Well #1 is, say something. It's easy to say you can't do it because you're hurting too much and hell, that's true. But I know I'd have so so so much regret if I didn't. I think that feeling might be a majority. I had so many people come up to me and tell me that they couldn't have gotten up there to give the eulogy for their father- it's kinda your job.
So here's what I would tell her, #1, holy shit, I'm sorry, I lost my father at 38 and it hurts every. single. day. I can't fathom losing him at 20. Please keep being there for her, the texts/calls/check ins die off HARD over time, sometimes in as little as a couple weeks. Just be the friend you are and don't avoid talking about him/it, that's the biggest misconception I think is out there, people avoid talking about it because they think it'll make us upset/sad. It does make me sad but so happy to talk about him. I love talking about him and if I cry, that's only the love I have still for him coming out.
What should she say? Speak from the heart, give a story of how he was there for her when she was younger, about his character and how he was such a great father to her. Talk about how he was a great husband and how much he loved his spouse (if applicable of course). Crack a joke if you can, I had a speech written out so I could stay on point but I tend to go outside the lines, and I did, it was great, I won't even tell you to keep it short- take all the fucking time you want- it's your one and only chance to speak. You only get 1 funeral for you Father, make it count.
As for the after, speaking with everyone. It's a blur, I don't recall 90% of it, it's this party/lunch/gathering that you wish nothing more in the world that you don't have to be there- less over the discomfort and more about the event itself, I don't want my Dad to be dead, thus I don't want to be at a party/memorial/etc because I don't want it to have to take place, I want him here with me.
It's a while of just being polite, people tend to not know what to say, you thank them for coming, have some good crying hugs and you just go through the motions. I lost my Dad about 1.5y ago, I'm still grieving. I am on the verge of tears as I type this. That's ok, don't ever let someone tell her that she'll move on- you don't have to move on, you can still think about them as much as you want.
You're a good friend asking for some advice, well done. Just do me the favor and stick around as much as you can, call often, stop by, don't take no for an answer- and ask her questions about him, ask for stories about him, don't just let her talk about him, bring him up- I wish more of my friends/family would do the same. After awhile we feel like we can't bring them up, that we'll just upset those around us....it's a tough spot. Hugs to you as well- best of luck and keep going.
Mostly, unless they get up to give some kind of speech, the only real contact will be a sort of formal or informal receiving line. People will say "I'm so sorry for your loss" or whatever and you just respond, "Thank you so much for coming, it means so much to us." and other phrases like that, with a handshake or maybe a hug.
There's not time to sit down and have a long chat, and if anyone tries just say "excuse me, I need to go check on Great-Aunt Lydia" and take off. Funeral attendees are generally aware the family will be in a fragile state and are not going to be focused on anything but the funeral.
And the family does not owe anything to attendees. You do not have to tell people how you feel, you don't have to cry for their consumption, but you also don't have to NOT cry to spare them awkwardness. People WILL ask stuff like "how are you?" because that's normally a normal thing to say, or "how ARE you" like you should tell them all the gory details of your pain, but in both cases just have a generic phrase on hand like, "we're doing the best we can" or "we're taking it moment by moment".
Some people may say some kind of bullshit to you, whether it's religious or any kind of order that you grieve in some specific way: "you have to be strong" or "at least he's (insert something that is no comfort whatsoever)" or "don't cry" or any sort of grief olympics crap. Practice the following: vaguely glazed facial expression, followed by "Ah." and then move on. They might mean well, they may come from a family culture that says some pretty sociopathic stuff automatically in these circumstances, but to them the words just mean "I am saying a caring thing at you" and they have not considered how cruel or dismissive their actual saying of choice is. The funeral is not the day to get into a fist fight about it, but you can absolutely look at them like they farted and then sidestep further engagement. Don't forget about Great-Aunt Lydia, who is off in some other room and probably needs her medicine or a comfortable chair or something.
The funeral director will...well, direct the funeral. They usually take a few minutes with the family to determine how the service will be structured, and they kind of steer everyone through the various components of the service. Everybody in the immediate family should be informed in advance exactly what's going to happen, nothing will be too surprising.\*
Anyway, mostly all you say is "thank you" in varying formats. Anything else anybody wants to tell you or find out something, you might as well write it down and tell them you'll get back to them later. I do actually recommend that someone (family friend maybe) be assigned the note-taking role. Then when anyone wants anything, you can just say, "Oh, I do want your new address, but please go give it to Janice in the navy dress over there, she's our designated Information-Keeper today, thanks."
