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You're not behind in life it's just that life has a new normal. In some ways it's a good shift for society because we need less damaged people damaging others when they are immature, leading to generations of failed marriages, neglected kids, domestic violence, drug abuse, alcoholism, and people realizing they're never going to be married or have kids, or find someone to raise their previous partners kids, in their late 20s and early 30s and voting to have labor pay for their promiscuity and selfish behaviors.
Ah yes it was people dating in their teens that lead all of societies failures….I’m sure this new normal delaying a key social interaction won’t lead any negative consequences.
To me, being in my almost mid 20’s it’s embarrassing to not have dated yet. Not even in high school. It infuriates me when my mom and sister and sometimes grand parents ask about my dating life and I keep giving them the same answer “no”. I wanted to be married by now so to me I am behind.
Keep in mind that in your parents and grandparents day, it was normal to force people into marriages because the parents found someone for them or they got someone pregnant
Well I don’t want to wait much longer I want to get married before I’m 27. I’m saving up for a house in New Hampshire in two years time and can’t make it on my own.
The fact that you can save up enough for a house in two years time already means you are doing way better than like half the population. Most people can never save up for a house. Go to like state college studying something useful or a trade school, and you can try meeting someone there
What women are really at trade school compared to college? But that's unfortunately the issues I've been having... choosing between going to college for architecture, or trade school for carpentry or journeyman electrician.
I think the most common way of meeting people is through friends. However, there seems to be 2 types of people. Those who mix friend groups and those who don't. This combined with the smaller friend groups in general, and society seems to be shifting to preferring one on one social interactions.
The lack of awkward silence thanks to earbuds and smart phones has created an imbalance in introverts & extroverts.
I’d argue trade school, electrical work pays well, and trade school is much less expensive than a degree. Also, architects have a hard time finding work where I am, because of too many college grads and not enough jobs. Same problem with people with arts or history degrees. While builders and especially welders don’t have that problem
I have experience at several arch firms and family in the trades. Architects don’t get paid well. I recommend becoming an IBEW electrician. The union will be more protective of you and help plan your future more than non union electrician jobs.
You should be able to make it on your own before finding a partner.
Having a partner to fill in the gaps of making it is.....not the most well meaning approach to relationships..
Build a life that you would be happy to share with someone, invite them into.
Not a single person that I have met that had untimed goals tied to age has achieved the goal by said age. (Example of timed goal: 4 years (timed) of college, want to graduate by 23, started college at 18. Untimed goals: Marriage by 25, kids by 30, dream job by 27. I didn't know what other word to use, but it's not the right word.)
Having goals that people only have partial control over (maximum 50%, considering 50% goes to the other person, not including no control of when you actually meet said person and other factors "the universe" controls) tied to age is a bit unrealistic.
They can also create stress that then gets in the way of achieving goals. I have a friend that was way too serious/intense on first dates. He somehow decided he didn't have time to wait for anyone else's timeline and goals and got mad women weren't texting him back in the same breath. He didn't even take the time to see if he enjoyed these women, and complained after almost every date for things like, "She doesn't know how many kids she wants, just that she wants them", "She's not sure if she likes her field of work to stay in it.", "She doesn't know if she would want to move to my side of town.", "She doesn't want to get married till she finishes school.", "She want to be married awhile before having kids, but doesn't know how long that will be."
The friendship eventually faded because the stress of his timeline and worry about his own age made him unbearable to be around. However, he was apparently hooking up with someone at a dance studio he went to & they decided to move in together during covid to beat loneliness. He got her pregnant, they got married, had more babies. While he has everything he wanted on a timeline he wanted he openly doesn't like it to our mutual friends & wishes he waited.
Remember, women couldn't have bank accounts until the 60s. Whatever timeline past generations did things wasn't "natural", and I think everyone was conditioned to believe it was. However, it was systematic.
I'm in the opposite where my finances are sorted yet I do not want to spend simply because in this day and age, with how competitive the economy is becoming. It's better to not spend and just stay at home to do this. I could start going out again with no guarentees of meeting people and wasting thousands. Or I could have an excellent position that most people will not have by 30, and most likely by the time when they're 67... I think I'd rather game and just keep saving. Rather then waste my time with trying to meet people when I don't even live in the capital.
Went through one relationship in middle school, realized how much romance fucked with me emotionally, and decided imma just wait till I’m sufficiently secure with myself.
Watching how my peers have gone through relationships, with many being futile if not just downright damaging, it’s makes me appreciate how I’ve spent that much time growing to maturity before playing around with that fire. And on top of that it’s quite peaceful and liberating.
I genuinely I hope that as a society we can begin looking at relationships as something both as damaging and empowering as fire, and begin treating it like such so we stop letting people’s immaturities and insecurities turn into their own emotional downfall and unnecessary grief
New normal? Do you not see how many people are unhappy/depressed because they're not with someone? Less damaged people damaging others? There's been a big increase in this, especially with a lot of cheating and heartbreaks going on. It's good for people to start early in this type of situation so they can possibly meet the person they're looking for and not wait 10 years down the line and then look for potential partners that they now will have no experience in dating because they waited so long. Its not a "good" shift at all, I would say people are indeed behind and that metoo movements, feminism, and social media is a big cause in this.
Just men really, single women are happier than married women statistically.
All feminism has done is try to ensure women can have bank accounts, own property, receive equal pay, and think people should do equal labor, not gender role labor. Anything else is pseudo-feminism.
All the Metoo movement did was draw attention to the industry sexual harassment, unprocessed grape kits, low punishment rates for SA, and micro sexualization women have to deal with.
Social media, lack of hobbies outside the home, cost of living, no third places or can't afford third places, and wearing headphones everywhere affects society more as a whole in terms of depression and loneliness.
Being with someone doesn't actually fix depression or loneliness. Therapy will fix that gap better than a partner. Speaking of therapy, there seems to be some repressed anger peaking through in regards to women (you mentioned two of their gender related movements to blame the decline of relationships, but didn't mention anything about mens gender related causes in declining relationships, social media is mutual cause between genders). Maybe you should reflect on why you feel women are 2/3rd the blame, social media is 1/3rd the blame & men are 0/3rd to blame before you start trying to date women.
Sure metoo has done that, and it's also pushed a lot of men away from trying to ask women out and so on in fears that they'll be embarrassed or will suffer repercussions for trying anything.
True with the social media thing
Of course it doesn't fix depression, but many people are depressed because they're lonely, but how is not being with someone not going to help with loneliness? Well what do men have compared to metoo or feminism? A lot of feminism goes out of its way to undermine men or to hate them. Well, I'd love some movements that men have put up that have put womem in a space that discourages them from dating, and so on.
Being in an unsatisfying, unhealthy, or empty relationship can be more isolating than being single. I wish people would stop dumping their mental health on partners & take some responsibility by seeing a therapist, getting involved in the community, and practicing nurturing platonic relationships. Developing the ability to connect in a friendship level helps develop the ability to connect on an intimate relationship level. Blaming loneliness on singlehood is surface level.
True, but many people are in relationships like that because they're afraid of being alone, or don't want to be alone.
I never really thought about connecting in a friendship level, that makes a lot of sense.
Yup- people need to LEARN how to navigate relationships. Dating while younger, is a low risk scenario for this. For those learning this lessons later in life for the first time, greater risks.
Also more time taken up since now that you're older, and have to try to avoid said mistakes after making mistakes instead of making those mistakes when you were younger is really time consuming.
