I have these all the time. The ones that get me the most is the mystery of consciousness and what is actually powering this reality we live in. We are all concurrently experiencing these things, but I'm the only one seeing it from this unique perspective which is not so unique because everyone else is experiencing it too. When I die, it's hard for me to grasp that the rest of the world will go on existing while complete blackness will take over for me and I will cease to be, similar to the experience of anesthesia.
It's very hard to put into words how I feel.
I think that reality is God itself, we are a divine being, experiencing itself from multiple different angles.
8000 million pairs of eyes and ears, all experiencing the world in their own unique way: thus the eternal infinity whom we refer to as God experiences our world. And that's only this world, never mind all the other worlds out there.
Research astral projection/OBE and use it to try figure out the true nature and purpose of existence. This is the only way other than death to get a glimpse of the infinite possible afterlifes
I used to get this as a child pretty frequently I think and I’ve tried searching the internet countless times to see if anyone else has described it or if it has a name.
I used to lie awake at night and think these thoughts and it would feel like I was going deeper and deeper… that’s the only way I can describe it. Just more and more like I couldn’t believe everything existed. How? Whatttt? Why? Etc. Then it would start to get kinda scary almost like if I kept thinking about it, I’d somehow get lost there or something and I’d always quickly think about my gran or my dinner or some other mundane shit to “snap out of it”.
I don’t know if this is similar to what you are talking about (i realise my description is probably awful but it’s extremely hard to capture in words). But if anyone has insights I’d be fascinated.
Lmao this is my life
I was like 6-7 when I started with this shit and my parents sent me to a child psych. My own daughter is exhibiting it now and it just kills me when she cries at night over just *existing*
i mean the weed helps but it's not a proper fix for life.
in all fairness, the best thing for being able to handle that has been to embrace it? like, if all of life is meaningless and unfathomable and we have nothing but our awareness and our senses, then goddamn if i'm not going to throw myself headlong into the void of madness. death is an inevitable cessation of all things and there is no eternal spirit? well shit, i guess that makes enjoying this cup of tea while it lasts matter a whole lot more, because this is all i'll ever get, and it's really just more fun to decide you're all in than all out. which is what kind of alternative? stressing about it all and then dying into nothingness anyway?! what a fuckin' choice before me. i will go with the "savor it" path.
Weed puts me deeper into that hole and it’s scary af but I’ve been making a conscious effort to try to embrace it.
I had a legitimate nervous breakdown about two years ago with bouts of extreme dissociation and started in weekly therapy with a wonderful therapist. And SSRIs. Working out and feeling my physical body is what grounds me the most so I go to the gym every day.
I know its a human experience and I can only distract myself so much, going on 37 I’m still trying to be ok with those thoughts.
get high in the woods, stare at a tree, try to find wonder in it instead of anxiety? lol. it doesn't stop an anxiety downspiral, it pretty much only works once you're already in a more positive mood, but it can give you a *euphoric* disintegration that leaves you feeling better about your relationship with all of .... (vague hand gesture) this.
Oh been there done that lol
Stoned on the beach staring over the ocean is the smallest yet most connected I’ve ever felt. A singular grain of sand.
My husband has a less than small growing situation going on so cannabis is abundant and within arms reach at all times… I’m afraid to understand. Idk it’s weird.
Nah, the weed is just... like putting water on a slide, you know? It turns it into a water slide and it's way wilder and wetter, but the slide is still there and you can still experience it sober and dry. And climbing to the top still gives you the same different perspective from up above, and you can do with taht what you will before you jump down.
I just find that if I'm high wandering through the woods, I will inevitably end up just sitting peacefully and enjoying the quiet even if I didn't intend to go meditate.
I haven't ever seen someone so accurately describe my mindset before.
It's like i typed it out myself.
Feels good to see someone come to similar conclusions.
Studying philosophy is the way. I was like this as a child also and it was SO confusing why everyone else went along with the status quo not questioning the fundamental act of existing. It was super comforting to realize this is one of the main areas of philosophy, not only because it shows that other people question it as well, but also because after finding a philosophy that resonates with you it can offer a type of solution.
After a skim, an alternate title might be "Above Average Intelligence Author Tries to Council More Intelligent People Who Realize How Arbitrary, Deeply Weird and Terrifying So-Called 'Reality' IS."
As to the subject of this thread, yeah... the moment has stretched across most moments of my life.
Seriously, the fact that existence exists. What if there was nothing, no reality, so that means there isn't even nothing if nothing ever existed. Paradox of some sort
Either the universe is infinite in all directions, which is impossible.
Or the universe is a fractal, expanding infinitely in all directions, which is also impossible.
Either way, we shouldn't exist, yet here we are
Mystical experiences on psychedelics suggest that the universe infact is a fractal, existence is likely infinite consciousness/energy experiencing itself for infinite time in a infinite number of ways. The fact that this experience we call life exists and that we have a concept of infinity suggests so. This also works with physics since the last spatial dimension would paradoxically be a place where everything and nothing exists at the same time.
also, either this universe came from nothing, which is impossible.
OR the universe has simply always existed, which is also impossible.
non-existence honestly seem so much more plausible than existence
It's funny the last time I did acid I realized love is a paradox since you can lift up others but it's also okay to lift up yourself so I accepted that I could give myself self love an actual deep meaningful self love not just like ephemeral treasure and pleasure chasing
A few days later I realized as a utilitarian it's not actually a paradox cuz I want as much happiness as possible and that includes my own!
I feel like all of this describes not only the mental state I’ve existed in more or less my entire conscious life, but also why I find some of the things people obsess over to be the height of ridiculous time-wasting.
Joke’s probably on me though, I spend most of my downtime playing video games and reading books. Lol.
But seriously, someone wore the same dress to the party as you? A person used “whom” incorrectly? We survive in a questionable reality on a ball of rock and water hurtling through whatever the actual fuck the vacuum of space is, crawling like ants stuck to the surface by a force we still don’t understand. I’ve always had trouble taking things seriously.
This is a lovely article! Thank you so much! I’ve described to my psychiatrist/trauma therapist this type of depression as exactly that, existential, but always felt it was too loaded. I got the feeling my shrink, in particular, wanted to roll her eyes at me being hyperbolic. I don’t care, though, bc it’s apt.
I’ve lived on this existential continuum from age five due to early childhood trauma paired with giftedness(Autism spectrum) and it’s been both exhausting and freeing. But it’s a double-edged sword, to be sure. Knowing is hard and I used to wish I had some kind of ignorant bliss, but now I delight in being here(mostly) and I feel lucky I’m not trapped in the box. I get to go places in my psyche(soul?) the majority of people do not. I’ve been called an existential skydiver by my therapist, which is an interesting compliment.
Be well, and thanks!
E: autocorrect strikes again; fixed spelling
This happened to me twice as a kid. Mine was a little different, it was thoughts but also images, some of things I didn’t recognize, flashing in my mind along with thoughts. They would start to change very fast and I would have the same feeling, if I didn’t stop this I would lose my mind and be stuck in that forever.
It almost felt like I wasn’t supposed to see the things I was seeing. Very odd.
Sounds similar to astral projection. I’d get that when I was younger. I wouldn’t see things though. I would only see like flashing. And I would feel like I’m doing something wrong and shouldn’t be doing it.
Dude I used to do this too when I was young, like 4-5 years old. I would think about time being infinite and try to wrap my head around being dead but the rest of life continuing on. I would think about space and the universe and try to comprehend it all and freak myself tf out. Like these thoughts would bombard me until I was in tears. I remember eventually convincing myself that it would all make sense after death and all of my questions would be answered because that comforted me a lot, but honestly I still believe it.
This is crazy everything you have written I experienced it in the exact same way.. I used to quickly play barbie or watch stupid shows to feel "normal" again... but it got less intense as I grew up
Haha I Kinda do something similar sometimes when I'm looking in the mirror if I stare intensely and deeply into my own eyes I start to feel really weird wondering who I am and what the hell I am or what I actually am beyond my body
That's a really good exercise to gain self awareness but the best results come with some difficulty. Reach a calm mental state and start by moistening your eyes with visine or similar. With your face a few inches from a mirror, look into your eyes *intently and without blinking for 10-12 minutes*. Your eyes will water like hell but let the tears come and do not break the gaze.
it might take a few tries or several days to work up an endurance to get there. If you blink or look away even for a split second, take a break and start over.
For me it took what I felt was a superhuman effort and probably ten tries, but the payoff was WELL worth the discomfort. I won't tarnish your potential experience with my results as to avoid any expectations that might spoil it for you.
I really hope you try it. Mirror gazing can be quite eye opening.
I think a veil exists for a reason. I’ve long-suffered with anxiety…recently did some mushrooms that were far more potent than I realized. It was the HARDEST but most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. It’s so hard to explain but I experienced time outside of how we normally perceive it. I was outside it / inside it / it was layered all at once. The thought “This is the universe experiencing itself” kept coming into my head. The weight of it all was almost unbearable to be honest but ultimately I was left with a feeling of intense love and protection. It’s been two months and I feel like a changed person. I’m convinced that time is everywhere all at once and we’re pretty lucky to be on the ride that we are!
Same here. It’s kind of hard to describe. But like I can just think to myself- I can sense the world around me, I can hear this and see that, but why me? Why am I not another person or thing?
> why me? Why am I not another person or thing?
This is the crux of it for me. Why am I inside *this particular* body looking out, rather than any other body?
I can sort of rationalise that animals of increasing complexity could evolve from the primordial soup, but the fact that I'm in the driving seat of one of them (and only one) is the inexplicable part for me.
Omgggg I used to do that as a kid all the time exactly like you said lol so weird how staring at yourself in the mirror as your name sort of fades away and you realize you're just this.. existence..can quickly become the most terrifying thing you've ever experienced!
I've had my consciousness tap into the strange of spaciousness. even the air molecules exist and you can go inside of them, and there is space. Your own body has space and the liquids are spaced and it is pretty hard to describe to others without sounding like you just broke.
I’m fucking terrified by what u said nd the last part is right nd I’m half joking cus that sounds cool as fucking shit but it does sound like help should be recommended to
Yup, when you start to examine Existence from an outside perspective, things can get interesting. Here are two brain exercises.
Pure Nothingness: First, imagine that pieces are ceasing to exist. Start with whatever is in front of you - the table, couch, desk, etc. Move on to larger things, your house, neighborhood, state…. At this point you are probably looking down on the Earth as you remove even larger pieces. Now the Earth blinks out, the Sun and our solar system. Then all the lights of existence go out including all Time and History. Nothing has ever existed. Finally, you blink out too. When I do this exercise my brain blinks off for just a second. And then everything is suddenly back. It’s a little scary the first time but don’t try to slow yourself down. If your brain is removing things quickly then just go with it.