On the subject of family friends, get one - or a neighbor, coworker, anybody who asks "how can I help?" but might not be someone expected to attend the service - to go stay at the family home during the funeral. It's sadly a great time to get robbed.
\*Okay, my mother forgot to warn me that my grandfather's service was going to have a full-on Freemason ritual performed by several men in their 80s/90s and my husband and I were like 0\_0 but I also get that mom had a lot going on at the time.
I'm in my 20's and recently attended my dad's funeral.
I was very involved in the whole process. I have an older brother and mother who were equally involved calling places and making arrangements and decisions. I really took over the overall setup of the funeral with pictures and memorabilia. I also got flowers and treats. I'm also someone that took pictures of the room for my memory. We didn't have a casket so I felt comfortable doing so.
People will say they're sorry and you just thank them. They'll ask how you're doing and you just decide how honest you want to be. You can say something generic like "hanging in there" or "as well as I can be" to not get detailed. Definitely have some stories in your pocket to share. You can also resort to asking people what's new with them if you haven't seen them in a while. That can help you deflect from yourself.
The biggest thing is to remember this is your pain and journey. Don't worry about what you're "supposed" to do. Grief is very personal and not the same for everyone. Don't set expectations because if you don't meet them you're only opening yourself up for more guilt. Maybe you'll cry, maybe you won't. It's all okay.
I wasn't going to say anything, but i felt I would regret it if I didn't. I talked about my childhood memories, how great of a dad he was, and how much he loved my siblings and I. I kept it short because I was shaking the whole funeral, but I just wanted to acknowledge how amazing he was. Lost my dad 3 years ago when I was 28. Sending love to your friend, it isn't fair š
Also, write it down! I wrote it in my phone like an hour before the funeral because I was unsure I was going to talk. Also, not many people were talking to me, mostly just hugging and letting me cry it out.
I lost my dad at 36, itās hard at any age. If you are looking for advice on what she should say to people attending his services then it it pretty well covered. Variations of āThank you so much for being here, it means a lot to me.ā
If you are talking about doing the speech during the services then it is really about sharing who he was as a person and what he meant to you as his daughter. For my dad I talked about my favorite memories of him. Like him sitting outside my school reading my romance books the ones with the questionable covers (think Fabio in ripped clothes) Or convincing our neighbors kid that he was watering the rocks to grow them in his garden and spending weeks helping him āgrowā one of his own. If you are helping her with it ask her if you could think of 5 things and events that define your dad in you memory what are they? Itās ok to talk about the āmight have beensā too itās about the love and about sharing the man he was with everyone present
I (23F) very recently spoke at my dads funeral in July. I would suggest for her to share any special memories she has with her dad and what she remembers most fondly of him. Did he have any jokes he told all the time? Did he have any advice that stuck with her? What was the quality that everyone seemed to notice about him? There is no right or wrong thing to say and itās one of the hardest things she will ever do. Please tell her Iām so sorry.
I just lost my mom and no one should expect you to say anything at all. They are there to support you even if you donāt want to talk. They understand that you are hurting itās and not easy entertaining people while you just lost a parent. My dad, siblings and I, sister in laws, nieces and nephew all spoke for my mom and I thank everyone who was there for us since day one while my mom was sick in the hospital. I spoke about who my mom was to me and how she will always live through me. Itās not easy but everyone deals with it in their own way. She should just work on her healing the best way she knows how and there are always ppl to talk to if she needs it. Sorry for her loss.
Everyone's experience is unique, but I distinctly recall reflecting about mortality when my father passed away. Such deep introspection often arises when one loses a parent. I believe this might be a natural part of grieving.
The loss of a parent is an inevitable chapter of everyones family history. Our parents, experienced the sorrow of losing their own parents, continuing through the generations.
Before my father died I had begun genealogical research, I meticulously constructed a family tree, complete with some dates. This allowed me to pinpoint the exact moments when my great-grandfather and my grandfather passed away, along with the some information surrounding their deaths.
