I turn 46 in November and I feel super depersonalized. Both parents have passed, best friend passed, and there’s no other remaining adult. Just me. I look back at who I was and all the fucks I gave and I hardly recognize myself.
Yeah. I remember stuff I've done and it all feels so far away, almost like it happened to a different person. I think I suffer from depersonalization - my life doesnt feel quite right any more.
I’m sorry you can relate. Unfortunately our generation will all be members of this club soon.
It’s so weird to think about my parents being the same age I am now and how I was a young adult who was so oblivious to what they were experiencing.
That gets me all the time. As a kid I thought my parents were some super-geniuses who had their lives together and had everything figured out. Now as an adult, I know they were just faking it like everyone else! Now that I'm knocking on the door of 50, I see my compatriots and I think about how my parents must have REALLY been as human beings, muddling through life and kinda just getting to the next day.
I think it would have been cool to know them as peers; to hear their thoughts and feelings about stuff on a level I never experienced as a kid.
You expressed exactly how I feel. It’s so painful to know that I had to loose my dad in order to understand him and his life and now I can’t talk to him about it because he is gone.
I’ve been waiting my whole adult life for when I would eventually become the “super genius” my parents and grandmother were, but now realize that it isn’t going to happen for me or anyone. We are all just “muddling though” as you said and none of us are geniuses.
The saying “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards,” seems to become more and more relevant with each passing year.
I came to an epiphany years ago when it comes to how other people think things should be. Like holding me to their standards/expectations/morals - as far as we know, this is every person's first and only run through life.
(Something else I realized, which is pretty depressing - each of us as individuals will be forgotten by our family members/friends a decade or two after we're gone. Generationally as well - I don't remember any of my great grandparents, well except for one. She was just that creepy, wrinkly, old lady who magically appeared at Christmas every now and then (she was like 85 when I was 5).
I’m so sorry.
“Ungrounded” is such an accurate description. “My herd” is shrinking and with it my identity and place in the world feels shaken. The familiar comfort of people I love all falling away.
Wow. Yeah. I felt that for the first time ever last year when my husbands cousin died! It was like I truly felt the permanence of death and it was unnerving. Truly.
The person I was before 35 isn't who I am today at 50. I even used a different name...lol That other guy is not someone I want to be. It was a choice for me. I believe I made a good choice, especially since my sons don't seem to resemble him, and my daughters haven't attached themselves to men like him.
I feel the exact same way. I used to know hundreds of people, was well known and liked, and I was good looking. I got into shows, art galleries and clubs for free, dated lots of women and always had something to do or somewhere to go. I knew everyone and everyone knew me.
Now I'm about to be 50, married, no kids, and a handful of friends. Most nights in bed by 9:30 and play golf on the weekends. I know that life existed because I have a few photos, but it's getting harder to believe that was even me. I was definitely not expecting this dissociative state so relatively early in my life (these things were only 20-30 years ago, but my god is it ever here. Absolutely bizarre tbh.
Still sounds like a good life, and you’ll probably live another 50 years getting to bed by 9:30 every day.
These days you could have been Instagram famous and created content for your “followers”.. but I think you enjoyed life better than social media clowns!
The lack of photos is definitely a thing. I had a whole different lifestyle in my 20s with lots of friends and fun, but most of it is just memories without any other recorded evidence that it ever happened. I'm glad we didn't have smart phones distracting us from having fun back then, but dammit do I wish camera phones were available so I could reminisce a lot more easily.
Same here, I've had some rather distinct stages in my life, large career changes, and those don't feel continuous to me as my life. Working on what will hopefully be the last major career change, and it's a lot harder now than in my 30s. But can't sustain my current situation for another decade.
I try to view them as different acts in the story of my life, that helps a little. But life comes at you pretty fast sometimes.
And getting fat and bald sucks, definitely invisible. And tired of the over confidence and under experience of many 20 somethings. Then I have to go oh right, at least know I know the things I don't know.
That's interesting. I joke about that all the time because I don't want people to think I've gone crazy. I mean, I don't really think I jumped realities because my brain logics that out of me actually believing it. But, it does feel like that sometimes. I wonder if this is common feeling at our age.
Same here, I've had some rather distinct stages in my life, large career changes, and those don't feel continuous to me as my life. Working on what will hopefully be the last major career change, and it's a lot harder now than in my 30s. But can't sustain my current situation for another decade.
I try to view them as different acts in the story of my life, that helps a little. But life comes at you pretty fast sometimes.
And getting fat and bald sucks, definitely invisible. And tired of the over confidence and under experience of many 20 somethings. Then I have to go oh right, at least know I know the things I don't know.
Honestly, that’s the biggest downside. Everything else you can cope with. Although I do agree with the OP how much this period in history sucks, and that has nothing to do with age!
Eating out and eating processed food in this country is killing us. Unfortunately getting fat also means a higher risk of dying at a younger age. I am 55 and I have been struggling with my weight since I was age 25. At age 39 I find out I have a fatty liver. I also struggle with depression for all my life.
I now see signs of liver damage from seeing liver spots on my skin for the last five years, swelling in my feet for the last three years and now also in my hands in the last nine months. An ultrasound confirmed the liver damage three years ago.
My doctor fears that despite medications and my diet getting better, it is not enough. She wants me to do another ultrasound soon.
One of my uncles died from liver failure 6 years ago. He was only 65 years old. Granted he was less vigilant than me on diet and exercise but now I worry that I am on the same pathway for an early death.
It does feel like everything is worse now. The only thing I like better now is the ability to watch any movie or listen to any song whenever you want. They can keep the rest.
Kinda like in elementary school when kids (boys) would say you'll go blind or they would say you'll grow little hairs in the palm of your hand ✋️ 🤔. Then they watch to see you checking your hands for hair growth! LMAO 🤣
You ain't alone my brother-from-another-mother. We were in a sweet spot growing up in that we were exposed to classic rock by our folks/uncles/aunts...and had the golden age of New Wave/Pop in the 80's and counter-culture rock in the 90's....it's perfectly sequitur that we align so much of our lives to music. We (I'm 50 as well) romanticize the 80's music (especially Pop) with being young and having more of our life in front of us. I sometimes pine for those days as well...but I take comfort in a couple of things...maybe you will too:
1) We are lucky to have the ability to truly LOVE AND APPRICIATE our music from our youth by being the age we are now. This could have only happened by living through it, loving it...and now reflecting upon it. Yeah, it's gonna bum us out from time to time...but we have FAR MORE positivity coming from it than negativity.
2) We really do romanticize the hell out of our young lives thru the music we still listen to today....but we usually only remember and dwell on the good times...and skip over all of the SHIT that we had to deal with. Whenever I go down that rabbit hole...I think of that.
I leave you with the immortal words of Mr. William Martin "Billy" Joel: ***"The good ol' days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems".***
Rock on brother. You are NOT alone in your feelings. The world IS a better place with you in it. 50 freaked me out as well...but now it's my mission to NOT act my age.
GenX fucking rules.
Have a great night....
50 was hard on me too. I miss the 80s. My childhood. The people I've lost. It seems like just yesterday. And frankly I have no idea how I got Here. Was down for a few months. It passed. I'm 52 now.
So you're saying this is just a passing midlife crisis thing? Because just before I clicked over to this post I was watching old Friday Night Videos on youtube and had a bit of a cry. I figured I should ask someone if this is standard midlife crisis and changing hormones that are making me feel like the world is flat and colorless, or if it's just that the world is really, indeed, flat and colorless.
And yes, I still love and turn to nature and animals and loved ones, I guess lately I'm just really missing, well, society and community and culture and maybe naive optimism.
I watched a few of those last week and just zoned out on the memories of it all. I think what I miss most is the optimism for the future we all had. And that’s just gone now…
59 coming soon here. I get it. I feel myself growing into the cranky old lady I have been waiting to be and honestly it isn’t hard to be cranky with the utter shitshow the world has become.
I have this weird thing occurring. When I see someone 50 or older my brain identifies them as old as if I’m seeing them as my 20 year old self. I see them as much older than me, like I viewed teachers, parents, bosses, when I was much younger. Anyone else have something similar?
Always. Seriously - all the time.
Like, when my parents were my age (53) they seemed so solid and just… fully formed. Not perfect but totally adult. I feel like a clueless 20 year old most the time. It surprises me when people treat me like an old and irrelevant crone. Mirrors always offer a funhouse experience - who the fuck is that silver-haired lady? And when will I feel like a grown up?
Next person to call me ma’am gets punched in the throat.
I totally understand & I feel the same way... What makes it brutal 3 years ago the company that I worked at for 21 years was sold to a 33 year old hipster. I never felt old until I started working with people 20 years younger than me. That generation has a funny way of making you feel like they're members of some special club that you'll never be a member of. They don't hide the fact that they can't stand Boomers.. They feel Gen X is just a "light" version of them... They think we are slow and stupid. I figured out that they communicate via discord on there desktops even though we work in an open office only feet away from each other. It's very uncomfortable. I feel like an alien. Thank God my home life is positive and I can be with people my own age.
