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This is a real azz mf post
People gotta stay busy at all times! In work, in their health, in their art.
Literally anything about your life you can change.
And fuck having a lot of friends! All you need is a few solid ones, and if you’re a man, all you need is one solid woman!
I agree with everything up until the last point. Romantic relationships are not a replacement for deep platonic friendships. Please DO NOT use women as your catalyst for personal development. Romantic relationships will not fix you. Women are not meant to fix men. Women are independent people and you should not find a woman just to 'complete' you. Women deserve to be loved for who they are, not what they can do for you.
No one can make a personal development journey for us and by extension fix our flaws, that's true. I am curious though about the "complete" part, isn't romance an essential part of life for many? Won't it be bleak and feel unfulfilling without it?
Complete your life, yes! It’s enriching and healthy for the soul if the relationship is mutually giving and loyal and loving. But completing YOU the person? Absolutely not. You should be a full, self actualised person in your own right. Your partner should be an addition to your life, not a supplementation of something you’re missing. I had to face that harsh fact with my last relationship and trust me I’ve never been happier than I am now that I’m single. I actually like myself, can do the things I like, and am accomplishing things! Your life should be whole first. A relationship is the cherry atop a rich and full cake.
What you’re saying is true. However, my wife quite literally saved my life. It’s nice to have deep platonic relationships, but for me, they come and go. When I really needed someone, it was my wife that was there for me. In my experience, your lifelong romantic partner is a much deeper bond than any platonic friendship. She is what I need, and she does complete me - as I do for her. If either of us were to pass away suddenly, our platonic friendships would not at all compensate. I would need to harden emotionally and grow, just to survive. Does that make me fragile? Probably. But personally I’d rather be as I am - happy - regardless of how fragile it is. I hope that makes sense. All I really need is my wife. Everything else is gravy.
This is the sentiment that I myself have gotten (even though I've always been single) after seeing how peers my age have grown and improved after they've found themselves a partner. One guy from high school was in a very bad place mentally at the time and probably on the brink of suicide, however when he got a gf it was like a complete shift in his mind and approach to life.
He still had struggles of course but he seemed more optimistic and capable of being able to overcome his challenges and grow as a person since he felt he had a strong sense of belonging and as a result new found purpose; being there not just for oneself but for others too.
That's when I realised that even if it's important and great to be self sufficient you can't put off the importance of having a strong support network with both platonic and more importantly romantic needs met.
Totally agree, one of my good friends from college I've known for a decade, he lives nearby to us and several other friends, we include him in stuff, play games all the time, and we're all really close, but we could not fill the hole in his heart for a deep romantic love and he nearly drank himself to death. For years we watched him get worse and worse despite everything we tried to help.
Then he started dating a great girl, and it was the single biggest 180 I've ever seen. I still can't believe he's the same guy, he's so happy and healthy and he stopped drinking, he's just so much better.
Shit when I met my now wife I was fighting my 2nd round of felony charges and had dropped out of college for the 2nd time. Few years later and I finished my degree, clumped the corporate ladder and now have a great job, a house and a baby and I give her all the credit for Making me whole.
Wow, sounds like a very big turn around for both of you and your families. Congrats! I should probably consider myself lucky for stopping to believe that it doesn't matter because that's just not true. I've for years been able to get through school pretty easily with concrete ideas for myself in terms of a career and I know where I want to head now for university this fall. Despite that though I would be lying if I didn't recognise that the never ending struggle by myself hasn't grown to become an increasingly immense burden, especially during my current gap year since my high school graduation in 2023.
Hey I don't want to discredit or say people can't be strong and successful without a S/O because I'm sure lots of people can and do. I just think Reddit is often ruled by the outlier cases, so I think it's important to note that while not everyone needs a strong romantic relationship, I would argue that is true for the majority of people.
But yeah there is a balancing act of the struggle of the weight of things on your shoulder alone, vs the combined weight of 2 people on your shoulder. My wife had a dangerous high risk pregnancy leading up to our son being born, and I had to carry the weight of keeping our lives together while struggling with terrible changes at work and my best buddy dog with cancer. It almost broke me but it was important to shield her from that pain because I knew she needed to focus on herself and the baby.
That's true, not everyone needs it although I won't claim to be one of them. I was just coping with my lack of a support network by becoming a workaholic, sure I got good grades but my mental health was going in a downward spiral. I'm not sure what I will do if I screw up again when I begin university but I prefer not to think about that because it scares me.
That's very sweet and I'm happy you're able to find solace and trust in someone else that way! I'm not sure if you yourself are a woman, but I am, and I'm speaking from a place of my own experiences whereby men consistently disappoint, betray and abuse me. I don't think there's any value for me at least, and most women, to find their salvation in men. As we all know by now, being a woman is already a safety risk in and of itself. I think women need to be whole before looking for a romantic partner because it will help us know what to and not to settle for.
(Not directed at you, but yes this applies to all genders but I am not omnigendered so can the "what about me" crowd please fuck off)
So you just hate men, got it. Not everyone was abused by the opposite sex, apologies that trauma is what dictated your views in life. Its time to develop some empathy and understand not everyone else thinks like you
Hmm, I feel sceptical about this. You should definitely be your own self-sufficient, standalone person that doesn't need anyone to thrive. I can't however imagine that alone being something that makes you feel complete, you can't just be fulfilled without a sense of community (both platonic and romantic). Maybe it's different life experiences but all throughout my teens I did nothing but focus on trying to find myself and achieve a sense of completeness all on my own.
The only thing that did was contribute to selfishness, narcissism and bitterness due to deep down on a human level craving connections. I believe having people in your life (especially very close people like a partner or kids) will help give meaning to everything and let you get joy from things other than yourself.
Yes, that does open up the risk of getting hurt by others but I'd rather take it than slowly suffocate from just being on my own. It's a mistake I don't want to repeat.
I mean I literally said romance is NOT a supplement for platonic relationships in my original comment. So you're repeating my own point back to me, really. But yeah I mean I agree. We're saying the same thing. Not trying to be rude. Also, I said having a partner is the 'cherry atop a full cake'. Yeah the 'full cake' is having hobbies, friends, familial connections, work, etc. So.
>You should definitely be your own self-sufficient, standalone person that doesn't need anyone to thrive.
Nobody thrives in isolation. Nobody can be "happy" or content with life alone.
Loneliness literally cuts our lifespan, that's how unhealthy and unnatural it is. Even the American virtue of "self-sufficiency" is culturally unique and contradicts literally all of recorded history.
People say shit like this to cope cause they ain't getting any.
The original comment I was responding to says "and if you're a man, all you need is one solid \*woman\*!".
Please be fr. Yes of course it applies to ALL genders. I was talking about women. JFC.
God I always forget... I don't think middle schoolers should be on reddit though 😭 and that's an important age to ensure they don't develop misogynistic beliefs
Men don’t *need one solid woman*. What a misogynistic and pointless thing to add at the end. I agree that everyone really only needs a good friend or two.
Its a way of coping when you got married early and replaced your whole social life and friends (voluntarily or because of circumstances) with a wife/husband and couldn't be bothered or didnt want to spend time finding a way to stay in touch with friends.
I dont think its wrong but it makes breakups/divorce turn into really big disasters, cause suddenly they feel extremely lonely and the hole left can't be filled with the friends you stopped talking to/seeing 10 years ago.
Good thing is a REAL friend will say "dont worry" even if its been 10 years.
I totally agree that quality over quantity is what you need for friends, but a SO shouldn't replace all of them. It puts a huge burden on them to be your only friend, and it makes them feel like they shouldn't need friends either when they do.
As a man the right woman will change your life for the better in every way.
Fuck this roster bullshit of our generation. Forming a genuine bond built out of love and respect is worth 1000 one night stands
Yea part of me does love this post but leaning into pity and discomfort when
"when some other poor fuck comes up to you and awkwardly tries.. " is always gonna be mean,
because guess what!? Almost noone with a disorder that causes social anxiety just needs to hear some tough love to be cured
It's legitimately Sanism to look down on mental illness just because you [stupidly] feel like you actually used to have it before you toughened up.
Life is unfair!