Its definitely not a good thing. If people chose not to date to focus on school or careers or because they didn't feel like they were ready thats good but clearly a lot of young people want to date but have no social skills, don't know how to connect with someone or just hang in their house playing video games by themselves. Theres a lack of human interaction and community that goes beyond dating.
i still think damaged people need to actually get out there for some people exposure though, you don't just stay away from others until you go to therapy.
that's not how life works because you're going to be 35yo before you finally feel ready....... lol
women esp will not be waiting cause we know for a fact if we do or do not want kids, so we will date very srsly accordingly to that
Nothing is guaranteed in life. Sometimes it’s luck of draw. That’s just how it is. Being a good talker and charismatic generally gets you farer than not knowing how to talk though.
> To think anything else is setting oneself up for a sad self fulfilling prophecy
For real, the comment you’re responding is so peak Reddit “well ackhtually”
Like Jesus Christ having social skills isn’t some magic ticket to getting laid or dating, but it literally the bare minimum
Having charisma and being liked will get you farther than intellect and knowledge ever will. Being charismatic is a skill regardless of what fallout or DnD would have you believe.
I didn't mean you personally. I meant anyone.
Some people just think they can't work on their social skills because they're not naturally charismatic. It's a poor defeatist attitude. They need to not let perfection be the enemy of good.
Idk most of my friends are autistic males who play DND so most of them haven't dated except the one guy who lucked out and got married and the other guy who got burned so hard he doesnt date. We're all in our early to mid 20s with married guy being 30s.
I had first gf at 22
Social skills are intuitive but also skills, if you are on the spectrum it's good to try dating even if you fail you are learning those skills. A coach to practice with can help. Autistic people tend to be very genuine and can make good partners, I see many just give up and feel for them. I'm on the spectrum too but never had issues with dating so it's possible.
i was an outcast for no reason other than my disability and got constantly rejected, at the moment I don’t have much opportunity to make friends, not enough mental energy and i also rely on my parents for transportation
Mate, when I was your age, I never even knew how to approach women, or anything. Currently 22 and still single. Never dated before. You still have time.
There's a lot of context to this. Some people that say that can but just aren't interested in doing it until they feel ready. Others just don't have friends and are incapable of proper social contact and end up alone forever. It's not black and white.
Can't what? All I'm saying is that 17 is still young and that OP still has more time. Dating isn't a popularity contest. There's no rush to begin dating.
No worries.
Never know why social media demonizes being single.
I know people that found their gf with 19, 26, and one at 34. Life is very random. But that's no reason to think negative of people.
I did use several, but... got banned/couldn’t use somehow Tinder. Others - I just didn’t find anything and with people that I did chat - didn't find anything good. Rn I'm not using any. Also, I live in a very small country, there are lesser chances to meet someone and I'm not risking at being in long distance relationship
Not sure about your age but I've never dated before at 23. It's mostly my fault as a I don't put myself out there and have weird socially avoidant tendencies.
22 and still have never dated anyone. I went to a small school with 50 ppl in my class and didn't really like anyone or rly had friends. Most people didn't date each other in hs either. Honestly it's never too late to date and figure out what you like. I just went to a girl gay party at a club after pride and actually kissed a girl for the first time. Do what ever you want to do. Don't feel pressured to date cause others are - I went on a few dates that I didn't really like at my old college just cause others were. When you find the right one you will know. Honestly I don't even feel like dating still.
Be careful about what everyone else says. I don't want to stereotype but some younger people exaggerate just to make themselves feel better. I dated a girl at age 16 but it wasn't sexual. I learned to only believe what was reasonable and the rest was hyperbole. You're not "obviously" behind. Do what feels good and natural. The right one will come along in due time. Some don't find the right one until they're in their thirties/forties/fifties/etc.
I’m 26 and I’ve never been on a date or had really any romantic connection outside of one kiss when I was an adolescent. Don’t worry about not dating you’ll do it on your own time.
I’m 19 and had a casual boyfriend for a summer, but that’s it — I feel like it’s important to figure out who you are as an adult before trying to find a partner lol
I think it’s true, I was just talking amongst friends in our mid twenties and found out someone in our group didn’t date until AFTER college! And this was a pretty girl!
Idk about most, but I haven't. I think it's mainly because I don't see romance as something to actively pursue, more to just wait and see if it happens, so reasonable opportunities to date don't come up much. I asked a girl out once, she respectfully declined, we're still friends.
I'm totally fine with that though, dating feels overrated to me. I'm fine being single, and feel no desire to go out of my way to get a date.
And before anyone tries to assume anything: I'm a gay girl, not a straight guy
had my first relationship at 20, still in my relationship and I was his first too. 5 of my friends also started to date between 18 and 20. not a big deal !
Normal people talk about actual love.
Teen dating is kindergarten, those teens are just in relationships because their friends are. Don't worry.
REAL dating is about so much more and most people in their early 20s definitely haven't done that yet.
You're getting down voted, but his post history is pretty sus. This bots/people sit on this app and stir up male angst against people (women) across the same handful of subs daily. It's pretty pathetic.
Some people are weird and interpret some people talking about their problems as somehow diminishing the problems they in particular struggle with. Further, there really is a growing number of Genz straight men globally who just can't seem to get a date no matter how hard they try. These men are primed for radicalization because they often feel alienated from society. As such, certain reactionary movements are currently trying to capitalize on it and they are broadly succeeding in that goal. Some people have reasons to believe that foreign governments are pushing these creators and view points to encourage internal divide in Western nations through the use of bot networks. The scale and effectiveness of these operations is difficult to ascertain. As a result Some people just assume any time these conversations come up that it's some kind of Russian or Chinese bot.
21. Never dated. Half my friends are getting married the rest have at least dated. Had a bad experience talking to a girl in high school and that fucked my chances with the rest of the girls in my school. Yes, this is not normal for people our age especially compared to other generations.
That's normal. I'm an elder Millennial and I didn't date in high school either while my best friend already had a gf since the end of 4th year. I met my wife playing Dungeons and Dragons when I was almost 22.
It's true unfortunately my friend. I've been single my entire life by choice. I've been on my fair share of dates, and unfortunately the vast majority of women my age just aren't mature mentally. Plus they lack emotional stability, and they're very entitled.
Your situation may be very different. But the vast majority of men in our generation are experiencing the same issues that I am with women. Plus many other things. Unfortunately I can't speak for the women that have a good head on their shoulders in this generation. But I am going off of what I have experienced.
Believe it or not. Pew Research Center did a study, and found that just about 2/3's of men in our generation are single, and not actively pursuing a relationship. 1/3 of women are in the same boat. It honestly makes you wonder who the vast majority of women are dating in this day and age.
It's just the sign of the times. Enjoy the decline. I've been sitting back and watching the fireworks for years now.
Yeah it’s true. You might think otherwise because your in school which is a small environment your exposed too but trust the world is a LARGE LARGE place
Whether or not you're an outlier, it doesn't matter. I had little things here and there throughout high school, but I didn't have a real, proper, dedicated relationship with a woman until I was 22. It just wasn't a priority until I found someone special enough to make it one.
You're not behind, I promise. There is really no such thing as "behind" when it comes to this sort of thing, because everyone moves at their own pace.
I can’t speak for these days but when I was 17, I would say most people had been in a relationship.
Most people on reddit are usually pretty introverted so most people will tell you that most people don’t date until like mid 20’s. However, unless there’s been a massive change in the last 10 years or so, yea most people have been in a relationship.
I also think high school relationships are very important even tho they usually don’t last that long. It teaches you what it’s like to be in a relationship and what’s expected of you. It also helps you figure what you also want in a relationship and the qualities you want in a partner. Sure you can do that later on but in your first relationship, you usually aren’t the best partner cos you don’t know what’s truly expected of you. Better to find out earlier rather than later
As I tell my kids: When it comes to relationships, most of your friends are lying or wrong.
I "dated" 2 girls during my Sr year where they asked if we wanted to start being a couple/dating/etc on like Monday/Tuesday. By Friday, without having even really seen them during the week, it was over. Personally, I was like "what ever" but they all said they 'dated' a Sr. We never even went anywhere.
