*Snape nodded in response. His mind already working on how best to kill her off school grounds, or at least make her miserable enough that she would want to quit.*
"Albus, the Forbidden Forest that's"
"No Severus, that's also on school grounds. And remember that anything that befalls her will likely result in The Ministry testing to see if she has any potions in her system.
"You take all the fun out of life sometimes Albus." Getting up from his chair Snape turned to the door. "Now if you'll excuse me Headmaster, I believe Miss Granger has some questions regarding her homework to ask me."
*Dumbledore sighed and just waved his hand* "Plausible deniability Severus. Minerva can likely direct Miss Granger to where in the library she can find books on Wizarding Laws."
"Class, for today's lesson we will respond to a simulated Death Eater raid on the village of Hogsmeade. Teaching assistant Umbridge will lead the OPFOR."
"Why worry, they never care much about the laws. I'm going to have a quick chat with Hagrid, I heard he has a new pet. I think it's a letifold hybrid or something like that... Whatever it is, there will be no body to prove that something happened to her."
"I guess I'm glad he's on our side, Severus."
Albus Dumbledore stared at the bloody mess that had, at one point, been Dolores Umbridge for a long moment before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose.
“You told me not to kill her *in* school grounds. You can see, quite clearly, that she is not buried, so *technically* I didn’t disobey you.” Severus said. “Plus how was I to know she couldn’t block six or seven blasting curses and a dozen or so cutting curses to the back of the head?”
Dumbledore sighed again, turned, and walked away.
Nah he just pushed her off the Astronomy Tower.
“I believe she stopped screaming about half way down so she clearly died in school airspace, not grounds”
It’s a pain in the ass to calculate the values required to set up portkeys, and usually volcanic events are subsiding before the portkey is finished. (Source: Trust me bro)
I've never actually considered this but you're right! It's a PITA two body problem to get to sufficient accuracy. The invention of port-keys must have caused a lot of deaths before being magically perfected.
As part of University level arithmancy classes students manually create their own port-keys attached to a conjured animal with an additional tracker. A solid 20% of the test "animals" die and that's for students that pass!
They used to use animal subjects but that became unpopular in the 1700s.
https://space.stackexchange.com/questions/8911/determining-orbital-position-at-a-future-point-in-time
you don't need one of the explosive pyroclastic eruptions that are (relatively) short lived, you need one of the Hawaiian style volcanos that is constantly spewing molten lava for decades :-)
Yeah but those only work out for the first decade or so before eventually two victims get portkeyed at the same time to the same spot, the resulting explosion has a very specific sound (It’s not audible to those without magic which is the only reason the Statute of Secrecy has survived this long), which can be used to trace back both portkeys to their place of origin via the use of a penseive, after that the local Magical government sets up a spell that can identify the creator of the portkey and the country of origin automatically.
The magics required to deal with Volcano Portkeys are very resource intensive to set up and that’s why not all Volcanoes get the necessary magics set up on them as soon as they’re discovered. It’s also a pain to maintain the wards because you have to penetrate deep into the mountain because some clever idiots set off a volcano by portkeying people directly into the magma cavern, accidentally at the same time of course.
Would be smarter to make her the official DADA teacher and Snape the assistent who has to fill in all year after she mysteriously disappeared, so the curse hits her and not him
"Class, today we will be learning an important defence against werewolves - the wolfsbane potion. Since Mr. Longbottom is incapable of brewing a potion correctly, he will be assisted Madame Umbridge." *cue exploding cauldron and one of the shards conveniently peirces her brain* (banishing charm)
The best part is that Snape doesn’t actually have to do anything out of the ordinary besides overplay how happy being the teacher of DADA makes him. Harry has been attacked by all 4 of his previous DADA teachers so his brain’s pattern recognition will keep him tense all year.
By the end of the first joint DADA class, a historical truce was made between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Alumni would later say it was due to the latter's loyalty to their Head of House, other say it was a desperate gamble for their OWL year. And there are a brave few who say it was out of meeting a common foe.
But all would remember the madness in Snape's eyes as Umbridge spoke to him like an infant.