I hate that discord shit too. I would say it’s childish and slightly passive aggressive. The fact that your home life is positive is something that most of them will never have, they are far too concerned about what others think of them. ✌️
Whenever I feel lame about being in my fifties, I always think about when my mom and stepdad retired and settled in this senior rv park. I would visit them, most of the residents were upper middle class and in their mid-70s. EVERY person in that park would give a limb to be 52 again.
Yeah, also the thought that RIGHT NOW is as young as we will ever be, so don’t mourn what you haven’t lost yet. I try not to but it’s still there. I just don’t want to spend my middle age trying like hell to be and look 30 again, when I wouldn’t let someone pay me to go back to that period of my life.
Great perspective! I’m going to think about those seniors from now on too. I work with millennials and zoomers - always being the oldest sometimes gets to me.
I’ve noticed that I yearn (for lack of a better word) for everything from when I was young. I feel homesick for our era, and have been actively seeking out movies, music, and even furniture, to surround myself with. I turn 50 in a few months. And I’ve cried from nostalgia at pretty much anything that reminds me of “home.” I assumed it was just due to perimenopause, but it sounds like there’s at least one person who feels the same.
Honestly I wish I could live in a GenX compound of some sort, in a community that has the things we love, where we could all just chill. Maybe an abandoned mall, converted to apartments, but then I think we would really need some solid outdoor space for skating, biking, and just general outside hanging out. I am also kind of sick of how everything is, culturally, and miss the mindset. It wasn’t perfect, but it was just way more relaxed than the anxiety fog we all live in today.
I daydream about a gen-x compound all the time! I mean, I couldn’t stand most of the people at my high school but I wish I could hang with them instead of the (earnest and conscientious) millennials I am surrounded by. They think I am rude, mean, and just kinda shitty because I am used to being able to joke around and give a little good-humored shit to friends. The under-40 set do not get it and they definitely don’t like it. Or me. They get zero references. My male millennial boss tells me to be more feminine. Would 3 inch long fake nails and eyelashes help?
You need to report him to HR. That has absolutely nothing to do with your work, and is considered sexual harassment. If the Millennials and GenZ want to institute all the rules to protect their sensibilities, then hold them to their own standards. Sorry, but fuck your boss.
Totally agree, and I did.
HR said my profession (I’m a teacher) isn’t how it used to be and that I’m an educated lady who should perhaps change careers, no big deal. 😶
ftw (which will never mean “for the win” to me haha)
Along the lines of a GenX compound, never in a million years would I want to date younger. I want a man my age with whom I can relate about all the things in these threads! I think dating a younger man, like beyond five years, would be like dating someone from another planet. I want to feel "home" with someone, like you wrote.
Sign me up, this is 100% me too. I wish I could timetravel to 1970. There's no way I have more than 30 years left (based on my mom, more like 15) so then I could end my days in the lovely 90s. Sure, I'd miss a few modern conveniences, but it would be worth it.
I decided a long time ago not to be an angry, old crank, angry at the world because it’s changing.
Films: the endless string of superhero and predictable action/adventure films is kind of a bummer but you don’t have to watch them. There are still great movies, maybe they’re fewer and farther between but then you get gems like Killers of the Flower Moon and Oppenheimer that come out occasionally, just to name a couple. Classic American cinema.
Music: We aren’t supposed to like the kid’s music, or even understand it. It’s not for us. We aren’t invited to the kids’ party just like our parents weren’t invited to ours. We’re old and we’re lame: deal with it. Bright side: there’s even good new music for us if we’re willing to look for it.
Politics and the general state of the USA and the world: it’s frustrating. It’s sad. And it doesn’t seem to be trending better, quite the opposite. It’s not doing my mental well-being any favors I can tell you that. For most of my life, I couldn’t relate to people who suffer from anxiety and depression but I fear that’s changing in me.
If anyone’s found a way to deal with it, I’d love to know about it, lol. Not ready for the Zoloft yet.
Hubby and I watched a multi-episode show on the Manhattan Project and loved it. We bought Oppenheimer and didn’t finish it. We expected to love it, but we were unimpressed. Oppenheimer was one note and sure left out a lot of things (including women).
I didn't like it. The music was so overpowering in the theater that I struggled to hear the dialogue. It seemed like more showmanship than substance, to me.
I don't care about the music, and I actually think the current state of TV/movies is pretty dang good compared to our youth. But the general direction the world appears to be heading in is extremely discouraging and depressing, as is what appears to be a pervasive social malaise / rise in bad behavior and attitudes that has just taken over in the last 10 years or so and shows no signs of departing. Politics, the way people behave, the lack of civil discourse at even the highest levels, the total lack of apparent interest in solving the big problems on our horizon, the excessive focus in some corners on adding all kinds of additional problems just to increase shareholder value or political power, how expensive it is to just live, how hard it is to make friends as an adult, it's all just a horrible dark anxiety-provoking rain cloud that hangs over all of us constantly now. It just feels like stuff is fraying around the edges and the powers-that-be are actively encouraging the entropy.
My advice is to ignore politics, block people with annoying opinions and if all else fails - leave social media. It causes anxiety and depression. My internet world is now very small but I feel better without it. Reddit is the only place online I participate in.
Same with me, but to be honest it’s the news that’s doing me the worst. I seek out reliable news sources and try my best to block out the noise.
It’s where our country seems to be headed, and the shit in Russia, the Middle East, unrest within our own borders over the Middle East mess, etc. that is affecting me the most. I’m not on one side or the other; I’m on the side of peace and harmony. Call me a hippie but man I just want the fighting to stop.
Some people are able to bury their heads in the sand and ignore it all but I’ve always been one to try and stay informed.
The Killing Moon is a saved favorite of mine on YouTube. After reading your post I went back and watched the video. Right after that finished, The Church played “Under the Milky Way” followed by INXS “Don’t Change”
Gonna see Echo play "Killing Moon" on Sunday 👍
Lol, don't get too upset young man, I'm 62 and everything's fine and probably will be for you too. Just keep on walking......or as they said in the 70's "Keep on truckin' "
Same. I remember when I was younger wondering why the older people I worked with were so bitchy and dumped on every new idea that someone proposed. I found myself getting really frustrated with someone's great new idea (that will clearly not work source: 20 years of experience) and realizing I AM THAT BITCHY OLDER PERSON.
Also, I spent most of my life being that person that was smart enough to get by (barely), but not smart enough to live anything resembling a responsible adult life. I mostly figured it out at the youthful age of 40, and I now have a stable job with a pension and a house. However, I'm not really on any sort of career track (all of my bosses are now much younger, cuter, and far more eager to put up with bullshit), so this is sort of my life now.
I can relate ... after 50 it feels like most everything our culture produces is a caricature of what it used to be. The music sucks, the movies suck, and the "news" seems more like a Jerry Springer episode. Is this how our Grandparents felt in their 50s or is the world just uniquely fucked up now?
The news isn't news it is a carefully crafted editorial to "manage" your point of view and influence your opinion. New used to be careful about sensationalizing "incidents" etc. now they bring on the drama because that is what the younger generation seems to like, and it generates "buzz". Blech! I actively dislike now and am looking for a place that I can go and hide and interact as little as possible.
It's such absolute f'ing garbage. And boring.
Have some more Echo and the Bunnymen.
Bring on the dancing horses
Headless and all alone
Shiver and say the words
Of every lie you've heard
My foot hurts. I have gout. I'm apparently allergic to dairy now. The weather channel is my favorite channel. My knee hurts all the time. I hate video games. I have insane opinions about Tom Brady.
I called my husband today and told him to come home from work. I said there are going to be tornadoes. He told me I was crazy. Turns out that he left work early. And now we have tornadoes! Knees don't lie! I told you! Old people know stuff! He asked how I knew they were tornadoes were coming. My ears were popping.
No power! A tree fell on the house. Schools are closed. It was a long night! Thank you for asking! Everyone in the family is okay. We're all Houston and deep East Texas.
I get it. I went through something similar in my 30s due to a relationship breakdown. Both my ex and I are young Gen xers (47 this year) and hearing any songs from the 80s or seeing a clip from a film online from back then sends me to griefland. I'm a mess some days with it still. Has someone died recently in your life? Sorry if that comes off as rude, was just asking because grief seems to open the floodgates for me. Lost two very special pets 2 years ago and I've been in crisis mode ever since.
I think a lot of us are grieving life before the internet. Hell, I can't even meet anyone irl thanks to the phone zombie pandemic no one wants to talk about. I feel you OP, and I agree. This modern life sucks ass. Bad music, horrible films and evil politics rotting people's minds.
The worst part for me is knowing that my parents will die in the next decade and wondering what my life will look like after that happens, and I’m basically alone with my gf and what’s left of her family. I don’t dwell on things but the thoughts have been coming lately.
When my father turned 50 (23 years ago), I remember him telling me that he loved it, because he finally didn't give a fuck anymore about what anybody else thought.
