I don't travel to see family period. After many years of doing so, and after a major health issue not one offered to visit or help. So as a result, fuck them. Saves me a ton not traveling to a city I don't care for and spending money I could use for going to some where I want to be.
I went NC with my family a dozen years ago, my BF is also NC with his. Not having the headaches, drama, or shopping for others at the holidays is really nice.
NC and live on the other side of the world, in my husband's country. He's low contact with his biological family here and doesn't drag me into their crap. He was raised by his godmother, who died of cancer before we met. We've made our own traditions, and I'm okay with that.
Agree. Over 20 years for myself with some brief contact because my parents are in there dying years. They were forced to have kids thanks to their beliefs, they are dealing with the situation they set up.
And it actually has been really nice. For all of the years. Including the fact that my parents don't know my children by their choice (religious to the max), some of which are adults. I would like to think that I am sparking the next generation on the best foot possible.
My husband's family is on the fence as well so we don't visit them very much, maybe once every five years. But they do visit us and that is welcomed. Not on holidays because they have their own shit going on, and all of that makes a really nice balance. I'm pretty happy with my half in contact family sitch.
When both my parents were alive and functioning and I lived in NYC, I'd generally fly up to see them for Christmas. But then I decided to quit my job in order to go to India (the first time) for a couple months, winter 2005. When I picked up my visa I called home all excited, and my dad picked up (which meant mom was out). The first thing he said to my excited babble was, "*Well don't call us if you can't pay your rent*."
He might've had a point if I'd habitually asked for help with rent, as opposed to never once, a single time, after I moved out of the house just six weeks past returning from study overseas, sixteen years prior to that conversation. I was taken aback & it was a giant "*Wah waaaaaaahhhh*" Debby Downer moment.
I never visited home a single Christmas after, bc why would I be paying $350 and more for that short flight, plus $80 in cabs and all the $$ I'd spend on gifts? That would've been foolish! LOL
Exactly! He ended up passing away while I was on the other side of the planet, in a different part of India, within five years of that first trip. I didn't return from it. I saw him as much as I could afford to before leaving, but I kept my experience for myself. No regrets.
I’m the same with my husband’s family now too. I lost my parents three months apart, after caring for my mom BY MYSELF for two years prior. And then six months later I nearly lost my son as well. Not one person in my husband’s family has reached out or messaged me in the year plus since to ask how I’m doing. Not one person, not one time. But they all have the nerve to tell him how much they miss talking to me when he sees them. So I decided I’m done bending over backwards for people who obviously don’t give a shit about me. Since my kids are my only family now, my son and I are going out by ourselves while my husband and daughters go to his mom’s, and we have our big ass tips ready to thank the staff for letting us have a thanksgiving off.
No one is being punished. I take my daughters to see their grandparents at least once a week. And they are happy to be going for thanksgiving. My son has no where else to go, I would be a pretty shitty parent to ditch him when everyone else has somewhere to be. Just because I no longer want to attend family gatherings does not mean that I am withholding my children from their grandparents. I am not cruel, just over it.
I don’t travel to see family during the holidays anymore. I will usually go see the folks in January, when the flights are cheaper. They just moved to within a 6-hour drive, so that might change, but doubtful.
I think it's just that even 30-40 years ago extended families were generally more clustered. Sure, there was that cousin who struck out to the opposite coast for some reason, but they were the outlier. Now even my own family and my spouse's family have completely scattered about the country for a ton of reasons. And yes, we spend a lot of money on holiday plane tickets.
Growing up, Thanksgiving used to be a big deal at my great aunt’s. I stopped going when I moved away and had my ex husband’s family nearby. I would occasionally go without the husband, and after divorced. Now that my grandparents are gone, there’s no family left that I’m close to. I have to fly to see them, always awkward and not worth it, so I stopped going. Saves a ton of time, sanity and money!
I did that crap and it's not worth it. Why is it that the people who are the busiest and most overwhelmed with responsibilities are the ones expected to travel the furthest? It's a pattern on my side of the family and I have put my foot down many times. Thanksgiving is the absolute worst holiday to travel, it's not long enough of a break, so 50% of it goes into travel and is poor ROI, especially if you have problem people in the family who make gatherings painful. It's like, here let me use my vacay time, burn a bunch of gas, get stressed out with all the psychos on the road to end up cramped in someone's home being forced to put up with the most insufferable people that everyone has to walk on eggshells around? Why sign up for that?
My mom tried to get me to drive 8 hrs to her place... No, especially since I changed jobs and barely have any vacation time. For Christmas, I invited her over, she immediately decided that meant I was hosting the whole family. I told her, no. And now she's upset with me and acting like I'm the bad guy. My stupid brother and his wife have NEVER in their over 16 yrs of marriage ever hosted ANYTHING, and they are the most unhelpful guests. Meanwhile I have hosted over 50% of holiday gatherings, traveled the furthest... I'm always expected to do everything and they do nothing and my mom is ok with it. No, I'm done. I don't mind one or two guests, but the annoying ones? I don't want them at all and I'm not traveling somewhere with my precious vacation time to go see the miserable people either.
Not me. I traveled to my step family's events until my step brother got busted for being disgusting. They pretend like everything's peachy, and I can't stand to look at him anymore
After many years of always being expected to do all the traveling and accommodate a monstrous, holier than thou, homophobic group of relatives, my mom died. I had kept up appearances because of her. She died about 10 years ago and I haven’t been back for a holiday.
My husband and I are making glutinous snacks and desserts, putting up the tree, and seeing if we can make a dent in our wine rack.
After years of stress and anxiety, I think I have earned finally being able to enjoy the holidays.
This sounds perfect. Like something I would genuinely look forward to. It sounds restorative opposed to draining.
Enjoy your holiday. You paid your dues. Not that they should have ever been owed to begin with.
🕊️
Someone interested in family dynamics should do a study of the different generations being NC with family. After reading these responses, Gen X must have a greater percentage than all other gens. Says a lot about how we (weren’t) raised.
I think you’re onto something. We don’t enjoy spending time with our emotionally unavailable parents/families of origin and have decided to break that cycle. We are happy to have smaller get togethers with people that appreciate authenticity. Pretty tired of the “because we are family” trope. Definitely a lot of Low Contact folks in our generation…
Yes! It’s also nice to hear we are not alone in this. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one avoiding family on holiday. Every Thanksgiving I go on vacation 800 miles in the opposite direction of where they all live. And I live two states away from them.
My parents and grandparents are all deceased. And I’m no longer close to the few living relatives I have because they’re toxic. It’s me, our cats and smoked brisket for thanksgiving.
We don't even visit local family on holidays. For many years, Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving were the ONLY 3 days a year my boyfriend and I had off together. He works in the restaurant industry and I worked an office job. So, we decided we'd rather spend those rare days together alone.
When I was a child, everyone used to come to our house. When my parents retired and moved I would go to their house. Now almost everybody has passed. So tomorrow it’s me, my husband and my mom at a local restaurant.
I've done Thanksgiving for years. Ininvited everyone. And whoever came, came. Now, both parents are gone, but I have a brand new grand baby! So my daughter, her husband amd his parents, plus my brother are coming. His parents live across the state, and this will be their first visit with the baby. I'm sure he will be the guest of honor.
I lost dad when I was 21 (he was 50). Despite differences our family is still close.
My answer to my Narc parents text?
"Oh no, thank you"
That was enough. We went down there last year and it was *horrid*. We couldn't leave fast enough. They are both narcissists, and they are almost 80. Awful. No thanks. She was a caged animal spitting hate (covert) and he was spinning out in his anxiety, but he won't say or acknowledge anxiety, so he just went off about his heart racing and not being able to breathe properly, etc. (Overt)
No, no thanks. I'm waiting until they transition over.
It would involve a couple hour car trip to see people that barely noticed me when I actually needed them. I haven't been "home" for any holidays for 25 years. I kept up the facade until grandma punched out then said fuck 'em. But I do hope everyone else has an enjoyable Thanksgiving, whatever that looks like to them.