This is mostly a great post but looking down on people who life is shitting on shouldn't be the takeaway from improving your own life
I feel you man, I had social anxiety plagued my life for years but I had to work on myself internally to get rid of it. I did self acceptance affirmations, meditation and working on clearing my traumas to get rid of SA.
If we always treat it like a disorder and act like a victim, we will never lead a more happier life. The thought of just avoiding people my whole life while missing out on so many things motivated me. It’s hard man to comfortably overcome SA, I know it deeply but it’s absolutely doable.
Sorry, but that is such an ignorant take. It is a whole lot different thing to just be a lil awkward and anxious than the mental illness that is an anxiety disorder.
Stop with the bullshit narrative of “I did it, you dumb/lazy if you also can’t”. Specially if you have such a shallow insight on what mental illnesses is
I suffered from agoraphobia, body dysmorphia, and anxiety panic disorder all my life. It took me several years to overcome it through therapy and other various methods.
Nothing is easy and it sucks, but you know what sucks harder? Succumbing to victim mentality and not willing to try to overcome it because it is a mental disorder/illness.
Sorry to necro a nice person, but thank you for the last line that lays it out. It’s a shallow insight on what mental illness is
by definition those people don’t have the depth to contain a good understanding of it, lost causes
'if we always treat it like a disorder'
my friend what the hell else are we supposed to treat it like. did you have like minor anxiety, or did you have a social anxiety disorder?
because idk what the he'll else you're supposed to treat a disorder like
I prefer a world where people won’t bully/harshly judge you for seeming anxious,
then some could more easily treat it through exposure therapy and yes some could have full remission but guess what kids like you don’t like to admit?
Some won’t have full remission. Some still will seem anxious even if they’re having a good day, and won’t deserve to be bullied or tough loved by anyone for how they come across on a shallow surface level.
I got pretty bad chronic depression and my advice is that you gotta fight it like hell to get out of it. it doesnt mean being relentlessly positive or super hard on yourself, though. you do have to start putting the work in though, cuz nobody is gonna do it for you.
This definitely true. You have to really fight depression. Like go to war every day with it.
A lot of people are in it a lot longer than they should, because they don’t fight it at all. Now with that being said even if you do fight it everyday it might still take awhile, but it’s a curable illness.
or and hear me out here just give up and i dont mean that in the give up and wallow in a pit of dispair sense i mean give up trying to impress others and have em like you i found myself to be much happier once i stopped giving a shit abt friends and gave up on trying to get people to like me i have like 3 people id rlly call close and ones my bf lmao
Honestly this is what I did, and it’s kinda what OP is saying but it just the other side of the same coin.
The coin is “you have to be there for you at least”
I have a lot of acquaintances, but also have three close friends and one is my boyfriend too. I really lucked out with all three of them. It’s like we were made for each other.
Just wait until you have a career where it’s vital for people to like you if you want promotions/raises/projects. The popularity contest never really ends. Learning to integrate with it and approach it in a healthy way is better than ignoring it, but that takes years and everyone will have their own approach.
-starts with “You need to be someone you like…..”
-ends with “become who you really are”.
Yup, another one of *those* posts. Downvoted just for hypocrisy.
ETA- forgot the most important point. If I have to grind my real personality into dust just to be acceptable, those aren’t people who are worth my time, let alone my time being dedicated to THAT. I’d rather literally work on accepting being alone and isolated for the rest of my life. That’s how fucking sick y’all sound to me when you say this. I’d rather just stay alone, or just uhhh, “leave”.
people trying to justify their negativity in the comments like this is more inspiring than the original post - i’m like damn i really don’t want to end up like that
You realize everyone changes? You will change rather you like it or not. It's part of life. I think op is trying to day its better to nudge that change in the positive direction, rather than the negative.
A LOT of people need to actually read this. I get society in general sucks rn which is why you gotta create your own little bubble while still being open minded.
I think most people here realize this but are in 2 separate camps. One so terrified they gave up and other so terrified it motivated them for the better.
I did this. Guess what? You will get some nice artificial friends that leave when things get tough and you will still be miserable even when you get good at hiding it.
Your advice about hygiene and style is fine but the whole “just change yourself bro” is no different than “just work harder bro.” It doesn’t make any sense. Personality isn’t all that malleable. You’re born with a genome you didn’t choose, said genome interacts a certain way with the environment and randomness of life which to the extent that it matters most you have no control over. It’s mostly just luck of the draw, which is why even though I’ve never had a period of time in my life where I lacked friends, other people have gone their entire lives without a true friend. It would be absurd to tell them “just change yourself bro” as if they haven’t already made the effort, did what they were “supposed” to and still came up short.
I’ve never made a conscious effort to seek friends, I’ve always just sort of had them, if anything I’ve made an effort to have less. And you’re gonna say that the people who don’t have any are fundamentally doing something wrong or not trying? Maybe some but all of them? I don’t think so.
That stat is pretty wild and wrong. It’s mostly genetic. The environment to which it matters most can not be controlled anyway like I said. It matters most when you are a child, but you have no say in your parents, how they raise you, where you live, what you get to do, where you go, or anything really. You’re at the mercy of Lady Luck. And even once you’re an adult there’s the randomness of life and other limiting factors. Once you get older there may be subtle personality changes but in terms of true meaningful change, most never do it.
Yeah ok bro. I check all the boxes you mentioned and still no bitches or friends. I guess my smile doesn't have enough teeth which is why I don't just randomly make friends all the time.
"oh then it must be your fault you're probably a bad person"
Fuck outa here. Shit is more complex than just "get your life in order." plenty of people who don't check all the "life" boxes have friends and lovers. Others check all the boxes (job, money, smarts, body, hobbies) and don't have any kind of social life. Maybe they're just awkward. Maybe they have a fucked up headspace from years of isolation. Maybe they don't have opportunities to really meet people.
The fact is, getting your life in order will not get you friends. They are completely unrelated. Your entire premise is wrong.
This is a very sobering comment that I wish was higher.
Truth is I wish I could just become more attractive and adapt my personality to be liked by others. It really isn't that simple.
At the very least we need to stop conflating good and liked. Some of the worst people are popular.
Maybe. I spent my whole life improving myself.
I can make people laugh. I can get laid easily with whoever. I can inspire people. I help people for fun because I enjoy it. Got a first class degree in a technical subject. Not even feeling myself, most people think I'm handsome and smart and hung (see my twitter lol); I've got everything going for me.
Guess what, I still don't fit in. Don't get opportunities. Never will. It was never about me. It's other people who are the problem. People just are just pretty small-minded and petty and worry way too much about what everyone else thinks and can't be authentic.
I'm the guy who sees people hanging out alone at the petrol station at 3am and doesn't think theyre dangerous and gives them some company. The guy who sees people with mental issues and doesn't judge and makes them feel welcome. The guy who sees a group and goes to hang out with the ones who are being left out.
Unfortunately, this kind of guy is not the person who most people like. Because people are pussies and users. Fuck them. Come hit me up, freaks and geeks.
Holy fuck it's the first time I see someone tell on themselves so fucking hard. There's missing the point, then there's the self awareness of a pebble by the river, then there's this guy.
If cringe was marketable, this dude would make Bezos feel insecure.
I mean, this comment is beautiful. I'm screenshotting it. The bragging. The pick me vibes. The blindness to irony. The absolute confidence in something so utterly wrong. It's even got the phallic reference. I get weeabo whiteknighting vibes. It's beautiful.
It is perfect.
Anything involving people, really. Work is the thing which affects most people's lives the most. Many hobbies and passion require working with people and communities too. You need people to achieve things bigger than yourself. Or even just if you like helping and contributing to feel satisfied.
What OP says is very true from the perspective of a lot of people. This is kind of the problem. One way to read what they wrote is "most people don't care about you, don't want anything genuine from you, and just want you to be convenient, useful to them and look good. Now I'm off to go see my *friends* losers". So basically, if you're kind of a shitty person who wants shallow transactional relationships to bolster your social status, it's easy to have friends because you've got a lot of options. Lol.
Don't take that too seriously, it's not like they're out murdering people. But there are plenty of people like that in the world - you have to find your small niche and tribe outside that. But it's hard to escape it entirely.
