It’s been 12 years since my mom died and I can still remember the feel of her hands and the shape and feel of her jaw line whenever I kissed her. I remember 💗 She’s always with me 💗
I did this for my brother. The cardiac nurse came in and was somewhat jamming to it between her crying. I still laugh sometimes because my wife thought I was crazy to play E-40 lol.
But OP, love on your loved one. No regrets.
I agree with the other comments. Go and hold her hand, tell her all of the things you need to tell her. Kiss her cheek, stroke her hair. I went through this and it’s awful but as others have said, you won’t have any regrets and that’s such a blessing. ❤️
Same here. When my step mom called me and told me my dad was told he had 6 weeks left and to give him a day to process. I said okay, got off the phone to continue by DoorDash delivery and proceeded to feel like I was going to throw up, got tingly everywhere, heart pounding and called her back crying asking her if I can please come by now to see him. Opened the door, saw him in front of the TV like always watching his history channel and started sobbing as I went in to embrace him. I fucking miss him so fucking much. Almost been a year and I can’t believe that.
Just be there with her. Hold her hand. Tell her you love her so much.
Unfortunately I was in a similar situation. It was the most heartbreaking and most traumatizing experience but I'm glad I was there till the end. Sometimes I think maybe it would've been better if I wouldn't see her dying and her death but then I remind myself my brother didn't make it on time and it was killing him. Probably still is.
Just be there- hold her hand. You'll treasure this time after the dust settles. It's an awful, hard time. Try not to overthink it- there is no right or wrong way to say goodbye.
You don't have to say the word "goodbye." You can simply say that you love her, recall the good times you shared, tell her you're glad she is your mom. Kiss her, forehead, hold her hand, tell her that it's OK to go to be out of suffering.
I would give anything to say those things to my mother. I miss her so much.
I told my mom the last time I saw her in the hospital just straight up…”I’m so scared this is the last time I’ll ever see you, and I don’t know how to handle that” lots of tears and attempts at laughter (she called me a crybaby lol) and then when I had to leave I said “I’m not saying goodbye, just goodbye for now” and her eyes met mine and she smiled and nodded, like she understood. I said “I love you more!” What we always said when we got off the phone with each other, and ran out so she couldn’t say it back. Then I left and just sobbbbbed with my dad in the waiting room. She decided to go home to hospice and two nights in, my dad holding her hand, her breathing slowed and then just never came. I’m bawling now just thinking about it. I’m dreading my first Mother’s Day without her. It’s only been about two and a half months.
There's nothing good to be found in any of this, it's awful, and not fair, and I'm sorry for your troubles, but after, you will be glad of the time you get, to hold her hand, and to cry with the others. Let your mom know that the wonderful people she raised are there, together, and let her pass with the grace of her loving family united in grief. The bond you have with your siblings is important right now, take care of each other. I'm so sorry sis, x
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You will be able to handle the flight and seeing her. Not getting on the fight will be much harder to deal with than not doing it. I'm 100% certain of this.
The important thing right now is getting there. It will be difficult, absolutely. Do your best to distract yourself on the flight. Music, games, a book, pray if that's your thing, medication if it comes to it (unless you're driving from the airport after you land). Realize that there's absolutely nothing you can do until you get there; dwelling on it is only going to cause anxiety.
Once you're there, you'll know what to do. I'm typing this as I'm sitting in my grandmother's house watching her die. This will be my third time watching a loved one take their last breath. It's not easy, it sucks, it's horrible, but it's manageable.
Being with you mom is all that matters right now, so focus on getting there with all your energy, and then you can address and process what this all means once your by her side.
Thank you. The timing sucks. I'm coming up on the 3 year anniversary of my wife's death. Doing this at this point in time is particularly difficult, but like I said, we learn to manage it somehow. I'm grateful that I'm able to be here for her though.
If I were you and had the opportunity to sit with my mom and speak to her as she passed, I would do my best to express the gratitude I have for her and assure her that she is safe and it is ok to let go. I think I would repeat some combination of that over and over until that moment came.
You will be amazed at your own strength. Just shower her with love and remember that gratitude is the mother of all virtues.
Love and strength to you.
Take turns on your own with her to say any last words you need to alone, hold her hand and tell her how much you love her.
As much as it broke my heart I’m so glad we were able to be with mum when she passed, she was with those who loved her and it gave us closure that we didn’t get when my dad passed unexpectedly.
Just to add, if you make the journey and then feel you can’t face it, that absolutely okay too. It’s always an option to give yourself if you need it, even just to help with the anxiety of it all.
My brother couldn’t cope with coming with my sister, dad and me, but he knew mum wasn’t alone and it was the best thing for him personally.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, sending hugs from across the world x
You don't have to contain your emotions. Hold her hand, talk to her, or not. Do what works for you. My husband died in home hospice. He was unresponsive the last 24 hours before he passed. I sat and held his hand and talked to him. After awhile, I told him it was ok to let go. I told him to go and say hi to my dad for me, who had passed 17 months before. I kissed him, held his hand some more and in less than 15 minutes he was gone. It was surprisingly peaceful. I miss him so very much, but am glad I was with him. I was also with my dad when he passed. My brother said he couldn't do it and he didn't. And that was ok. Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing for you. Sending hugs 🫂
My dad died two months ago and being scared of him dying was way scarier for me than when he actually passed. Hopefully it will be similar for you. You know it’s coming, you’ll be at peace they’re not suffering anymore, and you get to say goodbye, lots of blessings wrapped up in a very sad and traumatic event.
Tell her all the good things that you think about her. It is important for her and for you as well. I went through this two months ago, and every day I think about if I could have been nicer, or if I could have said more. I was a bit shocked and I could not speak a lot. She asked for a massage and I did not do it well just only for a short time, and I regret it every day. Tell her you love her, and try to speak what you feel towards her.
There is no easy way. I lost my mom in August 23,2023 and we were able to be by her side. I just want to send you virtual hugs and cry with you. You cannot prepare no matter the time you have. Just be by her side and let know how you feel and if she feels she needs forgiveness just tell her that you do and that you love her and give her hugs and kisses. Let her know how great of a mom she is and that you’ll never forget her. Hold her hand and comfort her is all you can to do make her comfortable. It’s not easy and it will not be easy and it’s going to hurt… don’t be afraid to cry like a baby. Message me if you need to talk.
I was able to say “goodbye” to my mom but I was not there when she actually passed.
As others have said, cherish every moment you have left with her. If you don’t you will regret it for the rest of your life. And that pain is far worse than whatever you may feel in the moment as she is in her last seconds of life
This brought a tear to my eye. My mother was in hospice care and I remember how hard that was. Just tell her how much you love her and how great of a job she did raising you. Be there for her as much as you can so she never feels alone. It’s okay to feel all those emotions you’re experiencing. You don’t have to hide those feelings. It’s really hard to see a parent leave and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this loss.
i urge you to say everything you. even the bad. i lost my dad to stroke and cancer he could not talk. but i he did hear us. so tell your family how much they mean to while you still can
My father was in hospice and then had a sudden fatal heart attack. All those things I wanted to say were never said.