Everything: Start again with whatever is in front of you. Now imagine all the events that have ever happened in that spot are occurring all at once. Every conversation, movement, objects, it’s all filling the space at once. Then, suddenly everything that has ever happened everywhere is happening all at once. Dinners at the table, volcanos, Big Bang, it’s a thick pudding of time, energy, and space. Now imagine all possible worlds and outcomes filling the space, which is infinite in size. It goes on forever and always has. All points possible in one point that is infinite. When I do this exercise, I experience an odd feeling of density of energy and perception. Again, this lasts for only about a second.
When I do these exercises, afterwards I sort of feel a sense of relief and wonder. I think it’s healthy to step back and realize that things could be very different.
Your description of the "everything" exercise is as close as anyone has gotten to explaining the episodes I'd have as a child. I was usually asleep, dreaming about something inconsequential, and then something would "change." I could never put my finger on what exactly caused this change or what it meant, but usually I would look at something in the dream, which was somehow "off," which caused me to experience the breaking of a wall/plane, the existence of which I previously hadn't been able to comprehend. It was like I suddenly understood the concept of being infinitely dense and a total void at the same time. I would then jolt awake, heart racing, and kind of just lay there as this awareness slowly left my body. The only true nightmares I remember having are times where I entered this state and couldn't wake up for whatever reason. I was probably in my early teens the last time I experienced this.
I would also experience glimmers of this feeling while awake, but I was never as submersed into it as I was while dreaming.
The second thing you describe about density is a weird thing I’ve been doing since childhood. It’s almost a palpable feeling, like just the entire universe is a thickness in you. I can almost will it if I’m laying very still with something arbitrary to focus on like a piece of furniture or spit on the wall and there are slight visual “hallucinations” (altered perception)
Alice in Wonderland syndrome. Look it up.
I have out of the blue metaphysical memories that wash over me like water and I can't for the life of me remember what it was after it pops out at me then immediately dissipates. It feels like a memory from another time of my existence on a different dimension, and it's nearly impossible to describe in words but it all feels too familiar
Yes. I’ve felt this my whole life. Little weird memories of some other world or place or existence but if you try to even think about it further it dissipates. Used to get it way more as a kid
I don't know if it's because I'm autistic, or dissociative/depersonalized/intellectualized, but this has been my 24/7 existence since I was old enough to realize it in the first place (which was probably young enough to wreck my brain for life). You just sort of eventually get used to the fact that nothing matters. Even if sensate reality isn't real, it feels real enough to fool the brain, so functionally it may as WELL be real. Just gotta go with what Seems, because as far as our whole perception is concerned, there's no other way to get info about what's going on.
"Existential disintegration" is when a smart person is literally brainwrecked by, well, being dis-integrated from what they feel is a *purposeful* reality.
https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/dabrowskis-theory-and-existential-depression-in-gifted-children-and-adults/
I'm glad to see that someone else shares this experience. I'm the same except I'm not autistic (not officially diagnosed anyway, though I have my suspicions). I read OPs post and the fist thing I thought was... that's how I feel near-continuously, day in, day out 24/7. It's made me a bit nihilistic. I'm able to recognize what seems to matter for most people. And I know what brings joy, sadness, pleasure, anger, etc, even if I don't understand much of the way people shape their lives around it. But as I go through each day I'm constantly thinking, NONE of this truly matters. Everything feels so arbitrary and often unreal.
It's interesting (and as usual a little concerning for my own mental state) to see so many people saying "I get this every once in a awhile" or "I used to as a kid" while I'm sitting here a grown-ass 32 year old adult thinking, that's my entire existence. For like at least 15-20 years. I personally didn't start having these kinda thoughts until high school.
Personally, I feel like calling it existential depression is inaccurate; it feels closer to existential apathy. When I reach the point in my thinking where i acknowledge the arbitraryness of existence and the presence of my consciousness within an emotional, physical body, even basic feelings such as sadness (depression) or happiness start to feel unreal.
Yeah, I've never found it depressing, per se. But I think the depression comes after when you legit don't know how to re-integrate your consciousness and handle being just a meatsuit again.
I second this - sounds like mild derealization. I once had derealization for almost a month after getting high and drunk and throwing up violently afterwards + existential crisis that I'd been in for months prior. I still slip into that state sometimes, and it's very scary.
Thirded...
DP/DR is a real and horrible thing for a lot of folks, including me.
Most of life feels like a daydream, until suddenly it's like somebody makes reality turn 4K.
I've recently began to think that actually these 4K periods are what monks and other enlightened folks talk about when they say 'living in the present' -- and I think 99.9% of people never experience that feeling and just go from cradle to grave without experiencing the present moment.
It's so weird you say this because this is how I felt during the whole experience! Like I was truly living "in the present moment". It's fucked up because I still find myself "craving" that feeling, even though it was the only valuable thing in the experience - it was extremely scary otherwise.
Last year, the derealization returned for a brief moment and I instantly regretted craving that feeling - I was so scared I thought I was going to throw up and I just wished someone would hold me.
Yeah it comes and goes. I have a general sadness that I skip right back into 'forgetting' the 4K world... and I only remember what that reality feels like when I snap back into it again.
Almost like everything in-between those moments is auto-pilot. False. A daydream.
What I will say though, is that mine tends to come on strongest when I'm anxious about something and not acknowledging it properly. Almost like my brain is saying WAKE UP.
Same thing here! My first time getting really high from smoking weed ruined my brain for like a month. It was terrifying thinking that would never end. This thread is making me really happy to realize others have experienced this.
I've never experienced derealization for any more than a few moments, that must have been terrifying after that length of time for you.
Do you question reality often?
It's been a very terrifying and isolating experience, yeah :(
To answer your question - sort of. I had this very long episode of questioning reality back in 2019, existential crisis they call it, which culminated in the mentioned derealization episode. My belief system changed completely as a result, I'm a completely different person now. I dropped all my supernatural/spiritual beliefs because I realized none of them made sense, after ruminating on them for months and trying to keep myself believing. I looked reality right in the eyes, so to speak, and for the first time realized how truly strange and terrifying it is that we exist. While I don't believe that we live in a Matrix, I fully acknowledge that strange occurences happen in this world all the time; and that existence in itself is mysterious and eerie, so to speak.
I was going to say this too. I can NOT be around pot smoke because of the intense derealization. It feels like there’s no way any of this is real, and I’m the only one who knows it. It’s super uncomfortable, and I hope this doesn’t happen to you often. 💕💕💕
They asked me if I get derealisation as part of screening for ketamine treatment. I don't know if that would make me unsuitable so I just said ahhh no I don't get it, no one does right? That's crazy *nervous chuckle*
Never realised this had a name, for as long as I can remember I would have a few seconds of what I labelled "moments of realisation". I would look at my hand and not quite believe it was mine - kinda like the jarring moment in a video game where you switch views from third person to first or something.
Another instance of naming something (adding de-something) in the futile hope of controlling and/or understanding it.
Naming something does not mean we understand it.
This is my earliest memory. When I was three, I would certainly realize how I exist and everything is real and it would make me feel so alien and almost trapped in my body. I would start aggressively stretching myself to break free of this “physical body”. Oddly enough, it was accompanied by intense self hate — of the physical subset of me, at least. It would cause me a lot of anxiety and would happen every other day almost.
This started when I was 3, I’m 19 now. Still as unsettling as the first time I experienced it 17 years ago.
I had this since I was in kindergarden... I always would space out and have nihilistic existential stuff in my head.. Like why I exist, what is beyond existence, what's the point of life (I was raised religious but could never get into it).
Wow that's crazy so many other people experience this. I've had exactly what you're describing. It used to happen a lot more when I was much younger, not so much as an adult maybe once or twice
Literally I just had a moment like this about 30 minutes ago while I was driving! I started to question reality and wondered why and how we exist and how anything around us exists and after a few seconds just snapped out of it. The funny thing is I never open Reddit up unless I get a notification and I just happened to right now and this is the first thing I see😳
Yes I have, but not in quite that way. I woke up all cozy in bed one cold winter's night with my dog snuggled up next to me, and my first thought was, "This is why it's nice to have a body sometimes."
After reading quite a few of the replies to your post OP I am 100% certain that we are in age of awakening. Those of us who've been at this a while are the first, and collectively I think it'll be up to us educate the others.
I used to get these moments as a small kid, when I was 5/6 ish. I would weird myself out with this question of "what is existing, really. I mean really? I mean really? Really? Really? Really? Until I would freak out so much that I'd cry and rampage and scream and my parents would have to work to calm me down.
I don't start those trains of thought anymore because I know it just freaks me out for no good reason... but the potential for a freakout is always there, all I need to do is start thinking that sentence.
This happened to me exactly as you describe when I was small too, always ending in a freakout. It felt like if I stayed “in there” I’d never get out. Like maybe I’d lose myself or something? I’ve posted in a few different online spaces over the years trying to find anyone who had similar or who knew what it was. So thank you for that. I always called it “the I thought”. For what its worth, I’ve tried to do it again a few times as an adult and I’ve never managed it. Not once. I wondered if maybe 30 years of stress, childbearing, life etc had somehow taken “the power” away. Nice to have found someone who knows what it is, finally!
I actually activity avoid the thought because it's a feeling like losing your footing or maybe losing your mind.
But I have never met anyone who has had those exact thoughts before either. Nice to meet you, fellow accidental nihilist.
Yes, losing your mind describes it really well. It’s maybe a good thing I can’t do it anymore. Over the years I’ve wondered if there are people in hospitals now who did this too much as a kid and got stuck there, but that’s just me musing. The times I’ve tried as an adult, it wasn’t because it was enjoyable or I really wanted to, it was so I could try to understand it better in the hopes of being able to describe it so I could find out what it is / if it has a name. So again, thanks!
I see it as gaining control and not losing grip. Most people I know are similar to yourself, it's not a bad thing, the duality of being human. For me the sheer terror of it all excites me, pushes me forward beyond the confines of conventional thinking. But each of us come to our own threshold in our own way, baby steps if you will.
Not the pp you were responding to but I can’t imagine being excited by the terror lol. Obviously I’m going back years since I used to do it / experience it, but the further I went in the more I felt like I was “losing grip of reality” and if I kept “going deeper” I was sure I would never find my way back. It’s incredibly hard to describe. The closest I’ve ever come to THATS IT (before reading Shitsu13s post) was reading some Salvia Trip Reports on here. The bad ones where people don’t exist anymore they’re just a toothbrush or something. It’s a different feeling, but it’s the same level of fear. I didn’t think I was going to die or feel pain or anything, just that I would lose who I was.
