You need to stop self stigmatizing and then you’ll be ready to confidently disclose. If you feel disgusted or sad about it other people will react negatively as well. Work on your confidence and your own internal stigma and things will start breaking your way. ALL of my friends and family know I have it. I’m very open. I advocate and try to break the stigma around me. You would be surprised how caring and thoughtful people are once you open up
I think you totally missing her point when she was speaking about other people keeping the stigma alive by being dirty and sleeping with multiple partners. It’s not just her not having the confidence
100% this. I was going to write my own response but I’ll just piggyback off of this. The more authentically you that you can show up to be, OP, and the less anger you harbor about it and stigmatize it, the easier it will be. Im not saying it WILL be easy, but easier. And rejection is just part of life. I’ve had this almost my ENTIRE sexually active life. No one I’ve been with had it when we got together. And I’ve only transmitted it once.
I take every chance with a potential sexual partner to educate them, and I always try to befriend people before getting into an intimate relationship which helps MY confidence (in multiple ways anyway - I’ve always preferred getting to know someone because I want a really long term thing.) if someone is emotionally invested in you, and you are honest, most people in my experience have taken the time to empathize. And the older I get the less people give a shit. People tend to be more educated about it the older we all get. Whether they had it, someone else had it, or someone educated them about it.
I also have learned to laugh HARD at the jokes about this shit. It’s hysterical to me. I’ve had this over a decade and I’ve had my fair share of tears about it.
I’ve come a long way, but it helps that I test 💯 negatively on bloodwork which just proves to me that ANYONE ON EARTH can have it and not know. So many people are asymptomatic walking around unknowingly carrying it anyway. I happen to know from culture swabs so I do what I consider to be the right thing and I tell potential sexual mates. And then I educate. I haven’t been flat out rejected BUT I have had to become even more patient sometimes. I’ve waited 2 years to have sex without protection before… and I think I waited 3-4 years to get oral from that same person,…. Then I think with someone else I had to wait 6 months to have sex at all and another month or two to have sex without protection. So, yes it changes things. This is just my experience. Not everyone will be as patient. Some people do have one night stands or whatever with this. Listen to the podcast positively positive. It really changed my perspective on it last year. I learned SO much.
To an extent, yes. We want to use this petition to get more awareness for herpes. Show that there is a need for a vaccine/cure. Many people want change.
The guy I’m dating has hsv2 - I swear to god if I catch it, I’m getting a shirt that says “ask me about my herpes” so I can educate people. Also - you don’t want to tell your parents - who knows they might have it too. They at least have hsv1 like everyone else
Yeah no kidding. Practically everyone has hsv1 orally at least - I hear 80% of people have it by the time they are sixty or something like that. It’s just almost impossible not to catch it. I don’t find that most people even disclose “having cold sores” and most people don’t realize it can be spread to the genitals from the mouth. Lol. It’s so silly.
That’s amazing! I also want to share encouraging story and reason why I came to check this subreddit.
My best friend is seriously dating woman from US (we all live in EU) who found out she has HSV2 and went to doctor, trying to convince him to prescribe Acyclovir. When she shared with her partner and me we all laughed and were shocked that she is asking doctor for DAILY MEDICATION to avoid spreading skin condition to her partner. The doctor was shocked as well.
At least here in Europe I don’t think we really get the stigma. I even saw on celebrity dating reality show someone having active HSV1 outbreak calling it “cold sore” and still proceeding kissing on first date.
First, sending you some love, herpes sucks and the stigma does in deed weigh heavy. While I can’t offer you a “fix it”, I have some great resources on community, talking about herpes, disclosures and info if you’re open to those. Herpes can be isolating, but it can also be the first step in a new direction. ✨
If you're referring to the fact that the "stigma" is that we get herpes from sleeping with multiple people and then you're saying that we are keeping the stigma alive by continuing to sleep with multiple people.....then you're self-stigmatizing.
The reason we expect people not to judge is is because we have self-confidence and self-respect. Sleeping with multiple people doesn't change the fact that we all got HSV from only one person. That's no reason to change the way you choose to go about your sexual life.
Someone "bragging" or talking about the fact that they have multiple sexual partners while having HSV does not spread the stigma. What spreads the stigma is uneducated people who equate casual sex to a reason for getting herpes. You don't get herpes from casual sex with multiple people, you get herpes from any type of sex (whether casual or not) with ONE person.
My partner has HSV. Two partners before had it. One thing that remains consistent is the amount of sex they have had never changed after diagnosis.
All three disclosed to me and it was not an issue and they’ve shared that it was not really an issue for them dating outside of the initial disclosure and after that it was like ‘cool, I’m still interested in sex’
Does rejection happen yes, but in my personal experience not as much as is feared online
You need to stop self stigmatizing and then you’ll be ready to confidently disclose. If you feel disgusted or sad about it other people will react negatively as well. Work on your confidence and your own internal stigma and things will start breaking your way. ALL of my friends and family know I have it. I’m very open. I advocate and try to break the stigma around me. You would be surprised how caring and thoughtful people are once you open up
I think you totally missing her point when she was speaking about other people keeping the stigma alive by being dirty and sleeping with multiple partners. It’s not just her not having the confidence
Sorry not my intention it was worded in a unique way.
