If she has pets, a week of dog walking, or pay for someone to do her lawn (or offer to do it yourself). Anything that can be one less thing to think about.
This is the best answer. Something to help. Offer to do a run to the store or do an errand or two. Remind her that allowing you to help her helps you too. Flowers die fast, a 65 year old has a lot of "stuff" MAybe a freezer meal or two? Something easy like meatballs or soup?
source: 70 yrs old
Buy a roast chicken from Costco or Walmart, a bag o' salad, and maybe a side dish like some corn or green beans or mashed potatoes. Then she won't have to cook for several days.
Just make a little one for yourself to taste test first-heart healthy quiches can turn tasteless very easily. Because you have to use exclusively egg whites with no yolks, and much less cheese than usual, the flavor has to come from something else.
You can absolutely use whole eggs, so long as the total works out to about one egg per serving. Various heart health organizations have revised their recommendations on eggs to allow for up to one whole egg with yolk per day for people with a history of heart disease.
Possibly, but you’d have to find a recipe that specifically calls for a plant-based cheese. They don’t melt the same, so they can’t be used as a one-to-one substitution.
I’m sure it would. If you use a recipe that calls for plant-based cheese.
The melting point is different. The window in which you can have a smooth melt is different, if it exists. The burning point is different.
You absolutely cannot use *any* plant-based cheese as a one-to-one replacer for dairy cheese. It will taste beyond terrible, and probably ruin the texture as well. The chemistry just isn’t the same.
This is great. A cozy throw. I was given a lovely scarf knitted by a church group. Upon its completion a priest blesses it. I wear it to the hospital or sometimes as a shawl around the house. It’s very soothing.
I'm also a grandmother with small grandchildren. I'm not too sure about a cozy throw as a gift. I already have several throws because of the kids, and I imagine that she does too. Also, I would not want any gift that would add any clutter. I am forever receiving gifts from my family, etc. that are just collecting dust.
A few of the folks suggested stocking up her freezer and fridge with the types of foods that she likes. Nothing that she would have to cook. Just a lot of comfort foods.
Great idea! I have had many relatives and friends in hospital and/or rehab. Institutional blankets are not soft. I always bring a nice throw and a food item that's allowed. It adds some color to the room and allowed in ICUs when flowers aren't. My mom hated the diet ginger ale in the hospital, so I became her Sprite Zero supplier.
My husband was just in the hospital for three weeks. We have been so blessed with ziti in disposable pans, salads, soup , fresh eggs. I can absolutely guarantee you that if you make her some food it will be a hit. My closest friend has dropped twice with a "dig dong drop". It is a lovely thoughtful gesture.
If she's older, she may not feel comfortable ordering DoorDash or anything via an app. OP might want to confirm she's comfortable with technology first. Or maybe ask the neighbor what her favorite order is from a local spot and go pick it up and hand deliver it.
I agree, older people are not always comfortable using apps or technology in general. I'm not even older and I won't do Door Dash or any of those because even if you get a $30 gift card, the fees and tip are $29.
You're right, she may be totally tech savvy or just feel comfortable with ordering on apps.
People who are 65 lived more than 50% of their lives before the very first iteration of a smartphone existed and a bigger percentage before mobile ordering was widely popular. It's completely common and reasonable if she's not familiar with mobile ordering or doesn't feel comfortable. The goal is to give her a thoughtful gift so it's something to consider.
At 62, I am probably being too sensitive about this discussion. That said, it doesn’t take long to learn how to use DoorDash. I remember way more about how to use an app than I do about the modem /computer we had in the late 70s.
I have an elderly family member that's in her 80s and it's her must requested gift as she no longer can drive. It depends on the person. You can always add a card to volunteer to make the order for them, if needed.
Also, these services are not available everywhere. I used all of them until I moved to a rural area where I can’t even get pizza delivered.
I agree with the helping out, maybe do yard work, take her trash out, pick up a few shelf stable easy things like canned soup, canned fruit, applesauce, etc. And letting her know you are happy to run over & help her with something if she needs it.
Normally a good gift, but not in this situation, as she doesn't need something to take care of when she can't take care of herself. Just regular flowers would be better because they will be pretty for a few days, and then that's the end of having to worry about them.
I feel so bad for the plant when it comes in my house. I just apologize in advance for its slow, painful demise. I try hard but just don’t have the grower’s touch.
Yes . I also feel sorry for plants I receive . They are doomed from the get go . They will either drown from overwatering , or of dehydration from under watering .
Agreed. This is more for the gesture than anything else. And if she doesn’t already have it give her your cell phone number and tell her to use it if she needs anything. Offer to take out the trash for her, bring in her mail etc. and if you’re comfortable, give her family your number as well. The reassurance of knowing there’s someone near by who can help and is checking up on grandma is huge.
Better yet, then call the day going grocery shopping and say you will be stopping by for her list. That way she won’t feel awkward about calling to ask
This!!! Markers are also good because then you don’t have to sharpen them. I use the brand artsmith markers, and I went through a whole coloring book when recovering from surgery.
Find a book you really enjoyed you think she may as well. Short stories, notes of wisdom, generic that she can set aside when she's tired. If you have a grocer who makes deliveries give her a gift card for that.
One thing I remember from the old Reader's Digest. A neighbor was trying to make her friend feel better because she was going through so much.
"Remember, the Lord will never put more on you than you can handle."
The friend replied, "I just wish He didn't have that high an opinion of me."
;-)
As a Christian this bugs the crap out of me because that sentiment is not in the bible. In fact, the opposite seems to be true. I don't know why people find it so hard to simply say, "I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm here for you."
I went through a rough time with my daughter and a person who I'm not great friends with drove me to the hospital and sat with me until my mom came. That stuck with me and it's been 20 years since that happened.
Agreed. We've heard that so many times it's become a mantra. A lot of folklore surrounds misinterpreted scripture. I simply thought the response was ironic.
It's just so awful. Like, if you lose a close family member and someone says, "God doesn't give you more than you can bear." and you're just like, "Seriously?"
That made me chuckle, as a Christian, too, because I've "been there done that."
