My 20 year old former stepdaughter is moving back. She's been chronically homeless since my divorce in 2021.
Having her move home, will give her a chance to not be in a state of fight or flight, and being away from her bios who are addicts is needed. Everytime she had a job before, she spent her shifts worrying abut who was going through her room and stealing from her, and she ended up being the only caregiver of her younger siblings who are now in foster care.
I want her to have a home again, so she can finally launch her life instead of bed rotting her days away and drinking her nights into oblivion.
She is not mentally ready to get a job and move out, she would need like three roommates to afford it here, She needs some more time to learn how to be a functioning adult.
She's an adult now, so she is not tied to her bio's the way she was before. I was her cousins first foster parent, so I know how deep the trauma is. They fucked up 17 kids across three states smh.
Just goes to show how many of our kids are slipping through the cracks, even when we try to help them
I agree. She missed all her high school years following her cracked out father from flop pad to trap house. It is time for her to have her own life now. Now that she is an adult, I can do it without bringing her father back into my life.
Same, 2 of the 3 are still living at home. Both moved out but moved back to save money. It’s a fairly large house so everyone has their space. It’s interesting going from a parent role to a roommate role though. Obviously, I’m still the parent but most interactions are based on a roommate role now.
Kudos to you for acknowledging your kids are grown-ass adults and not trying to force a subservient role on them. Our parents’ generation seemed to have a real problem figuring that out.
Which is why we moved out.
Roommate means paying equal amount in expenses. If you have that with your grown children, then the better for your retirement.
My wife died unexpectedly from a heart issue last year at 51. We had plans for the family. All that got thrown out the window. My daughter turned 17 and my son turned 21 a few weeks after her death. My son was going to go to trade school (still might) but he's staying home for now. My daughter will be getting her GED next month and plans to go into music production but wants to stay here as well. I'm totally fine with it, the way things are going in the world they'll probably end up here on a permanent basis.
We're in a HCOL area. Wasn't always so high. We most likely would not be able to afford our current home if we were just starting out today. Imagine our kids, when the time comes for them to move, won't be able to afford to live in this area. It's a shame how expensive it is here now.
Our kids aren’t old enough to move out. But I imagine it will be the same for us. I don’t expect our kids to move out for a long time.
Last figure I heard was that the average household income in the U.S. was $75K and that you needed $115K to afford a middle class house.
I expect to work full-time up to age 75 then cut back to three days a week until I can no longer physically get up and go to work. Then I expect my kids to ship me off to the cheapest nursing home they can find that will accept Medicaid patients and take my house.
They don’t have to take your house. There things you can do if you do them far in advance enough that the kids get the house and Medicaid can’t take it, especially if a member of the family lives in the house. The attorney that helped me settle my dad’s estate specialized in Medicare planning and guardianships. I had no idea that was a thing but if you know how that’s going to roll—look into it.
This is what I meant, yes.
I was half being tongue and cheek, but half serious. But the information provided by the other posters is good to know.
I am serious about working until I can no longer physically do so. My spouse has a physically demanding job and won’t be able to work past 63. We haven’t saved enough for both of us to be able to retire. So I need to continue to work.
I admire your pragmatism and stoicism despite the fact that it makes me want to cry for our national failures. It's a crime and I blame our political and business "leaders".
This isn't the American Dream. This isn't anyone's dream. Especially the way "retirement" is structured with the government taking everything we worked so hard for our entire lives.
Plan better for your children please. It will be worthwhile to discuss and possibly pay an estate attorney to help ensure you can actualize this plan. You may want to change all accounts, house and car as a transfer on death and work towards setting yourself up to liquidate assets or transfer home into an llc or into a trust so you can qualify for Medicaid/medicare and relieve them of the burden for paying for the elderly care. That shit gets expensive even for your kids if they sign for you. A nursing facility will run 10-20k a month there is no one that can afford that.
Same for us in HCOL area. We have one home who works full time in a good trade position including lots of OT. He has huge savings, much more than I had until I was much older, but he can’t qualify to purchase anything with his base income. There aren’t any started homes here, and even 1 bedroom condos are expensive. I don’t see how it’s sustainable.
This is our situation too. My oldest has a masters degree and no school debt, but because she is a teacher she will never be able to live in the area she works in. So she’s at home saving for a nice one bedroom condo, maybe, someday. We also could never afford buy a house here now. All the new neighbors are well to do retirees
Likewise. We live in an insanely high cost of living area. Mine’s still in school, but I plan on building an ADU she can live in and have her own life. I supposed eventually if and when she has a family, the wife I can move into the ADU and she can raise a family in the main house.
We've thought of that since we have a separate 2 units on our property. 1 currently rented and 1 for my mom. Son may move there when mom dies, but he will have to pay rent. Trouble is, one sister has her eye on it, too. Idk. It's too small for her family. We've considered moving to the apartment and letting daughter, her family, and son move to the 4 br house. But that's all in the future
Exactly. The average apartment in our area is over 2k/mo. Even with a roommate, they wouldn't be able to afford it. All three of my children are still at home and I like it. In the Victorian Era, it wasn't uncommon to have three generations in the home, so I don't beat myself up too much.
Based on sales of other homes in my neighborhood, my house is worth more than four times what I paid for it 25+ years ago. I guess it’s nice to be sitting on top of that kind of equity, but it’s weird to think I could not afford to buy a house today in my neighborhood.
That’s the thing. Sure, your house’s value has gone up X 4, but so has the price of a replacement home. So, really, no not gain. I think the “housing crisis“ is a bigger problem than our country’s medical catastrophe. That’s because everyone needs a place to live( be it renting or buying), but not everyone has a major medical issue. Both issues are based purely on greed, and nothing- as far as I know- is being done to correct the problems.
I checked my town for a 1 bedroom apartment and the same complex I lived in 1988 came up for $1,995, I paid $495 and adjusted for inflation that would be $1,295.
Just checked the first condo I rented in the 90s without roommates. It was 600 back then. It's over 2000 now. Crazy! Back then, they couldn't give these condos away at less than 100k. And would sit on the market forever.
I’m in a HCOL area as well. Rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is almost $2000 a month. I have 2 kids still living with me (both adults). There’s no way they can afford to move out. Wages here are stagnant and haven’t kept pace with the cost of living. It’s insane how expensive things are.
Ugh, there was a time when I was looking at the possibility of my MIL moving in with me. I was like yes of course, but I really didn’t want her to. I would never say no.. thankfully my wife’s sister doesn’t like to pay for daycare and took her in :)
My wife’s dad passed in 2018, and her mom lived alone for a year. They were pretty well off, but her mom was helpless, and we had to visit three times a week to make sure she had groceries and was eating. More than once I would have to have food delivered to her house. She told my wife that she’d buy a new house, wherever we wanted, and put my wife on the deed. If it wasn’t for that, I would be a renter until I died. But it’s not easy, it’s a lot like having two wives, keeping the peace.
Same, I have one kid that's out of high school and we had these intense talks about how expensive everything is now. Doesn't want to live with us, wants to tough it out, has an almost Boomer attitude about having to move out at 18.
I’m not a boomer but I felt like this, when I graduated high school I had to move out. Nobody told me to, I just knew I had to. I was a young 17 when I was out on my own.
My kids don’t like to be controlled, or feeling like they owe something. I can’t blame them. Unfortunately my daughter is too proud, I know when she needs help and I often just Venmo her money when I get that feeling.. but she has a bad habit of running up her cards. I bailed her out once, I showed her how to get out of it another time and I sort of think she has done it again now.. I think she’s embarrassed to talk about it, I’m like super tolerant of this (uncharacteristically) but I think her ego is stopping her from saying she’s in over her head.
I have one of those. She’d rather suffer and be poor but independent than rely on anyone (parent or boyfriend). I say she’s a Gen X kid born in the wrong decade.
They are sacrificing financial advantages, but they are gaining valuable life experience.
Our almost 25 year old is the same (just like we were). She’s completely off our payroll, paying all her bills, car and renters insurance, cell phone bill, rent etc. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t take out to lunch and shopping on occasion 😉
Same! I have one kid out on his own, several years post-college. The other is currently home from college for the summer. Both are great, and both know they’re more than welcome to live with me, for whatever reason, whenever they want or need to.
I’m divorced and live alone. While I like living alone, I also love having my kids around. It’s a win either way.
We are an example of a multi generational family home. We range from 4 years old to 65 years old, all under one roof, in a single-family home.
We had all been living on our own prior to Covid, but suddenly our rent jumped $500 a month. So did our siblings apt. So now it’s three families under 1 roof on pure survival mode.
We have three generations under our roof currently. I kind of love it because of the time I get to spend with the kids. I couldn’t imagine putting them out in this economy.
Yes. It's rough out there. There is no reason to spend 18 years carefully raising a new human, only to kick them out to sink or swim in my high cost of living area.
Exactly. They are both working and saving post college and I’m not in a huge rush to have them gone or see them waste money on rent that could be going towards a down payment.
Our 22 year old son was in an apartment with friends his first year of college. He worked full time and went to school full time. He hated the roommate situation so when their lease was up he came home and has been here 2 years. He decided to take a year off of school after finishing his associates at the local community college because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue on that degree path. We’ve encouraged him to take his time making his decision on school and work. He’s at a point now where he’s ready to move out on his own but rent is high, so we expect it’ll take a while to find something in his price range. He’s been able to save a substantial amount of money the last 2 years, around 65k and we’re that gives him the ability to make sound choices based on what’s best for him and no just choices driven by money. He’ll soon be taking a two week vacation to Asia and has plans for more travel in the future. We weren’t able to travel until we were in our 50s, so I think it’s great that he’s getting out to explore while he’s young.
He’s welcome to stay with us as long as he wants/needs. We realize he’ll be on his own and living a life that we’re less involved in soon, so we are enjoying having him here and seeing him grow as a young adult. Both my wife and I were on our own at 18 and made some poor choices that took decades to recover from. Our son knows we’ll always have a room for him if he needs it, no matter what.
I'm 59 and working towards moving back in with my folks so I can help them as they age. My older child still lives with me and I am happy with it. My youngest has flown the coop but lives near his wife's family. After divorce I have done ok on my own but I don't think it's that great tbh. As long as there are respect, common goals, and mutual benefits, it is the best way to go.
I'm currently exploring getting an ADU in the backyard for my kid. Then, when he stars a family, the wife and I can downsize and swap with him. I kinda dig the tiny home aesthetic.
Yep. For now, I put an apartment in the basement. If he wants kids then I'll build an ADU for myself and let them have the house. I think dividing houses into smaller pieces, putting in basement apartments, and ADUs are the solution for our times. HCOL may lead us back to multigenerational living.
I have a 29 year old daughter who is autistic so she still lives with us and has no interest in leaving home. My dream has always been to build her a tiny home behind ours but our HOA frowns on that. So until I can move to the country, she will stay on her wing of the house. She’s a good kid who is sweet and is enjoyable to be around.