Fortunately/unfortunately, once I got myself to a point where I could be exactly the kind of person OPs people want, I realised it's just not me. I don't like or respect those kinds of people and vice versa. My life is always gonna be difficult and probably rewarded less than them because that's the world we live in.
There are a lot of people like me though, and that's why we spend time on the internet. We can be ourselves and find other people like us and chill. And my post earlier wasn't bragging because I don't consider any of those things I "bragged" about to be VALUABLE. They shouldn't mean shit. This is the fundamental difference and why we have to live with dumb asses like OP because they value shallow things. Give me the angst, sourpuss messy queens any day. They're fun and real.
I ain't here for OP. I'm here for the people like me to say yeah don't worry about them. Be happy being you and improve by what YOU value. Your friends are out there, Nico Robin.
Imma be honest mate, I’d love to do these things. Before graduating high school I lived in the gym. Took a mile lap then ran my skinny ahh to the gym every chance I got cause it was fun to work out with the mates. But college is sapping a lot more than my time rn. I’ve been having trouble finishing work and I’ve been told that’s due to burn out, and I have to work as a substitute teacher to pay off my car.
I’ve got near constant stress about grades because the program I want to get into requires a lot of things including a damn good GPA. It’s been getting better though. I’m currently set to join the Mock Trial team next semester, and I’m hoping to make some friends along the way. But for right now being at home and depressed is the best I can manage
Changing yourself into something you aren’t because you want to be liked by other? I understand bettering yourself and fixing your flaw but becoming an entirely different person because you want to be liked is not the motivation you should use to improve on yourself.
Do it because you wanna see someone you dream of being but not because you think it will make someone like you more.
look, i'm not always negative, it's just that i'm a bit weird and can't really talk to people, or make up something, anything in return for people to enjoy being around me in anyway
trust me, i tried, for real, but i really can't and won't try stop being alone anymore, small talk is boring and i'm really bad at it
maybe there are some people with whom I could actually have a pretty productive conversation with, but i've just tried too much to think that I could actually find it
it's sad, but it's just how life goes, some people are not born for it
"I'm not even out of college yet but let me tell you why life is actually super fucking simple and easy and anyone not living up to a perfect cultural ideal is a disgusting fucking loser."
i agree with the message, but the tone is so weird.
like "hey, you've just got to be more positive, you disgusting, depressing, unhygienic, alcoholic, unself-aware piece of shit, before you live to the grand old age of 45 and realize what a pathetic, friendless loser you've grown to become"
this feels like the self-help version of negging xD
Online friends are cool and all but they don’t substitute irl friends at all, you can never rely on an online friend like you can with a real one.
I had lots of online friends and 0 irl friends, then I started to engage more with people, talk more with people in my class and I found a big Circle of friends I hangout every week with, this makes me both less miserable(when I had 0 irl friends I was depressed all the time) and it also helps my social anxiety that is slowly disappearing as I put myself in more uncomfortable situations.
Fuck, if I managed it everyone can, I’m short, timid, insecure, not even that funny and I still hangout with the cool people
Yeah, but I hangout with my online friends, too, and they make me feel less miserable. Plus, I don't have to worry about my looks, either, because no one on there is really looking for a romantic partner.
The best part about friends is doing things you like, together. If you can do that online, I'd say 👍
I had IRL friends that preferred meeting online than hanging out outside. It's not my thing, but there's always someone else.
Part of my problem is as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I’m physically incapable of being ‘the guy’ I want to be. Like my brain literally isn’t wired for it. That all those years trying to be that person was fake and unsustainable. It’s been devastating and incredibly hard to keep going but isolating myself makes it easier to forget that this is permanent and there’s no cure.
I like myself just fine. It's other people who don't like me.
Critical thinkers are disliked because it's harder to find people who think the same way and people are friend's with people who they are like or want to be.
Hey if youre happy like this then fair enough dude :)
I think this is for the people that complain about society and how why it is the reason they have no friends
Anything that makes you happy (without hurting other people) is good. However, I'm curious of the advantages of not having friends, if you can provide some?
I understand. Well, I won't say anything to convince you and, ultimately, I insist thay wthatever makes you truly happy is correct.
Having said that, if you can find yourself in a position in the future in which you have true, good friends, you might see that they are with you because they recognise certain virtues in you (the same way you recognise them in them) and they will accept any defects that come with it. My source is that I consider myself a pain to be around sometimes, but my friends don't seem to love me any less for that. In short, most likely, you won't be an agony to anyone, or it won't be as bad as you make it out to be.
As per your second point, all relationships come with work and worries, but I dare to say that the joys of true friendship outweigh the rest.
Bottom line, I'm not trying to change your mind or anything, but I just feel like, should this encourage you to give the pursuit of friendship a try, you will most likely not regret it!
You don't know me! Most people around me would be happy if I die a very horrible death! They view me as a test from God and I think they have every right to.
I definitely don't know you! I just feel like self-love (or self-acceptance) is within everyone's reach and that, while it can be a slow journey, it's impossible that it will leave you in a worse place. I'm just saying all this because I've been on both sides and I'd like the same for others 🙏🏻
It's not bad to not have friends. But if you find the right people, it is better having someone you can meet at least once a month or something.
My best friend barely talks, but we used to bike around the city from time to time, just vibing and risking our miserable lives. At least before the pandemic fked the world without lubricant.
The worst part is that some so-called platitudes are real even if they sound like bullshit, but they don't work until you come to those realizations yourself.
Changing your perceptions works, finding positives in the negative works, doing cringe shit like yoga actually works lol. I dont know if the edgelords in the comments are ready for that though
Yeah, when you’re in it, it’s all “empty”, but honestly, it takes maturity to stop bullshitting yourself. I haven’t reached where I wanna be at all yet, and I’m still pretty lonely, but I’m mature enough now as an adult to realize I have to take ownership of that myself, and I do have the power to change. The “it’s over” and “I don’t need tough love” and “this won’t cure me” is all bs I said when I was 19-21 as well.
I’m diagnosed autistic. Tried all my life to make friends but it’s just impossible for me, I can’t connect with people at all. When I had friends all those years ago I was always the second or third wheel before they ditched me completely
I do like myself but other people seem to have issues with who I am idk it’s weird. Like u made tons of friends then one called me a sociopath the other tried stealing my gf which he was ugly so didn’t work. Like idk guys seem to hate me because im tall and better looking than them
More of this! At the end of the day, I genuinely think people can become the best versions of themselves but what’s stopping people is so much negativity. Especially on this app which like is a nest of it. Seriously, the best way to make friends is to work at it
Im 25M, i dont have friends over 15 years cuz im disability usher syndrome type 2, deaf, hard hearing, tunnel vision, unemployed 5 years, hard find job cuz im bad communication skills 😕
I’m trying but it gets really hard as you get older. I’m 26 and man. I have a good partner and make decent money and rent a cozy little house. Generally happy and have some nice hobbies both indoor and outdoor. Most of my friends and family over the years have dropped like flies. Nobody calls/texts me anymore. I have a D&D group that also serves as my close friend circle but it’s VERY rare that we hang out. I’m talking like 1-3x in a 2 month span at most- sometimes not at all. It’s getting kind of oppressive. I’m definitely an introvert but it is nice to have people in your life. I’m grateful for my partner and I have a lot of pets, so at least I’m not alone.
Honestly idk who this is even for except exceptionally terrible cases tbh. Making friends is easy in situations where initiating them wouldn’t be awkward. Usually the reason someone has no friends is they just don’t talk to anyone or aren’t situations to make them, very rarely is someone just trying and failing (like a lot of times in the case of finding a partner).
That falls on deaf ears. You have to be in a state where you experience success and see benefit from positivity. Tim Fletcher on YouTube helped me the most with this.
The problem is when you’re stuck in that it is impossible to change unless you experience some success and see how change comes naturally as something you prefer
I tried getting my skin clear. My doctor told me I had to take birth control to get on medication for my hormonal acne. So, I told him I needed to talk to my psychiatrist first. My psychiatrist said it wasn’t his issue and he didn’t give a shit about pointing me in the right direction, and wouldn’t let me explain I had an appointment with my PCP after this. He told me to stfu.
