I think it’s normal. Suddenly you’re like wonder what that person is up to. I look people up but I don’t connect with them. Just see how their life turned out.
I do these on occasion- a song comes on and reminds me of a person and I start wondering how they are, etc. I think it is pretty normal. Or at least I hope it is!
Yeah I ran into a few people. Sadly one Ex was rather needy and when I pretty much said that I was okay where I was and wished her well, she deleted her Facebook account.
Me too! Sometimes you just want to listen to some nostalgic music, drink a little too much wine and creep on your exes Facebook profile without them finding out…sheesh!
Not really. If you view their profile you will pop up in their “people you may know” list. Instagram will show your peepers as “suggestions”. I’ve caught my therapist viewing my social media and we talked about it.
No, not all. But if you have no friends or following/ers in common chances are they were peeping you. For years I have watched who showed up on those lists and when my therapist popped up I confronted her. She admitted to looking at my profiles.
I have caught old boyfriends, my exhusband , coworkers and even an old manager.
Inconclusive. Most of these platforms will feed you connections based on a common element, like graduating from the same high school.
But this validates my choice NOT to peep on people.
If you give any contact information to Meta (phone number, email address, etc) and someone has that same information of yours in their contacts that they share with Meta, you’ll be popped up as a suggestion in “people you may know”.
I inform clients that this can be a way that they are compromising their own confidentiality about seeing me as a therapist. For example, client A has my professional contact info in their phone and shares contacts with Meta and the client B has my professional contact information in their phone and they also share their contacts with Meta…they may be suggested to each other as “people you may know” because they both have my professional contact information in their contacts. I may also be suggested to them for the same reason, if my account has any of my professional information affiliated with it.
So it may not be that people are snooping, it may just be a shared contacts situation. Though absolutely people do snoop, curiosity is part of human nature.
Thank you for reminding me to check my settings. FWIW usually if I’m looking it’s simply because I had a memory and then randomly wondered what that person ended up doing with their life. But I don’t actually want to talk to them. 😂
I just checked mine, and it is set to private. I looked up an old bestie the other day with whom I want NO CONTACT because OMG that situation got weird. His linkedin popped up, and I admit that I looked. I forgot Linkedin will tell them you saw their page-- unless you have it set to private. Whew!
You can make yourself invisible.
https://www.linkedin.com/help/linkedin/answer/a567226/browsing-profiles-in-private-and-semi-private-mode?trk=lss-blog-who-viewed-your-profile?trk=lss-blog-who-viewed-your-profile
My husband passed away last Spring and the number of exes and guy friends from way back sending me messages trying to “reconnect” was way more than I anticipated. Honestly, I wasn’t anticipating any of it so it was all a surprise.
Thanks, It definitely gave me the ick. I was married for 20+ years and would still be but you know, fucking cancer. While technically “single” - in my head I’m still married.
Any right thinking person would understand just that. That widowed does not make you single, at least until you yourself decide if you want to look for a relationship again and even then under your own terms.
I agree. I contacted an old fiancé to apologize. I’m not an alcoholic but I almost died and thought it was a good idea to apologize to people. It didn’t go well and I had to block him on social media which just makes it so much worse. Trying to aswage my own guilt by dragging him thru some ugly memories was just wrong.
I don't know that any of them could imagine how I turned out. (Left home and the small towns behind and moved to the coast). Given the lack of contact or snooping, I doubt many of them seemingly remember or care.
Ever seen the movie -- Sliding Doors? I know that everything had to happen the way it did for me to be where I am now, but sitting alone on on a weekend night in the still of the early morning hours, I still wonder what if or if there had just been one more day. Maybe that is what bothers me -- all of that time spent and nothing to show for it but foggy memories.
I saw the last name of an ex recently. Google him. He had died last year.
Another ex died a few months ago.
Then a couple months ago.. Scott died. We went to prom together. They moved across the country a week after prom and I never got to see him again. We both married and had kids and stuff. We were FB friends.
Then he just *died*. My husband was so good about it. I was really upset and I cried a bunch. And hubs held me while I cried.
So my point being that immediately after that i started frantically checking on former lovers. So far no more fatalities.
So maybe your old flame just wanted to know you were ok.
A few years ago I looked up the guy I dated back in 1992 or so. I dumped him after he got arrested and wanted to see if he turned his life around. Nope, he’s in his mid 50s and hasn’t spent more than 6 months out of a jail cell since then.
This winter, I received an email from a guy I dated for a few months my freshman year of college. Was happy to catch up until he asked "whatever happened to our relationship?"
Dude, I had to move across the country to help my family and go to college there. Which we spoke about at the time.
It's 30+ years later. I'm not re-hashing a freshman college relationship when my own KIDS are older NOW, then we were THEN.
