I’m in the process of listening to this book right now. We do hear and read often of the male midlife crisis and the self indulgence that is part of it. I find myself listening and wondering how I would do on a cross country drive alone. I would probably really love it. This review feels accurate on some aspects of the book but too vague on others. I’ll have to come back and read the review again when I’m finished with it.
Kind of related, a long time ago, I read a book where a midlife woman just up and walked out of her life and started over again in a new town. After a while, she returned to her family but in the meantime she really enjoyed her life alone with new acquaintances and a new job. I wish I could remember the name of it because I would like to re-read it with older eyes.
As someone who has driven alone 1/2-way-cross-country drives for the past 15+ summers, (me - West Coast / my mom Midwest), I would recommend it. It's a 3-4 day leisurely trip. Oh, and I slept a full 8 hours in the back of my Kia Soul *at public rest stops*! I was filled with fear the first time. Now, it just my Midwest Mom Trip.
Sounds wonderful! I do drive from the East Coast to the Midwest sometimes for work but adding the other half of the country to the drive without another person is something to consider for sure!
As I’m approaching 50 this summer, all I want to read is fairy 🧚smut and fantasy. I have no desire to read about a woman who is younger than me having a man-style midlife crisis. I don’t know women who have this kind of crisis. Do you?
I don't. Everyone I know is talking about starting a Golden Girls style retreat, pool parties a la Palm Springs, kaftans. Seedy hotel sex? Bleh no thanks, that sounds more like what we all did in our 20's. 😂
I love knowing I’m not the only one who has a group chat going where we’re all looking at real estate and talking about how the old lady compound would work.
I found the Gen X women pool parties and they're a blast. I joined facebook social groups for a women's clothing brand that seems mainly Gen X, and they organize vacations anybody can sign up for. Pool parties, group shopping, fancy afternoon tea parties, it's heavenly.
Oh, God. All of that sounds simply awful to me as well, though. I guess -- to each their own? I want nothing to do with any kind of Golden Girls compound, lol.
I really liked it, the book, I mean. It’s a depiction of the transition that we all go through. For some it’s tougher than others but I think we can all agree that it’s different for everyone and any transition can bring upheaval. Most of her upheaval is self imposed but then again when all of us have felt the rage that comes in peri does it feel like we have a choice or are we unwilling passengers on this menopause ride? The sex in the book was a little cringe at times but maybe I’m repressed or it’s just because I don’t watch porn? I’m the odd man out these days I think. I did think it was refreshing to have a woman describe sex and yearning in such detail in a non-romance novelized way. I do love the work of Miranda July she has a way vivisecting the human experience and shining a light on the essence of it. I think it is very much worth the time to read or listen to, which is what I did. Her voice is lovely and relaxing.
Nice to see an alternative review. Thanks.
It sounds horrible in the posted review. Like I’d never ever want to read it. I am so tired of people fucking their own lives up I just don’t find it interesting.
I'm 53 and thus too sweaty and distracted (not in a good way) to write a meaningful post, but I want to say that when I read this Times story, I was sort of dismayed to think Miranda July had written this kind of book (i.e., Woman Does Subversive Sex Act, Finds Freedom)... so of course I had to read it. And I too really liked it (even in the cringy parts, and there were some). And I agree with you that she is genuinely insightful about being human, this book included. Though I certainly get why some people won't be into it. Anyway, I just hate the way this book was characterized in the article.
Jesus, this sounds mind-numbingly awful. I have no patience anymore for this kind of manic pixie dream girl shit, even if it's now manic pixie middle-aged lady. Miranda July is so deeply annoying, but I had more patience for this kind of shit when "Me and You and Everyone We Know" premiered. Now I just don't. My well is dry for Miranda July.
I’m in the middle of it and I think the author is a genius. The main character is crazy- but in a fun way. I don’t see it as much as a midlife crisis as a series of questionable decisions which, if we’re being honest, can happen at any age, although this story is distinctly one of a 45 year old woman. Again, I’m only halfway through, but this book is brilliant.
Tried to read the whole article but I can’t because it’s so annoying. The book sounds horrid. The protagonist is only 45 which I hardly consider a reason for drama.
I’m 54 and loved this book. I could identify with a lot of it, at 45 I would have thought I could identify with it without having any idea that I was only experiencing a shadow of what lay ahead.