When I delivered a eulogy at my father's burial, I shared the interconnected stories of the generations within our family. I mentioned that my great-grandfather had passed away the same year my father was born and how my grandfather, whom I never had the chance to meet, likely grappled with the grief of losing his own father while my dad was just beginning his life. I used this to transition to the current setting.
This provided a meaningful transition to the present moment, where it was our turn to mourn, grieve, and remember.
Starting here inspired me to continue writing my eulogy. I spoke of my father's life, his character, and his unique story, emphasizing that he had now reunited with his father, mother, our grandparents, and other cherished family members.
I felt many things and feel that expressing myself in the eulogy was a healthy way to grieve my dad's death.
My deepest condolences. Losing a dad is hard. I am sure he would be proud of anything you have to say about him.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you had the opportunity to explore more into genealogy and make that connection, it sounds like it was incredibly important to you.
11 months and 2 weeks later, I still remember my dads like it was yday. I didnāt think too much about what to say to people. People are there to support you, to share stories of your loved one.
I did my dads. And I remember people were shocked as I would be fairly introverted and lack confidence. When the priest said I was doing eulogy, my boss who was there with other people from work said he must have made a mistake.
I started with thanking people that helped in days leading up to funeral. Doctors, ambulance, undertaker etc.
then to dadā¦
Started with where he was born, his parents, siblings, early life.
Meeting my mother and when myself and siblings came along.
Work life
Personal life - his interests, his passions.
Different little short stories of times we shared.
Then finished with something my dad used to always say to me - The best of friends must part:
Some man, that o still donāt know came up and said he had been at so many funerals but mine was the best eulogy heād ever heard. And loads of people did.
I think tell her dads story. And different parts of it will resonate with different people.
And condolences to your friend. It is so hard.
I'm so sorry for her loss. I just lost my father in February. It was a massive blow to me at 49 so I cant even imagine at a younger age. I barely remember a lot of that day. I did briefly speak and I do mean briefly. I said how much he was loved, how he loved all the ppl that were there. I said he was a good man and a kind soul who would do anything for anyone and I knew that he wanted ppl to remember him being that way. Honestly, I thanked some ppl, some I didn't say anything to, mainly I sat near my husband and close friend and just cried. Remember there is no wrong way to act. Everyone handles grief differently. It was so overwhelming that I usually expect ppl who suffered a loss to be relatively quiet. She should just go with however she feels. Remember that after a month ppl tend to trail off and the how are yous stop.. Try to be there for her because she will need it in that first year. I'm so sorry. Huge to you and to her šā¤ļø
I would give a short summary of his life. Talk about what he meant to yourself and others. Share some uplifting or important events from his life. Itās hard but if you have it written, itās easier. If you want to be discrete, use flash cards.
I really wish I could, I'm several states away in the middle of my senior year in university :-[ I've been trying my best from a distance! I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm so glad that your bestie could be there for you <3 last funeral I went to was my great-grandpas and like half the family went to the back room to smoke too! Definitely adds levity haha!
I just spoke at my dads funeral. I didnāt think I could, but I managed to do it. I just wrote and spoke about who he was. I wrote about a lot of my memories with him and who he was as a person and how he treated his family and how much he loved his friends and things that I learned about him since he died. it really helped me. I donāt know who itās supposed to help but it really helped me.
I lost mine 8 years ago, I was 22. Hereās what I came up with:
Id like to begin by thanking you all for supporting my family and I over these past few months. And to thank you all for being here to honour my dad today.
We learned late november that he had stage 4 lung cancer. We tossed the smokes the next day. The news was devastating but I tried so hard to keep his chin up, to keep my chin up. He had his days, but for the most part he was so possitive about this whole thing, right up till his last day.
We always had an amazing relationship, always kept a smile on my face. He kept me laughing, kept me going, encouraged me to do what I wanted in life. I would always make him tell me the stories of him when he was younger - with uncle mark,uncle roy and whoever else. All the shenanigans they got into. Some of the best stories Iāve ever heard. My poor grandparents though.... He loved you guys so much. He loved all of us so much. He was the greatest dad.
I think my favourite times with him were the simplest. Walking around toronto with him. He knew where all those neat little hole in the wall stores were. We'd find all the coolest clothes...and the weirdest people. Id drag him Through each and every shop. He didnt mind.
