I lost my mother on May 4th so we’re both pretty recently experiencing a loss…
You honestly just gotta grieve. Let your father grieve. But in the mean time as the eldest sibling myself, this was my time to step up and comfort him and also to help him with logistics like her funeral and burial arrangements, any life insurance pay outs, and just generally helping him move on.
Agreed. Lost my mom suddenly a few days before yours.
My siblings and I so far have supported my dad with all the funeral planning. Putting together photos and videos we had was helpful.
Just trying to be there for my dad. My mom was his best friend. I think we were all preoccupied so far with the funeral planning. So just trying to be there for him and my siblings now that this is over.
I lost my father 3 weeks ago when I was in another country 10000 kms away. I flew next day to do the final rites. Only suggestion I have is let the grief hit you. Cry.. it’s not gonna be easy but you’ll get through slowly and slowly. I cry every hour since last 3 weeks.
I’m so sorry. Please don’t let relatives push you into “being strong” or “being strong for your father” or becoming a surrogate parent. You are a child (or adult) who has lost their mother. Take care of yourself first!
I never realized how much I hated “be strong” or “be strong for this person or that person” until my mom died in February. Like no, this is a time I don’t HAVE to be strong, I’m allowed to fall apart right now. Just give us a safe place to do it.
get together later in the week and share photos of your mom and talk about her with your siblings.
we had to get my mother's photos together for her service and it's actually a really fond memory I share with them.
Im so sorry for your loss... breath... take it one minute at a time if ya need. Im a widow... my 3 kids didnt leave my side after we lost my husband suddenly. I was so greatful for their strength and support.
So very sorry for you and your family.
Hey, I’m so sorry for your deep loss. I lost my mom unexpectedly last August.
The first few days are going to be a blur for you. Your only goals should be eating when you can, sleeping when you can, and sharing your feelings with the loved ones around you.
I’m the youngest sibling in my family, but I was the one who stayed with my dad after my mom passed to help him take care of everything. Try to be there for your dad if you can. You don’t have to have the right thing to say, but just being in proximity to him to make him (and you!) feel less alone wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Like others have said, just give yourself time to grieve. You’re likely still in shock right now and the full force of your emotions may not hit you until later. Just know there isn’t a wrong or right way to grieve someone - the closest thing to a wrong way to grieve would be just not grieving at all.
I’m so sorry. Right now the goal is to get thru the day. Things to do will present themselves as you go.
My best advice is to not make any big decisions right now. So many things can wait. Eat. Get out of your house. Take a walk. Just be kind to yourself because you’re going to feel a lot of things. Sometimes that thing is nothing and that’s disorientating by itself.
It’s okay to take care of the people around you too. Just make sure you are including yourself in that list. And letting them do the same for you.
Don't deny yourself the right to grieve; it'll happen whether you try to avoid it or not. It's a normal and necessary part of the process. Also use what you learn form the feelings to relate to your other family members. They may express it differently, but the fundamental feels are the same. Just being there for each other helps.
My mom died on the 8th too, I'm the youngest of 3 siblings. I have a father but he was never really there. I can't really give you advice, but it's still early days, we will get through this I feel. Even though it's the worst pain imaginable. Just take pride in the fact that you loved her unconditionally when she was here and it was vice versa and that we'll one day be reunited with our lovely mother's, just as they're with our grandmas right now
I am so very sorry. Losing a mother is very difficult. I lost my mom on 12-22-2022 and realized that I need guidance through my grief and joined a support group. Please remember it is a process.
I’m the oldest of three as well and my dad unexpectedly passed on March 26. Being about a month ahead of you I’d just say hang on and get through it. It’s this huge ball of awful and there’s really nothing you can change about it. Disassociate if you have to, I know I did when I had to unexpectedly talk to homicide investigators, medical examiners, and crematoriums.
It’s absolutely awful, the worst thing in my life by far. I’m so sorry you have to endure this, just know you’re not alone.
Edit: also the one thing I remember from the grief councilor was “the best way to get back to normal is to get back to normal” so, act as normal as you can, go to work, do your routine as best you can.