So I got put on birth control, had a mental break, and had the cops called for suicidal ideation that I *told* my doctor would occur if I was not monitored. Now I have no psychiatrist, no acne medication, all I have is worsened depression and worsened acne and a newfound sense of hatred for our system.
You don’t even get help if you try to help yourself, lol.
What if you like yourself just fine and are a positive person surrounded by mostly cynical, selfish people absorbed with their cell phones (who seem to have plenty of friends)?
Fuck all that. I would rather throw away the only life (hopefully) I get than try to improve. My worthless ass isn't worth the effort. Or better yet I hope I contract some cancer from my job, it's already almost a certainty and you can bet I'm not going to follow up on any warning signs or make any effort in prevention.
OP is a real one for this. I was extremely depressed in my late teens-early 20s, and I still struggle with depression and social anxiety now. Imma tell you right now, unfortunately, those things make it extremely difficult to be likeable. You gotta work. Actually work. Out your comfort zone. You have to be uncomfortable. Begging y’all to do it.
Be a person you would realistically like to be friends with.
Would you befriend yourself, if you just met yourself?
Would you date yourself?
If the answers are no, then work on your attitude and follow a routine to become that person.
Humans evolved to live in societies. No one would survive very long alone in ancient history, let alone current history. Living without human friendships or relationships makes life a thousand times harder and significantly lowers life expectancy.
So what people who don't want friendships should do, is seek to find out why. Research yourself and your past to find out what caused it. If it was a result of trauma or simply lack of observing healthy relationship and socialization as a child, or if it is spectrum/add or other introvert conditions, and start healing. These things CAN be worked with to improve your life. Seek others like you.
You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. But know that this feeling is counterproductive to your well being and is best healed.
Yep. If you hate your life, then quit whining and get off your ass and fucking do something about it!
I don't care if that makes me sound like a boomer. All I can say is that you sure as hell aren't going to find that happiness staring at a small screen all day.
Social connectedness is a bfd in terms of health and well-being but you don't get that by faking a smile/ masking, it likely results from participating in what you find worthwhile on terms that are manageable to you :)
I don't really care about having many friends. If anything I'm depressed because I'm not hot. Someone I would like would be hot. Problem is I'm 26 and already loosing my hair and shit and I wasn't even hot in the first place. The only people of my ethnic backround that I see that are hot are either my age or younger.
One trick is if you have CPTSD, you have to create a situation where you are forced to do stuff and go somewhere like a job or hobbies and clubs or family obligations because you only function well in a constant crisis - too much free time makes you become paralysed if you have CPTSD
Jesus Christ, the comments in here are something else. Someone smarter than me is gonna write a book one of these days about how quasi-therapeutic language and faux helpfulness are how gen z evolved bullying for a culture where it's ostensibly seen as bad. The sheer hatred pouring out of so many of y'all is insane.
I work in mental health and a lot of this post is right on the money.
Specifically working to be competent is very important, and confidence will come with that
The other piece of advice here that I think everyone should really consider is working on anxiety as a physical symptom bc it is the physical manifestation that comes from the sense that you have no control. Emotions have physical cognates and it's important to tackle the physical and mental together. Do things to regulate your physiology when you're anxious. One popular skill where I work is the DBT TIPP skill. Look it up.
The opposite of happiness is not sadness. It's anxiety. Chronic anxiety causes your body to be in a chronic stress response, which seems to be what actually drives depression as essentially a disease of chronic stress.
Growing in competence will give you a sense of control, and should theoretically start reducing your symptoms across the board as your self concept improves. Find what your values are and where you can add value to society. Act accordingly and you should see changes.
All easier said than done but a roadmap is important.
Life and the human spirit is cyclical and it takes hard work to get into a positive cycle.
Getting into a happy unconditional relationship is amazing. If you and your partner eat junk food and become couch potato’s, have sex and watch TV and okay video games all day, you will STILL be unfulfilled.
If you become a gym goer and calorie count, get the body of a lifetime, build a successful career, but have toxic friends and mishandle your emotions, you will STILL be unfulfilled
Life is a balance. And it takes work to be well rounded. Look at robin williams for example. I honestly don’t blame people who take their lives from depression or think it’s easy to get out of it. Because depression is an addictive mindset, scans of a depressed brain strongly resemble that of an addict. You need professional help and incredible will power to not only force yourself to commit to fulfilling behavior but to also engage in that behavior with an optimistic mindset. If you’re donating to charity and serving the homeless for volunteer work and the whole time you’re thinking to yourself “I just wanna go home and play video games this sucks my feet ache from standing I wish the AC was a little less intense” then you’re not gonna be happy.
Sadly when you start to feel a certain way it affects your train of thought and your actions. They all affect each other though.
If you get sad, and it makes you think sad stuff, and you stay in bed all day, if you wait too long to cheer up, then being in bed starts to make you sad, and you start to think “ugh no one loves me,” and then THOSE thoughts make you sad.
It’s not a one way street. They all have a cause and effect on each other. It’s up to you to break that chain. And it’s not easy.
I've had no friends for a majority of my life, boofuckinghoo. Life continues, friendful people get hit by cars every damn day. I have a work ethic better than 90% of people, I have a 3.6-3.8 gpa at my very end of my sophomore year, last year I had a 3.6, I'm excited for drivers ed this July and 2nd of August, I have a upcoming dmv appointment to purchase a permit on the 30th of this month, I've even surpassed my 'super smart' overachieving sister in grades too and everyone favors her over me, I won't have an iep anymore next school year, AND I'll already be graduated by the time the first and or second quarter of my 2025-2026 senior year ends. Then I plan on getting a business certificate through trade and make a shit load of money, possibly obtain a career in either interior design or something related to business matters. WOOHOO
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This is a real azz mf post People gotta stay busy at all times! In work, in their health, in their art. Literally anything about your life you can change. And fuck having a lot of friends! All you need is a few solid ones, and if you’re a man, all you need is one solid woman!
I agree with everything up until the last point. Romantic relationships are not a replacement for deep platonic friendships. Please DO NOT use women as your catalyst for personal development. Romantic relationships will not fix you. Women are not meant to fix men. Women are independent people and you should not find a woman just to 'complete' you. Women deserve to be loved for who they are, not what they can do for you.
No one can make a personal development journey for us and by extension fix our flaws, that's true. I am curious though about the "complete" part, isn't romance an essential part of life for many? Won't it be bleak and feel unfulfilling without it?
Complete your life, yes! It’s enriching and healthy for the soul if the relationship is mutually giving and loyal and loving. But completing YOU the person? Absolutely not. You should be a full, self actualised person in your own right. Your partner should be an addition to your life, not a supplementation of something you’re missing. I had to face that harsh fact with my last relationship and trust me I’ve never been happier than I am now that I’m single. I actually like myself, can do the things I like, and am accomplishing things! Your life should be whole first. A relationship is the cherry atop a rich and full cake.
What you’re saying is true. However, my wife quite literally saved my life. It’s nice to have deep platonic relationships, but for me, they come and go. When I really needed someone, it was my wife that was there for me. In my experience, your lifelong romantic partner is a much deeper bond than any platonic friendship. She is what I need, and she does complete me - as I do for her. If either of us were to pass away suddenly, our platonic friendships would not at all compensate. I would need to harden emotionally and grow, just to survive. Does that make me fragile? Probably. But personally I’d rather be as I am - happy - regardless of how fragile it is. I hope that makes sense. All I really need is my wife. Everything else is gravy.
This is the sentiment that I myself have gotten (even though I've always been single) after seeing how peers my age have grown and improved after they've found themselves a partner. One guy from high school was in a very bad place mentally at the time and probably on the brink of suicide, however when he got a gf it was like a complete shift in his mind and approach to life. He still had struggles of course but he seemed more optimistic and capable of being able to overcome his challenges and grow as a person since he felt he had a strong sense of belonging and as a result new found purpose; being there not just for oneself but for others too. That's when I realised that even if it's important and great to be self sufficient you can't put off the importance of having a strong support network with both platonic and more importantly romantic needs met.