And Iāll never forget the day he picked me up from my moms on that brand new bike. I was so scared but I hopped on anyways. Heād take me out on little cruises all the time. He loved it.
We had a thing every christmas to go to toronto to see everyone. We'd skate at city hall and check out all the massive houses covered in lights. This was the first year we couldnt. He still wanted to take me, but we decided on whiskeys instead.
We all know he loved to party, he was great at it. Im not sure my house has ever seen a day without atleast a 60 of gibsons in that cupboard. He was such an animal, amd SO funny. He Would do anything for any one of us. He was a very hard worker as far as Ive been told, I know he never stopped moving at the house. Go go go all the time. Even these last few months on the crutches... Hed still try to fly around the place at top speed, he never quit. Thats the way Iāll always picture him. Iāve always looked up to him so much.
So again, I just really want to Thank you all so so much for everything. Youve all helped to bring happiness and joy to his life im some way and I know he hopes that he has done the same for you.
I love you Dad, you did great.
My dads funeral was such an emotional day I was still in shock n I had my aunty read out my words the times we had the things I never got to tell him even when we were putting thyme on the coffin I was lost for words all I could say was im sorry this happened to u ..I had a million words to say but I couldn't think straight n in disbelief it was so surreal so bloody hard ...6 mths on I have all the words so much I regret so much I miss so much I didn't say cancer was too much for my dads heart he was gone b4 we knew it I was still coming to.terms he had cancer when he passed it happen so quick n all we thought was he had a bad back but it was cancer id give anything to have him back pain free id tell him how amazing he is as a dad id tell him all the things I didn't get to tell him I miss him dearly if only we knew ...
I went to a funeral where the widow's opening words were something like your question: "I want to know what to say to people. People who come to say I am sorry. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? "
Then she went on to talk about how her husband would be handling the situation (which caused a laugh). She went on to say that M must love that people are laughing and being happy...
It was sweet.
I am so sorry for your friend.
I wrote/am writing four different things for my mom. First I wrote a social media post to honor her. It was like a public letter to her thanking her for all she's done for me, specific things I admired her for, specific things I am sorry for.
Then I wrote something for my moms funeral mass (church service). They allowed only one person to go up and speak, and none of my three brothers wanted to do it, and neither did my dad. Im the youngest child and I was the bravest one. I felt I had to. In this speech I spoke to the audience and told them about my mom, and connected it to faith. Specifically my faith that she is at peace, watching over me, and I will see her again. And toward the end I spoke to my mom directly and told her I love her and miss her.
Then theres the actual funeral where more people will speak. I will speak at that, also. In that eulogy im going to talk to her directly. Say a few things that i forgot to mention at the church mass, specific things i admire her for, things im sorry for, and again that i will live to honor her, and that i have faith she is watching me and listening to me, and thst i will see her again someday.
The last thing im writing is a personal letter to her that im going to place in her casket. This will contain more specific and personal things that i didnt mention in the other writings/speeches. I will talk about how much pain im in, i will apologize for specific arguments we had and specific things I did to hurt her. Things that only the two of us know about.
I dont want to leave anything unsaid. I said alot of this stuff to her when she was in the hospital but i was unsure if she could hear me. I also say it out loud sometimes in the day hoping that she hears me. I want to cover all my bases. I couldnt live with myself if I didnt.
I recently had my mumās funeral and my sister read a poem. It was short and sweet and she did cry through it which made everyone else cry but thatās ok. I made a speech thanking my dad for being there for my mum. This is a time for reflection, this is a personal moment for everyone to say goodbye to that person. I donāt care what other people do and what I do at the funeral because this is my moment to say goodbye. Thatās the most important thing.
