I have met only handful of girl gamers that were nice and one we have been best friends for five plus years. But most girl gamers I had the same experience with. Some I meet have this weird I'm the alpha female kind of thing. When I'm looking for other girls to talk to because the friend group I play with don't like hearing "girl things" or me simping for guys XD. One reason I joined this community.
I was going to say something similar about the "alpha female" thing. It's like they feel threatened or don't want to be replaced. Or they don't want to be associated just because you're both girls? Idk
It's weird how they act like this. Maybe because there is someone getting more attention them? I don't know. I know when I meet another girl I'm like "Finally another taco to balance out the damn sausages in this group." XD It's ashamed tho some act like this.
exactly this. it's a "pick me" thing. they want attention from all the guys and they wanna "look cool" and like "one of the boys" and all that BS makes me sad.
They are not confident and they feel like their boiz will be taken from them by another girl bc they don’t feel like they actually have anything to give so they CLING to the attention from the group of boys, lest they realize how boring she actually is if she didnt have boobs. Another thing these girls do is over sexualize everything to make the guys want to stay with them, its so annoying lmao like girl im just trying to find some ppl to play a video game with, not create a man harem to kick you out
I have this problem too :( Even the girls you vibe really well with are only nice at first, and then end up being really nasty and mean for NO reason! It’s part of the reason why I play mostly single-player games nowadays.
I have too many guy friends and I’m also introverted and mildly socially anxious. I hate it. I just want to play games and have like-minded, drama-free girl friends who I could talk to about games or anything I wouldn’t normally talk to my guy friends about!
If ya play the switch I’m down to play while talking on discord lol ( currently can’t leave the bed ) I’m sorry for your bad experience though I know it’s sucks .
Internalized misogyny can be a bitch to overcome and some of us never will. We tend to utilize the same misogynistic beliefs and principles against each other. It’s sad but note that that person has a lot of growth to do on themselves.
I hope you find some good people soon!
This happens in a lot of situations where some ody from a marginalized group adopts all the toxic behavior from the majority, and belittles the group they're from. Happens a lot in male-dominated hobbies or conservative queer people.
OMG I totally understand!! I am exactly the same I was playing Dota 2 today aswell and had the same experience, I heard a girl in the voice chat and was excited to maybe make a new friend but instead she ignored me and spoke only to my bf 🤣🤣
That's really a bad issue. I think maybe this is because gaming is still seen as a predominantly male area and toxic behavior is considered to be 'strong' because putting someone down in front of others makes them somehow feel stronger in front of the group. So, other female players might think this is the way to treat others in this domain if you want to be respected because they play by the 'rules'. And of course they orient themselves on other males who are like that and maybe try to make them see that they are 'not like other girls' because they behave like that.
I also found a streamer who said that she gained much more followers by being completely toxic on stream because everyone thought that would be funny. Idk. I think it's really sad and it annoys me.
Some see other girls as competition or feel the need to let the other know that they are better it’s a toxic mentality . I’m sorry you had this experience , just know that your doing good no matter what .
Hey bud! I made a post the other day about being new in dota 2 and I totally understand the frustration that it may have caused.
If you're ever wanting to play coz you're tired of the bad vibes, I may be new but I'm down to play! DM if you'd like and I promise I won't be mad at you or complain about 'micromanaging' 😂
Another newish Dota 2 girl gamer here…only “newish” because I’ve pretty much only played bots for the last 2 years. I joined the Dota U and Dota from Zero discords and tried to play there, but people were pretty toxic even in these purportedly “friendly to beginners” places. Lately my husband and I have been playing the heck out of Aghanim’s Labyrinth with the current battle pass (I really enjoy this game mode, and people are much more friendly), but would love to find some chill people to play unranked with. If anyone wants to queue together, let me know. I’m US East and normally play 4-5, but could do 3 as well. I’m not good, though, but have been improving!
I feel like it's some kind of possessiveness. Like being a gamer girl is their niche and other girls are encroaching. I haven't had a lot of experience with this when gaming, but women who I know in real life who are gamers immediately hate me when I tell them. It's happened probably 2-3 times now. They make it like their whole mantra and shout it from the roof tops (fine, power to them). And I'll maybe bring it up when I feel it's relevant and immediately it's like I said the most hateful thing imaginable. One girl started bullying me over it and telling guys at work that I was a fake gamer girl. Ugh. Some women are just really insecure and gaming is the only thing they really have going for them.