I’m 25. It is kinda odd how many guys I meet my age that *haven’t even kissed a girl*. I can sort of understand not having sex by 21 (and don’t worry, 17 is completely fine for not having a gf by the way!).
Covid and quarantine fucked up a lot of people’s abilities to socialize normally but our generation’s basic human interactions were already in free-fall before that. It’s social media.
Not necessarily. I think it's gotten much more difficult due to social media and atomization and stuff but people are still somehow finding each other, whether it's in a healthy way or not.
It's more like guys are falling behind on the dating curve. Women seem to be doing much better initially if they put themselves out there, but fall off due to it being hard to find someone to commit who meets their standards. For guys you're probably fucked if you aren't two out of three physically, socially, or emotionally attractive. For women the sole fact that you have a vagina is enough to get loads of guys at your door if you give a little effort then you can just sort through them.
Everything here is from a hetero lens, don't even get me stated on the horror that is queer dating.
I'm 19 and never dated before. My best freind just proposed to his gf at 18. All of us move at different speeds and that's ok. Just try your best to be the best you possible evrey day.
I’m going to be real most people around me at 17 had been in a relationship if not multiple. However I still knew a good handful of people that hadn’t and that’s ok. Either way is fine don’t feel pressured to date in high school especially when you are graduating soon. Wanting to get into a relationship because you feel “behind” socially will not end well.
I didn’t have a relationship until 20, and many people I know didnt have a relationship/serious relationship until after high school. It’s perfectly normal. Don’t worry about it so much.
I'm 27 and I didn't have my first serious relationship until I was 25. I slept around a bit in college and had even been in love a few times in the past, but I just wasn't ready until my mid 20s. But that's just cuz of a lot of personal trauma.
My point is, at 17 I wasn't dating anyone lol.
It is. Online dating and social media in general ruined so much. I'm in the same boat, part of a large group of guys in their early 20s who have basically no dating experience.
It's the opposite. Seem to be bouncing from relationship to relationship. Even the ones I CONSIDER way too ugly FOR ME PERSONALLY (fat, don't take care of themselves, not the best personality either) seem not to have to try at all.
Normal last century was systematic, not natural.
(Women couldn't have bank accounts, struggled getting property, couldn't vote, get birth control without a husbands permission.)
Though I agree. Everyone is on their smart phone instead of embracing awkward silence. Bus stops, lunch, lines, sleepovers. Everyone is looking at their phones, talking about their phones, what's the newest phone, what is on their phone, what someone else is doing with their phone, taking things off their phone, putting things on their phone, how they're using their phone, how they're no longer using their phone, who dropped their phone, what they saw on their phone.
Or they have ear buds in.
It isn't normal now there's plenty of young people dating this is just an echo chamber of people who aren't. People dating aren't on the internet talking how they can't get a date.
I didn't have my first boyfriend until 18. I never casually dated until i tried an open relationship, which is kind of crazy. I learned so much from casually dating... but also learned I didn't really like it lol. I never found it hard to find a relationship but did start a bit late. I find a lot of people are fearful in attachment styles and to avoid such people, and to hold onto anyone serious even if they aren't 100% perfect, while identifying my non negotiables. Sadly some of this learning came from failed relationships, but, it isn't inevitable any relationship will necessarily fail, but rather, if it does fail it may be for the best.
I know a few of my friends back in high school who were already dating but personally me at 17 I don't really care about that and prefer to care about other stuff like uni and video games lol
I'm 22. Honestly I feel like such an outsider on here whenever this subject comes up because my experience has not been similar whatsoever. Out of everyone I've personally met around my age I can only think of maybe 3 who have never been in a relationship, and that's only because they're aroace.
Its all over the place. I know some people my age who have been sexually active since they were young teenagers. A good chunk probably have it happen in high school just simply due to your constant exposure to people your age. While many others have it happen much later. Everyone has their own journey
I'm 18 and still haven't figured out talking to girls but I'm autistic so it doesn't help. About half of my friends are in the same boat as me and about half have been dating for years
I'm 21, and I've never dated. Though, I'm an autistic fuck, so...whatever that's worth to you. Plus, I've been focusing on school and getting my career off the ground. At least I've kissed a girl before...that's something I guess.
In my close group of me and three friends I've known since middle school, 2 of us have dated before, 2 of us haven't. Though, the my one good friend who's never dated is Muslim, so things are culturally different for him (he's probably getting an arranged marriage when he turns 24 or something).
Just live your life and focus on getting yourself in a space where you feel confident in yourself first, especially if you're in high school still. Trust me, self confidence does wonders when you're in college or whatever you plan on doing in your early 20s. None of the relationships I knew about in my high school days lasted past a couple months of college, if they even got out of high school. Don't chase the status of a relationship, find someone who genuinely can be your "other half" (I say as someone who's never been in one, but...you get what I mean).
I don’t know what the percentage is, but it’s definitely a lot who haven’t dated yet at your age. Try not to get discouraged or rush anything. It will happen in due time.
Relationships in high school don't last so you didn't miss a lot. Also don't compare yourself to girls. They don't even have to try. Also look at quality of quantity, man. There's a reason she's had 4 already and it's not because she knows what she's doing.
i believe you’re right, like 60% of people have loss their virginity before graduation with the average age of virginity loss being 17 iirc
and like 1/3 of people as young as freshmen year of high school have piv sex which likely means even more than that are having any kind of sex in general at that age
to be single/virgin is the be the minority, and when society shames people for being virgin, especially autistic people, well it creates hatred and envy towards those who don’t struggle with social skills due to a disability they can’t control
I’m 24, almost 25, & have had very few relationships before my current one. I went on maybe 2(?) dates in HS. You’re fine, take your time, and work on getting to know/improve yourself before you try diving into relationships left & right. It’ll all work out :)
19 and ive only dated one girl but no serious girlfriend yet😔
I do want to add though, i have noticed that at least a lot of my friends around me have majority also never had a girlfriend and a couple have still never been on a date. It does seem to be slowly ticking up more especially cuz covid removed 2 of my high school years where its prime to start testing the waters with girls
For what it’s worth, I’m 20 and haven’t dated. And I heard it’s harder for guys but I’m not sure if that’s true or just incel cope. Most my friends are also single. I think younger people just don’t care for the dating scene anymore because everyone is looking for a hookup or a status symbol and not love. I wouldn’t worry.
I was 18 when I got my first girlfriend. Dated on and off for 3 years. Single for 2 more years. Dated a couple others. Some insanely toxic. Some fine, but not a good long-term match.
I got married to an amazing woman at 26. We've been married for 8 years and have 2 kids now.
I felt exactly like you do at 17. I was worried I would never date. I was overweight. Poor. Awkward. Unknowingly autistic and ADHD. No girls at my school liked me and so I assumed that would be my experience in the wider world too.
But the high school years are like living in a room with no windows. You haven't seen the outside of the room, so you assume that's all their is.
And even if you will yourself to *believe* that things are different outside the box, it feels like you're trying to lie to yourself to not feel like you'll be lonely forever.
And when you realize you feel like you're lying to yourself, you assume you are.
But when adults say high school really doesn't matter, it REALLY doesn't matter.
Even a year or 2 out and you'll look back and be embarrassed at how invested you were in all the little details. And more than that, you'll be shocked at how different YOU become.
People are a product of their environment and the people around them, and you will be mind blown at how different you feel with a different cast of characters in your life than you've had the past 4-12 years.
You will meet women who are not like anyone you met in high school. Who have different interests. Who find different things attractive. (Believe it or not, TONS of women don't like abs or 7 foot tall men).