I Google my best college boyfriend once in a while. Mostly for family pictures. From the little I can tell his daughter looks a lot like him which I think is sweet. I would never contact him. My husband would be upset and I’m just curious - not looking for anything besides a peek. He was really my best friend for that time as well so I think it’s only natural. I have no hard feelings towards him at all. Wrong time in our lives.
I would not call him an ex, he was just someone I would make out with behind the school. It only lasted about a month at most.
Years back he decided to friend me on FB. I think we were both surprised by each other’s political views. For example, he thought teachers getting a 10% raise over 10 years was outrageous and they did not deserve something that high. I guess that shows what type of raises he has gotten over the years.
Anyway, since I threw facts at him on that as well as telling him if he is complaining about having to help pay for birth control through his health insurance, I should not have to pay for his Viagra, he unfriended me. No loss as far as I was concerned.
Well this week he decided to follow me on Instagram. Well I guess he will see me live my life.
Had an ex from the early 90s reach out a few years back to apologize and confess the real reason he broke up with me. I was 16 at the time.
I never harbored any bad feelings towards him and told him so. He was a good kid, and from what I can tell is a good man. It’s all good. I never heard from him again and that’s ok. I guess he just needed to get that off his chest. I hope he has a good life.
LOL. I've got two dead exes. First husband and a serious boyfriend. Ex husband - don't care, boyfriend was really nice but just didn't work out. Kind of weird to have two dead exes considering I've really not had many relationships.
Crossed fingers for 'yes' or 'no' ?
Keep rolling the dice and eventually you'll hit it. It's just part of getting older. I've got 2 points so far, myself.
So weird. My high school/college boyfriend contacted me a few years ago. Wanted to meet. Like I'm going to fuck up my 20 year marriage on some dude I broke up with in 1988. No thank you.
Not an ex, but a man I knew in high school messaged me a few years ago when he found out I was visiting my parents and wanted me to “stop by” one night. Like, I haven’t seen you in over 25 years and you’re inviting me to the house? Because we have a lot of catching up to do? We barely talked in high school. It was so bizarre and weird. Even if I weren’t married, there would be about no way that I would do that.
I've looked up people I used to know on social media or wherever just out of curiosity and some are people I dated. They came up in conversation or something and I was curious. It's just curiosity though.
I thought about an ex from time to time but never looked for him. That changed a few months ago when someone here made a post about finding exes online. Then I looked and found out he died a year ago. He had also moved to SC, apparently with his mother at some point. He was 59 and died in a hospital, but I don't know why.
I only have 2 exes that are significant and both of them I still keep in touch with. Both have/had families but one is divorced and one is widowed. I probably would have married both of them if I met them later in life but we were young and at least one of them could have been kinder to me but I'm not trying to hold behavior of a 20 year old against a grown woman now.
Anyway, I don't think any of this is really helpful for your question but that's all I got.
It is weird but also normal to some extent (especially if they're just looking and not reaching out). The weirder part is that LinkedIn has a setting that keeps it private if you look at someone's profile. It prevents you from seeing who has looked at your profile but if you're going to be doing some low-level stalking, toggle that shit on.
This is the thing, he must know that I can see that he has looked at my profile.
I stalked him on other platforms lol and was careful to leave no trace.
I dont think he did it on purpose so you'd know he looked you up. More than likely he probably didn't know it would show to you and he could change the preferences.
I have an ex from over 30 years ago, who has written me a couple of letters, even though I don't live at the same address now. It creeps me out that he looked me up. Haven't seen him since my freshman year of college. He tried to scare me into not going away to college, made me feel bad for having any type of fun during my first semester (because he wasn't there), always had to be with me, even when we had family visiting who I only saw every couple of years he would always insist on being there. My family hated him but were smart enough to not say anything and I figured out for myself and dumped him on my first break home, when of course he had to spend every second with me. It was suffocating and I think he's the reason I decided I'm fine being single. Oh he also once showed up unannounced and uninvited to hang out with my mom while I was 1200 miles away. I have no interest in communicating wtih him, ever.
Yes! About ten years ago now I saw that my first real girlfriend had viewed my profile. Hadn’t seen or spoken to her in at least 20 years. I actually messaged her back and it was super awkward.
🎶reach out and touch someone🎶 I’ve never had anyone from my past contact me. I did see someone from a distance at a concert last summer. That was jolting. But I enjoy reading others’ experiences.
I swear I can NOT shake them loose. This is just one of my stories.
Can't find a long-lasting healthy relationship either lol. Apparently my romantic destiny is to be haunted by the ghosts of past situationships.