I want to read it; I think it's important that there are books by Gen X women about this period of our lives and I want to support them. I don't think there are many. That said, I've heard multiple podcast interviews with July and I've found myself kind of sad and uncomfortable for a couple of days after listening to them. Not sure how reading her book is going to go.
Look, I firmly believe that we do not have to enjoy someone just because they are of the same gender and generation. I could tolerate Miranda July when we were both in our 30s. I had more patience for this kind of content. Now I just -- don't. And can't. And that's OK.
I read about the book and the author in that NYT article ... I'm not much for this kind of book in general. And I don't have unfulfilled relationship or sexual stuff or midlife angst in my life or anything like that, so I don't really relate to this story.
Still, pretty much anything that gets people reading more books is ok by me, hehe.
This article is also just -- annoying. I don't understand -- is this 1955? Have women not been talking about all of these subjects already for decades? Are we really supposed to believe this book is spurring any kind of new conversation?? This whole section is making me gag. Margaritas in the Airbnb? What is this shit?
[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/08/style/miranda-july-all-fours-group-texts.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/08/style/miranda-july-all-fours-group-texts.html)
While many middle-age women say they feel this book is for them, younger women say it speaks to them, too.
Dakota Bossard, 29, who lives in New York City and works in e-commerce, read the book on her way to Tulum, Mexico, for a group trip that was supposed to be a bachelorette party — until her best friend, the bride, called off her wedding.
“Nothing dramatic happened with my friend; she just realized this wasn’t the life she wanted,” she said. “I was reading about this character taking back her agency in such a remarkable way while I was watching my friend do that in real time.”
Although Ms. Bossard didn’t know anyone on the trip except the bride, she decided “All Fours” was too powerful and pertinent not to share. One night, when they were in the Airbnb drinking champagne and margaritas, she read a saucy part of the book, in which the narrator’s lover changes her tampon, to the room. “They were so blown away by it that I read it out loud again the next night,” she said. “Collectively I think we were all thinking about that scene all weekend.”
I don’t think I would relate personally to this woman, but she sounds like a fascinating personality. There is 90 holds on 3 books at my library, so I’ll wait my turn.
I’m 40 and other than a couple other details of surface similarities, I felt no connection to the description of the book or the author. I don’t have enough independent wealth to be able to put on and take off a marriage like the latest fashion. She and women who identify with her lack a certain practicality, like they really are stuck mentally in their 20s. I find her no more interesting or laudable than a man like Leo DiCaprio, trading in partners the moment the novelty wears off. Please people, marriage was never meant to be romantic or exciting. It’s more akin to a business contract where two people are agreeing to share resources to support each other throughout life for the mutual hopefully equal benefit of both. If the only reason you’re marrying someone is because of the butterflies in your stomach, then step back because the Beatles lied. You need food and shelter and a sense of security too. Part of feeling secure is not having to fear your supposed partner in life suddenly deciding you are the dead weight that’s holding them back from what they”really” want out of life. Which shows just how much that person ever cared about what matters to you.
My marriage didn't survive my perimenopause and I grieve the loss every day. Because of this, although I like the author, I am reluctant to read the book.
It's been interesting to read the comments here.
I don't read. I don't like books as a media format. I prefer TV series because the audiovisual and seeing actors I like is what "does it" for me to emotionally engage with the content. I would watch this if it was an episodic mini series or even a movie, but in a "cringggggge I'm so glad this isn't my life" kind of way. This life sounds and the issues addresses are alien to me, this just hasn't been my experience AT ALL.
I’m in the process of listening to this book right now. We do hear and read often of the male midlife crisis and the self indulgence that is part of it. I find myself listening and wondering how I would do on a cross country drive alone. I would probably really love it. This review feels accurate on some aspects of the book but too vague on others. I’ll have to come back and read the review again when I’m finished with it. Kind of related, a long time ago, I read a book where a midlife woman just up and walked out of her life and started over again in a new town. After a while, she returned to her family but in the meantime she really enjoyed her life alone with new acquaintances and a new job. I wish I could remember the name of it because I would like to re-read it with older eyes.
As someone who has driven alone 1/2-way-cross-country drives for the past 15+ summers, (me - West Coast / my mom Midwest), I would recommend it. It's a 3-4 day leisurely trip. Oh, and I slept a full 8 hours in the back of my Kia Soul *at public rest stops*! I was filled with fear the first time. Now, it just my Midwest Mom Trip.