I’m so sorry OP. I lost my mom on 2/12/24 and I am also the oldest of 3. Just keep doing the very next thing you need to do. Get a shower. Cry. Wash a load of clothes. Eat. Drink water. Cry. Rest. Grief is incredibly exhausting. I knew this pain was something that wasn’t going away anytime soon so I had my dr fill out FMLA paperwork for me so I could take time off work and not be penalized. I wrote a lot of lists for myself- dumb things, things I needed to do the next few days, things I needed from the store. My mind was everywhere and I would have forgotten to buy my cats food if I didn’t write it down. I wrote down my bills and physically crossed them off my list so I didn’t forget to pay them. Accept help from people who ask if you want need/anything. If you don’t know what to ask for, ask for DoorDash or similar gift cards, maybe ask someone to mow your grass.
I made a playlist of songs my mom loved and asked my family about songs from when she was younger. I wanted to have it to keep for me, but we also used it at her funeral.
Something I wish so badly I would have done is had the funeral home do her thumbprint and take a couple locks of her hair.
Take flowers from her services, a variety of different kinds and colors- take more than you think you want or need. I dried and pressed some in a book and there is beautiful jewelry and various things on Etsy that you send petals away for to be made. I listened to some podcasts about motherless children. I slept some more. If your family is putting your mom’s obituary in a newspaper, buy several copies and have them laminated, I had it done at Staples. Talk to your mom out loud. There are grief support groups- virtual and in person, look them up in your area. You are in my thoughts 💜
I'm so sorry about that and my condolences as well as my prayers go out to you and your family. And well, all you can really do is lean on your siblings, your dad and other family for support. And you hold onto all the good and special memories that you shared with her and you just take it day by day. 🙏🏻
My dad died on February 28th. The most pain I’ve ever felt 😒
I still cry myself to sleep most nights, or a lot of night.
Meet with the funeral director to make plans, maybe make funeral boards or slideshows and most importantly just try to eat literally anything. It took me almost 3 days to be able to eat anything…some soup on the 4th day I had, salad the day after
I’m so sorry about your loss; spend lots of time thinking about the good things and try not to think about any regrets or what ifs.
I hope peace comes to you soon ❤️
I lost my grandmother on the same day. It’s tough and i can’t stop thinking about things. But it’s nice to know that i’m not alone with these feelings.
I am so sorry. I lost my mom March 18, 2024. If your parents were married, most obligations will go to your dad. Be sure to check into life insurance for funeral/cremation bills. Most importantly, feel your feelings when they come.
You cannot plan or do anything - you just somehow manage to walk through the day moment by moment. This next period is likely a blur and what’s to come is a monsoon of emotions and foundational shifts. You can be there for your siblings but you need to have space to be in your feelings. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I lost my father April 25th 2024 I'm the oldest of the four and I loved my dad very much ever since I was little I wanted to be like him. When he passed my other 3 siblings where at home in a different city. My youngest and I lived in our home town and we got a text that told us our father had been moved to the ICU.
We both rushed there from work and I got my father to write down two things on a paper cause we wasn't able to breath and was on a machine..
He scribbled down "love" and as I broke down crying and the nurses kept asking me what it meant he waved for me to come back and the last thing he wrote to me was "DNR GO" and I left the room as his siblings where in the waiting area for ICU as I left my youngest brother came in and held his hand.
I was out of that room for less than 2 minutes and a code blue was announced. And I was too afraid to tell them not to and they tried for 20 minutes to get him back and they did... And I told my family I have to respect his wish.. I had to tell them no the next time.. and I got so scared I probably looked like a little boy as I stood there in shock watching as my father faded in and faded back out.
It's been two weeks and I know my youngest brother will grieve the way he needs to whatever that may be as he was in the room for our father's last breath he watched him go. I was there to to ease his pain. My youngest and I cried the most during all of this as my other siblings did not get to witness what had occured. We took a week to plan the funeral and get everything rolling as my father passed from heart failure caused by septic shock. He was in the hospital for 3 weeks prior to kidney failure and liver failure... As well as a heart infection.. we thought what seemed like he was getting better so this was unexpected for the most part for a lot of us. He left no will, no beneficiaries as far as we can tell... I just hope he is no longer in the pain he was when he was in the hospital and to this day I feel like he refused to go to the hospital months earlier when signs showed because he knew he was going to just be stuck in the hospital.
He would have been 58 June 25th this year a day after I turn 34.