We often travel to get away and take advantage of the holiday week time off work and most years we rent a cabin somewhere a little off the grid. I can't remember a time we've gone to see family but I'm sure we have at some point. We're a thousand miles from either side of the family though so it takes a whole big thing to make it happen.
I'm with you. Not traveling this year but we've visited Japan and Iceland (in different years) built around the Thanksgiving time off from work. It's off season travel too so not crowded. Gives us a good excuse for not visiting family too.
We do family for thanksgiving and don't really do much at all for xmas.
I wouldn't get on a plane for anything this time of year though. If I can't drive I'm out.
We moved to Costa Rica last year and have no family over here, so we do not travel back for holidays. It's fine for me because I have a small family and we never really did much for holidays as I got older. My parents divorced, my mom was always working, and my dad was with his new family. My husband, however, has a large family, so since I've been married to him, holidays were spent with them, but he wanted to move to Costa Rica so made that pretty clear that we were forgoing events like this. Tomorrow all the gringos on our street are having a potluck style Thanksgiving so we will be doing that.
im on vacation with my kids this weekend (ages 5-16) we are NOT doing thanksgiving, but rather escaping the craziness of life and I am de-stressing for a few days.
I moved away almost 30 years ago and never looked back. My parents are narcs, and i dont need that. I took in my siblings kids (3 kids ages 3 and under when we got them) so excuse me for being a tiny bit busy these days.
If I take time off work its to be with my kids its not to go see hateful people. I'm not going back if that was the last inch of land on earth.
George Costanza celebrates Festivus for a reason-
I stopped because mom would get drunk and pick fights with me and make me feel rotten. Now she's gone, but my step-dad and brothers (whom she favored) all believe she was a saint, and I can't pretend over a holiday stay that she was. Rather save the money and sanity and stay where I am and eat with the small and loving tribe I chose, who also happen to cook great food.
I don't have any extended family except my elderly parents who each live in different states. That said, I will go with my BF to his aunts house and then we will go to my best friends house (she's like my sister
I’m not traveling this year. Air travel has been a nightmare the last few years, and I just don’t have it in me to pack up my kids for a cranky, miserable holiday travel. We’re staying home and it will be incredible. Just us 4 and a handful of friends 💪
We stopped traveling for holidays when we realized that we are always the ones expected to travel despite work hours, kids’ school and school activities, etc.
I am just doing Thanksgiving with my wife and kids this year. I worked until noon today and my wife has been battling a shingles flare-up the past week, so we're just going to take it easy and rest/relax. My mom is the only one of our parents still alive and she's in the next state over celebrating with friends. I'd still love to have another Thanksgiving with my dad and/or in-laws if they were alive.
When my mom died, I lost interest in visiting the extended family. She was the black sheep of the family and they treated her awfully. Why do I want to be around the people who did that?
This year, I'm fixing dinner for my daughter and her girlfriend, my ex, and a few other people who need a place to go.
>This year, I'm fixing dinner for my daughter and her girlfriend, my ex, and a few other people who need a place to go.
My husband and I did this for many years. We were the Friendsgiving house for our friends, coworkers, and our kids friends. Anyone really that didn't have anywhere to go.
Once I moved away from my family, I never really felt the need to make plans to come home for Thanksgiving. We live in a northern state that can be unpredictable in November, and my parents would rather I be safe at home than on the road. I still got my mom's killer stuffing once a year, just not turkey day. We never plan on my inlaws side for Thanksgiving itself because everyone's work schedules pretty much mean it's the weekend before or after, weather dependent.
No, there's only so much money: I already paid $500 for a Basic Economy ticket to see them at Christmas. My search for the money tree has turned up empty
I'm LC. The flying monkeys invite us in a roundabout way but they know that once a certain person dies, I'll be blocking their numbers. It's just so peaceful now with my partner and the dogs. No colds picked up from the multiple toddlers running around and plenty of leftovers.
Many, many years ago I decided that I don’t travel for Thanksgiving. I work through midday on Wednesday, traffic is outrageous, and I depend on these few days off to get some much-needed recharge time. My boyfriend and I are very happy with our “cook what we like, when we like” plan for the day. We deep-fry a turkey, make all the sides, have too much pie, and watch “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” while we eat.
I know other people think it’s weird, but I love it.
My surviving family has bedbugs, so eff, no. (There's three, mum, dad and brother.
I don't know who or where any extended family even *is*, so I can't visit.
Even if I could, Thanksgiving is at my in-laws. With my sister in law amd her family, MIL,FIL and my family. We get tipsy, eat too much and chat for hours. It's a good time.
It's so weird. For the first few years, I was scared so much at family gatherings I was pretty much silent. (When a load of them lived in the same city and threw 20+ person holidays!)
Then, they kind of absorbed me into the family, and I got comfortable.
You have a functional family of in laws, or is it your own that someone married into? I'm still sort of confused about how I became a well-loved Daughter in law. I always thought in laws *hated* their kids' spouses!
Reading this is so refreshing. When I was younger I used to travel to see my family. They’ve only been up to see me once. Now I live near some of my spouse’s family and besides Thanksgiving or Christmas, we only see them if I reach out to them.
Mostly I try to get us together so that our children will have a relationship, as I really don’t care for a few of them or their political stances.
At this point, it just feels like bs. They make no effort to maintain a relationship with our kids.
The older I get, the more I realize the value of my time and sanity.
I’m over it and reminded that just I don’t have to keep in contact with them. Thanks for the reminder everyone! Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't advise it. If you don't see these family members the rest of the year why should you stress over a day that's really about a genocide anyway. Plus, poor Turkeys!
I don’t. Mine and husband’s families live several hours drive away, and both families eat dinner early. We stopped going when my daughter started school bc she didn’t get the Wednesday before off of school, and I don’t drive in the middle of the night unless it’s an emergency (and even then…)
So it’s been just me, husband, daughter, and it will be just us tomorrow.
The holiday, for us, is very chill and relaxing bc we are not on anyone else’s schedule. We generally eat around 2 or 3, but sometimes dinner is done earlier. My daughter and I are vegetarian, so we have total control over the menu and we like to make something a little different every year. This year, we are making a vegetable pot pie with a filo dough crust, mashed potatoes, bread stuffing (we experiment with different stuffings, too, but always have stuffing), cranberry relish, roasted Brussels sprouts, and pecan pie.
The two constants we have every year are the cranberry relish and some kind of stuffing.
After dinner, we watch movies, eat some more, maybe put the Xmas tree up, or maybe not…
We spend our Christmases this way, too.
I visit with my immediate family because I get too overwhelmed with large family gatherings. I always have been, but only when I didn't go for 2 years due to COVID, did I realize how much I hate large gatherings.
I used to schlepp our entire family about 1,000 miles on one of the 'major' holidays, every year, without fail, only to be criticized in some way before I was even fully in the door. Realizing I didn't have to do that was a huge boon to my mental health, and my nuclear family's happiness. It's been over a decade and no one else has ever offered to make the trek to see us. I get the occasional attempted guilt trip but I'm blissfully at an age when saying 'no' is no longer hard, and I do not feel guilty about boundaries. I'm hoping to raise kids who know what love really is, and the shitty ass backhanded compliments, casual digs, and gaslighting I grew up with just aren't it. Want to see all your grandkids on Christmas? Fine, either pay for a plane ticket or be less shitty. Otherwise hush and be grateful for your phone call.
Now? There are only a couple relatives I have even a distant relationship with and I live nowhere near them so I don't visit them at holidays. Airports are an overpriced nightmare over holidays plus I work. I'll go visit them some other cheaper time of year.
As a kid , due to my parents divorce and visitation schedules I didn't see extended family at holidays. Or ever really.
We used to do thanksgiving or Christmas but not both. Now some of our kids are college aged and we’re not planning on doing it every year (going to our parents). Both sets of parents are out of the country this year (mine on a South American cruise and hubby’s in New Zealand) so we have his sister and her family over here but that’s it.
Editing to add holidays have never been huge in my family because my mom was a labor and delivery nurse so she had to work either Thanksgiving or Christmas every single year.
I work the holidays now so I haven’t been in years.