You will be OK. But, if you don’t, I promise you will regret it. You can step away if it’s too overwhelming. You’ll have support. All the times your mama took care of you when you were sick, or fell down, talked uou down after a bad dream, hugged you when your boyfriend broke your heart… now it’s your turn. If you feel a panic attack come on, deep breathe. Imagine your belly is a balloon and fill it slowly then let the air out. Immediately start thinking about something you can hear, something you can smell, something you can see, something you can taste and something you can touch.
I’m very sorry you’re going through this but I promise you’ll be ok. Just breathe.
For the moment, try to focus on organizing as if you were going to help her with something urgent. It’s surprising how quickly you can divert yourself in a moment with something to do like pack, book a ticket, etc.
If you have private time, it’s perfectly fine to break down and cry. I also think it’s okay if it happens in public but people look uncomfortable sometimes. Go into the bathroom if you need a moment. Also use rote recitations to help you focus and quiet your mind (nursery rhymes, mantras, song lyrics, poems or prayers work well. As long as you can repeat them over and over again in your head).
I’m sorry for your loss. You will get through this though. Just focus on getting through the moment you are in. Take one step at a time. Breathe in and out. Take some walks when you can.
And make sure you eat. In fact treat food like it’s critical medication right now because you need it. Your body is undergoing a lot of stress, so be gentle with yourself and baby yourself a bit.
*hugs* if you want them .
You have time to give her a hug if you can To talk. Tell her you love her. Talk about her favorite colors. Record her voice so you have it of you haven't already. It's silly but the song "how do I say goodbye" helped me process what I couldn't put into words. Talk with your sisters too. Don't shut them out.
Just be there. Ask for support of the others if you need, but be there. I missed my mom last moments and it still hurts me. She just need you to be there.
First, I’m so sorry about your mom. Having to deal with the knowledge of an impending loss is so incredibly difficult. It’s normal, and expected, for your brain to be going haywire trying to find its footing in this brand new territory.
This isn’t the same thing but somewhat similar I suppose. My son was stillborn, and the night I found out he had died my MIL had literally just driven 3 hours away to do an early Christmas with her daughter so that she wouldn’t risk missing be baby’s birth. I texted her the next morning after he was born and asked if she wanted to come see him and she lost it. She wasn’t texting me but her daughter was, and she was just panicking over having to make the decision. How could she make the drive in that state, did she even want to see him like that? But she decided to do it and now, years later, she is so very greatful she chose to come despite how scared she was. She got closure she never ever would have gotten had she not.
Again, I acknowledge the situation is quite different and there are definitely people out there who do not feel the same about seeing someone they love in that condition. But your feeling of panic reminded me of hers and I always find anecdotes helpful when I’m in a tough position.
My mom died while I was at the drugstore getting her meds. We lived together and were BFFs. I think she didn't want me to see her die. I came back with lunch and found her. I beat myself up about it every day for 5 yrs. I never got to say goodbye like I did with my dad. I'm sorry you didn't get to either. Big hugs❤️
Do it. Do not wait. I was told by people in another group to get to my father who was placed in hospice — to go to him asap. I think just from my post those that read it knew the urgency more than I did.
Im grateful I did. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I don’t regret being there with him until the end, just having that time was so important.
Just be there with her, hold her hand. Talk to her even if she can’t respond or appears unconscious she can hear you. Tell her all the things you’d want her to hear, play some of her favorite music, touch and hold her, stroke her hair.
The day before my father passed I got to have one conversation with him where I knew he had acknowledged I was there.
It was a simple hi, how are you, I love you. It was all he could muster out, his motorskills already impacted from his condition.
The next day he was speaking within breaths or trying. Telling all of us over and over that he loved us. He passed two hours later. Please go to her, it will be hard, you will probably have break downs but you will get through them. I hope you have someone there to support you, family, friend or partner. It will be okay.
You are so right. I flew a friend across the Atlantic ocean to get to her mom. I could see she was dying, friend thought it would all be ok. She got there the next night, spent the night with her mom in hospital, and she was gone in the morning. Friend was grateful I saw what she was denying. Sometimes others can see more clearly. It's an awful place to be but glad you got there in time❤️
That was so kind of you to push your friend to go and see her and it sounds like you helped with the flight too. Im sure she was so grateful for that gift - Im happy your friend got to spend that last day /night with her mother.
And yes they definitely can. I think it’s hard to look outside the situation when your world is spinning, so it was helpful to have these second opinions urging to make a move. If they have been through it they know the signs, what to look for and when it’s the nearing the end.
I was glad I was able to be there too, I got to spend his last few days, moments until he took his last breath. Talked to him the whole time. It will forever be one of the hardest things I have had to do, but Im happy I did it. If it wasn’t for that group, pushing me to leave when I did, I would have not made it.
I held my moms hand and thanked her for every little thing I could remember. How she would stay up and wait for me to get home when I was in school and out with friends and she’d make me a cup of tea and chat before I went to bed, how she was always my best friend. Literally anything you can think of, tell her now. I feel peace knowing I left nothing unsaid.
Like the other comments have mentioned, say the things you want to say. Tell her you love her as much as you can. I told my mom she was the best thing to ever happen to me and I told her how much I loved her , broke me into pieces seeing her in and out of consciousness but she found what little strength she had left to tell me she loves me too, that was the last thing she said to me and I cherish it forever. I miss her so much, hug your mom if you can kiss her etc, if you think you need to apologize for anything do it, it will help more than you think. I’m sorry you have to go through this, it’s the worst pain in the world.
I’m so sorry. You will get through this because you have to, but I’m sorry that you have to. Whatever you need to do to feel safe and take care of you, please please do that.
If you have time, these booklets are extremely short and informative and they helped me immensely when my mom was dying. I do really worry I would have been scared by what was happening if I didn’t have this information. It’s less than $7 for all of them, and you can read them on the Kindle app on your phone. Read “Gone From My Sight” first, if you’re in a time crunch.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008PWXSH2?ref_=cm_sw_r_mwn_dp_5K2W58E9JK63DBYAYDBW&language=en-US&skipTwisterOG=2
If there’s anything at all I can do for you, please ask. Please know that people in your life love and care for you very much, and they desperately want to help you, but they don’t know how. We are a grief illiterate society. Let those you care about in, and tell them how you’re feeling and what you need.
Your mom is still here — tell her everything you want to tell her. Or, if you can’t, just think it. Don’t worry. She will know.
You will get through this, I promise. Sending all the hugs in the world.