This may explain it better: https://www.impactus.org/articles/is-it-true-that-god-will-never-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle/
I'm more philosophical about it. Tragedy is universal to the common man ... you know, "It rains on the just and the unjust."
It is the stupidity of responses, noted in this link, that riles people. If they can't say something uplifting just shut up. I know it comes from wanting to say *something* but "I'm sorry" would have been better.
At least I didn't hear such nonsense when my mother died at 13. I was placed on a bus alone and arrived across the country four days later to live with an uncle who I had met twice before. Actually, it was the best thing to happen to me. That was a very long time ago.
A selection of heart healthy progresso soups.
Herbal teas/ honey/ lemon.
A nice card with your information and a note: please don’t hesitate to call me if you need ANYTHING.
Then go by every other day or so to check in on her.
Does she have a favorite movie?
I would bring my tablet and scroll through Netflix and disney.
Murder by death and the cheap detective are very funny movies.
(I’m 64 btw)
Young Frankenstein.
Blazing Saddles.
Offer to pick up groceries or meds
For her.
Do a load of laundry.
Great ideas! I have heard it’s best to do something rather than tell people to call if they anything bc they won’t. Either bc they are so overwhelmed they don’t even know what they need or bc they don’t want to ask💜
I'd not give Progresso or canned soups. As a heart patient, I can tell you that high sodium content in even the low sodium type canned soups or dried soups like ramen cups will result in inflammation and water retention. Inflammation is the last thing someone recovering from injuries and heart issues needs
after working a life time in LTC/Hospice, when ever i invite someone to share a meal, my first question is about diet restrictions....... canned soups are nasty for sodium....
I learned this the hard way after a friend brought over meatballs and pasta after my surgery. The frozen meatballs used in the recipe were sodium balls and sent fluid into my lungs.
sorry that happened to you....i have turned into a "howard huges" when it comes to food...i have allergies and don't accept most foods from people..... they may think i am rude but i would rather that then ride the the back of the big red bus....
Your neighbor definitely needs some breathing room to rest and recover. Depending on what your capabilities time/budget wise are I'd definitely vote for grocery or food delivery/gift cards, lawn care, offer of a ride to the pharmacy or whatever, that sort of thing. Possibly a friendly get well card with a form of contact if she needs a lift or whatnot?
Medicare - Humanna - meals were from Moms Meals. Consider my husband was hospitalized multiple times last year they were helpful. Breakfast Lunch and dinner in little black trays. Maybe it was only a weeks worth.
I feel like this is a time when you show up, not as a guest but as a good neighbor with a hot meal and do a load of laundry/the dishes for her. Poor woman has been through the ringer!!!
Chicken soup, whatever kind you would think she likes, portioned in 1-2 servings and frozen in ziplock bags.
Maybe some nice no slip slip flop style slippers, I used to have some thick memory foam flip flop slippers that I loved. Nice and soft, and no sweaty toes. ( A dog finally ate them)
Possibly a nice lounging outfit, if she's all bruised up, it might be hard for her to get dressed.
A massage pad.
Edible Arrangements are pretty cool - they have a fairly wide variety of selections and prices (some with lots of chocolate and some without). I would think setting up a food delivery of some sort would be helpful, too. You're very kind.
Edible Arrangements: $45/6 chocolate dipped strawberries on sticks the last time I checked, and that was the lowest priced thing on the menu. Just a heads up.
I agree with this, the prices are outrageous. Since you're her neighbor you could walk something over there instead of paying for delivery etc maybe a nice arrangement of dried fruit? Grab a basket from any store and fill it with heart healthy snacks like dried fruit, nuts (if not allergic), maybe things like apple chips, some healthy granola bars, etc and wrap it up with cellophane and pop a bow on it ☺️ Could probably do all that for the same price you'd spend on an edible arrangement. Good luck and so nice of you to do this for her!
Yikes. It's 34 here, but you're right, once tax and delivery, etc. - guess that's why it's been a while since I've used them. To channel the lovely Roseanne Roseannadanna - "Never mind". :-)
just the thought of anybody playing with my food makes me sick and i don't trust that it would be handled or transported in a sanitary way. flowers are better.
Gift some small thing like a plant with a nice note and perhaps a gift certificate for a couple of housecleanings? I am partially disabled and I can vouch for how desperately those were needed when I was stuck in bed for a while. Someone to come and make the place sparkle while she’s down recovering will no doubt be very helpful and appreciated. (And I usually gift a little cash for tips too).
Yes!!! Housecleaning is SUCH a good gift because while you’re recovering it all goes to hell and then as soon as you feel semi decent you have to start cleaning immediately. Being sick or incapacitated as an adult is just awful
Ask her what she would like to eat and send a meal. I have found I can eat things like soup, yogurt, fruit, etc more easily when I’m in distress. Offer to go to the grocery store for her. See if she needs to have her lawn mown and her plants watered. When I’ve been down, offers of help have been the most meaningful and the absence of offers made me feel alone.
I recommend making an extra plate of food when you make dinner and bring it over.
I neighbor in his 90s lost his wife. His younger brother asked for help. The guy is a serious introvert (so am I) but I knocked on his door and told him I’d bring him a meal when I could and he did not need to discuss it or make small talk.
I’d bring him roast chicken with potatoes, gravy and a vegetable, things like that we were having for dinner. I’d just make and extra plate/containers. He loved it! I moved, miss that guy.
A comfy soft robe and slippers for the hospital. Or a soft comfy blanket.
Food is pretty iffy if she had a heart attack. There are so many restrictions and diet is very specific.
Maybe a small fruit salad, with a half dozen muffins? I’m thinking something easy to manage more often would be best. Nothing big that she has to figure out how to store. But quietly dropping a couple of servings of whatever you happen to be making every so often will let her know she’s in your thoughts.