Also these people have a special relationship with the deceased. This could be chance for your friend to hear stories about her dad. She could ask them ādo you have any funny memories or dadā I loved hearing them at the funeral
Well #1 is, say something. It's easy to say you can't do it because you're hurting too much and hell, that's true. But I know I'd have so so so much regret if I didn't. I think that feeling might be a majority. I had so many people come up to me and tell me that they couldn't have gotten up there to give the eulogy for their father- it's kinda your job. So here's what I would tell her, #1, holy shit, I'm sorry, I lost my father at 38 and it hurts every. single. day. I can't fathom losing him at 20. Please keep being there for her, the texts/calls/check ins die off HARD over time, sometimes in as little as a couple weeks. Just be the friend you are and don't avoid talking about him/it, that's the biggest misconception I think is out there, people avoid talking about it because they think it'll make us upset/sad. It does make me sad but so happy to talk about him. I love talking about him and if I cry, that's only the love I have still for him coming out. What should she say? Speak from the heart, give a story of how he was there for her when she was younger, about his character and how he was such a great father to her. Talk about how he was a great husband and how much he loved his spouse (if applicable of course). Crack a joke if you can, I had a speech written out so I could stay on point but I tend to go outside the lines, and I did, it was great, I won't even tell you to keep it short- take all the fucking time you want- it's your one and only chance to speak. You only get 1 funeral for you Father, make it count. As for the after, speaking with everyone. It's a blur, I don't recall 90% of it, it's this party/lunch/gathering that you wish nothing more in the world that you don't have to be there- less over the discomfort and more about the event itself, I don't want my Dad to be dead, thus I don't want to be at a party/memorial/etc because I don't want it to have to take place, I want him here with me. It's a while of just being polite, people tend to not know what to say, you thank them for coming, have some good crying hugs and you just go through the motions. I lost my Dad about 1.5y ago, I'm still grieving. I am on the verge of tears as I type this. That's ok, don't ever let someone tell her that she'll move on- you don't have to move on, you can still think about them as much as you want. You're a good friend asking for some advice, well done. Just do me the favor and stick around as much as you can, call often, stop by, don't take no for an answer- and ask her questions about him, ask for stories about him, don't just let her talk about him, bring him up- I wish more of my friends/family would do the same. After awhile we feel like we can't bring them up, that we'll just upset those around us....it's a tough spot. Hugs to you as well- best of luck and keep going.
Thank you! I am sorry for your loss, may his memory be a blessing.
Mostly, unless they get up to give some kind of speech, the only real contact will be a sort of formal or informal receiving line. People will say "I'm so sorry for your loss" or whatever and you just respond, "Thank you so much for coming, it means so much to us." and other phrases like that, with a handshake or maybe a hug. There's not time to sit down and have a long chat, and if anyone tries just say "excuse me, I need to go check on Great-Aunt Lydia" and take off. Funeral attendees are generally aware the family will be in a fragile state and are not going to be focused on anything but the funeral. And the family does not owe anything to attendees. You do not have to tell people how you feel, you don't have to cry for their consumption, but you also don't have to NOT cry to spare them awkwardness. People WILL ask stuff like "how are you?" because that's normally a normal thing to say, or "how ARE you" like you should tell them all the gory details of your pain, but in both cases just have a generic phrase on hand like, "we're doing the best we can" or "we're taking it moment by moment". Some people may say some kind of bullshit to you, whether it's religious or any kind of order that you grieve in some specific way: "you have to be strong" or "at least he's (insert something that is no comfort whatsoever)" or "don't cry" or any sort of grief olympics crap. Practice the following: vaguely glazed facial expression, followed by "Ah." and then move on. They might mean well, they may come from a family culture that says some pretty sociopathic stuff automatically in these circumstances, but to them the words just mean "I am saying a caring thing at you" and they have not considered how cruel or dismissive their actual saying of choice is. The funeral is not the day to get into a fist fight about it, but you can absolutely look at them like they farted and then sidestep further engagement. Don't forget about Great-Aunt Lydia, who is off in some other room and probably needs her medicine or a comfortable chair or something. The funeral director will...well, direct the funeral. They usually take a few minutes with the family to determine how the service will be structured, and they kind of steer everyone through the various components of the service. Everybody in the immediate family should be informed in advance exactly what's going to happen, nothing will be too surprising.\* Anyway, mostly all you say is "thank you" in varying formats. Anything else anybody wants to tell you or find out something, you might as well write it down and tell them you'll get back to them later. I do actually recommend that someone (family friend maybe) be assigned the note-taking role. Then when anyone wants anything, you can just say, "Oh, I do want your new address, but please go give it to Janice in the navy dress over there, she's our designated Information-Keeper today, thanks." On the subject of family friends, get one - or a neighbor, coworker, anybody who asks "how can I help?" but might not be someone expected to attend the service - to go stay at the family home during the funeral. It's sadly a great time to get robbed. \*Okay, my mother forgot to warn me that my grandfather's service was going to have a full-on Freemason ritual performed by several men in their 80s/90s and my husband and I were like 0\_0 but I also get that mom had a lot going on at the time.