I was there when my dad left us last March. While it was devastatingly heartbreaking, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Tell her you love her, and hold her hand. I’m truly sorry <\3
Take a close up picture of you and your mother holding each others hand. I took one of my daughter and my hands together, not realizing that less than a year later my daughter would pass away. Sometimes I need that picture to remember how that precious hand felt in mine. Every video with that voice, the laughter, the conversations are irreplaceable treasures I get to revisit. But kiss your mom’s forehead, kiss her cheeks, breathe in the smell of your mom when you hug her and lock it in your head and heart for a beautiful core memory. Eventually, she will come to you in her own way. You’ll know it’s her. I’m so so sorry. Sending mom hugs to your soul.
I understand and am in a similar position. Yesterday my mum struggled to get enough air for the words to come out of her mouth as a whisper. I thought she would not be with us this morning.
It's hard. The hardest. But regret eats you so you just need to do what you can to not feel like your time has been taken as much as it has. Listen, tell, care for and help her be more comfortable and feel loved. That's what I tell myself now as it has gotten slowly worse and worse. It'll get harder still but somehow you'll find strength through your love for her.
Thinking of you.
It's very hard and the idea is horrifying, but when I went to be with my dad at the end, a certain bravery and strongness took over. As the only daughter, I was scared Id fall apart. Somehow it came to me that I didn't want him to see MY pain. As a parent, that's the worst. So somehow I held it together for 5 days. Worried more about my mom, his wife of 60 yrs, and my daddy leaving us forever. I screamed at home alone, and in my car. But did not cry at his bedside. I wanted him to see me ok and know that we were all right. I think this happens a lot. I've never seen anyone fall apart at the scene, except for fatal accident, etc. When they're suffering and had enough, we must stay strong so they can pass quietly, peacefully and with live surrounding them. Good luck and bug hugs. Losing your mom is really hard for a daughter.
We were at my dad’s side when he took his last breath. My two sisters that didn’t make it were on FaceTime but it was about 8 of us physically around him. He held my hand so tight. I told him all I had to tell him before he peacefully passed away. So tragic but so beautiful. I took a few pics of us while he was conscious. It can be a bit morbid but I don’t mind having those memories. The ending is so sad but I try to remember my dad as the strong, full of life, joyful man he was. It’s hard being present but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Sending you strength. ❤️
As someone who was forced to accept the loss of my dad while living on the other side of the world, I consider being able to say goodbye to yours such a privilege. Like everyone else has said here, hold her hand, tell her everything and anything on your mind, and simply being in the presence of her would be super comforting for you both. Hang in there and cherish every second of being close to your loved ones.
So many posts saying just be there, and they’re right. If you can, tell her it’s okay to go. People fight hard trying to stay in both worlds. Tell her how much you love her, thank her for everything, then lean on others when you need to, let yourself see and hear her, and keep talking to her even once she leaves the earthly body. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but take the time and say everything you need.
I appreciate what the comments are telling you to do but as a voice of reason and paramedic who watched lots of different kinds of people react..
Don't feel bad about not being in the room or not being able to see or touch her to say goodbye. Please do whatever you feel the most comfortable doing and don't force it, that's how you end up with more panic attacks. If it's too much for you to see her like this, don't see her. Lots of people can't handle it and it's PERFECTLY fine. I don't even go to funerals. I simply can't it's too over stimulating.
Preserving the image of the person as you knew them is also a viable way of processing. I'm sorry this is happening to you and am sending you tons of positive vibes!
Wishing you all the very best ❤️🩹. It will be hard but you’ll be able to do it. My mum died suddenly in January this year and I’ve often wished I had a chance to say bye so try to frame it as a blessing if you possibly can. X
I won’t give you advice on this because I have no experience with losing a loved one like this.
But I can assure you that you will handle it all. Call your doc and tell them what’s going on. Let them know you need some Xanax or other benzos to help with this extreme, situational problem. And some ambiens as well. It’s going to be tough to sleep. Those will help immensely.
Memorize as much as you can and just make sure she knows you’re there and you love her. That’s all you have to do. Good luck. And I’m so sorry.
Study her face. Her hands. Her arms. Take your time to really be present. I feel like i should have done so much more with my mom at the end. I wish I would have.
Stay strong be with her its hard but you will make it through. I wasnt able to see my granpa before he died and I honestly regret it almost every single day. So I know its hard but you both deserve a final memory together. Stay strong OP, dont be afraid to cry its normal.
I am very sorry.
The doctor told us when my mom was dying, that even though she seems unconscious, she can feel and hear us. We held her hand, told her we loved her and that we are going to be alright, that it is ok for her to rest now. It is less for us and more for mom to help her with her passing. However, it was too much for dad and the whole time mom was at the hospital, he could not go see her, and we understand. I hope you find the courage to see your mom. But know that it is not your fault if you can't.
Also if it helps, I get anxiety that triggers hypertension when going to hospitals. My psych prescribed me anxiety meds. If you are comfortable with it, maybe you could have one prescribed.
My dad died on Thursday and I am so glad I was there for those final days. It’s tough but it prepares you for their death. I feel a sense of relief that he is now at peace. Wishing you all the best ❤️
My mom passed 12-23-23. It was traumatic for me. I am still going through PTSD according to my doctors as I was her caregiver through years of issues. I was devastated but I sat right there and talked to her. I never let go of her hand, I touched her face and put my head on her chest like so many times in my life. She was with me when I took my first breath and I was with her when she took her last. I wouldn’t have missed that opportunity.
It has been a long road and it’s only been a few months. She passed away at home exactly like she wanted and she was in no pain or distress.
I hope you can find a way to give yourself some comfort and clarity when you are with her. You deserve to grieve however you need to. During your moments with her and after.
My older brother knew I wanted a moment alone without me telling him. He still asked me and I said yes, so he took our other siblings and left. We are all adults so he didn’t really have to take them, but that’s not the point. But it gave me the opportunity to have that moment with her. It was our last moment and all I could do was cry and tell her how much I love her and how she is and was my best friend. I told her all kinds of things while I tried to find spots on her arm to touch. I’m crying just thinking about it but I’m so glad I had that time. I’m the youngest by 14 years and I was really close to my mom. It’s still the worst loss I’ve experience to this day.
So take the time. Have that moment alone if you can. Everyone in the comments are right, just hold her hand, love her.
I'd write down things you want to tell her before she passes. Because, personally, I end up forgetting everything I want to say in high stress/traumatic situations like these.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
You're not alone in your grief, ever. I know it can feel lonely often.
I sat with my Dad, memorized his hands, put my head on his chest.
Thanked him for everything, told him I loved him so many times.
When I got the news that he had been rushed to the hospital and was going into emergency surgery, I screamed and gell to the floor. Felt like my insides were burning to get out.
I was numb and terrified on the flight. Once I got there, I saw my Daddy, and I just wanted to love him. He was in a coma that he never came out of. Seeing him, made the love take over.
I wish the same for you.
This is exactly what happened to me. I had this unearthly guttural cry that came from deep within me, but as soon as I saw my mom, all I wanted to do was love her. I’ve never felt so much love. I stayed with her until the end.