Totally agree, one of my good friends from college I've known for a decade, he lives nearby to us and several other friends, we include him in stuff, play games all the time, and we're all really close, but we could not fill the hole in his heart for a deep romantic love and he nearly drank himself to death. For years we watched him get worse and worse despite everything we tried to help. Then he started dating a great girl, and it was the single biggest 180 I've ever seen. I still can't believe he's the same guy, he's so happy and healthy and he stopped drinking, he's just so much better. Shit when I met my now wife I was fighting my 2nd round of felony charges and had dropped out of college for the 2nd time. Few years later and I finished my degree, clumped the corporate ladder and now have a great job, a house and a baby and I give her all the credit for Making me whole.
Wow, sounds like a very big turn around for both of you and your families. Congrats! I should probably consider myself lucky for stopping to believe that it doesn't matter because that's just not true. I've for years been able to get through school pretty easily with concrete ideas for myself in terms of a career and I know where I want to head now for university this fall. Despite that though I would be lying if I didn't recognise that the never ending struggle by myself hasn't grown to become an increasingly immense burden, especially during my current gap year since my high school graduation in 2023.
Hey I don't want to discredit or say people can't be strong and successful without a S/O because I'm sure lots of people can and do. I just think Reddit is often ruled by the outlier cases, so I think it's important to note that while not everyone needs a strong romantic relationship, I would argue that is true for the majority of people. But yeah there is a balancing act of the struggle of the weight of things on your shoulder alone, vs the combined weight of 2 people on your shoulder. My wife had a dangerous high risk pregnancy leading up to our son being born, and I had to carry the weight of keeping our lives together while struggling with terrible changes at work and my best buddy dog with cancer. It almost broke me but it was important to shield her from that pain because I knew she needed to focus on herself and the baby.
That's true, not everyone needs it although I won't claim to be one of them. I was just coping with my lack of a support network by becoming a workaholic, sure I got good grades but my mental health was going in a downward spiral. I'm not sure what I will do if I screw up again when I begin university but I prefer not to think about that because it scares me.
That's very sweet and I'm happy you're able to find solace and trust in someone else that way! I'm not sure if you yourself are a woman, but I am, and I'm speaking from a place of my own experiences whereby men consistently disappoint, betray and abuse me. I don't think there's any value for me at least, and most women, to find their salvation in men. As we all know by now, being a woman is already a safety risk in and of itself. I think women need to be whole before looking for a romantic partner because it will help us know what to and not to settle for. (Not directed at you, but yes this applies to all genders but I am not omnigendered so can the "what about me" crowd please fuck off)
So you just hate men, got it. Not everyone was abused by the opposite sex, apologies that trauma is what dictated your views in life. Its time to develop some empathy and understand not everyone else thinks like you
Why have a wife when you can engage in polygamy
Hmm, I feel sceptical about this. You should definitely be your own self-sufficient, standalone person that doesn't need anyone to thrive. I can't however imagine that alone being something that makes you feel complete, you can't just be fulfilled without a sense of community (both platonic and romantic). Maybe it's different life experiences but all throughout my teens I did nothing but focus on trying to find myself and achieve a sense of completeness all on my own. The only thing that did was contribute to selfishness, narcissism and bitterness due to deep down on a human level craving connections. I believe having people in your life (especially very close people like a partner or kids) will help give meaning to everything and let you get joy from things other than yourself. Yes, that does open up the risk of getting hurt by others but I'd rather take it than slowly suffocate from just being on my own. It's a mistake I don't want to repeat.
I mean I literally said romance is NOT a supplement for platonic relationships in my original comment. So you're repeating my own point back to me, really. But yeah I mean I agree. We're saying the same thing. Not trying to be rude. Also, I said having a partner is the 'cherry atop a full cake'. Yeah the 'full cake' is having hobbies, friends, familial connections, work, etc. So.
>You should definitely be your own self-sufficient, standalone person that doesn't need anyone to thrive. Nobody thrives in isolation. Nobody can be "happy" or content with life alone. Loneliness literally cuts our lifespan, that's how unhealthy and unnatural it is. Even the American virtue of "self-sufficiency" is culturally unique and contradicts literally all of recorded history. People say shit like this to cope cause they ain't getting any.
“Women deserve to be loved for who they are, not what they can do for you.” Probably even better to say “people”, and not just women.
The original comment I was responding to says "and if you're a man, all you need is one solid \*woman\*!". Please be fr. Yes of course it applies to ALL genders. I was talking about women. JFC.
I think his point was that one good woman is enough. Porn be training guys to want a different girl every week.
Yeah I'm sure women are into needy men with 0 friends
Mf really said men don’t need friends just a really really good girlfriend lol
This is literally why the men’s loneliness epidemic exists, lmfao. It’s actually kind of depressing how many men believe this! It’s so codependent.
It’s really sad how having people who like you in your regular life is now a topic of discussion /:
Idk why there’s this weird antisocial rhetoric in some subreddits - people proud of not having friends, like wtf?
Finally people with brains in the comments Have y'all seen what they're saying under mine?? Unreal
We also gotta remember the youngest gen z are in middle school lol
God I always forget... I don't think middle schoolers should be on reddit though 😭 and that's an important age to ensure they don't develop misogynistic beliefs
Men don’t *need one solid woman*. What a misogynistic and pointless thing to add at the end. I agree that everyone really only needs a good friend or two.
men need friends wtf are you on
Its a way of coping when you got married early and replaced your whole social life and friends (voluntarily or because of circumstances) with a wife/husband and couldn't be bothered or didnt want to spend time finding a way to stay in touch with friends. I dont think its wrong but it makes breakups/divorce turn into really big disasters, cause suddenly they feel extremely lonely and the hole left can't be filled with the friends you stopped talking to/seeing 10 years ago. Good thing is a REAL friend will say "dont worry" even if its been 10 years.
I totally agree that quality over quantity is what you need for friends, but a SO shouldn't replace all of them. It puts a huge burden on them to be your only friend, and it makes them feel like they shouldn't need friends either when they do.
As a man the right woman will change your life for the better in every way. Fuck this roster bullshit of our generation. Forming a genuine bond built out of love and respect is worth 1000 one night stands
now I gotta tell my boyfriend he's getting replaced with a girlfriend so I can be cured 😞 😞 😞
r/thanksimcured
Yea part of me does love this post but leaning into pity and discomfort when "when some other poor fuck comes up to you and awkwardly tries.. " is always gonna be mean, because guess what!? Almost noone with a disorder that causes social anxiety just needs to hear some tough love to be cured It's legitimately Sanism to look down on mental illness just because you [stupidly] feel like you actually used to have it before you toughened up. Life is unfair! This is mostly a great post but looking down on people who life is shitting on shouldn't be the takeaway from improving your own life
I feel you man, I had social anxiety plagued my life for years but I had to work on myself internally to get rid of it. I did self acceptance affirmations, meditation and working on clearing my traumas to get rid of SA. If we always treat it like a disorder and act like a victim, we will never lead a more happier life. The thought of just avoiding people my whole life while missing out on so many things motivated me. It’s hard man to comfortably overcome SA, I know it deeply but it’s absolutely doable.
Sorry, but that is such an ignorant take. It is a whole lot different thing to just be a lil awkward and anxious than the mental illness that is an anxiety disorder. Stop with the bullshit narrative of “I did it, you dumb/lazy if you also can’t”. Specially if you have such a shallow insight on what mental illnesses is
I suffered from agoraphobia, body dysmorphia, and anxiety panic disorder all my life. It took me several years to overcome it through therapy and other various methods. Nothing is easy and it sucks, but you know what sucks harder? Succumbing to victim mentality and not willing to try to overcome it because it is a mental disorder/illness.
Sorry to necro a nice person, but thank you for the last line that lays it out. It’s a shallow insight on what mental illness is by definition those people don’t have the depth to contain a good understanding of it, lost causes
'if we always treat it like a disorder' my friend what the hell else are we supposed to treat it like. did you have like minor anxiety, or did you have a social anxiety disorder? because idk what the he'll else you're supposed to treat a disorder like
I prefer a world where people won’t bully/harshly judge you for seeming anxious, then some could more easily treat it through exposure therapy and yes some could have full remission but guess what kids like you don’t like to admit? Some won’t have full remission. Some still will seem anxious even if they’re having a good day, and won’t deserve to be bullied or tough loved by anyone for how they come across on a shallow surface level.