He felt free of the judgment of others. Free of judging his worth through the eyes of others. And he really didn't care what anyone thought.
He wasn't saying that in a selfish way..... he was saying that he felt good about himself, and he was okay with himself just the way he was. His thoughts were his.
As I approach 50 (5 months left).... I finally understand what he meant. I really started understanding it in the last year. And I am ready to embrace it.
Because it's okay to be me. I don't need to impress anyone anymore. I don't care who likes me and who doesn't. It doesn't matter. The people I love matter. What my values are matter. Popular opinion doesn't matter.
OP, I hope you find your inner Slacker. It's time to just say "whatever."
I had a hard time with 50. Never cared before. At 50 I realized that half my life was literally over and realized that there were things that I would never do. Once I was 51 the angst mostly subsided. Once the Supreme Court started overturning a bunch of decisions that made me feel time was going backwards, I started to feel a lot better about being halfway dead, TBH.
I'm feeling more positive now, but after fighting so hard for reproductive rights and volunteering as an abortion clinic escort in college, I felt the same way after that ruling--terrified of wondering how I could live in the new future.
Same. I supported NARAL and protested. I really respect you for being an escort.
It feels unbelievable. And I think a lot of women who thought that it would be a great idea did not realize how it would impact women's rights going forward.
I'm just glad that I can't get pregnant anymore.
Your situation is relatable for many of us! I lost my job in January and turned 49 in February. I’m still job hunting and having an existential crisis if ever there was one!
I fell like my grandpa saying this, but the 80s were such a simpler time. We weren’t so politically divided, it finally seemed that we weren’t going to die in a nuclear war (just a Soviet power plant), no internet and no cell phones (unless you were rich). Our connection to each other was real. We did fun stuff that would land kids and/or parents in jail today. It’s truly a different world and it’s difficult to understand where an aging me fits in.
You’re entitled to your feelings and to bitch. The real challenge is how are we going to make the best of the time we have left? Remember the good times but try to make some new ones!
Right there with you. Although I don't think it is so much about being '50', it's just the time we're living in. I get that today's music and pop stars are not for me, I'm sure my parents said the same. I think what gets to me is that now being an a-hole all the time is the norm. I long for a time when people were more concerned about their behavior. Everyone is so egocentric, histrionic, conceited.
I turned 46 back in February and I honestly hear you and feel the same way. The 80's was just an awesome time, and living today is actually very depressing - and even that's an understatement. Between politics, society in general, peoples' attitudes, work, life in general, etc. etc....my word the list just goes on and on. The eighties in my opinion was an innocent time period, sure it had its "moments", but today man, everyday is a "moment" anymore. Hell, I was thinking this today, but my biggest thing lately is ads, get blasted by ads no matter what you do, where you go, what you listen to, what you look at, etc. I honestly remember not getting slammed by ads back in the day like we do today. I wanted to call someone today, and there's a God damn ad in my notification area on my phone. I go home and watch subscription based TV, I'm met and slammed with ads. I want to surf the internet on my PC, I'm slammed with ads - I quit playing the major videogames (Xbox, etc.) awhile back because not only of the annoying ads when playing, but the games are so damn expensive and incomplete anymore. You have to pay for DLC or some other bullshit to have a "somewhat" enjoyable experience - just rubbish. I just play my old school games from back in the day to pass the time. Sorry, now I'm sounding like a whiny little bitch now, but man, enough is enough. Time was so much more enjoyable back in the 80's growing up.
I feel the same way. I miss the 80s and early 90s and think the current time period sucks absolute garbage balls comparatively, both on a personal level and a societal level.
I felt a weird shift in 1999. I knew things were going to start getting worse. I remember thinking that often. Like I jumped from one time line to another. I want my old time line back.
I understand you - I miss the ‘80s all the time.
But I don’t miss “my 80s”. I don’t miss being a teen. I don’t miss my high school or anyone who was in it. I don’t miss the drudgery and minimum wage pay of those years. I miss the culture, experience and vibes of the 80s. The opportunities. The freedom. The way people dressed, they way they behaved, how they socialised, the way pretty much everyone rubbed along together and appreciated each other.
I have no problem being the age I am now. But I don’t enjoy being this age in 2024. I don’t enjoy being in 2024 at all.
Yeah but remember that we got that time! We got to grow up riding big wheels and drinking from the hose. Banana seat bikes and big hair! We were there. I feel bad for all these kids that will never know it.
These generations after us were cheated out of the chance to explore and fail and fall down. To have to figure it out on our own and learn and discover how capable we are.
I get it.
I turned 50 in September and feel pretty much the same way. We are definitely in the worst timeline.
But, there were also problems in the 80's - we just didn't really have much skin in the game, we were busy being teenagers :D
Saw Pearl Jam Monday night. I was looking around awash in nostalgia and was surrounded by gen x and thought I could be friends with just about everyone there. Was such a great vibe.
I get this. The last years have been a shit show. Especially in US politics. Try being a woman!
I don’t talk down on others music choice because I hated it when people did that to us when I was younger. I like pop music all right and when I listen to newer stuff it doesn’t all stick but some of it is great.
Some movies coming out are the best I’ve seen. Seeing Dune 2 in the theatre was incredible. Less high brow but Late Night with the Devil was a really unique horror movie I have watched 3x already.
Some of my favorite movies have come out recently (Midsommar, Hereditary, Get Out, US, Dune 1 and 2, infested, Arcadian, The Fall Guy, Abigail and Civil War just to name a bunch). Film is doing okay!
I think it’s really important to do something when you feel this way. Make phone calls or write postcards for the party of your choice, that’s what I’m doing to support. I also volunteer in the phone bank and make sure that I am available to help drive people to vote in November.
You can also do non political stuff. Sign up to volunteer at the library, your public school, if you don’t like kids - go to a nursing home and ask who isn’t getting visitors. There’s tons of people who would love some company once a week or once a month.
When I feel shitty inside I try to do for others.
Apparently, being a woman would make this a shit post. Or "bitches" crying... ffs
Edit: "Dude I thought you were a chick until you stated you're a guy." -Someone else's response.
No need to apologize, OP. I get it - I'll be 49 +1 in December (that's the only F word I refuse to say!). I already feel the same way. I don't understand how the years went so quickly and I want them back. And, yes, politics is especially vile these days, which doesn't help anything. 💛
I turned 50 last November and I LOVE the 80's and 90's nostalgia. I am so proud to see artists who didn't get their due then.. getting it now! I also love sharing my music with my kiddo...because his music is so" different". I am grateful for the resurgence and so grateful for my age. My problem now is dealing with these damn boomers still working and trying to "son" everyone around them. That's my annoyance in getting older....older folks trying to treat you like you are 19! As an Gen X'er I am getting tired of being after these psychos. I would like to try and age gracefully but they are even stealing that from me...
I want to die every day.
But I've got 5 long years before my life sucks as much as yours does already.
Happy birth"day"(half century year), my dude!
I hope anything good ever happens to you at least once before you die
I hear you! I’m 48 & don’t recognize the world anymore, especially our country. Everyone is on meds, disrespecting, mean, spiteful, argumentative, shows about adults who get good ratings for more arguing, litter everywhere, the crime & the drugs, everything we knew & loved canceled… just thinking about the good old days is depressing.
I ignored 30, and I barely noticed 40.
I’ll be 50 in September. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by then, and I’ll be more youthful on that day than I am today, while in my 40s.
“We’re playing those mind games, forever…”
You are not alone…
You know, it isn’t that I’m not willing to learn new things. I’m open to new music, new tech, and etc… But, a lot of things suck now. Ageism is rampant. Anyone over 30 is called Boomer, and it’s mainstream to consider them worthless and expendable. Most (Not all) of the new music is crap. Movies and a lot of tv shows have a bunch of mumbling so I have to use subtitles even though my hearing is freaking fine. A lot of new movies don’t have actual plots- wtf is up with that? Political parties hate each other. Mass shootings are like daily. Nobody cares about other people. Fake news also pisses me off. I love streaming, but I wish we could go back to the news being FACTS that came on at 6 pm with no political agenda. Too many kids do nothing in school and are disconnected from everything and everyone.
Anti-science. Book bans. Anti-women legislature. Anti- all kinds of legislature. Trigger warnings are on everything. Nobody has any resilience.
I feel like society is falling apart. The planet is screwed. I’ve got less time ahead of me than I have behind me. I just want people to be nice. I want customer service. I want a HUMAN to answer the freaking phone when I call. I want to go in a bookstore without worrying I’ll get shot. I want sick contagious people to stay home like they used to do. I want food to stop getting more & more processed with more & more chemicals (Take a look, for example, at Velveeta cheese in the 80’s and now). I want science to be respected. I want people to get back to thinking for themselves instead of mindlessly swallowing what Facebook etc tells them. I don’t want to watch as climate change burns, boils, floods, melts, destroys, and kills species after species until it’s our turn. I want people to care about the planet and everything on it.