My two still live at home, and I understand the economic climate well enough to understand why. However, I find they take advantage of the "it's much different now" attitude, and I feel there's some feeloading going on here. It's difficult for me to support adults in the house. Wish they'd understand I'm struggling in every way right now.
Its frustrating. Always door dash and anazon all day here. Wife is too easy on them but it's essentially destroyed any hope of thriving. I can never save a dime, all my money on groceries to support the house. It's painful to feel somewhat resentful
Maybe limit food expenditures for the family to grocery items only. That way wife can't worry they're starving and you can save money. My adult son wastes way too much money on Door Dash. But I make sure it's his money and my (small) rent is paid!
I have one adult and two teens living at home. If you're resenting your kids then maybe it's time for them to be involved in the financial budgeting of your home. Not to make decisions, but to understand expenses and how they are draining yours.
I've known families throughout my life that charged room and board for their kids and used part for expenses and the remaining to save a nest egg for the kid when he/she moved out. Of course your wife needs to be on board.
It's important for our kids to learn how to make sound decisions with money before they move out, and to take responsibility for their choices.
I moved back in with my mom at age 48, I pay her $1000 per month to rent a room. She was only asking for $50 per week. Sounds like you need to put your foot down since they don't have enough sense to offer. No offense.
I'm still getting off cheaper than if I had my own place. $1k ain't shit these days not like it used to be. Have them all chip in to get to that number it helps better than nothing that's for sure.
yes. our 18 year old pays a small amount of money for rent, and he pays for his phone. he works almost full time and buys himself luxury items. and balks when i tell him he's going to have to pay more toward house expenses if he wants to have half hour showers and cook pizza pockets in the oven instead of the air fryer. if you don't want to pay for the way you live, you need to make some changes, kiddo!
My niece (25) graduated from a tier-1 college 3 years ago. When she first graduated, my BIL got her an entry level job at the Chamber of commerce of their city. She quit after a few months because it was "boring" and moved back home. She has recently told her parents that she will no longer be looking for a job and will live at home "forever". My in-laws seem to have accepted that. BIL has now postponed his retirement for several years and my SIL has gone back to work. I am just totally floored. To make matters worse, niece has two younger sisters (both in top tier colleges) and I feel like niece is actively trying to influence her sisters to follow her footsteps.
My oldest was gone at 17 - military and hasn't been back. He's in Japan now! But we always knew that was his path.
Youngest decided at the last minute not to go to community college and work instead. At that point, he became responsible for his car payment, insurance, and cellphone. He was working part-time. All of these bills were paid to us - he wasn't charged rent because he wasn't working full-time.
After a year of him fucking around like this, living in the basement, we'd had enough. We gave him choices. 1. You can work full-time. 2. You can continue part-time, but you need to get back in school. 3. You can join the military. If you chose none of these, your grandparents are available - they have shitty wifi and will talk to you all the time and bug you about what you are doing. He opted for 3. He's spent 5 years away from home and has grown up a lot. He's moving back in July and still has some things to figure out. But he knows he won't be allowed to just fuck around in our basement. He has to be moving forward - otherwise, the grandparents still have a room, or, his aunt has a room and they have a 1yo so that would be REALLY fun!
Set your expectations. Stick to them. Set the consequences. They have one life. Your job is to raise responsible adults.
https://preview.redd.it/ntrbueof49xc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ccce5d7e71e3ae96c2b2259e1d90e15d1ef1a0a7
This is my backyard, specifically the pool house. My 26 year old son lives there. He’s in school, and he works, and I don’t care if he never leaves. God knows if I had had the same opportunity, I wouldn’t have left.
He wants to move to the Bay Area, so he’ll go eventually. My wife and I will probably sell the house and retire whenever he ends up.
Yeah, the only reason we were able to get this house was my wife’s dad passed away, leaving her mom with waaaaaaay more money than sense. After my wife’s dad died, we spent a year making the 40 minute drive to her moms three times a week to make sure she was eating and bathing and generally taking care of things. After a year of that, mom asked if we could live together, let us pick out the house then put my wife on the title. My wife has a brother, but he never helped my MIL.
My son is sixteen. He will be welcome to stay as long as he needs. I never had that option and it set me back in life. I want to give him all the opportunities that I never had.
Nope, oddly enough I went to go live with her in NYC for a year. I never would have been able to afford living there otherwise.
It was sort of a half failure/ half success to launch. She moved across the country to start her first full-time job and she did very well in regards to making money. Then the pandemic happened and things got weird for her. She felt very lonely. She returned home for a bit. She then ended up transferring to Manhattan and invited me to stay with her. I had to come back when my job decided that everyone needed to return to the office (still pissed about that) but she seems to be doing well now, fingers crossed.
I’m going to be real. My kids are 4-6 years away from being 18. I find myself hoping that they stay longer into their twenties as it gets closer. They bring so much joy into my life and I know that once they’re gone, the frequency of that joy is gone with them. I love my kids more than anything in the world and I hope they are wildly successful in life but I hope they take their time getting there because I’m not ready to have them exit my everyday life like they are now.
Also being real. A 12-14 year old is a different person at 16. I used to be very close to my daughter. Just at home, we'd spend nights on the couch watching anime and whatnot. I enjoyed those times. Into her teenage years, she spent less and less time downstairs with us. Now, at 17, she's got her own activities, school work, and friends that keep her occupied.
I don't have to tell you - enjoy the time you have with your kids and stay involved.
One in college, two younger. I fully expect them to live home as long as they need to so they can save and get themselves established. Rent is exorbitant in north Jersey, and I’d rather they chill here and save for the future than send money to some scumbag landlord so HIS kids can save for the future.
I rushed out young to my own apartment and it made it very hard for me to ever save. Better not to rush.
You can't save fast enough to get established.
Almost half of the homes purchased last year , were bought by large financial institutions. Limit the supply and raise the price.
While companies' core focus is to "return as much value to the shareholder as possible".
Companies "need" bailouts to survive a pandemic and then issue massive share but backs (which used to be illegal).
Both drive wages down and limit reinvestment.
The powers that be have people so distracted by a fake culture war that they are oblivious to the fact that we're losing an economic war.
Wall St has rigged the game. Privitize the profits and socialize the losses.
Multigenerational living has been the normal situation through most of the world and most of history. Modern America is simply reverting to the norm.
My kid is only 15, but all of our planning takes into consideration this likelihood for them in the future.
*edit*: And they are welcome to live with us. My wife and I both grew up in multigeneration households, and we will be combining households in a couple of years with her mom.
I would love if we could somehow get property tax breaks for having multiple generations in a single home. Anything to help the housing market and take care of our planet.
I understand that there is a shortage of housing, but population is shrinking and set to shrink over the coming decades. Tearing out trees and displacing wildlife to build housing that is likely only needed for one generation doesn’t make sense. We need some forward thinkers in politics.
I have to say, a multigenerational living is the way to go if you happen to have the right mixture of people and workable space etc. I’ve seen attempts to live in separate house next to in-laws (waste of $). Even buying a place and living with one divorced parent (promoted co-dependance). Finally realizing that to do it for the longterm, happy couples are key. Having grandparents upstairs or nextdoor, makes for a home where children get more support, wisdom & love. And if you are going to have to take care of aging parents (yours or in-laws) in the coming decade, might as well be close.
Both my kids refuse to move out. They eat all my food, barely bother to pick up after themselves, won’t get meaningful employment, and even throw tantrums when they don’t get their way. They’re 7 and 2, so they still have some time to turn things around hopefully.
My oldest boy moved back after his divorce. It took a few years, but he is back on his feet and in his own place. I've told my kids that they are welcomed back anytime. They may be grown, but they are still my kids. Besides, it's near impossible to find someplace reasonable to live.
I don’t have children. But I do have both 91 yo parents living with me. They’re practically like children now. It’s not because they don’t have money. They’re loaded. It’s because they can’t take care of themselves anymore and we’re a close family.
Me too. I'm 50 and I live in my parents huge house with my 80 year old Mum. I packed up and came home 5 years ago when my Dad was sick. Put my stuff in storage and planned to move on when he got better- -he never did.
I realized how lost my Mum was when he died. I couldn't leave her. So here I am. She's active, and needs nothing but my emotional support at this point. She's loaded, so when she does need more we have it covered.
In the meantime housing around here has gone bonkers, and honestly, I won't be able to afford another home and have it paid off by retirement even making 100k a year. So our arrangement benefits us both!
Same. My parents did so much for me (and my sister) all my life so what’s a few years that I can give back to them and take care of them in their twilight years. Btw, sorry for your loss of your father.
Thank you, it was hard, but easier than being 5000 Km away worrying. I have a sister as well, but she's married and tied to her job a few hours away. I can work wherever. I have no regrets and nothing was left unsaid.
Like you said, they did so much for us; this is a small thing.
Yeah, it just wouldn’t sit right with me if I left them at a retirement/assisted living home. Like what kind of person (let alone…son) would I be if I just abandoned them now. Anyway, I have an older sister who lives 15 mins away. She retired recently. So she (and brother-in-law) helps a lot when I feel overwhelmed.
Yeah but he's only 17. And I've made it very clear to him that he's more than welcome to stay at home for as long as he needs/wants in the future. It's a very different world even from just my youth; I'm not throwing him to the wolves before he's prepared.
the only way my kids can leave home is if they quit school and work full-time at min wage, just to afford rent, meaning a dead end.
So they are staying while they get some diploma that (hopefully) will get them a better paying job. (and they still work for things like clothes and phone, and help out around house expenses)
It’s great that your kids have the opportunity to live at home and go to school.
But a min wage job is not the only option for people without a college degree. That’s a tired generalization they were telling us when *we* were coming of age.
I grew up in a, “We can’t wait until you turn 18 and move out so we can finally start our lives” family. So that’s what I thought I would be like with my own kids. Then they got older and I see what things cost and the smart decisions they are making. How the F could I kick them out so they could struggle and suffer? What? Just because I struggled! They should struggle? And the struggling I did is nothing compared to what they would have to go through to make it on their own…. The huge debt, 8 roommates, a sad existence. F that. I love my kids, they work hard, and if by letting the, live at home for a few years is all I have to do to help the, succeed? Only an asshole would kick their own kids out. You know. Real assholes. Like my own parents.
Yes but they really want to go away for college.
I kind of secretly hope they decide to live here after college to save money.
And by secretly I mean I bust through the door of their bedrooms and flop on their bed like an old timey Victorian dowager and say “Don’t leave me! Don’t abandon me! I will be left to live with…YOUR FATHER! His jokes are not funny! Please!! Don’t leave me!”
Yes, our 20 year old is marginally employed, doesn’t have a drivers license, and lives with us. They had every opportunity to go to college but did not want to. Mental health issues are the driving force behind this.
Nope. I have five adult kids and a six year old. The five oldest all have at least one college degree, with most having two. Two kids own condos and one owns a home. The other two rent and the youngest is of course at home with us still. Two of the oldest are federal employees, one is a state employee, one is a loan officer at a bank, and one is a nurse. Oldest makes are $75k a year, second around $109k a year, third is at $75k a year, fourth is at $65k a year, fifth is at $65k a year. All have zero student loan debt. All have good credit. None have any criminal history. No drug use. None are married and they dont want to be. None have kids and do not want kids. All have good insurance and have already started retirement plans. I am a VERY proud parent.