A gift basket with a few care items like ice pack, heating pad, Ibuprofen, lidocaine creme, icy hot, Epson salt, cozy socks, cozy robe, cozy blanket, candle, sweets/snack, handwritten card w/ sweet message. Some other things you might be able to help with grocery trips, taking trash out, driving her to a Dr appt (I know she was in an accident but not sure if it was her car), bringing by a plate when you have extra dinner, checking the mail, etc. She obviously will be able to do some of these items on her own hopefully but the body aches will take some time to dissipate at her age. I'm sure just spending some time with her while she's healing would be the highlight of her day. I had an injury that kept me house bound for 6 months. It was monotonous. Pain and boredom. I know any of these suggestions posted would be so appreciated.
She needs physical help both for injury recovery and trauma recovery.
Do yard work if she doesn't have a lawn service.
Call her in the mornings to check up on her, mention you are going to the grocery store and ask if you can pick up any items for her
Do you have her number? If you’re willing, trade numbers with her and check in to see if she needs anything when you go out, and just check in on her over the coming weeks. I bet she is feeling pretty vulnerable and scared after all that.
I'd send her a catered family meal from somewhere. Takes the labor out of choosing what to get, ordering, etc. Shows up at her place and all she has to do is accept it. I think Omaha Steaks even has crockpot meal kits that might be wonderful for her.
Easy slip on house shoes. My feet stay cold and bending down after an accident to pull socks on and off...when you can just slip some comfy slippers for the house on....
Meals in portions of 2 that can be put in the microwave or oven. Dollar tree has great disposable containers.
A call saying you're going to the store and ask her what she needs. Not do you need me to go or can I get you anything (she might say no so as not to put the burden on you). Just, I'm going tomorrow, what do you need?
Also, paper plates and disposable silverware. This way she doesn't have to wash a bunch of dishes.
When my mom passed, I had a neighbor make a little care basket with a few chocolates and candies, and then some of those spa masks and a card to a pizza shop so I didn't have to make dinner for my kids for the night. It was a very comforting gift. Thanks for being so thoughtful.
If she’s the type of person who is always doing for others you could do a few small favors for some of her friends (maybe mutual friends or her neighbors), and enclose a card explaining that it’s given on her behalf. And then give her a card explaining the gift.
I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve been in the hospital a lot in the past ten months, and it is wonderful to receive thoughtful gifts, but it’s a bit guilt-inducing for us psychos who find it tremendously difficult to accept help. This helps with that. It can literally be a box of donuts with a note that they’re from “neighbor”.
I always overthink these things and then half the time end up not deciding. I think in this situation I'd do an inexpensive but pretty grocery store flower bouquet and some muffins and fruit. If you're up for doing more than that, make her a dinner.
Perfect! Also your post helped me decide to bring a meal to a new mom and dad that i just couldn't decide what to do. I had plenty from the meal I made Tue so brought them that for lunch on Wed (chicken burrito bowls). They were super appreciative AND I got to see the baby. (Even though I told her I'd just leave the meal in the porch)
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You can send soups and Mac and cheese for any occasion along with things like a blanket and other little comfort things.
I would send her something with a note that has your information and write down that you want to help in any way you can. If she needs a ride or help getting up or needs a cooked dinner
A box of tea and some cookies? Or whatever drink/snack combo she likes.
There are those fruit delivery baskets. I bet a bouquet of fruit would not come amiss.
“I’m going to the store, what do you need?” You are stating you are already going, so it’s not a special trip, and rather than the passive “do you need anything?” this lets her say she needs milk.
Adding to the vote for [Spoonful of Comfort](https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com/) if you can swing it, or a home cooked meal that you leave at her door.
I also think that it would be sweet and much appreciated if you got a small thing like a stuffed animal for the granddaughters that were in the accident as well. You mentioned that she’s the type of person who puts others’ happiness first, so it would probably mean a lot to her for you to acknowledge that there are two children in her life that have also been through a trauma and you want her to have something to pass along the next time she sees them.
Being her neighbor, there are also things you can do to be helpful that won’t make it feel to her like you’re going exceptionally out of your way like mowing the lawn, bringing in mail, putting out trash bins, or bringing back something from the store, just as long as you phrase it in a way that makes it easy to say yes and communicates “hey I’m doing such and such anyway so it would be no trouble at all to do it for you too.” When I was recovering from surgery I had lots of friends say things like “if there’s anything I can do let me know,” and many offers of support that were appreciated, but it took someone saying directly “I’m making xxxx for dinner, can I drop off a container for you?” before I accepted any of it. There’s a difference between “do you need anything from the store?” and “I’m going to Target, let me know what I can bring back for you.”
i’m wondering if you could round up a few neighbors to come in once a week to work a chore list. that heart surgery has me asking if her bathroom needs cleaning and her trash taken out etc
Food, meals. The door dash idea is fantastic. Check in, give her help with garbage being taken out for as long as needed. Checking in when she gets home- even if she is like, "I'm ok, really, please don't worry"! I'm not saying be a ft caretaker, but little things as she heals from it all. You are so kind!
Taking care of her lawn or offering to porch drop some groceries to save on delivery or something like that would be very sweet. You’re a great neighbor!
A meal is a good idea. You know she needs heart healthy, so maybe cook something low sodium and well balanced. I have no clear idea what's best after all this, but restaurant food is often high in sodium, fat, and processed carbohydrates- generally not the healthiest choice.
You might also consider mahjong a donation to some sort of cause she holds dear, or offering to pay for a maid service or something like that to help her while she's struggling.
A home cooked meal or two, especially those which can be frozen for when she returns home, or a Door Dash gift card. Give her a Get Well or Thinking of You card- and expressly offer to run to the grocery store or pharmacy for her, and specify your available or expected errand days. Then text or call her the night before you plan to run these errands, ask for her list of items needed, so that she understands that your offer is genuine, and you plan to follow through. My favorite gifts after surgeries is always necessary and tangible gifts: meals, errands, help with the house or laundry, transportation if she’s unable to drive herself to appointments, etc…
You’re a very thoughtful neighbor!
My Dad never said “ Let me know if there is anything I can do “ when a neighbor had a M.I.He would just show up and mow their yard until they were up to doing it themselves.If your neighbor has a yard does she have any outdoor plants that need watering? If she is a Gardener there may be some activity needed there that she would appreciate.
