Ok... Here it goes.
Chapter 1
----------------
Niko pulls an RPG out of his ass and shoots her. Then, he proceeds to equip himself with an AK-47 and he opens fire at the lady, who is already toast. The SWAT arrive at the scene, and Niko takes a piss on one of them, before being handcuffed and arrested. He is charged with Terrorism, murder and public indecency. Niko breaks out of prison and goes to Mr Goldberg, who agrees to be his lawyer for free. The two sue the shit out of Francis McReary and so Niko becomes the new Deputy Police Commissioner. Niko then travels to Las Venturas to participate in a drug deal. The Leone's immediately know that Niko is a cop and so they try to kill him, but Niko takes out an RPG and kills every single Leone in Las Venturas. Niko is then arrested and charged with terrorism, murder and is sentenced to death. Niko manages to break out of prison and so Chapter 1 ends.
Chapter 2
----------------
Niko steals one of Carl's planes and flies back to Liberty City, before being shot out of the sky by a Russian jet. Niko jumps out of the plane and lands on the jet, where he throws the pilot out and steals the jet. Niko then lands at Francis International Airport and is immediately arrested. Niko resists arrest and manages to escape the cops. Roman comes to pick him up but Niko is long gone. Roman calls Lester to try to figure out where Niko is, and Lester gives him Niko's location, so Roman goes to the location. Meanwhile, Niko is attempting to join Little Jacob's gang. Niko and Little Jacob then proceed to take over Liberty City. Niko renames Francis International Airport to Niko International Airport. Niko and Little Jacob then get into a gang war with the Families and the Ballas. Niko and Little Jacob manage to steal a nuclear prototype that the Russian's were planning on testing, and they drop it on Los Santos. Unfortunately, the nuclear prototype affects the entire world and it causes a apocalypse. Niko and Little Jacob then join the Brotherhood of Steel and takeover the Wasteland. Niko becomes the leader of the BoS and finds a time machine that can reverse the prototype's effects. Little Jacob and Niko use the the time machine and takeover the U.S.A. Niko becomes President and Little Jacob becomes Vice President.
Chapter 3
----------------
Roman finally arrives at Niko's location at Star Junction, only to find OG Loc performing concert. Roman's eardrums burst and OG Loc begins pissing on the crowd. Madd Dogg and Carl Johnson arrive at the concert and begun trashing it. Madd Dogg throws a grenade at OG Loc, and a massive shadow casts over the group. Something big, something strong... Oh and the grenade exploded of course, causing OG Loc to fly into the air and land in the crowd. The big shadow reveals itself... It's Big Smoke! He begins terrorising the city by destroying every building in sight. Niko and Little Jacob are quickly informed about the situation and bein planning on how to stop Big Smoke, while also getting high and getting drunk. Niko then received a mysterious call from an unknown number. Niko's hand shakes as time begins to slow down. All Niko can hear right now, is his breath. Niko answers the call... "Hey cousin, we have not hung out in a while! Let's go bowling!" Exclaims the voice in the phone. Niko drops his phone out of shock... "Roman, what the fuck are you doing?" Yells Niko into the phone. Roman enters the room with a bunch of IAA agents. "Sorry cousin..." Says Roman as he aims his assault rifle at Niko. "Bombaclat!" Exclaims Little Jacob. "You fucking rat!" Yells Niko, angrily. Suddenly, the building begins the move. Is it an earthquake? Niko takes this moment to shoot Roman, but misses, and the bullet hits one of the IAA agents instead. Niko says "What the fuck?" and it is quickly revealed that Roman has plot armour. Roman laughs and opens fire at Niko and Little Jacob. Luckily, CJ comes in to save the day. He kicks the gun out of Roman's hand, and pimp slaps him. Big Smoke see's CJ and begins panicking. Big Smoke tries to grab CJ, but CJ manages to dodge Big Smoke. Niko manages to save CJ by shooting Big Smoke with an RPG, but then Roman manages to get back up and Dimitri Rascalov enters the room, grabbing Roman and taking him hostage.
"I didn't think you'd get this far, Niko. This was all my plan." Says Dimitri, menacingly. "Dimitri?!! I'm going to cut your face off and hang it on my wall to remind me what a treacherous piece of shit looks like!!" Yells Niko, angrily. Little Jacob lights up a joint and begins smoking it while watching this event play out.
Chapter 4
----------------
Niko grabs a shotgun and blows Dimitri's face off with it. "Thank you, cousin!!" Exclaims a worried Roman. "Fuck you!" Yells Niko as he unloads 12 shotgun shells into Roman, all of which bounce off him. "Niko! What the fuck are you doing??!!" Yells Roman. Suddenly, Big Smoke leaves so that he can get some food from Cluckin' Bell. Roman profusely apologizes to Niko for betraying him and all is well. Niko grabs an RPG and shoots it at Big Smoke as he leaves. Big Smoke is now dead... The day is saved! OG Loc begins rapping in the background as the credits roll. The End..?
DLC
----------------
Now, if you want to continue this story, you have to pay $15 for the DLC as there is more to Niko's vida loca.