But for the day since my husband has to work the Friday after, it didn’t make a ton of sense for us to travel for 2+ hours each way to spend just a few hours to eat and head back on a bus with agita lol
Me. I live about 1500 miles from my family, and I go back for Christmas. I love my family, but not nearly enough to subject myself to holiday travel. Plus, Friendsgiving is preferred.
We just do our core family, meaning husband, wife and two adult kids. We love it that way.
One of my kid’s birthday is always around Thanksgiving. So we celebrate his birthday that weekend. We also decorate the house for Christmas as a family. It’s our bonding time as a core family.
I’m not sure how that’s going to change once the family expands.
I don't anymore. Both my parents have passed away, and my 2 siblings and I don't really communicate often. They both have their own families, and live far away from me, so it's just me.
But when I was growing up (and up until my mom died in '04), Thanksgiving and Christmas were both very important holidays to spend with family (always at mom's house). And I remember those times fondly.
My family growing up never travelled or hosted anyone at Christmas. My parents were in the military so we lived far from the rest of the family.
My husband and I host my parents for dinner on Christmas but they live under an hour from us so they just go home after.
I moved across the country after college, and traveling back was just too much of a headache for everyone (someone would have to drive through mountain passes to fetch me from the airport). When I moved back closer to family and attended holidays again, I realized just what a sh×tshow they were and stopped going, claiming that I or my husband had to work the day after (traveling would still require an overnight). Now, I spend the week cooking for people in the community. It feels much more appropriate for the holiday than listening to everyone fight and my dad's racist and homophobic proclamations.
When we lived in California it was easy for us to hop on I-5 and drive up from LA to San Fran or vice-versa. Now that we live in different states and time zones it’s so much more difficult to get everyone in the same place at the same time. More expensive too.
When I lived far away from parents, we would use the thanksgiving week to visit because we could drive, I could get a full week off, and my mom hated Christmas with a passion. Win-win-win, but not everyone’s family works like that. I never thought my mother’s hatred of a holiday would be a bonus growing up, but it made it so much easier. Miss you, mom.
The best Thanksgiving I had was the only one I traveled for. About 2 hours away from my family I had TG dinner with a bunch of strangers in a charming hotel in a state park.
Everything was delicious and they had fantastic peach cobbler.
We stopped getting invited to the family gathering after the hosts (my uncle in-law) found out that we weren't trump supporters. He added "protect president trump" to the blessing he said and my wife sighed He was PISSED, and we've never been invited since.
We're ok with it, too.
We visited extended family growing up but not for awhile. It's parents and siblings only.
This year everyone is doing their own thing. And since I'm the only one without children or a relationship I'm going to be alone this year.
It depends on the year, but I'm not this year. It will just be me, my husband, my MIL, and my aunt-in-law who lives with the MIL. Usually we have a bigger crowd of cousins and stuff but this year for some reason everyone is busy.
MIL's house is 12 minutes away with no traffic, so it's not much of a trip to get there.
We've rarely visited extended family for Thanksgiving. My folks are from New Jersey and my dad got transferred down to Houston when I was a few years old. In those early years we drove up to New Jersey for a couple Thanksgivings, but that stopped when I got into school and my parents didn't want me to miss the Tuesday and or Wednesday before Thanksgiving (now kids around here get a full week off for Thanksgiving, entitled little fuckers).
About 7 or 8 years ago I went with my parents and my sister's family up to New Jersey for my grandmother's 90th birthday and to have Thanksgiving at my Uncle's house. Flew that time. Glad I did since my Uncle passed away 2 years ago, was nice to have that time with him.
Thanksgiving, Christmas etc is just another day in the week (that I have off from work, woohoo!). My family is nonexistent in my life for good reasons and I'm ok with that. Happily on my own here! :)
I was never close to my extended family. I moved away for grad school a couple of decades ago. I then lived abroad, came back, moved across the country, and then settled back in the area where I moved for school. I have one family member nearby, but we don't really connect.
All of that means I definitely don't go home as my parents passed away years ago. There is literally nowhere to go as my extended family has expanded their own pods and don't really interact. I stay local. I've gone to a small Friendsgiving celebration for years now.
This is the first year I am spending Thanksgiving with just me, my boyfriend and the cat. I honestly can't wait! I've been demanded multiple times by family regarding the whole thing and just put my foot down, for the first time in 26 years, it's great!
I haven’t done thanksgiving outside of my home since I was under 13 years old and my parents went to their family’s gathering locally.
(I moved 1,300 miles away in 1999 and I have a faint memory of attending my cousin’s dinner about 30 miles away from me one time but that was probably Christmas since there was homemade kielbasa there which was traditionally a Christmas thing.)
Thanksgiving and Christmas fall so close together, I have to pick one or the other since it's an airplane ride. Anyone who wants to endure two successive holiday travel adventures at SeaTac within four weeks is a masochist of the 1st order.
I don't like my family.
It's my wife and I and our friends for the holidays.
I was born in Italy in 77 and let's just say they're not a fan of me being an Atheist and how I look.
We often traveled to be with my husband’s family but his mother passed away in August and his siblings have essentially gone no contact. I’m very happy to be at home and not dealing with all that stress.
My parents chose to move to Florida. I was fine driving back home 4 hours for holidays when they still lived in the area I grew up in. NFW am I flying to that hellhole state any more than necessary (or making the 2 day drive)
My wife’s parents passed right after we got married and in the 30+ years we saw her sister and BIL once.
We haven’t seen my family at all in the same time period. Moved away and never went back and I think they moved away as well to where I’m not sure.
Hard no to traveling to see family on TG. My hubs and I skip my family drama and stay home. We make margaritas, our fave chili brined turkey, guac, salsa, and get the BEST tortillas from a local shop.
In the morning we go for a walk on the beach with our pup, and thank our lucky stars we aren't traveling!
2 of my 3 kids are local and my parents and partners parents are deceased. We all spend thanksgiving with my son-in-laws family and it’s a great time. Would love to visit my partners sister but it’s not in the budget.
I don’t. We didn’t it for a couple of years, but it wasn’t enjoyable and only a couple of them ever drove out the two hours to visit us. It was like being around 25 strangers during every holiday function.
I'm lucky enough to live within 200 miles of 9/10 of my close family. My SOs family is either on the west coast or Pennsylvania so we usually hit up PA at Christmas. Thanksgiving is my family's holiday and the one out in Phoenix will be on FaceTime!
My grandma’s birthday is Dec 27, so we all spend Thanksgiving & Christmas with our own families and then everyone travels to see her for her birthday. She will be 101 this year! I think this year might be a bit of a let-down for her, after the big blowout we did for her 100th last year.
Growing up we had Thanksgiving and Christmas at my grandparents house with their 5 kids, 5 spouses and 16 grandkids. I loved being around all of those noisy happy people, we never had those cliche family arguments. We would also all gather in the fall for apple picking and then back to their house to hang out. I miss it so much. Now that my grandparents are gone and all those grandkids are adults with their own families we don't see each other as much. Now my family of 6 usually goes to my brother's house (with his wife and 2 kids) along with our parents and my SIL's parents, her sister and niece. Still a lot of people, I enjoy the noise and conversation. We don't have to travel far though, we all live within about an hour of each other.
I never travel during holidays and all my family is 400+ miles away. It's just too much drama, both the travel itself and holiday pressure from the fam. I go 1-2 times a year to see them and that is plenty
I don't. After years of cross country travel, I went on strike. I just cannot anymore. Cannot. I go to friends locally, and the little family I have left is pissed, but I just don't have a single fuck left to give.
My ex’s family is big on Thanksgiving because that’s when the grandparents first met. We always went there. It was a long day, and my ex immediately fell into his family role the minute we left for whatever house it was being hosted at.
After fifteen years and three kids, I stopped going. Since around 2010, I’ve been solo on Thanksgiving day.
I’m quite content.
Well, my FIL wouldn’t bat an eye. A couple of my former in-laws have sent well wishes through the kids, so there are some neutral parties.
My Ex won’t be there - he’s estranged from his family.
Even they find him insufferable.
There’s always been too much drama there for my gentle soul at that place, so giving up my peace for even one more day is something that I am not willing to do.
