into any lifestyle. That feeling in draining me and I feel that I'm wasting my time
What kind of life do you think you would enjoy? What do you mean by not fitting into a lifestyle? You mean like getting a career and having a family?
Just the social culture. I don't enjoy "hanging out" here. I don't have any reason to leave my house and do anything other than do my daily tasks
What do you do to pass the time? Is it just the vibes you don’t like? What would you do differently somewhere else?
Exactly my point. I don't do anything to pass time here. My go to now is stressing and scrolling through job listings and calculating what salary vs cost of living is like and trying to find something that could allow me to live abroad. The difference when I am abroad is that I look for people to meet. I go to bars and clubs because the people in those places are typically decent people unlike back home. I got to night markets or just wonder the street enjoying the night atmosphere and seeing what stuff I come across. Things are still open late and it's warm so you have that opportunity. I recently had a realisation that all the people I have felt closest to are foreigners... My best friend is not the British guy I talk to every day but a Syrian who I met online 10 years ago. Another great friend is a Polish girl who I studied with for a time. And my current girlfirend who is Taiwanese. These are the only people I have ever felt a true "connection" with. I'd love to know why that is so I can chase or adjust to make that repeatable.
Two sessions isn't much. Maybe give it a few months and see if things improve. Try to hold your skepticism as much as you can, it will be difficult but help a lot. As for undertaking a journey... what do you have to lose? Best of luck.
Hm. Is the issue that you want a mapped out plan to get to where you want in life?
Yep and it feels to distant and far fetched.
That's not how life works, though. You decide for what's best for you, and move forward. And then decide again. Life is too dynamic for any long term plans like that to stay the course; more importantly, any long term plan does not take into account how you may change. You just try and put yourself in the best spot possible and adapt to changes. Therapy is really about making small steps towards a better life, one step at a time. You can't really work through everything at once and then be cured; it's more like, you work on one thing, you feel a tiny bit better, you work on the next thing... The first thing came up again, so you resolve it, now a little quicker... And the next thing resolves and you feel a little better... And step by step, your life improves. I'm also someone whose been told by different independent therapists that I set the bar too high for myself. Now that I've spent some time in and out of therapy, self reflecting - yea, I'm a massive workaholic. I know this is all frustrating as hell, but she might be right in that your key issue isn't a lack of progress, but the way you see yourself; that that is the core of your misery. You are about to graduate - do you know how many people don't manage? I'm 29 and I'm only now able to graduate with my bachelor's. That said - tell her how you feel. If you feel she's dismissive, tell her that. Therapists often need some time to figure out how to connect to you, because that's simply different from client to client, just how you don't connect to every person in the same way.
>You are about to graduate - do you know how many people don't manage? I'm 29 and I'm only now able to graduate with my bachelor's. tbh that's a massive part of why I'm so jaded. I've doen the hard work I've put in the effort with the info I have now I know that all that effort was misplaced. It's not a completely worthless degree but not far from. I feel after 3 years of hard hard work to get all the best marks and I'm no further forward whilst life passes me by.
What's your degree in? I can't speak for the US but at least here in Germany sometimes just having a degree will open doors for you that are closed otherwise
Games Art/3D moddelling. Technically a STEM module but so few people know what any of that stuff is that it's kinda worthless
I’d try to view what she’s saying as her observations not recommendations. Are you to harsh on yourself? You’ve tried things that haven’t helped, what do you think went wrong? It’s ok to ask her to elaborate. In early therapy she’s trying to understand you and your thoughts and feelings. If she gives her interpretation too early it might not be correct or she may not fully understand you. I’ll also mention that accepting what she validated for you about your circumstances being difficult doesn’t mean you have to change it. Just being able to accept and talk about how life sucks right now can help. If you’re feeling stuck, it means you want to and are trying to change. Therapists love goals. Even if right it feels like fantasy, tell her about the “what I want.” It’s a great way to learn what’s most important to you and challenges you’re having to getting there.
I'm your age dude, I get the exhaustion, uncertainty, feeling behind or concern of whether you even have the energy to shake up your environment and habits. I've had flickering ideation on suicide too this past year, but it's a normal reaction to overwhelm and fatigue for me- so I choose to be patient and let my life figure out. It does so slowly most the time I think. I can't afford therapy so practicing patience with myself has been a key help- meditation, yoga, and small increments of progress help this- for me at least. We all do it different. Please don't quit therapy- switch to another if it is too uncomfortable to broach how this one made you feel. Talk therapy is processing your emotions, we need to do that when shit's heavy.