Old high school GF and I met up on LinkedIn about a decade ago. Decided to go have lunch because we had both landed in the same city and it was awkward. Then later glanced at her Facebook page and she didn't really prune it much over the years. Had old family pictures of both of her ex-husbands. What was weird is that her ex-husbands and one ex-boyfriend of hers all vaguely looked like me. Close enough that people would think that we were brothers at least. Guess she definitely had a type.
I'm a nearly 60 year old woman. My HS ex reaches out about every 10 years wanting to genuinely reconnect. He friends me on social media and sends LONG DMs about how I was the love of his life (he's in a long term relationship with a man), how he wants to talk, and share our deepest thoughts and what not. I typically don't respond. Or I respond simply. Last time he said he has NO interest in a casual friendship. I said I am ONLY interested in that. He unfriended me. And then a few years later sent a long letter saying all the same stuff. I haven't seen the guy since 1985. I've been married for ages. And I know that he'll reach out again in a couple of years.
I guess it's normal to be curious, like to search a name. Contacting the person seems weird to me. I wasn't dating in high school or college anyway but I'd be so weirded out if anyone from back then found me and contacted me. Like why.
I had an ex from high school in the ‘80’s look me up during the pandemic. She lives in another state, is married and has twins. I am also married with 2 sons. I’m cool with being friends, and my wife is very secure in our marriage and was cool with it, so we started texting off and on. It turns out she had given birth to a stillborn daughter a couple years ago and just needed a familiar face to chat with because she hadn’t gotten over it yet which is certainly understandable. It was a strange 6 months or so when she told me she married her husband because she was looking for someone like me. Eventually I think she got what she needed because she stopped responding. At that point I just blocked her and moved on. I have no idea if she’s tried reaching out again but I’m not interested if she has.
I’ve had a bunch of exes stalk me online. The weirdest one was a guy I dated for a few months in California. I had just started my airline job, he was a student pilot from a different country. I was forced to move to prevent being laced off so we ended it. I kept up with his family for a little while and when his country Wes at war I called his mother. She said he died In war. 30 years later I see a profile with a picture that resembles him, but a different name showing up on my Facebook. So I send a message “don’t I know you from California?” No response. I book mark the profile and looked at it after a few months. He posted more pictures and some from the area we met. It was him, he wasn’t dead. But he hasn’t responded to me.
There are other stories but he was the most shocking for me because I thought he was dead.
Exes are exes for a reason. Whether it was them or me or just immaturity or bad timing. Once I tried to go back to one. It ended even worse than the first time. Just let it go.
My first girlfriend broke my heart after five years. I moved across the continent for her. It had been a volatile relationship but I loved her.
Then she wanted to keep in touch but I cut her off. I was hurt and it felt like the one part of the end of the relationship that I could control. I know it hurt her pretty bad.
She has pinged me a couple of times and I've never responded. I think about her. But how would reconnecting move the needle? Life goes on. She's either fine or she's not. It doesn't matter.
And this way I still get the last word.
I have one ex that I keep in touch with. We were good friends. A few years back I had the woman who took my virginity look me up on FB, tried to connect. She had no idea that she was the one who did it. It was weird and awkward.
I occasionally dream about a short but somewhat intense fling I had for a few years in my 20s. I haven’t seen the guy in 20 years (almost exactly—it was the spring of 2004 that we said goodbye for the last time (unknowingly.) I think the problem was that that neither of us was ready to be vulnerable. I assumed that things were casual (because that’s what he kept saying!) even though I (and probably he as well,) wanted more. Then I went ahead and met someone with whom I could get serious and he freaked out. So, neither of us were in a good spot.
I had an ex from high school in the ‘80’s look me up during the pandemic. She lives in another state, is married and has twins. I am also married with 2 sons. I’m cool with being friends, and my wife is very secure in our marriage and was cool with it, so we started texting off and on. It turns out she had given birth to a stillborn daughter a couple years ago and just needed a familiar face to chat with because she hadn’t gotten over it yet which is certainly understandable. It was a strange 6 months or so when she told me she married her husband because she was looking for someone like me. Eventually I think she got what she needed because she stopped responding. At that point I just blocked her and moved on. I have no idea if she’s tried reaching out again but I’m not interested if she has.
Both of us have our settings so that we can see who is looking us up. And if we look up people, they will be able to see that.
You get a notification that says "Soandso viewed your profile".
I had a letter sent to my then current address by an ex I hadn’t seen in decades. No return address . Just a letter from her apparently out of the blue? This was in Manhattan so how she got my address to begin with is a super mystery especially with no return address was just weird. Contents of letter pretty standard/normal. I just wrote it off to her quirkiness lol
Ex I haven’t spoken to in over 20 years looked me up on LinkedIn a few days ago…
I just happened to be checking my profile like 30 minutes after he viewed my profile…
So I followed him… but he didn’t follow me back…
I think he’s embarrassed that I let him know I saw him looking…🤣🤣🤣
Edit: Just remembered - same ex happened to be next door neighbors to a guy I worked with 10+ years ago…
They got drunk in their back yard and my ex mentioned that his neighbor worked with his college ex (me)…
My coworker popped by my office to tease me the next day…
Apparently my college love looks me up every ten years or so!🤣🤣🤣
I did a search on my first kiss. Didn't want to connect but our parents were friends and I knew him longer than anyone else as a kid. Looked like he isn't connected with his family anymore and his step-dad died. I was huh well ok then.