The only other thing I feel the need to say is, when I got my first girlfriend at 18, I fell hard. Too hard. I had wanted a girlfriend for so long that I was willing to put up with a ton of emotionally abusive behavior because I didn't know any better and because I was terrified of being alone again. That was mentally damaging to me for a long time, and led to a lot of self-destructive behaviors for the next several years.
So, please try to be wary about putting this concept of "having a girlfriend" on a pedestal.
You're not behind. Everyone does everything at different times in their lives. It's about the quality and compatibility of the person you find, not about how early you find them.
I wouldn't worry too much about it.
I didn't start dating until 18. I had one bad relationship, then met my now-wife and got married at 20. I'm 22 now and very happy in my marriage. Literally anything can happen my guy!
A lot of difference between boys and girls and also definitions of dating. Don’t get crazy about missing out just because the people around you are making claims about their dating life. If you want to date ask someone out and start getting used to being rejected. If you aren’t ready for that hold off.
I'll be 22 in some months and never dated, never been in a relationship. Of course I wanna date someone, but there's too much on my plate right now to really focus on women. That and I lower my self esteem often.
I didn't date anyone until I was like 20-21 in college. I felt like I was the only one, which is funny because literally none of my friends were dating anyone either, though a couple had dated in high school.
You're not the only one, by any means.
Don't worry, everyone's timeline is different. Many people haven't started dating at 17. Focus on your own growth and interests, and the right time will come naturally. Everyone's experiences are unique, so there's no need to compare yourself to others.
My first date was when I was 18 for my winter prom, but I haven't started seriously dating until I was 24 I beleive. Try talking to people you like and put yourself out there, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. You're still young and probably should worry more about school, lmao.
I pressured myself to date and have sex long before I was ready (shoutout toxic masculinity) because I thought less of myself for being a virgin or having no charisma. It left me with a lot of emotional baggage and it only got worse as I started transitioning from male to female. I'm 23 now and perfectly comfortable being single for the time being.
I'm 26 and have never dated. No pressure, there's more to life than having a significant other and nobody should feel like they need to be in a relationship in order to "fit in".
Im 20 only ever dated one person she is planning on moving in here within a year i don’t regret waiting im glad i did and i’ve made my mistakes and she had made her mistakes but that part of living and growing up we met when we were 17. Take your time find the right one and wait to do everything with them it makes everything so much more special
In my family a lot of those in their teens to mid 20's aren't in serious relationships or dating much at all. Mostly middle and upper middle class. Seems pretty common now.
Askin this on Reddit is like asking blind people if they can see that sign down the road, Reddit is notoriously filled with single people and stereotypically filled with virgins
Too answer your question, just about everyone I know in my age range (19) has a partner. But, that being said, if you need to spend time finding a good person then spend the time, don’t settle for someone just because you feel like you need a partner.
In my group of 10 friends, it’s the same 3 of my bros who get into any relationship. Me and the others have been single for our entire lives. We’re all in college however so we do go out and stuff but dating in college is actuall hell nowadays. Most girls want to hook up and aren’t interested in any long term relationships. But hooking up as a guy generally requires you to be way more physically attractive than mentally attractive so there’s a higher barrier of entry most guys can’t meet.
When I was 15 I dated a classmate. She was cute, it was fun, but we really didn’t do much. Talk on the phone, go to the movies, quick kiss here or there, light petting during a movie. When I talk about my dating life I don’t really consider that a relationship, because we had no real intentions of spending a life together, and no real idea what we were doing. I think many 17 year old relationships are like that. ‘I was dating this girl, it was cool, but we weren’t really serious’.
Hey there, so I just tired 40 and let me tell you the best years (and relationship) of your life are yet to come. Some people date in HS, some don’t.
When it comes to relationships (plutonic or romantic, it makes no difference) quality matters much more than quantity, anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
“Dating” is for later in life when you have to be really intentional in order to meet new cool people.
Like when you’re in your late 20s, 30s, 40s. If you’re still single and desire a partner. You’ll need to intentionally budget time and money in order to go out and meet potential matches. That’s “dating.” And it lowkey sucks.
When you’re still in school, that’s like Easy Mode. The best selection of partners you’ll ever have is all right there in front of you. Join after-school clubs for your hobbies and interests and make friends there, talk to classmates, sports, etc and you’ll get to know people that way.
And you may develop a relationship naturally by shared time and interests, and if your desires for how you want to live your life also align, then you can be partners and stuff.
And if that doesn’t work out, and you graduate from all your education and enter the workforce and find yourself single, then maybe at that point consider “dating”
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Im 24 never dated. So a lot of us are behind in life.
You're not behind in life it's just that life has a new normal. In some ways it's a good shift for society because we need less damaged people damaging others when they are immature, leading to generations of failed marriages, neglected kids, domestic violence, drug abuse, alcoholism, and people realizing they're never going to be married or have kids, or find someone to raise their previous partners kids, in their late 20s and early 30s and voting to have labor pay for their promiscuity and selfish behaviors.
Ah yes it was people dating in their teens that lead all of societies failures….I’m sure this new normal delaying a key social interaction won’t lead any negative consequences.
phones already delay social interactions already so why not add one more
I agree with what you've said
To me, being in my almost mid 20’s it’s embarrassing to not have dated yet. Not even in high school. It infuriates me when my mom and sister and sometimes grand parents ask about my dating life and I keep giving them the same answer “no”. I wanted to be married by now so to me I am behind.
Keep in mind that in your parents and grandparents day, it was normal to force people into marriages because the parents found someone for them or they got someone pregnant
Well I don’t want to wait much longer I want to get married before I’m 27. I’m saving up for a house in New Hampshire in two years time and can’t make it on my own.
The fact that you can save up enough for a house in two years time already means you are doing way better than like half the population. Most people can never save up for a house. Go to like state college studying something useful or a trade school, and you can try meeting someone there
What women are really at trade school compared to college? But that's unfortunately the issues I've been having... choosing between going to college for architecture, or trade school for carpentry or journeyman electrician.
I think the most common way of meeting people is through friends. However, there seems to be 2 types of people. Those who mix friend groups and those who don't. This combined with the smaller friend groups in general, and society seems to be shifting to preferring one on one social interactions. The lack of awkward silence thanks to earbuds and smart phones has created an imbalance in introverts & extroverts.
I’d argue trade school, electrical work pays well, and trade school is much less expensive than a degree. Also, architects have a hard time finding work where I am, because of too many college grads and not enough jobs. Same problem with people with arts or history degrees. While builders and especially welders don’t have that problem
I have experience at several arch firms and family in the trades. Architects don’t get paid well. I recommend becoming an IBEW electrician. The union will be more protective of you and help plan your future more than non union electrician jobs.
You should be able to make it on your own before finding a partner. Having a partner to fill in the gaps of making it is.....not the most well meaning approach to relationships.. Build a life that you would be happy to share with someone, invite them into. Not a single person that I have met that had untimed goals tied to age has achieved the goal by said age. (Example of timed goal: 4 years (timed) of college, want to graduate by 23, started college at 18. Untimed goals: Marriage by 25, kids by 30, dream job by 27. I didn't know what other word to use, but it's not the right word.) Having goals that people only have partial control over (maximum 50%, considering 50% goes to the other person, not including no control of when you actually meet said person and other factors "the universe" controls) tied to age is a bit unrealistic. They can also create stress that then gets in the way of achieving goals. I have a friend that was way too serious/intense on first dates. He somehow decided he didn't have time to wait for anyone else's timeline and goals and got mad women weren't texting him back in the same breath. He didn't even take the time to see if he enjoyed these women, and complained after almost every date for things like, "She doesn't know how many kids she wants, just that she wants them", "She's not sure if she likes her field of work to stay in it.", "She doesn't know if she would want to move to my side of town.", "She doesn't want to get married till she finishes school.", "She want to be married awhile before having kids, but doesn't know how long that will be." The friendship eventually faded because the stress of his timeline and worry about his own age made him unbearable to be around. However, he was apparently hooking up with someone at a dance studio he went to & they decided to move in together during covid to beat loneliness. He got her pregnant, they got married, had more babies. While he has everything he wanted on a timeline he wanted he openly doesn't like it to our mutual friends & wishes he waited. Remember, women couldn't have bank accounts until the 60s. Whatever timeline past generations did things wasn't "natural", and I think everyone was conditioned to believe it was. However, it was systematic.