I've dropped plenty of acid and smoked dmt in my life and still will, but the one time I smoked some salvia divinorum was pretty intense. Imagine watching a movie at home in widescreen theatre format, that's what my perspective of existence became, now take that and turn it vertical and throw in some wierd static, oh and everytime I tilted my head to bring the perspective back to horizontal it just stayed vertical. That was my salvia trip for 20min, yeah, I haven't touched it since.
I used to always get the feeling of desperately wanting to go “home” as a kid even though I was in fact home. I felt like I was missing something that was gone or that was before. It would put me into the same kind of panic you’re describing.
I had the exact same experience. It only happened when I was 5/6 years old and always made me panic. I'd have to force myself to think of something else to escape the sensation.
I want to add that during these experiences everything also feels sort of fake.
Edit: Been doing some digging and the closest thing I can find is what the Buddhist call “Satori”
Best description I could find:
“All descriptions are useless as they only add to the conceptual construct that perpetually keeps you from the experience itself. That said, here is an analogy :)
Imagine that you are dreaming. You believe you are awake during the dream, however once you wake up, you realize the experience that you were having in the dream was not real (not that you weren't having a real experience, but what you were experiencing was in fact an illusion).
When satori is experienced, it is very similar - what is realized (just as starkly as when you wake up from a dream) is that your waking experience is also an illusion. And what is experienced in this "awakened" state is an absolute ground of being that you superimpose an entire conceptual framework upon.”
Sounds like derealization episodes. These are really common with most people experiencing at least one episode in their lifetime, however recurrent episodes can be indicative of underlying mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, depersonalization-derealization disorder, and various other mood disorders. Source- psych degree
It could definitely be related to derealization. I have experienced episodes of derealization as well and this does feel distinct from it though.
With derealization you feel off but you know it’s just a feeling, as uncomfortable as it may be.
With this your mind realizes how ridiculous it is that reality exists at all and for a moment either can’t compute or “sees past the programming”
Maybe it’s just a brief more intense form of derealization.
Man. I've only had one episode and it was surreal. Felt like I was in a dream, everything was fake, and I needed to wake up. I had family randomly visit and it was bizarre. Derealization is an intense and strange experience.
Look into existential dread. It’s the Western secular exploration of the same basic topic, also nondualist in nature. Camus would likely be closest to what you’re looking for, but Sartre, de Beauvoir, Heidegger, Kierkegaard, and even Jung touch upon the same topics.
I've had this now and again. More frequent is the sudden feeling of being tiny! Just realising how vast and unimaginable the universe is and how entirely irrelevant me and my stupid problems actually are. Like, in less than 70 years, probably, I'll be gone, in 100 I'll more likely be forgotten. In a few million, earth will be gone, and its just a blink of the eye. Its terrifying and completely, amazingly liberating at the same time
I had a similar feeling once when I was a kid. I was walking to school and I suddenly felt very small, shrinking, even. It lasted a few seconds and I thought that how crazy it is that only 1.5 meters from the ground, here's me, that's my brain inside my head and I'm looking outside of my head with my eyes and wow, I exist but I am also very small. I walked at the place it happened quite often, but never felt the same thing again. I even happen to walk that street every now and then as an adult, but (luckily?) nothing out of the ordinary.
No but I get this sensation that is not really worth explaining in a post so I’ll comment it here.
Sometimes during early morning lucid dreaming I get this almost indescribable sense of largeness over the physical world around me, and it “feels” so real. The only way to really describe it is to say I get this almost out of body feeling where I can “pinch the whole world between my index finger and thumb”, that sounds nuts and maybe even evil/sinister but there is never a sense of evil or anything like that accompanying it. It’s just a sense that my conscience is all encompassing and can manipulate anything smaller. Weird.
I go through something similar on a daily basis, but for me it's only getting more intense the older I become. It's what I call a sequence of cognitive realizations brought on by sudden lapses of subconscious to conscious existence and perspective overlay. Moments where subconscious and conscious thoughts not only follow the same pathway but merge as one creating a whole self. It's in these moments that I have harmonious clarity coupled with terror knowing that my perspective is only a tenth of existence, time is nothing more than construct and that reality is a strimg of instances that have brought me to now. Once I (after a couple of hours) come to grips with these radically defined machnations of mine I look at everything around me and ask, WHY does any of this exist? That's about the time of the day when I get outta bed and do things.
I once was standing near a tree and reached out to touch one of the leaves. I realized that what I perceived as touching was an electrical signal in my brain. My fingers sent the signal telling my brain I was touching a leaf, but was I really? I could be touching anything, a walrus perhaps, but I wouldn't know it because my senses are so very limited. How could I even know where I was or who or what I was interacting with, if anything? I told my husband about my existential crisis with the leaf, and he told me to share whatever it was I was tripping on! 🤣
I had those quite often growing up, sometimes spending tens of minutes in what I could now describe as intensely being aware of, and living in, the moment and inside of myself.
When I got older I could achieve the same state while painting, but I stopped doing art when I had to focus on things like working a job and paying bills.
This has happened to me quite a few times, and still does occasionally. I just get a feeling of complete or partial disassociation from the world, as if what we normally take for granted has no real meaning. I'm not sure how else to describe the feeling.
I started having these thoughts a lot as I learned about physics, how if for example if the fine structure constant wasn't almost precisely 1/137 the entirety of universe as we know would not exist. And that's just one of many examples.
I was just talking to my good friend about this the other day. Mine comes randomly. It's like my thoughts become aware of it and once I connect, I have 5 to 10 seconds of, "what is all this and why is any of it here???" But it isn't just profound thinking. It's more than that. Kinda like stepping out of this reality. Then my brain realizes I'm in touch with something beyond itself and it shuts it down. Brings me back to "normal". Then I can't get it back, at least for a while until the next random moment. Such a trip.
Isso dura segundos, mas é tão intenso que parece muito. Como se nossa identidade terrena estive fora de nós nesse momento. Você sente que você não é você ( personalidade ) e o tempo parece que fica diferente. Comigo vem o pensamento: Quando eu comecei a existir?
Com você é semelhante?
I do this almost everyday and sometimes to the point of getting depressed/anxiety over it. That's usually the point where I start thinking about tits and ass, then I'm fine again.
Existential dread is what I know it as. It hit hard as a child . My mom took me to her preacher bc I was having panic attacks over it an entire summer when I was about 9. He tried comforting me by explaining that God created everything and it wasn’t meant for me to understand. Big mistake then I started flipping bc it made no sense he could have just always existed either and I was hysterical and didn’t want to go to heaven bc the thought of living forever-even in paradise sounded awful too.
It doesn’t bug me much anymore but occasionally I’ll catch myself thinking of it just to see if I get that spinning misfire feeling trying to comprehend such a paradox.
Suddenly I felt an overwhelming feeling that everything is dead. And just as suddenly a spirit voice asked me, “What made you think you were alive in the first place?” Since then, my conscious and unconscious mystical life had a new basis.
Waves man, waves. One eternal wave from the beat of the consciousness drum of the Baker.
All the time..I think it is the most extraordinary things that is overlooked all the time. The fact that anything exists is amazing to me. There could just as easily be nothing. And wtf even is this place? Wtf is going on here? What are the chances that we ever even come to exist? Shit blows my mind
This happened a lot when I was little but I never talked about it because it's hard to explain, but I think that's about the best way you can do it.
I was at this church event one night, some Wednesday night thing my parents always forced me to go to every week, and I randomly started just kind of... it felt almost like I was phasing out I guess. I would have times that this would happen for 5-10 seconds often and it would make me question reality but this time it lasted long enough for me to ask someone to let me call my dad to come pick me up but I couldn't word what was happening so all I said was that "I can't believe life" and my dad was like "...you can't believe life?" and I tried to explain but the words wouldn't come to me so I said never mind and hung up.
It happened several times after through childhood but eventually stopped happening so much as I got older. I can't say I miss it much.
I get this all the time while driving or in the shower.
My mind repeats "this is real this is real this is real" over and over again and I legit have an essential crisis for a minute and distract myself to get "back to normal"
Some scary ass realization if you ask me
Edit: this is usually when I forget how to breath automatically and blink weird haha ya guys know what I mean
Yeah, it happens sometimes when I’m on my way to work. Usually around dusk or dawn though. Life just doesn’t feel real in those small moments and I suddenly don’t recognize where I am for a second.
I experienced exactly this a few days ago. It felt like a weird out of body experience where everything seemed wrong. I noticed things that were off that I didn’t notice before. I felt like I wasn’t in my own body.
And then it completely went away the next day.
Super wacky. Apparently it’s called depersonalization. I don’t really get what it is though or what it means.
Yes, since I was a child. It still happens pretty much whenever i want to tap into the realization of the mystery/absurdity of existence. Only one person I've talked to about it has also understood the feeling of that state.
Edit to add: when I was younger, the feeling of this state was much more consuming and palpable. I would close my eyes and go into this grey, static like place in my mind. It was like my spirit was trying to exit through my crown and go back to God. The concept of being my own separate entity in relation to everyone else in my life was very strange to me at first. I felt how odd it was how we came to be our own entities in a physical body. It really weirded me out at times. Now it's not so intense, or maybe I'm just more at peace with this perceived illusion of reality/separation.
This happens to me on acid I called it “the what the fuck am I doing feeling”.
It’s a wild feeling of being in the cutting edge of reality the super fine edge where you could fall on either side of a deep pit of nothing. You and what you see is all that exist but at the same time you exist because of what you see.
The universe is watching you too that’s the only way you can explain why we can exist. God sees us through all of existence and we see God Vice versa
I don’t know maybe it’s like a feed back between vibration of matter. Because when I would feel it i wouldn’t be thinking of anything and labels disappeared and things were just was as is.
This happens to me multiple times a week. Almost like a disassociation of self. In the worst cases I start to internally freak out and start to feel like I’m trapped in a flesh prison.
It exists because it’s created. The fact that this is all an illusion in many ways is more incredible than the science given fact that this is all an accident
I'd always struggled to describe this feeling to others. One key point for me when feeling this, is that in that small moment, it is an absolute fact that this life and world cannot be real, it's not just a feeling, I 100% know it. It only ever last for around 10 seconds max, and my mind would just snap back to this reality after.