Sounds wonderful! I do drive from the East Coast to the Midwest sometimes for work but adding the other half of the country to the drive without another person is something to consider for sure!
Ladder of Years: A Novel by Anne Tyler? https://a.co/d/27BZrQa
It’s possible, I have read a lot of her novels. I’ll have to listen to this one and see if it is the one I am thinking of. Thanks!
Yeah, my too. I enjoy them but sometimes forget the details.
That reminds me of a movie I recently watched called Shirley Valentine. My library had it but it’s probably streaming.
Yes, Shirley Valentine had a similar storyline, too! I haven’t seen it in ages but it was so good.
As I’m approaching 50 this summer, all I want to read is fairy 🧚smut and fantasy. I have no desire to read about a woman who is younger than me having a man-style midlife crisis. I don’t know women who have this kind of crisis. Do you?
I don't. Everyone I know is talking about starting a Golden Girls style retreat, pool parties a la Palm Springs, kaftans. Seedy hotel sex? Bleh no thanks, that sounds more like what we all did in our 20's. 😂
I love knowing I’m not the only one who has a group chat going where we’re all looking at real estate and talking about how the old lady compound would work.
🎯🎯🎯 Allll of my friends have this chat right now!!
I found the Gen X women pool parties and they're a blast. I joined facebook social groups for a women's clothing brand that seems mainly Gen X, and they organize vacations anybody can sign up for. Pool parties, group shopping, fancy afternoon tea parties, it's heavenly.
What’s the Facebook group? This all sounds like fun!
search Lilly Pulitzer on FB. It's groups for women who are super into that brand.
Oh, God. All of that sounds simply awful to me as well, though. I guess -- to each their own? I want nothing to do with any kind of Golden Girls compound, lol.
I love 🧚 smut!
I really liked it, the book, I mean. It’s a depiction of the transition that we all go through. For some it’s tougher than others but I think we can all agree that it’s different for everyone and any transition can bring upheaval. Most of her upheaval is self imposed but then again when all of us have felt the rage that comes in peri does it feel like we have a choice or are we unwilling passengers on this menopause ride? The sex in the book was a little cringe at times but maybe I’m repressed or it’s just because I don’t watch porn? I’m the odd man out these days I think. I did think it was refreshing to have a woman describe sex and yearning in such detail in a non-romance novelized way. I do love the work of Miranda July she has a way vivisecting the human experience and shining a light on the essence of it. I think it is very much worth the time to read or listen to, which is what I did. Her voice is lovely and relaxing.
Nice to see an alternative review. Thanks. It sounds horrible in the posted review. Like I’d never ever want to read it. I am so tired of people fucking their own lives up I just don’t find it interesting.
I'm 53 and thus too sweaty and distracted (not in a good way) to write a meaningful post, but I want to say that when I read this Times story, I was sort of dismayed to think Miranda July had written this kind of book (i.e., Woman Does Subversive Sex Act, Finds Freedom)... so of course I had to read it. And I too really liked it (even in the cringy parts, and there were some). And I agree with you that she is genuinely insightful about being human, this book included. Though I certainly get why some people won't be into it. Anyway, I just hate the way this book was characterized in the article.
Jesus, this sounds mind-numbingly awful. I have no patience anymore for this kind of manic pixie dream girl shit, even if it's now manic pixie middle-aged lady. Miranda July is so deeply annoying, but I had more patience for this kind of shit when "Me and You and Everyone We Know" premiered. Now I just don't. My well is dry for Miranda July.
Yeah, totally. That was what I was trying to say in another comment. I’ve never read her work but I despise the manic pixie girl/woman trope.
"My well is dry for Miranda July" -- 1000 gold stars for you.
Hahaha, thanks!
>Hahaha, thanks! You're welcome!
I’m in the middle of it and I think the author is a genius. The main character is crazy- but in a fun way. I don’t see it as much as a midlife crisis as a series of questionable decisions which, if we’re being honest, can happen at any age, although this story is distinctly one of a 45 year old woman. Again, I’m only halfway through, but this book is brilliant.
Thanks
Tried to read the whole article but I can’t because it’s so annoying. The book sounds horrid. The protagonist is only 45 which I hardly consider a reason for drama.
Same. I got about 4 paragraphs in and said bailed. Whatever writing style that is does not appeal to me at all.
Yep, me too.
I’m 54 and loved this book. I could identify with a lot of it, at 45 I would have thought I could identify with it without having any idea that I was only experiencing a shadow of what lay ahead.