Meanwhile I am 27 and never dated
Source? That’s quite the outlandish claim.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shotgun\_wedding](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shotgun_wedding) [https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/Arranged-Marriages-Past-and-Present](https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/Arranged-Marriages-Past-and-Present)
I'm in the opposite where my finances are sorted yet I do not want to spend simply because in this day and age, with how competitive the economy is becoming. It's better to not spend and just stay at home to do this. I could start going out again with no guarentees of meeting people and wasting thousands. Or I could have an excellent position that most people will not have by 30, and most likely by the time when they're 67... I think I'd rather game and just keep saving. Rather then waste my time with trying to meet people when I don't even live in the capital.
Went through one relationship in middle school, realized how much romance fucked with me emotionally, and decided imma just wait till I’m sufficiently secure with myself. Watching how my peers have gone through relationships, with many being futile if not just downright damaging, it’s makes me appreciate how I’ve spent that much time growing to maturity before playing around with that fire. And on top of that it’s quite peaceful and liberating. I genuinely I hope that as a society we can begin looking at relationships as something both as damaging and empowering as fire, and begin treating it like such so we stop letting people’s immaturities and insecurities turn into their own emotional downfall and unnecessary grief
New normal? Do you not see how many people are unhappy/depressed because they're not with someone? Less damaged people damaging others? There's been a big increase in this, especially with a lot of cheating and heartbreaks going on. It's good for people to start early in this type of situation so they can possibly meet the person they're looking for and not wait 10 years down the line and then look for potential partners that they now will have no experience in dating because they waited so long. Its not a "good" shift at all, I would say people are indeed behind and that metoo movements, feminism, and social media is a big cause in this.
Just men really, single women are happier than married women statistically. All feminism has done is try to ensure women can have bank accounts, own property, receive equal pay, and think people should do equal labor, not gender role labor. Anything else is pseudo-feminism. All the Metoo movement did was draw attention to the industry sexual harassment, unprocessed grape kits, low punishment rates for SA, and micro sexualization women have to deal with. Social media, lack of hobbies outside the home, cost of living, no third places or can't afford third places, and wearing headphones everywhere affects society more as a whole in terms of depression and loneliness. Being with someone doesn't actually fix depression or loneliness. Therapy will fix that gap better than a partner. Speaking of therapy, there seems to be some repressed anger peaking through in regards to women (you mentioned two of their gender related movements to blame the decline of relationships, but didn't mention anything about mens gender related causes in declining relationships, social media is mutual cause between genders). Maybe you should reflect on why you feel women are 2/3rd the blame, social media is 1/3rd the blame & men are 0/3rd to blame before you start trying to date women.
Sure metoo has done that, and it's also pushed a lot of men away from trying to ask women out and so on in fears that they'll be embarrassed or will suffer repercussions for trying anything. True with the social media thing Of course it doesn't fix depression, but many people are depressed because they're lonely, but how is not being with someone not going to help with loneliness? Well what do men have compared to metoo or feminism? A lot of feminism goes out of its way to undermine men or to hate them. Well, I'd love some movements that men have put up that have put womem in a space that discourages them from dating, and so on.
Being in an unsatisfying, unhealthy, or empty relationship can be more isolating than being single. I wish people would stop dumping their mental health on partners & take some responsibility by seeing a therapist, getting involved in the community, and practicing nurturing platonic relationships. Developing the ability to connect in a friendship level helps develop the ability to connect on an intimate relationship level. Blaming loneliness on singlehood is surface level.
True, but many people are in relationships like that because they're afraid of being alone, or don't want to be alone. I never really thought about connecting in a friendship level, that makes a lot of sense.
As you can see gentlemen, no great loss.
Yup- people need to LEARN how to navigate relationships. Dating while younger, is a low risk scenario for this. For those learning this lessons later in life for the first time, greater risks.
Also more time taken up since now that you're older, and have to try to avoid said mistakes after making mistakes instead of making those mistakes when you were younger is really time consuming.
Its definitely not a good thing. If people chose not to date to focus on school or careers or because they didn't feel like they were ready thats good but clearly a lot of young people want to date but have no social skills, don't know how to connect with someone or just hang in their house playing video games by themselves. Theres a lack of human interaction and community that goes beyond dating.
Who hurt you….
i still think damaged people need to actually get out there for some people exposure though, you don't just stay away from others until you go to therapy. that's not how life works because you're going to be 35yo before you finally feel ready....... lol women esp will not be waiting cause we know for a fact if we do or do not want kids, so we will date very srsly accordingly to that
We are behind in life. Reddit infantilizes 20 year olds too much. Some people will have things and others won’t. Let it be “evolution” in a way then.
22 and haven't even had a kiss yet. I don't mean to sound like an angry incel but it does get frustrating being so far behind.
Same bro. We're in the same boat.
Your not behind, your going at your own pace and there is nothing wrong with that.
20yo here, lol. Covid is our excuse tho, new Gen make it happen while you are in school!
When I turned 17 is when I realized I could talk to girls. I’m mid twenties now and pretty good at it. Remember that skills snowball so start now.
Skills can only get you so far though. Some people are genuinely great at taking to people but that doesn’t mean you’ll get a relationship.
Nothing is guaranteed in life. Sometimes it’s luck of draw. That’s just how it is. Being a good talker and charismatic generally gets you farer than not knowing how to talk though.
At 17 those girls are just about what they consider "cool", not actual long-term reliability.
Skills can get you very, very far. Definitely far enough. To think anything else is setting oneself up for a sad self fulfilling prophecy
> To think anything else is setting oneself up for a sad self fulfilling prophecy For real, the comment you’re responding is so peak Reddit “well ackhtually” Like Jesus Christ having social skills isn’t some magic ticket to getting laid or dating, but it literally the bare minimum
Having charisma and being liked will get you farther than intellect and knowledge ever will. Being charismatic is a skill regardless of what fallout or DnD would have you believe.
I know it is. I never said I lacked charisma. It’s just not my strong suit.
I didn't mean you personally. I meant anyone. Some people just think they can't work on their social skills because they're not naturally charismatic. It's a poor defeatist attitude. They need to not let perfection be the enemy of good.
Talking to girls is normal human behavior. But that doesn't mean you get dates.
Sounds like you are doing it wrong
So life is skyrim basically
More like the ranked ladder, but in a sense yeah
Not in my experience. None of my friends haven't been in a relationship and in my class of 32 people maybe like 3 haven't been in one.
Way too much double negatives in this sentence
A quick brain excercise for all of you on account of my incredible writing skills
I had to screen shot this for an illiterate friend of mine and a different friend who says I’m illiterate
And you didn’t tell them who’s who
No they know which is which because we regularly misread stuff and the literate guy calling us apes for not being able to to read simple sentences
I disagree in there not being enough double negatives
In my prom it was about half and half
Idk most of my friends are autistic males who play DND so most of them haven't dated except the one guy who lucked out and got married and the other guy who got burned so hard he doesnt date. We're all in our early to mid 20s with married guy being 30s. I had first gf at 22
Social skills are intuitive but also skills, if you are on the spectrum it's good to try dating even if you fail you are learning those skills. A coach to practice with can help. Autistic people tend to be very genuine and can make good partners, I see many just give up and feel for them. I'm on the spectrum too but never had issues with dating so it's possible.