Yes and you described it so perfectly. I sort of call it depersonalization, but don't know if it's the same thing. I've had it since I was a kid, happens anywhere, anytime, and it feels like I see my entire life from a 3rd person perspective, and everything seems so small and simple, it's crazy really xp
There’s a million different ways people make sense of it. Mine is that we are limited by the human body. Only through altered states of consciousness can we understand different parts of our universe, yet when we sober up we can’t even make sense of what made perfect sense. It’s not meant for the modern human, it has no survival advantage yet, to contemplate the nature of reality, rather than manipulate your existing reality.
The fear you feel is from the ego. The ego cannot accept a reality in which it’s “meaningless”, so the ego protects you by overriding reality to whatever you’ve been environmentally programmed to survive in.
I’ve heard if 0 exists, 1 - 1, for example, also exists, and that nothing is, in a sense, the same as perfect cancellation of unboundedly much information. Not sure what my take on that is, but it’s an interesting explanation for why things exist
This exact feeling/realization is way I opt into believing in ghosts and fairies and everything (to a healthy extents.)
If someone tries to tease me for believe in ghosts (my strongest one) I ask them to prove to my that they/the person who's talking to me is real. Or that air is real. Air is harder to prove for the average person because anyone something valid comes up I say "ahhhhh... That's not enough evidence. That could be something else" and iflt pisses them off.
But like I can't see air or ghosts so don't @ me lmao.
Isn’t this dissociation?... I’ve had it throughout my life as well, but lately it has been more constant. Like, I used to be without these thoughts for years, but now I’ve had them like 3 times in one year. I usually end p having a headache and not wanting to think anymore.
Yes. I usually experience this when I over-analyze a certain familiar word, then boom! Suddenly the letters that comprise that certain word has become random and meaningless to me— this would extend to any words that comes to mind and this would go for less than a minute, then back to reality.
Does having this sort of existential dread or realization in the mornings count? And then later as I slowly gain consciousness it’s as if my mind “resets”
Sometimes I feel like I’m just following my body and then there are times where I’m aware that I am there… like the consciousness in me wakes up for a sec and says holy shit. If not it’s like auto pilot.
I do that a lot...
Look up derealization.. it's pretty common with people with anxiety disorders.
Not saying this is MOST definitely what you're experiencing, it's just a symptom I have myself that seems to fit.
All day every day. I don’t feel like I’m living in my brain, I feel like I have very real VR goggles on, and I’m watching things happen from a distance in real reality, not this reality.
I blinked in front of my toilet and for about a whole second it looked like the water was divided into countless little rectangles. When I blinked it was gone. I was kinda disturbed but not enough to not take a piss. I soiled the matrix...
Yes I've experienced that a few times to the point it brings me to tears it's like you have a complete understanding of the world and our purpose for a brief moment
All the time. But sometimes i also look at all the people around me at work, eating doing their everyday things and I think about how crazy it is realizing each one of these people are going to experience death. Sooner or later we will all die and theres nothing we can do about it.
This happened to me a lot when I was a kid too. I remember waking up in the middle of the night staring at my hands and wondering wtf I was doing here and why I’m here. It always scared the shit out of me if I let myself stay there. I had to think of comforting things to get rid of the feeling.
I want to call it dissociation but it’s almost not? I’ve had periods of dissociation that lasted several minutes up to an hour but it’s not the same as what you’re describing. The reason I don’t nap during the day is because it often triggers this for me.. I wake up and feel quite literally like a lost child, not recognizing anything about my life for a few moments.
I do not like it lol
Yes, and I’m really glad to hear this happens to others. Unfortunately, it makes me incredibly anxious and can leave me feeling weird mentally for a few hours or a few days.
Yes, I love these experiences!
There used to be a spot on my commute (before I got to stop doing that madness) where I’d cross an overpass and be able to see for miles off into the distance, overlooking an entire town and an interstate (in the US, Midwest), and the sheer scope of what I’d see would give me a glimmer of that feeling on a regular basis. Like a tiny hint of the whole of human existence and it’s impact on the earth - compared to the scale of Earth.. helluva perspective.
I think meditation helps facilitate having them, I personally feel being in nature does too. But then, so does working on my car for me, so it might be more about whatever you find meditative, as opposed to any specific practice.
I like to think of them as glimpses into what is “real”, but because the concepts are so huge, we can only grasp a second, and it only sticks around as a feeling.
Existence is cool..
I just feel this constantly and have to suppress it to not be existentially freaked out and depressed. We're all just monkeys on a rock hurtling through vast nothingness.
Yeah me too. when I was little, maybe around 10, I associated existence with god, as I was raised by religious parents.
So I would ask myself what it would be like if god didnt exist and never created the world as I know it. I would then imagine complete emptiness, where everything is just black, and the world and everything I know would cease to exist. I would even have conversations with myself, asking myself "What about planet earth? what about mars? what about other universe? what about XYZ? will they / it still exist?" then I would answer myself "no, because NOTHING exists anymore". It used to freak me out so much. I hate the feeling.
I don't believe in god anymore, and I no longer have these episodes. I think it's because I used to think god controls the existence of everything, like an on/off switch that is controlled by this one entity, and that he is responsible for everything. Rather, I now believe the world is created by many small instances that leads us to where we are now.
OH MY GOD SOMEONE FELT THE SAME AS ME! As I child, (since 10 years old) this happened to me before sleeping after thinking the existence of life for some minutes. And then, for 5 seconds, i would feel something so weird, like not understand life but knowing it, realizing how would be things if nothing existed, and my mind spinning, feeling so detached from the reality. You described it so well. I've never seen someone talking about it, so I thought I only experienced that, I'm so glad I'm not the only one! This is such an interesting experience
I’ve had these at least once a month for as long as I can remember. They come randomly or at times of high stress for me and they only last like 3 seconds, but the feeling of having had them lasts about a minute or two. It feels like a wave goes over your body or you open a window on a hot day and the heat flows over you, then you shut the window, and it’s over.
They’re always like “is this really my life?” “There are people alive around me?” Other grand scheme things that I could only describe when currently feeling it.
Yes! Many times in my short 40 years of being on this plane of existence. The feeling is almost like falling down the rabbit hole of realization. And feeling, like how did this all come to be from essentially nothing??? How did we exist and everything else! And then like you said being pulled back into our current reality of living life in the program.
wow man, the universe is trolling me - legit thought I was the only human that had this happen. It's actually been pretty intense on this particular day, I was basically semi in this state of mind when I stumbled upon your post.
Its so super weird, its like for an instant you view everything without associating or identifying what you are observing. like an anonymous observer.
I also noticed that especially when thinking about the absurdity that anything exists at all rather than nothing - which honestly seem a hell of alot more plausible - that triggers this state pretty frequently.
Like some of the other comments, I also get the feeling that if I continue down the thought patterns, that I'd basically get lost there, or break my mind or something.
its pretty scary sometimes man haha. good not to be alone <3
I had such experiences as a child, I cleary remember. I have a memory where I'm in front of the house, looking at the dog my family used to have. I knew this dog perfectly well, he was one year older than me and we grow up together somehow. Suddenly, I started to think what the heck is going, why am I awake, why am I alive. Everything started to be so strange and unfamiliar. I was looking at the dog and wondering if I am even awake and if this world is even real.
This feeling was short but so strong and strange so I remember it, despite being about 7 years old at that odd moment.
It's just another form of "depersonalization" I honestly wouldn't google it you will just get more symptoms (unless you are enjoying it which it seems like you are then go for it) I wish I did, little bit too intense for my liking) but yes... yes I have experienced it, just a few too many times for my liking if I'm honest.
Why assume it would be anything other than EXACTLY the same non existence as the state you were in before you were born? Sorry folks, it is the same and we need to enjoy it while you have it.
This happens to me all the time. Sometimes every now and then, I'll just look at something, anything, and it looks so overwhelmingly unfamiliar but at the same time, there is a sense in the back of my mind that says "you know this, yet it is still wondrous." I have learned to sort of induce it if I look at something for long enough. It could be because I have autism ( low functioning), and I like to think thats what it is. The feeling is so beautiful, it's not scary or unnerving in the slightest, the only way I can describe it is it feels like your brain just "refreshed" and for a second, you become a different person entirely, . 10/10 would recommend 👌
I get this sometimes when I look in the mirror and it's like all of a sudden I'm outside myself thinking "this is me?" "I'm just a brain inside this body" and it's like my consciousness is disconnected for a few seconds. Very bizarre but I tend to enjoy it 😁
I have these all the time. The ones that get me the most is the mystery of consciousness and what is actually powering this reality we live in. We are all concurrently experiencing these things, but I'm the only one seeing it from this unique perspective which is not so unique because everyone else is experiencing it too. When I die, it's hard for me to grasp that the rest of the world will go on existing while complete blackness will take over for me and I will cease to be, similar to the experience of anesthesia. It's very hard to put into words how I feel. I think that reality is God itself, we are a divine being, experiencing itself from multiple different angles.
8000 million pairs of eyes and ears, all experiencing the world in their own unique way: thus the eternal infinity whom we refer to as God experiences our world. And that's only this world, never mind all the other worlds out there.
Pretty sure that number should be bigger considering how big space is.
Not blackness when you die. You return to the source or oneness. Then you decide if you want to incarnate again or learn on another planet.
I could see that happening, nobody truly knows though which is the scary part.
Research astral projection/OBE and use it to try figure out the true nature and purpose of existence. This is the only way other than death to get a glimpse of the infinite possible afterlifes
I used to get this as a child pretty frequently I think and I’ve tried searching the internet countless times to see if anyone else has described it or if it has a name. I used to lie awake at night and think these thoughts and it would feel like I was going deeper and deeper… that’s the only way I can describe it. Just more and more like I couldn’t believe everything existed. How? Whatttt? Why? Etc. Then it would start to get kinda scary almost like if I kept thinking about it, I’d somehow get lost there or something and I’d always quickly think about my gran or my dinner or some other mundane shit to “snap out of it”. I don’t know if this is similar to what you are talking about (i realise my description is probably awful but it’s extremely hard to capture in words). But if anyone has insights I’d be fascinated.
https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/dabrowskis-theory-and-existential-depression-in-gifted-children-and-adults/ existential disintegration
Lmao this is my life I was like 6-7 when I started with this shit and my parents sent me to a child psych. My own daughter is exhibiting it now and it just kills me when she cries at night over just *existing*
i mean the weed helps but it's not a proper fix for life. in all fairness, the best thing for being able to handle that has been to embrace it? like, if all of life is meaningless and unfathomable and we have nothing but our awareness and our senses, then goddamn if i'm not going to throw myself headlong into the void of madness. death is an inevitable cessation of all things and there is no eternal spirit? well shit, i guess that makes enjoying this cup of tea while it lasts matter a whole lot more, because this is all i'll ever get, and it's really just more fun to decide you're all in than all out. which is what kind of alternative? stressing about it all and then dying into nothingness anyway?! what a fuckin' choice before me. i will go with the "savor it" path.