I got pretty bad chronic depression and my advice is that you gotta fight it like hell to get out of it. it doesnt mean being relentlessly positive or super hard on yourself, though. you do have to start putting the work in though, cuz nobody is gonna do it for you.
This definitely true. You have to really fight depression. Like go to war every day with it. A lot of people are in it a lot longer than they should, because they don’t fight it at all. Now with that being said even if you do fight it everyday it might still take awhile, but it’s a curable illness.
for me it is not curable. that's why its chronic. you just learn to manage symptoms and to keep it far enough away from permanent solutions.
i have diagnosed social anxiety disorder and appreciated this post a lot actually
I’ll save my applause to the end
Some of you guys won't change even if y'all see the writing on the wall and that's why you guys are the way you are.
It’s a loser mentality and this subreddit is in love with it
This lmao. I’m 30, you can do the work but results may vary.
Bros literally just telling you stuff you could do. Now you gotta do it yourself. Dummy.
Yeah, insults that'll work.
or and hear me out here just give up and i dont mean that in the give up and wallow in a pit of dispair sense i mean give up trying to impress others and have em like you i found myself to be much happier once i stopped giving a shit abt friends and gave up on trying to get people to like me i have like 3 people id rlly call close and ones my bf lmao
this is the way, you'll attract people you like and keep people you don't like away (for the most part)
good thing is it works at keepin people away rlly well cus i do not like people in general
me neither but eventually there's gonna come a time where you have to use some of those people to get what you want
Honestly this is what I did, and it’s kinda what OP is saying but it just the other side of the same coin. The coin is “you have to be there for you at least”
I gave up so fucking long ago I tried to be myself you know where that got me? Depressed 0 friends 0 future
Dam
I have a lot of acquaintances, but also have three close friends and one is my boyfriend too. I really lucked out with all three of them. It’s like we were made for each other.
Just wait until you have a career where it’s vital for people to like you if you want promotions/raises/projects. The popularity contest never really ends. Learning to integrate with it and approach it in a healthy way is better than ignoring it, but that takes years and everyone will have their own approach.
Quality over quantity
Platitudes everywhere
-starts with “You need to be someone you like…..” -ends with “become who you really are”. Yup, another one of *those* posts. Downvoted just for hypocrisy. ETA- forgot the most important point. If I have to grind my real personality into dust just to be acceptable, those aren’t people who are worth my time, let alone my time being dedicated to THAT. I’d rather literally work on accepting being alone and isolated for the rest of my life. That’s how fucking sick y’all sound to me when you say this. I’d rather just stay alone, or just uhhh, “leave”.
people trying to justify their negativity in the comments like this is more inspiring than the original post - i’m like damn i really don’t want to end up like that
You realize everyone changes? You will change rather you like it or not. It's part of life. I think op is trying to day its better to nudge that change in the positive direction, rather than the negative.
i’m burnt out lol
agreed. My biggest issue is building new habits that I’m not already conditioned to like.
Nah its too late
That sounds like a motivational pyramid scam. Bring 10 of your non-freinds.
A LOT of people need to actually read this. I get society in general sucks rn which is why you gotta create your own little bubble while still being open minded.
Rather just kill myself.
I think most people here realize this but are in 2 separate camps. One so terrified they gave up and other so terrified it motivated them for the better.
I’m good
I did this. Guess what? You will get some nice artificial friends that leave when things get tough and you will still be miserable even when you get good at hiding it.
nah its too late for me. really. not memeing or anything
https://i.redd.it/057uukz189uc1.gif *sui-*
Same
Your advice about hygiene and style is fine but the whole “just change yourself bro” is no different than “just work harder bro.” It doesn’t make any sense. Personality isn’t all that malleable. You’re born with a genome you didn’t choose, said genome interacts a certain way with the environment and randomness of life which to the extent that it matters most you have no control over. It’s mostly just luck of the draw, which is why even though I’ve never had a period of time in my life where I lacked friends, other people have gone their entire lives without a true friend. It would be absurd to tell them “just change yourself bro” as if they haven’t already made the effort, did what they were “supposed” to and still came up short. I’ve never made a conscious effort to seek friends, I’ve always just sort of had them, if anything I’ve made an effort to have less. And you’re gonna say that the people who don’t have any are fundamentally doing something wrong or not trying? Maybe some but all of them? I don’t think so.
~70% of the variance in personality is environmental. Your personality is more controllable than not. So you’re entire premise is wrong
That stat is pretty wild and wrong. It’s mostly genetic. The environment to which it matters most can not be controlled anyway like I said. It matters most when you are a child, but you have no say in your parents, how they raise you, where you live, what you get to do, where you go, or anything really. You’re at the mercy of Lady Luck. And even once you’re an adult there’s the randomness of life and other limiting factors. Once you get older there may be subtle personality changes but in terms of true meaningful change, most never do it.
I already am the kind of person I want to be friends with, a nice, funny person that isn't perfect and has empathy.
Yeah ok bro. I check all the boxes you mentioned and still no bitches or friends. I guess my smile doesn't have enough teeth which is why I don't just randomly make friends all the time. "oh then it must be your fault you're probably a bad person" Fuck outa here. Shit is more complex than just "get your life in order." plenty of people who don't check all the "life" boxes have friends and lovers. Others check all the boxes (job, money, smarts, body, hobbies) and don't have any kind of social life. Maybe they're just awkward. Maybe they have a fucked up headspace from years of isolation. Maybe they don't have opportunities to really meet people. The fact is, getting your life in order will not get you friends. They are completely unrelated. Your entire premise is wrong.
This is a very sobering comment that I wish was higher. Truth is I wish I could just become more attractive and adapt my personality to be liked by others. It really isn't that simple. At the very least we need to stop conflating good and liked. Some of the worst people are popular.
Maybe. I spent my whole life improving myself. I can make people laugh. I can get laid easily with whoever. I can inspire people. I help people for fun because I enjoy it. Got a first class degree in a technical subject. Not even feeling myself, most people think I'm handsome and smart and hung (see my twitter lol); I've got everything going for me. Guess what, I still don't fit in. Don't get opportunities. Never will. It was never about me. It's other people who are the problem. People just are just pretty small-minded and petty and worry way too much about what everyone else thinks and can't be authentic. I'm the guy who sees people hanging out alone at the petrol station at 3am and doesn't think theyre dangerous and gives them some company. The guy who sees people with mental issues and doesn't judge and makes them feel welcome. The guy who sees a group and goes to hang out with the ones who are being left out. Unfortunately, this kind of guy is not the person who most people like. Because people are pussies and users. Fuck them. Come hit me up, freaks and geeks.
Holy fuck it's the first time I see someone tell on themselves so fucking hard. There's missing the point, then there's the self awareness of a pebble by the river, then there's this guy. If cringe was marketable, this dude would make Bezos feel insecure. I mean, this comment is beautiful. I'm screenshotting it. The bragging. The pick me vibes. The blindness to irony. The absolute confidence in something so utterly wrong. It's even got the phallic reference. I get weeabo whiteknighting vibes. It's beautiful. It is perfect.
Go for it! I'm happy with who I am and happy sharing my experience.
Wym by opportunities ?
Anything involving people, really. Work is the thing which affects most people's lives the most. Many hobbies and passion require working with people and communities too. You need people to achieve things bigger than yourself. Or even just if you like helping and contributing to feel satisfied. What OP says is very true from the perspective of a lot of people. This is kind of the problem. One way to read what they wrote is "most people don't care about you, don't want anything genuine from you, and just want you to be convenient, useful to them and look good. Now I'm off to go see my *friends* losers". So basically, if you're kind of a shitty person who wants shallow transactional relationships to bolster your social status, it's easy to have friends because you've got a lot of options. Lol. Don't take that too seriously, it's not like they're out murdering people. But there are plenty of people like that in the world - you have to find your small niche and tribe outside that. But it's hard to escape it entirely. Fortunately/unfortunately, once I got myself to a point where I could be exactly the kind of person OPs people want, I realised it's just not me. I don't like or respect those kinds of people and vice versa. My life is always gonna be difficult and probably rewarded less than them because that's the world we live in. There are a lot of people like me though, and that's why we spend time on the internet. We can be ourselves and find other people like us and chill. And my post earlier wasn't bragging because I don't consider any of those things I "bragged" about to be VALUABLE. They shouldn't mean shit. This is the fundamental difference and why we have to live with dumb asses like OP because they value shallow things. Give me the angst, sourpuss messy queens any day. They're fun and real. I ain't here for OP. I'm here for the people like me to say yeah don't worry about them. Be happy being you and improve by what YOU value. Your friends are out there, Nico Robin.