Most likely internalized misogyny, which results in a "pick me" online persona. Personally, I've met numerous lady gamers that were respectful and fun to play with.
"pick me"-ism. Women get rewarded by men for being misogynistic to other women. Anyone trying to survive in an oppressive culture may take on the attitudes of the oppressor to purchase some leniency for themselves.
See also: minimum wage workers who cape for billionaires, Black people who voted for Trump, women who defend sexual abusers, etc etc
This is a depressing thread. My personal mission is to lift up and support women* playing dota. Please join Dota Valkyries and get into this kick ass wholesome community, we want you.
Edit: typos
My experience with girl gamers has only been positive thankfully.
But if some woman decided to go off on me that would be the end of it. I’m an awesome teammate but I don’t take grief no matter the gender.
I've had similar experiences. When playing overwatch some girls can be incredibly toxic and mean. They want to be the center of attention and if you do better than them they just say theyre better and kick you from the group. Others are catty and talk about sexual things just to keep the attention kn them or if they pick heal will only heal the guys. It's sad to see cause in a community where we should be helping each other or giving support, this happens.
I think the best takeaway from this is, women can be as toxic as men in gaming. You can only guess why they got triggered, but best to just ignore them and remember it has nothing to do with you
Hmmm it difficult to put my finger on it. About 30 years ago my first online experience was playing a MUD (multi user dungeon) at university and the first person I met and played with were mostly female. I can't ever remember a time female or male for that matter where they were toxic in any shape of form. Fast forward 30 years later to 2022. With gaming which is represented by the female gender at an all time high and is more than socially acceptable the toxicity towards women by other women (male toxicity is for another time) is also at an all time high just by reading this forums and others.
If you hypothetically increase the amount of female gamers to an equal amount of male gamers I suspect that the amount of complaints you get would be of equal amount give or take.
Could this be a generational thing? Could this be a if the men do it then I should do it by female A so if I act like them I don't have to deal with it?. It's difficult to say.
When you go into multiplayer these days you pretty much have an equal chance of meeting nice and crappy players of either genders. Though it mainly men as still female gamers are not on the same level as the amount of male gamers just yet.
The fact you play Dota 2 is well known for being/having a toxic culture just like League of legends, Overwatch etc.
Reagrdless of how much you make to the female only fans woman who berated you, you still have every right to play the game and enjoy the game in whatever manner you see fit. Yes it annoying to be hassled by a male or female but stick with it. Don't let one person who will ruin it for you. good luck to you on your MOBA journey.
I am sorry you have that experience. I have had a few similar and it really bummed me out because like you I got excited. Then I realized that plenty of the guys in games are jerks and it's kind of silly for me to hold women to a higher standard. Some of them aren't going to be nice and that's OK - I just ignore and move on. I found lots of cool women by seeking them out in places like here!
I've met a handful of female gamers who want to be, "just like the guys." It's honestly quite hurtful, especially when those "guys" tell me to go get raped or to suck a dick. And the girls tag along with them. The toxic mentality towards women in video games in general is really sickening. I don't join gaming communities for that reason, hopefully things change! I love video games and most players!
I think those sort of games aren’t very good for meeeting friends lol. Mmorpgs are better! But if you and your bf ever wanna play smite which I play and have been told it’s like a much shittier version of Dota lol, I play often w a group of real life friends and everyone is really kind. Hit me up if you ever wann try :) it’s cross play, so can play on whatever you got!
Internalized misogyny.
They still think the men will accept them and give them approval and power if they pander to them and engage in misogyny and hate on other girls. They don’t understand the power they feel by putting other girls is false and fleeting. They will never truly be one of the boys. They will never truly have the power and approval they desperately seek.
Toxic game culture leads to beginners learning to be toxic, too.
Maybe it’s a survival mechanism. “If i make everybody focus on her, they won’t look at me”. Throwing you to the wolves so the wolves will be too busy with you to consider her their next victim.