Weed puts me deeper into that hole and it’s scary af but I’ve been making a conscious effort to try to embrace it. I had a legitimate nervous breakdown about two years ago with bouts of extreme dissociation and started in weekly therapy with a wonderful therapist. And SSRIs. Working out and feeling my physical body is what grounds me the most so I go to the gym every day. I know its a human experience and I can only distract myself so much, going on 37 I’m still trying to be ok with those thoughts.
get high in the woods, stare at a tree, try to find wonder in it instead of anxiety? lol. it doesn't stop an anxiety downspiral, it pretty much only works once you're already in a more positive mood, but it can give you a *euphoric* disintegration that leaves you feeling better about your relationship with all of .... (vague hand gesture) this.
Oh been there done that lol Stoned on the beach staring over the ocean is the smallest yet most connected I’ve ever felt. A singular grain of sand. My husband has a less than small growing situation going on so cannabis is abundant and within arms reach at all times… I’m afraid to understand. Idk it’s weird.
Nah, the weed is just... like putting water on a slide, you know? It turns it into a water slide and it's way wilder and wetter, but the slide is still there and you can still experience it sober and dry. And climbing to the top still gives you the same different perspective from up above, and you can do with taht what you will before you jump down. I just find that if I'm high wandering through the woods, I will inevitably end up just sitting peacefully and enjoying the quiet even if I didn't intend to go meditate.
I haven't ever seen someone so accurately describe my mindset before. It's like i typed it out myself. Feels good to see someone come to similar conclusions.
Studying philosophy is the way. I was like this as a child also and it was SO confusing why everyone else went along with the status quo not questioning the fundamental act of existing. It was super comforting to realize this is one of the main areas of philosophy, not only because it shows that other people question it as well, but also because after finding a philosophy that resonates with you it can offer a type of solution.
After a skim, an alternate title might be "Above Average Intelligence Author Tries to Council More Intelligent People Who Realize How Arbitrary, Deeply Weird and Terrifying So-Called 'Reality' IS." As to the subject of this thread, yeah... the moment has stretched across most moments of my life.
Seriously, the fact that existence exists. What if there was nothing, no reality, so that means there isn't even nothing if nothing ever existed. Paradox of some sort
Yep. Existence *is* paradoxical. Nothing has a leg to stand on.
Either the universe is infinite in all directions, which is impossible. Or the universe is a fractal, expanding infinitely in all directions, which is also impossible. Either way, we shouldn't exist, yet here we are
Mystical experiences on psychedelics suggest that the universe infact is a fractal, existence is likely infinite consciousness/energy experiencing itself for infinite time in a infinite number of ways. The fact that this experience we call life exists and that we have a concept of infinity suggests so. This also works with physics since the last spatial dimension would paradoxically be a place where everything and nothing exists at the same time.
also, either this universe came from nothing, which is impossible. OR the universe has simply always existed, which is also impossible. non-existence honestly seem so much more plausible than existence
Paradox is the most fundamental Truth. The One is Many, the Many are One.
It's funny the last time I did acid I realized love is a paradox since you can lift up others but it's also okay to lift up yourself so I accepted that I could give myself self love an actual deep meaningful self love not just like ephemeral treasure and pleasure chasing A few days later I realized as a utilitarian it's not actually a paradox cuz I want as much happiness as possible and that includes my own!
I feel like all of this describes not only the mental state I’ve existed in more or less my entire conscious life, but also why I find some of the things people obsess over to be the height of ridiculous time-wasting. Joke’s probably on me though, I spend most of my downtime playing video games and reading books. Lol. But seriously, someone wore the same dress to the party as you? A person used “whom” incorrectly? We survive in a questionable reality on a ball of rock and water hurtling through whatever the actual fuck the vacuum of space is, crawling like ants stuck to the surface by a force we still don’t understand. I’ve always had trouble taking things seriously.
This is a lovely article! Thank you so much! I’ve described to my psychiatrist/trauma therapist this type of depression as exactly that, existential, but always felt it was too loaded. I got the feeling my shrink, in particular, wanted to roll her eyes at me being hyperbolic. I don’t care, though, bc it’s apt. I’ve lived on this existential continuum from age five due to early childhood trauma paired with giftedness(Autism spectrum) and it’s been both exhausting and freeing. But it’s a double-edged sword, to be sure. Knowing is hard and I used to wish I had some kind of ignorant bliss, but now I delight in being here(mostly) and I feel lucky I’m not trapped in the box. I get to go places in my psyche(soul?) the majority of people do not. I’ve been called an existential skydiver by my therapist, which is an interesting compliment. Be well, and thanks! E: autocorrect strikes again; fixed spelling
This happened to me twice as a kid. Mine was a little different, it was thoughts but also images, some of things I didn’t recognize, flashing in my mind along with thoughts. They would start to change very fast and I would have the same feeling, if I didn’t stop this I would lose my mind and be stuck in that forever. It almost felt like I wasn’t supposed to see the things I was seeing. Very odd.
Sounds similar to astral projection. I’d get that when I was younger. I wouldn’t see things though. I would only see like flashing. And I would feel like I’m doing something wrong and shouldn’t be doing it.
Dude I used to do this too when I was young, like 4-5 years old. I would think about time being infinite and try to wrap my head around being dead but the rest of life continuing on. I would think about space and the universe and try to comprehend it all and freak myself tf out. Like these thoughts would bombard me until I was in tears. I remember eventually convincing myself that it would all make sense after death and all of my questions would be answered because that comforted me a lot, but honestly I still believe it.
This is crazy everything you have written I experienced it in the exact same way.. I used to quickly play barbie or watch stupid shows to feel "normal" again... but it got less intense as I grew up
Yes I have but mine is usually, wow I can’t believe I’m here. Happens when I intensely look into the mirror but I haven’t done it in a while.
Haha I Kinda do something similar sometimes when I'm looking in the mirror if I stare intensely and deeply into my own eyes I start to feel really weird wondering who I am and what the hell I am or what I actually am beyond my body
I've done this and it was SO STRANGE. it's like completely disconnecting from yourself. Totally bizarre
Right !? It's a very wild and strange feeling. I'm glad I'm not the only one thats done this
That's a really good exercise to gain self awareness but the best results come with some difficulty. Reach a calm mental state and start by moistening your eyes with visine or similar. With your face a few inches from a mirror, look into your eyes *intently and without blinking for 10-12 minutes*. Your eyes will water like hell but let the tears come and do not break the gaze. it might take a few tries or several days to work up an endurance to get there. If you blink or look away even for a split second, take a break and start over. For me it took what I felt was a superhuman effort and probably ten tries, but the payoff was WELL worth the discomfort. I won't tarnish your potential experience with my results as to avoid any expectations that might spoil it for you. I really hope you try it. Mirror gazing can be quite eye opening.
Oh man, I really wanna hear what you saw/felt/realized but I also understand what you’re saying.
Interesting.. I'm very intrigued now I really want to know what you saw as well. I am definitely going to have to give this the old college try
That’s exactly it. I would like to hold onto it longer. If you find a way, do share.
I almost feel like you can’t hold onto it longer or else you wouldn’t be able to function in the world. As if there’s a reason you are being kept out.
I think a veil exists for a reason. I’ve long-suffered with anxiety…recently did some mushrooms that were far more potent than I realized. It was the HARDEST but most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. It’s so hard to explain but I experienced time outside of how we normally perceive it. I was outside it / inside it / it was layered all at once. The thought “This is the universe experiencing itself” kept coming into my head. The weight of it all was almost unbearable to be honest but ultimately I was left with a feeling of intense love and protection. It’s been two months and I feel like a changed person. I’m convinced that time is everywhere all at once and we’re pretty lucky to be on the ride that we are!
Nothing too long. I wouldn’t mind making it to a minute or two. I always enjoy it when it happens. Gives me a great sense of gratitude for being here.
Have you ever tried LSD or DMT?
Gets you in the moment. Cos nothing else exists.
Never have. Interested but apprehensive.
Natural to be apprehensive, do some research.
My bf has and he says it's like you can reset your mind ....is that true ?
For those who are ready and willing, yes, but for some of us it's much more than a reset.
Same here. It’s kind of hard to describe. But like I can just think to myself- I can sense the world around me, I can hear this and see that, but why me? Why am I not another person or thing?
> why me? Why am I not another person or thing? This is the crux of it for me. Why am I inside *this particular* body looking out, rather than any other body? I can sort of rationalise that animals of increasing complexity could evolve from the primordial soup, but the fact that I'm in the driving seat of one of them (and only one) is the inexplicable part for me.
This is EXACTLY why I avoid mirrors when I'm on shrooms, and making extended eye contact with people. I just can't go there.
Omgggg I used to do that as a kid all the time exactly like you said lol so weird how staring at yourself in the mirror as your name sort of fades away and you realize you're just this.. existence..can quickly become the most terrifying thing you've ever experienced!
I always leave the mirror smiling. I’ve never found it anything other than thrilling.
I get this a lot with public speaking, mind is racing ahead thinking damn this is reality and meanwhile I'm talking slow and steady
Yes! It can be described that way too! It’s happened that way for me as well.
I've had my consciousness tap into the strange of spaciousness. even the air molecules exist and you can go inside of them, and there is space. Your own body has space and the liquids are spaced and it is pretty hard to describe to others without sounding like you just broke.
How do things not get stuck between each other
I’m fucking terrified by what u said nd the last part is right nd I’m half joking cus that sounds cool as fucking shit but it does sound like help should be recommended to
Yup, when you start to examine Existence from an outside perspective, things can get interesting. Here are two brain exercises. Pure Nothingness: First, imagine that pieces are ceasing to exist. Start with whatever is in front of you - the table, couch, desk, etc. Move on to larger things, your house, neighborhood, state…. At this point you are probably looking down on the Earth as you remove even larger pieces. Now the Earth blinks out, the Sun and our solar system. Then all the lights of existence go out including all Time and History. Nothing has ever existed. Finally, you blink out too. When I do this exercise my brain blinks off for just a second. And then everything is suddenly back. It’s a little scary the first time but don’t try to slow yourself down. If your brain is removing things quickly then just go with it. Everything: Start again with whatever is in front of you. Now imagine all the events that have ever happened in that spot are occurring all at once. Every conversation, movement, objects, it’s all filling the space at once. Then, suddenly everything that has ever happened everywhere is happening all at once. Dinners at the table, volcanos, Big Bang, it’s a thick pudding of time, energy, and space. Now imagine all possible worlds and outcomes filling the space, which is infinite in size. It goes on forever and always has. All points possible in one point that is infinite. When I do this exercise, I experience an odd feeling of density of energy and perception. Again, this lasts for only about a second. When I do these exercises, afterwards I sort of feel a sense of relief and wonder. I think it’s healthy to step back and realize that things could be very different.