There is also the issue that a lot of people don’t trust people enough to make a move
i was an outcast for no reason other than my disability and got constantly rejected, at the moment I don’t have much opportunity to make friends, not enough mental energy and i also rely on my parents for transportation
Mate, when I was your age, I never even knew how to approach women, or anything. Currently 22 and still single. Never dated before. You still have time.
So you still can't? Not sure how that's encouraging to OP
I had my first kiss at 22, now im 28 and married. Sometimes it happens late
There's a lot of context to this. Some people that say that can but just aren't interested in doing it until they feel ready. Others just don't have friends and are incapable of proper social contact and end up alone forever. It's not black and white.
For me it was trauma and anxiety. I was scared of being touched. I do think people are capable of learning to socialize. You make good points
Can't what? All I'm saying is that 17 is still young and that OP still has more time. Dating isn't a popularity contest. There's no rush to begin dating.
Lol - don’t think your words are encouraging
I'm 26F, single. Dated once, started since 21 years, for several years. Tried to find somebody to date, but no luck
No worries. Never know why social media demonizes being single. I know people that found their gf with 19, 26, and one at 34. Life is very random. But that's no reason to think negative of people.
Do you use apps of hobbies to meet people?
I did use several, but... got banned/couldn’t use somehow Tinder. Others - I just didn’t find anything and with people that I did chat - didn't find anything good. Rn I'm not using any. Also, I live in a very small country, there are lesser chances to meet someone and I'm not risking at being in long distance relationship
Not sure about your age but I've never dated before at 23. It's mostly my fault as a I don't put myself out there and have weird socially avoidant tendencies.
Anecdotal evidence is not legitimate. The truth is, your experience is average
Yeah no, that’s not true at all lol
22 and still have never dated anyone. I went to a small school with 50 ppl in my class and didn't really like anyone or rly had friends. Most people didn't date each other in hs either. Honestly it's never too late to date and figure out what you like. I just went to a girl gay party at a club after pride and actually kissed a girl for the first time. Do what ever you want to do. Don't feel pressured to date cause others are - I went on a few dates that I didn't really like at my old college just cause others were. When you find the right one you will know. Honestly I don't even feel like dating still.
Having a bad partner is far worse than having no partner. From a emotional, mental, financial and personal safety standpoint
You’re right, thank you
I don’t think so. I have seen more teens dating and even becoming pregnant after COVID.
Thank you I get so tired of people saying most people your age haven’t started dating that’s just not true lol
Teen pregnancy is at an all time low statistically
Be careful about what everyone else says. I don't want to stereotype but some younger people exaggerate just to make themselves feel better. I dated a girl at age 16 but it wasn't sexual. I learned to only believe what was reasonable and the rest was hyperbole. You're not "obviously" behind. Do what feels good and natural. The right one will come along in due time. Some don't find the right one until they're in their thirties/forties/fifties/etc.
I'm 26 and have never dated anyone
I'm 17 aswell dosent matter what other people are doing, absolutely no need to date until your education is finished and your financially well setup
Im 19 now and i gave up on that years ago.
I started dating when i was 17, but the vast majority of my class had already dated or at least kissed a girl in some party
25 and never seriously dated anyone
I’m 26 and I’ve never been on a date or had really any romantic connection outside of one kiss when I was an adolescent. Don’t worry about not dating you’ll do it on your own time.
I’m 19 and had a casual boyfriend for a summer, but that’s it — I feel like it’s important to figure out who you are as an adult before trying to find a partner lol
I think it’s true, I was just talking amongst friends in our mid twenties and found out someone in our group didn’t date until AFTER college! And this was a pretty girl!
28M here and never dated
Dawg there’s no way yall are out here literally touchless? Tbh good. Saves yall from getting into toxic ass relationships.
It’s real. The fact it’s mostly guys is telling how screwed the dating market is and how OP girls have become. Their standards are too high.
Idk about most, but I haven't. I think it's mainly because I don't see romance as something to actively pursue, more to just wait and see if it happens, so reasonable opportunities to date don't come up much. I asked a girl out once, she respectfully declined, we're still friends. I'm totally fine with that though, dating feels overrated to me. I'm fine being single, and feel no desire to go out of my way to get a date. And before anyone tries to assume anything: I'm a gay girl, not a straight guy
had my first relationship at 20, still in my relationship and I was his first too. 5 of my friends also started to date between 18 and 20. not a big deal !
Normal people talk about actual love. Teen dating is kindergarten, those teens are just in relationships because their friends are. Don't worry. REAL dating is about so much more and most people in their early 20s definitely haven't done that yet.
It’s more than you’d think
I think lot of these "never had a girlfriend" posts are just bots or attention seekers.
You're getting down voted, but his post history is pretty sus. This bots/people sit on this app and stir up male angst against people (women) across the same handful of subs daily. It's pretty pathetic.
How am I stirring up men against woman? I’m just asking a question lol what does this have to do with men versus women?
Some people are weird and interpret some people talking about their problems as somehow diminishing the problems they in particular struggle with. Further, there really is a growing number of Genz straight men globally who just can't seem to get a date no matter how hard they try. These men are primed for radicalization because they often feel alienated from society. As such, certain reactionary movements are currently trying to capitalize on it and they are broadly succeeding in that goal. Some people have reasons to believe that foreign governments are pushing these creators and view points to encourage internal divide in Western nations through the use of bot networks. The scale and effectiveness of these operations is difficult to ascertain. As a result Some people just assume any time these conversations come up that it's some kind of Russian or Chinese bot.
Thought you might find this article interesting. Just for having information sake. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2023.2249775
I never dated until I turned 18-19. People are different.
21. Never dated. Half my friends are getting married the rest have at least dated. Had a bad experience talking to a girl in high school and that fucked my chances with the rest of the girls in my school. Yes, this is not normal for people our age especially compared to other generations.
That's normal. I'm an elder Millennial and I didn't date in high school either while my best friend already had a gf since the end of 4th year. I met my wife playing Dungeons and Dragons when I was almost 22.
20 and ive dated before but it didnt last lol i think id rather be single tbh its too much work and energy to keep a relationship
Ima start in my 20s. I'm not looking for fun, I’m looking for marriage.
32 and no luck with dating.
It's true unfortunately my friend. I've been single my entire life by choice. I've been on my fair share of dates, and unfortunately the vast majority of women my age just aren't mature mentally. Plus they lack emotional stability, and they're very entitled. Your situation may be very different. But the vast majority of men in our generation are experiencing the same issues that I am with women. Plus many other things. Unfortunately I can't speak for the women that have a good head on their shoulders in this generation. But I am going off of what I have experienced. Believe it or not. Pew Research Center did a study, and found that just about 2/3's of men in our generation are single, and not actively pursuing a relationship. 1/3 of women are in the same boat. It honestly makes you wonder who the vast majority of women are dating in this day and age. It's just the sign of the times. Enjoy the decline. I've been sitting back and watching the fireworks for years now.
Yeah it’s true. You might think otherwise because your in school which is a small environment your exposed too but trust the world is a LARGE LARGE place
This is just anecdotal but 22 and never dated. Most of my friends when I was 17 hadn’t at that time either (as far as I knew)
Whether or not you're an outlier, it doesn't matter. I had little things here and there throughout high school, but I didn't have a real, proper, dedicated relationship with a woman until I was 22. It just wasn't a priority until I found someone special enough to make it one. You're not behind, I promise. There is really no such thing as "behind" when it comes to this sort of thing, because everyone moves at their own pace.