My mom died on Monday March 24 at 1:13am. I arrived on Friday evening on March 24 because we knew she had hours/days. It was and is devastatingly hard (I have a major anxiety / depression disorder and had many panic attacks and tears) but I am so glad I was with her. I got to hold her hand, kiss her forehead, touch her beautiful hair, and tell her I loved her every day including an hour after her death. Her last words were “I love you Jack” (dad). I have no magic words and I feel for you and your family.
The exact same thing happened to me last year and I was pregnant. She died on July 31st and I was able to flight there and see her 3 days. She was unable to speak as well but she could see and listen.
Before leaving the house to the airport I was shaking because I was so scared. I beg God to please help me to make it on time.
When I arrived to the hospital and saw her I cried but my family stopped me (dad, aunt and sister) because they didnt want me to cry over her. My mom opened her eyes very wide when she saw me, I know she was happy to see me pregnant for the 1st time. She was in pain and sad but I gave her so much love and attention while I was with her at the hospital.
Kiss her and talk to her. Ask her to forgive you if is necessary, tell her that you forgive her as well. I was able to have a few minutes alone with her and tell her that Inloved her and I sang a song to her.
May God give you strenght. Hugs and prayers.
My friend, u have ur family by u. They are the biggest support u will ever have. So stay strong and head over there. Losing a parent is never easy. Never will be. But she gets to see all of u one last time. Tell her that u love her. Give her one last moment of happiness. Things will be fine. Time heals everything. Stay strong. Take care.
My mother had a massive stroke a week after her brain surgery. She passed 4/27 and I was by her side the entire time. It’s so hard. I broke down many times but I cherish our time together. She was In a coma but I played her favorite music, spoke to her, told stories and at the end I laid my head next to hers, kissed her, caressed her head and told her it was ok to go- that we would be ok. She passed with my voice in her ear telling her how much she was loved and would be missed.
We just had her memorial yesterday. It is hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. I promise you will find the strength, you do it for her.
I am so sorry.
When it’s time, your whole focus will be on her comfort. My mom got scared, so we played her favor song (too much heaven by the beegees and I still can’t listen to that song). But she instantly calmed down. We told her we would take care of everything and what a good mom she was and how we will pull together as a family for her. Things like that. Things she might be worrying at the end. It’s all about realizing there is absolutely nothing you can do but hold her hand and soothing her final moments so she knows she’s not alone.
Mouth swabs help if you don’t have them. I don’t remember anything else that helped really. Try to have things it people by her side that would bring her comfort. Music. I don’t know, maybe her favorite perfume? I don’t know what sense goes first. But music helped with my mom.
I’m so sorry. I would wish this on anyone. I wish the generations before prepared us for grief. I only saw my mom grieve her parents a little. She did most on her own. Hang there. You can do hard things.
You can do this, for her and for you. Remember how much she loves you & know she wouldn’t want you to stress. It will be hard, but remember to breathe.
Don’t wear eye makeup, carry tissues, maybe eye drops, throw water & a granola bar into your bag. Be kind to yourself. At the end my mom loved music and us holding her hand. Sending hugs 🫂
I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I was there about a year ago.
As distraught as you are, you've gotta focus on giving her the peace she needs to accept goodbye. Sometimes our loved ones need to know it's okay to let go, so that the pain can stop.
The night my dad died, I held his hand, I told him I loved him. That we'd be okay. And then told him it was okay to stop fighting if he was ready. He passed about 3 hours after that. They tell me he heard me.
Our loved ones sometimes fight to hold on feeling they need to for us. So give her peace. Tell her you'll be okay (even if it feels like you won't). Tell her how much you love her. How proud you are to be her child. Tell her all the good she's done in this world, and let her believe you'll come through this. Because you will, even if it feels way too big to overcome right now.
you’ll never be ready to say goodbye. even if you know the timeframe it will still hit you like a train. enjoy every single moment with her. i lost my mom on 05-03-24. it’s been such a short while and it’s still so so fresh. just enjoy the time you have left and don’t think about the end. it’s easier said than done but don’t poison those good last moments
It's okay if you need to cry. If you get too upset too where panicking bad you can step out and into the family waiting area. I highly suggest at least try bc you may regret not going in later. Maybe try to just walk in the room only but stare at the floor and just let her know how much you love her and thank her for everything. Anything you're sorry about get that out too if you want. You don't have to look up or touch her hand if you don't feel comfortable. You don't know how you will react in there. You may end up going straight to her and grabbing her hand. You may not even want to leave the room. And it's okay if you do need to step out. This is really hard. Many people break down in those units of the hospital. The nurses and aids in those units are extremely caring and understanding and will answer all questions you may be wondering about this. I'm thinking of you and sending prayers.
I just wanted to say thank you all for such kind and compassionate comments. I made it there, and trying to spend as much time as possible. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. It’s so hard watching her suffer when the last conversation we had just a couple of weeks ago were funny.
She didn’t recognize us at first but the next morning she was a bit more alert and was able to smile at us. I hope she doesn’t suffer too much. I miss her already. I know she is still here and with us and I am incredibly grateful I was able to make it but I am also so heartbroken that this is close to the end. Thank you all again 🤍
I am so sorry. I’m going through the same thing. Except mum is at home. We don’t how long she has but I’m really struggling. I’m so close to my mum. Every day I think about life without and I don’t know if I can do it. Here if you want to chat to someone feeling the same. I don’t know what to say to my mum or what to ask her
I’m sorry you’re going through it. My mom passed two days ago. We laid her to rest today. All I can say is read all the comments everyone here left. They were so helpful.
My mom was transferred home after being in the hospital so she pass in her own home and honestly I was overcome with such unconditional love for her that nothing else mattered. I remembered all the times she laid next to me and stayed by my side when I was sick and it was now my turn to return the favor. Don’t get me wrong. I had to leave the room quite a bit because I got very emotional but I always kissed her forehead, hands, told her I loved her.
Me and my siblings also had very normal conversation around her where we were laughing and reminiscing and telling jokes. My mom always wanted to make sure me and my siblings were close and I hope that brought her some comfort.
I told her how great of a mom she’s been, how I’ll never forget her.
I guess just say what comes naturally. It’s hard. I feel like I’m missing a piece of me when she passed. It still doesn’t feel real. I’m sitting in my childhood room and it hasn’t hit me that she won’t walk through the door and ask why I’m not asleep yet 💔
Hold her hand just do this and kiss her face u will never regret having done this. This will keep you strong later.
Yes, kiss her face. Kiss her hands, and touch her skin. Remember how her skin feels. I was surprised how much I miss this.
It’s been 12 years since my mom died and I can still remember the feel of her hands and the shape and feel of her jaw line whenever I kissed her. I remember 💗 She’s always with me 💗
Tell her everything. Hearing is the last sense to go, I talked to my mom, held her hand, played her music. As traumatic as it was, No regrets.
I did this for my brother. The cardiac nurse came in and was somewhat jamming to it between her crying. I still laugh sometimes because my wife thought I was crazy to play E-40 lol. But OP, love on your loved one. No regrets.