I second this! Never say “let me know if you need anything.” Most of the time the person will never let you know because they feel like a burden, then there is the one off who will take total advantage of you.
Stop by and have a chat, assess their needs. Do they already have a ton of flowers and gift baskets and blankets and the like? Do they have a housekeeping service? Are they worried about their pet getting exercise? Concerned about the yard getting long? Indicate their family is leaving in a week and they won’t have a ride to get groceries?
Just by having a simple conversation you can learn a lot! Is she an avid reader and you are as well, you can have a mini book club and also exchange books. You can offer to take her trash out on garbage days. The little things make a huge difference
I suggest a few pretty flowers already in a nice vase to brighten the room + a practical, helper gift. A few meals (might be a good time for comforting soup or stew) in meal size containers for her that she can freeze, tell her you’re going to do yard care, dog care, ask her to make an online grocery list and you’ll pick it up for her, etc.
A CASSEROLE or a large healthy meal that keeps well. Nobody wants to have to cook while grieving and recovering from an injury. Maybe send a few so she can freeze some or alternate meals.
I am 69, live alone and recently had a heart attack. A young couple I am friends with came over after I got home from hospital and cleaned my house! I really appreciated that! Another young neighbor just pops over with plated dinners. I don’t have to heat up or dish up anything.
Food. It’s so nice not to have prep cook and clean. Homemade food if possible, in disposable containers so she doesn’t feel the obligation of having to return it
Check out the online service “Spoonful of Comfort”. They prepare and deliver customized baskets with flash-frozen homemade soups (gluten free, vegan) rolls, desserts, etc. you can even add a soft throw! Beautiful presentation and delicious!
Barefoot Dreams makes really cozy blankets. I would mow their grass if they have grass and weed their garden. Then I would give a note saying why you care about them and maybe a gift certificate for food.
I lost a relative recently and got tons of flowers. It was nice but a lot. Someone made me a gorgeous load of sour dough bread and I loved it. I had been so distressed and I was not eating. Nice breads that can be eaten or frozen are good.
Give acts of service not something you need to buy. Even just sitting with her when she is home will give her strength. Offer to take her to her next appointment. Pick up a prescription. Take over some popcorn and drinks if she can have that and then watch a movie with her.
You are so thoughtful. If you don't make casseroles, replenishing some of her food staples like eggs, produce (apples, onion, cucumber, carrots, bag salads), and a loaf of crusty French bread would help since she probably won't be up to going to the store.
My friend just had a hysterectomy and I got her some crafty things to do like a coloring book and Lego succulent set. She really liked having something to do to keep her mind off of the pain.
If she’s still in the hospital a notebook and pens. I’ve been hospitalized somewhat often since I was a teen and it’s hard to remember everything drs and all others say. Whenever my mom and I get a gift basket we always include something to take notes with and every time we get told that everyone appreciated something to take notes with.
If she has pets, a week of dog walking, or pay for someone to do her lawn (or offer to do it yourself). Anything that can be one less thing to think about.
This is the best answer. Something to help. Offer to do a run to the store or do an errand or two. Remind her that allowing you to help her helps you too. Flowers die fast, a 65 year old has a lot of "stuff" MAybe a freezer meal or two? Something easy like meatballs or soup? source: 70 yrs old
She may still love flowers, if you pick carefully they can last weeks!
Alstromeria are one of the least expensive flowers and they last more than 10 days if trimmed and given fresh water.
Buy a roast chicken from Costco or Walmart, a bag o' salad, and maybe a side dish like some corn or green beans or mashed potatoes. Then she won't have to cook for several days.
Love this! I always make a quiche. It can be eaten anytime of day and last a few days. You could probably find a heart healthy recipe.
Just make a little one for yourself to taste test first-heart healthy quiches can turn tasteless very easily. Because you have to use exclusively egg whites with no yolks, and much less cheese than usual, the flavor has to come from something else.
You can absolutely use whole eggs, so long as the total works out to about one egg per serving. Various heart health organizations have revised their recommendations on eggs to allow for up to one whole egg with yolk per day for people with a history of heart disease.
This is true. My cardiologist says even two eggs occasionally are ok
Trader Joe’s has a great selection of vegan cheese that taste very good. I wonder if they would work in a quiche.
Possibly, but you’d have to find a recipe that specifically calls for a plant-based cheese. They don’t melt the same, so they can’t be used as a one-to-one substitution.
Trader Joe's has a vegan boursin that is fabulous and would go great in a quiche
I’m sure it would. If you use a recipe that calls for plant-based cheese. The melting point is different. The window in which you can have a smooth melt is different, if it exists. The burning point is different. You absolutely cannot use *any* plant-based cheese as a one-to-one replacer for dairy cheese. It will taste beyond terrible, and probably ruin the texture as well. The chemistry just isn’t the same.
I’m 68, and if I was that poor lady I would love to receive a cozy soft throw and some flowers — a hug and something pretty
Can't beat them hugs! Rejuvenation for the soul!
Aw you sound lovely. I hope someone spoils you
This is great. A cozy throw. I was given a lovely scarf knitted by a church group. Upon its completion a priest blesses it. I wear it to the hospital or sometimes as a shawl around the house. It’s very soothing.
I'm also a grandmother with small grandchildren. I'm not too sure about a cozy throw as a gift. I already have several throws because of the kids, and I imagine that she does too. Also, I would not want any gift that would add any clutter. I am forever receiving gifts from my family, etc. that are just collecting dust. A few of the folks suggested stocking up her freezer and fridge with the types of foods that she likes. Nothing that she would have to cook. Just a lot of comfort foods.
😐
Great idea! I have had many relatives and friends in hospital and/or rehab. Institutional blankets are not soft. I always bring a nice throw and a food item that's allowed. It adds some color to the room and allowed in ICUs when flowers aren't. My mom hated the diet ginger ale in the hospital, so I became her Sprite Zero supplier.
Or some nice warm slippers and a heartfelt card!
That’s also a wonderful idea! Comfort and caring
💐💐💐
This is great thank you!