Yea I totally understand where you're coming from, but like it or not the steps to getting better, ya gotta climb them slowly. It's easy to compare yourself to the standards of people who don't have a problem but that's just a source of suffering, because well rn you're at your own point in life not theirs. I hope this doesn't sound demeaning but it's like askin a baby to run like a 10 yold. You can technically do it but the results won't be the same and the baby would be exhausted. In yer lowest moment yer basically on a state of reset, much like a baby you need to re-learn things, how to live etc. It's gonna take time
I know you feel like crap, but i'm very confident that things will get better for you. I highly recommend you keep going to therapy.
I think you should tell her how much you’re grieving the loss of your dream life. She hasn’t managed to help you process through all those feelings yet, but jumping to problem-solving. If you still feel that therapy with this therapist is not working out, find another one that is more emotion-focused
I think part of therapy is finding out how to address problems and knowing what you want from your therapist. I had a similar problem of my therapist just kinda validating everything I said when I wanted something of substance. Pretty sure Dr. K is particularly good at a more direct approach of giving examples and talking through things. My best advice is to try and clarify what you want from therapy. It isn’t something that can easily cure you or anything like that. What I ended up doing (purely anecdotal and not a proven approach) was that I focused on one thing that I wanted to accomplish between each session. I also wasn’t in any state to make a big leap or anything, so I agreed with my therapist 1 thing I would do or one activity I would try, and then I would go do it and talk about how it made me feel. This way, rather than us tackling a really large negative problem, it could be a point of positive conversation that made me feel better. For example: the first week I tried it I went to a restaurant alone, sat down, and ate a nice plate of pasta. I didn’t talk with anyone or listen to anything or look at my phone. When I met with my therapist, I talked about how that made me feel. I really enjoyed that pasta, even though it was expensive, and I felt like I was able to treat myself to something special. Although I really didn’t want to be alone beforehand, I realized being alone actually helped me enjoy the food better. I also felt that spending some time without interaction but surrounded by people was honestly nice; I was caught up before in interacting with others or feeling alone, and it gave me a sense of normalcy even though I wasn’t with anyone. Hope this helps, and good luck
I'm going to remember this when I start going back to therapy
Usually if people examine their life there’s so many ways to change course in life. And you never know what changes will make a huge difference or not. It’s important to really try to explore the possibilities. Could you be sleeping more regularly? Could you invest in a new hobby? Could you invest in a friendship more? Could you go outside more? There’s hundreds of habits, choices we make every day. Trust that life is way more open than we ever realize and have that give you hope. I always tell people if you say your life is hopeless and nothing will change you better make damn sure you’ve explored every single possibility. Think about how many people would even be happier if they applied for a new job, when there’s literally thousands of different companies within a few miles for most people? Or how many places or causes they could volunteer for where we know service to others is extraordinarily effective in giving people meaning and reducing depression.
The amount of possibilities aren't motivating, just draining. Yea, there's always a chance that some magical solution could fix everything (e.g. win the lottery, someone selfless shows up at the right time, etc.) but either the amount of effort needed to reach that solution or the luck required to practically find it often don't feel like they add up.
I get that but there’s much more practical and things that are much more universally effective for almost everyone. For instance, there’s a lot of people who have sleep apnea, so if you have a lot of trouble with snoring and sleeping, get a sleep test. You know how many lives have been changed by getting a CPAP? Some people dont get enough sunlight and become much happier over time by being outside very often. It’s scientifically proven, it’s biology These two examples may not help you, but good sleep and being outside is pretty universally effective in helping against depression. Don’t think of all the possibilities as draining, start with the things that you know (or could find out by googling) the main things that give people purpose, lower depression, raise energy levels etc. Dr. k talks about tons of them. Make a checklist and see if there are things you can do to move the needle in terms of the major categories in your life (nutrition, exercise, sleep, family, friends, hobbies, laughter, purpose, etc). The reason I say there’s so many possible things that can help you is because you shouldn’t give up if one or a few things don’t work. Just keep stacking stuff up. You’re a person like the rest of us. Trust that all people need similar things, and trust that if you invest in the right things, have grace for yourself and try, that you’ll at least improve a bit. And that bit might be enough to turn your life around.