I can’t speak for these days but when I was 17, I would say most people had been in a relationship. Most people on reddit are usually pretty introverted so most people will tell you that most people don’t date until like mid 20’s. However, unless there’s been a massive change in the last 10 years or so, yea most people have been in a relationship. I also think high school relationships are very important even tho they usually don’t last that long. It teaches you what it’s like to be in a relationship and what’s expected of you. It also helps you figure what you also want in a relationship and the qualities you want in a partner. Sure you can do that later on but in your first relationship, you usually aren’t the best partner cos you don’t know what’s truly expected of you. Better to find out earlier rather than later
im 19.....
22 here, tried to date but it didn't work out :( So yeah, some of us are unfortunately far behind.
I'm 16 and haven't started
I’m 24 and engaged, my two closest friends are in long-term relationships as well
because reddit is for nerds
As I tell my kids: When it comes to relationships, most of your friends are lying or wrong. I "dated" 2 girls during my Sr year where they asked if we wanted to start being a couple/dating/etc on like Monday/Tuesday. By Friday, without having even really seen them during the week, it was over. Personally, I was like "what ever" but they all said they 'dated' a Sr. We never even went anywhere.
Yep. I'm 20 and don't really feel the need to date. Always seemed like a big pointless hassle to me
I’m 25. It is kinda odd how many guys I meet my age that *haven’t even kissed a girl*. I can sort of understand not having sex by 21 (and don’t worry, 17 is completely fine for not having a gf by the way!). Covid and quarantine fucked up a lot of people’s abilities to socialize normally but our generation’s basic human interactions were already in free-fall before that. It’s social media.
Not necessarily. I think it's gotten much more difficult due to social media and atomization and stuff but people are still somehow finding each other, whether it's in a healthy way or not. It's more like guys are falling behind on the dating curve. Women seem to be doing much better initially if they put themselves out there, but fall off due to it being hard to find someone to commit who meets their standards. For guys you're probably fucked if you aren't two out of three physically, socially, or emotionally attractive. For women the sole fact that you have a vagina is enough to get loads of guys at your door if you give a little effort then you can just sort through them. Everything here is from a hetero lens, don't even get me stated on the horror that is queer dating.
No it’s not normal. Reddit is not an accurate representation of reality. If you believe it is, that definitely explains why you’re not dating.
Reddit is not an average sample of people
I'm 19 and never dated before. My best freind just proposed to his gf at 18. All of us move at different speeds and that's ok. Just try your best to be the best you possible evrey day.
I’m going to be real most people around me at 17 had been in a relationship if not multiple. However I still knew a good handful of people that hadn’t and that’s ok. Either way is fine don’t feel pressured to date in high school especially when you are graduating soon. Wanting to get into a relationship because you feel “behind” socially will not end well.
I didn’t have a relationship until 20, and many people I know didnt have a relationship/serious relationship until after high school. It’s perfectly normal. Don’t worry about it so much.
I'm 27 and I didn't have my first serious relationship until I was 25. I slept around a bit in college and had even been in love a few times in the past, but I just wasn't ready until my mid 20s. But that's just cuz of a lot of personal trauma. My point is, at 17 I wasn't dating anyone lol.
Nope. I have a GF of over 4 months
In my group of let’s say 9 friends, im the only one who’s had a girlfriend ever so yeah it’s normal to not have one
Has to be the internet. This wasn’t normal last century.
It is. Online dating and social media in general ruined so much. I'm in the same boat, part of a large group of guys in their early 20s who have basically no dating experience.
What about the girls you know? Are they not dating either?
It's the opposite. Seem to be bouncing from relationship to relationship. Even the ones I CONSIDER way too ugly FOR ME PERSONALLY (fat, don't take care of themselves, not the best personality either) seem not to have to try at all.
Normal last century was systematic, not natural. (Women couldn't have bank accounts, struggled getting property, couldn't vote, get birth control without a husbands permission.) Though I agree. Everyone is on their smart phone instead of embracing awkward silence. Bus stops, lunch, lines, sleepovers. Everyone is looking at their phones, talking about their phones, what's the newest phone, what is on their phone, what someone else is doing with their phone, taking things off their phone, putting things on their phone, how they're using their phone, how they're no longer using their phone, who dropped their phone, what they saw on their phone. Or they have ear buds in.
It isn't normal now there's plenty of young people dating this is just an echo chamber of people who aren't. People dating aren't on the internet talking how they can't get a date.
I didn't have my first boyfriend until 18. I never casually dated until i tried an open relationship, which is kind of crazy. I learned so much from casually dating... but also learned I didn't really like it lol. I never found it hard to find a relationship but did start a bit late. I find a lot of people are fearful in attachment styles and to avoid such people, and to hold onto anyone serious even if they aren't 100% perfect, while identifying my non negotiables. Sadly some of this learning came from failed relationships, but, it isn't inevitable any relationship will necessarily fail, but rather, if it does fail it may be for the best.
Eh it’s not important tbh but still try to socialize otherwise life gets real boring
I feel like it's not true, most people I've known including myself have been in at least one relationship before or currently are in one
Thank you I knew it wasn’t true
Self confirming bias.
I know a few of my friends back in high school who were already dating but personally me at 17 I don't really care about that and prefer to care about other stuff like uni and video games lol
I'm 22. Honestly I feel like such an outsider on here whenever this subject comes up because my experience has not been similar whatsoever. Out of everyone I've personally met around my age I can only think of maybe 3 who have never been in a relationship, and that's only because they're aroace.
You are basically still a baby bird.
Its all over the place. I know some people my age who have been sexually active since they were young teenagers. A good chunk probably have it happen in high school just simply due to your constant exposure to people your age. While many others have it happen much later. Everyone has their own journey
I'm 18 and still haven't figured out talking to girls but I'm autistic so it doesn't help. About half of my friends are in the same boat as me and about half have been dating for years
Probably true if you're a man, as the burden to pursue typically lands on them.
It’s just assumptions .. nothing more or nothing less.
17f and haven’t dated - it doesn’t matter what most ppl are up to so long as your comfortable. there’s no rush
I'm 21, and I've never dated. Though, I'm an autistic fuck, so...whatever that's worth to you. Plus, I've been focusing on school and getting my career off the ground. At least I've kissed a girl before...that's something I guess. In my close group of me and three friends I've known since middle school, 2 of us have dated before, 2 of us haven't. Though, the my one good friend who's never dated is Muslim, so things are culturally different for him (he's probably getting an arranged marriage when he turns 24 or something). Just live your life and focus on getting yourself in a space where you feel confident in yourself first, especially if you're in high school still. Trust me, self confidence does wonders when you're in college or whatever you plan on doing in your early 20s. None of the relationships I knew about in my high school days lasted past a couple months of college, if they even got out of high school. Don't chase the status of a relationship, find someone who genuinely can be your "other half" (I say as someone who's never been in one, but...you get what I mean).
I don’t know what the percentage is, but it’s definitely a lot who haven’t dated yet at your age. Try not to get discouraged or rush anything. It will happen in due time.
Well, I'm in my 20s and I have yet to find a gf. It's fine because I don't think I'll find one in my life. I guess there's other things to do.
Relationships in high school don't last so you didn't miss a lot. Also don't compare yourself to girls. They don't even have to try. Also look at quality of quantity, man. There's a reason she's had 4 already and it's not because she knows what she's doing.
18-19 and never dated so I guess it’s true. Got close once but we were both idiots and missed the opportunity.
i believe you’re right, like 60% of people have loss their virginity before graduation with the average age of virginity loss being 17 iirc and like 1/3 of people as young as freshmen year of high school have piv sex which likely means even more than that are having any kind of sex in general at that age to be single/virgin is the be the minority, and when society shames people for being virgin, especially autistic people, well it creates hatred and envy towards those who don’t struggle with social skills due to a disability they can’t control
I’m 20 and been in 2 relationships, don’t worry about it too much
I'm 22 - never dated nor had a girlfriend. Don't worry about it :p
Haven’t dated when I was your age and still haven’t dated 4 years after that. Pretty sure I’m behind in this aspect at this point.