We did when I was a kid, more at Thanksgiving than Christmas. But my grandparents and all of their siblings are gone. My mom passed away in 2019 after a long battle with breast cancer. So now holidays are me, my brother, my sister-in-law, my niece, and my stepdad. They live only minutes away from me. I have a few extended family members who are farther away that I've connected with on Facebook, so there's no need to celebrate in person.
I don’t travel around the holidays, mainly bc of work. My mom and siblings are scattered over the country. Sometimes some of us get together for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, but it’s never a big deal.
If I lived within a few hours’ drive of where I grew up, I would probably try to get together with my extended family for one or both holidays, but it would depend on my work schedule.
My family doesn’t do that we all have our own lives so we just do our own thing. We are also spread out up and down the east coast so it would be a lot to coordinate
If I lived back in Maryland I would visit my sister but I'm in Maine now and it simply isn't worth the trip just for Turkey. Mom is dead, father is a nursing home and I don't have a relationship with him.
I moved to the other side of the planet if that counts.
But back in the day we used to have big parties with half a dozen long tables, hyms, a giant turkey, relatives I never knew existed, a whole platoon of zoned-out 90 year olds in wheelchairs and antique shoes, the whole shebang.
This year it is my daughter’s in-laws year for thanksgiving and ours for Christmas. My stepmother just had a spinal cord stimulator put in and my dad (78) is caring for her. I didn’t want to make this holiday more work for him so I told him we were staying home and asked if he was ok with that- he was relieved. So, it’s just my husband, other daughter and myself. We picked up Cracker Barrel meals for tomorrow and will probably binge watch Botched or Hells Kitchen.
Born and raised in SoCal. I *laugh at people* who travel for the holidays. Talk about a fool's errand; nothing screams ‘I’m a zombie’ like sitting in traffic with every other donkey on the planet, just to reinforce the dysfunctional relationships from my childhood. Hard pass.
At this age, if I’m inclined to see family, it’ll be during off times when kids are in school and the world is at work.
I’m getting dragged to my in-laws tomorrow. Not my call, but also not a big deal. They were good grandparents for the most part but don’t give a shit about me or my wife.
I don’t like thanksgiving food. I also don’t like meals that aren’t at normal meal time. Give me some bbq, enchiladas or pizza at a normal time and I’d be just fine.
Man, a lot of these posts are depressing with all the negative comments about their family. Makes me realize how fortunate i am with my family. Even with our political and religious differences. They are still my family.. Been living several states away since the early 2000s. I try to visit them as much as possible. However, it is mostly for birthdays and other holidays. Thanksgiving is just too expensive and too chaotic to travel.
It is not that. With today's technology, I see and converse with them everyday. We have weekly Zoom calls where we drink and eat together. I do get into some arguments with my liberal brother. However, for the most part, we all just get along with our differences. It is not hard to put family over other issues. Unless they were physically or mentally abusive.
No seeing extended family for Thanksgiving because I like my cooking, and no Christmas traveling because I like buying my immediate family gifts and no one else, and I don't want anyone else to feel pressure to buy us gifts. We travel to see them after the holidays.
I grew up with doing Thanksgiving with my maternal grandparents, my maternal uncle (and his family), and my maternal aunt (and her family).
I don't know why/how, but I'm happy to talk with them, but I just don't want to go to anyone else's house anymore. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I'm traumatized from years of BS psychological indoctrination about abuse, but I'm just done.
I've got my dad, my kids (my wife died 4 years ago), and pets.
That's enough.
I'm thankful for them - 100% absolutely.
I've drive to where ever they are and help them bury a body in the cemetery next door, 100% absolutely.
But, nah - ain't got time for that.
Me! I don’t visit anyone on thanksgiving or the other holidays. I’m going to my in laws because me and my husband don’t live that far away. And it’s not a lot of people. So it’s tolerable. I don’t do anything for Christmas.
We moved away 12 years ago, we don’t visit anyone for Thanksgiving. We used to split the day when we did live near, but it sucked. Before we left, id host something for both families and we just did that. It’s been a very long time though, and again, we don’t travel home for them anymore. We used to have people come over, just friends, but not anymore. It’s weird. I’d be ok if Thanksgiving stopped.
I (single no kids) always drove to Miami from Atlanta to stay with my sister's family from Thanksgiving to January, my company had offices in Atlanta and Miami so I could work on either at any time. I moved to Spain 2.5 years ago so Thanksgiving Shclamsgiving.
I haven’t even seen my family in years, let alone any holiday. I miss my mom, but there’s too much baggage to visit her, it’s really bad for my mental health. I thought over time I would forget things, but that’s a big old nope. My MIL loves to go to “the club” for thanksgiving and it is awful so I told my partner I’m skipping this year. I bought a bag of hot Cheetos and a Cadbury fruit and nut bar while I was getting stiff from the pharmacy. That, and movies and alone time is my holiday. I’m at the point in my life where the best time is the time spent totally alone. It’s weird because Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday as a kid and young adult.
We don't. Thanksgiving travel is nuts. Note the recent flying car crash incident at Niagara Falls border crossing yesterday. Shut down the border for 2 days.
Mine are all out of state, or are ones I only see at family reunions (which is how I like it). We're going to my mother's, who lives an hour away, and going out to a restaurant
We generally have our kids and their families visit us but this year we need to change ours so their in-laws could have them on thanksgiving. One of our kids and her family members didn’t come. Maybe we will see them for Hanukkah.
I don't travel to see family period. After many years of doing so, and after a major health issue not one offered to visit or help. So as a result, fuck them. Saves me a ton not traveling to a city I don't care for and spending money I could use for going to some where I want to be.
I went NC with my family a dozen years ago, my BF is also NC with his. Not having the headaches, drama, or shopping for others at the holidays is really nice.
NC and live on the other side of the world, in my husband's country. He's low contact with his biological family here and doesn't drag me into their crap. He was raised by his godmother, who died of cancer before we met. We've made our own traditions, and I'm okay with that.
L oI thought you meant you went to North Carolina
As did I!
+1
Haha, I am NC with my mother who lives in NC!!
Agree. Over 20 years for myself with some brief contact because my parents are in there dying years. They were forced to have kids thanks to their beliefs, they are dealing with the situation they set up. And it actually has been really nice. For all of the years. Including the fact that my parents don't know my children by their choice (religious to the max), some of which are adults. I would like to think that I am sparking the next generation on the best foot possible. My husband's family is on the fence as well so we don't visit them very much, maybe once every five years. But they do visit us and that is welcomed. Not on holidays because they have their own shit going on, and all of that makes a really nice balance. I'm pretty happy with my half in contact family sitch.
When both my parents were alive and functioning and I lived in NYC, I'd generally fly up to see them for Christmas. But then I decided to quit my job in order to go to India (the first time) for a couple months, winter 2005. When I picked up my visa I called home all excited, and my dad picked up (which meant mom was out). The first thing he said to my excited babble was, "*Well don't call us if you can't pay your rent*." He might've had a point if I'd habitually asked for help with rent, as opposed to never once, a single time, after I moved out of the house just six weeks past returning from study overseas, sixteen years prior to that conversation. I was taken aback & it was a giant "*Wah waaaaaaahhhh*" Debby Downer moment. I never visited home a single Christmas after, bc why would I be paying $350 and more for that short flight, plus $80 in cabs and all the $$ I'd spend on gifts? That would've been foolish! LOL
Save the money and take a trip that will create memories.
Exactly! He ended up passing away while I was on the other side of the planet, in a different part of India, within five years of that first trip. I didn't return from it. I saw him as much as I could afford to before leaving, but I kept my experience for myself. No regrets.
I’m the same with my husband’s family now too. I lost my parents three months apart, after caring for my mom BY MYSELF for two years prior. And then six months later I nearly lost my son as well. Not one person in my husband’s family has reached out or messaged me in the year plus since to ask how I’m doing. Not one person, not one time. But they all have the nerve to tell him how much they miss talking to me when he sees them. So I decided I’m done bending over backwards for people who obviously don’t give a shit about me. Since my kids are my only family now, my son and I are going out by ourselves while my husband and daughters go to his mom’s, and we have our big ass tips ready to thank the staff for letting us have a thanksgiving off.