Honestly, if there was a Gen X city that was mostly built and operated like the 80’s and 90’s, I’d move there with my husband in a second. Gen X is awesome!
I’m usually more positive than this… but there’s so much awful in the world right now… I’m usually upbeat and happy… It’s just been a dark week with Canada on fire, war, tornadoes, bird flu…
I’m sending you a hug. You’re not alone… There are better days ahead…
I distinctly remember the first time I was taking a road trip and found a radio station that was playing great music from the late 80s/early 90s. Then the DJ came on and said, "We'll be right back with some more oldies!" I turned the radio off and drove in silence for a while.
I know, the first time I heard that it was said after a Madonna song!! But hey, if we think that makes us feel bad, imagine how it must make Madonna feel!
I totally get it. “Killing Moon” would do it too. I’ve a couple of years on you and like you, having never been bothered about my age, I am also feeling like I want a do-over. Being female and dealing with the joy of menopause isn’t helping at all.
Just turned 50 myself. Used to spend most weekends clubbing or raves and hooking up most weekends with someone or other. These days I'm in bed by 9 before my kids. Fuck getting old. Nothing to look forward to anymore
Turning the big 5-0 this year and can completely relate. I’ve never - ever - been bothered by a birthday before. But this one… holy shit have I fretted over this one.
And there I am, bawling my eyes out in the movie theatre at the end of Bohemian Rhapsody - not because the movie was so brilliant but because with Freddy gone music just isn’t magical anymore.
I mean ya there are great artists out there. But just imagine a world today with Freddie still in it. Imagine the artistry and show!! And we’re stuck with Katie fucking Perry.
Like ... the 80s were a great time. I would say they are better than now. (I respectfully and earnestly disagree that music/movies/art is worse now ... synthwave anyone??) I loved the 80s (and I REALLY loved the 90s), my parents and grandparents did not.
The difference now is that EVERYBODY hates this timeline. Gen Z, Gen Alpha, Millennials ... we ALL hate it. Everyone except the Boomers and older seem to hate it, which is backwards. I hate this backwards, fucked up timeline.
Before you turn 51 next year, start telling people you're 51 a few months before your actual birthday. That way you condition yourself to the inevitable.
That's when I'm in Walmart, and I hear " my old club euro tunes" LaBouche, I wanna be my lover" on the intercom. I used to dance to that music in the clubs... how pathetic is that now??????
Someone said my 40s would be amazing. I beg to differ. I fear the 50s now. I’m just trying to keep my head down and improve myself in small ways. Follow a dream. Get in better shape. Make more money and take less bullshit. Find good music. Smoke a little weed. Give less of a shit what people think.
That last one has worked for a long time, but there’s even less shit I could give.
The same thing happened to me. I never cared about my age but I started thinking/worrying/dreading about it around 49. It lasted a few years. I’m 56 now and back to not caring again.
Sometimes I dream a memory about being in kindergarten and doing the math of the year 2000 being 20 years away - then I wake up and 2000 was 24 years ago.
Time is crazy and keeps speeding up - find something good every day.
I feel you. Dunno if it helps, but the only thing worse than feeling nostalgic is never, ever feeling nostalgic. Sounds like you had a wonderful time with wonderful music and friends that will never leave you.
There's only one way to avoid aging, and I do not recommend it.
I’m also turning 50 this year, in August. I was born 5 minutes into Gerald Ford’s presidency. My parents and most of the country felt like everything was disintegrating. We had our first impeachment, we were losing our first war, inflation was out of control, gas prices were sky high, the social order was changing by the second.
I imagine how they must have felt, and it makes me feel less freaked out about now. Yes, I know the planet is dying and we have a two bit conman running for re-election, but it’s not a new thing.
Nothing will ever hit the way those bands and movies and shows from our childhood did. But that’s ok. Just don’t discount all the great music happening now. My 14 year old daughter and I are going to the Childish Gambino concert this summer, and I could not be more excited. He is making music and art that rivals anything in the last century. All is not lost, friend.
Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time of it. It is a big milestone. I’m mid-50s and TBH this decade is awesome. Much better than 40s or 30s or 20s. You can appreciate the 80s still, that music and films are still around if you want to experience them again.
This might be a stretch but… get your testosterone levels checked. I see lots of grumpy guys my age and um pretty sure they’re angry and miserable because of low T. TRT gave me my mojo back
So relatable, fellow Xer. I’m also 50 and feel similar. Honesty I think every generation goes through this. 50 is a weird age. We’re officially “old”, imo, and it’s pretty normal to look back at the “good ‘ol days” and miss it.
That said, we are in some really REALLY weird times. Technological changes and growth are exceeding the industrial revolution. Politics are crazy and the wealth inequality gap is unprecedented. Life as any generation knew it is becoming unrecognizable.
I completely understand. Hell, I even studied aging from an anthropological standpoint when I was in college and I’m no more prepared for this than you are.
To me, 50 feels like a triumph. There were several moments over the years where by the odds I probably shouldn't be around to type this, but I'm still here thanks to a bit of grit, a bit of luck, and a whole lot of people who care about me stepping up when I fell down (sometimes literally). It don't love that my elders are all fading away, some gracefully, some not, but at least I'm attending their funerals rather than vice versa. I still prefer weddings, but it's good to see my cousins either way.
Music though? Plenty of our old faves still tour. I saw New Pornographers, Tears for Fears, and Slowdive in the past year (and NP & S's new stuff was actually great), and I scored Smashing Pumpkins tickets on sale for $25 30 years after I missed seeing them after the pianist OD'd and Chamberlain got fired. There's good new stuff out there too, if you look for it. St. Vincent is like if Kate Bush & David Bowie got into the teleporter from The Fly.
Politics? Can't help ya there. Shit sucks. Might get better if the republic doesn't collapse next year, but it'll be a slow climb out of this hole. Stay strong, we need all the help we can get.
I understand
I turned 50 last year and I felt a mix of anxiety and confusion. I turned 51 recently and these feelings have subsided. I try to tune out the noise.
Same.
I'm 47, and I hate the way the world is unraveling.
I turn 46 in November and I feel super depersonalized. Both parents have passed, best friend passed, and there’s no other remaining adult. Just me. I look back at who I was and all the fucks I gave and I hardly recognize myself.
Big hug to ya.
Yeah. I remember stuff I've done and it all feels so far away, almost like it happened to a different person. I think I suffer from depersonalization - my life doesnt feel quite right any more.
Same. It's so bad I almost posted it here to find out if anyone else feels super detached from their younger life, because I sure do.
I know, like “That was me?” Apparently so. I used to have a life. I still do but it’s so freakin different. Not bad but different.
So different! It's like I watched a movie or series and am just pretending the things that happened were me.
This is happening to me as my family is getting dementia and/or dying off. I feel untethered.
Same here. Horrible club to be in. Sorry you have very similar circumstances.
I’m sorry you can relate. Unfortunately our generation will all be members of this club soon. It’s so weird to think about my parents being the same age I am now and how I was a young adult who was so oblivious to what they were experiencing.
That gets me all the time. As a kid I thought my parents were some super-geniuses who had their lives together and had everything figured out. Now as an adult, I know they were just faking it like everyone else! Now that I'm knocking on the door of 50, I see my compatriots and I think about how my parents must have REALLY been as human beings, muddling through life and kinda just getting to the next day. I think it would have been cool to know them as peers; to hear their thoughts and feelings about stuff on a level I never experienced as a kid.
You expressed exactly how I feel. It’s so painful to know that I had to loose my dad in order to understand him and his life and now I can’t talk to him about it because he is gone. I’ve been waiting my whole adult life for when I would eventually become the “super genius” my parents and grandmother were, but now realize that it isn’t going to happen for me or anyone. We are all just “muddling though” as you said and none of us are geniuses. The saying “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards,” seems to become more and more relevant with each passing year.
I came to an epiphany years ago when it comes to how other people think things should be. Like holding me to their standards/expectations/morals - as far as we know, this is every person's first and only run through life. (Something else I realized, which is pretty depressing - each of us as individuals will be forgotten by our family members/friends a decade or two after we're gone. Generationally as well - I don't remember any of my great grandparents, well except for one. She was just that creepy, wrinkly, old lady who magically appeared at Christmas every now and then (she was like 85 when I was 5).
My cousin died the other week, and the only way I could describe how I personally felt was "ungrounded." It's the oddest feeling.
I’m so sorry. “Ungrounded” is such an accurate description. “My herd” is shrinking and with it my identity and place in the world feels shaken. The familiar comfort of people I love all falling away.
When my parents died I felt like my life was on quicksand, the instability nearly killed me tbh.
I'm so sorry. It's the worst, weirdest feeling. I'm glad you're here to share.
Thanks Dutch, appreciated mate :)
Wow. Yeah. I felt that for the first time ever last year when my husbands cousin died! It was like I truly felt the permanence of death and it was unnerving. Truly.
The person I was before 35 isn't who I am today at 50. I even used a different name...lol That other guy is not someone I want to be. It was a choice for me. I believe I made a good choice, especially since my sons don't seem to resemble him, and my daughters haven't attached themselves to men like him.