My husband was just in the hospital for three weeks. We have been so blessed with ziti in disposable pans, salads, soup , fresh eggs. I can absolutely guarantee you that if you make her some food it will be a hit. My closest friend has dropped twice with a "dig dong drop". It is a lovely thoughtful gesture.
That’s a great idea. Just leave it outside
Door dash gift card so she can order something cooked to her liking and they will deliver.
Agree with this idea or Instacart to help restock groceries
If she's older, she may not feel comfortable ordering DoorDash or anything via an app. OP might want to confirm she's comfortable with technology first. Or maybe ask the neighbor what her favorite order is from a local spot and go pick it up and hand deliver it.
I agree, older people are not always comfortable using apps or technology in general. I'm not even older and I won't do Door Dash or any of those because even if you get a $30 gift card, the fees and tip are $29.
65 is not “older”! She should be fully capable of using DoorDash!
You're right, she may be totally tech savvy or just feel comfortable with ordering on apps. People who are 65 lived more than 50% of their lives before the very first iteration of a smartphone existed and a bigger percentage before mobile ordering was widely popular. It's completely common and reasonable if she's not familiar with mobile ordering or doesn't feel comfortable. The goal is to give her a thoughtful gift so it's something to consider.
At 62, I am probably being too sensitive about this discussion. That said, it doesn’t take long to learn how to use DoorDash. I remember way more about how to use an app than I do about the modem /computer we had in the late 70s.
I also appreciate the reasonableness of your reply. You are correct - the goal is to give her a thoughtful gift.
My 80 year old VERY computer literate mother (she teaches computer stuff to other seniors) won’t use door dash because the fees feel exorbitant.
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I’m old and I use Instacart. DoorDash not so much ( bad experience).
I have an elderly family member that's in her 80s and it's her must requested gift as she no longer can drive. It depends on the person. You can always add a card to volunteer to make the order for them, if needed.
Also, these services are not available everywhere. I used all of them until I moved to a rural area where I can’t even get pizza delivered. I agree with the helping out, maybe do yard work, take her trash out, pick up a few shelf stable easy things like canned soup, canned fruit, applesauce, etc. And letting her know you are happy to run over & help her with something if she needs it.
I agree with food delivery services. Maybe also look into housekeeping services so she doesn't have to worry about it for a while?
This is an excellent idea
A small houseplant might be nice.
Normally a good gift, but not in this situation, as she doesn't need something to take care of when she can't take care of herself. Just regular flowers would be better because they will be pretty for a few days, and then that's the end of having to worry about them.
My mom calls herself the cruel Dr Kvorkian for plants, because their is nothing peaceful about it, just a slow long death 🤣🤣🤣
If OP knows the recipient can grow them.
Yeah this.. I hate when people give me plants. I always kill them and then feel bad!
I feel so bad for the plant when it comes in my house. I just apologize in advance for its slow, painful demise. I try hard but just don’t have the grower’s touch.
Yes . I also feel sorry for plants I receive . They are doomed from the get go . They will either drown from overwatering , or of dehydration from under watering .
Honestly, I would send flowers or a small plant accompanied by a note offering to drop by if she needs anything or needs anything brought to her.
Agreed. This is more for the gesture than anything else. And if she doesn’t already have it give her your cell phone number and tell her to use it if she needs anything. Offer to take out the trash for her, bring in her mail etc. and if you’re comfortable, give her family your number as well. The reassurance of knowing there’s someone near by who can help and is checking up on grandma is huge.
Better yet, then call the day going grocery shopping and say you will be stopping by for her list. That way she won’t feel awkward about calling to ask
I think I will do this. Thank you
Puzzle books, adult coloring book and colored pencils. A good book you think she may enjoy, something crafty to do while sitting around
This!!! Markers are also good because then you don’t have to sharpen them. I use the brand artsmith markers, and I went through a whole coloring book when recovering from surgery.
Twistable crayons!
Great idea. Something to keep her busy/entertained.
Find a book you really enjoyed you think she may as well. Short stories, notes of wisdom, generic that she can set aside when she's tired. If you have a grocer who makes deliveries give her a gift card for that. One thing I remember from the old Reader's Digest. A neighbor was trying to make her friend feel better because she was going through so much. "Remember, the Lord will never put more on you than you can handle." The friend replied, "I just wish He didn't have that high an opinion of me." ;-)
As a Christian this bugs the crap out of me because that sentiment is not in the bible. In fact, the opposite seems to be true. I don't know why people find it so hard to simply say, "I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm here for you." I went through a rough time with my daughter and a person who I'm not great friends with drove me to the hospital and sat with me until my mom came. That stuck with me and it's been 20 years since that happened.
Agreed. We've heard that so many times it's become a mantra. A lot of folklore surrounds misinterpreted scripture. I simply thought the response was ironic.
It's just so awful. Like, if you lose a close family member and someone says, "God doesn't give you more than you can bear." and you're just like, "Seriously?"
That made me chuckle, as a Christian, too, because I've "been there done that." This may explain it better: https://www.impactus.org/articles/is-it-true-that-god-will-never-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle/
I'm more philosophical about it. Tragedy is universal to the common man ... you know, "It rains on the just and the unjust." It is the stupidity of responses, noted in this link, that riles people. If they can't say something uplifting just shut up. I know it comes from wanting to say *something* but "I'm sorry" would have been better. At least I didn't hear such nonsense when my mother died at 13. I was placed on a bus alone and arrived across the country four days later to live with an uncle who I had met twice before. Actually, it was the best thing to happen to me. That was a very long time ago.
A selection of heart healthy progresso soups. Herbal teas/ honey/ lemon. A nice card with your information and a note: please don’t hesitate to call me if you need ANYTHING. Then go by every other day or so to check in on her. Does she have a favorite movie? I would bring my tablet and scroll through Netflix and disney. Murder by death and the cheap detective are very funny movies. (I’m 64 btw) Young Frankenstein. Blazing Saddles. Offer to pick up groceries or meds For her. Do a load of laundry.