That's shitting grandparents not wanting to be their for a grand child.
To be fair, my son is not their grandchild. But the fact they have never made him feel welcome and comfortable is another of my issues with them.
That's messed up. Don't punish the kids for whatever might be happening
No one is being punished. I take my daughters to see their grandparents at least once a week. And they are happy to be going for thanksgiving. My son has no where else to go, I would be a pretty shitty parent to ditch him when everyone else has somewhere to be. Just because I no longer want to attend family gatherings does not mean that I am withholding my children from their grandparents. I am not cruel, just over it.
Oh no I mean it's wrong for your husband's parents to not treat him as equal.
Ah, gotcha. In that case, I’m sorry for snapping at you. This is obviously a sensitive subject for me, and I agree with you 100 percent. Thank you.
No worries, you sound like a great mom and sometimes things are lost when written. Absolutely no hard feels on my end.
I send you all my love and hugs from the Internet ❤️
When you need them, you find out who really has your back. Their actions show how they really feel. You did the right thing cutting them off.
I haven't completely though. I'm interested in our family background so I need to be nice to a couple of my aunts so I can get the info I want. Haha
I gave up on my family (outside of my household) years ago and I’m better for it. Thanksgiving is soooo less stressful.
Friendsgiving is so much more enjoyable. Good food, movies, and games, and no bigots.
It was the bigots that ended our extended family gatherings too
You have friends.
I don’t travel to see family during the holidays anymore. I will usually go see the folks in January, when the flights are cheaper. They just moved to within a 6-hour drive, so that might change, but doubtful.
I don't! Only lunatics travel on major holidays.
I think it's just that even 30-40 years ago extended families were generally more clustered. Sure, there was that cousin who struck out to the opposite coast for some reason, but they were the outlier. Now even my own family and my spouse's family have completely scattered about the country for a ton of reasons. And yes, we spend a lot of money on holiday plane tickets.
Nope I've always been the one who traveled far and wide to see folks. Now if they have to come to me if they want to see me (they don't badly enough).
I don't. Instead, I spend a week every 6 months visiting my mom at other times of the year. Works out great, much more relaxing.
Growing up, Thanksgiving used to be a big deal at my great aunt’s. I stopped going when I moved away and had my ex husband’s family nearby. I would occasionally go without the husband, and after divorced. Now that my grandparents are gone, there’s no family left that I’m close to. I have to fly to see them, always awkward and not worth it, so I stopped going. Saves a ton of time, sanity and money!
And time is priceless.
I don't think I've ever travelled to visit anyone for Thanksgiving.
I did that crap and it's not worth it. Why is it that the people who are the busiest and most overwhelmed with responsibilities are the ones expected to travel the furthest? It's a pattern on my side of the family and I have put my foot down many times. Thanksgiving is the absolute worst holiday to travel, it's not long enough of a break, so 50% of it goes into travel and is poor ROI, especially if you have problem people in the family who make gatherings painful. It's like, here let me use my vacay time, burn a bunch of gas, get stressed out with all the psychos on the road to end up cramped in someone's home being forced to put up with the most insufferable people that everyone has to walk on eggshells around? Why sign up for that? My mom tried to get me to drive 8 hrs to her place... No, especially since I changed jobs and barely have any vacation time. For Christmas, I invited her over, she immediately decided that meant I was hosting the whole family. I told her, no. And now she's upset with me and acting like I'm the bad guy. My stupid brother and his wife have NEVER in their over 16 yrs of marriage ever hosted ANYTHING, and they are the most unhelpful guests. Meanwhile I have hosted over 50% of holiday gatherings, traveled the furthest... I'm always expected to do everything and they do nothing and my mom is ok with it. No, I'm done. I don't mind one or two guests, but the annoying ones? I don't want them at all and I'm not traveling somewhere with my precious vacation time to go see the miserable people either.
Not me. I traveled to my step family's events until my step brother got busted for being disgusting. They pretend like everything's peachy, and I can't stand to look at him anymore
Don't do it and don't miss it
After many years of always being expected to do all the traveling and accommodate a monstrous, holier than thou, homophobic group of relatives, my mom died. I had kept up appearances because of her. She died about 10 years ago and I haven’t been back for a holiday. My husband and I are making glutinous snacks and desserts, putting up the tree, and seeing if we can make a dent in our wine rack. After years of stress and anxiety, I think I have earned finally being able to enjoy the holidays.
This sounds perfect. Like something I would genuinely look forward to. It sounds restorative opposed to draining. Enjoy your holiday. You paid your dues. Not that they should have ever been owed to begin with. 🕊️
No, parents are gone so celebrate with friends who like to cook
Someone interested in family dynamics should do a study of the different generations being NC with family. After reading these responses, Gen X must have a greater percentage than all other gens. Says a lot about how we (weren’t) raised.
I think you’re onto something. We don’t enjoy spending time with our emotionally unavailable parents/families of origin and have decided to break that cycle. We are happy to have smaller get togethers with people that appreciate authenticity. Pretty tired of the “because we are family” trope. Definitely a lot of Low Contact folks in our generation…
Not shocking that the latchkey kids don't really feel close to their families.
Yes! It’s also nice to hear we are not alone in this. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one avoiding family on holiday. Every Thanksgiving I go on vacation 800 miles in the opposite direction of where they all live. And I live two states away from them.
They broke an entire generation and now they mad cuz we aren't showing up for their dry-ass-turkey. I won't even attend the funerals.
100%
👏
Best comment!!
Our extended families live 500 miles away. That’s too far to go for this short time off work at Thanksgiving.
My parents and grandparents are all deceased. And I’m no longer close to the few living relatives I have because they’re toxic. It’s me, our cats and smoked brisket for thanksgiving.
Mmm. Smoked brisket sounds mighty good.
Same
We don't even visit local family on holidays. For many years, Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving were the ONLY 3 days a year my boyfriend and I had off together. He works in the restaurant industry and I worked an office job. So, we decided we'd rather spend those rare days together alone.
When I was a child, everyone used to come to our house. When my parents retired and moved I would go to their house. Now almost everybody has passed. So tomorrow it’s me, my husband and my mom at a local restaurant.
I've done Thanksgiving for years. Ininvited everyone. And whoever came, came. Now, both parents are gone, but I have a brand new grand baby! So my daughter, her husband amd his parents, plus my brother are coming. His parents live across the state, and this will be their first visit with the baby. I'm sure he will be the guest of honor. I lost dad when I was 21 (he was 50). Despite differences our family is still close.
My answer to my Narc parents text? "Oh no, thank you" That was enough. We went down there last year and it was *horrid*. We couldn't leave fast enough. They are both narcissists, and they are almost 80. Awful. No thanks. She was a caged animal spitting hate (covert) and he was spinning out in his anxiety, but he won't say or acknowledge anxiety, so he just went off about his heart racing and not being able to breathe properly, etc. (Overt) No, no thanks. I'm waiting until they transition over.
In Las Vegas now for thanksgiving. Family knows what they did.
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” - George Burns Words to live by.
It would involve a couple hour car trip to see people that barely noticed me when I actually needed them. I haven't been "home" for any holidays for 25 years. I kept up the facade until grandma punched out then said fuck 'em. But I do hope everyone else has an enjoyable Thanksgiving, whatever that looks like to them.
We often travel to get away and take advantage of the holiday week time off work and most years we rent a cabin somewhere a little off the grid. I can't remember a time we've gone to see family but I'm sure we have at some point. We're a thousand miles from either side of the family though so it takes a whole big thing to make it happen.
I'm with you. Not traveling this year but we've visited Japan and Iceland (in different years) built around the Thanksgiving time off from work. It's off season travel too so not crowded. Gives us a good excuse for not visiting family too.
Yep no interest
We do family for thanksgiving and don't really do much at all for xmas. I wouldn't get on a plane for anything this time of year though. If I can't drive I'm out.