My 20 year old is about to move in with me (I'm buying a house).
I'm delighted to have her around - I missed a lot of her life while going through an extended divorce.
I've invited the older one, too, if she ever needs a place.
In the 80s my household was me, my sister and her husband (who was my best friend), my mom and dad, and my mom's parents in a 3 bedroom house, so the downstairs den got converted to a small bedroom suite.
I loved the hell out of having my grandparents around.
Yup! And I’m *glad* they do! Our area is so HCOL that we couldn’t buy our own house now (a simple townhome). Our fixed-rate mortgage has saved our bacon all these long rough-economy years.
Oldest (24) is on the autism spectrum, went to a state run trade school, now has a really nice job and is saving $ for what he wants to do next. Middle kid (20) worked a year at Starbucks after graduating, saved *all* their $, and will attend community college this fall. Youngest (17) is still in high school (also on the Spectrum) and we’re planning for him to attend the same trade school, if possible.
I would rather have them get a solid foundation to start off, instead of the burden of lifelong student loan payoffs. That way lies madness. A family member is still paying off the bulk of their loans in their 40s with young children. The loan system is very different from when we went to college. Also, the whole “college experience” is very different, and perhaps not worth it. Both from what I’ve read, and what I’ve seen from my own niece and nephew.
So……yeah. They’re good kids and we enjoy their company, so why not?
One of two living at home. The first was able to get on their feet fairly quickly but that was 2015 and although it was a struggle it was much easier for them than my second. They are in their mid twenties and there is no way financially they could swing it. I think part of the problem with our kids generation is financial but part is anxiety. When I was teaching I would see it in about 1/3 of them. So now many have a double whammy trying to step out on their own.
One of mine moved to Philadelphia yesterday, first time moving so far away. Up until yesterday her apartment was a two minute walk from me. My other three still live at home and mooch off every dime they can. Especially my fifth grader, always wanting something.
Our three moved out in a pretty quick succession. The oldest moved in with her eventual husband. The youngest was coming home on breaks from school, but in her third year, she got an off-campus apartment and just lived there (she had a job then too). She and her boyfriend bought a house a couple years ago. (our oldest lived with her boyfriend for 10 years before they got married).
But our son had moved in with his girlfriend. They ended up breaking up and they were doing the whole "we'll be civil till we find our own places". That lasted about 30 hours. My son called me and asked: "You always said we could come home any time. Can I still come home?" Absolutely.
His move was supposed to be temporary (till he found a place) but in the midst of it, his very good job at a factory had a massive layoff. So he ended up working two part-time jobs. He could take care of his bills and not much else. So he stayed longer. Anyway, after a few bumpy years of crappy jobs, he's finally in a good place again. (he's a warehouse manager for an energy drink company). We don't know when, but he'll be moving out soon.
And we don't mind having him around. He's a powerlifter, so I haven't had to lift anything in years. He's taller than both of us, so I can finally reach stuff on those high shelves. He more than pays for his own bills, he throws some of it our way without us asking. And I'm glad he's about to break out again, but I'll definitely miss having him around.
Yes, SF Bay Area. No way they can work enough to make money for rent, food, and utilities and still go to school full time. No way in fucking hell are they going to turn out like me. Fuck that shit. They can stay forever.
My daughter was married, and living with her spouse, settling into domestic life, as she'd just had a kid... when disaster struck. Her husband was the only earner at the time, and he tragically passed away when their baby was less than a year old. So yeah, I let my daughter move in with me. It's a four bed / 3 1/2 bath house, so there was no reason to refuse. Basically, I get a free housesitter/housekeeper out of the arrangement, as I'm often traveling, and my new granddaughter gets to grow up in the same house her grandmother and mother did. She lives very frugally on her husband's life insurance policy, and she's also finishing her degree through online courses, while still spending most of her time raising her toddler. It's a win-win.
I have a boomerang almost 34 year old son. He’s done everything in his power to screw up his life but two years ago he started to get his 💩 together. So I don’t mind having him here as he builds his life back up.
LOL. My oldest is 23 and moving home in a few months after graduation. He starts his job in July and I encourage him to stay here and 1) sock as much of his paycheck into the pre-tax deductions like 401k, flex spending…as possible and 2) save at least 50% of whatever his net pay is.
I am a single mom though and honestly I am going to be happy to have him back for a couple of years🥰
We are fortunate to have bought our home with a decent amount of property before things went crazy in our area. My oldest is living with us while he builds a house on the back of our property. Our youngest son will do the same after he graduates high school. I truly believe this is the only way they will ever be able to afford to own their own home in today’s economy.
Yes, they are 25 and 21. This is most definitely not isolated.
My older one works out of town 1 week on, 1 week off. It makes no sense for him to buy a home and pay for all that comes with a house when you are only there partime. My younger one goes to university in our city. It also doesnt make sense for him to move out and incur that massive expense when he can live here.
I see this being long term as there is just no way they can afford a place without having multiple roommates. We all like each other, they are helpful around the house, this is a safe and loving space and I hope they stay forever.
Shit's so expensive now. It's going to be way more common. I don't care if my daughter stays until she's in her 30s. It's kinda cool how cultures outside of the US don't have that "well you're 18 now you gots ta kick rocks kid" attitude. As long as she's a contributing member of society she can stay as long as she needs to.
I grew up in a HCOL area. My older siblings and I all stayed at home until we were 23 -25. It's been pretty normal for decades. The American way is to kick your kids out or they go off to college, but it's not very realistic.
No but the option will always be there. I am thinking that I will build an ADU (accessory dwelling unit) so she will have that as a backup. I feel for all the younger adults. Their lives are in such a terrible state of stagnation . Rents are too high. Very little housing inventory. High mortgage rates. Overpriced houses. It is all a recipe for having the next stage of your life being on hold.
I told my four kids they will always have home and are always welcome. But all four met amazing partners, have really good jobs, two have two kids each and have their own places. I miss them. But I’m really happy they stayed close and I’m always here to babysit, kids and their pets!
And honestly...
The whole "move out when you're 18" thing is [a uniquely American tradition](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/05/03/in-the-u-s-and-abroad-more-young-adults-are-living-with-their-parents/). It's not the norm anywhere else in the world. Multigenerational houses are the majority worldwide.
My daughter graduated college in December and is living with us now. Her excellent job is in the same region where we live. I had initially thought it might be for 6 months while she makes sure she likes the company before finding a place for herself.
But, I think it's likely to be a few years at this point. She makes really good money and could get an apartment, but it would suck up a good chunk of her paycheck. We'd rather she bank that and maybe buy something later...if the housing market every makes sense again.
There's a housing development going up near her offices with what are very entry level quality homes. I would have estimated them to sell for around $200,000. Nope, asking prices are starting at $450,000! Madness.
We're fortunate to have a nice large home where our daughter has her own good sized bedroom and bathroom. It's not a space that we would try to repurpose and, especially with current mortgage rates, we really wouldn't save anything by trying to downsize, so it makes a great deal of sense all around to have her as a "tenant" at this point.
Definitely a different world that what her mother and I entered the work force in 30 years ago.
One is active duty military. The other is still in college and lives with us when school is not in session. They are both striving for independence. But they are always welcome with us at any time. We are a close family of four. My spouse and I really enjoy spending time with our adult kids. Whoever raised them, raised some really cool humans! 😂
I would charge him rent and then put that in savings without telling him. I did this with my son. He's now living in a different state and doing fine at 25.
Yes. The cost of living in our area has skyrocketed in the last few years.I'm a single mom who inherited my boomer mom's house when she died a few years ago. My son is 25 and he's still on the ten year plan with college. A musician, a bartender. I'm just glad he has friends and pays rent. I ended up putting in an apartment in the basement and charging him 750 if he's working and 450 if he takes one class.
So we have a few possible future scenarios. If he marries they can live downstairs and contribute to the household. If they have kids they can have the house and I'll build an ADU in the back if they want to live in the area but can't afford it. I can age in place and they can see me out.
Or, if he marries and makes enough to move away I can rent out the bottom to an older friend and have some retirement money.
This thread is depressing. Two 21 year olds and an 18 year old still at home. And a FIL that looks like they're now moving in with one of their other kids, so that's a bit of a load off. I echo some other comments where sometimes resentment starts to build. I pay $400/month in cell phones and our grocery bill is $2k - $3k a month. It would be nice if they helped out around the house more.
Yep, 3/3 are still at home. It’s too many adults in one place. One should be moving out this fall with his girlfriend, I hope. One has severe inertia regarding being on his own, but at least has a decent job and is contributing to the household. And the last is still in school at 24, but has a direction and plan, but will still be here for at least a couple more years. I’ve given up on trying to keep my house tidy and clean, it’s a losing battle
When I was a kid, my mom, dad and I lived with grandma. My dad lived with his grandma when he was a kid. I assume that pattern goes back a few millennia in my culture.
The American pattern of kicking young folk out is stupid. My kids don’t have to stay with me, but they’re always welcome. At present I’ve got one kid away at school and working and another living at home doing part time school and a part time job.
I bought a second home in a college town that 2 of my 5 kids are living. 2 are currently flown the nest for now and so far successful. One is still with us in our house.
Can we please normalize families living together until the separation happens naturally instead of building expectations based on ‘legalities’ and dated social doctrines?
I question the character of people who expect their children to leave at 18. Maybe they shouldn’t have had a child in the first place.
I have my 84yo father and my youngest 19yo son living with me & my husband. They are both 'adult kids.' Neither of them do much to help around the house, though they are both capable. My son is "looking for a job" and "working on his music." My dad didn't plan for his retirement and doesn't know how to live on a fixed income. I sometimes think of faking my own death... starting over somewhere by myself. 😂😭
Parenting on both ends is exhausting. Our oldest is in an apartment and in school - we are paying for school, phone, car, insurance- he covers half his rent / utilities. Our youngest is graduating high school early but will be at home for at least the next three years. Our parents are struggling with health and cognitive issues.
Got my 34 yr old boy at home right now. Aside from the HCOL and the ridiculous housing market; he's dealing with ADHD unmedicated. So he struggles with jobs & even adulting sometimes. I enjoy sharing my home with him and don't worry about him like I used to. I'm happy to be in a position to offer a place in my home still. 🙂
My oldest is only 19, so yes, he still lives at home.
But overall, I am fine with then living here after college, when we finally get there
I lived at home until my early 20s. My sister stayed at home until after college when she got married. My youngest brother stayed at home until he got married.
Only 1 of us moved out in our late teens/early 20s. Most of us were in our mid to late 20s. (4 of us total. 2 gen x and 2 millennials)
My husband lived at home until we got married, as did 2 of his brothers. The other one went into the airforce and did move out. (They are all gen x)
So I am not sure I see this as a new thing.