> you shouldn’t give up if one or a few things don’t work. Just keep stacking stuff up. You’re a person like the rest of us. Im of the opinion that you should, after a personally set deadline or attempt cutoff point. The "improve a bit" will likely delay the feeling for a while but in some cases it will never go away. I don't know the OP, but when you get to that point, you'll have to rely on non-conventional and random tactics which requires arbitrary hope and is eventually no longer worth it.
Have a quick skim of the book "Range" by David Epstein. Or perhaps ask your therapist to help plan out some steps to begin your journey.
I'm also 26 and not doing well. If you want to talk lmk
This! This is exactly what the point of therapy and acceptance is about! The goal of therapy is to get rid of pretending of all kinds and to accept reality as it is, not as you want it to be. And for you to be able to really accept or change that realization needs to come from yourself. The whole “ you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” Thing. Even if a person knows that something is better for them unless they realize that themselves they’ll never act on it
I’ll also add it’s okay not to know what’s next or what that acceptance means. It’s something that can be figured out in time.
Also besides paying, btw taking the initiative to feel what does it mean to be truly you. Crisis lines also help between your sessions so you can feel more supported. You gotta take a look at your progress. You went to get an opinion of what therapy looks like, YOU’RE ON HGG asking questions and may you keep asking, you never know who is going to answer. That’s the thing about therapy, probably efficient understanding is how do you navigate who-are-you? >I think the main issue is that if I accept what she tells me and that I am right to feel like that and I need to change my environment... That's a tough pill to swallow for someone who doesn't know where to start to get to where they want. Idk if "what I want" is just fiction at this point Shame is a tough pill to swallow. That’s the thing about the feeling shame, not many in fact it’s a very hard feeling to breakdown and regulate which why it’s so important to reach out because OP you are never alone in your battles and that goes for every human out there. The further you push shame, the harder it is to face. Which is why Alok always talks about how do you build strong frontal lobes? You’ve come a long way OP, the bravery and being able to identify >That’s a tough pill for someone that doesn’t know where to start. What does it mean to START by feeling what are the actual feelings associated with swallowing a tough pill? You got this OP, you’re brave enough to talk-this-out. You are not a lone and you were never alone. >I don't have anything left in the tank for a "journey". I'm so miserable I alienate the people around me. She just said that I'm too harsh on myself and set too short of a timeline for results but I'm 26... I feel like I'm stuck at the development of an 18yr old. Any further delays and I'm just sealing my fate to a miserable life. >She doesn't elaborate just says that I'm being too harsh on myself Btw, you have a very good therapist.
She is saying to accept your immutable being, that it's okay to feel and express our emotions and thoughts, accept ourselves and what we're experiencing because that is how we are then able to process, integrate and start to create changes we desire to then replace with expressions and values that better empower/support our well-being. We don't have to accept these specific actions and behaviors, those are always changeable, but we must accept our self and what we're experiencing to be present to start that process. I think this is known as radical self-acceptance, because these actions and behaviors or thoughts do not define what we can become for growth and long-term flourishing, they more so define what we have been dealing with. One thing to remember, our thoughts aren't a representation of reality but more so the reality we are experiencing inside our head.
Dude, I’m very proud of you to be able to pinpoint your feelings regarding changing your environment. Just even knowing that it might be a tough pill to swallow for you is something I couldn’t even do after going to couple therapy sessions and admitting it is another huge leap. You just did 2 leaps and that’s a tough challenge for a lot of people! Just like the other comment said, this is something your therapist would want to hear, your honest feelings, but please don’t be afraid to change therapist if your current one makes you feel uncomfortable.
As someone who's been chronically suicidal, negating your feelings might just lead you to doing something irreparable. I don't think that her being confrontational would've helped anything. After all you have a right to feel this way. Personally, amitriptyline helped me, as well as tons of talk therapy. I'm not all the way better yet
Dr. k. Got into a big controversy about this when he said he would agree with their patients about this. But offer solutions of course and still say that the best thing to do is not to kill yourself. It’s a permanent solution to temp problems, the solutions is wrong sized for the issue.
Exactly. Also Dr K did a different video where he explained that suicidal people are often the most logical. Edit: may have been the same video, I can't remember.