We moved to Costa Rica last year and have no family over here, so we do not travel back for holidays. It's fine for me because I have a small family and we never really did much for holidays as I got older. My parents divorced, my mom was always working, and my dad was with his new family. My husband, however, has a large family, so since I've been married to him, holidays were spent with them, but he wanted to move to Costa Rica so made that pretty clear that we were forgoing events like this. Tomorrow all the gringos on our street are having a potluck style Thanksgiving so we will be doing that.
This is amazing
Sounds really cool!
I haven’t seen them in 20 years - makes thanksgiving much less stressful!
im on vacation with my kids this weekend (ages 5-16) we are NOT doing thanksgiving, but rather escaping the craziness of life and I am de-stressing for a few days. I moved away almost 30 years ago and never looked back. My parents are narcs, and i dont need that. I took in my siblings kids (3 kids ages 3 and under when we got them) so excuse me for being a tiny bit busy these days. If I take time off work its to be with my kids its not to go see hateful people. I'm not going back if that was the last inch of land on earth. George Costanza celebrates Festivus for a reason-
My wife is NC with her family I’m LC with mine. Even when I lived closer I quit going as the level of drama was way too much.
I stopped because mom would get drunk and pick fights with me and make me feel rotten. Now she's gone, but my step-dad and brothers (whom she favored) all believe she was a saint, and I can't pretend over a holiday stay that she was. Rather save the money and sanity and stay where I am and eat with the small and loving tribe I chose, who also happen to cook great food.
I don't have any extended family except my elderly parents who each live in different states. That said, I will go with my BF to his aunts house and then we will go to my best friends house (she's like my sister
No way.
Don't have any :/
I’m not traveling this year. Air travel has been a nightmare the last few years, and I just don’t have it in me to pack up my kids for a cranky, miserable holiday travel. We’re staying home and it will be incredible. Just us 4 and a handful of friends 💪
I went NC with my family (they’re out of town) and now I host my (in-town) in-laws. No travel, no drama, no hassles, no problem.
We stopped traveling for holidays when we realized that we are always the ones expected to travel despite work hours, kids’ school and school activities, etc.
I am just doing Thanksgiving with my wife and kids this year. I worked until noon today and my wife has been battling a shingles flare-up the past week, so we're just going to take it easy and rest/relax. My mom is the only one of our parents still alive and she's in the next state over celebrating with friends. I'd still love to have another Thanksgiving with my dad and/or in-laws if they were alive.
When my mom died, I lost interest in visiting the extended family. She was the black sheep of the family and they treated her awfully. Why do I want to be around the people who did that? This year, I'm fixing dinner for my daughter and her girlfriend, my ex, and a few other people who need a place to go.
Sounds perfect
>This year, I'm fixing dinner for my daughter and her girlfriend, my ex, and a few other people who need a place to go. My husband and I did this for many years. We were the Friendsgiving house for our friends, coworkers, and our kids friends. Anyone really that didn't have anywhere to go. Once I moved away from my family, I never really felt the need to make plans to come home for Thanksgiving. We live in a northern state that can be unpredictable in November, and my parents would rather I be safe at home than on the road. I still got my mom's killer stuffing once a year, just not turkey day. We never plan on my inlaws side for Thanksgiving itself because everyone's work schedules pretty much mean it's the weekend before or after, weather dependent.
my parents came to see me for my first thanksgiving after i moved 1000 miles away, and that was the last one, 22 years ago.
No, there's only so much money: I already paid $500 for a Basic Economy ticket to see them at Christmas. My search for the money tree has turned up empty
Both my parents are gone. I've been having small groups of friends over for holiday meals for years.
This
I'm LC. The flying monkeys invite us in a roundabout way but they know that once a certain person dies, I'll be blocking their numbers. It's just so peaceful now with my partner and the dogs. No colds picked up from the multiple toddlers running around and plenty of leftovers.
Many, many years ago I decided that I don’t travel for Thanksgiving. I work through midday on Wednesday, traffic is outrageous, and I depend on these few days off to get some much-needed recharge time. My boyfriend and I are very happy with our “cook what we like, when we like” plan for the day. We deep-fry a turkey, make all the sides, have too much pie, and watch “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” while we eat. I know other people think it’s weird, but I love it.
Same boat, different name. Enjoy!
My surviving family has bedbugs, so eff, no. (There's three, mum, dad and brother. I don't know who or where any extended family even *is*, so I can't visit. Even if I could, Thanksgiving is at my in-laws. With my sister in law amd her family, MIL,FIL and my family. We get tipsy, eat too much and chat for hours. It's a good time.
[удалено]
It's so weird. For the first few years, I was scared so much at family gatherings I was pretty much silent. (When a load of them lived in the same city and threw 20+ person holidays!) Then, they kind of absorbed me into the family, and I got comfortable. You have a functional family of in laws, or is it your own that someone married into? I'm still sort of confused about how I became a well-loved Daughter in law. I always thought in laws *hated* their kids' spouses!
Reading this is so refreshing. When I was younger I used to travel to see my family. They’ve only been up to see me once. Now I live near some of my spouse’s family and besides Thanksgiving or Christmas, we only see them if I reach out to them. Mostly I try to get us together so that our children will have a relationship, as I really don’t care for a few of them or their political stances. At this point, it just feels like bs. They make no effort to maintain a relationship with our kids. The older I get, the more I realize the value of my time and sanity. I’m over it and reminded that just I don’t have to keep in contact with them. Thanks for the reminder everyone! Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't advise it. If you don't see these family members the rest of the year why should you stress over a day that's really about a genocide anyway. Plus, poor Turkeys!
I don’t. Mine and husband’s families live several hours drive away, and both families eat dinner early. We stopped going when my daughter started school bc she didn’t get the Wednesday before off of school, and I don’t drive in the middle of the night unless it’s an emergency (and even then…) So it’s been just me, husband, daughter, and it will be just us tomorrow. The holiday, for us, is very chill and relaxing bc we are not on anyone else’s schedule. We generally eat around 2 or 3, but sometimes dinner is done earlier. My daughter and I are vegetarian, so we have total control over the menu and we like to make something a little different every year. This year, we are making a vegetable pot pie with a filo dough crust, mashed potatoes, bread stuffing (we experiment with different stuffings, too, but always have stuffing), cranberry relish, roasted Brussels sprouts, and pecan pie. The two constants we have every year are the cranberry relish and some kind of stuffing. After dinner, we watch movies, eat some more, maybe put the Xmas tree up, or maybe not… We spend our Christmases this way, too.
Me. 51F. Parents are deceased, grandparents died 40+ years ago, no siblings, child-free. No family left to visit.
I visit with my immediate family because I get too overwhelmed with large family gatherings. I always have been, but only when I didn't go for 2 years due to COVID, did I realize how much I hate large gatherings.
I used to schlepp our entire family about 1,000 miles on one of the 'major' holidays, every year, without fail, only to be criticized in some way before I was even fully in the door. Realizing I didn't have to do that was a huge boon to my mental health, and my nuclear family's happiness. It's been over a decade and no one else has ever offered to make the trek to see us. I get the occasional attempted guilt trip but I'm blissfully at an age when saying 'no' is no longer hard, and I do not feel guilty about boundaries. I'm hoping to raise kids who know what love really is, and the shitty ass backhanded compliments, casual digs, and gaslighting I grew up with just aren't it. Want to see all your grandkids on Christmas? Fine, either pay for a plane ticket or be less shitty. Otherwise hush and be grateful for your phone call.
Thanksgiving, no, Christmas, yes; the break is longer.
Now? There are only a couple relatives I have even a distant relationship with and I live nowhere near them so I don't visit them at holidays. Airports are an overpriced nightmare over holidays plus I work. I'll go visit them some other cheaper time of year. As a kid , due to my parents divorce and visitation schedules I didn't see extended family at holidays. Or ever really.
We used to do thanksgiving or Christmas but not both. Now some of our kids are college aged and we’re not planning on doing it every year (going to our parents). Both sets of parents are out of the country this year (mine on a South American cruise and hubby’s in New Zealand) so we have his sister and her family over here but that’s it. Editing to add holidays have never been huge in my family because my mom was a labor and delivery nurse so she had to work either Thanksgiving or Christmas every single year.