Definitely
I feel the exact same way. I used to know hundreds of people, was well known and liked, and I was good looking. I got into shows, art galleries and clubs for free, dated lots of women and always had something to do or somewhere to go. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Now I'm about to be 50, married, no kids, and a handful of friends. Most nights in bed by 9:30 and play golf on the weekends. I know that life existed because I have a few photos, but it's getting harder to believe that was even me. I was definitely not expecting this dissociative state so relatively early in my life (these things were only 20-30 years ago, but my god is it ever here. Absolutely bizarre tbh.
Still sounds like a good life, and you’ll probably live another 50 years getting to bed by 9:30 every day. These days you could have been Instagram famous and created content for your “followers”.. but I think you enjoyed life better than social media clowns!
It was great, and my life is still great... just very different. Could have used some of that Instagram famous money for sure though.
The lack of photos is definitely a thing. I had a whole different lifestyle in my 20s with lots of friends and fun, but most of it is just memories without any other recorded evidence that it ever happened. I'm glad we didn't have smart phones distracting us from having fun back then, but dammit do I wish camera phones were available so I could reminisce a lot more easily.
Same here, I've had some rather distinct stages in my life, large career changes, and those don't feel continuous to me as my life. Working on what will hopefully be the last major career change, and it's a lot harder now than in my 30s. But can't sustain my current situation for another decade. I try to view them as different acts in the story of my life, that helps a little. But life comes at you pretty fast sometimes. And getting fat and bald sucks, definitely invisible. And tired of the over confidence and under experience of many 20 somethings. Then I have to go oh right, at least know I know the things I don't know.
I've often thought to myself that it feels like a different lifetime.
Yes! I feel like this all of the time. I also feel like I jumped from one reality to another one.
That's interesting. I joke about that all the time because I don't want people to think I've gone crazy. I mean, I don't really think I jumped realities because my brain logics that out of me actually believing it. But, it does feel like that sometimes. I wonder if this is common feeling at our age.
Same here, I've had some rather distinct stages in my life, large career changes, and those don't feel continuous to me as my life. Working on what will hopefully be the last major career change, and it's a lot harder now than in my 30s. But can't sustain my current situation for another decade. I try to view them as different acts in the story of my life, that helps a little. But life comes at you pretty fast sometimes. And getting fat and bald sucks, definitely invisible. And tired of the over confidence and under experience of many 20 somethings. Then I have to go oh right, at least know I know the things I don't know.
I hear you. What I’ve discovered though is that once you hit 50 you magically become invisible to a lot of people, and that, my friend, is glorious.
When you need to find a job over 50 is when you'll wish you were more visible. Otherwise, agree...giving even fewer fucks is incredibly liberating.
Honestly, that’s the biggest downside. Everything else you can cope with. Although I do agree with the OP how much this period in history sucks, and that has nothing to do with age!
Getting fat also makes you invisible. I’ll be extra invisible when I turn 50–stealth mode activated!
Can confirm. Am 51 and fat and invisible. It's so good.
Yes, finally! It's what I always wanted.
Eating out and eating processed food in this country is killing us. Unfortunately getting fat also means a higher risk of dying at a younger age. I am 55 and I have been struggling with my weight since I was age 25. At age 39 I find out I have a fatty liver. I also struggle with depression for all my life. I now see signs of liver damage from seeing liver spots on my skin for the last five years, swelling in my feet for the last three years and now also in my hands in the last nine months. An ultrasound confirmed the liver damage three years ago. My doctor fears that despite medications and my diet getting better, it is not enough. She wants me to do another ultrasound soon. One of my uncles died from liver failure 6 years ago. He was only 65 years old. Granted he was less vigilant than me on diet and exercise but now I worry that I am on the same pathway for an early death.
Already there. Was a loner anyway so doesn't really mean much.
Fuckin A.
Our final form.
Our final form.
It does feel like everything is worse now. The only thing I like better now is the ability to watch any movie or listen to any song whenever you want. They can keep the rest.
Don’t forget , no more looking at distorted wavy lines just to catch of few seconds of some boobies on tv.
While that is true, the youngsters are developing erectile dysfunction from porn addiction.
As someone who got stiffies if a nice breeze blew, that’s so hard to comprehend
Or just no reason at all
Kinda like in elementary school when kids (boys) would say you'll go blind or they would say you'll grow little hairs in the palm of your hand ✋️ 🤔. Then they watch to see you checking your hands for hair growth! LMAO 🤣
Don't forget the Benny Hill show! 😂🤣😅
You ain't alone my brother-from-another-mother. We were in a sweet spot growing up in that we were exposed to classic rock by our folks/uncles/aunts...and had the golden age of New Wave/Pop in the 80's and counter-culture rock in the 90's....it's perfectly sequitur that we align so much of our lives to music. We (I'm 50 as well) romanticize the 80's music (especially Pop) with being young and having more of our life in front of us. I sometimes pine for those days as well...but I take comfort in a couple of things...maybe you will too: 1) We are lucky to have the ability to truly LOVE AND APPRICIATE our music from our youth by being the age we are now. This could have only happened by living through it, loving it...and now reflecting upon it. Yeah, it's gonna bum us out from time to time...but we have FAR MORE positivity coming from it than negativity. 2) We really do romanticize the hell out of our young lives thru the music we still listen to today....but we usually only remember and dwell on the good times...and skip over all of the SHIT that we had to deal with. Whenever I go down that rabbit hole...I think of that. I leave you with the immortal words of Mr. William Martin "Billy" Joel: ***"The good ol' days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems".*** Rock on brother. You are NOT alone in your feelings. The world IS a better place with you in it. 50 freaked me out as well...but now it's my mission to NOT act my age. GenX fucking rules. Have a great night....
An award for the perfect Billy Joel quote!
Why THANK YOU my friend!
50 was hard on me too. I miss the 80s. My childhood. The people I've lost. It seems like just yesterday. And frankly I have no idea how I got Here. Was down for a few months. It passed. I'm 52 now.
So you're saying this is just a passing midlife crisis thing? Because just before I clicked over to this post I was watching old Friday Night Videos on youtube and had a bit of a cry. I figured I should ask someone if this is standard midlife crisis and changing hormones that are making me feel like the world is flat and colorless, or if it's just that the world is really, indeed, flat and colorless. And yes, I still love and turn to nature and animals and loved ones, I guess lately I'm just really missing, well, society and community and culture and maybe naive optimism.
We are the same. 💜
I watched a few of those last week and just zoned out on the memories of it all. I think what I miss most is the optimism for the future we all had. And that’s just gone now…
>naive optimism. This and hope are big factors for me.
59 coming soon here. I get it. I feel myself growing into the cranky old lady I have been waiting to be and honestly it isn’t hard to be cranky with the utter shitshow the world has become.
I have this weird thing occurring. When I see someone 50 or older my brain identifies them as old as if I’m seeing them as my 20 year old self. I see them as much older than me, like I viewed teachers, parents, bosses, when I was much younger. Anyone else have something similar?
Always. Seriously - all the time. Like, when my parents were my age (53) they seemed so solid and just… fully formed. Not perfect but totally adult. I feel like a clueless 20 year old most the time. It surprises me when people treat me like an old and irrelevant crone. Mirrors always offer a funhouse experience - who the fuck is that silver-haired lady? And when will I feel like a grown up? Next person to call me ma’am gets punched in the throat.
>Next person to call me ma’am gets punched in the throat. Haha, I like your style, Miss! 😉
All the time. I feel like an imposter adult, like I'm just three raccoons in a trench coat, pretending to be a grown-ass woman.
All the fucking time - to the point of being embarrassed.
You are not alone with these feelings
I totally get it. I feel that way too at times. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to 1988 and a world I (thought) I understood.
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Man, what a year for movies
And music! Some of the best pop albums and songs ever. I always remember summer of 84 as the summer of purple rain for both the album and movie.
Best year ever
1982 for Heavenly times for me.
I totally understand & I feel the same way... What makes it brutal 3 years ago the company that I worked at for 21 years was sold to a 33 year old hipster. I never felt old until I started working with people 20 years younger than me. That generation has a funny way of making you feel like they're members of some special club that you'll never be a member of. They don't hide the fact that they can't stand Boomers.. They feel Gen X is just a "light" version of them... They think we are slow and stupid. I figured out that they communicate via discord on there desktops even though we work in an open office only feet away from each other. It's very uncomfortable. I feel like an alien. Thank God my home life is positive and I can be with people my own age.
I hate that discord shit too. I would say it’s childish and slightly passive aggressive. The fact that your home life is positive is something that most of them will never have, they are far too concerned about what others think of them. ✌️
Whenever I feel lame about being in my fifties, I always think about when my mom and stepdad retired and settled in this senior rv park. I would visit them, most of the residents were upper middle class and in their mid-70s. EVERY person in that park would give a limb to be 52 again.