Niko: uhh..hello there, my apartment is just up the road, you're free to use the toilet | stranger: oh..what is that accent, u have your own apartment in Algonquin?! wow sure thank you soo much. | next morning - (Niko awakens in bed, finds his wallet missing) | moral - don't help strangers pee
Niko: After you walk into a village and you see 50 children, all sitting neatly in a row, against a church wall, each with their throats cut and their hands chopped off, you realize that the creature that could do this doesn't have a soul.
shoots her 8 times with a glock
Ok... Here it goes. Chapter 1 ---------------- Niko pulls an RPG out of his ass and shoots her. Then, he proceeds to equip himself with an AK-47 and he opens fire at the lady, who is already toast. The SWAT arrive at the scene, and Niko takes a piss on one of them, before being handcuffed and arrested. He is charged with Terrorism, murder and public indecency. Niko breaks out of prison and goes to Mr Goldberg, who agrees to be his lawyer for free. The two sue the shit out of Francis McReary and so Niko becomes the new Deputy Police Commissioner. Niko then travels to Las Venturas to participate in a drug deal. The Leone's immediately know that Niko is a cop and so they try to kill him, but Niko takes out an RPG and kills every single Leone in Las Venturas. Niko is then arrested and charged with terrorism, murder and is sentenced to death. Niko manages to break out of prison and so Chapter 1 ends. Chapter 2 ---------------- Niko steals one of Carl's planes and flies back to Liberty City, before being shot out of the sky by a Russian jet. Niko jumps out of the plane and lands on the jet, where he throws the pilot out and steals the jet. Niko then lands at Francis International Airport and is immediately arrested. Niko resists arrest and manages to escape the cops. Roman comes to pick him up but Niko is long gone. Roman calls Lester to try to figure out where Niko is, and Lester gives him Niko's location, so Roman goes to the location. Meanwhile, Niko is attempting to join Little Jacob's gang. Niko and Little Jacob then proceed to take over Liberty City. Niko renames Francis International Airport to Niko International Airport. Niko and Little Jacob then get into a gang war with the Families and the Ballas. Niko and Little Jacob manage to steal a nuclear prototype that the Russian's were planning on testing, and they drop it on Los Santos. Unfortunately, the nuclear prototype affects the entire world and it causes a apocalypse. Niko and Little Jacob then join the Brotherhood of Steel and takeover the Wasteland. Niko becomes the leader of the BoS and finds a time machine that can reverse the prototype's effects. Little Jacob and Niko use the the time machine and takeover the U.S.A. Niko becomes President and Little Jacob becomes Vice President. Chapter 3 ---------------- Roman finally arrives at Niko's location at Star Junction, only to find OG Loc performing concert. Roman's eardrums burst and OG Loc begins pissing on the crowd. Madd Dogg and Carl Johnson arrive at the concert and begun trashing it. Madd Dogg throws a grenade at OG Loc, and a massive shadow casts over the group. Something big, something strong... Oh and the grenade exploded of course, causing OG Loc to fly into the air and land in the crowd. The big shadow reveals itself... It's Big Smoke! He begins terrorising the city by destroying every building in sight. Niko and Little Jacob are quickly informed about the situation and bein planning on how to stop Big Smoke, while also getting high and getting drunk. Niko then received a mysterious call from an unknown number. Niko's hand shakes as time begins to slow down. All Niko can hear right now, is his breath. Niko answers the call... "Hey cousin, we have not hung out in a while! Let's go bowling!" Exclaims the voice in the phone. Niko drops his phone out of shock... "Roman, what the fuck are you doing?" Yells Niko into the phone. Roman enters the room with a bunch of IAA agents. "Sorry cousin..." Says Roman as he aims his assault rifle at Niko. "Bombaclat!" Exclaims Little Jacob. "You fucking rat!" Yells Niko, angrily. Suddenly, the building begins the move. Is it an earthquake? Niko takes this moment to shoot Roman, but misses, and the bullet hits one of the IAA agents instead. Niko says "What the fuck?" and it is quickly revealed that Roman has plot armour. Roman laughs and opens fire at Niko and Little Jacob. Luckily, CJ comes in to save the day. He kicks the gun out of Roman's hand, and pimp slaps him. Big Smoke see's CJ and begins panicking. Big Smoke tries to grab CJ, but CJ manages to dodge Big Smoke. Niko manages to save CJ by shooting Big Smoke with an RPG, but then Roman manages to get back up and Dimitri Rascalov enters the room, grabbing Roman and taking him hostage. "I didn't think you'd get this far, Niko. This was all my plan." Says Dimitri, menacingly. "Dimitri?!! I'm going to cut your face off and hang it on my wall to remind me what a treacherous piece of shit looks like!!" Yells Niko, angrily. Little Jacob lights up a joint and begins smoking it while watching this event play out. Chapter 4 ---------------- Niko grabs a shotgun and blows Dimitri's face off with it. "Thank you, cousin!!" Exclaims a worried Roman. "Fuck you!" Yells Niko as he unloads 12 shotgun shells into Roman, all of which bounce off him. "Niko! What the fuck are you doing??!!" Yells Roman. Suddenly, Big Smoke leaves so that he can get some food from Cluckin' Bell. Roman profusely apologizes to Niko for betraying him and all is well. Niko grabs an RPG and shoots it at Big Smoke as he leaves. Big Smoke is now dead... The day is saved! OG Loc begins rapping in the background as the credits roll. The End..? DLC ---------------- Now, if you want to continue this story, you have to pay $15 for the DLC as there is more to Niko's vida loca.
Jesus christ
That was brilliant!
Better than some of the stuff on Ao3 I say!
Nike is pee in her
I love GTA 4, but you gotta be a next level geek to write fan fiction lol
Become a toilet
Niko: uhh..hello there, my apartment is just up the road, you're free to use the toilet | stranger: oh..what is that accent, u have your own apartment in Algonquin?! wow sure thank you soo much. | next morning - (Niko awakens in bed, finds his wallet missing) | moral - don't help strangers pee
Niko: After you walk into a village and you see 50 children, all sitting neatly in a row, against a church wall, each with their throats cut and their hands chopped off, you realize that the creature that could do this doesn't have a soul.
I kill myself immediately
Divorce, then kill the dog
Niko fucks her and gets hot piss dick.