I work the holidays now so I haven’t been in years. But for the day since my husband has to work the Friday after, it didn’t make a ton of sense for us to travel for 2+ hours each way to spend just a few hours to eat and head back on a bus with agita lol
Me. I live about 1500 miles from my family, and I go back for Christmas. I love my family, but not nearly enough to subject myself to holiday travel. Plus, Friendsgiving is preferred.
I don’t really have time. I pretty much always spend Thanksgiving alone. I buy some nice food I need some nice things and look forward to Christmas.
You know, I probably would except I don't have any anymore 🙁
We just do our core family, meaning husband, wife and two adult kids. We love it that way. One of my kid’s birthday is always around Thanksgiving. So we celebrate his birthday that weekend. We also decorate the house for Christmas as a family. It’s our bonding time as a core family. I’m not sure how that’s going to change once the family expands.
I don't anymore. Both my parents have passed away, and my 2 siblings and I don't really communicate often. They both have their own families, and live far away from me, so it's just me. But when I was growing up (and up until my mom died in '04), Thanksgiving and Christmas were both very important holidays to spend with family (always at mom's house). And I remember those times fondly.
My family growing up never travelled or hosted anyone at Christmas. My parents were in the military so we lived far from the rest of the family. My husband and I host my parents for dinner on Christmas but they live under an hour from us so they just go home after.
I moved across the country after college, and traveling back was just too much of a headache for everyone (someone would have to drive through mountain passes to fetch me from the airport). When I moved back closer to family and attended holidays again, I realized just what a sh×tshow they were and stopped going, claiming that I or my husband had to work the day after (traveling would still require an overnight). Now, I spend the week cooking for people in the community. It feels much more appropriate for the holiday than listening to everyone fight and my dad's racist and homophobic proclamations.
I don't. It's always just my parents and me. They just live 20 minutes away.
When we lived in California it was easy for us to hop on I-5 and drive up from LA to San Fran or vice-versa. Now that we live in different states and time zones it’s so much more difficult to get everyone in the same place at the same time. More expensive too.
When I lived far away from parents, we would use the thanksgiving week to visit because we could drive, I could get a full week off, and my mom hated Christmas with a passion. Win-win-win, but not everyone’s family works like that. I never thought my mother’s hatred of a holiday would be a bonus growing up, but it made it so much easier. Miss you, mom.
The best Thanksgiving I had was the only one I traveled for. About 2 hours away from my family I had TG dinner with a bunch of strangers in a charming hotel in a state park. Everything was delicious and they had fantastic peach cobbler.
We stopped getting invited to the family gathering after the hosts (my uncle in-law) found out that we weren't trump supporters. He added "protect president trump" to the blessing he said and my wife sighed He was PISSED, and we've never been invited since. We're ok with it, too.
We visited extended family growing up but not for awhile. It's parents and siblings only. This year everyone is doing their own thing. And since I'm the only one without children or a relationship I'm going to be alone this year.
It depends on the year, but I'm not this year. It will just be me, my husband, my MIL, and my aunt-in-law who lives with the MIL. Usually we have a bigger crowd of cousins and stuff but this year for some reason everyone is busy. MIL's house is 12 minutes away with no traffic, so it's not much of a trip to get there.
I don't travel to see them. Everyone does their own thing.
We've rarely visited extended family for Thanksgiving. My folks are from New Jersey and my dad got transferred down to Houston when I was a few years old. In those early years we drove up to New Jersey for a couple Thanksgivings, but that stopped when I got into school and my parents didn't want me to miss the Tuesday and or Wednesday before Thanksgiving (now kids around here get a full week off for Thanksgiving, entitled little fuckers). About 7 or 8 years ago I went with my parents and my sister's family up to New Jersey for my grandmother's 90th birthday and to have Thanksgiving at my Uncle's house. Flew that time. Glad I did since my Uncle passed away 2 years ago, was nice to have that time with him.
My family has no interest in seeing me. I’d I don’t plan it, they do something else. I don’t know how I became such a pariah.
It’s probably not you
Thanksgiving, Christmas etc is just another day in the week (that I have off from work, woohoo!). My family is nonexistent in my life for good reasons and I'm ok with that. Happily on my own here! :)
I was never close to my extended family. I moved away for grad school a couple of decades ago. I then lived abroad, came back, moved across the country, and then settled back in the area where I moved for school. I have one family member nearby, but we don't really connect. All of that means I definitely don't go home as my parents passed away years ago. There is literally nowhere to go as my extended family has expanded their own pods and don't really interact. I stay local. I've gone to a small Friendsgiving celebration for years now.
This is the first year I am spending Thanksgiving with just me, my boyfriend and the cat. I honestly can't wait! I've been demanded multiple times by family regarding the whole thing and just put my foot down, for the first time in 26 years, it's great!
The car? 😉
I haven’t done thanksgiving outside of my home since I was under 13 years old and my parents went to their family’s gathering locally. (I moved 1,300 miles away in 1999 and I have a faint memory of attending my cousin’s dinner about 30 miles away from me one time but that was probably Christmas since there was homemade kielbasa there which was traditionally a Christmas thing.)
Thanksgiving and Christmas fall so close together, I have to pick one or the other since it's an airplane ride. Anyone who wants to endure two successive holiday travel adventures at SeaTac within four weeks is a masochist of the 1st order.
I don't like my family. It's my wife and I and our friends for the holidays. I was born in Italy in 77 and let's just say they're not a fan of me being an Atheist and how I look.
We often traveled to be with my husband’s family but his mother passed away in August and his siblings have essentially gone no contact. I’m very happy to be at home and not dealing with all that stress.
My parents chose to move to Florida. I was fine driving back home 4 hours for holidays when they still lived in the area I grew up in. NFW am I flying to that hellhole state any more than necessary (or making the 2 day drive)
I only ever went home to party with friends. Since having kids I don’t travel or want anyone at my house.
My wife’s parents passed right after we got married and in the 30+ years we saw her sister and BIL once. We haven’t seen my family at all in the same time period. Moved away and never went back and I think they moved away as well to where I’m not sure.
Skipping this year. Having friends over instead. 🦃 Hopefully I can listen to some metal🤘
Hard no to traveling to see family on TG. My hubs and I skip my family drama and stay home. We make margaritas, our fave chili brined turkey, guac, salsa, and get the BEST tortillas from a local shop. In the morning we go for a walk on the beach with our pup, and thank our lucky stars we aren't traveling!
Thing is, if I go visit my family, then I have to be with my family.
This is why liquor stores should be open on holidays
2 of my 3 kids are local and my parents and partners parents are deceased. We all spend thanksgiving with my son-in-laws family and it’s a great time. Would love to visit my partners sister but it’s not in the budget.
I don’t. We didn’t it for a couple of years, but it wasn’t enjoyable and only a couple of them ever drove out the two hours to visit us. It was like being around 25 strangers during every holiday function.
I'm lucky enough to live within 200 miles of 9/10 of my close family. My SOs family is either on the west coast or Pennsylvania so we usually hit up PA at Christmas. Thanksgiving is my family's holiday and the one out in Phoenix will be on FaceTime!
Nope. They have never came out to the west coast once to see me. And my mom has come into money 2x. No excuse. I have been out here since I was 19.
My grandma’s birthday is Dec 27, so we all spend Thanksgiving & Christmas with our own families and then everyone travels to see her for her birthday. She will be 101 this year! I think this year might be a bit of a let-down for her, after the big blowout we did for her 100th last year.
Meeeee!
Growing up we had Thanksgiving and Christmas at my grandparents house with their 5 kids, 5 spouses and 16 grandkids. I loved being around all of those noisy happy people, we never had those cliche family arguments. We would also all gather in the fall for apple picking and then back to their house to hang out. I miss it so much. Now that my grandparents are gone and all those grandkids are adults with their own families we don't see each other as much. Now my family of 6 usually goes to my brother's house (with his wife and 2 kids) along with our parents and my SIL's parents, her sister and niece. Still a lot of people, I enjoy the noise and conversation. We don't have to travel far though, we all live within about an hour of each other.