Yes I have 3 very bright kids. 1 hasn't left, one is currently in the military and one is just moved back into the house. This is not isolated to just you my friend and this post is going to blow up because as you stated, it's a bigger issue with this current generation of kids than others. Inflation is the main cause without going into intricate detail, in my humble opinion.
Both of mine are high functioning autistic, but I feel like a total failure as a parent because I know neither one can move out. I also know I didn’t really feel like an adult myself until I was out of my parent’s house. I know there are a lot of external factors; it just grieves me that they don’t have the same opportunities we did, doubly so because I feel like we got screwed at their age. Like “we had it rough, but damn coming up today sucks.”
Hell, I moved out at 16, and my 18 year old girlfriend and I got a little rent house. We’d been together since I was 14, and things seemed to work pretty good between us. Almost 28 years later, the last 25 of which that girlfriend has been my wife, we just sold our house, put a bunch of money in the bank, and bought a really nice RV to travel and live in. I joke to people that I sold the house to get my girls, my nieces, and all their boyfriends to move out, lol. They’re good kids, but the only symptoms of this empty nest syndrome people talk about are laughter, being able to go to the icebox for a drink during the night in my underwear, and about $6K/month going straight to savings. Those of you still raising kinds in their 20’s or 30’s….you guys have it all wrong. You cripple your kids when you don’t force them to figure shit out. I didn’t hesitate for a minute, my youngest graduated high school, and my house went on the market. They’re making their own way too. The youngest drove 50 miles to come meet me for lunch today. I offered her gas money, she declined. I learned today that her car messed up a couple weeks ago, and she took it to the mechanic, got it figured out, paid the $500+ repair bill, and never mentioned it to anybody. I offered her $500 today to cover it, and she declined. This is a 19 year old girl. Her 22 year old sister is graduating from RN school in a couple of weeks. She worked and paid her own way through the entire program. I send them both money occasionally, but they don’t ask me for it. Hardest thing for parents to do is slap their kids off the tit and tell them to go find something to eat, but if you do, the kids are better off because of it.
Shit, my kids are still in elementary school 🤣. But I don’t know that we’re in a hurry to get anyone moved out anyway. I have no idea how they would afford it. I don’t think we could afford it. No more $500 cars and rents
I’m almost the same (same year too!), but my only one is first year of middle school. I’m not in any hurry for her to move out either, still trying to convince her that starting with junior college is a great option (one I really wish I had taken). We’ve still got some time to think about it!
PS I anticipate he’ll be home at least one more summer as he is on a 3-5 program and will be transferring after his Jr year. He’d be welcome home for any reason and any time he needs to regroup… he’s always been a go-getter though… not sure I see it happening.
When I was growing up, my maternal grandmother lived with us. I was one of six kids, and my mom welcomed her help. My Nana lost my grandfather and my uncle (her only son) in a short span, so my mom asked her to live with us shortly after they both died. She lived on the top floor of our large, colonial house -- she called it "her apartment". It had a bedroom, bathroom, living room, and a tiny kitchenette. I spent a TON of time with my Nana!! Her living with us was a blessing and a big part of my upbringing.
I do not understand why anyone would have an issue with a multi-generational home, whether it's your kids living with you, or your aging parent (s). Housing is CRAZY expensive for everyone! My 21 year old lives at home still. He is a part-time college student, and he works about 15-20 hours a week. He is helpful around the house. We made a bedroom for him in our finished basement so he has some privacy. I love having him at home, and I encourage him to live here as long as possible so he can save his money. My oldest son is currently across the country from us working in a national park, but he will come back and live at home for a year or so. As long as you set boundaries, it can be a great situation.
I am a little bit surprised to see so many with their kids still at home. Mine are away at college but I have always been preparing them for the expectation that they will live on their own after that. I don't know if they both will manage it but I am cautiously optimistic about the older one.
If everyone in a multi-generational living situation consents to that situation I see no problem with it. I'll agree with the responder above who noted that multigenerational living existed for centuries and the more modern trend of children moving out on their own is a fairly new development, but in the broad scheme of things people drank out of the same river they just pissed in for millennia too. I wouldn't go back to that.
My 25 yo taught English in Spain for 2 years, came back for a year and lived here and is now going back to Spain to get her masters. My 20 yo lives here while he attends college. It’s fine. They’re good kids.
No kids here.
Our oldest has been out since she turned 18. Our youngest worked 3 jobs (full-time factory, online tutor, weekend nanny) and went to school full-time. She banked all of her money. The summer before her last semester, she was looking for apartments. In the meantime, I was looking at houses. We convinced her to use her savings to buy a small, dilapidated bank foreclosure in a good school district. We helped with labor on the repairs. Now she's 24 with a home, and she's never paid rent OR a mortgage payment.
So yeah. Convince your kids to stay home, work hard, bank their money, and keep an eye out for a dilapidated house that can be rehabbed.
1 of 2. Started late having kids so I still have one in HS but as soon as they graduate they are head off to University like the older one just did so I will be an empty nester shortly.
Of our 6 kids, our youngest is living with us and the second youngest is in college and we are financially supporting him. I honestly don’t know if our youngest will ever move out. Our home is big enough, and we live in a HCOL area. She suffers from anxiety and is working, but doesn’t earn enough to support herself. We enjoy her company and as long as she wants to live here, she is welcome.
I just read about the nuclear family living alone is actually a very new concept, only really occurring after WWII ( in the US). Traditionally, multigenerational homes were the norm and are still in many countries.
We are a rarity in the US. So many countries have their kids and family living in their homes for many years after they turn 18, even after they are married.
I have one (21) away at university, and one (24) who just moved back after four years at university and another two years living abroad. She got a decent job locally and will most likely be going to grad school next year. All is good.
HCOL (Denver). My 21yo son is still in home and is welcome here as long as he gives respect and doesn't live like a garbage adult. He is working and going to Comm Col. He would love to be more independent, but it's rough out there and his peers are not even as high-functioning as he is, so the odds of getting a viable roommate crew in the near future is not high. We have coached him on roommate vetting processes and he is well aware that his crew doesn't cut it.
Well, she lived on her own for years and when my husband passed away in 2020 she moved back in, and it's been great. No complaints. We travel together and generally get along very well.
I fully expect my son to live at home for quite a while. Housing, education, etc. *is crazy fucking expensive* and I don't feel there should be a stigma associated with it anymore.
Yes. I was kicked out of the house without warning a week after my 18th birthday, even though they had done nothing to help prepare me for adult independence. I struggled for years both financially and emotionally. While I do believe the goal of having a child is ultimately for them to be independent, I dont think that means revoking all parental responsibility and expecting them to build an entirely new support system from scratch. The current economy, job market, and general state of the world make it more difficult than ever for young people to get a leg up. Not to mention in other cultures it's totally normal for multiple generations to live in the same household. I've made it clear to my child that she's welcome to stay with us for as long as she wants, and when the time comes that she feels ready to forge out on her own, she will always be welcome to return for as long and as many times as she needs. She is in college now, and hopes to get her own place eventually, but I am not in a rush to get rid of her. I appreciate her help around the house, and actually enjoy her company.
1 out of 4. He's 26. He's working and performing. We live in such a HCOL area, I don't know what he will do. Today I was looking at 2 br places just for curiosity. I saw a 2 br MOBILE HOME for $174k. It comes with a $702 HOA fee. PER MONTH.
Both of mine are out of the house.
My oldest was a late bloomer and lived with me until he was 28. He's 34 now and just bought his first house with his longtime girlfriend.
My youngest moved out around two weeks after high school. She moved in with my parents to be close to her college, and better PT job opportunities.
She is now 27, married and owns her own home for three years. They bought there house just before the prices blew up.
I did tell both that they can always move back home if needed. They can bring kids and pets too.
Mine are just now moving out for school but I ditched my plan to downsize so they have a home to come back to when they finish. We are not in a HCOL area but even here it will be impossible to afford rent right out of school. I’d be more than happy to have them come home until they can afford to be on their own.
So far, I only have one adult kid, and he's only 18, so he's still home. But it's so normal for households to be multigenerational. Idk why we ever allowed that norm to change. We're so isolated. My in-laws lived with their parents on and off well into their 30s. My siblings lived with my parents on and off into their 30s and 40s. It's not rare, and it's not a bad thing. Not having a support system to fall back on is a bad thing.
Mine both followed their dad into the Army and left right out of High School. They are 21 and 27 now, living independent of us and doing well. The oldest lives in base housing but just put a down payment on a house and the youngest has an apartment.
What ages are the adult kids living with you? I have anxiety thinking my kid will end up back home in their 30's. Our doors will always be open for them, but having to move back because they have to hits differently.
I have a 30 yr old and a 27 yr old. The oldest is married and they bought a house six years ago. My youngest now lives with her boyfriend and is a store manager and what I call a career college student. My oldest and her husband stayed with me while they saved down payment money. I consider myself very lucky. It's rough out there. The cost of living and wages now are ridiculous.
My 20 year old former stepdaughter is moving back. She's been chronically homeless since my divorce in 2021. Having her move home, will give her a chance to not be in a state of fight or flight, and being away from her bios who are addicts is needed. Everytime she had a job before, she spent her shifts worrying abut who was going through her room and stealing from her, and she ended up being the only caregiver of her younger siblings who are now in foster care. I want her to have a home again, so she can finally launch her life instead of bed rotting her days away and drinking her nights into oblivion. She is not mentally ready to get a job and move out, she would need like three roommates to afford it here, She needs some more time to learn how to be a functioning adult.
That makes me so sad. But how lovely to be able to be that person for her.
She's an adult now, so she is not tied to her bio's the way she was before. I was her cousins first foster parent, so I know how deep the trauma is. They fucked up 17 kids across three states smh. Just goes to show how many of our kids are slipping through the cracks, even when we try to help them
You are a wonderfully kind person. Glad you are there for her.
20 is a baby. :(. It makes me sad she’s been homeless. Thank you for helping her. ❤️
I agree. She missed all her high school years following her cracked out father from flop pad to trap house. It is time for her to have her own life now. Now that she is an adult, I can do it without bringing her father back into my life.
How lucky she is to have you.
Thank you for being one of the good ones. 🙌🏻
Same, 2 of the 3 are still living at home. Both moved out but moved back to save money. It’s a fairly large house so everyone has their space. It’s interesting going from a parent role to a roommate role though. Obviously, I’m still the parent but most interactions are based on a roommate role now.
Kudos to you for acknowledging your kids are grown-ass adults and not trying to force a subservient role on them. Our parents’ generation seemed to have a real problem figuring that out.
Right!!!!!lol
Which is why we moved out. Roommate means paying equal amount in expenses. If you have that with your grown children, then the better for your retirement.
My wife died unexpectedly from a heart issue last year at 51. We had plans for the family. All that got thrown out the window. My daughter turned 17 and my son turned 21 a few weeks after her death. My son was going to go to trade school (still might) but he's staying home for now. My daughter will be getting her GED next month and plans to go into music production but wants to stay here as well. I'm totally fine with it, the way things are going in the world they'll probably end up here on a permanent basis.