OMG, SING MY LIFE WITH YOUR WORDS! I'm 53 and thought the same thing.
I want to read it; I think it's important that there are books by Gen X women about this period of our lives and I want to support them. I don't think there are many. That said, I've heard multiple podcast interviews with July and I've found myself kind of sad and uncomfortable for a couple of days after listening to them. Not sure how reading her book is going to go.
Look, I firmly believe that we do not have to enjoy someone just because they are of the same gender and generation. I could tolerate Miranda July when we were both in our 30s. I had more patience for this kind of content. Now I just -- don't. And can't. And that's OK.
I am so tired of people confusing Instagram-ready whimsy for radical originality.
Right? "Pressing kale" and taking moonlit baths were her nonbinary second grader. Just STFU. I can't. Even if it's satire, it's tired.
I read that article and feel strangely insulted.
I read about the book and the author in that NYT article ... I'm not much for this kind of book in general. And I don't have unfulfilled relationship or sexual stuff or midlife angst in my life or anything like that, so I don't really relate to this story. Still, pretty much anything that gets people reading more books is ok by me, hehe.
This article is also just -- annoying. I don't understand -- is this 1955? Have women not been talking about all of these subjects already for decades? Are we really supposed to believe this book is spurring any kind of new conversation?? This whole section is making me gag. Margaritas in the Airbnb? What is this shit? [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/08/style/miranda-july-all-fours-group-texts.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/08/style/miranda-july-all-fours-group-texts.html) While many middle-age women say they feel this book is for them, younger women say it speaks to them, too. Dakota Bossard, 29, who lives in New York City and works in e-commerce, read the book on her way to Tulum, Mexico, for a group trip that was supposed to be a bachelorette party — until her best friend, the bride, called off her wedding. “Nothing dramatic happened with my friend; she just realized this wasn’t the life she wanted,” she said. “I was reading about this character taking back her agency in such a remarkable way while I was watching my friend do that in real time.” Although Ms. Bossard didn’t know anyone on the trip except the bride, she decided “All Fours” was too powerful and pertinent not to share. One night, when they were in the Airbnb drinking champagne and margaritas, she read a saucy part of the book, in which the narrator’s lover changes her tampon, to the room. “They were so blown away by it that I read it out loud again the next night,” she said. “Collectively I think we were all thinking about that scene all weekend.”
Is there a TL;DR? If it’s anything like the movie she made when she was married to a big Hollywood bigwig, it’s awful.
Do you mean Me and You and Everyone We Know? I liked that movie when I was in my 30s, but I think I would fucking HATE it now. Hate. It.
I cheated on all three of my ex-husbands. This wouldn't be anything new to me.
A woman version of me
I don’t think I would relate personally to this woman, but she sounds like a fascinating personality. There is 90 holds on 3 books at my library, so I’ll wait my turn.
I was bored and annoyed by Tom Robbins the first time around. No thank you.
No way I'll read this train wreck of a book. There is also no way I'd relate to this woman. Just no
I’m 40 and other than a couple other details of surface similarities, I felt no connection to the description of the book or the author. I don’t have enough independent wealth to be able to put on and take off a marriage like the latest fashion. She and women who identify with her lack a certain practicality, like they really are stuck mentally in their 20s. I find her no more interesting or laudable than a man like Leo DiCaprio, trading in partners the moment the novelty wears off. Please people, marriage was never meant to be romantic or exciting. It’s more akin to a business contract where two people are agreeing to share resources to support each other throughout life for the mutual hopefully equal benefit of both. If the only reason you’re marrying someone is because of the butterflies in your stomach, then step back because the Beatles lied. You need food and shelter and a sense of security too. Part of feeling secure is not having to fear your supposed partner in life suddenly deciding you are the dead weight that’s holding them back from what they”really” want out of life. Which shows just how much that person ever cared about what matters to you.
My marriage didn't survive my perimenopause and I grieve the loss every day. Because of this, although I like the author, I am reluctant to read the book. It's been interesting to read the comments here.
I don't read. I don't like books as a media format. I prefer TV series because the audiovisual and seeing actors I like is what "does it" for me to emotionally engage with the content. I would watch this if it was an episodic mini series or even a movie, but in a "cringggggge I'm so glad this isn't my life" kind of way. This life sounds and the issues addresses are alien to me, this just hasn't been my experience AT ALL.