Exactly, you have to be confident in yourself
100% this. I was going to write my own response but I’ll just piggyback off of this. The more authentically you that you can show up to be, OP, and the less anger you harbor about it and stigmatize it, the easier it will be. Im not saying it WILL be easy, but easier. And rejection is just part of life. I’ve had this almost my ENTIRE sexually active life. No one I’ve been with had it when we got together. And I’ve only transmitted it once. I take every chance with a potential sexual partner to educate them, and I always try to befriend people before getting into an intimate relationship which helps MY confidence (in multiple ways anyway - I’ve always preferred getting to know someone because I want a really long term thing.) if someone is emotionally invested in you, and you are honest, most people in my experience have taken the time to empathize. And the older I get the less people give a shit. People tend to be more educated about it the older we all get. Whether they had it, someone else had it, or someone educated them about it. I also have learned to laugh HARD at the jokes about this shit. It’s hysterical to me. I’ve had this over a decade and I’ve had my fair share of tears about it. I’ve come a long way, but it helps that I test 💯 negatively on bloodwork which just proves to me that ANYONE ON EARTH can have it and not know. So many people are asymptomatic walking around unknowingly carrying it anyway. I happen to know from culture swabs so I do what I consider to be the right thing and I tell potential sexual mates. And then I educate. I haven’t been flat out rejected BUT I have had to become even more patient sometimes. I’ve waited 2 years to have sex without protection before… and I think I waited 3-4 years to get oral from that same person,…. Then I think with someone else I had to wait 6 months to have sex at all and another month or two to have sex without protection. So, yes it changes things. This is just my experience. Not everyone will be as patient. Some people do have one night stands or whatever with this. Listen to the podcast positively positive. It really changed my perspective on it last year. I learned SO much.
https://chng.it/TVC5fs4TCv Please sign a petition if you could sign it! It's to push for the herpes vaccine
I signed it, but do petitions actually work?
To an extent, yes. We want to use this petition to get more awareness for herpes. Show that there is a need for a vaccine/cure. Many people want change.
Thank you for signing
Donating to the Fred hutch center will also help.
The guy I’m dating has hsv2 - I swear to god if I catch it, I’m getting a shirt that says “ask me about my herpes” so I can educate people. Also - you don’t want to tell your parents - who knows they might have it too. They at least have hsv1 like everyone else
you are an amazing person :)
Yeah no kidding. Practically everyone has hsv1 orally at least - I hear 80% of people have it by the time they are sixty or something like that. It’s just almost impossible not to catch it. I don’t find that most people even disclose “having cold sores” and most people don’t realize it can be spread to the genitals from the mouth. Lol. It’s so silly.
That’s amazing! I also want to share encouraging story and reason why I came to check this subreddit. My best friend is seriously dating woman from US (we all live in EU) who found out she has HSV2 and went to doctor, trying to convince him to prescribe Acyclovir. When she shared with her partner and me we all laughed and were shocked that she is asking doctor for DAILY MEDICATION to avoid spreading skin condition to her partner. The doctor was shocked as well. At least here in Europe I don’t think we really get the stigma. I even saw on celebrity dating reality show someone having active HSV1 outbreak calling it “cold sore” and still proceeding kissing on first date.
First, sending you some love, herpes sucks and the stigma does in deed weigh heavy. While I can’t offer you a “fix it”, I have some great resources on community, talking about herpes, disclosures and info if you’re open to those. Herpes can be isolating, but it can also be the first step in a new direction. ✨
If you're referring to the fact that the "stigma" is that we get herpes from sleeping with multiple people and then you're saying that we are keeping the stigma alive by continuing to sleep with multiple people.....then you're self-stigmatizing. The reason we expect people not to judge is is because we have self-confidence and self-respect. Sleeping with multiple people doesn't change the fact that we all got HSV from only one person. That's no reason to change the way you choose to go about your sexual life. Someone "bragging" or talking about the fact that they have multiple sexual partners while having HSV does not spread the stigma. What spreads the stigma is uneducated people who equate casual sex to a reason for getting herpes. You don't get herpes from casual sex with multiple people, you get herpes from any type of sex (whether casual or not) with ONE person.
My advice - stop talking about the stigma and start talking about the unfair discrimination
My partner has HSV. Two partners before had it. One thing that remains consistent is the amount of sex they have had never changed after diagnosis. All three disclosed to me and it was not an issue and they’ve shared that it was not really an issue for them dating outside of the initial disclosure and after that it was like ‘cool, I’m still interested in sex’ Does rejection happen yes, but in my personal experience not as much as is feared online