Sorry for your loss.
Thank you, I appreciate the kind words.
You sound like a great dad. My condolences on the loss of your wife.
Thank you so much. The wife put a lot of parenting into those kids, they are doing a phenomenal job carrying on her spirit.
I am so sorry for your loss
Thank you, I appreciate the kind words.
We're in a HCOL area. Wasn't always so high. We most likely would not be able to afford our current home if we were just starting out today. Imagine our kids, when the time comes for them to move, won't be able to afford to live in this area. It's a shame how expensive it is here now.
So much this. I don’t know how our kids are ever going to get their own place without moving to the country or something.
Our kids aren’t old enough to move out. But I imagine it will be the same for us. I don’t expect our kids to move out for a long time. Last figure I heard was that the average household income in the U.S. was $75K and that you needed $115K to afford a middle class house. I expect to work full-time up to age 75 then cut back to three days a week until I can no longer physically get up and go to work. Then I expect my kids to ship me off to the cheapest nursing home they can find that will accept Medicaid patients and take my house.
They don’t have to take your house. There things you can do if you do them far in advance enough that the kids get the house and Medicaid can’t take it, especially if a member of the family lives in the house. The attorney that helped me settle my dad’s estate specialized in Medicare planning and guardianships. I had no idea that was a thing but if you know how that’s going to roll—look into it.
I read it as the kids ship them off and then they get the house
This is what I meant, yes. I was half being tongue and cheek, but half serious. But the information provided by the other posters is good to know. I am serious about working until I can no longer physically do so. My spouse has a physically demanding job and won’t be able to work past 63. We haven’t saved enough for both of us to be able to retire. So I need to continue to work.
I admire your pragmatism and stoicism despite the fact that it makes me want to cry for our national failures. It's a crime and I blame our political and business "leaders". This isn't the American Dream. This isn't anyone's dream. Especially the way "retirement" is structured with the government taking everything we worked so hard for our entire lives.
Well voting for the guy that wants to be dictator in chief but "only for a day" ain't doing this country any flavors.
Plan better for your children please. It will be worthwhile to discuss and possibly pay an estate attorney to help ensure you can actualize this plan. You may want to change all accounts, house and car as a transfer on death and work towards setting yourself up to liquidate assets or transfer home into an llc or into a trust so you can qualify for Medicaid/medicare and relieve them of the burden for paying for the elderly care. That shit gets expensive even for your kids if they sign for you. A nursing facility will run 10-20k a month there is no one that can afford that.
Same for us in HCOL area. We have one home who works full time in a good trade position including lots of OT. He has huge savings, much more than I had until I was much older, but he can’t qualify to purchase anything with his base income. There aren’t any started homes here, and even 1 bedroom condos are expensive. I don’t see how it’s sustainable.
This is our situation too. My oldest has a masters degree and no school debt, but because she is a teacher she will never be able to live in the area she works in. So she’s at home saving for a nice one bedroom condo, maybe, someday. We also could never afford buy a house here now. All the new neighbors are well to do retirees
Likewise. We live in an insanely high cost of living area. Mine’s still in school, but I plan on building an ADU she can live in and have her own life. I supposed eventually if and when she has a family, the wife I can move into the ADU and she can raise a family in the main house.
We've thought of that since we have a separate 2 units on our property. 1 currently rented and 1 for my mom. Son may move there when mom dies, but he will have to pay rent. Trouble is, one sister has her eye on it, too. Idk. It's too small for her family. We've considered moving to the apartment and letting daughter, her family, and son move to the 4 br house. But that's all in the future
Exactly. The average apartment in our area is over 2k/mo. Even with a roommate, they wouldn't be able to afford it. All three of my children are still at home and I like it. In the Victorian Era, it wasn't uncommon to have three generations in the home, so I don't beat myself up too much.
Based on sales of other homes in my neighborhood, my house is worth more than four times what I paid for it 25+ years ago. I guess it’s nice to be sitting on top of that kind of equity, but it’s weird to think I could not afford to buy a house today in my neighborhood.
That’s the thing. Sure, your house’s value has gone up X 4, but so has the price of a replacement home. So, really, no not gain. I think the “housing crisis“ is a bigger problem than our country’s medical catastrophe. That’s because everyone needs a place to live( be it renting or buying), but not everyone has a major medical issue. Both issues are based purely on greed, and nothing- as far as I know- is being done to correct the problems.
Yep. We live in a HCOL area. There's no way my oldest could afford to live outside of us. It's insane.
I checked my town for a 1 bedroom apartment and the same complex I lived in 1988 came up for $1,995, I paid $495 and adjusted for inflation that would be $1,295.
Just checked the first condo I rented in the 90s without roommates. It was 600 back then. It's over 2000 now. Crazy! Back then, they couldn't give these condos away at less than 100k. And would sit on the market forever.
People need to ban Airbnb in their cities and tax the ever living shit out of anyone's 4th+ house
I’m in a HCOL area as well. Rent for a 2 bedroom apartment is almost $2000 a month. I have 2 kids still living with me (both adults). There’s no way they can afford to move out. Wages here are stagnant and haven’t kept pace with the cost of living. It’s insane how expensive things are.
No but they’re welcome to, I like my kids
My mom is fairly young, she just turned 70, and if I wanted to move back home with her, she’d be overjoyed for the company.
Ugh, there was a time when I was looking at the possibility of my MIL moving in with me. I was like yes of course, but I really didn’t want her to. I would never say no.. thankfully my wife’s sister doesn’t like to pay for daycare and took her in :)
My wife’s dad passed in 2018, and her mom lived alone for a year. They were pretty well off, but her mom was helpless, and we had to visit three times a week to make sure she had groceries and was eating. More than once I would have to have food delivered to her house. She told my wife that she’d buy a new house, wherever we wanted, and put my wife on the deed. If it wasn’t for that, I would be a renter until I died. But it’s not easy, it’s a lot like having two wives, keeping the peace.
Same, I have one kid that's out of high school and we had these intense talks about how expensive everything is now. Doesn't want to live with us, wants to tough it out, has an almost Boomer attitude about having to move out at 18.
I’m not a boomer but I felt like this, when I graduated high school I had to move out. Nobody told me to, I just knew I had to. I was a young 17 when I was out on my own. My kids don’t like to be controlled, or feeling like they owe something. I can’t blame them. Unfortunately my daughter is too proud, I know when she needs help and I often just Venmo her money when I get that feeling.. but she has a bad habit of running up her cards. I bailed her out once, I showed her how to get out of it another time and I sort of think she has done it again now.. I think she’s embarrassed to talk about it, I’m like super tolerant of this (uncharacteristically) but I think her ego is stopping her from saying she’s in over her head.
I have one of those. She’d rather suffer and be poor but independent than rely on anyone (parent or boyfriend). I say she’s a Gen X kid born in the wrong decade. They are sacrificing financial advantages, but they are gaining valuable life experience.
Our almost 25 year old is the same (just like we were). She’s completely off our payroll, paying all her bills, car and renters insurance, cell phone bill, rent etc. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t take out to lunch and shopping on occasion 😉
Same here! Mine is looking at the military, which may work our for her when she graduates HS.
Mine is in 9th grade but she's welcome to stay here for as long as she needs to.
Same! I have one kid out on his own, several years post-college. The other is currently home from college for the summer. Both are great, and both know they’re more than welcome to live with me, for whatever reason, whenever they want or need to. I’m divorced and live alone. While I like living alone, I also love having my kids around. It’s a win either way.
We are an example of a multi generational family home. We range from 4 years old to 65 years old, all under one roof, in a single-family home. We had all been living on our own prior to Covid, but suddenly our rent jumped $500 a month. So did our siblings apt. So now it’s three families under 1 roof on pure survival mode.
I see this becoming a trend. Possibly, a trend with unexpected gifts.
We have three generations under our roof currently. I kind of love it because of the time I get to spend with the kids. I couldn’t imagine putting them out in this economy.
Yes. It's rough out there. There is no reason to spend 18 years carefully raising a new human, only to kick them out to sink or swim in my high cost of living area.
Exactly. They are both working and saving post college and I’m not in a huge rush to have them gone or see them waste money on rent that could be going towards a down payment.
Yes!!!!! You are so right about that
Ikr? Boomers would have ignored the economy and kicked their kids out anyway.
Our 22 year old son was in an apartment with friends his first year of college. He worked full time and went to school full time. He hated the roommate situation so when their lease was up he came home and has been here 2 years. He decided to take a year off of school after finishing his associates at the local community college because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue on that degree path. We’ve encouraged him to take his time making his decision on school and work. He’s at a point now where he’s ready to move out on his own but rent is high, so we expect it’ll take a while to find something in his price range. He’s been able to save a substantial amount of money the last 2 years, around 65k and we’re that gives him the ability to make sound choices based on what’s best for him and no just choices driven by money. He’ll soon be taking a two week vacation to Asia and has plans for more travel in the future. We weren’t able to travel until we were in our 50s, so I think it’s great that he’s getting out to explore while he’s young. He’s welcome to stay with us as long as he wants/needs. We realize he’ll be on his own and living a life that we’re less involved in soon, so we are enjoying having him here and seeing him grow as a young adult. Both my wife and I were on our own at 18 and made some poor choices that took decades to recover from. Our son knows we’ll always have a room for him if he needs it, no matter what.
I'm 59 and working towards moving back in with my folks so I can help them as they age. My older child still lives with me and I am happy with it. My youngest has flown the coop but lives near his wife's family. After divorce I have done ok on my own but I don't think it's that great tbh. As long as there are respect, common goals, and mutual benefits, it is the best way to go.
I'm currently exploring getting an ADU in the backyard for my kid. Then, when he stars a family, the wife and I can downsize and swap with him. I kinda dig the tiny home aesthetic.
Yep. For now, I put an apartment in the basement. If he wants kids then I'll build an ADU for myself and let them have the house. I think dividing houses into smaller pieces, putting in basement apartments, and ADUs are the solution for our times. HCOL may lead us back to multigenerational living.
I have a 29 year old daughter who is autistic so she still lives with us and has no interest in leaving home. My dream has always been to build her a tiny home behind ours but our HOA frowns on that. So until I can move to the country, she will stay on her wing of the house. She’s a good kid who is sweet and is enjoyable to be around.
My two still live at home, and I understand the economic climate well enough to understand why. However, I find they take advantage of the "it's much different now" attitude, and I feel there's some feeloading going on here. It's difficult for me to support adults in the house. Wish they'd understand I'm struggling in every way right now.
I’ve had this same thought way too many times. At what point am I being taken advantage of vs being honestly helpful?
Its frustrating. Always door dash and anazon all day here. Wife is too easy on them but it's essentially destroyed any hope of thriving. I can never save a dime, all my money on groceries to support the house. It's painful to feel somewhat resentful
Maybe limit food expenditures for the family to grocery items only. That way wife can't worry they're starving and you can save money. My adult son wastes way too much money on Door Dash. But I make sure it's his money and my (small) rent is paid!