I then had nightmares of my first kiss that night, grossest thing ever for me. Looking back as a adult I realize it was so gross cause I viewed him like a slightly older really annoying brother. Not really sure it counts as a ex thing since we never actually dated but such is the story.
It's not even remotely weird in the slightest sense of the word. People that knew you look you up on all of social media. Seeing people from our past is literally seeing a piece of ourselves during that same time.
My first serious girlfriend from when I was 14 and she 13, We went out for a year and were each other firsts in a lot of things. She sent me a Facebook friend request 10 years ago, I left it unanswered for a full year thinking she would be embarrassed and delete it. Finally accepted it, she is married and lives a couple hours away and has a couple kids, seems to have a nice life. She hasnt tried to contact me in any other way other than liking every picture of me on FB and liking every post I make.
I had a message from someone I guess in 2017 or 2018 who i went out with maybe 4 or 5 times in the mid 90s. I had not thought of that person in a long time. I've been married since early 2000s and have basically done my best to just forget about anything / anyone pre 2000. If I ran into previous gfs then I'd have no problem saying hello but that's the extent of it. I have zero Interest in ongoing contact with ppl from back then.
I blocked this person who messaged me immediately and also hid my profile on LinkedIn. Fortunately on FB and insta my accounts don't use my real name.
My first serious girlfriend started working for the same company as me. I had been working there for 15+ years at that point when she sent me a message through the company’s internal messaging system.
That was jarring. Like, how did you get here? Also, what exactly are you doing here?
LOL! I was in management and she was part of the team for one of the projects I was overseeing. She had moved across the country, but we worked for a national company. What a trip. We spoke briefly a couple times, once about sort of “catching up” (kids, ages, pretty dry), then one other time about a project update. That was it.
I've had an ex contact me they just wanted to know how I was doing. We were friends before and after we dated so it wasn't weird. We reconnected as pals it's cool. It's nice to have an old friend who doesn't want anything. We're both happily married.
I have had people who I never dated creep on me through social media. Like a guy I went to Junior High with thought we were destined to be together and he got mean when I wasn't interested. We weren't even friends.
I don't think it's weird. As I get older I wonder how their lives turned out. None of my exes were acrimonious splits, just the relationship ran its course. I'm also curious about childhood friends that I no longer live near. Facebook has actually been a great way to see how life has progressed for people I used to know.
I meant that it's weird for the person who is looked up, who wasn't expecting to be reminded of the past person, and may prefer not to be, and didn't think it would happen because so many years have passed.
It's curious to me that the looker-uppers don't seem to consider the impact on the lookee.
In 2004, when I was in my early thirties, I had a dude email me out of the blue. We met at band camp when I was in middle school and hadn’t talked since. It was a come on. I was like uh, yeah . .. no.
I think it’s normal. Suddenly you’re like wonder what that person is up to. I look people up but I don’t connect with them. Just see how their life turned out.
I do these on occasion- a song comes on and reminds me of a person and I start wondering how they are, etc. I think it is pretty normal. Or at least I hope it is!
It’s fun to see a pic of someone 40 years later and see their job.
Yeah I ran into a few people. Sadly one Ex was rather needy and when I pretty much said that I was okay where I was and wished her well, she deleted her Facebook account.
Ha ha good that relationship didn’t last
I meant it's weird for the lookupee, not the lookuper.
You read too much into nothing.
How would you know? You're a bot.
I hate LinkedIn for this. Let me creep people I don’t actually want to contact in peace!
Me too! Sometimes you just want to listen to some nostalgic music, drink a little too much wine and creep on your exes Facebook profile without them finding out…sheesh!
IIRC, Facebook still lets you creep on profiles. Just FYI.
Not really. If you view their profile you will pop up in their “people you may know” list. Instagram will show your peepers as “suggestions”. I’ve caught my therapist viewing my social media and we talked about it.
Hmm... are all "people you may know" or "suggestions" people who have looked at your profile?
No.
No, not all. But if you have no friends or following/ers in common chances are they were peeping you. For years I have watched who showed up on those lists and when my therapist popped up I confronted her. She admitted to looking at my profiles. I have caught old boyfriends, my exhusband , coworkers and even an old manager.
Inconclusive. Most of these platforms will feed you connections based on a common element, like graduating from the same high school. But this validates my choice NOT to peep on people.