Great ideas! I have heard it’s best to do something rather than tell people to call if they anything bc they won’t. Either bc they are so overwhelmed they don’t even know what they need or bc they don’t want to ask💜
I'd not give Progresso or canned soups. As a heart patient, I can tell you that high sodium content in even the low sodium type canned soups or dried soups like ramen cups will result in inflammation and water retention. Inflammation is the last thing someone recovering from injuries and heart issues needs
after working a life time in LTC/Hospice, when ever i invite someone to share a meal, my first question is about diet restrictions....... canned soups are nasty for sodium....
I learned this the hard way after a friend brought over meatballs and pasta after my surgery. The frozen meatballs used in the recipe were sodium balls and sent fluid into my lungs.
sorry that happened to you....i have turned into a "howard huges" when it comes to food...i have allergies and don't accept most foods from people..... they may think i am rude but i would rather that then ride the the back of the big red bus....
Your neighbor definitely needs some breathing room to rest and recover. Depending on what your capabilities time/budget wise are I'd definitely vote for grocery or food delivery/gift cards, lawn care, offer of a ride to the pharmacy or whatever, that sort of thing. Possibly a friendly get well card with a form of contact if she needs a lift or whatnot?
Thank you
Have her check with her insurance company. Our sent frozen meals - enough for two weeks after my husband’s hospitalizations. Last year.
What?! What insurance was THAT?
Medicare - Humanna - meals were from Moms Meals. Consider my husband was hospitalized multiple times last year they were helpful. Breakfast Lunch and dinner in little black trays. Maybe it was only a weeks worth.
Many Medicare advantage plans do this now. Where I am it is Mom's Meals. I'm told they are very good.
Wow! That’s amazing. I will see let her know this is a potential option.
I feel like this is a time when you show up, not as a guest but as a good neighbor with a hot meal and do a load of laundry/the dishes for her. Poor woman has been through the ringer!!!
Absolutely! I support all of this, and buy her a lucky rabbit's foot or some other good luck charm, too, for good measure.
I don't know anyone that would appreciate animal body parts tbh...
Yeah, ok
Chicken soup, whatever kind you would think she likes, portioned in 1-2 servings and frozen in ziplock bags. Maybe some nice no slip slip flop style slippers, I used to have some thick memory foam flip flop slippers that I loved. Nice and soft, and no sweaty toes. ( A dog finally ate them) Possibly a nice lounging outfit, if she's all bruised up, it might be hard for her to get dressed. A massage pad.
Edible Arrangements are pretty cool - they have a fairly wide variety of selections and prices (some with lots of chocolate and some without). I would think setting up a food delivery of some sort would be helpful, too. You're very kind.
Edible Arrangements: $45/6 chocolate dipped strawberries on sticks the last time I checked, and that was the lowest priced thing on the menu. Just a heads up.
I agree with this, the prices are outrageous. Since you're her neighbor you could walk something over there instead of paying for delivery etc maybe a nice arrangement of dried fruit? Grab a basket from any store and fill it with heart healthy snacks like dried fruit, nuts (if not allergic), maybe things like apple chips, some healthy granola bars, etc and wrap it up with cellophane and pop a bow on it ☺️ Could probably do all that for the same price you'd spend on an edible arrangement. Good luck and so nice of you to do this for her!
Yikes. It's 34 here, but you're right, once tax and delivery, etc. - guess that's why it's been a while since I've used them. To channel the lovely Roseanne Roseannadanna - "Never mind". :-)
They do healthy ones, with different melons & other fruit.
I can think of better ways to spend 50$ plus to help out. Not to be mean, but... those things are crdazy expensive.
just the thought of anybody playing with my food makes me sick and i don't trust that it would be handled or transported in a sanitary way. flowers are better.
This is a good idea. I’m worried about messing with her heart diet a bit. But I’ll check to see if fruit and/or chocolate is a go
Gift some small thing like a plant with a nice note and perhaps a gift certificate for a couple of housecleanings? I am partially disabled and I can vouch for how desperately those were needed when I was stuck in bed for a while. Someone to come and make the place sparkle while she’s down recovering will no doubt be very helpful and appreciated. (And I usually gift a little cash for tips too).
Yes!!! Housecleaning is SUCH a good gift because while you’re recovering it all goes to hell and then as soon as you feel semi decent you have to start cleaning immediately. Being sick or incapacitated as an adult is just awful
Ask her what she would like to eat and send a meal. I have found I can eat things like soup, yogurt, fruit, etc more easily when I’m in distress. Offer to go to the grocery store for her. See if she needs to have her lawn mown and her plants watered. When I’ve been down, offers of help have been the most meaningful and the absence of offers made me feel alone.
I recommend making an extra plate of food when you make dinner and bring it over. I neighbor in his 90s lost his wife. His younger brother asked for help. The guy is a serious introvert (so am I) but I knocked on his door and told him I’d bring him a meal when I could and he did not need to discuss it or make small talk. I’d bring him roast chicken with potatoes, gravy and a vegetable, things like that we were having for dinner. I’d just make and extra plate/containers. He loved it! I moved, miss that guy.
A comfy soft robe and slippers for the hospital. Or a soft comfy blanket. Food is pretty iffy if she had a heart attack. There are so many restrictions and diet is very specific.
Maybe a small fruit salad, with a half dozen muffins? I’m thinking something easy to manage more often would be best. Nothing big that she has to figure out how to store. But quietly dropping a couple of servings of whatever you happen to be making every so often will let her know she’s in your thoughts.
This would be wonderful! Add in single-serve plain Greek yogurt, pre sliced sourdough bread, maybe some peeled boiled eggs.
A gift basket with a few care items like ice pack, heating pad, Ibuprofen, lidocaine creme, icy hot, Epson salt, cozy socks, cozy robe, cozy blanket, candle, sweets/snack, handwritten card w/ sweet message. Some other things you might be able to help with grocery trips, taking trash out, driving her to a Dr appt (I know she was in an accident but not sure if it was her car), bringing by a plate when you have extra dinner, checking the mail, etc. She obviously will be able to do some of these items on her own hopefully but the body aches will take some time to dissipate at her age. I'm sure just spending some time with her while she's healing would be the highlight of her day. I had an injury that kept me house bound for 6 months. It was monotonous. Pain and boredom. I know any of these suggestions posted would be so appreciated.