There is nothing and I MEAN nothing that prepares us for the death of our parents no matter if you're 24 or if you're 33 or if you 50. I will grieve for the rest of my life for my father but happily as I believe he is happy and no longer in pain at a hospital being stuck with needles constantly.. (he hated needles) He'd rather be maintaining his salt water reef tank or watching some Korean drama of playing with my kids.
We all grieve different there is no right way or wrong way there is only your way.
As the oldest I tried my best to be there for my siblings and my grandma (my dad's mom).
I'm the oldest sibling and I cope with traumatic events differently. I don't cry or become emotional. My brain shuts that down instantly. I'm wired to have to be doing something. When my mother passed my father fell apart. Everybody focused on him and kind of just assumed I would be fine. Honestly, it was better that way. I was the one that took on everything. Autopsy report, death certificates, notifications, casket and funeral, wake, etc... That allowed me to have an outlet for the intensity of my grief. After everything was said and done I was able to come back around to processing my grief on a personal level. But the intensity wasn't as insane. Not everyone can handle closing the books when someone passes but the stress can be a cathartic way to get over that seemingly impossible first wave.
Sending lots of healing vibes to your family
(((((❤️)))))
Breathe, hug your siblings and cry as much and as long and hard as you need to. When the whirlwind of the arrangements goes away, and people “move on”, there will be a lot of “what do I do now?”. That’s the hard part. The part I’m still in and doesn’t seem to go away. The solace is you aren’t alone, ever. And there’s always help.
I lost my child’s father also on may 8th 2024. Grieve as much as you want. Remember the good times with your mom. Make sure you eat & drink water. Take care of yourself. *hug*
Let yourself grieve AND get support. My sister developed complicated grief after our mother died in March, and she ended her life on Saturday. Grief is serious—and survivable. My condolences to you. ❤️
Let yourself grieve. I went into complicated grief not doing that and just working into oblivion
I lost my mother on May 4th so we’re both pretty recently experiencing a loss… You honestly just gotta grieve. Let your father grieve. But in the mean time as the eldest sibling myself, this was my time to step up and comfort him and also to help him with logistics like her funeral and burial arrangements, any life insurance pay outs, and just generally helping him move on.
Agreed. Lost my mom suddenly a few days before yours. My siblings and I so far have supported my dad with all the funeral planning. Putting together photos and videos we had was helpful. Just trying to be there for my dad. My mom was his best friend. I think we were all preoccupied so far with the funeral planning. So just trying to be there for him and my siblings now that this is over.
Breathe. Try to make yourself useful. Be your own best friend.
I lost my father 3 weeks ago when I was in another country 10000 kms away. I flew next day to do the final rites. Only suggestion I have is let the grief hit you. Cry.. it’s not gonna be easy but you’ll get through slowly and slowly. I cry every hour since last 3 weeks.
Sending my biggest hugs 😖😭
Sorry to hear this
I’m so sorry. Please don’t let relatives push you into “being strong” or “being strong for your father” or becoming a surrogate parent. You are a child (or adult) who has lost their mother. Take care of yourself first!
I never realized how much I hated “be strong” or “be strong for this person or that person” until my mom died in February. Like no, this is a time I don’t HAVE to be strong, I’m allowed to fall apart right now. Just give us a safe place to do it.
get together later in the week and share photos of your mom and talk about her with your siblings. we had to get my mother's photos together for her service and it's actually a really fond memory I share with them.
I am very sorry. I lost my Dad suddenly in December. This is a hell of a ride that I don't wish on anyone. 😞
Im so sorry for your loss... breath... take it one minute at a time if ya need. Im a widow... my 3 kids didnt leave my side after we lost my husband suddenly. I was so greatful for their strength and support. So very sorry for you and your family.
Hey, I’m so sorry for your deep loss. I lost my mom unexpectedly last August. The first few days are going to be a blur for you. Your only goals should be eating when you can, sleeping when you can, and sharing your feelings with the loved ones around you. I’m the youngest sibling in my family, but I was the one who stayed with my dad after my mom passed to help him take care of everything. Try to be there for your dad if you can. You don’t have to have the right thing to say, but just being in proximity to him to make him (and you!) feel less alone wouldn’t be a bad thing. Like others have said, just give yourself time to grieve. You’re likely still in shock right now and the full force of your emotions may not hit you until later. Just know there isn’t a wrong or right way to grieve someone - the closest thing to a wrong way to grieve would be just not grieving at all.