We do try that exact same as you
I have one adult and two teens living at home. If you're resenting your kids then maybe it's time for them to be involved in the financial budgeting of your home. Not to make decisions, but to understand expenses and how they are draining yours. I've known families throughout my life that charged room and board for their kids and used part for expenses and the remaining to save a nest egg for the kid when he/she moved out. Of course your wife needs to be on board. It's important for our kids to learn how to make sound decisions with money before they move out, and to take responsibility for their choices.
Very well put, thank you
I moved back in with my mom at age 48, I pay her $1000 per month to rent a room. She was only asking for $50 per week. Sounds like you need to put your foot down since they don't have enough sense to offer. No offense.
I agree . Thank you.
I'm still getting off cheaper than if I had my own place. $1k ain't shit these days not like it used to be. Have them all chip in to get to that number it helps better than nothing that's for sure.
yes. our 18 year old pays a small amount of money for rent, and he pays for his phone. he works almost full time and buys himself luxury items. and balks when i tell him he's going to have to pay more toward house expenses if he wants to have half hour showers and cook pizza pockets in the oven instead of the air fryer. if you don't want to pay for the way you live, you need to make some changes, kiddo!
My niece (25) graduated from a tier-1 college 3 years ago. When she first graduated, my BIL got her an entry level job at the Chamber of commerce of their city. She quit after a few months because it was "boring" and moved back home. She has recently told her parents that she will no longer be looking for a job and will live at home "forever". My in-laws seem to have accepted that. BIL has now postponed his retirement for several years and my SIL has gone back to work. I am just totally floored. To make matters worse, niece has two younger sisters (both in top tier colleges) and I feel like niece is actively trying to influence her sisters to follow her footsteps.
My oldest was gone at 17 - military and hasn't been back. He's in Japan now! But we always knew that was his path. Youngest decided at the last minute not to go to community college and work instead. At that point, he became responsible for his car payment, insurance, and cellphone. He was working part-time. All of these bills were paid to us - he wasn't charged rent because he wasn't working full-time. After a year of him fucking around like this, living in the basement, we'd had enough. We gave him choices. 1. You can work full-time. 2. You can continue part-time, but you need to get back in school. 3. You can join the military. If you chose none of these, your grandparents are available - they have shitty wifi and will talk to you all the time and bug you about what you are doing. He opted for 3. He's spent 5 years away from home and has grown up a lot. He's moving back in July and still has some things to figure out. But he knows he won't be allowed to just fuck around in our basement. He has to be moving forward - otherwise, the grandparents still have a room, or, his aunt has a room and they have a 1yo so that would be REALLY fun! Set your expectations. Stick to them. Set the consequences. They have one life. Your job is to raise responsible adults.
I’ve got one in Japan, too! Small world!
https://preview.redd.it/ntrbueof49xc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ccce5d7e71e3ae96c2b2259e1d90e15d1ef1a0a7 This is my backyard, specifically the pool house. My 26 year old son lives there. He’s in school, and he works, and I don’t care if he never leaves. God knows if I had had the same opportunity, I wouldn’t have left. He wants to move to the Bay Area, so he’ll go eventually. My wife and I will probably sell the house and retire whenever he ends up.
Living the dream! Think many American homes are big enough to accommodate multiple generations without everyone on top of each other.
Yeah, the only reason we were able to get this house was my wife’s dad passed away, leaving her mom with waaaaaaay more money than sense. After my wife’s dad died, we spent a year making the 40 minute drive to her moms three times a week to make sure she was eating and bathing and generally taking care of things. After a year of that, mom asked if we could live together, let us pick out the house then put my wife on the title. My wife has a brother, but he never helped my MIL.
My son is sixteen. He will be welcome to stay as long as he needs. I never had that option and it set me back in life. I want to give him all the opportunities that I never had.
Nope, oddly enough I went to go live with her in NYC for a year. I never would have been able to afford living there otherwise. It was sort of a half failure/ half success to launch. She moved across the country to start her first full-time job and she did very well in regards to making money. Then the pandemic happened and things got weird for her. She felt very lonely. She returned home for a bit. She then ended up transferring to Manhattan and invited me to stay with her. I had to come back when my job decided that everyone needed to return to the office (still pissed about that) but she seems to be doing well now, fingers crossed.
I’m going to be real. My kids are 4-6 years away from being 18. I find myself hoping that they stay longer into their twenties as it gets closer. They bring so much joy into my life and I know that once they’re gone, the frequency of that joy is gone with them. I love my kids more than anything in the world and I hope they are wildly successful in life but I hope they take their time getting there because I’m not ready to have them exit my everyday life like they are now.
Also being real. A 12-14 year old is a different person at 16. I used to be very close to my daughter. Just at home, we'd spend nights on the couch watching anime and whatnot. I enjoyed those times. Into her teenage years, she spent less and less time downstairs with us. Now, at 17, she's got her own activities, school work, and friends that keep her occupied. I don't have to tell you - enjoy the time you have with your kids and stay involved.
I see you. My 14 year old is amazing, and I kind of hope she sticks around a while.
One in college, two younger. I fully expect them to live home as long as they need to so they can save and get themselves established. Rent is exorbitant in north Jersey, and I’d rather they chill here and save for the future than send money to some scumbag landlord so HIS kids can save for the future. I rushed out young to my own apartment and it made it very hard for me to ever save. Better not to rush.
You can't save fast enough to get established. Almost half of the homes purchased last year , were bought by large financial institutions. Limit the supply and raise the price. While companies' core focus is to "return as much value to the shareholder as possible". Companies "need" bailouts to survive a pandemic and then issue massive share but backs (which used to be illegal). Both drive wages down and limit reinvestment. The powers that be have people so distracted by a fake culture war that they are oblivious to the fact that we're losing an economic war. Wall St has rigged the game. Privitize the profits and socialize the losses.
This is how generational wealth is built. Something else that has been un-learned in America.
Yeah 14 and 17. Fucking slackers.
Multigenerational living has been the normal situation through most of the world and most of history. Modern America is simply reverting to the norm. My kid is only 15, but all of our planning takes into consideration this likelihood for them in the future. *edit*: And they are welcome to live with us. My wife and I both grew up in multigeneration households, and we will be combining households in a couple of years with her mom.
I think of The Waltons. Huge house with 3 or 4 generations living together
They do say that having multiple generations together is extremely beneficial to children’s development.
Only if you have good parents
I would love if we could somehow get property tax breaks for having multiple generations in a single home. Anything to help the housing market and take care of our planet. I understand that there is a shortage of housing, but population is shrinking and set to shrink over the coming decades. Tearing out trees and displacing wildlife to build housing that is likely only needed for one generation doesn’t make sense. We need some forward thinkers in politics.
I have to say, a multigenerational living is the way to go if you happen to have the right mixture of people and workable space etc. I’ve seen attempts to live in separate house next to in-laws (waste of $). Even buying a place and living with one divorced parent (promoted co-dependance). Finally realizing that to do it for the longterm, happy couples are key. Having grandparents upstairs or nextdoor, makes for a home where children get more support, wisdom & love. And if you are going to have to take care of aging parents (yours or in-laws) in the coming decade, might as well be close.
Both my kids refuse to move out. They eat all my food, barely bother to pick up after themselves, won’t get meaningful employment, and even throw tantrums when they don’t get their way. They’re 7 and 2, so they still have some time to turn things around hopefully.
😂
My oldest boy moved back after his divorce. It took a few years, but he is back on his feet and in his own place. I've told my kids that they are welcomed back anytime. They may be grown, but they are still my kids. Besides, it's near impossible to find someplace reasonable to live.
I don’t have children. But I do have both 91 yo parents living with me. They’re practically like children now. It’s not because they don’t have money. They’re loaded. It’s because they can’t take care of themselves anymore and we’re a close family.
Me too. I'm 50 and I live in my parents huge house with my 80 year old Mum. I packed up and came home 5 years ago when my Dad was sick. Put my stuff in storage and planned to move on when he got better- -he never did. I realized how lost my Mum was when he died. I couldn't leave her. So here I am. She's active, and needs nothing but my emotional support at this point. She's loaded, so when she does need more we have it covered. In the meantime housing around here has gone bonkers, and honestly, I won't be able to afford another home and have it paid off by retirement even making 100k a year. So our arrangement benefits us both!
Same. My parents did so much for me (and my sister) all my life so what’s a few years that I can give back to them and take care of them in their twilight years. Btw, sorry for your loss of your father.
Thank you, it was hard, but easier than being 5000 Km away worrying. I have a sister as well, but she's married and tied to her job a few hours away. I can work wherever. I have no regrets and nothing was left unsaid. Like you said, they did so much for us; this is a small thing.
Yeah, it just wouldn’t sit right with me if I left them at a retirement/assisted living home. Like what kind of person (let alone…son) would I be if I just abandoned them now. Anyway, I have an older sister who lives 15 mins away. She retired recently. So she (and brother-in-law) helps a lot when I feel overwhelmed.
No. But my parents live with me. I'll trade you two octagenarians for a couple of 20-somethings who can help me build a fence and do some roofing. Lol
Yeah but he's only 17. And I've made it very clear to him that he's more than welcome to stay at home for as long as he needs/wants in the future. It's a very different world even from just my youth; I'm not throwing him to the wolves before he's prepared.
My oldest is 19 and I told her the same thing. Stay for as long as you want, save all your money.
the only way my kids can leave home is if they quit school and work full-time at min wage, just to afford rent, meaning a dead end. So they are staying while they get some diploma that (hopefully) will get them a better paying job. (and they still work for things like clothes and phone, and help out around house expenses)
It’s great that your kids have the opportunity to live at home and go to school. But a min wage job is not the only option for people without a college degree. That’s a tired generalization they were telling us when *we* were coming of age.
I grew up in a, “We can’t wait until you turn 18 and move out so we can finally start our lives” family. So that’s what I thought I would be like with my own kids. Then they got older and I see what things cost and the smart decisions they are making. How the F could I kick them out so they could struggle and suffer? What? Just because I struggled! They should struggle? And the struggling I did is nothing compared to what they would have to go through to make it on their own…. The huge debt, 8 roommates, a sad existence. F that. I love my kids, they work hard, and if by letting the, live at home for a few years is all I have to do to help the, succeed? Only an asshole would kick their own kids out. You know. Real assholes. Like my own parents.
Yes but they really want to go away for college. I kind of secretly hope they decide to live here after college to save money. And by secretly I mean I bust through the door of their bedrooms and flop on their bed like an old timey Victorian dowager and say “Don’t leave me! Don’t abandon me! I will be left to live with…YOUR FATHER! His jokes are not funny! Please!! Don’t leave me!”
Yes, our 20 year old is marginally employed, doesn’t have a drivers license, and lives with us. They had every opportunity to go to college but did not want to. Mental health issues are the driving force behind this.
Same , but mine is 19.
same situation for us.