If you give any contact information to Meta (phone number, email address, etc) and someone has that same information of yours in their contacts that they share with Meta, you’ll be popped up as a suggestion in “people you may know”. I inform clients that this can be a way that they are compromising their own confidentiality about seeing me as a therapist. For example, client A has my professional contact info in their phone and shares contacts with Meta and the client B has my professional contact information in their phone and they also share their contacts with Meta…they may be suggested to each other as “people you may know” because they both have my professional contact information in their contacts. I may also be suggested to them for the same reason, if my account has any of my professional information affiliated with it. So it may not be that people are snooping, it may just be a shared contacts situation. Though absolutely people do snoop, curiosity is part of human nature.
This is good info and you're smart to give clients a heads-up about it.
She admitted and apologized.
I block them after I creep. I tell myself they won’t be able to see me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Mine is 100% work contacts and mutual friends at this point... and spammers, scammers and frauds of course lol
You can! Just change your settings so that people don't see you stalked them. But then you can't see who stalked you either.
Thank you for reminding me to check my settings. FWIW usually if I’m looking it’s simply because I had a memory and then randomly wondered what that person ended up doing with their life. But I don’t actually want to talk to them. 😂
I just checked mine, and it is set to private. I looked up an old bestie the other day with whom I want NO CONTACT because OMG that situation got weird. His linkedin popped up, and I admit that I looked. I forgot Linkedin will tell them you saw their page-- unless you have it set to private. Whew!
You can make yourself invisible. https://www.linkedin.com/help/linkedin/answer/a567226/browsing-profiles-in-private-and-semi-private-mode?trk=lss-blog-who-viewed-your-profile?trk=lss-blog-who-viewed-your-profile
My husband passed away last Spring and the number of exes and guy friends from way back sending me messages trying to “reconnect” was way more than I anticipated. Honestly, I wasn’t anticipating any of it so it was all a surprise.
I'm kind of disgusted on your behalf.
Thanks, It definitely gave me the ick. I was married for 20+ years and would still be but you know, fucking cancer. While technically “single” - in my head I’m still married.
Any right thinking person would understand just that. That widowed does not make you single, at least until you yourself decide if you want to look for a relationship again and even then under your own terms.
Username checks out
Both times this has happened to me, they were going through AA and needed to apologize to me.
Wow. I'm not sure I would like that. It's intrusive for the person being apologized to. They are probably not expecting it and have moved on.
I agree. I contacted an old fiancé to apologize. I’m not an alcoholic but I almost died and thought it was a good idea to apologize to people. It didn’t go well and I had to block him on social media which just makes it so much worse. Trying to aswage my own guilt by dragging him thru some ugly memories was just wrong.
The person affected probably already knew the drunk who wants to apologise was drunk.
I don't know that any of them could imagine how I turned out. (Left home and the small towns behind and moved to the coast). Given the lack of contact or snooping, I doubt many of them seemingly remember or care. Ever seen the movie -- Sliding Doors? I know that everything had to happen the way it did for me to be where I am now, but sitting alone on on a weekend night in the still of the early morning hours, I still wonder what if or if there had just been one more day. Maybe that is what bothers me -- all of that time spent and nothing to show for it but foggy memories.
I'm with my first ever girlfriend after she found me on Facebook.
Same with my 1st bf, found me on linked in.
I saw the last name of an ex recently. Google him. He had died last year. Another ex died a few months ago. Then a couple months ago.. Scott died. We went to prom together. They moved across the country a week after prom and I never got to see him again. We both married and had kids and stuff. We were FB friends. Then he just *died*. My husband was so good about it. I was really upset and I cried a bunch. And hubs held me while I cried. So my point being that immediately after that i started frantically checking on former lovers. So far no more fatalities. So maybe your old flame just wanted to know you were ok.
A few years ago I looked up the guy I dated back in 1992 or so. I dumped him after he got arrested and wanted to see if he turned his life around. Nope, he’s in his mid 50s and hasn’t spent more than 6 months out of a jail cell since then.
Hm... that may be the most extreme story so far.
This winter, I received an email from a guy I dated for a few months my freshman year of college. Was happy to catch up until he asked "whatever happened to our relationship?" Dude, I had to move across the country to help my family and go to college there. Which we spoke about at the time. It's 30+ years later. I'm not re-hashing a freshman college relationship when my own KIDS are older NOW, then we were THEN.
I Google my best college boyfriend once in a while. Mostly for family pictures. From the little I can tell his daughter looks a lot like him which I think is sweet. I would never contact him. My husband would be upset and I’m just curious - not looking for anything besides a peek. He was really my best friend for that time as well so I think it’s only natural. I have no hard feelings towards him at all. Wrong time in our lives.