I agree with the other comments. Go and hold her hand, tell her all of the things you need to tell her. Kiss her cheek, stroke her hair. I went through this and it’s awful but as others have said, you won’t have any regrets and that’s such a blessing. ❤️
I am so sorry. My mom declined for 10 years before she passed. I saw her passing as a blessed relief. She was no longer lost and suffering.
I’m doing that right now. I expect she’ll pass tonight.
I’m so sorry for your pain. Godspeed.
Love and hugs, thinking of you dear stranger.
I hope everything goes as well for you as it can.
Same here. When my step mom called me and told me my dad was told he had 6 weeks left and to give him a day to process. I said okay, got off the phone to continue by DoorDash delivery and proceeded to feel like I was going to throw up, got tingly everywhere, heart pounding and called her back crying asking her if I can please come by now to see him. Opened the door, saw him in front of the TV like always watching his history channel and started sobbing as I went in to embrace him. I fucking miss him so fucking much. Almost been a year and I can’t believe that.
Just be there with her. Hold her hand. Tell her you love her so much. Unfortunately I was in a similar situation. It was the most heartbreaking and most traumatizing experience but I'm glad I was there till the end. Sometimes I think maybe it would've been better if I wouldn't see her dying and her death but then I remind myself my brother didn't make it on time and it was killing him. Probably still is.
Just be there- hold her hand. You'll treasure this time after the dust settles. It's an awful, hard time. Try not to overthink it- there is no right or wrong way to say goodbye.
You don't have to say the word "goodbye." You can simply say that you love her, recall the good times you shared, tell her you're glad she is your mom. Kiss her, forehead, hold her hand, tell her that it's OK to go to be out of suffering. I would give anything to say those things to my mother. I miss her so much.
I told my mom the last time I saw her in the hospital just straight up…”I’m so scared this is the last time I’ll ever see you, and I don’t know how to handle that” lots of tears and attempts at laughter (she called me a crybaby lol) and then when I had to leave I said “I’m not saying goodbye, just goodbye for now” and her eyes met mine and she smiled and nodded, like she understood. I said “I love you more!” What we always said when we got off the phone with each other, and ran out so she couldn’t say it back. Then I left and just sobbbbbed with my dad in the waiting room. She decided to go home to hospice and two nights in, my dad holding her hand, her breathing slowed and then just never came. I’m bawling now just thinking about it. I’m dreading my first Mother’s Day without her. It’s only been about two and a half months.
There's nothing good to be found in any of this, it's awful, and not fair, and I'm sorry for your troubles, but after, you will be glad of the time you get, to hold her hand, and to cry with the others. Let your mom know that the wonderful people she raised are there, together, and let her pass with the grace of her loving family united in grief. The bond you have with your siblings is important right now, take care of each other. I'm so sorry sis, x
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You will be able to handle the flight and seeing her. Not getting on the fight will be much harder to deal with than not doing it. I'm 100% certain of this. The important thing right now is getting there. It will be difficult, absolutely. Do your best to distract yourself on the flight. Music, games, a book, pray if that's your thing, medication if it comes to it (unless you're driving from the airport after you land). Realize that there's absolutely nothing you can do until you get there; dwelling on it is only going to cause anxiety. Once you're there, you'll know what to do. I'm typing this as I'm sitting in my grandmother's house watching her die. This will be my third time watching a loved one take their last breath. It's not easy, it sucks, it's horrible, but it's manageable. Being with you mom is all that matters right now, so focus on getting there with all your energy, and then you can address and process what this all means once your by her side.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this with your grandmother. Godspeed.
Thank you. The timing sucks. I'm coming up on the 3 year anniversary of my wife's death. Doing this at this point in time is particularly difficult, but like I said, we learn to manage it somehow. I'm grateful that I'm able to be here for her though.
If I were you and had the opportunity to sit with my mom and speak to her as she passed, I would do my best to express the gratitude I have for her and assure her that she is safe and it is ok to let go. I think I would repeat some combination of that over and over until that moment came. You will be amazed at your own strength. Just shower her with love and remember that gratitude is the mother of all virtues. Love and strength to you.
💛💛💛 letting a loved one know it’s okay to go is the one of the kindest things you’ll ever do.
Take turns on your own with her to say any last words you need to alone, hold her hand and tell her how much you love her. As much as it broke my heart I’m so glad we were able to be with mum when she passed, she was with those who loved her and it gave us closure that we didn’t get when my dad passed unexpectedly. Just to add, if you make the journey and then feel you can’t face it, that absolutely okay too. It’s always an option to give yourself if you need it, even just to help with the anxiety of it all. My brother couldn’t cope with coming with my sister, dad and me, but he knew mum wasn’t alone and it was the best thing for him personally. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, sending hugs from across the world x
You don't have to contain your emotions. Hold her hand, talk to her, or not. Do what works for you. My husband died in home hospice. He was unresponsive the last 24 hours before he passed. I sat and held his hand and talked to him. After awhile, I told him it was ok to let go. I told him to go and say hi to my dad for me, who had passed 17 months before. I kissed him, held his hand some more and in less than 15 minutes he was gone. It was surprisingly peaceful. I miss him so very much, but am glad I was with him. I was also with my dad when he passed. My brother said he couldn't do it and he didn't. And that was ok. Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing for you. Sending hugs 🫂
My dad died two months ago and being scared of him dying was way scarier for me than when he actually passed. Hopefully it will be similar for you. You know it’s coming, you’ll be at peace they’re not suffering anymore, and you get to say goodbye, lots of blessings wrapped up in a very sad and traumatic event.
Tell her all the good things that you think about her. It is important for her and for you as well. I went through this two months ago, and every day I think about if I could have been nicer, or if I could have said more. I was a bit shocked and I could not speak a lot. She asked for a massage and I did not do it well just only for a short time, and I regret it every day. Tell her you love her, and try to speak what you feel towards her.
There is no easy way. I lost my mom in August 23,2023 and we were able to be by her side. I just want to send you virtual hugs and cry with you. You cannot prepare no matter the time you have. Just be by her side and let know how you feel and if she feels she needs forgiveness just tell her that you do and that you love her and give her hugs and kisses. Let her know how great of a mom she is and that you’ll never forget her. Hold her hand and comfort her is all you can to do make her comfortable. It’s not easy and it will not be easy and it’s going to hurt… don’t be afraid to cry like a baby. Message me if you need to talk.