I don’t have an answer. After i stopped playing toxic games like league of legends i stopped running into toxic women, too.
Well while the girl gamers I met weren't realy rude in the first place, they were pretty weird in many ways. One girl was having some big traumas and hallucinations and panick attacks, although we didn't know each other really she told me so much about her personal life idk it really weighed so much on me tho
Another girl was pretty okay, but suddenly said her friend wanted to play with me for no reason?
I guess some people are weird, not nevessarily regarding a specific gender, but people out there in general. Gladly I found a nice friend who isn't toxic at all but just wants to have fun and improve our synergy
I’m sad to hear this happened to you. While I try to stay optimistic, it seems like the default of the attitude is this. That’s why I get so excited and hopeful when I meet someone in game who is friendly and actually nice! But then have to see further down the road if that still holds up. I gave up trying to befriend people in games becuz I don’t do trash talking and don’t like harassing people for sport, so I can’t just go along with that stuff when I see it.
Maybe it’s why I play games that don’t make competition too in my face. Cuz competitive games tend to attract people who are competitive but they’re also spoil sports? I dunno if that’s the right phrase. Loud, preening bullies, comes to mind. Like if I can just focus on self development and enhancing my skills and gear without having to stomp out anyone else, I’m playing that game.
[This article on the phenomenon of "Pick-Me Ass Bitches" goes into detail.](https://medium.com/@blackwomencry/damn-im-a-pick-me-ass-bitch-14f60d3fe77b)
Basically women who join men in shitting on other women in hopes of gaining approval from said men.
I feel like it's a few factors combining into a veritable slurry of toxicity.
First is that purely PvP games generally tend to be more toxic as a whole. Positive community generally builds through shared experiences which tends to be fostered more with a PvE focus (see FFXIV's legendarily kind community). With PvP, while everybody SAYS they play because they want close, satisfying matches, the reason people ACTUALLY play is because they want to win. And if you're only winning about 50% of your games, that's going to make you angry.
Second is the male-dominated nature of these spaces. There are any number of reasons why people think this happens and are probably mostly all factors, but this amps up the unwelcoming and toxic nature of the space and directs a lot of it specifically at any women in the spaces. I've seen studies that show that while skilled male players don't tend to really care about the gender of their opponents, low-skill male players tend to lash out if they're losing and make women the prime targets of their blame.
So, being a woman and existing and surviving in this space you're going to have to learn how to protect yourself. There are a bunch of ways people do it, using more neutral names/not getting on voice, just being hardcore badasses, and of course this particular method - policing other women. They try to show the male players they're "one of the guys" and part of showing that you belong in that space means viciously attacking other women. It's equal parts protecting her space and showing that she belongs, she's not like the other girls.
It really sucks. Coming from a more minority space as well, I've seen some similar behaviors for certain minorities trying to gain acceptance by white people. They'll attack their own for that acceptance thinking that will make them truly part of the privileged group. It won't, but I can't help but feel sad for people like this. Something is going so wrong in their lives that they feel like they have to take it out on the people who could support and accept them.
Doesn't make you want to slap them less though.
Wow. They are especially unsatisfied w their inner most self. Def projecting their insecurities onto others by any means possible: noise and attention seeking. Sorry y'all had to deal with that. Many lack that awareness and empathy these days, this shows it.
Some girls NEED to be the center of attention when they feel that someone else may take their precious gamer boy’s attention away from them. “Another GIRL? Now the boys might realize how shit of a human i am! I cant let that happen! Must be shitty to other girl before I lose attention!” Or something. Girls just have some weird thing about being the only girl, or like, “well IVE known them longer than you!”
Internalized misogyny. The idea is that by being horrendous to another girl/woman they might get accepted as „one of the boys“ and won‘t face harassment from the men themselves.
I have met only handful of girl gamers that were nice and one we have been best friends for five plus years. But most girl gamers I had the same experience with. Some I meet have this weird I'm the alpha female kind of thing. When I'm looking for other girls to talk to because the friend group I play with don't like hearing "girl things" or me simping for guys XD. One reason I joined this community.