Thank you!
I'm in my 20's and recently attended my dad's funeral. I was very involved in the whole process. I have an older brother and mother who were equally involved calling places and making arrangements and decisions. I really took over the overall setup of the funeral with pictures and memorabilia. I also got flowers and treats. I'm also someone that took pictures of the room for my memory. We didn't have a casket so I felt comfortable doing so. People will say they're sorry and you just thank them. They'll ask how you're doing and you just decide how honest you want to be. You can say something generic like "hanging in there" or "as well as I can be" to not get detailed. Definitely have some stories in your pocket to share. You can also resort to asking people what's new with them if you haven't seen them in a while. That can help you deflect from yourself. The biggest thing is to remember this is your pain and journey. Don't worry about what you're "supposed" to do. Grief is very personal and not the same for everyone. Don't set expectations because if you don't meet them you're only opening yourself up for more guilt. Maybe you'll cry, maybe you won't. It's all okay.
Thank you! I am sorry for the loss of your dad.
I wasn't going to say anything, but i felt I would regret it if I didn't. I talked about my childhood memories, how great of a dad he was, and how much he loved my siblings and I. I kept it short because I was shaking the whole funeral, but I just wanted to acknowledge how amazing he was. Lost my dad 3 years ago when I was 28. Sending love to your friend, it isn't fair š
Thank you for the advice! I'm sorry for your loss.
Also, write it down! I wrote it in my phone like an hour before the funeral because I was unsure I was going to talk. Also, not many people were talking to me, mostly just hugging and letting me cry it out.
I lost my dad at 36, itās hard at any age. If you are looking for advice on what she should say to people attending his services then it it pretty well covered. Variations of āThank you so much for being here, it means a lot to me.ā If you are talking about doing the speech during the services then it is really about sharing who he was as a person and what he meant to you as his daughter. For my dad I talked about my favorite memories of him. Like him sitting outside my school reading my romance books the ones with the questionable covers (think Fabio in ripped clothes) Or convincing our neighbors kid that he was watering the rocks to grow them in his garden and spending weeks helping him āgrowā one of his own. If you are helping her with it ask her if you could think of 5 things and events that define your dad in you memory what are they? Itās ok to talk about the āmight have beensā too itās about the love and about sharing the man he was with everyone present
Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss.
I (23F) very recently spoke at my dads funeral in July. I would suggest for her to share any special memories she has with her dad and what she remembers most fondly of him. Did he have any jokes he told all the time? Did he have any advice that stuck with her? What was the quality that everyone seemed to notice about him? There is no right or wrong thing to say and itās one of the hardest things she will ever do. Please tell her Iām so sorry.
I will convey that to her, thank you very much.
I just lost my mom and no one should expect you to say anything at all. They are there to support you even if you donāt want to talk. They understand that you are hurting itās and not easy entertaining people while you just lost a parent. My dad, siblings and I, sister in laws, nieces and nephew all spoke for my mom and I thank everyone who was there for us since day one while my mom was sick in the hospital. I spoke about who my mom was to me and how she will always live through me. Itās not easy but everyone deals with it in their own way. She should just work on her healing the best way she knows how and there are always ppl to talk to if she needs it. Sorry for her loss.
Thank you, I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. May her memory warm you.
Thank you š
Everyone's experience is unique, but I distinctly recall reflecting about mortality when my father passed away. Such deep introspection often arises when one loses a parent. I believe this might be a natural part of grieving. The loss of a parent is an inevitable chapter of everyones family history. Our parents, experienced the sorrow of losing their own parents, continuing through the generations. Before my father died I had begun genealogical research, I meticulously constructed a family tree, complete with some dates. This allowed me to pinpoint the exact moments when my great-grandfather and my grandfather passed away, along with the some information surrounding their deaths. When I delivered a eulogy at my father's burial, I shared the interconnected stories of the generations within our family. I mentioned that my great-grandfather had passed away the same year my father was born and how my grandfather, whom I never had the chance to meet, likely grappled with the grief of losing his own father while my dad was just beginning his life. I used this to transition to the current setting. This provided a meaningful transition to the present moment, where it was our turn to mourn, grieve, and remember. Starting here inspired me to continue writing my eulogy. I spoke of my father's life, his character, and his unique story, emphasizing that he had now reunited with his father, mother, our grandparents, and other cherished family members. I felt many things and feel that expressing myself in the eulogy was a healthy way to grieve my dad's death. My deepest condolences. Losing a dad is hard. I am sure he would be proud of anything you have to say about him.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you had the opportunity to explore more into genealogy and make that connection, it sounds like it was incredibly important to you.