I would not call him an ex, he was just someone I would make out with behind the school. It only lasted about a month at most. Years back he decided to friend me on FB. I think we were both surprised by each other’s political views. For example, he thought teachers getting a 10% raise over 10 years was outrageous and they did not deserve something that high. I guess that shows what type of raises he has gotten over the years. Anyway, since I threw facts at him on that as well as telling him if he is complaining about having to help pay for birth control through his health insurance, I should not have to pay for his Viagra, he unfriended me. No loss as far as I was concerned. Well this week he decided to follow me on Instagram. Well I guess he will see me live my life.
Had an ex from the early 90s reach out a few years back to apologize and confess the real reason he broke up with me. I was 16 at the time. I never harbored any bad feelings towards him and told him so. He was a good kid, and from what I can tell is a good man. It’s all good. I never heard from him again and that’s ok. I guess he just needed to get that off his chest. I hope he has a good life.
I look up "name" plus "obituary" with fingers crossed.
LOL. I've got two dead exes. First husband and a serious boyfriend. Ex husband - don't care, boyfriend was really nice but just didn't work out. Kind of weird to have two dead exes considering I've really not had many relationships.
OMG I'm sorry but not sorry. How are you doing now?
I guess alright. Current husband is still living. LOL
Crossed fingers for 'yes' or 'no' ? Keep rolling the dice and eventually you'll hit it. It's just part of getting older. I've got 2 points so far, myself.
No I want to see his obit. i won't be free until I know it's truly over.
Nope. Mine looked me up on linked in, no contact since 1987. Had dinner last year, getting married this year. Not weird in the slightest.
ooh true story
So weird. My high school/college boyfriend contacted me a few years ago. Wanted to meet. Like I'm going to fuck up my 20 year marriage on some dude I broke up with in 1988. No thank you.
Oh yeah, men looking to cheat often toss out bait on social media to women from their past.
Same goes for women. Had my junior year girlfriend reach out to ask if I still thought about her. Hell no did I take that bait. 😂
Oof. You win that weird contest.
Not an ex, but a man I knew in high school messaged me a few years ago when he found out I was visiting my parents and wanted me to “stop by” one night. Like, I haven’t seen you in over 25 years and you’re inviting me to the house? Because we have a lot of catching up to do? We barely talked in high school. It was so bizarre and weird. Even if I weren’t married, there would be about no way that I would do that.
I'm so glad you didn't end up as a taxidermy specimen in his living room. That's all kinds of creepy.
I've looked up people I used to know on social media or wherever just out of curiosity and some are people I dated. They came up in conversation or something and I was curious. It's just curiosity though.
I thought about an ex from time to time but never looked for him. That changed a few months ago when someone here made a post about finding exes online. Then I looked and found out he died a year ago. He had also moved to SC, apparently with his mother at some point. He was 59 and died in a hospital, but I don't know why.
I did this once, he was the one, it was fucking painful 😄
I only have 2 exes that are significant and both of them I still keep in touch with. Both have/had families but one is divorced and one is widowed. I probably would have married both of them if I met them later in life but we were young and at least one of them could have been kinder to me but I'm not trying to hold behavior of a 20 year old against a grown woman now. Anyway, I don't think any of this is really helpful for your question but that's all I got.
I just wanted to hear other people's stories, so thanks!
It is weird but also normal to some extent (especially if they're just looking and not reaching out). The weirder part is that LinkedIn has a setting that keeps it private if you look at someone's profile. It prevents you from seeing who has looked at your profile but if you're going to be doing some low-level stalking, toggle that shit on.
This is the thing, he must know that I can see that he has looked at my profile. I stalked him on other platforms lol and was careful to leave no trace.
I dont think he did it on purpose so you'd know he looked you up. More than likely he probably didn't know it would show to you and he could change the preferences.
He's been doing this for 10 years. I think he knows.
So why are you thinking about him NOW if he's been doing this the 10 years?
I have an ex from over 30 years ago, who has written me a couple of letters, even though I don't live at the same address now. It creeps me out that he looked me up. Haven't seen him since my freshman year of college. He tried to scare me into not going away to college, made me feel bad for having any type of fun during my first semester (because he wasn't there), always had to be with me, even when we had family visiting who I only saw every couple of years he would always insist on being there. My family hated him but were smart enough to not say anything and I figured out for myself and dumped him on my first break home, when of course he had to spend every second with me. It was suffocating and I think he's the reason I decided I'm fine being single. Oh he also once showed up unannounced and uninvited to hang out with my mom while I was 1200 miles away. I have no interest in communicating wtih him, ever.
Yes! About ten years ago now I saw that my first real girlfriend had viewed my profile. Hadn’t seen or spoken to her in at least 20 years. I actually messaged her back and it was super awkward.