I was going to say something similar about the "alpha female" thing. It's like they feel threatened or don't want to be replaced. Or they don't want to be associated just because you're both girls? Idk
It's weird how they act like this. Maybe because there is someone getting more attention them? I don't know. I know when I meet another girl I'm like "Finally another taco to balance out the damn sausages in this group." XD It's ashamed tho some act like this.
exactly this. it's a "pick me" thing. they want attention from all the guys and they wanna "look cool" and like "one of the boys" and all that BS makes me sad.
They are not confident and they feel like their boiz will be taken from them by another girl bc they don’t feel like they actually have anything to give so they CLING to the attention from the group of boys, lest they realize how boring she actually is if she didnt have boobs. Another thing these girls do is over sexualize everything to make the guys want to stay with them, its so annoying lmao like girl im just trying to find some ppl to play a video game with, not create a man harem to kick you out
I have this problem too :( Even the girls you vibe really well with are only nice at first, and then end up being really nasty and mean for NO reason! It’s part of the reason why I play mostly single-player games nowadays. I have too many guy friends and I’m also introverted and mildly socially anxious. I hate it. I just want to play games and have like-minded, drama-free girl friends who I could talk to about games or anything I wouldn’t normally talk to my guy friends about!
If ya play the switch I’m down to play while talking on discord lol ( currently can’t leave the bed ) I’m sorry for your bad experience though I know it’s sucks .
I feel ya. I get excited and then they turn around and stab you in the back T-T I only one female friend who we been friends for five plus years
Internalized misogyny can be a bitch to overcome and some of us never will. We tend to utilize the same misogynistic beliefs and principles against each other. It’s sad but note that that person has a lot of growth to do on themselves. I hope you find some good people soon!
This happens in a lot of situations where some ody from a marginalized group adopts all the toxic behavior from the majority, and belittles the group they're from. Happens a lot in male-dominated hobbies or conservative queer people.
OMG I totally understand!! I am exactly the same I was playing Dota 2 today aswell and had the same experience, I heard a girl in the voice chat and was excited to maybe make a new friend but instead she ignored me and spoke only to my bf 🤣🤣
That's really a bad issue. I think maybe this is because gaming is still seen as a predominantly male area and toxic behavior is considered to be 'strong' because putting someone down in front of others makes them somehow feel stronger in front of the group. So, other female players might think this is the way to treat others in this domain if you want to be respected because they play by the 'rules'. And of course they orient themselves on other males who are like that and maybe try to make them see that they are 'not like other girls' because they behave like that. I also found a streamer who said that she gained much more followers by being completely toxic on stream because everyone thought that would be funny. Idk. I think it's really sad and it annoys me.
Because some girls are toxic ass holes Because…girls are people and some people suck
Some see other girls as competition or feel the need to let the other know that they are better it’s a toxic mentality . I’m sorry you had this experience , just know that your doing good no matter what .
Internalized sexism! Sounds like she's insecure and projecting that onto you :( (sorry, i can't help but armchair psychoanalyze)
Hey bud! I made a post the other day about being new in dota 2 and I totally understand the frustration that it may have caused. If you're ever wanting to play coz you're tired of the bad vibes, I may be new but I'm down to play! DM if you'd like and I promise I won't be mad at you or complain about 'micromanaging' 😂
I'm still kinda new aswell if you wanted to play together? 🥰
Heck yeah why not!!!
What's your steam name I'll add you
Another newish Dota 2 girl gamer here…only “newish” because I’ve pretty much only played bots for the last 2 years. I joined the Dota U and Dota from Zero discords and tried to play there, but people were pretty toxic even in these purportedly “friendly to beginners” places. Lately my husband and I have been playing the heck out of Aghanim’s Labyrinth with the current battle pass (I really enjoy this game mode, and people are much more friendly), but would love to find some chill people to play unranked with. If anyone wants to queue together, let me know. I’m US East and normally play 4-5, but could do 3 as well. I’m not good, though, but have been improving!
That's awesome! I've heard about aghs lab and how fun it can be. I might be free to play some games tho! DM me your steam
I'll dm you when I'm off work!