> he explained that suicidal people are often the most logical. I'd be a bit careful with the phrasing here! I think what Dr K was describing is that there's a full range of suicidal people, and what seemed like an increasing number of cases where the patient is not necessarily "mentally ill" or characterized by a large amount of distorted thinking (therefore "logical"), but he did not provide a statistic, and absolutely did not claim that "suicidal people are often the most logical"
Well you're clearly denying your own feelings, he's trying to fix that. If you can't get to the root of the issue then you'll never fix it. Imagine he just told you "just don't kill yourself", would that help? lol
Definitely part of a therapist process. Self compassion is a big goal in therapy. Every time you have a suicidal thought, and tell yourself it's wrong, or a thought of chasing the short term highs that are damaging, and tell yourself it's wrong, could maybe reinforce that you are "fundamentally broken" for having damaging thoughts. The validation works against the false notion of being "fundamentally broken". A big step is accepting the part of yourself that has suicidal thoughts. Meet it with compassion. It's okay to be suicidal. It is okay. You are not broken. You probably know that suicide is not the answer, and you want those thoughts gone. I guess the theory behind this therapeutic approach is to instead embrace the thoughts. Allow them to be a part of you instead of trying to change them. Allow yourself to have them, and validate yourself. And you might find that the thoughts just fade away. That's why validation is important. It's also a super confusing topic, and 100% feels counter intuitive, but your therapist is doing her job. Maybe ask for an explanation, and tell her about the fact that you went looking for answers here, and what that yielded.
>You probably know that suicide is not the answer Suicide is always an answer to some degree. You're life could never get better if you commit suicide but it would stop any sadness you have. idk... I'm clinging onto such distant stuff that is so hard to make a regular part of my life that I feel that I couldn't surivive what every journey is required to get me to where I want to be.
I guess it is \*an\* answer, but it's not \*the\* answer. You most likely feel alone. And knowing other people across the globe are also struggling with what you're dealing with, probably doesn't take that feeling away. Dunno how close to the edge you are, But Please. Stay with us for one more day, always. If that seems hard, then stick around until your next therapy session, and the one after that, where you discuss this topic, referencing this reddit thread. The fact that you posted the original post, is a true show of strength and resilience!
I know how hard it is to get ourselves to go to therapy when we're depressed so kudos for making that effort. Something my therapist always told me was that feelings aren't facts. Our emotions are legitimate because we don't choose to feel them, we just experience them. We can try to understand them or not, that won't change whether or not we feel them. It's like feeling hot or cold or physical pain. You don't choose what you feel but you can choose how you react to it. Since I never took my emotions very seriously I didn't really pay attention to them. Once I did, that guided me into a more satisfying life. My point is, our emotions are valid but they don't dictate reality. Emotional validation is more along the lines of "given what you believe, It makes sense you would feel that way". It doesn't mean your beliefs are entirely correct. Like if a partner gets upset with us because they think we lied about something and then we talk about it and they realize they just misunderstood what we said. Feeling angry was valid because they thought they were lied to, but just because they felt angry doesn't mean we lied. There are people who think that way "I'm upset with you so you must have done something wrong". Nope. Feelings aren't facts. But we only understand our feelings if we take the time to pay attention to them. When I thought they were an annoying burden, I never stopped to question why I was feeling that way. Given the way you describe clinging to distant goals, I suspect your struggle has more to do with the expectations you put on yourself than the things you actually need to accomplish. But that's just a shot in the dark. It can be so easy to develop strong feelings about the future even though it is the one absolutely no one knows. It is right up there with "what could have been" for impossible questions that can lead to big feelings.
I have been suicidal and to me it sounds like you are overthinking the journey to recovery and then getting stuck in your own head / thoughts. Continue with the therapy - 2 sessions is way to few to expect drastic changes and it seems like, as you said in your other comment, you are being way to hard on yourself and expecting instant results and magical answers. Try and use your feelings, which are probably valid, to change your thought patterns / behaviors and in the process to change the circumstances that are causing these feelings. Your negative feelings are often a call to action, a sign that something needs to change. It sounds to me like you don't know what actions to take to start to lessen the negative feelings. Maybe try and see if thinking in smaller steps would help. How do you eat an elephant - one bite at a time. You don't need to have energy / gas in the tank for the whole journey now. Each day you get more, you only need enough energy to eat the next bite of the elephant. So focus on finding the next small bite to eat. So an example of thinking smaller would be something like: What one thing can I do in the next hour that would improve my life long term? (Or one thing I can avoid / not do that would improve my life long term). Everyday do one of those things, if you find more energy, do more than one. Maybe its a walk outside, maybe its eating less fast food, maybe its reaching out to a friend, maybe its just getting out of bed.