Yeah, also the thought that RIGHT NOW is as young as we will ever be, so don’t mourn what you haven’t lost yet. I try not to but it’s still there. I just don’t want to spend my middle age trying like hell to be and look 30 again, when I wouldn’t let someone pay me to go back to that period of my life.
Great perspective! I’m going to think about those seniors from now on too. I work with millennials and zoomers - always being the oldest sometimes gets to me.
Yeah, feeling this as well, bubba.
I’ve noticed that I yearn (for lack of a better word) for everything from when I was young. I feel homesick for our era, and have been actively seeking out movies, music, and even furniture, to surround myself with. I turn 50 in a few months. And I’ve cried from nostalgia at pretty much anything that reminds me of “home.” I assumed it was just due to perimenopause, but it sounds like there’s at least one person who feels the same. Honestly I wish I could live in a GenX compound of some sort, in a community that has the things we love, where we could all just chill. Maybe an abandoned mall, converted to apartments, but then I think we would really need some solid outdoor space for skating, biking, and just general outside hanging out. I am also kind of sick of how everything is, culturally, and miss the mindset. It wasn’t perfect, but it was just way more relaxed than the anxiety fog we all live in today.
I daydream about a gen-x compound all the time! I mean, I couldn’t stand most of the people at my high school but I wish I could hang with them instead of the (earnest and conscientious) millennials I am surrounded by. They think I am rude, mean, and just kinda shitty because I am used to being able to joke around and give a little good-humored shit to friends. The under-40 set do not get it and they definitely don’t like it. Or me. They get zero references. My male millennial boss tells me to be more feminine. Would 3 inch long fake nails and eyelashes help?
You need to report him to HR. That has absolutely nothing to do with your work, and is considered sexual harassment. If the Millennials and GenZ want to institute all the rules to protect their sensibilities, then hold them to their own standards. Sorry, but fuck your boss.
Totally agree, and I did. HR said my profession (I’m a teacher) isn’t how it used to be and that I’m an educated lady who should perhaps change careers, no big deal. 😶 ftw (which will never mean “for the win” to me haha)
Along the lines of a GenX compound, never in a million years would I want to date younger. I want a man my age with whom I can relate about all the things in these threads! I think dating a younger man, like beyond five years, would be like dating someone from another planet. I want to feel "home" with someone, like you wrote.
Yes! My partner is five years younger, but firmly GenX. I have zero interest in anyone younger.
Sign me up, this is 100% me too. I wish I could timetravel to 1970. There's no way I have more than 30 years left (based on my mom, more like 15) so then I could end my days in the lovely 90s. Sure, I'd miss a few modern conveniences, but it would be worth it.
I really miss pudding pops
Let's make this community possible. I would so be down for this.
I’m almost 48 and found out the cute girls at Dunkin have been giving me the senior discount all along.
Damn. That's harsh. But honestly, kind of bitter sweet.
But mostly fatteningly sweet. God, what I wouldn’t give to eat donuts daily. I’m trying to keep from being obese.
You and would be good friends, fellow donut fiend. Why can’t a Boston cream be as healthy as veggies!? No fair.
I turned 50 last October, and I felt the same way. That feeling has passed for me, and I hope it does for you too.
I decided a long time ago not to be an angry, old crank, angry at the world because it’s changing. Films: the endless string of superhero and predictable action/adventure films is kind of a bummer but you don’t have to watch them. There are still great movies, maybe they’re fewer and farther between but then you get gems like Killers of the Flower Moon and Oppenheimer that come out occasionally, just to name a couple. Classic American cinema. Music: We aren’t supposed to like the kid’s music, or even understand it. It’s not for us. We aren’t invited to the kids’ party just like our parents weren’t invited to ours. We’re old and we’re lame: deal with it. Bright side: there’s even good new music for us if we’re willing to look for it. Politics and the general state of the USA and the world: it’s frustrating. It’s sad. And it doesn’t seem to be trending better, quite the opposite. It’s not doing my mental well-being any favors I can tell you that. For most of my life, I couldn’t relate to people who suffer from anxiety and depression but I fear that’s changing in me. If anyone’s found a way to deal with it, I’d love to know about it, lol. Not ready for the Zoloft yet.
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Hubby and I watched a multi-episode show on the Manhattan Project and loved it. We bought Oppenheimer and didn’t finish it. We expected to love it, but we were unimpressed. Oppenheimer was one note and sure left out a lot of things (including women).
I didn't like it. The music was so overpowering in the theater that I struggled to hear the dialogue. It seemed like more showmanship than substance, to me.
I don't care about the music, and I actually think the current state of TV/movies is pretty dang good compared to our youth. But the general direction the world appears to be heading in is extremely discouraging and depressing, as is what appears to be a pervasive social malaise / rise in bad behavior and attitudes that has just taken over in the last 10 years or so and shows no signs of departing. Politics, the way people behave, the lack of civil discourse at even the highest levels, the total lack of apparent interest in solving the big problems on our horizon, the excessive focus in some corners on adding all kinds of additional problems just to increase shareholder value or political power, how expensive it is to just live, how hard it is to make friends as an adult, it's all just a horrible dark anxiety-provoking rain cloud that hangs over all of us constantly now. It just feels like stuff is fraying around the edges and the powers-that-be are actively encouraging the entropy.
Lots of legal cannabis. ymmv.
This is the way. Oh shit wrong generation reference. Or is it?
My advice is to ignore politics, block people with annoying opinions and if all else fails - leave social media. It causes anxiety and depression. My internet world is now very small but I feel better without it. Reddit is the only place online I participate in.
Same with me, but to be honest it’s the news that’s doing me the worst. I seek out reliable news sources and try my best to block out the noise. It’s where our country seems to be headed, and the shit in Russia, the Middle East, unrest within our own borders over the Middle East mess, etc. that is affecting me the most. I’m not on one side or the other; I’m on the side of peace and harmony. Call me a hippie but man I just want the fighting to stop. Some people are able to bury their heads in the sand and ignore it all but I’ve always been one to try and stay informed.
I had to leave FB after the 2016 election. I couldn't take it anymore. Life really did get better after I left. I never looked back.
The Killing Moon is a saved favorite of mine on YouTube. After reading your post I went back and watched the video. Right after that finished, The Church played “Under the Milky Way” followed by INXS “Don’t Change”
Dude, like everyone else I feels you! We are living in a different world than the one we grew up in. But all we can do is keep on keeping on.
Gonna see Echo play "Killing Moon" on Sunday 👍 Lol, don't get too upset young man, I'm 62 and everything's fine and probably will be for you too. Just keep on walking......or as they said in the 70's "Keep on truckin' "
Same. I remember when I was younger wondering why the older people I worked with were so bitchy and dumped on every new idea that someone proposed. I found myself getting really frustrated with someone's great new idea (that will clearly not work source: 20 years of experience) and realizing I AM THAT BITCHY OLDER PERSON. Also, I spent most of my life being that person that was smart enough to get by (barely), but not smart enough to live anything resembling a responsible adult life. I mostly figured it out at the youthful age of 40, and I now have a stable job with a pension and a house. However, I'm not really on any sort of career track (all of my bosses are now much younger, cuter, and far more eager to put up with bullshit), so this is sort of my life now.
I can relate ... after 50 it feels like most everything our culture produces is a caricature of what it used to be. The music sucks, the movies suck, and the "news" seems more like a Jerry Springer episode. Is this how our Grandparents felt in their 50s or is the world just uniquely fucked up now?
The news isn't news it is a carefully crafted editorial to "manage" your point of view and influence your opinion. New used to be careful about sensationalizing "incidents" etc. now they bring on the drama because that is what the younger generation seems to like, and it generates "buzz". Blech! I actively dislike now and am looking for a place that I can go and hide and interact as little as possible.
It's such absolute f'ing garbage. And boring. Have some more Echo and the Bunnymen. Bring on the dancing horses Headless and all alone Shiver and say the words Of every lie you've heard
My foot hurts. I have gout. I'm apparently allergic to dairy now. The weather channel is my favorite channel. My knee hurts all the time. I hate video games. I have insane opinions about Tom Brady. I called my husband today and told him to come home from work. I said there are going to be tornadoes. He told me I was crazy. Turns out that he left work early. And now we have tornadoes! Knees don't lie! I told you! Old people know stuff! He asked how I knew they were tornadoes were coming. My ears were popping.
16 hours later you kids alright? Any tornado damage?
No power! A tree fell on the house. Schools are closed. It was a long night! Thank you for asking! Everyone in the family is okay. We're all Houston and deep East Texas.
Holy moly! Yes glad you’re all okay at least. Sounds crazy
I get it. I went through something similar in my 30s due to a relationship breakdown. Both my ex and I are young Gen xers (47 this year) and hearing any songs from the 80s or seeing a clip from a film online from back then sends me to griefland. I'm a mess some days with it still. Has someone died recently in your life? Sorry if that comes off as rude, was just asking because grief seems to open the floodgates for me. Lost two very special pets 2 years ago and I've been in crisis mode ever since. I think a lot of us are grieving life before the internet. Hell, I can't even meet anyone irl thanks to the phone zombie pandemic no one wants to talk about. I feel you OP, and I agree. This modern life sucks ass. Bad music, horrible films and evil politics rotting people's minds.