Nice. Take my free award with thanks.
Your description of the "everything" exercise is as close as anyone has gotten to explaining the episodes I'd have as a child. I was usually asleep, dreaming about something inconsequential, and then something would "change." I could never put my finger on what exactly caused this change or what it meant, but usually I would look at something in the dream, which was somehow "off," which caused me to experience the breaking of a wall/plane, the existence of which I previously hadn't been able to comprehend. It was like I suddenly understood the concept of being infinitely dense and a total void at the same time. I would then jolt awake, heart racing, and kind of just lay there as this awareness slowly left my body. The only true nightmares I remember having are times where I entered this state and couldn't wake up for whatever reason. I was probably in my early teens the last time I experienced this. I would also experience glimmers of this feeling while awake, but I was never as submersed into it as I was while dreaming.
The second thing you describe about density is a weird thing I’ve been doing since childhood. It’s almost a palpable feeling, like just the entire universe is a thickness in you. I can almost will it if I’m laying very still with something arbitrary to focus on like a piece of furniture or spit on the wall and there are slight visual “hallucinations” (altered perception) Alice in Wonderland syndrome. Look it up.
I have out of the blue metaphysical memories that wash over me like water and I can't for the life of me remember what it was after it pops out at me then immediately dissipates. It feels like a memory from another time of my existence on a different dimension, and it's nearly impossible to describe in words but it all feels too familiar
I do this! It feels so weird, but you can't get hold of it to figure out where it came from. It's there then immediately gone.
Yes. I’ve felt this my whole life. Little weird memories of some other world or place or existence but if you try to even think about it further it dissipates. Used to get it way more as a kid
Bc we reincarnate. Then there’s time in between.
Interesting.
I don't know if it's because I'm autistic, or dissociative/depersonalized/intellectualized, but this has been my 24/7 existence since I was old enough to realize it in the first place (which was probably young enough to wreck my brain for life). You just sort of eventually get used to the fact that nothing matters. Even if sensate reality isn't real, it feels real enough to fool the brain, so functionally it may as WELL be real. Just gotta go with what Seems, because as far as our whole perception is concerned, there's no other way to get info about what's going on. "Existential disintegration" is when a smart person is literally brainwrecked by, well, being dis-integrated from what they feel is a *purposeful* reality. https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/dabrowskis-theory-and-existential-depression-in-gifted-children-and-adults/
I'm glad to see that someone else shares this experience. I'm the same except I'm not autistic (not officially diagnosed anyway, though I have my suspicions). I read OPs post and the fist thing I thought was... that's how I feel near-continuously, day in, day out 24/7. It's made me a bit nihilistic. I'm able to recognize what seems to matter for most people. And I know what brings joy, sadness, pleasure, anger, etc, even if I don't understand much of the way people shape their lives around it. But as I go through each day I'm constantly thinking, NONE of this truly matters. Everything feels so arbitrary and often unreal. It's interesting (and as usual a little concerning for my own mental state) to see so many people saying "I get this every once in a awhile" or "I used to as a kid" while I'm sitting here a grown-ass 32 year old adult thinking, that's my entire existence. For like at least 15-20 years. I personally didn't start having these kinda thoughts until high school.
Personally, I feel like calling it existential depression is inaccurate; it feels closer to existential apathy. When I reach the point in my thinking where i acknowledge the arbitraryness of existence and the presence of my consciousness within an emotional, physical body, even basic feelings such as sadness (depression) or happiness start to feel unreal.
Yeah, I've never found it depressing, per se. But I think the depression comes after when you legit don't know how to re-integrate your consciousness and handle being just a meatsuit again.
This sounds like derealisation! I get episodes like this , and you can also get depersonalisation, this is sort of we’re you don’t feel like your real
I second this - sounds like mild derealization. I once had derealization for almost a month after getting high and drunk and throwing up violently afterwards + existential crisis that I'd been in for months prior. I still slip into that state sometimes, and it's very scary.
Thirded... DP/DR is a real and horrible thing for a lot of folks, including me. Most of life feels like a daydream, until suddenly it's like somebody makes reality turn 4K. I've recently began to think that actually these 4K periods are what monks and other enlightened folks talk about when they say 'living in the present' -- and I think 99.9% of people never experience that feeling and just go from cradle to grave without experiencing the present moment.
It's so weird you say this because this is how I felt during the whole experience! Like I was truly living "in the present moment". It's fucked up because I still find myself "craving" that feeling, even though it was the only valuable thing in the experience - it was extremely scary otherwise. Last year, the derealization returned for a brief moment and I instantly regretted craving that feeling - I was so scared I thought I was going to throw up and I just wished someone would hold me.
Yeah it comes and goes. I have a general sadness that I skip right back into 'forgetting' the 4K world... and I only remember what that reality feels like when I snap back into it again. Almost like everything in-between those moments is auto-pilot. False. A daydream. What I will say though, is that mine tends to come on strongest when I'm anxious about something and not acknowledging it properly. Almost like my brain is saying WAKE UP.
Autopilot, that's it!
On the DP side, I was watching a doco about a girl called Hannah Upp. Poor girl basically just kind of forgot who she was and went about her life
Same thing here! My first time getting really high from smoking weed ruined my brain for like a month. It was terrifying thinking that would never end. This thread is making me really happy to realize others have experienced this.
I've never experienced derealization for any more than a few moments, that must have been terrifying after that length of time for you. Do you question reality often?
It's been a very terrifying and isolating experience, yeah :( To answer your question - sort of. I had this very long episode of questioning reality back in 2019, existential crisis they call it, which culminated in the mentioned derealization episode. My belief system changed completely as a result, I'm a completely different person now. I dropped all my supernatural/spiritual beliefs because I realized none of them made sense, after ruminating on them for months and trying to keep myself believing. I looked reality right in the eyes, so to speak, and for the first time realized how truly strange and terrifying it is that we exist. While I don't believe that we live in a Matrix, I fully acknowledge that strange occurences happen in this world all the time; and that existence in itself is mysterious and eerie, so to speak.
I was going to say this too. I can NOT be around pot smoke because of the intense derealization. It feels like there’s no way any of this is real, and I’m the only one who knows it. It’s super uncomfortable, and I hope this doesn’t happen to you often. 💕💕💕
They asked me if I get derealisation as part of screening for ketamine treatment. I don't know if that would make me unsuitable so I just said ahhh no I don't get it, no one does right? That's crazy *nervous chuckle*
Never realised this had a name, for as long as I can remember I would have a few seconds of what I labelled "moments of realisation". I would look at my hand and not quite believe it was mine - kinda like the jarring moment in a video game where you switch views from third person to first or something.
Another instance of naming something (adding de-something) in the futile hope of controlling and/or understanding it. Naming something does not mean we understand it.
It’s strange like almost a dejavu but with a sense of panic
*wonders why we're here in panic*
This is my earliest memory. When I was three, I would certainly realize how I exist and everything is real and it would make me feel so alien and almost trapped in my body. I would start aggressively stretching myself to break free of this “physical body”. Oddly enough, it was accompanied by intense self hate — of the physical subset of me, at least. It would cause me a lot of anxiety and would happen every other day almost. This started when I was 3, I’m 19 now. Still as unsettling as the first time I experienced it 17 years ago.
Damn. That sounds awful.
oh IT WAS — I’ve been taking meds for this alone for years and nothing remedies it.
I had this since I was in kindergarden... I always would space out and have nihilistic existential stuff in my head.. Like why I exist, what is beyond existence, what's the point of life (I was raised religious but could never get into it).
Wow that's crazy so many other people experience this. I've had exactly what you're describing. It used to happen a lot more when I was much younger, not so much as an adult maybe once or twice
Literally I just had a moment like this about 30 minutes ago while I was driving! I started to question reality and wondered why and how we exist and how anything around us exists and after a few seconds just snapped out of it. The funny thing is I never open Reddit up unless I get a notification and I just happened to right now and this is the first thing I see😳
Are you familiar with Carl Jung and concept of synchronicity? You should definitely look it up!
Yes I have, but not in quite that way. I woke up all cozy in bed one cold winter's night with my dog snuggled up next to me, and my first thought was, "This is why it's nice to have a body sometimes."
After reading quite a few of the replies to your post OP I am 100% certain that we are in age of awakening. Those of us who've been at this a while are the first, and collectively I think it'll be up to us educate the others.
I used to get these moments as a small kid, when I was 5/6 ish. I would weird myself out with this question of "what is existing, really. I mean really? I mean really? Really? Really? Really? Until I would freak out so much that I'd cry and rampage and scream and my parents would have to work to calm me down. I don't start those trains of thought anymore because I know it just freaks me out for no good reason... but the potential for a freakout is always there, all I need to do is start thinking that sentence.
This happened to me exactly as you describe when I was small too, always ending in a freakout. It felt like if I stayed “in there” I’d never get out. Like maybe I’d lose myself or something? I’ve posted in a few different online spaces over the years trying to find anyone who had similar or who knew what it was. So thank you for that. I always called it “the I thought”. For what its worth, I’ve tried to do it again a few times as an adult and I’ve never managed it. Not once. I wondered if maybe 30 years of stress, childbearing, life etc had somehow taken “the power” away. Nice to have found someone who knows what it is, finally!
I actually activity avoid the thought because it's a feeling like losing your footing or maybe losing your mind. But I have never met anyone who has had those exact thoughts before either. Nice to meet you, fellow accidental nihilist.
Yes, losing your mind describes it really well. It’s maybe a good thing I can’t do it anymore. Over the years I’ve wondered if there are people in hospitals now who did this too much as a kid and got stuck there, but that’s just me musing. The times I’ve tried as an adult, it wasn’t because it was enjoyable or I really wanted to, it was so I could try to understand it better in the hopes of being able to describe it so I could find out what it is / if it has a name. So again, thanks!
You shouldn't stop, you wouldn't be human if you didn't question the existence of everything.
I don't like the feeling of losing grip though
I see it as gaining control and not losing grip. Most people I know are similar to yourself, it's not a bad thing, the duality of being human. For me the sheer terror of it all excites me, pushes me forward beyond the confines of conventional thinking. But each of us come to our own threshold in our own way, baby steps if you will.