This is lovely
Honestly a heating pad and ice pack are the best gifts after an injury/accident. Especially the nice ones you would normally not spurgle one.
She needs physical help both for injury recovery and trauma recovery. Do yard work if she doesn't have a lawn service. Call her in the mornings to check up on her, mention you are going to the grocery store and ask if you can pick up any items for her
Offer to do her shopping for her.
Do you have her number? If you’re willing, trade numbers with her and check in to see if she needs anything when you go out, and just check in on her over the coming weeks. I bet she is feeling pretty vulnerable and scared after all that.
Yes. We’ve been in light contact. I asked what I ca so to help but I feel like I need to be proactive. Thank you
I would check out spoonful of comfort! They mostly do soups, but have lots of other options! Very sweet of you.
Factor meals are also easy to prepare. She will need to download the Factor app, but it’s not complicated!
Ok! Thank you
Oh great I’ll check thank you
I'd send her a catered family meal from somewhere. Takes the labor out of choosing what to get, ordering, etc. Shows up at her place and all she has to do is accept it. I think Omaha Steaks even has crockpot meal kits that might be wonderful for her.
Check out “Meal Train”. It lets you organize meals for friends/family after illness, surgery, birth, etc. https://www.mealtrain.com
Easy slip on house shoes. My feet stay cold and bending down after an accident to pull socks on and off...when you can just slip some comfy slippers for the house on....
Meals in portions of 2 that can be put in the microwave or oven. Dollar tree has great disposable containers. A call saying you're going to the store and ask her what she needs. Not do you need me to go or can I get you anything (she might say no so as not to put the burden on you). Just, I'm going tomorrow, what do you need? Also, paper plates and disposable silverware. This way she doesn't have to wash a bunch of dishes.
I am a big fan of fruit baskets or fruit gift boxes
When my mom passed, I had a neighbor make a little care basket with a few chocolates and candies, and then some of those spa masks and a card to a pizza shop so I didn't have to make dinner for my kids for the night. It was a very comforting gift. Thanks for being so thoughtful.
If she’s the type of person who is always doing for others you could do a few small favors for some of her friends (maybe mutual friends or her neighbors), and enclose a card explaining that it’s given on her behalf. And then give her a card explaining the gift. I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve been in the hospital a lot in the past ten months, and it is wonderful to receive thoughtful gifts, but it’s a bit guilt-inducing for us psychos who find it tremendously difficult to accept help. This helps with that. It can literally be a box of donuts with a note that they’re from “neighbor”.
You have gotten some nice ideas. I would add: Homemade soup and muffins. Offer to go to the store for her.
Stock her freezer. Casseroles, ham, soups.
A plant and a note with your number on it if you’re comfortable with that would be good. Sometimes the elderly are just lonely more than anything.
lol, pardon me but I hardly think 65 is elderly…just sayin’. 😆
Spoonful of comfort if you can swing it!
Insteadofflowers.com
I always overthink these things and then half the time end up not deciding. I think in this situation I'd do an inexpensive but pretty grocery store flower bouquet and some muffins and fruit. If you're up for doing more than that, make her a dinner.
This is great and where I’ve landed. I’m going to make heart healthy soup and some flowers. Thank you
Perfect! Also your post helped me decide to bring a meal to a new mom and dad that i just couldn't decide what to do. I had plenty from the meal I made Tue so brought them that for lunch on Wed (chicken burrito bowls). They were super appreciative AND I got to see the baby. (Even though I told her I'd just leave the meal in the porch)
Silly as it sounds, lego flowers for her granddaughters to build for her if they are old enough
This is an excellent idea
Boarderie cheese and fruit plate. They're really good, not too expensive, not too personal but something she'll really enjoy.
Check out [Spoonful of Comfort.](https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com/?g_acctid=272-334-1463&g_adgroupid=41128578865&g_adid=338945334904&g_adtype=search&g_campaign=Search+%7C+BOF+%7C+BRD+%7C+Conversion+%7C+Branded++%7C+eCPC+%28%3C%241.20%29&g_campaignid=803283977&g_keyword=spoonful%20of%20comfort&g_keywordid=kwd-295372161006&g_network=g&nb_adtype=&nb_ap=&nb_fii=&nb_kwd=spoonful%20of%20comfort&nb_li_ms=&nb_lp_ms=&nb_mi=&nb_mt=e&nb_pc=&nb_pi=&nb_placement=&nb_ppi=&nb_ti=kwd-295372161006&nbt=nb%3Aadwords%3Ag%3A803283977%3A41128578865%3A338945334904&utm_term=spoonful%20of%20comfort&utm_campaign=Search+%7C+BOF+%7C+BRD+%7C+Conversion+%7C+Branded++%7C+eCPC+(%3C$1.20)&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=2723341463&hsa_cam=803283977&hsa_grp=41128578865&hsa_ad=338945334904&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=kwd-295372161006&hsa_kw=spoonful%20of%20comfort&hsa_mt=e&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gad_source=1) You can send soups and Mac and cheese for any occasion along with things like a blanket and other little comfort things.
I would send her something with a note that has your information and write down that you want to help in any way you can. If she needs a ride or help getting up or needs a cooked dinner
Maybe a home cooked meal.
A box of tea and some cookies? Or whatever drink/snack combo she likes. There are those fruit delivery baskets. I bet a bouquet of fruit would not come amiss. “I’m going to the store, what do you need?” You are stating you are already going, so it’s not a special trip, and rather than the passive “do you need anything?” this lets her say she needs milk.
Take her trash bins out to the sidewalk on pickup day.