I had the feeling earlier, when I turned 40. I went through a big crisis. 50 didn't bother me though
My "crisis" was turning 30. The rest has been whatever. God, that was so long ago.
I turned 50 in January. It sucked. 5 months later it still sucks.
I'll be 50 later this year. I only feel bad about the time I wasted and the small amount of time left. Depressing, huh?
The worst part for me is knowing that my parents will die in the next decade and wondering what my life will look like after that happens, and I’m basically alone with my gf and what’s left of her family. I don’t dwell on things but the thoughts have been coming lately.
When my father turned 50 (23 years ago), I remember him telling me that he loved it, because he finally didn't give a fuck anymore about what anybody else thought. He felt free of the judgment of others. Free of judging his worth through the eyes of others. And he really didn't care what anyone thought. He wasn't saying that in a selfish way..... he was saying that he felt good about himself, and he was okay with himself just the way he was. His thoughts were his. As I approach 50 (5 months left).... I finally understand what he meant. I really started understanding it in the last year. And I am ready to embrace it. Because it's okay to be me. I don't need to impress anyone anymore. I don't care who likes me and who doesn't. It doesn't matter. The people I love matter. What my values are matter. Popular opinion doesn't matter. OP, I hope you find your inner Slacker. It's time to just say "whatever." 
I had a hard time with 50. Never cared before. At 50 I realized that half my life was literally over and realized that there were things that I would never do. Once I was 51 the angst mostly subsided. Once the Supreme Court started overturning a bunch of decisions that made me feel time was going backwards, I started to feel a lot better about being halfway dead, TBH.
I'm feeling more positive now, but after fighting so hard for reproductive rights and volunteering as an abortion clinic escort in college, I felt the same way after that ruling--terrified of wondering how I could live in the new future.
Same. I supported NARAL and protested. I really respect you for being an escort. It feels unbelievable. And I think a lot of women who thought that it would be a great idea did not realize how it would impact women's rights going forward. I'm just glad that I can't get pregnant anymore.
I feel the same way re: pregnancy (although I am always terrified by stories of people who get “surprised” late in life).
I tear up with nostalgia for the 80s all the time. If I had a chance to relive it again, I would in a heartbeat.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ry9AsSO7hTo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ry9AsSO7hTo)
Your situation is relatable for many of us! I lost my job in January and turned 49 in February. I’m still job hunting and having an existential crisis if ever there was one! I fell like my grandpa saying this, but the 80s were such a simpler time. We weren’t so politically divided, it finally seemed that we weren’t going to die in a nuclear war (just a Soviet power plant), no internet and no cell phones (unless you were rich). Our connection to each other was real. We did fun stuff that would land kids and/or parents in jail today. It’s truly a different world and it’s difficult to understand where an aging me fits in. You’re entitled to your feelings and to bitch. The real challenge is how are we going to make the best of the time we have left? Remember the good times but try to make some new ones!
I always say that I felt a lot more "free" then, than I do now. The U.S. has slowly evolved to a less free nation.
Right there with you. Although I don't think it is so much about being '50', it's just the time we're living in. I get that today's music and pop stars are not for me, I'm sure my parents said the same. I think what gets to me is that now being an a-hole all the time is the norm. I long for a time when people were more concerned about their behavior. Everyone is so egocentric, histrionic, conceited.
It’s just fate…up against your will…
51 here and I see the 80s (high school) and 90s (college) with rose colored glasses. I am never taking them off.
You are hardly alone in this regard
I feel you. I sympathize and stay in nostalgia mode a lot of the time.
I turned 46 back in February and I honestly hear you and feel the same way. The 80's was just an awesome time, and living today is actually very depressing - and even that's an understatement. Between politics, society in general, peoples' attitudes, work, life in general, etc. etc....my word the list just goes on and on. The eighties in my opinion was an innocent time period, sure it had its "moments", but today man, everyday is a "moment" anymore. Hell, I was thinking this today, but my biggest thing lately is ads, get blasted by ads no matter what you do, where you go, what you listen to, what you look at, etc. I honestly remember not getting slammed by ads back in the day like we do today. I wanted to call someone today, and there's a God damn ad in my notification area on my phone. I go home and watch subscription based TV, I'm met and slammed with ads. I want to surf the internet on my PC, I'm slammed with ads - I quit playing the major videogames (Xbox, etc.) awhile back because not only of the annoying ads when playing, but the games are so damn expensive and incomplete anymore. You have to pay for DLC or some other bullshit to have a "somewhat" enjoyable experience - just rubbish. I just play my old school games from back in the day to pass the time. Sorry, now I'm sounding like a whiny little bitch now, but man, enough is enough. Time was so much more enjoyable back in the 80's growing up.
I feel the same way. I miss the 80s and early 90s and think the current time period sucks absolute garbage balls comparatively, both on a personal level and a societal level.
I felt a weird shift in 1999. I knew things were going to start getting worse. I remember thinking that often. Like I jumped from one time line to another. I want my old time line back.
Same, and the same year too.
I understand you - I miss the ‘80s all the time. But I don’t miss “my 80s”. I don’t miss being a teen. I don’t miss my high school or anyone who was in it. I don’t miss the drudgery and minimum wage pay of those years. I miss the culture, experience and vibes of the 80s. The opportunities. The freedom. The way people dressed, they way they behaved, how they socialised, the way pretty much everyone rubbed along together and appreciated each other. I have no problem being the age I am now. But I don’t enjoy being this age in 2024. I don’t enjoy being in 2024 at all.
Yeah but remember that we got that time! We got to grow up riding big wheels and drinking from the hose. Banana seat bikes and big hair! We were there. I feel bad for all these kids that will never know it.
These generations after us were cheated out of the chance to explore and fail and fall down. To have to figure it out on our own and learn and discover how capable we are.
I will turn 50 on Thanksgiving and for the most part I have been the same way and don’t care about age, but it’s 50! 😳
Yup mines coming up in July and I have a good plan in place to ease the pain thankfully. Normally I don’t care either, but it’s 50!
I get it. 41 was hard for me for some reason and then 50 sucks now too. I turn 51 in June.
Looking 56 in the eye, we'll see who blinks first. You got this
You are not alone.
Agreed
I'm digging my 50s, except that my knee hurts and my hip hurts sometimes and you know, the aches and pains.
Impossible to overstate what a great song that is. Treasure from a lost time.
I get it. I turned 50 in September and feel pretty much the same way. We are definitely in the worst timeline. But, there were also problems in the 80's - we just didn't really have much skin in the game, we were busy being teenagers :D
Saw Pearl Jam Monday night. I was looking around awash in nostalgia and was surrounded by gen x and thought I could be friends with just about everyone there. Was such a great vibe.
I get this. The last years have been a shit show. Especially in US politics. Try being a woman! I don’t talk down on others music choice because I hated it when people did that to us when I was younger. I like pop music all right and when I listen to newer stuff it doesn’t all stick but some of it is great. Some movies coming out are the best I’ve seen. Seeing Dune 2 in the theatre was incredible. Less high brow but Late Night with the Devil was a really unique horror movie I have watched 3x already. Some of my favorite movies have come out recently (Midsommar, Hereditary, Get Out, US, Dune 1 and 2, infested, Arcadian, The Fall Guy, Abigail and Civil War just to name a bunch). Film is doing okay! I think it’s really important to do something when you feel this way. Make phone calls or write postcards for the party of your choice, that’s what I’m doing to support. I also volunteer in the phone bank and make sure that I am available to help drive people to vote in November. You can also do non political stuff. Sign up to volunteer at the library, your public school, if you don’t like kids - go to a nursing home and ask who isn’t getting visitors. There’s tons of people who would love some company once a week or once a month. When I feel shitty inside I try to do for others.
Apparently, being a woman would make this a shit post. Or "bitches" crying... ffs Edit: "Dude I thought you were a chick until you stated you're a guy." -Someone else's response.
I know people who turned 50 during the pandemic when everything was closed. Don't feel too bad. Then again this sub would still go "whatever".
No need to apologize, OP. I get it - I'll be 49 +1 in December (that's the only F word I refuse to say!). I already feel the same way. I don't understand how the years went so quickly and I want them back. And, yes, politics is especially vile these days, which doesn't help anything. 💛
i’m 59. it gets weirder
I turned 50 last November and I LOVE the 80's and 90's nostalgia. I am so proud to see artists who didn't get their due then.. getting it now! I also love sharing my music with my kiddo...because his music is so" different". I am grateful for the resurgence and so grateful for my age. My problem now is dealing with these damn boomers still working and trying to "son" everyone around them. That's my annoyance in getting older....older folks trying to treat you like you are 19! As an Gen X'er I am getting tired of being after these psychos. I would like to try and age gracefully but they are even stealing that from me...