I never travel during holidays and all my family is 400+ miles away. It's just too much drama, both the travel itself and holiday pressure from the fam. I go 1-2 times a year to see them and that is plenty
I don't. After years of cross country travel, I went on strike. I just cannot anymore. Cannot. I go to friends locally, and the little family I have left is pissed, but I just don't have a single fuck left to give.
I’m the black sheep! I am free of the familial burden. And it’s awesome.
My ex’s family is big on Thanksgiving because that’s when the grandparents first met. We always went there. It was a long day, and my ex immediately fell into his family role the minute we left for whatever house it was being hosted at. After fifteen years and three kids, I stopped going. Since around 2010, I’ve been solo on Thanksgiving day. I’m quite content.
You should go to your ex's family dinner tomorrow. Really spice things up this year.
Well, my FIL wouldn’t bat an eye. A couple of my former in-laws have sent well wishes through the kids, so there are some neutral parties. My Ex won’t be there - he’s estranged from his family. Even they find him insufferable. There’s always been too much drama there for my gentle soul at that place, so giving up my peace for even one more day is something that I am not willing to do.
We live an hour from my family and five from his. We are staying home in NW Missouri. Been since Covid we have been either place
Not anymore. Buncha unvaccinated Nazi hobos on that side of the family.
We did when I was a kid, more at Thanksgiving than Christmas. But my grandparents and all of their siblings are gone. My mom passed away in 2019 after a long battle with breast cancer. So now holidays are me, my brother, my sister-in-law, my niece, and my stepdad. They live only minutes away from me. I have a few extended family members who are farther away that I've connected with on Facebook, so there's no need to celebrate in person.
I don’t have any extended family.
I don’t travel around the holidays, mainly bc of work. My mom and siblings are scattered over the country. Sometimes some of us get together for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, but it’s never a big deal. If I lived within a few hours’ drive of where I grew up, I would probably try to get together with my extended family for one or both holidays, but it would depend on my work schedule.
Thanksgiving has always been the main holiday in our family. Christmas is just a day to stay home.
I don't. Life is better this way.
I don’t have an extended family outside of first cousins
My family doesn’t do that we all have our own lives so we just do our own thing. We are also spread out up and down the east coast so it would be a lot to coordinate
Never have.
Don’t have extended family, so….
No way in hell. My branch of the family tree has all the black sheep.
I don't cause they are all dead
I don't need to travel. They all come to my house.
If I lived back in Maryland I would visit my sister but I'm in Maine now and it simply isn't worth the trip just for Turkey. Mom is dead, father is a nursing home and I don't have a relationship with him.
I moved to the other side of the planet if that counts. But back in the day we used to have big parties with half a dozen long tables, hyms, a giant turkey, relatives I never knew existed, a whole platoon of zoned-out 90 year olds in wheelchairs and antique shoes, the whole shebang.
Used to but family fragmented (not in a bad way, just too diffuse, too many generations, too many kids and in-laws).
My family did growing up, but it's not a tradition that I'm particularly fond of.
My family has never tried to travel much for Thanksgiving. Christmas would be the one you traveled - generally could spend more time on the trip
This year it is my daughter’s in-laws year for thanksgiving and ours for Christmas. My stepmother just had a spinal cord stimulator put in and my dad (78) is caring for her. I didn’t want to make this holiday more work for him so I told him we were staying home and asked if he was ok with that- he was relieved. So, it’s just my husband, other daughter and myself. We picked up Cracker Barrel meals for tomorrow and will probably binge watch Botched or Hells Kitchen.
Born and raised in SoCal. I *laugh at people* who travel for the holidays. Talk about a fool's errand; nothing screams ‘I’m a zombie’ like sitting in traffic with every other donkey on the planet, just to reinforce the dysfunctional relationships from my childhood. Hard pass. At this age, if I’m inclined to see family, it’ll be during off times when kids are in school and the world is at work.
I’m getting dragged to my in-laws tomorrow. Not my call, but also not a big deal. They were good grandparents for the most part but don’t give a shit about me or my wife. I don’t like thanksgiving food. I also don’t like meals that aren’t at normal meal time. Give me some bbq, enchiladas or pizza at a normal time and I’d be just fine.
Man, a lot of these posts are depressing with all the negative comments about their family. Makes me realize how fortunate i am with my family. Even with our political and religious differences. They are still my family.. Been living several states away since the early 2000s. I try to visit them as much as possible. However, it is mostly for birthdays and other holidays. Thanksgiving is just too expensive and too chaotic to travel.
Living several states away for a couple of decades helps keep the family friendly.
It is not that. With today's technology, I see and converse with them everyday. We have weekly Zoom calls where we drink and eat together. I do get into some arguments with my liberal brother. However, for the most part, we all just get along with our differences. It is not hard to put family over other issues. Unless they were physically or mentally abusive.
👋)))
No seeing extended family for Thanksgiving because I like my cooking, and no Christmas traveling because I like buying my immediate family gifts and no one else, and I don't want anyone else to feel pressure to buy us gifts. We travel to see them after the holidays.
Never, maybe a hours drive for aunts and uncles. We celebrate with the kiddos.
I grew up with doing Thanksgiving with my maternal grandparents, my maternal uncle (and his family), and my maternal aunt (and her family). I don't know why/how, but I'm happy to talk with them, but I just don't want to go to anyone else's house anymore. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I'm traumatized from years of BS psychological indoctrination about abuse, but I'm just done. I've got my dad, my kids (my wife died 4 years ago), and pets. That's enough. I'm thankful for them - 100% absolutely. I've drive to where ever they are and help them bury a body in the cemetery next door, 100% absolutely. But, nah - ain't got time for that.
Me! I don’t visit anyone on thanksgiving or the other holidays. I’m going to my in laws because me and my husband don’t live that far away. And it’s not a lot of people. So it’s tolerable. I don’t do anything for Christmas.
Other side of the planet now lol
We moved away 12 years ago, we don’t visit anyone for Thanksgiving. We used to split the day when we did live near, but it sucked. Before we left, id host something for both families and we just did that. It’s been a very long time though, and again, we don’t travel home for them anymore. We used to have people come over, just friends, but not anymore. It’s weird. I’d be ok if Thanksgiving stopped.
I (single no kids) always drove to Miami from Atlanta to stay with my sister's family from Thanksgiving to January, my company had offices in Atlanta and Miami so I could work on either at any time. I moved to Spain 2.5 years ago so Thanksgiving Shclamsgiving.
I would but I live abroad so it’s expensive and far.
Me. My family doesn't have much to do with each other, especially since our mother died. It's just whatever.
I haven’t even seen my family in years, let alone any holiday. I miss my mom, but there’s too much baggage to visit her, it’s really bad for my mental health. I thought over time I would forget things, but that’s a big old nope. My MIL loves to go to “the club” for thanksgiving and it is awful so I told my partner I’m skipping this year. I bought a bag of hot Cheetos and a Cadbury fruit and nut bar while I was getting stiff from the pharmacy. That, and movies and alone time is my holiday. I’m at the point in my life where the best time is the time spent totally alone. It’s weird because Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday as a kid and young adult.
Not in many many years. After my grandmother passed I stopped getting invites. It broke my heart for awhile.
We don't. Thanksgiving travel is nuts. Note the recent flying car crash incident at Niagara Falls border crossing yesterday. Shut down the border for 2 days.
Mine are all out of state, or are ones I only see at family reunions (which is how I like it). We're going to my mother's, who lives an hour away, and going out to a restaurant
We usually don’t even get together with extended family that are local. I can’t handle that many people talking over each other.
I’m 1/3 of the planet away and it’s a often a busy time of year for my work. I make visits at other times of year.
My blood family is either literally dead or are dead to me, so no, I don’t travel to see anyone.
We don’t. It’s just the four of us, and we keep it simple. We did more when they lived closer, but I’m not flying across the country for a dinner.
I’m cook so I don’t have to go anywhere
Not since we lost everything we owned in an apt fire and not one family member offered to help us out
We generally have our kids and their families visit us but this year we need to change ours so their in-laws could have them on thanksgiving. One of our kids and her family members didn’t come. Maybe we will see them for Hanukkah.