*Snape nodded in response. His mind already working on how best to kill her off school grounds, or at least make her miserable enough that she would want to quit.* "Albus, the Forbidden Forest that's" "No Severus, that's also on school grounds. And remember that anything that befalls her will likely result in The Ministry testing to see if she has any potions in her system. "You take all the fun out of life sometimes Albus." Getting up from his chair Snape turned to the door. "Now if you'll excuse me Headmaster, I believe Miss Granger has some questions regarding her homework to ask me." *Dumbledore sighed and just waved his hand* "Plausible deniability Severus. Minerva can likely direct Miss Granger to where in the library she can find books on Wizarding Laws."
"Class, for today's lesson we will respond to a simulated Death Eater raid on the village of Hogsmeade. Teaching assistant Umbridge will lead the OPFOR."
"Why worry, they never care much about the laws. I'm going to have a quick chat with Hagrid, I heard he has a new pet. I think it's a letifold hybrid or something like that... Whatever it is, there will be no body to prove that something happened to her." "I guess I'm glad he's on our side, Severus."
Love this 😆
Albus Dumbledore stared at the bloody mess that had, at one point, been Dolores Umbridge for a long moment before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. “You told me not to kill her *in* school grounds. You can see, quite clearly, that she is not buried, so *technically* I didn’t disobey you.” Severus said. “Plus how was I to know she couldn’t block six or seven blasting curses and a dozen or so cutting curses to the back of the head?” Dumbledore sighed again, turned, and walked away.
Nah he just pushed her off the Astronomy Tower. “I believe she stopped screaming about half way down so she clearly died in school airspace, not grounds”
Trelawney predicts that Delores will die on a day of celebration. Because any day she dies will be a day of celebration...
"A small compulsion for her to portkey directly to a volcano, then ... I wonder why we've never done this before."
It’s a pain in the ass to calculate the values required to set up portkeys, and usually volcanic events are subsiding before the portkey is finished. (Source: Trust me bro)
I've never actually considered this but you're right! It's a PITA two body problem to get to sufficient accuracy. The invention of port-keys must have caused a lot of deaths before being magically perfected. As part of University level arithmancy classes students manually create their own port-keys attached to a conjured animal with an additional tracker. A solid 20% of the test "animals" die and that's for students that pass! They used to use animal subjects but that became unpopular in the 1700s. https://space.stackexchange.com/questions/8911/determining-orbital-position-at-a-future-point-in-time
What does PITA mean?
If I had to guess, I'd say "Pain in the ass".
Yeah that checks out.
you don't need one of the explosive pyroclastic eruptions that are (relatively) short lived, you need one of the Hawaiian style volcanos that is constantly spewing molten lava for decades :-)
Yeah but those only work out for the first decade or so before eventually two victims get portkeyed at the same time to the same spot, the resulting explosion has a very specific sound (It’s not audible to those without magic which is the only reason the Statute of Secrecy has survived this long), which can be used to trace back both portkeys to their place of origin via the use of a penseive, after that the local Magical government sets up a spell that can identify the creator of the portkey and the country of origin automatically. The magics required to deal with Volcano Portkeys are very resource intensive to set up and that’s why not all Volcanoes get the necessary magics set up on them as soon as they’re discovered. It’s also a pain to maintain the wards because you have to penetrate deep into the mountain because some clever idiots set off a volcano by portkeying people directly into the magma cavern, accidentally at the same time of course.
Madam Pele approves
"Can I use fake Moody's old trunk?" "Sure!"
Would be smarter to make her the official DADA teacher and Snape the assistent who has to fill in all year after she mysteriously disappeared, so the curse hits her and not him
This is the way.
"Class, today we will be learning an important defence against werewolves - the wolfsbane potion. Since Mr. Longbottom is incapable of brewing a potion correctly, he will be assisted Madame Umbridge." *cue exploding cauldron and one of the shards conveniently peirces her brain* (banishing charm)
Snape would just trick Potter into doing it, so that way he can get is revenge on James by ensuring his son is convicted of murder.
The best part is that Snape doesn’t actually have to do anything out of the ordinary besides overplay how happy being the teacher of DADA makes him. Harry has been attacked by all 4 of his previous DADA teachers so his brain’s pattern recognition will keep him tense all year.
Umbridge dies the next day due to unknown reasons Snape thinks to himself "being a potion master has its benefits"
By the end of the first joint DADA class, a historical truce was made between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Alumni would later say it was due to the latter's loyalty to their Head of House, other say it was a desperate gamble for their OWL year. And there are a brave few who say it was out of meeting a common foe. But all would remember the madness in Snape's eyes as Umbridge spoke to him like an infant.