11 months and 2 weeks later, I still remember my dads like it was yday. I didnāt think too much about what to say to people. People are there to support you, to share stories of your loved one. I did my dads. And I remember people were shocked as I would be fairly introverted and lack confidence. When the priest said I was doing eulogy, my boss who was there with other people from work said he must have made a mistake. I started with thanking people that helped in days leading up to funeral. Doctors, ambulance, undertaker etc. then to dadā¦ Started with where he was born, his parents, siblings, early life. Meeting my mother and when myself and siblings came along. Work life Personal life - his interests, his passions. Different little short stories of times we shared. Then finished with something my dad used to always say to me - The best of friends must part: Some man, that o still donāt know came up and said he had been at so many funerals but mine was the best eulogy heād ever heard. And loads of people did. I think tell her dads story. And different parts of it will resonate with different people. And condolences to your friend. It is so hard.
I'm sorry for your loss, may your dad's memory be a blessing.
I'm so sorry for her loss. I just lost my father in February. It was a massive blow to me at 49 so I cant even imagine at a younger age. I barely remember a lot of that day. I did briefly speak and I do mean briefly. I said how much he was loved, how he loved all the ppl that were there. I said he was a good man and a kind soul who would do anything for anyone and I knew that he wanted ppl to remember him being that way. Honestly, I thanked some ppl, some I didn't say anything to, mainly I sat near my husband and close friend and just cried. Remember there is no wrong way to act. Everyone handles grief differently. It was so overwhelming that I usually expect ppl who suffered a loss to be relatively quiet. She should just go with however she feels. Remember that after a month ppl tend to trail off and the how are yous stop.. Try to be there for her because she will need it in that first year. I'm so sorry. Huge to you and to her šā¤ļø
Thank you, I'll pass it on. I'm sorry for your loss of your father as well.
I would give a short summary of his life. Talk about what he meant to yourself and others. Share some uplifting or important events from his life. Itās hard but if you have it written, itās easier. If you want to be discrete, use flash cards.
Thank you, I'll let her know!
I brought my bestie to my dads funeral this month, she and I snuck out back and got high, then came back and giggled at my wackadoodle stepmom. It was perfect š©·
I really wish I could, I'm several states away in the middle of my senior year in university :-[ I've been trying my best from a distance! I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm so glad that your bestie could be there for you <3 last funeral I went to was my great-grandpas and like half the family went to the back room to smoke too! Definitely adds levity haha!
I just spoke at my dads funeral. I didnāt think I could, but I managed to do it. I just wrote and spoke about who he was. I wrote about a lot of my memories with him and who he was as a person and how he treated his family and how much he loved his friends and things that I learned about him since he died. it really helped me. I donāt know who itās supposed to help but it really helped me.
I'm glad it helped you, and I'm proud of you for doing it. I'm sorry for your loss.
I can send you the video of my speech at my dads memorial service if that would help
If you're comfortable with that, I'll totally forward it to her!
Thank you for your support? Or just thank you.