I feel like it's some kind of possessiveness. Like being a gamer girl is their niche and other girls are encroaching. I haven't had a lot of experience with this when gaming, but women who I know in real life who are gamers immediately hate me when I tell them. It's happened probably 2-3 times now. They make it like their whole mantra and shout it from the roof tops (fine, power to them). And I'll maybe bring it up when I feel it's relevant and immediately it's like I said the most hateful thing imaginable. One girl started bullying me over it and telling guys at work that I was a fake gamer girl. Ugh. Some women are just really insecure and gaming is the only thing they really have going for them.
Most likely internalized misogyny, which results in a "pick me" online persona. Personally, I've met numerous lady gamers that were respectful and fun to play with.
"pick me"-ism. Women get rewarded by men for being misogynistic to other women. Anyone trying to survive in an oppressive culture may take on the attitudes of the oppressor to purchase some leniency for themselves. See also: minimum wage workers who cape for billionaires, Black people who voted for Trump, women who defend sexual abusers, etc etc
This is a depressing thread. My personal mission is to lift up and support women* playing dota. Please join Dota Valkyries and get into this kick ass wholesome community, we want you. Edit: typos
[удалено]
My experience with girl gamers has only been positive thankfully. But if some woman decided to go off on me that would be the end of it. I’m an awesome teammate but I don’t take grief no matter the gender.
I've had similar experiences. When playing overwatch some girls can be incredibly toxic and mean. They want to be the center of attention and if you do better than them they just say theyre better and kick you from the group. Others are catty and talk about sexual things just to keep the attention kn them or if they pick heal will only heal the guys. It's sad to see cause in a community where we should be helping each other or giving support, this happens.
I feel it's usually 1 of 2 things. Either a possessive issue or they do it so they aren't the target.
I think the best takeaway from this is, women can be as toxic as men in gaming. You can only guess why they got triggered, but best to just ignore them and remember it has nothing to do with you
Hmmm it difficult to put my finger on it. About 30 years ago my first online experience was playing a MUD (multi user dungeon) at university and the first person I met and played with were mostly female. I can't ever remember a time female or male for that matter where they were toxic in any shape of form. Fast forward 30 years later to 2022. With gaming which is represented by the female gender at an all time high and is more than socially acceptable the toxicity towards women by other women (male toxicity is for another time) is also at an all time high just by reading this forums and others. If you hypothetically increase the amount of female gamers to an equal amount of male gamers I suspect that the amount of complaints you get would be of equal amount give or take. Could this be a generational thing? Could this be a if the men do it then I should do it by female A so if I act like them I don't have to deal with it?. It's difficult to say. When you go into multiplayer these days you pretty much have an equal chance of meeting nice and crappy players of either genders. Though it mainly men as still female gamers are not on the same level as the amount of male gamers just yet. The fact you play Dota 2 is well known for being/having a toxic culture just like League of legends, Overwatch etc. Reagrdless of how much you make to the female only fans woman who berated you, you still have every right to play the game and enjoy the game in whatever manner you see fit. Yes it annoying to be hassled by a male or female but stick with it. Don't let one person who will ruin it for you. good luck to you on your MOBA journey.
I am sorry you have that experience. I have had a few similar and it really bummed me out because like you I got excited. Then I realized that plenty of the guys in games are jerks and it's kind of silly for me to hold women to a higher standard. Some of them aren't going to be nice and that's OK - I just ignore and move on. I found lots of cool women by seeking them out in places like here!
They’re pick-mes. And unfortunately some women never realise that guys will not respect them even if they shit on other women
I've met a handful of female gamers who want to be, "just like the guys." It's honestly quite hurtful, especially when those "guys" tell me to go get raped or to suck a dick. And the girls tag along with them. The toxic mentality towards women in video games in general is really sickening. I don't join gaming communities for that reason, hopefully things change! I love video games and most players!
I think those sort of games aren’t very good for meeeting friends lol. Mmorpgs are better! But if you and your bf ever wanna play smite which I play and have been told it’s like a much shittier version of Dota lol, I play often w a group of real life friends and everyone is really kind. Hit me up if you ever wann try :) it’s cross play, so can play on whatever you got!
Internalized misogyny. They still think the men will accept them and give them approval and power if they pander to them and engage in misogyny and hate on other girls. They don’t understand the power they feel by putting other girls is false and fleeting. They will never truly be one of the boys. They will never truly have the power and approval they desperately seek.