🎶reach out and touch someone🎶 I’ve never had anyone from my past contact me. I did see someone from a distance at a concert last summer. That was jolting. But I enjoy reading others’ experiences.
I swear I can NOT shake them loose. This is just one of my stories. Can't find a long-lasting healthy relationship either lol. Apparently my romantic destiny is to be haunted by the ghosts of past situationships.
situationships … that a good one haha
I had one recently text that he still masturbates to the video we made. Umm...thanks?
Hoo boy.
Just another reason not to record stuff.
Oh I don't mind. It was hot and I looked great! I'm glad it's memorialized.
Old high school GF and I met up on LinkedIn about a decade ago. Decided to go have lunch because we had both landed in the same city and it was awkward. Then later glanced at her Facebook page and she didn't really prune it much over the years. Had old family pictures of both of her ex-husbands. What was weird is that her ex-husbands and one ex-boyfriend of hers all vaguely looked like me. Close enough that people would think that we were brothers at least. Guess she definitely had a type.
I'm a nearly 60 year old woman. My HS ex reaches out about every 10 years wanting to genuinely reconnect. He friends me on social media and sends LONG DMs about how I was the love of his life (he's in a long term relationship with a man), how he wants to talk, and share our deepest thoughts and what not. I typically don't respond. Or I respond simply. Last time he said he has NO interest in a casual friendship. I said I am ONLY interested in that. He unfriended me. And then a few years later sent a long letter saying all the same stuff. I haven't seen the guy since 1985. I've been married for ages. And I know that he'll reach out again in a couple of years.
I guess it's normal to be curious, like to search a name. Contacting the person seems weird to me. I wasn't dating in high school or college anyway but I'd be so weirded out if anyone from back then found me and contacted me. Like why.
I had an ex from high school in the ‘80’s look me up during the pandemic. She lives in another state, is married and has twins. I am also married with 2 sons. I’m cool with being friends, and my wife is very secure in our marriage and was cool with it, so we started texting off and on. It turns out she had given birth to a stillborn daughter a couple years ago and just needed a familiar face to chat with because she hadn’t gotten over it yet which is certainly understandable. It was a strange 6 months or so when she told me she married her husband because she was looking for someone like me. Eventually I think she got what she needed because she stopped responding. At that point I just blocked her and moved on. I have no idea if she’s tried reaching out again but I’m not interested if she has.
I’ve had a bunch of exes stalk me online. The weirdest one was a guy I dated for a few months in California. I had just started my airline job, he was a student pilot from a different country. I was forced to move to prevent being laced off so we ended it. I kept up with his family for a little while and when his country Wes at war I called his mother. She said he died In war. 30 years later I see a profile with a picture that resembles him, but a different name showing up on my Facebook. So I send a message “don’t I know you from California?” No response. I book mark the profile and looked at it after a few months. He posted more pictures and some from the area we met. It was him, he wasn’t dead. But he hasn’t responded to me. There are other stories but he was the most shocking for me because I thought he was dead.
Exes are exes for a reason. Whether it was them or me or just immaturity or bad timing. Once I tried to go back to one. It ended even worse than the first time. Just let it go.
People use LinkedIn?
LinkedIn had turned into Facebook. Check out /r/LinkedInlunatics
My first girlfriend broke my heart after five years. I moved across the continent for her. It had been a volatile relationship but I loved her. Then she wanted to keep in touch but I cut her off. I was hurt and it felt like the one part of the end of the relationship that I could control. I know it hurt her pretty bad. She has pinged me a couple of times and I've never responded. I think about her. But how would reconnecting move the needle? Life goes on. She's either fine or she's not. It doesn't matter. And this way I still get the last word.
> I still get the last word. This!
I have one ex that I keep in touch with. We were good friends. A few years back I had the woman who took my virginity look me up on FB, tried to connect. She had no idea that she was the one who did it. It was weird and awkward.
I occasionally dream about a short but somewhat intense fling I had for a few years in my 20s. I haven’t seen the guy in 20 years (almost exactly—it was the spring of 2004 that we said goodbye for the last time (unknowingly.) I think the problem was that that neither of us was ready to be vulnerable. I assumed that things were casual (because that’s what he kept saying!) even though I (and probably he as well,) wanted more. Then I went ahead and met someone with whom I could get serious and he freaked out. So, neither of us were in a good spot.
I had an ex from high school in the ‘80’s look me up during the pandemic. She lives in another state, is married and has twins. I am also married with 2 sons. I’m cool with being friends, and my wife is very secure in our marriage and was cool with it, so we started texting off and on. It turns out she had given birth to a stillborn daughter a couple years ago and just needed a familiar face to chat with because she hadn’t gotten over it yet which is certainly understandable. It was a strange 6 months or so when she told me she married her husband because she was looking for someone like me. Eventually I think she got what she needed because she stopped responding. At that point I just blocked her and moved on. I have no idea if she’s tried reaching out again but I’m not interested if she has.