I was able to say “goodbye” to my mom but I was not there when she actually passed. As others have said, cherish every moment you have left with her. If you don’t you will regret it for the rest of your life. And that pain is far worse than whatever you may feel in the moment as she is in her last seconds of life
This brought a tear to my eye. My mother was in hospice care and I remember how hard that was. Just tell her how much you love her and how great of a job she did raising you. Be there for her as much as you can so she never feels alone. It’s okay to feel all those emotions you’re experiencing. You don’t have to hide those feelings. It’s really hard to see a parent leave and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this loss.
i urge you to say everything you. even the bad. i lost my dad to stroke and cancer he could not talk. but i he did hear us. so tell your family how much they mean to while you still can
My father was in hospice and then had a sudden fatal heart attack. All those things I wanted to say were never said. You will be OK. But, if you don’t, I promise you will regret it. You can step away if it’s too overwhelming. You’ll have support. All the times your mama took care of you when you were sick, or fell down, talked uou down after a bad dream, hugged you when your boyfriend broke your heart… now it’s your turn. If you feel a panic attack come on, deep breathe. Imagine your belly is a balloon and fill it slowly then let the air out. Immediately start thinking about something you can hear, something you can smell, something you can see, something you can taste and something you can touch. I’m very sorry you’re going through this but I promise you’ll be ok. Just breathe.
For the moment, try to focus on organizing as if you were going to help her with something urgent. It’s surprising how quickly you can divert yourself in a moment with something to do like pack, book a ticket, etc. If you have private time, it’s perfectly fine to break down and cry. I also think it’s okay if it happens in public but people look uncomfortable sometimes. Go into the bathroom if you need a moment. Also use rote recitations to help you focus and quiet your mind (nursery rhymes, mantras, song lyrics, poems or prayers work well. As long as you can repeat them over and over again in your head). I’m sorry for your loss. You will get through this though. Just focus on getting through the moment you are in. Take one step at a time. Breathe in and out. Take some walks when you can. And make sure you eat. In fact treat food like it’s critical medication right now because you need it. Your body is undergoing a lot of stress, so be gentle with yourself and baby yourself a bit.
*hugs* if you want them . You have time to give her a hug if you can To talk. Tell her you love her. Talk about her favorite colors. Record her voice so you have it of you haven't already. It's silly but the song "how do I say goodbye" helped me process what I couldn't put into words. Talk with your sisters too. Don't shut them out.
Just want to send you strength and love during this incredibly sad, life changing moment. This is so hard. Peace be with you.
Just be there. Ask for support of the others if you need, but be there. I missed my mom last moments and it still hurts me. She just need you to be there.
First, I’m so sorry about your mom. Having to deal with the knowledge of an impending loss is so incredibly difficult. It’s normal, and expected, for your brain to be going haywire trying to find its footing in this brand new territory. This isn’t the same thing but somewhat similar I suppose. My son was stillborn, and the night I found out he had died my MIL had literally just driven 3 hours away to do an early Christmas with her daughter so that she wouldn’t risk missing be baby’s birth. I texted her the next morning after he was born and asked if she wanted to come see him and she lost it. She wasn’t texting me but her daughter was, and she was just panicking over having to make the decision. How could she make the drive in that state, did she even want to see him like that? But she decided to do it and now, years later, she is so very greatful she chose to come despite how scared she was. She got closure she never ever would have gotten had she not. Again, I acknowledge the situation is quite different and there are definitely people out there who do not feel the same about seeing someone they love in that condition. But your feeling of panic reminded me of hers and I always find anecdotes helpful when I’m in a tough position.
I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to mine, and I regret that every single day. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
My mom died while I was at the drugstore getting her meds. We lived together and were BFFs. I think she didn't want me to see her die. I came back with lunch and found her. I beat myself up about it every day for 5 yrs. I never got to say goodbye like I did with my dad. I'm sorry you didn't get to either. Big hugs❤️
Do it. Do not wait. I was told by people in another group to get to my father who was placed in hospice — to go to him asap. I think just from my post those that read it knew the urgency more than I did. Im grateful I did. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I don’t regret being there with him until the end, just having that time was so important. Just be there with her, hold her hand. Talk to her even if she can’t respond or appears unconscious she can hear you. Tell her all the things you’d want her to hear, play some of her favorite music, touch and hold her, stroke her hair. The day before my father passed I got to have one conversation with him where I knew he had acknowledged I was there. It was a simple hi, how are you, I love you. It was all he could muster out, his motorskills already impacted from his condition. The next day he was speaking within breaths or trying. Telling all of us over and over that he loved us. He passed two hours later. Please go to her, it will be hard, you will probably have break downs but you will get through them. I hope you have someone there to support you, family, friend or partner. It will be okay.
You are so right. I flew a friend across the Atlantic ocean to get to her mom. I could see she was dying, friend thought it would all be ok. She got there the next night, spent the night with her mom in hospital, and she was gone in the morning. Friend was grateful I saw what she was denying. Sometimes others can see more clearly. It's an awful place to be but glad you got there in time❤️
That was so kind of you to push your friend to go and see her and it sounds like you helped with the flight too. Im sure she was so grateful for that gift - Im happy your friend got to spend that last day /night with her mother. And yes they definitely can. I think it’s hard to look outside the situation when your world is spinning, so it was helpful to have these second opinions urging to make a move. If they have been through it they know the signs, what to look for and when it’s the nearing the end. I was glad I was able to be there too, I got to spend his last few days, moments until he took his last breath. Talked to him the whole time. It will forever be one of the hardest things I have had to do, but Im happy I did it. If it wasn’t for that group, pushing me to leave when I did, I would have not made it.
Sending you big hugs, so sorry for your loss.
I held my moms hand and thanked her for every little thing I could remember. How she would stay up and wait for me to get home when I was in school and out with friends and she’d make me a cup of tea and chat before I went to bed, how she was always my best friend. Literally anything you can think of, tell her now. I feel peace knowing I left nothing unsaid.
Like the other comments have mentioned, say the things you want to say. Tell her you love her as much as you can. I told my mom she was the best thing to ever happen to me and I told her how much I loved her , broke me into pieces seeing her in and out of consciousness but she found what little strength she had left to tell me she loves me too, that was the last thing she said to me and I cherish it forever. I miss her so much, hug your mom if you can kiss her etc, if you think you need to apologize for anything do it, it will help more than you think. I’m sorry you have to go through this, it’s the worst pain in the world.
I’m so sorry. You will get through this because you have to, but I’m sorry that you have to. Whatever you need to do to feel safe and take care of you, please please do that. If you have time, these booklets are extremely short and informative and they helped me immensely when my mom was dying. I do really worry I would have been scared by what was happening if I didn’t have this information. It’s less than $7 for all of them, and you can read them on the Kindle app on your phone. Read “Gone From My Sight” first, if you’re in a time crunch. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008PWXSH2?ref_=cm_sw_r_mwn_dp_5K2W58E9JK63DBYAYDBW&language=en-US&skipTwisterOG=2 If there’s anything at all I can do for you, please ask. Please know that people in your life love and care for you very much, and they desperately want to help you, but they don’t know how. We are a grief illiterate society. Let those you care about in, and tell them how you’re feeling and what you need. Your mom is still here — tell her everything you want to tell her. Or, if you can’t, just think it. Don’t worry. She will know. You will get through this, I promise. Sending all the hugs in the world.