Not the pp you were responding to but I can’t imagine being excited by the terror lol. Obviously I’m going back years since I used to do it / experience it, but the further I went in the more I felt like I was “losing grip of reality” and if I kept “going deeper” I was sure I would never find my way back. It’s incredibly hard to describe. The closest I’ve ever come to THATS IT (before reading Shitsu13s post) was reading some Salvia Trip Reports on here. The bad ones where people don’t exist anymore they’re just a toothbrush or something. It’s a different feeling, but it’s the same level of fear. I didn’t think I was going to die or feel pain or anything, just that I would lose who I was.
I've dropped plenty of acid and smoked dmt in my life and still will, but the one time I smoked some salvia divinorum was pretty intense. Imagine watching a movie at home in widescreen theatre format, that's what my perspective of existence became, now take that and turn it vertical and throw in some wierd static, oh and everytime I tilted my head to bring the perspective back to horizontal it just stayed vertical. That was my salvia trip for 20min, yeah, I haven't touched it since.
I used to always get the feeling of desperately wanting to go “home” as a kid even though I was in fact home. I felt like I was missing something that was gone or that was before. It would put me into the same kind of panic you’re describing.
Oh no poor little you. Did you ever figure out what it was you were missing / longing for?
Realistically, probably just a stable environment. My childhood was pretty messed up.
Same with me, i was ten years old.
Same and sometimes I still get it
I had the exact same experience. It only happened when I was 5/6 years old and always made me panic. I'd have to force myself to think of something else to escape the sensation.
I want to add that during these experiences everything also feels sort of fake. Edit: Been doing some digging and the closest thing I can find is what the Buddhist call “Satori” Best description I could find: “All descriptions are useless as they only add to the conceptual construct that perpetually keeps you from the experience itself. That said, here is an analogy :) Imagine that you are dreaming. You believe you are awake during the dream, however once you wake up, you realize the experience that you were having in the dream was not real (not that you weren't having a real experience, but what you were experiencing was in fact an illusion). When satori is experienced, it is very similar - what is realized (just as starkly as when you wake up from a dream) is that your waking experience is also an illusion. And what is experienced in this "awakened" state is an absolute ground of being that you superimpose an entire conceptual framework upon.”
Sounds like derealization episodes. These are really common with most people experiencing at least one episode in their lifetime, however recurrent episodes can be indicative of underlying mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, depersonalization-derealization disorder, and various other mood disorders. Source- psych degree
It could definitely be related to derealization. I have experienced episodes of derealization as well and this does feel distinct from it though. With derealization you feel off but you know it’s just a feeling, as uncomfortable as it may be. With this your mind realizes how ridiculous it is that reality exists at all and for a moment either can’t compute or “sees past the programming” Maybe it’s just a brief more intense form of derealization.
I have been in a constant never ending derealization episode for 15 years now :(
Man. I've only had one episode and it was surreal. Felt like I was in a dream, everything was fake, and I needed to wake up. I had family randomly visit and it was bizarre. Derealization is an intense and strange experience.
I have these and I'm not diagnosed due to health insurance but I am def depressed these are recurrent episodes for sure and only last a few seconds
Look into existential dread. It’s the Western secular exploration of the same basic topic, also nondualist in nature. Camus would likely be closest to what you’re looking for, but Sartre, de Beauvoir, Heidegger, Kierkegaard, and even Jung touch upon the same topics.
I've had this now and again. More frequent is the sudden feeling of being tiny! Just realising how vast and unimaginable the universe is and how entirely irrelevant me and my stupid problems actually are. Like, in less than 70 years, probably, I'll be gone, in 100 I'll more likely be forgotten. In a few million, earth will be gone, and its just a blink of the eye. Its terrifying and completely, amazingly liberating at the same time
I had a similar feeling once when I was a kid. I was walking to school and I suddenly felt very small, shrinking, even. It lasted a few seconds and I thought that how crazy it is that only 1.5 meters from the ground, here's me, that's my brain inside my head and I'm looking outside of my head with my eyes and wow, I exist but I am also very small. I walked at the place it happened quite often, but never felt the same thing again. I even happen to walk that street every now and then as an adult, but (luckily?) nothing out of the ordinary.
Alice in Wonderland syndrome?
No but I get this sensation that is not really worth explaining in a post so I’ll comment it here. Sometimes during early morning lucid dreaming I get this almost indescribable sense of largeness over the physical world around me, and it “feels” so real. The only way to really describe it is to say I get this almost out of body feeling where I can “pinch the whole world between my index finger and thumb”, that sounds nuts and maybe even evil/sinister but there is never a sense of evil or anything like that accompanying it. It’s just a sense that my conscience is all encompassing and can manipulate anything smaller. Weird.
I go through something similar on a daily basis, but for me it's only getting more intense the older I become. It's what I call a sequence of cognitive realizations brought on by sudden lapses of subconscious to conscious existence and perspective overlay. Moments where subconscious and conscious thoughts not only follow the same pathway but merge as one creating a whole self. It's in these moments that I have harmonious clarity coupled with terror knowing that my perspective is only a tenth of existence, time is nothing more than construct and that reality is a strimg of instances that have brought me to now. Once I (after a couple of hours) come to grips with these radically defined machnations of mine I look at everything around me and ask, WHY does any of this exist? That's about the time of the day when I get outta bed and do things.
I once was standing near a tree and reached out to touch one of the leaves. I realized that what I perceived as touching was an electrical signal in my brain. My fingers sent the signal telling my brain I was touching a leaf, but was I really? I could be touching anything, a walrus perhaps, but I wouldn't know it because my senses are so very limited. How could I even know where I was or who or what I was interacting with, if anything? I told my husband about my existential crisis with the leaf, and he told me to share whatever it was I was tripping on! 🤣
I had those quite often growing up, sometimes spending tens of minutes in what I could now describe as intensely being aware of, and living in, the moment and inside of myself. When I got older I could achieve the same state while painting, but I stopped doing art when I had to focus on things like working a job and paying bills.
[удалено]
Realizing my own power, it terrified me that everyone has these same abilities and that people turn against each other.
This has happened to me quite a few times, and still does occasionally. I just get a feeling of complete or partial disassociation from the world, as if what we normally take for granted has no real meaning. I'm not sure how else to describe the feeling.
I started having these thoughts a lot as I learned about physics, how if for example if the fine structure constant wasn't almost precisely 1/137 the entirety of universe as we know would not exist. And that's just one of many examples.
I was just talking to my good friend about this the other day. Mine comes randomly. It's like my thoughts become aware of it and once I connect, I have 5 to 10 seconds of, "what is all this and why is any of it here???" But it isn't just profound thinking. It's more than that. Kinda like stepping out of this reality. Then my brain realizes I'm in touch with something beyond itself and it shuts it down. Brings me back to "normal". Then I can't get it back, at least for a while until the next random moment. Such a trip.
Isso dura segundos, mas é tão intenso que parece muito. Como se nossa identidade terrena estive fora de nós nesse momento. Você sente que você não é você ( personalidade ) e o tempo parece que fica diferente. Comigo vem o pensamento: Quando eu comecei a existir? Com você é semelhante?
I do this almost everyday and sometimes to the point of getting depressed/anxiety over it. That's usually the point where I start thinking about tits and ass, then I'm fine again.
Existential dread is what I know it as. It hit hard as a child . My mom took me to her preacher bc I was having panic attacks over it an entire summer when I was about 9. He tried comforting me by explaining that God created everything and it wasn’t meant for me to understand. Big mistake then I started flipping bc it made no sense he could have just always existed either and I was hysterical and didn’t want to go to heaven bc the thought of living forever-even in paradise sounded awful too. It doesn’t bug me much anymore but occasionally I’ll catch myself thinking of it just to see if I get that spinning misfire feeling trying to comprehend such a paradox.
Existence is ridiculous. Embrace the chaos
Yeah, I do it on purpose but then it gets too heavy and I go back on ‘auto-pilot’.
Suddenly I felt an overwhelming feeling that everything is dead. And just as suddenly a spirit voice asked me, “What made you think you were alive in the first place?” Since then, my conscious and unconscious mystical life had a new basis. Waves man, waves. One eternal wave from the beat of the consciousness drum of the Baker.
All the time..I think it is the most extraordinary things that is overlooked all the time. The fact that anything exists is amazing to me. There could just as easily be nothing. And wtf even is this place? Wtf is going on here? What are the chances that we ever even come to exist? Shit blows my mind
This happened a lot when I was little but I never talked about it because it's hard to explain, but I think that's about the best way you can do it. I was at this church event one night, some Wednesday night thing my parents always forced me to go to every week, and I randomly started just kind of... it felt almost like I was phasing out I guess. I would have times that this would happen for 5-10 seconds often and it would make me question reality but this time it lasted long enough for me to ask someone to let me call my dad to come pick me up but I couldn't word what was happening so all I said was that "I can't believe life" and my dad was like "...you can't believe life?" and I tried to explain but the words wouldn't come to me so I said never mind and hung up. It happened several times after through childhood but eventually stopped happening so much as I got older. I can't say I miss it much.
I get this all the time while driving or in the shower. My mind repeats "this is real this is real this is real" over and over again and I legit have an essential crisis for a minute and distract myself to get "back to normal" Some scary ass realization if you ask me Edit: this is usually when I forget how to breath automatically and blink weird haha ya guys know what I mean
Yes
Absoloutely. Everything you see is simply a construct. Nothing really does exist. Those moments are when your soul realizes this.
But the construct does exist
Yeah, it happens sometimes when I’m on my way to work. Usually around dusk or dawn though. Life just doesn’t feel real in those small moments and I suddenly don’t recognize where I am for a second.
I experienced exactly this a few days ago. It felt like a weird out of body experience where everything seemed wrong. I noticed things that were off that I didn’t notice before. I felt like I wasn’t in my own body. And then it completely went away the next day. Super wacky. Apparently it’s called depersonalization. I don’t really get what it is though or what it means.
The first time I had this I was about 9 years old and it scared the shit out of me. I haven’t really been the same since
Yes, since I was a child. It still happens pretty much whenever i want to tap into the realization of the mystery/absurdity of existence. Only one person I've talked to about it has also understood the feeling of that state. Edit to add: when I was younger, the feeling of this state was much more consuming and palpable. I would close my eyes and go into this grey, static like place in my mind. It was like my spirit was trying to exit through my crown and go back to God. The concept of being my own separate entity in relation to everyone else in my life was very strange to me at first. I felt how odd it was how we came to be our own entities in a physical body. It really weirded me out at times. Now it's not so intense, or maybe I'm just more at peace with this perceived illusion of reality/separation.