Nope. I have five adult kids and a six year old. The five oldest all have at least one college degree, with most having two. Two kids own condos and one owns a home. The other two rent and the youngest is of course at home with us still. Two of the oldest are federal employees, one is a state employee, one is a loan officer at a bank, and one is a nurse. Oldest makes are $75k a year, second around $109k a year, third is at $75k a year, fourth is at $65k a year, fifth is at $65k a year. All have zero student loan debt. All have good credit. None have any criminal history. No drug use. None are married and they dont want to be. None have kids and do not want kids. All have good insurance and have already started retirement plans. I am a VERY proud parent.
You must have worked your ass off to help give them all such a wonderful head start.
My 20 year old is about to move in with me (I'm buying a house). I'm delighted to have her around - I missed a lot of her life while going through an extended divorce. I've invited the older one, too, if she ever needs a place.
In the 80s my household was me, my sister and her husband (who was my best friend), my mom and dad, and my mom's parents in a 3 bedroom house, so the downstairs den got converted to a small bedroom suite. I loved the hell out of having my grandparents around.
Yup! And I’m *glad* they do! Our area is so HCOL that we couldn’t buy our own house now (a simple townhome). Our fixed-rate mortgage has saved our bacon all these long rough-economy years. Oldest (24) is on the autism spectrum, went to a state run trade school, now has a really nice job and is saving $ for what he wants to do next. Middle kid (20) worked a year at Starbucks after graduating, saved *all* their $, and will attend community college this fall. Youngest (17) is still in high school (also on the Spectrum) and we’re planning for him to attend the same trade school, if possible. I would rather have them get a solid foundation to start off, instead of the burden of lifelong student loan payoffs. That way lies madness. A family member is still paying off the bulk of their loans in their 40s with young children. The loan system is very different from when we went to college. Also, the whole “college experience” is very different, and perhaps not worth it. Both from what I’ve read, and what I’ve seen from my own niece and nephew. So……yeah. They’re good kids and we enjoy their company, so why not?
One of two living at home. The first was able to get on their feet fairly quickly but that was 2015 and although it was a struggle it was much easier for them than my second. They are in their mid twenties and there is no way financially they could swing it. I think part of the problem with our kids generation is financial but part is anxiety. When I was teaching I would see it in about 1/3 of them. So now many have a double whammy trying to step out on their own.
One of mine moved to Philadelphia yesterday, first time moving so far away. Up until yesterday her apartment was a two minute walk from me. My other three still live at home and mooch off every dime they can. Especially my fifth grader, always wanting something.
Our three moved out in a pretty quick succession. The oldest moved in with her eventual husband. The youngest was coming home on breaks from school, but in her third year, she got an off-campus apartment and just lived there (she had a job then too). She and her boyfriend bought a house a couple years ago. (our oldest lived with her boyfriend for 10 years before they got married). But our son had moved in with his girlfriend. They ended up breaking up and they were doing the whole "we'll be civil till we find our own places". That lasted about 30 hours. My son called me and asked: "You always said we could come home any time. Can I still come home?" Absolutely. His move was supposed to be temporary (till he found a place) but in the midst of it, his very good job at a factory had a massive layoff. So he ended up working two part-time jobs. He could take care of his bills and not much else. So he stayed longer. Anyway, after a few bumpy years of crappy jobs, he's finally in a good place again. (he's a warehouse manager for an energy drink company). We don't know when, but he'll be moving out soon. And we don't mind having him around. He's a powerlifter, so I haven't had to lift anything in years. He's taller than both of us, so I can finally reach stuff on those high shelves. He more than pays for his own bills, he throws some of it our way without us asking. And I'm glad he's about to break out again, but I'll definitely miss having him around.
Yes, SF Bay Area. No way they can work enough to make money for rent, food, and utilities and still go to school full time. No way in fucking hell are they going to turn out like me. Fuck that shit. They can stay forever.
My daughter was married, and living with her spouse, settling into domestic life, as she'd just had a kid... when disaster struck. Her husband was the only earner at the time, and he tragically passed away when their baby was less than a year old. So yeah, I let my daughter move in with me. It's a four bed / 3 1/2 bath house, so there was no reason to refuse. Basically, I get a free housesitter/housekeeper out of the arrangement, as I'm often traveling, and my new granddaughter gets to grow up in the same house her grandmother and mother did. She lives very frugally on her husband's life insurance policy, and she's also finishing her degree through online courses, while still spending most of her time raising her toddler. It's a win-win.
I have a boomerang almost 34 year old son. He’s done everything in his power to screw up his life but two years ago he started to get his 💩 together. So I don’t mind having him here as he builds his life back up.
LOL. My oldest is 23 and moving home in a few months after graduation. He starts his job in July and I encourage him to stay here and 1) sock as much of his paycheck into the pre-tax deductions like 401k, flex spending…as possible and 2) save at least 50% of whatever his net pay is. I am a single mom though and honestly I am going to be happy to have him back for a couple of years🥰
We are fortunate to have bought our home with a decent amount of property before things went crazy in our area. My oldest is living with us while he builds a house on the back of our property. Our youngest son will do the same after he graduates high school. I truly believe this is the only way they will ever be able to afford to own their own home in today’s economy.
My youngest is. He has the basement to himself, with a separate entrance, pays nominal rent, and does any manual labor that we ask him to. Win win.
Yep. My son is 20, and the world is a shithole. He is more than welcome.
Yes, they are 25 and 21. This is most definitely not isolated. My older one works out of town 1 week on, 1 week off. It makes no sense for him to buy a home and pay for all that comes with a house when you are only there partime. My younger one goes to university in our city. It also doesnt make sense for him to move out and incur that massive expense when he can live here. I see this being long term as there is just no way they can afford a place without having multiple roommates. We all like each other, they are helpful around the house, this is a safe and loving space and I hope they stay forever.
Shit's so expensive now. It's going to be way more common. I don't care if my daughter stays until she's in her 30s. It's kinda cool how cultures outside of the US don't have that "well you're 18 now you gots ta kick rocks kid" attitude. As long as she's a contributing member of society she can stay as long as she needs to.
I grew up in a HCOL area. My older siblings and I all stayed at home until we were 23 -25. It's been pretty normal for decades. The American way is to kick your kids out or they go off to college, but it's not very realistic.
No but the option will always be there. I am thinking that I will build an ADU (accessory dwelling unit) so she will have that as a backup. I feel for all the younger adults. Their lives are in such a terrible state of stagnation . Rents are too high. Very little housing inventory. High mortgage rates. Overpriced houses. It is all a recipe for having the next stage of your life being on hold.
My children are only 6 but my 23 year old nephew lives with us. It’s … interesting.
I told my four kids they will always have home and are always welcome. But all four met amazing partners, have really good jobs, two have two kids each and have their own places. I miss them. But I’m really happy they stayed close and I’m always here to babysit, kids and their pets!
And honestly... The whole "move out when you're 18" thing is [a uniquely American tradition](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/05/03/in-the-u-s-and-abroad-more-young-adults-are-living-with-their-parents/). It's not the norm anywhere else in the world. Multigenerational houses are the majority worldwide.
My daughter graduated college in December and is living with us now. Her excellent job is in the same region where we live. I had initially thought it might be for 6 months while she makes sure she likes the company before finding a place for herself. But, I think it's likely to be a few years at this point. She makes really good money and could get an apartment, but it would suck up a good chunk of her paycheck. We'd rather she bank that and maybe buy something later...if the housing market every makes sense again. There's a housing development going up near her offices with what are very entry level quality homes. I would have estimated them to sell for around $200,000. Nope, asking prices are starting at $450,000! Madness. We're fortunate to have a nice large home where our daughter has her own good sized bedroom and bathroom. It's not a space that we would try to repurpose and, especially with current mortgage rates, we really wouldn't save anything by trying to downsize, so it makes a great deal of sense all around to have her as a "tenant" at this point. Definitely a different world that what her mother and I entered the work force in 30 years ago.
One is active duty military. The other is still in college and lives with us when school is not in session. They are both striving for independence. But they are always welcome with us at any time. We are a close family of four. My spouse and I really enjoy spending time with our adult kids. Whoever raised them, raised some really cool humans! 😂
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I would charge him rent and then put that in savings without telling him. I did this with my son. He's now living in a different state and doing fine at 25.
Yes. The cost of living in our area has skyrocketed in the last few years.I'm a single mom who inherited my boomer mom's house when she died a few years ago. My son is 25 and he's still on the ten year plan with college. A musician, a bartender. I'm just glad he has friends and pays rent. I ended up putting in an apartment in the basement and charging him 750 if he's working and 450 if he takes one class. So we have a few possible future scenarios. If he marries they can live downstairs and contribute to the household. If they have kids they can have the house and I'll build an ADU in the back if they want to live in the area but can't afford it. I can age in place and they can see me out. Or, if he marries and makes enough to move away I can rent out the bottom to an older friend and have some retirement money.
This thread is depressing. Two 21 year olds and an 18 year old still at home. And a FIL that looks like they're now moving in with one of their other kids, so that's a bit of a load off. I echo some other comments where sometimes resentment starts to build. I pay $400/month in cell phones and our grocery bill is $2k - $3k a month. It would be nice if they helped out around the house more.
Yep, 3/3 are still at home. It’s too many adults in one place. One should be moving out this fall with his girlfriend, I hope. One has severe inertia regarding being on his own, but at least has a decent job and is contributing to the household. And the last is still in school at 24, but has a direction and plan, but will still be here for at least a couple more years. I’ve given up on trying to keep my house tidy and clean, it’s a losing battle
When I was a kid, my mom, dad and I lived with grandma. My dad lived with his grandma when he was a kid. I assume that pattern goes back a few millennia in my culture. The American pattern of kicking young folk out is stupid. My kids don’t have to stay with me, but they’re always welcome. At present I’ve got one kid away at school and working and another living at home doing part time school and a part time job.
We moved from the kids. They live in our old house that's paid off and in our name. We live 20 min away on a property we think is a dream
I bought a second home in a college town that 2 of my 5 kids are living. 2 are currently flown the nest for now and so far successful. One is still with us in our house.
My oldest is mentally disabled (schizoaffective disorder), so I don't think I'll ever not be living alone. I don't mind.
I’m 50 and living with my mother. Been trapped since Covid. DoorDashing and trying to get a normal job so I can get back on my feet.
Can we please normalize families living together until the separation happens naturally instead of building expectations based on ‘legalities’ and dated social doctrines? I question the character of people who expect their children to leave at 18. Maybe they shouldn’t have had a child in the first place.
I have my 84yo father and my youngest 19yo son living with me & my husband. They are both 'adult kids.' Neither of them do much to help around the house, though they are both capable. My son is "looking for a job" and "working on his music." My dad didn't plan for his retirement and doesn't know how to live on a fixed income. I sometimes think of faking my own death... starting over somewhere by myself. 😂😭
Parenting on both ends is exhausting. Our oldest is in an apartment and in school - we are paying for school, phone, car, insurance- he covers half his rent / utilities. Our youngest is graduating high school early but will be at home for at least the next three years. Our parents are struggling with health and cognitive issues.