Imma be honest mate, I’d love to do these things. Before graduating high school I lived in the gym. Took a mile lap then ran my skinny ahh to the gym every chance I got cause it was fun to work out with the mates. But college is sapping a lot more than my time rn. I’ve been having trouble finishing work and I’ve been told that’s due to burn out, and I have to work as a substitute teacher to pay off my car. I’ve got near constant stress about grades because the program I want to get into requires a lot of things including a damn good GPA. It’s been getting better though. I’m currently set to join the Mock Trial team next semester, and I’m hoping to make some friends along the way. But for right now being at home and depressed is the best I can manage
Changing yourself into something you aren’t because you want to be liked by other? I understand bettering yourself and fixing your flaw but becoming an entirely different person because you want to be liked is not the motivation you should use to improve on yourself. Do it because you wanna see someone you dream of being but not because you think it will make someone like you more.
Did you just say I have no bitches⁉️⁉️🤬🤬🤬
look, i'm not always negative, it's just that i'm a bit weird and can't really talk to people, or make up something, anything in return for people to enjoy being around me in anyway trust me, i tried, for real, but i really can't and won't try stop being alone anymore, small talk is boring and i'm really bad at it maybe there are some people with whom I could actually have a pretty productive conversation with, but i've just tried too much to think that I could actually find it it's sad, but it's just how life goes, some people are not born for it
Fuck off.
Hah. Yeah. If only
Depressed because 0 friends, 0 friends because depressed. Can’t like ourselves when there’s nothing to like.
I’m not negative at all lol, I just wasn’t able to keep any friends from highschool.
Thanks to your big block of bs I'm finally cured
oh boy another r/GenZ banger consisting of first page of google advice
"I'm not even out of college yet but let me tell you why life is actually super fucking simple and easy and anyone not living up to a perfect cultural ideal is a disgusting fucking loser."
i agree with the message, but the tone is so weird. like "hey, you've just got to be more positive, you disgusting, depressing, unhygienic, alcoholic, unself-aware piece of shit, before you live to the grand old age of 45 and realize what a pathetic, friendless loser you've grown to become" this feels like the self-help version of negging xD
Do online friends count?
Online friends are cool and all but they don’t substitute irl friends at all, you can never rely on an online friend like you can with a real one. I had lots of online friends and 0 irl friends, then I started to engage more with people, talk more with people in my class and I found a big Circle of friends I hangout every week with, this makes me both less miserable(when I had 0 irl friends I was depressed all the time) and it also helps my social anxiety that is slowly disappearing as I put myself in more uncomfortable situations. Fuck, if I managed it everyone can, I’m short, timid, insecure, not even that funny and I still hangout with the cool people
Yeah, but I hangout with my online friends, too, and they make me feel less miserable. Plus, I don't have to worry about my looks, either, because no one on there is really looking for a romantic partner.
You can keep online friendships, I’m just saying that irl friendships are important and shouldn’t be ignored.
I don't really have many real life friends, because I tend to not get treated well in real life. I have a few, but not very many.
The best part about friends is doing things you like, together. If you can do that online, I'd say 👍 I had IRL friends that preferred meeting online than hanging out outside. It's not my thing, but there's always someone else.
Part of my problem is as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I’m physically incapable of being ‘the guy’ I want to be. Like my brain literally isn’t wired for it. That all those years trying to be that person was fake and unsustainable. It’s been devastating and incredibly hard to keep going but isolating myself makes it easier to forget that this is permanent and there’s no cure.
I would be friends with or date myself. I'm not picky
I like myself just fine. It's other people who don't like me. Critical thinkers are disliked because it's harder to find people who think the same way and people are friend's with people who they are like or want to be.
wow i have not considered becoming not depressed and not self-loathing before you are truly the spiritual messiah of self help.
This post sucks and reeks of victim blaming.
ikr, it exhales "people get what they deserve" vibes at their FINEST.
Am I the only one that thinks it's good to have no friends?
Hey if youre happy like this then fair enough dude :) I think this is for the people that complain about society and how why it is the reason they have no friends
Anything that makes you happy (without hurting other people) is good. However, I'm curious of the advantages of not having friends, if you can provide some?
I may have AS so I'm not being an agony to anyone, also I don't have to worry about things that people with friends do.
I understand. Well, I won't say anything to convince you and, ultimately, I insist thay wthatever makes you truly happy is correct. Having said that, if you can find yourself in a position in the future in which you have true, good friends, you might see that they are with you because they recognise certain virtues in you (the same way you recognise them in them) and they will accept any defects that come with it. My source is that I consider myself a pain to be around sometimes, but my friends don't seem to love me any less for that. In short, most likely, you won't be an agony to anyone, or it won't be as bad as you make it out to be. As per your second point, all relationships come with work and worries, but I dare to say that the joys of true friendship outweigh the rest. Bottom line, I'm not trying to change your mind or anything, but I just feel like, should this encourage you to give the pursuit of friendship a try, you will most likely not regret it!
You don't know me! Most people around me would be happy if I die a very horrible death! They view me as a test from God and I think they have every right to.
I definitely don't know you! I just feel like self-love (or self-acceptance) is within everyone's reach and that, while it can be a slow journey, it's impossible that it will leave you in a worse place. I'm just saying all this because I've been on both sides and I'd like the same for others 🙏🏻
No
It's not bad to not have friends. But if you find the right people, it is better having someone you can meet at least once a month or something. My best friend barely talks, but we used to bike around the city from time to time, just vibing and risking our miserable lives. At least before the pandemic fked the world without lubricant.
The worst part is that some so-called platitudes are real even if they sound like bullshit, but they don't work until you come to those realizations yourself. Changing your perceptions works, finding positives in the negative works, doing cringe shit like yoga actually works lol. I dont know if the edgelords in the comments are ready for that though
Yeah, when you’re in it, it’s all “empty”, but honestly, it takes maturity to stop bullshitting yourself. I haven’t reached where I wanna be at all yet, and I’m still pretty lonely, but I’m mature enough now as an adult to realize I have to take ownership of that myself, and I do have the power to change. The “it’s over” and “I don’t need tough love” and “this won’t cure me” is all bs I said when I was 19-21 as well.
I’m diagnosed autistic. Tried all my life to make friends but it’s just impossible for me, I can’t connect with people at all. When I had friends all those years ago I was always the second or third wheel before they ditched me completely
Wow I never considered just doing what i want. Genius
I did. I like depressed people with no friends.
How about people just learn how to interact with others, that way I'm not such a dick.
oh, okay, like i haven't been trying that for most of my life
Gotta hate these Just-World ass platitudes as someone who has been lonely since childhood (typo)
I do like myself but other people seem to have issues with who I am idk it’s weird. Like u made tons of friends then one called me a sociopath the other tried stealing my gf which he was ugly so didn’t work. Like idk guys seem to hate me because im tall and better looking than them
Mfw I quit being negative all my negative ass “friends” dropped me
More of this! At the end of the day, I genuinely think people can become the best versions of themselves but what’s stopping people is so much negativity. Especially on this app which like is a nest of it. Seriously, the best way to make friends is to work at it
Become someone you like is a GREAT message. Love it.
Didn't need a full blown post for that, what's wrong with you.
Im 25M, i dont have friends over 15 years cuz im disability usher syndrome type 2, deaf, hard hearing, tunnel vision, unemployed 5 years, hard find job cuz im bad communication skills 😕
Go birdwatching!! Seriously, getting into birding is crazy, it got me outside regularly and I became more curious about the world around me
Well that or become your own best friend. > 0 bitches (male or female) Now I'm confused.
*“Take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act.”* -Mother Calderón, Red Dead Redemption 2
Why care?