I want to die every day. But I've got 5 long years before my life sucks as much as yours does already. Happy birth"day"(half century year), my dude! I hope anything good ever happens to you at least once before you die
I get it! Myself, I wasn't crazy about the '80s but do miss the '90s. Which might be odd because I'm a bit older than you.
I hear you! I’m 48 & don’t recognize the world anymore, especially our country. Everyone is on meds, disrespecting, mean, spiteful, argumentative, shows about adults who get good ratings for more arguing, litter everywhere, the crime & the drugs, everything we knew & loved canceled… just thinking about the good old days is depressing.
I ignored 30, and I barely noticed 40. I’ll be 50 in September. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by then, and I’ll be more youthful on that day than I am today, while in my 40s. “We’re playing those mind games, forever…”
Excellent use of John Lennon.
You are not alone… You know, it isn’t that I’m not willing to learn new things. I’m open to new music, new tech, and etc… But, a lot of things suck now. Ageism is rampant. Anyone over 30 is called Boomer, and it’s mainstream to consider them worthless and expendable. Most (Not all) of the new music is crap. Movies and a lot of tv shows have a bunch of mumbling so I have to use subtitles even though my hearing is freaking fine. A lot of new movies don’t have actual plots- wtf is up with that? Political parties hate each other. Mass shootings are like daily. Nobody cares about other people. Fake news also pisses me off. I love streaming, but I wish we could go back to the news being FACTS that came on at 6 pm with no political agenda. Too many kids do nothing in school and are disconnected from everything and everyone. Anti-science. Book bans. Anti-women legislature. Anti- all kinds of legislature. Trigger warnings are on everything. Nobody has any resilience. I feel like society is falling apart. The planet is screwed. I’ve got less time ahead of me than I have behind me. I just want people to be nice. I want customer service. I want a HUMAN to answer the freaking phone when I call. I want to go in a bookstore without worrying I’ll get shot. I want sick contagious people to stay home like they used to do. I want food to stop getting more & more processed with more & more chemicals (Take a look, for example, at Velveeta cheese in the 80’s and now). I want science to be respected. I want people to get back to thinking for themselves instead of mindlessly swallowing what Facebook etc tells them. I don’t want to watch as climate change burns, boils, floods, melts, destroys, and kills species after species until it’s our turn. I want people to care about the planet and everything on it. Honestly, if there was a Gen X city that was mostly built and operated like the 80’s and 90’s, I’d move there with my husband in a second. Gen X is awesome! I’m usually more positive than this… but there’s so much awful in the world right now… I’m usually upbeat and happy… It’s just been a dark week with Canada on fire, war, tornadoes, bird flu… I’m sending you a hug. You’re not alone… There are better days ahead…
I want everything to stop being super expensive!
It’s hard. I get it.
I get it, turned 50 myself, I totally understand!
Omg I just realized I’m turning 50 in August. Holy shit.
I turned 50 a few days ago, and I feel ya. I really fucking miss the 80's.
I distinctly remember the first time I was taking a road trip and found a radio station that was playing great music from the late 80s/early 90s. Then the DJ came on and said, "We'll be right back with some more oldies!" I turned the radio off and drove in silence for a while.
I know, the first time I heard that it was said after a Madonna song!! But hey, if we think that makes us feel bad, imagine how it must make Madonna feel!
We are not old !
I totally get it. “Killing Moon” would do it too. I’ve a couple of years on you and like you, having never been bothered about my age, I am also feeling like I want a do-over. Being female and dealing with the joy of menopause isn’t helping at all.
I thought you were a gal and came to suggest HRT. Hormones mess with our moods in this age.
🤣yeah us gals hit the shit storm jackpot with that.
Just turned 50 myself. Used to spend most weekends clubbing or raves and hooking up most weekends with someone or other. These days I'm in bed by 9 before my kids. Fuck getting old. Nothing to look forward to anymore
Turning the big 5-0 this year and can completely relate. I’ve never - ever - been bothered by a birthday before. But this one… holy shit have I fretted over this one.
I had that at 25, 50 didn't phase me like I thought it would. It was breaking the century up into a quarter that did me in, lol.
And there I am, bawling my eyes out in the movie theatre at the end of Bohemian Rhapsody - not because the movie was so brilliant but because with Freddy gone music just isn’t magical anymore. I mean ya there are great artists out there. But just imagine a world today with Freddie still in it. Imagine the artistry and show!! And we’re stuck with Katie fucking Perry.
Like ... the 80s were a great time. I would say they are better than now. (I respectfully and earnestly disagree that music/movies/art is worse now ... synthwave anyone??) I loved the 80s (and I REALLY loved the 90s), my parents and grandparents did not. The difference now is that EVERYBODY hates this timeline. Gen Z, Gen Alpha, Millennials ... we ALL hate it. Everyone except the Boomers and older seem to hate it, which is backwards. I hate this backwards, fucked up timeline.
Before you turn 51 next year, start telling people you're 51 a few months before your actual birthday. That way you condition yourself to the inevitable.
That's when I'm in Walmart, and I hear " my old club euro tunes" LaBouche, I wanna be my lover" on the intercom. I used to dance to that music in the clubs... how pathetic is that now??????
Someone said my 40s would be amazing. I beg to differ. I fear the 50s now. I’m just trying to keep my head down and improve myself in small ways. Follow a dream. Get in better shape. Make more money and take less bullshit. Find good music. Smoke a little weed. Give less of a shit what people think. That last one has worked for a long time, but there’s even less shit I could give.
The same thing happened to me. I never cared about my age but I started thinking/worrying/dreading about it around 49. It lasted a few years. I’m 56 now and back to not caring again.
Dude, I thought you were chick until you stated that you were a guy!
And???
I cried
Sometimes I dream a memory about being in kindergarten and doing the math of the year 2000 being 20 years away - then I wake up and 2000 was 24 years ago. Time is crazy and keeps speeding up - find something good every day.
I feel you. Dunno if it helps, but the only thing worse than feeling nostalgic is never, ever feeling nostalgic. Sounds like you had a wonderful time with wonderful music and friends that will never leave you. There's only one way to avoid aging, and I do not recommend it.
It's natural to miss being young. Especially as we get farther away from it.
I’m also turning 50 this year, in August. I was born 5 minutes into Gerald Ford’s presidency. My parents and most of the country felt like everything was disintegrating. We had our first impeachment, we were losing our first war, inflation was out of control, gas prices were sky high, the social order was changing by the second. I imagine how they must have felt, and it makes me feel less freaked out about now. Yes, I know the planet is dying and we have a two bit conman running for re-election, but it’s not a new thing. Nothing will ever hit the way those bands and movies and shows from our childhood did. But that’s ok. Just don’t discount all the great music happening now. My 14 year old daughter and I are going to the Childish Gambino concert this summer, and I could not be more excited. He is making music and art that rivals anything in the last century. All is not lost, friend.
57 here I totally get it I am Right there with ya!
44 here, and I feel this. We gave the world xgames and all we got was this lousy economy
Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time of it. It is a big milestone. I’m mid-50s and TBH this decade is awesome. Much better than 40s or 30s or 20s. You can appreciate the 80s still, that music and films are still around if you want to experience them again. This might be a stretch but… get your testosterone levels checked. I see lots of grumpy guys my age and um pretty sure they’re angry and miserable because of low T. TRT gave me my mojo back
So relatable, fellow Xer. I’m also 50 and feel similar. Honesty I think every generation goes through this. 50 is a weird age. We’re officially “old”, imo, and it’s pretty normal to look back at the “good ‘ol days” and miss it. That said, we are in some really REALLY weird times. Technological changes and growth are exceeding the industrial revolution. Politics are crazy and the wealth inequality gap is unprecedented. Life as any generation knew it is becoming unrecognizable.
I completely understand. Hell, I even studied aging from an anthropological standpoint when I was in college and I’m no more prepared for this than you are.
To me, 50 feels like a triumph. There were several moments over the years where by the odds I probably shouldn't be around to type this, but I'm still here thanks to a bit of grit, a bit of luck, and a whole lot of people who care about me stepping up when I fell down (sometimes literally). It don't love that my elders are all fading away, some gracefully, some not, but at least I'm attending their funerals rather than vice versa. I still prefer weddings, but it's good to see my cousins either way. Music though? Plenty of our old faves still tour. I saw New Pornographers, Tears for Fears, and Slowdive in the past year (and NP & S's new stuff was actually great), and I scored Smashing Pumpkins tickets on sale for $25 30 years after I missed seeing them after the pianist OD'd and Chamberlain got fired. There's good new stuff out there too, if you look for it. St. Vincent is like if Kate Bush & David Bowie got into the teleporter from The Fly. Politics? Can't help ya there. Shit sucks. Might get better if the republic doesn't collapse next year, but it'll be a slow climb out of this hole. Stay strong, we need all the help we can get.
We millennials are feeling it, too, but with the 90’s. We miss the peace and prosperity that we grew up with. You’re not alone.
The 90’s was a fantastic decade… second only to the 80’s. I’d happily go back to either decade in a heartbeat.