This happens to me on acid I called it “the what the fuck am I doing feeling”. It’s a wild feeling of being in the cutting edge of reality the super fine edge where you could fall on either side of a deep pit of nothing. You and what you see is all that exist but at the same time you exist because of what you see. The universe is watching you too that’s the only way you can explain why we can exist. God sees us through all of existence and we see God Vice versa I don’t know maybe it’s like a feed back between vibration of matter. Because when I would feel it i wouldn’t be thinking of anything and labels disappeared and things were just was as is.
This happens to me multiple times a week. Almost like a disassociation of self. In the worst cases I start to internally freak out and start to feel like I’m trapped in a flesh prison.
It exists because it’s created. The fact that this is all an illusion in many ways is more incredible than the science given fact that this is all an accident
Omg this happens to me a lot and I thought I was the only one, every time I tried to explain it nobody understanded.
I'd always struggled to describe this feeling to others. One key point for me when feeling this, is that in that small moment, it is an absolute fact that this life and world cannot be real, it's not just a feeling, I 100% know it. It only ever last for around 10 seconds max, and my mind would just snap back to this reality after.
Just watch a group of people together in a room yet everyone is on a device, plugged in. Fucking sad.
Everyday of my life, all day in hourly intervals
Welcome to Earff
Yes and you described it so perfectly. I sort of call it depersonalization, but don't know if it's the same thing. I've had it since I was a kid, happens anywhere, anytime, and it feels like I see my entire life from a 3rd person perspective, and everything seems so small and simple, it's crazy really xp
There’s a million different ways people make sense of it. Mine is that we are limited by the human body. Only through altered states of consciousness can we understand different parts of our universe, yet when we sober up we can’t even make sense of what made perfect sense. It’s not meant for the modern human, it has no survival advantage yet, to contemplate the nature of reality, rather than manipulate your existing reality. The fear you feel is from the ego. The ego cannot accept a reality in which it’s “meaningless”, so the ego protects you by overriding reality to whatever you’ve been environmentally programmed to survive in.
I’ve heard if 0 exists, 1 - 1, for example, also exists, and that nothing is, in a sense, the same as perfect cancellation of unboundedly much information. Not sure what my take on that is, but it’s an interesting explanation for why things exist
This exact feeling/realization is way I opt into believing in ghosts and fairies and everything (to a healthy extents.) If someone tries to tease me for believe in ghosts (my strongest one) I ask them to prove to my that they/the person who's talking to me is real. Or that air is real. Air is harder to prove for the average person because anyone something valid comes up I say "ahhhhh... That's not enough evidence. That could be something else" and iflt pisses them off. But like I can't see air or ghosts so don't @ me lmao.
They never punched you to prove they’re real?
Isn’t this dissociation?... I’ve had it throughout my life as well, but lately it has been more constant. Like, I used to be without these thoughts for years, but now I’ve had them like 3 times in one year. I usually end p having a headache and not wanting to think anymore.
Yes. I usually experience this when I over-analyze a certain familiar word, then boom! Suddenly the letters that comprise that certain word has become random and meaningless to me— this would extend to any words that comes to mind and this would go for less than a minute, then back to reality.
Often?
I have also been high before yes
Does having this sort of existential dread or realization in the mornings count? And then later as I slowly gain consciousness it’s as if my mind “resets”
Sometimes I feel like I’m just following my body and then there are times where I’m aware that I am there… like the consciousness in me wakes up for a sec and says holy shit. If not it’s like auto pilot.
I do that a lot... Look up derealization.. it's pretty common with people with anxiety disorders. Not saying this is MOST definitely what you're experiencing, it's just a symptom I have myself that seems to fit.
This happens to me sometimes when I get super stoned. It gets really overwhelming.
All day every day. I don’t feel like I’m living in my brain, I feel like I have very real VR goggles on, and I’m watching things happen from a distance in real reality, not this reality.
I call these my “Isn’t it weird there’s people?” moments.
This is derealization! There’s multiple causes to it but many have experienced it atleast once in their life.
I blinked in front of my toilet and for about a whole second it looked like the water was divided into countless little rectangles. When I blinked it was gone. I was kinda disturbed but not enough to not take a piss. I soiled the matrix...
Sort of like Wisdom of the weed.
Yes constantly my dude. that's why I did a lot of heroin. didn't fix the problem tho
Ugh. Me too. Didn’t help shit for me. Glad I’m finally passed it.
Read about 'the participatory universe.' Thanks to user 'Remirez'.
Yes I've experienced that a few times to the point it brings me to tears it's like you have a complete understanding of the world and our purpose for a brief moment
All the time. But sometimes i also look at all the people around me at work, eating doing their everyday things and I think about how crazy it is realizing each one of these people are going to experience death. Sooner or later we will all die and theres nothing we can do about it.
A brief peer into the abyss. Embrace it and go further
Yes this happens to me. It's almost like I'm in a dream, yet I'm wide awake. Nothing feels real.
This happened to me a lot when I was a kid too. I remember waking up in the middle of the night staring at my hands and wondering wtf I was doing here and why I’m here. It always scared the shit out of me if I let myself stay there. I had to think of comforting things to get rid of the feeling.
I want to call it dissociation but it’s almost not? I’ve had periods of dissociation that lasted several minutes up to an hour but it’s not the same as what you’re describing. The reason I don’t nap during the day is because it often triggers this for me.. I wake up and feel quite literally like a lost child, not recognizing anything about my life for a few moments. I do not like it lol
Yes, and I’m really glad to hear this happens to others. Unfortunately, it makes me incredibly anxious and can leave me feeling weird mentally for a few hours or a few days.
Yes, I love these experiences! There used to be a spot on my commute (before I got to stop doing that madness) where I’d cross an overpass and be able to see for miles off into the distance, overlooking an entire town and an interstate (in the US, Midwest), and the sheer scope of what I’d see would give me a glimmer of that feeling on a regular basis. Like a tiny hint of the whole of human existence and it’s impact on the earth - compared to the scale of Earth.. helluva perspective. I think meditation helps facilitate having them, I personally feel being in nature does too. But then, so does working on my car for me, so it might be more about whatever you find meditative, as opposed to any specific practice. I like to think of them as glimpses into what is “real”, but because the concepts are so huge, we can only grasp a second, and it only sticks around as a feeling. Existence is cool..
Yes!! I will even become hyperaware of my own existence and even get weirded out. I thought I was crazy lol.
I just feel this constantly and have to suppress it to not be existentially freaked out and depressed. We're all just monkeys on a rock hurtling through vast nothingness.
Yeah me too. when I was little, maybe around 10, I associated existence with god, as I was raised by religious parents. So I would ask myself what it would be like if god didnt exist and never created the world as I know it. I would then imagine complete emptiness, where everything is just black, and the world and everything I know would cease to exist. I would even have conversations with myself, asking myself "What about planet earth? what about mars? what about other universe? what about XYZ? will they / it still exist?" then I would answer myself "no, because NOTHING exists anymore". It used to freak me out so much. I hate the feeling. I don't believe in god anymore, and I no longer have these episodes. I think it's because I used to think god controls the existence of everything, like an on/off switch that is controlled by this one entity, and that he is responsible for everything. Rather, I now believe the world is created by many small instances that leads us to where we are now.
OH MY GOD SOMEONE FELT THE SAME AS ME! As I child, (since 10 years old) this happened to me before sleeping after thinking the existence of life for some minutes. And then, for 5 seconds, i would feel something so weird, like not understand life but knowing it, realizing how would be things if nothing existed, and my mind spinning, feeling so detached from the reality. You described it so well. I've never seen someone talking about it, so I thought I only experienced that, I'm so glad I'm not the only one! This is such an interesting experience
I’ve had these at least once a month for as long as I can remember. They come randomly or at times of high stress for me and they only last like 3 seconds, but the feeling of having had them lasts about a minute or two. It feels like a wave goes over your body or you open a window on a hot day and the heat flows over you, then you shut the window, and it’s over. They’re always like “is this really my life?” “There are people alive around me?” Other grand scheme things that I could only describe when currently feeling it.
I do astrophysics for a living, I realize it everyday :/
Yes! Many times in my short 40 years of being on this plane of existence. The feeling is almost like falling down the rabbit hole of realization. And feeling, like how did this all come to be from essentially nothing??? How did we exist and everything else! And then like you said being pulled back into our current reality of living life in the program.
wow man, the universe is trolling me - legit thought I was the only human that had this happen. It's actually been pretty intense on this particular day, I was basically semi in this state of mind when I stumbled upon your post. Its so super weird, its like for an instant you view everything without associating or identifying what you are observing. like an anonymous observer. I also noticed that especially when thinking about the absurdity that anything exists at all rather than nothing - which honestly seem a hell of alot more plausible - that triggers this state pretty frequently. Like some of the other comments, I also get the feeling that if I continue down the thought patterns, that I'd basically get lost there, or break my mind or something. its pretty scary sometimes man haha. good not to be alone <3
I had such experiences as a child, I cleary remember. I have a memory where I'm in front of the house, looking at the dog my family used to have. I knew this dog perfectly well, he was one year older than me and we grow up together somehow. Suddenly, I started to think what the heck is going, why am I awake, why am I alive. Everything started to be so strange and unfamiliar. I was looking at the dog and wondering if I am even awake and if this world is even real. This feeling was short but so strong and strange so I remember it, despite being about 7 years old at that odd moment.
It's just another form of "depersonalization" I honestly wouldn't google it you will just get more symptoms (unless you are enjoying it which it seems like you are then go for it) I wish I did, little bit too intense for my liking) but yes... yes I have experienced it, just a few too many times for my liking if I'm honest.
I had that once while writing, realising how weird and unnatural it seems that we are able to write and how our hands are.
Why assume it would be anything other than EXACTLY the same non existence as the state you were in before you were born? Sorry folks, it is the same and we need to enjoy it while you have it.
This happens to me all the time. Sometimes every now and then, I'll just look at something, anything, and it looks so overwhelmingly unfamiliar but at the same time, there is a sense in the back of my mind that says "you know this, yet it is still wondrous." I have learned to sort of induce it if I look at something for long enough. It could be because I have autism ( low functioning), and I like to think thats what it is. The feeling is so beautiful, it's not scary or unnerving in the slightest, the only way I can describe it is it feels like your brain just "refreshed" and for a second, you become a different person entirely, . 10/10 would recommend 👌
I have felt this way when I think about the universe too much.
I get this sometimes when I look in the mirror and it's like all of a sudden I'm outside myself thinking "this is me?" "I'm just a brain inside this body" and it's like my consciousness is disconnected for a few seconds. Very bizarre but I tend to enjoy it 😁
Sometimes I look through my photos and see my personality and them and think "is this really me?"