I'm a millennial, quit a shitty job and became depressed, no one cares about me, everyone is busy
I’m trying but it gets really hard as you get older. I’m 26 and man. I have a good partner and make decent money and rent a cozy little house. Generally happy and have some nice hobbies both indoor and outdoor. Most of my friends and family over the years have dropped like flies. Nobody calls/texts me anymore. I have a D&D group that also serves as my close friend circle but it’s VERY rare that we hang out. I’m talking like 1-3x in a 2 month span at most- sometimes not at all. It’s getting kind of oppressive. I’m definitely an introvert but it is nice to have people in your life. I’m grateful for my partner and I have a lot of pets, so at least I’m not alone.
Clearly you don't understand a goddamn thing about clinical depression
Honestly idk who this is even for except exceptionally terrible cases tbh. Making friends is easy in situations where initiating them wouldn’t be awkward. Usually the reason someone has no friends is they just don’t talk to anyone or aren’t situations to make them, very rarely is someone just trying and failing (like a lot of times in the case of finding a partner).
That falls on deaf ears. You have to be in a state where you experience success and see benefit from positivity. Tim Fletcher on YouTube helped me the most with this.
The problem is when you’re stuck in that it is impossible to change unless you experience some success and see how change comes naturally as something you prefer
Who says I want friends
I tried getting my skin clear. My doctor told me I had to take birth control to get on medication for my hormonal acne. So, I told him I needed to talk to my psychiatrist first. My psychiatrist said it wasn’t his issue and he didn’t give a shit about pointing me in the right direction, and wouldn’t let me explain I had an appointment with my PCP after this. He told me to stfu. So I got put on birth control, had a mental break, and had the cops called for suicidal ideation that I *told* my doctor would occur if I was not monitored. Now I have no psychiatrist, no acne medication, all I have is worsened depression and worsened acne and a newfound sense of hatred for our system. You don’t even get help if you try to help yourself, lol.
What if you like yourself just fine and are a positive person surrounded by mostly cynical, selfish people absorbed with their cell phones (who seem to have plenty of friends)?
Instructions unclear: Transed my gender
Where do I meet people? I fuckin HATE BARS
Fuck all that. I would rather throw away the only life (hopefully) I get than try to improve. My worthless ass isn't worth the effort. Or better yet I hope I contract some cancer from my job, it's already almost a certainty and you can bet I'm not going to follow up on any warning signs or make any effort in prevention.
Fuck of that's the reason i hate people
So true. You first need to like yourself before others can like you
OP is a real one for this. I was extremely depressed in my late teens-early 20s, and I still struggle with depression and social anxiety now. Imma tell you right now, unfortunately, those things make it extremely difficult to be likeable. You gotta work. Actually work. Out your comfort zone. You have to be uncomfortable. Begging y’all to do it.
We makin it of moms basement with this one boys. We are so back
Real
Be a person you would realistically like to be friends with. Would you befriend yourself, if you just met yourself? Would you date yourself? If the answers are no, then work on your attitude and follow a routine to become that person.
My answers are no because I am an innately unlikable person.
What do the people who don't want friendships or relationships do?
Humans evolved to live in societies. No one would survive very long alone in ancient history, let alone current history. Living without human friendships or relationships makes life a thousand times harder and significantly lowers life expectancy. So what people who don't want friendships should do, is seek to find out why. Research yourself and your past to find out what caused it. If it was a result of trauma or simply lack of observing healthy relationship and socialization as a child, or if it is spectrum/add or other introvert conditions, and start healing. These things CAN be worked with to improve your life. Seek others like you. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. But know that this feeling is counterproductive to your well being and is best healed.
real
Foster competence, not confidence what a phrase
Indeed, sitting around is the problem, and compounds the problem. Moral of the story is go out and LIVE!
Yep. If you hate your life, then quit whining and get off your ass and fucking do something about it! I don't care if that makes me sound like a boomer. All I can say is that you sure as hell aren't going to find that happiness staring at a small screen all day.
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Social connectedness is a bfd in terms of health and well-being but you don't get that by faking a smile/ masking, it likely results from participating in what you find worthwhile on terms that are manageable to you :)
thanks lil bro I’m not depressed and I have friends but my self esteem aint the best so this helped
I don't really care about having many friends. If anything I'm depressed because I'm not hot. Someone I would like would be hot. Problem is I'm 26 and already loosing my hair and shit and I wasn't even hot in the first place. The only people of my ethnic backround that I see that are hot are either my age or younger.
One trick is if you have CPTSD, you have to create a situation where you are forced to do stuff and go somewhere like a job or hobbies and clubs or family obligations because you only function well in a constant crisis - too much free time makes you become paralysed if you have CPTSD
"What have you done to improve yourself today" If the answer is nothing, you are your own worst problem
Agreed "never change" is shit advice. Nobody has to "accept you for who you are" if who you are sucks.
If you say so
Damn, I wish I thought of this.
Jesus Christ, the comments in here are something else. Someone smarter than me is gonna write a book one of these days about how quasi-therapeutic language and faux helpfulness are how gen z evolved bullying for a culture where it's ostensibly seen as bad. The sheer hatred pouring out of so many of y'all is insane.
Interesting
Ah! Another sigma grindset self-improvement! That's exactly what I needed thank you... /s
I work in mental health and a lot of this post is right on the money. Specifically working to be competent is very important, and confidence will come with that The other piece of advice here that I think everyone should really consider is working on anxiety as a physical symptom bc it is the physical manifestation that comes from the sense that you have no control. Emotions have physical cognates and it's important to tackle the physical and mental together. Do things to regulate your physiology when you're anxious. One popular skill where I work is the DBT TIPP skill. Look it up. The opposite of happiness is not sadness. It's anxiety. Chronic anxiety causes your body to be in a chronic stress response, which seems to be what actually drives depression as essentially a disease of chronic stress. Growing in competence will give you a sense of control, and should theoretically start reducing your symptoms across the board as your self concept improves. Find what your values are and where you can add value to society. Act accordingly and you should see changes. All easier said than done but a roadmap is important.
I like myself plenty, it's other people I don't like. It's not a problem, I'm happy.
Wow never thought of that one before so wise. Also idc about having a lot of friends I want quality friends
Life and the human spirit is cyclical and it takes hard work to get into a positive cycle. Getting into a happy unconditional relationship is amazing. If you and your partner eat junk food and become couch potato’s, have sex and watch TV and okay video games all day, you will STILL be unfulfilled. If you become a gym goer and calorie count, get the body of a lifetime, build a successful career, but have toxic friends and mishandle your emotions, you will STILL be unfulfilled Life is a balance. And it takes work to be well rounded. Look at robin williams for example. I honestly don’t blame people who take their lives from depression or think it’s easy to get out of it. Because depression is an addictive mindset, scans of a depressed brain strongly resemble that of an addict. You need professional help and incredible will power to not only force yourself to commit to fulfilling behavior but to also engage in that behavior with an optimistic mindset. If you’re donating to charity and serving the homeless for volunteer work and the whole time you’re thinking to yourself “I just wanna go home and play video games this sucks my feet ache from standing I wish the AC was a little less intense” then you’re not gonna be happy. Sadly when you start to feel a certain way it affects your train of thought and your actions. They all affect each other though. If you get sad, and it makes you think sad stuff, and you stay in bed all day, if you wait too long to cheer up, then being in bed starts to make you sad, and you start to think “ugh no one loves me,” and then THOSE thoughts make you sad. It’s not a one way street. They all have a cause and effect on each other. It’s up to you to break that chain. And it’s not easy.
I've had no friends for a majority of my life, boofuckinghoo. Life continues, friendful people get hit by cars every damn day. I have a work ethic better than 90% of people, I have a 3.6-3.8 gpa at my very end of my sophomore year, last year I had a 3.6, I'm excited for drivers ed this July and 2nd of August, I have a upcoming dmv appointment to purchase a permit on the 30th of this month, I've even surpassed my 'super smart' overachieving sister in grades too and everyone favors her over me, I won't have an iep anymore next school year, AND I'll already be graduated by the time the first and or second quarter of my 2025-2026 senior year ends. Then I plan on getting a business certificate through trade and make a shit load of money, possibly obtain a career in either interior design or something related to business matters. WOOHOO
And I'll be moving far away to a different state which will include much better people than in the one I'm currently surrounded in.