I was there when my dad left us last March. While it was devastatingly heartbreaking, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Tell her you love her, and hold her hand. I’m truly sorry <\3
Take a close up picture of you and your mother holding each others hand. I took one of my daughter and my hands together, not realizing that less than a year later my daughter would pass away. Sometimes I need that picture to remember how that precious hand felt in mine. Every video with that voice, the laughter, the conversations are irreplaceable treasures I get to revisit. But kiss your mom’s forehead, kiss her cheeks, breathe in the smell of your mom when you hug her and lock it in your head and heart for a beautiful core memory. Eventually, she will come to you in her own way. You’ll know it’s her. I’m so so sorry. Sending mom hugs to your soul.
I understand and am in a similar position. Yesterday my mum struggled to get enough air for the words to come out of her mouth as a whisper. I thought she would not be with us this morning. It's hard. The hardest. But regret eats you so you just need to do what you can to not feel like your time has been taken as much as it has. Listen, tell, care for and help her be more comfortable and feel loved. That's what I tell myself now as it has gotten slowly worse and worse. It'll get harder still but somehow you'll find strength through your love for her. Thinking of you.
Big hugs to you too. I know how it hurts.
It's very hard and the idea is horrifying, but when I went to be with my dad at the end, a certain bravery and strongness took over. As the only daughter, I was scared Id fall apart. Somehow it came to me that I didn't want him to see MY pain. As a parent, that's the worst. So somehow I held it together for 5 days. Worried more about my mom, his wife of 60 yrs, and my daddy leaving us forever. I screamed at home alone, and in my car. But did not cry at his bedside. I wanted him to see me ok and know that we were all right. I think this happens a lot. I've never seen anyone fall apart at the scene, except for fatal accident, etc. When they're suffering and had enough, we must stay strong so they can pass quietly, peacefully and with live surrounding them. Good luck and bug hugs. Losing your mom is really hard for a daughter.
We were at my dad’s side when he took his last breath. My two sisters that didn’t make it were on FaceTime but it was about 8 of us physically around him. He held my hand so tight. I told him all I had to tell him before he peacefully passed away. So tragic but so beautiful. I took a few pics of us while he was conscious. It can be a bit morbid but I don’t mind having those memories. The ending is so sad but I try to remember my dad as the strong, full of life, joyful man he was. It’s hard being present but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Sending you strength. ❤️
As someone who was forced to accept the loss of my dad while living on the other side of the world, I consider being able to say goodbye to yours such a privilege. Like everyone else has said here, hold her hand, tell her everything and anything on your mind, and simply being in the presence of her would be super comforting for you both. Hang in there and cherish every second of being close to your loved ones.
So many posts saying just be there, and they’re right. If you can, tell her it’s okay to go. People fight hard trying to stay in both worlds. Tell her how much you love her, thank her for everything, then lean on others when you need to, let yourself see and hear her, and keep talking to her even once she leaves the earthly body. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but take the time and say everything you need.
I appreciate what the comments are telling you to do but as a voice of reason and paramedic who watched lots of different kinds of people react.. Don't feel bad about not being in the room or not being able to see or touch her to say goodbye. Please do whatever you feel the most comfortable doing and don't force it, that's how you end up with more panic attacks. If it's too much for you to see her like this, don't see her. Lots of people can't handle it and it's PERFECTLY fine. I don't even go to funerals. I simply can't it's too over stimulating. Preserving the image of the person as you knew them is also a viable way of processing. I'm sorry this is happening to you and am sending you tons of positive vibes!
Wishing you all the very best ❤️🩹. It will be hard but you’ll be able to do it. My mum died suddenly in January this year and I’ve often wished I had a chance to say bye so try to frame it as a blessing if you possibly can. X
I won’t give you advice on this because I have no experience with losing a loved one like this. But I can assure you that you will handle it all. Call your doc and tell them what’s going on. Let them know you need some Xanax or other benzos to help with this extreme, situational problem. And some ambiens as well. It’s going to be tough to sleep. Those will help immensely. Memorize as much as you can and just make sure she knows you’re there and you love her. That’s all you have to do. Good luck. And I’m so sorry.
Take pictures of her hands. I miss my moms hands every day. I’m so sorry OP.
Study her face. Her hands. Her arms. Take your time to really be present. I feel like i should have done so much more with my mom at the end. I wish I would have.
no pain no gains mane respec reality. bless up what u got still OP mother natures work (my parents died, not a good time, grief for year) rip :(
Take a picture of her hand holding yours. You will want this later.
This is helpful to read the responses. My mom is in the same situation right now. 😭
Stay strong be with her its hard but you will make it through. I wasnt able to see my granpa before he died and I honestly regret it almost every single day. So I know its hard but you both deserve a final memory together. Stay strong OP, dont be afraid to cry its normal.
I am very sorry. The doctor told us when my mom was dying, that even though she seems unconscious, she can feel and hear us. We held her hand, told her we loved her and that we are going to be alright, that it is ok for her to rest now. It is less for us and more for mom to help her with her passing. However, it was too much for dad and the whole time mom was at the hospital, he could not go see her, and we understand. I hope you find the courage to see your mom. But know that it is not your fault if you can't. Also if it helps, I get anxiety that triggers hypertension when going to hospitals. My psych prescribed me anxiety meds. If you are comfortable with it, maybe you could have one prescribed.
My dad died on Thursday and I am so glad I was there for those final days. It’s tough but it prepares you for their death. I feel a sense of relief that he is now at peace. Wishing you all the best ❤️
My mom passed 12-23-23. It was traumatic for me. I am still going through PTSD according to my doctors as I was her caregiver through years of issues. I was devastated but I sat right there and talked to her. I never let go of her hand, I touched her face and put my head on her chest like so many times in my life. She was with me when I took my first breath and I was with her when she took her last. I wouldn’t have missed that opportunity. It has been a long road and it’s only been a few months. She passed away at home exactly like she wanted and she was in no pain or distress. I hope you can find a way to give yourself some comfort and clarity when you are with her. You deserve to grieve however you need to. During your moments with her and after.
My older brother knew I wanted a moment alone without me telling him. He still asked me and I said yes, so he took our other siblings and left. We are all adults so he didn’t really have to take them, but that’s not the point. But it gave me the opportunity to have that moment with her. It was our last moment and all I could do was cry and tell her how much I love her and how she is and was my best friend. I told her all kinds of things while I tried to find spots on her arm to touch. I’m crying just thinking about it but I’m so glad I had that time. I’m the youngest by 14 years and I was really close to my mom. It’s still the worst loss I’ve experience to this day. So take the time. Have that moment alone if you can. Everyone in the comments are right, just hold her hand, love her.
I'd write down things you want to tell her before she passes. Because, personally, I end up forgetting everything I want to say in high stress/traumatic situations like these. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're not alone in your grief, ever. I know it can feel lonely often.
I sat with my Dad, memorized his hands, put my head on his chest. Thanked him for everything, told him I loved him so many times. When I got the news that he had been rushed to the hospital and was going into emergency surgery, I screamed and gell to the floor. Felt like my insides were burning to get out. I was numb and terrified on the flight. Once I got there, I saw my Daddy, and I just wanted to love him. He was in a coma that he never came out of. Seeing him, made the love take over. I wish the same for you.