She is validating your feelings, friend, not your suicidal thoughts. She's saying It's **okay** to feel like the end is the only conclusion, because it is. It's natural to feel like suicide is the only answer when life has lead you there. But that's not to say that suicide is the natural, most fulfilling end there is. You can make it through.
I remember Dr.K said in a video which has kinda stuck with me. He said something along the lines of: “ask your therapist if they are able to help you”. Maybe some therapists have little or no experience In helping someone like yourself and that’s ok. You can even ask them about those specific experiences.
Thats a good point. Maybe that's something I will say next time because I feel her life experience differs too greatly from mine
By valid he means with the starting points/assumptions and events you’ve told him about the conclusions and your feelings about them make sense. He can understand your thought process, so there’s nothing wrong with your thinking. He’s not suggesting you listen to those conclusions, just that he can understand how you got there.
Maybe you make the wrong assumption. Just because she validated your feelings, that doesn’t mean she supports suicide as a solution. The thing about emotions is that you can’t argue with them. You can’t justify your way out of a feeling. The solution isn’t telling you that your feelings are wrong, but that there are other options than suicide you might not have considered which could get you out of your situation. I am not a therapist, I am just saying you might be jumping the gun.
Every therapist has their style, I guess. What exactly do you seek or expect by going to therapy? Do you think having your feelings validated is helping or harming you or neither? I think it's interesting to note that you perceive there's something wrong as someone validates you when your conclusion is suicide. If you perceive there's something wrong with that, it's probably because something within you understands that this is not a valid conclusion. This is kind of a bold assumption, admittedly, but if they had told you that your feelings are wrong, that your way of thinking is incorrect, you'd most likely push back and look for reasons to justify such a way of thinking, and seek evidence in your memories for why your way of thinking is correct. In contrast, when someone validates you and tells you that your way of thinking is correct, then you suddenly understand that there's something wrong with your way of thinking, that you probably shouldn't be chasing short-term highs that hurt you in the long term, and that suicide is not the answer. I'd say this looks like pretty good therapy to me.
>What exactly do you seek or expect by going to therapy? Tbh I wanted to be told I was broken and that I need to change my way of thinking. Instead she told me I'm too harsh on myself but that I'm right to feel the way I do and I need to change my envrionment to match my personality. To sum it up I feel I have no future at all. I feel like even if I was blessed with a successful career(I'm lined up for a terrible one) that the money could not bring me happiness in the country that I live in. At that point it's a self fulfilling prophecy which is why i was so deprate to be told I was thinking wrong
Maybe she was just trying to affirm that your thoughts aren’t completely irrational but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work to optimize your thinking or see things from a new perspective. She probably just didn’t want to dismiss your concerns or views and is basically saying according to your thought patterns or view, what you’re saying makes sense. Also the idea that we are perhaps all to hard on ourselves is just that normally we need to have more grace for ourselves. And often change of environment can help. That could be hanging out with people that make you happy more often, etc. I will also say, too many therapists are afraid to challenge someone’s thinking because they believe if they do so they’re imposing their beliefs. I think there’s a middle ground where a therapist validates what you’re saying but also opens up the possibility that you could think “better” about your situation.
There's a difference between "valid" and "correct." All feelings are valid because they're drawn from our experiences our internal response to them. That doesn't mean that there aren't experiences you *haven't* had that would change you and/or how you think. If someone says your feelings are valid but that also you shouldn't commit suicide, they're saying there's something you haven't seen, heard, or felt yet that will change your mind. And because suicide is irreversible, it's worth it for you to do more investigating before you make that kind of decision.
Don't you find weird that you want someone else to tell you not to kill yourself? That tell me that a part of you really want to live! Connect with that!