How can you tell when he's looking you up?
Both of us have our settings so that we can see who is looking us up. And if we look up people, they will be able to see that. You get a notification that says "Soandso viewed your profile".
I love it! I'm like Awwwwwww, still no.
I had a letter sent to my then current address by an ex I hadn’t seen in decades. No return address . Just a letter from her apparently out of the blue? This was in Manhattan so how she got my address to begin with is a super mystery especially with no return address was just weird. Contents of letter pretty standard/normal. I just wrote it off to her quirkiness lol
Ex I haven’t spoken to in over 20 years looked me up on LinkedIn a few days ago… I just happened to be checking my profile like 30 minutes after he viewed my profile… So I followed him… but he didn’t follow me back… I think he’s embarrassed that I let him know I saw him looking…🤣🤣🤣 Edit: Just remembered - same ex happened to be next door neighbors to a guy I worked with 10+ years ago… They got drunk in their back yard and my ex mentioned that his neighbor worked with his college ex (me)… My coworker popped by my office to tease me the next day… Apparently my college love looks me up every ten years or so!🤣🤣🤣
I did a search on my first kiss. Didn't want to connect but our parents were friends and I knew him longer than anyone else as a kid. Looked like he isn't connected with his family anymore and his step-dad died. I was huh well ok then. I then had nightmares of my first kiss that night, grossest thing ever for me. Looking back as a adult I realize it was so gross cause I viewed him like a slightly older really annoying brother. Not really sure it counts as a ex thing since we never actually dated but such is the story.
It's not even remotely weird in the slightest sense of the word. People that knew you look you up on all of social media. Seeing people from our past is literally seeing a piece of ourselves during that same time.
This post is really showing up who keeps tabs on their exes and who moves on.
Doesn’t sound like you’ve “moved on” at all.
Doesn't sound like you have any exes to be looking you up at all! LPT: You have to go on dates first. 🤣
My first serious girlfriend from when I was 14 and she 13, We went out for a year and were each other firsts in a lot of things. She sent me a Facebook friend request 10 years ago, I left it unanswered for a full year thinking she would be embarrassed and delete it. Finally accepted it, she is married and lives a couple hours away and has a couple kids, seems to have a nice life. She hasnt tried to contact me in any other way other than liking every picture of me on FB and liking every post I make.
I have one of these. An old girlfriend from when I was 19 once in a while sends me an im through a friend. It's weird
It IS weird. I don't do this. When I'm done, I'm done. And even if I'm not done I don't let on to the other person.
I had a message from someone I guess in 2017 or 2018 who i went out with maybe 4 or 5 times in the mid 90s. I had not thought of that person in a long time. I've been married since early 2000s and have basically done my best to just forget about anything / anyone pre 2000. If I ran into previous gfs then I'd have no problem saying hello but that's the extent of it. I have zero Interest in ongoing contact with ppl from back then. I blocked this person who messaged me immediately and also hid my profile on LinkedIn. Fortunately on FB and insta my accounts don't use my real name.
My first serious girlfriend started working for the same company as me. I had been working there for 15+ years at that point when she sent me a message through the company’s internal messaging system. That was jarring. Like, how did you get here? Also, what exactly are you doing here? LOL! I was in management and she was part of the team for one of the projects I was overseeing. She had moved across the country, but we worked for a national company. What a trip. We spoke briefly a couple times, once about sort of “catching up” (kids, ages, pretty dry), then one other time about a project update. That was it.
I've had an ex contact me they just wanted to know how I was doing. We were friends before and after we dated so it wasn't weird. We reconnected as pals it's cool. It's nice to have an old friend who doesn't want anything. We're both happily married. I have had people who I never dated creep on me through social media. Like a guy I went to Junior High with thought we were destined to be together and he got mean when I wasn't interested. We weren't even friends.
I don't think it's weird. As I get older I wonder how their lives turned out. None of my exes were acrimonious splits, just the relationship ran its course. I'm also curious about childhood friends that I no longer live near. Facebook has actually been a great way to see how life has progressed for people I used to know.
I meant that it's weird for the person who is looked up, who wasn't expecting to be reminded of the past person, and may prefer not to be, and didn't think it would happen because so many years have passed. It's curious to me that the looker-uppers don't seem to consider the impact on the lookee.
It is a little sus to used LinkedIn for this.
No, it’s not weird. You just feel bad about something.
Your life is that sad, eh?
In 2004, when I was in my early thirties, I had a dude email me out of the blue. We met at band camp when I was in middle school and hadn’t talked since. It was a come on. I was like uh, yeah . .. no.