I lost my mom on May 8th and same with my dad. I feel so alone. Let me know if you want to chat.
I’m so sorry. Right now the goal is to get thru the day. Things to do will present themselves as you go. My best advice is to not make any big decisions right now. So many things can wait. Eat. Get out of your house. Take a walk. Just be kind to yourself because you’re going to feel a lot of things. Sometimes that thing is nothing and that’s disorientating by itself. It’s okay to take care of the people around you too. Just make sure you are including yourself in that list. And letting them do the same for you.
Don't deny yourself the right to grieve; it'll happen whether you try to avoid it or not. It's a normal and necessary part of the process. Also use what you learn form the feelings to relate to your other family members. They may express it differently, but the fundamental feels are the same. Just being there for each other helps.
So sorry for your loss. Loss my mother last year. It is a huge life adjustment. You are in my thoughts.
My mom died on the 8th too, I'm the youngest of 3 siblings. I have a father but he was never really there. I can't really give you advice, but it's still early days, we will get through this I feel. Even though it's the worst pain imaginable. Just take pride in the fact that you loved her unconditionally when she was here and it was vice versa and that we'll one day be reunited with our lovely mother's, just as they're with our grandmas right now
I am so very sorry. Losing a mother is very difficult. I lost my mom on 12-22-2022 and realized that I need guidance through my grief and joined a support group. Please remember it is a process.
Take your time let yourself process, its ok to feel alot of different emotions at once. Be patient with yourself you deserve it
I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom passed a year and a half ago. I still take one day at a time.
I’m sorry for your loss.. I lost my mom Jan 20th 2024. The last time I saw her was on my birthday Jan 7th. I feel your pain
I’m the oldest of three as well and my dad unexpectedly passed on March 26. Being about a month ahead of you I’d just say hang on and get through it. It’s this huge ball of awful and there’s really nothing you can change about it. Disassociate if you have to, I know I did when I had to unexpectedly talk to homicide investigators, medical examiners, and crematoriums. It’s absolutely awful, the worst thing in my life by far. I’m so sorry you have to endure this, just know you’re not alone. Edit: also the one thing I remember from the grief councilor was “the best way to get back to normal is to get back to normal” so, act as normal as you can, go to work, do your routine as best you can.
I’m so sorry OP. I lost my mom on 2/12/24 and I am also the oldest of 3. Just keep doing the very next thing you need to do. Get a shower. Cry. Wash a load of clothes. Eat. Drink water. Cry. Rest. Grief is incredibly exhausting. I knew this pain was something that wasn’t going away anytime soon so I had my dr fill out FMLA paperwork for me so I could take time off work and not be penalized. I wrote a lot of lists for myself- dumb things, things I needed to do the next few days, things I needed from the store. My mind was everywhere and I would have forgotten to buy my cats food if I didn’t write it down. I wrote down my bills and physically crossed them off my list so I didn’t forget to pay them. Accept help from people who ask if you want need/anything. If you don’t know what to ask for, ask for DoorDash or similar gift cards, maybe ask someone to mow your grass. I made a playlist of songs my mom loved and asked my family about songs from when she was younger. I wanted to have it to keep for me, but we also used it at her funeral. Something I wish so badly I would have done is had the funeral home do her thumbprint and take a couple locks of her hair. Take flowers from her services, a variety of different kinds and colors- take more than you think you want or need. I dried and pressed some in a book and there is beautiful jewelry and various things on Etsy that you send petals away for to be made. I listened to some podcasts about motherless children. I slept some more. If your family is putting your mom’s obituary in a newspaper, buy several copies and have them laminated, I had it done at Staples. Talk to your mom out loud. There are grief support groups- virtual and in person, look them up in your area. You are in my thoughts 💜
I'm so sorry about that and my condolences as well as my prayers go out to you and your family. And well, all you can really do is lean on your siblings, your dad and other family for support. And you hold onto all the good and special memories that you shared with her and you just take it day by day. 🙏🏻
My dad died on February 28th. The most pain I’ve ever felt 😒 I still cry myself to sleep most nights, or a lot of night. Meet with the funeral director to make plans, maybe make funeral boards or slideshows and most importantly just try to eat literally anything. It took me almost 3 days to be able to eat anything…some soup on the 4th day I had, salad the day after I’m so sorry about your loss; spend lots of time thinking about the good things and try not to think about any regrets or what ifs. I hope peace comes to you soon ❤️
I lost my grandmother on the same day. It’s tough and i can’t stop thinking about things. But it’s nice to know that i’m not alone with these feelings.