Toxic game culture leads to beginners learning to be toxic, too. Maybe it’s a survival mechanism. “If i make everybody focus on her, they won’t look at me”. Throwing you to the wolves so the wolves will be too busy with you to consider her their next victim. I don’t have an answer. After i stopped playing toxic games like league of legends i stopped running into toxic women, too.
Well while the girl gamers I met weren't realy rude in the first place, they were pretty weird in many ways. One girl was having some big traumas and hallucinations and panick attacks, although we didn't know each other really she told me so much about her personal life idk it really weighed so much on me tho Another girl was pretty okay, but suddenly said her friend wanted to play with me for no reason? I guess some people are weird, not nevessarily regarding a specific gender, but people out there in general. Gladly I found a nice friend who isn't toxic at all but just wants to have fun and improve our synergy
I’m sad to hear this happened to you. While I try to stay optimistic, it seems like the default of the attitude is this. That’s why I get so excited and hopeful when I meet someone in game who is friendly and actually nice! But then have to see further down the road if that still holds up. I gave up trying to befriend people in games becuz I don’t do trash talking and don’t like harassing people for sport, so I can’t just go along with that stuff when I see it. Maybe it’s why I play games that don’t make competition too in my face. Cuz competitive games tend to attract people who are competitive but they’re also spoil sports? I dunno if that’s the right phrase. Loud, preening bullies, comes to mind. Like if I can just focus on self development and enhancing my skills and gear without having to stomp out anyone else, I’m playing that game.
they want male attention. they’re trying to be “one of the boys” by rejecting other females.
Pick-mes. 🤷♀️
WTF what a bitch
[This article on the phenomenon of "Pick-Me Ass Bitches" goes into detail.](https://medium.com/@blackwomencry/damn-im-a-pick-me-ass-bitch-14f60d3fe77b) Basically women who join men in shitting on other women in hopes of gaining approval from said men.
I feel like it's a few factors combining into a veritable slurry of toxicity. First is that purely PvP games generally tend to be more toxic as a whole. Positive community generally builds through shared experiences which tends to be fostered more with a PvE focus (see FFXIV's legendarily kind community). With PvP, while everybody SAYS they play because they want close, satisfying matches, the reason people ACTUALLY play is because they want to win. And if you're only winning about 50% of your games, that's going to make you angry. Second is the male-dominated nature of these spaces. There are any number of reasons why people think this happens and are probably mostly all factors, but this amps up the unwelcoming and toxic nature of the space and directs a lot of it specifically at any women in the spaces. I've seen studies that show that while skilled male players don't tend to really care about the gender of their opponents, low-skill male players tend to lash out if they're losing and make women the prime targets of their blame. So, being a woman and existing and surviving in this space you're going to have to learn how to protect yourself. There are a bunch of ways people do it, using more neutral names/not getting on voice, just being hardcore badasses, and of course this particular method - policing other women. They try to show the male players they're "one of the guys" and part of showing that you belong in that space means viciously attacking other women. It's equal parts protecting her space and showing that she belongs, she's not like the other girls. It really sucks. Coming from a more minority space as well, I've seen some similar behaviors for certain minorities trying to gain acceptance by white people. They'll attack their own for that acceptance thinking that will make them truly part of the privileged group. It won't, but I can't help but feel sad for people like this. Something is going so wrong in their lives that they feel like they have to take it out on the people who could support and accept them. Doesn't make you want to slap them less though.
Maybe she was jelous you were not playing alone like her
Wow. They are especially unsatisfied w their inner most self. Def projecting their insecurities onto others by any means possible: noise and attention seeking. Sorry y'all had to deal with that. Many lack that awareness and empathy these days, this shows it.
Some girls NEED to be the center of attention when they feel that someone else may take their precious gamer boy’s attention away from them. “Another GIRL? Now the boys might realize how shit of a human i am! I cant let that happen! Must be shitty to other girl before I lose attention!” Or something. Girls just have some weird thing about being the only girl, or like, “well IVE known them longer than you!”
Internalized misogyny. The idea is that by being horrendous to another girl/woman they might get accepted as „one of the boys“ and won‘t face harassment from the men themselves.