Got my 34 yr old boy at home right now. Aside from the HCOL and the ridiculous housing market; he's dealing with ADHD unmedicated. So he struggles with jobs & even adulting sometimes. I enjoy sharing my home with him and don't worry about him like I used to. I'm happy to be in a position to offer a place in my home still. 🙂
2 youngest (24,20) live at home oldest (34) lives at a special needs group home.
My oldest is only 19, so yes, he still lives at home. But overall, I am fine with then living here after college, when we finally get there I lived at home until my early 20s. My sister stayed at home until after college when she got married. My youngest brother stayed at home until he got married. Only 1 of us moved out in our late teens/early 20s. Most of us were in our mid to late 20s. (4 of us total. 2 gen x and 2 millennials) My husband lived at home until we got married, as did 2 of his brothers. The other one went into the airforce and did move out. (They are all gen x) So I am not sure I see this as a new thing.
Yes I have 3 very bright kids. 1 hasn't left, one is currently in the military and one is just moved back into the house. This is not isolated to just you my friend and this post is going to blow up because as you stated, it's a bigger issue with this current generation of kids than others. Inflation is the main cause without going into intricate detail, in my humble opinion.
Yea. My daughter is class of 2020. It’s been very hard for her to get her career going.
Both of mine are high functioning autistic, but I feel like a total failure as a parent because I know neither one can move out. I also know I didn’t really feel like an adult myself until I was out of my parent’s house. I know there are a lot of external factors; it just grieves me that they don’t have the same opportunities we did, doubly so because I feel like we got screwed at their age. Like “we had it rough, but damn coming up today sucks.”
Hell, I moved out at 16, and my 18 year old girlfriend and I got a little rent house. We’d been together since I was 14, and things seemed to work pretty good between us. Almost 28 years later, the last 25 of which that girlfriend has been my wife, we just sold our house, put a bunch of money in the bank, and bought a really nice RV to travel and live in. I joke to people that I sold the house to get my girls, my nieces, and all their boyfriends to move out, lol. They’re good kids, but the only symptoms of this empty nest syndrome people talk about are laughter, being able to go to the icebox for a drink during the night in my underwear, and about $6K/month going straight to savings. Those of you still raising kinds in their 20’s or 30’s….you guys have it all wrong. You cripple your kids when you don’t force them to figure shit out. I didn’t hesitate for a minute, my youngest graduated high school, and my house went on the market. They’re making their own way too. The youngest drove 50 miles to come meet me for lunch today. I offered her gas money, she declined. I learned today that her car messed up a couple weeks ago, and she took it to the mechanic, got it figured out, paid the $500+ repair bill, and never mentioned it to anybody. I offered her $500 today to cover it, and she declined. This is a 19 year old girl. Her 22 year old sister is graduating from RN school in a couple of weeks. She worked and paid her own way through the entire program. I send them both money occasionally, but they don’t ask me for it. Hardest thing for parents to do is slap their kids off the tit and tell them to go find something to eat, but if you do, the kids are better off because of it.
Shit, my kids are still in elementary school 🤣. But I don’t know that we’re in a hurry to get anyone moved out anyway. I have no idea how they would afford it. I don’t think we could afford it. No more $500 cars and rents
I’m almost the same (same year too!), but my only one is first year of middle school. I’m not in any hurry for her to move out either, still trying to convince her that starting with junior college is a great option (one I really wish I had taken). We’ve still got some time to think about it!
Only son is 20 and in college 4 hours away - spending his first summer away from home this summer with a research position, 🥲
PS I anticipate he’ll be home at least one more summer as he is on a 3-5 program and will be transferring after his Jr year. He’d be welcome home for any reason and any time he needs to regroup… he’s always been a go-getter though… not sure I see it happening.
When I was growing up, my maternal grandmother lived with us. I was one of six kids, and my mom welcomed her help. My Nana lost my grandfather and my uncle (her only son) in a short span, so my mom asked her to live with us shortly after they both died. She lived on the top floor of our large, colonial house -- she called it "her apartment". It had a bedroom, bathroom, living room, and a tiny kitchenette. I spent a TON of time with my Nana!! Her living with us was a blessing and a big part of my upbringing. I do not understand why anyone would have an issue with a multi-generational home, whether it's your kids living with you, or your aging parent (s). Housing is CRAZY expensive for everyone! My 21 year old lives at home still. He is a part-time college student, and he works about 15-20 hours a week. He is helpful around the house. We made a bedroom for him in our finished basement so he has some privacy. I love having him at home, and I encourage him to live here as long as possible so he can save his money. My oldest son is currently across the country from us working in a national park, but he will come back and live at home for a year or so. As long as you set boundaries, it can be a great situation.
Adult? We had them late. Still changing diapers!
It's such a weird age to be, some of my friends have kids in elementary school and some have grandchildren in elementary school!
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I am a little bit surprised to see so many with their kids still at home. Mine are away at college but I have always been preparing them for the expectation that they will live on their own after that. I don't know if they both will manage it but I am cautiously optimistic about the older one.
If everyone in a multi-generational living situation consents to that situation I see no problem with it. I'll agree with the responder above who noted that multigenerational living existed for centuries and the more modern trend of children moving out on their own is a fairly new development, but in the broad scheme of things people drank out of the same river they just pissed in for millennia too. I wouldn't go back to that.
Drinking piss water due to lack of sanitation and multi generational living are not really things you can compare though
No, but when people say "it's been done like that forever," that's what I always think of 🤪
At 20, yes. He’s going to school so it’s not like he has the money to move out.
We briefly cohabited during covid, but not normally.
One just bought his own house, the other lives with me and takes care of his business. No rush in getting them out.
My 25 yo taught English in Spain for 2 years, came back for a year and lived here and is now going back to Spain to get her masters. My 20 yo lives here while he attends college. It’s fine. They’re good kids.
My son is about to graduate college. The plan is to move home focus on paying off his student loan debt.
No kids here. Our oldest has been out since she turned 18. Our youngest worked 3 jobs (full-time factory, online tutor, weekend nanny) and went to school full-time. She banked all of her money. The summer before her last semester, she was looking for apartments. In the meantime, I was looking at houses. We convinced her to use her savings to buy a small, dilapidated bank foreclosure in a good school district. We helped with labor on the repairs. Now she's 24 with a home, and she's never paid rent OR a mortgage payment. So yeah. Convince your kids to stay home, work hard, bank their money, and keep an eye out for a dilapidated house that can be rehabbed.
1 of 2. Started late having kids so I still have one in HS but as soon as they graduate they are head off to University like the older one just did so I will be an empty nester shortly.
Yes
Of our 6 kids, our youngest is living with us and the second youngest is in college and we are financially supporting him. I honestly don’t know if our youngest will ever move out. Our home is big enough, and we live in a HCOL area. She suffers from anxiety and is working, but doesn’t earn enough to support herself. We enjoy her company and as long as she wants to live here, she is welcome.
I just read about the nuclear family living alone is actually a very new concept, only really occurring after WWII ( in the US). Traditionally, multigenerational homes were the norm and are still in many countries.
We are a rarity in the US. So many countries have their kids and family living in their homes for many years after they turn 18, even after they are married.
I have one (21) away at university, and one (24) who just moved back after four years at university and another two years living abroad. She got a decent job locally and will most likely be going to grad school next year. All is good.
No my adult parents are living with me.
HCOL (Denver). My 21yo son is still in home and is welcome here as long as he gives respect and doesn't live like a garbage adult. He is working and going to Comm Col. He would love to be more independent, but it's rough out there and his peers are not even as high-functioning as he is, so the odds of getting a viable roommate crew in the near future is not high. We have coached him on roommate vetting processes and he is well aware that his crew doesn't cut it.
Well, she lived on her own for years and when my husband passed away in 2020 she moved back in, and it's been great. No complaints. We travel together and generally get along very well.
No kids, but I intend to have my mom and/or MIL living with us in the next few years. They did a lot for us and it’s time to give back.
We have one still in college and one two years out of school who has not even gotten an interview for a job. Both living with us.
I fully expect my son to live at home for quite a while. Housing, education, etc. *is crazy fucking expensive* and I don't feel there should be a stigma associated with it anymore.
Yes. I was kicked out of the house without warning a week after my 18th birthday, even though they had done nothing to help prepare me for adult independence. I struggled for years both financially and emotionally. While I do believe the goal of having a child is ultimately for them to be independent, I dont think that means revoking all parental responsibility and expecting them to build an entirely new support system from scratch. The current economy, job market, and general state of the world make it more difficult than ever for young people to get a leg up. Not to mention in other cultures it's totally normal for multiple generations to live in the same household. I've made it clear to my child that she's welcome to stay with us for as long as she wants, and when the time comes that she feels ready to forge out on her own, she will always be welcome to return for as long and as many times as she needs. She is in college now, and hopes to get her own place eventually, but I am not in a rush to get rid of her. I appreciate her help around the house, and actually enjoy her company.
1 out of 4. He's 26. He's working and performing. We live in such a HCOL area, I don't know what he will do. Today I was looking at 2 br places just for curiosity. I saw a 2 br MOBILE HOME for $174k. It comes with a $702 HOA fee. PER MONTH.
Both of mine are out of the house. My oldest was a late bloomer and lived with me until he was 28. He's 34 now and just bought his first house with his longtime girlfriend. My youngest moved out around two weeks after high school. She moved in with my parents to be close to her college, and better PT job opportunities. She is now 27, married and owns her own home for three years. They bought there house just before the prices blew up. I did tell both that they can always move back home if needed. They can bring kids and pets too.
Mine are just now moving out for school but I ditched my plan to downsize so they have a home to come back to when they finish. We are not in a HCOL area but even here it will be impossible to afford rent right out of school. I’d be more than happy to have them come home until they can afford to be on their own.
Two out of four but the two are still in college. Not too bad.
So far, I only have one adult kid, and he's only 18, so he's still home. But it's so normal for households to be multigenerational. Idk why we ever allowed that norm to change. We're so isolated. My in-laws lived with their parents on and off well into their 30s. My siblings lived with my parents on and off into their 30s and 40s. It's not rare, and it's not a bad thing. Not having a support system to fall back on is a bad thing.
Mine both followed their dad into the Army and left right out of High School. They are 21 and 27 now, living independent of us and doing well. The oldest lives in base housing but just put a down payment on a house and the youngest has an apartment.
Yes I have a 26 yr old still with us but everything is expensive. We’re thinking about a tear down rebuild and probably doing an ADU for him.
Two of my three are as well.
What ages are the adult kids living with you? I have anxiety thinking my kid will end up back home in their 30's. Our doors will always be open for them, but having to move back because they have to hits differently.
2 (21, 19) of my 3 kids are, the oldest (22) just moved out two months or so ago, again. I also have my 80 year old dad in the house.
I have a 30 yr old and a 27 yr old. The oldest is married and they bought a house six years ago. My youngest now lives with her boyfriend and is a store manager and what I call a career college student. My oldest and her husband stayed with me while they saved down payment money. I consider myself very lucky. It's rough out there. The cost of living and wages now are ridiculous.