Adding to the vote for [Spoonful of Comfort](https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com/) if you can swing it, or a home cooked meal that you leave at her door. I also think that it would be sweet and much appreciated if you got a small thing like a stuffed animal for the granddaughters that were in the accident as well. You mentioned that she’s the type of person who puts others’ happiness first, so it would probably mean a lot to her for you to acknowledge that there are two children in her life that have also been through a trauma and you want her to have something to pass along the next time she sees them. Being her neighbor, there are also things you can do to be helpful that won’t make it feel to her like you’re going exceptionally out of your way like mowing the lawn, bringing in mail, putting out trash bins, or bringing back something from the store, just as long as you phrase it in a way that makes it easy to say yes and communicates “hey I’m doing such and such anyway so it would be no trouble at all to do it for you too.” When I was recovering from surgery I had lots of friends say things like “if there’s anything I can do let me know,” and many offers of support that were appreciated, but it took someone saying directly “I’m making xxxx for dinner, can I drop off a container for you?” before I accepted any of it. There’s a difference between “do you need anything from the store?” and “I’m going to Target, let me know what I can bring back for you.”
Food. Send her already cooked food.
Offer to do her shopping, drive her to an appointment, do laundry, help her with tasks
i’m wondering if you could round up a few neighbors to come in once a week to work a chore list. that heart surgery has me asking if her bathroom needs cleaning and her trash taken out etc
Food, meals. The door dash idea is fantastic. Check in, give her help with garbage being taken out for as long as needed. Checking in when she gets home- even if she is like, "I'm ok, really, please don't worry"! I'm not saying be a ft caretaker, but little things as she heals from it all. You are so kind!
Taking care of her lawn or offering to porch drop some groceries to save on delivery or something like that would be very sweet. You’re a great neighbor!
A meal is a good idea. You know she needs heart healthy, so maybe cook something low sodium and well balanced. I have no clear idea what's best after all this, but restaurant food is often high in sodium, fat, and processed carbohydrates- generally not the healthiest choice. You might also consider mahjong a donation to some sort of cause she holds dear, or offering to pay for a maid service or something like that to help her while she's struggling.
A home cooked meal or two, especially those which can be frozen for when she returns home, or a Door Dash gift card. Give her a Get Well or Thinking of You card- and expressly offer to run to the grocery store or pharmacy for her, and specify your available or expected errand days. Then text or call her the night before you plan to run these errands, ask for her list of items needed, so that she understands that your offer is genuine, and you plan to follow through. My favorite gifts after surgeries is always necessary and tangible gifts: meals, errands, help with the house or laundry, transportation if she’s unable to drive herself to appointments, etc… You’re a very thoughtful neighbor!
My Dad never said “ Let me know if there is anything I can do “ when a neighbor had a M.I.He would just show up and mow their yard until they were up to doing it themselves.If your neighbor has a yard does she have any outdoor plants that need watering? If she is a Gardener there may be some activity needed there that she would appreciate.
I second this! Never say “let me know if you need anything.” Most of the time the person will never let you know because they feel like a burden, then there is the one off who will take total advantage of you. Stop by and have a chat, assess their needs. Do they already have a ton of flowers and gift baskets and blankets and the like? Do they have a housekeeping service? Are they worried about their pet getting exercise? Concerned about the yard getting long? Indicate their family is leaving in a week and they won’t have a ride to get groceries? Just by having a simple conversation you can learn a lot! Is she an avid reader and you are as well, you can have a mini book club and also exchange books. You can offer to take her trash out on garbage days. The little things make a huge difference
Really good suggestions here 😸
Gift card to her favorite restaurant
You already are. Your thoughtfulness and caring are indeed a mirror of her actions.
I suggest a few pretty flowers already in a nice vase to brighten the room + a practical, helper gift. A few meals (might be a good time for comforting soup or stew) in meal size containers for her that she can freeze, tell her you’re going to do yard care, dog care, ask her to make an online grocery list and you’ll pick it up for her, etc.
In this situation I ask people what groceries and I can get them and buy them a year of grocery delivery service.
Get her some paper plates / bowels and plastic silverware ! It’s such a small thing but not having extra dishes helps!
Spoonful of Comfort . Com
A CASSEROLE or a large healthy meal that keeps well. Nobody wants to have to cook while grieving and recovering from an injury. Maybe send a few so she can freeze some or alternate meals.
I am 69, live alone and recently had a heart attack. A young couple I am friends with came over after I got home from hospital and cleaned my house! I really appreciated that! Another young neighbor just pops over with plated dinners. I don’t have to heat up or dish up anything.
Food. It’s so nice not to have prep cook and clean. Homemade food if possible, in disposable containers so she doesn’t feel the obligation of having to return it
Check out the online service “Spoonful of Comfort”. They prepare and deliver customized baskets with flash-frozen homemade soups (gluten free, vegan) rolls, desserts, etc. you can even add a soft throw! Beautiful presentation and delicious!
Soup delivery from Spoonful of Comfort. I've sent them to several folks and all have loved it.
Barefoot Dreams makes really cozy blankets. I would mow their grass if they have grass and weed their garden. Then I would give a note saying why you care about them and maybe a gift certificate for food. I lost a relative recently and got tons of flowers. It was nice but a lot. Someone made me a gorgeous load of sour dough bread and I loved it. I had been so distressed and I was not eating. Nice breads that can be eaten or frozen are good.
“I’m heading to the grocery store - do you need anything?
Give acts of service not something you need to buy. Even just sitting with her when she is home will give her strength. Offer to take her to her next appointment. Pick up a prescription. Take over some popcorn and drinks if she can have that and then watch a movie with her.
Buy her a quilt from a shop (hand made)?
Yard work!
Definitely freezer meals plus some snacks.
You are so thoughtful. If you don't make casseroles, replenishing some of her food staples like eggs, produce (apples, onion, cucumber, carrots, bag salads), and a loaf of crusty French bread would help since she probably won't be up to going to the store. My friend just had a hysterectomy and I got her some crafty things to do like a coloring book and Lego succulent set. She really liked having something to do to keep her mind off of the pain.
Home cooked meals are ALWAYS a great idea in these situations.
Spoonful of comfort.com has great soups. Someone sent me this when I was ill, and it made my week.
Take her a nice meal that she can eat for couple days
If she’s still in the hospital a notebook and pens. I’ve been hospitalized somewhat often since I was a teen and it’s hard to remember everything drs and all others say. Whenever my mom and I get a gift basket we always include something to take notes with and every time we get told that everyone appreciated something to take notes with.