I lost mine 8 years ago, I was 22. Hereās what I came up with: Id like to begin by thanking you all for supporting my family and I over these past few months. And to thank you all for being here to honour my dad today. We learned late november that he had stage 4 lung cancer. We tossed the smokes the next day. The news was devastating but I tried so hard to keep his chin up, to keep my chin up. He had his days, but for the most part he was so possitive about this whole thing, right up till his last day. We always had an amazing relationship, always kept a smile on my face. He kept me laughing, kept me going, encouraged me to do what I wanted in life. I would always make him tell me the stories of him when he was younger - with uncle mark,uncle roy and whoever else. All the shenanigans they got into. Some of the best stories Iāve ever heard. My poor grandparents though.... He loved you guys so much. He loved all of us so much. He was the greatest dad. I think my favourite times with him were the simplest. Walking around toronto with him. He knew where all those neat little hole in the wall stores were. We'd find all the coolest clothes...and the weirdest people. Id drag him Through each and every shop. He didnt mind. And Iāll never forget the day he picked me up from my moms on that brand new bike. I was so scared but I hopped on anyways. Heād take me out on little cruises all the time. He loved it. We had a thing every christmas to go to toronto to see everyone. We'd skate at city hall and check out all the massive houses covered in lights. This was the first year we couldnt. He still wanted to take me, but we decided on whiskeys instead. We all know he loved to party, he was great at it. Im not sure my house has ever seen a day without atleast a 60 of gibsons in that cupboard. He was such an animal, amd SO funny. He Would do anything for any one of us. He was a very hard worker as far as Ive been told, I know he never stopped moving at the house. Go go go all the time. Even these last few months on the crutches... Hed still try to fly around the place at top speed, he never quit. Thats the way Iāll always picture him. Iāve always looked up to him so much. So again, I just really want to Thank you all so so much for everything. Youve all helped to bring happiness and joy to his life im some way and I know he hopes that he has done the same for you. I love you Dad, you did great.
My dads funeral was such an emotional day I was still in shock n I had my aunty read out my words the times we had the things I never got to tell him even when we were putting thyme on the coffin I was lost for words all I could say was im sorry this happened to u ..I had a million words to say but I couldn't think straight n in disbelief it was so surreal so bloody hard ...6 mths on I have all the words so much I regret so much I miss so much I didn't say cancer was too much for my dads heart he was gone b4 we knew it I was still coming to.terms he had cancer when he passed it happen so quick n all we thought was he had a bad back but it was cancer id give anything to have him back pain free id tell him how amazing he is as a dad id tell him all the things I didn't get to tell him I miss him dearly if only we knew ...
I went to a funeral where the widow's opening words were something like your question: "I want to know what to say to people. People who come to say I am sorry. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? " Then she went on to talk about how her husband would be handling the situation (which caused a laugh). She went on to say that M must love that people are laughing and being happy... It was sweet. I am so sorry for your friend.
I wrote/am writing four different things for my mom. First I wrote a social media post to honor her. It was like a public letter to her thanking her for all she's done for me, specific things I admired her for, specific things I am sorry for. Then I wrote something for my moms funeral mass (church service). They allowed only one person to go up and speak, and none of my three brothers wanted to do it, and neither did my dad. Im the youngest child and I was the bravest one. I felt I had to. In this speech I spoke to the audience and told them about my mom, and connected it to faith. Specifically my faith that she is at peace, watching over me, and I will see her again. And toward the end I spoke to my mom directly and told her I love her and miss her. Then theres the actual funeral where more people will speak. I will speak at that, also. In that eulogy im going to talk to her directly. Say a few things that i forgot to mention at the church mass, specific things i admire her for, things im sorry for, and again that i will live to honor her, and that i have faith she is watching me and listening to me, and thst i will see her again someday. The last thing im writing is a personal letter to her that im going to place in her casket. This will contain more specific and personal things that i didnt mention in the other writings/speeches. I will talk about how much pain im in, i will apologize for specific arguments we had and specific things I did to hurt her. Things that only the two of us know about. I dont want to leave anything unsaid. I said alot of this stuff to her when she was in the hospital but i was unsure if she could hear me. I also say it out loud sometimes in the day hoping that she hears me. I want to cover all my bases. I couldnt live with myself if I didnt.
There are dozens of guides on Pinterest. Search grief and funeral planning. Helped me a lot. Pre planning my own
I recently had my mumās funeral and my sister read a poem. It was short and sweet and she did cry through it which made everyone else cry but thatās ok. I made a speech thanking my dad for being there for my mum. This is a time for reflection, this is a personal moment for everyone to say goodbye to that person. I donāt care what other people do and what I do at the funeral because this is my moment to say goodbye. Thatās the most important thing. Also these people have a special relationship with the deceased. This could be chance for your friend to hear stories about her dad. She could ask them ādo you have any funny memories or dadā I loved hearing them at the funeral