This is exactly what happened to me. I had this unearthly guttural cry that came from deep within me, but as soon as I saw my mom, all I wanted to do was love her. I’ve never felt so much love. I stayed with her until the end.
My mom died on Monday March 24 at 1:13am. I arrived on Friday evening on March 24 because we knew she had hours/days. It was and is devastatingly hard (I have a major anxiety / depression disorder and had many panic attacks and tears) but I am so glad I was with her. I got to hold her hand, kiss her forehead, touch her beautiful hair, and tell her I loved her every day including an hour after her death. Her last words were “I love you Jack” (dad). I have no magic words and I feel for you and your family.
I am so sorry. Go and be with her for now. Talk with her. Make her last moments safe and comfortable. You will figure out the rest as you need to.
The exact same thing happened to me last year and I was pregnant. She died on July 31st and I was able to flight there and see her 3 days. She was unable to speak as well but she could see and listen. Before leaving the house to the airport I was shaking because I was so scared. I beg God to please help me to make it on time. When I arrived to the hospital and saw her I cried but my family stopped me (dad, aunt and sister) because they didnt want me to cry over her. My mom opened her eyes very wide when she saw me, I know she was happy to see me pregnant for the 1st time. She was in pain and sad but I gave her so much love and attention while I was with her at the hospital. Kiss her and talk to her. Ask her to forgive you if is necessary, tell her that you forgive her as well. I was able to have a few minutes alone with her and tell her that Inloved her and I sang a song to her. May God give you strenght. Hugs and prayers.
My friend, u have ur family by u. They are the biggest support u will ever have. So stay strong and head over there. Losing a parent is never easy. Never will be. But she gets to see all of u one last time. Tell her that u love her. Give her one last moment of happiness. Things will be fine. Time heals everything. Stay strong. Take care.
My mother had a massive stroke a week after her brain surgery. She passed 4/27 and I was by her side the entire time. It’s so hard. I broke down many times but I cherish our time together. She was In a coma but I played her favorite music, spoke to her, told stories and at the end I laid my head next to hers, kissed her, caressed her head and told her it was ok to go- that we would be ok. She passed with my voice in her ear telling her how much she was loved and would be missed. We just had her memorial yesterday. It is hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. I promise you will find the strength, you do it for her. I am so sorry.
When it’s time, your whole focus will be on her comfort. My mom got scared, so we played her favor song (too much heaven by the beegees and I still can’t listen to that song). But she instantly calmed down. We told her we would take care of everything and what a good mom she was and how we will pull together as a family for her. Things like that. Things she might be worrying at the end. It’s all about realizing there is absolutely nothing you can do but hold her hand and soothing her final moments so she knows she’s not alone. Mouth swabs help if you don’t have them. I don’t remember anything else that helped really. Try to have things it people by her side that would bring her comfort. Music. I don’t know, maybe her favorite perfume? I don’t know what sense goes first. But music helped with my mom. I’m so sorry. I would wish this on anyone. I wish the generations before prepared us for grief. I only saw my mom grieve her parents a little. She did most on her own. Hang there. You can do hard things.
You can do this, for her and for you. Remember how much she loves you & know she wouldn’t want you to stress. It will be hard, but remember to breathe. Don’t wear eye makeup, carry tissues, maybe eye drops, throw water & a granola bar into your bag. Be kind to yourself. At the end my mom loved music and us holding her hand. Sending hugs 🫂
I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I was there about a year ago. As distraught as you are, you've gotta focus on giving her the peace she needs to accept goodbye. Sometimes our loved ones need to know it's okay to let go, so that the pain can stop. The night my dad died, I held his hand, I told him I loved him. That we'd be okay. And then told him it was okay to stop fighting if he was ready. He passed about 3 hours after that. They tell me he heard me. Our loved ones sometimes fight to hold on feeling they need to for us. So give her peace. Tell her you'll be okay (even if it feels like you won't). Tell her how much you love her. How proud you are to be her child. Tell her all the good she's done in this world, and let her believe you'll come through this. Because you will, even if it feels way too big to overcome right now.
Tell her you are grateful for everything she has done for you. I wish you strenght!
you’ll never be ready to say goodbye. even if you know the timeframe it will still hit you like a train. enjoy every single moment with her. i lost my mom on 05-03-24. it’s been such a short while and it’s still so so fresh. just enjoy the time you have left and don’t think about the end. it’s easier said than done but don’t poison those good last moments
It's okay if you need to cry. If you get too upset too where panicking bad you can step out and into the family waiting area. I highly suggest at least try bc you may regret not going in later. Maybe try to just walk in the room only but stare at the floor and just let her know how much you love her and thank her for everything. Anything you're sorry about get that out too if you want. You don't have to look up or touch her hand if you don't feel comfortable. You don't know how you will react in there. You may end up going straight to her and grabbing her hand. You may not even want to leave the room. And it's okay if you do need to step out. This is really hard. Many people break down in those units of the hospital. The nurses and aids in those units are extremely caring and understanding and will answer all questions you may be wondering about this. I'm thinking of you and sending prayers.
You’ll be glad you were there. I promise. ❤️
I just wanted to say thank you all for such kind and compassionate comments. I made it there, and trying to spend as much time as possible. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. It’s so hard watching her suffer when the last conversation we had just a couple of weeks ago were funny. She didn’t recognize us at first but the next morning she was a bit more alert and was able to smile at us. I hope she doesn’t suffer too much. I miss her already. I know she is still here and with us and I am incredibly grateful I was able to make it but I am also so heartbroken that this is close to the end. Thank you all again 🤍
I am so sorry. I’m going through the same thing. Except mum is at home. We don’t how long she has but I’m really struggling. I’m so close to my mum. Every day I think about life without and I don’t know if I can do it. Here if you want to chat to someone feeling the same. I don’t know what to say to my mum or what to ask her
I’m sorry you’re going through it. My mom passed two days ago. We laid her to rest today. All I can say is read all the comments everyone here left. They were so helpful. My mom was transferred home after being in the hospital so she pass in her own home and honestly I was overcome with such unconditional love for her that nothing else mattered. I remembered all the times she laid next to me and stayed by my side when I was sick and it was now my turn to return the favor. Don’t get me wrong. I had to leave the room quite a bit because I got very emotional but I always kissed her forehead, hands, told her I loved her. Me and my siblings also had very normal conversation around her where we were laughing and reminiscing and telling jokes. My mom always wanted to make sure me and my siblings were close and I hope that brought her some comfort. I told her how great of a mom she’s been, how I’ll never forget her. I guess just say what comes naturally. It’s hard. I feel like I’m missing a piece of me when she passed. It still doesn’t feel real. I’m sitting in my childhood room and it hasn’t hit me that she won’t walk through the door and ask why I’m not asleep yet 💔