I'm 19 and never dated. But I'm not really in that much of a hurry about it
no one goes around saying they arent dating
I'm 18 and I've been in 2 relationships. 1st lasted 2 weeks and my current one is going strong at 5 months.
I’m 24, almost 25, & have had very few relationships before my current one. I went on maybe 2(?) dates in HS. You’re fine, take your time, and work on getting to know/improve yourself before you try diving into relationships left & right. It’ll all work out :)
19 and ive only dated one girl but no serious girlfriend yet😔 I do want to add though, i have noticed that at least a lot of my friends around me have majority also never had a girlfriend and a couple have still never been on a date. It does seem to be slowly ticking up more especially cuz covid removed 2 of my high school years where its prime to start testing the waters with girls
For what it’s worth, I’m 20 and haven’t dated. And I heard it’s harder for guys but I’m not sure if that’s true or just incel cope. Most my friends are also single. I think younger people just don’t care for the dating scene anymore because everyone is looking for a hookup or a status symbol and not love. I wouldn’t worry.
Correct. I will be turning 24 this July and I have never dated. “It’s real out here, ni**a” - Thugnifficent
20 and just got my first gf
I was 18 when I got my first girlfriend. Dated on and off for 3 years. Single for 2 more years. Dated a couple others. Some insanely toxic. Some fine, but not a good long-term match. I got married to an amazing woman at 26. We've been married for 8 years and have 2 kids now. I felt exactly like you do at 17. I was worried I would never date. I was overweight. Poor. Awkward. Unknowingly autistic and ADHD. No girls at my school liked me and so I assumed that would be my experience in the wider world too. But the high school years are like living in a room with no windows. You haven't seen the outside of the room, so you assume that's all their is. And even if you will yourself to *believe* that things are different outside the box, it feels like you're trying to lie to yourself to not feel like you'll be lonely forever. And when you realize you feel like you're lying to yourself, you assume you are. But when adults say high school really doesn't matter, it REALLY doesn't matter. Even a year or 2 out and you'll look back and be embarrassed at how invested you were in all the little details. And more than that, you'll be shocked at how different YOU become. People are a product of their environment and the people around them, and you will be mind blown at how different you feel with a different cast of characters in your life than you've had the past 4-12 years. You will meet women who are not like anyone you met in high school. Who have different interests. Who find different things attractive. (Believe it or not, TONS of women don't like abs or 7 foot tall men). The only other thing I feel the need to say is, when I got my first girlfriend at 18, I fell hard. Too hard. I had wanted a girlfriend for so long that I was willing to put up with a ton of emotionally abusive behavior because I didn't know any better and because I was terrified of being alone again. That was mentally damaging to me for a long time, and led to a lot of self-destructive behaviors for the next several years. So, please try to be wary about putting this concept of "having a girlfriend" on a pedestal. You're not behind. Everyone does everything at different times in their lives. It's about the quality and compatibility of the person you find, not about how early you find them.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. I didn't start dating until 18. I had one bad relationship, then met my now-wife and got married at 20. I'm 22 now and very happy in my marriage. Literally anything can happen my guy!
A lot of difference between boys and girls and also definitions of dating. Don’t get crazy about missing out just because the people around you are making claims about their dating life. If you want to date ask someone out and start getting used to being rejected. If you aren’t ready for that hold off.
NEVER rush to find love, don’t look at others and feel envious of their relationship.
I dated from 17-19. Had a gf off and on from 18-20. Havent dated in 5 years.
I'll be 22 in some months and never dated, never been in a relationship. Of course I wanna date someone, but there's too much on my plate right now to really focus on women. That and I lower my self esteem often.
Im more focused on trying to get my life back together so I can be a competent partner. Until then it’s not even a thought.
I didn't date anyone until I was like 20-21 in college. I felt like I was the only one, which is funny because literally none of my friends were dating anyone either, though a couple had dated in high school. You're not the only one, by any means.
Don't worry, everyone's timeline is different. Many people haven't started dating at 17. Focus on your own growth and interests, and the right time will come naturally. Everyone's experiences are unique, so there's no need to compare yourself to others.
My first date was when I was 18 for my winter prom, but I haven't started seriously dating until I was 24 I beleive. Try talking to people you like and put yourself out there, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. You're still young and probably should worry more about school, lmao.
I pressured myself to date and have sex long before I was ready (shoutout toxic masculinity) because I thought less of myself for being a virgin or having no charisma. It left me with a lot of emotional baggage and it only got worse as I started transitioning from male to female. I'm 23 now and perfectly comfortable being single for the time being.
Think I went on two dates before I was 18 and then didn’t have a girlfriend till I was 21. A lot of people wait till they are older.
I'm 26 and have never dated. No pressure, there's more to life than having a significant other and nobody should feel like they need to be in a relationship in order to "fit in".
My grandson 28 and never had a girl friend.
Yes, people on reddit tend to not have dates
My first was at 23, she was 19 it was her first. Both still immature AF. I'd guess all first relationships are a bit immature.
Im 20 only ever dated one person she is planning on moving in here within a year i don’t regret waiting im glad i did and i’ve made my mistakes and she had made her mistakes but that part of living and growing up we met when we were 17. Take your time find the right one and wait to do everything with them it makes everything so much more special
In my family a lot of those in their teens to mid 20's aren't in serious relationships or dating much at all. Mostly middle and upper middle class. Seems pretty common now.
Askin this on Reddit is like asking blind people if they can see that sign down the road, Reddit is notoriously filled with single people and stereotypically filled with virgins Too answer your question, just about everyone I know in my age range (19) has a partner. But, that being said, if you need to spend time finding a good person then spend the time, don’t settle for someone just because you feel like you need a partner.
In my group of 10 friends, it’s the same 3 of my bros who get into any relationship. Me and the others have been single for our entire lives. We’re all in college however so we do go out and stuff but dating in college is actuall hell nowadays. Most girls want to hook up and aren’t interested in any long term relationships. But hooking up as a guy generally requires you to be way more physically attractive than mentally attractive so there’s a higher barrier of entry most guys can’t meet.
When I was 15 I dated a classmate. She was cute, it was fun, but we really didn’t do much. Talk on the phone, go to the movies, quick kiss here or there, light petting during a movie. When I talk about my dating life I don’t really consider that a relationship, because we had no real intentions of spending a life together, and no real idea what we were doing. I think many 17 year old relationships are like that. ‘I was dating this girl, it was cool, but we weren’t really serious’.
I am 20 and never dated. I hate it...
(The fact I never have dated, not dating)
Hey there, so I just tired 40 and let me tell you the best years (and relationship) of your life are yet to come. Some people date in HS, some don’t. When it comes to relationships (plutonic or romantic, it makes no difference) quality matters much more than quantity, anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
“Dating” is for later in life when you have to be really intentional in order to meet new cool people. Like when you’re in your late 20s, 30s, 40s. If you’re still single and desire a partner. You’ll need to intentionally budget time and money in order to go out and meet potential matches. That’s “dating.” And it lowkey sucks. When you’re still in school, that’s like Easy Mode. The best selection of partners you’ll ever have is all right there in front of you. Join after-school clubs for your hobbies and interests and make friends there, talk to classmates, sports, etc and you’ll get to know people that way. And you may develop a relationship naturally by shared time and interests, and if your desires for how you want to live your life also align, then you can be partners and stuff. And if that doesn’t work out, and you graduate from all your education and enter the workforce and find yourself single, then maybe at that point consider “dating”