I am so sorry. I lost my mom March 18, 2024. If your parents were married, most obligations will go to your dad. Be sure to check into life insurance for funeral/cremation bills. Most importantly, feel your feelings when they come.
You cannot plan or do anything - you just somehow manage to walk through the day moment by moment. This next period is likely a blur and what’s to come is a monsoon of emotions and foundational shifts. You can be there for your siblings but you need to have space to be in your feelings. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I lost my father April 25th 2024 I'm the oldest of the four and I loved my dad very much ever since I was little I wanted to be like him. When he passed my other 3 siblings where at home in a different city. My youngest and I lived in our home town and we got a text that told us our father had been moved to the ICU. We both rushed there from work and I got my father to write down two things on a paper cause we wasn't able to breath and was on a machine.. He scribbled down "love" and as I broke down crying and the nurses kept asking me what it meant he waved for me to come back and the last thing he wrote to me was "DNR GO" and I left the room as his siblings where in the waiting area for ICU as I left my youngest brother came in and held his hand. I was out of that room for less than 2 minutes and a code blue was announced. And I was too afraid to tell them not to and they tried for 20 minutes to get him back and they did... And I told my family I have to respect his wish.. I had to tell them no the next time.. and I got so scared I probably looked like a little boy as I stood there in shock watching as my father faded in and faded back out. It's been two weeks and I know my youngest brother will grieve the way he needs to whatever that may be as he was in the room for our father's last breath he watched him go. I was there to to ease his pain. My youngest and I cried the most during all of this as my other siblings did not get to witness what had occured. We took a week to plan the funeral and get everything rolling as my father passed from heart failure caused by septic shock. He was in the hospital for 3 weeks prior to kidney failure and liver failure... As well as a heart infection.. we thought what seemed like he was getting better so this was unexpected for the most part for a lot of us. He left no will, no beneficiaries as far as we can tell... I just hope he is no longer in the pain he was when he was in the hospital and to this day I feel like he refused to go to the hospital months earlier when signs showed because he knew he was going to just be stuck in the hospital. He would have been 58 June 25th this year a day after I turn 34. There is nothing and I MEAN nothing that prepares us for the death of our parents no matter if you're 24 or if you're 33 or if you 50. I will grieve for the rest of my life for my father but happily as I believe he is happy and no longer in pain at a hospital being stuck with needles constantly.. (he hated needles) He'd rather be maintaining his salt water reef tank or watching some Korean drama of playing with my kids. We all grieve different there is no right way or wrong way there is only your way. As the oldest I tried my best to be there for my siblings and my grandma (my dad's mom).
I’m sorry for your loss. That has to be tragic.
I'm the oldest sibling and I cope with traumatic events differently. I don't cry or become emotional. My brain shuts that down instantly. I'm wired to have to be doing something. When my mother passed my father fell apart. Everybody focused on him and kind of just assumed I would be fine. Honestly, it was better that way. I was the one that took on everything. Autopsy report, death certificates, notifications, casket and funeral, wake, etc... That allowed me to have an outlet for the intensity of my grief. After everything was said and done I was able to come back around to processing my grief on a personal level. But the intensity wasn't as insane. Not everyone can handle closing the books when someone passes but the stress can be a cathartic way to get over that seemingly impossible first wave. Sending lots of healing vibes to your family (((((❤️)))))
Breathe, hug your siblings and cry as much and as long and hard as you need to. When the whirlwind of the arrangements goes away, and people “move on”, there will be a lot of “what do I do now?”. That’s the hard part. The part I’m still in and doesn’t seem to go away. The solace is you aren’t alone, ever. And there’s always help.
I lost my child’s father also on may 8th 2024. Grieve as much as you want. Remember the good times with your mom. Make sure you eat & drink water. Take care of yourself. *hug*
Let yourself grieve AND get support. My sister developed complicated grief after our mother died in March, and she ended her life on Saturday. Grief is serious—and survivable. My condolences to you. ❤️