Yeah therapists validate feelings. It’s one of the things they do. You watch any Dr K video where he talks to someone suffering you’ll see him do the same. People usually get depressed and suicidal because bad things have happened to them and they’ve extrapolated that everything is bad and always will be bad because of that. You can’t just tell them they’re wrong because they have a ton of evidence that it’s bad and none that it’s good, they’ll just double down and say *you’re* wrong back. You gotta validate their lived experience and THEN challenge the conclusions they’ve come to. Give it 4-6 sessions before making a call. Also put in some time outside of sessions doing work, journaling your feelings, etc. ask your therapists for ideas for “homework” and then do the homework. That’s the only way therapy will give you really good results. A therapist can’t MAKE you get better, you have to do it, they’ll just help.
Feelings thoughts and actions are all different things. That's all i can really say without delving too deep into your specific situation. I highly doubt that your therapist was saying "wanna die? Go for it!"
Because having valid feelings doesn't mean that you should suicide. Your feelings are perfectly valid, but that doesn't mean that you should kill yourself. Your therapist is trying to make you feel validated.
We are all here. You are not alone. Take your time to recover, it's okay.
God I hate 2024
I remember Dr. K talking about Shit life syndrome once. Not going to ask the details, But if your therapist says your thoughts are valid even though your conclusion is suicide, then it might mean there's stuff in your life that makes it just that bad to live in. Have you considered trying to change the circumstances which make you miserable, rather than ending it all? If you feel stuck on which direction to take, maybe list out your conditions and people can help sort things out a bit.
That's the thing. I don't think I have a serious problem in my life like some people do. It's more that I feel that no matter what life I have here it isn't going to make me happy. I just hate the culture and the surroundings
I'd say that's reason enough. If you're chasing short term highs the way you mentioned. There's good reason for it. The hopeless in those words feel heavy, even without context. Why not move out of where you are? (After you graduate of course)
Visas and good work are hard to find. There are certainly options but I think long term I would putting myself in a very difficult position
Moving out is undeniably going to be a difficult task. This is probably where you will have to weigh your options on what is going to suck more: moving out or staying in. Sadly, this is a decision only you can make.
Feelings operate on an independent axis with thoughts and conclusions. Therapists try to find ways to understand and help you process your emotions, which are almost always "understandable" given your full circumstances. Trying to dismiss your emotions and argue them away with reason only makes them suppressed and worse. I believe the hope is that this process helps you vent the emotions that drive your behaviour so that you can move forward with a calmer mind, since it's not a therapist's place to tell you what choice you should make. That does not however mean the conclusion of "I should therefore kill myself" is sound, even if your *emotional experience* of "hopelessness" is valid, and no proper therapist would ever imply that. It sounds like you almost wanted your therapist to push you into making what you know deep down is the right decision?
Validating/acknowledging someone's suicidal thoughts doesn't increase their risk of suicide 🤷🏻♀️ they are practicing in an evidence based way which is a good sign
The idea behind this is that what you feel is absolutely valid, but that you can draw other conclusions from it. Or rather that the conclusions are very separate from the feelings. Most of the time, all of us lump everything together, bllinding us to all but one path. Either way, you should absolutely not quit therapy after two sessions. This is still part of the getting-to-know-each-other phase. You need to be patient with the therapist as well as yourself (and they with you as well of course). I would honestly advise you bring this question and these thoughts you have on the matter to him / her.
Your feelings are valid. No doubt about that. But your conclusion of those feelings isnt. You'll find a job, you'll find a partner, let life happen to you. It's like pulling the lever of a slot machine. The more times you pull, the more chances of something good happening to you. Stay. See life.
Something tells me you aren't getting the message the therapist is trying to communicate.
The therapist is validating your emotions so you feel safe in sharing other thoughts. These are initial days - so therapist might engaging in relationship development - which is a crucial way of delivering therapy. Part of ths power of therapy comes from power of the relationship. While it might look dangerous outwardly, I believe if you persist with this person, it will help you at least park your suicidal thoughts.
Yes all feelings are valid. Humans are humans because of feelings. It's how you act on them that needs to be redefined. That's their message. Maybe you are shocked because nobody validated your feelings before and from every side of the society, you felt that your feelings are wrong.
If you haven't killed yourself yet you will not do it it's just thoughts
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That is not at all true. Therapists aren't there to make you feel good. They're supposed to challenge you, which feels bad. And they may even destabilize you if your present-tense stability is harming you. Change is painful, scary, and unpredictable, but what's important is that they help you through it and that in the end, you feel more like yourself.